Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted November 9, 2007 (edited) THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Blasting on the screen is our introductory video, showcasing the adrenaline fueled thrill ride that is OAOAST programming. As the video cycles through close ups of key characters, and the death defying spots and stunts they routinely preform, Party Like a Rockstar provides a thumping soundtrack. The video finally closes out with a black and white image of The Puerto Rican starring sternly over his bare shoulder. We're quickly glide across the entrance set, which is given a very Puerto Rican feel due to our unique surroundings. The cornucopia of video screens all flash images of the Puerto Rican Flag, the lights on the set's ceiling usually a moody blue and black, are now fun and playful blue, red and white. Even the entrance doors aren't spared from a Puerto Rican makeover, as they now proudly display a flag that's being waved about by thousands of rabid OAOAST crowd members. What fans aren't carrying their homeland's flag, are thrusting signs pledging their love and respect for native son PRL high into the sky. The more passionate fans have gone as far as to paint their bodies with the image of the Lightening Crew leader. That's probably overdoing it a bit, but you know, whatever gets you off. COACH Hide your wallet, Cole, there's Mexicans afoot. COLE These are Puerto Ricans, idiot! We're in Puerto Rico! COACH Puerto Ricans, eh? Hide your wallet and your weed. It ain't safe! COLE Folks, I'm sorry that we've had to start of the show with Coach slandering a land that's been great to all us OAOAST employees. And these fans, perhaps the only fans alive who have anything nice to say about PRL, are some of the most passionate we've ever encountered, and it is great to be here. The OAOAST is a huge deal here, and numerous Puerto Rican celebrities are here tonight, such as Bernie Williams, Felix Trinadad, Miguel Cotto, Carlos Beltran. But I have to wonder if any of them are as popular down here as PRL? I'd have to say most definitely not! They love him and its easy to see why he loves them back. What warm and wonderful people... COACH Quit kissing the ass of a wasteland that ain't even good enough to be the fifty first state. The honies is smoking, but that's about all they got going out in here "Cuba Jr." Look, big shit went down at the Halloween Spectacular, you need to focus in on that. The Heavenly Rockers fought their way into a second tag title reign... COLE By beating, a woman who had no partner. And we still don't know where Alix is, and its been over a week since the match! Krista Isadora Duncan will be on The Love Shack after the show is over, so hopefully she'll shed some light on this, because its very disturbing. COACH Alix is fine, that girl is made of Teflon, nothing could ever happen to her. She's probably just trying to figure out how to chew gum and walk at the same time. As I was saying, The Rockers are your brand new One and Only World Tag Team Champions! Abdullah Abir Nerdly, is the best Nerdly of all time! And, while everyone knows how great The Rockers are, they didn't know what kind of man Stephen Joseph Popick was. COLE Yeah, he's a world champion. If you can believe that. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to think, but he's representing us to the world, and you can make of that what you will. Tonight, we've got a hell of an evening on tap, the international world title is going be defended in a few moments, Christopher Patrick Allen will be in action against Max Anderson, The Blonds are up to their sneaky ways again, Popick is here, along with PRL, and I already mentioned The Love Shack with Krista Isadora Duncan. COACH Maybe Alix dedicated herself to the service of Christ and became a nun. COLE And maybe pigs are flying out my urethra. Master Blaster (Jammin') plays, and Denzel Spencer gets a nice reaction as he makes his way to the ring. COLE And we kick it off with a World title match! Big opportunity for Denzel Spencer! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest...is for the OAOAST International championship of the WORLD! It is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, the challenger! Hailing from Montego Bay, Jamaica, weighing in at 227 pounds...DENNNNNZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! COACH Can you imagine, though, if this guy were to become a World champion right here tonight? COLE What's wrong with that, Denzel Spencer's a great athlete! COACH That would be almost as bad as Jeff Hardy being a World champion! COLE Oh, come ON. COACH ...ok, that was a little much, you're right. Spencer slides into the ring and poses on the buckles, as Renegade hits, and boos fill the arena as Reject makes his entrance. BUFFER His opponent...hailing from the Bronx, weighing in at 235 pounds...he is the OAOAST International champion of the WORLD...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJECT!!!!! Reject climbs into the ring and poses with the belt, then hands it to the referee, and when he turns around, he's leveled with a flying forearm! *DING DING DING* COLE Here we go! International World title on the line! COACH What a cheap shot that was by Spencer! Spencer hammers on Reject, who crawls into a corner. Spencer levels him with kicks and forearms, then attempts an Irish whip. However, Reject reverses, then charges, but Spencer moves out of the way! Spencer then catches Reject with a drop toe hold, then a clothesline as he gets to his feet! COLE Denzel Spencer looking great in the early going! Spencer then backs Reject into a corner, and climbs to the second rope, hammering away as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Spencer then whips Reject into the ropes, but puts his head down, and gets kicked in the face by Reject! COLE Mistake by Spencer, and Reject taking advantage! Spencer staggers into the ropes, but when Reject charges him, he ducks down and dumps him to the floor! COLE And Reject sent to the outside! Spencer stops briefly to catch his breath, then backs into the ropes, and attempts a baseball slide, but Reject steps out of the way, then clotheslines Spencer on the floor! COACH Yeah! COLE Big clothesline from Reject, Spencer landing on the floor with a thud! Reject catches his breath, then stomps away on Spencer before tossing him back inside. Reject rolls back in, then picks up Spencer by the head, running to the ropes and jumping over the top, hanging Spencer on the rope! COACH Beautiful! Reject quickly rolls back in, then hits a fistdrop on Spencer and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject then chokes away on Spencer on the mat, breaking at the referee's four-count. He then poses for the crowd, drawing boos. COLE Reject with the advantage here in this World championship match! Reject grabs Spencer and pulls him to the apron, then steps outside and drops an elbow across the collarbone area! He then does it a second time, and Spencer falls off the apron and onto the floor. COACH And now it goes to the outside, Cole, and this plays into Reject's advantage! COLE I'd have to agree with that. Reject picks up Spencer, and drops him across the guardrail! He then picks him up again, and throws him HARD into the steel steps! COACH DAY-UM~! COLE What FORCE Reject used to send Spencer into those steel steps! Reject then rolls back inside and poses some more for the crowd, who boos in response. He lets Spencer crawl back inside, then drops an elbow to the back of the head. Spencer turns over to his back, and Reject drops a fist. He then drops another, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Credit to Denzel Spencer, he keeps kicking out! Reject picks up Spencer, but Spencer starts firing off right hands! COLE And look at him fight back! Spencer whips Reject into the ropes, but Reject ducks a spinkick, and drills Spencer with a spinning wheel kick! COACH There we go! COLE But just like that, Reject puts a stop to the rally! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Reject goes to the top rope, but Spencer beats him to the corner, and racks him! COACH Oh no! COLE Big chance for Specner to gain an advantage! Spencer follows Reject to the top, and takes him off with a HURRICANRANA~! COLE BIG move by Denzel Spencer! Both men are out on the mat, as the referee counts. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Spencer gets to his feet first, and ducks a clothesline from Reject, hitting him with an atomic drop! Reject is propelled into the ropes, and when he comes back, Spencer catches him with an inverted atomic drop! Denzel then takes Reject down with a jumping sidekick, ala Booker T, and covers... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE Near-fall for Denzel Spencer! Spencer picks up Reject, and whips him into a corner, hitting with a handspring elbow! As Reject staggers out, Spencer slips behind him and climbs the ropes backwards, then hits Reject with a missile dropkick! COLE Big dropkick! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE WOW, so close! As Spencer argues the count, the Burrough Boys start walking to the ring! COLE Wait a minute! Here come the Burrough Boys! COACH Yeah, let's see how Denzel handles this! Spencer stares down the Burrough Boys from the ring, as Jumbo and Deuce Deuce Bigelow come out of the crowd, and block the end of the aisleway, arms crossed! COLE He's not gonna have to handle it, Coach! The Burrough Boys briefly point at Jumbo and Deuce, then charge in, and a 4-on-2 brawl erupts! COLE And we've got a donnybrook on the outside! The six men brawl on the outside, and Deuce and Jumbo eventually send the Burrough Boys heading for the hills! COLE And Deuce and Jumbo have fought them all off! Spencer scoops Reject up, but Reject slips behind the back, and delivers a foot to the gut. COACH Could be the Pitch Black, Cole! Reject sets up the PITCH BLACK~!!!!!11111, but Spencer trips him up, and executes a slingshot...sending Reject right into the referee! COLE Uh-oh, the referee goes down! Reject gets to his feet slowly, and turns around. Spencer attempts a hurricanrana, but Reject blocks with a sitout powerbomb! COACH YEAH! Now's time to take advantage! COLE I think Reject has gotten a little more from Denzel Spencer than he bargained for! Reject rolls to the outside, and grabs the belt from the timekeeper. COACH And now I think Spencer's about to get the belt in a way he's not going to like! Reject rolls into the ring and signals to the crowd that it's over, then waits on Spencer to get up. He charges, but Spencer hits a quick dropkick to the shin, causing Reject to go down and drop the belt. Spencer then picks up the belt, and floors Reject! COACH OH NO! COLE Reject is down, but there's no referee! Spencer covers, as the crowd counts. Suddenly, Earl Hebner rushes down the aisle, slides in, and makes the count... 1... 2... ... NO!!! Reject gets the shoulder up! COACH Whew! COLE And Reject JUST does kick out! Spencer briefly questions the referee's count, then picks up Reject. He whips him into a corner, and charges, but Reject gets his foot up! COLE And Spencer running right into the foot of Reject! Reject gets his wits about him, then notices who the new referee is. He walks over and confronts Hebner, as Spencer tries to recover. COACH Look at this! COLE We've seen this in recent weeks, Reject with his intimidation of Earl Hebner... COACH I think he wants to know where Hebner was when he had a cover on Spencer earlier! Reject exchanges words with Hebner, then shoves him into the ropes. Hebner bounces off the ropes, then shoves Reject right back! COACH No, THERE'S the problem right there! He has no right to put his hands on the wrestlers! COLE And the wrestlers have no right to put their hands on a referee! Reject grabs Hebner by the face, and roughly shoves him to the mat! Reject slowly turns around, and catches Spencer's right foot with his right hand. Spencer spins to his left, catching Reject under the chin with his left foot! COLE Great kick by Spencer! Reject lands in a corner, and Spencer runs to the corner, and hits Reject with a split-legged moonsault! Hebner counts... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH WHAT??? COLE IT'S OVER! WE'VE GOT A NEW WORLD CHAMPION! Hebner heads for the hills, and Reject tries to give chase, but is restrained by Deuce and Jumbo as Hebner gets away. COACH This is not fair, Cole! Reject got screwed! And you know it! BUFFER The winner of the match...and NEWWWWWWWW OAOAST International champion of the WORLD...DENNNNNZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Buffer just gets the announcement out of his mouth before Reject chases him out of the ring. COLE Reject is irate! Reject has just lost the International World title! Spencer has bailed out of the ring, and high-fives Jumbo and Deuce as he walks down the aisle. Reject has grabbed a chair from ringside, and is storming around the ring, as Spencer stops at the entryway to acknowledge the fans, dropping to his knees and clutching the belt to his chest. COLE A great moment here in the OAOAST, we have a new International World champion! COACH This is bullshit! This is UNFUCKING CALLED FOR~! COLE Fans, we've got to take a break, what a start on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Commercial Break Edited November 9, 2007 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted November 9, 2007 (edited) COLE OK, we're back here at Sofa Central, and Reject is still in the ring, he's been pacing throughout the break... COACH He's got a mic now! Reject puts the mic to his face, as the crowd boos. REJECT Now...everyone here in this shithole, wannabe U.S. state, knows that I got SCREWED out here tonight! *crowd boos loudly* REJECT I was done wrong! And I'm not leaving this ring, until we make it right! *crowd boos* REJECT Now...*sets chair down*...here's what's going to happen. I want Anglesault to come down to this ring, and I want him to reverse the decision in this match. And if that doesn't happen, all these people here in Hawaii West, are going to go home really fuckin' disappointed! *crowd boos* COLE Reject holding a sit-down strike here... Reject waits for a few seconds, and Medal hits, which brings him to his feet as Anglesault walks through the curtains. COLE Well, ask and you shall receive! Anglesault slowly walks to the ring, and climbs inside. He gets a mic from ringside, as Reject begins to talk. REJECT First of all, I was just thinking of what I said right before you came out here...I'd like to apologize to any Hawaiians who may be watching this show. *crowd boos* REJECT I don't know what came over me, to compare you to a wasteland like Puerto Rico, it was totally uncalled for, and I apologize! *crowd boos loudly* REJECT Now then...you heard what I said back there. So...what are you gonna do about it? Anglesault pauses. ANGLESAULT Well, unfortunately, Reject...there's nothing I can do about it. *crowd cheers, as Reject's eyes grow wide.* ANGLESAULT The referee's decision is final. That means the only person who has any say in this situation...is the referee! REJECT You mean, I have to convince the referee to change his mind? Anglesault nods. REJECT Well, then what are we waiting for? Get him out here! ANGLESAULT All right then. Earl Hebner, come on down! After a few seconds, Hebner walks to the ring. COACH Reject staring a hole in the man who just screwed him out of his title! Hebner enters the ring, and stands in a corner with Anglesault. ANGLESAULT I want to bring one more man out here for this. I want the International World champion, Denzel Spencer, to come down to this ring. The crowd poops bigtime as Spencer walks through the curtains with the belt around his waist. COACH Oh, look at this! Spencer walks down the aisle, slapping hands with the fans, then climbs into the ring, and he, Hebner, and Anglesault discuss something amongst themselves. COLE What could they be talking about? They break their "huddle" after a couple minutes, and Anglesault starts to speak. ANGLESAULT Well, after talking things over, Earl and I both agree that his actions tonight were over the line. And, as a result, Earl has agreed to reverse the decision in the earlier match. *crowd boos* Spencer slowly takes the belt off, as Anglesault talks. ANGLESAULT Which means, Reject, you are still the OAOAST International World champion. REJECT Spencer looks at the belt for a few seconds, then hands it over to Anglesault. Reject goes to grab it, and Anglesault pulls it away. ANGLESAULT HOWEVER...Mr. Hebner and Mr. Spencer did have some terms in relation to this, and I felt they were more than reasonable. First of all, Mr. Hebner has requested that you give Mr. Spencer a rematch, for the International World title, at November Reign! *crowd cheers* ANGLESAULT Earl will be the referee for that match, and if you so much as lay a finger on Earl or any other referee, the match will be stopped, and the International World title will be awarded to Denzel Spencer! *crowd cheers* Reject looks frustrated, but seems to go along with it. ANGLESAULT And now for Denzel's request. You know, a couple weeks ago, we saw a match between Reject and Sandman9000, which was contested under normal OAOAST rules. Well, Denzel suggested that next week, why not have a rematch? *crowd cheers* Reject gets wide eyes. ANGLESAULT So next week, we're going to see a one-on-one match, for the Heartland title... *crowd cheers* ANGLESAULT With Reject the challenger, for Sandman9000! *crowd cheers* REJECT ANGLESAULT Good luck...champ! Anglesault tosses the belt back to Reject, as Medal plays he, Spencer, and Hebner to the back, with Reject in the ring, not looking too happy despite keeping his belt. COLE What a match for next week, Reject will take on Sandman9000, with Heartland title rules! COACH Yeah, but Reject got his belt back, didn't he? COLE Yes, but he'll have to meet Spencer another day, that being November Reign from Las Vegas! What a couple of bombshells from Anglesault! For right, now lets take you back to the action on Syndicated! And now, the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK! The Halloween Spectacular Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment Synth starts to make his way around the other side of the desk, but Leon quickly pulls him back by the arm... *SMACK!