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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

13 reasons why remaking "Friday the 13th" isn't the end of the world

If you're like me, you go to horror movie websites, and get the latest in news, reviews, interviews, etc. Even if you haven't, you've probably heard that Platinum Dunes is remaking it, and Michael Bay is producing it. Some, like luke-o and Jingus (known for being bitchy when it comes to movies) are opposed to it. Me? Well, it's not the best idea in the world, but it's not the worst either. Here are the 13 reasons why remaking Friday the 13th is not the worst idea in the history of mankind.   They've done all they can with the series-Come on, there's been a impostor Jason, Jason vs. a Psychic, Jason in Manhattan (for a short time), Jason in Space, Freddy vs. Jason-they've done everything but "Next Friday the 13th", in which Ice Cube must save the hood from Jason. Actually, that's a pretty good idea. Anyways, I think you see my point: they've done all they can do with the series. There is nowhere else to go with the series except a remake. New ways to kill people-Come on, you have to at least be curious to see what he has in store for campers this time. Many bad rip offs-Ok, there were a few good slashers to come out after Friday the 13th ("The Burning", "The Prowler", "Stage Fright", "Night Warning"), but there were also plenty of bad ones-in fact, there were more bad ones then good ones. Come on, you can't defend "Don't Go In the Woods...Alone", "Honeymoon Horror", "Silent Madness", "Final Exam", "The Prey", "The Final Terror", and several others, because they are horrible, and in some ways, have taken away some of what made the Friday the 13th series fun. Sometimes, nerds bitching on the Internet is funny-It's true ya know. It was going to happen anyway-They've already remade "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "The Haunting", "Halloween", and others, and more movies will be remade, so it was only matter of time really. The series needs a reboot-No, not the animated tv series. However, as I already said, the series has done all it can, and if a remake is the next step, then so be it. I need a new horror movie to see-Not the best reason but I have been watching a lot of older horror lately, and I need something different. The series was never really about originality-The series can be best described as "Horny teens get killed in gruesome but inventive ways." Hell, I already mentioned the various rip offs, so when you think about it, movies in general (particularly horror movies) aren't as original as we like to believe. Imagine the porno movie knock off-You just know they did a Friday the 13th porno knock off came out back in the day, so maybe we can get a remake of that knock off. The Asylum needs another "Mockbuster"-Ok, maybe not, but hey. Bitching on the Internet accomplishes nothing-It's true ya know. You can bitch and moan about this all you want, but it won't change things, so what's the point? Some are looking forward to it-Yes, some of us want to see what will happen. I wouldn't say that I'm looking forward to it, but I am curious. Who knows, maybe (I said maybe) it will be entertaining. Besides, it can't be worse than Parts 8 and 9. It's Friday the 13th-Nobody is expecting brilliant, Oscar Worthy filmmaking here. You are expecting Jason to kill people. Think about it.   There you go.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Horror Year End Review 2008

Best Horror Movie: Let the Right One In. Honerable Mention: Inside, The Lost, The Signal, Stuck, Splinter, Teeth, Eden Lake, The Strangers, Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police, Cloverfield, Dance of the Dead, Doomsday.   Worst Horror Movie: The Happening. Honerable Mention: Prom Night (remake-also, a PG-13 slasher flick? Really?), One Missed Call (remake), Shutter (remake), Rest Stop 2, Otto: Or up With Dead People, Cthulhu, Funny Games, Feast II, Untraceable.   Most Disappointing: Tie between Mother of Tears and Diary of the Dead. Honerable mention goes to The Ruins, Cthulhu, Blindness, Rogue, My Name Is Bruce.   Best Kill: Mom and son kick the bucket (Machine Girl) Honerable mention goes to Head exploding shotgun blast (Frontier(s)), Scissor Stabbing (Inside), accidentally shooting friend in the head (The Strangers), Amish Scythe Suicide (Diary of the Dead)   Most Cringe Worthy Scene: Scissors cock stab (Inside), Tendon removal (Frontier(s)), actually, most of Inside, "Just like Sharon Tate..." (The Lost), Deep fired hand (Machine Girl)   Goriest Movie: Tie between Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police.   Best Actor: Mark Senter (The Lost), A.J. Bown (Signal)   Best Actress: Lina Leandersson (Let The Right One In), Beatrice Dalle (Inside)   Best Cast: The Lost. Honerable Mention: Stuck.   Best Villain: Ray Pye (Mark Senter) in The Lost. Honerable mention goes to The Woman (Beatrice Dalle) in Inside, Lewis Denton (A.J. Bowen) in The Signal, The Strangers in The Strangers.   Best Independent Horror Movie: The Lost. Honerable Mention goes to The Signal, Stuck, Splinter, Teeth, Dance of the Dead.   Best Foreign Horror Movie: Let The Right One In. Honerable Mention goes to Eden Lake, Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police.   Best Hollywood Horror: The Strangers. Honerable Mention goes to Cloverfield and Doomsday.   Most Pleasant Suprise: Dance of the Dead Guilty Pleasure: Doomsday   Best Quote: "Because you were home." (The Strangers)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

