6 p.m.
• So I started out by waking up at 2:45 a.m. to get ready for a 4 a.m. opening at Kohl’s. The store is only 15 minutes away, but I knew I wasn’t getting my ass up the first time my alarm clock went off. Especially since I ate a bunch of turkey the night before and watched the night game with the Colts at Atlanta. After hitting the snooze alarm a half-dozen or so times, I took my shower. Even the cats were surprised at how early I was getting up. We I get up for work at 5:15 a.m., that usually causes them to mill about until they get fed breakfast. This time they just laid in place until I got out of the shower and put their food in their dishes.
I knew waking up the better half was going to be a challenge, and I was right. She’s not exactly what you call a “morning person.” Now I’m not really an early bird riser myself, but when you get up 5-6 times a week at 5 a.m. in order to pay your mortgage and put food on the table you adjust. Well, Mrs. kkk doesn’t. When I turned on my nightstand lamp to put in my contacts, I woke her up. Now I have no idea what she was trying to say because she was mostly whining in foreign tongues. However, she did get up, get dressed and was in the car when I left for Kohl’s at 3:40 a.m.
I was curious to see how many people would wake up even earlier from the last time I took part in Black Friday. In 2005 Kohl’s was open at 5 a.m. (one hour earlier than most, if not all, the other local stores in my area) – now they were opening at 4 a.m. This should be an interesting social experiment. Well, the parking lot was near-full when we pulled in at 6 a.m. OK, so it’s going to be busy, but not “Best Buy” busy. I told the better half to get her target gift basket and I was going to go after my shoes that I had lined up. When we both got what we wanted, we’d look around before checking out. Well, I got to the shoe section, and I found the shoes I was looking for. However, my worst fears came to fruition. These shoes weren’t comfortable. I knew there was a catch. No problem, there was another brand that caught my eye, and although they were a bit more expensive, the quality was more than worth the extra few dollars. Besides, I was still saving $28 per pair (I bought two pair – one brown, one black). I met Mrs. kkk and we proceeded to get in line – a line that was halfway around the store. I knew this would happen, but because of my extra dilly-dallying we would have to wait in line a bit more than I had expected. It was then I discovered a terrible oversight.
I forgot my wallet.
Oh you got to be shitting me. Here's what happened. On Turkey Day I was over the in-laws’ house. My crack-whore niece-in-law was at this event. My crack-whore niece-in-law is a thief (she got busted while a teen at Wal-Mart). I kept my wallet at home. I forgot to put my wallet back in my coat pocket. Shit. Well, I told Mrs. kkk that I was going to zip home and get the wallet while she stayed in line. She asked if there would be enough time. I assured her there would be. I was right.
When I got back, the better half was “happily” waiting in line. I took this time to explore a few departments and found a nice deal on this press-iron-thingy that could be of great use. After the better half took a few DVDs off the impulse rack for her one non-crack-whore niece, our total bill was $165 with $205 in savings. We arrived at 4 a.m. and left the store together at 5:30 a.m. Good score. We got several things that were high on our priority list (shoes, gift basket), were able to get something that was likely to be off the shelves right away (gift basket for a better half’s co-worker – Mrs. kkk noted that there were only two left on the shelves at just past 5 a.m.), found a great deal on something that I didn’t see until we actually got in the store (press iron thingy) and managed to get one item crossed off on one niece-in-law’s list (DVD). The first store is, in my opinion, is always the most important. Here’s what I look for when picking a “first store.” My answers to each question are in italics.
1) If you were to visit later in the day, will the items you covet the most at this place be sold out? As I said above, I new the gift baskets would be gone, and I wasn’t sure about the shoes.
2) Is this first store near other stores that you can immediately plunder visit? There’s a Target in the same shopping center complex as Kohl’s, and this store wasn’t opening until 5 a.m. Perfect timing, especially since there are several items at Target that are high on my list of things-to-get.
3) Will the wait in line, which will be long, be worth what you get? I saved $205 while spending $165. Works for me.
4) Who are the customers surrounding you? There’s a reason I don’t go to Wal-Mart for my first store on Black Friday.
As we got into the car and headed over to Target, I thought it was odd that the store’s parking lot wasn’t at all full. That’s weird, the store is closed. The flyer said doors will open at 5 a.m. and it’s now 5:30 a.m. Hey, now I see people waiting outside. What the hell? Wait a second, I’m looking at Target’s Black Friday circular. Shit, I misread the “doors opening” line. It’s 6 a.m., not 5 a.m. Actually, this just might play into our favor. With the time being 5:30, this will give us time to visit the nearby Dunkin’ Donuts, get a flavored coffee and bagel and awaken our senses to what is probably going to be one of the more challenging excursions of the day. And once, again, I was right.
The good news is that with this Target opening up, it probably sucked away some customers from the Target about 10-15 minutes farther on down the road in nearby Greensburg. Less customers, more available products. Good. I remember the last few times I went to Greensburg Target on Black Friday the lines were insane. Well, this year’s experience is a perfect reason why I try not to use a cart. Unless a product is so f’n heavy that you can’t pick it up and carry it, steer free of carts. That mobility is crucial when zipping in and out of aisles. This year was no exception. One of the big items available were these video game chairs, and some soccer moms had 2-3 in their carts. With so many people using carts, there was literal gridlock in the electronics/toy department. I swear to Christ it was like New York City’s rush hour. Nobody could move and I heard a familiar phrase, “Oh, I’m so sorry for running into you.” I guess this is how EricMM must feel when riding his organic bike and seeing SUV’s own the road. However, I’m not one for requiring a “sales cart” tax or similar fascist measures. Instead, I take advantage of my mobility and cut in and out of traffic lanes hell-bent on getting my prized items for this stop: one of those above-mentioned video game chairs, some remote controlled helicopter and a bunch of DVDs.
While scanning the possibilities of trying to maneuver in the toy department, I came across this middle-aged guy who probably wasn’t used to this insanity. He made a remark to me about how crazy this experience was, which prompted me to say something like, “if it wasn’t for those pesky social mores I would lift my arms into attack formation and plow down some of these people in front of me.” He response was that this congestion reminded him of the Parkway East, which got a laugh from both of us. Fortunately for him, he reached one of the end aisles to the toy department and snagged some doll thing which must have been a popular seller because there were only a few left. I said “congratulations,” which elicited the response, “this was the only thing I came in here to get.” Well, at least he got what he was gunning for. I was able to weave in and out of stagnant cart-pushers, and get that helicopter-thing. Fortunately, the video game chair was in a spot away from the congestion, so I picked that up and headed to the register. As I met up with the better half, I noticed that the checkout lines weren’t bad at all, which was a bit of a surprise. This then caused me to say, “I’m going back in – wait for me.” Due to my agility advantage over most of my fellow shoppers, I bobbed and weaved through the masses to the DVD section and snagged eight DVDs/TV seasons/value packs I had in my sights, including a few that Mrs. kkk couldn’t find in widescreen format. (Her goal in Target was to get a few DVDs, which is what she did while I was on my “chopper” hunt.)
Total bill for Target: $142. Total savings: $193.
But there’s more…
11 p.m.
• So today I had the day off work (actually, I won’t be going in until Thursday) and had two job interviews lined up. Oddly enough, I think each one went well for me, with the second interview human resources person asking me back for a second round with some bigwigs. Could this be the light at the end of the tunnel? I dunno. Even though both jobs aren’t quite what I went to college for, each position is similar enough to what I’ve been doing the last 7-8 years. Not sure what’ll happen in the next week or two, but I might be saying “see ya” to my current place of employment in the not-too-distant future. Now that would be a great Christmas gift.
• The better half finally got me to watch “Knocked up.” Eh, it was there. Much like “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” the movie was better than I thought it would be, but it seemed way too long. And fuck that blonde-haired bitch for getting pissed because the guy was afraid of hitting the fetus with his dick while having sex. I’m sorry but if Mrs. kkk was ever preggers I know I’d be freaked out sticking anything near kkk Jr. (or whoever the baby’s daddy is). Yeah, I know nothing will happen to the kid, but I’m sorry: just the thought of giving your kid a money shot just gives me the heebie jeebies.
• Speaking of movies, I recently DVR’d some crap and finally got around to seeing these cinematic masterpieces. The first was “Drive Thru.” Holy fuck was this awful. But in a good way.
My favorite part came at the start when these wiggers were going to bust a cap in ol’ Horny’s backside, and when the Clown was about to wack the white kid with a shirt that reads “Illest” he says something like “My dad will give you anything – he’s rich.” Oh, and Morgan Spurlock is a fast-food restaurant manager. Do I need to go on? And there’s a LOT of liberal hippie crap, too. Because I know when I’m watching a Horny the Clown movie, I want to get the director’s opinion of our president. Actually, I find it hilarious when a movie/tv show has a close-up of the bad guy or a bumbling idiot with a picture of W. in the background.
