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OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 10/6/05

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OAOAST HeldDOWN~!!

 

It's the first show of October, so the orange font is appropriate for once. I tell ya, we've got no taste in these things.

 

Speaking of no taste:

 

COLE

HEY! Great, that director is back. *Sigh* Welcome to HeldDOWN everybody. We've got --

 

The lights go down.

 

COLE

What the hell?

 

*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~!*

 

The fans EXPLODE as Hoff, wearing a plain white t-shirt, jeans, and a gorgeous World Title belt, steps onto the stage.

 

COLE

Well the cheers are still astonishing for our controversial World Champion!

 

COACH

Yeah, but the fact remains that, outside of a stellar match with PK at Dirty Deeds, Hoff has been pretty much absent without leave.

 

The champ wears a slight smile as he strides down the aisle. Abruptly, Hoff stops, and points with a slight shake of the head to a sign in the upper deck. The sign reads: "COME BACK HOFF!"

 

COLE

Well that about says it all, and I'm not sure what to make of Hoff's expression!

 

CABOOSE

Usually this idiot carries himself with a wholly undeserved confidence, but tonight it seems as though that World Title belt is weighing heavy on his shoulder.

 

Hoff climbs up the ring steps, ducking under the top rope as he heads into the squared circle. Walking across the ring, Hoff steps onto the far turnbuckle, hoisting his free arm high into the air.

 

COLE

Hoff forgoing much of his usual pageantry tonight. Guys, it looks like the champ has something on his mind.

 

The music fades as Hoff steps off the corner. The big man grabs a microphone from the timekeeper at ringside, then heads to the center of the ring to address the audience.

 

"HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF!"

 

COLE

They still love him!

 

CABOOSE

Yes they do.

 

Hoff lowers his head.

 

HOFF

If I could be serious for a moment...

 

The big man looks up with a sly grin as the audience roars in laughter. Hoff breathes deeply before continuing.

 

HOFF

So it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that something's not quite right in the OAOAST. And that something is me. For the last month, while guys like Rodez and Alfdogg have been carrying the show, the man who's supposed to be on top of the world hasn't even been in the building.

 

The fans grow quiet as Hoff continues.

 

HOFF

And while everyone in this organization has gone the extra mile to make things better, we can all sense that there's a bg, big problem. And again, that problem is me.

 

The fans actually begin to boo a little as Hoff shoulders some blame.

 

HOFF

At Angleslam, in August, I won this World Title, and I meant every word when I said that it was one of the greatest nights of my life. If not the greatest. But since then, I haven't been altogether...truthful.

 

COLE

What...what does he mean?

 

HOFF

Because I came out here and I told everyone that all the problems, all the issues I had with this company, with this business were worked out, and that's not really true. See, the fact is, when I came back, nothing was resolved, and nothing had changed. My best friend...my best friends in this company, Adam and Rob, better known as Axel and Drek Stone--

 

SHOCK passes over the arena. A collective gasp is heard throughout Calgary.

 

HOFF

My friends and I sat down time and time again, and we looked at how things were going, and the fact is, we weren't having fun anymore. That this grand rivalry, this young vs. old, Originals vs. Upstarts, whatever you want to call it...it wasn't going very well. While everyone in the company was swept into the master plan, creative freedom was set aside. And it would have been okay, everything would have been all right, except for the simple fact that this rivalry has no basis; it has no unifying factor on either side, no catalyst to put it together, and no motivation to cheer for either side.

 

DEEP breath from the champ.

 

HOFF

And as we watched it unfold, and we tried to work everyone into the tapestry, we saw Zack Malibu's master plan to "do the Invasion right" make every single mistake it had tried to avoid. And I'll be honest -- as much as I love this business, it became hard to be a part of.

 

COLE

I...I don't even....

 

CABOOSE

Just shut up, Cole.

 

Hoff looks down at the belt on his shoulder.

 

HOFF

And once I had this...once Axel and I finished telling our story, and I think you'll all agree it was a hell of a ride--

 

HUGE cheers.

 

HOFF

I realized that I had nothing left to fight for. And that no matter how many great matches I had -- and screw humility, I was the best worker in the company and everyone knows it, and brother, THAT IS A SHOOT -- and no matter how many young guys I got to work with, I wasn't going to enjoy myself. And to that end, I owe two huge apologies. One to Tha Puerto Rican, who together, we worked out a GREAT match, and I bailed at the last second. And let me go off topic here, I haven't always been PR's biggest fan, but the fact is he busts his ass every week, and he truly LOVES what we're doing, and he deserves some applause. And he deserved better from me.

 

The fans, predictably, applaud.

 

HOFF

And the second guy is Peter Knght...because, and not everyone knows this, but PK laid that whole match out, and he carried my ass to one hell of a main event, and PK, I hope you know I mean it when I say I am sorry. You and I could have and should have done so much more.

 

"YEEEEEAH!!! P-K! P-K! P-K!"

 

HOFF

And now that all the apologies are out of the way, I can say what I came out here to say. The simple truth is, I woke up one morning, and I simply couldn't come to work. I couldn't do it anymore -- I was spent. Drained, not physically, not mentally, because let me assure you that I can still go -- but emotionally. Spiritually. I have nothing left. And I think it's safe to say, in the state I'm in--

 

Hoff lifts the world title off of his shoulder.

 

HOFF

I don't deserve this anymore.

 

The big man gently lays the OAOAST Championship Belt on the floor.

 

HOFF

You know, it's funny. I always swore I'd put soimeone over for this thing, but so far, it's two title reigns without a defeat to my credit.

 

The crowd noise raises as Hoff sighs heavily, looking down at the belt. The big man turns his gaze back to the fans.

 

HOFF

The fact is, not only do YOU desrve a better champion, but so do they. The guys who bust their ass every week, every night...the guys who still love this business. And I'm not saying I don't love it, and I'm not saying I won't be back...but for now...I can't do it anymore. And so, as of this moment, I resign my claim to the OAOAST World Heavyweght Championship.

 

The crowd roars in disapproval. Hoff breathes deep yet again, struggling to get through this.

 

HOFF

And just one more time, I want to say I'm sorry-- to everyone, because...because I let you down. Because this isn't the way to do things. But at this point, it's all I can do. And anything you need from me...just ask. If you need one more match, I can give it to you. If you need me at World Without End, at the Hoff Show...I can be there. But when it's all over and done with...I need to go home.

