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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

Dawn of the Mummy (Day 27)

27.) Dawn of the Mummy (1982)

Plot: A group of supermodels disturb the sleep of a mummy, incurring it's wrath-as well as the wrath of the undead.

Review: Filmed in Egypt, this Italian/American co-production is a lot of things, but good isn't one of them. If anything, it's proof that not every Italian Zombie movie is going to be good (see also: Zombi 4: After Death; Killing Birds.) Thing is, unlike say, Hell of the Living Dead, this isn't even entertainingly bad. It's just mind numbingly boring bad.

The movie does offer some decent gore, but it's not until the last 15 minutes that the dead attack, and by then, it's too little, too late. You have to sit through atrocious acting and nothing notable happening. Also, the movie has characters who are supermodels, but none of them disrobe. Granted, it's hardly the first time an exploitation movie promised a lot but delivered little, but that's beyond the point. There's nothing interesting in the movie, and it feels too much like warmed over, reheated trash instead of entertaining trash. There's very little here that's interesting, while other Italian Zombie movies like Burial Ground and Zombi 2 remembered to bring the sleazy, gory goods.

"Dawn of the Mummy" is a waste of time for anyone and everyone involved, and isn't even worth watching drunk or stoned.

Rating:0.5/10 a very, very dull and painful viewing experience. Better than a shot on camcorder horror movie, but that's hardly a compliment.

On the table next: Hell of the Living Dead
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Night of the Sorcerers (Day 16)

16.) Night of the Sorcerers (1973)

Plot: A team of researchers go to Africa end up running into Leopard Vampire Goddesses and their zombie minions.

Review: From the man who gave us the "Blind Dead" series comes "Night of the Sorcerers", a wonderfully tacky exploitation mini-masterpiece.

First things first: this movie will offend some people. The African natives are portrayed stereotypically (you expect somebody to say "where all the white women at?" at any point"), with grass skirts, masks, voodoo rituals, and kidnapping white women, among other things. Those sensitive to such things should avoid this.

Those who fully embrace exploitation movies though, may have a blast. Yes, it's gleefully politically incorrect, but it's an exploitation movie. What do you expect? While there may not be a huge amount of zombie action, the movie fulfills it's exploitation elements: whippings, rape, zombies, vampirism, orgiastic voodoo ceremonies, gory beheadings, a face melted by acid, gratuitous nudity, melodramatic overacting, a fun score, hot chicks in leopard skin bikinis-what's not to love?

"Night of the Sorcerers" is not for everyone, but those who love exploitation at it's cheesiest will be in heaven.

Rating: 8/10 A real blast for fans of Eurotrash cinema.

Come back tomorrow for: The Dead Hate The Living.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

I wasn't here Monday

Because I went to a Radiohead concert. Here's a run down of what happened:   It was a 4-5 hour drive, and I was fucking exhausted. Took me about 30 minutes to regain some energy. I got there early so I could get good lawn seats, and so I could get a good parking space. First things I saw at the parking lot: a guy vomiting in the bushes and some hippies. Fortunately, not to many. Beer was $10, so no getting drunk tonight. Cool T-Shirts I saw: A Neu! shirt, a Corgi T-Shirt (I love Corgis), and a Jesu T-Shirt. Minimal Techno music played before sets. I recognized the Vlasdiv (sic) Delay and Basic Channel tracks. Opening act was Grizzlybear. They were alright, and came off as nice guys. Before Radiohead's set, there were the obligatory ads. I can happily say I've never heard a Jonas Brothers song in my life. Also Bill Maher has a really obvious receding hairline. Radiohead were great. "National Anthem", "Body Snatchers", "Idioteque", "Pyramid Song", "Dollars and Cents", "There There", and "Everything In It's Right Place" are fucking experiences live. So yeah, a really stellar live show full of energy from both the band and the crowd. There was an asshole behind me (obviously on E) who kept bumping into me, so I moved. He looked a lot like Marvin. Traffic was a pain in the ass. Me and my friends played "Name That Tune", and my pal Shawn "You know what would be really funny? If care could hump each other" Got back to my place on Tuesday.     So there's the lowdown.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Happy Birthday to Me.