The second movie was Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain. All I really need to say about this one has been covered in an attempted “100 things we learned from watching…” threads in the IMDB boards. My favorite was 96.
8:15 p.m.
• Wow. This dreadful economy has hit EVERYONE.
• Yesterday I was watching PTI and they had this bit about Greg Oden being a Barack Osama fan and Wilbon practically had an orgasm over the whole thing. Good God. So the guy likes a politician who spoke with him. Big deal. However, Wilbon then said that it was soooooo great to see and hear an athlete talk about politics/race/etc. Here’s what Oden wrote.
OK, so…
…was a funny line. But back to Wilbon. I wouldn’t be comparing Oden with Jim Brown just yet. In fact, the discussion turned for a bit to athletes like Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods that didn’t take the time to turn their spotlight in the public eye to talk about issues. Hell, one of the reasons I like Woods is that he just show up, does his thing and wins. In fact, the only person that doesn’t seem to make a big deal about Tiger’s skin color is Tiger himself. And while I wouldn’t consider Jordan outspoken when it comes to politics, he did campaign for Bill Bradley in the 2000 Democrat primary. (I’m also fairly certain he didn’t attend a White House ceremony with Bush I after the Bulls won a title, but I could be wrong on this one.)
8:45 p.m.
• Hmmm, I don’t recall these signs anywhere near me.
Of course, my first thought upon reading the above article was this post made back in ’06. Time for a trip to the ar-kkk-ives.
And some people think I have no social skills. Yesterday afternoon after work I drove to the emergency vet place to pick up Max, who was rushed there Sunday. When I got there I sat down and waited for them to check Max out. Now I normally don’t have good experiences at vet places when it comes to speedy service. But then again, if my cat was in trouble, I wouldn’t want some putz bitching at the front desk telling the vets to hurry it up and wait on him and his dog Fluffy. Anyway, I sat down at one end of the waiting room, and this lady was at the other end holding her kitty. Everything was fine and dandy for about 10-15 minutes, and then the ghetto family showed up with “Coco,” which was some poor dog who got stuck living with this group of misfits. Now it’s no secret that I hate children, and this bunch had four of them. However, as long as the brats are well behaved, I can tolerate their presence, let alone existence. The problem was that these pieces of mini-trash were screaming, running around and causing an overall disturbance. Did the parents try to calm these heathens down? Of course not. Did they try to get them to settle down and read to them one of the magazines that were nearby? Nope – I have doubts that the adults in this mob knew how to read. After at least 15 minutes of this the one receptionist told me that there was an emergency in the back and the vets couldn’t finalize the paperwork to give Max back to me. “No problem,” I replied. I then asked for a pen and piece of paper. I then scribbled down the following: “It’s a shame we have to carry our pets in carriers wherever we go, but yet children are allowed to roam free.” A few minutes later when the receptionist wasn’t answering the phone or talking to customers, I slipped her my note. She burst out laughing and had to run in the back and try to get some control over herself. After a few minutes, more laughter from different people was heard in the back office and when she returned to her desk she nodded toward me and said, “So true.”
After dropping Max off at home, I went out to vote. Now I said earlier that Pennsylvania recently got rid of its old voting machines in favor of computerized screens. When I went into the polling station, I got ready for another ribbing over my party affiliation. The last time I voted in the primary season, the volunteers, who are mostly Democrats, do their best to make me feel at home. One example of this hospitality is when they scream to each other across the room, “We have a Republican here!” Today was no exception as I signed my name to the register book. There was one old lady working there who was a Republican, and I know this because the grumpy old man at this place said “He’s your kind, so you show him how these machines work.” After being shown the ins and outs of these devices and entering my votes (Santorum, Swann, and some local school board people) I was walking toward the exit and told her that I thought these machines were unnecessary and frivolous. She agreed with me and then I remarked, “Hopefully it’ll make many of the Democrat voters think they’re voting for Rendell or Casey when they’re actually voting for Pat Buchanan; we need all the help we can get this year.” That line didn’t go over well with the rest of the poll workers there, but that’s just what makes saying stuff like this more fun. As I left the station, I met some young guy who was running for State Representative on the Independent ticket and was looking for signatures. I put my signature down for him and we talked a bit. Even if I don’t support a candidate or referendum, I’ll still put my name down for them if asked. My opinion is that even though I don’t agree with the issue/person I think they have a right to be voted on by the public. My only exception to this rule would be if the measure I’m being asked to sign always got voted down in the general election. For example, if I got approached to sign some paper to support getting a measure on an election ballot that would make gay marriage legal, I’d sign. And when the voters by a margin of 80 percent to 20 percent shoot down the measure, I’ll laugh. Now if these same hippies still tried getting this stupid idea on the ballot for the next 10 years, then I’ll refuse to sign their signature sheet. You lost, get over it. Do what every good activist does – get a red diaper doper baby to make it whatever lamebrain idea they want to impose on an unsuspecting public legal.
• Well, 06/06/06 has come and gone, and the apocalypse did not take place. However, I don’t plan on the Anti-Christ taking any action until she decides to leave her senator's seat in New York and run for president, but that’s another year or so away. Actually I’m rather encouraged about Satan not taking over, seeing how the Angles pounded the Devil Rays 12-2 yesterday. In addition, the Pirates lost last night, so that means all is normal with the world.
• For at least six months I have been trying to get the better half to agree with me to switch our phone service over to Comcast from Verizon. Every time I bring this up she says “no.” The reason? She thinks it will be “weird” having phone service with a cable company. Yeah it’ll be weird. It’ll also be cheaper. Yesterday this sales rep from Comcast came to my door and let me know of some special deal where not only would we have our cable internet connection and a cheaper phone service than Verizon's, but also we’d get digital cable all for $20 less a month than what we’re currently paying for standard cable, internet and Verizon phone service. In fact, even after this 12-month promotion expires, we’d still be getting these services for a lower rate than for what we're paying now. When I told Mrs. kkk about this deal she expressed doubt due to the fact she doesn’t like the Digital Cable remote. When we moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003 we signed up for some special deal from Comcast that gave us digital cable for six months free (or something similar). The service wasn’t bad, but I didn’t really care for it, mostly because I didn’t give a crap about the extra channels (although I did tune in to HBO's OZ). However, I care about saving $20 per month, so I’ll deal with the hippie remote. After explaining to the better half that we’d be saving money every month, along with paying for all three services in one bill, I think I got her on the ropes. If this doesn’t work, I could always beat her, but I hold off on spousal abuse as a last resort. Well, maybe not last, but close to last. Well maybe more along the lines of when I don’t feel like bloodying up my work clothes…
• Well Steve McNair is going to be traded to the Ravens. I feel for him. McNair put his heart and soul into the Titans for years, playing through pain and injury, only to be told “well you make too much money so off with you.” I understand the NFL is a business, but fuck it; if a team signs someone to a contract, and they have to restructure the deal later on because they promised that athlete more money than the salary cap will allow, then screw the team. I don’t blame the player for wanting what’s coming to him. It’ll be interesting to see how the Ravens play this year with McNair at the helm, or at least until he gets hurt.
• So one kitten was reported as rabid at a PetSmart store. Now they are suspending their pet adoptions for the mid-Atlantic region? What, did the cat infect the entire area? From the article: “PetSmart has arranged more than 3 million adoptions in its 17-year history, and has only had one other rabies case, said Paul Amirault, district manager for PetSmart.” So now other cats may have to be put down because they couldn’t find a home via PetSmart. Fuck that shit. I wish we took such drastic measures on humans. So little Bobby has been caught beating up some kid? Time to give his 10 brothers and sisters, plus crack mom, the needle.
• So what can a New Jersey Democrat politician do when his state government gets shut down and there are no Republicans to blame? I have no idea, but I want to know which group wants to starve children and poison the elderly: Newly elected governor Jim Corzine or the Democrat-controlled Congress? What’s funny is that the disagreement doesn’t seem to be over whether to raise taxes or reduce the size of government, but rather it’s about what taxes to raise. I heard on the radio that Corzine wants to jack up the state sales tax while his opponents want to raise taxes on other things, like car rentals and computers. But the real victims of this shut down aren't the children or the poor. It's people like Michael Trager who was playing a video poker machine at 7:50 a.m. when he was told to stop playing.
• After all the money spent convicting the guy, Ken Lay gets the last laugh by dying on us before serving hard time. I’m sure the joke of, “How can he have a heart attack when he doesn’t have a heart to begin with?” has already been written into late-night comedians’ scripts, so I won’t pile on. I am curious to know if some of the left-wing blogs and message boards have accused the Bush Administration of offing his one-time “Kenny Boy.” I’m not curious enough, however, to bother to look.
• And speaking of those who deserve to die, will some god up there (or down below, I’m not picky) strike these fucks down?
• Ben Wallace just signed with the Chicago Bulls for a shitload of money. As much as I like Detroit’s former “Big Ben,” and as much as I fear that ‘fro, I wonder if $60 million over four years is a good value for someone that has limited offensive capabilities and is awful from the free-throw line? I guess you could say the same about Shaq, but Wallace isn’t O’Neal sized. Speaking of the Bulls, the team might as well sign another free agent, this one for their mascot.