 

"PLEASE DON'T GO!!"

"PLEASE DON'T GO!!"

"PLEASE DON'T GO!!"

"PLEASE DON'T GO!!"

 

Hoff smiles, one last sad smile.

 

HOFF

The future is gone, and now, it's time to move on. Thank you.......

 

The fans stand, and applaud. The roar of the crowd swells to an enormous leevl.

 

HOFF

Thank you for everything.

 

Hoff sets the mic down. Tears on hisheeks, the big man, the two-time OAOAST Champion, heads out of the ring, down the steps, and down the aisle. As the fans cheer him off, Hoff turns around, looking one last time at the fans, mouthing the words "thank you" before disappearing behind the curtain.

 

COLE

...well, I don't know what to say on top of the stunning announcement we've just heard. I guess all we can do is take a break and see if we can't learn more. Back in a few.

 

Commercial break

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Backstage, a black limo arrives at OAOAST Loading Docks ™. Out steps one Stephen Joseph resplendant in a business suit.

 

Stephen Joseph (to someone in the limo)

It was a pleasure ::he says leaning into the door:: I'm glad we could talk some business. I'll be looking forward to this. No really, dinner's on me next time partner!

 

::closes the door::

 

SJ turns around to face the camera, and there's a distinct GULP~!. Our intrepid cameraman pans around showing Dan Black and Tony Brannigan standing by the door.

 

Stephen Joseph

You know, legally speaking and all, its felonious assult outside the arena.

 

::Black T says nothing::

 

Stephen Joseph

Umm, guys? I'm not going anywhere. What? Upset that I keep beating Originals?

 

Tony Brannigan

No, just wondering if you knew.

 

Stephen Joseph

Knew what?

 

Dan Black

Drek Stone up and quit today. Nice leadership.

 

Tony Brannigan

This fight we were all geared up for? Guess not.

 

Stephen Joseph

What are you talking about? IF, and I stress If, what you're telling me is true and Drek left, so what? You think I care? I care about myself, about PRL and about exposing the Originals as the self-serving bastards that they are. Which I, really sad you two are a part of, because we were once such. good. friends.

 

Dan Black

So you'd still keep on?

 

Tony Brannigan

Yeah, that Trinity thing went realllll well.

 

Stephen Joseph

Are you done yet? Don't you have your sponge bath old man?

 

Tony Brannigan

Sponge Bath. Yeah, I suppose our models want us back. Enjoy the news Popick. Couldn't make me happier to give it to you.

 

Dan Black

That's the truth Ruth! HA!

 

::Tony and Dan walk off::

 

Stephen Joseph

Drek QUIT? Fuck me.

 

CABOOSE

Wait, now Drek is gone too? What the hell is going on here?

 

COLE

Well guys, we're just going to have to wait until we hear from GM Calvin Szechstein to get some clarification on tonight's events. Until then, since the show must go on, we're going to the ring for tag team action!

 

* DING DING *

 

BUFFER

Our following contest is set for one fall. Already in the ring, to my left, from Latin America, LOS CONQUISTADORS!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

Los Conquistadors march up to the center of the ring and salute the crowd. As they turn around, they trip over their feet and tumble to the mat. The crowd laughs. The Conquistadors calmly get up and salute the crowd once more before marching back to their corner.

 

COACH

Well, fellas, now we know why there isn't any liquor left in the back. Los Conquistadors must've drank it all. The Coach hears they've been hitting the bottle hard, depressed about losing their popularity in our Latin markets to Los Diablos de Feugo. And speaking of the Diablos, man, are they ch-- Owww!

 

CABOOSE

You're not going to ruin another gay gimmick, Coachman.

 

COLE

I believe the politically correct term is ho--

 

COACH

Tsk, tsk, tsk. They're not homos. They're homies. Get it straight, fellas.

 

CABOOSE

I can't believe you set him up for that line, Cole. If we haven't already offended our viewing audience, now is the perfect time to remind them all that our next pay-per-view will be held in the home of the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveland, Ohio. The OAOAST presents...

 

WORLD WITHOUT END

Sunday, October 25th, LIVE only on PAY-PER-VIEW!

 

Call your local cable or satellite provider to order now. Or log onto OAOAST.com to pre-order the webcast.

 

COACH

World Without End is going to be off the charts.

 

CUE: "Boulvevard of Broken Dreams"

 

COLE

Speaking of off the charts, would you listen to the ovation for the former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions!

 

BUFFER

Their opponents. From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, weighing 345 pounds, the former World tag team champions... THE SK8TER BOIZ!

 

The music is blaring. The crowd is on their feet. But no Sk8ter Boiz.

 

CABOOSE

What's going on here? Where are the Sk8ter Boiz? Damn, I feel like such a tool saying that. Something obviously had to happen for them not to be out here.

 

COACH

Maybe they weren't home by 10 last night, and Mrs. Nerdly grounded them. :lol:

 

COLE

I'm being told through my headset that the Boiz are held up in one of the many men's bathroom in the arena, having fled from -- WHO?

 

COACH

No freakin' way! I guess "The Anvil" needs the money.

 

COLE

I'm not referring to that brainfart of a creation. I'm talking about the...SOONER BRUISERS!

 

The Sooners sprint to the ring. Michael Buffer gets out of the ring just in the nick of time as the Bruisers slide underneath the bottom rope and level Los Conquistadors, who are paralyzed in fear, with a pair of Soonerlines. The Man of Tomorrow follows up by doing PUSH-UPS, counting the amount done in Spanish. The brothers from Oklahoma then send the crowd into a frenzy by putting on a suplex clinic -- belly-to-belly, belly-to-back, head and legs, gut-wrench, half-nelson, T-Bone, etc. One of the Conquistadors is thrown outside. Frankie PRESSES the other above his head. Referee Nick Patrick pleds with him not to drop the masked man onto the arena floor.

 

FRANKIE

:(

 

"AWWWWWWWWW!"

 

Nick tries cheering up Frankie by patting him on the back. He cheers him up alright. Frankie THROWS the Conquistador onto his partner outside!

 

COACH

OH!

 

"YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!"

 

COLE

When the Psycho Gremlin goes down on all fours, you know what that means.

 

Frankie, tilting his head up, howls.

 

"OW-OW-OW-OWWWWWWWWWW!"

