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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

The Dead Pit (Day 5)

05.) The Dead Pit (1989)

Plot: Years ago, Dr. Gerald Swan (Jeremy Slate) discovered Dr. "Bad reference to a great director" Ramzi (Danny Gochnauer) performing horrible experiments on patients. Years later, a woman known only as Jane Doe (Cheryl Lawson, looking great in a nipple hugging baby-tee and panties) comes to the mental facility. However, Dr. Ramzi has returned from the dead-as has a horde of zombies.

Review: Released to video in 1989 (complete with an awesome VHS cover with light up eyes), "The Dead Pit" was one of the last notable independent zombie movies for a while (well, until people decided to stop using camcorders to make zombie movies, but hey), and was the first movie from Brett Leonard. It has since garnered something of a cult following, with some claiming that it's a lost classic, while others calling it one of the worst zombie movie ever made. To tell the truth, it's neither.

For one thing, the acting (with the exception of Slate and Gochnauer) ranges from over the top, to just forgettable. As hot as Lawson may be, she can't act to save her life, though she at least seems to be trying. While the movie is largely played straight, it's attempts at humor are poor at best, with Ramzi spouting dreadful one-liners that making him look like a D-Grade Freddy. Also, it takes an hour for the dead to get to business.

When the dead do rise however, the movie picks up considerably. While not the goriest zombie movie, we get some choice bits: brains are torn out and eaten with relish, brains receive acupuncture, a heart is torn out, a scalpel is shoved up a nurse's nose, and zombies melt into puddles of goo. Also, the dead can only be killed with Holy Water in this movie, which makes for an original twist. The score by Dan Wyman is a little dated, but fits the mood perfectly, and contains some genuinely unnerving moments.

"The Dead Pit" is worth a rental at least, though hardcore devotees to horror have seen better. If anything, it's a nice time waster, though for a movie that loves to show brains, it doesn't have much brains on it's own.

Brett Leonard would go on to direct The Lawnmower Man, Hideaway, Virtuosity, Man-Thing, and the underrated Feed. His latest is the new Highlander movie.

Rating: 6/10 It's like a bag of Twizzlers-not bad, but you won't remember it.

Tomorrow's Movie: Vengence of the Zombies
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

White Zombie (Day 31) and thoughts on this experiment

You know, I've been wanting to do "31 Days of the Dead" for a long time. Since December in fact. I've gone over all kinds of zombie flicks. From flesh eaters from Italy ("Burial Ground", "Hell of the Living Dead"), shot on camcorder shitfests ("Zombie Bloodbath"), Spanish Zombies ("Night of the Sorcerers", "Horror Rises From the Tomb"), obscure low budget oddities ("The Child", "Sugar Hill"), lost gems ("Sole Survivor"), Japanese zombies ("Junk"), bad Direct to DVD movies ("Dead Hate The Living", "Dead Heist"), pornographic zombie movies ("Erotic Nights of the Living Dead"), undead towns people ("Dead & Buried", "Messiah of Evil"), Certified classics ("The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue" "Carnival of Souls"), Hollywood Blockbusters ("Resident Evil: Extinction"), camp classics ("Night of the Comet", "Night of the Creeps"), lost gems ("Let's Scare Jessica To Death") and even frozen, remote controlled zombies with bad mustaches ("Frozen Scream"). So, what's the perfect way to end this month of zombie movies? Well, let's look at the first zombie movie ever made. That's right, the month ends with:     31.) White Zombie (1932)   Plot: A young man turns to a witch doctor to get a woman away from her fiance. Instead, she becomes one of the living dead.   Review: There are many other zombie movies I could have gone with-"Fiend", "The Video Dead", "The Day it Came To Earth", and "Blood Diner" to name a few-but I think it's best to go with the first zombie movie ever made-and a nice little B & W horror flick to boot.   Apart from being the first zombie movie, the movie is also worth seeing for Bela Lugosi's great performance as "Murder Legendre", the witch doctor. Along with "The Black Cat" and "Dracula", this is one of Lugosi's best performances. The dead are also quite creepy-not shambling rotting corpses (this is the 30's for Christ Sake), but they are zombie none the less-though the hair on one of them is rather goofy, like something out of a 3 Stooges movie.   Granted, there are better Black and White Zombie movies ("Night of the Living Dead" and "I Walked With a Zombie"), but this is still a ice, atmospheric entry into the genre-and not hard to find, as it's in the public domain.   Raring: 8/10 Creepy Black and White horror with notable significance.   With that, "31 Days of the Dead" comes to a close. Will there be a part 2 next year? Maybe. Right now I'm not sure, as this has spent my energy and this has made the possibility of my other plan for August-"Month of the Maligned" null and void. Until then, I'm all zombied out. Still, I hope everyone who read this enjoyed it, and will give some of these a look.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Thoughts on "Mirrors" and "Clone Wars"

