KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 59: Fazzle
A three-year kkk Bowl vet with the Carolina Panthers, plus I remember seeing a picture of him surrounded by some cute chicks that were around his age. Good work. He’s also the second poster in a row on this list who has talked about paying for sex. Weird.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
• Something I had believed all my life has just been taken away from me. No, it's not blacks having the same voting rights as me (that news hit hard a few elections ago). It's Pluto no longer being classified as a planet. And to think there are actual people out there who debate this kind of shit.
• The hell? Normally it’s the dogs that are in front of their owners running in every which way.
• New York Slimes, please please please transfer Paul Krugman to Beijing. If some researcher can get three years in jail for “fraud,” Krugman will get at least 25 to life with his next economics-based column.
• While I’m on the Journalists-in-trouble kick, I don’t know why terrorists thought they could get anywhere by capturing cable television reporter Steve Centanni. What, did they think they now have a direct line to the White House? OMG FAUX NEWS LOL2006. Wait a second. There are people who seriously think this. Oops.
• So Forbes Magazine declares Milwaukee to the America’s drunkest city. I guess those people really do like to have some wine with that cheese.
• If you had any questions regarding my recent rant about lottery people, this should put those doubts to rest. Why bother to bold-face all the funny parts of this story?
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 60: Prime Time Andrew Doyle
I’ve known Mr. Doyle through the years via my NFL pick ‘em contest, and he seems like an OK enough bloke. He’s from Down Under, and I’ve always liked Australians. He’s also been tempted to seek the services of a hooker right after his classes finish early, but he’s too cheap to pay the $140 for a half-hour of service. Money Over Bitches. My kind of guy.
• Yet another difference between men and women. A conversation the better half and I had a few days ago.
• There are certain professions that once you find a good person at his or her craft, you latch onto them for dear life. Some examples include those in the car repair and medical field. I’d also include veterinarians in this category, too. When our one kitty got sick a few years ago our vet at the time did nothing but say, “Well he probably has cancer,” and that was it. Infuriated with the lack of service we received, the better half went to another veterinarian that was nearby. Even though there was really nothing that could be done with our cat (he died a few months later after putting up one hell of a fight against medical conditions that couldn’t be cured, and it wasn’t cancer), we were, and will be, forever grateful for the care he received. As much as I like this vet, her receptionist/customer service representative staff could use an overhaul. They’re not rude or anything like that, but God are they stupid. Our one cat Max needs a special brand of food that is not available with the brands offered to the public. Last Tuesday I placed an order for a bag of dry food, since his supply was running low. We were told that they would call us when the order arrived. Well, yesterday (one week later) I called to inquire about the status of our order, and I was told that it had been at the office for several days. I don’t think Max minded though, considering we were feeding him soft food for the previous few days when his kibble ran out, much to the chagrin of his brother and sister. It’s bad enough we have to feed Max in a separate room of the house because the other two cats always want to eat his specialized cat food, but when he’s getting specialized SOFT food it’s like a revolt is taking place in our house.
Oh, and back to the staff at this vet clinic. I had to wait 10 minutes for them to ring up my order of two bags of specialized formula and one bag of another brand of dry cat food. These people couldn’t figure out how to ring up the price. And, yes, I do keep track of how long I’m waiting to pay for a bill at this place. I don’t get mad by having to wait; it’s just something to do to pass the time away. Another observation about this place: just about every cat that is brought in for examination is quiet and well behaved. When one of my three are in their carrier, which is big enough for a medium-sized dog, they never shut up on the way there, during the examination, and on the way home.
• And now time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this): Some lady says that her husband was told by a friend of his to put a note in the back pocket of his jeans that were going to be washed. That way the wife will pull it out while searching through the pockets before they went into the washing machine and read it. Well this stupid idea actually worked, and the guy wrote that he didn’t know if this marriage would last. The reason? Due to the wife’s lack of sexual desire.
• Well I’m offended. Shittsburgh’s mayor was recently diagnosed with several brain tumors and has been seeking treatment for his condition. No, that’s not what got my panties in a bunch. It’s that today a public prayer vigil was held from 11 a.m. to noon. On city property. OMG CALL THE ACLU! Where’s The Fascist Barry Lynn to tear shit up when you really need him? What a travesty. There could have been a little atheist walking by this public display of religious activity, and he or she could have been offended by what I had only thought went on in red states. I certainly hope the ACLU does something about this; at the very least they better write a scolding letter to the city threatening legal action if this sort of thing should ever happen again.
• This story cracks me up.
Now these coaches who ordered the intentional walk are going to be vilified more in the press than Hezbollah. I think there are more important things in life than having your pee-wee squad winning some hippie championship, but so what if the weaker hitter was a cancer survivor? Would this story become a nation-wide topic if this kid were just naturally not athletic? Fuck that. If you are going to put a kid like this behind your team’s best hitter, even at the 9-year-old level, then you run the risk of having some win-at-all-costs manager on the other team willing to take advantage of this situation. The only thing I would see “wrong” with this story would be if not allowing intentional walks was an “unwritten” rule or something in this league. If that was the case, then that manager who issued the intentional walk pulled a bitch move; otherwise, all is fair in baseball. If you want to complain that the opposing manager issued an intentional walk of a team’s best player to get to a weaker hitter in a crucial game situation involving grade-school kids, that’s fine. But don’t play up the “cancer” angle because that won’t score any points (not to mention runs) with me.
Yesterday I gave my uninformed predictions about the AFC. Now it’s time to do the same with the NFC.
NFC EAST
I’ve been hearing about how this may be the toughest division in football. Is it? I have no idea. However, I know this will be the most entertaining division in football, especially with the ESPN crowd rushing to Donovan McNabb’s defense every time he throws an interception. I can hear Chris Berman blaming Terrell Owens already for all of McNabb’s problems. Anyway, I think Philly will finish in last place, followed by Emily Manning and the Giants. Every year it seems like a running back or two just breaks down right in front of our eyes due to wear and tear or age. This year I’m guessing it will happen to Tiki Barber. I have no rhyme or reason for this guess; I just think he will. Having said that, he’ll probably rush for 2,000 yards, which if that’s the case and my predictions are that off base, I hope Emily passes for 5,000 yards and wins the Super Bowl MVP award. I’ll give Washington the nod to win the division with the Cowboys coming in a close second.
NFC NORTH
Oh my God what a pathetic division. I feel for the Vikings in a way because this preseason has gone to shit for them, what with their top pick out with an ACL injury and that Robinson guy getting busted for drunk driving. If the Bears don’t win this division then they have no business being in the NFL. I’ll put Minnesota at number two because, despite all the stuff that’s happened to this team over the past year or so, they are still in a division with Detroit and Green Bay. Speaking of which, I'm guessing the Lions will come in third followed by the Packers just because. Does it really matter which team finishes 5-11 and which team finishes 4-12?
NFC SOUTH
I’ve liked what the Carolina Panthers have done over the past few years, and I’m predicting them to finish first once again. The Bucs will come in second, followed by the Falcons. While I’m on the subject of Atlanta, I don’t understand why some coaches feel it necessary to try and make scrambling quarterbacks into pocket passers. Let them do their thing, and if they have to retire a few years early so be it. I remember back when the Philadelphia Eagles tried to harness Randall Cunningham; what happened to their franchise quarterback? He got hurt in the pocket. New Orleans will get a lot of ESPN hype thanks to Mr. Bush, but they’ll still lose. The only difference is I’ll probably get sick of the Bush/Mario Williams comparisons by Week 4.
NFC WEST
No wonder Seattle always goes to the playoffs – look at this division. Spot any team six wins and they’ll get a wild-card entry at the very least. I got the Rams coming in second, even though I have no idea who is on that team. I’m sick of hearing each year how the Cardinals are a “sleeper pick” with all those wide receivers. You know why they have such good receiving stats? They’re always playing catch-up. You don't go three yards and a cloud of dust when you're trailing by 20 points by halftime. The 49ers will be better, but that’s just because they can’t get much worse.