Well, today's my birthday. I'm 23 years old. If you didn't wish me a happy birthday here,, then feel free to wish me a happy birthday on my blog.   Anyways, here's a birthday present from me to you.   Things you can learned from TSM poster's   -Not all Insane Clown Posse fans are idiots (Carnival) -There are actually females on the internet (Leena) -Some people have a very creepy obsession with Hillary Duff, and have somehow convinced themselves that she's a great actress and singer (bob barron) -Liberals suck (INXS) -Conservatives suck (MikeSC) -Some people should not be allowed on the internet (Desperate Housewife, fanofcoils) -Some people frown upon everything (Czech Republic) -Hippies suck (kkktookmybabyaway) -Dancing Corgi Approves (Yours Truly) -Some theatres pick up awesome movies (niskie) -Gimmick posters: some rule (Eddie Winslow, Gay Lincoln) but most suck -You can get crust under your naval (Carnival) -Some people let you know way too much about your personal life (wildpegasus, Matt Young. That reminds me, will Matt ever come back?)   Now, some youtube links for you guys   South Park-The Now Banned "Trapped In The Closet" Episode Arrested Developement-Tobias Highlights Coil-Video for the song "Windowpane" DJ Shadow's "Changeling" Performed bu a High School Band Aphex Twin-"Windowlicker" Video Afrika Bambaataa-Planet Rock Guy caught Spanking it to "World of Warcraft" "Hulk Hogan, We're Commin' For You Nigga!" Kanenites! (Remember when Kane had an interesting character? Here's a blast from the past)   That's all. Happy Birthday to me!
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

RIP Tim Russert

-Tim Russert died at 58 today. Dude was one of the last great Journalists around, and one of the few people in the news media that I have respect for. RIP man.

-I'm going to my sister's graduation tomorrow. Should be fun.

-I'm also going to give Lil' Wayne's new album a listen sometime this week. Does it live up to all the hype?

-I'll go back to the worst horror movies of all time in the days ahead as well. I'm almost finished BTW.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

3 movies in a week

I already saw "Tropic Thunder" (which is great). Tonight it's that animated "Star Wars" movie (friend keeps bugging me over it, so I finally caved in-Christ, I don't even like "Star Wars" that much) and tomorrow it's "Mirrors"." Expect reactions on Sunday.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Live Earth, Children of Men, The Fountain, Transformers movie

-Live Earth sucked. Aside from a few good performances (Roger Waters, Metallica, Crowded Houses, & Duran Duran), it was largely dull. The Police were horrible, Yellow Magic Orchestra (think Kraftwerk, only Japanese and a bit more lighthearted) were dull and their set was too short, Al Gore looked more like Darrell Hammond playing Al Gore than the actual thing, and well, it sucked.   -If you haven't seen "Children of Men" yet, go rent it. It's one of the best movies of last year, and it has an awesome soundtrack. That out of the way, avoid "The Fountain", which aside from an excellent score, is really boring and pretentious.   -Transformers is the top movie in America (bet yer suprised), and as I already mentioned, is a blast. It's amazing that out of all the huge budget blockbusters, this one is the best. "Spider Man 3" was a dissapointment, "POTC 3' is pretty much milking the franchise for all it's worth, and I'd rather stuck my nuts in a vice than watch "Shrek 3" again. Besides, "28 Weeks Later" was the best sequal of the summer so far.   -Finally, how stupid can hippies be?   In the following days, look for:   A sequal to the Metal albums thread Some of my favorite hip hop songs
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Chocolate Jones and the Temple of Funk