• Who says the Germans don’t have a sense of humor? If only there was some video of people who tried to kick these concrete spheres. Speaking of the World Cup, Germany and Italy are scoreless in the 90 minutes of regulation. They then go to one 15-minute overtime. In the second overtime, within the span of 2-3 minutes, Italy goes on to score two goals. You know there had to be people who watched the entire match, left the room to take a poop, only to come back and see Italy up 2-0.
• Yesterday the better half and I went to a cookout at her one friend's parents' house. Well, Mrs. kkk went because her friend invited her; I just came for the grub. Hey, when there are free burgers and hot dogs to be consumed, who am I to say no? Actually, I have a deep respect for the father of this better half’s friend. The guy has a bunch of small/side businesses, and he has no qualms with screwing over his own blood to make a buck. It’s awesome enough this guy’s gas station has been featured in the local media from time to time as being the most expensive place to purchase gasoline, but that’s not all. Down the street from his house, this guy owns a daycare center that his daughter (Mrs. kkk’s friend) operates. Along with tending to legions of rug rats, the guy’s daughter also balances the books and does all the everyday things not expected of a child-care attendant. And what does he pay his daughter for all of this dedication? Less than $15,000/year. On top of that, this guy has refurbished his house’s basement to make it a stand-alone apartment and charges the same daughter rent of more than $350/month to live down there. While the better half can’t stand to see her friend used like this, I am in complete and utter awe at the awesomeness of her friend's father.
While most people at this cookout were family members, there was another couple the same age as us that we know through Mrs. kkk’s friend. I have nothing against this couple, but from what I have heard the husband is a real piece of work. Some highlights include taking his household’s savings, going out on a weekend trips without telling his wife where he's at, then returning without saying where (and what) he had done. Apparently, he also had been cheating on his wife, but I don’t know whatever became of that. Anyway, I heard he had been recently laid off from his job, and during our conversation yesterday he brought up how he was getting two weeks paid vacation for no reason and was looking to get another job within this company to another part of the country, more specifically being on the fast track to the organization's Hawaii facility. Rather than call him on this, I just let him live in his dream world. After all, for people that have nothing but their fantasies and delusions, taking these away from them can sometimes be a life-crushing ordeal. Besides, it’ll be nice to see him again down the line and ask how that transfer went.
10:30 p.m.
• I watched a few entries of Vh1's Top 100 One-Hit Wonders, or whatever it was called. Here's what I don't get. They included people who were part of one musical group and the one big hit they produced, but yet the same artist went on to create other popular songs. For example, House of Pain's "Jump Around" was on this list. (Although their second album was "eh," I liked their third album "Truth Crushed to Earth Shall Rise Again" quite a bit.") During this show, Vh1 said that Everlast went on to have another big hit as a solo artist from his "Whitey Ford Sings the Blues" album. Well then he's not really a one-hit wonder. Sure the House of Pain had one big hit, but Everlast and DJ Lethal have gone on to other successful music endeavors. I would also include that Tom Tom Club group who made "Genius of Love." According to Vh1, when the Talking Heads were taking a break, some members went off to form this group. Once again, I wouldn't consider these people to be "one hit wonders." But maybe I'm just nitpicking. It's late on a Sunday and I'm sleepy. Oh, another thing I learned from watching that Top 100 list – the chick that made that “Loving you is easy because you’re beautiful” died shortly after this song due to breast cancer. Now that was depressing to learn. Yet Keith Richards is still kicking.
• So now bullying has reached the Internet. Fite me u poserz. If you're going to kill yourself because someone calls you a fag on a MySpace page, then perhaps you should squeeze that trigger and end your miserable existence.
• There goes the neighborhood. Now white people are going to have to move even farther away from the city. I can't even begin to imagine what the commute will be like for a sub-suburbanite. You got to admit though, it's pretty bad for those of the ghetto when Mexicans don't even want you live near you. If "white flight" was the term for crackers to high-tail it out of urban areas, I wonder what this will be called -- Making a run for the city limit border?
8:45 p.m.
• OK, I could maybe understand the NFL getting its panties in a bunch over the use of “Super Bowl” because I hear on ads all the time that use terms like “the Big Game” when referring to the Super Bowl, but in regards to everything else? Jesus Christ. No Fun League indeed.
• For some reason the quote in bold below cracks me up. And for the one that wasn’t convicted of a HATE CRIME, was this person filled with apathy instead?
• From an interview with Bill Gates, who remarks about those Apple ads featuring the “cool” Mac guy and the “stiff” PC person.
It’s a goddamn computer! Get over it. I like these Apple ads. Do I believe everything that’s being claimed? Hell no. Do I care? Nopers. Many of them got a chuckle out of me upon the first few viewings, and in the end that’s all that matters. I know jack shit about computers, and I’ve worked with Macs and PCs in the past. Guess what? They both crash on me. As long as the product is not an outdated piece of shit and has the juice to run Quark, Photoshop and DreamWeaver while listening to Neal Boortz via streaming audio and having AIM turned on, then I’m happier than a pig in shit.
• Score one for the socialists. That's all I can say about this one.
10:45 p.m.
• The NFL announced this year's Hall of Fame class. Here are the finalists. The ones in bold were selected. Next to each one I'll give my insta-reaction as to how I would have voted for them. I will limit my selection to just five players.
Fred Dean: Who?
Richard Dent: Sure.
Russ Grimm: Tough one for me. My first thought was "not quite." Maybe if his coaching career continues to excel, then I'll say yeah.
Ray Guy: Yes. I know punters and field goal kickers are taboo in the HOF, but I'm a Ray Guy mark. Besides, he has an awesome name.
Gene Hickerson: Never heard of him.
Michael Irvin: I hated him as a player, but I like him as a commentator. I really enjoyed the banter he had with Rush during his brief ESPN stint. I may have said yes, but he wouldn't have been the first receiver I would have taken on this list.
Bob Kuechenberg: Shrug.
Bruce Matthews: Oh hell yes.
Art Monk: Yes. I don't care if he wasn't the flashiest or had the best stats. I feel bad he's not in the hall, and with other players that have bigger numbers on the way, I doubt Monk will ever get in.
Andre Reed: He'd be my second wide receiver choice, but do I have enough slots for him?
Charlie Sanders: Derp.
Paul Tagliabue: Was he a great commish? You bet. But Jesus Christ, he only retired in 2006!
Derrick Thomas: No. Great pass rusher, but I am only picking five.
Thurman Thomas: Great all-around back. I forgot he spent a year with the Dolphins.
Andre Tippett: No.
Roger Wehrli: Dunno. His bio thingy said he played cornerback from 1969-1982, so that says something.
Gary Zimmerman: I liked him as a player, but I have to say no this time around.
Who did I pick for my "Top 5"? Richard Dent, Ray Guy, Bruce Matthews, Art Monk and Thurman Thomas. Do I have any reasons for these picks? Yes. And they're selfish, stupid, biased and do not involve stats or any kind of in-depth research. Would you expect anything less?
5:15 p.m.
• Back in August I made some NFL predictions. Now let's go back and laugh. The italic lines are what I said six months ago.
AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION
New England Patriots
Miami Dolphins
New York Jets
Buffalo Bills
AFC EAST: REAL WORLD
New England Patriots
New York Jets
Buffalo Bills
Miami Dolphins
I have the Jets at number three and the Bills at number four just because.
AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION
Shittsburgh Steelers
Baltimore Ravens
Cincinnati Bengals
Cleveland Browns
AFC EAST: REAL WORLD
Baltimore Ravens
Cincinnati Bengals
Shittsburgh Steelers
Cleveland Browns
I have no clue what's going to happen here. These top three teams are interchangeable, and who knows what Cleveland is going to do this year.
AFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION
Indianapolis Colts
Jacksonville Jaguars
Houston Texans
Tennessee Titans
AFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD
Indianapolis Colts
Tennessee Titans
Jacksonville Jaguars
Houston Texans
Indianapolis lost Edgerrin James but they're still going to be good and win this division. I think that window of opportunity for a Super Bowl win is close to being shut for them.
AFC WEST: MY PREDICTION
Denver Broncos
Kansas City Chiefs
San Diego Chargers
Oakland Raiders
AFC WEST: REAL WORLD
San Diego Chargers
Kansas City Chiefs
Denver Broncos
Oakland Raiders
San Diego is in third place because they have the most potential to sputter out of the gate and call it a season early, what with the unproven Rivers as their starting quarterback.
NFC EAST: MY PREDICTION
Washington Redskins
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Philadelphia Eagles
NFC EAST: REAL WORLD
Philadelphia Eagles
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Washington Redskins
Every year it seems like a running back or two just breaks down right in front of our eyes due to wear and tear or age. This year I’m guessing it will happen to Tiki Barber. I have no rhyme or reason for this guess; I just think he will.