The Madcap Laughs

This entry is dedicated to late Pink Floyd founder Syd Barrett, who died last week. RIP Syd, you will always be missed.   Syd Barrett 1946-2006 RIP   And now, onto other things   -I got Edward Lee's "The Bighead" last Saturday, and so far, it's great, and really disgusting. So far, it has consumption of shit, piss, rape, inbred rednecks, a profane priest, a nymphomaniac, cannibalism, hardcore sex, a disgusting bit with a colostomy bag, murder, a newborn baby having it's head bashed in, a pair of evil perverted nuns from hell, and more. And I'm not even half way done. I'll get to a review of it when I'm done, though at this point, it looks like a review of Joe Lansdales zombie western "Dead in the West" won't be for a long while.   -I got Thom Yorke's "The Eraser" Yesterday, and it's great. A lot of glitchy techno, with gutiar and bass only appearing (seperatly) on two tracks. Felonies said it reminded him of recent Radiohead b-sides, and I agree-and think that it's a good thing. I dig glitchy, weirds techno.   -There's problems right now between Isreal and Hizbollah. Well, what's new? I'm sorry, but there's always been problems in the Middle East. There have been problems in the Middle East for God knows how long. So, what do I think? Well, we can't settle it with war, because we can't get in another war. At the same time though, we can't solve this diplomatically, because as the past has proven, there is no real diplomatic solution right now, or possibly even in the future.   -"Little Man" is the number 2 movie in America right now, and proves once again that the majority of movie goers today are idiots.   -"The Venture Brothers" and "Tom Goes To The Mayor" continue to kick ass on Adult Swim. That is all.   That's all for now. Next time: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

2008 so far

We're about halfway done, so here's a look at the year so far.   -Heath Ledger died, and TSM was struck by the "Serial Pillist." Also, people are already raving about "The Dark Knight", even though it hasn't come out yet.   -Marvin got progressivley worse, reaching levels not reached since the reign of wildpegasus, and Deon got stupider. Both made it to the finals of the "worst TSM poster" tournament. I still hate them both. Amazingly, Marvin seems aware that he sucks and annoys people, while Deon is oblivious to it. Deon bumped a Jay-Z/Linkin Park thread, not realizing everyone with functioning braincells hates Linkin Park, and Marvin loves Glenn Beck, 3 Doors Down, and Staind.   -The Campaign 2008 Thread became horrible, with Marvin trolling the thread, Jerk arguing with everybody, CheesalaLovesRonPaul calling me a Republican (sorry cheesy, you are wrong), and Marney-my God Marney. She has to be a gimmick.There is no way a hardcore, insane conservative stereotype lesbian exists. No way. And that's not an insult to conservatives, as she's more insane than actually conservative. I dread her return. Still, she's better than Marvin at least, as she seems approchable outside of the CE folder.   -As far as music goes, Portishead have the best album of the year so far. Best Metal album so far is either Boris' Smile, Earth's The Bees Made Honey in the Lion's Skull (not really metal though) or Nachtmystium's Assassins: Black Meddle Part 1. Best hip hop album is probably The Re-Up Gang's mixtape We Got it for Cheap Vol. 3. I think that The Carter 3 doesn't live up to all the hype it's been getting. It's a listenable album with a few great tracks, but it's not as great as everyone says it is.   -As far as horror goes, the best horror movie overall seems to be "Inside", with "The Lost", "[REC]", and "The Signal" as runners up.   -We were all reminded that Juggalos are the lowest rung of the music fan ladder, thus making me feels bad for Carnival. Speaking of him, I wish he'd post more.   -EHME finally had that kid.   -Obama is the official nominee, which means more bitching from Czech.   -Czech, Kingof909, NYU, and Vitamin X became mods.   -cabbageboy may be one of the dumbest or at least most annoying people, in the WWE folder right now. Everybody hates him for a reason.   -In spite of winning the worst poster tournament, Marvin was never banned, though he's tuned it down some. He's still terrible. Deon had posts in the "Things that Anger You" thread that are CronoT posting levels.   -Corey Lazerus prefers Nerd Rap to Real Rap.   -VH! Presents: I Love The New Millenium. Or: VH1 needs to be cancelled.   -Finally, "Kobe, How Does My Ass Taste?" No, not Kobe Tai...
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Lenna's reign has ended.