Here are the parameters. I have put no research into how I think all 32 teams will fare this year. It's the NFL: who the hell knows what will happen. I've heard a few headlines dealing with team issues, but other than that I have no clue who went where in the off-season. So with that in mind, let the predictions begin.
AFC EAST
Miami played well in the second half of last season, and many people are talking about this being the year for them to take the division. That is certainly possible, what with the free-agent losses the Pats faced in the off-season. However, I usually go by the rule of putting the champ on top until they get de-throned, and I will do so with the Patriots. I have the Jets at number three and the Bills at number four just because.
AFC NORTH
I have no clue what's going to happen here. These top three teams are interchangeable, and who knows what Cleveland is going to do this year. I have Shittsburgh up at the top for the same reason I have New England winning the AFC North. (EDIT: haha PK. Faggot.) For the last few years I've been hearing about how dangerous Baltimore can be, and this year I'm actually taking this hype somewhat seriously with McNair coming over from the Titans. I hear Cincinnati has a tough schedule, and with Palmer's health issues along with the off-season troubles some of their players have been experiencing, I have to put them at third. Cleveland is in last place because, well, it's Cleveland.
AFC SOUTH
Indianapolis lost Edgerrin James but they're still going to be good and win this division. I think that window of opportunity for a Super Bowl win is close to being shut for them. Jacksonville is a nice second-place team. I'm pulling for Houston because I'm already tired of the OMG THEY DIDN'T DRAFT REGGIE BUSH LOL MARIO WILLIAMS ONE-AND-A-HALF-TACKLES talk. I have no idea what's going on with Tennessee, although I think it's funny they have LenDale White and Vince Young on the same roster.
AFC WEST
Much like the AFC North, I have no idea what's going to happen here. Oakland is in last place because they are in a division with three good teams. San Diego is in third place because they have the most potential to sputter out of the gate and call it a season early, what with the unproven Rivers as their starting quarterback. Kansas City is in second place because I like their running game and that defense has to be better than previous years. I have Denver in first just because I've been hearing too much hype about the Chiefs being the "surprise" team of the league, which really isn't much of a surprise considering they just missed the playoffs with a 10-6 record last year. Preseason hype tends to shoot up a red flag for me.
That's all for the AFC. Tomorrow I will evaluate the NFC for a minute or two with my uninformed opinions.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 61: 2Gold
I don’t know why I like this guy, but I just do. He just seems … there. Hell, even Kotz likes him, and it’s in a non-sexual matter, too. Let’s see, he plays Madden video games, remembers that Tom Hanks movie about Dungeons & Dragons and doesn't mind buying tampons or care about being in threesomes. Now that's apathy.
And now a word or six from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Lovecraft:
From The Real World's Champion:
From Porter:
From Black Lushus:
From Carnival:
From Cancer Marney:
• So I went into the office today due to the fact I’d rather work alone without any distractions and take a weekday off – it’s like a buy-one-get-one-free in regards to being away from co-workers. Anyway, on my way home I was taking this one interstate that is pretty empty on the weekends. This wasn’t one of those times. As I was wondering which idiot crashed their SUV into someone else’s vehicle, I noticed that a passenger in the car behind me was waving a Terrible Towel. It was then I realized that the Steelers were playing a home game tonight. Shit. On the bright side, at least it’s a preseason game, so the drunken idiots won’t be out in full force as they would be come September. Fortunately, I was driving right as the Steeler gridlock was beginning to form. As I was driving outbound on another interstate, I saw inbound traffic backed up for at least several miles. Yet another reason why I don’t go to football games.
I remember my old man taking me to some Steeler preseason games back in the 1980s when I was a kid, and I think my disdain for attending football games began here. Every time a pass was thrown people around me would stand up and I couldn’t see a damn thing. The only two regular-season games I remember attending was a home opener against the Chiefs one year, which I think was Jack Lambert final game. All I remember about that game was some guy being helped off the field and the Steelers losing. My more recent memory was a better experience. It was a 1993 Monday Night Football game against the Buffalo Bills. My one friend’s dad had tickets for this game, and they brought me along. If memory serves, the Steelers put a whooping on the Bills, something like 24-3. The best moment came late in the game when I had my binoculars focused on Bills wide receiver Don Beebe, who made a pretty impressive catch, only to get smashed by a Steelers defenseman. In a split second, I saw this guy in a white uniform suddenly disappear from my sight only to be replaced by a black and gold blue. I had to put my binoculars down to see how far Beebe got moved, and I think he ended up somewhere out of bounds. Either way, it was a vicious hit.
Oh, another football moment came when I was a kid. It was some preseason game with my old man during the 1980s, and there was stop in the game for something or other. I looked at my dad and asked him “Where are the commercials?” How do I know that this happened? He reminds me of this every other time he talks to me.
• So those bastards at Citi pissed me off today. I have a Dividend card that gives me cash back – 5 percent for all grocery, gas and drug store purchases, 1 percent for everything else. Now I get a letter saying that starting in October my cash back for grocery, gas and drug stores will be 2 percent. But wait, I’ll be able to get 2 percent for all utility bills I put on my Citi card. Bastards. And why did they do this? Because, the letter claimed, they were doing what their customers wanted them to do. Yeah, right. Faggots.
• This is why I don’t donate money to political causes. I just saw a Rick Santorum television ad where he’s in some senior polka center talking about all the great things he does for old people. Who comes up with this shit? Oh well, at least it looks like he combed his hair in this ad, so that’s a plus. Gag. Now Ed Rendell is airing an ad. Go to hell you asshole. He’s bragging about not raising taxes this year – what about the previous years of your administration you piece of shit. Both of these ads were aired during the first half of the Steelers game against the Vikings. I guess focus groups indicate Steeler fans are stupid and will fall for these things. Now that’s a newsflash.
• So a day or so ago I was chatting with one of my AIM peeps, and he mentioned that IWC writer Rick Scaia (is he still around?) has his own Wikipedia entry. For reasons unbeknownst to me I decided to head over and check this out for myself. I wonder who wrote this entry?
Curious to see if any other Internet Wrestling Reporters have their own little slice of Wikipedia, I decided to see who hit the big-time.
Dave Scheer. Nothing.
Bob Ryder. Nothing. (That "Ryder Report" ain't what you think.)
Scott Keith. Something.
Wade Keller. Something.
Dave Meltzer. Something.
Wrestlecrap. Something.
The Shooters. Nothing.
That’s about all I remember from my rasslin’ days. Oh, there was also Mark Madden. He had his own entry, too, but I was more interested in other parts of his Wikipedia references.
Hmm, I detect a pattern. Actually, I cut out the rest of the WTAE part of this entry, which went on to say he is a guest on "Action Sports Sunday" on WTAE-TV, a half-hour sports discussion show. What I really found funny was that the Shittsburgh City Paper dropped him for "questionable taste," considering this publication is one of those urban papers that you have give away for free. And what does being an Internet Wrestling Celebrity and having your own Wikipedia entry mean? I have no clue.
• Sure animal-rights people will bitch about a pig having to die just so some psycho can hold and cut it up all in the name of “art” instead of putting the carcass to good use – like say, making some hickory-smoked bacon out of it. However, what’s even more appalling to me is that this exhibit was taxpayer funded. Oh well, at least it’s the Brits getting screwed over this time and not Americans. And at least the “artist” will be showing her tits. That's got to count for something, right?
• My new hero. Remember, this guy is a so-called CIVIL RIGHTS leader:
Now lets see if Mr. Young gets made fun of by some comedians posing as Bo-Sox radio announcers.