NFC NORTH: MY PREDICTION
Chicago Bears
Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions
Green Bay Packers
NFC NORTH: REAL WORLD
Chicago Bears
Green Bay Packers
Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions
I'm guessing the Lions will come in third followed by the Packers just because. Does it really matter which team finishes 5-11 and which team finishes 4-12?
NFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION
Carolina Panthers
Tampa Bay Buccanneeers
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints
NFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD
New Orleans Saints
Carolina Panthers
Atlanta Falcons
Tampa Bay Buccanneeers
New Orleans will get a lot of ESPN hype thanks to Mr. Bush, but they’ll still lose.
NFC WEST: MY PREDICTION
Seattle Seahawks
St. Louis Rams
Arizona Cardinals
San Francisco 49ers
NFC WEST: REAL WORLD
Seattle Seahawks
St. Louis Rams
San Francisco 49ers
Arizona Cardinals
The 49ers will be better, but that’s just because they can’t get much worse.
FINAL TALLY:
If I got one point for every placement prediction I got right, my score would be 10 out of 32 for a .312 winning percentage, which is still as good or a better record than the Browns, Raiders, Redskins, Lions, Bucs and Cards.
3:15 p.m.
• Here is why you shouldn’t stay at the same job for too long, especially if you are working in an entry-level go-nowhere situation. I just heard that the theater I used to work at closed down a few weeks ago. Had I kept my customer-service job there (and why in the hell would I?), I’d be jobless. However, this bit of news is only one additional job I used to work that has since bit the dust. After working there I graduated from college and went to Sappy Valley, where I worked as a part-time copyeditor and cashier. Both of these positions have since been eliminated. In addition, the place I worked at in Ohio, from what I’ve been hearing, is really close to being shut down. And now the place where I work? Oh, man. I don't even know where to begin. There was also another store that I worked at from 1994-1996 that has long ceased operations. I will not count another store I worked at for a few weeks in December of 1998 because they were going out of business before I was even hired; I was on board for a few weeks because a number of workers quit after it was announced they would soon be jobless. Now one could deduct from this that I’m a cancer any place I work, but I like to think of this more like how a business can’t recover from my departure and all the productivity I brought. Yeah, that’s it.
7 p.m.
• Yet another fun day of work. This time I got into a heated argument with the idiot boss. What caused this? My quest for the truth. Basically, my primary, time-sensitive job duty -- the job I was hired to do -- needs to be done during the middle of each month. (That might be a reason why sometime I post an entry during the weekend at work during the 2nd-3rd week of a month.) Well, turns out I now have a new duty for the next six months. Take a wild guess when it’s due? Yep. Every 15th. So today, for the second time in two days, I ask the idiot what takes priority – the job I was hired to do or this new one. No answer. For those who work, you may have had experience with what I call the “ostrich supervisor.” That is, the boss who, when faced with bad news or a question he/she doesn’t want to answer, just doesn’t say anything. Yeah, that’ll make it go away. (Actually, I just made the “ostrich” term up 30 seconds ago, but whatever.) Well, I kept asking, and finally this douche said, “both.” Uh, no, fuckwad. One has to come before the other. As I refused to let him off the hook in front of all his little minions in the office, the atmosphere got more and more awkward. Did I mention that I haven't directly looked at him since last June? That’s always a fun thing. It’s always hilarious to me when shit-for-brains employers get afraid of things like the truth and direct questions. Oh, and the cherry on this sundae is the fact that he waited a week-and-a-half to tell me this, when had he informed me of this new duty when it was first conceived I would have it done already. However, now I have to deal with both duties under a much tighter deadline period. (My monthly romp of fun began earlier this week, and from this week on it's a miracle that I get the amount of work I do done in just under three weeks.) Oh, and why wasn't I informed of this when I actually had some "spare" time to work on this? Because at yesterday's meeting where he first told me of this was the first day when another co-worker got back from a weeklong vacation. A co-worker WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY NEWLY ASSIGNED DUTY. So he waited a week and change to tell me something at an "official" meeting that he could have just said to me when it was first created. Actually, I prefer e-mail correspondence because being in his mere presence for longer than 5 seconds makes me ill. Thank Christ my interaction with him is limited due to being two floors below his cubicle of despair.
• So Michael Wilbon was talking about Mike Mussina on PTI today and he mentioned that Mussina had never been a 20-game winner. Really? I’ll be damn. He hit 19 twice and 18 thrice.
• I saw the first “Hitlery” bumper sticker on the way home from work today. Ugh.
• Oh John Edwards. Don’t ever change.
8:30 p.m.
• Well everything came and went without much of a hitch. Although it was funny to point out to the better half that, when she let the nieces and nephew play with my exercise equipment, that I got the third degree when I babysat them a while back and let them goof around with that stuff.
11:45 a.m.
• So the last few days have been hella crazy. In a few hours we will be hosing a cookout for a few people, and on Friday the better half and I went to get some stuff. Did we go to the grocery store for meat? Nope. We had to go to the local butcher guy who lives in the backwoods. Next it was onto Sam’s for some cock breast chicken. I think we got some other stuff, but I can’t remember. We also went to a few other places that I can’t remember, which scares me a bit. Anyway, we did all this shit right after getting home from work, which has been hectic for me this past week. We left for work at 6 a.m., then left for shopping at 4 p.m. It was now past 8 p.m., and I was starting to crash. What made me grumpier was knowing that I was going to have to go into work Saturday morning, and goddamn am I a spoiled brat, considering I used to pull 16-hour shifts with regularity back in the day. But I digress. It was 8 p.m., and Mrs. kkk asked if we should just get alcohol now instead of waiting for Saturday. I’m a person that likes to get things over with, so I agreed. Now did we go down the main road of our area to a place that sells beer? No. We took these backroads that added 10-15 minutes onto what is normally a 5-minute commute. Why do people do this shit? Well, I was already grumbling a bit when we pulled into the Pizza Hut. Yes, Pizza Hut. Pennsylvania has this ass-backwards law that makes it next-to-impossible for places to sell booze, but for some reason this PIZZA HUT has a little cooler to sell beer. I don’t know. I’m not going to try and figure it out.
When we pulled in, Mrs. kkk said “when you go in there get Busch beer.” Wait, why do I have to go in? “Because the man gets the beer.” WTF? When was this a rule? And I’m not a “real” man. When I bother to drink, I drink wine coolers and Kahluas. I don’t hunt or fish. I know dick about automobiles. And you know what? I’m proud to admit this shit, which probably makes me more of a man than you. But now I’m getting off track. I go into the Hut and look in the cooler. I have no idea what these brands are they are selling, and they were all in at least a 12-pack. There’s no way I’m buying these tax-saturated products for one-two people max. Fuck that. I went to the “real” meat shop for this event. I get back in the car and tell the better half that they don’t have Busch. “Well can’t you get something else?” Why then did you tell me to get a specific brand? Look, I may not be a man’s man, but I’ve been around enough to know that some males are just as picky with their choice of adult beverages than women are with fashion design labels. She then tells me to just get whatever, because now fatigue is starting to hit her. I go back in and get two big cans of Coors. Hey, this is our house and it’s not often that we bring booze into it. Anyway, now I get to the point of this story.
I put these two big cans on the register, and the cashier has no idea how to ring them up. She makes some comment that must have been bad, because she got real apologetic with me. Too bad I was zoning out and wasn’t paying attention. The manager comes over and both are trying to figure out how to ring up this transaction. Then the manager says something that snapped me back to reality real quick.
“These two cans are $2.25 each and their ringing up as $4.50 total. That’s not right.”
R’oh?
And no, she wasn’t talking about taxes. And no, there wasn't a line or any reason for them to get frazzled.
Yes, this whole saga was leading up to a customer service story. Feel shortchanged? Too bad. I had to live it. Now if you will excuse me, I have to vacuum and put in another load of laundry before the guests arrive. No, I’m not making this up. And I’m going to be bbq’ing shit this afternoon. At least it’s with my two charcoal grills. Propane is for communists.
9:45 a.m.
• OK, time for this week’s NFL pickkks:
(4.5) Baltimore @ Cleveland
Hmm, will the former Browns tear shit up or will the Browns give them a game? If I go with last year’s divisional winner getting the ship straight, then they won’t. If I go the other way, this will be the Week 1 Browns that had four different penalties on one play, not the Week 2 team that scored 50+ points. The Ravens secondary is better than Bengals. I’ll go with the former.
(3.5) Chicago @ Detroit
Shit, another similar conundrum. Will having a new quarterback spark the Bears or will the Lions play them tougher than they did with the Eagles last week? I’ll go with the latter in this case.
(2.5) Green Bay @ Minnesota
I have a feeling this one will bit me in the ass. I typically go with the Vikings at home against Favre, but I heard some stat on “Around the Horn” earlier in the week about the Packers quarterback having good games at Minnesota the last few years.
