• So I was at this hotel for my workplace’s quarterly board meeting today, and what group is sharing the same building as me? The National Society of Black Engineers. The fuck? One thing I learned today is that black engineers sure like to talk on their cell phones. Oh, and that black engineers sure like to dress professionally. For a second I thought I was in a courtroom and seated directly behind the defendant’s chair. Say, with all these black engineers, maybe Louis Farrakhan contracted this group to blow up the New Orleans levies just so he can blame it on Halliburton. Hmm, I may be on to something here. Oh, and what’s the only thing better than being an asshole? Being an asshole to your boss with the Board of Directors of your workplace present. Of course, if you were being an asshole and your boss’ name was “Dick,” then you might be in trouble, but that’s not the case with the two idiots that sign my paychecks.
• Last night I was fiddling with Comcast’s On-Demand service and decided to watch a childhood classic: Red Dawn. I almost forgot how great this movie was. WOLVERINES! Whenever those commies invade, all you pansy-ass anti-NRA types will sure regret wanting to take away my side’s guns. Then again, you probably won’t because all you types will be welcoming the enemy on your knees. When I saw this as a kid I totally missed the “Thanks to gun registration files my comrades can find and kill all the law-abiding U.S. citizens that own firearms and could give us trouble” angle. Now that I’m older and realize how the one-world government wants to eliminate all forms of individuals protecting themselves, I can now fully appreciate this cinematic masterpiece. Oh, and then there was that whole issue of high school kids wiping out platoons of Cubans and Russians with rocket launchers and special ops-caliber strategies. So the commies are smart enough to spring a surprise attack across the United States but yet are no match for a handful of crazy teens? Yeah, but these kids were in a red state. Well, except for that fag who swallowed that tracker-device thing – I’m willing to bet him and his bitch-ass old man moved in from California or something.
• While I’m on the topic of WOLVERINES, did you see Ohio Sate/Michigan today? OMG GAME OF THE CENTRUY! Actually, I didn’t watch this game, nor do I give a shit. Well, maybe I do a little bit because it had two extremely good rival teams playing against each other. After seeing the ESPN highlights, I started hearing the “OMG REMATCH” talk. Hey, fags, I thought the beauty of a playoff-less college football game is that every game is like a playoff; one loss and you’re out. So quit this “rematch” shit, because if the regular season was REALLY like a playoff, then Michigan is out in the semi-finals. I don’t know if there’s another undefeated team besides the Buckeyes, nor do I care. I was hoping Louisville would go undefeated just so some hippie Big East team could then get the shit kicked out of them in the BcS Championshit game. That way the national sports media can go “OMG Why isn’t Michigan in a rematch?” Because Louisville was undefeated and Michigan wasn’t, you bitches. Yet another reason I don’t take college football all that seriously.
(7.5) Baltimore at Tennessee. Incorrect.
Well, I pulled a Democrat comparison with Steve McNair going against the evil corporate giant that screwed him over, and in true union fashion Ravens didn’t put in that much actual work and failed to cover the spread.
Buffalo at Indianapolis (12.5). Correct.
Woo-hoo, go Colts. Keep winning those close games that the experts predict you to win handedly.
Chicago at N.Y. Giants (2.5). Correct
At first I was worried that the Bears would continue playing a bit sub par, but thank goodness for 100-yard botched field goal touchdown returns.
Cleveland at Atlanta (7.5). Incorrect
So Atlanta loses to the Lions AND the Browns? I don’t care what the team is they face next, if I bet against the Falcons I know they’ll win just to piss me off.
Green Bay at Minnesota (5.5). Incorrect
Wow. Bret Favre goes 24 for 42 with 347 yards, two touchdowns and no interceptions. In Minnesota? Who the hell could see that coming?
Houston at Jacksonville (10.5). Correct.
What the hell is up with Jacksonville? They struggle to beat the Texans at Houston, then they outright lose to the same team in their own stadium. Well, it is a divisional game, and anything can happen in these instances.
(1.5) Kansas City at Miami. Incorrect.
Perhaps the Dolphins can lobby the league to start the regular season in November, which is when they seem to get hot.
New Orleans at Pittsburgh (4.5). Incorrect.
I watched the first part of this game and thought the Saints would outscore the Steelers. When I tuned in later and saw the score to be 38-31 in favor of the home team, I shook my head. Granted the Steelers aren’t as bad as their record indicates (in my opinion), but perhaps now we’ll see if the Saints are really as good as their record shows.
N.Y. Jets at New England (10.5). Incorrect.
Props to the Jets head coach. He may be an asshole to the media, but it looks like he’s getting the most out of this team and they have seemed to be competitive in a number of games they have lost.
(1.5) San Diego at Cincinnati. Correct.
I watched this game’s second half, and it was the most entertaining football I’ve seen in some time. What the hell is up with the Bengals? I can understand them losing a game against a good team, but now they are below .500? I didn’t realize that until now.
San Francisco at Detroit (6.5). Correct.
I have to laugh that Detroit would be favored by nearly a touchdown against any team.
Washington at Philadelphia (7.5). Correct.
The Eagles came to play. The Redskins came to … uh, raid the hotel mini bar?
(9.5) Denver at Oakland. Correct.
I have to wonder if Denver is pulling an “Indy” and just coasting to bad teams, or if this is proof that the Broncos will have a shortened playoff run, if they indeed make the postseason?
(7.5) Dallas at Arizona. Correct.
Dallas plays crappy team. Dallas wins.
St. Louis at Seattle (3.5). Incorrect.
Shit. I thought the Seahawks would be able to cover.
Tampa Bay at Carolina (9.5). Correct.
I saw the first part of this game and was regretting my choice. When I woke up the next morning I had to do a double-take when I found out the Panthers covered.
This week’s record: 9-7. Cumulate record: 69-75
I actually had a winning record. Yippie.
• I had Glenn Beck’s radio show on for a few minutes today, and he was talking about the book O.J. Simpson wrote that talked about how he would have killed his ex-wife and her boyfriend if he indeed was the real killer. Beck was then asking callers where they were the moment the O.J. verdict was read. Hey, good question. Here’s my story.
I was attending the Community College of Allegheny County at the time, and to tell you the truth I didn’t really give a shit about the O.J. case. Of course this guy off’d his wife and that Jew. Anyone with half-a-brain, or, even worse, a registered Democrat, could figured this out. Of course O.J. had a jury trial and a plethora of expensive lawyers, so naturally he was going to be acquitted. If memory serves it was late in the morning, and a few friends and I were talking in the student lounge/cafeteria when one of us overheard that the verdict was about to be read. I pulled out my Walkman and these crappy portable speakers from my book bag and we began listening for the “not guilties” to be read. Of course, we all were young and still had a smidgen of home that justice would be served on this day. Or maybe it was because we liked being loud and obnoxious. Either way, we all started chanting “Guilty, Guilty” in the student lounge. Of course, when the verdicts were actually read we responded with faux outrage, and one of my friends said, “He’s not guilty? I wanna riot!” to which I responded, “Why? We’re the ones who own everything.” Whitey represent. Of course now that I’m older, I’ve come to learn this is so not true. It’s the Jew who own everything.
Actually, I have to thank O.J. because during the trial I was taking a public speaking class and one of the projects was to come up with an ad and act it out in class. Well my friend and I (that same one who wanted to riot) came up with a 60-second ad sketch pimping the “Slice-o-toner” gloves, which featured several “get away with killing your wife” jokes, as well as an endorsement by Mr. Simpson himself. When you can be offensive and get an A for your efforts, you know you accomplished something.
Speaking of this, I just got a flashback to another time when being an asshole paid off. I mentioned this story before at TSM, but it bears repeating. I was in 11th grade and was pissed off because my English teacher gave me a B for the first grading period. Because of this B I missed out on being on the honor roll. Why I cared, I don’t know. I think I was more pissed that I didn’t get all but one B in that class (the rest of my grades were A’s) and I didn’t end up with an A for that nine-week period. Well, for some reason I decided that if I wrote a racially insensitive paper about the ever-so-popular literary topic of “Was Mark Twain a RACIST for saying bad things about black people in his stories?” I’d get my revenges (we had just read Huckleberry Finn in this class). I don’t remember much about this paper, but I recall saying something like, “Twain wasn’t a racist because back then blacks were seen as nothing but dumb niggers who went out in the field and picked cotton all day for their white masters.” I showed this paper to my friend before turning it in, and he couldn’t believe I was going through with this act of “vengeance.” When I got my paper back, I was surprised to see that I got an A (or a check-plus or whatever grading system Mrs. Thomson used) while my friend got a C/average grade for his paper that he spent time actually thinking preparing.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This chick calls in and says that her son (late teens/early 20s, I think) recently served several weeks of jail time for pulling a gun on her. I don’t really know what the lady’s reason for calling was, but she did say that she doesn’t feel threatened around her oldest son (she had three or four more younger kids pop out of her snatch). Why does she think this way? “I feel he’s changed.” Plus he said he’s sorry.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 47: Cuban Linx
I don’t much about Mr. Linx, but he’s a founding member of my football contest and sends his picks in a timely manner – I can’t ask for anything more than that. He did pretty good in year one with a playoff birth and the AFC South crown, took a break from TSM in year two, struggled in year three, and is currently in decent shape for a late-season run to take the AFC South.
