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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

Falwell, Friends List

-Well, Jerry Falwell kicked the bucket, and will most likely live in a personal hell of homosexuals. He'll be missed by-ah, who am I kidding? I always hated the fucker, so good riddence. I'm not going to celebrate, but I sure as hell won't miss him.   -Oh, I'm suprised it took me this long, but I added people to my friends list: The people I added:   Lushus Carnival Coat is my Father Czech KOAB Special K   If you want added, let me know.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

Wu Tang is For the Children

This post has nothing to do with the late Russell Jones. It would be much better if it was though.     To Czech: I'm disappointed that you haven't said anything insulting about me the the Hardcore Discussion, though seeing you sanity slowly melt away is amusing. I guess you haven't said much about me because I rarely post in Hardcore Discussion, and because I'm a non-confrontational pussy.   Anyways, got the original novel version of "Carnosaur" in the mail. The book's much better than the movie, though the movie remains a guilty pleasure of mine.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

See No Evil: A Review

How do you make a slasher flick with potential a bad movie? When you are WWE Films.   First things first: See No Evil is not the first movie WWE films produced, in spite of what some will tell you. It was actually co-producer of Scorpian King and The Rundown (the latter a pretty damn good action flick). It is the first though, in movies that had potential to be to be a watchable B-Movie, but somehow manages to fuck it all up.   The plot: A group of juvenile delinquents who you don't really give two shits about have to clean up an "abandoned" hotel, only to run into a reclusive psychopath with mommy-issues named Jacob Goodnight (played by Glenn "Kane" Jacobs), who proceeds to knock them off. Oh, and he loves gouging out his victims eyes (hence the title, which is essentialy a bad pun. Better than the previous title of Eye Scream Man, though the thought of Kane as a killer ice cream man is amusing. Hell, he was a dentist.)   While there's some decent kills (including a nice bit with a cellphone), the movie also manages to get this right: sleaze. The flick oozes with the kind of seedy vibe found in late 70's and 80's era exploitation movies. Unfortunately, Jacob is not exactly a very threatening villain, as he's just another stock slasher with mother issues. Oh, and we get to see him punish the pope. Yep, Vince McMahon was involved with it!   Another problem is the filming style. The whole thing, directed by former porn director Gregory Dark (he of New Wave Hookers and White Bun Busters fame) feels more like Saw lite instead of a slasher movie. What could have been a fun throwback to 70's and 80's slasher flicks like The Toolbox Murders and The Slayer ends up being another hyper edited, annoying horror flick. In short: Once again WWE films fails, only here it's for the first time.   Oh, and no Vince, people do not want to see Kane spank it.   Rating: 3 out of 10.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Final 2007 Year in Review

-Milky made a much needed return, helping to make TSM interesting again.   -Leena was banned for being a cunt who takes the internet as serious business, and made many aborted attempts at a return.   -Ron Paul supporters are fucking crazy.   -Chavez didn't become President for life (thank God), thus hurting the feelings of Cena's Writer and C-Bacon.   -Huckabee and Romney got more support, while Rudy continues to tank.   -Rosie became the worst fucking celebrity on Earth, left The View, revealed she's a Truther, and the list goes on.   -Brittney attempted a comeback...and failed.   -Something happened involving Chris Benoit...wildpegasus han't been heard from since.   -Hillary lost some footing in grounds to her goal to become president.   -Larry Craig has a wide stance, if you get my drift (hurr hurr hurr)   -Athiests yelled at each other on Youtube. So much for religion being the blame for everything. Here's a rule: guys who are teenagers and/or live at home with there parents should not be Athiests, because they can't say things intelligently. (teens and people who live at home, not Athiests.)   -Fark finally joined the ranks of Free Republic and Democratic Underground, as it is now a haven for truthers, trolls, conservative nutjobs, wanna be communists, and angry Athiests.   -Anna Nicole died. Her last movie is Oh, and yes, that's Chyna. Speaking of which, her appearence on Larry King was something else. She'll be on "Celebrity Rehab" in January, and the fact that such a show exists kills my soul a bit.  -Fuck Chocolate Rain, this is the best video on Youtube.   -"Grindhouse" tanked, yet "Alvin and the chipmunks" made a ton of cash. For fuck's sake America. Oh, and "No Country for Old Men" is the best movie of the year.   -Deon became the worst poster on TSM, and had his name changed to Douchebag. Carlito Brigante's stupidity continues unabated, as he got a girl pregnant and is getting in another fight. To quote snuffbox, "One day, ehme, the internet will take you as seriously as you take it."
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