 

CABOOSE

With a nickname like "Psycho Gremlin," Frankie should be in a padded cell. That bloody yank is crazy.

 

COACH

The fool's probably just getting a jump on taking out the agression he'll have after OU loses to Texas this Saturday in the Red-River Shootout.

 

Frank calls in Michael Buffer. Buffer prepares to conduct an interview, but Frank rips the mic out of his hands and shoves him away.

 

FRANK

Go sit the hell down! South Central Militia, our patience is runnin' out. We called your asses out last week, but instead of facing us like real men, you run and hide like a couple of pussies. Two guys from the mean streets of South Central L.A. getting punk'd out by a couple of farm boys. Now that I think about it, you punks are doin' us a favor by avoiding our challenge. Because if get manage to get our hands on you in the streets, we won't have to deal with the reprecussions from management. And we know you guys wouldn't file charges because you'd look like even bigger pussies to your boys in the hood runnin' to the cops instead of takin' care of business yourselves.

 

FRANKIE

Besides, celebrities can get away with murder. Ain't that right, big brother? OWWWWWWWWW!

 

"OW, OW, OW, OWWWWWWWW!"

 

FRANK

That's right. So South Central Militia, we're givin' you one more week. If you don't hear from you then, then we're gonna go find your sorry asses.

(looks over)

Whatcha whinin' about?!

 

The camera pans over. Nick Patrick tells the guys about the scheduled match that didn't take place.

 

FRANK

You want your match? We'll give you your goddamn match!

 

The Bruisers bring Los Conquistadors back into the ring. Frank pulverizes Uno with forearm strikes to the side of the face, while Frankie beats Dos with good ol' fashion American right hands.

 

COLE

If it weren't for the masks, right now we'd be able to see how puffy the Conquistadors faces are. They are getting destroyed in there.

 

CABOOSE

That's what the OAOAST is all about. You can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

 

COACH

Exactly.

 

The Bruisers whip Los Conquistadors out of the ropes. Frankie with a big-time Soonerline! TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM by Frank! The Man of Tomorrow picks Uno up and fires him back to the ropes. Frankie scoopes Dos up and charges to the corner, ramming Dos' back in the top turnbuckle and powerslamming him down to the canvas as his brother hits Uno with the FRANKENSTEINER!

 

COLE

And that's no cruiserweight, ladies and gentlemen. That's 6'3, 275 pounds of meat.

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THREE!

 

* DING DING DING DING *

 

BUFFER

Here are your winners: THE SOONER BRUISERS!

 

"Frankenstein" cues up, the Sooner Bruisers glance over at Conquistadors, ready to attack, but Nick Patrick, who's attending to the Conquistadors tells the Sooners to back off. Frank flexes his bicep for the camera and begs to hear an answer next week.

 

COLE

There you have it. The Sooner Bruisers practically begging the South Central Militia to reply to their challenge. As the non-response would tell you, nobody has heard from the South Central Militia since Dirty Deeds. And the man who would have communications with them, Jim Cornette, is apparently on an overseas tour with the New New Midnight Express. I say apparently because their bookings are handled by Jim Cornette himself. In a contract first of its kind, because the New New Midnight Express are signed to Jim Cornette Enterprises, who worked out a deal with the OAOAST, they are allowed to wrestle anywhere in the world so long that it doesn't interfere with their OAOAST scheduled. Like I said, it's a contract first of its kind, and probably something that would catch on in other sports in the coming months and years.

 

COACH

James E.'s a smart man. The only other person I think gives James E. a run for his money is Rick Heyross. They know how to bring in the money, baby.

 

COLE

The Sooner Bruisers want an answer. Will they get one? We'll find out next week. Now, let's go to Josh Matthews, who might have some more information on the apparent departures of Drek Stone and Hoff.

 

We go to the back, where Matthews is standing in front of the closed door of Calvin's office.

 

J-MATH

Michael, I tried to get a word with HeldDOWN General Manager Calvin Szechstein, but he is locked in his office and refuses to grant me an interview. When he told me to get lost, he did say that he was very dissapointed in Hoff for quote "pissing on that title and this company". The minute he wants to speak on this matter, I'll bring it to you.

 

COLE

Thank you Josh, we'll check back with you later.

 

The camera cuts to the backstage area, where “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez are kissing. The crowd boos the moment they are shown. PRL and Lindsay giggle in between kissing. PRL’s custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt is lying in the background.

 

MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ

I can’t believe I’m sleeping with the next OAOAST World Champion!

 

“THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN

That’s right baby. On October 30, 2005 I will become the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion for the first time ever. At World Without End, my destiny shall, at last, be fulfilled.

 

LINDSAY

I’m so excited. You’re finally, FINALLY going to get what you deserve.

 

PRL

Amen to that. I know the fans are crushed that Hoff is gone, but they won’t be sad for long. Once I win the World Title at World Without End, I will become the OAOAST’s most popular superstar, and I will have millions upon millions of Lightning Bolts chanting my name in arenas all over the country!

 

LINDSAY

Ooh, I can’t wait. But honey, don’t forget, you still got to beat Dan Black tonight in order to even fight for the OAOAST Title at World Without End.

 

PRL

Babe, don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten that at all. I know that if I don’t defeat Black, then I won’t be in the World Title Match at World Without End. But, Lindsay, I am SO confident that I will beat Black and go on to World Without End to win the World Title, that I’m already planning the after party. Tonight, I defeat “The Ice Heart” Dan Black, then in 4 weeks time, I will go to World Without End, beat whomever I have to beat, and then finally, I, “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican, will be on top of the OAOAST mountain, the CORPORATE World Heavyweight Champion!

 

Lindsay hugs Tha Puerto Rican. The crowd boos.

 

PRL

Lindsay, for the first time in quite a while, things are going our way.

 

LINDSAY

I feel so blessed.

 

PRL

Me too Lindsay. Me too. Just think: “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican: One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion. Who would have thought it? Oh man, October 30th can’t come here fast enough!

 

LINDSAY

I can’t wait!

 

PRL and Lindsay hug for a few more seconds. Then they stop as PRL has just thought of something.

