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Patty O'Green

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 8/12/04

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OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

 

“I Like” plays and we see the opening video. Then we’re taken to the LOGO

 

ultimatelogohd.jpg

 

BOOM! BAAAAM! KAPOW! That’s the sound of the pyro exploding across the arena. Once that little display clears up, we’re taken to Triple C!

 

COLE

What’s up world! Welcome to another exciting edition of HeldDOWN, live from Vancouver, British Columbia! I’m Michael Cole, joined by Caboose and da Coach~!

 

COACH

That show is gonna be kickin! We’re coming atcha from my homegirl’s home town and I know she gots something to say! Plus the newly crowned tag team champs are gonna defend their title against the Saints, and 24/7 champion Chris Stevens makes his first title defense against the ex champ, Hoff!

 

CABOOSE

Before we go to our first match, I want to commend the Board of Directors on a job well done in banning Sly Sommers from the building tonight after his malicious attack on Calvin Szechstein last week on this program.

 

COLE

The S.O.B. nearly cost him his vocal abilities permanently and has been the source of his life being a living hell for months now! What did you expect?

 

COACH

On this note, we can announce that the Barbed Wire Pergatory, with the ring ropes replaced by barbed wire, almost everything at ringside wrapped in barbed wire, etcetra and such, has been given the green light, as Sly and Calvin will fight in this first-ever match at Angleslam on August 29th.

 

COLE

Also, since the ban on Sly might not have been the fairest, the Board of Directors is "making it up" in a way, as they've booked for next week: Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstein versus Crystal and Sly Sommers! But, it has an added twist...the losing team must fight each other on this show on the HeldDOWN~! before Angleslam, just two weeks from now!

 

CABOOSE

Though I know my boys will win this one, I think it's a bit unfair just in case they gets screwed over, that they would have to fight each other on the week of two of the biggest matches of the summer, eh?

 

COACH

Shut up, you whiny baby.

 

COLE

Anyway...up next on HeldDOWN~! is the debut of the second-newest OAOAST tag team, as SB87...I mean Sean Bryant, split off from the Rave and Assault Squad in a rather dubious way last week, after all three lost to X Champion Rick Edwards in the first-ever Daredevil's Delight match at License To Pin.

 

COACH

To add to that, he then debuted his new partner, one of the brightest young athletes to come out of the Great White North in a long time, "The Grappler" Alex Bryant, who is also Sean's cousin. Tonight, these two will debut as a team. Let's go to the ring to see what they got!

 

"Bully" starts up, and Sean Bryant bolts out of the entrance, telling off the fans as he bounces around. Alex Bryant follows, stone-faced and tightening his wrist tape.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a fifteen-minute time limit. Introducing first, from Windsor, Ontario...weighing in at a combined weight of 356 pounds...they are "The Assault" Sean Bryant and "The Grappler" Alex Bryant...The Bryant Cousins!

 

COLE

These two are the definition of "opposite": Sean is one of the flashiest wrestlers I've ever seen, with a load of cockiness to boot, and his cousin Alex is a cold, emotionless technical wizard!

 

BUFFER

Their opponents...already in the ring, at a combined weight of 430 pounds...the team of Tom Goran and Mike Hunt!

 

*DING**DING*

 

COLE

The word going around the locker room is that not only are the Bryants angry at the Rave and Assault Squad duo of Mikey and Nate Tethers, but they're also upset with Frank and Frankie Frankensteiner for "trying to upstage their debut", according to Sean earlier today.

 

Alex Bryant starts off with Tom Goran. They circle the ring before going into a collar-and-elbow tie-up. They struggle in mid-ring for a few seconds before Bryant places his leg behind Tom's and sends him down with a front takedown. Bryant immediately repositions himself and locks in a side headlock on the mat. Goran can't get his head out, so he lifts his legs and brings Alex over with a side headscissors. But, Bryant knew it was coming and is able to roll backwards and onto his feet for the escape, keeping ahold of one of Goran's legs and locking in a half-crab. Goran is able to reach out and grab the bottom rope a few seconds after.

 

COACH

You can tell that Alex Bryant studies his tapes, based on how fast he was able to use that unique counter to the side headscissors.

 

Alex lets go soon after the referee orders him to break the hold. He allows Goran time to get to his feet without any interference. Both men circle around the middle of the ring again, before slowly going into a Greco-Roman knucklelock. Alex then wrenches Goran's fingers upwards as he lowers the hands. Bryant teases a headbutt, which lowers Goran's guard enough for Alex to let go of his hands and nail a double-leg takedown.

 

COLE

You don't see that every day.

 

Bryant immediately drops down and locks in a legbar. Goran tries to spin out of it, but Alex holds on throughout the entire rotation. So, Goran scoots back a little and grabs the bottom rope once again. Bryant again lets Goran have a clean break as he comes off of the mat.

 

CABOOSE

You know, this is some nice sportsmanship...

 

COLE

I would usually agree with a comment like that, but it's almost obvious that Alex Bryant is getting into Tom Goran's head and telling him that he can end the match at any time.

 

Goran shakes off his leg for a second before charging at Bryant with a punch. But, Alex ducks the punch and scores with a rear waistlock. Alex cranks in for a second before sliding under Goran's arm and pivot-stepping his way into locking in a cravate. Bryant cranks down on it as Goran screams in pain. He then switches arms and brings Goran down with a snapmare. Alex locks in a Dragon Sleeper while standing.

 

COACH

We all know that Tom Goran isn't exactly the most feared competitor, but this showing off bit has to stop.

 

Alex cranks in for a second before turning Goran around into a kneeling front facelock. Alex pulls him up using the front facelock and transitions into a reverse hammerlock. He uses that to bring Goran over with an inverted crucifix pin...

 

1..

2..

Kickout.

 

Bryant quickly rises to his feet as Goran rolls to a kneeling position, and brings Tom over with an Oklahoma Roll...

 

1...

2...

Kickout.

 

Both competitors come back to their feet, and Goran kicks Bryant in the stomach. Goran goes for a neckbreaker, but Alex slips his head out and rolls himself forward as he grabs onto Goran, and brings him down with a sunset flip...

 

1..

2...

Kickout.

 

Both men come to their feet and Goran charges at Alex. But, Bryant drops Goran face-first on the bottom turnbuckle with a drop toe hold. Alex then grabs both of Goran's arms and pulls up on them a bit. He then kicks Goran in the back of the head and sends him face-first into the bottom turnbuckle again. Alex pulls Goran to his feet, and literally rolls him to the Bryant corner. Alex tags in Sean.

 

CABOOSE

It's about to get a whole lot flippier in this mother'!

 

Alex pulls Goran up and sends him stomach-first into the corner. Sean charges at Goran, leaps, and brings him over and down with a reverse monkey flip. Goran flips sideways onto his back upon impact, as Alex goes to the corner and Sean comes off of the ropes. Sean nails a running swanton, and rolls onto his feet immediately to jump onto the second rope and nail a Lionsault senton variation!

 

COLE

You weren't lying there, were you Caboose?

 

Goran stumbles to his feet after Sean finishes grabbing his nuts to somehow disrespect Goran and his partner, Mike Hunt. Sean charges at Goran, hops on him in wheelbarrow fashion, and brings himself over with an inverted Asai DDT. Sean climbs to the second rope in a neutral corner, and nails an incredible corkscrew moonsault (Skytwister Press). Sean goes for the cover...

 

1...

2...

Kickout.

 

Sean pulls Goran up and forearms him in the upper back region to bend him over. Sean then leaps onto Goran's back, and rolls back into an inverted hurricanrana. Sean makes sure that Goran stays down, and then nails a standing tumbleweed (moonsault flip twisted into legdrop). Bryant gets up and starts taunting the crowd. That gives time for Goran to stumble to his feet. Sean turns around and charges at Goran, and Goran gets under him to backdrop him over the top rope. But, Sean lands on his feet on the apron, and springboards onto the top rope to nail an incredible moonsault version of the flying headscissors!

 

COACH

That's one for the record books!

 

Sean pulls Goran up after that, and sends him off to the ropes. Sean comes off of the ropes to Goran's left, and they meet in mid-ring for Sean to nail an incredible satellite headscissors (Sean rotates around Goran's entire body before bringing him down). Goran goes to one knee in a stunned state, and Sean runs at him to nail a shining wizard. Goran ducks the knee on instinct, but Bryant comes back around with an inverted enziguri to the back of the head to knock him down.

 

COLE

I just want to see this guy hit anything normally, just ANYTHING!

 

Sean grabs Goran's arm, twists around it, and brings him over for a La Magistral cradle...

 

1...

2...

Kickout.

 

Sean keeps ahold of Goran by the ankle as he tags his cousin Alex back in. Alex and Sean pull Goran back up, and Alex sends him off to the ropes. Sean nails a jumping heel kick, and is able to backflip and land on his feet. Alex then crosses Goran's legs around his and turns him over into a Sharpshooter. Sean then nails a standing flipping legdrop to finish the sequence.

 

COACH

You can tell they're family, as most first-time teams couldn't nail that series of moves period, let alone that seemlessly.

 

Alex lets go and readjusts his wrist tape, as Sean goes back to the corner. Alex pulls Goran up and whips him off to the ropes. Alex brings Goran over with a big overhead suplex, which he then rolls over into a front choke submission. Alex yells something at Mike Hunt that infuriates him. Alex stays concentrated and near-emotionless, as his cousin cackles in the corner. Alex comes to his feet as he switches his grip from around the neck to a butterfly hook, and brings Goran over with a cradle butterfly suplex!

 

CABOOSE

Don't tell Tom Goran that butterflies are harmless!

 

Alex sits Goran up and crosses his arms around his throat. He turns Goran over and sits down with a straitjacket camel clutch. Bryant headbutts the back of Goran's head a couple of times before coming to his feet and pulling Goran up, all while keeping him in straitjacket position. Alex then shows off his deceptive strength by nailing a brutal overhead straitjacket suplex!

 

COLE

I wish the Bryants would stop showing off with some of this stuff that's making no sense within any strategy, and just go for the kill.

 

Alex pulls Goran up slowly by the hair, and then brings him over with a snap butterfly suplex. Bryant rolls through and applies a painful butterfly lock out of that position. Goran screams as Alex applies the hold in deeper. Tom starts wiggling his fingers in the air, and waving his hand to get the crowd behind him. The crowd claps in rhythm as he slowly rises to his feet. Alex tries to apply the hold tighter, but ends up trying to go too tight, as he slips and Goran escapes. Goran runs and comes off of the ropes. But, he runs into one hell of a stiff Yakuza kick!

 

COACH

Tom Goran's head just landed in the fourth row!

 

CABOOSE

It'll sell for $23 on eBay.

 

Alex pulls up a dazed Goran once again, hooks his arms, and nails a sick butterfly brainbuster. Alex keeps ahold of Goran by the hair, and tags his cousin Sean in once again. Alex pulls Goran up and lifts him over his shoulder ala the Awesomebomb, as Sean goes up top. Sean then launches off and nails a 450 splash, as Alex drops him with the power bomb!

 

COLE

Can't say that one's been done in an OAOAST ring either!

 

However, Sean shows some inexperience as he goes up top again instead of immediately going for the pin. He yells out "End, bitch!" for some reason before nailing a corkscrew senton (ala AJ Styles's Spiral Tap). Sean again refuses to go for the cover, as he rolls to his feet and comes off of the ropes before nailing a beautiful running 450 splash!

 

COACH

I swore we banned moon boots...

 

Sean finally goes for the cover...

 

1...

2...

 

Goran gets his foot on the bottom rope. Sean pulls Goran up by the arm while arguing with the referee, and flips the official off. Sean grabs onto the top rope with his free hand, and then does a 619 in between the ropes, coming back around with an incredible piledriver version of the flying headscissors to drive Goran head-first into the mat!

 

CABOOSE

Tom Goran's kids, Daddy might not come home tonight!

 

The crowd erupts, as even Sean's cousin Alex can't believe what his cousin just did. Sean shakes the cobwebs off for a second before going for the cover...

 

1...

 

2...

 

Goran once again gets his foot on the bottom rope! Sean pounds the mat in frustration before pulling Goran up. He snapmares Goran, and kicks him hard in the chest to keep him lying down. Sean points to the sky before climbing the ropes. Sean takes a deep breath while standing atop the top rope, and launches off...and Goran moves away from the 630 Senton attempt!

 

COLE

That was a critical slip-up!

 

Sean winces in pain after landing hard on the canvas. Both men shake off their cobwebs before slowly crawling towards their corners. Goran reaches out for the tag, with three mullet-wearing contest winners of some sort in the front row (it's not like they could actually afford those seats) cheering him on. But, Sean gets the tag in to his cousin Alex first. Alex darts across the ring and dives onto Goran before a tag could be made. Alex lifts Goran off of the mat with a waistlock, and tosses him backwards onto his neck with a release German suplex!

 

COACH

That's just plain cruel!

 

Goran ends up rolling into a kneeling position, obviously out on his knees, as Alex immediately pulls him up. He lifts Goran and drops him on his head with a dangerous brainbuster! Alex gets up and pulls Goran off of the mat in reverse DDT fashion. Alex lifts Goran off of the mat and nails a lifting reverse spinning neckbreaker! Alex pulls Goran up once again and puts him on his shoulders. He looks to be going for an F-U before converting it into a sick brainbuster variation!

 

COLE

C'mon, enough's enough!

 

Bryant pulls Goran up again instead of going for the cover, obviously wanting to finish him off for sure. He lifts Goran up, and drops him on his neck with a sick high-angle powerbomb! Alex tags in Sean, and they both pull Tom Goran up to whip him off to the ropes. Alex then connects with a stiff lariat that causes Goran to flip and land stomach-first on the mat. Alex turns Goran over as Sean goes up top. Sean crosses himself before nailing an incredible moonsault senton!

 

CABOOSE

That is one incredible move!

 

COLE

Then why won't he cover the man with it?!?!

 

Alex then charges at the enemy corner and knocks Mike Hunt off of the apron with a high knee. Sean pulls Goran up, and gives him to Alex, who hooks Goran's arms and drops him on his head with a Tiger suplex! He holds on and switches to a half chicken wing/half nelson arm hook combo, dropping him on his head with an overhead suplex with that arm hook! Alex once again rises while keeping ahold of Goran, and switches to a full nelson before nailing a release Dragon suplex!

 

COACH

I think he's out!

 

CABOOSE

I KNOW he's out! But, I also know that the Bryants are sending a message to all other teams that they're for real!

 

Alex pulls an unconcious Goran off of the mat and twists his legs up while hooking his head. Alex lifts, and drops Goran on his head with the Border City Driver (cross-legged fisherman's Michinoku Driver)! Alex teases going for the pin before shaking his finger. Alex points to the top rope, and that's exactly where Sean goes. He quickly perches himself up top before nailing his patented Roofie (Phoenix 630)!

 

CABOOSE

That's the hottest move in this fed today!

 

Alex turns Goran over on his stomach, and locks in the Border City Stretch (crossface with the usually-tucked-between-legs arms folded behind the applier's back as he pulls on the neck and jaw)! Goran's unconcious, and the referee realizes it, as he calls for the bell and ends the match!

 

BUFFER

Your winners of the contest, Alex and Sean Bryant!

 

Alex refuses to let go of the Border City Stretch, even after the bell...

 

COLE

Can we get some help out here?

 

Sean just stands around, laughing at what's going on. Mike Hunt tries to save, but gets a 360-degree rotation spinning wheel kick from Sean for his troubles. This continues to happen until Nate and Mikey Tethers, formerly of the Rave and Assault Squad with Sean, charge angrily to the ring. Alex lets go of the Border City Stretch as both Bryants run away into the crowd! The Tetherses follow, and the camera loses track of the situation!

 

COACH

Thank goodness for the Tethers Brothers...

 

COLE

The chase is on between the two teams, but I think we got something else going on backstage...

 

(CUT TO....)

 

We cut to a shot of the parking lot, outside the building. A black luxury car pulls up in front of the door. Out of the backseat steps first Candie, and then, to a chorus of boos from the Vancouver crowd, the World Champion, Zack Malibu. Calvin Szechstein steps out of the passenger side, and out of the driver's side door steps the former 24/7 champion, Hoff.

 

COLE

An icy Canadian reception for the Thrillogy tonight!

 

CABOOSE

Clever, Cole. You been waiting all night to use that one?

 

A parking lot attendant runs up to Hoff to reprimand him for leaving the car in the middle of the lot. Hoff shoves the man to to the ground with one hand, drawing the ire of the fans once more. Zack motions for the group to go, and they head for the door before it opens suddenly, and Josh Matthews steps out.

 

CABOOSE

"Scoop" Matthews is on the scene, hooray.

 

Josh approaches Zack and Candie, but the champ simply brushes past him and walks into the arena. Josh approaches Calvin, but before either man can speak, Hoff steps up and takes the microphone out of Matthew's hands.

 

HOFF

Chris Stevens.

 

The crowd goes BANANA!

 

HOFF

You took something that belongs to me, you son of a bitch. You stole it, you and that big bastard Gunner, but I'm going to have it back...tonight. And THAT is a promise.

 

Hoff thrusts the mic back at Matthews, who almost drops it as Hoff storms away and into the building. As Matthews recovers, Calvin leans in and takes the mic.

 

CALVIN

Josh, buddy...might be a wise move to stay out of our way tonight.

 

JOSH

But what about Sly--

 

CALVIN

Ah ah ah! I'll deal with Sly. You make sure we've got plenty of bottled water in our dressing room.

 

JOSH

But I'm--

 

CALVIN

Just do it.

 

Cal gives Matthews a condescending pat on the cheek, then walks away, rolling his eyes in disgust.

 

COACH

The Thrillogy is here, and they do not seem to be in good cheer!

 

COLE

Maybe not, but I know someone who is: Jackie Gayda! And she's with our NEW 24/7 Champion, Chris Stevens! Jackie, you there?

 

The cameras cut to a shot backstage, where Jackie is standing next to a smiling Chris Stevens, 24/7 belt over his shoulder. The fans go NUT!

 

JACKIE

Thanks, guys! So, Chris, first of all, congratulations on your big win over Hoff last week!

 

Stevens looks down and chuckles as a "Stevens" chant rumbles through the audience.

 

STEVENS

Jackie, last week was nothing. Last week was simply good timing. I mean, I just happened to be in the right place when big bad Gunner speared that punk out of his boots. I won't lie; I was a lucky man last week.

 

JACKIE

Well, lucky or not, you won that 24/7 Title from Hoff in dramatic fashion, and people have really been talking about you!

 

STEVENS

I guess it's true that there is no such thing as bad press, but, let me make one thing clear. Chris Stevens has never been about talk. I'm all about action. And that's why, I'm making a solemn vow to defend this belt each and every week against the best this company has to offer. The words "fighting champion" have never met someone like me. I'll redefine the term. And this week...I start with one of the biggest and baddest.

 

JACKIE

Indeed, you have agreed to defend your newly-won belt against the man you beat last week, Hoff! Why are you so eager to give him a rematch?

 

STEVENS

Well Jackie, everyone knows that Hoff and I have...a past.

 

Stevens pauses, appearing to reflect on something.

 

STEVENS

But this isn't about that. The bottom line is this: I won this belt with help. If I'm going to be a true champion, I want to do it on my own. That's why I'm giving Hoff his rematch. After this week, no one can say I didn't earn it, because I am going to take that mother *BLEEP* apart.

 

JACKIE

Well, we'll certainly see what you can do here tonight, and I wish you the best of luck. But, I've got to ask you, what is the deal between you and Hoff? We know you both worked together before, but--

 

STEVENS

Listen. Last week, I was pissed. I was sick of hearing that lousy oaf run his damn mouth. He stole the title in the first place, and he wouldn't be anything without those friends of his. So I called him on it. I gave Hoff a reminder of who he is, and of who I am. That's all. You want a better story? Find it yourself, because like I said...

 

Stevens looks down at his belt, patting it with a free hand.

 

STEVENS

...I'm through talking.

 

Stevens walks off as Jackie smiles.

 

JACKIE

Well, there you have it, boys. Back to you!

 

*cut to Sofa Central*

 

COLE

There you have it, indeed. Stevens is focused, he's not worried about the past! Hoff looks irate! What a main event this is going to be! Fans, if you've just joined us, let me repeat. Tonight, in our main event, Chris Stevens will defend his 24/7 Title against Hoff!

 

CABOOSE

I have to admit, Stevens looks pretty focused, but I wish we had a little more to the story here! I mean, what happened between these two? They really seem to hate each other!

 

COACH

Well, I did a little reporting--

 

COLE AND CABOOSE

YOU?!

 

COACH

I know, isn't it weird? Anyway, yeah, I did a little digging and here's what I found.

 

COLE

Do tell.

 

COACH

Well, as we know from last week, Hoff and Stevens worked together in Minnesota. Turns out they were both in a promotion called "Northern Pro Wrestling."

 

COLE

Right, we heard Stevens reference that league last week!

 

COACH

Right. Well, get this. Chris Stevens was the longest-running champion in their HISTORY, until a certain someone showed up on the scene.

 

COLE

Frankie Muniz?

 

Caboose slaps Cole upside 'da head.

 

COACH

When Hoff got there, he shot right to the top. He went through everyone, and he eventually beat Chris Stevens for their title!

 

COLE

Oh, my!

 

COACH

Right, but then Stevens came back and beat Hoff! And not just once...a bunch!

 

COLE

...But then why would Stevens be so angry with Hoff?

 

COACH

Well, see, that's where things get interesting. Somehow, someway or another, Hoff got the title back. But when I asked anyone about that, no one would tell me a thing!

 

COLE

What?

 

COACH

It's the damndest thing. It's like some government cover-up!

 

COLE

Wow!

 

COACH

Yeah, but THEN it gets even weirder! I went through their old tapes--

 

CABOOSE

You watched film?!

 

COACH

Yeah!

 

CABOOSE

Wow. This is a LOT more useful than you usually are. I'm impressed.

 

COACH

Awww, I lub you too Boo-boo!

 

CABOOSE

I'll kill you.

 

COLE

Guys! Coach, what did you see on the tapes?

 

COACH

Well. About three years ago, Hoff suddenly...disappeared.

 

COLE

What?!