20-18

20.) Tin Machine-Tin Machine It may predate 90's guitar fueled grunge, but still...David Bowie, what were you thinking? Even if it predates it, Tin Machine, Bowies more Hard rock side project, is still half baked, uninspired grunge. The album even has the gall to cover Lennon's "Working Class Hero", and well...damnit Bowie. The project was pretty much hated by everyone, and is best left as a bad memory, though there were two more Tin Machine albums.   19.)The Heads-No Talking, Just Head The Talking Heads without David Byrne=no. Really, just no. Featuring a variety of leads singers (including Debbie Harry, Richard Hell, and others), it doesn't sound like the Talking Heads as much as it does a really bad dream. Featuring an embarrising stab at pseudo NIN Industrial rock ("Damage I've Done"), shitty stabs at punk/new wave ("Punk Lolita") and other sad moments. At least it was the only Heads album.   18.) Slayer-Diabolus in Musica What does Slayer sound like when they experiment with Hardcore? Not very good. To be fair, their experiments in Hardcore had their moments in the past (Divine Intervention isn't as bad as some say it is), but it still sounds bad, as the whole Hardcore thing had lost its usefulness, and it sounds like a band doing a parody of a Slayer album. The album itself is low on new ideas (They are still talking about Religion, Serial Killers, and War), and musically, lets just say songs like "Overt Enemy", "In The Name of God", and "Perversions of Pain" aren't their best moments.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

A week later...

-A week ago, we learned that Chris Benoit was murderer.   Since then, things seemed to have cooled down fortunately. The thread about Benoit's death became a complete clusterfuck. Deon made the biggest ass of himself (not that it's a major accomplishment for him) and we didn't learn jack shit about anything, other than Benoit was a fucked up individual.   -I'm going to see an early show of "Transformers" tonight at midnight. Lucky me. I'll tell you how it is next time. The good reviews are good, while the bad ones seem to be clueless, especially the one from Slant Magazine.   Sorry about the tiny update.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Tobe Hooper's Mortuary: a review.

It's hard to believe that the man who directed films such as Polergeist has had such a hit and miss career. For every Texas Chainsaw Massacre, there is a Mangler. For every Funhouse, there's a Crocodile. His latest movie, Mortuary (which just aired on Sci Fi, and hits DVD on April 18th.) isn't exactly a miss, but it's not a hit either.   The movie tells the tale of the Boyle family (which includes Denise Crosby from Pet Cemetary and Dan Byrd from the recent remake of The Hills Have Eyes), who move into an house in Arkham, Mass. Yes, this movie is heavily influenced by HP Lovecraft. That out of the way, the home is also a Mortuary, and of course, since it's a Mortuary in Arkham, only bad can come outt of it.   Anyways, the son get's a job at a diner, and makes some friends (including Alexandra Adi from Slap Her, She's French and Tequila Body Shots, and Rocky Marquette from Shallow Ground). They tell him about the legend of Bobby Fowler, a strange boy who murdered his parents at age eight and is rumored to live in the cemetary, which conveniently, is in the back yard of our Teenage hero's house.   Needless to say, it turns out that Bobby Fowler is real (and a bizzare, uneven mix of HP Lovecraft, the monster from Stuart Gordon's Castle Freak (which was inspired by a Lovecraft story) and Lucio Fulci's House By The Cemetary). Oh, and there's a strange fungus that possesses people, and brings the dead back to life. As well as a Lovecraftian creature who controls the fungus/slime. Oh, and the zombies can only be killed by salt. So, does it work?   Well, yes and no. On the plus side, Crosby, Byrd, and Marquette do good jobs at their roles. The make up effects are well done, and the Lovecraftian overtones and references don't hurt a bit at all. However, there are problems. The first being the rather lame CGI effects. Another problem is that the other performances are uneven. The biggest problem however, is the general tone. At one minute, it seems like the movie wants to be a creepy gothic horror story and tribute to Lovecraft, then in the next minute, it wants to be a tongue in cheek romp. The two style generally don't work, and the attempts at humor are pretty lousy. Plus, don't expect a gorefest, Sure, there's a torn out heat, black fungus vomit, and some blood, but no major gore. Then again, several of Hooper's films aren't that gory (or even gory at all) to begin with.   All in all, the best way to describe Mortuary would have to be uneven. I'll give it 5/10, since it's definately different, and it's never boring. However, it's not really good either, though it's not Hooper's worst movie.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