And now a word from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From SFA Jack:
• Back in April, I talked about my birthday trip to CiCi’s. For those that don’t know, CiCi’s is an all-you-can-eat pizza place where you only think about going in just because you’re hungry and it’s $6, which also includes the drink that these Jews charge separate. Anyway, after coming home from work and then driving out to Sam’s Club for six 35lb containers of scoopable cat litter, the allure of CiCi’s sucked me in once again. I figure going to one of these heart-attack centers is critical for anyone because it stocks up your grease intake. Face it, even the healthiest of people need to eat shit like this every once in a while. If not, you don’t build up an immunity to junk food and, well, did you ever see that “Married With Children” episode where Peg Bundy kills that fitness guy with bon-bons? Yeah, something like that.
Anyway, I did have a plan going in this time. Instead of scarfing down this shitty food with no rhyme or reason, I went for slices that were mostly bread and not saturated runny cheese or that sauce which makes me queasy with just picturing it in my mind. Now I figure if you don’t gorge until wanting to puke at an all-you-can-eat place, then the house wins. I don’t like to lose. However, as I was getting to that point at a buffet where you’re thinking “one more plate of food. Just one more plate,” I headed up and saw the Buffalo Chicken pizza pie that was just laid out again. As I went to grab a slice (or four), the orange, gooey drippings from the hot sauce on this concoction was just too much, even for me, and I only settled for one piece (along with a slice of barbecue chicken pizza). As I headed back to my booth I thought to myself, “I fought the buffet and the buffet won.” This is the first time I ever backed down from a buffet challenge, and it wasn’t because I was afraid of stuffing myself. I was afraid of getting heartburn. Yet another indication of me getting up there in years. For what it’s worth, I didn’t get that sick later on in the evening, so maybe I’m getting wiser, not older. Yeah.
• This got a chuckle from me, or at least some of them did. Don’t know what it will do to you. Don't really care, either:
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 48: Hoff
For all you people bitching about what happened to this countdown, I’m posting the following … in ANGER! There’s nothing much more to say. I like him. He likes me. (Although not as much as Carnival, it seems.) And it’s man-like, not hot-BUTT-sex-like. Besides, I doubt he would find me all that appealing. I'm still sure he spent $10.39 in Eden Prairie, MN, on a hooker. Then again, it could have been a male hooker.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Lovecraft:
From Black Lushus:
From Carnival:
From Cancer Marney:
• So not even a week after getting re-elected as Pennsylvania’s governor, Fast Eddie’s Transportation Funding and Reform Commission suggested the following:
Well golly gee, I’m shocked this was announced right AFTER the 2006 elections. Couldn’t this blue-ribbon panel have worked a weekend or two in order to make this announcement in time for voters to hear of this dire news before voting on the cocksucker who will end up being a multi-term governor? I’m also equally sure a certain casino that poured money into Fast Eddie’s re-election war chest will be getting a slots license in the Shittsburgh region, but I’m not going to comment on that until Swindell officially makes his announcement. Another question, Fast Eddie, when you previously raised gas taxes, I thought that was supposed to solve our transportation crisis? I’m stunned beyond words taxes are going to be raised again in order to support wasteful bureaucracy, the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation.
• A short while ago I mentioned this local business posting the sign, “Liberalism is a mental disorder. Vote Republican.” Well, now their marquee reads, “Sheeple.” Rock on. All you need to do now is include the phrase, “Red diaper doper babies,” and I will mark out.
• Here’s why I love my county – a Sunday article in my local paper showed the number of people per county in the southwestern Pennsylvania region who have concealed carry permits. And my county ranks first in most concealed carry permits per capita.
• Finally, a footnote relating to my bouncing wedding ring that almost ended up flushed down a toilet (read yesterday's entry for more details). Later on in the day I discovered that our building had no water pressure. Hey, I peed in a urinal, so it was no big deal. I was also leaving for the day, so it's not like this affected me all that much. This morning when I entered the building, I heard a toilet flushing ... for several minutes. A toilet in one of the women's stalls was going nonstop. Oh well, I guess it's better to have a toilet flushing nonstop than not at all.
• Ever experience one of those moments when time seems to slow down or stand still? Many people tend to experience these sensations during a car accident or some other surreal event. Well, earlier today I went through such a feeling -- in the bathroom. I had just finished doing my business, and as I was getting myself adjusted to head out of the bathroom stall, my wedding ring slipped off my fingers. As the ring landed on the tile floor, it made a piercing “ping” sound and bounced back up several feet into the air. As I stood there dumbfounded I watched the ring spin in midair against a backdrop of a toilet in mid-flush. Fortunately for me, the ring was moving to the left. Had it been headed the other way, it would have landed in the flushing toilet, leaving me s.o.l. In those few seconds where I just stood there watching the ring take flight, everything seemed to move in slow motion. However, I knew that the moment I reached out, time would speed up by at least double. Sometimes you just have to thank your lucky stars fate didn’t bounce a certain way.
• For disappointed Republicans who are dreading the day Democrats re-take the Congress, keep this in mind. Had Cynthia McKinney not punched a police officer this year, there’s a good chance that she could have been a high-ranking member of the House of Representatives. Then again, I’m disappointed that she was defeated in her 2006 Democrat primary. After all, the person who is going to replace McKinney in the House of Representatives is just gong to be another Democrat politician. Cynthia McKinney was Cynthia Mcfreakin’Kinney. The conspiracy theories. The race-baiting. The hilarity. I, for one, am sad to see her go. But not to worry. There's always Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, and that bitch who refuses to say the Pledge of Allegiance.
• I normally don’t talk about pro wrestling, but my local media had some feature stories about Kurt Angle yesterday. When I used to follow wrestling back in the mid- to late-1990s Angle was always a favorite of mine. Not only was he a great wrestler, but he was also extremely entertaining out of the ring. However, what I always found funny was that while many people applauded his mic skills, back in the mid-‘90s he was hired as a local television sports reporter after his olympic fame. His broadcasts were so bad that they were the stuff of legend in the Shittsburgh market. Even though he flopped as a “reporter,” I’m sure he learned enough from his time doing spots for Fox News (the local affiliate, not everybody’s favorite cable news channel), and I’m sure this experience helped him when he chose to become a pro wrestler. I haven’t kept up with Angle’s career over the last few years, but I hope he's making choices that will benefit his health. Sadly, I don’t think he is.
Here are the articles. First the Tribune-Review:
Now the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette:
(7.5) Baltimore at Tennessee
Steve McNair returns home. Which way will this game go? Will McNair want to get his revenge against the team he sacrificed his body with for so many years, or will it be a bittersweet homecoming because these two teams used to be divisional rivals and anything goes in these kind of games? I don’t know. But since the Democrats retook Congress last week, and they are supposedly the party of the “little guy,” I’ll side with McNair sticking it to The Man, who didn’t want to pay him the money he deserved and traded him away.
Buffalo at Indianapolis (12.5)
The Colts came off a big win last week, and the Bills won their game last week against Green Bay. Is this one of those cases where a bad team can sneak up on a team who is supposed to easily win? Who is Indianapolis playing next week? Dallas. Oh OK, I’ll take the Bills.
Chicago at N.Y. Giants (2.5)
A few weeks ago this seemed to be the matchup of the year (at least until next week when some other game will probably get hyped to death), but recent iffy play and some injuries have taken the shine off of this one. Give me Chicago.
Cleveland at Atlanta (7.5)
Atlanta lost to Detroit and Cleveland covered the spread last week against San Diego. The Falcons like to run and I’m sure Cleveland is bad against the run. Of course I have absolutely no stats to back this up. It’s Cleveland. They have to be bad at everything. I’ll take Atlanta.
Green Bay at Minnesota (5.5)
I think this is the surest 5.5 spread I’ve seen all year, simply because Bret Favre is playing in Minnesota.
Houston at Jacksonville (10.5)
Didn’t Houston just beat Jacksonville a few weeks ago? Yeah, but it was at Houston. Chirst, I don’t know what to do. Do the Jags redeem themselves with a big win or do the Texans show why they won in their first meeting? Jacksonville had a big home win last week against a crappy team last week. I’ll say it won’t happen twice in a row.
(1.5) Kansas City at Miami
Miami beats the Bears and suddenly Kansas City is only favored by 1.5 against the Dolphins at home? Then again, maybe Miami will run the table again like last year and make us all think they’ll be Super Bowl contenders for the 2007-2008 season. Give me the Chiefs.
New Orleans at Pittsburgh (4.5)
You got to be kidding me? Four-and-a-half points? I’m sure New Orleans is going to run into a road bump sometime this season, and I think this could be a close game. However, a 2-6 team is favored at home against a 6-2 team? I can’t the Steelers in this one.
N.Y. Jets at New England (10.5)
New England barely covered against the Jets earlier this year in New York, but it took a few fluke plays for the Jets to stay in the game. I’ll take the Patriots at home.
(1.5) San Diego at Cincinnati
This should be an interesting game. I don’t know who to take, so I’ll go with the Chargers because they seem to be more consistent this year than the Bengals.
San Francisco at Detroit (6.5)
A true clash of the titans. There’s no way I’m taking Detroit at 6.5 points, although having the 49ers go on a two-game winning streak seems not all that reassuring.
Washington at Philadelphia (7.5)
Washington just squeaked by the Cowboys last week, and when I last saw Philadelphia they were handedly beating the Jaguars. Although the spread gives me some concern, I’ll take the Eagles at home.
(9.5) Denver at Oakland
Yuck. Oakland lost earlier this year to Denver, but now they’re playing at home. Will that spread hold up in the Black Hole? Well, they beat the Steelers last time they were home. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt this week.