• Well apparently Jerome Bettis caused a stir in Shittsburgh by saying he thinks head coach Bill Cowher will leave the team come season’s end. Of course Mark Madden, who doesn’t like Bettis to begin with, had a field day with this subject on his local radio show. I’ve been afraid to listen to any other local sports talk radio today; when it comes to the Steelers, Shittsburgh fans can rank right up there with Red Sox fans in terms of annoyance. Now I didn’t see the Sunday night football game (I forgot that it was even on), so I didn’t see the segment in question. However, I read what Jerome said, and frankly I don’t get the big deal. In a way, I think it would be good timing if Cowher called it a career and left at the end of the season. Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Wiz-something-or-other is going to be a leading candidate for a head coaching job in the NFL, and what better time to pass the torch?
• Well we can all rest safely; those Muslims that bought 600 pre-paid cell phones have had terrorism charges dropped against them. I heard that the reason given was that they were going to sell the phones for a profit in California or something. Okie dokie. Seeing how I remember reading years ago about some terrorist ring where bad guys would buy cartons of cigarettes in the Carolinas then sell them in places like Michigan, with the profit going to naughty things, I don’t blame any law enforcement agency for suspecting shenanigans whenever Abdul enters a store and says “give me, literally, all your phones.” I guess Allah doesn’t like flexible family plans.
• So this morning there was a pretty bad accident on this one interstate I drive to and from my way to work. I heard on the news that a tour bus went out of control and crashed into a concrete road median. Fortunately for me the exit I use to get on I-376 was right next to the accident, so my gridlock experience was minimal; no more than 5 minutes or so. The one good thing about an accident like this, besides not being involved in it, is that once you pass the scene there is absolutely no traffic to deal with. It feels like being shot out of cannon. One thing about this kinda bugged me though. Right by the accident there is a bridge, and in the early morning hours when the accident occurred the local media were all over that structure with their news vans and shit. On my way home that afternoon I noticed that one news vehicle was still there recording footage. Enough already, KDKA.
• I think what pisses me off most about hearing that billions upon billions of dollars are being wasted on Homeland Security aren't the iPods and beer-making equipment being purchased in the name of protecting the homeland. It’s that at my job I have to budget $70,000 for my department, and even though I am more than 15 percent under my expenses so far for the year (and come December, if I’m still around, I expect to be more than 20 percent under) and I’m not allowed to purchase a $150 scanner for my office because I haven't "adequately justified" the purchase to my asshole boss.
• After more than seven months of going through an 82-game season and four rounds of postseason play, I finally won the Stanley Cup in my NHL ’06 game after a 3-2 OT win against the Red Wings. One graphic I got a kick out of was after winning the Conference Finals seeing the players not want to touch that trophy (whatever the hell it's called), which in real life they also don’t touch out of superstition. Uh, hooray and stuff.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 62: The Scotsman
I don’t think I’ve read more than two or three posts from the Scotsman here at TSM, but he was such an entertaining figure for me at other places that I just have to include him. For those that don’t know, Scotsman had his own Web site for a while which was titled Scotsmanality, and in it he would chronicle his life’s events and wax poetic about other subjects (usually dealing with those of a certain race or sexual preference). While some people didn’t care for his writing, I thought he was downright hilarious. In fact, my OMG FAUX NEWS LOL 200X! was based off of a similar phrase he used when goofing on people with AOL e-mail accounts. It looks like Scotsmanality has since closed down; from what I heard he decided to start playing poker instead of writing about his crack-head neighbors and giving us “where are they nows” involving his grade-school classmates from Scotland (and of course saving the only black kid in his class for last). Hopefully he’s making a decent living with his choice of career path, considering at the time of his site’s closing he had a wife and kid. (Or was it a live-in girlfriend? I can’t remember what their situation was – either way: nice piece of ass; good work.) I only spoke with him once via AIM, and that was just to give him a link to a news story about some kid with Downs Syndrome being elected Homecoming King in his school. Oh, yeah. Review WCW Nigger.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• Gee, what's wrong government -- people follow your stupid orders and then you realize that you're doing more harm than good? While sorta on this subject, being the slow driver that I am I get tailgated every now and then. Now if I’m in the fast lane and I’m not going well above the speed limit, then I’ll happily move over. However, if I’m in the slow lane and I have an asshole driver behind me, it just encourages me to go slower. As another aside, there are these signs along this one stretch of interstate that frequently gets clogged up during rush hour. The first ugly yellow sign reads, “Look out for aggressive drivers,” while the one after that says, “Don’t tailgate.” Them’s fighting words.
• One of the bigger stories surrounding last week’s preseason games was Clinton Portis getting hurt tackling an opponent. Much of the talk around the sports talk-radio circuit was the importance of four NFL preseason games. Personally, I don’t really see the big deal about preseason games. Does it really matter if a star player ruptures an ACL during week four of the preseason or week one of the regular season? If teams really wanted to protect their best players, they shouldn’t play them at all during the preseason; let the backups and undrafted free agents play more and evaluate their potential in case a starter does get hurt later on that year.
• Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this): This 28-year old chick says the guy she was dating turned out to be a drug addict. She told him to stop, and he claimed to be clean for two months. They got married. Six months later this guy was caught doing drugs again. Dr. Laura then says to the caller, “Whatever you say next, don’t ask me ‘what can I do?’” The caller then starts bawling. Later on, when the subject of leaving this guy is brought up, the caller says she wants to do just that, but she is worried about the “humiliation” she will feel from all the people who were part of her wedding.
A few days ago I was talking about Lottery People and how they are different from you and me. To recap, there are two basic types of Lottery People: Those that play games like Powerball and those that go the scratch-off-and-win route. In my recent entry I talked about the “numbers” addicts, and said that for as pathetic as these people are the scratch-off zombies are worse.
Now trying to determine which faction of Lottery People are worse is like trying to decide if you would rather encounter a bunch of black people or Mexicans in a dark alley with $100 in your hand; it usually comes down to one’s personal experiences. While the “Powerball” Lottery People have annoyed me more often during my time working at the Quickie Mart, the “Instant Win” Lottery People have produced more memorable encounters. There’s one that tops them all, however, and it’s a wonder I didn’t get fired from this one.
It started off innocently enough. This middle-aged chick came in and bought a bunch of $2 instant-win tickets. She seemed harmless. Not only did she come at a time when the store wasn’t busy, but also she went to a corner of the store to do her scratching. Many times Instant Win Lottery People just stay at the register and muck up the counter with that scratch-off residue. However, about 10 minutes later she came up to me and said that the one lottery ticket was “defective” and wanted a new one. Whenever a cashier receives a winning instant lottery ticket he or she has to first scan the ticket in the lottery machine. The machine will then ask for a three-digit code that is found on the instant-win ticket. It is only then when a payout is issued. If the three numbers aren’t punched in, there’s no cash payout. (This was back 10 years ago, so I’m not sure if the same process has to be performed.) The issue this woman had was that when she scratched the shit out of her cards she was erasing this three-digit code, too, making her tickets void.
There was a problem with this woman’s request. One of the first things I was taught at the Quickie Mart was NEVER to exchange a used lottery ticket. Now when you’re at a dead-end job you have “rules” that are commonly broken in the name of shutting up whining customers or something of that ilk. Then there are those rules that you are not allowed to bend under any circumstances. Anything dealing with the Pennsylvania lottery fell under the latter. I told this woman that I couldn’t take her “defective” ticket and give her a new one. She started getting pissy with me and whipped out the old, “Well the other guy who works here gave me new tickets,” to which I replied, “I’m not that other guy. And the other guy wasn’t supposed to do that.” This bitch then took out a pen from her purse and demanded to know what my name is, even though my nametag was right in front of her face. I responded by grabbing a writing utensil of my own and asking for her name and phone number. When she asked why I said, “So when you tell your lies to my manager about me I can call you on your line of bullshit.” I never got a number. And she did end up calling my manager. It turns out the “other guy” she had referred to was the boss’s husband.