11-9

11.) Genesis-Calling All Stations You think Genesis with Phil Collins as the focus sucks? Well, they suck harder without him believe it or not. Here, the band tries to combine their pop success with their art-rock genius of the 70's. The end result? An over polished, over indulgent, synth heavy (in the bad sense), and horrible songs like "Congo" and "Small Talk." I remember being a teenager, and one of my mom's friends talking about how bad it is, and the Daily Show making fun of it. That's the only good that came out of it.   10.) Butthole Surfers-The Weird Revolution I love the Butthole Surfers. There 80's albums are the most disturbing Psychedelic Rock albums ever recorded. This 2001 however, almost makes you forget those great moments. Filled with generic Beck soundalikes, bland industrial rock/trip hop mixes, none of the awesome guitar work of Leary, and a song produced by Kid Rock of all people. (So for those who were wondering were Kid Rock was in this countdown, here you go.)   09.) The Clash-Cut the Crap Crap indeed. After Mick Jones left the Clash, Joe Strummer (may he R.I.P.) tried to do an album that sounded like old punk-quick and to the point. The album itself doesn't cut it (pun intened), as it sounds like a bad parody of punk. It also sounds formullaic, boring, and lyrically horrendous. This was the last Clash album also, though Strummer went to do much better things.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Favorite Hip Hop songs part 3

Notorious BIG - Suicidal Thoughts "When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell"   Dr. Dre/Snoop Dogg - Fuck With Dre Day I've mentioned this song before. Hip Hop amazes me in it's homophobia: It constantly attacks on homosexuals and the gay lifestyle, yet talks more about gay sex than a gay porn director.   Grand Master Flash and the Furious 5 - The Message A "favorite hio hop songs" list without this song? Fuck that.   A Tribe Called Quest - Jazz (We've Got) I really love this song. It's the group in their prime, it's one of the best examples of hip hop and jazz fusing together, and the organ kicks ass. There's some great tour stories involving these guys.   "Strictly hardcore tacks/not a New Jack Swing"   Dr. Octagon - Real Raw Dr Octagonecologyst is a great album, and this is the best song on it. It's a shame that Keith was never able to live it down (though Sex Style comes awfully close)   Mantronix - Bassline From the first (and best) Mantronix album, this is a great example of electro hip hop.   Erik B. & Rakim - Paid in Full The "7 Minutes of Madness" mix by Coldcut is even better.   LL Cool J - Rock the Bells Sure, "Momma Said" is good, but it doesn't even come close to this one.   Nas - The World is Yours Um, yeah. The best song he ever did, bar none Tell me otherwise. Come on, I dare ya.   Mobb Deep - Shook Ones Pt. II Yep, they were good once, believe it or not. I really love the piano loop.   The Roots -Silent Treatment Whether or not it's their best song is debatable, but it's a great song, and probably my favorite of theirs.   De La Soul - Say No Go While De La Soul is Dead is their best album, this is their best song.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

35-33

35.) Emerson, Lake, and Palmer-Love Beach Ok, so I never liked ELP, but that doesn't save this album. Granted, it was only recorded it because they owed it to their label, but that's no excuse. One of the worst Prog-Rock albums ever recorded, this is a lazy affair, without a single memorable moment. Even their most hardcore fans will tell you it sucks. Also has what may be one of the worst album covers ever.   34.) Cabaret Voltaire-Groovy, Laid Back, and Nasty Cabaret Voltaire are one of my favorite groups of all time. A band who's influence on electronic music is nearly unequaled, and can still be heard today. When they decided to do a house album back in 1988, it was a musical disaster. It's another album that tries to keep up with the times, which sucks considering that this is a group known for setting standards instead of following them. Also, Stephen Mallinder's voice is more pop oriented, and lacks any of the conviction of their previous work, which hurts not only their credibility, but also their creativity, thus making a flat out bad album. Cool album title though.   33.) Can-Saw Delight First bad sign: the album title itself is a bad pun. Another bad sign: This is a flat out dull album, without a single interesting moment, and sounds too much like a collaberation between Santana and a bloated Prog-Rock band instead of the freeform ethno-fusion jams that Can are known for, as well as some uninspired drumming from Jaki Liebezeit (who may be my favorite drummer of all time) and weak electronic wankery that sounds more like ELP than Can.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Slightly Eventful Sunday,29-27