 

COACH

Vacated the title and left. There was a tourney to crown a new champion, of course...but no one even mentioned Hoff after that. Or Chris Stevens, for that matter.

 

COLE

Weird....

 

COACH

Yep. And after that, all I know is that Hoff and Stevens both ended up in Japan's Pro Wrestling NOAH...

 

CABOOSE

They worked in NOAH? Damn.

 

COACH

And then they ended up here.

 

COLE

Wow. Well, there's a little light, thanks to our own Jonathan Coachman!

 

COACH

Does this mean I'm not your guys' bitch anymore?

 

CABOOSE

No, you're still the bitch.

 

COACH

Aww...

 

COLE

Well, we'll try to get more info on all of this, but let's not forget about tonight! The here and now! Hoff vs. Stevens for the 24/7 Title, plus a whole lot more, so stay tuned!!

 

(Go to break)

 

(Return from break)

 

(We go backstage to a woman’s locker room where Alix Spezia is sitting in a chair and resting her head against the wall. Her peaceful moment is interrupted by her arch rival, Candie. Candie rushes over towards Alix and immediately puts her arm around her shoulder. It’s an odd display of compassion from wrestling’s meanest woman.)

 

CANDIE

Alix, you poor dear! Auntie Candie is here! You poor poor little girl.

 

ALIX

Huh? Get away from me! What’s going on? What are you talking about?

 

CANDIE

Your rock star boyfriend? What’s his name? Slice? Sytch? Syd?

 

ALIX

Synth! (Alix goes into panic mode) Is he okay? Did something happen to him? He’s not my boyfriend! But is he okay?

 

CANDIE (gently rubbing her hand against Alix’s cheek)

You poor baby. Poor innocent Alix. I debated with Zack for hours on whether I should let you hear this...but.....maybe he’s right. Maybe we have done enough to you......

 

(Candie walks away from Alix. She expects Alix’s curiosity to get the better of her and call her back. Alix does not disappoint.)

 

ALIX

Candie, let me hear what?

 

(Candie sighs comically, pretending that the information she has for Alix weighs heavily on her heart.)

 

CANDIE

I..Well....I’m not....It’s nothing. It’s nothing. Don’t worry yourself.

 

ALIX

It has to be something! You don’t debate for hours with Zack over nothing. If it’s about Synth...well, I don’t really have a right to know about it, but I’d really like to know.

 

CANDIE

Okay. (Candie nods her head solemnly) I’ll let you hear it. But only because Auntie Candie cares so much about you. (Alix rolls her eyes). Sylk and I were talking a couple of days ago, and I know this is wrong so if you want to get mad at me then you should feel free, but I decided to tape our conversation in case he said something that you’d find important. And I think he did.

 

(Candie takes out a tape recorder and presses play. The tape is a little grainy and there’s a lot of voices in the background, mixed with some contemporary music. It’s obvious this wasn’t recorded at an arena.)

 

CANDIE

Alix seems to really be into you. She’s pretty, isn’t she.

 

SYNTH

Eh.....

 

CANDIE

Eh?

 

SYNTH

She’s cute and all, but so is a puppy. So is a friggin Care Bear and Synth ain’t trying to hook up with one of them cloud hoping muthafuckers. Synth seen four year old dudes wit’ bigger tits then Alix! C’mon, man! HAHHAHAHAHA!

 

CANDIE

What would you prefer she look like?

 

(There’s a pause in the talking as we hear the sound of someone (probably Synth) drink something.)

 

SYNTH

Shit, dunno. Long legs, heavy tan, boobs the size of watermelons, big booty, blonde hair...

 

CANDIE

Sounds like you’re talking about, I don’t know.....Krista?

 

SYNTH

Krista? Shit yeah. Krista don’t even know! Synth’d get Krispy Kreme on that ass. She’s smoking n’ Synth ain’t jokin’, man! That’s the Synthmaster’s kind of woman, man. I got dick for days, she got ass for weeks. Krista puts Alix to shame. HAAHAHAAHAA! Maybe Alix can hold the Synth-o-nator over until he and Krista can start makin’ babies.

 

CANDIE

What happens to Alix when you get with Krista?

 

SYNTH

Who gives a shit, eh? Bitch gets dismissed. Adios hombre, schools out for da summer. What does Synth care what happens? Ain’t his problem. Hey, ya wanna get up n’ dance or what?

 

CANDIE

In a minute, hon. I’d love to talk about Alix some more, okay. She’s got a sweet personality, doesn’t she. Everyone says she so nice.

 

SYNTH

Aw yeah, she’s cool and all, but the girl’s got more baggage then a Louis Vuitton factory! HAHAHHAAHAHA! She’s damaged goods, man. Throw her ass in the bargain bin, for real. Can I get another drink?

 

(Thinking that she’s done enough damage to Alix’s fragile emotional state, Candie stops the tape.)

 

ALIX

He...really....that’s....really...him?

 

CANDIE (pretending to choke back empathic tears)

Yes.

 

ALIX

Okay.

 

(Alix tries to put on a “tough face”, but it just doesn’t work.)

 

ALIX

He told me I had a nice voice....

 

CANDIE

Alix, he was like a ten year old who spins tall tales to get attention, he didn’t mean it. You have a terrible voice, sweetie. It sounds like your vocal chords were put through a paper shredder.

 

ALIX

He said he liked my tattoo.....

 

CANDIE

That thing is real? I thought it was a press on you got out of a Cracker Jack box!

 

ALIX

No body will ever love me...

 

CANDIE

Alix, that’s so far from the truth it’s not even funny. I have the perfect man for you! He’s Zack’s cousin! He’s a tiny bit slow, he’s missing a couple of teeth, and plenty of hair, and he smells kinda funky because he doesn’t always wash underneath all the rolls of fat he has. But....and this is a big but....he’s a moderator of an internet wrestling message board! He can lock topics on a whim and ban people whenever he wants! If you give it up on the first date, he may ban someone just for you! How awesome is that?

 

(Alix breaks down into tears. Candie relishes seeing her rival in such a broken state)

 

CANDIE

Basically, this is the second time you’ve been cast aside in favor of a tall leggy blonde. You can’t grow any more, but have you considered a dye job? If not for your love life then for your career! Have you taken a look around lately? Me, Krista, Crystal; all blondes. You’re the only short haired brunette. You think there might be a reason for that?

 

(Candie leaves the tape recorder on Alix’s lap. She exits the room, leaving Alix to sulk.)

 

(Go to break)

Edited by Patty O'Green

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(Return from break)

 

"They won't be able to take comfort in knowing they put on a helluva match. It's the titles or bust. There's no positives if you don't win this match." -- "Cowboy" Bill Watts, OAOAST Chairman

 

* DING DING DING DING *

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HeldDown, and our main event of the evening sanctioned by the OAOAST board of directors and the state athletic commission, for the professional wrestling tag team championship of the world! Introducing first, the challengers... SCOTTY STAAATIC... JOHNNY "JAM" JAAACKSSSON... Global Party XChange!

 

LAST WEEK

 

OAOAST TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

No Disqualification

The Global Party XChange vs. Black T

 

An assortment of strobe lights flicker down upon the set and ring, the arena explodes as the Global Party XChange -- Scotty Static & Johnny "Jam" Jackson -- appear... carrying skateboards... They point to the nose-bleed section where the fans up there have a huge banner reading "THE PARTY STARTS TONIGHT" with a hand-drawing of the tag titles draped over GPX's shoulders. Scotty & Johnny hop on their skateboards and zigzag to the ring, high-fiving each other in the process, and slapping hands with their fans.

 

BUFFER

Their opponents... "The Ice Heart" Dan Black... T-Bod... OAOAST tag team champions of the world, Black T~!

 

Black smoke fills the entranceway... 50 beautiful women, stretching from ringside all the way to the entranceway, holding the flags of almost every major nation, surround the ring... standing by the steel steps are two lead ladies waving Old Glory (U.S. flag) & the Union Jet (U.K. flag).

 

The black and white smoke dispurses, out come the OAOAST tag champs... Dan, wearing his black trench coat and shades, asks T-Bod to spin around... showcasing his $25,000 diamond studd red robe, with T-Bod written in rare rubies on the back.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready? Then, for the thousands in attendence, and the millions watching live on TSM...L-L-L-LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

 

Black T & GPX look at each other from their respective corners.

 

Buddy you’re a boy make a big noise

Playin’ in the street gonna be a big man some day

You got mud on yo’ face

You big disgrace

Kickin’ your can all over the place

 

A slap-fest ensues between Dan Black & Scotty Static. Back-and-forth they go, taking turns. Scotty takes control, rocking Black with rights and lefts. Dropkick sends Black back down. Back bodydrop. T-Bod comes in, and he's quickly taken down with a backdrop. Johnny 'Jam' Jackson joins his partner in the ring. They double clothesline T-Bod outside the ring, the momentum nearly sending Scotty outside as well but he skins the cat. Dan charges Scotty... who backdrops him up-and-over! Over the top onto T-Bod outside. Johnny's swinging Scotty around like a ragdoll...SUICIDE DIVE! He spun his partner around and then threw him between the middle rope, crashing into the champs.

 

We will we will rock you

We will we will rock you

 

T-Bod counters a right with a back suplex. No, JJ flips over the top...low blow...FULL NELSON SLAM~!

 

JJ to the corner... BIG SPLASH.

 

Buddy you’re a young man hard man

Shoutin’ in the street gonna take on the world some day

You got blood on yo’ face

You big disgrace

Wavin’ your banner all over the place

 

Scotty with a moonsault from the bottom rope. Another from the second rope. Scotty goes back to the top for a third moonsault. No he didn't. MOONSAULT LEGDROP~! He backed flipped, but instead of landing on his stomach onto his opponent he flipped and executed a legdrop.

 

Scotty tags in Johnny, waiting on the top rope.

 

CANNONBALL~!

 

Another quick tag.

 

SHOOTING STAR PRESS~!

 

Dan with the SLINGSHOT BRAINBUSTER on Scotty.

 

We will we will rock you

We will we will rock you

 

ENZURGI~! T-Bod staggers around the ring before falling between the top and middle rope, his head hanging out. Johnny with the "313" (Rey Mistero's 619)... WHAM!... capped off with...

 

SPRINGBOARD SOMMERSAULT HURRICARANA!

 

1...

 

2...

 

BAM!

 

Dan throws a chair at the charging Scotty Static. With the eye of the tiger, Black grabs the chair and starts beating the hell out of Johnny. The chair shot: a universal language. It's translated the same everywhere: pain. The edge of the chair is repeatedly driven into JJ's midsection. Black opens the steel folding chair. BLACK CRUSH (suplex into powerbomb)!

 

1...

 

2...

 

3!

 

NO! Scotty with a BIG SPLASH off the top, but he overshot Dan and ended up smacking his head across one of the chair's legs, immediately busting him wide open.

 

Buddy you’re an old man poor man

Pleadin’ with your eyes gonna make you some peace some day

 

T-Bod pulls A LADDER out from beneath the ring. T-Bod places it in the corner. Scotty's thrown chest first into the ladder. T-Bod repeatedly slams Static's head across the steel rungs of the ladder, working over that wound over his left eye. Black T lift JJ up for a double-team POWERBOMB...ON THE LADDER and ON TOP OF SCOTTY~!

 

Scotty can barely stand up, jelly-legged. Well, Black T has a situation to his problem. T-Bod has Scotty set up in the OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE... Dan off the ropes -- 3-B, BLACK BODY DROP, ON THE LADDER~!

 

Another 3-B for Johnny "Jam" Jackson.

 

You got mud on your face

You big disgrace

Somebody better put you back in your place

 

Dan with the cover...

 

Crowd counts along with special referee Sir Miles Manchester.

 

1...

 

2...

 

J.R.

He kicked out! He kicked out! He kicked out! Goddammit, he kicked out!

 

Dan holds up Johnny... T-Bod squeezes Johnny's checks before swinging for the fences. DOWN GOES DAN! T-Bod looks in horror as Scotty, with a chair in hand, looking like he just walked off a George Romero movie due to all the blood on his face and white retro Spud Webb jersey, gives him a sinister smile. T-Bod cocks his chair back but Scotty hits him with his chair first, sending T-Bod's chair right back at him.

 

GPX place Dan's leg between the ladder's rungs. They rock the ladder back and forth. They're going to push the ladder down with Dan attached! He's holding off for dear life. GPX jerk the ladder harder and harder, obviously a ton of experience jerking things off. GOOD GOD! Not only did Dan take the plunge, but he took the turnbuckle with him. The top rope is down! Dan is down! T-Bod is down!

 

Johnny reverse bodyslams Scotty onto the ladder, where Dan is stuck underneath. Not only is it painful for Dan, it is for Scotty as well.

 

T-Bod with a RUDE AWAKENING for Scotty. All four men are down, exhausted from the intense action.

 

We will we will rock you

We will we will rock you

 

T-Bod & Johnny fight on top of the ladder. T-Bod gets his head slammed against the steel rungs, weakening him enough for Johnny to...

 

SUPERPLEX T-BOD FROM THE LADDER TO THE RING~!

 

THE RING COLLASPES!

 

1...

 

2...

 

3!

 

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

 

BALLOONS & CONFETTI fall from the ceiling, FIREWORKS explode... a little of everything is happening inside the arena. The camera pans around catching the reaction of the fans: laughter, tears, sighs of relief.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, history has been made. You winners, and new World tag team champions, Scotty Static & Johnny "Jam" Jackson, the Global Party XChange!

 

THE PARTY HAS BEGUN~!

 

RECORDED EARLIER TODAY

 

OAOAST TOWERS

NEW YORK, NEW YORK

 

The Chairman of the OAOAST board of directors, "Cowboy" Bill Watts sits firm behind his desk. Behind him, hanging on the wall is a framed "ANGLESLAM" poster. OAOAST's marketing department well at work there.

 

WATTS

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. What a tremendous night of wrestling we saw last week on HeldDown. But we do have some controversy. As I was flying back to OAOAST headquaters I received an e-mail from one of our agents saying our former tag team champions, Black T, had filed protest, citing rule A8675309: "A wrestler cannot be pinned if he/she is on the ropes." As you know, when Johnny Jackson superplexed T-Bod from the ladder to the ring, they landed on a fallen ring rope, which broked earlier during the match.

 

The board & I reviewed the tape, and while Black T are technically right, I have no choice but to uphold the referee's decision. Rule A8675309 covers a hand, foot on/underneath the rope not if a rope breaks and somebody is pinned on top of it. Is that fair? Well, to be quite honest, it's something the board will seriously considering modifing so we can ensure notthing like that ever occurs again. While that move will surely be unpopular to some, remember this: You don't see the National Football League, the National Basketball Association or Major Leauge Baseball overturning game results. Remember how the United States olympic basketball team got jobbed in the 1972 games? The IOC didn't overturn the ruling. Yeah, they were obviously crooked officials, but the fact remains the IOC upheld the referee's decision. This is a tough, hard-hittin' sport. This isn't track and field or the NCAA. This is the OAOAST. There are winners and there are losers. And Black T were losers last week.

 

However, there is a rematch clause in every incumbent's contract, stating: "...in the event the incoming title holders lose, they have the right to a rematch within 120 days." Black T will get that rematch on Sunday night, August 29, live only on pay-per-view at AngleSlam.

 

But that doesn't mean they'll be facing the Global Party XChange. Because next week on HeldDown they'll be facing the #1 contenders for the World's tag team title, Hell's Hitmen, due to their victory over GPX at our last pay-per-view event.

 

One last word about the tag team division. Last week Jim Cornette's New New Midnight Express attacked the Global Party XChange moments after they won the tag team championship, stealing the belts. Our attorney's sent Jim Cornette a letter demanding the return of the World's tag team titles by 12 p.m. Thursday or face a fine and/or suspension. The deadline came and went, no title belts. So Mr. Cornette & the NNMX have been fined $5,000 each -- but no suspension. The fans pay their good, hard-earned money to watch the OAOAST's top stars and it wouldn't be fair to deny them that honor due to what accounts for as a petty crime. The Midnights are allowed to wrestle and GPX will be awarded new tag title belts.

 

Thank you.

 

The Frankensteiners vs. "Scottish" Scott & "Irish" Danny Boy

 

BUFFER

The following contest is set for one fall, with a 15 minute time-limit. Already in the ring, first from Scotland, "Scottish" Scott. His partner, from Ireland, "Irish" Danny Boy. Their opponents...

 

No, that trippin' feelin' you're experiencing isn't because of some drug you took but rather Edgar Winter's "Frankensteiner" rockin' the joint. The Frankensteiners, wearing Ohio State sweatshirts, walk down the aisle. Frankie jacks himself up by slapping his face. Once again, those two fans wearing black jumpsuits and skeleton masks cause a stir, verbally abusing The Frankensteiners until security escorts them away.

 

COACH

What's up with that? Those guys have been at OAOAST causing trouble.

 

COLE

Fans, please remember to be respectful when attending a OAOAST event. Yes, you have the right to boo and cheer whomever you want but don't go overboard.

 

BUFFER

From Oklahoma, Oklahoma, weighing a combined 510 pounds, making their in-ring debut, Frank & Frankie -- the Frankensteiners.

 

COLE

Born in Oklahoma, Oklahoma, the Frankensteiners grew up huge wrestling fans. They knew they wanted to get into the business after their father took them to a Mid-South event in the early 1980s. "Cowboy" Bill Watts did with business with their grandfather in the 1970s, so Watts considers them family. But he says that isn't why the Frankensteiners received contracts with the OAOAST.

 

CABOOSE

Watts is lying. He gave his kid a job in WCW when everybody knew he sucked.

 

COLE

Are you saying the Frankensteiners suck?

 

CABOOSE

How the hell am I supposed to know? I haven't seen them in action yet. For all I know, they could be the next Steiner Brothers...or the next Techno Team 2000.

 

* DING DING DING *

 

COLE

Frank starts out with "Irish" Danny Boy. Collar-and-elbow tie up. Belly-to-belly suplex. What power showcased by Frank. Stiff clothesline. Man, that has me rubbing my chest.

 

CABOOSE

You do that when there's four guys in the ring.

 

COACH

Rimshot!

 

Danny Boy with the right hand, countered into HALF-NELSON SUPLEX. Overhead belly-to-belly suplex, followed by another stiff clothesline that sends "Irish" Danny Boy back into his corner where he makes the tag, as does Frank. Frankie is a bit more wild than his older brother, erratic you can say.

 

CABOOSE

Erotic? With a name like Frankie, I can see why.

 

COLE

No, I said erratic. Frankie's slightly different than us. But a helluva wrestler nonetheless. A lot of fans online have talked about the possibility of The Frankensteiners taking on Hell's Hitmen.

 

COACH

I don't even wanna think about a match between those two. The only people who'd be thrilled with such a match are the fans and the morgue.

 

COLE

Both teams strengths are their power, with the edge going to the Frankensteiners in the wrestling department.

 

Frankie with a double-leg takedown. He has "Scottish" Scott cradled...modified powerbomb. Belly-to-belly suplex.

 

1...2...Scotty kicks out.

 

Frankie tags in his older brother. Frank with a knee to the gut. Irish whip. TILT-A-WHIRL SUPLEX. Frank places Scott on his shoulders. Frankie tags himself in, climbing to the top. BULLDOG. "Irish" Danny Boy, sensing the end is near, comes to the aide of his fellow European but gets caught with Frank's FRANKENSTEINER.

 

1...

 

2...

 

3!

 

* DING DING DING *

 

BUFFER

Your winners: Frank & Frankie -- The Frankensteiners.

 

CABOOSE

As J.R. would say: They ain't gettin' paid by the hour.

 

COLE

What an impressive debut for Frank & Frankie. Short match, but it showcased the raw power of the brother duo. They'll be a force in the tag division, no doubt about it.

 

Caboose: Its now time for a special announcement by me.

 

Cole: Its not on schedule... ahhh, I get it.

 

Coach: Is this another one of those whacky Caboose thi...

 

Caboose punches Coach in the mouth.

 

Caboose gets up from the annoucers table and climbs into the ring, microphone in hand.

 

Cole: This is going to be interesting folks...

 

Caboose shakes his head before looking up into the rafters of the arena. Caboose looks back down and has a obviously insincere grin across his face.

 

Coach: Arrgh, thats a scary face.

 

Caboose: We here at the OAOAST would like to thank the 570,000 plus fans who purchased July's PPV extravagansa 'License To Pin' over both days. The OAOAST would also like to apologise to those who had trouble recieving the broadcast. As compensation, the OAOAST will refund those of you who were affected by the problems. If you send your Cable Bill to the address that should be appearing on the screen right now, you will be refunded and as a show of good will, will also recieve a Zack Malibu cuddle toy. Thank you and our sincerest apologies to all who missed 'License To Pin'.

 

Caboose drops the mic, loses the smile, and can be seen cursing. Caboose walks back to the announcers table, sits down and puts his head set back on.

 

(Go to break)

Edited by Patty O'Green

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(Return from break)

 

(The Angletron picture turns to static)

 

COLE

What the?

 

*Suddenly a message appears in white letters on a black background that reads, “The following message is brought to you by Williams & Horn: Attorney’s at Law.”*

 

COLE

Oh now what!?

 

CABOOSE

Shhhh Cole!

 

*The picture changes to a shot of Robert “Father” Edwards sitting behind a desk flanked by JAE and Cain as the fans boo.*

 

ROBERT

Good evening. I hope you all are enjoying the show and I won’t take up too much of your time.

 

COLE

Good.

 

CABOOSE

Will you shut up!?

 

ROBERT

I have a message for Rick Edwards. Son, I don’t think you understand how much your actions this past week hurt me. I offered you a chance at a good life and I was willing to put everything that you did to me behind us.

 

COLE

Everything he did to him!? What about the stuff he did to Rick!?

 

ROBERT

You chose to defy me once again and now I can say in front of all these people that I have no son anymore. I hereby disown you because you are nothing but an ungrateful little snot who is an embarrassment to my name!