 

PRL

Say. You think Spanish Fly is going to show up tonight? I mean, sure, we took his mask last week, but you know that little pipsqueak never backs down from anything. He could still show up, mask or no mask, and cost me my shot at the World Heavyweight Title! He could screw me the same way he screwed Popick and me at Dirty Deeds! And I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN! NOT TONIGHT! NOT TONIGHT!

 

LINDSAY

PRL. P. Calm down. Calm down. Relax. The only one who is going to screw you is me. Spanish Fly could show up tonight, but I doubt it. He’s probably ashamed after what happen last week. So ashamed he probably won’t ever bug you ever again. But if he does show up, I’ll have his mask waiting for him, because I’ve been keeping it in a nice comfy area.

 

Lindsay pulls down her light blue tanktop to reveal her black bra. Then she pulls out something that was tucked inside her bra…Spanish Fly’s mask. PRL laughs.

 

PRL

Ooo. You naughty girl! Ha ha!

 

PRL and Lindsay kiss again.

 

[FADE OUT]

 

Commercial break

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COACH

Welcome back to HeldDOWN~!. Later on tonight, Bohemoth will face The Parka in a battle for the HI-YAH Heavyweight Title, and more! But now, it's time for something a little different. We at the OAOAST realize that, if we want to keep this women's division going strong throughout the big opening months that it's had, we have to throw in more and more new faces as time goes on...

 

COLE

...Which is why tonight, we're televising a tryout match between two top-ranked independent female wrestlers, the winner of which will get a contract with the OAOAST! Both wrestlers are in the ring, so let's go!

 

(Cut to a wide shot of the ring, as both women are in the ring in opposite corners.)

 

BUFFER

The following contest is set for one fall, with a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first, from Joilet, Illinois; weighing in at 147 pounds....Jessie Williams!

 

COLE

Williams, in the red long tights and top, comes to us from the same Midwest indies that produced Confusia and Jenny Adams.

 

BUFFER

Her opponent...from San Diego, California; she weighs in at 190 pounds. Here is Julie Sharcor!

 

COLE

Not much is known about this young lady, but at 5'10 and just under 200 pounds, she looks like a big, strong, mean young lady!

 

*BELL RINGS*

 

The match is underway! Both competitors circle around mid-ring, trying to size the other one up...and Sharcor dives right in with a double-leg takedown! While Sharcor tries to take the mount, Jessie Williams turns onto her stomach, trying to crawl away. She ends up getting caught in a rear guard, as Sharcor starts with a series of vicious crossface blows to both sides of Williams' head!

 

Williams is able to find a way to slide out from underneath Sharcor, as she starts to crawl away. So, Julie grabs a grounded rear waistlock to keep Williams in place. Sharcor quickly works her way up to her feet, keeping the waistlock applied as she rises. She then shows off her freakish strength by lifting Jessie off of the mat with the waistlock and driving her down overhead, onto the back of her head, with an incredible release German suplex!

 

COLE

This woman is a bear!

 

CROWD

"OOOOOOOOOOOH!"

 

Sharcor is immediately up, and pulls a dazed and confused Williams to a bent position, holding her by the back of the head. Julie then lays into Williams' face with a HARSH Kawada kick (shin kick to face of bent opponent while holding onto their head)! Sharcor places Jessie's head between her thighs, lifts her, and drives her down to the mat with a HARD powerbomb!

 

Sharcor immediately runs to her side and comes off of the ropes, using the momentum of the run to help connect with a big jumping kneedrop to the face! Sharcor pulls Williams up, and lifts her for a powerbomb...then charges forward and performs a Running Liger Bomb-type move, full-force onto the top turnbuckle! The force of the slam causes Williams to bounce forward, causing her to fall right into an STO right back into the corner!

 

CROWD

"OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!....OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!"

 

COLE

Those are my sentiments exactly!

 

Williams, basically out cold, slumps down to a seated position in the corner. Sharcor backs up to mid-ring, points forward, then charges...and hits an ABSOLUTELY MEAN low dropkick to Jessie's face, with the force sending Sharcor out of the ring between the middle and bottom ropes, but she stays standing! The crowd reacts loudly to the incredibly stiff shot, as Julie looks around, with almost a smirk on her face, then quickly slides back into the ring. Williams is dead for the picking, as Sharcor pulls her up by the head.

 

Williams weakly tries to swing at Sharcor's stomach, but totally misses. So, Julie bends Williams over and delivers a CRUEL Kawada kick-style knee to the face! She follows with a second, then a third! Williams' head goes flying backwards as she goes down to the mat hard! The referee checks to see if she's concious, then starts his count...

 

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

NINE!

TEN!

 

BUFFER

Your winner of the bout...Julie Sharcor!

 

COACH

Wow...THAT'S how you make a first impression!

 

The crowd rises to their feet and applauds the destruction that's just occured. Sharcor lets the referee raise her hand, then walks straight to the locker room, as Jessie Williams lays motionless in the middle of the ring.

 

COLE

I knew, judging by appearances, that this woman would be a force, but GEEZ! She's a shark!

 

COACH

Julie "The Shark" Sharcor...has a nice ring to it. And trust me, after a performance like that, we'll be hearing a LOT more about that name as time goes on!

 

We shift backstage and see Zack Malibu walking through the backstage area. He opens a door and peeks into a room, but shakes his head before closing the door.

 

COLE

Looks like Zack is looking for someone.

 

CABOOSE

And he doesn't look all that happy.

 

He approaches a few members of the crew, who are slacking off and shooting the shit (damn union).

 

ZACK

Hey, have you seen Peter Knight?

 

One of the men points and Zack immediately heads in that direction, arriving at the catering table, where the X-Division champion is busy stirring a cup of coffee.

 

ZACK

Hey.

 

Knight turns his head and, seeing who it is, puts his coffee down and turns around.

 

KNIGHT

Hey. Heard about what happened?

 

ZACK

I don't want to talk about that right now, but I will later on. Look, I don’t want to make a huge thing about this, but what was up with you last week? I mean, you just walked off when the GPX was beating the crap out of me and Leon after our match. I thought you were with me?

 

KNIGHT

Zack, look. Last week.....last week was just me venting and getting my frustrations out. I mean, I heard Some Guy talking about how he wasn’t on the Dirty Deeds card and all that, so I went out there and let him know that his sob story doesn’t fly with me. Losing the main event, the biggest match of your life, is a HELL of a lot worse than some snub by the bookers. Then he proposed the match and Calvin made it official, and you know I don’t back down from a fight. I was going to ask for an opponent to defend my title against anyway. I wasn’t going to be gentle with you and Rodez in that match, and you know it, so I know you didn’t have a problem with that.