While I’m talking about Instant Win Lottery People, here is my second most memorable moment. It was Christmas Day 1996 and our lottery machine was down. Now once again one of our “never break under any circumstances” rules was that when the lottery machine goes down you don’t pay out any tickets or sell any non-scratch tickets. Well of course because there are plenty of lazy people out there who give out lottery tickets as presents, I turned away quite a few customers with winning scratch-off tickets. This one guy threw a fucking fit over not being able to get his $1 prize. I told him that the computer system is down and there is nothing I can do. He then whipped out the old, “What’s the big deal? It’s only a $1 ticket,” to which I replied, “Well if it’s only a $1 payout, then what’s the big deal of waiting for when I am permitted to accept the ticket?” He then started to storm out and said those famous words every cashier has heard a million times: “I’m never coming back here again.” This prompted my co-worker at the other register to mutter out “oooooo.” The customer was half-way out the door, stopped, turned back around and yelled, “OK, who said 'OOOOOO'?” My co-worker put his head down and the idiot customer walked up to him and said, “What’s your name?” and looked at his nametag. “Derrick. I’ll remember that name, Derrick.” By this time I was biting down on my tongue so hard that if I had put any more pressure on it I would have tasted blood. I looked at Derrick and replied, “Good job. Now I’m going to have to laugh out loud at this guy while he’s still here,” and began to do just that. This sparked a chain reaction with the other customers in the store. When it was all said and done about a dozen people in the store laughed this guy right out of the place. I don’t know if he ever called to complain about Derrick.
• There are plenty of red-diaper doper babies in the Big Apple, but thankfully there are one or two of them with a smitten of common sense. Instead of whining about a rouge government, the New York Civil Liberties Union ought to be pissed off at terrorists that make bag searches a good idea to most Americans.
• While I’m on the subject of terrorists, what’s the big deal here? Maybe these fine Middle Eastern men have big families, thus needing 1,000 cell phones. After all, what is little Abdul to do when Jihad Camp lets out early? You actually expect him to wait out by the street with all the unholy swine? Why, that’s one of the worst things you can do to… come on, you know the rest.
• It’s bad enough NFL players have to worry about on-the-field injuries during training camp, practices and preseason games. Now they have to fret about renegade mascots driving golf carts?
• Woah. Heath Shuler is running for office. Too bad he’s a Democrat. Oh, and those six words “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi” do strike enough fear into me that I would probably vote for a Republican I don’t care for over a conservative Democrat in a Congressional race. Good thing I’m satisfied with my GOP Rep. Tim Murphy.
• Last night I got a recorded phone call from Samuel L. Jackson telling me to go see “Snakes on a Plane.” Alrighty then.
• Is there nobody out there that the Bush Administration doesn’t disenfranchise? I’d be curious to know how much of a percentage of votes Nevada gets with its “none of the above” option.
• That Karl Rove is a genius. Let’s face it Republicans, according to the polls, we aren’t doing so well, and the mid-term elections are only a few months away. So what does our Lord and Savior Jesus Rove do?
1) He gets a “moderate” Democrat by the name of Joe Lieberman to lose in his primary to this liberal who had the founder of the Daily Kos blog in his political commercials. Then he gets Lieberman to run as an Independent, and it’s quite possible that Joe can win in his state's general election.
2) Rove then gets a bunch of would-be terrorists (allegedly, of course) busted who wanted to blow up several airplanes that would be going from Britain to America. I’m sure Rove knows every time a terrorist boards a plane and uses focus groups to determine if it’s more beneficial for his boss if the plane turns into fiery wreckage or if Mohammad and friends get caught beforehand.
So not only does the Bush administration get to strike fear of an impending terrorist attack into the American public, but also Rove gets to expose the Democrat Party (even more than usual) as a bunch of pre-9/11 namby pambys with their heads buried in the sand regarding Muslims who want to chop our heads off. As an added bonus, if Lieberman wins as an Independent this means that the Democrats will have one less body in the Senate. In other words, if the GOP drops to 49 seats after this next election we will still retain a Senate majority. With “Independent” Jim Jeffords and Lieberman taking up two slots, the Democrats could also only get a maximum of 49 seats, which gives any tie-breaking votes to Dick Cheney.
Every time I think the Republicans are in trouble, Karl Rove always comes through in the clutch. Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
• Speaking of arrests, the other day Maurice Clarett got pulled over by the PO-lice, who found four loaded guns, a machete and a half empty bottle of vodka in his vehicle. When the cops tried to taser him for being unruly, they discovered that Clarett was also wearing a bullet-proof vest. Wow. I know it’s hard for a black man to drive in this RACIST society of ours, but it can’t be that dangerous as to equip yourself like you’re going to war, can it? I was watching Jim Rome’s ESPN show yesterday, and it was funny to see all the sub-hosts wondering who’s to blame for Clarett’s fall? Uh, did Ohio State put those guns in his vehicle? Did the NFL strap on that bullet-proof vest? Why I bet that Buckeye football coach drank half of that vodka. Oh and fuck all those people who say "this is a sad story." That piece of shit brought all of this upon himself; I find the whole thing funny as hell.
• While I’m on the subject of running backs that may never carry another pigskin in the NFL, things don’t look good for Jets halfback Curtis Martin. If his knees are indeed shot to hell, I hope he’s saved his money over the years and can retire in peace. He wasn’t all that flashy, but he certainly got the job done. I always thought it was weird that Martin was able to play under the radar despite being in the media capital of the world for all those years.
• Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This chick says that her and her boyfriend are trying to go about their relationship like any good Christian couple would. However, there is one problem. Before meeting “Mr. Right” this chick had another boyfriend, and one night they had sex. As a result, the guy gave her snatch herpes. She called because she didn't know if or when the right time would be to tell her current boyfriend of her medical condition.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 64: UseTheSledgehammerUh
This guy gets a lot of criticism, and at one point he was even banned, but I’ve never had a problem with him. In fact, his user name is one of the better ones around here, imo, and he has shown us in the past how to party, mixer-style. Of course if you look back on those threads all you get are a bunch of "User Posted Images," but we'll always have our memories.
And now a word or seven from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From The Real World's Champion:
From Black Lushus:
From EricMM:
From Bob Barron:
From Carnival:
From Cancer Marney:
From SFA Jack:
• I am in sheer awe of this old guy who lives across the street from me. Despite living with what I am assuming are his children and grandchildren – the youngest of which is in his teens – this poor guy still does all of the property's yard work. Yesterday I noticed a ladder in the front of this house, and when I looked more closely I noticed that this guy, who can barely walk on level ground, was on the ladder and doing something to a window that involved a power tool. He spent at least two-and-a-half hours out there doing God-knows-what, but bless him for his efforts. I know I would probably kill myself if I had to do any home improvements that took me off the ground.
• While I’m talking about neighbors, the people which live to the one side of me (not the old guy who kills groundhogs, but the other people with the barking dog), have set up all this playground equipment, including a big-ass trampoline. Now if they would only get around to mowing their lawn. The better half thinks they’re drug dealers, but I’m leaning more toward them setting up some unregulated daycare business.
• I heard this on Rush’s show today. And they say people in the Northwest aren’t passionate about their teams. But before I go thinking that people along the Left Coast are normal, I have to add that this judge filed a complaint against HERSELF.
• And now for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Some woman phones in and wants to know how she can properly love her husband. When asked why she needs help in “loving her husband” this woman replied, “Because he scares me.”
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 65: Starvenger
Uh. Hmm. Well, he’s part of my football contest and had a tough year with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers last season thanks to a few close losses. Other than that I don’t know much about him. Why in the hell did I put him on this list? Well, I’m sure there’s a good reason; I just don’t know it. I certainly hope my expert panel can come through for me on this one. (Just one comment? Y2Jerk had seven of them!)
