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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

5-3

05.) Chunky A-Large and In Charge What's the worst hip-hop album ever recorded? Why, it's Large and In charge, which is also the worst comedy album of all time. First, some backstory: Chunky A was actually Arsenio Hall, playing his overweight brother, who decided to cut this album. The result: The so bad it will make you want to kill yourself "Aaaaww!", bad parodies ("She Drives me Crazy" becomes "The Ho is Lazy." Weird Al he isn't), and "Dope: The Big Lie", which is the funniest anti-drug song ever recorded, simply because it is the one song on the album that tries to make a serious statement. Oh, and Ice-T and KRS-One appear on it (I'm suprised KRS is able to live this down) This OOP, and if you ever do find it, don't bother. It's so bad it doesn't even warrent a curiosity buy.   04.) Metallica-St. Anger A five year wait that wasn't worth it, St. Anger was intended to be not only the return of Metallica after Load (which while not perfect, is far from one of the worst albums ever recorded) and Reload (a bad album with a few good moments), but also the return of their older sound. That never happened. What we got instead was bad singing ("KILL! KILL! KILL!"), bad lyrics ("My Lifestyle determines my Deathstyle"), hardly any guitar solos, the song "Invisible Kid", self help lyrics, drums that sound like tin cans, and no idea what made Metallica what they are (or were) in the first place. If you ever wanted to know what a band taking a huge shit on their fans sounds like, here you go.   03.) Pink Floyd-A Momentary Lapse in Reason When Roger Waters left Pink Floyd, fans wondered if the band would ever do another album again. That happened-it just wasn't what most wanted. While it says it's a Pink Floyd album, it's basically a David Gilmour solo album. Sure, it has his trademark guitar work, but it also has bad attempts at Talking Heads like funk, songs that sound too much like Dave wants them to be a part of The Wall ("Sorrow"), really dated pieces of radio friendly bullshit ("Learning to Fly"), bad attempts to capture the past ("Signs of Life"), and meandering songs that go nowhere-which is where the whole album goes. It's the worst Pink Floyd album, and though it sold a whole lot of copies, it's not much an album as much as it is a disaster.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Metal Albums I'm Enjoying

Let's face it, a lot of us like Metal. Sure, some of us don't admit it, and I never considered myself a diehard metal fan, but we do, be it Metallica or Maiden or Slayer or all of those. Anywho, here's some metal albums I've been enjoying so far, in no particular order.   Agalloch-Ashes Against the Grain-This is actually pretty awesome. It's black metal (never cared for most of it-or at least the Norweigen stuff) but it's great. It could best be described as Gorgoroth (without the cliche satanism) meets Katatonia meets Sigur Ros meets Pink Floyd meets My Bloody Valentine.   Mastodon-Leviathan and Blood Mountain-Holy shit, the drumming. If you claim to enjoy metal but don't like Mastodon, then you don't really enjoy metal. Seriously, give them a shot, they are fucking awesome. Hell, they let guys from the Mars Volta on Mountain, and they didn't ruin it. That's saying something.   Slayer-Reign in Blood-Need I say more?   Athiest-Unquestionable Prescence and Elements-Death Metal with jazz-inspired chord progressions. Not the only Death Metal band to do this, but one of the few to do it right. See also: Cynic's Focus, Gorgut's Obscura, and Pestilence's Spheres.   Sleep-Dopesmoker and Sleep's Holy Mountain-The Ultimate Stoner Metal albums, with riffs that are so sludgey, they roll like molasses. See also: Electric Wizard's Dopethrone.   Boris-Rainbow, Pink, and Amplifier Worship-Hell yes. The best Doom Metal band on the planet, and one of my favorite bands that are more recent. Rainbow is more psychedelic rock than metal, but it's still great.   Wolves in the Throne Room-Diadem of 12 Stars-Black metal that's really long (4 songs, a 60 minute album), but every minute counts. Contains elements of folk music, and bit of post rock.   Nachtmystium-Instinct: Decay-While it has the cliched low-fi production that annoys me, here's a Black Metal album that's still worth it. Featuring elements of psychedelia and post punk, it's pretty diverse. Oh, and the song "Chosen By No One" rules.   Sigh-Imaginary Sonicscape-Black Metal from Japan that's awesome. Sure, it's Black Metal, and it has the symphonic cliches, but it also has elements of psychedelia, electro, dub, jazz, and reggae. It's like Mr. Bungle if they did a Black Metal album, and it rules.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Rethinking things