May 29th, 2007: Leena's reign of terror ends.   I'm suprised this happened, to be honest. Sure, she's been banned before (and will probably return) but I'm suprised she lasted this long. She was a pain in the ass, and nobody but Matt Young liked her. She was a female version of MikeSC, only occasionaly funny, and also prone to start arguments. She also was incredibly insecure, with no known "friends" outside of myspace and this forum (some poeple actually liked her...God knows why.) She posted pictures of shit in WP threads, which was still less upsetting than WP. She pissed off Carlito Brigante, which was always funny.   And now she's gone.   I personally won't miss her. I stopped caring about her a long time ago. I did defend her once, but that was just to get to Oblivious Heel (who was that anyways?) So anything about her stopped interesting me.   So yeah, good riddence, or good bye, I guess.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

The Worst Horror Movie Sequals Ever Made

-I forgot to mention in my last entry that I read both "WrestleCrap" and "The Death Of WCW". Still great stuff.   -Anyways, I've changed my mind, and instead decided to list the worst horror movie sequals ever made instead of the worst movie sequals ever made. Here thay are, in no particualr order:   Hellraiser: Bloodline-To me, this is the worst of the seven sequals. Sure, III was the beginning of the downfall, 5 and 6 were dreadful, and 7 and 8 were watchable (I kinda liked 7), but the fourth entry in the series is the worst because IMO, it had so many possibilities (in spite of it's tacked on sci-fi gimmick) to be good. Pinhead gets in some great lines ("Do I look like someone who cares about what God thinks?") and it has some interesting cenobites, as well as a cool backstory. However, it all feels rushed and incomplete. Basically, it feels like a wasted opportunity.   Friday the 13th 8-The worst of the series, this one is really boring, and feels uninspired. Plus, Jason really doesn't do that much in Manhatten.   Zombi 4: After Death-While "Zombi 3" is bad, it's at least entertainingly bad. This one is the worst of the series, as it has no interesting gore, characters, or even interesting Zombies. It's all just really boring, and proof that America isn't the only place were shitty sequals are made. Fun fact: Don "The Dragon" Wilson has a small role in the movie, and from what I read in a book, one of the lead actors is also a gay pornstar.   Return of the Living Dead 4 and 5-These two movies are complete disasters in the world of zombie cinema, and a slap to the face of any ROTLD fan.   Child's Play III-No interesting kills, an underused Chucky, and a horrible ending make this one a complete disaster. At least we got "Bride of Chucky" after this one.   Pet Cemetary II-Dull, nonsensical, and really just pointless, this is one of the worst sequals to a Stephan King Adaptation I can think of.   The Ring 2-To think, Iactually like the remake more than the Japanese original. Here, Samara becomes a cheap Freddy Krueger knock off, and loses everything that made her scary. Way to go Hollywood.   Return Of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre-The only thing good in this movie is Matthew McConaughey as a psychopathic redneck named Vilmer. The rest of this (including Leatherface as a cowardly transvestite) is an insult.   That's all for now. Next time: severely underappreciated Horror movies, part one
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