 

*JAE laughs in the background*

 

ROBERT

J. Arthur tried to convince you that you were making a mistake as well and you basically spat in his face. That is why it is time. J. Arthur hereby challenges you to a match for your X-Division Title at AngleSlam. You see we work on our time now. No one will face a member of the Machine unless we say it is so. You do not dictate when things will happen; we dictate when they will happen. Rick, incase you have any ideas of trying to get at me, that will never happen. I gave you the chance to be at my side and you turned it down. If I choose to face you then and only then will it happen.

 

*Father leans back in his chair and smiles*

 

ROBERT

As I said before we dictate when things will happen and tonight Rick you will be in a match against a man who has a little score to settle with you. It seems Cain didn’t take too kindly to having a door slammed on his face and he wants a little match with you tonight.

 

*The camera pans back and we see that Cain has a bruised face and black eye.*

 

ROBERT

This time there will be no glass cases and wooden doors to use against him. You will have to face him head on and he is mighty pissed.

 

*Cain smirks at the camera*

 

ROBERT

I have one last thing to say before I end this message. There is someone with whom I have a score left unsettled.

 

COLE

What is he talking about?

 

COACH

I don’t know?

 

CABOOSE

If you’d shut up you’d find out!

 

ROBERT

Judas…I still remember our match. You thought you had finally found your “redemption” so to speak? Well what goes around comes around and even though I cannot wrestle in an OAOAST ring because of that match I will still get a bit of revenge. At AngleSlam you will face Christopher Cain and if you think of running off again to hide like you did after beating me then we will find you. So enjoy the rest of your night and remember…The Machine is in control.

 

*The screen turns to static again*

 

COLE

Ominous words from The Machine, but we now have two more matches for AngleSlam!

 

CABOOSE

Will Judas wrestle again? I thought he had given up wrestling?

 

COLE

I don’t know. I guess we will find out at AngleSlam.

 

COACH

AngleSlam will be off the chart!

 

(Go backstage)

 

::Pan to a very tired looking Crystal walking down the hall. A couple of the backstage crew greets her and she half-heartingly greets them back while going towards her locker room. She pushes the door open, switches the light on, and is met by none other than AXEL, sitting in a chair.::

 

AXEL

Crystal. Long time, no see.

 

CRYSTAL

Adam, I'm tired. Now please leave. I’m really not in the mood.

 

AXEL

What’s the matter? Aren’t you excited to be in your hometown tonight? I’d think you’d be jumping for joy.

 

CRYSTAL

Sure, I guess.

 

AXEL

You guess? Well don’t you sound excited to be alive.

 

CRYSTAL

(getting annoyed) What is with this small talk? Just go away, leave like you did a couple of months ago.

 

::The room in silent for a couple of moments save for the rustle of Crystal unpacking her bag.::

 

AXEL

(shaking his head) I thought you were stronger than this Crystal. I thought you were capable of doing this.

 

CRYSTAL

What?

 

AXEL

You let Zack take your fire, just like that (Axel snaps his fingers to emphasize his point). You're not half the competitor you used to be dear. You're letting one failure rule your entire existance.

 

CRYSTAL

Adam, I’m warning you…

 

AXEL

You certainly aren’t the Crystal that took me bell to bell at Anglemania. The Crystal that took the Twenty-Four Seven Title away from me...

 

CRYSTAL

I swear, if you don’t shut up…

 

AXEL

Looks like I was wrong last week. I said that Zack was taking you too lightly, that you could beat him. I never knew you would just give up after being knocked down once. I never knew you were such a quitter.

 

CROWD

(in backround) Ohhhhhhhh!

 

COACH

He didn’t go there! Tell me he didn’t just go there.

 

CABOOSE

No quoting wrestlers from the OTHER company, dumbass.

 

::Crystal slowly turns around to meet Axel’s glare, and if looks could kill, she’d be a serial killer.::

 

CRYSTAL

I’m the quitter? I’M THE QUITTER? Who the HELL are you to talk, mister I-took-my-ball-and-went-home? I’m not the one that did some hocus pocus crap and then ran to Australia! And your punk ass didn’t even have the goddamn decency to tell people you claim to care for where the hell you were. Where were you when AJ broke his back, Mr. Dark One? Whoopee freaking do, you visited him in the hospital a couple of weeks ago! Coloured me impressed! Christ, even SLY, someone AJ was only remotely friends with for a couple of weeks visited him! How dare you come in here and chastised me on being upset over not winning the belt. How dare you question my strengths and guts! At least I didn’t ran away from MY problems and run with my tail tucked in between my legs halfway across the world!

 

AXEL

Whereas you are running away from your fears, I was running towards mine. I fixed my problems, now you have to fix yours. I knew you'd need me some time. As for AJ, he understood, as would you if you had a clear mind.

 

CRYSTAL

I never asked for your help. Now I'm warning you, get the hell out of my dressing room, or I'll remove you myself.

 

::At this point, Axel and Crystal are nose to nose. Axel glares hard at Crystal, and…laughs?::

 

CRYSTAL

What the hell are you laughing at?

 

AXEL

(still smiling) Now there we are. Looks like you just found what you were missing, and thats a little bit of anger, a little bit of darkness...

 

CRYSTAL

Oh fuck off. There was nothing to be found. Just because I am fustrated over not winning the belt, even though I didn’t even lose the match, doesn’t mean I lost my fire. Do you know how infuriating to me it is to not have that belt, but never being fairly defeated or being defeated at all? I didn’t win, but neither did Zack.

 

::Crystal pauses and thinks for a second.::

 

CRYSTAL

…neither did Zack. Zack never won.

 

AXEL

Now, we see the light...

 

CRYSTAL

(interrupting) I’ve got to go and do something.

 

::Crystal quickly leaves but turns around when Axel calls her name.::

 

AXEL

Do what you have to do. I'll be in the shadows, whether you like it or not.

 

::Crystal glares at Axel for a second and leaves the room as we fade to black.::

 

(Go to break)

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(Return from break)

 

In a world full of posers, phonies, and wannabees,

there finally emerges a group

which has come to set the record straight.

So, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard

can you say uhhh na na na na

 

COLE & COACH

Awwwww yeah!

 

Green strobe lights flicker on and off near the entrance stage as GPX’s intro video plays on the giant screen hanging over the entrance way. The doors slide apart and Johnny “Jam” Jackson and Scotty Static step out in the arena where they are greeted with an exceptionally large pop from their legions of fans!

 

COLE

Global Party Xchange...what a team! These guys don’t wrestle for the money or the glory, they wrestle for the love of sport. And that love paid of huge last week with a big victory over Black T for the tag team titles. It really did my heart god to see GPX squeeze out a win over Black T after all they’ve been through. These guys are something special, no matter what the petty and jealous Midnights do they can’t take that way from them.

 

CABOOSE

Blah blah blah. How can you be proud to have our tag team division represented by such vulgar peons? This team is a joke, their victory last week was a bloody fluke! They’ll never amount to a hill of beans! They’re just a second rate version of Hardy Boyz without all the goofy body paint. And how can you call the Midnight’s petty and jealous? Since when is having dedication and a drive to be the champs considered petty?

 

Wearing matching neon green baggy pants, the boys walk down the entrance ramp, showing off their belts and high fiving the fans in the front row.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of thirty minutes, it is for the OAOAST world tag team championships! Now making their way to the ring they are the newly crowned tag team champions...JOHNNY JAM JACKSON, SCOTTY STATIC.....GLOBAL PARTAAAAAAY EXCHAAAAAAANGEEEEEE!

 

The two champs slide into the ring. The lights turning his body a shade of green, Scotty climbs to the rope and holds his treasured belt high into the air. He flashes a grin before jumping back to the ring. Johnny takes off his throwback Kirk McLean Canucks jersey and tosses it to a lucky little autistic girl in the front row.

 

COACH

What a class act! These guys are so great.

 

Scotty Static takes hold of a microphone. The music cuts out as he prepares to speak.

 

SCOTTY

Wassup, Vancouver! New tag team champs in the hizzzzzzzouse!

 

The crowd responds with a “GPX” chant.

 

SCOTTY

Yo, yo, yo. We goin do this right, big V! When I say “GP” you say X! Ya’ll ready? Les do this! GP!

 

“X!”

 

“GP!”

 

“X!”

 

“GP!”

 

“X!”

 

“GP!”

 

X Hey! Wait!

 

I’ve got a new complaint

 

COLE

What the?

 

The speakers explode with Nirvana’s classic song of abuse, “Heart shaped box”. The music shatters ear drums across the arena and effectively ends GPX’s little crowd participation exercise. As the song fills the air with unrestrained contempt the entrance doors slide apart and the Saints step out into the arena. Both men bang their heads to the Seattle based group’s hit song as mutlicolor spotlights travel around the arena at a dizzying pace.

 

CABOOSE

This should be good. If you remember the Saint’s first pay per view match was against GPX, that resulted in Logan and Synth getting squashed like a bug. Also the Saints first case of crabs came as a result of the devious plan hatched by the GPX. This match is purely a result of the Saints finishing second in last weeks OAOAST interactive poll.

 

Both men wear sparkling gaudy gold robes with the words Saints written in pink on the back. Logan’s robe is closed, but Synth is open to reveal a bootleg Pearl Jam t-shirt. Synth’s also wearing a blue and orange “Cat in the hat” hat. Logan’s left hand is covered in a glittery silver glove that’s long suspected to be “loaded.” They strut down the entrance ramp, giving GPX menacing glares while fluffing their gorgeous hair.

 

COACH

After last week, we know that the Saints can hack it on stage, at least when Sara McLachlan backs them up. But can they hack in the ring? And what about what Synth said about Alix? She must be crushed! I better get backstage and comfort her. Dr.Deepak Chopra says that performing lap dances can soothe the soul and lucky for her I have a few dollar bills burning a hole in my pocket. HOLLA!

 

BUFFER

And the challengers....from the Sin City.....Logan Mann.....Synth Esizer...they are heaven on earth....they are the SAAAAAAAAIIINTSSSSSS!

 

The announcement gets a chorus of boos (The Saints have never been big sellers in Western Canada). They shed their ropes before rolling into the ring. Synth drops to a knee and holds his hand to heavens, while Logan stands behind him playing the air gutair. Blue pyro shoots off from the ringpost while gold and pink sparkly confetti rains down onto the entrance way.

 

COLE

The Saints call themselves the greatest “Rock N Wrestling” band of all time, but we’ve seen them do more rocking then wrestling. Here’s their chance to show us that they’re one of the elite teams in the tag division. Despite their second place finish in the OAOAST interactive poll, I think they’re more of a middle ranked team by the OAOAST brass. A spot or two higher then Alix and Krista, but lower then the likes of Hells Hitmen and the Midnights. I think you were right on the money, Caboose, when you said that the title shot they’ve gotten is a direct result of the interactive poll.

 

Synth joins Scotty Static on the ring apron, leaving Logan and Johnny to start the match. “Heart Shaped Box” cuts out and the ref calls for the bell.

 

COLE

This match is underway.

 

CABOOSE

However could you tell?

 

Lock up to start. They don’t stay locked together for more then a few seconds as Logan goes behind Johnny boy. He drops to his knees and grabs a hold of Johnny’s legs, taking them out from under him and dropping the fan favorite to the mat! The rock and roll icon jumps to Johnny’s side and swings his arm around his head trapping him in a side head lock! Logan doesn’t even get a chance to tighten his grip around Johnny’s melon, as the party animal picks himself off the mat with the headlock still applied.

 

COACH

Pimps, am I off base when I make the statement that the OAOAST has the best tag team division in wrestling?

 

COLE

Absolutely not. The level of competition has really picked itself up over the past couple of months and as a result we’ve seen some spectacular matches!

 

Johnny shoves Logan off him and into the ropes! Logan hits the ropes hard and his partner makes the blind tag. Logan comes back with a clothesline! Johnny ducks underneath it only to stand up into a missile drop kick from Synth! The fans show a begrudging display of respect for the Saint’s teamwork. Logan and Synth exchange smiles as they watch Johnny Jackson’s head bounce off the mat and snap into the air in a violent motion. As Johnny struggles to his feet, Synth darts behind him and hooks him into an inverted face lock. Johnny smacks Synth across the face with a back hand in a desperate attempt to break the hold. The blow proves futile as Synth refuses to let go! He hooks Johnny’s tights then lifts him into the air. He falls backwards, brutally spiking the back of Johnny’s head into the mat with what’s basically a high impact inverted DDT! Johnny rolls over onto his stomach, holding his head with one hand and pounding the mat in pain with the other. Synth holds his hand to his ear ala Hulk Hogan and is greeted with numerous jeers and taunts. Appalled at the lack of respect, Synth waves his middle finger at the crowd.

 

COLE

Absolutely uncalled for. The fans pay their hard earned money, they have the right to cheer and boo who they want. Someone needs to tell Synth that. Without the fans he’s nothing.

 

Johnny slowly stands up and finds himself locked into position for a pump handle slam! Synth flashes a grin before lifting Johnny into the air and slinging him on his shoulder. But before Synth can do any serious damage, Johnny slips out of the move and lands behind Synth! He grabs Synth into a full nelson but finds himself mule kicked for his troubles! Synth spins around and gets a stunned Johnny into an underhook. He leaps into the air and drives Johnny head first into the canvas with a double arm DDT~! Johnny’s head bounces off the mat, and his body jerkily flops over onto its back.

 

“BOOOOOOOO” say the crowd.

 

CABOOSE

Synth may have done a fair amount of damage to Johnny’s head with that move.

 

Synth snears at Johnny as he brings him to his feet. He stuffs him between his legs, then picks him up for a pile driver....A large pop emanates from the stands as Johnny avoids a disastrous move by reversing it into a back body drop! The pop quickly dies out as Synth reverses the back body drop into a roll up!

 

1

 

 

Johnny reverses Synth’s pinfall into one of his own!

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

 

Synth gets a shoulder up! Both men rise to their feet. Johnny gets Synth into a front face lock, then sweeps his leg out from under him, driving him backwards to the mat! Johnny stands up, shows off his lady killing smile and triumphantly throws his arm in the air as the crowd showers him with cheers! He turns his attention, to Synth, who while slightly dazed has made it to his feet. Johnny dashes over to Synth and wraps his arm his head. He leaps into the air and spins him around for a tornado DDT! Synth counters the move by wrapping his arms around Johnny’s waist, sticking out his knee and dropping Johnny balls first across it!

 

COACH

Do you think Synth knows that Alix has heard what he told Candie?

 

CABOOSE

Doubtful. He was probably too busy talking strategy with Logan to pay attention to what was happening on the show. When he gets backstage he’s in for a rude awakening. And I ain’t talkin bout no neckbreaker.

 

Clutching his unit, Johnny stumbles sideways. He grits his teeth and tries to push the pain out of his mind. Unable to prevent Synth from going on the attack he can only stand helpless as Synth smacks him in the jaw with a left hand!

 

“Watch the closed fist!” Referee Okari Tanaka orders Synth.

 

“Watch this, bitch!” Synth shouts back as he gives the ref the one finger salute.

 

Synth smacks Johnny with another closed left hand! Spit flies from Johnny’s mouth as the blow connects with his mouth! The move stuns Johnny and he staggers backwards holding his hurt jaw. Synth is able to grab onto Johnny’s arms and he shoots him into the ropes. Synth expects to smoke Johnny with a lariat, but Johnny has a radically different idea! He drops down and slides into Synth’s legs, taking him down with a soccer player like slide tackle! Synth smacks the mat with his face turning the world in front of him into a blurry haze.

 

CABOOSE

Let me tell you something right now,. The tag team division will never be anything more then “average” as long as GPX hold the belts! I’d rather go back to the days when the titles were rarely defended then see these queens as champs. We need Black T to be the champs again! There’s two men you can respect!

 

Chants of “GPX” rain down from every corner of the building as Johnny Jackson makes the tag to his partner in pimp’n Scotty Static! Static hops over the top rope and gets right on Synth’s case with forearm after forearm after stinging forearm! With the Vancouver crowd still chanting “GPX”, Static backs Synth into the corner. Synth breathes a sigh of relief as Static halts his forearm assault. However, his moment of peace is short lived as Static unloads a barrage of flesh tearing knife edge chops on him! Each chop turns Synth’s chest a different shade of red. Desperate to lessen the pain that’s being inflicted on him, he tries to turn his back to the attack, but Scotty grabs onto his arm and holds him in place. Eventually, Static leaps onto the Synth’s beat up chest and monkey flips him towards the center of the ring! Synth flies head over heels and lands on the mat with a THUD. Unable to brace himself for the impact the back of his head bounces off the mat. Static crawls over to Synth and hooks his leg for a pin...

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

KICK OUT!

 

COACH

Hey! This match is now officially longer then the first one these two teams had against each other. I think that’s a major achievement for the Saints.

 

Static grabs a fist full of his adversary’s hair, causing Synth to plead “Watch the Synthmaster’s hair!” Ignoring his pleas for mercy, Static lifts Synth onto his shoulders so that the rock and roll “legend” is facing the ceiling lights. Static wraps his arms Synth’s torso, then drops to his knees, throwing his adversary off him and SLAMMING him back first against the mat! The impressive move draws a nice pop from the sold out crowd.

 

COLE

That’s called a thunder fire powerbomb.

 

Static goes for a pin, but before the ref can even think of counting, Logan storms into the ring and boots Static in the head, knocking him off Synth. Both men rise to their feet. Static gets up quicker then Synth and as such gains the advantage. Static takes hold of Synth’s arm and propels him to the corner! Synth’s back smashes against the padded turnbuckle and his head involuntarily jerks forward. His problems continue to mount as he spots Static charging towards him for a corner avalanche! At the last possible second, Synth pulls OAOAST referee Okari Tanaka in front of him to serve as a human shield! Static’s body ends up COLLIDING with Tanaka’s head as he sandwiches the zebra between himself and Synth! Tanaka staggers forward then falls face first to the mat in a heap!

 

CABOOSE

Stupid referee! Some body needs to buy these clowns body armor.

 

With the official turned into a useless pile of flesh and bones, the inmates take over the asylum! Logan runs into the ring and nails Static in the back with an axe handle smash! He wraps his hand around his Static’s neck but before any damage can be done Johnny Jackson comes from out of nowhere and NAILS~! him with a running neck breaker eliciting another “GPX” chant! Synth, seeing his partner go down, shakes off a few cobwebs, then tries to DECAPITATE~! Jackson with a lariat! Unfortunately for him, Jackson ducks and Synth whiffs on the move! He turns around, fully intending on flooring Jackson with a discus punch but his rival is one step ahead of him and KNOCKS him to the mat with a drop kick! Every fan in the arena is on their feet chanting the name of the OAOAST tag team champions!

 

The chants come to a crashing halt when Logan SMACKS Johnny in the jaw with a super kick! The blow twists Johnny’s upper body sideways and he crashes to the mat, ugly pants and all! Logan wears a smirk as he watches Johnny roll out the ring, hands covering his hurt face. The smirk on Logan’s face disappears as quick it appeared, when Static grabs a hold of him and dumps him over the ropes! A look of horror possessing his face, Logan goes flying to the outside to join Johnny Jackson!

 

COLE

I hope order can be restored soon!

 

CABOOSE

Keep dreaming, Cole!

 

The crowd starts to murmur as their heads turn towards the entrance way. The murmur suddenly changes to a loud pop as we see Alix Spezia run down the ramp with a chair in her hand and her broken heart yearning for revenege!

 

CABOOSE

Uh-oh. She can’t be out here! Coach, go stop her! She’ll ruin everything! I’ve got money on the Saints! I’m ruined!

 

Neither, Scotty Static nor Synth Esizer pay any mind to cheers of the crowd. They completely fail to notice that Alix has run down to ringside. They’re to busy trying to beat each other into submission to notice the world around them. They take turn exchanging hard right hands, neither man giving an inch and neither man getting the upper hand. With each connecting blow, sweat flies off their face and lands in a small puddle on the mat. Synth is finally able to get the advantage when he blocks Static’s punch with one arm and whips him with the other! NO! Static reveres the whip attempt with one of his own, sending Synth into the ropes!

 

 

CRAAAAAAAAAACAAAK!

 

Alix leapt onto the ring apron, growled in fury, and with all the strength her tiny body could muster, DRILLED Synth in the back with a brutal chair shot! Synth staggers forward clumsily, his eyes start to water and painful tremors rip through his back as if it was being torn apart by an earthquake. The pain splits apart, part of it moving to his legs and another to his throbbing head. He struggles to stay on his feet, momentarily forgetting where he is. Howling out in misery, his usually cocky snarl gives way to a look of sheer agony. Static wastes no time in rushing towards Synth and hooking the inside of his leg for a pin attempt. Tanaka shakes himself from his stupor and makes the count!

 

 

 

1

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!

 

The fans loudly express their satisfaction with the outcome as the ref calls for the bell! Their cheers are so loud that despite having a microphone that’s hooked into a state of the art sound system, Michael Buffer has to shout to be heard!

 

BUFFER

Your winner and still tag team champions....GLOBAL PARTY XCHAAAAANGEEEEEE!

 

Alix walks backwards up the entrance ramp, keeping her eyes that burn with a savage rage locked on a fallen Synth. A vindictive smile slips onto her face as she savors his confused and anguished expression.

 

COLE

Alix is too nice to be a wrestler. She could’ve made that much worse for Synth!

 

COACH

How do you figure? She cost him the match and the titles and she definitely ain’t givin up the digits now!

 

COLE

I don’t know....If that had been me, Synth would be deep throating a chair leg right about now.

 

Belts firmly fastened around their waists and their theme song celebrating their victory, GPX exits through the crowd only stopping to pose for pictures with the finest women Vancouver has to offer.

 

COACH

Anyway! Congrats to GPX for a successful title defense. The first of many to come, I hope.

 

CABOOSE

Either way I don’t think they’ll be making any more against the Saints. That’s the second time the boys from Vegas have blown it against GPX. I don’t think they’ll get a chance to make the third time a charm.

 

(Go backstage)

 

The cameras cut to a shot of Hoff, standing at a cooler, in his ring gear, sipping a bottle of water and appearing to be in deep thought. Suddenly, "Macho Man" Randy Savage approaches him with a mic!

 

MACHO

OOOOOOOOOH YEAH~!!! DIG IT!!

 

HOFF (rolling his eyes)

Christ.