Clone Wars is bad, but not "I wanna kill myself bad" that some are making it out to be, though I didn't go in with high expectations-it's at least better than Phantom Menace. I actually wasn't annoyed by Ahoska, though The baby Hutt and the gay Hutt I call "Capote the Hutt" are a different story all together. Just remember that this is a minor movie made for kids-nothing more nothing less-and if you don't go into it with high expectations, then you'll be alright.   Mirrors is a wasted movie. There's 3 kills total (not bad ones either-the "jaw ripping" scene is worthy of Fulci), and it all feels like a Fulci movie-that is, one he did in his decline. It's also too long (nearly 2 hours) and poorly acted (especially Kiefer Sutherland). That out of the way, it's a rare example if a remake that's better than the original (the original is really boring), and isn't too bad-just boring.   Both get 4/10.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Another Day, Another Entry

-Bought the new Ghostface Killah album today. So far, I'm really loving it. Plus, it has J.Dilla (RIP), Pete Rock, Just Blaze, and MF Doom on production, and the entire Wu Tang Clan on the track 9 Milli Bros. I also got Thunder, Lightning, Strike by The Go! Team.   -It seems like tomorrows episode of "South Park" takes a shot on "Family Guy". To be honest, I haven't watched FG in a while. Maybe it's just me, but refrencing 80's pulp culture constantly gets kind of old. Granted, it's not a bad show, I'm just tired of the show, since it's basically a less obnoxious "I Love The 80's"   -Mickie James is the new Women's Champ, and continues to bring on the awesome. Really, how could anyone hate her dressing up just like Trish on Raw last night? Also, great to see Carlito turn face. The guy's really improved lately. On the downside, do we really need Jamal back as the Samoan version of Kamala, only not any fun? Plus, the Shawn vs. Vince feud is still going on. I swear, Vince really hates the fans. What other explanation could there be for this bullshit?   -Finally, I saw the stupidest t-shirt yesterday: it basically said "Keep Arnold From Becoming President in '08". I wanted to tell the guy wearing it that he was an idiot, but I didn't, because I remembered that you can't reason with hippies.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

I'm tired of Zombie Movies

-To EvanderHollyfieldsMissingEar: I never said that you have never encountered racism. I just think that you are seriously overreacting to Rant saying "nigga"   -I am officially tired of zombie movies. Sure, there's been some great ones (Land of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead, Versus, Wild Zero), and some good ones (Junk, Stacy, Dead Meat, Choking Hazard, Plaga Zombie: Zona Mutante, Undead), but as of late, I have been bobarded with an insane amount of shitty zombiie movies. After seeing the likes of "Dead Life", "Zombie Night", "The Wickeds", "Dead Men Walking", "Zombiez", "Hood of the Living Dead", "Storm of the Dead", "After Sundown", and etc. I have officially grown tired of zombie movies. I mean come on, anybody can do a zombie movie, it's just that not everybody can do a zombie movie right.   It takes more than knocking off Lucio Fulci or George Romero to make a good zombie movie. It takes more than a whole lot of gore effects and zombie make up to make a good zombie movie. You need interesting elements, halfway decent acting, and more than a handheld camera to make a good zombie movie. Good zombie movies are not some bullshit that has been shot on video that rips the story off of either "Night of the Living Dead", "Return of the Living Dead", "Evil Dead", or "Zombi 2". And for God's sake, quit stealing scenes from those movies. It's not "paying tribute", it's being low on ideas.   Then again, this has been a problem since the 80's. "Dawn of the Dead" came out, and then "Zombi 2" came out. Then we got a spring of zombie movies. Some great (Re-Animator, Day of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead, Dead and Buried, Night of the Creeps) some good (Night of the Comet, Death Warmed Up, One Dark Night, Dead Pit), and some really bad ones (Neon Maniacs, Zombie Brigade, Night of the Zombies, Chillers). Then came the sov zombie movies, in which teenagers and college kids with no clue on how to make a good movie, made zombie movies. This trend unfortunately continues today.   The point is this: Enough with the zombie movies. Unless you actually have some talent, then movies like "Severed" and their ilk will continue to be made. Untill then, I am sick of zombies, and will continue to be until some good ones are made.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Can't stop talking about Vince and music