(3.5) Houston @ Atlanta
The Falcons didn’t play that bad last week, did they?
(3.5) N.Y. Jets @ Buffalo
I have no reason for this one.
Oakland @ Miami (4.5)
I don’t even know if the Dolphins have won a game this year. I just chalk it up to another selection for no reason.
St. Louis @ Dallas (13.5)
Even though this has all the makings of a “let down” game, the Cowboys have been blowing out teams they should be beating this year. Why change now?
(2.5) Seattle @ San Francisco
Normally I give the division champ the benefit of the doubt, but here’s hoping this will be the “changing of the guard” over in the NFC West. I’m tired of the Seahawks finishing first over there.
Tampa Bay @ Carolina (3.5)
I thought picking up David Carr was a good move, but I’m wondering if he’ll need a week or three to get into the Panther groove. I’m hoping the Carolina defense can hold the fort until then.
Denver @ Indianapolis (9.5)
I was going to go with Indy, but called an audible at the line of scrimmage. Oh I hope this doesn’t come back to haunt me.
Kansas City @ San Diego (12.5)
I don’t like the spread, but if there ever was a game for the Chargers to get back on the winning track, it’s this one.
(6.5) Pittsburgh @ Arizona
I have no stats for this one. It’s been my experience that the Steelers always have trouble at Arizona.
(2.5) Philadelphia @ N.Y. Giants
I’m still pissed at that Giants win last week. Go Donovan.
(7.5) New England @ Cincinnati
Only 7.5 points against a defense that gave up 50+ to the Browns? Sign me up.
9:30 p.m.
• So we went grocery shopping tonight, and we were by the meat section. I was eyeing up some 92 percent lean ground beef on sale when some old broad starting bitching about the price of pig's bone, or whatever the hell that shit was. She then started bitching to me and the better half about how you have to be a "millionaire" in order to feed your family. It took every fiber of my being to hold back, and Mrs. kkk took the brunt of this "back in my day" shit because she knew I was about to piss someone off big time. You know, if you're trying to feed your family, I don't think you'd be buying a BONE.
2:15 p.m.
• Call me John Kerry on this issue, but I really don’t fault either Trent Green or Travis Johnson for their actions in Sunday’s game. Here’s the story.
From what I have heard, and according to the article above, Green threw a legal block, but a player getting cut like that could suffer a season-ending injury. So when the defensive player starts yelling at the downed quarterback right after the play, I don’t blame him one bit for doing so. And that “scarecrow” quote is my line of the week.
If the NFL really wants to do something to better the league, then they should do something about cut-blocking, or whatever it’s called, instead of teams calling “time out” right before the other team’s kicker boots a pigskin through the uprights.
On and regarding Keith Olberman, would he have called Green THE WORST PERSON IN THE NFL if Johnson would have been carted off and the Dolphins quarterback got up without a scratch?
11:45 a.m.
• Long story short: So the idiot boss is the head of some publicity/marketing committee that is putting some event together outside of work. Now my co-worker and I know this guy who is part of planning for this event (which is doomed for failure), and our “deep throat” told us that our boss volunteered to head up this committee because he “has connections” within the media. Guess what I got 20 minutes ago? An e-mail from said idiot. What was the e-mail about? Him asking for my list of local media contacts. Yeah, he’s got connections alright. Oh, and speaking of publicity, he hasn’t given me any information about this event for publication in our mailing material, and the next mailing will be going out after this event’s RSVP deadline. God I love this place.
11:59 p.m.
• Well there's something I don't see every day. After Baltimore gave up the game-winning touchdown to New England, some player threw a fit, and a ref's yellow penalty marker, into the stands. This resulted in two 15-yard fouls, allowing the Patriots to kick the ball from Baltimore's 35-yard line. Weird. Man, I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the Ravens locker room after that game. Stopping a fourth and one to seal the deal and their one coach called a time out before the snap.
9:30 p.m.
• So I haven’t been paying attention to politics as of late. Am I bracing for a Democrat takeover or disgusted with the way Republicans act? Who knows. But I just listened to the latest IOWA STRAW POLL results showing Hitlery in second and Huckabee doing better than expected. Of course, this straw poll is still two months away. Jesus Christ. I think I’m now starting to understand why only half this country votes.
• So there are some who consider Jennifer Love Hewitt fat?
This is something I don’t understand. On one hand we’re being told that girls everywhere are near-suicidal because they aren’t able to look like the beanpole models found on magazine covers. However, we are facing an obesity epidemic. So which is it? Either way, I don’t care. The big question is, where are these pictures?
I can see how some thin freaks wouldn't like this, but if this were in front of 99 percent of guys out there, they would hit it without hesitation. However, I must admit that what I find more appealing about JLH aren't her looks but rather her paycheck. Do you have any idea how much she made for her role in "The Tuxedo"?
8 p.m.
• And I’m supposed to feel sorry for these people?
It gets better…
So let I get this straight. This guy leased a BMW, purchased jewelry and other luxury items (some of which he still owes money on) and has out-of-control credit-card debt. But the GAS and GROCERIES are what’s really taking a wallop on his bottom line.
Great. I’m contributing to all this gloom and doom because I forgot to make two monthly payments on time this month (the car payment and my school loan). I guess I could blame the fact my wife had a miscarriage and went in for surgery and that I had other things on my mind and forgot about these two bills (both were about a week late to get paid – I generally pay off bills at the start of the month and check about mid-month to see everything was paid in full; this time during the middle of the month, I noticed I forgot to make these two transactions). Nah. I'll just blame gas prices and expensive groceries (even though I saved $47 on this week’s bill, which totaled $83 after my coupons/Jewness kicked in).
8:30 p.m.
• Don't you know that making Abdul eat crocodile meat is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
Oh, wait. It's not anymore?
Well, I guess allowing women to vote now tops the list. For now.
Then again, considering women tend to vote Democrat, maybe the Muslims are on to something here.
Yesterday I wrote about my trip to Game 3 of the NLCS and what a magical experience it was. The next night I headed out to Game 4 with another friend in hopes the Pirates could tie the series up at two games apiece. We headed to Three Rivers Stadium without any problems, and we found our seats just fine. The problem was that the drunken asshole seated in the row above us found their seats; they also had been able to find the nearest booze stand as well. For the first few innings of the game things were harmless enough, then sometime around the third inning when the Pirates made a clutch hit or something (I forgot what it was) two of these drunks fell down onto me. Well, at least they didn’t throw up, even though my knees banged off the concrete and hurt like hell for a little while afterward.
After falling onto me, one of these assholes began verbally harassing me. Of course, for about 15 minutes I didn’t realize he was trying to get my attention. He finally had to tap me on my shoulder and say, “Hey, I’m talking to you.” Seeing how this guy weighed at least 75 pounds more than me and was drunk off his ass, I simply turned around and went back to watching the game; amazingly enough he stopped talking about the homosexual acts he wanted to do with me and turned his attention to someone of the opposite sex – this female Braves fan (and her boyfriend) in the row behind him. It was sometime around the fifth inning when I began to hear some escalated shouting from behind my row. I turned around and saw the drunken idiot standing up and getting in the faces of those two aforementioned Braves fans. Without missing a beat I nudged my friend and showed him the trouble that was about to ensue. We both stood up and moved away from our seats. As we did this, the drunk took a swing at the other guy’s girlfriend and the boyfriend responded in kind. Seconds after we left our seats and moved, these two guys came crashing onto our seats and proceeded to wrestle down at least a half-dozen other rows. Chaos then ensued and everybody who had been watching the game in our section suddenly stood up and watched this fight.
Oddly enough, the 90-year old “security guard” in our section wasn’t able to settle things down, and it took several ushers of considerable younger age, and muscle mass, to separate the two brawlers. I’m not sure what happened to the idiot behind me, but he and his friends didn’t return to their seats. Unfortunately, neither did the couple that was being harassed by an asshole that thought going to a ballgame meant getting liquored up and causing a disturbance. I know nothing probably happened to this asshole, but I always hoped the Braves couple sued him.
The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. The Pirates lost and faced a three games to one deficit. Regrettably, I had the chance to purchase Game 5 tickets when I initially bought my Games 3 and 4 tickets, but I decided not to. The reason I regret this decision is because the Pirates took Game 5 thanks to a gutsy performance by pitcher Bob Walk. This guy wasn’t the most talented player out there, but he managed to find ways to win more times than naught. (Currently, he’s a Pirates broadcaster, or at least I still think he is one.) Thanks to another Wakefield performance in Game 6, the Pirates took this series to a Game 7, where they were just one out away from going to the World Series. Oh well, my other favorite team at the time, the Toronto Blue Jays, beat the Braves to win their fires-ever World Series title. And you know what? On the night the Jays won it all, my friend who was with me for Game 3 had a party at his house that got out of control, but that’s another story for another day – like say, tomorrow.
11 p.m.