(7.5) Dallas at Arizona
After that loss to the Redskins last week, I’ll predict a big Cowboys win because they’re playing a team that isn’t playoff bound.
St. Louis at Seattle (3.5)
The first time I predicted this game when it was played in St. Louis I sided with the division champs. I’ll do the same thing, even though I have no idea if Seattle’s starting running back and quarterback will play.
Tampa Bay at Carolina (9.5)
Two weeks ago Carolina got beat by the Cowboys at home. Will they continue this skid against a divisional opponent? I think the Bucs have a chance in this one. But it is a Monday night game, so that means it will probably suck, which means the Panthers will blow the Bucs out. My anti-ESPN sentiment is getting the better of me for this one.
Here we go.
(5.5) Atlanta at Detroit. Incorrect
Oh boy, this is a great way to start out the week.
Cincinnati at Baltimore. (3.5) Correct.
I watched the first few minutes of this game and generally felt good about picking the Ravens. However, I was a little worried because teams that jump out to double-digit leads early can sometimes get complacent and let the other team back in the game. Fortunately the point spread was 5.5 and not 6.5 points.
(3.5) Dallas at Washington. Incorrect.
I guess I could be pissed about that botched two-point conversion attempt when the Cowboys should have kicked the extra point, but that would have meant Dallas just winning the game – they still wouldn’t have covered the spread.
Green Bay at Buffalo. (3.5) Incorrect.
No words for this one.
Houston at N.Y. Giants. (13.5) Incorrect.
Shit. Houston played good again. It’s a shame they couldn’t pull off the upset.
Kansas City at St. Louis. (2.5) Correct.
I figured the Chiefs would win this game, and I was right.
Miami at Chicago. (13.5) Incorrect.
I made a remark when selecting this game that the only team to defeat the 1985 Bears were the Dolphins. Perhaps this is a sign for Chicago fans that this is the year for their Monsters of the Midway. Perhaps not. Either way, this year’s team is still good, even with the loss.
(1.5) New Orleans at Tampa Bay. Correct.
From my prediction entry.
Thank God it wasn’t.
Tennessee at Jacksonville. (9.5) Incorrect.
At least when you’re wrong about something, it’s nice to be REALLY wrong about something. And boy was I wrong about this one.
(5.5) Minnesota at San Francisco. Correct.
I guess I should be happy that the 49ers not only covered the spread, but also they won the game. But I was hoping the Vikings would be a surprise team this year, and although they started out playing well, they seemed to fizzle out. Still, there’s plenty of football to be played, and Minnesota is at the .500 mark.
Cleveland at San Diego. (12.5) Incorrect.
Well, the Chargers can’t win every game against a bad team by 30 points.
Denver at Pittsburgh. (2.5) Correct.
I still think it’s funny the Steelers were actually favored in this game. I actually thought they had a chance after they kicked a field goal at the end of the first half. However, once the Broncos did that 75-yard end-around touchdown run, I knew that would be the end.
Indianapolis at New England. (3.5) Correct.
Manning beat Brady. Again. Of course, seeing how these players don’t actually compete against each other, I don’t see the big deal. Then again, there was all that hype around MANNING BOWL I. Gag.
Oakland at Seattle. (7.5) Correct.
Didn’t watch this game. Didn’t care about it. From what I have seen, and from what others have said, this Monday Night announcing crew doesn’t seem to be doing too well. And based on what I’ve watched, I tend to agree with these opinions. Although I also heard quite a few people bash on the ESPN Sunday Night crew of Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann and Paul Maguire, but I liked this trio. Sure it was sappy at times, but whatever. Oh, and the other week when the Patriots beat the Vikings, I had to laugh during the halftime show when ESPN aired that retarded mascot race. My favorite part of that abortion was when all the ESPN mascots were being introduced and just about every one got booed. If memory serves, I think Tom Jackson was the only mascot to be cheered, which was still one too many.
This week’s record: 7-7
Cumulative record: 60-68
With my dismal track record of predicting election results, I’ll gladly take a .500 week for football.
A few days ago I mentioned hearing on Neal Boortz’s show a race-baiting political ad that took place in Atlanta. Now the commercial’s speakers claim the ad wasn’t inflammatory. Here are some highlights of the linked article.
OK. Now, let's go back to that ad’s message.
Yeah. I see no race-baiting there. Well, I wouldn’t if I was brought up in one of those inner-city government schools because I wouldn’t be able to read the text. Say, this gives me an idea, but first I have to take a trip down memory lane. Back in my college days, Pennsylvania’s governor at the time, Tom Ridge, was running for re-election, and the Democrats nominated a guy that makes Lynn Swann look like a serious gubernatorial contender. The guy’s name was Ivan Itkin, and he was a nice-enough person. The problem was he had no money in his campaign coffers, and he didn’t run the greatest of campaigns either. However, he managed to show up at our college’s television studio for a taped interview session. Of course, he didn’t realize that this recording was only going to be broadcast within our college dorm rooms; I think the broadcasting professor fibbed a little when telling him who was going to be watching this taped interview. But I digress.
After the interview concluded, I was waiting for Itkin to get the television makeup off his face so that I could ask him a few questions for our student newspaper. During that time I spoke with our broadcasting professor, who was a nice enough chick. There was one problem: Because I was studying print media, and she dealt with broadcast journalism, I don’t think she got the memo on what my political opinions were. You may find this hard to believe, but I wasn’t the most popular kid in college. I didn’t recite what Rush said in my classes in an attempt to throw my professors’ lesson plan off course, but I didn’t back down from a debate or snide liberal remarks, either. Well, this prof began talking to me about a local event that was making some waves, and I think she had assumed that I was on the same side of the topic as she was. She was wrong.
There was this community that wasn’t too far from where I lived, and some politicians were trying to “integrate” the community. In an effort to “diversify” this neighborhood, which had families who worked all their life in order to get where they were, the government was trying to relocate ghetto trash from the city to this corner of suburbia. Naturally, the residents of this community didn’t take too kindly to this effort and were trying to do everything in their power to stop this social experiment. I don’t blame these people one iota for doing so; the professor, on the other hand, did — and rather emphatically, too. Of course, when she said to me, “Can you believe these people (the current residents) would act this way?” I replied, “Yes, as would I.” Wrong answer. Thank God she wasn’t in charge of my grades for any of my classes. I then made some remark about how if people who want to give freeloaders something that should be earned, then these do-gooders should let these people move into their communities. Wrong answer again. Fortunately, Itkin came out from his makeup room to my rescue, and I went to ask him a few questions.
Yeah, I know. I’m a big ‘ol racist. Sorry folks, but this has nothing to do with race. It has to do with money. If you own a house, chances are it will be the biggest investment of your life. When your neighborhood becomes the focus of a social experiment where people who have not earned the property they were given suddenly get handed the American dream, it’s a sure bet the upkeep of their residence will be less than spectacular. Add a few more houses that will suffer from this condition, and just try to sell your property at the market value you think it’s worth. As a homeowner, I would fight tooth and nail if my local representatives tried that shit on my block. As long as my next-door neighbors don’t have a fleet of cars with cinder blocks as wheels parked out on their front lawn, I don’t care what race they are.
Anyway, the reason for this story is that in case I’m ever in this situation, I’ll simply take the commercial copy from those Hot-lanta race-baiters and reword it to suit my needs.
If this doesn’t work I’ll burn a lower-case “t” on a few lawns, telling them it’s “time to leave.”
Oh, and back to my Itkin story. After I spoke with this guy, I was by an elevator waiting to leave for the night. This makeup chick was waiting by the elevator, too. I was waiting for an elevator going down to the main floor where I would then head out to a nearby local bus stop while she was waiting for an elevator going up to her dorm. We struck up a conversation about Itkin, and this chick began saying what a nice man he was. I added, “too bad he has no chance of being elected.” Befuddled, I was asked why. After explaining to this journalism student several reasons why Ridge would be a two-term governor — 1) Bad campaign strategy, 2) No money, 3) Going against a popular governor — she got a depressed look on her face and said, as the elevator door opened for me, “Oh no, that means four more years of Governor Tom Ridge.” I replied, as the doors began to close, “You’re saying that like it’s a bad thing.” As her jaw dropped and her look of horror turned into a look of disbelief, I gave her a parting wink.
I went two for two that night.
Yeah, I know. More election shit. Too bad.
• Maybe Fast Eddie’s re-election as Pennsylvania's governor might be a good thing. Well, it won't be a good thing for my paycheck, but I'm talking about in terms of entertainment value. You see, should a Democrat win the presidency in 2008, there’s a good chance Fast Eddie would join that administration. For all the grief I give this asshole, I have to admit he seems to be a popular guy in Philadelphia, the city in which he used to be mayor. With him possibly heading off for greener pastures, that means our second in command would take over. And who is this person? It’s Lieutenant Governor Catherine Baker Knoll.
God help us all.
Who is Catherine Baker Knoll? She is some crazy old bitch who gained fame last year for appearing uninvited at the funeral of a marine killed in Iraq and offered her condolences by telling the marine’s family that "our government" is against the war. Needless to say, her behavior pissed off the soldier's family, and the fallout provided for some great RIGHT-WING RADIO for the next few weeks. Oh please let her run this state for a few years. Please please please please please.