8
How To Vibrate
 

A trip to Wal-Mart

Note: if you are expecting a "Walmart is the scorn of America because it's an evil corperation and it ruins smaller ones" rant, then this is not the entry for you. Otherwise, enjoy   I went to Walmart last Tuesday. Normally, I only go there to get food, but other than that, I usually don't go there. Not because they"are trying to destroy the world" as some would want you to believe, but because other than the low prices, they just don't interest me. Oh, and because of the customers and workers.   Anywho, I decided that I need a new pair of headphones, so I asked where they are located. The girl I asked in the electronics looked at me for about fifteen seconds like I was an idiot. Now maybe I should have known where they were, but that's beyond the point. As I already said, I normally don't go to Walmart, so how the hell should I know where the headphones are in the electronics section? She eventually helped me, but still looked at me like I was retarded.   The people at the cash register aren't any better. They were either a.) old people who should be retired already or b.) lazy teenagers who have no clue how their jo works. I ended up getting the teen. It was some fat chick, who always seemed pissed off and was also rude, though not as bad as the girl that I mentioned earlier. Oh, and she was also fat. What is it about Walmart that seems to attract fat people?   Oh, and there is a reason that this place is called "white trash capital of the world": because it is dangerously filled with white trash. You know, unwashed, tattooed guys with horrendous mullets, and mothers who hit their children in public. Oh, and ladies, leave that shit at home. Hell, leave your kids at home. I don't need to hear you yelling at them and smacking them around in public. That's just disturbing.   So, what did I learn from all of this? I learned that next time I need headphones, I'll go to Radio Shack.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

A list of Creepy TV shows

In the history of television, there have always been shows that creeped me out for some reason or another. Here's a list of those shows.   -Wondershowzen: Granted, I like this show, but when people call it ther anti-Sesame Street, it's true. It's funny, but good God it's disturbing. The "Beat Kids" segments, while amusing, are just flat out creepy. How the hell do they get these kids to say this stuff anyways?   -MadTV: Not only the worst comedy show on TV. The skits were Michael "Being the Voice of Ghandi on Clone-High is the only good thing that happened in my career and oh God please, kill me before I open my fucking mouth" McDonald plays a man-child are not only lame, but also creepy. And I mean "Prisoners masturbate to this" creepy.   -Lazytown: If you've ever flipped through channels in the afternoon. then there's a good chance that you've seen this nightmare from Nick jr. Featuring unhealthy attention to men's packages and asses, and creepy puppets, this show is as disturbing as children's entertainment hets. The kicker though, is Stephanie, a girl (who's 15) with a pink wig and a disturbingly short skirt, who's become a pin-up fantasy for pedophiles world wide.   -Totally Spies: I've seen this on Cartoon Network, and I refuse to believe that it's a show for little girls. That's because each and every episode seems to have moments that focus on what get's the lonley animators off. Oh, and there's constant attention paid to female ass. While I have no problem looking at chicks asses, the fact that this is a cartoon, and for kids, puts a bad taste in my mouth. See also: Code Lyoko.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

9
How To Vibrate
 

In defense of Vitamin X

Why? Well, look at this glorious thread.   Long story short: Vitamin X banned Marney. He did this after simply warning her (not a big deal really), and she flipped, acting like a spoiled bitch. She insulted him constantly (as well as AnnieEclectic for being a Transexual), and pretty much dared him to ban her.   So he did.   Afterwards, people bitched at him, telling him that Marney didn't deserve to be banned. These people included Rant and bob barron (who tends to bitch a lot.)   Quit fooling yourselves. She deserved to be banned. I have no problem with different opinions, but she basically acted belligerent, insulting those who disagreed with her, and blatantly spewing hateful, racist, homophobic (amusing, considering she's a lesbian) bullshit. She refused to follow the rules, and had to act like an internet tough guy, puffing her chest, thinking "nobody can ban me!" Hell, she pretty much asked to be banned, and her wish got granted.   Why did she do this? Here's my theory: just like MikeSC and others at The Pit, she feels wronged for no reason. So, in her feeble mind, she's proven a point. What point she proved is beyond me, and it only exists in her twisted psyche. In reality, all she proved is that she's a cunt, and her being banned had nothing to do with her being a conservative, a woman, or a lesbian-it all has to do with her behavior.   Seriously, why can't people like her, Leena, and MikeSC realize this? The board is not out to get them. Hell, from what I've seen, The Pit seems to obsess over us more than we do them. Most of us don't give a shit about that place. When you refuse to follow the rules, troll, insult those you don't agree with, and start pointless arguments, you will be banned. Why is it that some can't realize this? Are they fucking stupid?   In short, Vitamin X did the right thing. Marney should have been banned from the get go, and stop kidding yourself if you think otherwise.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

This is why we can't have nice things II

Here at TSM, we don't always get always get along-actually, we usually don't. So here's to my annual "posters who suck" list.

-Deon-He was finally banned, and for good reason. One of the worst posters of all time, he sucks in every way imaginable. His banning was a long time coming, and is something of a blessing really.

-Marvinisalunatic-GLENN BECK! SARAH PALIN! HD TV! 3 DOORS DOWN! He's hated by virtually everyone, yet will never be banned.