-Well, Raw ended on a disappointing note, though it's good to see Steph only had a few minutes on the mic. Already, some people are complaining about the Vince angle, saying "Oh, it's direspectful to Sherri" or "it's taking up too much time and we don't see as much in ring action as we want." Well, 1.) Get off your fucking high horses. The WWE had no idea Sherri was going to die. Nobody knew Sherri was going to die. End of story. They can't just quit right now, because it would make no sense storyline wise. Besides, you are watching WWE, you don't expect morality or good taste from something Vince McMahon is responsible for. 2.) I can understand people not liking that the storyline is taking up too much airtime. If you don't like that, go watch TNA. They are known more for in ring action. Until then, I will continue to enjoy the stupidity and awesomeness of the "Vince is dead" storyline, as well as the return of Snitsky next week.   Come on folks, it's predetermined. You know it, I know it, anybody with brain matter knows it. So don't take it so seriously. Either enjoy it or don't watch it. It's that easy. I don't watch wrestling to complain about it on the internet. I watch it to be entertained by good matches and goofy storylines.   -In music, I've been listening to a lot of what is referred to as No Wave, as well as a lot of old Punk-Funk and Mutant Disco music. Seriously, this is some geat stuff.   -Also, I've been listening to a lot of Blac Sabbath, or at least three albums: Black Sabbath, Master of Reality, and Vol. 4. I'd say Vol. 4 is their best: The riffs are great, the lyrics are top notch, and it just flat out rocks.   -I was listening to the song "Fuck Wit Dre Day" last night, and I noticed something: Dr. Dre and co. seem to like to talk about gay sex. Examples:     Homophobia and dissing opponents, or something else? Either way, I love the album The Chronic, but this is a pretty gay song when you think about it. Not even Elton John wrote anything that gay.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Vengeance Of The Zombies (Day 6)

06.) Vengeance Of The Zombies (1973)

Plot: An Indian Mystic (played by Paul Naschy) uses black magic to bring hot topless chicks back from the dead to get payback on those who wronged him. Naschy also plays the mystic's brother, and Satan himself.

Review: Paul Naschy is the king of Spanish horror-not because of quality, but because he is a Lon Chaney jr./Boris Karloff like figure in how he was known for playing everything from Werewolves, Vampires, Demons-you name it.

The first of four Spanish tales of the undead to be reviewed this month, "Vengeance Of The Zombies" is a rather confusing-though quite campy affair. The movie throws in everything but the kitchen sink-the occult, Satan, topless babes, zombies, psychedelic imagery, and a wholly inappropriate Jazzy Lounge score more suited for Bachelor than a horror movie.

The movie, as you can guess, is hard to take seriously. However, as I also already mentioned, it's also rather confusing, as the kitchen sink approach ends up making you scratch your head at times, causing you to lose interest. Also, while the movie has plenty of camp appeal, it is hurt some by the occasional over reliance of exposition. A little exposition goes a long way, but too much is just annoying.

In the end, "Vengeance Of The Zombies" offers some sleazy delights, but ends up feeling like too much of a good thing, and ends up wearing out it's welcome. A better place to begin as far as Spanish Zombie movies are concerned would be Tombs Of The Blind Dead.

Rating: 5/10 I may be a big fan of exploitation and sleaze, but even though it had plenty of the right elements, "Vengeance Of The Zombies" left me feeling unfulfilled.

Next Time: The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Thought's on Cryptopsy's new album "The King Beneath"

What? Seriously, what the fuck? To say this sucks is an understatement. This is an abortion. In the pantheon of bad Metal albums, it's up there with Metallica's St. Anger, Slayer's Diablos in Musica, Pantera's pre Cowboys From Hell material, and Celtic Frosts Cold Lake. Seriously, fuck this shit. Worst album of the year.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Amazing Update