 

Zack nods.

 

KNIGHT (cont’d)

Then, when you pinned me, all that frustration came back. It was like I was sitting on the mat in Fenway all over again, having blown yet another championship match. So, I just wanted to get the hell out of the arena and put this night behind me. I saw the GPX enter the ring but.....but what I did, that’s not what I’d normally do in that situation. Believe me Zack, when the s**t hits the fan, I’ve got your back. (He extends his hand) If you want me to apologize for last week, well, I just did.

 

Zack looks at the hand and then at Knight.

 

ZACK

All right, I can accept that.

 

Zack shakes Knight’s hand and walks off, leaving PK to his coffee.

 

*Josh Matthews is backstage with Alfdogg, who gets an ENORMOUS pop from the Calgary crowd. The two just happen to be standing right outside the door of HeldDOWN GM Calvin Szechstein.*

 

JOSH

Alf, later on tonight, you'll be teaming with the man you defeated right here on HeldDOWN last week, Brock Ausstin, to face the CSI duo of Chris Stevens and Jay Richards. What are your thoughts?

 

ALF

Well frankly, Josh, I think it's unfair. I mean, I can't STAND Brock Ausstin. Not only that, I'm sure his leg is still hurting from our match last week. And I have to carry him through this tag team match against the CSI? Hell, Calvin may as well just give one of those two the belt if they can pin me tonight!

 

*At that point, Calvin walks out of his office.*

 

CALVIN

You know Alf, I couldn't help but hear the conversation between you two just now, and I think that's a great idea! A lot of people would tune in to see a singles title up for grabs in a tag team match. So tonight, if you get pinned by either Chris Stevens or Jay Richards, not only will you lose the match, but the Heartland title as well. Good luck!

 

MATTHEWS

Calvin! Will you give us a comment on.....

 

CALVIN

Outta my way.

 

*Calvin walks off. The crowd gives a mixed reaction, with the boos slightly outweighing the cheers. Alf looks at Josh, then looks back towards Calvin and grins slyly before leaving the scene.*

 

COACH

What the hell is Alf thinking? Does he realize that he just put himself in a tag match with his title on the line? Not only that, he actually seemed HAPPY about the announcement made by Mr. Szechstein!

 

::Backstage in the Upstarts Locker Room::

 

Johnny

Man, what is going on?

 

Scotty

I don't know.

 

Stephen Joseph

Guys, neither do I, but look. Whatever Drek's done now, that's done. The idea that we started with, the idea that I came over to the Upstarts for, that's still there, right?

 

Scotty

Right On.

 

Stephen Joseph

Don't doubt the ability of a small group of people to change the world. It's the only thing that ever has. Now there's got to be others like us, others we can bring in.

 

Johnny

Totally. There's so many people sick of Zack and his bullshit! We can bring em back!

 

Scotty

And let's get back our Tag Team titles. That would hurt em good. They're soo proud.

 

Stephen Joseph

And guys, next week I've got a match. I just found out about it. Something screwy is happening with the World Title. I'm supposed to go against Tony for a shot at the title at World Without End. I've beaten Tony.

 

Scotty

Right!

 

Stephen Joseph

Tonight, Puerto Rico faces Dan Black, for a shot at the title also. Now, PR and I, we talked earlier. We have a plan. We're bringing the title home....to the Upstarts.

 

The camera zooms in on Joseph's smiling face as we fade to a commercial.

 

Commercial Break

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COLE

Fans, welcome back to a night that has been full of more plot twists than an M. Night Shamalayan movie. Tonight, the OAOAST has suffered a major blow, as our World Champion, or should I say FORMER World Champion, Hoff, showed up, ranted, and just left, giving up the title in the process!

 

CABOOSE

A true competitor, a true champion, no matter what his grievances, should never forfeit championship gold. This is not a business for the half-hearted to lead us, and what Hoff did tonight is an embarrassment to this company, to that championship, and to everyone past and present in the OAOAST. He spit on a legacy, and if I see that man on the street, I'll be sure to extend my hand to him...and use it to punch him dead in the face.

 

COACH

Dayum, 'Boose, yous is...

 

CABOOSE

Be lucky you're not on my bad side tonight.

 

COACH

OK.

 

CABOOSE

Yet.

 

COLE

Needless to say folks, I have to agree with Caboose here, and...well wait just a minute!

 

The crowd roars as Zack Malibu, clad in bootcut jeans and a My Chemical Romance shirt over a longsleeve T-shirt, hits the ring, accompanied by another OAOAST superstar, his partner in the Usual Suspects, fellow OAOAST World Tag Team Champion Leon Rodez. Together, the duo hits ringside much to the delight of the fans, but Malibu doesn't look to be in the mood to play to the crowd. He storms over to Michael Buffer and asks for the mic, then turns and nods to Leon. Both men enter the ring, and Malibu stands at center ring, with Leon standing right beside him and offering a slight slap on the back, as Malibu seems ready to explode right now.

 

COLE

He does NOT look happy.

 

CABOOSE

Can you blame him? Zack Malibu has given his life for this company, and to see the legacy walked on the way Drek Stone and Hoff have done tonight?

 

Malibu takes a deep breath, while Leon Rodez backs up and stands against the ropes, letting his partner have his moment in the spotlight to get things off his chest.

 

MALIBU

The first thing I'd like to do is apologize to all you people filling the seats in this arena tonight, and to you people watching at home live, on videotape, tape delay, whatever. All of you, each and every one of you, deserve better for your dollar than what you've gotten here tonight from Drek Stone and Hoff.

 

The crowd, appreciative of Zack's apology, applauds.

 

MALIBU

Not only do you people deserve better, but this company, it's employees, and most certainly the World Heavyweight Championship deserve better. Instead tonight, we were treated to the feelings of two bitter individuals, one of whom seems to piss and moan whenever the spotlight isn't shining down upon him, and the other who seems to be easily manuevered when the pressure is on. It seems that the FORMER, and I stress FORMER World Heavyweight Champion and the supposed leader of The Upstarts have decided to take the low road and duck out on the company. One started a war that he apparently feels he can't finish, and the other simply took his ball and went along for the ride. Well you know what, I say this now, with 100% conviction and truth in my voice, with God as my witness you will never, EVER see those two sons of bitches inside an OAOAST ring anywhere in this world EVER AGAIN!