Yes, todays entry is named after a MST3K bit.   -Cool news: There is going to be a fourth "Re-Animator" movie, called "House of Re-Animator", which will be directed by Stuart Gordon, and will co-star William H. Macy as the president of the U.S.   -It seems like there's now photographic evidence of a plane hitting the Pentagon of 9/11. So to all you conspiracy theoriest: Suck on it.   -Raw last night was a good show. It wasn't great, but it was good. Plus, no May 19th bullshit. Speaking of which, is anyone actually going to see "See No Evil"? I'll check it out as a DVD rental, but there is no way I'm seeing it in theatres.   -Matt Young is back, and I don't know whether I should be happy or sad.   -I bought 3 cd's today: "St. Elsewhere" by Gnarls Barkley, "Supernature" by Goldfrapp, and "Houses of The Holy" by Led Zeppelin. All three are awesome.   That's all for now. Next Time: another wacky entry title, and other such nonsense.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Things everybody should like

There are things I like that's not exactly everybody's cup of tea. Well, they should be, because these things are awesome. These are things I think everybody should like.   -French Pop Music from the 60's nd early 70's. Come on, listen to some Bridgette Bardot and Froncois Hardy, because it's some really good stuff. I know, it's French, so you folks probably think that it sucks. I say give it a chance.   -Synth Pop. Face it fuckers, synth pop rules. Listen to more New Order (well, old New Order), Depeche Mode, and Gary Numan. I'll take that over a lot of whatever is popular with you hipster douchebags.   -Squidbillies. Some hate it, but I love it. Granted, the first episode sucks, but it really picks up from there. Just thank White Jesus that new episodes are coming later in the months ahead.   -The Descent. I'm just mentioning this to reming you folks to see this movie right fucking now. It's the scariest movie you will see this year.   -David Letterman. I love Conan and all, but Letterman will always be my favorite. I was a fan of the guy since my teens, and I am still a fan of his. Hell, I will always be a fan.   -Post punk. You know, like Joy Division, The Contortions, Public Image Limited, etc. Much better than punk if you ask me.   -Bart The General. I posted this yesterday, and it will either make you want to kill yourself, or declare that it's the best thing ever made. If it's the former, then I take no responsibilities on your choices.   -Electro-Funk. You know, like Man Parrish, Afrika Bambaataa, Newcleus, etc. This stuff always seems to get overlooked amongst the other hip hop fans, which is a shame.   -Post Rock. Yeah, it's pretentious as hell, but it's great, and makes for an excellent post apocalyptic soundtrack.   -Potato chips and bananas. Eat some chips, then eat a banana. It's fucking bliss.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Inuyasha aka CronoT aka Cronoyasha is back.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...     ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...   ...Ok, I'm done. Wait a minute...   ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Now I'm done.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Yet another boring entry.

Man, only one response? I must have the most boring blog in this place.   Anyways, I'm mostly posting today out of boredom. So, here's a list I made up, out of boredom.   8 things in music, and things about music fans, that annoy me.   1.) Bands who do entire albums either without a title, or without a song title. Really, it's the most pretentious thing on Earth. Examples of artists who have done this include Sigur Ros, Merzbow, and Farmers Manual. While I like Merzbow and Sigur Ros, I still find this annoying.   2.) People who constantly go on about what Punk was about back in the day. You wanna know something? Nobody will ever really know what punk was about, because it was about a lot of things. It wasn't about just one single thing.   3.) People who complain about Hip Hop. This usually comes from 1.) Classic Rock and Prog Rock fans, 2.) Jazz Snobs, and 3.) Racist Halfwits. Basically, the same kind of people who will debate Pink Floyd (who I love) or John Coltrane (not a diss on Coltrane, since I also love his work), but are either too boring, or too self important to recognize something different and innovative now and then. Just remember this rock snobs: You may badmouth someone like Acelyone, but remember that there was a time when the bands you loved were dismissed.   4.) Ridiculously long album titles. This is very common in the world of Post Rock (i.e. A Silver MT. Zion, GYBE!). While I do enjoy Post Rock, this really gets on my nerves.   5.) Tool fans. Most of the Tool fans I've encountered are incredibly boring pseudo-intellecualist pricks. Also, most ICP fans I've encountered are complete retards. Carnival is probably the only ICP fan I've discovered on the net who doesn't annoy me.   6.) Frank Zappa fans. Not really a complaint, but more of an observation: On every message board on the internet, there is someone who go on and on about Frank Zappas brilliance. Again, not a diss or complaint, just an observation.   7.) People who dismiss Pitchfork, but embrace other pretentious, scenester music websites. Sure, I think Pitchfork sucks, but people wh go on about why it sucks, but then embrace an equally pretentious webpage like Brainwashed are basically like the pot calling the kettle black.   8.) People who call you an idiot for liking a certain band. It seems like your not allowed to like bands like The Killers these days, because if you do, you'll have somebody call you an idiot, or go on a pointless rant (much like this one) about why they think that band sucks. Well, sorry that I haven't praised whatever new Sufjan Stevens album has come out, but there are bands that I can't bring myself to hate, so shove it hipsters.   Well, that's all I have to say.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Fart of Fury