• Even though the guy's a commie, I like Mellencamp's older work: "Check it Out," "Authority Song," "Jack and Diane," all that shit. I began to get disinterested in his stuff around the early- to mid-'90s, although some of this stuff is more than listenable for me. "Our Country" isn't one of those songs.
Here are the middle stanzas in question. I'm surprised these lyrics aren't featured on any of the Chevy ads that I have seen at least 100 times.
5 p.m.
• I don't know what's funner -- listening to the Beast sing or reading the comments to this piece of video. Whenever this gets played, I do one of two things: put my hand over my heart and look at a nearby Old Glory, or put my head down in a moment of thought/meditation out of respect for those that helped make this United States of America. The latter is usually done if there is no flag to be seen. I NEVER sing. Here are some of the funnier comments.
10:30 a.m.
• Someone in a thread at the other place was talking about working in the restaurant business and the asshole customers who unnecessarily rag on the help just for a power trip. This got me the thinking: I’m a pretty good restaurant customer. All I want is a booth, a menu, a correct order and a refill or two. Other than that, leave me alone. I don’t want any small talk. I don’t care to know how you’re doing. I don’t want to tell you how I am – what if I truly decide to tell you how I’m doing? Will you really care? What if my dog died, my mother was just diagnosed with cancer and I lost my job to somebody named Pedro down south because he’ll work for $1/hour? What are you going to do for me besides tell me what the soup of the day is? Gag I hate small talk. Oh, yeah. Upon reading this topic I got the thinking to the times when I was the asshole customer, and I came up with four incidents.
Incident 1: The Middletown, Ohio, Applebee’s. The better half and I were waiting for about 10 minutes for someone to take our order. No problem, the place was busy. We then waited about a half-hour for our food. No problem, the place was busy. There was a problem, however, when Mrs. kkk tried to eat her gyro/pita/whatever it was. The tortilla wrapped around her food was a bit, shall we say, stiff. It was so hard that neither of us could get the toothpick that was lodged in it out. This was brought to the attention of the waitress, who in turn brought it to the attention of the manager who in turn gave us a free meal and dessert. During the whole ordeal neither of us complained and we gave the waitress a nice tip due to our free food.
Incident 2: The same place on the very next trip. I forget what exactly happened to the better half’s order, but they forgot to put any sauce at all on my chicken wings. Once again, no problems.
These two incidents above were times when I had to complain about the food. I wasn't bitching about the service. When you can't get a toothpick out of your sandwich you HAVE to say something. And then there are the two experiences below.
Incident 3: The Middletown, Ohio, Steak & Shake. I never cared for this place, but the better half liked its hamburgers (or was it milkshakes?). Well one time we got waited on by this person who couldn’t have been much older than 18. Now he had this lackadaisical I-don’t-want-to-be-here attitude, which is fine by me considering I have probably looked this way to a customer or two during my dead-end job days. However, when he took our order without even writing anything down, I began to get a little annoyed. I try not to be a picky eater, but I cannot eat onions. They make me sick. Well anyway, I ordered a burger without this wretched topping along with a side order (I can’t remember what it was) that also came with onions. As this kid began to walk away I asked him if he should be writing our order down. He said no that it was “all up here” and pointed to his head. It may have been “all up here” while he was at our table, but it must have been dropped by the time he went to place our order. Neither item I ordered was correct, and I pointed this out. He then acted like I didn’t tell him that I didn’t want onions on any of my food, to which I replied, “Well maybe if you would have written my order down you would have remembered.” What did I do in retaliation? I didn’t leave a tip. That’s all.
Incident 4: The Greensburg, Pa., T.G.I.F. I don’t like Friday’s, which is odd because all these cookie-cutter chain restaurants are the same. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. However, Mrs. kkk wanted to go here one day so I figured what the heck. Our waiter was a real piece of work. Not only did he so not want to be at work on that Sunday afternoon, but also he especially didn’t want to be at our table. I can’t remember how long we waited to order our food, to get our food, to get a refill and to get our check, but I knew it had to be a long time. How do I know this? The people sitting around us were also complaining about the service of this guy. In fact, during our wait for the check, this couple was seated across from us and began complaining about when someone was going to take their order. I can sympathize with a food-service employee when one customer wants to be waited on as if they were the president, but when you have an entire section of patrons waiting for things like, say, the food or the bill, then I think the onus is on the employee and not the customer. What did I do? I left a $0.02 tip on the credit slip with something like, “Find another job because you’re no good at this one.”
There you go. Four bad restaurant service stories in nearly 31 years of living. Not a bad track record if I do say so myself. There may have been other incidents, but I can’t think of them now so they probably weren’t all that big a deal anyway. I should state for the record that I have been an asshole customer in other endeavors, such as the time I told a grocery store bagboy to die of cancer, but that’s another industry for another time.
7:15 p.m.
• Yet another reason why men and women will never understand each other.
The better half and I are meeting up with two friends from Ohio this weekend. Having been part of many a botched planned outing in my life, I’ve learned to just go with the flow when dealing with events taking place out of state. Long story short. We are all traveling several hours to Columbus. I told my one friend that the first person to get to their hotel calls the other groups via cell phone. When everyone checks in to their rooms, we’ll meet at the nearby O’Charley’s. Of course, this has the better half all concerned that something is going to go wrong. She would rather have everyone meet in a particular place at a particular time, which of course means that during the trip to Columbus there will be a 30-car pile-up, making us late and having her freaking out over getting to some place late. But I digress.
A few weeks ago we bought wedding gifts. She insisted that we do this shit in advance, and of course I can’t remember what we bought. Anyway, a few days ago my friend asked if I wanted to go in with him on some wedding gift. When I told Mrs. kkk of this, she said, “You mean he hasn’t bought a gift yet?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “Why not?”
Me: “Because he’s a guy.”
A while back I remember this television commercial with this young couple getting each other cards for some occasion. The chick was in some hippie store going through every goddamn card on the shelf (and they indeed do this shit – trust me). The guy was at some Quickie Mart getting beer and just grabbed a card on display at the register. When they swapped cards at the end of the ad, the chick’s panties got all wet because of how sentimental her gentleman caller’s card was. Ugh. The only thing worse than shopping for cards is shopping for clothes. Well, actually, I’d have to say cards are worse because she can NEVER decide on one. Hell, for this wedding, she went to THREE DIFFERENT STORES for a card – a card that, I discovered, cost more than $5. Yeah, yeah yeah, Jew boy. But Jesus Christ, IT’S A CARD. The only reason I open any cards now is in hope that some money falls out. Shopping for clothes is annoying, too, but when I’m with the better half, it’s fun to let her know what I really think of the outfits she picks for herself. Fuck that, I’m not going to lie – if I don’t like something I’m going to say so. Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t get pissed off over this. But she does get psycho when, after looking at a card shelf for 20 minutes and asking me for my opinion of what card to get, I head over to the 99-cent section and grab one without even looking at it. Like I said before: IT’S A CARD and I’M A GUY.
10 a.m.
• Well, this was a fun day so far. Last night I was watching some History of the Barbarians show. For what reason I have no idea. Well, I fell asleep watching it and swallowed some spit or something. Because my head was at some kind of angle, it went down the wrong pipe or something and I woke up gagging. This has happened to me before and it FUCKING SUCKS. Not only do you gag, but you feel like you're going to throw up. Plus that aftertaste. Blech. I take some Pepto, and although it doesn't cure all the afflictions, that pink stuff tastes a lot better than pseudo-vomit. I then went to bed.
This morning I wake up and feel like shit. Not only do I have a fever, but my body is aching like a mo' fo'. Normally I would call off, but I didn't because 1) I'm going to an out-of-state wedding this weekend, meaning the buttload of work on my desk can't get done this Saturday and I don't know if I'd feel like driving in on Sunday to get it done. 2) I have some chick coming in for an asisstant interview, and I didn't want to stand her up. Well, I get into work and I find that this applicant left a message saying she wasn't coming in. Goddamnit. Oh well, at least I didn't have to waste time interviewing her only for her to decline our organization's offer when she gets the pathetic hourly wage being offered of which I have no control over.
7:45 p.m.
• What's this?
Please let it be a Jew bitching about the “Passion.”
Oh well. Maybe next time.
Good for Mel. Too bad he wasn’t drunk. It would have been more entertaining.
Oh shut up you fucking bitch. “Your people” did some crazy shit – all cultures do. Deal with it.
Here’s my favorite part.
For the last fucking time – THIS PART OF THE WORLD WAS FUCKED UP BEFORE WHITEY CAME ALONG AND TOOK ALL YOUR GOLD! Say, this reminds me of my Quickie Mart days. There was this hippie chick that I used to work with. Well, actually, “hippie,” doesn’t do her justice. She was one of those wiccan moonbats who really believed all that shit, and this was before “Charmed” made wicca cool: or at least showed some practitioners with nice tits. Our magic moment came when I told her Indians weren’t these holier-than-thou pacifists and that they could tear shit up with the best of them. I also mentioned the Aztecs would sacrifice and eat their babies to appease the Sun God, or one of those things they worshipped. Did the Aztecs actually do this? I don’t remember, but I probably heard that they did, so it must be true. This chick then said that she followed this one tribe which roamed the Great Plains and lived off what the land provided for them. She then commented that one day they mysteriously disappeared, to which I replied, “That’s because the baby-eating Indians came up and kicked their asses.”