 

The crowd roars.

 

MALIBU

BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO LET TWO PEOPLE ATTEMPT TO RUIN THE WORK OF SO MANY OTHERS! I will be damned if Drek Stone, Hoff, The Upstarts, the GPX, whoever it may be, ruin a company built on not just my blood, sweat and tears, but the blood, sweat and tears of so many others. A man like Leon Rodez, my tag team partner, who doesn't have the so-called veteran status, but stands side by side with The Originals. A man who wants to not only better himself and his career, but his company. The company that EMPLOYS HIM. You hear that, Hoff? If you were a 9-5er, working in an office, would you walk in one day, clear out your desk, and proclaim to everyone that's at a desk or in a cubicle that you couldn't take it anymore? No, you wouldn't, but because it's live TV and the spotlight is on you for a few minutes, you decide to make waves, and you try to make a name for yourself on the way out, and that shows that you are nothing more than a selfish, ungrateful son of a bitch! There was a time where I took you under my wing...Calvin Szechstein and I saw a future for you, and tonight, you paid us back tenfold in a way we never expected. You slapped us both across the face with your actions. You left a bad taste in the mouth of everyone around you, and I hope those 15 minutes of fame were worth it, because by my watch it's been 14:59 and we're still all out for your blood, son. If I were you, I'd get back into the cave you've been in for the last few weeks, make sure you've got enough rations, enough wood for fire and heat, and be prepared to stay there for the rest of your life, because you will never be able to show your face in public again, and you will never, EVER...and Leon, and Caboose, and COle, and Coach, and Peter Knight, and Calvin Szechstein...basically Hoff, from everyone from myself down to the ring crew and road agents and camera men will back me up on this one...you will NEVER be an OAOAST superstar again in your life!

 

The crowd is worked up to a fever pitch, but Malibu is not done. The OAOAST World Tag Team Champion is in full-on Pissed Off Prep mode, and he raises the mic to speak once again.

 

MALIBU

Now, Drek Stone. Drek, Drek, Drek, Drek, Drek. Another man desperate for that fifteen minutes of fame, so desperate to become as big a star as he made himself out to be in his own mind. Drek, let me tell you something, you son...

 

"Make Her Say" is cued up, and it cuts off Malibu in mid-sentence. The crowd immediately beings booing loudly, as Scotty Static and Johnny Jackson, Drek Stone's two main cohorts in recent months, come walking down the aisle.

 

COLE

We saw the GPX return last week after allowing themselves time to heal after that classic four team TLC match that saw The Usual Suspects capture the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles, and we knew they were in the building tonight.

 

CABOOSE

Yes, and unlike their "main man", they're actually STILL in the building.

 

COLE

Touche.

 

Looking just as focused as their rivals, Static and Johnny hit the ring. The Usual Suspects stand their ground, but in an odd moment, Scotty Static very simply and calmly asks for the mic from Zack Malibu. Reluctantly, Zack hands it to him, and the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions brace themselves, ready for any potential swerves or attacks.

 

COLE

Maybe the GPX can shed some light on things now?

 

STATIC

Zack, listen. You just don't get it, do you. Why are you wasting your energy running down two guys who aren't here to hear you, and even if they were, aren't going to care. Instead of doing that, you should focus on the two guys who laid you out last week. The two guys who are ready to reclaim the belts that they made famous. I'm talking about me and the J to the J to the J, and...

 

Malibu quickly swipes the mic back from Static, incensed.

 

MALIBU

If you don't have anything to say in defense of your friend, then I suggest you get the hell out of this ring right now, because right now, this isn't about our issue.

 

Static, not happy with Malibu taking the mic from him, steals it right back.

 

STATIC

Oh but it does, Zack! See, if you had waited a moment or two, I would have gotten to that. Like I was saying, Hoff and Drek Stone, they're long gone, baby. They've ridden off into the sunset, never to be seen or heard from again, and all I can say is that the plan worked marvelously!

 

COLE

The plan?

 

CABOOSE

Huh?

 

Malibu and Rodez look on, as Johnny Jax does some mock laughing while he stands behind Scotty Static.

 

STATIC

See Zack, the who basis, the whole foundation, the whole motivation we Upstarts have is that for too long, you and the rest of The Originals, or in the case of this turncoat here (points to Rodez) sympathizers, is that you hogged all the glory for yourselves. You turned this company into your own personal playground, and we were, and still very much are, out to even the odds. We believe in equality, and we told you that we were tired of being treated like jokes. Now tonight, before the whole world, the joke was on you and Dan Black and Tony Brannigan and Caboose and whoever else wants to take credit for being the "driving force" behind the OAOAST. Tonight, not only did you personally get made a fool of, but the lineage of the OAOAST World Title, the focal point and cornerstone of this company, got pretty much pissed on by Hoff, didn't it? As for Drek Stone, I know where you were going earlier when we showed up and needless to say, he's not the person you want, Zack. Drek Stone, leading us? Come on Zack, do you think we would have played that hand so soon? Drek Stone was not, never ever, the leader of The Upstarts. Me and Johnny, we were doing damage control, and so was Drek. Drek Stone was a ringer, Zack. Drek Stone was nothing more than a pawn in the game.

 

The crowd is shocked, as are Zack, Leon, and Triple C.

 

STATIC

Makes you wonder now, doesn't it? Me and Johnny, we thought Drek was the mastermind ourselves, until he let us in on a little secret. See, someone else is out to get you, and is out to humiliate The Originals. Someone else feels scorned, and wants to take this company out of your grubby hands and re-establish it as the force it can be. All Drek Stone wanted in return was a chance to get his hands on you, and you made it easy for him by letting yourself get sucked into that feud this past summer. You let victory slip through your hands at Angleslam, and it was a sweet moment for Drek. He knew you were too proud to ignore him for too long, and once he got his win over you, that's why he took off and laid low. He got what he wanted. Now you've got to live your life knowing that he beat your ass and you'll never get a shot to prove it wasn't a fluke.

 

COLE

That bastard Drek...can you believe this, Caboose?

 

CABOOSE

Not at all. Seems like there's a third neck to wring as well, but whose?