As I'm typing this, "The Shield" season finale is on   In case you didn't know, Inc. hates me. I mean he really hates me. He says I'm nothing. I got pissed off over this.   Bad idea.   Well now, I don't know what to do. I gave up, and decided what the hell, let him waste his time. I did nothing to him, but what can I do? Nothing. So he hates me. Whatever. I lost my cool, and it was a mistake.   I'm not that bad of a poster, am I?   Right now, I'm rethinking my role on TSM. I'm still going to post. I'm not going to quit just because a few people think I'm pathetic. That out of the way, I need to chill out. I can't just yell at someone over the internet, since that accomplishes diddly shit.   Maybe I should join the Pit. Granted, Rapemaster MikeSC and wildpegasus post there, and I'm not too wild about them. But I need to start posting somewhere beside here. I have no interest in say, DVDVR's boards. Fark? Don't like it too much. Something Awful? I'm not paying to post somewhere. Wrestlecrap? You must be fucking kidding me.   I'm I still pissed? Yes, a little. I didn't do shit to Inc, and he insults me. What's his problem. However, I'm not going to argue with him, since it's a waste of time.   I've been posting here for almost three years. I've loved it for the most part. I've met some great people and posters. I'm not going to quit just because somebody I never met in my life doesn't like me. I do need to work on some things though. I need to quit trying to be cool with everybody. Some people are assholes, but I'll just have to deal with it. The fact that I lost my cool is rather hypocritical, since I insult certain posters as well. So I should take a few punches. It was only a matter of time before someone ripped on me. I guess I had it coming.   The point of all this is that I'm trying to show some humility here. I'll go back to being the same old Gary Floyd that you love/hate/ignore. I'll go back to posting pictures that amuse some and annoy others. Don't like it? Too bad.   So there you have it. I'm sorry I lost my cool. I don't want to fight anymore. Let's just go back to sort of tolerating one another.   Oh, and Matt, I don't want to be your "nigga."
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Let's talk about menstration

-Ever since Benoit died, I've been in the WWE folders more than I usually am.   It's true: The place is pathetic.   I haver never seen so much unbelieveably retarded behavior on a message board since I used to lurk Livejournals for laughs. From "SUCK MY COCK CUNT" to Vampiro69's lovely posts to Angle-plex saying "fuck Debra" (yeah, how dare she get beaten like that!) that thread is both the best and the worst thing I have seen in ages. No wonder I quit hanging around that hellhole. That out of the way, Czech pretty much made the best (and funniest) posts in the thread, so he gets a "best poster on TSM" notice. The guy really is my favorite poster.   -Also, Chris was apparently giving his kid steroids, and killed him with the Cripple Crossface. This whole story just keeps getting more and more fucked up.   -Out of boredom last night, I read old threads of wildpegasus being wildpegasus, and I actually wondered how he's taking the whole thing. He must be a wreck, and for some really sick reason, that amuses me. So, since I don't post on The Pit but he does, how's he taking it over there?   I can see the situation: He wanders the streets, drinking Apple Juice, while screaming out "WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?" at the top of his lungs, as passer bys laugh at him. He enters the weightroom, and gets kicked out for bellyaching. He even thinks of hiring a hooker to ease the pain, but changes his mind when memories of his cousin return. He then goes on to masturbate to his posters of Bret Hart and Astoboy, and then cries himself to sleep.   Meanwhile, his parents are happy, as they see this as leading to his possible death, meaning they won't have to put up with him anymore.   Mean spirited? You bet, but pretty likely.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