-Leena-Was banned (asked to be), and can't quit bitching. Bitch please, you must have a mental disease, assume the position and get back down on your knees.

-SuperJerk-An argumentative, self loathing, unfunny, misogynistic shell of a man who made me embarressed to like Obama. There's being a supporter, and personally going out to consume shit, and Jerk crossed that line many a time. What's there to love? Oh yeah, that's right-nothing.

-Marney-A racist, insane, xenophobic, ultra conservative lesbian with a penchant for making up stories.

-cabbageboy and DarKnight-Mouthbreathing cousins who are terrible in so many ways, and just more proof of how much the WWE folder sucks usually. See also: Enigma, Canadian Dragon, Marvin, Chazz, J-Pop, Grungy Punk, and others.

-Grungy Punk-Speak of the devil, here's a treasure trove. Incredibly annoying and stupid, prone to making dumb comments-I could go on.

-bob barron-To be fair, bob doesn't suck really. Sure, he complains, but he's the Ombudsman, or whatever. Thing is, he's gotten even whinier and bitchier over the last few weeks, and it's getting intolerable.

-Bruiser Brody-I know, it's a PBP. He's not doing anything he hasn't done already. He's gone from amusing to really annoying and contrived though. And shut the fuck up about your Uncle. Oh, and he really, really isn't funny. He's terrible. Should he be banned? No, but he still sucks. Look at Milky: He's a deviant, but you can actually have a regular conversation with him. Brody can't even do that, he just drives the gimmick to the ground.

-Canadia Dragon-CM PUNK IS BEING BURIED!!! Shut the fuck up. Punk is lucky he's gotten this far. A lot of guys in the business wish they were going that far.

-Chazz-Oh, go ahead and respond Chazz. What are you going to do? Are you going to come up with terrible comebacks and insults? Call Obama "Osama" (oh, so edgy!)? Call me bitch? PM an insult to me? Bitch about the WWE?

-Jingus-From bitching about misogyny constantly (when he does this, I think of Rob Schneider as The Sensative Naked Man talking), dissing my man Dario Argento (though to be fair, "Mother of Tears was a serious letdown), calling the splatter comedy "Machine Girl" torture porn (Hint: it's a movie with a chick with a machine gun for an arm. You aren't supposed to take this seriously you know) and having something of a victim complex, I only had to save him for last. It makes sense really. He even PM'd me asking me what my problem was, but I deleted it. Here's my problem Jingus: you suck and nobody likes you. Quite being a whiney bitch and
-gary floyd-I hate that faggot.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

When I was in 12th Grade...

...I thought Bill Hicks was the funniest man who ever lived.   I listen to him now, and I don't think "Bill Hicks sure is funny!" I instead think "Wow, that stoner sure sounds angry." In short, the magic has kinda disappeared.   Also, there seems to be a strange phenomenon with douchebags quoting Bill Hicks.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

TSM 2007 Year in Review

Best Poster: Czech. He cracks me up, and while we may not always see eye to eye, is the best we have here. Plus he gives me albums sometimes. Honerable mention goes to Slayer, Coat is my Father, and Venkman.   Worst Poster: Douchebag aka Deon. A dumb motherfucker who is worthless in every way imaginable-and in some ways unimaginable. Honerable mention goes to Carlito Brigante, razazteca, Marvinisalunatic, VanHalen, C-Bacon, Jingus (at least in the CE folder), Matt Young, and Cheesalaisgood.   Best Thread: Carlito's gonna be a daddy. A goldmine of comedy-or at least comic potential. Honerable mention goes to Pitctures I like, best album of 2007, and Campaign 2008 begins.   Worst Thread: Deon ruins two lives, which deserves no further explaination. Honerable metion goes to the Chris Benoit Thread, any thread started by C-Bacon, Cheesalaisgood posting a conspiratorial "documentary", the "Boycott TNA" thread, Matt Young's cock (Matt can be a creepy bastard), and the thread where I acted like a bitch when Inc insulted me.   Best Bud: Lushus. You the man!   Best Sig: Czech.   Welcome back: Milky returned, giving us more um, interesting looks at his life and looks at the world.   Farewell: Kotz left, and I miss the guy. Leena left, and I don't miss her-and I still don't care about her. Masked Man of Mystery seems to be gone as well. I miss Special K.   Best New Feature: TSM chat. I enjoy chatting it up every Monday with Invader3K, Lushus, Hawk, and Downhome.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