 

Malibu wants to reply, but Scotty won't give him the mic. Leon steps up, and so does Johnny, and it's a four man face-off.

 

STATIC

Easy killers, we've said our piece on the subject. Last week we spoke with action, this week we spoke with words. You know where we stand, the only thing is now, you don't know who is standing there with us, and it's going to eat you up inside, and make you easy prey for those belts...OUR belts. So you two, along with everyone else back there listening...if you think this war is over, you're just lying to yourself. The Civil War...Zack, Leon...is just beginning!

 

With that, Scotty Static throws the mic down and looks at Malibu, smirking happily...until it's knocked off his face with a right hand! Leon nails Johnny as well, and together The Usual Suspects start hammering on the GPX! Leon runs Johnny to the corner and rams his head into the top turnbuckle, then climbs up on the middle rope and starts punching away, while Malibu goes to whip Scotty to the ropes...reversed...NO! Scotty gets planted with an inverted atomic drop, and Malibu backs up, setting up for SCHOOL'S OUT...but Static drops down and rolls out of the ring, still favoring himself. Leon hops off the turnbuckles and lets Johnny drop to the mat, and Jax rolls out as well, regrouping with his partner at ringside, while the crowd goes wild for the tag champs!

 

MALIBU

You guys, you want your title shot, that's fine, you got it anywhere, anytime...but let me make one thing clear. I don't know whether I should trust in what you say or not, but if it's true, if there's a bigger picture we're not seeing, you tell the people behind it that the OAOAST isn't going to get any unwanted makeovers, because Zack Malibu, Leon Rodez, Dan Black, Tony Brannigan, Caboose, Peter Knight...we dare you to try, because if and when you do, you'll be another footnote in company history, just like the two cowards earlier tonight!

 

Malibu throws the mic down, and the crowd roars in approval of his statements. The GPX shout idle threats from the aisleway, but the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions stand tall in the ring, offering to continue the brawl if the GPX really wants it. Instead, the boy-bandesque duo retreat up the ramp, drawing more boos from a crowd that once would have been quick to cheer them.

 

COLE

The night of shocking revelations continues, and I for one do not know what else to expect. Fans, you don't want to miss one minute of HeldDOWN~! tonight, so don't turn that channel! Alfdogg defends his Heartland Title in a TAG MATCH right after this word.

 

Buy stuff from us

 

COLE

And we're back, with tag team action!

 

*dun dun* *dun dun*

*dun dun* *dun dun*

 

WHOOOOOOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO!

WHOOOOOOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO!

 

The crowd boos as the three members of CSI come through the curtains.

 

BUFFER

The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, and will be contested under Heartland championship rules! If Alfdogg is pinned by either member of this team, he will lose his OAOAST Heartland championship! Making their way down the aisle...being accompanied by their hired gun, Ricardo Montana, other wise known as JUMBOOOOOOOO! They weigh in at a combined weight of 420 pounds...the team of CHRIS STEVENS, and JAY RICHARDS, collectively known as SSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEE ESSSSSSSSSSS IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!

 

COLE

As CSI makes their way to the ring, you'll note what Michael Buffer said, Heartland championship rules, meaning no disqualifications in this match, Coach!

 

COACH

That's right, Cole! I'm unsure whether this was a brilliant or stupid move on Alf's part!

 

A cold, dark voice begins to speak the ungodly hymn over the loud speakers, as smoke begins to cover the entrance way.

 

"Come on God, Answer Me.

For Years, I've Been Asking You Why?

Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive?

Where is Justice? Where is Punishment?

. . . . . . . . . . .

Or Have You Already Answered?

Have You Already Said to the World,

Here is Justice. Here is Punishment.

Here....

In Me."

 

"Punishment" by BIOHAZARD starts up, and Brock Ausstin comes through the curtains, hearing a mixed reaction, mostly comprised of cheers.

 

BUFFER

Their opponents, introducing first...he hails from Victoria, Minnesota! Weighing in at 320 pounds, he is one of the most intimidating forces in the OAOAST today. Ladies and gentlemen...BRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNN!!!!!

 

Ausstin does the Happy Happy Hoss Dance~! in the ring to get ready.

 

Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon hits, and the ROOF is blown off the Saddledome as Alf walks through the curtains!

 

COACH

LISTEN to this place, Cole! You'd think it was Bret Hart returning for one last match in his hometown!

 

Alf stops in the middle of the aisleway and raises his belt in the air, enciting another huge pop from the crowd, then turns and makes a mad dash to the ring before Buffer can even get his announcement out. Alf slides in as Buffer bails, and decks Stevens with a clothesline!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Alf slugs Stevens on the mat as Brock hammers Richards in another corner.

 

COACH

Now, is this a tornado match as well, Cole?

 

COLE

Well, all four men fighting it out in the ring, and the referee doesn't seem to be making an effort to get anyone out. So I'm under that assumption!

 

Stevens rakes the eyes of Alf, then rams his face into the buckle. He then runs over and drives a knee into the back of Ausstin, and Richards joins him in hammering Brock down in the corner. Stevens and Richards team up to give Brock a double suplex! The two then pick up Brock and attempt to throw him out of the ring...but Brock blocks it, and instead throws both CSI members over the top rope!

 

COLE

Great move by Ausstin, and a great show of strength, able to send BOTH Richards and Stevens over the top rope!

 

Jumbo checks on his compadres as Alf gives Brock a high sign, then runs towards him...and Brock backdrops Alf OVER THE TOP ROPE onto all three members of CSI!!!

 

COACH

WHOA!

 

COLE

ALF FLIES!!! And all of the CSI members are down!

 

Alf pounds Richards on the floor, and Stevens rolls back into the ring...only to have a shocked look come across his face when he realizes he's alone in the ring with Brock Ausstin!

 

COACH

Uh-oh!

 

COLE

And you know Brock's been waiting for this chance! He's got Stevens in the ring all by himself!

 

Stevens rises to his knees and attempts to beg Brock off, to no avail. Brock stalks Stevens into a corner, where he gets a thumb to the eyes for his troubles. Stevens whips Brock into the corner, but Brock explodes back out with an ENORUMOUS clothesline! Brock yells out to the crowd, who cheers back in return! Meanwhile the camera cuts to the floor, where Alf has both Richards and Jumbo around the neck...DOUBLE NOGGIN-KNOCKER~!!! Alf shoves Jumbo from behind, sending him into the ringpost! Richards goes to the eyes as the camera cuts back to catch Stevens taking a HUGE backdrop out of the corner! Brock follows up with a big press-slam! Brock drops an elbow and covers...