-Well, I went to Big Boy's for Breakfast yesterday (what can I say, their breakfast bar rules, and Bob Evans was crowded) and saw something that I've never seen before, or at least in person: a female Insane Clown Posse fan who wasn't ugly or fat. Well, her face was so-so, but she had a pretty good body, and a nice ass. Who knew such a thing existed.   Afterwards, I stopped at Best Buy to get Venture Bros. Season 2 on DVD (it's great, though the commentary tracks are so-so), then went to Meijer to get some food. I also started reading Jack Ketchum's "The Lost", and it's been great so far. The guy's one of my favorite horror authors, and everyone should read him.   Now, back to the countdown.   29.) Death in June-All Pigs Must Die Hey, it's Death in June, doing the whole neo-folk with fascist overtones thing-again. Only this time it's uninteresting, and shows the eventual musical mediocrity that's unfortunately plagued them since. It also drags on too long, and while he at least tried something a bit different, it's attempts at dirge-like atmosphere and eeriness falls right on it's face.   28.) Prince-The Rainbow Children I love Prinve. Who doesn't love Prince. That out of the way, there's no denying that he's cut some bad albums, and while there has been debate over what his worst album is, I'd say it's this one. Here, Prince lets the world know he's a Jehovas Witness (at least he did go door to door over it), and records an album made up of really bad attempts at sounding like James Brown, Sly Stone, and other such greats. It also has some of the worst lyrics he's ever written.   27.) Kiss-Music for the Elder One of the worst (and most puzzling) concept albums ever recorded (ELP's Tarkus, while a shitty album, gets a pass for having such an odd but awesome concept), Music for the Elder pissed off whatever remaining Kiss fans existed at the time, with it's shitty attempts at Prog Rock, and was the final straw for Ace Frehley, who left the band after the albums release. Who could really blame him?
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Why I prefer this place to Myspace and Livejournal

The fact that they allowed shit like this. At least they are deleting it. Here's some choice quotes, with choice crazy bolded.   So, why would they (Livejournal) even let shit like this exist on their website in the first place?   Jesus Christ, isn't that illegal?   Lady, you write fanporn. You aren't Stephen King Or Ambrose Bierce or William Burroughs. You aren't a legitimate author.   See comment # 3   In short: Fans are sickos and need to be neutered.   If you write a story like that, you are a fucking pedophile. End of discussion.   Apparently, Harry Potter fans are middle agerd, sexually repressed housewives who feel the need to write about underaged fictional characters fucking one another.   That's 4,468 people who should be in jail for most likely owning kiddie porn.   In short, the internet is the ultimate support group for the completely disgusting.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

This Post Brought to you by The Oozinator

-Well, I'm pretty busy as of late, which isn't the best way to start out the first entry of May '06. Oh well.   -Has anybody seen the new commercial for the new Super Soaker called "The Oozinator"? If so, I just have to tell you: It scares the shit out of me. The commercial looks like it was made by pedophiles.   -I saw Steve Colbert's ripping on the president on the net last night, and I liked what I saw. The silence in the room (filled with other Republicans) makes it a bit uncomfortable though.   -Last Saturday's "Best Of" SNL episode (Best of TV Funhouse) was awesome. I always loved the TV Funhouse skits, and they had some of my favorites, including the X-Presidents, Fun With Real Audio (The Newscaster one and the MCain one were awesome, as was the Clinton Testimony one), Shazaang!, Cartoons in Black History (My favorite being the all African singing one), "Trapped In The Disney Vault", "Christmas Time For the Jews" The tribute to Charles Schultz...they had almost everything. The only problems were the cutting some of them got, and the Ace and Gary bits were annoying. Oh, and for thouse of you who wish they had the Ray Lewis one, Here's "Ray of Light".   -Now, here's a website for ya: http://www.bangme.net/ . There's some real "winners" here, just to let you know.  
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Put that thing back in your pants

-Well, things are alright in my world. I'm thinking of finally breaking down and buying an iPod or MP3 player of some sorts, because I'm tired of buying CR-R's   -My brother called me a conservative today because I don't see the draft coming back in the future. Oh, and Newt Gingrich, who as you remember, tried to get Clinton out of office for adultry when he himself was having an affair, says that World War III is inevetible.   -Also, I fucking pisses me off that Bush will veto a bill that allows stem cell research, because of his fucking convictions. Dude, you are the president: forget your religious convictions for a second and just let the bill pass.   -I'm still reading "The Bighead", and it is still sick. So far, there's been more cannibalism, more rape, vomit consumption, necrophillia, breast amputation, a piss enema, a doulbe urinary catherization, a baby having it's brains sucked out, and more. Also, I must have a stomach of cast Iron, because I haven't puked yet.   -I know it's against the law amongst hipsters, but the new Killers single is really catchy.   Well, that's all for now. Next time: a list of overrated horror movies
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