• While Lynn Swann got creamed in my state's governor race, he won a majority of votes in my county. Rock on. And what was the reason for Fast Eddie not getting 50+ percent in Westmoreland County? According to Westmoreland County Commissioner Tom Balya, it's the RIGHT-WING MEDIA. From Richard Scaife's Tribune-Review
Oh give me a fucking break. First off, if we're going to whine about media bias, I could point to quite a few politicians on my side that have over the years felt the wrath of southwestern Pennsylvania's liberal fishwrap -- the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette. And besides, if this county is full of Democrats, why would they read a conservative newspaper when a commie one is available for purchase? Also, why then did Junior defeat Santorum by the same margin Swann defeated Rendell when the Trib heavily endorsed Rick over Junior and refused to endorse either gubernatorial candidates? Oh, and the Trib also endorsed John Murtha, for those keeping score at home.
• I find it odd that after it was announced Democrats were going to take Congress, I didn’t hear a peep about faulty voting machines and police dogs chasing away blacks from urban polling places. Wow, it’s nice to know all the voting irregularities that occurred during the past six years were magically resolved. I wonder if a Republican wins the White House or if the GOP re-takes Congress in ’08 if these machines will be on the fritz once again?
• Oops, I spoke too soon.
When I first heard the words “recount,” “voting machines malfunctions” and “Katherine Harris,” I thought that there must have been a shitload of busted devices to put her back in contention for her failed Senate bid.
• Great. As if losing Republicans in Congress wasn’t bad enough, the ones who managed to hang on are getting leukemia.
• Hmm, I’m starting to run out of stuff to say about Tuesday’s events. Oh, there was Rumsfeld’s resignation. Last night I heard some commentary about it on the cable news networks and the left-leaning folks seemed to be “shocked” that it was just a week ago Bush was saying what a great job his Secretary of Defense was doing. Well no shit. What was he going to say in the days leading up to an election? It’s just like when pundits who know their candidate or Party has no chance at victory but still goes on and on and on and on and on about how great their chances of victory are in the upcoming election.
• Finally, can we not talk about the 2008 elections until at least after this year’s crop of new politicians set up shop in D.C.? Pretty pretty pretty pretty please with sugar, sprinkles, Oreo cookie crumbles, and whipped cream on top? Sonofabitch.
• I can’t believe this shit. It boggles my mind. This news came out of left field and belted me smack-dab across the face and shook my beliefs down to the very core. But enough talking about Britney Spears and her divorce with her babies' daddy.
• Man, I don’t even want to know what this week’s football picks are going to be like if I was so off in my predicting the mid-term elections. And to matters worse, there were no Democrat supporters at my polling place that I could get into arguments with. In fact, there were absolutely no vehicles in the parking lot when the better half and I pulled in to vote. And I even wore my “I <heart> Halliburton” shirt. Oh well. Maybe next time.
• Well, Fast Eddie beat my guy Swann. Junior beat my guy Santorum. My local State Representative Republican challenger lost to the incumbent. However, my Congressional Representative Tim Murphy beat whatever hippie was running up against him. I went one for four, which could probably get me a spot on the bench of any major-league baseball team. And aside from candidates, there was another issue that I voted on which I found somewhat interesting. It was a referendum that I hadn’t heard about until I got up to the voting machine. Here is how the question was worded.
I found out later this is what the referendum was about.
I voted yes simply because my state leaders have found no problem voting themselves pay raises, so why not give some extra money to our troops and their families, even if it is a pitiful amount like seventy-five friggin' dollars? Christ, why does something like this even have to come to a vote more than a decade after the actual military conflict took place?
• As for my former place of residence, let me say this. One of Ohio’s biggest issues is a lack of jobs. So what do they do? They vote to raise their state's minimum wage rate. Okie dokie.
• Now some may think I’m one more drink away from offing myself due to the commie Congress takeover, but I’m actually in a decent mood. Part of this is because this morning I finally got Neal Boortz's radio program via an Internet stream and now can listen to his show at work. Woo-hoo. And here’s what Boorz wrote on his Web site, which reflects quite a bit of what I’m feeling today.
I'd like to also add the '94 GOP's desire to cut the National Endowment for the Arts and the result which became of that, but that's another topic for another day.
• Even though I didn't hear any last-second race-baiting ads in my region, I'm glad I got to listen to Boortz's show today so I wouldn't be disappointed knowing that this practice was alive and well:
• Here’s one thing that disturbs me as an evil right-winger. There is now a sizeable majority of governorships that now belong to Democrats. Now while some are commie pieces of shit like Rendell and New York's Elliot Spitzer, others I’m hoping are more level-headed, such as Bill Richardson of New Mexico, who just got elected to a second term. In addition, I really noticed for the first time that while there are more red states than blue, those red states are way more susceptible of being overrun by the Blue Plague. Ohio and Virginia can turn blue in an election’s notice. Think New York or California will do the same? Shit, the only reliable big red state is Texas, and it’s just a matter of time before Mexicans overrun that place.
• On a final note for today, the Pennsylvania state lottery has a daily three-digit number drawing. And what was yesterday’s number on the night Democrats swept into power?
666
Well this is great. Since 1996 I have always been nervous about each national election, whether it be presidential or mid-term. I kept thinking in each of these elections that the GOP would lose all of their congressional seats and get clobbered in the White House contest. Each time I have been proven wrong for the most part. In ’96 I knew Dole was going to lose, but I was surprised Republicans kept both the House and Senate. In ’98 I predicted the GOP would lose seats in Congress, and they did. However, the losses weren't as bad as I was expecting. In fact, I actually felt kinda smart because the conventional wisdom was that Republicans would gain seats. Then there was the 2000 election – heh. Thank you far-sighted Jews too stupid to properly vote via punch card. I was predicting in the 2002 election that the GOP would lose seats, which is what normally happens when the President’s party is in power during an off-year election. Wrong-o. Then there was 2004. Bush’s re-election. Republican House. Republican Senate. Each election I was expecting the worst, and each time I was proven wrong.
So now, for the first time since I became eligible to vote, I express some confidence that Republicans won’t lose majorities in the House and Senate (I don't expect them to gain seats; my head isn't that far up my ass) and every poll and pundit out there is telling me to prepare for the worst. Figures.
• Here’s reason #2310 why I don’t subscribe to the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette. As I was trying to find some information about local races, I came across this gem of an editorial regarding John Kerry’s recent, “Don’t study in school and you'll end up in Iraq fighting off insurgents,” remark. Now I’m not surprised that the PG came to Kerry’s defense. That’s totally understandable. Here is how the editorial started out:
OK, now I'm a bit skeptical on whether or not Mr. Kerry served in Vietnam (I need to get verification of that rumor), but for the most part, there is nothing earth-shattering so far with this editorial. Then I came to this:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This is why I look to the “Opinion” section of a newspaper for my funnies and toss the comics aside.
A few days ago I was goofing on some commie faggot going up against this GOP Congresschick. This guy was running ads on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO station in the Shittsburgh market, and I was making fun of him for the waste of advertising money he spent that probably riled up the conservative listeners who heard, “Commie Faggot wants to INCREASE the minimum wage.” Well, the Congresschick just had a gem of an ad played on the radio, and I just have to share this one, too. This chick is a Republican and she’s doing the “I’m going to distance myself from W. and try to appeal to the namby pamby pussy moderates in my district” route. A few ads I’ve heard from her talk about hippie shit like that godawful prescription drug plan that has recently been enacted. Well, while pimping this crap, the ad voice guy asked her challenger, who was being portrayed as an evil-doer in this spot who didn’t want old people to get their medicine, “Commie Faggot, what did seniors ever do to you?” Oh for fuck’s sake. This race is actually amusing to witness, because the Commie Faggot is trying to show how much of a moderate he is by saying that he’s “pro-gun.” I love it when Democrats try to pull this shit off because it’s just as funny as when Republicans go, “We are so about black people,” and then proceed to get only 5 percent of this demographic’s vote. In fact, one of my fondest memories from the 2004 election was when Kerry went into some hunting office in either Ohio, West Virginia or Pennsylvania (I can’t remember what state it took place in) and said, “Can I get me a huntin’ license?” That soundbite was so goddamn funny that it puts his “I voted for the $80 billion before I voted against it” to shame.
I was asked earlier today which Party I thought would win this election. I have no clue. Hell, even if I had a guess, I wouldn’t put much stock into it, considering my track record of correctly picking baseball and football games. However, here’s my two cents: For some reason I haven’t been buying this Democrat sweep into power that is supposed to resemble what happened in 1994 with the Republicans. I have no proof or, worse yet, polling data, to back up what I just said – it’s just a feeling. Plus, with the few special elections that have taken place since 2004 the Republican has been able to maintain his or her seat. One election took place in Ohio and the other in California. Granted these seats were in Republican districts, and the results were probably closer than usual for the GOP to keep these seats, but I’m just don’t think the House of Representatives will swing by a margin large enough to give it over to the Democrats. I’ve always been more concerned about the Senate turning commie, but perhaps that’s because the Santorum/Junior race isn’t looking good for the GOP and I’m getting a distorted image of the nationwide feel. I will say this: if the Republicans don’t win the Tennessee Senate race, I doubt they’ll win Missouri and have no shot at Ohio or New Jersey, although I don’t think they win either the Buckeye or Garden state either.