TSM 2007 Year in Review

Best Poster: Czech. He cracks me up, and while we may not always see eye to eye, is the best we have here. Plus he gives me albums sometimes. Honerable mention goes to Slayer, Coat is my Father, and Venkman.   Worst Poster: Douchebag aka Deon. A dumb motherfucker who is worthless in every way imaginable-and in some ways unimaginable. Honerable mention goes to Carlito Brigante, razazteca, Marvinisalunatic, VanHalen, C-Bacon, Jingus (at least in the CE folder), Matt Young, and Cheesalaisgood.   Best Thread: Carlito's gonna be a daddy. A goldmine of comedy-or at least comic potential. Honerable mention goes to Pitctures I like, best album of 2007, and Campaign 2008 begins.   Worst Thread: Deon ruins two lives, which deserves no further explaination. Honerable metion goes to the Chris Benoit Thread, any thread started by C-Bacon, Cheesalaisgood posting a conspiratorial "documentary", the "Boycott TNA" thread, Matt Young's cock (Matt can be a creepy bastard), and the thread where I acted like a bitch when Inc insulted me.   Best Bud: Lushus. You the man!   Best Sig: Czech.   Welcome back: Milky returned, giving us more um, interesting looks at his life and looks at the world.   Farewell: Kotz left, and I miss the guy. Leena left, and I don't miss her-and I still don't care about her. Masked Man of Mystery seems to be gone as well. I miss Special K.   Best New Feature: TSM chat. I enjoy chatting it up every Monday with Invader3K, Lushus, Hawk, and Downhome.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Music & Ron Paul

Happy New Year.   -Lately, I've been listening to all kinds of music. Here's what, and why   .Raekwon-Only Built 4 Cuban Linx...-The production by RZA is flawless, and it's the album debut of the immortal Nas. Anyone who loves Hip-Hop needs this.   .Steroid Maximus-¡Quilombo! , Gondwanaland, and Ectopia-Imagine the best soundtrack for a movie that was never made. Let J.G. "Foetus" Thirlwell and friends in the mix. The result is a blend of cinematic funk, big band jazz, ethnic music, weird soundscapes, unnerving loops and samples, horror soundtrack undertones, and so much more. In a word: perfect.   .Mastodon-Leviathan and Blood Mountain-Holy shit, get these. Metal at it's best, with excellent musicianship, and Prog-Rock undertones that aren't bloated and pretentious.   .Ennio Morricone-Exorcist II: The Heretic-Horrible movie, but an awesome score by Morricone. May be his most underrated.   .Agalloch-Pale Folklore, The Mantle, and Ashes Against The Grain-Holy shit, these are great. Black Metal meets Neo-Folk and Post Rock in the perfect winter soundtrack. If you like this, give Wolves in the Throne Room a listen too.   -Now, to Ron Paul Fans: He won't become the next president. He will never become the next president. Hell, I think he's a bit crazy. And no matter how much you protest Rudy, Huckabee, Clinton, or Edwards, that won't mean shit at the end. You are fucking delusional to think that A.) He has any chance of winning, B.) That he could bring peace to Iraq, and C.) That getting rid of the I.R.S. is a good thing. Oh, and none of you are really Libertarians. You just say you are because you are unhappy with the Republicans and the Democrats. So am I, and I just say I'm "Independent."
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

In defense of Vitamin X

Why? Well, look at this glorious thread.   Long story short: Vitamin X banned Marney. He did this after simply warning her (not a big deal really), and she flipped, acting like a spoiled bitch. She insulted him constantly (as well as AnnieEclectic for being a Transexual), and pretty much dared him to ban her.   So he did.   Afterwards, people bitched at him, telling him that Marney didn't deserve to be banned. These people included Rant and bob barron (who tends to bitch a lot.)   Quit fooling yourselves. She deserved to be banned. I have no problem with different opinions, but she basically acted belligerent, insulting those who disagreed with her, and blatantly spewing hateful, racist, homophobic (amusing, considering she's a lesbian) bullshit. She refused to follow the rules, and had to act like an internet tough guy, puffing her chest, thinking "nobody can ban me!" Hell, she pretty much asked to be banned, and her wish got granted.   Why did she do this? Here's my theory: just like MikeSC and others at The Pit, she feels wronged for no reason. So, in her feeble mind, she's proven a point. What point she proved is beyond me, and it only exists in her twisted psyche. In reality, all she proved is that she's a cunt, and her being banned had nothing to do with her being a conservative, a woman, or a lesbian-it all has to do with her behavior.   Seriously, why can't people like her, Leena, and MikeSC realize this? The board is not out to get them. Hell, from what I've seen, The Pit seems to obsess over us more than we do them. Most of us don't give a shit about that place. When you refuse to follow the rules, troll, insult those you don't agree with, and start pointless arguments, you will be banned. Why is it that some can't realize this? Are they fucking stupid?   In short, Vitamin X did the right thing. Marney should have been banned from the get go, and stop kidding yourself if you think otherwise.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Zombie Bloodbath (Day 3)

03.) Zombie Bloodbath (1993)

Plot: Zombies rise from an nuclear power plant (built on top of an Indian Battle Ground-oh no!) and attack Kansas.