A review of "The Bighead"

Sick. Perverted. Pornographic. Politically Incorrect. Darkly Comic. Scatalogical. Tasteless. Blasphemous. Disgusting. Evil. These are just some of the words that could describe Edward Lee's book "The Bighead"   First, a little background info on the man himself. Ed Lee is one of the most hardcore horror authors out there. Sure, he has written mainstram fare, a childrens book, and is a hell of a pulp horror writer (see "Creekers" and "Coven" for examples). However, it's works like "Goon", "The Pig", Ever Nat", and other small publisher books that have gained him notority. It's easy to see why, also. The are violent, repugnant, pornographic, and warped tales of grotesque erotic horror, laced in pitch black horror. Out of all his works though, his most well known is "The Bighead"   The Bighead tells the tale of Luntville, and two city girls: Charity and Jerrica, visiting Charity's aunt. While Charity is having problems finding the right man, Jerrica is a sex addict, who has taken a liking to a foul mouthed priest in Father Thomas, who is being haunted in his dreams by two nuns from hell, who have some stomach churning fetishes. Oh, and there are two sick rednecks, Travis and Dicky, who will rape and kill anyone in their path. Let's just say that these guys and the nuns give the book "American Psycho" a run for it's money in the torture and rape department.   Oh, and there is the legend of The Bighead. Who is the Bighead? Why, he's a seven foot something inches tall homocidal pervert with a hydrophalic (giant head filled with water) and a fourteen inch long cock, who loves rape, murder, and brain eating. And it seems Charity's Aunt Annie knows a bit too much about him...   Before you think of reading this, I might want to warn you: this book is sick. There's rape, murder, cannibalism, loads of sex, scatology, watersports, urinary catherization, sacriligious behaviour, abortion, babies having their heads smashed in, and more. This stuff makes "Jackass" look like the Teletubbies. If you think nothing can gross you out, then this will prove you wrong.   But is it a good?   Well yes, it is. For all the disgusting moments and general sickness on display, this book works. This is mainly due to it's warped sense of humor. One way to look at it is a horror answer to "The Aristocrats", in the fact that it constantly one ups itself with sick moments.   Also, the characters are interesting. The reader goes on to feel bad for Father Thomas, who only wants to do the right thing, as well as Jerrica. The other great thing is the redneck stereotypes, ranging from Travis (who outdoes the sickos from "Deliverence"), Dicky, and even handyman Goop Gooder. Over the top redneck dialogue, booger pickeng, and a general lack of "edu-ma-cation" makes for a good laugh.   There are a few problems. In particular, how have Dicky and Travis been able to get away with their rape and murder spree for so long? Oh, and the ending, when you find out Bighead's origins, will either disappoint you, or you will have no problem with it.   In the end, "Bighead" is a sick, demented ride of pornographic, scatalogical, and sadistic horrors that will either have you disgusted, or laughing your ass off. I ended up doing both.   8.5/10   You can get it here.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Cosmo Kramer Doesn't care about Black People

-In case you didn't hear, Michael Richards, aka Kramer from Seinfeld, was doing stand up recently, when a pair of black guys stated to heckle him. His response: He went on a huge racist tirade.   If he wasn't jewish, I'd call him KKKramer.   -Thanks for the responses in my last entry guys. My blog wasn't getting any attention at the time, and I wanted some, so thanks.   -I was unfortunately unable to catch Horrorfest's 8 Films To Die For. So, anyone who did, let me know how it was.   -Well, it's nearing December. I'm just mentioning this to let you guys know that I'll be doing a few year end reviews in December, looking at horror, music, and this whole mess of a message board.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