* ...but leaves himself wide open for a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! from the other side!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Leon goes down, bouncing off of his desk on the way, before getting pounced upon by The Heavenly Rockers! Like a pack of vultures Logan and Synth put a beating on The Silky Smooth One, as Melody watches on in horror. SCHIAVONE Jesse... The Heavenly Rockers, they're out of control! VENTURA It's broken down in The Love Shack, Schiavone! Synth and Logan are a law unto themselves, more fool anyone who gets in their way! Logan continues to put the boots to Leon as Synth sweeps the desk clean, locking eyes with Melody who suddenly finds herself trapped. With a glame in his eye, The Synthmeister glides across the desk and lunges for Melody. Luckily she manages to get away, only to run right into the path of Logan Mann, who catches her by the hair and wrenches her head back! Melody instantly drops to her knees and pleads for mercy from the MACHO Macho Mann, who doesn't seem like he's going to oblige. WAHAHAHAHA, WAH, WAH, WAH… *CRACK!* Suddenly, the fans come unglued as Synth goes flying across the desk! Logan looks up his eyes bulge out of his head in shock, as a chair suddenly comes hurtling towards his face... *CRACK!* ...and knocking him off his feet, unable to throw his hands up in time. Melody scrambles away from the fallen Mann and pulls herself up, diving into the arms of JOCK MULLIGAN!! Meanwhile, BARON WINDELS scrapes Synth off of the desk, pitching him out of the ring on the entrance's side! Soon to follow is Logan, staggering to his feet and into a right hand from Baron, deflecting him into the ropes ready for a clothesline from Mulligan to send Mann spiralling to the arena floor! The Heavenly Rockers decide to turn tail and save themselves while they can, both looking shell-shocked as The Lone Star Gunslingers take up camp in the ring and dare Logan and Synth to come back and fight. SCHIAVONE THE GUNSLINGERS ARE BACK! With Logan and Synth still spitting threats in the direction of the ring, Melody embraces both of her Gunslingers before raising their hands in the air triumphantly. We cut back inside and pan around the sold out crowd. COLE (Voice-Over) That, ladies and gentlemen, was from our Halloween Spectacular one week ago. Later that weekend on OAOAST Pro Wrestling, the top rated sports program in syndication, the Heavenly Rockers were guests… Well, see for yourself. Uncut and uncensored. The Enterprise presents… In association with the OAOAST and TSM… Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime A montage so over the top airs. It features the Blonds dancing with orphaned children in Rwanda, opening a school for the underprivileged, partying at a dance club, reuniting a father and daughter, more partying, confronting neo-Nazis, visiting troops overseas and the Playboy mansion. SCHIAVONE What in the world is going on here, Jesse? VENTURA A world television event! SCHIAVONE This reeks of egotism. Who do these guys think they are, Alex Rodriguez and Scott Boras? With the first Love Shack in months coming up this Thursday night on HeldDOWN, the Beverly Hills Blonds are trying to steal the spotlight. REEL TALK MOLLY (Voice-Over) Reel Talk is filmed live before a studio audience. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The curtain is raised to reveal an obscenely expensive set bookend by CAGED GO GO DANCERS and a FISH TANK that stretches from one end of the set to the other. CANNED APPLAUSE are dubbed over the crowd’s boos as our pastel suit-clad hosts grab a drink at the BAR before having a seat on their orange couches. A couple of young women rush towards the stage but are cut off by CPA. SIMON Thank you and welcome to the world television premiere of Reel Talk. I’m “Box Office” Simon Singleton, or B.O.S.S. for short. NED And I’m Ned Blanchard, the man whose goal in life is to break Wilt Chamberlain’s record for sleeping with the most women. So far 1,469 happy -- and very sore -- bitches! SIMON One of them my ex-wife. NED When he was still married to the broad! Canned laughter. SIMON Anyway, folks, I want to talk to you a little about the show. Unlike other talk shows… NED *cough*THELOVESHACK!*cough SIMON …Reel Talk is dedicated to the issues and people you really care about. No, not some presidential election a year away or even a writer’s strike, but such as our guests this evening, who one week ago at the Halloween Spectacular captured the One & Only World tag team championship for a second time. NED One behind our 3 title reigns. SIMON While you’ll never spot us hanging out together, at November Reign… NED Sunday night, November 25th live only on pay-per-view!! SIMON …you will see us on the same team as we face the Love Doctors… The Blonds stifle laughter. SCHIAVONE After what the Blonds did to them at the Halloween Spectacular I‘m not so sure they‘ll even be able to compete. VENTURA Look on the bright side, Schiavone -- the Docs will save a bundle nursing their own injuries. Who knows, maybe Pigley can get his partner to clear him! SIMON …and returning Lone Star Gunslingers in 8-man elimination action. NED Colonel Abdullah Abir Nerdly presents the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of ALL-time…THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS! HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Dressed casually for the occasion, which is leather jacket/pants for them, the Heavenly Rockers are led out by Holly and the Colonel. NED Guys, welcome to the show. Please, make yourselves at home. SYNTH (to caged dancers) Yo, bitches! My dick, your pussy. After the show. LOGAN Blanchard, you’re still a piece of shit, but thanks for having us on. Nice show you got here. It has a little something I call professionalism. Other talk show hosts can learn a thing or two from you. SIMON You’re too kind. Too kind. It’s this kind of comradely that’s going to lead us to victory at November Reign. But let’s talk about your tag title win at the Halloween Spectacular. Loved the costumes, not the result. ABDULLAH Oh, it was a glorious day in my life and the careers of Synth and Logan. I proved all the critics wrong by guiding these men back to the top, something my dear sister Melody can’t say she’s done and never will. All those years my brothers and sisters-- SIMON Easy there, Colonel. We’re not asking for your life story. ABDULLAH NED Hey, what about this incident I heard about with Leon Rodez on that abortion of a talk show, The Love Shack. “YEAH!” SIMON SYNTH Oh, no, you didn’t. OH, NO! You went and got the Synthmeister all worked up. Did you see that shit he pulled on us? What kind of host sucker punches their guests? The Love Shack ain’t got nothing on your show. That fool’s lucky Logan didn’t finish him off. Bitch on his knees begging Mann not to embarrass him in front of Melody. Pussy. NED Just like his sister. Canned laughter. LOGAN It’s pretty simple. Melody is LAIR and HOMEWRECKER! NED LOGAN She tried to deceive the public by portraying herself as the victim when the real victims in all this are Holly and myself. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” LOGAN Melody desperately tried to breakup our marriage so that she could sneak in and manage the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time. Who can blame her? Anybody who associates themselves with the Heavenly Rockers instantly skyrocket in popularity. But rather than be subtle about it, Melody kept banging on the door. And we know what happened next. Tell 'em, baby. HOLLY Melody, you had your chance to exit gracefully. Now that you're back I plan on finishing what I started at Zero Hour. LOGAN What can I say? It runs in the family. Holly has business to finish with Melody and we have some business to finish with the Lone Star Gunslingers. They made quite a return...and they'll have quite an exit. SIMON Our time is up. Thanks to our guests for not causing a scene. We hoped you enjoyed the world television premiere of Reel Talk, the show dedicated to the issues and people you really care about. NED We know you did because we hosted. So be sure to join us next time on Reel Talk. I’m Ned Blanchard. SIMON And I’m Simon Singleton. NED/SIMON And you’ll see us again! Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime Executive Producer Theodore Moneymaker Produced By Simon Singleton Casting Couch Ned Blanchard Security CPA Directed By Molly Nerdly © The Enterprise COMMERCIAL Edited November 14, 2007 by Tony149 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted November 9, 2007 (edited) The OAOAST Event Tracker is Brought To You By Gillette-The Best a Man Can Get November 15 - Denver, CO November 22 - Salt Lake City, UT November 25 (November Reign) - Las Vegas, NV November 29 - Portland, OR We return from commercial break with Cold War Kids' Hospital Beds already blasting into the arena. The camera pans through an audience that begins kicking up a small "we want PRL" chant before finally setting down on EMT Tim Cash, who's journeying down the entry ramp with his longtime partner Detective Bosley. COLE EMT Tim Cash here in singles action on OAOAST HeldDOWN. Big, big, big night here in the OAOAST, we're definitely going to be hearing from Popick later on, you never know what PRL has in store here in his home sweet home. And after HeldDOWN is over, be sure to catch The Love Shack with celebrity guest Krista Isadora Duncan. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of ten minutes. Now making his way to the ring being accompanied by Detective Bosley, he hails from Peoria, Illinois, EMT TIM CASH!!!! There's a small round of applause to greet Cash as he raises his arms into the air. BUFFER And his opponent, from Athens, Georgia, he is the PALE FACED KILLAH GUS HALVERSON!!!! DING DING DING DING Cash and Halverson tie up, and a short struggle ensues. Halverson gains the upper hand and snatches Cash into an armlock. He torques and tweaks on the limb, drawing a shout of pain from the lips of the EMT's mouth. Though the hold is painful, Cash is able to escape it by rolling to the mat, and kipping back up. Having taken Halverson by surprise, Cash succeeds in trapping him into an armlock. Unfortunately this submission is even shorter then the previous one, as the Canadian upends the medical technician with a fireman's carry. COLE You really have to appreciate the honor and class Rescue 911 conduct themselves with. Its a lost trait in today's sporting world. COACH Oh, the audience appreciates it, Cole! They appreciate it by remaining absolutely silent whenever they wrestle. Hahahahaah! Cash rolls to his feet, and is immediately put under fire by a wave of kicks! He manages to cut short the strikes by dragon whipping his young foe over. But the rookie quickly scurries upright to resume the kick filled assault. Not wishing to suffer through a welt the size of Rhode Island on his leg, Cash whips the Halverson away. Once his rival returns, the EMT sends him flying through the air with a back body drop. Halverson lands with a thud, bringing applause from Detective Bosley on the outside. COLE You have to wonder how Rescue 911 will go about getting into tag title contention, now that we have new one and only world tag team champions. I think they may be formidable foes for The Heavenly Rockers. The EMT tears Halverson off the mat and hurls him into the corner. He hits the posts with such impact, that blood seeps from his pale skin, and he's involuntarily stumbled towards the center of the ring. Still dazed by the sudden jolt of his collision, he's unable to stop Cash from punishing him with a Backbrain Wheelkick (whatever the hell that is). Even if Patty remains ignorant of what the heck I just typed, that won't stop Cash from throwing up a fist pump that's matched by Detective Bosley! COACH You think they could beat The Heavenly Rockers? Boy, is you stupid? The Rockers would run through them like a burrito through Mariachi's colon. While the 911 crew continue their fist pumping celebration to the delight of absolutely no one, Halverson gets to his feet. He doesn't wait for Cash to confront him, and instead batters him with forearm smashes, while his pours out rounds of insulting profanities. After he weakens Cash enough, he traps him into a side Russian leg sweep setup. Before executing the basic move, he shoots a one fingered salute to Bosley, which causes the temperamental New Yorker to nearly have a heart attack. While Bosley is restrained by the official, Halverson dips backwards and drives his rival into the mat with the leg sweep! COLE How about Anglesault on the first HeldDOWN of the month making a huge match for November Reign between Denzel Spencer and Reject for the International World Title. COACH Obviously, Anglesault wishes for Denzel to be permanently crippled or at least badly injured. And how you gonna share a first name with a pimp like Denzel Washington when you be an ol pissy piss stain t shirt wearing' omarion dance move stealin, long lost wayans brothers lookin ass nigga? Back in the ring, Halverson attempts a pinfall... ONE But Cash kicks out! Halverson brings him off the mat, and tightens him into a front facelock in preparation of a vertical suplex. His crassness gets the better of him, and he can't help but direct another middle finger towards an outraged Bosley. This proves to be a severe error on his part, as it gives time for Cash to break his way out the hold. Free of Halverson's clutches, the EMT begins peppering him with measured elbow strikes. But he only manages to get three strikes in before Halverson decks him diving discus lariat! As Bosley frets over an impending upset defeat, Halverson covers Cash for another fall. ONE TWO But, the Peroia native pops his shoulder off the mat, just microseconds before the three count. These microseconds come under instant debate by Halverson, as his thick Georgian accent demands that the referee explain why his hand is not being raised as the victor. COLE Gus Halverson needs to focus more on EMT Cash and less on the referee! You're not going to win the match that way, plus Cash has those cute little sausage nipples. Not surprisingly, Halverson's inane argument with the OAOAST officials, provides Cash more then enough time to recollect his missing strength. Within seconds, Halverson's booming voice is shrouded beneath gasps of torment and anguish. His formerly gruff, antagonistic face is placed under siege by a gruesome fear, and its all thanks to the Do Not Resuscitate (sleeper hold), Cash has trapped him with. Having no will or desire to test the strength of Cash's powerful finisher, Halverson chirps a quick and cowardly submission. Without waiting for the referee to call for the bell, Cash lets his enemy go free, and joyously pumps his victorious fists into the air. He's soon joined in the ring by Detective Bosley, and the two men of the law pass along highfives for Cash's excellent performance. BUFFER The winner of the match....EMT TIM CASH! COLE There's nothing like winning, and there's nothing like earning and honest living. EMT Tim Cash, tonight you've done both! Well done, friend. Hey, maybe after they unseat The Rockers for the belts, Cash can go after Popick? COACH N-O! COLE Okay then. Folks, when we come back, we'll hear from the new OAOAST world champion, the most hated man on the planet, Stephen Joseph Popick. You don't want to miss that. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT ANOTHER REASON TO HATE STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK SPEAKS. YOU LISTEN. NEXT Edited November 12, 2007 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted November 9, 2007 OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by Assassins Creed-Available November 14th Hitman-In Theatres November 21st Sicko: Special Edition-Now Available on DVD "Stronger" by Kanye West blares out from the entrance stage. "Makes us harder, better, faster, STRONGER" BOOM BAM BOOMBOOMBOOM! "I need you right now!" The crowd, confused for a moment, stops its P.R.! chant (which they've been doing non-stop since 3AM the day before), now sees a certain wrestler emerge from the back. Confusion turns to hate, and that leads the crowd to immediately boo. Stephen Joseph is walking out, the OAOAST Heavyweight Champion. "Ladies and Gentlemen, your NU OAOAST HeavyWeight Champion of the world, from Atlanta, Georgia ..." The crowd uproar is so loud that the ring announcer cannot be heard. Stephen Joseph is walking slowly to the ring, holding a beautiful big gold belt up over his head, his two hands clutching at the sport's most prized possession. Stephen Joseph is immaculately dressed in a Hugo Boss $10,000 dollar suit, dressed to the nines in the best whites money can buy. The crowd continues to jeer at SJ as he walks down to the ringside steps. Dressed to the nines, SJ lowers the belt and uses a free hand to adjust his tie. Stephen Joseph catches the thrown microphone. He taps it quizically and then looks at the crowd of fans. A soft chuckle later, he brings the mic to his lips, and the crowd boos evermore. SJ pauses and it can be seen that he isn't bothered at all. In fact, he may actually enjoy being the center of all that is hated. SJ: How's it going OAOAST fans? How about that Halloween Spooktacular? Once again, good ole Stephen Joseph shows why he's the greatest Superstar that's been in the OAOAST. Zack Malibu my ass. Crowd: YOU SUCK! PR'S BETTER! MY GRANDMA'S BETTER! SJ: Hmm. You guys don't like me very much do you? ::SJ chuckles:: After all I've done for you. Like come back from retirement twice when I said I wouldn't? Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SJ: Hmm. Like when I brought out the greatest 3 man group ever? The Trinity? Man in Crowd: You pervert Jesus! SJ: Uhh huh. Guess you all didn't like my numerous title runs either. My political staging, backstabbing, and manipulation? That's a darn shame. You know, I'm taking a trip down memory road here. I recall that once I wasn't expected to win the OAOAST World Title. Let's roll that clip! --OAOAST WOOSH~!