"American Dad" is funnier than "Family Guy"

When I was watching "American Dad" last inght, I remembered something: this is a show that is better than "Family Guy" in so many ways.   First, let's get this out of the way: I used to really like "Family Guy." I really did. Then it got renewed. I still liked it, but couldn't deny it was lacking. Then I saw the Superbowl episode, and I started to realize maybe it wasn't that good. Then I saw older episodes on Adult Swim, and came to the conclusion that it had always been hit and miss in the past, and now sucked. Now it just get's worse. I tried to watch it last night, and let's just say "South Park" was right.   However, Seth Macfarlene has another show that airs after "Family Guy." It's called "American Dad." At first, I didn't like it. Then I started to warm up to it. Now I've realized that it's not only better than "Family Guy", but is everything that "Family Guy" should be. It's funnier, uses pop culture references in away that's not annoying (no annoying cut away gags or too many jokes that overstay their welcome-plus come on, a tribute to "The Warriors" and using Joy Division's song "Love Will Tear Us Apart"? That's gold), is more plot driven (and interesting), has less annoying characters, has social and political satire that doesn't annoy me-it's just the better of the two.   Basically, while "Family Guy" get's more annoying and lazy, "American Dad" gets better. Last night may have been my favorite episode yet too. Shame "Family Guy" is more popular, but at least I get a funnier show out of "American Dad." Just saying...    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Damn

Well, it turns out old Benoit is a murder. Well, so much for that eulogy, which will now be deleted.   Chris, I'll always love you're in ring work, but seriously, fuck you man.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

5 Things that are "cool" to hate on the Internet (abd why that hate is dumb)

Al Gore gave us the internet in I don't really remember. If he knew that it would give us pathetic "reality" porn sites, an outlet for furries, message board "wars", wanna be tough guys, hacker speech, and Rule # 34, he probably would kill himself. If there is anything the net has become know for in my experience, it's this: a place for fat, unwashed, virginal nerds to complain about things that really aren't worth complaining about. Here's the 5 things it's "cool" to hate on the net, and why in the end, it's dumb to hate them.   5.) Musicians that take chances   Why: Most people hate change, especially in music. Hell, I do too sometimes (DJ Shadow's The Outsider, Cabaret Voltaire's foray into House music), but sometimes, it's retarded. Look at how a few (fortunately, just a few) are already reacting to Portishead's new album, to how some Black Metal fags have responded to band's like Amesoeurs, Alcest, and Velvet Cocoon trying something different within the genre.   Why it's stupid : Look, it's not your choice how the artist sounds, it's the artists. Besides, even if it's a disaster, you have to at least give them credit for doing something different.   Will it last: This has been going on long before the internet, so yes, it will last forever.   4.) South Park   Why: Over the years, more and more people have been getting BUTT hurt over South Park making fun of their political views. When they did the "ManBearPig" episode, Liberals complained about it "preaching a conservative agenda." (I just thought it wasn't a funny episode.) Besides, these are very political times, and if you don't agree with somebody's political views, then you are either a thin skinned liberal or a nazi sympathizing neocon.   Why it's stupid: Whining about political views on the net, much like in real life, accomplishes nothing. You may feel passionately about them, but at the end of the day 1.) The world won't change tomorrow because of them and 2.) In the large scheme of things, they don't count. They are just opinions people. Besides, if everyone everywhere agreed on everything, life would be boring.   Will it last: I honestly think that the only way this will end is when Bush leaves office and if McCain doesn't win the 2008 election. It will be then that people quit calling the show propaganda.   3.) Libertarians   Why: When Ron Paul started running in 2007, he became a hero to some who felt that Bush had been a disaster, the Iraq War was a fuck up, and that we needed somebody who was different. Sadly, it ended up attracting anti-semitic and conspiracy theory spewing retards claiming to be Libertarians while having no idea what Libertarianism actually is.   Why it's stupid: A part of this isn't really that dumb. I wouldn't blame people (especially those who actually are Libertarians) for hating this phenomenon. However, it also boils down to the "you don't agree with my political views, so you suck" problem, in which angry conservatives and liberals insult these guys for daring to disagree.   Will it last: It should end by the year's end, then return in the next election.   2.) Juno   Why: "Juno" was the little indie comedy of 2007 that got ton's of acclaim and hype, even getting Oscar nominations (and winning best original screenplay-I don't think it deserved that...). By the time February rolled around though, people everywhere on the internet were bitching about the movie, calling it "The Death of the American Independent Movie" (as pbone called it)   Why it's stupid: While I liked the movie, I can understand people hating it. It didn't deserve all those nominations, and some of the dialog annoyed me. That out of the way, a part of the hatred seemed to come from some feeling like it was "test marketed for hipsters", which largely doesn't make sense to me. The other problem for them is that it's a popular indie comedy, and if history shows, popular indie movies ("Napoleon Dynamite", "Cabin Fever", "The Blair Witch Project") are automatically cool to hate in some people's minds. Look, just because a movie get's a ton of hype doesn't mean it's a bad movie. Sure, it might not live up to all your expectations, but it isn't worth all that venom.   Will it last: Give it another year or two. The next indie comedy hit will come out, and then people will go on to bitch about that.   1.) Hip Hop   Why: Internet nerds feel threatened by what they don't understand-be it liberals, conservatives, Indie Music, or Extreme Metal. No musical genre online though, gets the hatred Hip Hop does. Basically, it offends some people's overly white view of the world, so they lash out at it because they don't understand it. That out of the way, the homophobia and misogyny of several rapper's doesn't help matters, nor do guys like Lil' Jon and Yung Joc.   Why it's stupid: I can understand people not liking guys like Soulja Boy and Lil' Mama, or the crassness some artists use. But to dismay the entire genre is stupid. People used to do the same thing about Frank Zappa and Led Zeppelin, and still say the same about Heavy Metal. Plus, there's the whole not understanding it-to lash out at the genre because you don't understand it is as stupid as it gets. If anything, it's close minded and willfully ignorant.   Will it last: These complaints have been going on since the 80's, so it will never end. As long as Hip Hop exists, there will sadly still be fat guys with mullets and Boston T-Shirts or Greasy guys with long hair and Pantera T-Shirts complaining about Hip Hop. It's a cycle that will sadly never end.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Songs about Fucking