The Countdown Ends

02.) Vanilla Fudge-The Beat Goes On The award winner for the most pretentious album of all time, this is an album made up of covers (Vanilla Fudge were largely a covers band) of the Beatles, Sunny and Cher, Mozart, and others. There aren't any real songs on it, as it's pretty much an album made up largely of various versions of "The Beat Goes On", as we hear world leaders (yeah, the love ins are just dying out here) telling of the bomb dropping, and other such things. Bummer. Oh, and it also has interview excerpts of the band talking about how disheartening and cold the industry is. Well, they agreed to release this (and Having Fun With Elvis on Stage). Oh, and it has and readings from the Bible and JFK and Hitler and bad prog rock noodling and-the list goes on. This is the most over indulgent, self important piece of shit ever recorded. Really, listen to it, then see if you disagree with me. It takes the song "The Beat Goes On", and tries to trace it to the history of Western Civilization.   01.) VA-Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart's Club Band OST This album is proof of everything that is evil about the record industry, and is the worst album of all time. First, the backstory: You Know of the Beatles album. Hell, I'm sure you own it. Well, the man that gave you "Saturday Night Fever" and "Grease" (I always hated those movies) decided that the album would be a great movie. So he cast The Bee-Gees, Peter Frampton, Steve Martin (why Steve), George Burns, Jeff Beck, Aerosmith, and Alice Cooper. That's right, one of the greatest albums ever recorded was turned into a failed marketing attempt. The end result is largely considered to be the worst album ever recorded, and for good reason. It also destroyed the careers of the Bee-Gees, Frampton, Earth Wind and Fire,and almost destroyed Jeff Beck Alice Cooper's. The album got released, and got so many returns and complaints, that the industry actually asked RCA for their certificate back. The rest is history.     And that is the end of it. Hope you liked the countdown. Here's a recap to end it all   50.) The new Insane Clown Posse Album. (include because Carnival hates it so much) 49.) Boston-Corporate America 48.) Coil-Constant shallowness Leads To Evil 47.) Neil Young-Landing on Water 46.) Hammer-The Funky Headhunter 45.) The Rolling Stones-Dirty Work 44.) Pink Floyd-The Final Cut 43.) A Perfect Circle-eMotive 42.) Roger Waters-Radio K.A.O.S. 41.) Current 93-Aryan Aquarians 40.) Rage Against The Machine-Renegades 39.) Yes-Big Generator 38.) Frank Sinatra-Trilogy 37.) Public Enemy-Muse Sick-N-Hour-Mess Age 36.) Stone Roses-Second Coming 35.) Emerson, Lake, and Palmer-Love Beach 34.) Cabaret Voltaire-Groovy, Laid Back, and Nasty 33.) Can-Saw Delight 32.) Burzum-Daudi Baldrs 31.) Ministry-Filth Pig 30.) The Happy Mondays-Yes, Please 29.) Death in June-All Pigs Must Die 28.) Prince-The Rainbow Children 27.) Kiss-Music for the Elder 26.) Foetus Symphony Orchestra-York 25.) Michael Jackson-HIStory 24.) Madonna-American Life 23.) Kevin Federline-Playing With Fire (because no list of worst albums would be complete without it) 22.) Vanilla Ice-Hard to Swallow 21.) Eminem-Encore 20.) Tin Machine-Tin Machine 19.)The Heads-No Talking, Just Head 18.) Slayer-Diabolus in Musica 17.) DJ Shadow-The Outsider 16.) Black Sabbath-Never Say Die! 15.) Black Sabbath-Forbidden 14.) Judas Priest-Turbo 13.) Van Halen-Van Halen III 12.) Depeche Mode-Songs of Faith and Devotion Live 11.) Genesis-Calling All Stations 10.) Butthole Surfers-The Weird Revolution 09.) The Clash-Cut the Crap 08.) Aerosmith-Rock in a Hard Place 07.) Elvis Presley-Having Fun on Stage 06.) Mick Jagger-She's the Boss 05.) Chunky A-Large and In Charge 04.) Metallica-St. Anger 03.) Pink Floyd-A Momentary Lapse in Reason 02.) Vanilla Fudge-The Beat Goes On 01.) VA-Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart's Club Band OST            
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Random mussings.

Well first off, I take it back: I don't like the spirit squad anymore. Granted, I liked it at first, but the novelty has worn off pretty quick. I guess it's because it's now expected, and not so weird anymore.   Second, the season finale of Masters of Horror last Friday, called "Haeckle's Tale", was disappointing. It started out great, but as it progressed, it became just another zombie story, and really fell apart with it's "Tales from the Crypt" style ending. Oh well, at least there's next season. Anyways, here's my ratings for episodes, 1 being best, and 12 being worst.   1.) Cigarette Burns (directed by John Carpenter) 2.) Fair Haired Child (directed by William Malone) 3.) The Deer Woman (directed by John Landis) 4.) Homecoming (directed by Joe Dante) 5.) Incident on and off a Mountain Road (directed by Don Coscarelli) 6.) Jennifer (directed by Dario Argento) 7.) Dance of the Dead (directed by Tobe Hooper) 8.) Sick Girl (directed by Lucky McKee) 9.) Pick Me Up (directed by Larry Cohen) 10.) Chocolate (directed by Mick Garris) 11.) Haeckel's Tale (directed by John McNaughton) 12.) Dreams in the Witch House (directed by Stuart Gordon)   Anyone else but me watch the series, because I'm the only person here who seemed to talk about it.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Merry Christmas