Before I get to reviewing this, it's time for a history lesson. You see, in the 80's, we started to see really (and I mean really) low budget horror. Granted, microbudget horror is nothing new. People were churning out cheap exploitation made for crackerjack money back in the 60's and 70's. The 80's though, gave us a new device: the camcorder. That's right,now anyone could do their own backyard effort. Also, it should be known that the 60's-70's microbudget directors at least had some sort of experience in the business of film and television. The folks with camcorders though, didn't. If there is any consolation, the 1982 shot-on-video "classic" Boardinghouse received a theatrical release in Grindhouse theaters, and is watchable in a what the fuck did I just watch way.

The 90's were a dark time to be a horror fan. Sure, Scream came out and gave horror another chance, but it unfortunately lead to a series of poor imitators and inferior sequels, giving the movie some unneeded (but predictable) scorn from angry virgins. The Silence of the Lambs won Oscars, but Hollywood didn't want to call it horror, when it clearly was. Oh, and while there were still zombie movies, they were few and far between. So, that lead to the greatest catastrophe to come to horror from the 90's to this millennium(I think they ended in 2002): the Shot on Camcorder zombie movie. These movies offered something studio horror didn't offer: full on hardcore gore, sexual content, nudity, and zombie mayhem. Sadly, they were done by people with no experience whatsoever in the field of film making, which meant that they were all horrible in every conceivable level, and not in a so bad it's good way. I mean in a so bad it's bad way. Imagine watching somebody's home videos/home movies for about 80-90 minutes. There you go.

Now, on to our

Review: This is actually the first in trilogy of films from "filmmaker" Todd Sheets, who admits his movies are unwatchable. Instead of reviewing it, here's what you have in store:

Horrible mullets. Terrible, rubbery gore A man named Sam (modeled after Sam Kinison) doing a speech about his dead goldfish Butthead. The worse handlebar mustache every committed to anything. Horrible attempts at exposition. No real plot to speak of. Terrible music. Bad gore and make up effects. Terrible attempts at gags. The fact that, just like in every other Shot on Camcorder zombie movie, nobody involved had any previous acting experience. I think you get the point. I've already suffered through it. Don't let it happen to you.

Rating: 0/10. You'd have more fun watching a home video of a colostomy than watching this. Avoid at all costs.

Tomorrow: Carnival of Souls.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Brody's on Ignore.

Brody: Take your 9/11 truther bullshit out of the CE folder. I'm as Anti-Bush as you'll get, and even I don't believe that "9/11 Was an Inside Job" bullshit. If you do, then congrats! You're retarded.   Seriously, I fucking hate truthers.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

I <3 Mickie James

It's official, I love the Mickie vs. Trish feud. Mickie is a decent worker, pulls off the psycho stalker character well, and is a diva who actually gets heel heat. Plus, the feud makes sense, and isn't being forced down our throats like the other feuds on Raw. Of course, WWE will find a way to fuck it up, but for now, I'm happy.   I still don't get the point of the Shawns vs. Vince feud. So far, it seems like it's because Vince for some reason wants Shawn to go back to his hard partying days, and that Shawn wants Vince to get over the Montreal incident. I'm sorry, but that doesn't make a good feud. It's just Vince playing the Mr. McMahon character that got old years ago.   Last nights season finale of The Shield kicked my ass in all kinds of ways. I was silent for a long time, thinking to myself "Shane, you Mother Fucker". It took Bush messing up counting to three on Letterman to snap out of it.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Badonkadonk