Good week so far. Classes are doing allright, and on Smackdown, Angle is the champ. Even though I (and everyone else) knew it was going to happen, I still marked out.   Also, the "Masters of Horror" episode tonight, called "Sick Girl", was pretty good. It's basically a lesbian love story with insects involved, and it's really creepy. Angela ("May", "Toolbox Murders" remake) Bettis was good, as was Erin Brown (who you late night Cinemax watchers may know of as EI starlette Misty Mundae). Also, after second viewing, I'd have to say that the episode "Fair Haired Child" is still pretty good, and that I've changed my mind on the title creature: It's actually pretty creepy. Anyways, next weeks episode is called "Pick Me Up", and is directed by Larry (director "It's Alive", "God Told Me To", &"Q The Winged Serpant", as well as one of the writers of the "Maniac Cop" films) Cohen. It deals with a girl trapped in a game of cat and mouse with two killers. One who kills hitchhikers, the other is a hitchhiker who kills people who pick him up.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Hills Have Eyes Remake, and other stuff

First of All, I saw the remake of "The Hills Have Eyes" last night. For the most part I enjoyed it, but I still like the original more. Also, as his second film, I'd have to say that Alexandre Aja's first film "High Tension" is better. Still, it's pretty good, and much better than most remakes.   Second of all, I would have to say this: Tina Fey is not funny.   Finally, to everyone who voted for me in round one of the TSM poster's tournoment, I say thank you. I don't expect to win round two, but I'm happy that I made as far as round two.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Zombie Holocaust (Day 11)

11.) Zombie Holocaust (1980)

Plot: Dr. Obrero * (Dan O' Brien) is experimenting on corpses on a remote Island. Well, an expedition team (which includes Zombi 2's Ian McCulloch) ends up on the island-and runs into the Docotor, who has some plans-as well as cannibals and zombies-in store for them.

Review: Titled "Dr Butcher M.D." when it came to video in the 80's, "Zombie Holocaust" is an interesting-and fun-blend of two different kinds of Italian Gore flicks: The Italian Zombie movie, and the Italian Cannibal movie-only without any of the animal torture and mutilation of the later.

The movie has some nice gore (surgical and otherwise-including an awesome motorboat engine to the head death) and nudity to liven things up, as well as a fun score and tons of camp. Also, unlike other Italian gore flicks of the time, the movie features a little intentional humor to go with it ("The patients screaming disturbed me, performed removal of vocal chords"-that line always gets me), which after the downbeat feeling of Fulci's zombie movies, is something of a breath of undead air. It's nice to see an Italian gore flick that doesn't take itself too seriously for a change.

If there is any problem, it's that the zombie aspect feels rather underplayed, as they aren't used for much. Sure, there's that aforementioned death by boat motor, but they don't do a whole lot to threaten the team, as the cannibals are more of a threat.

Still, "Zombie Holocaust" is a blast of exploitation that fans of over the top Italian Horror might enjoy. I know I did.

*In case you ever wondered where I got the old username Dr Obrero, now you know.

Rating: 3/10 as a zombie movie, but 8/10 as a fun exploitation movie. I recommend it.

Tomorrow: Junk
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Child (Day 13)

13.) The Child (1977)

Plot:A newly hired housekeepr must take care of a spoiled, troubled kid named Rosalie, who has telekinetic powers. She uses these powers to summon her friends-a group of malevolent zombies-to do her bidding.

Review: "The Child" is a flawed but watchable entity. Shot for about $30,000, the movie played in drive ins and Grindhouses as part of a double bill with Fredrick Friedels' odd Axe, and is something of a minor cult classic in some respects.

The movie has it's share of flaws: poor acting (Rosalie Cole is particularly annoying as the evil Rosalie), and the score (an overbearing mix of bad synth squalls and overwrought piano), as well as taking what feels like an eternity to get going.

When it does get going though, the movie picks up considerably. The onslaught of the undead, while not huge, is still great stuff, and the make up effects for the zombies is quite good and original, especially when you consider the budget. The movie eventually channels Night of the Living Dead with it's zombie seige conclusion, though it still works.

"The Child" is not a perfect movie, and doesn't exactly come with a recommendation, but it's a decent timewaster, and would make a great double bill with Bob Clark's Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things.

Rating: 6.5 "The Child" is a cult oddity that should please fans of mini-budget weirdness.