While I’m talking about Ohio, how the fuck is Ken Blackwell not going to win the governorship? I can understand not re-electing that Rino Duh-Whine (although I wouldn’t be voting for the commie the Dems have brought forth), but I always liked Blackwell while I was an Ohio resident. Christ, I hope the Blue Plague doesn’t swallow up Ohio along with Pennsylvania (even more than it already is) and Virginia until the flyover red states have a chance to beef up on electoral votes in the next census. Back to Pennsylvania. God is this election going to suck; the most conservative official on the national scene will be friggin’ Alren Specter? Oy. I will be voting straight party line this election and, like I’ve said before in previous entries, what’s funny is that in Pennsylvania returns from Shittsburgh and Philadelphia come in first, and the Democrat is always in the lead by a 90-10 margin. In addition, because of all the old people and union whores that have their “Vote Democrat” and “Bush Wants To Steal My Medicare So He Can Give Halliburton Another Tax Cut” bumper stickers and pins trudging throughout this area like zombies in any of the “____ of the Dead” movies, I feel like a lowly Hobbit armed only with a wooden sword trying and garbage can lid for a shield trying to hold off these hoarding masses until my redneck brethren from the middle part of the state have their votes counted to the point where the Republican can overtake his or her Democrat opponent. However, this will not be the case this time around; if Santorum can lose by single digits and if Swann can lose by no more than 25 points, I guess I’ll be content. And like I said earlier at the other place, if Junior only wins by single digits I'll be wanking it. But not to Rick's image, because that would be gay and he wouldn't like that.
Back to election predictions. There’s no way Republicans will gain any seats, but will they lose enough to hand power over to the Democrats? I said above that I was more concerned about the Senate than the House, so if the GOP can retain control of the Senate (thank you Joe Lieberman for running as an Independent), I think they will also keep the House. Then again, this is the same person who this year predicted the Yanks and Twins in the ALCS and the Dodgers and Padres in the NLCS, so you probably just wasted several minutes of your life reading this rambling drivel. However, you do that anyway when you read my other entries at KK's Korner, so my sympathy for you is nonexistent.
Oh, and Claire McCaskill will win Missouri by 30 points. Fuck you Tyler.
Let's see if this week I can match up the teams I pick to win/cover with what I actually say beneath each game.
(5.5) Atlanta at Detroit
The Falcons upset the Bengals last week, and I'm a little wary of them having one of those “letdown” games. Good thing they’re playing the Lions this week, or I’d be more worried about that 5.5 spread.
Cincinnati at Baltimore (3.5)
I’ve been going back and forth with this one. You’ve got Cincinnati’s offense versus Baltimore’s defense. Whenever there’s a matchup like this, I usually flip the roles and compare the other units for this game (well that sounded a little gay). So, how will Baltimore’s offense matchup against Cincinnati’s defense? Hmm, I’ll go with the Ravens, although I don’t like that point spread.
(3.5) Dallas at Washington
The Redskins have been a schizophrenic team this year, and this is a divisional contest on their home field. However, the Cowboys impressively beat the Panthers last week on the road and defeated the Redskins earlier this year, so I’ll give Dallas the benefit of the doubt in this matchup.
Green Bay at Buffalo (3.5)
At the end of this season the Packers will probably look vastly improved from last year’s dismal effort. This is because they are beating crappy teams on their schedule. Shit, my first instinct was going with Green Bay, but now I’m starting to lean toward Buffalo. I better skip to the next entry before I change my mind 20 times on this one.
Houston at N.Y. Giants (13.5)
I’m sure the Giants will win this game, but will it be by two touchdowns? They’re playing the Texans. They’re playing at home. I’ll go with the G-men this week.
Kansas City at St. Louis (2.5)
The Rams have a nice home-field advantage, but I think this is more of a must-win situation for the Chiefs. Ah, shit. I heard some ESPN guy say the same thing earlier this week.
Miami at Chicago (13.5)
If I’m going with the Giants with the same spread, I’ll take the Bears, too. However, when Chicago went 15-1 back in 1985, weren’t the Dolphins the only team to hand them a defeat?
(1.5) New Orleans at Tampa Bay
If the point spread was any higher, I would have went with the Buccaneers. However, because the difference is only a point-and-a-half, I’ll see if New Orleans can make it a season sweep from Tampa Bay.
Tennessee at Jacksonville (9.5)
Jacksonville lost to Houston two weeks ago and beat Philadelphia last week. Which Jaguars team will show up this week? I don’t know, but Tennessee beat Houston last week, so I’ll go with the Titans to try and keep this game close.
(5.5) Minnesota at San Francisco
The Vikings got beat by the Patriots on Monday night, so will this be a game where they’re going to take out their frustrations on an inferior team, or will the 49ers be able to sneak one by Minnesota? Well, San Francisco has been manhandled by good teams as of late. I’ll opt for the “sneak win/close game” this week, although I’m starting to get flashbacks of that horrid performance at Kansas City from earlier this year. However, every week can't be a 40-0 defeat for San Francisco, can it?
Cleveland at San Diego (12.5)
The Chargers are much like the Bears in the sense that when they play teams that they should beat, they do a good job of it.
Denver at Pittsburgh (2.5)
Wait a second. The Steelers are FAVORED in this one? Something’s up. Sure Roethlisberger had his best game as a pro in last year’s AFC Conference Championship game against the Broncos, but to be favored by two-and-a-half points? Something tells me the upcoming election isn't the only thing rigged this week.
Indianapolis at New England (3.5)
Whenever you have a matchup where one team has had a history of defeating the other one, I generally go with the team that has won more times than lost. However, I’m going against the grain with this one. Just because.
Oakland at Seattle (7.5)
If memory serves, Shaun Alexander has a field day with the Raiders. Problem is he’s not playing in this game. No matter. I’ll still take the Seahawks at home against the Raiders on Sunday night.
While I’m on the subject of football, let me say that I don't like the idea of allowing headsets into the helmets of offensive players other than the quarterback. Sure it’ll cut down on the number of penalties, such as false starts, but crowd noise is part of the game. I remember when headsets were put into the helmets of quarterbacks, and there was some grumbling back then. However, the quarterback is the offensive field general; I’ll give these guys a pass. The fans pay a lot of money to attend these games – let them do their best to give their hometown team an edge by trying to vocally rattle the opposing team.
So I was surfing through the Free Movie selection from my Comcast On Demand service, and I came across a gem that I had forgotten all about -- Alien Nation. No, it’s not about Mexicans. It’s about these space people that find their way to earth and are trying to fit in. While this was pretty much a “buddy cop” movie between an earthling and one of aliens, it was interesting to see how a number of the newcomers tried to mesh with human society. This film spawned a TV series on FOX back in the late 1980s, of which I regularly watched. I don’t remember much of the television series other than the series ended on a rather sad cliffhanger. (I heard there was another movie made after the TV series, but I’m not certain.) I remember watching this show for a few years, and to have it end (if memory serves) with some humans plotting a mass extermination was kind of a bummer. There is another memory from the television show that I do remember, and that is when the human cop tells his alien partner about some of the greatest baseball squads of all time, and one of the teams he makes a reference to was a futuristic Pirates team from the mid-1990s. Wow, this really was a fictional program. But I digress.
As I watched this movie again (I also saw it years ago, but didn’t remember anything plot-wise), I was reminded of all the things about the television show that for some reason I found entertaining (and still do). The aliens giving themselves “goofy” names (the alien cop in this movie was named “Sam Francisco”), aliens getting drunk off of sour milk and their fear of salt water because it was the equivalent of acid to their touch (which begged the question why these people would settle next to the Pacific Ocean). I also liked the cross-cultural references such as this one involving the human cop, named Matthew Sykes, goofing on Sam’s name, to which Sam replies, “I'm sure it doesn't bother you at all that (your last name) sounds like "ss'ai k'ss," two words in my language which mean "excrement" and "cranium … Shithead.”
For some reason, I looked up what Roger Ebert said about this movie, and for all the crap he awards three/four stars, I was surprised he only gave this film two stars. Here’s an excerpt from his mostly negative review:
N*gga plz. One reason I liked this movie is because it didn’t deal with any of that shit, although I did notice a few references to (d), which didn’t detract from the film at all. There’s only 90 minutes to flush out a story, and if (b) or (c ) would have been used it probably would have been poorly done. Oh, and the Newcomers were concealing something; the effects of that narcotic the big bad guy in this movie was trying to move out onto the alien masses (go watch the movie if you don’t know what I’m talking about).
On a side note, when I was scanning the other available free movies I came across a SPECIAL EDITION of Dances with Wolves with more than ONE HOUR of extra footage. OK, even though this film is about the hippie Indians and how the evil white man drove them from their land and all that other shit, I still like this movie. However, do we really need an extra hour added to this film, whose theatrical version is already three hours long?
• Well who didn’t see this one coming?
Wow, and he's not Catholic. Well he wouldn't be; the other guy isn't nine years old.
Oh did you now?
Just what the hell has gay marriage got to do with any of this shit? It sounds like to me the good reverend didn’t want to get hitched with you.
Lies. All lies. I’m sure they were talking about Bibles. Damn you liberal media.
I’m a bit of an odd bird when it comes to religion. On one hand some of the biggest hypocrites and two-faced shitbags I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting came from places of worship. On the other hand I strongly support people and their right to worship. I think the best way to describe my opinion on this subject is that the only thing I hate more than a Jesus freak shoving a Bible in my face is some atheist fuck who wants to hold an entire community hostage because of some harmless Nativity scene. I really don’t care about the Pat Robertsons or Jerry Falwells, but I think that’s because they get vilified enough by others in the media that I don’t feel like piling on. I save my bile for assholes like the Fascist Barry Lynn, who I’ve mentioned before is one of these separation-of-church-from-everything-remotely-public assholes that just flat out gets on my nerves. I love how some people’s concept of religious tolerance is forbidding 99 people to sing “Silent Night” at some school concert because one person isn’t Christian. To me, the tolerance would be that one person shutting up and letting the other 99 do their thing. It’s not like they’re taking turns sodomizing the heathen with a broomstick. And, yes, I practice what I preach. Even though I’m a confirmed Lutheran, I don’t consider myself a religious person. Hell, I don’t know if I’m even all that spiritual. Is there something up there or down below? I have no clue. But if I’m in a group that says a prayer before some meeting or event, I don’t go OMG QUIT TRYING TO SHOVE YOUR PURITAN VIEWS DOWN MY THROAT!!!! I just bow my head, close my eyes, and let the rest of the people around me do their thing. Now is that so goddamn hard?