 

MACHO

Not quite, brother, it's just the MACHO MAAAAAAAN, OOOOOH YEAH~! HOFF, brother, I got to ask you. WHAT is the DEEEAL with you and CHRIS STEVENS OOOH YEAH?! SNAP INTO IT!!

 

HOFF

......look, Randy. I'm really not in the mood to talk about it, okay? I'm trying to--

 

MACHO

OOOOOOH NOOOOOO IT'S NOT OKAY BROTHER, OOOOH YEEEEAH!! The PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW!! What's up, what is HAPPENING, BROTHER~?!

 

Hoff's head drops and he grabs his forehead.

 

HOFF

Randy, if I tell you something, will you GO AWAY?

 

Mach appears to contemplate this for a second, rubbing his beard and waving one finger in the air, pacing around like a loon.

 

MACHO

Uhhhhhhhhh....ummmmm.....OOOOOH YEAH, BROTHER!!! So WHAT'S THE DEAL?!?!?

 

Hoff sighs.

 

HOFF

Randy, it goes like this. Up in Northern Pro, I beat Chris for the title, and he said it was a fluke. I gave him a rematch, and.......he beat me, okay? He pinned me in the center of the ring, one two three. I admit to you, like him or not -- and I can't stand the man -- Chris Stevens is maybe the best I've ever been in the ring with. But the fact is, I beat him again -- again. And he couldn't handle it. He snapped--

 

MACHO

SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM OOOOH YEEAAH!!!!

 

HOFF

...and he took his ball and went home.

 

A murmur passes through the crowd at this.

 

COLE

Is Hoff serious?

 

COACH

He looks serious!

 

Hoff sighs again as Macho plays to the crowd that isn't there. The crowd that IS there laughs.

 

HOFF

And if it wasn't for me, once he left, the whole place might have gone under. So there you go. That's why I hate him. I learned my craft up at Northern, and he almost killed it. And ever since then, he's done nothing but try to ruin my good name. I went to Japan, and there was Chris. I came here, and he followed. I'm sick of it, and tonight I'm gonna end it...for good.

 

MACHO

Wow, WHAT A BOMBSHELL BROTHER!!! OKAY BOYS I'M GONNA GO FIND THAT PUNK HOGAN!! BACK TO YOU OOOOOOOH YEAH!!!! DIG IT!!!!

 

Macho wanders off as Hoff walks down the hall in the opposite direction.

 

*cut to da S.C.*

 

COLE

Wow, do you really think?

 

CABOOSE

I do! That's totally believable!

 

COLE

Well, of course YOU buy it! I'm not so sure...

 

COACH

Yeah, Stevens seems pretty level-headed to me!

 

CABOOSE

The crazy ones always do!

 

COLE

Well, in any case, we'll keep looking for more answers as we go on tonight! But we've got more action ahead!

 

(Go to break)

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(Return from break)

 

*Big Machine by Velvet Revolver cues up as the fans begin to boo. Christopher Cain steps out onto the stage sporting a bruised face from his fight with Rick last week. As Cain walks down the aisle some fans heckle him, but he swings his arm like he’s going to backhand them and the shy away.*

 

COLE

Did you see him almost hit a fan!?

 

CABOOSE

He was just scaring them Cole. Lighten up!

 

COACH

I’d be afraid if I were them.

 

*Cain steps into the ring and trash talks with some ringside fans*

 

BUFFER

Coming to the ring, from Washington D.C., weighing in at 245 pounds, he is part of The Machine…CHRISTOPHER CAIN!!!!!

 

COLE

Cain is 6’5” and physically intimidating. We all saw what he did to Leah Blackstone!

 

CABOOSE

She shouldn’t have been at the arena to begin with!

 

*The music dies out and is replaced by Tear Away by Drowning Pool. The fans cheer as Rick steps out and slaps hands with the fans. Rick is wearing his X Title around his waist, but as he reaches ringside he takes it off and hands it to a ring attendant. Rick is reluctant to enter the ring so he walks around for a second.*

 

BUFFER

Coming to the ring, from Houston, Texas, weighing in at 210 pounds, he is the X-Division Champion…RICK EDWARDS!!!!

 

COLE

I just noticed that Cain is out here alone.

 

CABOOSE

I guess he’s taken this personal after last week and wants him to himself.

 

*Rick slides into the ring and waits in a corner as the ref calls for the bell*

 

*Ding Ding Ding*

 

Cain waves for him to come on, but Rick stays in the corner and waves Cain on instead. Cain smirks at Rick and runs into the corner for a Big Boot to the face, but Rick ducks under it, bounces off the ropes, and hits a Leg Lariat to Cain as he turns around. Cain stumbles back, but he regains his balance and Rick sighs in frustration. Rick grabs Cain’s arm for a whip, but Cain won’t budge. Rick tries again and Cain just laughs before pulling Rick into his arms, hooking him, and hitting an Exploder Powerslam that shakes the ring!

 

COLE

My God!

 

Instead of going for a cover Cain pulls Rick to his feet and Gorilla Presses him above his head. Cain walks around the ring with him before tossing him face first into the corner for a hard Snake Eyes! Rick bounces off and stumbles back right into the arms of Cain again!

 

CABOOSE

This should be fun!

 

COACH

Not for Rick it won’t!

 

CABOOSE

Exactly.

 

Cain lifts him onto his shoulders for a Samoan Drop, but Rick shifts his weight and pulls Cain down with a Crucifix Pin!

 

1…No!!!

 

Cain easily kicks out and makes it to his feet at the same time as Rick. Rick fires off a punch, but Cain just shakes it off. Rick fires off a left and a right, but Cain just shakes both off and smiles. Rick then bounces off the ropes and hits a Low Dropkick to Cain’s knee and Cain goes down to one knee. Rick then quickly goes for a Shining Enziguri, but Cain actually grabs him, lifts him up, and hits a hard Spinebuster!

 

CABOOSE

I told you this would be fun!

 

COLE

You scare me sometimes.

 

CABOOSE

You scare me all the time.

 

*The crowd bursts into a “Cain Sucks” chant*

 

As Rick stands again Cain whips him to the ropes, but Rick comes flying off of them with a Forearm that stuns Cain. Cain stumbles back to the ropes and Rick hits a Clothesline that sends both men over the top rope. Cain hits the floor, but Rick skins the cat back into the ring and quickly climbs to the top rope. Rick then waits for Cain to stand and comes off with a Diving Tornado DDT! However, Cain catches him and slams him back first into the ring post! Rick falls to his knees with his back arched in pain as Cain steps back and tries to kick Rick’s head back into the post, but Rick moves and Cain’s foot hits the post hard! Rick rolls out of the way and then slides back into the ring. Cain comes up limping a bit as the impact of his foot on the post jammed his foot. He then limps around ringside as the fans laugh at him. Once again he takes a swing at one of them, but opts to yell at him instead. Inside the ring Rick sees his opening and bounces off the ropes before diving backwards over the top rope with a Suicide Moonsault!!

 

COLE

Whoa! That’s a new move for Rick! He must have learned that from Parka’s old trainer!

 

COACH

Or from watching AJ Styles matches.

 

Both men go down hard to the floor, but Cain softens the landing for Rick. Rick pushes himself off the ground and looks to the crowd for a reaction as they stand and cheer Rick’s new attitude. Rick then climbs to the apron and turns his back to Cain as Cain stands up. Cain reaches his feet just in time to see Rick come off the ropes with an Asai Moonsault. As Rick lands on him he wraps his feet around Cain’s head and takes him over with a Leg Scissors Takeover! Cain hits the mat with a shocked look on his face as Rick pulls him up and slides him into the ring. Cain doesn’t stay on the mat long, but as he stands Rick hits a Springboard Sunset Flip.

 

1…2…No!!!

 

COLE

Rick has got Cain completely thrown off his game! I guess his lessons with Parka’s trainer really have paid off! I heard he has been going back to him since License to Pin.

 

CABOOSE

He’ll screw up eventually.

 

COACH

Great attitude.

 

Cain kicks out and stands up with a look of rage on his face. Rick runs at Cain, but Cain hooks him and hits a hard Sidewalk Slam!

 

CABOOSE

Told you he would screw up.

 

COACH

Well it was a good game plan up until that point.

 

Cain stands up and shakes the cobwebs out before yelling at Rick to get up. As Rick stands Cain grabs him for a Spinal Cracker, but as he pulls him up Rick reverses it into an Armdrag! Cain is up quickly and looking even more pissed as Rick runs in and hits a Dropsault that sends Cain stumbling into the ropes. Rick is up again as Cain regains his balance, but is still on the ropes, so Rick leaps at him for a Cross Body that would take him over the top rope. However, Cain manages to catch Rick and in one quick move he tosses him over his head and to the outside!

 

COLE

Fall Away Slam over the top rope!

 

*A small “Holy Sh*t” chant starts in the crowd*

 

COACH

Damn Rick hit the floor hard!

 

CABOOSE

Maybe it knocked some sense into him?

 

Cain looks down at Rick and laughs as Rick lays motionless on the floor as the ref exits the ring to see if Rick is okay. Cain then exits the ring and kicks at him to see if he’s conscious as the ref tells him to leave him alone. Cain just shoves the ref aside and tells Rick to stand up. Rick starts to move so Cain pulls him to his feet and whips him hard into the ring steps! Cain wastes no time in pulling Rick to his feet and then hitting him with a Pumphandle Powerslam on the outside!

 

COLE

That’s it…he’s gotta be broken in half.

 

CABOOSE

Or he is just broken up inside. Either way this match is Cain’s match now.

 

Cain laughs at Rick again as Rick slowly crawls across the floor and tries pulling himself up by Cain’s pants leg. Cain looks down at him with a look of disgust before grabbing him and setting him up for a Powerbomb!

 

COLE

Not on the outside!

 

CABOOSE

Yes on the outside!

 

Cain goes to lift him, but Rick reverses it into a Back Body Drop onto the hard floor! As Cain goes over Rick falls back down to his knees to rest for a second as the fans cheer. Rick stands and calls for Cain to join him, but as Cain stands Rick hits a Drop Toe Hold that sends Cain face first right into the ring steps! Cain’s face hits on the side of his bruise and Cain lets out a painful scream!

 

CABOOSE

His face! Rick is trying to destroy that beautiful face!

 

COACH

Beautiful face??

 

The ref, who is still on the outside, walks over to Rick and warns him about using the ring steps, but Rick just ignores him. Rick then pulls Cain to his feet and slides him into the ring before waiting on the apron for him to stand. Rick then springboards off for a Tornado DDT, but Cain catches him in a Rock Bottom position and hits the Spinal Cracker! Rick’s back arches upon impact in a very sharp manner as Rick lets out a painful cry of his own.

 

COLE

My God the way his back bent was unnatural!

 

Rick lies on the mat in pain as Cain gloats over him to a chorus of boos from the crowd. Cain then flips Rick over onto his stomach and drops a few elbows across his back before jumping into the air and coming down with a Double Stomp onto Rick’s back! Rick tries to cry out in pain, but he can’t because the air was driven from him. Cain then pulls him back to his feet and hoists him into the air with an Electric Chair Drop!

 

CABOOSE

That’s a long way to fall when you’re on the shoulders of a 6’5” man!

 

Cain signals for the end and then pulls Rick up and places him on his shoulder for the Quick Death (Sitdown Tombstone). Rick struggles his way out and grabs Cain’s head on the way down for a Falling Reverse DDT. Rick then goes for a cover.

 

1…2….3!!

 

 

No!!! Cain kicks out.

 

COLE

I thought Rick had it!

 

COACH

Me too!

 

CABOOSE

I’m not stupid like you two so I knew he didn’t have it.

 

Rick pulls himself up using the ropes, but you can tell his back is sore. He then waits for Cain to stand, but as Cain stands he digs in his pocket and pulls out something. Rick goes to grab Cain and gets blasted in the head with a chain covered hand!

 

*Ding Ding Ding*

 

COLE

What the hell was that for!?

 

Cain then pounces on Rick and begins beating the hell out of Rick’s head with the chain covered hand. The ref tries to restrain him, but Cain just knocks him out with the chain before going back to Rick’s head.

 

CABOOSE

I think Cain is going to make Rick’s face look like his own!

 

COLE

I think you’re right. This was never about winning; it was about making Rick suffer!

 

Cain pulls Rick’s head up and we see that it’s covered in blood as Cain takes the chain and wraps it around Rick’s head. He wraps it a couple of times so that it is around Rick’s mouth and eyes! He then pulls back on it while planting a foot between Rick’s shoulder blades and Rick cries out. The chain muffles the sound, but you can tell Rick is in pain as Cain pulls back hard!

 

COACH

Damn!! That’s just messed up!

 

Cain unwraps the chain and begins whipping Rick right to the face with it as more officials flood the ring and restrain Cain! Cain tries to fend them off, but there are too many of them. One of the officials pulls Rick out of the ring as the camera gets a close up of his face. Rick is bleeding from the forehead and nose as he is helped to the back. Inside the ring Cain smiles as he accomplished his task.

 

COLE

Cain never went for a pin once in this match and if it weren’t for Rick throwing him off his game early this match may have ended this way a lot sooner.

 

CABOOSE

Cain is a hitman and he doesn’t care if he wins or loses as long as he can maul someone!

 

BUFFER

The winner of the match by way of Disqualification…RICK EDWARDS!!!!

 

*The fans cheer for the decision, but quickly boo as Cain lifts his arm in victory with the chain wrapped around his fist and blood trickling down his hand.*

 

COLE

Folks, we've got something going on backstage!

 

(We’re taken to the Saints locker room where the boys are engaged in a heated argument. Both men are still in their flamboyant wrestling gear and Synth is holding an ice pack to his head. In the background Krista’s expertise tape Get fit with KID is playing in a VCR.)

 

SYNTH

Synth’s already explained it!

 

LOGAN

Explain it again and quit talking in third person, moron

 

SYNTH

This’ll be the fifth time, eh.

 

LOGAN

I always wanted quintuplets. I’m kindly giving you the opportunity to make your story more believable before I use your face as toilet tissue.

 

SYNTH

Christ, be easy, cheesy. Candie took the Synth-o-rama...

 

LOGAN

Talk like a normal human being! I’m not asking you to, I’m telling you to! Got it, cheif?

 

SYNTH

Shit. Candie took me to a bar, she brought...I mean she bought me a few drinks I thought she was just loosening me up so she could take me back to the hotel and slob on my knob. She was making me feel like J-Kwon, all tipsy. I thought I’d get up and dance like a gypsy. But she kept asking me all these damn questions and shit. Shit about how me n’ you met, how the band was formed, all that VH1 shit. I thought it was cool cause’ she’s into the whole rock star shit and she’ll put out easier, but then she started asking questions about Alix and shit, and it was like I already had like six or seven drinks and my tongue was looser then yer mom’s pussy on New Years Eve so she asked me all these questions about Alix and I just started answering them and I was drunk and shit so who knows what I was talking about but I didn’t know she was tapeing it and everything got all fucked up and yeah.

 

LOGAN

That may have been the longest sentence in the world. Periods and commas are your friends. They won’t hurt you. What happened next?

 

SYNTH

Then I got up to dance and I passed out and fell through a fucking table, next thing I know I’m in a motel chained to a bed post and some dude named Keith’s trying to cut my eye balls out to sell on the black market.

 

LOGAN (slamming his hand against his forehead.)

Amazing! Sweet Jesus! You messed it up this time, old friend.

 

SYNTH

There’ll be other title shots.

 

(Logan shoots Synth an icy glare.)

 

LOGAN

Ch! Not with new teams debuting every week there won’t! I don’t even care about the stupid titles to be frank ! That’s not my problem. My problem is that you messed up a good thing with Krista and Alix. Things were going great until you lost the ability to keep your dick in your pants and thought you were gonna score with Zack Malibu’s girlfriend!

 

SYNTH

Woah woah woah! Rewind this tape, Captain Delusional! Gimme some of what yer ass is smokin’, cause’ it must be some of da good shit! Krista wrote a story about wanting to chop your wee-wee off, not like she’d have an easy time finding it! That don’t sound like going fine to me! That girl hates you! Things were only going fine with me n’ Alix not you n’ Krista. The Synthmeister was like a ninth grade science experiment...getting results! While he was makin’ moves yer bitch ass was busy writing gay poems about that she beast, Krista on yer stupid ass internet diary...

 

LOGAN

It’s called a blog!

 

SYNTH

It’s called a diary, fag! Ya want someone ta blame, turn yer ass around and look in the mirror, shit stain!

 

LOGAN(muttering)

I should’ve left this stu...

 

SYNTH

What’s that, eh? This bullshit again? You gonna threaten to leave the Saints again? Go ahead, ass wipe! Where ya gonna go? Ya gonna go back to singing Springsteen covers at the same seedy lounge in Vegas I rescued yer ungrateful ass from? That whatcha gonna do? Have at it! Cause’ Synth’s got news for ya. Ya ain’t shit. He writes all the songs, the lyrics, the instruments, everything. Yer nothing but a fucking puppet! Yer Kermit the frog and he’s Jim Henson! Ya think ya can’t be replaced? Think again, shit head! I got a list a mile long of pretty boy singers looking for their chance at the big time. I punch the digits in my celly and yer ass goes the way of the New Radicals. Adios hombre, school’s out for the summer. And here’s another thing for ya marinate on; I’m the one who got us the damn tag team title shot. I sat in Watt’s office for three hours, tellin’ him how we earned a title shot after comin’ in second in the poll last week. I’m the one who organized the entire damn concert last week! I got a pianist I found a bass player, Synth hooked up the rights to sing the song so we wouldn’t get sued and on top of all that I got Sarah McLachlan to play even though it was at the last fuckin’ minute! So if ya wanna play the blame game, then play it with yerself. I’m sure that’s something yer used to playing with yerself by now, eh.

 

(Synth gets up to walk away from the battle zone)

 

LOGAN

Where the hell are you going?

 

SYNTH

Ta think.

 

LOGAN

About what?

 

SYNTH

How ta fix a problem I didn’t even create. We wanted groupies.....we’ll get ‘em.

 

LOGAN

Okay. I’ll stay here and try to sweep up the shattered remains of my self respect.

 

(With that Synth limps out of the room and we go somewhere else)

 

The cameras cut to a shot of Josh Matthews, standing outside a door labeled "Chris Stevens: 24/7 Champion."

 

CABOOSE

Who the hell gave him THAT sign?

 

COACH

Heh, it definitely wasn't me!

 

Caboose and Coach get into a slapfight as J.Math knocks on the door.

 

VOICE

"Come in."

 

Matthews opens the door and steps in. Chris Stevens is sitting on a bench, lacing up his left boot. The 24/7 title belt is sitting to his right (lacing up ITS boot...psych, belts don't wear boots). Stevens looks up and smiles.

 

STEVENS

Hey, Josh, come on in.

 

Stevens ties his laces and stands up to look Matthews in the eye.

 

MATTHEWS

Thanks, Chris. First of all, congratulations on your win last week.

 

STEVENS

Thanks, Josh.

 

MATTHEWS

Of course. Chris, as you know, there's been a lot of talk recently about the past transgressions between you and Hoff. I'm curious if you had any additional comments to add?

 

Stevens laughs and shakes his head.

 

STEVENS

You guys don't quit, do you? No, Josh. I've said all I care to.

 

Stevens leans over to sit back down, but Josh interrupts.

 

MATTHEWS

Well, do you at least have any comments about what Hoff had to say earlier?

 

Stevens freezes, then slowly stands back up.

 

STEVENS

....And just WHAT did Hoff have to say?

 

MATTHEWS

Well, he said that...he said that....

 

STEVENS

Spit it out, Josh. I've heard it all before.

 

MATTHEWS

Well...he said that he beat you for the Northern Pro Wrestling Title...and that you took your ball and went home.

 

Stevens' face goes grim.

 

STEVENS

Yeah. I've heard that one before. Listen, Josh...don't believe anything he says, okay? That bastard can't keep the truth straight for one second.

 

Stevens grabs his belt and brushes past Matthews, heading for the door.

 

MATTHEWS

Hoff also said that when you left, Northern Pro almost went bankrupt.

 

Stevens, facing away from the camera, stops. He stands still for a moment, then lowers his head, audibly sighing before pushing open the door and storming away. The camera centers on Josh.

 

MATTHEWS

Um, well....I guess it's back to you guys.

 

*cut to Triple C~! on the Sofa*

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, thanks for the help, Ace Matthews.

 

COACH

Stevens sure left in a hurry! I wonder how much of what Hoff said is true?

 

COLE

Maybe nothing, as Stevens says, but he did seem a little shaken up! I wonder if there isn't some validity to Hoff's claims!

 

CABOOSE

Of course there is! Hoff is a shining beacon of--

 

COLE

Oh, stop. Folks, we've still got that great main event tonight -- Stevens versus Hoff for the 24/7 Title! Plus a hell of a lot more! More HD in three~!

 

(Go to break)

Edited by Patty O'Green

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(Return from break)

 

 

 

CUE: Awww Naww, POD Remix

 

COLE

It's time for Stephen Joseph vs. Andrew Hyland!

 

COACH

After last week, Hyland stood up to the former IntenseZone Producer.

 

CABOOSE

You know I can't wait to see Popick get his!

 

Stephen Joseph (with mic, and music, and the INTEN5E behind him, minus Puerto Rican)

Well, Hello everyone! i think Chad Kroeger wrote a song about a hero once, for that Spiderman movie, the one you know that Caboose plugged the sequel to at License to Pin? I think he said "and they say a hero can save us" But Andrew, you know how that song ends...the hero didn't come until it was too late, and the poor sap Chad sang about tried...and failed. That's you chump. You try, and you fail, and you run away for a couple more months. Now I'm here to say one thing.

 

It has been far too long since Stephen Joseph has worn gold. And with the help of the INTEN5E, I will wear gold again, just like Black T will get their Tag Team Titles back. It's open challenge season, so after I get done with ole Andrew here, I can't wait till a champion has the cajones to accept my challenge for their title...whatever title it is. I'm looking ... ::steps into the ring, and the pyro on stage goes off!:: After it clears, there's Andrew Hyland!