-Charlton Heston died. When I was a kid, he was one of my favorite actors. "A Touch of Evil" is one of my all time favorite movies, and has a hell of a soundtrack. I could go on and on, but I won't. RIP Chuck.

-Taigastar got sent to the Gulag, then was let out. While I don't like her, she didn't deserve to be there. Deon, on the other hand...

-Scott Keith is supposed to be doing a Q & A here. I remember reading his old reviews, especially his review of "Royal Rumble 94." His review of Undertaker vs. Yokozuna is hilarious (complete with Depeche Mode reference!), and pretty dead on. Also, I remember Sean Shannon was pretty universally loathed, and seems to have diappeared off the face of the Earth. What happened to the doofus?

-Finally, I won't be doing music related entries here anymore. They'll instead go on my Last.FM blog.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

People I have on ignore-and why.

I have posters on ignore, and for obvious reasons. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Here's who and why:   Deon-Every post he makes is horrible. He annoys me in every way. In a way, he is the worst poster on TSM who has never been banned. C-Bacon-"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff"-Frank Zappa. Think about that Bacon. cabbageboy-I've known of his badness for a while, and just recently put him on ignore. He's a pretty bad poster, especially in the movie and WWE folders-which are known for having bad posters. razazteca-He seems to have disappeared. Maybe I should put him off ignore. VanHalen-Also M.I.A. Should have been named VanCherone. Banky-Hard to enjoy the music folder without him on ignore. The Truthiness-Put him on ignore last night. I am fully convinced he is a gimmick. Here's people I should have on ignore, and probably will someday.  CheesalaisGood-I am absolutely certain this man is a truther. Narcoleptic Jumper-He is a truther. Enigma-Would make going to the WWE folder more enjoyable. EHME-Do I really need to explain? Marvinisalunatic-Ditto, though he's a little less annoying lately.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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WWE Folder

-The WWE folder sucks right now. There's no way around it, and something needs to be done. There are too many people who treat wrestling too seriously, and the folder needs less of them and more people who have watched for a while and have knowledge, but don't make it their life. We need more posters like Venkman, Lushus, alkeiper, Chriswok, Scroby and their ilk and less Mecca, Enigma, Carlito Brigante and their ilk. The latter are why I tend to avoid the folder now. Whenever I watch Raw these days, I avoid the folder and go on the chat.   Look, I still watch the WWE, but there are valid reasons why cheech made a "Reasons why the WWE folder sucks" thread.   Also, I like Czech, and it's fine he doesn't like to watch wrestling, but there is no way in hell the wrestling folders will become secondary. This place started as a part of a wrestling website, and while this message board isn't really a wrestling message board anymore, the wrestling folders, no matter what you think, are still a vital part of this board. It's just that things need to change in one of the folders.  
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Das Komabrutale Duell (Day 9)