-Well, I moved out of my dorm yesterday, and I'm currently looking for a job to take for the summer. So far, I'm looking at either computer work, the local newspaper, or the library.   -It seems like they killed Al-Zarqawi. Good to know. Now my dream of America battling former terrorists turned into flesh eating zombies comes closer everyday.   -Hotbutter Spoonwhatever: You better start spazzing out again, because I'm fucking bored right now.   -Why am I seeing Anderson Cooper everywhere all the sudden? He's like the new Nick Lachey, only less annoying, and a newsman.   -Finally, anybody remember the videogame 'Primal Rage"? Fun game, but damn, doing special moves and finishers was a pain in the ass. Anyways, I always played as Diablo.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Favorite Hip Hop songs, part 1

Zapp & Roger - More Bounce to the Ounce More R&B/Funk than hip hop, but the amount of artists that have sampled it (Coolio, Compton's Most Wanted, Brotha Lynch Hung, Ice Cube, Public Enemy, Insane Clown Posse, EPMD, and many more) makes it impossible to resist, especially the awesome beat. The best use of the song as a sample source goes to EPMD's "You Got's Ta Chill" and Ice Cube'ss "Steady Mobbin'"   Public Enemy - Shut 'em Down One of their angriest songs, with an incredibly hard hitting beat, vitrolic lyrics, and more, it's one of the groups last hurrah's before they hit mediocrity.   Wu Tang Clan - Grave Pit Awesome rhymes, a great use of Gap Band samples, excellent chorus (I hum it to myself regularly), and we go back, and forth...   Ice Cube - Ghetto Vet Carnival mentioned this song in the past, and it's a good one. Probably Cube's most underrated song.   Erik B. & Rakim - I Know You Got Soul One of the early examples of using James Brown samples, it's also one of the best. Rakim may be the closest thing Hip Hop has ever had to having God on the mic, and the samples and breaks just makes it a great cut.   Man Parrish - Boogie Down Bronx Though "Hip Hop Be Bop" is more well known (and was used to great effect in "Shaun of the Dead"), "Boogie Down Bronx" is Man Parrish's best song.   Big Daddy Kane - Ain't No Half Steppin' "I stop and stand strong over MC’s/ And devour with the power of Hercules" That is still one of the best lines in Hip Hop history.   Afrika Bambaataa + Soul Sonic Force - Planet Rock Yeah, so some old school hip hop has mediocre rhymes, but this is still great. Everything from the Kraftwerk sample, tot he influence the song has on Hip Hop, House, and Electro. It would be a crime not to include it.   Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Doggy Dogg - Deep Cover While I also love "Nothin' But a G Thang", "Deep Cover" is the best Dre/Snoop collaberation.   Dr. Dre - Lyrical Gangbangs One of the most underrated Dre songs, with a pounding, metallic snare drum beat, and maybe some of his best wok on the mic.   Don't worry, there's more to come.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

#6-5

6.) The Story of Dopesmoker

The story behind Dopesmoker-which may be the ultimate stoner album-is a fascinating one, or at least I think so.