• Oh what the hell now? I was never a Sean Combs/Puff Daddy/P. Diddy hater, but now he’s starting to get on my nerves a bit.
Oh no you didn’t.
• This ain't going to be pretty.
Arizona at Green Bay (3.5). Correct.
This was a gimmie game. However, with my record so far this season I will take all the easy ones I can get.
Atlanta at Cincinnati (4.5). Incorrect.
Ah, shit. Here’s what I said when predicting this game:
But the Bengals are in boldface. Whatever should I do? Well, I go with the bolded team. Goddamnit. The funny thing is I don’t even remember making this week’s picks. I’m almost afraid to look at the rest of these selections.
Baltimore at New Orleans (2.5). Incorrect
I was right. Kinda.
Houston at Tennessee (3.5). Incorrect
Well, I was right when I said while predicting this game that “I have no clue.”
Jacksonville at Philadelphia (6.5). Incorrect.
This ain’t good.
Seattle at Kansas City (6.5). Correct.
Christ, and the Chiefs only covered by half-a-point.
San Francisco at Chicago (16.5). Correct.
Hooray for Chicago. When they play crappy teams they can sure beat the hell out of them.
Tampa Bay at N.Y. Giants (9.5). Incorrect.
What a great time for the Bucs to let a team walk all over them. Faggots.
St. Louis at San Diego (9.5). Correct
The hell? Here’s what I said when predicting this matchup.
Yet I had the Bolts in boldface.
Indianapolis at Denver (2.5). Incorrect.
Depending on how the Colts play against the Patriots, I think this just might be their year.
N.Y. Jets at Cleveland (1.5). Incorrect.
What the hell? Here was my prediction line regarding this game:
Well, at least I was right in my statement.
(9.5) Pittsburgh at Oakland. Correct.
I feel bad for Ben Roethlisberger because I felt he should have never been out on the field this week. The Steelers defense gave up only six points and Ben threw two touchdown passes for the other team. I hope he can rebound from this shitty year, not to mention that off-season from hell. I always liked Ben because he was one of those quarterbacks that just had “it.” Now you need to add a “sh” to the start of that word. Hopefully it’s only for this season.
Dallas at Carolina (5.5). Incorrect.
And the Panthers will have two weeks to stew about this stinker.
(2.5) New England at Minnesota. Correct.
I watched the first part of this game and when Johnson threw that interception near the end zone, I knew the Vikings were doomed.
This week’s record: 6-8. Cumulative record: 53-61
I was only two games under .500 this week? Hell, I’ll take it.
• In other sports news. The Pirates, much to the surprise of the baseball world, passed on picking up the $6 million option on outfielder Jeremy Burnitz. Oh, and the Penguins are 7-3 with Evgeni Malkin scoring seven goals in his first six games. I’m hoping the Pens have a good season so that way all the city so-called leaders can look like even bigger schmucks than they do already when this young team heads off to a city that actually has a decent arena for them to play in. For those that don’t know, Malkin was the Pens’ top draft pick in 2004, but thanks in part to the recent NHL lockout he signed with some Russian team. During the off-season, Malkin defected and there is a brouhaha going on between the Russian team and the NHL. I doubt he’ll be able to keep up this torrid goal-scoring pace through a grueling 80+ game season, but if Malkin can stick it to city officials who don’t give a shit about their NHL franchise and also give the bird to his old Russian team, then I might just have to go get his jersey or something. Actually, I think I’ll wait until the Pens end up in Kansas City, Portland or Seattle before buying ol’ “71.” Oh who am I kidding? I’ve only purchased one jersey in my life and that was more than 10 years ago.
• So John Kerry, who at one time served in Vietnam, recently said the following to some students.
Later on he said he was talking about the Bush Administration or something and that this line was nothing more than a botched joke. Botched joke? Well, I did find it rather funny. And for all the commies saying, “But he was talking about Bush and not the troops; stop being such a smear merchant,” shut the fuck up. Just grin and bear it – that’s what I do a lot of the time when W. opens his mouth. I must say that for as funny as Kerry’s remark was, it wasn’t as good as Dick Turban’s comment a while back about how not having enough air conditioning on (or turning it up too much) in a suspected terrorist’s cell was just like how the Nazis did their business back in the day.
Awesome.
But now I'm starting to wonder if this whole thing wasn't pre-mediated. All day I've been hearing about how Democrats are now saying they don't want him attending their campaign rallies, and a few are even adding that his remarks were stupid and that he should apologize. Among those Democrats saying this are senatorial candidates in close races in Tennessee and Montana. Hmmm. Have some commie lib make a stupid remark and let those Dems in close elections try to show that they actually like this country by dissing their Vietnam hero, thus drawing some moderate fence-sitters onto their side in next week's elections. I actually have to applaud the mastermind who came up with this plan. Good job.
One final note. If Kerry really wanted to bring the house down, he would have substituted "end up in Iraq" with "end up waiting for the government to rescue you from an approaching hurricane with school buses that will never leave the nearby parking lot."
• While I’m in a political mood, here is reason #3240 why I hate polls. Last night I was flipping through channels and saw CNN with their recent poll showing Bob Corker, the Republican senatorial candidate in Tennessee, with an 8-point lead. A few seconds later, I saw on MSNBC that Harold Ford Jr., the Democrat candidate from the same state, had a 4-point lead.
• There’s a local race in my neck of the woods that has gotten rather amusing. There’s this Republican chick, Melissa Hart, battling some commie faggot, and this race is pretty close. The commie has started airing ads on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO station and is pimping the fact that MELISSA HART votes with GEORGE W. BUSH AND RICK SANTORUM 98 PERCENT OF THE TIME. Uh, OK. The commie faggot then adds that he SUPPORTS INCREASING THE MINIMUM WAGE. Uh, OK. Also, the liberal fishwrap known as the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette endorses this commie faggot. Talk about ad money well spent. Oh and in this ad there was also something about Hart RAIDING THE SOCIAL SECURITY TRUST FUND. I always get a good laugh whenever that line is whipped out.
• Ha. Drew Brees’ mom is running for some judge position and is using her son in her ads. The son wants these ads pulled. And their relationship “crumbled” when she wasn't hired to be his agent. Oy.
• So the Miami Heat won last year’s NBA title, and how do they start the new season? By losing to the Chicago Bulls 66-108. Oh well, even they would have lost 107-108 it still counts as one loss.
Well, since today is the big “H” day, I figured it might as well be appropriate to look back at my childhood and remember how I dealt with this special time. I always liked Halloween, and it was for the same reason ninety-nine percent of kids across America did – for the free candy. Well, it isn’t exactly free; you have to sport a costume and walk from house to house demanding sweets. I tried to remember some of my old costumes, and here is what I came up with, in no particular order:
Early-to-mid-1980s: My mom sewed a badass Star Wars X-Wing Pilot outfit. I think I remember her getting some how-to kit and making it herself, but in the end I didn’t care because I got to pimp around in an orange-and-white outfit with a blaster at my side. Throughout the original Star Wars trilogy, I was always more partial to Han Solo than to Luke Skywalker (what heterosexual kid isn’t?), but on this night it didn’t matter because for a few hours I was a friggin’ X-Wing Pilot.
Early-to-mid-1980s: I can’t remember whose idea this was, but one my old man took a huge box, shaped it up and covered it in yellow duct tape. Who was I? Pac Man. Again, this was one of those costumes I remember from my childhood simply because it was unique. There was one problem: the eye slit that was cut for me so I would see when I walked really limited my point of view (and forget about any peripheral vision). In addition, the box had a narrow opening at its bottom, and because of this it didn’t let me walk at my normal stride; I also remembered being sore as hell the next morning. If Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde (or whatever the names of those ghosts were) came looking for me, I would have been s.o.l. But who cares? For a few hours I was friggin’ Pac-Man.
There are two more costumes I remember sporting, and both dealt with movie characters from movies I loved back as a kid and still enjoy today. One was Eliot Ness. This get-up was easy. I wore a suit and those gangsta hats, along with a pellet shotgun and pistol – and neither one had that gay-ass orange barrel that toy guns today have on them. Another year I was dressed up as one of those marines from the “Aliens” movie. For those that have seen this film, I fancied myself as being the Hudson character, which, in the moments before his death, went batshit and began cussing at all the creepy crawlers before he was eventually done in. Now that’s a role model for the youth.
Sadly, what I associate most with Halloween now are the Christmas displays a number of stores now put out this time of the year. As a kid, the fall/winter holiday season broke up into three different sections for me: Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s a bit depressing to see these three events snowball into one because when I was a kid, each one had significance for me. Halloween was for candy. Thanksgiving was for turkey. Christmas was for presents. Now these lines have been blurred to the point where anything after Labor Day is like one huge holiday where people dressed up in witches’ outfits with drumstick in their mouths are opening gift-wrapped boxes. Then again, maybe it has always been this way and I just don’t remember. Either way, I really don’t care.