 

Hyland

I said, YOUR HERO IS HERE! And may I remind you of something you overlook Stephen. On Intensezone, I was your handpicked North American champion because YOU didn't want to deal with me being in the tag division! Face facts. I'm young, you're has-been. Me a hero? You're a "5" ::holds up 5 fingers, then traces into a first:: No, I think instead you're a zero.

 

::Bell Rings, and Hyland rushes the ring, spearing down Stephen Joseph and unloading with the right, Stephen crawling towards the ropes in an attempt to get away.

 

Andrew pulls a scrambling Stephen up by his hair, and chops him across the chest, screaming "WOOO!" and the crowd responds, He whips Joseph across, and Joseph hangs on to reverse the momentum, spinning atomic drop! A quick cover by the corporate member yields a 1 count on Hyland.

 

Cockily, Stephen begs Hyland to get up, and Hyland sweeps his feet to knock Stephen Joseph flat on his back. Standing Red Star Press! and Hyland poses for the crowd.

 

COLE

Now's the time to go for the pin!

 

Hyland turns to bend over, to grab Stephen by the head, but ole Joseph reverses the the movement into a small package. 1 2 ! No! Hyland frees himself from the hold, meeting Popick standing face to face. Stephen slaps hard on Hyland's chest and buts the boot to the midsection, driving Hyland back to whip him across and meeting him with a snipping elbow coming back. His Inten5e companions cheer outside the ring.

 

As Hyland gets up, Stephen goes for a waistlock, trying to turn it into a wheelbarrow suplex, As Hyland raises back off the mat, he counters the momentum and swings back down through Popick's legs, flapjacking him onto the mat, almost a reverse Code Red!

 

Hyland takes to the ringpost and climbs as Stephen stirs, slowly getting to his feet. T-Bod is yelling for Stephen to watch out, and Hyland's lining up for his signature top rope move, the Hero's Welcome (Deep Sea Drop) He grabs Popick's head, but Popick cartwheels back and catches Andrew with a stiff kick to the head! Then he plants Hyland with a DDT from the post to the ring, and covers.

 

1!

2!

 

 

 

3!

 

 

But the ref sees Popick's foot on the ropes before signaling! Stephen Joseph yells at the ref, pushing him back into the corner as Hyland stirs. Joseph continues to jaw as Hyland gets to his feet and the crowd comes alive! Joseph turns around and Hyland waves! Popick rushes and Hyland steps by slips one arm around the neck and suplexes Stephen back into a Stunner...

 

COLE

HYLAND FINALIZED STEPHEN! He stole a move!

 

COACH

Here comes the cover!

 

 

1!

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

No Dan Black breaks it up! Hyland's furious and chases Dan out of the ring!

 

Hyland's back over to Stephen, who lays as deadweight. Hyland struggles to pull him up, and Tony jumps the ring, drawing the ref! Stephen springs to life and low blows Hyland, and grabs him by the throat...Desperation Synchroncity, a facing full nelson choke bomb!

 

Popick yells for the ref as Tony jumps down

 

 

1!

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

No! Hyland kicked out!

 

"GIVE ME A DAMN CHAIR!" yells Popick and Dan Black throws one in. "AND A MIC!" That's thrown in as well as the ref protests the chair.

 

Stephen Joseph

You said any match? First Blood Hyland.

 

Stephen Joseph swings baseball style and connects to Hyland's head, sending Hyland thumping a foot across the mat. Stephen brings the chair down directly on top of Andrew's head, then across the stomach as Hyland's head starts to trickle red. The bell is called, but it isn't over.

 

The Inten5e hit the ring and throw the referee out. Stephen hands the chair to Tony, who wacks Hyland in the knee. Dan Black too, takes a turn and thrusts the chair down with both hands on Hyland's neck. Then Dan hands the chair to Cappa, who stares at it, then Hyland, then Popick

 

"Do it"

 

COLE

Cappa for God's Sake don't do it!

 

Cappa shakes his head, and Stephen grows angry. He grabs the chair from Dan and thrusts it into Cappa's hands. "This man is an enemy to us. He is against US. Show you loyalty to your friends who stood by you on HeldDown" Cappa squirms, and looks out at the crowd.

 

 

They are screaming "NO!" as he holds the bloodied chair with his right hand. Stephen Joseph and T-Bod scream to Cappa to swing away at Hyland, crumpled and lying on the mat after Dan Black's brutally unprotected chair shot.

 

COACH

A big moment for Cappa. He knows this isn't right!

 

CABOOSE

Stephen Joseph has his mind in Cappa's. He doesn't know what is right.

 

Cappa looks down at the chair, and Popick grabs him by the shirt. "DO IT!" he screams and Cappa pushes him away and brings the chair up!

 

COLE

Cappa's standing up for himself!

 

The crowd cheers as Popick looks with rage at Cappa, who brings the chair DOWN ONTO HYLAND'S HEAD! ::CRACK!:: The sound smacks and reverberates across the arena and the fans are silent. Cappa throws the chair away, and even without a mic we hear him "There, it's done. Happy now...? "

 

COACH

I can't believe Cappa went through with it. Stephen's getting him to do exactly what he wants!

 

And Stephen looks at Cappa, and smiles, as the rest of the Inten5e gather around, patting Cappa on the back as he looks to the ceiling...as if asking for forgiveness.

 

COLE

One more time, listen to this ::replay!::

 

Cappa, who brings the chair DOWN ONTO HYLAND'S HEAD! ::CRACK!::

 

CABOOSE

I know we all hate'm but the Inten5e are sticking together, even if they don't like what they have to do.

 

And the crowd begins to chant "CA-PPA SUCKS!" as the Inten5e leave the ring, excepting Cappa, who stands in the middle, over Andrew Hyland, not knowing to even move.

 

(Go to break)

 

(Return from break)

 

We return from break to the sight of everyone in the arena standing on their feet, looking towards one section of the building. The director in the truck goes through various camera angles trying to find the source of the disturbance, but the mass of fans flocking towards one section of the arena blocks the view.

 

Walking through the sea of fans are none other than James E. Cornette & his self-proclaimed OAOAST tag team champions, the New New Midnight Express, wearing t-shirts and shorts. The fans touch all 3 men, irating Jim Cornette who threatens to hit anybody who touches him again with his tennis racket. A man in his early-20s takes Cornette up on his threat, but instead of hitting the fan with the racket, Cornette goes even lower -- knocking down the fan's beer, making him pout. "Sarcastic" Simon & "Narcissistic" Ned cooly strut down the aisle holding their heads high with the tinted blue OAOAST tag team titles over their shoulders, as the fans have their brush with greatness doing whatever they can to feel "their champions," like Jim Cornette put it during a live chat with fans on OAOAST.com last Thursday night.

 

COLE

As you saw last week on HeldDown -- after GPX defeated Black T for the tag titles the NNMX ambushed them, stealing the belts at the end.

 

CABOOSE

Scotty should ask the NNMX for refund.

 

COLE

For what?

 

CABOOSE

For the defective Vegomatic Scotty received last week. It didn't slice or dice his throat. I'm sure Simon would be more than willing to give him another one.

 

COLE

Yeah, I'm sure he would.

 

CABOOSE

Hey, Scotty could pay the NNMX with the OAOAST tag titles since everybody knows GPX spend their money on booze, weed and porn.

 

COACH

Nothing wrong with the first and last items -- but yes, GPX don't know the meaning of a dollar.

 

CORNETTE

Can somebody tell me when the entire world became Florida? When Jivin' J.R.'s man boobs put me to sleep at License to Pin, did I wake up in some fantasy land? How in the world could you people vote for the Global Party XChange? Huh? They've had more chances at the tag titles than J-Lo has pickin' husbands. They blew their shots...

 

SIMON

Like they blow each other.

 

CORNETTE (CONT'D)

...and yet my Midnight Express, who gave our previous tag champs the biggest run-for-their-money than any other team before us combined, are forced to sit on the sidelines and watch those two punks win our belts. Need I remind you the Midnights took it Siegfried & Roy a couple of weeks back before Black T stuck their noses in our business. One vote? One vote?! If all my friends weren't out of town...

 

COLE

He doesn't have any friends.

 

CABOOSE

You two would make great friends if Jimmy weren't out of your league.

 

CORNETTE (CONT'D)

...and without access to the Internet, we damn sure would of won the Interactive poll in a landslide. It's such a disgrace Michael Moore is already making a movie about it. "8-5 Midnight."

 

You see, you people went to the polls and didn't even bother taking the time to look over the candidates.

 

The Saints? Those guys are spending more time on their music and starring in the wrestling version of "Chasing Amy" than working on their lack of wrestling skills. Guys, go back to Vegas and take a trip to the Bunny Ranch.

 

Hell's Hitmen would of been fine choices, but what this company needs -- and still does -- is a team who'd bring pride and dignity to the OAOAST. And that team, ladies and gentlemen, is the New New Midnight Express. The skills of Eaton & Lane, with the bodies of Mr. Universe. I guess you could say Simon & Ned are heavenly bodies.

 

But we got the last laugh. We have the belts. If you Canadians would be so kind and look at my New New Midnight Express, the only two -- make that three -- good-lookin' guys in the whole stinkin' country, standing in the ring. Simon, Ned -- hold 'em up, will ya.

 

The NNMX hold up the old OAOAST tag titles.

 

CORNETTE

Whenever GPX want a shot at the OAOAST tag titles, call me and we'll set something up. But I won't be losing sleep waiting for that call, because I know you guys know the Midnights are pissed. And like I said 3 weeks ago, if there's one thing you don't want to see -- it's a pissed off Midnight Express. Besides, we all know you're scared of the NNMX. Hell, I would too. So you morons at the gorilla position, send out the two schmucks who'll get pounded by the Midnight Express.

 

You need my love baby, oh so bad

You're not the only one I've ever had

And if I say I wanna set you free

Don't you know you'll be in misery

 

They call me (Dr. Love)

They call me Dr. Love (calling Dr. Love)

I've got the cure you're thinkin' of (calling Dr. Love)

 

And even though I'm full of sin

In the end you'll let me in

You'll let me through, there's nothin' you can do

You need my lovin', don't you know it's true

 

So if you please get on your knees

There are no bills, there are no fees

Baby, I know what your problem is

The first step of the cure is a kiss

 

So call me (Dr. Love)

They call me Dr. Love (calling Dr. Love)

I am your doctor of love (calling Dr. Love), haaaaaa

They call me (Dr. Love), they call me Dr. Love (calling Dr. Love)

I've got the cure you're thinkin' of (calling Dr. Love)

 

The Love Doctors appear on stage, teasing the ladies by going up to them and opening their doctors coats, exposing their sexy selves.

 

* DING DING DING *

 

BUFFER

This following contest is set for one fall. Already in the ring, Jim Cornette presents "Sarcastic" Simon & "Narcissistic" Ned, the New New Midnight Express. Their opponents, weighing a cominbe 429 pounds, they are Dr. Stephen Pigley and Dr. Max Anderson, The Love Doctors!

 

Pigley and Anderson, wearing long white doctor's coats, walk around the ring, bumping and grinding in the general direction of female fans. The NNMX waste no time going to work, attacking the Love Doctors outside, slamming them into the steel guardrails, then stomping them while they're down. Simon & Ned remove the Love Doctors' coats, revealing their matching red trunks with "M.D." on the back. Ned rams Steven shoulder-first into the ringposts, then smacks his (Steven's) head onto the ring apron before throwing him back into the ring.

 

On the outside, Simon drops Max across the guardrailing and joins his partner back in the ring. The Midnights execute an old-time classic: droptoe hold-elbow drop combination. Classic Midnight Express. Cornette waves his racket while wooing, as he watches his team showboat -- making the "X" gesture with their two index fingers. The camera cuts to Dr. Max Anderson standing on the apron. Springboard.

 

WHAM!

 

SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE-CLOTHESLINE!

 

Stunned, the Midnights have trouble getting back on their feet. But the Love Doctors have a presciption for that -- one dose of DOUBLE COCONUT (Simon & Ned's heads smacked together). The LDs continue stunning the wresting world by rocking the NNMX with punches and kicks. A couple of solo dropkicks send the NNMX falling outside, where they consult with their manager Jim Cornette, who's pounding the ring apron with his hands, obviously upset by the turn of events -- which the fans are loving.

 

COLE

Check out this crowd. They can't believe the Love Doctors made the Midnight Express retreat. The last time we saw the Love Doctors in a OAOAST ring, they were getting brutalize by Hell's Hitmen.

 

CABOOSE

Who isn't these days? Those guys are monsters. That's why they're facing the Global Party XChange next week on HeldDown for the tag titles. I predict we'll crown new champions. GPX will become the shortest lived tag champions in OAOAST history.

 

COLE

At least you'd then have company. Didn't you hold the OAOAST championship for like, a minute or something?

 

CABOOSE

(imitating a phone)

Ring. Ring. Hello? I'm afraid he's busy right now. Can I take a message? Sure, I'll let him know. My pleasure. Good-bye. Cole -- you suck! FYI: My last title regin lasted more than a minute.

 

COLE

(sighing)

Frustrated and bored of their jobs as ER doctors, Max and Steven quit and began training to become professional wrestlers. After a year of solid work, they're ready and willing to make an impact. Due to the cost of wrestling school and everyday expenses they supported themselves by stripping, and now believe themselves to be irresistible to women.

 

CABOOSE

And some men, too, right?

 

COLE

Not this again.

 

CABOOSE

Come on, Cole. I saw the way your eyes lighted up when the Love Doctors made their way to the ring.

 

Ned hops back in the ring, struting around. He stands dead-center in the ring in a karate pose. "Narcissistic" Ned challenges Dr. Steven to a karate contest. Steven doesn't know what to do except scream and yell. Blanchard catches Pigley with a sidekick to the midsection, knocking the air out of him. Double axe-handle sends Steven down. Scoope slam. Boom! Ned with the tag. Simon, the high-flyer of the duo, immediately goes to the top. FLYING ELBOW DROP.

 

1...

 

2...

 

Kickout.

 

Elbow drop to the chest. Simon delivers another before going for the cover.

 

1...2...Dr. Steven gets the shoulder up.

 

CABOOSE

Pigley whipped into the Midnights' corner. Man, oh man. Singleton driving his shoulder into the gut of Dr. Steven. I've heard of patients being upset with their doctor's work, but Simon's taking it to another level. A little play-by-play courtesy of Caboose, Michael.

 

COLE

(jokingly)

You were wonderful.

 

CABOOSE

I know.

 

"Sarcastic" Simon plumply's Pigley in the corner, the refeere trying to get him to break it. Cornette asks the referee "Why don'tcha just let the guys wrestle instead of worrying about something as pointless as a clean break, huh?" Simon gets back, allowing "Narcissistic" Ned to choke Steven with the tag rope, another old school tatic. Very effective. Ned struts around on the apron, giving a thumbs up sign, like he did nothing wrong, when the referee looks his way. Tag made by the Midnights. Double-underhook suplex by Ned.

 

1...

 

2...

 

Dr. Max Anderson pulls Blanchard off. Not pleased with his actions, Ned goes after Dr. Max but Max hiptosses him down to the mat. Singleton enters the ring, and he too goes down courtesy of a hiptoss. Anderson backdrops a charging Ned Blanchard unknowningly on his (Max's) own partner, Dr. Steven. Dropkick drops -- no pun intended -- Simon between the ropes, to the outside. Max heads back to his corner, encouraging his partner to make the tag.

 

Steven counters a piledriver with a backdrop but Ned floats over. Pigley ducks a clothesline attempt; Ned does the same. Steven off the ropes... Ned ducks down for a backdrop but Dr. Steven catches him flush in the upper right shoulder with a powerful kick. Grabbing his shoulder, Ned gets scooped up...TIME OF DEATH (Michinoku Driver)! Instead of holding onto the legs for the pinfall Steven falls backwards, visibily exhausted from the beating he's taken.

 

In a scene that'd get your adrenaline pumping, the fans encourage Dr. Steven Pigley by singing a verse of the LDs theme song, "Calling Dr. Love."

 

They call me (Dr. Love)

They call me Dr. Love (calling Dr. Love)

I've got the cure you're thinkin' of (calling Dr. Love)

 

Cornette covers his ears, while Simon screams at Ned, letting him know which corner to come to. Both men (Ned & Steven) crawl to their corners, looking like they're on a desert island, every inch being as valuable as their ability to breathe. On the apron, their partners do their best to extend their arms while continuing to hold onto the tag rope position near the turnbuckle. Ned decides to make one last attempt to keep Pigley away from his corner by holding onto his legs with every bit of strength left in his body, but he can't. Tag made. Ned quickly let's go on Steven in favor of tagging in his own, fresh partner, Simon. Dr. Max comes in a house afire. He repeatedly sends Blanchard & Singleton down with right hands. The crowd, surprisingly has gotten very much behind the Love Doctors, despite this being only their second appearance on OAOAST TV. Dr. Steven joins his partner, hammering away on Narcissistic Ned like a hammer on a nail. The Midnights go old school, stopping their opponents momentum with a thumb to the eye. They both whip the Docs to the ropes. Steven counters a backdrop by floating over the top and connects with a DDT; his partner Max with a small package on Simon. The referee counts both pin attempts.

 

1...

 

2...

 

3-- NO! Both men kickout. Cornette bends over, wiping the sweat off his face, on the outside. He too is amazed by this action...and the tremendous effort being put forth by the Love Doctors.

 

On his knees, Simon tries a low blow, but he got caught with a dropkick right between the eyes, falling backwards. On the other side of the ring, Steven whips Ned into the ropes not knowning his partner is position square in the middle of the ring. He warns him, allowing Max just enough time to react -- inverted atomic drop. Anderson sends Blanchard back to Pigley, who catches him with a bearhug, then leans forwards. The fans stand on their feet. We're all going to be witnesses in Ned's LETHAL EJECTION. Max goes to the top.

 

SHOOTING STAR ELBOW DROP. THE LETHAL EJECTION!

 

Max with the cover. Cornette jumps on the apron. Dr. Steven grabs a handful of Cornette's polyster suit, the referee orders him to let go and return to his corner. Huge right hand for James E., but it causes him to throw his racket up, which lands in the ring. Sarcastic Simon jumps back into the ring, trying to catch the racket in midair but Max shouldertackles him out of the way, picking up the racket himself. He threatens to hit Singleton, who's cowering in the corner, begging him not to. From behind -- Ned from behind with a low blow. Simon with the clothesline. THE DOUBLE GOOZLE (clothesline-legsweep combo)!

 

Simon tackles Steven to the outside, and Cornette gets his racket back.

 

1...

 

2...

 

3!

 

COLE

The Midnights have won it.

 

BUFFER

The winners of the match, the New New Midnight Express.

 

On the outside, Cornette blasts Dr. Steven with the racket. Back in the ring, Ned with a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX. Simon climbs to the top. VEGOMATIC (flying legdrop). The Midnights stomp the living hell outta of Pigley until THE GLOBAL PARTY XCHANGE run out with STEEL CHAIRS.

 

WHOOM!

 

COLE

Out go the NNMX. Scotty & Johnny throw the chairs at the direction of the NNMX who, luckily for them, moved out of the way. The board of directors have to -- have to -- sign a match between these two. The fire, the hatred -- sign this match, please. The NNMX kept beating Dr. Steven, trying to make a point well after the match was over. Thank goodness GPX came to the Love Doctors' aid. GPX are still upset about what happened to them last week -- the brightest night in their careers, winning the tag titles -- at the hands of Jim Cornette's New New Midnight Express.

 

Scotty demands a microphone.

 

SCOTTY

Hey, bitches! We don't want a piece of your ass. We want the whole damn thing. Let's do it right here, right now.

 

COLE

Scotty & Johnny are inviting the New New Midnight Express into the ring. They want their revenge right now.

 

CABOOSE

What fools. Don't they remember they're defending the tag titles next week against Hell's Hitmen? How foolish of them risking injury by calling out the NNMX.

 

The crowd boos the NNMX viciously as they enter the ring. The Midnights stand face-to-face with GPX, talking trash to one another until JINGUS & The Sadist -- HELL'S HITMEN -- the #1 contenders to the tag titles, jump GPX from behind.

 

JINGUS lifts Johnny up by the head -- CLAW SLAM. The Sadist puts Scotty on his back...TORTURE RACK BACKBREAKER! Jim Cornette is directing the attacks, telling Hell's Hitmen exactly what to do, as his Midnights join in. It's a double-team beatdown on the champions. Simon with a SLINGSHOT BACKBREAKER on Scotty. This unique alliance -- if you even want to call this an alliance -- are working over Scotty's injured ribs. Cornette & Ned bring a table into the ring. Blanchard & Singleton set it up. Cornette jumps up-and-down, ordering Hell's Hitmen to execute their powerbomb-clothesline off the top rope finisher. They do just that -- VAYA CON DIOS (Go with God) through THE TABLE.

 

Jim Cornette places the new OAOAST tag titles over the shoulders of Hell's Hitmen, who just stare at them, while repeating "We have a deal" over and over again. The Midnights hold up the old tinted blue title belts.

 

COLE

OAOAST officials finally come out and restore order. It's well-known they want nothing to do with Hell's Hitmen. The intimidation factor they have is huge. Which is why their "working agreement," if you will, is puzzling.

 

(Go to break)

Edited by Stephen Joseph

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(Return from break)

 

"Set it Off” blares through the speakers at GM Place and that can only mean one thing: Crystal! She makes her way down the ramp, and is wearing her street clothes.

 

COLE

Seeing as she’s not in her ring gear, I think she may have something to say.

 

CABOOSE

Geez, you think? Man, aren’t you the observant one today! Hopefully the failure is announcing her retirement or something. That’s the only thing that’ll make this worthwhile.

 

COACH

You better watch yo mouth, foo. I don’t think she’d come in front of her hometown crowd and announce her retirement.

 

Crystal grabs the mic and gets ready to speak, but can’t because of the crowd.

 

CROWD

Wel-come home! Wel-come Home!

 

CABOOSE

Oh man, I think I’m going to hurl. Wow, she grew up here! Let’s cheer her and be sheep following the crowd. Baaaah!

 

COACH

Bitter much?

 

CRYSTAL

(once the crowd has died somewhat) I’ve got to say: it feels GREAT to be home!

 

Of course, the crowd goes crazy. Hey, cheap pops work!

 

CROWD

Crystal! Crystal! Crystal!