Sleep were a Doom/Stoner Metal band, who's previous album Sleep's Holy Mountain had become highly acclaimed in the underground, and for good reason too-it was a logical, nearly flawless continuation of Black Sabbath's stoned groove that many had tried, but only some had succeeded. London Records, seeing something big, signed Sleep, though the album itself-obviously the result of constant pot smoking-wasn't what they wanted. It was called Dopesmoker, an album that took two years to complete, and was a one hour long, slow, and heavy as fuck song-a concept album about a group of Holy Men who decide to get really fucking baked.

London Records weren't happy with the end result, so Sleep tried to rework it as a six part, 52 minute album titled Jerusalem. The label was still unhappy, and dropped the band, who then broke up. Interestingly enough, two of the band members smoked so much pot, that they became born again Christians.

Interestingly enough, Jerusalem was relased in 1999, and the original album Dopesmoker finally saw the light of day in 2003 thanks to an indie label. Oh, and yes, it really does live up to the hype.



5.) Ozzy Satisfies His Hunger

It's 1980. Ozzy has signed a deal with a new label, and he really needs a comeback. One night, he and his wife Sharon are at a meeting with record execs, he has a plan to release some doves to wow them. Well, this plan isn't going the way he hoped, so he has a change of plans.

He takes a dove, and bites it's head off in front of the execs.

Unsurprisingly, the execs are none too pleased at this, and have security escort him. None the less, it was the start od his solo infamy, and his career later took off. Maybe it turned out to be good luck.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

A Virgin Among The Living Dead (Day 25)

25.) A Virgin Among The Living Dead (1973)

Plot: While at her dead relatives castle, a woman finds herself in a world of satanic rituals and the undead.

Review: I've reviewed a Jess Rollin movie, now it's time to look at one from his doppleganger so to speak, in Jess Franco. Granted, Franco's movies range from entertaining trash to unwatchable crap, but "A Virgin Among The Living Dead", while not unwatchable, feels a bit undercooked.

Sure, the requisite female nudity and lesbian content is there, as are creepy undead reminiscent of Carnival of Souls, and some great atmosphere. However, there are also far too many dull patches in the movie, as it almost feels like Franco was half assing the whole ordeal at times, taking interesting moments and essentially making you wonder "well, why isn't he doing anything here?" That out of the way, the score by Bruno Niccolai is great, an quite catchy at times.

The other problem though, and possibly the biggest flaw, is the disheartening thing about the whole movie, is the jumbled nature of it all. Like several of Franco's movies, it goes from Gothic Horror to Erotic Nonsense too frequently. sure, Horror and eroticism can go hand in hand, but when the creepy or erotic moments do occur, they feel like they don't gel (save for some lesbian blood drinking.)

"A Virgin Among The Living Dead", while far from Franco's worst (That would be either Oasis of the Zombies or Devil Hunter), has too many problems to recommend it, except as a curiosity. It may not be good, but you won't see many movies quite like it.

Rating: 5.5/10 Coulda been a contender really. Great Poster art though.

Next Up: Dead & Buried
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

44-42

44.) Pink Floyd-The Final Cut Technically, it's not really a Pink Floyd album when you think about it. It's really more of a Roger Waters solo album. It still sucks though. I can understand Water's anger and sadness in the album (He did lose his father to WW II) but politically, it's incredibly preachy. Musically, it's adventerous, but doesn't work out in the end, and it covers material he covered in th past-and did a better job of covering.   43.) A Perfect Circle-eMotive How do you fail to make a political message? Do what APC did, and do a series of dreadful cover songs. Turning What's Goin' On? into a shitty industrial rock song, ruining Black Flag's Gimme Gimmie Gimmie, turning Lennon's Imagine into a dreadful Goth Rock cover that would embaress even Marylin Manson (who's done his share of shitty covers)-the list just goes on. Look, I hate Bush too, but this may be the worst anti-Bush album ever recorded, and that says something. Especially when that album ends up being worse than Limp Bizkit's attempt at Bush bashing. Seriously, fuck you Maynard.   42.) Roger Waters-Radio K.A.O.S. I don't know what's sadder-that Roger Waters left Pink Floyd, or that David Gilmour has done better solo albums than Waters. This 1987 shitastrophe is a concept album about a wheelchair-bound boy who tries to stop Nuclear War through his handy-dandy HAM radio. At this point, Waters hatred of war has reached levels of self-parody, and the whole album itself is so bad its hilarious-thanks especially in part to the involvement of the Radio DJ. A better title could have been "Hey, Roger Waters is trying to make a statement-again. What else could I listen to..."
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Night of the Creeps (Day 1)