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• Well today Connecticut U.S. Senator Joe Lieberman is in the fight for his political life against some schmoe who is more left-wing than the incumbent who sides with his Party 90-some percent of the time. Poor Joe. A career of supporting liberal causes and he’s coming under fire because he doesn’t want Abdul to set off a nuke in New Haven or Bridgeport. I’ve liked Joe for years. Yeah, I know he’s not one of the more popular public officials in these here parts, what with him being one of those moral types that doesn’t like pro wrestling and naughty song lyrics, but I don’t care. He’s always been one of those Democrats I’ve liked, even when I didn’t agree with him, which was most, if not all, of the time. Besides, he’s representing the state of Connecticut; it’s not like the Republicans will be electing their next Speaker of the House from that state. Shit, the biggest Republican from that place is Christopher Shays, and he’s a douche.
I’m not sure if Lieberman is going to pull this one out – polls say he’s not going to win, but I’ve been a bit suspicious of the surveys regarding this race for a while now. It’ll actually be funny if he loses because I wonder if Medium-Large Media will circle-jerk Lieberman should he decide to run as an Independent in the November general election, which he would have a good chance of winning. After all, I thought Medium-Large Media liked candidates that bucked the system and declared their independence. That’s how they acted when Jim Jeffords, that little bitch boy from Vermont, jumped ship in ’01 from the Republican Party to that hippie “Independent” label, giving Democrats a Senate majority that has since been erased.
• Recently I’ve been reading threads about this hippie storyline Marvel Comics has been engaged in regarding a divide between its superhero universe. (In case you have been wondering about those “Civil War” banners in some posters’ sigs, this is what they’re talking about.) However, if this fag-crew from across the Pond ever decides to come on over to America, I think even Captain America and Iron Man will put aside their differences to engage in a royal beat down of these Euro-Weenies.
• Introducing the newest KK Korner feature: The Dr. Laura caller of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). God these people are fucked up. Today’s winner is some woman whose husband used to be a Jehovah’s Witness but gave up the "faith" when he got married to the caller. This caused the guy's parents to disown him and his family. Well, this woman (the caller) still brings her 10-month old and three-year old kids to these people every weekend for unsupervised visitations. The caller wanted to know if she should be doing this, considering the grandparents said they have disowned the caller and her family.
• So the better half dragged me along to some dinner that her soon-to-be boss had set up. In case I haven’t talked about this before, Mrs. kkk quit her job in June because she couldn’t take all the petty office bullshit that occurs in white-collar world. From June through this month she is baby-sitting her niece and nephew during the day and working at a local pizza shop, which I have mentioned before, at night. The reason she decided to quit was that another person she met through her now-former job was starting up a new study (Mrs. kkk has a Masters in Clinical Psychology) and said she would love to have her join the team. With the experiences I have had in regards to people telling me that a job offer is forthcoming (see yesterday’s entry as an example), pardon me if I’m a bit skeptical about promises like these. Well it looks all but certain the better half will be starting this job September 1. Yesterday her boss wanted to get her and the other staff member to get together and talk about the upcoming project. I was brought along, too, for what reason I don’t know. Her future boss seems OK. Mrs. kkk has told me for months that even though this lady has a Ph.D. she’s not as flighty as most people that accumulate multiple academic degrees tend to be. For the most part I have to agree with the better half, although once you get those fancy-sounding pieces of paper you will always have that with you, especially when you pour sugar on your penne, thinking the jar is filled with Parmesan cheese.
My theory on people who spend more time trying to stay in academia instead of trying to get a job in the real world is that the more knowledge you acquire via textbooks written by people who can’t make a living outside of State U the more common sense you have to sacrifice. When I was in college, it was always amusing to see professors with BA’s, BS’s, MBA’s, Ph.D.’s, and everything else in-between stand there in silence when trying to figure out how to operate the classroom VCR. Most of the time the channel just needed to be switched over to “3” and you had to turn the “power” and “vcr/tv” buttons, but I guess you don’t learn these sort of things when you’re reading up on the cultural lifestyles of transsexual Asian-Americans during the 1950s, or some other equally obscure nice field of study.
• I heard about this earlier today. Spooky.
Well now that I’m in job search mode once again I feel like whipping out an old-school story of one of my previously unsuccessful employment-seeking endeavors (the best time to look for a new job is when you already have one; NEVER just up and quit your place of employment). I had moved to Ohio in August of 2000 and was sending out resumes left and right. I had thought with my previous experience and the fact that I was situated in-between two decent-sized cities – Dayton and Cincinnati – I would be able to get something related to the communications field.
It was early October when I got an interview for a place called Modern Machine Shop Magazine regarding a newly created editorial-type job. I spent a day or two preparing myself for the interview and headed down there on Columbus Day. I had a number of unsuccessful interviews over the last month or two, but I was getting a great vibe from the guy I was talking to at this place. Not only was he easy-going in nature, but also he had no clue as to how anything worked at this place. I was thinking to myself that this job interview could be the one, and then I met these two bitches who were only a few years older than me and who I would be working with at this job. Any mojo I had before meeting these two was immediately vaporized. I could tell right off the bat these two didn’t want to be bothered with me, and words can’t describe how pissed off I was on the drive home.
Over a month went by and I got a follow-up call from Modern Machine Shop Magazine asking if I could go to some shrink they contract to who gives pre-job screening assessments. It was odd that it would take them a month to proceed with this next step, but seeing how I was still unemployed I went ahead with this appointment. Once again, the hands of fate played a cruel trick on me. It turns out that this shrink’s mother had just been sent to the hospital for a serious condition (I think it was a stroke), and I could tell that this guy was in no mood to do his job, and who could blame him? However, that’s no reason to act like an asshole to your subject, which he was with me. Basically, he just asked me why would people hate me (oh, if he only knew), and I could tell he wasn’t listening to half the shit I was saying. This guy then gave me some hippie “test” where I had to check off, in terms of what I agreed with the more, sentences that read. “I like to work with people,” “I work with people I like,” “People like working with me,” “I like people who like working,” “Working people like me,” and so on. Once again, any hopes of getting a full-time job that involved the use of what I had spent four years learning in college was dismissed on my drive home.
Another month and change went by when I got yet another call from Modern Machine Shop Magazine. It turns out these people were still interested in my services. This time I inquired about why there had been such lengthy delays during this job screening process. I was then informed that they had originally offered this job to someone else, and (surprise) the person they wanted to hire was a friend of those two bitches who didn’t want to give me the time of day during my initial interview visit. It turns out the chick they wanted to hire was playing them off of another company and eventually took the other place’s offer. Ironically, the organization she eventually took a job at was the same place who had asked me in an interview I had with them if I would have a problem working in an all-female department. I wonder if they would ask a Muslim or Jew if he or she would have a problem working in an all-Christian department? Better yet, I wonder if they would ask a minority if there will be any problems for them to work in an all-Caucasian division? But this is another story for another time.
So here I was driving back to Modern Machine Shop, where I would meet with the company’s owner and the head editor, who I hadn’t met before. I had the interview of my life, and I knew I had impressed the owner, especially when I indirectly noted that I read the conservative/libertarian magazine National Review (which was intentional on my part because something he had said earlier tipped me off to his reading interests). So after all of this did I end up with the job? Of course not. According to the head editor, a few days after that interview the company ordered a hiring freeze, and I was S.O.L. Was this guy being honest? Who the fuck knows, and who the fuck cares. About a year or so later I was talking with this lady who personally knew some people who worked at this place and mentioned that they were having to lay off some people due to unexpected costs that came with a large loan they had received from a bank (this was also the reason I was given for the hiring freeze). So even if I had gotten this job, I probably would have been pink-slipped shortly thereafter anyway.