 

CRYSTAL

And while I would love to bask in this glory, there’s business that needs to get done. For the past week and a half, I’ve been a bit down in the dumps. It stung that I could be labeled a choker for not getting Heavyweight Belt. Hey, but I’m women enough to admit, I didn’t get the job done.

 

CROWD

Boooo!

 

CABOOSE

Damn right you didn’t.

 

CRYSTAL

Yep, I didn’t get the job done. But neither did Zack. Sure, he was the champ, and he didn’t need to beat me. This is true. But don’t you think a champion should WIN once in awhile on his own?

 

Crystal looks towards the video screen and nods, seemingly signaling for something to happen.

 

CRYSTAL

Let’s take you back to Zack’s first Pay Per View defense after he won the title in quite a good match against his now fellow Thrillogy member, Calvin. The Pay Per View was “Living Anglelously” and his opponent was Sly Sommers. Unfortunately, I can’t show all the match, as great as it was. But let’s fast forward to the end, shall we?

 

Sly then swings his fist back again, and takes the step forward for the punch. But, Sly again stops himself. Sly looks down at his fist, and seems to be contemplating his use of the chain. Sly then shrugs his head, and grabs Zack by the hair with his non-chained hand. Sly swings back, and keeps his arm held back for at least ten seconds. Finally, after even looking around at the crowd who are yelling at him not to do it, Sly shoves Zack down and drops his chain.

 

COACH

I can't believe it...Sly Sommers actually did the right thing for once.

 

CABOOSE

There's no way...he has a concience? Wimp.

 

Sly then pumps his fist in the air, and yells out "PILEDRIVER, BITCH!". He actually gets a good amount of cheers from the crowd, who seem to be softening up to Sly after his last decision. Sly grabs Zack, and puts his head in between his legs. But, Zack drops down and delivers a low blow to Sommers, which actually garners scattered boos from the audience. Zack then picks up Sly's chain, and punches him with it!

 

CABOOSE

Finally, Zack has come to the dark side!

 

COACH

I honestly doubt that. Zack's become more rough-edged over the past couple of months, and isn't afraid to do whatever it takes to take out a heated rival!

 

CABOOSE

Believe what you want...

 

Zack then tosses the chain into Sly's tights, as the boos become more increasing. Zack then pulls Sly up, lifts him, and drops him with the P.O.P. Drop! The referee awakens at the impact, and turns around for the cover........

 

1..................

 

2..................

 

3!

 

The screen freezes on Zack’s raised hand as the crowd jeers, even though the footage took place months ago.

 

CRYSTAL

Well, I wouldn’t call that an unassisted win. For the record, let’s state that Zack needed a steel chain to win his first PPV title defence. Alright guys, roll the next footage.

 

The audience follows, as Coach stomps and cheers from on the table, leading the chant for his favorite female. Crystal gets up and sends Zack to the ropes, but he manages to counter, and sends Crystal in...and she's tripped by a recovering Candie, who was just getting up!

 

COLE

NO!

 

CABOOSE

Oh yes!

 

Crystal turns around and yells at Candie, who is still very groggy from before. Hebner scolds Candie as well, and with his back turned, Malibu swipes up the title belt and runs at the distracted Crystal, nailing her in the back of the head with a beltshot!

 

COLE

That sonuvabitch!

 

Crystal falls forward, nearly taking Hebner down, but Malibu catches her, and spins her around...

 

COLE

NO, not like this! C'mon Earl!

 

...He hooks her for the POP Drop~!, but instead of dropping her with a fisherman buster, cradles her and then sits out, using a SITOUT PILEDRIVER variation of his signature move!

 

CABOOSE

I think I heard her neck snap, Cole!

 

Malibu covers, and doesn't bother hooking the leg, as Crystal is OUT COLD.

 

ONE!!!

 

TWO!!!!

 

THREEEEEEE!!!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

CRYSTAL

So Zack upgraded from a chain to a belt. Classy!

 

CABOOSE

Seriously, what the hell is this suppose to prove?

 

COACH

That Zack is a sham of a champion?

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, that’s why he’s still the champion, right?

 

CRYSTAL

And finally, footage from last Sunday at License to Pin. Roll it, monkeys!

 

Malibu applies a front facelock, and pulls Crystal up so that they're both standing on the top rope. He reaches down, trying to hook her leg fisherman style, as the fans gasp at the horror that is to come...UNTIL CRYSTAL SHOVES HIM OFF AGAIN! Zack falls to the mat, but lands on his feet, and runs right up the ropes...BUT GETS CAUGHT WITH A SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB BY CRYSTAL....SHE HOLDS ONTO THE LEGS...AND ROLLS HIM OVER INTO THE CRYSTALLING~!

 

COLE

SHE'S GOT IT!

 

COACH

MIKEY, THIS IS IT~!

 

Malibu has NOWHERE TO GO, as the fans go nuts, screaming as much as their vocal chords will allow! Crystal has The Crystalling applied, and Zack Malibu is not able to reach the ropes or anything for a break! The already rabid crowd is electric, chanting Crystal's name, seeing that she's finally gotten Zack's number!

 

COLE

LOOK AT ZACK! LOOK AT HIM SQUIRM!

 

Malibu is in a state no one has ever seen him in, as he looks downright frightened, his face now a pale shade of white as he swings his arms, trying to grab onto something to cause a break. Crystal leans back further, and Zack screams in agony, as Earl Hebner asks him if he gives up. Malibu shakes his head no, but the look on his face tells us that if he weren't trying to hold onto the World Title, he'd already be back in the dressing room by now!

 

"TAP!"

 

"TAP!"

 

"TAP!"

 

"TAP!"

 

Each and every person, man, woman or child, is chanting at Zack Malibu, telling the cocky one to just give it up, as Crystal has the hold on finally, and will not let go. Blood and sweat drip from Malibu's face as his cries of pain go unanswered, a receipt for the months of torment he's put Crystal through. Crystal grits her teeth and cinches the hold in as tightly as she can, keeping the pressure applied. Hebner goes to the canvas again, staring into Zack's face and asking him if he gives up.

 

"What do you say, Malibu?"

 

"I....aaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

 

"C'mon Zack, what do you say? Do you give?"

 

"I....unnnnhhhhhhhhh...noooooo!"

 

Malibu refuses to tap, and being locked in this hold must seem like an eternity to him.

 

"TAP!"

 

"TAP!"

 

"TAP!"

 

Hebner tells Crystal that Zack has refused to give up, so she leans back even more, nearly bening him in half at the lower back! Malibu screams in agony once again, and Hebner returns to his side, questioning his ability to stay in this.

 

"Do you give up, Zack? Whaddya say?"

 

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah...unhhh...arrrrrrrgh..."

 

"Yes or no, Zack? Whaddya say?"

 

"I...I...yeeeeeaarrrrrrgh...unh..."

 

"Do you give up, Zack? Do you?"

 

"I...I...I gi...yeaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!"

 

DING*DING*DING

 

The crowd ERUPTS in one of the loudest pops in wrestling history, as Crystal releases the hold and collapses in exhaustion. She looks up, and sees the fans going wild, pulling herself to her feet and throwing her head back, raising her arms up and looking to the sky.

 

COLE

SHE DID IT! CRYSTAL HAS WON THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!

 

CABOOSE

No way! Malibu didn't tap! This is a conspiracy!

 

Earl Hebner retrieves the belt from Michael Buffer after a moments discussion, and now the roughed up announcer (from having been dumped into the fans earlier) makes things official.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the thirty minute time limit on the World Title Match HAS EXPIRED.

 

CRYSTAL

First a chain, then a belt, now a time limit? Can you not fight and win your own battles Malibu? And they call ME a choker.

 

 

“ZACK’S A CHOKER clap clap clapclapclap!”

“ZACK’S A CHOKER clap clap clapclapclap!”

“ZACK’S A CHOKER clap clap clapclapclap!”

 

Crystal approves of the chant and eggs it on, until "Nothing" interrupts the fan participation and stops the chant dead in its tracks. World Champion Zack Malibu storms out, dressed like his typical preppy self, and weilds a mic.

 

MALIBU

CUT MY MUSIC....CUT IT NOW!

 

The music stops as Malibu powerwalks down the aisleway, headed towards the ring.

 

MALIBU

You pathetic, whiny bitch! Are you kidding me? You're out here running a smear campaign on me? On ME!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? I'M ZACK MALIBU GOD DAMN IT!

 

Malibu is now climbing into the ring, while Crystal stands her ground.

 

CRYSTAL

Oh, I know who you are, Zack. I mean, it took some getting used to, but I'm very familiar with you now. I know where you stand, and it's not even close to where you once did. The footage proves it, Zack. You call yourself a fighting champion? A savior? How can you be a savior when you can't even save yourself!?

 

MALIBU

Save myself? Honey, this is WRESTLING. This isn't just a sport, this is a neverending battle. See, you wouldn't know it, but as a World Champion, you've got a target on your back. Every Tom, Dick, and Jane want to climb through these ropes and try to get one over on me. Well you know what, I played the role for too long. FAR too long. I tried to be a nice guy. I went by the book. I kept it all inside. But catering to these people is not how I intended to spend my career. The In Crowd were never meant to be crowd favorites. You know why these people cheered us? Because they KNEW we were better than them! They KNEW we were the "in" thing, no pun intended. These fans...they're fairweather. Just like friends in wrestling. But here you are, acting like you've just made a startling revelation to the world. Did I go by the book at one point? Yeah, I did...and what did it get me? Betrayal? A few near death experiences? Honey, I've been down roads that you're afraid to take...although if you don't back off your defamation of my character, we're gonna go for a long ride to cut your career short!

 

CRYSTAL

Cut MY career short? That's not happening anytime soon, Zack. Two weeks ago I walked to that ring and tossed you from corner to corner. You were ready to tap, Zack, and, no pun intended from me either...you were saved by the bell. The time limit is the ONLY thing that kept your belt around your waist. If it's not a chain, it's The Thrillogy. If it's not The Thrillogy, it's pure LUCK, plain and simple.

 

MALIBU

Luck?

 

CRYSTAL

Luck.

 

MALIBU

Luck, huh? Let's talk about luck, Crystal. Let's talk about how this is your lucky day, then. You really think that you're hot shit, don't you. You think your God's gift to the wrestling world because you break from the norm? Well you know what...how would you feel about stepping up one last time. How would you like this to all go away?

 

CRYSTAL

I'm listening.

 

MALIBU

AngleSlam is coming up this month. Big event, in case you haven't done your OAOAST history. Now, I personally don't feel you deserve another shot at the title, but...

 

CRYSTAL

You might not feel it, but you KNOW it.

 

MALIBU

...I do?

 

CRYSTAL

Zack, I've pinned you. I've made you tap. But I'm not about to be led into some Thrillogy master plan. As much as I want that title, I...

 

Suddenly, JOSH MATTHEWS of all people runs down to the ring, motioning to the two.

 

COACH

What the hell is Jiggy Josh doin' down here?

 

Malibu turns and glares at Matthews, who gulps and hands Zack a note. Malibu turns back towards Crystal sneering, but before either can comment on this odd turn of events, the lights dim and the AngleTron lights up, followed by the sound of a familiar voice...

 

"WELL...WELL...WELL..."

 

The fans pop upon hearing the catchphrase of former ECW announcer extraordinaire JOEL GERTNER!

 

COLE

Joel Gertner!?

 

COACH

That man is a P-I-M-P! I always wanted that cool shirt collar he had.

 

CABOOSE

That was a neckbrace, you twit!

 

Malibu and Crystal stare in disbelief at the screen, wondering why exactly Joel Gertner of all people is cutting them off.

 

GERTNER

It is I, the Quintessential Studmuffin...Joel, I'm sorry to cut you off, but I have to get this off my chest...much like your mom has to wipe my BLEEP! off her breast...GERTNER!

 

COACH

YO~!

 

GERTNER

Zack Malibu, Crystal, greetings from the Front Office. The OAOAST Board Of Directors, as well as those on the Championship Commitee, have requested the presence of yours truly to relay a message to you both. In hopes of settling this war once and for all, a match has indeed been made for AngleSlam!

 

The fans pop. Crystal smiles. Malibu scowls.

 

GERTNER

However, it won't be just any match. This match will be consisted in a specially constructed cage that will hang from the ring. Come match time, it will lower and encase you two and a referee. No Thrillogy. No Sly. No Northstar. There won't be any form of entry on this cage. Once it's lowered, you two are locked in till the finish.

 

MALIBU

WHAT? What the hell are you talking about, you has-been shock jock sonofa...

 

GERTNER

I'm not done, Zackary! The Championship Commitee has ruled that this match CANNOT end on a pinfall or submission like most matches would. In fact, every rule that you know...throw it out the window.

 

Malibu smirks slightly. Crystal seems more concernred.

 

GERTNER

It comes down to two things, people. Survive...or Surrender. One of you will walk out of that ring with a big gold belt draped over your shoulder. The other? Well he or she, depending on who can't handle it, will be known the world over for two magical words...I Quit.

 

COLE

WOW! A Survive Or Surrender I Quit Match!? I've never even seen one and I'm excited!

 

GERTNER

Now, with that news, I bid you farewell. Oh, and Matthews? The metro thing...it's not gonna work pal.

 

With those cryptic words to announcer Josh Matthews, the screen fades to black, and Malibu turns to Crystal, looking ready to explode.

 

CRYSTAL

Sounds good to me, champ.

 

With a sarcastic tone in her voice, Crystal shoves Zack, almost playfully. Malibu begins to laugh.

 

MALIBU

Sounds good to you? Of course it does...because you got what you wanted. Be warned though...this will be the LAST TIME I let you in my ring with me. You'll be scrubbing pans with the rest of the dishrags in some soup kitchen somewhere. I'm not afraid of you, I'm not threatened in the least by you...

 

CRYSTAL

...even though I beat you twice, and almost walked out of License To Pin with your title?

 

Malibu is incensed. He walks towards Crystal, looking down into her eyes in an intimidating fashion.

 

MALIBU

You don't get it. This dream of yours...it's just that. A dream. The happy endings don't always happen in reality, Crystal. I've tried to tell you. God knows I've tried to show you. This is it! The end of the line! The ultimate reality check is coming your way, and you want to put it off just for the sake of hyperbole!? We are talking about the World Heavyweight Title, dammit. A title that I made! Not Anglesault, not Caboose, certainly not Alfdogg...ME! I MADE THAT BELT! I BLED FOR IT! I FOUGHT FOR IT! I lost my girlfriend at the time because of that title. I lost my best friend because of the fact that I held that title! All these things that would have killed a lesser man, they didn't kill me...they made me realize what I had to do...they made me stronger. They made me realize I couldn't be weak...I couldn't keep my guard down...and that I SHOULDN'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS OF ME!? A cheater!? A coward!? Call me whatever you want, Crystal, but the fact is I'M THE ONE WHO IS CALLED CHAMPION WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE! I'M THE ONE WHO WALKS AWAY WITH THE BELT AROUND HIS WAIST, AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOES HOME CRYING! YOU'RE THE ONE DESPERATE FOR THE NEXT CHANCE! Well, it's here. It's not just your next chance...it's your LAST CHANCE. If you're so determined...so strong-willed...why don't you do your fanbase a favor and MAKE IT COUNT?

 

With that, Malibu drops the mic at Crystal's feet and walks away, back pedaling as she glares at him. The cameras close in tightly on a very determined Female Phenom, who looks like she's ready to kill, before taking us to commercial break.

 

(Go to break)

Edited by Patty O'Green

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(Return from break)

 

The scene opens at ringside, where we see Jackie Gayda standing near the ropes. She's arguing with a production assistant.

 

COLE

Welcome back to HeldDOWN, fans! This is Michael Cole alongside Caboose in the Coach, and in the ring right now is none other than Jackie Gayda! Miss Jackie, call her what you will...

 

COACH

And she doesn't look happy, Mikey.

 

COLE

Well...no, she isn't. We're scheduled to hear from Chris Bryte right about now, and Bryte actually requested that Jackie conduct this interview! Why? Well...I really don't know. It's no secret around the locker room area that Jackie Gayda dispises Chris Bryte. She's had it in for him ever since the Great Angle Bash when he shoved her to the ground and tried to take her head off with a couple of kicks. And then it was two weeks ago when this asshole...this piece of garbage Bryte had the audacity to sic The Hand on Jackie! Jackie...she HATES Chris Bryte. She's tried as hard as she could try to get out of this interview...

 

CABOOSE

And that just goes to show just how unprofessional she really is. As a broadcaster, Cole, you have to put up with people you don't like from time to time. Hell, as long as I've had to put up with you two morons, it's a wonder that I haven't been driven to suicide as of yet.

 

COLE

Anyway, we're awaiting Bryte...

 

Jackie rolls her eyes at the production assistant and walks towards the center of the ring with a sneer on her face. The house lights dim as "It's Goin' Down" hits the PA system. Dim blue spotlights cover the arena, and bright white strobelights flash at the entrance.

 

Watch them flee!

 

Watch them flee!

 

Wa-Wa-Watch them flee! [hip hop hits]

 

*SCRATCH, SCRATCH*

 

And you do it like this...

 

The locker room curtains swing open and the crowd boos wildly as Chris Bryte twirls out onto the stage with his arms extended into the air, clad in a bright gray suit and, as always, his trademark shades. He's accompanied by seven police officers. Bryte eggs the crowd on as he strolls down the entrance ramp with a cocky smile on his face; meanwhile, Gayda eyes him with disdain from the ring. When he reaches ringside, Bryte starts up the ring stairs and steps into the ring, where cups, bottles, beach balls, and other debris is tossed in his direction. The officers surround the ring, and the lights slowly begin to return to normal and the music dies down as chants of "Chris Bryte Sucks" echo throughout the arena. Bryte places his arm around Jackie, causing her to clinch her teeth and breathe a deep, angry breath.

 

JACKIE

Now Chris--

 

BRYTE

(snatches the mic away) Whoa, whoa, whoa there Miss Jackie! Aren't you...uh...aren't you gonna introduce me?!

 

Jackie shoots Bryte one of the most evil looks imaginable. Bryte, seemingly oblivious to her INTENSE~ hatred, just smiles away.

 

BRYTE

Well c'mon, baby! C'mon! Announce the Bryte Man! Do it!

 

Bryte shoves the mic back HARD into her chest, knocking her back a step. She clinches her fists, and she begins to tremble as her body fills with rage.

 

COACH

Damn, Jackie looks like she may hit Bryte!

 

CABOOSE

I'd like to see her try it!

 

Jackie takes a deep breath to compose herself.

 

JACKIE (monotone)

Ladies and gentlemen: Chris--

 

BRYTE

Say it like ya mean it!

 

JACKIE (higher pitch)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

 

BRYTE

LOUDER!!!!!

 

JACKIE

CHRIS FUCKING BRYTE!!!!! CAN WE GET THIS OVER WITH?!!!!!!![/color=red]

 

Bryte jumps, startled by Jackie's anger. She continues breathing heavily, huffing and puffing, ready to explode at any moment. Bryte just cracks a smile, though, and he wraps his right arm around her and pulls her close.

 

BRYTE

Jackie, Jackie! I'm sensing a whole lotta pent-up anger there sweetheart! A whole lotta pent-up frustration. And ya know something, Jackie, I think maybe you need a man to help you release some of that frustration. Now listen, normally, Jackie, I wouldn't be caught dead associating myself with a bottom barrel skank like you, but who knows! Maybe if you're a good girl and if you play your cards right...I dunno, maybe later tonight, the Bryte man could swing by and show you just what--

 

Gayda takes a swing at him, and Bryte's just able to dodge it. The crowd pops in the background.

 

BRYTE

HEY! HEY!!! WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?! You see Jackie...this is exactly why I called you out here tonight! This is exactly why I called OAOAST corporate and demanded that they made you the interviewer here tonight, because I've got a little something to say to you, sister! See Jackie, I've been watching you, girlfriend! Mmm-hmmm! I've had my eye on you! I've watched how you handle yourself in these interview segments! I've seen how you conduct yourself in the locker room! I've seen it, Jackie, and I've come to a conclusion about you, my dear, and I wanna make it perfectly clear for you that as an interviewer, as a reporter, and as a broadcast journalist, you, my dear, ABSOLUTELY SUCK!!!!

 

The crowd boos in the background as Gayda continues to eye Bryte down.

 

COLE

That was uncalled for.

 

CABOOSE

I think it was right on the money! Bryte's so right!

 

BRYTE

Yeah...don't roll your eyes at me sweetheart, because deep down inside, you know I'm telling the truth! These people here in the crowd: they know I'm telling the truth! I mean...seriously, don't get me wrong! You're a GREAT piece of ass! (slight crowd pop) As eye candy, you're absolutely tremendous, but as an interviewer, Jackie...just face it: YOU CAN'T CUT IT!

 

COACH

Don't give her ideas, Bryte. You're gonna mess around and end up with another Lorena Bobbit on your hands!

 

COLE

Stop it!

 

BRYTE

Now fans, Jackie does suck as an announcer, but believe me: she ain't the only one! No! The OAOAST broadcast crew is a total mess right now! I mean, save for Caboose, the entire team is comprised of idiots! Everyone...from Cole on down! I'm talking Coach! I'm talking Josh Matthews! I'm talking Savage! Each and every last one of you morons! Collectively, you're a black eye on this sport!

 

COLE

Who the hell does this guy think he is?

 

CABOOSE

He's telling it like it is, Cole! I always liked Chris Bryte!

 

BRYTE

Now I know all of you fans out there have seen the poor state that OAOAST's broadcast team is in, and I know you're sick and tired! You're tired of buffoonery, you're tired of propaganda, you're tired of it all, and you're waiting for a change! Well ladies and gentlemen, never fear, because a change is on the way! So pay attention, Cole! Pay attention Coach! And YOU (points at Jackie)...you had damn sure better pay attention, and pay homage to the number one broadcast journalist in the game today! He is the most intelligent man in ALLLLLLL of wrestling, and fans, he just happens to be MY FAVORITE UNCLE! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I give to you the one...the only...KEVIN...YANCY...TAAAAAYLOOORRRRRRR~!