Well, things are alright I guess. Nothing much going on. Anyways, old Lovecraft was also trying to get into different kinds bands and artists. So far, let's see how this experiment has been so far   .Kinski-Here's a cool little band. They are an instrumental rock band, but not a post rock band. They're kind of an instrument psychedelic rock band, with a bit of an shoegazer influence.   .Pelican-This is pretty sweet. Instrumental metal, with a bit of a post rock thing going for them. I downloaded The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon The Thaw,and it's great. Also worth checking out is Red Sparrowes, a post rock band with members of Isis and Neurosis.   .Ocean-Man, it's amazing I'm starting to listen to more metal, especially considering that I don't have the best relationship with the genre. Here's a cool doom metal band, with death metal, black metal, and post rock tendancies. To be honest, it was the doom and post rock things that dragged me in.   .Burzum-Really, really sucks. Why this band has a following is beyond me. The production is below sub par, it's really grating, and really boring. Plus, I've known about Varg's criminal history and views for a while, and that doesn't help matters. This is the second time I've given them a listen, and both the metal and the instrumental ambience is dreadful.   .7L and Esoteric-On the Hip Hop side of things, here's a cool little group. I dig the rhymes, as well as the production. Hell, they use xylophones in one of their albums. More albums need those.   .Sixtoo-I've always dug instrumental Hip-Hop, and this is pretty awesome. Plus, Damo Suzuki apppears on the song Storm Clouds & Silver Linings . Good to see he's still around.   Well, that's it for now. Next on my list: Solmania, Ulver, Fad Gadget, Trans Am, and Isotope 217.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Fart of Fury

-Well, I moved out of my dorm yesterday, and I'm currently looking for a job to take for the summer. So far, I'm looking at either computer work, the local newspaper, or the library.   -It seems like they killed Al-Zarqawi. Good to know. Now my dream of America battling former terrorists turned into flesh eating zombies comes closer everyday.   -Hotbutter Spoonwhatever: You better start spazzing out again, because I'm fucking bored right now.   -Why am I seeing Anderson Cooper everywhere all the sudden? He's like the new Nick Lachey, only less annoying, and a newsman.   -Finally, anybody remember the videogame 'Primal Rage"? Fun game, but damn, doing special moves and finishers was a pain in the ass. Anyways, I always played as Diablo.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Part two of the worst feuds in wrestling history

DDP vs. Evad-You see, Paige cheated to win some cash, or whatever (it's been a long time, so i don't really remember everything), and Kevin Sullivan's lovable (re. annoying) brother falls for Kimberly. Or something like that. All in all, a bad imitation of the Savage vs. Steele feud.   HHH vs. Kane -aka "Kane fucked Katie". One of the most tasteless moments in wrestling history, and not in a fun trashy way. I mean the kind of tasteless that makes you hate yourself for watching it.   Ed Ferrera vs. Medusa-You know, people may complain that the current cruiserweight division in WWE is a joke, but compared to WCW during the Russo years, it's the Super J Cup . Add to the fact that it all had a non-wrestler who's also a booker putting himself over and winning a belt that once gave us some awesome matches, and you get this shitstain in the history of wrestling.   Stone Cold vs. Vince for Jim Ross's job-Pointless bullshit that at least gave us the return of Joey Styles. The feud itself, though short, gave us moments (particularly "Vince pull's things out of "J.R.'s ass") that were almost Katie Vick levels of bad. In the end though, Ross is back, and I'm still hoping for the day when Lawler is caught fucking a 14 year old girl, causing him to be fired.   Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel-Included thanks to the suggestion from Culloden Hastings.   And that's all the feuds. Next time: unpopualr and popular opinions.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