-- to the clips from OAOAST World Without End 2005 ::CLIP 1:: Popick covers Brannigan, hooking up his leg and getting extra leverage from the tights, straining with all his body to pin Tony’s shoulders down! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING* BUFFER Tony Brannigan has been eliminated! ::CLIP 2:: PK flips Popick onto his shoulders – KNIGHTMARE! Knight brings SJ into the middle of the ring! ONE! TWO! THREE! No? Hebner’s hand doesn’t hit the mat for the third time – Stephen Joseph has grabbed it! Hebner angrily tries to shake his hand free, and Knight gets up and stomps SJ’s arm to force him. PK puts Popick onto his shoulders, and tries for another Knightmare – but as he turns SJ’s boots collide with Hebner’s head! Stunned, Hebner falls to all fours, holding the side of his head. COLE Oh no! Hebner couldn’t get out of the way in time! CABOOSE Someone get another referee out here, quick! The impact with our near geriatric official causes Knight to lose his grip and Popick falls to the mat – cue instantaneous low blow! Knight collapses to his knees as the fans scream displeasure. Popick brings Knight to the corner and applies a full nelson – then jumps off and round and delivers FINALITY! Cover! Hebner recovers quickly and gets in position for the count. ONE! TWO! CABOOSE No! No! THREE! *DING DING DING* Trash begins to fill the ring as Stephen Joseph rolls off Knight, clenching his fists and pumping them, repeatedly screaming "YES!" as Hebner retrieves the belt. BUFFER The winner of the match.... CABOOSE Don't say it, Buffer. BUFFER and NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU (Caboose: GODDAMNIT!!!) OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the World – STEEEEEEEEPHEN JOOOOOOSEPH! The new champ grabs the title from Earl Hebner and raises it high above his head, grinning from ear to ear. ::END CLIPS:: --OAOAST WOOSH~!-- back to the ring SJ: I outlasted three other men, and pinned two of them, in a fatal fourway match. No one gave me a shot. But I did it. I didn't cheat. I didn't have help. I DID IT MYSELF! And did I get any respect? No, I didn't! That damn bunch of Upstarts pissed all over what I had done. I had helped them, and they dropped me like a bad habit. And then they learned what happens when you cross SJ. SJ: Last Thursday, no one gave me a shot. Except myself. Don't you think I don't know that. Crowd: PR! PR! PR! PR! PR! SJ: Excuse me, I'm talking here. This is my moment. When has Tha Puerto Rican won the OAOAST World Title, let alone twice? Thank you. I rest my case. SJ: Anyways, as I was saying, no one gave me a shot. And then, when Zack and Cortez interrupted the match, and next thing I know, I'm the CHAMP BABY! Crowd: PR! PR! PR! SJ: Seriously people. I'll get to him. I want to say one thing though. Zack Malibu, don't you think for a moment I am done with you. I'm not. I will EXPOSE you for what you are. For that deepest of the darkest of secrets that you've held for 5 years in the OAOAST. You can't stop the truth Zack. Crowd: SJ SUCKS! ZACK SUCKS! PR RULES! SJL Okay, I'll address everyone's favorite underachiever now. Would that make your A.D.D. ridden brains happen, ya zombies? *SJ looks more serious, less cocky* Here's the truth, no spin zone. The whole plan last Thursday was to soften up Maddix for PR. God I wanted PR to win the title. I wanted some payment for my investment. I mean, really, the guy talks like a cheap Rock Ripoff. I wanted to help change that, make him better, make him believe in him, not some pandering lap dog of the Purto Ricans. I was gonna injure Maddix when no one could see it, and then PR could take advantage of that for his shot. So if you want to know who to blame for SJ's win, its not SJ, and its not PR, and its not Maddix. Turn your blame to Zack and Cortez, because they interrupted, and thusly they changed how things would be. Its THEIR FAULT you get to deal with ME now. SJ: You see, once they interfered, and I got clocked,I didn't know where I was! And then I saw Maddix, and instinct took over. I don't remember the 3 count. I don't even remember standing. Its Zack's fault, not mine! Its Todds fault, not mine! SJ: So here it is. PR, I was a little harsh earlier. We're friends, we're pals. You know this. You know that I have had your back for years. I believe in PR when no one else did, not even your countrymen! SJ: PR, when I won the title the first time, who did I give first shot to? I gave it to you! SO you have nothing to... *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The pop from the crowd is off the charts. A lightning bolt hits the entrance, and "Know Your Role '99" starts playing, bringing the crowd to its feet as the one guy they've been waiting for is finally going to make an appearance. The PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and out from the smoke comes "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. And somehow, the crowd's cheering gets even louder. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is finally back home in San Juan, Puerto Rico! What a homecoming for The Corporate Champ. Popick looks on from the ring as PR looks at the crowd with a serious expression on his face. He is decked out in a Puerto Rican flag bandana on the top of his head, sunglasses, an earring on his left ear, white dress shirt, red tie, black sports jacket, $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, his engagement ring on his right ring finger, black dress pants, and black dress shoes. PR looks right at Popick, and then begins his walk down the entrance ramp. COLE The very foundation of the OAOAST was rocked last Wednesday night when Stephen Joseph Popick won his second World Heavyweight Title, just one month before his client, the man you see coming to the ring, is scheduled for a World Heavyweight Title Match of his own! If anyone is going to feel the effects of Popick's Title win, it's definitely Tha Puerto Rican! COACH PRL is back home, and Stephen Joseph Popick is the World Heavyweight Champion! It's like destiny! It's like this was meant to happen! You can't make this stuff up! COLE It is strangely appropriate that we begin the Popick Era in San Juan, Puerto Rico. But these people aren't here to see Popick. They came to see Tha Puerto Rican, and they couldn't be any more thrilled right now that he's here in the arena! PRL walks around ringside, letting the people in the front row get a good look at him and his greatness. PR climbs the ring steps and stops at the ring apron. He looks at the crowd, lowers his sunglasses, and does a Corporate Eyebrow, before entering the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans cheers while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. PRL does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd cheers even louder. Popick applauds his client and friend. PRL heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands. The crowd cheers. PR says something and then jumps off the second turnbuckle so that he can head to another second turnbuckle to raise his hands again. The crowd cheers some more. P.R. then climbs off that turnbuckle and heads to a third second turnbuckle where he raises his right fist in the air and "smells the electricity" ala The Rock while a single spotlight shines on him. COLE These 10,000-plus have been waiting since February 10, 2004 to see Tha Puerto Rican appear in a wrestling ring in Puerto Rico! The last time the OAOAST held an event in Puerto Rico was on a special edition of OAOAST IntenseZone dubbed The Battle Of San Juan which was hosted by The Lightning Crew! On that night, Tha Puerto Rican, Colombian Heat, Cuban Wall, and PROTOTYPE: The PERFECT Lightning Crew Member now known as John "Rock Hard" Brickston defeated the team of The Mad Cappa, Reject, Teddy Weddy, and K-NESS. It was a memorable match and a great moment in Tha Puerto Rican's career. And now tonight, on November 8, 2007, over three years later, Tha Puerto Rican is back in San Juan, Puerto Rico, in front of 10,050 of his fellow Puerto Ricans! PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, receiving cheers. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the ropes and calls for a microphone. Popick only stands and watches, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt slung over his right shoulder. COLE We have not heard from PRL since last Wednesday. He should definitely have alot on his mind concerning the result of the main event of the Halloween Spectacular! COACH You heard Popick. It was all in the heat of the moment. Hopefully, Tha Puerto Rican understands this. Popick didn't mean no harm and wasn't intentionally trying to sabotage PRL's World Title plans! COLE You might think so. But let's just wait and see what PRL thinks. PRL grabs a microphone from a ring attendant. The lights go back on in the arena. P.R. paces back and forth in the ring, staring at the NEW World Heavyweight Champion of the One And Only AngleSault Thread. "Know Your Role '99" dies down, but the crowd's cheering does not. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" COLE Listen to this! The respect, the love, the admiration the people of San Juan have for their native son! "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" PR stops to "smell the electricity" once again. The crowd can't stop chanting his name. The camera cuts to a good amount of pro-PRL signs in the crowd for once. The camera also shows several fans waving Puerto Rican flags. COACH Will they let him speak already!? COLE Let them have this moment, Coach. They've waited years for this night! PRL stops and stares at Popick. The World Champ is all smiles. But The Corporate Champ isn't. P.R. finally brings the microphone to his lips. At this the chants stop as all of San Juan anxiously awaits for him to speak. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Just before I talk about what went down last Wednesday night, I have something to get off my chest. And that is, after all these years, FINALLY...Tha Puerto Rican...HAS COME BACK-- "TO SAN JUAN!" Tha Puerto Rican, his head tilted back, takes a pause before speaking again. THA PUERTO RICAN ...home. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THA PUERTO RICAN Home to San Juan. The birthplace of Tha Puerto Rican. This is where the legend began. This is where it all started. Right here. 28 years ago. When my mommy and daddy did the horizontal rumba, and through that the corporate sperm met with the corporate egg and 9 months later, the Corporate Champ came out into this world and proceeded to slap his doctor before he could slap him! The crowd cheers. Popick chuckles. PRL This is home. Home of the best damn food in the world! The crowd cheers. PRL Home of the best damn music in the world! The crowd cheers some more. PRL Home of the best damn HOTTEST women in the world! The crowd cheers again. PRL And I just happen to be with the HOTTEST one of them all! Sup Lindsay? Heh, heh. And most importantly, this is the home of the best damn wrestling fans in the entire world! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" PRL You people know greatness when you see it! And you know that Tha Puerto Rican is without a shadow of a doubt the most electrifying man in ALL of entertainment! The crowd happens to agree with cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN And now with all that being said, this leads me right into the next topic of discussion. Namely you, Stephen Joseph Popick. The crowd gives a mixed reaction to Popick. Some cheer because of his association with PRL, but others boo because he IS The Most Hated Man In The OAOAST after all. PRL Now Stephen, last Wednesday night, you surprised the hell out of everybody, when you crawled over, covered Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, and got the 1-2-3 becoming the World Heavyweight Champion for the SECOND time in your career. Now, I gotta give credit where credit is due. You managed to finally unseat the little cockroach after all these months, and for that, I say congratulations! Popick nods his head and mouths, "Thank You!" PR Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations are in order...but I'm not about to just sit back and watch you hold that belt for God knows how long. This gets Popick's attention, and the crowds as well. PRL You see, seeing as how we are here in San Juan, Puerto Rico. CHEAP POP~! PRL Tha Puerto Rican's hometown. Tha Puerto Rican lives 45 minutes away from this arena. This is my homecoming, this is Tha Puerto Rican's homecoming. Seeing as how we are surrounded by the millions-- "AND MILLIONS!" PRL ANNNNND MILLIONS of Tha Puerto Rican's fans...I see no better time than now...to issue you a challenge. You and me. One-on-one. "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican vs. Stephen Joseph Popick for the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship TONIGHT here in SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Hey! How about that? A blockbuster main event for us here tonight! Right in Puerto Rico! THA PUERTO RICAN I see no better time than now to do this match! We are live in San Juan! The Lightning Crew wants it! I want it! THE PEOPLE WANT IT! CROWD WE SURE DO! THA PUERTO RICAN (CONT'D) ALL OF PUERTO RICO WANTS IT! How much more appropriate can you get? Me winning the World Heavyweight Title here in my hometown? I couldn't ask for anything better! So what do you say, Popick? Are you game? Do you want to go one-on-one with The Corporate One tonight? Are you down? In front of all of my friends, in front of all of my family, do you want to duke it out for the World Title tonight? COACH Well? Do you!? Popick doesn't seem too keen on this idea. In fact, he appears a little bit nervous about it. The crowd is antsy, waiting Popick's response. SJP thinks about PR's challenge. COLE Popick doesn't seem too thrill on the idea of having a Title match tonight. COACH How do you know? Stop assuming things! Assuming only makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'umption'! SJP adjusts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder and then speaks. POPICK As much as I would love to defend the World Heavyweight Title against you tonight, Puerto...I'm afraid that that match is out of the question. PR is stunned. So is the crowd. COLE What? POPICK You see, I am not of the authority to make matches here in the OAOAST. Only AngleSault and "Cowboy" Bill Watts have that ability. And as far as I know, AngleSault is still determining how to readjust the World Title situation now that I have the belt. So until he tells me otherwise, I am afraid that you are NOT the Number One Contender to this Title. At least not now. THA PUERTO RICAN But can't you do something? You're a member of OAOAST Corporate! That's how I became The Corporate Champion in the first place! Can't you pull some strings? Bribe somebody? Do something to have a Title match tonight!? POPICK Believe me, I would do so in an instant. But I believe it was one 70's Dude who once said I have as much power as the janitor. And he wasn't too far off from the truth. So no, P.R. I am afraid that a World Title Match between you and me will NOT happen tonight in San Juan. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE I gotta say, something doesn't seem right about this. COACH There you go. With the conspiracy theories. Popick doesn't own the OAOAST. At least not yet. So he can't book matches on the fly! Only AngleSault and Bill Watts can do that! He just told you that a few seconds ago! COLE Still, it makes me wonder-- COACH Shut it, Cole! There's nothing underneath the surface or whatever! It's as clear as day! Popick can't defend the Title tonight! That's that! PRL is pissed that Popick turned down his challenge. And the crowd is not too happy about it either. POPICK Although, I gotta say, you are right. It is appropriate that we are here in San Juan on the first HeldDOWN~! of my second Title reign. And I do stress 'SECOND' Title reign, since we've been friends for how long? THA PUERTO RICAN A while. POPICK Almost as long as the last time we were here in San Juan. And in that time frame, HOW many World Titles have I won? PRL Two. POPICK Right. Right. And exactly HOW many World Titles have YOU won? PRL Zero. POPICK Right. I thought my memory was a little hazy. But I was right. Exactly 'nada' World Title reigns for you, my dear amigo! PR Popick, what's the point of this!? SJP Oh nothing. Nothing. Just thought I'd remind you of who's had more success in the OAOAST. I mean, we might be in YOUR hometown, but it is I, Stephen Joseph Popick, who holds the gold! And I hold the biggest and greatest gold of them all! This doesn't help Popick win the fans who are already booing him. In fact, MORE fans start booing him after this comment. COACH Well, he's right. He IS OUR World Champion! COLE I still can't believe it! Earlier this year he was holding the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles with PRL! Now he holds the World Title! Again! THA PUERTO RICAN You know Popick, you really ought to know when to talk and when to KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" POPICK I beg your pardon? PRL We might not be able to have a World Title Match tonight...but I am THIS close to wanting to have a one-on-one match against you anyway, 'amigo'! COLE Uh-oh! Things are heating up! COACH There we go. Heat of the moment again! SJP Now P.R. Stop and think. You're letting that Latin temper of yours get the better of you again! PRL Don't throw that bullcrap at me, Popick! You and I both know that no one AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS NO ONE deserves a World Title shot more than I do! And with you as Champion, that should make that scenario a THOUSAND TIMES easier than ever before! I've spent the last 5 damn months or so chasing that monkey ass Landon around while at the same time trying to fend off HACK Malibu! I've had to deal with the both of them in Handicap Matches, Ladder Matches, Triple Threat Matches, the works! And last Wednesday, I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought my chasing was over. I thought my dream of becoming World Champion was close to becoming a reality. I thought I was a few days away from attaining the richest prize in our industry. But it turns out I was wrong. Apparently, I had gotten my hopes up and they came crashing down on me once again. Story of my life. Pffft. Some friend you are! Pffft. PRL turns and walks away. POPICK P.R., wait! PRL exits the ring. The crowd boos. But suddenly, Tha Puerto Rican stops and gets back into the ring. A sly smile appears on his face. PRL I just realized something. I know why you don't want to have a Title match with me. Not because of the OAOAST Board of Directors or whatever. Remember your first Title reign? POPICK Of course. Best 3 months of my entire life! PRL How sad. Anyway, remember the matches that we had? POPICK Indeed I do! We had one of the best matches of all-time at November Reign 2005! PRL Co-sign. But you know what I remember most about those matches? POPICK How much we entertained the crowd? PRL No. How awfully close I came to winning the World Title each and every time! I had your number, Popick and if I recall correctly, and I'm sure I do since I have a pretty good photographic memory, but...I seem to recall you *cheating* to beat me in both our matches! POPICK Well...yes...but...you see-- PRL Now, usually people cheat when they know they're outmatched. POPICK Yes, but-- PRL And if that's the case, then you obviously felt threatened by me. POPICK Not really. I-- PRL And you knew I could take your Title very easily. POPICK Not very easily. PRL SOOO, you cheated, and held onto the Title by the skin of your teeth! POPICK No. I-- PRL Now that you got that belt again, the memories of our Title matches are running through your head. POPICK Yes. But-- PRL And you do not want to go through those matches again. Because you know I'll whip your candy ass! POPICK Now come on! PRL! I-- PRL So, you deny me a Title match, because you know that at my first opportunity, I will lay the smackdown on your candy ass and become World Heavyweight Champion for the first time in my career! POPICK Uh...well-- PRL So THAT'S why you denied me a Title shot...because...well...you're a coward. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Oh! PR struck a nerve right there! COACH How dare he? Shame on you, P.R.! Shame! Popick seems offended by this remark. PRL You're scared of me! You don't want to fight me because you're scared of me! You chicken out because you don't want me to take your Title like you KNOW I will! SJP Now listen here, P.R. I am not afraid of YOU, and I am not afraid of ANYBODY! I am NOT a coward! I am going by the OAOAST guidelines for once in my life! Believe me, I don't like this anymore than you do! I would GLADLY, GLADLY have a match with you...just so that I could wipe that arrogant smirk right off of your face! PRL Then why don't ya? Huh? Why don't ya? Put your money where your mouth is! Put the belt up for grabs and meet me in the ring TONIGHT! COLE Sounds good to me! POPICK Once again, Puerto! I CANNOT PUT THE BELT ON THE LINE! No matter how much you bitch and moan, a Title Match tonight in San Juan WILL NOT HAPPEN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tha Puerto Rican is not amused. Neither is the crowd. PRL I can't believe you would deny me a match in front of my people! POPICK Well, life isn't fair, Puerto. You should know that by now. PRL Too bad. I would have loved to kick your ass here in my hometown of San Juan! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Stephen Joseph chuckles. SJP You know, I think you're letting these people's cheers get to your head! PRL Hey! These people want to see this match as much as I do! Right San Juan? "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" PRL It's just too bad that ol' Stephen Joseph doesn't have the BALLS to face me one-on-one in the ring tonight for the Title! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH OH NO HE DIDN'T! COLE PRL REALLY egging Popick on here! "ASSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSS-HOLE!" Stephen Joseph is PISSED OFF right now! He is literally shaking. His face is turning red. Popick tries to remain cool, but the anger is in his eyes. PR chuckles, and then sports a cocky smirk on his face. The crowd continues chanting, "ASS-HOLE!" at the World Heavyweight Champion. POPICK I don't have the balls to face you? I DON'T HAVE THE BALLS!? PRL Nope! Nothing down there! POPICK Let me tell you something you ungrateful son of a bitch! I'VE GOT BALLS THE SIZE OF GRAPEFRUITS! If I could right now, I WOULD SLAP THE TASTE RIGHT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH! You dare threaten me? You dare mock me!? What makes you so great? Huh? Mr. Puerto Rico! Is that what you want to be? You ain't Mr. Puerto Rico! You ain't NOTHING! People, do you know what Tha Puerto Rican's real name is? Edward Quagmire! That's right. EDWARD QUAGMIRE. Nothing Latino sounding about that name, is there? The only Quagmire I know is a cartoon character, and he's WHITE for chrissakes! COACH He's got him there. POPICK And what about that mansion you have? Huh? That $20 million mansion you have in San Juan? How often do you go there? How often do you sleep there? Have breakfast there? Make love to Lindsay there? How many times? 1-2 times a year? At best? You know where you spend most of your free time, PR? In Miami! Or New York! Or Los Angeles! In the continental United States! Far away from San Juan, Mr. Puerto Rico! PR is getting really annoyed now. POPICK And then, what about your friends? Remember? Your old buddies from San Juan? The ones you used to hang out with? Remember them? Where have they been? When have you hung out with them? When have they come to OAOAST shows or flown on your private jet? Do you even remember their names, Mr. Puerto Rico? How about-- THA PUERTO RICAN Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa whoa! Whoa! Hold on there, Popick! Hold on there! What are you trying to do here? Trying to defame me? Smear my good name? Popick, buddy, I thought we were friends! POPICK We are, Puerto. But this is a reality check! You aren't Mr. Puerto Rico! You go around calling yourself 'Tha Puerto Rican' and wearing the colors of the Puerto Rican flag, and talking about representing your roots. But you aren't representing your roots. You traded your life in San Juan away a LONG time ago! You aren't the man you used to be. You aren't a real Puerto Rican! You're nothing more but a SELLOUT! PRL Now see, that's where you're wrong Stephen! THAT'S where you are wrong! I've never traded in my roots for anything! I've always been proud of where I came from! I've always managed to never forget who I am! Tha Puerto Rican remembers being a youngster and taking trips to Olde San Juan. (CHEAP POP~!) I remember making patalinos with my grandmother and listening to my grandfather sing songs with his guitar. I remember my father taking me to this very arena to see Carlos Colon (CHEAP POP~!) wrestle and win match after match and reign as Universal Heavyweight Champion in the WWC! I have Puerto Rico running through my veins! You call me Mr. Puerto Rico, but you're wrong. I am not Mr. Puerto Rico. Tha Puerto Rican removes his sunglasses and stares directly face-to-face with Stephen Joseph Popick. PRL I AM Puerto Rico! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The crowd erupts! PR and Popick continue staring at each other. PRL has a serious expression on his face, while Popick is a little bit nervous. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" COLE This crowd is 100% behind their hometown hero. COACH You can't blame them. Although I do wish things were a little bit more civil between PR and Popick. COLE You can cut the tension with a knife folks. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" Popick stares at PRL and then brings the microphone to his lips. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK So, you ARE Puerto Rico, huh? PRL nods his head. POPICK Then I guess you represent every man, woman, and child on this island? PRL nods his head again. POPICK Then I guess that means this is how I feel about every single inhabitant of Puerto Rico. Stephen Joseph Popick SLAPS PRL across the face! COLE Hey! Wait a minute! COACH Popick just bitchslapped PRL! COLE He slapped his own client! The crowd is stunned! PRL holds his left cheek in pain. He does the McMahon SNEER~! Popick tells him to "Bring it!" PRL removes his black sports jacket, loosens his tie, and rolls up his sleeves! Popick drops the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt on the mat, removes his sports jacket and motions for PRL to fight him! The crowd cheers! COLE Oh my! They're going to get into it! Things can explode any minute! COACH Their alliance is broken! Oh no! PRL and Popick stand nose-to-nose, literally! Both their faces are red. The crowd is going nuts at this point! COLE The World Heavyweight Champion and his friend are wanting to tear each other apart now! "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick are spewing venom at each other. PRL is FUMING! The crowd is at a fever pitch. "TIME OUT! TIME OUT! STOP THE MADNESS! THIS IS INSANITY!" Suddenly, all heads turn to the entrance way... as out strides LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX, microphone in hand. COLE It's the FORMER Champion! COACH Hey, don't call him that! Call him the ex cham... no, wait, actually that's worse. Just call him Landon. Landon. PRL and Popick, who were seconds ago nose to nose, have both turned their attentions to Landon now. So have the crowd, chanting something rather unpleasant in Spanish towards him, knowing full-well he's half-Spanish and can understand him. PRL smiles at the chants, while Popick just looks confused. MADDIX Before you two launch into the catfight of the century out here, I suggest you both calm the hell down. Okay? This is not happening. Not tonight. I could care less if we're in San Juan, San Jose, San Marino... it doesn't matter, we're not going to see this tonight. See, last week, I got SCREWED out of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX And, predictably, you cheer because it was caused by some shady, law-breaking Hispanic. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" PRL looks a little pissed at that remark. MADDIX The fact that you two managed to screw up something so simple as injuring me ready for November Reign when you've got three guys who are basically hired lackeys for you, haven't wrestled in about half a year and for all intents and purposes seem to have become your personal beverage collectors and holders yet get flown with you to every OAOAST show, two of whom about 7 foot, 300 pounds, who could have done the job for you in any parking lot the OAOAST has passed through... that is quite frankly embarrassing. The fact that it's ended up with you, PRL, bitching about your MANAGER winning a title that you never even had and needed his help to even try and get... it'd be funny if I wasn't so pissed off right now! COACH He's got a point you know. I guess. MADDIX The point in all of this being, I should still be the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion right now! And if ANYBODY is going to be getting an OAOAST World Heavyweight Title shot tonight, it's going to be me! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX I mean, let's think about it. Do you people REALLY want to see your hero here, 'Mr. Puerto Rico', getting a title-shot out of PITY? And have it be, what, his fifth shot at the title in as many months? Maybe more? Or do you want someone who's proven he doesn't choke under pressure? I mean, let's face it, it's about time another Spanish conquistador rolled into this god-foresaken island and captured what's rightfully his, eh? Oh, just major heel heat there. PRL Hey, we're already got two Conquistadors in this company already and they suck hard enough as it is, without you getting involved! MADDIX Hey, if my ancestors hadn't colonised this place, you'd still be Tha Uncivilised Mud Hut Dwelling Type Guy! "PUER - TO RI - CO!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* "PUER - TO RI - CO!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* COLE Landon is in hostile territory right now. PRL Landon Maddix, you come into this arena, MY arena, in front of MY people... and you have the nerve to talk down to me? You know, I've had a lot of shots at the World Title. And maybe I didn't take it from you. But maybe that's because I never had the chance to wrestle you one on one, mano a mano... of course, we can change that tonight! COLE Uh-oh. Landon raises his eyebrows a little. PRL If I can't get my title shot tonight, I'd love nothing more than to kick your ass in San Juan!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX You know what, I didn't fly all the way here for nothing. I sure as hell didn't do it for the culture or the hospitality either. So, seeing as AngleSault's still shuffling around his OAOAST trading card collection trying to come up with a new November Reign main-event, I think beating you tonight might just be the perfect way to remind him, I deserve my rematch. PRL Then it's settled. You can go one... on one... with Tha Puerto Rican, here tonight... and I will whip your CANDY ASS all the way back to Espagna!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd seem to like that and as Maddix walks off grinning, PRL turns to Popick. The World Champion grabs the title and starts to leave too, having cooled down a little bit from the earlier altercation. PRL Oh and, Popick... this isn't over. PRL raises the Corporate Eyebrow as Know Your Role '99 kicks in again. Popick just turns and walks off, leaving PRL to soak in the moment with his people. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT THE ENTERPRISE'S DIRECTOR OF SECUIRITY GETS VIOLENT CPA VS Max Anderson NEXT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted November 9, 2007 (edited) I GOT THESE NIGGAS, BREEZY! Jay-Z's announcement brings upon a smooth ride of piano melodies from his song Success off his new American Gangster album. Green and yellow spotlights flicker off the entrance stage, and the video screens are adorned with images of Christopher Patrick Allen's numerous actions of violence. From the parting entrance doors steps the man himself, clad in denim jeans and the brand new Enterprise hockey jersey available only on OAOASTShop. Allen bounds down the stairs in front of the entrance doors, menacingly cracking his knuckles, and and putting on an air of unmatched coolness as he puffs on a Cuban Cigar. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of ten minutes, now making his way to the ring, representing The Enterprise, from Youngstown, Ohio, he weighs in at two hundred eighty pounds....CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN! ***Fuck what you people say this isn't 1995 only fgts dont have hometowns*** The announcement of his name leads Allen to remove the cigar from his mouth, and callously flick the ashes towards those audience members that make the mistake of giving him the dreaded thumbs down. COLE Christopher Patrick Allen in singles action tonight. As he gets more experienced, he gets even more deadly. A year from now, he could be a beast. COACH A year from now? He already is a beast! A cold blooded killer. BUFFER And his opponent, from Chicago, Illinois, he weighed in at two hundred twenty six pounds....DOCTOR MAX ANDERSON! Anderson gives love to the many females in the audience by flexing his chiseled muscles, and grinding his juicy hips. COLE The Love Doctors looked on the right track after they teamed with Deuce to upset The Beverly Hills Blonds and Christopher Patrick Allen at Halloween Spectacular. But, an attack on Stephen Pigley left his arm injured, and things got even worse for The Love Doctors when they were the second elimination in the costume tag title battle royal. COACH [DENIS GREEN]They were what we thought they were. If you wanna crown them, then crown their ass, but they were who we thought they were![/DENIS GREEN] DING DING DING Anderson foolishly engages in a lockup with his much larger foe. Foolish because, Allen shrugs off his grasp then drives his knee into his foe's toned stomach. While Anderson remains doubled over in agony, Allen bounds off the ropes. When he returns, a nearly recovered Anderson leaps into the air for a body splash. But the big man catches his rival into his burly arms! As fear outlines Anderson's face, Allen charges across the ring heading towards the corner. His plan is mangle Anderson on the ring posts, but its a plan that never comes to pass, thanks to Anderson slipping free of his grasp. Now on ground level, the good doctor begins hammering his rival with a succession of forearm shots. COLE Who do you think has the advantage in this match? COACH Am I to answer that honestly? Is it a trick question? Who do you think? The Love Doctors got lucky at Halloween Spectacular. The luck ran out in the battle royal, and its going to continue to run out against CPA. The blows do little in the way of damage to CPA, and the Certified Public Asskicker halts all the doc's attempts at offense by flattening him with a swipe of his boot. Referee Charles Robinson scores the ensuing pinfall... ONE TWO But Anderson rolls his shoulder of the canvas. Clutching his sore face, he springs to his feet, and instantly takes to the ropes, before Allen can lay another finger on him. As he bounds back, he extends his arm for a lariat, and connects solidly with The Enterprise's heavy hitter's chest. CPA stumbles awkwardly, unwilling to go down, but unable to fire off a return attack. This allows the stud muffin to agilely leap to the third rope, and come down upon his rival with a crossbody block into a pin! ONE Allen kicks out with casual ease, showing no ill effects besides a disgusted grunt of annoyance. COACH YO, PPL! I got that secret code to extra head from Cole's mom! When you see Cole Mother either say this or dail it in your cell - UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEFT RIGHT, RIGHT LEFT, B-A, A-B-, SELECT, START. You will get 30 Extra dick suckings from that Captain Kangaroo lookin biznich!! COLE I hate these filler matches. Anderson pounces upon Allen with a front facelock, fully planning on executing a DDT. But this move is made totally impossible by the fact that Allen effortlessly shoves him into the corner. Maxwell braces himself for impact, which allows him to scramble towards the second rope. Steeling his face with gritty determination, he flies towards his opponent with an axe handle smash! The shot connects perfectly, and drops the Youngstown native to the mat. COACH Cole's mama code is the code for CONTRA on Nintendo to get 30 extra men (no homo) i seen Cole mother and said that code out loud and she started humming the CONTRA intro and suck my dick 30 times, the shit really worked. Ya'll dudes need to get on that. No homo. CLAK CLAK CLAK RIGHT IN COLEFATHER MILKSHAKE. Smiling to himself, Anderson hooks Allen's leg for the pin.... ONE But, again Allen has little trouble in kicking out. This doesn't seem to bother Anderson, who seductively grinds his hips towards a group of lovely young coeds in the front row. Once he's done trying to impress the Latin beauties, he returns his attention to CPA. Unfortunately, CPA greets him with a thundering left hand! The strike rocks Anderson, but he remains upright, a sitting duck, to the right cross Allen bombs across his jaw! Now, Doctor Anderson's knees buckle, and he's left totally defenseless against an uppercut that sends him hurtling backwards! He crashes into the canvas with amazing force, drawing concerned gasps from a few young children in the first row. COLE Yikes! Max Anderson just got drilled by CPA! Allen goes for the pin... ONE TWO Amazingly enough, the hunky doctor kicks out. Growling with animal ferocity, Allen tears him off the canvas. But before he can execute any offensive strikes, Doctor Anderson stuns him with a jawbreaker! This leaves Allen stunned and confused, which permits an opportunistic Anderson to trap him into a roll up... ONE Unsurprisingly, Allen kicks out, causing Anderson to sigh in despair. COLE If Doctor Anderson wants more then that one count, he's got to go for a more high impact move! Perhaps having heard Cole's advice, Anderson halts his despairing, and ventures towards the top rope. Patiently, he waits for Allen to rise, and once he does he dismounts his perch with a crossbody block! But, as graceful glide through the sky comes to an unfortunate ending, as he lands draped across CPA's expansive shoulders. Without so much as a smirk, a grunt, or a frown, Allen drills his enemy into the canvas with a Dominator! As all the life drains from the doctor's body, the referee counts the pin... ONE! TWO! THREE! COLE And its over just like that. The Love Doctors luck ran out that opening match at Halloween Spectacular it would seem. Max Anderson no match for the power of CPA. Allen pulls himself off Anderson's motionless body, and heads the middle of the ring, leaning over the ropes, and pounding his fists into his chest in triumph for his victory. BUFFER Your winner, CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN! COLE Mister Moneymaker, and Mister Wright, wherever they are, have to be fairly happy with the outcome of this match, as well as the premier of Reel Talk. Its been quite the night for The Enterprise, an interesting, if not incredibly inaccurate and biased talk show with The Blonds, and Allen makes short work of their continued enemy Doctor Anderson. Still more to come tonight, such as the mainevent, and the Love Shack with Krista Isadora Duncan. COMMERCIAL We're taken to the OAOAST ActionZone, where diva personality Maggie Nerdly, attired in a ruffled lace black skirt, and a black polo shirt, sits atop the news desk. MAGGIE What's up ya'll? It girl, Maggie Nerdly on the scene, reminding you to check out OAOAST AfterParty, the dopest video stream on all the internet, posted up at the usual spot up at OAOAST.com! This week I'm jammin with Bon Jovi himself, Mariachi gets some CPR lessons from EMT Tim Cash, we're heading base jumping with my big bro MARV, who's lookin for a creative way to go back on injured reserve, and James Blonde tells us what goes into creating the perfect entrance robe. So, I better see ya BUTT at the AfterParty! Edited November 12, 2007 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted November 9, 2007 (edited) "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "Megalomaniac" by Incubus hits, as from behind the curtain steps Megan Skye, heralding the arrival of Landon who stops at the top of the ramp and thrusting his hands out to his side to boos. Landon walks confidently to the ring, despite the abuse of the crowd being thrown his way. The camera in front of him gets a good shot of his now bare waist, which earns him a chastising from Landon and Megan as they pass. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is your main-event of the evening live on TSM, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, being lead to the ring by his manager MEGAN SKYE. Hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain... he weighs in tonight at two hundred, eight pounds... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the partizan crowd standing up and cheering. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, and his manager and his fiancee Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The crowd's cheers get louder still, to the point of being near deafening! COLE I've got goosebumps right now! What a reaction for Tha Puerto Rican, again! PRL flashes a rare smile out at the crowd and nods his head, pumping his fist to his heart to show his love for his 'raza'. Lindsay takes her man by the hand and the couple begin their walk to the ring as "Know Your Role ’99" continues playing. BUFFER And, introducing the opponent. From SAN JUAN, PUERTO RRRRRRRRRIIICCOOOOOOOOO!! "YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER ... weighing in at two hundred, twenty pounds and being accompanied by the OAOAST World Women's Champion, MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ! Here is, "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"... THA PUUUUUEEEEEEEERRTOOOOOOOO RRIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!! "YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The first couple of Puerto Rico, being showered with cheers here. They've been in town all week making public apperances, TV, radio, the whole nine yards. You couldn't move for the past week without seeing those two faces. They're like the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes of Puerto Rico! COACH Come on, PRL isn't QUITE that short. COLE That's not exactly what I meant. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and scans his adoring crowd. Lindsay holds the ropes, and PRL enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans cheers and then does the HBK muscle pose while a huge burst of pyro goes off behind him. From the outside, Landon looks on trying to hide his jealousy at the grandious entrance of his opponent. COLE This is a once in a lifetime moment for Tha Puerto Rican, what must he be feeling right now? The crowd is still cheering as PRL heads to a second turnbuckle and smells the electricity in the air. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and soaks up some more of the atmosphere. A very bored looking Landon makes a motion for the hometown hero to 'wrap it up' while he hits turnbuckle number three, determined to give his people the maximum photo opportunity. "P - R!" "P - R!" "P - R!" "P - R!" Jumping off the turnbuckle, PR turns to each side of the crowd in turn and does the "we're not worthy" bow, which is being returned his way by many of the fans. COACH Oh, so now PRL LOVES his fans. He LOVES the people. Bleugh! You know, I never had PR down as a hypocrite but now, I dunno. COLE Coach, he's in Puerto Rico. This is his home, these are his people! What did you expect him to do, come out and insult the local sports team? COACH They have one? COLE Probably. Landon sees that PRL is finally bringing the ceremonies to a close and slowly climbs the ring steps, eyeing up The Corporate Champion. Turning to him, PRL calls over Lindsey and gives her a kiss good luck, keeping a close eye on Landon the entire time. Lindsey takes PRL's belongings to the floor and takes her place in the corner, already exchanging some scathing looks with her counterpart Megan Skye across the ring. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and we're ready to go. Well, PRL is. Climbing off the top ring step, Landon very slowly walks across the ring apron with his eyes locked on Tha Puerto Rican. PRL drops into a crouched position, pulling up his tights to his knees and inviting Landon to take him on. But Landon isn't about to be drawn into anything before he's ready, demanding referee Mike Chioda keeps PRL back before he even thinks about entering the ring. And of course, when he doesn't, the moment PRL moves in Maddix bails to the floor again complaining. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well, this will be a first time one on one meeting, when Landon eventually decides to get into the ring. Chioda eventually gets PRL to give Maddix space to get into the ring. Maddix slowly enters and still looks pretty cautious as he moves around the ring. Smiling, PRL hears the buzz of the crowd and encourages some clapping, much to Landon's consternation. COACH Oh, come on PR, you're better than this!! COLE A fantastic atmosphere here tonight for this huge, pay per view quality HeldDOWN~! main event. What a great crowd we've had here tonight in San Juan and we thank you joining us at home on TSM to enjoy it with us. As his attempts to quieten the crowd down fail miserably, Landon eventually has enough and tries to jump PRL. Tha hometown boy is ready for him and they tie-up, with Landon getting the better of it and forcing PR back into a corner. No sooner has contact been made with the turnbuckle pads, off backs La Cucaracha, not even giving PRL a chance to free himself. PRL sneers at Landon, as he soaks up the mini-victory for all it's worth. And then some. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" COLE These people know enough English to make their feelings known. Of course, Landon is half-Spanish anyway but... The two lock up again, Landon this time applying a side headlock. As he gloats over that though, PRL suddenly takes his feet from out underneath him, executing a quick back suplex. Shocked, out of the ring rolls Maddix, calling for a time-out. COACH He needs a second Cole. This was a long flight over here, after all, he could have that DVT stuff. COLE Coach, that affects your legs. COACH Yeah, well, the guy has two jobs. Cut him some slack! Growing impatient, PRL paces around the ring. The crowd, his crowd, are getting impatient too and encourage him to go after Landon, which eventually he does. Just about spotting PR heading towards him in time, off scoots Landon, rounding the ring and sliding in. PRL does the same, a little naively, paying for it with a boot to the head from La Cucaracha! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" After a few more stomps away marches Landon, tapping his head which of course means he has ALL the brains. As he goes back over to PRL, the hometown hero has pulled himself up, but finds himself trapped in a corner. A forearm rocks him... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and sets up a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a second! Landon then looks for an irish whip... but PRL spins out in front, pulling the former World Champion forward and giving him a good old fashioned BAAAAACK bodydrop! Coming down on his tailbone hard, Maddix rolls right over onto his knees and tries to beg off for a second, before again rolling for the outside. Only difference is, this time he doesn't quite make it. COLE Uh-oh! Maddix is trying to catch the next plane out of Puerto Rico, but this flight has been delayed due to Puerto Rican Lightning! COACH Worst annecdote... in the last ten minutes. By the ankle, PRL pulls the pleading Landon right the way back into the centre of the ring, forcing him to get back to his feet and fight. PRL is waiting on him by then though and lands a stinging punch. And another. A third... a fourth... and a fifth! Backed into the ropes, Landon looks a little punch-drunk as he tries to hurl a right hand of his own. The wild swing is ducked by Tha Puerto Rican however, booting Landon in the gut before giving him a European uppercut. Maddix ends up hung over the ropes, PRL pulling him right off of them and into an irish whip, setting himself for an early Spinebuster... but he sets too early, allowing Maddix to put on the brakes and connect with a kick to the shoulder blade! MEGAN THAT'S RIGHT LANDON, YOU'VE GOT HIM! YOU'VE GO... Hitting the ropes, the over-confident La Cucaracha runs right into a steamrollering clothesline from Tha Puerto Rican! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" MEGAN ..... The crowd go wild for the high-impact move and even wilder as PRL stops near the ropes, looking out into the sea of humanity for a second. They're quick to warn him once Maddix is back to his feet though. PRL quickly turns on his heels and leans into the ropes, picking his spot as Landon turns around for another clothesli... NO! Landon ducks, watching PRL turn around and throwing a Superki... CAUGHT! Holding onto the leg, PRL leaves Landon hopping around and milks the situation a little, before slamming his elbow down into the kneecap of La Cucaracha... and then dropping him with a swinging neckbreaker as the momentum throws Landon forwards! It's at this point we cut away backstage, to where our World Champ Stephen Joseph Popick is standing watching this on a monitor. He's actually in The Lightning Crew locker room and there's plenty of couches around. So the fact he's standing says a lot. Back to live action meanwhile and PRL loads Landon up, sending him off the ropes with an irish whip. Back shoots Landon, ducking underneath a leapfrog and coming off the far ropes. Not turning for more than a second, up goes PRL again, reverse leapfrogging Maddix this time. From the outside, Megan hollers at her man, telling him to watch out for the armdrag. To no avail, as Tha Puerto Rican sweeps him over to a pop from the crowd! COLE Patented PRL! And this crowd, eating it up! COACH More fool them I say. These people are so desperate for a hero on this remote, non-descript island, they're clinging onto a guy... hell, you heard it from Popick himself, a guy who's sold out to Corporate America. He's The Corporate Champion and you know, I love him for it, but he comes out here sucking up to these people he left behind at the border... COLE The border!? As in the US/MEXICO border!? COACH Same dif. COLE You realise Puerto Ricans have US citizenship, right? COACH Thanks, Wikipedia. Maddix is retreating now and backs into a corner, looking for some sort of a reprieve from the oncoming Puerto Rican. Again to no avail as PRL boots him in the gut, forcing Landon up against the turnbuckles which he then climbs, fist clenched... "UNO!" "DOS!" "TRES!" "QUATRO!" "CINCO!" "SE..." ...NO! The counting stops at Se... uh, six, as Landon shoves PRL in the chest. Down crashes Tha Puerto Rican, but he manages to roll through most of the impact on landing apparantly, as he rushes right back at Landon with a Stinger Splash before he's had time to come out of the corner! COLE PRL running on something a little extra tonight! Landon begins to stagger out of the corner, so PRL turns and makes for the far set of ring ropes. However, Landon isn't quite as dazed as he seems. And he lures PRL in with some wobbily body language, before suddenly springing to life and cutting him off with a Dropsault! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE But Landon Maddix, nothing if not resiliant. He doesn't call himself 'La Cucaracha' for nothing. Cover by Maddix... 1... NO! COLE Wow, quick kickout by PRL, barely even a one count! The crowd are bouyed by that, as a slightly embarrassed Landon measures PRL for a stomp. PRL feels it, but continues to pull himself to his feet. Stalking around his opponent, Maddix measures him for a stomp to the chest. PRL hits the mat again, but bounces back up, forcing Landon to get defensive and trap him in a front facelock before he regains his feet. COLE Landon fighting off not just PRL, but tens of thousands right now! You heard what PRL said earlier, he IS Puerto Rico! COACH Since when did you believe what PRL says? PRL grabs Landon's leg trying to find an escape. Kicking his leg free, the former World Champion clubs PR in the back a couple of times to try and subdue him. Maddix then sets up... and executes a vertical suplex. Rolling through, Landon then hits the ropes, coming off the middle with a Quebrada... ...NO, PRL rolls clear... ...but Landon manages to get his hands up and land safely on all fours! PRL has pulled himself up and once his relief at saving himself passes, Maddix charges in. The Corporate Champion ducks his head, causing Landon to bandera to the apron, catching PRL as he turns with a forearm over the ropes. Gripping onto the top rope, Maddix then pulls himself back into the ring, locking his ankles around PR's neck on the way over and taking him down with a headscissors! MADDIX OLÉ! The celebrations don't last long for Landon though, as when he turns around, he fails to Dogde THIS, BITCH~! and eats some Gamengiri!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Landon pulling out a little lucha libré, It's PR's turn to make a cover this time... 1... 