So what’s the moral to this story? I don’t know. I was never a believer of fate, but events like what I described above have made me question my previous doubt of the phrase, “everything happens for a reason.” In addition, if you’re reading this entry and currently having difficulty trying to find a job that you want to put those four-plus years of higher education to good use, then take solace in knowing that you aren’t the only person who has experienced the problem of finding steady work related to your college degree. Believe me, I've got a bunch of these stories.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 66: Y2Jerk
I understand that Y2Jerk may not be the most popular poster around these parts. However, this sparring with Your Paragon of Virtue stems from a recent CE thread, which is located in a folder whose newer topics from the last year or so I have all but exiled myself from. But during the glory days of this particular folder, I had quite a fondness for Mr. Jerk. No, it wasn’t that I agreed with his leftist opinions, but rather because I found his epic multi-thread battles with MikeSC to be the stuff of CE legend. Whether they quarreled over whether or not Islam was a death cult, or when they goofed on each other’s line of work, one could rest assured that during spring of ’05 there would be a Y2Jerk/MikeSC clash of the day. So in the spirit of "Mike vs. Jerk is the CE folder equivalent of HHH vs. HBK," let me whip out a still-frame of their last epic battle before the TSM mods decided to finally ban Mike once and for all.
And now a word or seven from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
From EricMM:
From Bob Barron:
From SFA Jack:
From Carnival:
From Cancer Marney:
From Lovecraft:
• Now I like a good “own3d” picture just as much as the next person, but one I recently saw in TSM’s “Post your favorite ‘Owned!’” thread has me scratching my head. It’s the one with the black guy playing Connect 4.
As our negro friend gets his piece ready for the winning shot, which is where I'm assuming the "owning" is taking place, I noticed that it appears he has already won the game with four diagonal red discs in a row from the bottom right corner up.
• Now it is time for the moment of truth. Over the past month I’ve been revealing my answers to that Political Compass thing. Now where exactly do I belong on this grid? Am I among the ranks of Hitler and Stalin, or, even worse, George W. Bush? Let’s see:
Part I.
Part II.
Part III.
Part IV.
Part V.
Part VI.
Part VII.
My score:
Economic Left/Right: 1.63
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: 0.82
And just who is the world figure I am closest to?
Former President (or whatever the hell they’re called over there) Gerard Schroeder.
The fuck? How the hell am I even close to thinking like this asshole? Oh well, if the Political Compass says I think like this guy then I guess they’re right. Hooray socialism and double-digit unemployment rates!
• Too bad Texas Republicans have to keep Tom DeLay’s name on the November ballot. Perhaps if you people asked the New Jersey State Supreme Court to intervene on your behalf you might get somewhere. For those that don't know, back in '02 these red-diaper doper babies violated the law and let Democrats put a new candidate on the ballot, even though the deadline for doing such a thing had expired for this midterm election. Oh, wait, y’all Texans are Republicans. Nevermind.
Woah, woah, woah. Back up a second. I just noticed the name of my last link source.
Even though the word "twatrock" wasn't used in that linked article, can it be?
• Well no fucking shit. Fatties are in more danger during a heat wave. Next thing I know you’ll tell me that the obese also face greater risks of heart disease and diabetes than skinny people.
• Every now and then you come across a story that no matter what you do you can’t top the actual article itself. This is one of those instances. A lot of times when someone re-posts a story in its entirety on a message board one or two sentences/quotes/etc. are bolded for emphasis. If I were to do that for the story below, the whole article would be in bold-face.
• I know talking about video games is pathetic, but I don’t care. Last night I was playing Game 5 of my NHL ’06 second-round playoff series against the Devils. I was already up 3-1 in the series, but the last two games had been extremely close, and Game 5 was no exception. The first two periods were scoreless with each team getting a number of chances to score. Then New Jersey opened up the final period with three goals within the first 10 minutes of simulated game time. (I play 5-minute periods; otherwise, these games would end up with several hundred shots and a few dozen goals per contest; at least this way the games are more realistic in terms of stats.) Suddenly, Martin Brodeur, who had been blocking every one-timer and deke I had been throwing at him all game, got lit up for three goals in the span of less than five minutes of game time. With 40 seconds remaining, I was able to score one more time and put in an empty-netter that sealed the deal with a 5-3 win. The first 40 minutes of this game had zero goals; the last 20 had eight. Now it’s onto Florida, where I have had trouble this season.
• I heard on a local sports talk show this morning that the Pirates announced they are investing the $5+ million they saved thanks to dumping players this past trading deadline back into the team in terms of player development/scouting/etc. This raises the question of what has the Pirates front office been doing the previous dozen-plus years with the extra money it has collected from trading away players and their contracts. If $5 million got saved every year since 1993 thanks to getting rid of costly players in mid-season, you’re looking at $70 million in savings. With that kind of scratch they could sign A-Rod – for a week.
• This humidity must be mellowing me out because yesterday I went to the grocery store and didn’t even bother to goof on this woman when she thought she could ring up her order on a personal shopping scanning station. I don’t know why I didn’t have the heart to tell her that she had to have been shopping with a personal scanner in order to check out at that register. I probably chose not to because I wanted her to finish checking out before realizing that all her rushed effort would be for naught. Besides, I know had I interfered with her attempt to quickly get out of the store it would not have ended good. Here is how I’m guessing the conversation would have gone:
“Excuse me, but you need to have a personal shopper scanner in order to ring up your groceries at this registers.”
“Huh?”
“*I go on the explain for 5 minutes or so what a personal shopper scanner is.*”
“Well they should post a sign saying this registers is for personal shoppers only.”
“Uh, they do. *Points to big-ass sign this lady passed right up before scanning items.*”
I’m not sure what will happen after this, but I’m sure this woman would bitch some more, and I would have had to put her in her place because I have no tolerance for people that do something dumb and want to place the blame on someone else. I think another reason I bit my tongue in this case was because I bought these kick-ass ice cream sandwiches called “skinny cows” for half-price and didn’t want them to melt during this encounter.
The reason I am talking about grocery shopping is that I’ve noticed a lot of products are being discontinued, particularly these Emeril sauces that are way overpriced. I wonder if the other grocery products around the discontinued items make fun of them when nobody’s watching because the manufacturer is basically saying that nobody wants to buy this crap and it’s no longer being produced. Most of the time I have nothing to do with these discontinued items, except for these Shrimp Teriyaki Bowls that were hella good. Of course those disgusting Garlic Shrimp Scampi Bowls are still kicking; God knows why.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 67: Slapnuts
OK, let’s get this out of the way.
There. Now I don't have to repeat these infamous words again for the rest of this entry. In Slappy's defense, I think he took the ribbings he received for his "freezing" remarks in good stride, or as good as one can get after something like this. Aside from the above-mentioned quote, Slapnuts has been known for other things, such as defending Israel from the mainstreamliberalpress and TSM Jew-bashers (boy that sounds odd coming from me) with those long-ass "Myth" posts that I never took the time to read due to all the words those things contained. He was also a member of the Conservative Brigade, and according to our last AIM conversation he is/was studying to become a lawyer, which is funny considering he said he didn’t care much for the people in this particular line of work. All in all, the Baltimore Orioles-loving Slapnuts isn’t too bad a guy, even though he will forever be remembered for a certain 77 words.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From the Real World’s Champion:
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
From Bob Barron:
• Upon reading Black Lushus’ comment in yesterday’s entry, I got the thinking about Mel’s recent “Jew” remarks. I don’t have any of his Mad Max movies etched in my memory bank, but I wonder if there were any Jewish characters in those films? If there weren’t, then perhaps a post-apoplectic world won’t be such a bad place after all. Then again, black people will still be around, so a futuristic wasteland filled with devastation and nomadic tribes on wheels won’t be a complete return to Eden. Baby steps, though, baby steps.