The end of wildpegasus

September 14th, 2006: The Day wildpegasus was banned.   I've been posting on these boards for two years now. For a while, I didn't pay any attention to WP. Sure, there was the now legendary Astro Boy thread, but that was it.   Then, sometime this year (I think it was summer, I don't really remember), it finally happened: the man pissed me off.   It was in the CE folder, on a thread about the conspiracy theory disguised as a documentary "Loose Change". Firt of all, if you really think that everything in "Loose Change" is true, then you are an idiot. So of course, WP mentioned the fireman saying "it sounded like bombs" (though that's not the entire sentence that the fireman said), and basically acted a fool. I told him that he was an idiot, and I dared him to say such things in front of somebody who lost their loved ones on 9/11.   After that, I decided to look more into WP, and found out his sordid history: The fact that he's 29, a virgin, and still lives with his parents. Then there's the aftermentioned Astro Boy thread, which in itself is a homage to self pity and loneliness that beats out every other bit of loneliness and self pity I have seen on the net. Then there's the fact that he pissed everybody off. Oh, and his posts in the LSD folder are the stuff of great comedy.   Then, there's the benchpress story, in which he claimed to have achieved orgasm through exercise techniques, and that "there was no hip movement." He also called Czech "kid" at one point (Czech is 10 or 11 years WP's junior, and he's no where near as pathetic.) and started bugging me as well, at a few points calling me "girlfriend", even though I'm a 23 year old guy who's a college senior. He even supposidly created a gimmick account to defend himself.   Now he's been banned.   I'm actually suprised. People kept calling for WP to be banned, but the requests fell on deaf ears for a while. Now he's gone. To be honest, I kind of miss him, simply because well, who am I going to make fun of now?   Let's face it folks, making fun of WP was fun. Sure, he was a serious jackass, but he was an amusing one due to the sheer level of his being a loser. I actually don't think he was a gimmick, and that he really was that pathetic. Also, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't amused by the way he pissed everyone off so much.Sure, he was a slimey, pathetic, shameless, loser. But damnit, he was our slimey, pathetic, shameless loser.   That out of the way, I'm also kind of glad he's gone. His posts sometimes reached levels of depressing in how sad and worthless they were, and the way he is, and always will be.   so, RIP WP. Oh, and good riddence.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Mark Foley: Professional Pedophile

-It seems like Republican senator Mark Foley is a pedophile. First things first: when's kkktookmybabyaway going to call me a liberal terrorist for thinking he's a sicko? Also, I originally read it as Mick Foley, so I'm actually glad it's not Mick. Which reminds me: I'm suprised Vince hasn't created a pedophile gimmick. Granted, there's noted pedophiles working for him (Lawler), but I'm still suprised. You'd think after sex with transexuals and necrophillia, pedophillia would be next.   -Meijers sucks. All I wanted was two DVD's, and they didn't have them. So I asked if I can order them. They won't let me do that. What kind of fucking store doesn't let you order DVD's? Most of the other stores I go to let you order things, yet this one won't. Oh, and Best Buy didn't have them either (which suprised me), so I'm going to have to wait.   -I'm not going to be able to see "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" on Friday, since I'm knee deep in homework. That's college for ya.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

The End of Spoontoaster, and Happy Thanksgiving

Words from Hotbutter Spoontoaster, directed towards me. He was banned yesterday for making retarded racist comments in a thread about Kramer being racist, and for being a troll.   I remember when he first started posting. He constantly spelled words wrong, and insulted people, saying "I'll shit the fuck up all in your face" or something like that at one point. While it was amusing at first, it got annoying, especially the phrase WE KNOW. He even insulted me, as you can see above. I personally find this amusing, and think it's the funniest insult directed towards me on the net I've seen in a long while.   Some think he was FromBeyondTheGrave or Fake Rando. It really soesn't matter, because he's gone. Will I miss him? No. His gimmick well reached experation, and it got annoying really fast. Plus, his arguments with the likes of Paul and niskie got annoying really fast. So good riddence, I say.   I do take "weird horror movie freak guy" as a complement though.   -Oh yea, and Happy Thanksgiving folks. Hope you get stuffed and don't kill any family members over the Holiday.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