Because for a few minutes I got to remember that for a few hours I was once a friggin’ X-Wing Pilot.
Well it is that time of the year again. For the third or fourth year now I’ve been watching those horror movies AMC plays nonstop for a week plus. I don’t know why I watch these movies, which are edited and watered down, but it’s just one of those things. It’s on. I watch it or have it as background noise. I noticed this year there weren’t as many Friday the 13th movies, and it seemed like the Halloween films weren’t played as much, although it looks like Parts I-V and VIII will be on all day Tuesday. Thanks to this AMC marathon, I finally got around to seeing the first two Hellraiser movies this year. I’m not going to rate these films because I’m sure they are better unedited. Two movies I will comment on though are the Exorcist sequels. I saw the first film a bunch of times, both the theatrical and super-anniversary-deluxe edition with the chick walking down the steps backward on all fours. This past weekend I finally saw the Exorcist II and III on AMC. All my life I kept hearing how the Exorcist II was one of the worst films ever to be created, but I figured what the heck I’ll go watch it anyway. It wasn’t as bad as I’ve heard it was. Granted it wasn’t great, but I wouldn’t say the movie was one of the worst films ever produced. I will say though that the Exorcist III was a nice surprise; I thought this would be the worst of the two, but surprisingly I actually put down the newspaper I was reading at the time and paid closer attention to the two-plus hours this movie lasted. The ending was a bit on the “eh” side, but otherwise I was satisfied with the film.
Now I need the help of, you, the loyal reader. There was another film I watched this weekend “Wolfen,” which was about a bunch of hippie Indian wolves that ate people from the ghetto, but due to urban renewal projects these public housing neighborhoods were being demolished, thus taking away the food supply of these animals. Because I had nothing better to do I decided to watch this. Two-plus hours later, I was all ready for the ending, which was when the dogs were surrounding the main characters. It was at this time that the goddamn phone rang and I missed the last few minutes of this film. When I returned to watching television, I saw the wolves running around with the credits following shortly thereafter. So help me out here – did the wolves eat these people? Did they look at the pesky humans, realize they were white and took off? Were the surrounded protagonists morphed into these animals? There’s no way I’m watching this movie again, so any help on this one would be greatly appreciated.
While I’m on this subject, there was an incident years ago that makes me laugh today. For years I was good friends with this one chick (haven’t heard from her in eight years), and she lived in a trailer minutes away from the college she was attending. No, that wasn’t where she lived full-time; just whenever classes were in session – it was cheaper than an apartment and more comfortable than a dorm. Anyway, for some reason that night we decided to rent Halloween VI, which to this day I still didn’t understand what the hell happened at the end of this movie. After watching the first 10 minutes or so, a picture frame fell in her bedroom, which actually got a jump out of both of us. However, the best part was shortly thereafter when something began thumping up against her trailer’s one side. When we both agreed that this noise was nothing more than a branch, she went to open up her front door to go outside and push aside this obstruction. Right as she turned the doorknob, I screamed at the top of my lungs, “DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!” Her face turned white, and I began laughing hysterically.
• Woo-hoo! Due to the rain, and brief appearance of snow, that hippie hayride thing I talked about in yesterday’s entry was cancelled. Instead I got to watch some animated movie called “Open Season” that we took the nephew to. Eh, it could have been worse – we could have went to see “Flicka.”
• Well the World Series came and went and I nearly forgot it was on. I saw parts of a few games, but otherwise I have no idea what happened, other than that it rained a bunch. I really had no bandwagon team this year. I mean, it would have been nice for Jim Leyland to win another championship, and some of the coaches on his team were ex-Pirates back from a time when I actually used to care about Shittsburgh baseball. However, I always had this thing about the Cardinals. They don’t have the biggest market and they don’t spend the most money, but they always seem to field a competitive team. So I say good for them. It’s weird that another wild-card team won the World Series, especially considering the Cards were barely above .500. But you know what? With all the talk about how the World Series would be decided in the ALCS, and that the New York Mets were the only hope the National League had at even having a shot at winning the title, I say hooray for St. Louis.
One topic brought up during this cold, wet World Series was the subject of having the Series played on a neutral field in a warm weather climate. Fuck that. If the Series had been Oakland against Los Angeles, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Want to make the Series a free from the threat of snow? Then start the regular season earlier or shave some games off the 161 Major League Baseball plays every year. I’m not in favor of either one of these options, but I’d take that over playing the World Series at a neutral site. And if we drive enough SUV’s, maybe global warming will take of this problem for us sometime down the road.
• Hey one-world commies, I got news for you. Even if a Democrat wins the White House in ’08 (or even John McCain), your precious Kyoto Treaty won’t be going anywhere in America. That is unless there is some catastrophe where liberals also overrun Congress, and I don’t think that would happen. Even if libs get a slim majority, they won’t blow their wad on passing this bullshit and then getting voted out of office in the next election.
• You know, with all the things government and health nazis are doing in order to try to keep us from getting fat, someone comes along and decides that Coca-Cola isn’t bad enough for us and tries this piece of Americana fried. Not only does this bring a tear to my eye as to what we Americans are capable of, but it also churns my stomach a bit. Blech.
• Well, I have for all intents and purposes gotten over this bug in me for the last week or so. And where am I going tonight? Why, to some hippie event dealing with an historical battle that took place around this region (either the Revolutionary or Civil War). On top of that, the better half and I will be taking our one niece and nephew. Oh, and I have I mentioned that the weather is absolutely shitty and it will probably be raining? You have no idea how difficult it is in controlling the erection I'm having over going to this.
• I watched this weeks’ South Park, and saw the Steve Irwin joke, which made its way to the Drudge Report via a British newspaper article citing the poor taste Trey Parker and Matt Stone displayed by including the Crocodile Hunter in Satan’s big Halloween Spectacular. It’s South Park – what do you expect? Besides, the joke wasn’t all that offensive; in fact, I thought it was rather tame. (I’m sure longtime fans of the show will remember Irwin getting chopped to bits in a previous episode dealing with sending a “primate” back to his time of 1996.) All in all, this episode was there and wasn’t as good as the last few episodes of this season. Then again, an “eh” episode of South Park is still better than just about anything else I watch, so I’m not complaining.
• Here are my NFL Week 8 pickkks:
Arizona at Green Bay (3.5)
After last week’s debacle, I’m surprised that the point spread is only three-and-a-half points.
Atlanta at Cincinnati (4.5)
I’m not sure which way to go on this one. Atlanta runs the ball and one of Cincinnati’s weak points is run defense. However, I’m sure the Bengals won’t have problems passing the ball. Shoot. I’ll go with the Falcons.
Baltimore at New Orleans (2.5)
Every time I have doubted the Saints they proved me wrong. Now it’s time to ruin their Cinderella story by picking them to win a game.
Houston at Tennessee (3.5)
I have no clue. Um, I’ve heard David Carr is having a good year, so I’ll take his team.
Jacksonville at Philadelphia (6.5)
Which Jaguar team will show up -- the one that beat the Redskins in overtime and shut down the Steelers offense, or the one that lost to the Texans last week? I’ll go with the Eagles.
Seattle at Kansas City (6.5)
Both teams will be starting their backup quarterbacks. I’ll go with Kansas City because they’re at home and plus their starting running back is playing.
San Francisco at Chicago (16.5)
Give me the Bears and the spread. The 49ers burned me against Kansas City a few weeks back when I thought they would manage to keep that game somewhat competitive.
Tampa Bay at N.Y. Giants (9.5)
I think the Giants will win, but Tampa Bay has been playing teams close the last few weeks.
St. Louis at San Diego (9.5)
Like the game above, I think the Chargers will win, but I’m hoping the Rams keep the game close.
Indianapolis at Denver (2.5)
I’m interested to see how the Colts play this game. This may also be a game to determine who gets home field advantage throughout the playoffs.
N.Y. Jets at Cleveland (1.5)
I can’t think of a reason why the Jets will win.
(9.5) Pittsburgh at Oakland
For the Steelers’ sake I hope they win, but I’m not sure if they will do it by 9-plus points.
Dallas at Carolina (5.5)
The Cowboys have been feasting on bad teams, but whenever they match up against a good franchise their weaknesses show. I don’t think Romo will have a fun day, either.
(2.5) New England at Minnesota
Finally, a Monday Night Football game I’m interested in watching. I think the Patriots’ defense will stifle the Viking offense just enough for New England to win by more than a field goal.
• A few years back I remember a bunch of liberals goofing on Bill O’Reilly for some adult-themed book he wrote called “Those Who Trespass.” It was naughty and supposedly had sex and violence jam-packed throughout this story. I said “supposedly” because I didn’t read this book and I don’t intend to. Not because I’d be offended by the graphic details but rather because I don’t care. Fast forward a few years to the present day. The battle for Virginia’s Senate seat has heated up when the Republican candidate, George Allen, made some RACIST remark to some guy from the other candidate’s staff. It was some goofy word for monkey, or was it “stupid dark person”? Hell, I don’t know, and once again I don’t care. I also heard that there have been some “questions” of Allen hanging a confederate flag 20 years ago or something. Once again, I don’t care. He may have also said the “n” word, too. Ohs nos.
Well now the tables have turned, or somthing. Turns out Allen’s opponent wrote some goofy books years ago and now these books are being used as political fodder. Haha.
But here’s my favorite part.