 

Bryte points towards the entrance as "Everybody's Fool" by Evanescence hits the PA system. Blue and white spotlights focus on the entrance as a man appears from the locker room, his hair slicked back, and clad in a blue Hawaiian shirt, black slacks and loafers, with black shades on his face. He's got a big smile on his face as he starts down the ramp to ringside.

 

COLE

Hey...that's...that's "Uncle Kev"! That's the man who last week on HeldDOWN cost Panther his match-up against The Hand!

 

CABOOSE

Um...actually Panther lost to *CHRIS BRYTE* last week, Cole!

 

COLE

...yes. I meant...Bryte.

 

CABOOSE

Now do you see what he was saying about you?

 

Taylor nears the bottom of the ramp and heads up the ring stairs and into the ring. As he and Bryte embrace in the ring, the camera cuts backstage, where we briefly see Tina cuddled up to Panther's right arm as they both watch on a monitor in the locker room. We then cut back to ringside, focusing on the officers surrounding the ring before cutting back to the ring, where Taylor has a mic. Chants of "PAN-THER, PAN-THER" echo throughout the arena as Taylor begins to speak.

 

TAYLOR

Yes friends! Cheer! Cheer like you've never cheered before, for I...KEVIN...YANCY...TAYLOR...am here in the OAOAST, and things are about to change for the better!

 

The crowd boos in the background as the cameras focus on a "CHRIS BRYTE SUCKS" sign in the crowd. We then cut back to the locker room, where Panther is eyeing the monitor intently. Back at ringside, Taylor continues.

 

TAYLOR

Now I've sat back for months now and watch as these so-called OAOAST announcers portrayed my nephew as a bad person! They've portrayed him as a scoundrel! Heck! They even tried to portray him as a MURDERER! You people have no idea how hard I had to work to clear poor Chris's name! (crowd boos) Well fans, I am here to make sure that that never ever happens again! As his own personal announcer, reporter and media representative, I am here to make sure that Chris Bryte receives the fair, unbiased coverage that he deserves! I will make sure that people like (eyes Jackie) this trollup here NEVER get the opportunity to soil my nephew's reputatation ever again, and at the same time, I will work to bring respectability to the OAOAST broadcast team! I will offer my expertise to people such as Michael Cole...to people like The Coach! Just sit back and learn from me, because with a little work, a little time, and a little effort, you'll be able to become ALMOST as good as me...KEVIN...YANCY...TAYLOR! Almost!

 

Taylor laughs and holds up his index and thumb fingers to reiterate that last comment. Meanwhile, Jackie tries to leave the ring, but Bryte pulls her back. Jackie shoots Chris another evil glare.

 

BRYTE

Where you going, girlie?! Lesson time ain't over yet! Oh no! Because ya see, people, whether you know it or not, Uncle Kev here is no stranger to the OAOAST. See...he's actually been in the thick of things for a lot longer than people realize! Ain't that right, Unc?

 

TAYLOR

That's right...PANTHER! TINA! Didn't think you'd ever see me again, now did you? (smiles) Funny how things work out. See, since last December, I've been working with Chris, and together, we have made your lives a living hell! And I've enjoyed every second of it! And I'm sure that some of you unwashed masses are wondering "why"? Why have I targeted Panther! Why I targeted Tina! What has happened between us in the past that would make me actively try to make these people miserable. Well the answer, my friends, is as simple as four little letters...N...F...W...A!

 

We cut back to Panther in the locker room. Tina's massaging his shoulders in order to keep him calm. We cut back out to a smiling Taylor at ringside.

 

TAYLOR

Yes, Panther! I was a part of that abortion of a fed you ran. I was employed by you for over two years, and it was there that I cemented my status as the number one broadcast journalist in the game! I mean let's face it, Panther...you know it's true...anyone who followed that fed know's it's true! I was the best commentator that company ever had! With my expert broadcast journalism, I brought more life, more energy, more entertainment to the masses than any other commentator in wrestling history. And how was I repaid for my expertise? I'll tell ya how! I got pushed to the B-show in favor for a friggin' DRUG ADDICT, and some HACK from Vancouver!

 

The Vancouver crowd gives Taylor pretty good heat for that last comment. He continues.

 

TAYLOR

You see, Panther, in all the time I worked for you, you never appreciated me! You never appreciated my talent! My worth to the company. And on top of that, Panther, you disrespected me! You personally insulted me, you'd have me humiliated in front of the world by your wrestlers...week in and week out! I'd get attacked, and you'd turn a blind eye to it! You did nothing about it. It was because of you, Panther, that I became the laughing stock of my family...the BUTT of all my friends' jokes...and to top it all off, my nephew here, he was completely blind to it! He looked up to you, Panther! He idolized you! (runs his hands through his hair) You have no idea just how much it'd eat at me to see Chris Bryte running around wearing your stupid t-shirts...spouting your ridiculous catchphrases...it made me SICK! But I put up with it all, Panther! Despite all the mistreatment, I was still loyal to you and that blasted company of yours...that is, until you crossed the line. When you did the unthinkable! When YOU put your hands on Kevin Yancy Taylor! YOU ATTACKED ME, PANTHER! YOU ATTACKED ME!

 

He breathes heavily for a moment, then a smile comes across his face.

 

TAYLOR

It was on that day, Panther, that I dedicated myself to ruining you. It was that day that I dedicated myself to making you miserable. Now around that time, there was someone else that was also looking for revenge against Panther. There was someone who gave me an offer, gave me the opportunity to pay you back, Panther...and that person...was none other than Tina Marie Laurer! (mild pop) Oh yeah, Tina! You promised me my revenge. In fact, you made a lot of promises, didn't you? Promises of fame. Promises of fortune. All I had to do was join your Angelfire army, and you'd take care of everything. And I believed in you, Tina! I believed in your cause and supported you more than perhaps anyone in Angelfire. And in the end, we triumphed! In the end, we drove Panther away from the sport and drove that fed of his out of business. And then what, Tina?! What happened to all the promises? The fame? The financial security! The money! What happened? (scoffs) Tina, YOU LET US DOWN! We did all the work, we were the ones that brought home the victory, but you didn't hold up your end of the bargain! Because of you, I found myself bankrupt! I was put out of my home! Thrown out on the streets! All because of you! You nearly ruined my life, Tina! It was only because of my brother, Chris Bryte's father that I was able to get back on my feet. And then, after all I went through, after I had given my all to see to it that we took Panther out once and for all...you had the audacity...TINA, you had the AUDACITY to show up here in OAOAST side by side with that man!!!!! You join back up with Panther! In that one move, Tina, you took all of my pain, all my trials and tribulations and YOU SPIT ON THEM! You disrespected me, Tina, and for that, Tina you became just as big an enemy as Panther was. And for that, you both had to suffer.

 

The crowd boos once again in the background, as Chris Bryte roots his uncle on. Backstage, we notice that the locker room that once held Panther and Tina is now empty. Back to ringside...

 

TAYLOR

So that's when Chris and I came together. Chris had, by this point, begun to see just how low Panther had sunk, and together, we concocted a plan to ruin you both mentally, emotionally and professionally! It was me who sent Chris Bryte to Tina! I fed him all the information he needed get into your head Tina, and in turn, get into Panther's head. I fed him all the information he needed to get to the both of you, I even gave him The Hand. Heck, I was the guy who called J-Dogg up and lured him into that match against The Hand! All to get inside your head, Panther. All so that I could manipulate the both of you, and have my revenge. And now look at you...both of you. Panther and Tina...two of the most powerful, most ruthless people I've ever come across...now at the mercy of Chris Bryte and Kevin Yancy Taylor! I love it!

 

COLE

He sure is a long-winded son of a gun.

 

COACH

Man.

 

BRYTE

Yes, yes, yes! Uncle Kev, I couldn't have said it better. Panther and Tina have proven to be beneath us...I mean good God! How many times have I pinned Panther now? Once...twice...three...four times now!!! Compared to what...his two? People, I have dominated Panther! I have proven to be his superior, and now I've got nothing left to prove! See Panther, you were guaranteed one match with me upon your return to the OAOAST...and that match was unfortunately your last match, because I am announcing right here tonight in Vancouver, that Panther will never EVER get another chance to face Chris Bryte as long as he lives! (crowd boos) Oh yeah! I am done with Panther! I have surpassed him! I never want anything to do with that piece of garbage again, and just to make sure of that...look around the ring! We've issued a restraining order against Panther, and if he comes within 50 feet of me ever again, then he will be taken straight to jail!!!!!

 

More boos come up from the crowd, as Bryte and Taylor pose. In the background, Gayda just looks on.

 

COLE

I can't believe it. I can't believe that Chris Bryte would have the audacity to put a restraining order on Panther!

 

COACH

Me either! I mean...who uses restraining orders in WRESTLING?!

 

COLE

I know. That's...that unprecedented Coach!

 

Caboose just looks at both men and shakes his head.

 

COACH

Yeah. I can't believe he'd use a restraining order. I mean...can he do that?!

 

COLE

Well, he's done it, but I dunno we're gonna find out here! Here comes Panther!

 

Indeed, the crowd pops in the background as Panther and Tina head down the ramp to ringside; Panther's got a chair in hand. They are immediately confronted by the cops upon reaching ringside.

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, Panther! You heard the man! It's over! You lost! Get outta here!

 

COLE

Panther...he looks incensed.

 

Panther and Tina just glare into the ring as the cops try to talk them down. They appear to have calmed Panther until Taylor walks towards the ropes and spits at him. Panther flips, bursting through the crowd of cops, charging the ring and hitting Taylor with a spear, sending the crowd into a frenzy!

 

COLE

WHOA! HE'S GOT TAYLOR! PANTHER'S GOT HIS HANDS ON TAYLOR!

 

CABOOSE

POLICE! POLICE!

 

The police try to get into the ring to get at Panther, but Panther swings the chair in their direction, keeping them at bay. He then turns to Bryte, freezing him like a deer in headlights...

 

COACH

Uh oh!

 

CABOOSE

Get outta there Chris!!!!

 

Panther starts towards Bryte, who's scared stiff, and as he approaches, Panther takes the chair, rears back and....

 

*WHAM*

 

COLE

OH NO!!!!! HE HIT JACKIE!!!!

 

Darn! At the last second, Bryte grabs Gayda by her right arm and pulls her into the way of the chairshot. Taylor and Bryte make quick exits as the cops rush Panther and put the cuffs on him. Meanwhile, Tina and some officials hit the ring to check on Jackie, who's now bleeding.

 

COLE

This is bad. This is real bad. She's hurt.

 

CABOOSE

And Panther's going to jail! Where he belongs! I love it.

 

Taylor and Bryte look on as Panther is led from the ring in cuffs. We fade to...

 

The Mad Cappa is exiting the building when his cell phone rings. Through the marvel of modern wrestling television, we hear the call. Or, for kayfabe, his volume is set to very high.

 

"Great job tonight. You've made us proud."

 

Cappa

I'm not proud. He was defenseless.

 

"He doesn't want us, or you, to succeed."

 

Cappa

Yeah, well you're just in it for the power. And you know what, I've had it.

 

"Don't say that. You won't like saying that"

 

Cappa

Yeah, in case you didn't know. IM NOT SCARED OF YOU!"

 

Cappa throws the cell against the wall, shattering it, and he walks out. He isn't wearing his "5" shirt...

 

(Go to break)

 

(Return from break)

 

COLE

What a night we've had so far, and we're now just moments away from our great main event!

 

COACH

That's right. If you're joining us late, get ready, because our NEW 24/7 Champion, Chris Stevens, will defend against Hoff! Should be a great matchup.

 

COLE

Absolutely, and--

 

The cameras abruptly cut to a shot of the Thrillogy in their locker room.

 

COLE

Oh, look at this!

 

In the room, Hoff is pacing the floor as Zack, Candie, and Calvin sit in their plush leather chairs.

 

HOFF

Guys...okay, you gotta hear me out on this.

 

ZACK

We're all ears, buddy.

 

Hoff takes a DEEP breath.

 

HOFF

Guys, I need to go it alone tonight.

 

Calvin raises an eyebrow, and Zack cocks his head, but neither man speaks.

 

HOFF

It's just that...I dunno. This thing with Chris and I...I know I've told you some of it, but...it's personal. It's...it's a matter of pride, you know? I have to know whether I can beat him or not. One on one, straight up.

 

Zack and Calvin look at each other, nodding.

 

ZACK

Sure, Hoff. If that's what you want.

 

CALIVN

We get it, big man. Take care of business.

 

Hoff nods, and a slight smile passes over his face as he adjusts the velcro on his gloves. Hoff turns and heads out the door.

 

COLE

Hoff sure looks ready for battle.

 

COACH

In all fairness, you've got to admire him for -- hey, there's Stevens!

 

The crowd pops as the cameras cut to a shot of Chris Stevens walking down a hallway, his face a stone mask, with the 24/7 belt around his waist. Stevens walks by several OAOAST employees, all of whom shout words of encouragement, but Stevens pays them no mind, keeping his eyes locked forward.

 

CABOOSE

I guess, as they say, the time for talking is over!

 

COACH

Talk about intense!

 

COLE

Chris Stevens is ready! Hoff is ready! And we're ready! Our main event of the evening....NEXT!!

 

(Go to break)

Edited by Patty O'Green

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(Return from break)

 

*ding.....ding.....ding*

 

COLE

Here we go!

 

Michael Buffer steps into the center of the ring with a microphone in hand.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children ofall ages. It is now time for our HeldDOWN~! maaaain event for this evening! This contest is scheduled for one fall, with no time limit, and it is for the One and Only Anglesault Threaaad Twenty-Four Seven Championship!!!

 

CUE: "Black" by Sevendust

 

The fans begin to boo as Hoff's familiar theme music fills the air.

 

BUFFER

Introducing first, the challenger. A man who, as a member of the vile Thrillogy faction, captured and defended the Twenty-Four Seven Title with complete and total dominance. Last week, this Emperor of Death was dethroned by a man from his past, and tonight he seeks retribution and a return to glory. From Minneapolis, Minnesota, weighing in at two-hundred and seventy-five pounds, he is.....HOFF!!!!

 

Hoff steps out onto the stage. The usual flash and flair are nonexistant tonight, replaced by a grim demeanor and a slight scowl. Pausing to survey the crowd, Hoff walks slowly down the ramp, sliding into the ring. Hoff walks by Buffer without a glance, and retreats to the far corner, forgoing his usual salute on the turnbuckles, and instead keeps his eyes locked on the entrance as his music dies out.

 

CUE: "Bound For the Floor" by Local H

 

The fans come to their feet and give Stevens' theme song a HUGE pop!

 

BUFFER

And his opponent for this evening. A native of Rochester, Minnesota, this man has traveled the globe perfecting his craft. And eight-year veteran, he seized the opportunity to win his first OAOAST title last week. Making his first title defense in an OAOAST ring, weighing in tonight at two hundred and sixteen pounds, he is the reigning and defending Ona and Only Anglesault Thread Twenty-Four Seven Champion....CHRIIIIISSSSS STEEEEVENSS!!!!!!!

 

Buffer exits as Stevens enters the arena from behind the curtain, and the fans go ballistic. Stevens keeps his face a stone mask...until suddenly unstrapping the 24/7 Title from his waist and hoisting it high into the air, driving the fans ecstatic!! Stevens lets out a yell, then lets a big grin settle on his face as he walks down to the ring. Stevens slaps hands with fans all the way to the ring, going so far as to pose for photographs. Hoff simply stands in the ring, watching, as Stevens takes a walk around the perimeter of the ring, letting himself enjoy the newfound popularity and fame, before rolling into the ring and climbing the near turnbuckle, holding his belt up to another big pop! Stevens hops down, rolling his neck and handing the belt to the official. The referee shows the belt to Hoff, who nods, then hoists it up for everyone to see before handing it to the timekeeper.

 

COLE

That's what it's all about!

 

The ref calls both men to the center of the ring. Stevens' smile fades as he and Hoff meet in the middle of the squared circle, eyes locked onto one another. Sparks of electricity are almost visible as the referee's explanation of the rules falls on deaf ears. The official asks Stevens if he understands, and the champion nods without taking his gaze off of Hoff. The official asks Hoff the same question, and the Thrillogy member just shoves him away.

 

COACH

Whoa!

 

The referee shakes it off, then shoots Hoff a perturbed look before shrugging and motioning for the timekeeper to ring the bell.

 

COLE

We are now officially underway!

 

Chris Stevens and Hoff remain unmoving, standing almost nose to nose in the center of the ring, eyes still locked on each other. A scowl is visible on either man's face, and Hoff begins talking. Stevens says nothing as Hoff jaws away. A fever pitch builds in the audience as Hoff steps ever so slightly closer to Stevens, who still remains silent.

 

COLE

Oh my lord, you could cut this tension with a knife!

 

Hoff continues jawing at Stevens, before shoving the champion back a step. The fans suck in their breath as Stevens stumbles backwards. Hoff smirks...but Stevens comes charging forward and floors Hoff with a spear!! The fans go INSANE!! Stevens falls on top of Hoff and begins throwing WILD punches!!!

 

COLE

My God! We knew this situation would explode!

 

Hoff powers out, throwing Stevens to his left and getting to his knees. Stevens beats Hoff to his feet, though, and grabs him by the head, slamming him face-first into the turnbuckle! Hoff reels, and Stevens throws him into the buckle, catching him across the jaw with a European uppercut! Hoff's head snaps back, and Stevens fires off another shot! Stevens grabs Hoff by the arm and whips him across the ring, and the force brings Stevens to his knees as Hoff hits the opposite buckle face-first! Hoff stumbles back as Stevens finds his feet, and Stevens spins Hoff around, hitting him with another European uppercut that takes the big man down!

 

COACH

Stevens is on fire!

 

Stevens straddles Hoff, kneeling down across Hoff's chest and unloading with a series of right hands. Hoff tries to cover his face, but Stevens rips one hand away and rakes Hoff in the eye! Hoff clutches at his eyes in pain, as Stevens begins slamming hard rights into Hoff's chest!! Hoff tries to turn over under Stevens, but Stevens grabs him by the hair, pulling him back and slamming him in the face with a HUGE right hand!

 

COLE

Stevens, unlike a lot of guys, is showing no fear of Hoff!

 

CABOOSE

Hoff intimidates a lot of guys, but I guess Stevens has been in there with him before!

 

Stevens gets to his feet and begins stomping at Hoff, SCREAMING for the big man to get up! Hoff slowly crawls away and gets to his feet, and Stevens immediately whips him off the ropes. Hoff comes off the other side and Stevens leapfrogs him, then catches him off the far side with a blind back elbow! Hoff staggers back, holding his jaw, and Stevens moves in...but Hoff quickly charges with a clothesline, but Stevens ducks the move! Hoff spins around, and Stevens quickly catches Hoff in a drop toe hold that sends Hoff neckfirst onto the second rope! Stevens begins choking Hoff on the rope as the fans cheer him on!

 

COLE

Hoff has made so many enemies as a part of the Thrillogy! The fans are loving this!

 

CABOOSE

I'm not! Come on, Hoff!

 

Stevens lets go of the choke, then walks across the ring, jogging into the ropes! Stevens bounces off the ropes, picking up speed until he leaps on Hoff, dropping his weight across the back of Hoff's head!! Hoff's eyes bug out as Stevens' backside bounces across him. Stevens gets up, and Hoff quickly rolls off of the ropes, grasping at his throat.

 

COLE

A tried and true maneuver from Stevens there!

 

Stevens pumps up the crowd quickly, pumping his fist as Hoff lies on the canvas, before going back to work. Stevens picks Hoff up off the mat by his hair, whipping him again into a turnbuckle. Hoff again staggers out, and Stevens catches him with a deep armdrag takedown! Hoff skids across the ring as Stevens quickly finds his feet. Hoff gets up, looking angry, and charges Stevens...walking right into another armdrag! Stevens quickly gets up and smirks at Hoff, who complains to the referee of a hair pull. The referee just shrugs.

 

COLE

I wouldn't be surprised if Stevens did use a cheap trick or two! These two do not like each other!

 

Hoff gets up, nostrils flared. He stalks toward Stevens, looking for a lockup. Stevens beckons Hoff on as he steps back, then quickly darts in under Hoff's arms and grabs his right wrist, twisting it back into a hammerlock! Hoff tries to pull free of the move, then throws a back elbow with his free left arm, but Stevens ducks! Stevens lets go of the hammerlock, and Hoff's momentum causes him to spin around, facing Stevens, who takes him down with a snampare! Hoff hits the mat, and Stevens stays on him, applying a rear chinlock!

 

COACH

Stevens seems to be a step ahead of Hoff so far!

 

Hoff quickly fights to his feet, throwing an elbow to the ribs of Stevens. Stevens lets go of the chinlock, and Hoff grabs Stevens' right arm with his left, looking for the short-arm clothesline...but again, Stevens ducks! This time, though, Stevens grabs Hoff's right arm with his free left, then yanks his right arm free, hopping up and throwing both legs and arms onto Hoff's right arm, taking the big man down into a cross arm breaker as the fans applaud!!

 

COLE

Wow, what a counter there!

 

CABOOSE

Even I have to admit, that's an impressive move.

 

Hoff slams his fist onto the mat as Stevens wrenches back on Hoff's arm, applying pressure to the wrist, elbow, and shoulder joints. Hoff grits his teeth and grimaces in pain. The referee checks on Hoff to see if he wants to give up, but the big man shakes his head. Stevens wrenches back again on the right arm, as a "Stevens" chant goes up in the stands. Hoff rolls left, then right, but can't get his arm free.

 

COLE

Hoff could be in trouble here!

 

Hoff reaches his free, left arm over, clawing at Stevens' boots, but Stevens just rears back again and Hoff cries out in pain. Suddenly, Hoff rolls backwards, pulling a reverse somersault and twisting his arm free! Before Stevens can react, Hoff is on his feet! Stevens gets up and faces Hoff just in time to be DRILLED with a big right hand!

 

And Hoff YOWLS in pain!!

 

CABOOSE

Oh NO!

 

COLE

The damage has been done!

 

The fans laugh as Hoff shakes out his right arm, holding his wrist. Hoff looks away just long enough for Stevens to move in and blast him with another European uppercut that sends Hoff to the corner. Hoff crumples in the buckle, and Stevens climbs up to the second rope! Stevens raises his fist, then brings it down as the fans count along!