I'm back, 32-30

-Well, kkktookmybabyaway told me to update my blog, so I am. He also says that C-Bacon is somehow responsible for helping me get it back online. For that I say: I know I rip on you alot, but thanks. I won't apolagize to you, but thanks a lot. For that, I'll leave you alone and put you off ignore...for a while.   Also, I turned 24 last week, I've got a lot of homework, and that's about it. Anyways, back to the countdown to the worst albums of all time.   32.) Burzum-Daudi Baldrs I always hated this band. I got in an arguement with Tack over them. I downloaded this once, and it sucked (as expected). The story behind this album: Varg Vikernes, apart from having a one man metal project named Burzum, was also a (brief) member of legendary Black Metal band Mayhem. At some point, he killed one of the band members, and was arrested by the police. When they searched his house, they found several explosives, as well as the fact that he's a Neo-Nazi and a church burner. While in jail, he couldn't afford guitars, bass, or drums anymore, and also decided to give up the instruments because they are "Black." He changed his style of music to make music that is more in tune with being Aryan-making shitty music on a casio keyboard (again all he could afford) made in Japan that sounds like a teenager trying to make symphonic music on a casio keyboard. Oh, and he didn't record this as a joke. That's right, he was seriously trying to make an artistic statement by recording with a cheap casio keyboard. That's all you need to know.   31.) Ministry-Filth Pig After Psalm 69, you'd think that the follow up would be incredible. Think again. This sounds like a Al Jourgenson and co. decided to record a Black Sabbath tribute with samples and drum machines. It's a lazy affair, devoid of any memorable moments (save for "Reload" and "The Fall"), and a horrible cover of Bob Dylan's "Lay Lady, Lay." This album was also recorded while Al was deep into heroin addiction, so if any album should be proof enough that heroin is bad, this is one of them.   30.) The Happy Mondays-Yes, Please Another band that I never liked, the Happy Mondays were a dance-rock band from the 80's-90's who were fueled on E and just dull. Their last album though, is just shitty. There's no interesting moments (unlike on say, Thrills, Pills, and Bellyaches, which at least had it's moments in songs like "Kinky Afro" and "Step On"), the lyrics are incredibly cringe inducing, and sounds too much like it's trying to keep up with then current trends (again with trying to stay with the times). The band got back together recently, and has a new album on the way, but I doubt it will be as bad as this one.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

The lyrical genius of R.Kelly

R.Kelly is insane. He's also a lyrical genius. Or he's inane. Either way, he's R.Kelly, and he's a goledn shower loving pedophile who loves bad lyrical puns and metaphors for sex. Here's a few songs that are proof.   "You Remind Me of Something"   "Sex Weed"   "The Zoo"   Last but not least, "Sex Planet   I rest my case.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

More wrestling (Vince) talk, music shit, the worst new show

-Apparently, some people are taking the "Death" of Vince a little too seriously, sending letters to the company and calling them. I already posted this picture, but: Anywho, this is still awesome, or at least for the time being. I enjoy great in ring work as much as the next smark, but this is the kind of thing I love: Stories that are incredibly stupid, but are still fun because of their stupidity. Let's face it, while the WWE has done things that are so dumb they're dumb (Katie Vick, operating on "J.R.s ass"), they are also masters of so dumb it's great. And nobody does this like the WWE. What does NWA TNA have: VKM trying to sabatoge WWE shows. Granted, DX did the same thing, but it still doesn't excuse TNA's boredome factor, or at least to me.   -Now, onto music: Last time, I mentioned the worst albums of the year so far, yet I forgot to mention the new one from The Stooges albu. Granted, they haven't done an album together since the early 70's, but it still sucks, especially considering that this is the band that gve us Funhouse and Raw Power.   I also mentioned Timbaland's Shock Value.and whoo boy, is that bad. Granted, he's not a bad producer, but he should stick to that. There isn't a single interesting moment on here, from the song "Bounce" (no Missy Elliot, I don't want to see your ass n' titties. Nobody wants to) to collaborating with Fall Out Boy (who deserve a special place in hell for covering "Love will Tear us Apart), and the list goes on. This and the new Stooges albums are the years worse so far, though Timbaland wins it for the album being a ridiculous achivement in ego.   -What's the wort new show on TV? Why, its "Lil' Bush", the new cartoon on Comedy Central. Using tired "BUSH IZ STOOPID" and Bill Clinton jokes that went out as soon as Billy boy left office, as well as the worst attempts at political satire since Rolling Stone in the past few years, even the biggest Bush hater will hate this pile of shit. Unless you are Rolling Stone, who seem to like the show. Yeah, it's not like they are still relevent or anything...
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Damn

Well, it turns out old Benoit is a murder. Well, so much for that eulogy, which will now be deleted.   Chris, I'll always love you're in ring work, but seriously, fuck you man.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Metal Albums I'm enjoying part II