• Just die already you piece of shit and get your one-way ticket to hell punched. I had to laugh when I learned that Fidel's younger brother, who is now in charge (for the moment) of that commie island by Florida, is the vibrant age of 75. And people goofed on the Catholic Church for appointing a guy not much younger than Pope John Paul II to be the next Pontiff? Oh, and I heard on the radio from a White House spokesperson that if Fidel should kick the bucket, the United States is ready to show the fine commies and wanna-be exiles of Cuba a better way to govern themselves via the democratic system. Really? When will they start showing us this system? OMG SELECTED NOT ELECTED LOL2000! Sorry for that, but sometimes you just got to let one of them out every now and then. And for the record I'm talking about "OMG..." lines, not Jews in concentration camps. If lovecraft doesn't deem that to be offensive, then I don't know what else to do.
• I talked yesterday about one thing that I didn’t care for regarding professional football, and today it is Major League Baseball’s turn. The trading deadline expired a little while ago, and this is the time of year when contending teams try to find that one extra pitcher or slugger to put them over the top. On the flip side of this coin are losing teams looking to unload soon-to-be free agents they can’t afford to retain in hopes of getting some worthwhile prospects. I get how this game is played. If you’re the Yankees, you don’t want to give up whatever good young players your minor league system still has. If you’re the Phillies, you want to ship off someone you won’t be able to re-sign in the off-season and get the best deal possible in return. Trying to get something for nothing is the American way. However, can we please lay off the theatrics of teams absolutely refusing to hand away a particular prospect? For weeks I’ve heard the Yankees say proclaim they will ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY REFUSE to give up some can’t-miss minor-leaguer they have in their system. I don’t know who this guy is, nor do I care. All I know is that the guy’s a pitcher and the Yankees won’t part with him no matter what the circumstances. Well, it looks like they got Bobby Abreu in return for some minor-leaguers that were not on their “untouchable” list. I’m sure Al Keiper or Bored knows who these people are and can give you some win-share figures of each player’s time in A, AA and AAA ball. Quit the public theatrics and get the deal done in private.
• Speaking of trades, I heard this morning that the Pirates have shipped off Sean Casey to the Tigers earlier today. What’s hilarious about this is that when Casey, a hometown boy, signed with the Pirates this past off-season, it was being billed as a sign of things to come with this losing franchise. Oh it was a sign all right. A sign that the tradition of finishing in last place is still going strong. God I love this team. On the bright side, Casey is now going to a former Shittsburgh manager that was at least able to get his team into the postseason. Oh, and speaking of the Tigers, I had been expecting them to fold sometime this season, but after their recent performances against White Sox and Twins I now think they’re a legit playoff team. Of course, having said this I’m sure they will proceed to lose their next 20 games.
The local media has reported over the past few days that the Pirates were going to make some trades. They weren’t kidding. As I was watching ESPN this afternoon I was reading the bottom-screen headlines and it seemed Shittsburgh deserved its own little section. First I saw they traded Oliver Perez and Roberto Hernandez to the Mets. Then they traded infielder/outfielder Craig Wilson to the Yankees. Then they traded pitcher Kip Wells to the Rangers (yeah, that'll improve the Texas rotation). Now my question is if these teams are all in the postseason chase, then why in the hell do they want players from this franchise? It’s not like a team gets to be 40-66 overnight. It takes persistence and effort, baby.
• So Mel Gibson has "allegedly" shown (or should I say bellowed?) his true colors as being an anti-Semite. Now I like this guy even more. With the media criticism of his “Passion of the Christ,” how can you not blame Gibson for thinking there’s a Jew conspiracy out to get him? I bet his bartender’s name ended in “-stein” and phoned his buddy (collect of course) at the Los Angeles Times once he saw Mel’s state of intoxication after last call was announced. OK, now this made me laugh.
• Well now the media can settle down with their “OMG REGGIE BUSH MAY SIT OUT THE ENTIRE YEAR” hysteria. The guy signed on the dotted line with the New Orleans Saints and is supposed to report to training camp today. I can’t stand the “Will this rookie holdout sit the entire season?” stories that usually spring up about this time every year. What made this season's batch especially annoying was that Bush is supposed to put the city of New Orleans on his back and bring this place back to prominence, or at least back to having college white girls take their shirts off in exchange for some beads. What really pissed me off was the notion that Bush “promised” to sign a contract early and then didn’t. For a football player, who may be one play away from a career-ending injury, I don’t blame these people one bit for trying to get as much money as they can. The only thing I disagreed with Bush on in this situation was the “I should be paid like I was the overall top pick” talk. You weren’t drafted first – get over it. Otherwise, I say get your money now, put your financial house in order, and then concentrate on your craft.
• I was watching the Sports Reporters this morning and Mitch Album talked about this judge who ruled pat-downs at football games unconstitutional. He was right. Holy shit is this Gordon Johnston a fucking douche, and what a shock, the Atheists and Criminals/Communists Love Us organization helped him in this lawsuit:.
Hey bitch boy, you’re not getting stripped searched. You’re not having your anus probed in search of weapons of mass destruction. You’re getting a pat-down before entering a stadium filled with more than 50,000 other football fans. Get over it you bitch-ass faggot. I loved his last line about in the “absence of a specific threat or suspicion of those being searched universal pat-downs are too broad a response." So you want only to pat-down people who look suspicious -- well who are you going to deem worth of such suspicion? I bet the instant anyone gets a “suspected” pat-down you’ll come down from your ivory tower, U.S. Constitution in hand, and then get the ACLU to sue on behalf of Adbul because his pat-down was RACIST. And of course should a hidden bomb explode at a Bucs home game, Johnston will probably be one of the first armchair quarterbacks bitching about how stadium security didn’t do everything they could to prevent the blast from happening. I have to wonder if the government school Gordon teaches at has any metal detectors/search procedures. Hopefully this school does, and another commie judge rules these search methods unconstitutional, only then to have a student put a few bullets into Johnston’s skull, further turning his brain into mush.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 69: Bob Barron
From his Saturday Night Live recaps that take longer to read than it would to actually watch this unfunny piece of crap program he reviews to his numerous pictures with celebrities...
(my personal favorite)
...Bob is one of the more recognizable posters at this place. And how can he not be, considering he's had that hat longer than the Braves have been winning Division titles. I’ve talked to Bob via AIM for a few years now, and he’s a pretty nice kid. Not only is he a conservative student in a field of study (journalism) that is dominated by liberals (especially considering he goes to school in Canada), but also he’s a regular participant in my NFL Pick ‘em league. In fact, he was runner-up in KKK Bowl II. Now with all these nice things being said about him, the question is why is he ranked up so high (or "low," as the case may be) on this list? Well, Bob has the potential to capture a Top 20, or even a Top 10, spot, but the fact of the matter is, Bob, that you need some action. I know it’ll probably be a while before you experience it in the Real World, so by occupying the number 69 slot you can at least fulfill your wildest celeb fantasies on my list. Go to town big guy.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Lovecraft231:
From The Real World’s Champion:
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
Oh, and for all my expert panelists: the number 68 spot is being changed for reasons you’ll understand later when he turns up again.
• The Andrea Yates story just keeps getting better. Like I said before, it’s shit like this which makes people support the death penalty. I’m guessing she gets released from the crazy house in 5-10 years. I think what’s even more disgusting is that her ex-husband was complaining not because Andrea was now found innocent but because it took two juries to reach a not guilty verdict. He then griped about all the tax dollars being spent for the two trials. Maybe it indeed was best for these kids that they got killed relatively early on in their lives before their parents could do some real damage to them.
• So the United Nations decides to stick around in a war zone and several “observers” got killed by an Israeli rocket, prompting Kofi Annan to say that it appeared that Israel was targeting his people. Well Israel did say they were going to go after terrorists. When I first heard this my guess was that Hezbollah was probably moving closer to that U.N. outpost; a letter Glenn Beck read earlier today on his radio show confirmed my guess. According to this letter, one of the observers who eventually was killed in the strike said that the Israeli shelling they were experiencing had not been deliberate but due to a tactical necessity. Gee, terrorists moving toward civilians/non-aggressors in hopes of innocent lives being lost? That’s a newsflash.