Next on the plate: The Swamp of the Ravens
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Metal Albums I'm enjoying part II

The Angelic Process-Weighing Souls With Sand Really good shoegazer meets metal stuff that will keep the neighbors up. Sounds like Jesu meets the Swans.   Agalloch-The Mantle Black Metal with folk influences and great gothicesque passages. Sounds like Katatonia meets Death In June in their prime, and great for cold winter nights.   Alice In Chains-Facelift, Jar of Flies, Sap, and the Self Titled "But gary, that's grunge!" Shut up, it's metal to me.   Slayer-Seasons in the Abyss No metal list would be complete without Slayer. You really can't not love an album with "War Ensemble" though.   Enslaved-Isa Call it what you want (Black Metal, Viking Metal, whatever), it's really good, with progressive rock overtones to match.   Nile-In Their Darkened Shrines Really good technical Death Metal, with Lovecraftian undertones (you knew I'd love that), trible drumming, choirs, and more.   Symphony X-Divine Wings of Tragedy I normally don't care for Symphonic metal, but this is actually a good album. I love the keyboard work on it.   Gorgoroth-Ad Majorem Sathanas Gloriam I normally don't like these guys, but this is a pretty impressive album, with awesome drumming, and a frontman (Gaal) who actually sounds scary. Also, it's quick and to the point, with no filler at all.   White Zombie-Astro Creep 2000 I always liked this more than La Sexercisto, as it gets the whole sleazy comic book vibe down better.   Melechesh-Emissaries Black Metal filled with middle eastern rhythms (they are from Jerusalem), killer riffs, and even a song with tabalas.   Amorphis-Elegy The last Death Metal esque album they did, with awesome riffs, acoustic guitars, prog rock keyboards, and more.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Hey Marvin

Just wanted to let you know that Glenn Beck sucks and that it must be impossible for you to have an original thought or opinion.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

See "The Descent" you Motherfuckers

-I saw "The Descent" last Friday night, and all I have to say is this: See it now. Hell, see it twice if you have to. Seriously, this is the best horror movie that you will see this year. It's got some nice gore, realistic characters instead of the normal dumb teens you normally get, and it's intense and scary as hell. Basically, fucking see "The Descent", because it kicks all of your collective asses, and is better than any other horror movie you will see this year. Oh, and I won't quit talking about it until more people have seen it.   -I had no idea Masked Man of Mystery had a blog. He's a decent guy, and while a bit of a geek who takes things a bit too seriously at times, I like him.   -See "The Descent"   -If you've been on Youtube lately, you probably have heard of a weird ass web cartoon called Bart the General, which is what would happen if a Simpsons fan with ADD took MDMA and made a web cartoon. This is possibly the strangest thing you will see this year, and it's already gaining a cult following on the web.   -See "The Descent"   -On Rick James B1tch: Dude, change your name, because that "Chapelles Show" skit stopped being funny the second people started quoting it.   -See "The Descent"   -Brendon Smalls is a genius. His new show "Dethklok Metalocalypse" debuted on Adult swim last night, and it rules. Also, they are showing new episodes of "The Venture Brothers" again, and that show is now the best cartoon on TV.   -See the Descent
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Wedding day blues

No, I'm not getting married. I'm going to a wedding on Saturday though. A cousin of mine is getting married.   Anywho, weddings are a weird thing to me. Sure, you stay around afterwards, talk shit with folks, and eat cake, but it's weird to know that this person's life will never be the same, and neither will they.   Could I get married? I really don't know. I'll admit, staying with the same woman for your whole life doesn't sound that bad. I mean true love only happens once in a lifetime. On the other hand, there's parenthood. I really can't see myself as a father, since it's such a grave responibility. Granted, I'm not irresponsible. It's simply the thought of the fact that you have to take care of this person you brought into the world is somewhat strange to me. Also, what if they fuck up. And I mean really fuck up. You can punish them, but what good does that really do.   I know, I usually don't get this personal or emotional. It's just that this is just that things like this really make you think.   Anyways, I'm sure it will be alright.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