The Angelic Process-Weighing Souls With Sand Really good shoegazer meets metal stuff that will keep the neighbors up. Sounds like Jesu meets the Swans.   Agalloch-The Mantle Black Metal with folk influences and great gothicesque passages. Sounds like Katatonia meets Death In June in their prime, and great for cold winter nights.   Alice In Chains-Facelift, Jar of Flies, Sap, and the Self Titled "But gary, that's grunge!" Shut up, it's metal to me.   Slayer-Seasons in the Abyss No metal list would be complete without Slayer. You really can't not love an album with "War Ensemble" though.   Enslaved-Isa Call it what you want (Black Metal, Viking Metal, whatever), it's really good, with progressive rock overtones to match.   Nile-In Their Darkened Shrines Really good technical Death Metal, with Lovecraftian undertones (you knew I'd love that), trible drumming, choirs, and more.   Symphony X-Divine Wings of Tragedy I normally don't care for Symphonic metal, but this is actually a good album. I love the keyboard work on it.   Gorgoroth-Ad Majorem Sathanas Gloriam I normally don't like these guys, but this is a pretty impressive album, with awesome drumming, and a frontman (Gaal) who actually sounds scary. Also, it's quick and to the point, with no filler at all.   White Zombie-Astro Creep 2000 I always liked this more than La Sexercisto, as it gets the whole sleazy comic book vibe down better.   Melechesh-Emissaries Black Metal filled with middle eastern rhythms (they are from Jerusalem), killer riffs, and even a song with tabalas.   Amorphis-Elegy The last Death Metal esque album they did, with awesome riffs, acoustic guitars, prog rock keyboards, and more.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Vince is my father

I know, it's been a while, but I've been busy.   -Anyways, in case you didn't see Raw, Vince came back, and we have another "so bad it's awesome" storyline: This time: Vince has an illegitimate child.   Hell yeah it's dumb. But it gets your attention. Remember last week, when Kurt Angle's wife left him on TNA? Of course you don't, that was boring. Vince having an illegitimate kid though, awesome. That may be his best talent: no matter how stupid (or even how bad) it is, you pay attention.   -To Hollywood: I'm concerned about the environment too, but come on, you aren't fooling anybody. Seriously, are you fuckers actually worried, or are you just acting like it because Al Gore is worried? Me thinks it's the latter.   -So, Bob Allen says he gave a black guy a blow job because he was scared? Yeah, that big, black cock really must have "intimidated" you into sucking it...   -There's going to be a movie about the Notorious B.I. G., though it won't co-stat Butters. I'm sure it will end with a bang though.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

The Condemned: A Review

There's bad movies, and then there's WWE Films.   Ok, I take that back: "The Rundown" was pretty fun. This one is no Rundown though. It's mearly a poor man's "Battle Royale" with a tacked on moral message.   The plot: A new reality show exclusive to the internet has been created by a bigshot Hollywood producer (Robert Mammone). The show puts 10 people on death row on an island, and gives them 30 hours to live. Among the contestants: Jack Conrad (Steve Austin, who does an good job), whose like, got a family you know; and McStarley (Vinnie Jones, who steals the show), who's the sick villain you love to hate. Oh, and there's some message about how violence is wrong. That's right, WWE is telling you that violence is wrong.   What could have been a decent action movie is ruined by some poor performances, stereotypes, overly realistic violence (World Wrestling Entertainment is making a STATEMENT!), a generic soundtrack (come on, Nickleback? Though Grame Revell's score is competant), preachiness, and more. While Austin, Jones, and Masa Yamaguchi do commendable jobs, the rest of the cast is a poorly written blend of dumb kids weened on violent video games (World Wrestling Entertainment is making a STATEMENT!), a sterotypical greedy Hollywood bigshot, the concerned female, the worried wife, and thugs and rapists. Character actor Rick Hoffman (he of "Hostel" and "Cellular" fame) has a performance that could have been better if the screenplay by Rob & Andrew Hedden, who are writers for WWE, knew how to write interesting characters.   Speaking of WWE, the movie is yet another example of how WWE Films essentially fails to deliver on the dumb but fun kind of spectacle you would want. A movie like "See No Evil" could have been a decent throwback to the Slasher flicks of old, but instead was just "Saw" lite. "The Marine" could have been a decent afternoon action flick, but failed even at a rudimentary level. Here, "The Condemned" also could have been a fun action flick, but is bogged down by a preachy message, which reaches MST3K movie levels of ineptitude when the reporter asks the audience "Are we the condemned?" In short, while they are laughably bad, WWE Films so far has yet to create an enjoyable B-Movie.   But hey, who needs that when World Wrestling Entertainment is making a STATEMENT! Too bad for them that Paul Verhoven, George Romero, and even Eli Roth have too, and to much better success.   Rating: 3 out of 10.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
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