• This has been a pretty depressing entry, what with moms getting off from killing their kids and the Mideast going to hell in a handbasket. However, there is some good news on the horizon; score one for the good guys in the eminent domain struggle. Fuck you Big Government. Fuck you Big Private Land Developer. Fuck you Five Communists on the Supreme Court.
• There is a McDonalds near where I live that just experienced a “drive-thru,” geezer style. This old person plowed into one of those outside play areas that some of the yuppie Golden Arches use to lure in children and their parents. Here is the best part of the article:
And then further down...
I think the “gas pedal got stuck” is the old person’s version of the classic “dog ate my homework."
• This past weekend I got Comcast Digital Cable. Uh, yay, I guess. Basically, Comcast is offering this deal where you get phone service, Internet access and Digital Cable all for one price that saves me more than $50 for the first year and a lesser amount thereafter. As I began playing around with the “On Demand” feature, I went into the section where you can watch free movies. What, you thought I’d actually go into the pay-per-view section? So as I was flipping through the free movies, I noticed that most of these films weren’t, let’s say, the greatest of quality. Not that I’m complaining though, because they are free. Well, they had Men in Black; too bad I own the DVD. Hey, A League of Their Own wasn’t bad for what it was. There was also the first Mad Max movie, which I hadn’t seen before. Look here, it's My Best Friend’s Wedding; I won’t watch it any time soon, but at least it’s a movie that was made within the last 10 years and was reasonably popular at the box office. However, as I looked more thoroughly through over to the “comedy” area, I began to notice a certain pattern of films: Ernest Goes to the Army, Ernest Goes to Camp, Ernest Goes to Africa (!?). Just exactly how many of these Ernest movies were made? I admit watching as a kid Ernest Goes to Camp, and I remember he had some television show, but that’s about the extent of my Ernest knowledge. Just for the hell of it, I headed over to IMDB and looked up a list of Ernest movies/shows”
“Ernest Goes to Camp”
“Ernest Saves Christmas”
“Ernest Goes to Splash Mountain,”
“Hey Vern! It’s Ernest!”
“Ernest Goes to Jail”
“Ernest Scared Stupid”
“Ernest's Greatest Hits Volume 2”
“Ernest Rides Again”
“Ernest Goes to School”
“Slam Dunk Ernest”
“Ernest Goes to Africa”
“Ernest in the Army”
Christ almighty. Who buys this shit?
• Well the better half and I are having a bit of a tiff because she “volunteered” me to help her one friend with the two out-of-wedlock kids move into her newly purchased house. I got to hear this good news at 5:45 a.m. as I was getting ready for work, so needless to say my reaction was less than enthusiastic. I hate moving. I’ve packed my things and headed out for greener pastures five times since 1998, and that is more than enough times for me. However, what pisses me off even more is that her friend doesn’t really do anything with Mrs. kkk unless she needs something. I get that she has two kids and all, but there have been more times than I can count in the past that not only would this girl flake out with scheduled get-togethers, but each time she would never let the better half know she wasn't going to be attending whatever they had planned. And her reasons weren’t because the one kid had to go to the emergency room; it would be because she got drunk with some other people. I'm one of those dolts that tries to keep his word whenever possible, and if I'm unable to make an event I let the host know as soon as possible. I have no problem helping out people I know. Hell, I can do nice things for strangers once in a while, too. But I have a problem with being there for someone who wouldn’t give two shits about your situation should you ever need to rely on them for something. Oh well, at least this will give me some material to use the next 10 times this person screws over the better half and an event she’s planned.
KKK’s Top 103 Poste_s
Numbe_ 72: The Th_ead Kille_
I didn’t know much about this guy until he came out of the closet. Is he a homo? I don’t know. Howeve_, he admitted something that’s much b_ave_ than that. He admitted to being a fan of mine. That could get you black-balled in some places. Too bad he’s olde_ than me and not a hot chick whose panties got wet eve_y time I said the magic wo_ds “OMG FAUX NEWS LOL2003/4/5/6!” Maybe he does wea_ panties and get them wet wheneve_ the ph_ase of the day is said, but that’s going down a path I’d _athe_ not t_avel – not that the_e’s anything w_ong with taking that _oad, it’s just that it’s a bit on the bumpy side, and my shocks a_e ve_y sensitive. He also “saved” the othe_ place, so that’s anothe_ plus. I don’t know if he’s an economist, but since he’s Canadian he would only be a f_action of what TSM’s Ame_ican mic_o/mac_o numbe_ c_unche_s a_e. Neve_theless, I’d still like him, but only in a plutonic sense.
And now a wo_d f_om the expe_t panel I have put togethe_ to comment on the people I’ve listed.
F_om Cance_ Ma_ney:
• So W finally decided to exe_cise the powe_ of his veto pen. And he came so close to going two te_ms without using it. Of cou_se, instead of x-ing out one of those bloated budgets he goes against emb_yonic stem-cell _esea_ch. Now I’m p_obably on the w_ong side of this issue, but the_e’s just something c_eepy about this. I can’t explain it, so if anyone wants to go “OMG U P_O-LIFE EXT_EMIST U WANTED CH_ISTOPHE_ _EEVE TO STAY IN THAT WHEELCHAI_” then go _ight ahead. And while Bush’s veto is going to supposedly kill millions upon millions of people, what just got _ejected? A bill pimping adult stem-cell _esea_ch. Why? Acco_ding to the a_ticle:
Yet _epublicans a_e the only ones playing politics with this issue.
• Hey, Bush is doing anothe_ fi_st. He’s going to add_ess the NAACP at thei_ convention fo_ the fi_st time. If a bomb went off at NAACP headqua_te_s I wouldn’t shed a tea_ – fuck that g_oup. What they did to W. du_ing the ’00 election was despicable when they _an an ad that compa_ed him opposing hate c_ime legislation to the (at the time) _ecent d_agging death of a black guy. Fuck these bitches. In the so_ta-wo_ds of black commentato_ Julianne Malveaux when she opined on Justice Thomas (just so I can’t be accused of being _ACIST): “You know, I hope the spouses of NAACP leade_s feed them lots of eggs and butte_ and they dies ea_ly like many black men do, of hea_t disease. Well, that’s how I feel. This is an absolutely _ep_ehensible ‘civil _ights’ g_oup."
• I liked the Cle_ks movie, although I only bought the ult_a-special DVD and not the supe_-10-yea_-you’_e-not-a-_eal-fan-if-you-don’t-buy-this-one edition. I’ve _ecently seen some p_eviews fo_ the sequel, and I wasn’t encou_aged. Well now I’m a bit mo_e optimistic. Still won’t see it in the theate_, though. A su_e-fi_e DVD pu_chase.
• The Ba__y-Bonds-is-getting-indicted talk is getting p_etty heated. I hea_d today that if this we_e to happen because he didn’t pay some hippie taxes, o_ whateve_ the case is, Majo_ League Baseball could suspend him, vi_tually squashing any _emote hope he has at catching Hank Aa_on’s home _un _eco_d. I hope this suspension doesn’t happen. No, I haven’t had a change of hea_t towa_d this asshole. I have my _easons. _eason 1) You a_e always innocent until p_oven guilty in this count_y, [unless you’_e Tom Delay] and he should be allowed to make a living. 2) I don’t want him in any way to become a sympathetic figu_e. 3) You thought the fan _eaction to him in the ea_ly pa_t of this yea_ was funny? Man, it’ll be kicked up a notch o_ th_ee should he get indicted; keep the funny signs coming.
• I’ll tell you what, wheneve_ I find this cocksucke_ I’m going to kick his ass. G__________________.
You may now pelt me with _otten pe_ishables.