Boy did that sure piss her off. Hey, a quick Google search shows that my baby-eating remark may have legs (and arms, too, depending on Chief I-Sold-New-York-For-A-Bag-Of-Beads-From-The-Dollar-Store's appetite).
And this is from Informationliberation.com – THE NEWS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW! :o :o :o
• So Eminem, who has bitched in the past about CENSORSHIP, is trying to silence his ex-wife. (They're now divorced? That's right. Today's Friday.)
Oh you got to be shitting me. This can’t be serious.
Hey, what is this? Why, it’s the lyrics to one of Eminem’s songs.
How DARE that bitch say Em is "slacking very much when it comes to the kids." That would make any baby daddy mad enough to kill ... or at least write a song about it.
10 p.m.
• Yet another reason why the better half and I better not produce any children (besides the hundreds of other reasons that go something like, “I’m too lazy to be a parent,” “I’d rather spend money on myelf” and “I hate children.”
Yesterday morning the alarm went off and I proceeded to trudge off to the bathroom for my daily shower. We feed the kids early in the morning and before we go to bed at night, so they’ve picked up when feeding time is and when I get up at 6:15 a.m. they start milling around; either that or they directly hop onto Mrs. kkk and start meowing in her face. Well, this morning Max was following me into the bathroom and started hanging out around the toilet. Weired. Before we got a drinking fountain for the three of them, Max would stand around the toilet when he wanted “fresh” running water. I thought nothing of this. As I take my morning shower, the better half feeds Max, Dessa and JJ. Well this morning I guess Max wasn’t eating, which prompted her to be in near-hysterics and telling me he wasn’t eating his dry food. Uh, OK. Now we’ve had some problems with his pee-hole being clogged, but he only lost his appetite when this condition got severe, and he displayed no evidence of having strained litterbox activity. When I got out of the shower I looked into their feeding room and saw that Max was going to town on the water fountain. I asked Mrs. kkk if she gave them fresh water. She said yes. After a while when Max was finished I gave him some of his food, which he ate. I pointed this out to the better half, but she still said she was still “worried.” OK. Well, the special food we buy the three of them contains no filler, so the vet told us that it’s common for them to not eat everything we give them. Going about my Friday morning routine, which included taking any full garbage bags downstairs through the basement and garage and out to the curb. That’s when I figured out why Max probably wasn’t hungry.
There was cat vomit all over the basement floor. But it wasn’t food-related. It was from a nasty hairball (or three) that he must have thrown up last night. Makes sense, considering one of his toys that he usually plays with was nearby. I pointed this out to the better half and let her know that my guess as to last night’s events were as follows:
1) With the warm weather, Max is shedding like a fiend.
2) Max threw up some hairballs and instead of eating he wanted to drink fresh water to get the taste/any irritation out of his system.
Even though he ate after I fed him, he didn’t eat his entire quarter-cup of food, which still prompted the better half to spend the whole day fretting. Of course, at 7:30 p.m. that evening Max began following Mrs. kkk around the house, trying to guide her to their feeding room for an early supper. Oh, and he cleaned his bowl once they all got feed. I asked her afterward, “You still worried, psycho?” Christ, if kkk Jr. ever springs from her loins, that kid will be lucky to be out of his protective bubble for longer than two minutes.
2:15 p.m.
• So yesterday I stopped with my Target trip. Our two primary stores were Kohl’s and Target, and with these two gone we just decided to visit other stores just for the heck of it. There were a few more things on our list, but these items probably weren’t going to be on sale and in all likelihood still on the shelves by the time we come around to them.
As we drove from Target out toward some other stores in Greensburg, Mrs. kkk asked if we could go to Lowe’s and get some Christmas decoration for the house. Whatever. We pulled in and she went into Lowe’s while I went into that area’s Target store. I already made my purchases so this was more for recon purposes. Even with a story in my neck of the woods siphoning off customers, this place was still pretty packed. This only reinforced my theory of never going to a Wal-Mart to start off the Black Friday season. Good God I can only imagine the white trash running roughshod over there. Anyway, the reason I mention this event is because the highlight of my day came while at this store. While walking down this one aisle there were these two obese older people walking and the wife was screaming at the husband, and I just had to eavesdrop. Wait, fuck that. This wasn’t eavesdropping. I was in a public place and they were yelling. You can’t help but not hear what they were saying. I’m not sure what happened, but I guess they had planned a certain shopping strategy but the guy screwed it up. And they don’t own cell phones. The best line went something like, “I was waiting FORVER and I couldn’t reach you because you’re too damn cheap to get a cell phone!” My God was this hilarious. And I wasn’t the only one listening. As I turned my head this Asian chick walking beside me was also unsuccessfully trying to hold back her laughter. I made the remark, “Gee, I wonder why he wouldn’t her to be in contact with him 24/7 with a cell phone,” which got a legit LOL from her. After a walk around the store, I went into Lowe’s, met Mrs. kkk while she bought her thing and heard her plans for the next 10 home improvement projects she has in store for our house. Yay. Too bad I won’t be doing any of that shit. Total purchase: $21. No discount.
After that was Wal-Mart. Like I said earlier, I would NEVER go into one of these stores to start out my Black Friday shopping. I’ve seen Internet video of these mobs and I’ll pass. I’m not one who tends to get trampled but why expend all that extra energy holding your ground when it can be applied to better things? Generally, once it’s past 8 a.m. the Wal-Mart around me tends to clear out. We swooped in and bought a bunch of DVDs for us and for some family members. Total purchase: $55. Savings: $80.
After Wal-Mart we walked into a few stores that is also in this area’s shopping center but didn’t purchase anything. I did want to stop at a nearby Big Lots, of which I am not a regular customer. I now have come to the following conclusion: Wal-Mart isn’t the pinnacle of white trash consumerism, at least in my region. Holy hell was this place open up my eyes. As I walked in I noted the plethora of “warning/recall” flyers posted about products this store sells. Then the customers too poor for Wal-Mart. Yikes. And the gifts. Beer Pong. Nice. Of course, I found this cheap crap for my mother that she will think I spent all day shopping for. Wait, she can’t be that naïve. Then again, this is the same woman that allowed my father to impregnate her. Mrs. kkk bought some extra garland and I got some cheap-ass stickers. Total cost. $21. No idea what I saved. I know many of my fellow customers saved on deodorant because they didn’t use any. And there’s something to say about visible tramp stamps when a woman is trying to control her brood. Wait, does this make me a Big Lots shopper? Fuck.
Next stop was the mall and by this time I was beginning to crash, which usually happens to me at the 10-11 a.m. mark. I was in no mood to browse the department stores, which was a shame because I actually wanted to this year. However, we still had to go to Monroeville for some specific gifts. We went to Suncoast for some hard-to-get movie of the nephew-in-law, along with a few other titles that were on “sale.” Total cost. $28. Total “savings:” $13. I really don’t like Suncoast but they’re not bad for older movies if you don’t feel like ordering it online. Actually, while going through their TV on DVD bin, I had to laugh when I saw this “Married With Children” box. Among the SPEICAL FEATURES included “10 hidden easter eggs.” Uh, if you promote these things on your cover, aren’t they no longer “hidden”? I won’t go into detail about my opinion regarding easter eggs here, but at least now you know what makes me chuckle after 7+ hours worth of shopping.
After perusing the Westmoreland Mall, we headed to Toys R Us for some gifts that I can’t remember. All I know is that the final bill was $43 for a Cabbage Patch Doll and video game. Oh well, at least the video game was $20 off. Many, Toys R Us is another store I can’t imagine starting out at when it’s 6 a.m. Oh, speaking of Toys R Us, here’s a funny story I just remembered from the mall. We went into Kay B because the better half wanted something for this crumb snatcher that one of her friends squirted out a few years back. I had no desire to browse at this place because lots of customers and tight aisles don’t make a good combination. I told her that I’d start waiting in line while she looked for her toy. Much to Kay B’s credit, the line moved rather fast, and I was actually letting people go past me because Mrs. kkk was nowhere in sight. (A few customers actually complimented me on this idea of having one person wait in line while another person looks and said they’ll probably employ this strategy elsewhere.) Well, the better half finally stormed over and said we were leaving. OK then. As we were walking out was bitching about how none of the employees there knew where anything was and she gave up on looking for this thing. I defended the employees by saying this was probably the wrong time to start asking specific questions about item placement and the like. Sorry, but unless the item in question is a front-page “door buster” item you won’t get much help. Sorry, that’s the way it is. Hey, this is Black Friday and we’re dealing with customer service. This isn’t FEMA after a hurricane. OMGBUSHLIEDBLACKPEOPLEDIEDANDGOTEATENINTHESUPERDOME~!