31 Days of the Dead starts...now.     01.) Night of the Creeps (1986)  Plot: Alien space worms enter people through their mouths (insert penis joke here), turning them into malicious zombies. Can Det. Ray Cameron (Tom Atkins) save the day?   Review: If you love 80's horror, you've most likely seen this. It's not on DVD yet (legal problems apparently) , which is a shame, as it's a 80's horror classic.   So, what makes it work? Well, for one thing, the one liners (especially the "The good news" quote seen in the tagline. The acting is good for the large part, especially Atkins, who has a ball with the character he plays. The movie also has some (rather obvious) references to older B-Movies ("Plan 9 From Outer Space" for example) and noted directors, but it never hurts the movie.   Director Fred Dekker went on to make The Monster Squad, which is on DVD. While that's great, it would be even better if this one was as well.   Final Verdict: 9/10. A nearly perfect B-Movie classic that every horror fan should see.   Tomorrows movie: Resident Evil: Extinction.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Badonkadonk

Well, things are alright I guess. Nothing much going on. Anyways, old Lovecraft was also trying to get into different kinds bands and artists. So far, let's see how this experiment has been so far   .Kinski-Here's a cool little band. They are an instrumental rock band, but not a post rock band. They're kind of an instrument psychedelic rock band, with a bit of an shoegazer influence.   .Pelican-This is pretty sweet. Instrumental metal, with a bit of a post rock thing going for them. I downloaded The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon The Thaw,and it's great. Also worth checking out is Red Sparrowes, a post rock band with members of Isis and Neurosis.   .Ocean-Man, it's amazing I'm starting to listen to more metal, especially considering that I don't have the best relationship with the genre. Here's a cool doom metal band, with death metal, black metal, and post rock tendancies. To be honest, it was the doom and post rock things that dragged me in.   .Burzum-Really, really sucks. Why this band has a following is beyond me. The production is below sub par, it's really grating, and really boring. Plus, I've known about Varg's criminal history and views for a while, and that doesn't help matters. This is the second time I've given them a listen, and both the metal and the instrumental ambience is dreadful.   .7L and Esoteric-On the Hip Hop side of things, here's a cool little group. I dig the rhymes, as well as the production. Hell, they use xylophones in one of their albums. More albums need those.   .Sixtoo-I've always dug instrumental Hip-Hop, and this is pretty awesome. Plus, Damo Suzuki apppears on the song Storm Clouds & Silver Linings . Good to see he's still around.   Well, that's it for now. Next on my list: Solmania, Ulver, Fad Gadget, Trans Am, and Isotope 217.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

#4-3

4.) Ozzy Remembers the Alamo

Fun fact-Ozzy is the only musician to be mentioned on this list twice. Here's the story, though I'm pretty sure you know it by now: It's 1982, and Ozzy's comeback is now in full effect. Anyways, while on tour, one night, he gets really drunk (big surprise, I know), and puts on one of his wife's dresses. He then stumbles outside, towards the Alamo, and takes a leak on it. Yep, he pees on the Alamo. Oh, and yes, he was arrested.



3.) Mingus Destroys his Bass

Charles Mingus was one of the most gifted jazz musicians of all time. Czech is a huge fan of his. He was also a manic depressive, who was prone to doing all kinds of shit in concerts. One night, people were talking too much during one of his concerts, something Mingus didn't particularly like. So, in a fit of rage, he picks up his bass (which was an upright acoustic bass) and smashed it to bits.

