Eric Bishoff's hair is better than it was, but I liked him with the beard.

 

What, exactly, was with Jericho's boots/tights last week? They looked like they were split.

 

Kurt Angle has a nice European uppercut.

 

----

 

Carlito's music is good but it doesn't fit on RAW.

 

Do they reuse the same apples on every Cabana?

 

Wait, Jericho being fired is cool, even though Carlito was teaming with him.

 

If you're going to wear a suit, for Christ's sake make it look better than HBK's. Big fan of what he wore on Piper's Pit during the Hogan feud - almost cultist.

 

How dare CCC cut HBK off during an ego trip. Don't take that shit. Oh wait, it was just for his own, and since when has Shawn been allowed to call anybody else an egomaniac?

 

Holy shit, someone was actually able to tell what Carlito was going to do with an apple. That isn't possible, is it?

 

Masters' music is okay for his normal entrance but he needs something a lot more kickass for other occasions.

 

Holy shit, HBK actually worked out he was in the ring with two heels and attacked one. What is this, break the laws of wrestling night? Oh, no, Flair's back and he's going to kick ass.

 

DOUBLE STRUT I JUST MARKED OUT. Flair went for a handshake and was left hanging.

 

----

 

Lita's cleavage = ratings. And Matt Hardy's new ring pants suck ass.

 

----

 

Bischoff needs to start slapping more people. I loved those shots he laid on Cena.

 

----

 

Big Show squashes = ratings the first time.

 

JR needs to learn how to say Australian place names.

 

Show should change his finisher to a chest slap. That would kick so many kinds of ass.

 

Double hotshot = strategy. Now all they need is a double eyerake - you stupid assholes he's the Big Show. No suplex for you.

 

Is it just me or does Big Show actually have to pick them up right from the ground for his back body drops? No-one can jump high enough.

 

RING BELL SHOT. No Mercy = love. Ringing DDTs are the

way to go.

 

----

 

Lita's cleavage = ratings again. They should check ratings for when they pimped the street fight.

 

----

 

Oh my god, my ears. Whoever suggested that we overdub their voices should be paid for that idea because it's great.

 

Ashley = a good choice but not worth the Diva Search.

 

I'm tuning out from now.

 

Wait, that Widow's Peak was pretty awesome.

 

----

 

Murdoch and Cade are going to kick arse. Hopefully.

 

----

 

And we go straight from that to Edge sitting around having a hoedown backstage. SHILL THAT ALBUM, BITCH.

 

'Running an errand'? Man, if I hadn't seen this already, I'd be suspecting her of warming the ref up.

 

Tuning out.

 

----

 

Matt Hardy's new shirt = sales.

 

Lita's cleavage = huge ratings spike. They should've put an ad on screen during this segment. It would've sold millions.

 

----

 

CELEBRITIES! YEAH!

 

----

 

Oh my god, Ric Flair's down backstage. (And Jesus, did he look completely fucked over. Nice job.)

 

----

 

I just saw Edge dry-rooting the mat. My eyes.

 

This entire match = ratings. I love how Edge is in jeans and not ring tights.

 

Into the crowd already? Shit, that didn't take long.

 

That landing looked a little stiff, I have to say. Poor Edge.

 

TRASHCAN LID. Best weapons. But what's with the ladder? Street fights = no ladders.

 

(Ad break. +is this an indy tour I see? Knoble, Kim, Dudleyz, Styles. +Unforgiven ad = better than last year's. +Bill Goldberg on the History channel?)

 

Superplex in a street fight? I want my garbage wrestling, assholes. At least hit it onto the ladder. Spear through the ropes into trash lid is good psychology. I can't believe I said that. Spear onto the ladder = good. Leg drop off the ladder = bullshit. Just kick him in the face a few times. Better effect, less 'risk'. (Still in love with leg drops, just not in a street fight.)

 

SINGAPORE CANE. Faceplant onto the chair... ONE MAN CONCHAIRTO OH PLEASE YES - oh you bastard Hardy. What kind of asshole breaks up one of those? Half forgiven for the legsweep, though. Decent flapjack, I'll give you that. Trashcan again. Edge is my new favourite wrestler.

 

EDGE WITH THE KICK TO THE HEAD. Best finisher ever. Add the steel-steps-kick, and you have a martial arts arsenal. DDT onto the steps = nice, even if I hate all step spots for the hands-to-face protection.