Where was I? Oh, yeah. We then went to Best Buy and I was pleasantly surprised that this place had died down. I was expecting this store to be a madhouse because this store usually has the long customer lines well into the day. And to make matters better, there were a number of uber-priced DVDs still available. In widescreen. We got a few things for some nieces and nephews, along with a few things for ourselves. Total price: $111. Total savings: $30.
After a return stop to Wal-Mart to get some gift cards that I forgot to pick up the first time ($75), it was off to Monroeville. The first stop was to a specialty craft store to pick up some model car for my one nephew-in-law who I hope to work for in some high-paying/remedial position in his company once he graduates college 10-15 years from now. Christ, this kid is smarter than me and he’s in middle school. Then again, that’s not saying much. Anyway, we spent $17 dollars there and also $31 dollars at a craft store to get the stuff that Mrs. kkk wasn’t able to get at Kay B. Hey, we saved $30 on some easel thingy, so yay. While we were in the neighborhood, we stopped by this town’s local mall and didn’t get anything. Wait, I lied. We did get something. There was a kiosk peddling these tickets for some hippie Shittsburgh cultural shows. Basically the deal was $95 for a pair of tickets in the best section of the auditorium with the gift recipient able to select from one of five different shows this upcoming summer. Not sure what the savings, if any, are for this, but it was a great gift idea and now we don’t have to worry about Mrs. kkk’s boss. Plus the better half will be splitting the price with her other co-worker, so this would only be $50 for us.
Final numbers. Approximate Black Friday purchases: $750. Approximate savings: $570. Not bad, especially considering the number of non-holiday/gift-card/non-discounted purchases made. And I still have a month to fish out other deals.
5:30 p.m.
• Oh, this is brilliant.
If anything these taxes will just be passed on to us, and one big reason prices are "high" is because the rest of the world is catching up with us, such as China and India. Here's a thought: If the demand is much higher, then we should increase the supply. Don't want to drill in America? Well then you must pay higher prices. If you want to tax Big Oil just to suck more money out of them, that's fine -- just be honest about it. And what the hell has that got to do with helping the little guy when it will only make matters worse?
• Yeah, boo-hoo and all that.
Now here's the part where I wish the snake would have eaten one of the parents instead.
Then again, when Max had problems peeing, we didn't notice it until it was almost too late. Then again, there wasn't a predator in his litter box.
8 p.m.
• So I heard one of Mrs. kkk’s friends is having marital problems. Well, the problem (at least for the friend) is that she’s not married yet to the father of one of her two kids. Well, this guy isn’t the most responsible person in the world, and the better half’s friend does all of the cooking, cleaning, etc. This and work a full-time job and take care of the kids. Well, it’s the one crumb-snatcher’s birthday in a few days and Mrs. kkk’s friend went with her dad to get a sandbox from Toys R Us. When she asked her baby’s daddy to watch the kids for an hour or so while the sandbox was getting purchased/transported/etc., this guy say the quote of the week.
“What do I look like – a babysitter?”
• So George W. Hitler now wants terrorists to have a free pass into the U.S. via ports. Nice. It’s funny to hear people like Hitlery and Schmuck Jewmer sound like they are all about national security. Actually, I’m in a bit of a bind. Do I side with Hitlery or do I side with Jimmy Carter, who supports the President on this one? God help me.
About the United Arab Emirates: I don’t know much about them. I remember some soccer tournament (I think it was the World Cup) and saw their team running around in those cute little turbans. I’m sure they hate us, but only two of the 9/11 hijackers were from this place, so I guess that’s not too bad on the Let’s-Kill-The-Infidels-For-Allah scale.
Oh, and W., you haven’t vetoed a goddamn thing in your term-and-a-half and you threaten to whip out the ol’ Veto Pen over this? Didn’t do it with so-called campaign-finance reform. Didn’t do it with that Medicare Drug Prescription Plan. Didn’t do it with one of the several bloated budgets we’ve had since 2000. But you threaten to do it over THIS? Oy.
But of course we’re missing the biggest point of all regarding this story: Forbidding the sale of a port is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male.
• I wonder if these hippies that don’t believe in offing a convicted rapist/murderer share similar views with those pharmacists who refuse to sell the morning-after pill? For the record, I think if a pharmacist is working for a company they should have to abide by company policy. If that means giving out the baby-killing pill, then make the transaction. If the pharmacist owns the store, then he or she can sell what they want.
Instead of getting the State to off a criminal, and waste millions of dollars in appeals and retarded “protests” like this, can’t we just let the private sector take care of this? Give Bubbba a carton of smokes and leave him alone with the condemned in the shower room for 15 minutes. Case resolved.
• I hate these kinds of articles: Since when do health-care costs go down? Christ, these are just as bad as when the local media do stories about the increase in cable costs or the annual rise in university tuitions. The real story would be if these costs went down.
• Detroit is, surprise, having money troubles, and this means that the city is being forced to sign over its zoo to a third party. No, I’m not talking about Section 8 housing. I’m talking about lions and tigers. Er, wait a minute. I’m not talking about the city’s sports teams either. I’m referring to that community that fences in all those wild animals. There I go again talking about Section 8 again. Damn.
Well, anyway, one of the council members, Martha Reeves, is thinking that some RACISM might be involved, saying, "The symbolism is that Detroit is a black city and that we’re unable to govern ourselves. So we need an overseer, the state legislature, or what have you, to step in and tell us what we must do and how to do it."
Uh, Martha, have you ever been to Shittsburgh? They’re not much better than Detroit. Actually, Detroit is one of the few cities Shittsburgh can still make fun of. Anyway, over here in PA my area has had to have a state oversight board because this place still lives and spends like it’s 1970 and the mills are humming along. Hell, on the other side of Pennsylvania, the Philadelphia school system got taken over by the State due to their incompetence.
So before you go using the RACISM card, take a trip to Shittsburgh and see for yourself that whites can ruin a city just as good as your people up in Motown. Oh, wait. I said "your people," which was intended to talk about Detroit's city council, not black people in general. Oh dear, I hope that doesn't make me a RACIST.
• So one of the better half's friends works at a day care center. Actually, her dad owns the place, however, he pays his daughter about $15k to run it, and by run it I mean oversee just about every responsibility out there. On top of that he charges her rent to live in the basement of his house. I love this man. Anyway, Mrs. kkk just told me that every year her friend holds a PRESCHOOL GRADUATION CEREMONY for the little brats in her center. A PRESCHOOL GRADUATION CEREMONY. I'm not sure if this includes the ol' cap and gown, but in this day and age who the hell knows. Anyway, a big brouhaha by the parents took place when it was revealed that each kid was only allowed three tickets. I don't know what's worse: PRESCHOOLERS having a GRADUATION CEREMONY, or parents pissed off because they can only have three people attend this thing. Believe it or not, I actually have a memory of my PRESCHOOL GRADUATION CEREMONY. What did I do? My mom picked me up and I was driven home. Another memory I have is taking some kid's coloring picture and scribbling it up. One of the teachers saw me do this, yelled at me and when I took my coloring picture up to show her she said that she didn't like it. I think my preschool had naptime, but all I remember is laying on the floor.
• I was just flipping through the channels and came across one of the 20 Jesus channels on my cable lineup. Normally I just skip over these stations, but for the brief moment this station was on my television I saw the words, "Mike Sweeny." Mike Sweeny of the Kansas City Royals? I put the clicker down. There's this hippie interview show with some friar interviewing Sweeny. Good lord is this guy a Jesus freak. The most memorable experience of his life was his high school confirmation weekend retreat where he found Jesus Christ? Oh man. HA -- he just said that his high school team won the state championship because they prayed together, and teams that pray together win together. I'll take this time out now to let you make your own joke about his team's current situation.
• Once a week the better half and I go grocery shopping. Now many of you know that if I don't have a coupon for something and it's not on sale, then I don't get it. Mrs. kkk, on the other hand, has no sense of fiscal responsibility, which explains why she's up to her eyeballs in debt. Anyway, she was called in to her second job at the pizza place on the day we normally shop for groceries, which left me in charge. I swear to Christ I'm as bad as a valley girl at the mall when it comes to grocery shopping by myself. To top it off, chicken and steaks were buy one get one free this week. After much coupon selecting and sale item pricing, my $131.86 bill went down to $70.15. Score one for the cheapskate this round.
• Instead of shooting them, shouldn’t we be encouraging these people to get out of the United States? Either way, I think the Mexican goverment should be concerned with the way they treat their guests south of the border before telling us what to do with ours.
• Only community services? These people should be dragged out and shot for what they did. Oh, and my favorite part of the story is in bold, especially since one night back when we were living in Ohio JJ got outside at 2 a.m. when I went to put a letter in the nearby mailbox (don't ask) and the better half found him the next morning by the backdoor crying – I’m surprised he even figured that much out.
Don't fuck with a cat that has "Mr." in his name.