Yep, before The Who destroyed their guitar on The Smothers Brothers, before Hendrix set his guitar on fire, there was Mingus obliterating his bass. He's the one who started it all.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Honorable Mentions 2006

Stuff that was forgotten, and such   Worst Arguments Anyone arguing with fanofcoils. Also, several arguments I got into this year, in particular me and Tack arguing over shitty Black Meatal act Burzum, and me arguing with Cena's Writer over Hugo Chavez/   Good to see him again: Carnival. Good to see you on TSM again.   Should Have Been released as a single: Ghostface Killah-K.I.L.O., Peeping Tom-Kill The DJ   I don't want to hear about it anymore: The Pit. Seriously, why do people (myself included) keep mentioning it?   Thank God: The Republicans lost. I'm no Democrat or Republican, but thank God.   Unanswered Questions: Why would anybody over the age of 20 (CronoT) watch Inuyasha?   What the Fuck???: Otakukin, or people who really think that they are anime characters trapped in human bodies. Also, otherkin, or people who really think that they are dragons, elves, vampires, and other fictional entities trapped in a human's body. It's nothing new, but still: What the Fuck???   Show I watch that nobody else seems to: Masters of Horror. Come on folks, fucking watch it!   Movie I'm looking Forward to in 2007: Grindhouse. This is going to kick so much ass.   Ugliest Image: Britney's flappy poon. To think, years ago, we all wanted to see it, but now we want her to cover it up.   Best Fad: NEDM   Internet Legend Award: Goatse. Thank you for stretching out to us and making us sick.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Part two of the worst feuds in wrestling history

DDP vs. Evad-You see, Paige cheated to win some cash, or whatever (it's been a long time, so i don't really remember everything), and Kevin Sullivan's lovable (re. annoying) brother falls for Kimberly. Or something like that. All in all, a bad imitation of the Savage vs. Steele feud.   HHH vs. Kane -aka "Kane fucked Katie". One of the most tasteless moments in wrestling history, and not in a fun trashy way. I mean the kind of tasteless that makes you hate yourself for watching it.   Ed Ferrera vs. Medusa-You know, people may complain that the current cruiserweight division in WWE is a joke, but compared to WCW during the Russo years, it's the Super J Cup . Add to the fact that it all had a non-wrestler who's also a booker putting himself over and winning a belt that once gave us some awesome matches, and you get this shitstain in the history of wrestling.   Stone Cold vs. Vince for Jim Ross's job-Pointless bullshit that at least gave us the return of Joey Styles. The feud itself, though short, gave us moments (particularly "Vince pull's things out of "J.R.'s ass") that were almost Katie Vick levels of bad. In the end though, Ross is back, and I'm still hoping for the day when Lawler is caught fucking a 14 year old girl, causing him to be fired.   Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel-Included thanks to the suggestion from Culloden Hastings.   And that's all the feuds. Next time: unpopualr and popular opinions.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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I'm a Fister

Recently on a radio show interview, Anne Coulter attacked liberals, and for some reason, mentioned anal sex and fisting. Well, in honor of that. here's a song just for you folks   I fist the old brown eye and I'm proud I use to feel alone in a crowd But now you look around these days And it seems theres anal fisting CRAZE I'm a fister he's a fister she's a fister we're fister Wouldn't you like to be a fister too? I'm a fisterer he's a fister she's a fister If you aim for the stink wrinkle you're a fister too! Us fisters are an interesting breed A good old stinkhole is all we need Ask any fister and they'll say "only fisting feels that way" I'm a fister he's a fister she's a fister we're a fister wouldn't you like to be a fister too? I'm a fisterer he's a fister she's a fister we're a fister wouldn't you like to be a fister too?
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