2... No! True to form, PR gets on the referee's case about a slow count. Hey, maybe he hasn't changed so much after all! "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" Waiting on Maddix to get up, PRL sets. Crouched, he eyes Landon up, almost salivating at the prospect of what he's about to do next. Reaching his feet Landon looks a little shaken still, turning around in search of his opponent. And he turns right into a scoop and a slam, bringing the crowd to their feet. COLE UH-OH! COACH Oh man, here it comes! COLE Could it be, The Intensezone Elbow!? PRL looks up to see thousands of his Puerto Rican faithful on their feet and grins. Slowly he teases off the elbowpad, before spitti... NO. PR thinks about it, before shaking his head and throwing it into the crowd instead!! A surge of activity starts up as the people try to grab the precious elbowpad, as back in the ring PRL does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, jumps over Maddix... ...AND GETS TRIPPED BY MEGAN SKYE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Aw, come on! As PRL turns and glares at Megan, around sprints Lindsey to get herself some of her opposite number! But referee Chioda jumps out of the ring to bravely get between the two fiesty females before they can come to blows. Megan and Lindsey have to settle for just catty insults then, still enough to keep Chioda's hands full... ...which means he misses the BLANTANT LOWBLOW in the ring, as a distracted PRL backs into Maddix's range! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As PR holds the Corporate Jewels, Landon pulls him around by the arm, spiking him with a quick DDT! The Corporate Champ lays spark out in the middle of the ring, prompting Landon to scream at Chioda to get back inside and make the count. And with Lindsey and Megan finally seperated, he does so... 1... 2... SHOULDER UP!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Landon applies a chinlock, trying to cover up the fact that PRL is favouring his testicles from the referee. COLE Man, thank goodness PRL kicked out there or we might have had a riot on our hands! Megan with the distraction, Maddix with the lowblow, that's not the way Tha Puerto Rican deserves to go down in San Juan if that's to be the case. COACH Oh, you make it sound as if PRL's never cheated in his career. COLE He has. Plenty of times. But not so far tonight. The people of San Juan get behind PR, Lindsay trying to rally them not that they need any extra encouragement. Looking up at the hostile crowd around him, Landon starts to panic as PRL's fist starts a-pumping, dragging him from a seated position onto his back with the chinlock. COACH You are such a hack, you know that? These people cheer for PR and suddenly you're sticking up for him, crying foul everytime he's in the slightest bit of danger, cheering his every move? You sicken me. COLE Me!? What the hell happened to you being his biggest fan!? Usually we need to change the covers on this sofa after a PRL match! As the support continues to grow in the arena, Tha Puerto Rican starts to come to life. Rolling over onto his side, up climbs PR, Maddix still clinging onto him and desperately trying to keep him down. PRL reaches his feet and Landon suddenly adjusts, changing his hold on the head to a Sleeper. But Tha Puerto Rican is already up and he fires off an elbow to the gut! And another! Landon loses the sleeper... and eats a punch! Another! And another! PRL, unloading, punch after punch after punch. He stops, spits on the left hand... the opening Maddix needs to land a desperation knee to the gut and cut the flurry off! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Turning PRL into the ropes Maddix executes an irish whip. However as PRL comes off the ropes it's clear that he's in control of his run as he comes sprinting back, soaring through the air at the shocked Landon with a flying forearm... ...NO! Maddix hits the mat, avoiding the flying Puerto Rican! PR crashes and burns, as Maddix checks an imaginary watch on his wrist... before kipping up! COACH Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about! The Spanish Showstopper! COLE Landon just mocking PRL with that kip-up. Jeers and whistles rain down on Landon from all sides of the arena. By now, Landon is growing to enjoy the negative reaction and further infuriates the fans by "smelling the electricity", apparantly smelling something foul in the Puerto Rico air and turning his nose up. Maddix then goes back after PRL, pulling him off the canvas and connecting with a boot to the gut. Wringing out the arm, Landon steps over so he's straddling Tha Puerto Rican's right arm, before bringing his right leg up under the jaw! PRL's head snaps back violently and he staggers around for a second, looking like he'll stay on his feet... but not so, to a smile from Landon as he faceplants to the canvas. COLE ¡Buenas Noches! PRL. Lindsey looks genuinely worried for the first time in the match as referee Chioda checks if PRL is still conscious. Watching all this from the corner is Landon, just lounging back in the turnbuckles and taking his sweet time over his next move. "CANTO DE CAB - RÓN!" *clapclap clapclapclap!* "CANTO DE CAB - RÓN!" *clapclap clapclapclap!* COLE I've no idea what that means but... uh, I'm guessing Landon does. As the crowd continue to sing away, Maddix pushes himself up onto the middle rope and gives them all a hearty 'up yours'. He then waves PRL on, diving off the middle rope as he walks in, PLANTING PRL with a Flying DDT! Tha Puerto Rican folds up like an accordion, Landon pushing him onto his back and hooking a leg... COACH That could do it! 1... 2... NO! COACH It could, but it doesn't. Landon briefly accuses Chioda of favouritism before, with a shocked look on his face, pointing to Lindsey Gonzalez climbing to the apron wielding some sort of deadly weapon. Except she isn't. On either count. By the time Chioda realises that though, Landon has already applied his blatant choke. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Maddix breaks just before five, earning him a reprimand from Chioda. Landon complains of not being able to hear the referee properly over all the noise in the arena... all while kneeling across PRL's throat! Which, of course, Chioda doesn't realise at first due to his reprimanding. COLE Come on referee! Spotting PRL's flailing legs out of the corner of his eye, Chioda realises something is up and finally spots the hidden choke... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOU..." Breaking a little earlier this time, Landon apologises to Chioda. COLE That was the oldest trick in the book right there. COACH And the best part about it is, it still works! PRL is up now, backed into a corner trying to get his breath back. Following him into the corner, Maddix pins PR's arms over the ropes and then rears back, firing off a STIFF kick to the chest! Followed up with a second, equally as stiff kick! Tha Puerto Rican is really hanging in the corner now, the ropes holding him up, while Landon... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...throws a knifedge chop! Irish whip by Landon, sending PRL across the ring and into the opposite corner. The former World Champion then charges, soaring through the air and connecting on a big leaping forearm strike in the corner on Tha Puerto Rican! COLE PRL is in trouble right now. This could turn out to be a nightmare homecoming for Puerto Rico's favourite son were he to lose tonight! As PRL stumbles out of the corner, Landon grabs him, snapmaring him over... *SMACK!* ...before landing with another thunderous kick, this time to the spine! PRL writhes on the canvas Landon then leaps, coming off the middle rope with a Quebrada, which this time connects! Leg hooked... 1... 2... NO! ...but as soon as PRL kicks out, Maddix steps over his back and locks him in the LAND OF NOD!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh, he's got him trapped! Land Of Nod, this could spell curtains for Tha Puerto Rican! COACH Don't you just love it when fairytales don't come true? Maddix wrenches back on the head, referee Chioda right there to check if PRL is a- about to give it up and b- still conscious. At the moment, Tha Puerto Rican is still in the fight, wagging his finger at the ref and trying to hang on. Maddix is sitting back now though, pulling back on the modified dragon sleeper as far as PRL's neck will go. Suddenly, in all this commotion, the camera cuts to the entranceway, as STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK has chosen this moment to walk to ringside! The boos are drowned out by the support being lent PRL's way, but he's still not welcomed... even though he appears to be cheering Tha Puerto Rican on. COACH Ah, all is well now. PRL's Career Consultant is here and not a moment too soon! COLE Popick's got some nerve coming out here after the way he spoke to Tha Puerto Rican earlier on tonight and even more never to cheering him on as if nothing's happened! COACH He's still PR's Career Consultant Michael. It's his job! Besides, what would PRL be without Popick by his side? PRL doesn't see Popick but does suddenly get a jolt of energy as he tries to escape the Land Of Nod. Pushing up on his hands and knees, PRL does his best to look around and see where he is. Lindsey is shouting over the masses of fans behind her, trying to guide her man, Landon shaking his head vehemently as he pulls back on the head some more... ...watching in despair as PRL's hand starts to reach out in front of him... ...AND GRABS THE MIDDLE ROPE!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" "BREAK THE HOLD LANDON..." "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOU..." Landon does break, stomping PRL in the back and marching away in frustration. On the outside Popick starts to get behind PRL, drawing a confused glance from Lindsey a few feet away around the ring. COACH What a gracious man Popick is. After all PRL said to and about him earlier, he's still man enough to let bygones be bygones and come out here, lend his support to his best friend. COLE I'm sure PRL is delighted. Dragging PRL away from the ropes, Maddix points down at Popick and makes sure he's watching closely as he brings PR to his feet, stooping down and lifting PRL up onto his shoulders! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE GTS! The crowd sense it, Cole senses it... but so does PRL, kicking his legs frantically in an attempt to free himself. Landon struggles, and eventually loses Tha Puerto Rican! Sliding off the shoulders and down the back, PR spins Landon around and hooks him up for the LATIN SLA... NO! Landon elbows his way free. The last elbow spins PRL around, Maddix waiting on him on the way back and going for a kick. But PR blocks, catching the leg and leaving Landon hopping on the other foot. Before Landon can react, PRL then whips Maddix around, spinning him 360... KICK! *WHAM!* COLE CAPPA KILLA!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Maddix takes a dramatic bump to a thunderous ovation from the Puerto Rican crowd, Lindsey jumping for joy on the outside. But the noise soon dies down a little when it's apparant that Tha Puerto Rican isn't able to follow up. Both men stay down and referee Chioda, after checking for signs of life from both, begins a standing 10 count. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "FOUR!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "FIVE!" COLE This capacity crowd trying to bring Tha Puerto Rican back to his feet! "SIX!" "SEVEN!" On eight, both Landon and PRL break the count. PRL is up to one knee but Landon is on his feet, albeit with the aid of the ring ropes. Shaking out the cobwebs, Landon walks over to PRL and drags him off his knees to his feet... but PRL suddenly spins around and lands a punch! And another! A third! Fourth! Fifth! Maddix is reeling, as PRL throws up the left hand, spitting on it... and connecting with a final punch that knocks La Cucaracha off his feet! Suddenly, the adrenaline is flowing and Tha Puerto Rican is feeling it again, circling the ring and whipping the San Juan crowd into a frenzy! COLE Can you feel it!? Can you feel the electricity in the air!? Catching Landon on his way in, Tha Puerto Rican hooks the former World Champ up and takes him over with a vertical suplex! He then rolls through, and does a second vertical suplex on La Cucaracha! PRL rolls through again, and lifts Landon up for a third straight vertical suplex. He holds Landon up in the air for a few seconds, letting the blood rush to his head, almost teasing the crowd who are going wild in anticipation. COACH Come on already! COLE The strength of Tha Puerto Rican! And he's giving these people the perfect photo-op as he holds La Cucaracha overhead! COACH Shame that a camera would probably cost most of these people a year's wages. PR does the “You can’t see me!” hand gesture, and then walks towards the ropes. He drops Landon’s feet across the top ring rope and gives him the third vertical suplex, which completes the Corporate Trifecta!! For once he leaves the applauding to others after the sequence though, not wasting any time in dragging Landon into position. Once he's got Landon where he wants him, Tha Puerto Rican then exits the ring and climbs the top rope. The crowd stands up and cheers wildly, getting behind their man. PRL stands up on the top rope, removes his elbow pad, and throws it down on the mat. PR motions to the crowd, and then leaps off the top rope, doing the “Up yours!” hand gesture in mid-air... ...AND HITS THE CORPORATE ELBOW DROP!! "YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Jumping right back to his feet, PRL looks around... and gives the "that's it" gesture, ready to finish Landon off. However, it's at this point he finally spots Popick standing in the aisleway. Popick claps for his client and encourages him to go ahead and do it, failing to hide the World Heavyweight Championship over his shoulder as he does so. The unwanted encouragement from Popick distracts Tha Puerto Rican and he goes over to the ropes, waving for him to "go away". Popick simply shouts back that "I'm your Career Consultant" and doesn't go anywhere. COACH What the hell is PR's problem!? Popick's only out here to help him. COLE You sure about that? COACH Of course I am! He's PR's Career Consultant, he knows that PRL needs him out here. COLE Now, I don't know as Tha Puerto Rican needs Popick at all. He certainly didn't ask for his help tonight, that much is for certain. COACH Oh yeah, just look at all those World Titles he's won with Popick told to stay in the back over the past few months. :rollseyes: Eventually PRL gives up with Popick and turns his attentions back to Maddix. However, by now Maddix has had time enough to recover from the elbow and he lures PR in, before planting him with the Complete Shot! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Cover by Landon... 1... 2... NO!! "P - R!" "P - R!" "P - R!" "P - R!" Backing away into a corner, Maddix takes a second to catch his breath... *STOMP!* ...before slamming his foot into the canvas. COLE Wait a minute... is Landon tuning up the band!? *STOMP!* COACH Oh yeah he is. *STOMP!* COLE Maddix has been on the recieving end of plenty of Superkicks in the past couple of months, could this be payback here for Tha Puerto Rican? Shaking himself back to life, PRL clambers back up... *STOMP!* *STOMP!* ...little knowing what's waiting... *STOMP!* *STOMP!* ...DUCKED! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Maddix freezes, cursing his bad luck. He then turns on his heels and charges PRL, only to run into a little spine on the pine action from The Corporate Champion! COLE Could the second time be the charm!? Tha Puerto Rican, breathing hard, goes to remove his right elbow pad. He soon remembers that has long gone into the crowd though, so removes his left elbow pad instead, throwing it down onto La Cucaracha’s body. He does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, jumps over Maddix, and then bounces off the opposite ropes. PR stops, pumping a fist to the crowd... and then drops the most electrifying move in professional wrestling, the INTENSEZONE ELBOW!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE He hits it! The Intensezone Elbow, on point! COACH Nobody remembers IntenseZone anymore. Rolling over, PRL applies the lateral press and counts along... 1... 2... SHOULDER UP!!! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE He kicked out! Unbelievable, I thought it was over and so did the majority of people in this arena. COACH That's what you get for writing off Landon Maddix prematurely. Stomping to his feet, a glaring Puerto Rican Lightning reads referee Chioda the riot act. COLE PRL looking a little frustrated here. COACH Is it any wonder? His Career Consultant is a World Champion, his girlfriend is a World Champion and here he is, never been World Champ, can't finish off the former champ even with thousands of people behind him. I'd probably be frustrated too. Turning away from the referee, PRL suddenly drops to a crouched position, stalking Landon as he climbs back to his feet. Trying to scream over the crowd, warnings from Megan don't seem to go heeded by Landon as he turns around in search of PR. And he turns right into PR, ducking under the arm and setting up the LATIN SLA... ...NO! Maddix connects on a quick elbow, then spins around the back and hooks PRL down with a Crucifix... COLE Out of nowhere... 1... 2... NO!! Both men roll to their feet, Landon throwing a forearm which is blocked by PRL, responding with a stinging punch. Maddix is caught off guard and goes staggering backwards into a neutral corner. PRL charges right in after him... and EATS boot! With PRL dazed, Landon then backs in and hooks the head, before scaling the turnbuckles looking for the SEATED SHIRANU... ...NO! PRL suddenly runs forward and CROTCHES Maddix on the top turnbuckle, facing out into the crowd!! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE ¡Oh Dios Mio! COACH Now that's got to be a foul, surely! Outraged at the treatment of her man, Megan climbs to the apron to complain to the referee. Sure enough, that draws Lindsey around the ring. And this time, Chioda can't react quickly enough to prevent the ladies coming to blows as Lindsey drags Megan down from the apron by the seat of her pants and SLAPS HER TO THE GROUND!! The Women's Champion puts the badmouth on Megan, until she reaches up and pulls her to the floor, causing a brawl to ensue at ringside!! "YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE CATFIGHT! CATFIIIIIIIIGGHHT!!! COACH Quick, somebody throw some water on them! COLE What good would that do? COACH It'd be hawt. Referee Chioda is understandably distracted by the fight on the floor, missing out on seeing PRL get thrown from the ring ropes as he attempts to bring Landon off them with a back superplex. PRL crashes and burns on the canvas, leaving Landon sat up top, taking a moment to get his breath. Unfortunately though, that moment is interrupted by STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK, as he clambers onto the apron... ::BELTSHOT::~!