So Karl Rove wrote these books that are now being used against Webb. Rove must have gotten into his brain and typed out these passages while Webb was under his influence. And Rove also knew all this would happen years before the 2006 election. My n*gga.
• Below are my results from last week’s NFL pickkks.
Carolina at Cincinnati. Correct.
I knew Carolina would be in this game, even if it resulted in a “L.”
Detroit at N.Y. Jets. Correct.
Looks like my Tigers lose/Lions lose theory is bearing fruit. I may go with it again this week.
Green Bay at Miami. Correct.
Woo-hoo. Three-for-three. Wow is Miami laying a dud this year.
Jacksonville at Houston. Incorrect.
Damn. I couldn’t have been the only one wrong in this one.
New England at Buffalo. Correct.
The Pats are riding high, and the Bills are, well, not.
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay. Incorrect.
I thought the Eagles would bounce back from last week’s loss at New Orleans. Guess I was wrong.
Pittsburgh at Atlanta. Incorrect.
The local fans are already throwing Troy Polamalu under the bus for not “containing” Vick in overtime and instead going for the big hit, which he missed, and resulted in an Atlanta first down and eventually the game-winning field goal. Leave a brotha alone. I still can’t believe some of the idiot fans here were expecting this team to contend for another Super Bowl. They got a year older. They played a full-postseason (an extra quarter of a season). They lost some key free agents. And they have played a rough schedule. Granted they should have won at Atlanta, but when you go up against Jacksonville, Cincinnati and San Diego, in the regular season you’re not going to win all three of them.
San Diego at Kansas City. Incorrect.
Shit.
Denver at Cleveland. Correct.
Whenever you have a few picks not going your way you can always count on Cleveland to bail you out.
Arizona at Oakland. Incorrect.
First the Cardinals play good enough to lead the Bears after three quarters, and now they lose to this team? Perhaps Arizona is the worst NFL team this year.
Minnesota at Seattle. Correct.
Boy did Seattle get whipped at home. So much for this being a close Seahawk victory.
Washington at Indianapolis. Incorrect.
I at least thought the Redskins would show up for this one and keep the contest within single digits.
N.Y. Giants at Dallas. Correct.
The fans wanted Tony Romo. They got Tony Romo.
This week’s record: 7-6. Cumulative record: 47-53.
Why is it so much easier to lose ground rather than to make up ground?
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 49: Mole
Some people think he’s an idiot, among other things, but he’s OK in my book. It’s strange, though, because I generally despise the “college lifestyle” and believe most people who engage in it need to be taken out to an alley and shot. However, even with Mole’s stories of college hijinks, I consider him an exception to this rule I have regarding those out of high school but not yet in the real world. I don’t know why this is – perhaps because, except for a more-than-manageable school loan, I no longer have my wallet in the meat-grinder that is academia. Also, since he’s now paying for part of the TSM bill, I can rest assured that even if he has a medical condition he’ll put more serious things, such as DVD collections and our Internet message-boarding experience, over his own personal welfare.
And now a word or five from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Black Lushus:
From EricMM:
From Carnival:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
• Well today was fun. I took today and Friday off from work, as did the better half, and after sleeping in until 10 a.m. we headed out to some farm to get this year’s pumpkins for the Halloween season. Mrs. kkk always gets one pumpkin for every cat we own, which means we’ll be wasting money on three of them, much like we have each of the last six years. Well, that just means more seeds for me to eat after all the guts are taken out of each pumpkin. I have no idea why the better half likes getting pumpkins at this place, which is called Schramm’s Market, but whatever; I’m just along for the ride.
When we pulled into Schramm’s, the thought of romping about in a pumpkin patch wasn’t too appealing to me, considering I’m in the final stages of getting over my first cold of the season. But then when we pulled in and I saw all the political signs that these people had on their property endorsing the Party of Liberty, Freedom and the oppression of minorities, women and the poor, I took solace in knowing that today’s pumpkin purchases were going to a good cause.
But this isn’t where the story ends. We made a few other stops today, and one of them was to a shopping center with a grocery store (Giant Eagle) that is part of the chain I do my shopping at. Since Giant Eagle’s weekly specials start on Thursdays, I decided to stop in and pick up some Pepsi products because this week they are on sale. I went to the grocery store, and Mrs. kkk went to another store to buy candles for the future Jack-o-Lanterns. I got my two 24-packs, one a Diet Pepsi and the other a Diet Mountain Dew (damn you Diet Mountain Dew – this shit is like crack). There was one problem. There was only one Dew in stock, and its side flap was half open. Because there’s no way I’m about to let a discounted Diet Dew slip through my fingers, I carried it sideways, which meant I couldn’t use the top-of-carton handle.
I got to the checkout line and placed the Pepsi case normal side up. I then placed the Dew case on its side so the opening on this pack wouldn’t be a problem. I told the bitchy middle-aged cashier that I had the Dew case on its side due to its one flap being half-way opened; I even pointed to this flap and showed her the opening. She looked at me as if I was some retard who forgot to put on his bicycle helmet. Seconds later she grabbed the Dew cube and set it up straight. At that moment the partial opening turned into a full chasm and about a dozen cans came crashing out. I took a step back and clapped my hands as she spent the next minute or two rounding up all the cans that were scattered over her workstation. I get that customers are stupid – I’ve even dealt with at least a few hundred of them during my cashier days – but not all of us are out to make your job a living hell, bitch. If I really wanted to be a prick, I would have opened a can or two that rolled around just to mess up her counter, but I’m not wasting a single drop of this yellow carbonated goodness on someone who looks like life is already doing a perfectly good job of pissing all over her.
The drive home was uneventful, although I got a laugh from of the one sign I read on some local business’ marquee: “Liberalism is a Mental Disorder. Vote Republican.” Awesome. Someone listens to Savage. Oh, and there was this other sign at a local eatery that read, “Last Diner Before the Turnpike.” (A toll road, for those scoring at home.) A few miles later there was this redneck bar with the following on its marquee, “Last Beer Before the Turnpike.” Sometimes this region amazes even me.
A Target recently opened next to my grocery store of choice, and the better half and I stop in there once a month or so to pick up her prescription that makes sure kkk jr.’s don't make their way into this world. Before heading over to the pharmacy, she stopped at a Starbucks mini-store inside this place. Seeing how it takes 10 minutes for these people to make one cup of anything, I plopped down on a nearby chair and stared off into space. This Target cashier chick who was sitting at a table next to mine had to have been on her break and was playing with her cell phone. She then began telling the chick making Mrs. kkk’s coffee about some new feature on this phone. Afterward, she started talking about how she needs to get pumpkin pie filling and evaporated milk before she leaves work today because tomorrow she doesn’t work or have to go to school and she is going to spend all day making pumpkin pies with her mom because this is the only time they’ll be able to do such a thing because she has to either work or go to school each day for the rest of the week and possibly next week and that she hasn’t made pumpkin pie or baked anything for the longest time and that she already has one can of pumpkin pie filling that has been on her mom’s counter for like TWO WEEKS and that she just hasn’t had time to bake and tomorrow is the only time for the rest of the week and possibly the next week that she’ll have to spend this quality time with her mom like she used to back when she didn’t have so many responsibilities and she hasn’t baked or had a slice of pumpkin pie in such a long time…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Oh for fuck’s sake someone load up a gun and put me out of my misery. Normally I can tolerate stupid co-worker banter, but not when it’s as retarded as this. At least when I had conversations with my fellow cashiers, I talked about stuff worth listening to. One line that really drew the ire of some old bitch back in the Quickie Mart days took place during that whole Susan Smith story – you know, that woman who drove her kids into a lake and then later said she was carjacked by some black guy. Anyway, this was during the time her scumbag defense team was trying to defend her using some bullshit excuse (probably molestation; I can’t remember what it was) and I said to my fellow cashier, “You know, why is it whenever a mom kills her kids these psychology experts want us to understand why she did it and how we’re supposed to show sympathy and understanding, but yet whenever there’s the slightest mention of a deadbeat dad in the media you have to beat these same feminazis back with a stick?” Although that aforementioned woman who I didn’t see standing in one of the snack aisles wasn’t amused by this remark, the guy at the coffee machines found it funny as hell – and if I can’t make at least half of my customers walk out of the store feeling better than when they did coming in, then what good am I?
Back to Target. After I had enough of this gab, I started talking out loud to Mrs. kkk at the same volume this chick had been talking to the Starbucks cashier. Honey, are we getting our pumpkins for Halloween tonight from Giant Eagle or tomorrow and if we are then when are you going to carve them and if you do are you going to roast the pumpkin seeds like you do every year and if you do are you going to bake them in multiple flavors like you did last year I really liked the cinnamon ones you tried although the garlic ones were a bit too strong but you can’t beat the ones with just plain old salt hey if you do carve out the pumpkins this year what designs are you planning on I really liked the one of the haunted house you did last year by the way are you still using the same book of design ideas or did you get a new one this year I can’t remember hey are you going to make more of those cinnamon pumpkin seeds because I really liked them last year and are you going to use candles or some other source of lighting…
It was about this time when Mrs. kkk paid for her coffee and told me to get the hell up. Well at least I didn’t have to hear about any more fucking pumpkin pie filling.
And when grocery shopping finally commenced, we were in the foreign food aisle, which is just a fancy way of selling you overpriced crap. As the better half looked at a bottle of Chinese (yeah, right) orange glaze, she asked, “If you pour this over some meat, do you think you could make “Orange Beef”? At least the comment I made afterward didn’t result in the smack I received being one that caused any bruising. At least not yet.