I'm back, 32-30

-Well, kkktookmybabyaway told me to update my blog, so I am. He also says that C-Bacon is somehow responsible for helping me get it back online. For that I say: I know I rip on you alot, but thanks. I won't apolagize to you, but thanks a lot. For that, I'll leave you alone and put you off ignore...for a while.   Also, I turned 24 last week, I've got a lot of homework, and that's about it. Anyways, back to the countdown to the worst albums of all time.   32.) Burzum-Daudi Baldrs I always hated this band. I got in an arguement with Tack over them. I downloaded this once, and it sucked (as expected). The story behind this album: Varg Vikernes, apart from having a one man metal project named Burzum, was also a (brief) member of legendary Black Metal band Mayhem. At some point, he killed one of the band members, and was arrested by the police. When they searched his house, they found several explosives, as well as the fact that he's a Neo-Nazi and a church burner. While in jail, he couldn't afford guitars, bass, or drums anymore, and also decided to give up the instruments because they are "Black." He changed his style of music to make music that is more in tune with being Aryan-making shitty music on a casio keyboard (again all he could afford) made in Japan that sounds like a teenager trying to make symphonic music on a casio keyboard. Oh, and he didn't record this as a joke. That's right, he was seriously trying to make an artistic statement by recording with a cheap casio keyboard. That's all you need to know.   31.) Ministry-Filth Pig After Psalm 69, you'd think that the follow up would be incredible. Think again. This sounds like a Al Jourgenson and co. decided to record a Black Sabbath tribute with samples and drum machines. It's a lazy affair, devoid of any memorable moments (save for "Reload" and "The Fall"), and a horrible cover of Bob Dylan's "Lay Lady, Lay." This album was also recorded while Al was deep into heroin addiction, so if any album should be proof enough that heroin is bad, this is one of them.   30.) The Happy Mondays-Yes, Please Another band that I never liked, the Happy Mondays were a dance-rock band from the 80's-90's who were fueled on E and just dull. Their last album though, is just shitty. There's no interesting moments (unlike on say, Thrills, Pills, and Bellyaches, which at least had it's moments in songs like "Kinky Afro" and "Step On"), the lyrics are incredibly cringe inducing, and sounds too much like it's trying to keep up with then current trends (again with trying to stay with the times). The band got back together recently, and has a new album on the way, but I doubt it will be as bad as this one.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Are You Gonna Be There (At The Love In?)

Today's entry is named after a song from the 60's Garage Rock band Chocolate Watch Band.   -Good news for horror fans. It looks like "Cemetary Man", which I think is the best Italian Zombie Movie ever made, will be released on DVD in June by Anchor Bay. It will come in a widescreen transfer with 5.1 Dolby Surround sound track. Special Features will include a special making of documentary, a directors bio, and trailer. More info can be found here.   -I'm taking a short story writing class right now, and it's all kinds of awesome. I'm currently working on a story for the class called "Jessica", which deals with a zombies that don't actually do anything to harm people(I thought it would be cool to try a story with zombies that don't eat flesh) , a troubled man named Ryasn, and his now zombified wife. I've got about six pages done so far.   -I don't care how many people complain about it, I love that the Spirit Squad are the tag champs. Sure, they have a shitty gimmick (which I will admit I liked at first), but they are pretty good workers. Plus, it's good to see the belts off of Kane and Big Show, though the tag titles are mostly useless at this point.   -Finally,
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Crazy Preacher, Prince Harry, Season Finales, and Phelps

-Lately down at the quad at the university (it's by the library-I'm at Wright State, BTW) there has been this crazy preacher guy. I say he's crazy because he hates gays, Catholics, Liberals, and a host of the other usual suspects (insert joke by kkktookmybabyaway here). I haven't gotten to see him yet (a few of my friends have) but I've been wanting to, since I could use a good laugh. Also, he has about 15 or more people yelling at him, so I probably wouldn't have a word in.   There were also two old guys outside two days ago (same day as the crazy preacher) protesting the war. I kind of felt bad for them. I mean, two people? That's not too good.   -Fred Phelps is still at it (like you are suprised), ready to picket Jerry Falwells funeral (Phelps is one of the few people one Earth who almost makes Falwell look good-almost), and putting together a lovely video called God Hates the World.   -Remember when it was announced that Prince Harry was going to serve in Iraq? Think Again. I guess his family found out that war is dangerous. That out of the way, you knew there was no way in hell he was going to fight over there.   -Finally, tonight's the season finale of "The Office", which I'm looking forward to. What can i say, I love the show (especially Mindy Kaling, who plays the uber adorable Kelly Kapoor. To hell with Pam, I like Kelly)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Dead Man's Party

I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go
Walkin' with a dead man over my shoulder

Waiting for an invitation to arrive
Goin' to a party where no one's still alive

CHORUS
I was struck by lighting
Walkin' down the street
I was hit by something last night in my sleep
It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .
(Don't run away it's only me)

All dressed up with nowhere to go
Walkin' with a dead man
Waitin' for an invitation to arrive
With a dead man . . . Dead Man . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to the door
Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

CHORUS

Don't run away it's only me
Don't be afraid of what you can't see
Don't run away it's only me . . .
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Down In The Park