-Well, Monday, it will be Christmas. I hope you all have a happy holiday, and yule tide cheer and all that.   -Anyways, I hate the fact that there is no snow right now. Right now, I'm visiting my parents for Christmas break, and I'm typing on one of their computers. Right now, it's 56 Degrees Farenheit, and it's raining instead of snowing.   Excuse me, but what kind of bullshit is this?   Seriously, this sucks. It's winter, it's almost Christmas, give me some fucking snow. I don't care how much there is, I just want snow. Is that too much to ask for? Come on, this is Ohio I live in, for God's sake.   -Monday, a remake of Black Christmas comes out. I'm skipping it, since I love the original, and I'm really not looking forward to this one.   -Anyways, again, Merry Christmas
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

47-45, Karl Rove get's Ill

-Before we get back to the countdown, Here's Karl Rove setting white people back. Word. I never thought I'd say it, but poor Karl Rove...   Now, thw countdown countinues   47.) Neil Young-Landing on Water I love Neil Young. Hell, who doesn't? That out of the way, nobody loves this album. Here, Neil tries to mix the style of his band Crazy Horse with modern music styles-and it all falls apart. The album is incredibly dated, and I'm sorry Neil, but loud 80's Drums don't fit you. The whole album is hard to listen to (yes, even harder than Eveybody's Rockin', though that ones forgivable for the fact that Young was intentionally trying to piss off Geffen.)   46.) Hammer-The Funky Headhunter Let's face it, while it's hard to take him seriously, you can't deny that guys like MC Hammer helped Hip-Hop crossover to the pop mainstream. When he tried to reinvent himself as a Gangsta rapper, you can guess how well that turned out. Sure, "Pumps and a Bump" may be one of the great idiotic Rap tunes, but the whole album is laughably bad because he actually tries to pull this off without a single hint of irony. Think about this: the guy who had a Saturday Morning cartoon tried to come off as a hardcore rapper. Cool album title though...   45.) The Rolling Stones-Dirty Work Just like Neil Young a year earlier, The Rolling Stones try to fit in with the times-and fail. The Rolling Stones with synthesized production? No. Also, the band sounds bored, especially Jagger, who sounds like he doesn't know why he's doing this. Even Tom Waits, or as Incandenza likes to call him, God, can't save the album with his appearence. Oh, and the album cover is one of the worst album covers ever made.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

14-12

Judas Priest-Turbo 14.) Judas Priest-Turbo Priest try 80's pop metal. As you'd expect, it goes wrong. "Turbo Lover" is pretty embarrising (and their gayest song ever-yes, even gayer than "Ram it Down"), and the album ends up sounding like Poison recording a Judas Priest tribute album instead of a Judas Priest album. It's also another album trying to keep up with then modern trends (in this case, pop metal) and sounds incredibly dated, from the synth guitar to corny attempts at anthems.   13.) Van Halen-Van Halen III Remember when Gary Cherone from Extreme was the frontman for Van Halen? If you do, then I'm sorry that I had to bring that up. Everything from the generic 90's album cover, poor attempts at political commentary (Yeah Eddie, you stick it to the man!), songs that sound too much like redo's of past Van Halen songs, a bland rhythm section, and worst of all, generic guitar riffs from Eddie-yes, you read that right-is horrible. This was also the last studio album from Van Halen, and not the best way to go.   12.) Depeche Mode-Songs of Faith and Devotion Live In spite what some will tell you, Songs of Faith and Devotion is a pretty good album. It's not their best one, and there are a few clunkers ("Get Right With Me" and "One Caress"), but it's still good. The follow up release six months later, is basically a live version of that album. It's a pretty bad album, with Dave Gahan sounding ragged and uninterested, to the failed attempts at giving the songs some extra muscle, to the bland live instrumentation, the whole album is a clunker. At least they followed it up with Ultra, which is their most underrated album. This is still pretty bad, and the worst album they rever recorded.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