~! COLE Wha... POPICK! POPICK WITH THE WORLD TITLE, RIGHT TO THE HEAD!! Maddix gets clocked clean with the gold belt, backflipping off the top and landing on his head again just for good measure! Not having seen this, PRL looks momentarily confused as he gets to his feet, seeing a groggy Maddix hauling himself to his head and walking around in a zombified state. But, not one to look a gifthorse in the mouth, PRL doesn't wait around to ask any questions... KICK! *WHAM!* COLE CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Rolling Maddix over, PRL hooks the leg deep, waving the slow to react Chioda over... 1... 2... 3!!!!! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE HE GOT HIM! PR... WINS IN PUERTO RICO!! BUFFER LLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR WINNER OF THE MATCH... THA PPUUUUUEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRTTOOOOOOOOOO... RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" PRL doesn't have long to celebrate his hard fought victory though before Stephen Joseph Popick slides into the ring. Helping PRL to his feet, he raises the unsuspecting Corporate Champion's hand in the air. The moment PRL realises who's raising his hand though, he wrenches it away and looks accusingly at his "Career Consultant" as he begins to put 2 and 2 together in his head. Popick waves at him to calm down though... ...before turning around and beginning to put the boots to La Cucaracha!! COLE NOW WHAT!? COACH Well, Popick wants in on the fun I guess. What did I tell you though Mikey, where would PR be without his trusty Career Consultant? Look at him, leading the way again! COLE This is ridiculous! As Popick stomps away on the helpless Maddix, PRL seems unsure of whether to join in the beatdown or not. His mind is soon made up though as down the aisle sprints ZACK MALIBU, to the shock of the sold-out crowd! COACH When the hell did HE get here!? COLE Just in time by the looks of it!! Zack dives headlong into the ring and takes down Popick, tackling him to the ground and mounting the new World Champion with a flurry of punches. Given the choice between the two, PRL wastes no time in picking Zack to go after, kicking Zack in the head to... well, the biggest pop anyone will ever get for kicking Zack in the head any time soon. PRL lays into Zack with the shaky leg kicks, Popick picking himself up and joining in the assault. COACH Normal service has been resumed, Michael. What the hell was Zack even thinking, saving Landon Maddix!? COLE I don't think that was his intention... wait a second, is that... YES, it is TODD CORTEZ!! The Urban Legend rushes to the ring, which earns him a mixed reaction. But when he instantly turns his back on PRL and starts to stomp away on the hapless Landon, he soon wins the fans over. Cortez kicks Landon all the way out of the ring and follows after him, while behind him Zack suddenly starts to fire back on PR and Popick. He fights both off with some palm thrusts to the gut and to the face before grabbing them by the head and clocking them with the immortal DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! And as PRL and Popick go down, Zack turns to Landon, shooting himself out of the ring AND WIPING OUT LANDON AND CORTEZ WITH A PLANCHA!! COLE This is chaos! It's broken down in San Juan... Right on cue, Medal hits, and the crowd goes wild as Anglesault makes his way through the entrance doors. COLE Here comes the boss to break this up! COACH What a buzzkill. The fighting between Landon, Cortez and Zack peeters out as AS walks out, PRL and Popick starting to pull themselves up in the ring. ANGLESAULT Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. I appreciate you all want to get your hands on each other, which is why I'm out here. See, it's about time we addressed November Reign. Popick... you might not have wanted to defend that title tonight, but if you think you're calling the shots as it pertains to you being the World Champion, you are in for a shock. First off, next week, you WILL be defending that title! Still woozy, Popick groans at that one, holding his head for more reasons than one. ANGLESAULT And assuming you make it through that, we need to re-arrange November Reign. PRL, Zack, Cortez, Maddix, you guys have already signed the contracts for the previous November Reign main-event, which has put me in a tough position. Obviously, we now have a fifth wheel in Stephen Joseph Popick. You know, I like to pride myself in giving people what they want... no matter how long that may take. So, to make amends, you four will ALL get a shot come November Reign. COLE Wow! COACH Now, that doesn't seem fair to me. ANGLESAULT But that's not all. See, sometimes things don't go to plan around here. This is one of those times and it's ironic it should happen at November Reign time again. I'm sure you all know what I'm referring to. Well, while I'm righting one wrong, I may as well right another. You didn't get it last year. You WILL get it this. Because, Popick, at November Reign you're going to be defending that title... inside of a TRIPLE... DECKER... CAGE!!!!! "YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" POPICK COLE OH... MY!!! The crowd go wild as the five men in and around the ring muse over that announcement. Zack breaks into a little bit of a smile as he sees the colour begin to drain out of Popick's face, turning to PRL and fearing the worst as he grins back at him. ANGLESAULT Yes, Popick, it's going to be you versus Todd Cortez... "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" ANGLESAULT ...Landon Maddix... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ANGLESAULT ...Zack Malibu... "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" ANGLESAULT ...Tha Puerto Rican... "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ANGLESAULT ...OH! And, this guy... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH WWHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!?! COLE OH... MMMMYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! San Juan comes completely UNGLUED, as AngleSault steps aside out of the path of THE METEROFUCKIN'SEXUAL MONSTER, BOHEMOTH!!!!!! Bo marches to the ring as Popick and PRL collectively freak out in the ring, especially as Bo doesn't break stride passing Cortez and Zack. As Bo walks past them, Cortez and Zack suddenly start going at it again, while the suited and booted Bohemoth slides into the ring. PRL and Popick back away as, seeing the fight on the floor nearing him, Landon rather unwisely rolls into the ring. Staring at the man who put him out of action for so many months, Bohemoth points the finger at Tha Puerto Rican, who is sweating bullets all of a sudden... ...until Landon bumps into Bohemoth. COLE Wrong place, wrong time!! Already feeling that sinking feeling, Landon turns around pleading for mercy. No such luck. Bohemoth sweeps Landon off his feet and PLANTS him with the Front Spinebuster!! COACH Oh, Landon! COLE It's turning into a bad night for the former World Champion! And he might not be alone! As Landon's limp body is dragged from the ring by Megan, Bo turns his attentions right back to Popick and PRL. The World Champion and The Corporate Champion similarly try to beg for mercy, similarly knowing they're probably wasting their time. And that proves the case as Bohemoth marches towards them... ...at which point Popick, having started to hide behind PRL, SHOVES PRL INTO BOHEMOTH AND DIVES OUT OF THE RING!! *WHAM!* PRL gets driven into the canvas with a Front Spinebuster, Popick already halfway up the aisle as Bohemoth tears off his jacket and rips away his shirt. The fired up Meterosexual Monster places his foot on the chest of Tha Puerto Rican, making the reaction from the Puerto Rican fans decidedly mixed as he points out to Popick in the aisle... Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! "YYYEEEEAAAAHHH - BOOOOOOOOO - EEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Not PRL! THIS IS HIS HOME DAMNIT! COLE Coach, it really IS you! COACH Yeah, yeah. COLE Oh man what revelation here tonight! What an situation! Triple Decker Cage at November Reign, The Meterosexual Monster is back! Popick has only been World Champion for a week and his days as Champion may already be numbered! Don't go anywhere, The Love Shack is next but from myself and The Coach, we'll see you next week! Bohemoth continues to stand tall in the centre of the ring, Popick looking on from the stage and Zack and Cortez (having broken their fight up) from the aisle, as we fade out to... Edited November 11, 2007 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted November 9, 2007 (edited) OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents... #~~THE LOVE SHACK~~# Fade into a television studio far different then anything ever seen on OAOAST programming. It appears as something that belongs on a day time talk show, not you're typical wrestling show. Each of its brick walls are adorned with oversized neon light signs that read LOVE SHACK and a trio of large video screens that run adjacent to the rising row of seats that lifts all the way back to the production booth. These seats are split into sections of three by a trio of wide stairways that roam all the way down to the talk show's stage. Sitting in these seats, are rabid fans who are quite dissimilar to your typical OAOAST crowd, mainly middle aged midwestern suburban housewives, generally overweight, and somewhat unattractive. There are certainly more then few male fans, the majority of whom appear like the type of gentlemen(I use that term loosely) we might see at an OAOAST event. The actual beige carpeted stage features four plush green cushioned wood grain chairs that rest beneath another neon lit LOVE SHACK sign that hangs from a plethora of crisscrossing metal bars that are stationed in front of a brick wall that's accented by soft blue spotlights. ANNOUNCER Love Generation, are you ready for your weekly dosage of the silkiest, smoothest, playa in all the land? Then throw your hands up for Leon Rodez!!!! “LEON! LEON! LEON!” chants the now standing audience. Right on cue from a doorway at the top of the stairs appears their hero, adorned in a snazzy three piece pinstriped suit. He charges down one set of stairs, slapping hands with his worshiping fans, before roaming up another set of stairs to do the same thing. Once that's complete, he finally speaks. LEON Ladies and gentlemen, I am (looks down to his name tag on his suit jacket) Zedor noel? Can we not assign the dyslexics to the name tag department? Imagine the disaster if we ever get a guy named kciD cassI on the show! Regardless, thank you all for joining me for a very special edition of The Love Shack. Mostly special because its the first Love Shack in years to not proceed the previous episode six months later. But its also special because its the first Love Shack in just about ever whose studio audience isn't a bunch of cardboard boxes and work release maximum security prisoners. Although that Nazi war crimes tribunal really dug Popick that one time we had him on here. Leon ventures down one of the seating rows in the middle of the risers, placing himself amongst his people. LEON Guys, there's lots of drama in TV land these days. You can't avoid it no matter what. You've got the writers strike in Hollywood, that's really doing a number on a lot of popular well respected television shows...and HeldDOWN. For real. Production here has ground to a halt, now that there's no one left to rip off every character from early nineties wcw, and late nineties WWF. The guys they got to cross the picket line didn't work so well either. Yeah, took one look at The Beverly Hills Blonds and crossed right back over. New on the lists of demands, the OAOAST updates its calendar to the year 2007. “LEON! LEON! LEON!” the audience sings as the host strikes a kung-fu pose to defend himself against what's likely to be a strong dressing down from the OAOAST front office. LEON What else is going on, lately? Ah, Dog The Bounty Hunter doesn't play well with non-whites. The A&E network tried to say they were shocked and appalled by his use of racist language. I can understand appalled, but shocked? No way. Look at him. When I look at Dog, I see a guy that belongs on the set of Deliverance raping Burt Renoylds with a beer bottle. Every time I watch that show, I can't help but wonder does he dry clean his Grand Wizard robes or does he power wash them? The audience applauds for the host's jabs at the disgraced celebrity, and Leon takes small bows, while his boyish face boasts a sheepish grin. LEON Okay, okay, onto the important things at hand. Last week, ladies and germs, was our first ever Halloween Spectacular. Now, lot's of huge things went down on that fateful Wednesday night. This very segment returned to television sets across the globe, I got a kiss on the cheek from Melody Nerdly, the world title may have changed hands, I don't know I slept through the main event, as I do everything involving Landon Maddix, and The Rockers actually managed to outlast eleven other much more talented tag teams to steal...er, win another run as tag champions. But even more impressive then that, is the fact that my good friend (yeah right!) Krista Isadora Duncan by herself, orchestrated the elimination of five different teams, en route to being the final elimination in the bout. But Krista Isadora Duncan is a singular entity, not one of those crazy indy-hipster mixed up, gender bending tag team names all the kids are going for these days. She was just one woman in a match swarming with tag teams. So the burning question is, where oh where was her tag partner and adorable little girlfriend, Alix Maria Spezia? We're intending on piecing together that puzzle here tonight on The Love Shack! As Leon inexplicably begins dancing up and down the aisle, the audience applauds his determination to provide them with the answers they seek. LEON But if we're really going to solve this mystery properly, then our magnifying glass needs to hit one woman, and one woman only! Alix! But she's not here. So, let's bring out the next breast....best thing, I swear I meant best, please don't shoot Elephant tranquilizers into my balls again, Krista. Emerging from the backstage area is Krista Isadora Duncan, earning a boisterous standing ovation from the crowd. The sleeves of a bright white and red flannel shirt are ruffled up to her elbows, and her legs pour out of a pair of cargo jeans and into spotless white tennis shoes. She wears a red and white headband to match her shirt. After waving to the roaring audience, she takes a seat in her chair, not looking overly thrilled to be here. LEON Krista, thanks for being on the show. And please let me be the first to offer you congrats on your excellent showing in the costume battle royal. KRISTA I'll be sure to file that little nugget of kindness in the blackened abyss where my soul once resided. Thank you, Mister Rodez. LEON You can call me by my first name. KRISTA Or I can call you by your full name, fucking douchebag. LEON Mister Rodez it will be! Krista, do you know why you're here on The Shack de la love? KRISTA Yes. In my previous life my aggressive military actions tailspun the entire free world into a five year war that saw over sixty million people lose their life, and brought every major superpower to the brink of extinction. I also annexed Poland, and without so much as a second thought, deported a good percentage of their citizens to concentration camps for mass executions. I systematically killed somewhere between 11 and 14 million people, including about 6 million Jews, and countless other Catholic and Protestant opponents, homosexuals, Roma, the physically handicapped and mentally retarded, Soviet prisoners of war , Jehovah's Witnesses, anti-Nazi clergy, trade unionists, and psychiatric patients. And I'm here amongst a man who's contribution to the realm of mass communication includes naming his signature moves with such laudable witticisms as “its da boom!”, and “call that bitch bojangles” because I am being punished. LEON A simple “I don't know” could've sufficed, probably. Just a note for next time. KRISTA I have an idea, old friend old pal, why don't we skip the whole back and forth repartee, and go straight to the part where I start banging my head against that brickwall in a futile effort to kill myself? Maybe I'll beat out the tune to Stayin Alive to give it all a nice ironic feel. LEON I..um..no. No. Krista, we have you here today, because we need to know about Alix. I know, you have to be more worried then anyone, but have you at least heard anything from her? KRISTA No, not really. Nothing. We were supposed to take Maya to the circus on Monday, but she was a no show. That's sort of understandable, because, you know, clowns are cruel exaggerations of unfortunate deformities and the pain of their condition is masked only by their grotesque painted smiles. So, right on my sapphic sister. Well, she did text message me on Sunday saying there was a problem at her cookie shop. The monkeys are out of control apparently. LEON Monkeys? She has monkeys in a cookie shop? KRISTA Do you know any other way to create chunky monkey ice cream? They're all potty trained and two of them can read your thoughts. But she hasn't even been answering her cellphone, which is insane because that girl lives on her cell sometimes. The bill I pay goes higher then most countries' gross national product. Sometimes the only way I can get her to make love to me is if I promise to throw in 600 weeknight minutes with every orgasm. But I don't