-Well, it seems like Muslims are angry at the Pope for his recent quoting of an old text condemning Islam. I can understand their anger, and I do think that the Pope owes them a better apology besides a simple half-assed "I'm Sorry." That out of the way, they don't need to go around killing nuns and burning churches. Come on, leave that to the retarded Black Metal fans in Norway. Yeah, that was a rip on Black Metal.   -Bush talked to the UN today. I didn't see it (I was in class), so I have nothing to say about it.   -I miss Trish Stratus already.   -Neighbors upstairs are still making a recket at night. They are about on thin ice with me.   -Marvin left the boards. I never payed too much attention to him, but I guess he was alright.   -Oh, and this entry is named after a Gary Numan Song.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

The 2 Lamest Forms fo Pornography

No description needed. With NSFW examples.   5.) Hentai-Hey, why not wack off to something that isn't even real! Come on, why masturbate to animation or drawings? Just go with the real thing, it will save you the embarresment. Another reason hentai goes here is because of it's fantasy element. And by that, I mean tentacles. Just watch a gang bang video if you want to see a girl surrounded by a swarm of cocks.   4.) Erotic Fanfiction-Believe it or not, this used to be dominated by lonely guys without a chance of getting laid. Now it's dominated by sexually repressed teenage girls and housewives who like to think if Goku or Harry Potter taking it in the ass. Oh, and fictional males becoming impregnated.   3.) Furry Porn-What's worse than spanking it to anime? Spanking it to anthropomorphic animals and dressing up like said animals for sex. Someday, the internet will become so ingrated into the minds of humanity that normal consensual sex will be frowned upon and looked at as taboo.   2.) Second Life-Can't get laid? Masturbation just not doing it anymore? Then go to Second Life and pretend that you're getting pussy! It's pretty much virtual sex, only more widely used, and more pathetic. Oh, and apparently, furries have now gotten in on it. And yes, they watch anthropomorphic animals fucking instead of virtual people, which is even more pathetic than watching virtual people.   1.) Girls Gone Wild-Compared to the other examples, this one is tame. That's one of the reason's I included this, and why it is the most pathetic form of pornography available: porn that really isn't porn at all. Sure, there's all the tits and ass you'd expect, but it's so tame. It's pretty much porn for those who are too weak to look at actual porn.   And that's the list.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

It's torture!

The torture horror genre is dead. Well almost dead. Thank God.   I liked "Hostel" and it's sequal, in spite of what others have said. I liked the first "Saw" movie. That out of the way, with "Hostel Part II" tanking (and director Eli Roth posting an incredibly whiney entry in his Myspace), and inspite of the movie "Captivity" coming out, people aren't largely going to see people get tortured anymore. Ok, so there's another "Saw" movie, but that's beyond the point.   I think that people are tired of being bombarded with torture flick after torture flick. Hell, Roth has even seemed to have moved beyond the tired subgenre he helped give birth to, and is going on to do an adaptation of Stephen King's "Cell" as his next movie. The director of "Saw" went on to do the dreadful "Dead Silence", which at least saw him try something different. The director of the excellent slasher flick "High Tension" and the remake of "The Hills Have Eyes" is moving on to more creepy supernatural scare. And "28 Weeks" later not only showed that R rated horror can still do good box office, but can still be scary. Several R Rated horror films have proven that you can be scary without endless torture sequences. The problem: They haven't done good box office.   In a way, because of movies like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" and their ilk, R-Rated horror has gotten a bad buzz. Critics now use the tired phrase "torture porn" to describe such movies (really folks, torture porn is the kind of thing you find in Sweeden), and the movie going public has tired of torture. Unfortunately, this has spoiled things for other horror flicks, meaning that much better and more imaginative horror flicks either do poor box office ("Grindhouse", "The Abandoned", "Slither") get limited release ("Black Sheep", "Fido"), or get dumped straight to video ("Gravedancers", "Reincarnation", "Isolation")   People want to be scared again. They don't want to see Elisha Cuthbert get tortured by a deranged maniac. They don't want to see a woman get raped by a mutant. They want to be frightened, not put through an ordeal.   My answer to those who complain about movies that use torture: don't watch them, and they'll go away. Go see original horror movies that deserve respect and attention, like "The Descent" or "The Abandoned."   Horror isn't going to die, it's just at a crossroads. That's ok, because this always happens. The same thing happened with slasher movies in the 80's and self aware horror in the 90's. The next big thing will come eventually, and it will go, only to make way for the new one.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
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