 

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"THREE!"

"FOUR!"

"FIVE!"

"SIX!"

"SEVEN!"

"EIGHT!"

"NINE!"

 

Stevens pauses and points out to the crowd, smiling wide!

 

"TEN!"

 

Stevens lays the final blow onto the top of Hoff's head, then hops down and to the side. Stevens grabs Hoff's arm and whips him cross-corner, but Hoff reverses the whip and Stevens crashes into the far buckle! Hoff charges in shoulder-first, but Stevens quickly hops up to the second rope! Stevens dives forward as Hoff charges in, flowing over him with a sunset flip! The referee makes the count!

 

ONE!!

 

TWO!!

 

KICKOUT!! Hoff kicks his feet, catching Stevens in the side of the head and causing him to release the hold. Hoff rolls backwards out of the pinning predicament and gets to his feet, catching a rising Stevens with a beautiful standing dropkick that sends Stevens into the buckle!

 

COLE

Nice dropkick from the big man!

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, well, when your arm is hurting, use your feet! Sound strategy.

 

Stevens gets up out of the corner, but Hoff sees him out of the corner of his eye, and charges at Stevens from his knees, driving the 24/7 champion back into the corner! Stevens hits hard and buckles slightly as Hoff stands back up, delivering a big left hook to Stevens!

 

COACH

Hoff still favoring his right arm!

 

Hoff throws another hook, but Stevens shakes it off and fires a punch of his own! Hoff reels, and Stevens lands another right hand, and another, and another! Hoff is reeling, and Stevens quickly moves to his side and drives Hoff down with a side Russian legsweep!

 

COLE

Stevens quickly shifts the momentum back in his favor!

 

CABOOSE

I don't think those lefts have as much power behind them as Hoff's rights do!

 

COLE

Well, convention suggests you work on your opponent's weaker arm, but Stevens' reverse strategy seems to be very effective!

 

Stevens sits up quickly after the Russian legsweep, grabbing Hoff's right arm by the wrist and using it to turn Hoff over onto his stomach! Stevens quickly tucks the arm under his own and applies a Fujiwara armbar! Hoff again cries out as Stevens wrenches back! The referee again checks on Hoff, but Hoff waves him away! Hoff grabs at Stevens' hair with his free hand, but Stevens rears back again, and Hoff lets go, slapping the mat in pain!! The ref checks for a tapout, but Hoff balls his fist, gritting his teeth.

 

COLE

Hoff may have been close to tapping there!

 

CABOOSE

Please, no way.

 

Hoff, slowly, brings himself to one knee, and Chris Stevens releases the armbar. Hoff gets to his full height, but Stevens quickly snakes around him and catches him in a drop toe hold before Hoff knows what's going on. Hoff hits the mat face-first, and Stevens pounces on his right arm, grabbing it with both hands and extending it before driving a knee into the elbow. Hoff yells in pain as Stevens repeats the maneuver, driving the knee down. Suddenly, Hoff yanks his arm free, rolling away all the way under the ropes and to the outside.

 

CABOOSE

Good, this is smart by Hoff.

 

COLE

Smart? Stevens has been dominant all match, and so Hoff takes the coward's way out!

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, smart.

 

Hoff walks around a bit, catching his breath and shaking out his sore right arm. Hoff holds his right elbow, gingerly flexing it a couple of times, and wiggling his fingers. A fan shouts something obscene to Hoff, and the big man yells back, before turning around...and getting hit with a HUGE suicide dive by Chris Stevens!! The fans pop as Stevens sails between the first and second ropes, flooring Hoff with a suicide dive clothesline that sends both men down!!

 

COACH

Whoa!

 

A "holy shit" chant breaks out at ringside as Stevens again begins pummeling Hoff! Stevens gets to his feet and pulls the big man up, grabbing him again by the right arm and driving the arm into the guardrail! The fans cheer as Hoff cries out, walking away and holding his arm in pain!

 

COLE

Stevens is staying on Hoff here! He's not letting him get collected!

 

Stevens follows Hoff, spinning him around and grabbing his arm again! Stevens whips Hoff into the steel steps, and Hoff hits them shoulder-first with a sickening crash! The steps go flying as Hoff sprawls into the guardrail!

 

COACH

Wow, what impact!

 

Hoff grimaces and holds his shoulder as he lies on the mat by the guardrail. Stevens grabs him and picks him up, leading him by the head around the ring. Stevens stops once to drive Hoff's skull into the ringpost, to the delight of the fans! Hoff grabs his face and forehead as he reels back, but Stevens grabs him again and leads him to the French announce table!

 

COLE

Not again!

 

CABOOSE

Poor French bastards...

 

Stevens rears back and slams Hoff's head into the table. Hoff bounces back, but Stevens grabs him by the tights and rolls him up onto the table, then climbs up after him!! Stevens raises one arm and plays to the cheering crowd!

 

COACH

Stevens has got to be careful, though. This is not his element. I know, I've seen the tapes!

 

Stevens reaches down and lifts Hoff up, so that the two men are standing on the table. The French announcers quickly get out of the way as Stevens hooks his arm around Hoff's neck! The fans pop!

 

COLE

Stevens is looking for the Rock Bottom! Some revenge for last week!

 

Stevens grabs Hoff's back to lift him, but Hoff quickly throws a back elbow -- his LEFT elbow -- into Stevens' head! Stevens reels, and Hoff quickly breaks free...and reverses the hold!!

 

COLE

Oh no!! Rock Bottom from-- WAIT!

 

Hoff lifts Stevens up, but Stevens quickly throws a back elbow of his own as Hoff lifts him! Hoff drops Stevens back onto his feet, and Stevens quickly capitalizes with a DDT THROUGH THE TABLE!!!

 

COACH

Oh my God!!

 

ANOTHER "holy shit" chant starts up as Stevens gets to his feet relatively quickly, picking up a totally dazed Hoff and throwing him back into the ring. Stevens follows him in, and goes for the cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREENO!! Hoff gets a foot on the ropes!

 

COLE

Stevens hooked the near leg, but Hoff was still able to get the far one onto the bottom rope!

 

The ref explains to Stevens, who brushes him aside and gets to his feet. Stevens whips Hoff into the ropes, then runs off the other side himself, meeting Hoff in the center of the ring with a running kneelift! Stevens makes a cover, but again can only get two!

 

COLE

Well, youi've got to hand it to Hoff...he's taken a lot but he won't stay down!

 

CABOOSE

Exactly. The mark of a TRUE champion.

 

Stevens starts to pull Hoff up again, but Hoff meets him with a shot to the gut. From his knees, Hoff catches Stevens with a left hand to the ribs, which doubles Stevens over. Hoff gets to his feet, and quickly grabs Stevens by the neck, bringing him down with a snap swinging neckbreaker!

 

COLE

Whoa, nice neckbreaker from Hoff!

 

COACH

Yeah, but he's still down!

 

Both men lie on the canvas after the neckbreaker, and the referee begins a ten count.

 

COLE

The early goings have definitely taken their toll on the challenger!

 

The referee reaches three, and Hoff begins to stir. At four, Hoff is on one knee, and Stevens has rolled onto his stomach. Stevens begins to push himself up at 5, and Hoff reaches his feeet before the count of six. Hoff stalks over to Stevens, grabbing his waist and throwing him over in a gutwrench suplex! Stevens lands hard, but Hoff again shakes his right arm after the move!

 

COACH

Nice suplex by Hoff, but you have to wonder how long he'll be able to keep it up!

 

COLE

A lot of Hoff's power comes from those big arms! we'll have to see what he can do!

 

Hoff gets to his feet, still favoring his right arm. Stevens crawls up to his knees, and Hoff pulls him up the rest of the way, catching the still-doubled over 24/7 champ with another gutwrench suplex! Hoff floats over into a cover, but Stevens kicks out at two! Hoff gets back to his feet, and pulls Stevens back to his! Hoff leaves Stevens standing woozily in the middle of the ring, then runs off of the ropes, coming off with a big clothesline!

 

CABOOSE

With his LEFT arm! Atta boy!

 

Stevens falls to the mat, and Hoff looks down with a sick smirk as the fans jeer. Stevens gets back to his feet shakily, stubling around as Hoff runs off the ropes again. Stevens gets his bearings just in time to be leeveled by another clothesline!

 

CABOOSE

Left arm, left arm! Hoff is making lemonade out of lemons! Come on, big man!

 

Hoff looks out to the crowd, flexing and patting his left bicep as he grins. Stevens gets to his feet slowly and Hoff waits, waits, waits....then charges off with another clothesline...

 

CABOOSE

Hoff, NO! Wrong arm! Abort! Abort!!

 

Stevens turns and sees it coming...and GRABS the bad arm, taking Hoff down into a Fujiwara armbar!!! Hoff SHRIEKS in pain as Stevens torques the arm!! The fans go BANANARAMA!!!!!!!!!!

 

COLE

Hoff went to the well once too often, and paid for it dearly!!

 

Hoff kicks and screams as Stevens leans back on the arm, hurling curses and obscenities back at Hoff! Hoff reaches out to the ropes, but they're well out of reach!! The referee checks on Hoff, and Hoff SCREAMS!!!

 

COACH

This could be it!

 

Hoff holds out one hand, but doesn't tap! Hoff reaches out and drags himself slightly closer to the ropes!! Stevens raises his hips and leans back into the armbar, but Hoff inches another step closer to the ropes! Hoff reaches again, and almost brushes the bottom rope!!

 

CABOOSE

Oh he's almost there! Come on Hoff!!

 

Hoff pulls himself closer again, and reaches...but Stevens lets go of the armbar!! In a fury, Stevens begins stomping away at Hoff's outstretched arm!! Stevens lays boots into the elbow, the shoulder, anywhere he can find! Finally, Hoff once again rolls to the outside, and Stevens kicks the ropes after him!

 

COLE

Stevens looks possessed! I think he wanted Hoff to tap!

 

Hoff walks around the ring, holding his arm tightly, trying to dull the pain! Stevens slides out of the ring and chases after Hoff, clubbing him from behind with a forearm!! Hoff stumbles forward, and Stevens grabs him and throws him back into the ring! Stevens slides in after him, getting quickly to his feet and pulling Hoff up. Hoff cringes as Stevens grabs his right arm -- but suddenly, Stevens gets yanked forward, and Hoff BLASTS him with a short-arm clothesline!! Hoff falls as Stevens hits the mat, clutching at his right arm!!

 

COACH

Wow, what a desparation move by Hoff, but it took a lot out of him!

 

COLE

Yeah, but it floored the champion!

 

Hoff gets back to his feet, slowly, as does the champion, but Hoff is back up first. Hoff positions his body so that his left arm faces Stevens, and Stevens stumbles forward, allowing Hoff to bend down and scoop him up into a fireman's carry position with one arm.

 

COACH

Whoa! What power!

 

Hoff, still holding Stevens with one arm, bends backward and falls down into a Samoan Drop! The fans actually pop a bit as Hoff simply lays back into a cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRNO~! Stevens kicks out!

 

Hoff sits up, then uses his good left arm to get back to his feet. Stevens climbs to his feet using the ropes, but Hoff catches him and uses his good arm to whip Stevens off the ropes. Stevens comes back, and Hoff bends down, catching him in a back body drop! Stevens sails across the ring, and slides out under the bottom rope!

 

COLE

Now Stevens is trying to get it together!

 

Chris Stevens shakes his head, trying to clear his mind. Hoff heads over to the ropes, grabs the top rope, and vaults himself over into a flying body press -- but Stevens looks up, sidesteps him, and grabs his head on the way down, driving Hoff HARD to the floor!

 

CABOOSE

OH, NO!

 

COLE

Hoff went for it all there, and missed!!

 

Stevens looks down as Hoff lies on the floor, and lays in a couple boots to the back of Hoff's head! Stevens picks Hoff up, rolls him back into the ring, and follows him in!

 

COACH

This could be the beginning of the end!

 

Stevens gets to his feet and pulls Hoff up, scooping him up and bodyslamming him near the corner! Stevens heads over to the ropes!

 

COLE

Could be the Frog Splash!

 

Stevens, though, heads to the second rope, measures, and dives off, driving a Bret Hart-style forearm to Hoff's skull! Hoff shakes from the impact, and Stevens hooks the leg and makes a cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

COACH

Close call!

 

CABOOSE

You're telling me! Hoff is in trouble! Oh, why couldn't the Thrillogy be out here?

 

COLE

Because, Caboose! Hoff wanted to see if he could beat Stevens one on one, but so far he hasn't looked too good!

 

COACH

He's certainly been resillient, and resourceful, but the match has pretty much been all Stevens!

 

Stevens pulls Hoff up, drags him to the middle of the ring, and whips him off the ropes! Hoff comes off, and Stevens throws a big superkick -- but Hoff catches his foot! Hoff spins Stevens around, and catches him with a falling clothesline! The fans boo as Hoff makes a quick cover, but only gets two!

 

CABOOSE

Nice counter, and Hoff AGAIN using that left of his for all it's worth!

 

Hoff gets to his feet slowly, then pulls Stevens up, and hooks his right arm over Stevens' head! Hoff hooks his own head up, then uses his left arm to hoist Stevens up to the lights...hold him there...and drop him with a vertical suplex! Hoff gets up, slowly, but again beats Stevens to his feet! He pulls Stevens up again, and hooks him, and again takes him down with a vertical suplex! Hoff gets up, and pulls Stevens up again!!

 

COACH

Hoff getting some momentum back! He may be in this thing yet!

 

Hoff hooks Stevens again, but Stevens catches him with a shot to the gut! Hoff doubles over, and Stevens quickly wraps his arms around Hoff's waist and hits him with a bridging Northern Lights Suplex! The cover!

 

ONE!!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!

 

Hoff barely gets a shoulder off the canvas!! Stevens can't believe it and slaps the mat as he gets to his feet. Hoff gets up to one knee, and Stevens walks over to him -- but Hoff pops up, grabs Stevens, and PLANTS him with a HUGE front spinebuster~!!

 

COACH

OOEY GOOEY!!

 

COLE

Hoff catches Stevens with that spinebuster from out of NOWHERE!!

 

The move actually draws a pretty big pop from the crowd as Hoff, favoring his right arm, crawls over to Stevens and hooks the leg!

 

ONE!!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREENO!!! Kickout! The fans are ecstatic!!

 

COACH

Wow, that was close!!

 

COLE

Now it might be anyone's game!!

 

Hoff and Stevens both crawl around the mat, groggy. Hoff finds his knees before Stevens, then gets to his feet as the champion begins climbing to his with the aid of the ropes. Hoff sneaks up behind Stevens, and grabs his head from behind!!

 

CABOOSE

YES!! This is it!! It's all over!!!

 

The fans in Vancouver come to their feet as Hoff hooks Stevens' head under his right arm! Hoff reaches down with his left, lifting Stevens up for the Future Shock!! Hoff gets Stevens up, but Stevens begins to kick his legs!! Hoff stutters, tries to keep his balance, but Stevens slips out behind Hoff!! Before Hoff can react, Stevens grabs him and drops him with a pendulum backbreacker!!

 

CABOOSE

NO!! That's not how it was supposed to happen!!

 

The fans go crazy as Stevens looks down at Hoff...then over to the corner! Stevens climbs out of the ropes onto the apron, then heads up the turnbuckles!!

 

COACH

Froggy Splash coming up!!

 

Stevens raises one finger into the air, screaming, and the fans come alive as Stevens jumps off the top with his Frog Splash!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AND IT MISSES!!! Hoff rolls out of the way in the nick of time!! Caboose breathes an audible sigh of relief.

 

CABOOSE

Oh, sweet Mary and Joseph, thank you.

 

Stevens clutches at his ribs as Hoff rolls to one knee and...looks to the back.

 

COLE

What? Hey, what is Hoff doing?

 

Hoff looks to the back, motioning for somebody to come out...and out walk Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstien to the loudest chorus of boos this side of British Columbia.

 

CABOOSE

YES!!!!!!!!

 

COLE

Aw come on! I thought Hoff said he didn't need them!

 

COACH

He said he wanted to beat Chris Stevens on his own!

 

COLE

Well, obviously, he couldn't get that done!

 

CABOOSE

Now come on, Cole! They're just here to celebrate when Hoff wins!

 

COLE

Right.

 

Hoff gets to his feet, walking over to Stevens as Zack and Cal take their place at ringside. Hoff grabs Stevens by the hair, then whips him off the ropes, setting up for the SPINEBUSTER~...but Stevens slides under Hoff's legs! Stevens hops to his feet as Hoff turns around...and Stevens catches him with a superkick!! Hoff falls to the canvas like a ton of bricks!

 

COACH

What a kick! Hoff is OUT!

 

COLE

And Stevens is feeling it! He's gonna head up top again!

 

Stevens does head to the outside again, and climbs up to the top rope as Hoff lies unmoving in the ring. Suddenly, Calvin Szechstein hops onto the ropes, shouting at the official!

 

COLE

Aw, come on!

 

Chris Stevens looks on as the ref argues with Calvin as Zack Malibu sneaks to the other side without being seen! Zack quickly hops up onto the apron, shaking the ropes and causing Stevens to crotch himself on the top buckle!

 

COACH

Ouch! Hard landing!

 

COLE

Come on, someone get them out of here!!

 

Zack shouts for Hoff to get up as Calvin hops back down to the floor. Hoff slowly begins to stir, shaking the cobwebs out of his head as he gets to his knees. Stevens is still dazed as Hoff finds his feet, and heads to the corner. Hoff climbs up to the first rope...but Stevens punches him in the face! Stevens blasts Hoff again, and the big man stumbles back onto the floor! Stevens grabs Hoff by the head, and quickly jumps off the second rope, scoring with a Tornado DDT!!!

 

CABOOSE

NO!! ACK!! HOW!!

 

COLE

He's the champion!! And he is gonna beat Hoff!!

 

Stevens makes the cover...but there's no ref!! Stevens gets up and looks behind him, where Calvin Szechstein has AGAIN distracted the official!! Stevens walks to the scene and grabs Calvin, hurling him over the top rope and into the ring!! Stevens starts hammering on Szechstein as the fans cheer, but the referee breaks it up!! The official ushers Calvin out of the ring...and no one sees Malibu slide in the other side!!

 

COACH

Chris, look out!!

 

Stevens jaws with Calvin as the ref escorts him out, then turns around RIGHT INTO SCHOOL'S OUT!!!

 

COLE

NO!! DAMMIT, DAMMIT, NO!!

 

The fans are IRATE as Zack slides out of the ring. The referee turns back to the action, as Hoff slowly turns over and drapes one arm over Stevens' chest!!

 

COLE

NOT LIKE THIS!!!!

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!

 

*ding ding ding*

 

COLE

DAMN IT ALL!! DAMN HOFF, DAMN THE THRILLOGY, DAMMIT!!

 

CABOOSE

YES!! HE DID IT!! I knew he would!!! I knew it all along!!!

 

The fans begin pelting the ring with garbage as Buffer reads the decision from ringside.

 

BUFFER

The winner of this contest, and NEW Twenty-Four-Seven Champion......HOFF!!!!

 

Zack and Calvin slide into the ring and pull Hoff to his feet, and the referee hands him his 24/7 Title. Hoff looks at it, then pulls it close to his body, literally hugging the title. Zack straps it around his waist, and Calvin polishes it, as Hoff can barely stand. Calvin clasps Hoff on the right arm, and Hoff cringes.

 

COLE

This isn't right. This isn't right at all. Hoff can barely stand, and yet...

 

CABOOSE

And yet he's the champion! He did it, Cole, he beat Stevens and won the title!

 

COLE

But he couldn't do it on his own! He needed the help of TWO MEN to take Stevens down!!

 

Hoff climbs up to the second rope, raising his left arm into the air as the fans jeer. Hoff hops off of the ropes, and the Thrillogy celebrate...until they notice Stevens getting to his feet.

 

COACH

Aw, now come on guys, the match is over!

 

Hoff looks at Chris Stevens, with mixed emotion showing plainly on his face. Hoff unstraps his 24/7 title, looks down at it...and SMASHES IT INTO STEVENS' FACE!!

 

COACH

DAYUM!!

 

COLE

I thought, for a second, that maybe Hoff would offer Stevens his hand. But he hasn't changed! Not one damn bit!

 

CABOOSE

I know, it's great!!

 

Hoff knels down and shoves the 24/7 belt in front of Stevens' face, screaming obscenities. The fans boo...until a cheer runs through the crowd near the ramp!!!

 

COLE

Look! It's GUNNER!! GUNNER SHARPS!!!

 

CABOOSE

What, no! NO!!

 

Gunner barrels down to ringside as the fans scream! Zack and Calvin quickly slide out of the ring on either side as Gunner slides in -- but Hoff remains in the ring!!

 

CABOOSE

Oh JESUS!! Hoff, GET OUT!!!

 

Hoff doesn't hear a thing as he taunts Stevens! Finally, Hoff looks around, noticing Calvin and Zack shouting on either side!! Hoff gets to his knees, with his eyes wide...then his feet! Hoff looks to either side, unsure of what to do, as Gunner is poised behind him!!

 

CABOOSE

Oh, God, he's gonna turn around!! He always just turns around! Hoff, RUN!! GET OUT OF THE RING!! Don't--

 

But Hoff turns around! Hoff, knowing what's coming, charges at GUnner with a clothesline! But Gunner DUCKS!! Hoff turns around, and

 

COLE AND COACH

SHARP END!!!

 

Gunner SPEARS Hoff out of his boots with the Sharp End!! Hoff doubles over and falls to the mat, thrashing in pain before quickly rolling out of the ring!! The fans are BALLISTIC as Gunner shouts down at Hoff!! As the Thrillogy head up the ramp, Gunner turns around and checks on Chris Stevens, who is finally back to his knees. His forehead is bleeding from the belt shot, but Chris shakes him off, and Gunner turns his attention back to Hoff. The referee runs to Hoff, handing him his 24/7 Title, which Hoff raises into the air. Gunner stands at the ropes, staring Hoff and the Thrillogy down, and Chris Stevens, his forehead busted open, joins him, shooting a vicious, bloody gaze at Hoff...

 

*FADE TO BLACK*

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