even care about the how or the why, I just want someone to tell me everything is okay. We live in a city swarming with paparazzi, instead of taking fifteen million pictures of Britney Spears' diseased infested crotch, how about one of you find my girlfriend! Leon is distracted for a moment, as a production crew member passes him a note. The words on the paper spark his interest, and his eyebrows raise in curiosity. Krista notices his sudden change in expression. KRISTA What? What's wrong? LEON (tossing the note aside and beaming with excitement) Love Generation, I believe we have lift off! If you're standing up, sit down, if you're sitting down, stand up so you can sit down again, because on my heart and my soul, I promise you that we have someone who can bust this mystery wide open! Person backstage, will you please make yourself at home here in the Love Shack! Bringing forth a reaction of utter disbelief that soon delves into a sickened venom, Mackenzie DeCenzo, outfitted in black jeans and a white tank top, strolls onto the stage. Krista's expression turns depressingly empty, unable to even manage a frown in the face of the shimmering smile Mackenzie directs towards a wrathful audience. Fully ignoring Krista, Mackenzie smugly plops herself into the seat directly next to her. LEON Um, Mackenzie, wow. The audience may not be happy to see you, but those ratings that went sky rocketing through the ceiling, they sure as heck love ya! Striking writers, get the heck out, and stay the heck out, because The Grand Rapids Golden Child got that one man HEAT MACHINE! “LEON! LEON! LEON!” his audience sings. LEON Ah, so welcome to The Love Shack, Mackenzie. No hard feelings about the whole summer long feud with your Enterprise, bygones are bygones, that which does not kill only makes us stronger, takes more muscles to frown then smile. Let's not dilly dally, let's cut right to the point, what do you know about Alix's disappearance? Mackenzie giggles, a simple act that causes a wave of boos to pour from the stands. MACKENZIE Where was Alix on the night of the Halloween Spectacular? Is that what you're asking me, Mister Rodez? That's a question that seems to have vaunted up to the unsolvable status once owned exclusively by “what came first the chicken or the egg” or “what's the meaning of life.” You hop on to the Internet and you're immediately brought under siege by millions of theories on Alix's whereabouts, by the usual lamebrained gossip columnists. The server of every wrestling and entertainment message board we've ever been unlucky enough to visit, is bogged down by thousands of empty headed mongs trying to nail down Alix's whereabouts. Flip on your TV, and the brainless talking heads on E! And TMZ have enough ideas and quips to make this stupid primate look the part of a modern day Voltaire! LEON (solemnly looking towards an audience member) I think she's talking to you.... MACKENZIE This great inquiry is both sad, and hilarious, but mostly futile, because in everyone's efforts to treat this like it was some grand search for Hoffa's body or the Holy Grail, you whacked out conspiracy theorists have neglected a basic truth. LEON And what would that be? MACKENZIE That, Alix is tired of Krista's shit. KRISTA (stunned) What? Mackenzie crosses her legs, and with folded arms leans back in her chair, as she flashes that contemptuous smirk that continues to outrage the audience. MACKENZIE I didn't stutter. You heard exactly what I said. Alix is tired of your shit. You want to know the answer to where Alix was on Halloween Spectacular? Mackenzie rises from her chair, a grace of prideful superiority curls her lips into a smile, and her blue eyes cackle like raging thunderstorms. MACKENZIE You're looking at her. LEON There's ratings, and then there's ratings. And this, Love Generation, is ratings! “FILTHY WHORE! FILTHY WHORE! FILTHY WHORE!” the audience chants towards Mackie. MACKENZIE Hmmm, what a charming assortment of window lickers you've managed to smuggle from the local hospital's psychiatric ward, Mister Rodez. Krista, would you like me to repeat myself, or would you prefer to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart first? Krista looks helpless, like a fragile little girl left at the mercies of a callous switch wielding tormentor. Tears begin glazing over her weary eyes, a whiteness creeps over her once bronze skin, and her bubblegum pink lips quiver with the power of a thousand years of anguish. This doesn't go unnoticed by Leon, who quickly turns concerned at his verbal sparring partner's emotional downfall. LEON Krista, did you hear what she said? KRISTA Yeah, I heard. Please allow me to offer this as a rebuttal. There's no actual rebuttal offered. Only a ferocious cougar like pounce by the alleged jilted lover. She's on Mackenzie with alarming quickness and frightening terror, intent only on shredding her new worst enemy to pieces. The audience delights in Mackenzie's comeuppance, and loudly roots Krista on, as the younger woman shrieks in horror, as she's devoured by the savage Krista. Finally security guards recover from their paralyzing fear of Krista and step into the fray. They remove Krista, who's hair is drenched by sweat, sliding her head band to her neck. Her sleeves are unruffled, and her shirt hangs open now missing all but two of her buttons. Disgusted, fearful, and eager for revenge all at the same time, Mackenzie scrambles back to her seat, seething while she tries to group together the tattered rags of her tank top. “LET KRISTA GO! LET KRISTA GO! LET KRISTA GO!” LEON Against my status as a heterosexual red blooded male, I've got to say, Krista, you have to calm down! Impossible. She bucks wildly against the security guards restraint, flailing her arms towards her growling rival. KRISTA No! No! She's lying! This is a trick! This is one of Moneymaker's tricks! Leon motions to the security guard to set Krista down. Exhausted, by her surge of feral energy, she returns to her seat, and lowers her head in despair. LEON Uh, Krista, well...uh...um...she kind sounds serious to me. KRISTA (lifting her head up) No, no, no! Stop! Don't listen to her! This is all a mistake! MACKENZIE The only mistake here was made twelve years ago, when Alix first fell under your spell. Well, now the spell is broken, and Alix, my Alix, can see you for what you truly are, a cold, heartless, manic depressive, alcoholic monster, who probably can't even remember what ditch she passed out in last night. Day, after, day, Krista, all she thought about was you, and then I came and I tumbled the sky down. I'm a light that's aglow, that's alive. I'm a warm place in her heart. You? You're anger and regret, left shivering and standing in the dark. I've done what you could never do for Alix, I've given her the greatest gift anyone can have, to love and be loved in return. KRISTA That's not true! I've taken care of her... MACKENZIE You what? Yes, you've always paid the bills, supported her with your wealth of cash, and I'll grant you that you even met all her needs. Minus one, the need to be loved. She tells you, she loves you, and you have to look away, because you can't say anything back, without it being a total lie. You live in the same house, and still there are a million miles between your fantasy and her reality. You're cold and indifferent, and her heart was crashing into dust, and you were just letting it fade away. You want to control Alix, own like a pet. All, I want to do is make her realize that she is nothing less then the most wonderful person to ever set foot on any planet in any solar system. LEON How did you and Alix even get together? MACKENZIE It was only a month ago. Alix drove all the way to my apartment complex in Manhattan Beach to come see me. I had to rush down the stairs and meet her at the front door, because the doorman called and told me she was on the floor, bawling her eyes out. I had to pick her up off the ground, and carry her in my arms up the steps to my apartment, so I could put the pieces of her back together, pieces that this woman destroyed because she is incapable of caring about anyone past the person looking back at her in the mirror. So if you want to chant filthy whore to me, then fuck you, because I love her like no one else can. This isn't a trick, a gimmick, or your usual wrestling bullshit, this is me loving Alix Maria Spezia today, tomorrow and forever. Wherever she goes, whatever shes says, I can do nothing but love her with every inch of my heart. When she kisses me I feel tremors in the back of my knee. My synapses fire orders “move your arms, your legs, do something, she's the girl of your dreams, she's your one and only.” And I know she's the one because the smell of her makes my head swim, I get a physical joly when ever she looks at me. She touches me in one place and I feel it everywhere. I touch her anywhere and I feel it for days. I just want to love her the way she deserves to be loved. Like a queen. Leon is passed another card from a production crew member. The words on this one, nearly cripple him with their exciting possibilities. LEON (reading the card) Neptune's Trousers! Mackenzie, just dropped the bomb on Hiroshima, and now it looks like someone's heading straight for Nagaski. Alix Maria Sepzia, make yourself at home at the Love Shack! An interesting mixture of cheers and boos greets Alix, as the brunette, in a black fleece that reads “NEW YORK” and heavily destroyed jeans somberly walks onto the set. The reaction of her two warring lovers is decidedly positive, however, as they both cast tender smiles towards her. Krista rushes to meet at her at the entry way to the stage, and sinks down to her knees, passing along a pleading stare towards her girlfriend. KRISTA Oh, Alix! ALIX Uh, Krista... KRISTA Wait, you're not calling me Krissy like you always do. ALIX I don't want to call you Krissy. I just want to tell you something. I..I..I..uh...um...I'm a huge Clippers fan! You know the money we were gonna donate to war orphans? I used it to buy coke, then sold that coke to the war orphans at triple the price so I could buy Clippers season tickets. There! LEON Alix.... ALIX I dropped the your toothbrush in the toilet without telling you? I really hate America's Got Talent? If by talent you mean corporate greed, crappy health care, and terrible reality television, then yeah, we got that coming out of David Hasselhoff's ass. Uh, last Halloween I stuffed notes that read “JESUS H8s ISLAM” and various other radical right wing propaganda into every packet of skittles? No one is buying Alix's lies, and the steady murmur of annoyance among the crowd increases the pressure on her. MACKENZIE Don't be afraid, baby. I'm here. Alix takes a deep breath and nods. ALIX Is it hot in here or is it just the fact that I'm about to be the cause of my girlfriend's suicide? I don't know what to say. KRISTA “No.” “She's lying.” “Let's force her to dry hump a corpse inside a septic tank AKA have sex with Johnny Depp, then let's throw her off a cliff into a pile of AIDS filed syringes, dip her in flesh rotting acid, and if she manages to survive that, toss her into a hot tub overflowing with starving barracudas.” These would be all be excellent conversation starters. LEON I think the local pet shop closes at eight so its a no go on those barracudas. Why don't we start with the truth, Alix? I think that might be good idea. Alix's face flames with anger at Leon's exacerbation of the situation. ALIX Hey, shut up, if I wanted to be fake lectured for thirty minutes, I would've gone on Judge Judy. At least she's hot, and at least she has a reason for her high estrogen count. MACKENZIE Don't get mad, baby. Just, let it come out. I know you can. Suddenly, Alix's typically bombastic and bubbly voice morphs into a low, serious one, emerging as barely more then a faint whisper. ALIX The truth is, uh, yeah, I guess...um, god this sucks....uh....I'm lo..in...love with uh, uh Mackenzie. I'm in love with Mackenzie. I'm in love with Mackenzie. I'm in love with Mackenzie! There, alright, there, there's your truth. I'm in love with Mackenzie. New tears start down Krista's cheeks, but they don't matter, no one could have enough tears for this. KRISTA No you're not! You're confused, Alix! You're confused. She's poisoned you. We can't lose each other. You belong with me. ALIX I've been running away from you, Krista, and I didn't want to face you like this. I didn't know how to face the fact that I loved her more then you. I've been so scared . But Mackenzie, with her all these walls disappear, and she makes me feel stronger, like I'm important, like I can finally do things on my own, that I don't have to depend on somebody. Somebody like you. And I'm rambling but I'm so sorry, Krista, you know I am. I never wanna hurt you, I never meant to make you cry... Her sobbing face sags into Alix's stomach, and her body suffers through fits of violent trembling. Mackenzie, strangely, doesn't look overly concerned with Krista's outpouring of emotion. KRISTA Then don't! Please, god, don't do this! Please! ALIX Krista, I don't have a choice anymore. God, I don't wanna make you, like, feel bad, but you did this to me. I feel like our world is crumbling on national television, and its all because of you. I can't even really pretend that you'll change, because I don't have the tears left to cry when you disappoint me. I'm all cried out, Krista. For twelve freaking years, you have had me tethered and chained. I could just hear your name, and its like I'd faint. Twelve years ago, you took me over , all you had to do was look at me, and you could touch me in the most purest and beautiful ways I ever known. Twelve years, Krista, do you how much I have adored you? Worshiped you? Lived to hear your every word, and see your every smile. And, like, just...all I ever wanted in return was for you to give me back even a quarter of the affection I gave you. Horror squeezes Krista's voice down to a whisper. KRISTA Please stop.....Alix. I can't stand it. Why are you doing this to us? Why? Alix isn't listening to her, too afraid to stop speaking before tears explode through her eyes. Her voice drops another octave, going colder then the chills that spread down the base of Krista's spine. She sounds as though she's become a totally different woman, far removed from the beautiful girl Krista loved. ALIX There is so much effort, wasted effort, stupid gestures, totally ridiculous things, that I've done, and every single one of them I did it for you. I've blown through asshole boyfriends...present company excluded, stayed by your side through every one of your rehab trips, loved your daughter like I gave birth to her myself, been your perfect girlfriend, so you can be the perfect lesbian celebrity and I honestly, don't what I have to show for it, except a decaying empty emotional void. Tears brim again, this time on both their faces. To their left, Mackenzie watches with the calm precession that makes it look like everything is going according to plan. KRISTA Alix, please...I....I....don't..why.....you're breaking my heart. ALIX (steeling herself with anger) I'm breaking your heart? Well, that's too bad because you've already broken mine. Trembling, shaking her head, Krista's eyes look at Alix with one last gaze of desperate hope. KRISTA (voice exploding with the power of volcanoes) Look me in the eyes and you tell me you don't love me! ALIX No! You look me in the eyes, and you tell me you do love me, and if you can really do that, we can runaway, and we can leave the world behind, and we can die and peace and finally rest. But you can't do that, Krista! Because you've never ever said those words to me, and that's all I wanted! Its not your money, your intelligence, or your looks I was after. All I've been dying to hear is “I love you, Alix.” Four words, none of them more then a single syllable. You say I love you to your cat, your dog, even your hairstylist. But not to the woman who would go to the end of time with you. Its too late now. I don't wanna be your babygirl anymore, Krista. I just want what's best for me, and what's best for me is Mackenzie. The ground, the world, falls away beneath Krista, and she sinks away, joined by tears and brutal sobbing that seems as if it will last an eternity. Agony roots Alix above Krista's spiritless body, where she lays limp and broken in the smoky dusk of a love destroyed. An open mouthed Leon stands weakly, strangled by the violent shock that he played unwitting MC to the demise of Alix and Krista's relationship. Alix stumbles over her emotionally destroyed ex-girlfriend and into her new lover's arms. Her eyes are raw and numb, her selfcontrol all but shattered, and she cries from the relentless mind shredding dread. Her whole body shakes, and she floods with fresh tears. Mackenzie strokes her hair gently, and her lips stay warm and tender on her forehead. MACKENZIE Shhh...shh...don't cry, baby. Its alright, its okay. Everything is fine now. Everything is fine. We cut back to an image of Leon Rodez, standing amongst a shell shocked crowd, that are having as difficult a time regaining their composure as he. LEON Um, I guess that's it. Yeah, that's it. Unless, you guys have another one of those cards, hopefully one that says “Gotcha!” No? Okay. Another happy ending on The Love Shack, eh. Goodnight, everybody. The joyless host retreats up the stairs, desperate to escape the murky cloud thats fallen over his usual lighthearted show. Marvin Gaye's rendition of Stand By Me plays, as the logo of The Love Shack is superimposed over the image of the crowd, faintly clapping after the disaster they just witnessed. If the sky that we look upon Should tumble and fall Or the mountain should crumble to the sea I won't cry, I won't cry No I won't shed a tear Just as long as you stand, stand by me And darlin' darlin' stand by me Oh stand by me Whoa stand now, stand by me, stand by me Darlin' darlin' stand by me Oh stand by me Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me Oh stand by me Whoa stand now, oh stand, stand by me FADE OUT Edited November 9, 2007 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