09.) Das Komabrutale Duell (1999)

Plot: A dude is killed, another guy wants revenge, and people kill each other, then return...over and over again. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Review: I don't even know why I bother. As I mentioned in my review of Zombie Bloodbath, the 90's gave us a series of horrible shot on camcorder zombie movies. This wasn't just an American phenomenon, as this was also hugely popular in Germany, which has somehow become a haven for terrible microbudget splatterfests. This is no exception, and actually manages to be worse than Zombie Bloodbath. At least Zombie Bloodbath had something resembling a plot.

The whole thing literally feels like it was made by a bunch of teenagers with a severe case of Attention Deficit Disorder and a camcorder. There is literally no plot to speak of, and it's the cinematic equivalent of watching somebody play a dreadful "Mortal Kombat" rip off, only somehow worse.

Look, just because you and your friends own a camcorder and love horror does not mean you should be making horror movies yourselves. Oh, and Unearthed films: this did not need to be released on DVD stateside, ok?

Rating: -/10 Instead of explaining it, I'll let this video do the talking for me


Next Time: Frozen Scream
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
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Food Network Funky Shit

Well, what did i do other than read, waste time on the internet, and see "Casino Royale" over the weekend? I watched something I never really do watch: The Food Network. As I was watching it, here's the personalities that stuck out the most.   Emeril: I swear, this man is on drugs, because I haven't seen an adult man this excited on television in a long time. The sheer hyperactivity is alarming, because you are waiting for him to have a heart attack down the road. Really, I'm suprised to see that the man is still alive.   Rachael Ray: She's not that ugly. Sure, she sounds like a guy, but she has a decent body. She's pretty damn annoying though, and from what I hear, she has a daytime talkshow now. It's amazing to see a woman so oppsessed with making quick meals.   Alton Brown: AKA Mr. Know it all. This guy really seems to think that he is God's gift to food related television programs. The "humor" applied to his "Good Eats" show is piss poor at best. Also, he looks like a child molester. Come on, look at the motherfucker, he practically screams "Hey kid, I've got candy in my car. Wanna hop in?"   Paula Dean: I have officially found a new induction into my "creepy television" list. This woman honestly scares the shit out of me with her cheerful demenor, love of all things fat and buttery, ungrateful brats, creepy smile, and well, the list goes on. There is no way this lady will ever have a heart attack, since her entire bloodstream is obviously made up of mayo, butter, fat, and high levels of sodium and cholesterol. She's always smiling, which leads me to think she's got some serious psychological issues. Come on, no one smiles that damn much. She's almost always cheerful, causing me to wonder if she's got corpses of sexually abused children in her home like Gacy did. Oh, then there's her two adult sons. Holy shit, is there a bigger pair of fucking ungrateful brats on television today? I think not. Honestly, if I were Paula Dean, I would have killed myself years ago.   So those are the 4 people on The Food Network that scare me the most.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

7
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The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue (Day 7)

07.) The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue (1974)

Plot: Two hippies (ugh) are suspected of being behind a series of murders. Thing is, it's actually the living dead-brought back by chemical pesticides-who are responsible.

Review: After Night of the Living Dead, other filmmakers tried their hand at combining the living dead with social commentary. The first gory zombie movie from Italy to do so, "The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue" predates the likes of "Dawn of the Dead", as well as later Italian gore flicks.

While the hippie angle may turn some viewers off, the movie in itself is largely a success, mostly because it doesn't become too preachy with it's message, and remembers that it's a horror movie first and foremost. In case you were wondering, the movie have it's fare share of atmospheric and gory moments, including some creepy as hell walking dead, a wonderful sequence in the cemetery, a woman's breast being torn straight off, and more. Adding to it all is some strong acting, a nice score, and top notch directing.

"The Living Dead At Manchester Morgue" is considered one of the best European horror movies of all time, and for a good reason. Just be sure to get the new 2-disc DVD, as it's the definitive version.

Rating: 9/10 A classic zombie movie, and a must for those interested in seeing more of the sub-genre.


Next Time We Look At: One Dark Night
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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