Raw Is Statutory Rape

Hulk Hogan on Carlito’s Cabana

So, now we’re making matches from statutory rape angles?

Edge and Snitsky v Kane and Show

I avoided most of this. Edge should be getting primed for a program with Cena, not bogged down with a feud that nobody gives a shit about.

Main event announcement:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The Heartthrobs v Viscera

A can’t miss gimmick that isn’t over a lick versus a can’t hit gimmick that that the people actually cheer for thanks to creative getting behind the gimmick that won’t draw a dime. Naturally, the woman feels sorry for the man who humiliated her on PPV in front of the world. End this shitty angle, now.

Chavo Guerrero becomes Gunther from Friends

Kerwyn/Kerwin White? WTF? And the bastard made Maria cry.

Hurri-shits segment

Bleh

John Cena peps-up Maria

Maria is happy again, and all is right with the world.

John Cena on the Highlight Reel

Why does Raw have two talk-show segments? They can both talk, I’ll give them that much. Would be nice, though, if the WWE Champion got put over in the main event slot for a change, instead of in a midcard segment with a midcard wrestler,

Diva Boot Camp

You expected me to watch this shit?

Fu Macho Man Chu Renee Dupree v Val Venis

Crisp while it lasted, but why are they protecting Val Venis? Is he so big a star that he couldn’t do a clean job?

Carlito and Angle v Shawn and Hogan

I skipped the match, and turned back literally as Shawn’s foot hit Hogan’s chin. I loved the turn, and what I liked most was Shawn not saying a word, and just staring down at Hogan. The way Shawn walked off and just had no emotion on his face was a great touch too. The only down side to this is that it means Hogan v Shawn, most likely at Summerslam, which will totally overshadow whatever match John Cena is going to have, and Batista too for that matter, and they’re meant to be the guys that are WWE’s future.