A Wrong Way to Rock and a Wrong Way to Roll

-Well, you won't be hearing me talk about homework for a while, because I'm done for the semester. Also, the weather is great today.   -The season premier of "Tom Goes To The Mayor" debuted last night. I don't care what anybody says: This show is hilarious. I love it because it's unconventional, and because it pisses off losers on the internet.   -It seems like Rob Zombie will be doing the next Halloween movie. Rob, I personally think that this is a bad idea. Stick to whatever it is you want to direct , and please direct an episode of "Masters of Horror."   -Bush is trying to ban gay marriage. You know, I have to ask the question: what is so bad about gay marriage?Lets face it folks: it isn't hurting anybody, and marriage isn't exactlly a sacred bond anymore. Besides, I think gay couples have every right to be miserable and wonder what they were thinking when they married the person they thought was right for them as straight couples do, though that's probably just me.   -I was at Meijer today, and stumbled upon a novelazation of WWE's slasher flick "See No Evil". I skimmed through a few pages, and got a good chuckle out of it. Didn't buy it though.   That's all for now.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

2006 Music Review

Best Albums: Ghostface Killah-Fishscale The Roots-Game Theory Peeping Tom-Peeping Tom   Worst Album: DJ Shadow-The Outsider   Best Songs:Peeping Tom-Mojo The Roots-Don't Feel Right   Worst Song: Daniel Powter-Had a Bad Day   Most Disappointing: DJ Shadow-The Outsider Revolting Cocks-Cocked and Loaded   Guilty Pleasure:The Sounds-Dying to Say this To You Front Line Assembly-Artificial Soldier   Alright, enough's enough: Gwen Stefani   Shut You're Whore Mouth: Paris Hilton   Mixed Feelings: Depeche Mode's newest single Martyr   Best Bands: The Roots, Mastadon   Worst Bands: Nickleback, The Fray   Best Artists: Ghostface Killah, Mike Patton   Worst Artists: Kevin Federline, Fergie   Overhyped: Artic Monkeys, My Chemical Romance, Lady Sovereign, Mars Volta, Sufjan Stevens, Muse   Underhyped: Current 93 ,OOIOO, Foetus, Sparklehorse, The Rapture, Mono
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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#10 & # 9

10) Throbbing Gristle's First Gig

Believe it or not, the first industrial group was not NiN or KMFDM or Ministry or any of those groups. It was Throbbing Gristle, who from 1975-81, made an abrasive noise that would shape what would come, as well as shocking more than a few people.

The groups first gig, featured all of their trademarks-ear-raping tape and synth noises, abrasive guitar playing, over the top shock-value lyrics, and other such things. Instead of playing in a club like most punk and proto punk bands, the groups first gig was at an art gallery, and was an "exhibit" called Prostitute. Among the music, it also had photos from a pornographic magazine that member Cosey Fanni Tutti posed for, as well as Nazi and concentration camp photos, soiled diapers, mutilation, and front man Genesis P-Orridge mounting a pile of used tampons.

The press was shocked (of course), referred to the band as "sick people" and "wreckers of civilization". The band released three studio albums, then broke up in 1981. Genesis formed Psychic TV (and is now a transexual), Cosey and husband (and fellow band member) Chris Carter formed Chris and Cosey (who went on to be a huge influence on everything from synth pop to Industrial Dance Music to Detroit Techno), and Peter Christopherson briefly was a member of Psychic TV, until he and John Balance left and formed Coil.

The band have reunited, but nothing they do today will be the equal of their past.



09.) Elvis orders a Sandwich.

Elvis in 1976 was not a pretty sight, as he had become a fat, bloated parody of himself. On February night, he and some pals got in a discussion about one of The King's favorite sandwiches-The Fool's Gold Leaf. The sandwich consists of a single loaf of hollowed out, warmed bread, one jar of peanut butter, one jar of jelly, and a pound of bacon. The result is slathered with butter and then baked. That sure does sound healthy, don't it?

Thing is, the sandwich is only made in Denver, Colorado. Elvis wanthed one though, so he and co. went to Colorado Mine Company, which was the only restaurant that served it. Thing is, they flew in a jet from Memphis to Denver so Elvis and pals could have the sandwich. Elvis bought 22 loaves for the guys, and invited the pilots of the plane to join them.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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