 

WHEN DID THAT BRIEFCASE GET THERE? I didn't know he still had it. Way to remind me. Side note - Lita had to fix up her top. Stupid move. Ratings = through the roof.

 

Put the ladder down, Matt. We don't need it unless you're going to ...oh baby. HARDYSAULT RIGHT ONTO THE LADDER. Crying from love. Crying - from - love.

 

I envy the man sitting behind Lita. Ass view = fanservice. And trash cans still have some of the best sounds ever. Haha. Wild Hardy punches make for good television.

 

POWERBOMB HER ASS, MATTY. (Whoever said that this is a Steph-Pedigree spot deserves something good.) Punch, punch, this match is almost over. Twist of Fate his ass... Almost over, almost over, almost over, SIDE EFFECT. My god did I miss that move. Hate the electrical spot, but I missed the Side Effect so much.

 

JR's being quiet. I love it.

 

Edge = Oscar.

 

(JR's selling this as a tragedy when Matt Hardy brought it upon both of them. Man, if Matt Hardy was a heel, he'd be damned to hell at least twice by now.)

 

----

 

Oh, it's John Cena. Tuning out.

 

KURT ANGLE. Tuning in. I love heel Angle. (What?) Very true about the wrestling ability. (What?)

 

Yes, King, rappers get attacked and I love you for saying that.

 

Why does this shit get over?

 

KICK HIS ASS, ANGLE, KICK HIS ASS. It took Cena two tries to break the standing Ankle Lock. Good times.

 

----

 

It's a boxer who's a champion. How rare.

 

----

 

TOMKO FOR PRESIDENT. And his feet.

 

King, you're a wanker. I'm just going to tune out for the rest of his match. ....well, that didn't seem to take too long. The man has the boot of God.

 

----

 

They're sort of rubbing in the fact that they think it was Masters and Carlito, regardless of their not having proof. Do I smell Hunter?

 

----

 

Shawn's current tights > Shawn's old tights.

 

Carlito's new t-shirt = asskickery. And here comes JR's taped-over ad again. Half the people on the tour aren't even on RAW anymore.

 

And Masters is begging for the tag already. This is a great team. And this could be a very slow thought process, but that's the match's fault.

 

Two-man beatdowns are the way to do it, baby.

 

All I want to see is HBK do that flip when he's whipped into the turnbuckle, but overdo it and ballshot himself on the pole. Groin shots = ratings.

 

Swinging neckbreaker, and HBK's on his back and DOESN'T KIP up. HOLY SHIT. Inverted atomic drop, clothesline, shot on Masters which really should be cheap, clothesline over the rope, skin the cat, and Masters is randomly over as well.

 

(Ad break. +ad for Smackdown features Venis, Masters, Haas.)

 

That's right, Michaels, beat down both opponents at once! He's on his back after the flying forearm... Kip! Kip! Kip! Kip! Do it, for Christ's sake. I'm getting bored. THERE, and the crowd doesn't mind it much. Scoop slam, and he's up for the elbow (which I've always loved).

 

Has Michaels ever started tuning up the band, then hit a Flair Flop? That would be gold. Same as a kip-up right into a short-arm clothesline.

 

Masters has the worst elbow drop I've ever seen. Michaels' back ate ARMPIT, BABY.

 

And that's why you don't lift the arm any more than once during a submission - you might actually give them the chance to keep it up.

 

And he ALMOST did the crotch spot, there. That was very, very close.

 

That was almost an Alabama Slam, there. Jesus that DDT was violent. He's on his back... AND RIC FLAIR SAVES THE KIP-UP! KICK HIS ASS, FLAIR! (Even though this match was officially changed to a handicap match, and so this is illegal.) KNEE CHOP, I LOVE YOU. And a low blow cuts that one out, that's for damn sure.

 

And Flair gets knocked out to the Masterlock, despite having been officially written out of the match up (handicap, not tag) and only having his arm lifted once. I love you, WWE.

 

----

 

Results

 

Big Show reminded 2 Jobbers that he's powerful and suplexing him = bad idea.

 

Victoria owned Ashley Massaro in a match made by Nails on a Chalkboard. (Thank you, Peter Kostka).

 

Matt Hardy showed Edge the Side Effect of any 'Street Fight', i.e. they're no-contest breeding grounds.

 

Tyson Tomko kicked the complete S.H.I.T out of Rosey +- the Hurricane.

 

Chris Masters and Carlito beat Shawn Michaels in a Handicap Match by making Ric Flair pass out.