Fucking neighbors

-Well, the last two nights have sucked. Two nights ago, idiots outside kept me awake. Last night, I was asleep...until 4:26 AM, when the person who lives right above me felt the need not only to talk really load with friends, but also blare music. Even ear plugs couldn't block the noise out. Can't a guy get some fucking sleep? I know, it's college, but come on, I have classes in the fucking morning. Keep it down for God's sake   -Pope Benedict is still behing the times, currently denouncing science. You know, when John Paul was Pope, science was actually embraced sometimes. Bet you didn't know that.   -I didn't see the ABC docudrama on 9/11. It pissed off some democracts, claiming it had some of it's facts wrong. Again, I wouldn't know, because I skipped it.   -I also skipped the season premire of "Family Guy", though you probably know that I've grown tired of it. I did catch "American Dad" however, though it was disappointing.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

Master of Reality

-Matt Young's telling us about his personal life again. Matt, here's some advice: It would be best not to tell people too much about your personal life. Seriously, if there is anything you need to work on, it's that. Not because of people not caring, but because it reflects really badly on you. This is one of the reasons I tend to be hush hush on my personal life. Actually, it's mostly because my personal life is fucking boring, but I digress.   -I'm going to see 1408 tonight. Normally, I don't check out PG-13 rated horror flicks, but it's been getting good reviews, and has a great cast.   -I checked out TNA last night out of boredom, and wasn't too impressed. Sure, Samoa Joe is great, and I love some of the guys there, but it was still kind of boring. It felt a bit like a mix of WCW Nitro and WCW Worldwide. Also, I'm suprised nobody on the boards is now called "Black Machismo." Oh, and poor Jarrett.   -My new favorite Youtube video. It sounds more like a stuck pig than a dog.        
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

More Entries about Buildings and Food

-For those who don't know, the whole Benoit thing not only continues to be fucked up, but has become a "media circus", as you might say. Thw Warrior is supposed to give us his Warrior Wisdom on Hannity and Colmes tonight, Nancy "I'm an Insufferable Cunt" Grace has been well, an insufferable cunt, O'Rilley and Geraldo "The Moustache of Time" Rivera have been jackasses, Debra made me feel bad for her, Jericho saved the day by being the most rational, and the WWE folder continues to suck. That last part isn't anything new though.   The real winner as far as embarresment so far, has been Chyna. Here's somebody that's living proof of how one can fall from grace. She's gone from being a notable figure in the wrestling (who was never really a good worker) to becoming a coked up, bordering on fat mess. Her porn tape destroyed the sanity of many (Me, I've seen much worse), and it's a bizarre blend of depressing and hilarious. Just remember: No matter how bad things are, at least you aren't Chyna.   -The Beastie Boys (remember back when they were good?) have a new album made up completely of instrumentals, and it sucks. It's just really boring and unmotivated, without anything that hasn't been done before, only they've done it better (the instrumental breaks in Check Your Head and Ill Communication, the retro cool of In Sound From Way Out), and others have done much better. It's at least a better ablum than To the 5 Burroughs (which had one good single in "C-c-c-check It Out") and Hello Nasty (good singles, nothing else). If anything it's cheap, and probably makes alright background music for those times you wanna smoke pot. Oh, and it does have a few (repeat, a few) decent tracks.   -Finally, here's Rosie O Donnell's daughter Yes, that's really her. Right now, Tom Selleck is smiling, and I don't blame him. It's amazing that in the world of obnoxius female celebrities, Rosie is the only one who pisses me off.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

Make mine a double Texico

-Well, I went to yet another wedding reception on Saturday. Was pretty good, but that's mostly because there was an open bar. So yeah, I had a good time. The actual wedding itself was pretty short. I also couldn't get drunk, since I had to go back to my place. I'm not spending the night in some hotel in Columbus right now, I really don't know if I could afford it.   It's funny really, So many of the people I know, both friends and relatives, are settling down. I'm 24 years old, and I have yet to do so. Maybe someday.   -Michael Vick is in trouble for owning fighting dogs. Why is this worth mentioning? Because it's BARBERIC!!!   -The last Episode of "Harvey Birdman" was on Adult Swim last night. It was pretty good. I liked it more than "Morel Orel", which was just depressing. Christ, those guys had a bad childhood.   -I wish I started watching TNA more, because I saw a clip of Jay Lethal as "Black Machismo." Seriously, that is awesome. Are they still doing it? If so, I'll have to watch more.   -A Chihuahua actually caring about it's owner? You learn something new every day man.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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