 

1...

 

 

2......

 

 

Kickout!

 

As Brock picks up Stevens, Richards rolls into the ring and CRACKS Brock over the back with a chair!

 

COACH

Heartland rules, remember!

 

As CSI backs Brock into the ropes for an Irish whip, Alf pulls a KENDO STICK out from under the arpon! The crowd pops for the stick, as Alf jumps on the apron and CRACKS Stevens with it! Brock catches Richards off the ropes with a clothesline! Brock goes to pick up Richards as Jumbo pulls Alf off the apron and gives him a big clothesline! Jumbo then gives Alf a big bodyslam on the floor, and rolls him back in the ring!

 

COLE

Look at Jumbo getting involved here! This is essentially a 3-on-2 handicap match!

 

Brock delivers a big clothesline to Stevens, so big that Brock goes tumbling over the top, as well, leaving both men dazed on the floor! Richards is left alone with Alf in the ring, and gives him a nice snap suplex!

 

COACH

NICELY executed move from Jay Richards, and now he's going to the top! He could become the Heartland champion right here, Cole!

 

Richards comes off the top with a GUILLOTINE LEGDROP! Cover...

 

1.....

 

 

 

 

2..............

 

 

 

Alf kicks out!

 

Richards picks up Alf and gives him a backbreaker, then hooks a dragon sleeper!

 

COLE

Richards with a dragon sleeper, he's got it cinched in deep!

 

Alf tries to fight the hold as Stevens and Brock start to come to on the floor. Alf fades slowly, and the ref lifts the arm...

 

 

ONE!!!!

 

 

another lift...

 

 

TWO!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

the final lift...

 

 

Alf holds up, and the crowd energizes him! Alf drives a big forearm across the face of Richards! This loosens the grip, and Alf is able to turn around and deliver a Northern Lights Suplex!

 

1.....

 

 

 

 

 

2.............

 

 

 

 

Stevens makes the save! Stevens stomps Alf, then picks him up and gives him a big dropkick! Brock starts to climb onto the apron at this point, and Richards grabs the chair off the mat and holds it to his face. Stevens comes across the ring with a SUPERKICK~!!!, sending the chair into Brock's face!!!

 

COLE

What impact on that one! I think Brock is out COLD!!!

 

Jumbo slides a TABLE into the ring next, and Stevens and Richards set it up. Then they pick up Alf and whip him into the ropes, but Alf evades a double clothesline by sliding underneath, right under the table! Alf gets up and slides the table into the gut of Richards, then grabs the kendo stick and WHACKS Stevens in the head!

 

COACH

Right between the eyes! What a shot!

 

Alf then goes into the ropes, and jumps over the table AND Richards with a sunset flip!

 

1.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2..............................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KICKOUT!!!

 

Brock is very dazed on the floor, but pulls it together long enough to drag Stevens to the floor. At the same time, Jumbo comes up with a trashcan and whacks Alf in the back of the head! Richards then drives Alf with a DDT, and goes to the apron. On the floor, Brock has Stevens in a headlock, but gets shoved into the post! Back to the ring, Richards hits the TORNADO MOONSAULT~!!!!!11111

 

1........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.........................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...........Stevens pulls Richards out!?!?!?!?!?

 

COLE

Wait a minute!

 

COACH

Remember, whoever pins Alf wins his title! I told you this was a smart move by Alf!

 

COLE

You did NOT!!!

 

COACH

Yes I did! Alf knew exactly what he was doing suggesting that! Now the CSI are fighting within one another!

 

Stevens quickly slides in and covers....

 

 

1................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2..........................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Richards pulls Stevens off, and throws him out over the top rope! Richards then calls Jumbo into the ring, and Jumbo crushes Alf with the XL SPLASH~!!!111 Richards sends Jumbo out of the ring and covers...

 

 

1..............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.............................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stevens stops the count again!!! Richards gets up and has words with Stevens!

 

COLE

Now look at them argue! I think Alf may have pulled a fast one on Calvin and the CSI here!

 

COACH

Just like I said! I'm always right about this stuff!

 

Stevens shoves Richards, who delivers a SLAP TO THE FACE in return! At this point, Brock gets back in the ring and drops them both with a MASSIVE double clothesline! Brock then gives Jumbo a shot to the gut and hoists him up...and gives him an F-STUNNER-5 THROUGH THE TABLE!!!

 

COLE

All 330 pounds of Jumbo through that folding table, at the hands of Brock Ausstin!

 

Stevens and Richards come to, and Stevens has the chair in his hand. Alf delivers a dropkick to Stevens, who collides with Richards from behind with the chair, sending him out of the ring! Alf then rolls up Stevens....

 

1................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.....................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

COLE

Alf escapes with his title again!

 

BUFFER

The winners of this contest...the team of BROCK AUSSTIN and ALFDOGG!!!

 

Alf rolls out of the ring as Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon plays, and then locks eyes with Brock Ausstin, who is standing at the ropes staring him down. Brock makes a belt motion around his waist.

 

COACH

Brock I think telling Alf that if he gets another chance, the Heartland title will be his!

 

The staredown continues as they fade to commercial.

 

*fade to commercial, just like I said they were*

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"ANY WAY YOU WANT IT!

THAT'S THE WAY YOU NEED IT!

ANY WAY YOU WANT IT!"

 

The crowd rise up as the OAOAST Women's Champion, Ashley Street, makes her way to the ring for the first time since Dirty Deeds. Striding to the ring, Ashley clearly isn't in a good mood and doesn't tag any hands on the way. Instead she just slides into the ring, asking for a microphone with a sour look on her face.

 

ASHLEY

I've had enough of this benefactor crap and I ain't takin' any more. You wanna try ruining my title reign? Fine. I can deal with that. But now, you're attacking me yourself. Well, how about you come out and do it face to face! That's right, 'Ms. Benefactor', I'm calling you out!

 

Ashley waits in the ring, but there's no answer.

 

ASHLEY

I can wait here all night.

 

Ashley continues to wait, but unsurprisingly, there's still no answer from the benefactor. There is an answer though, as suddenly, "Seether" by Veruca Salt hits and here come The Minnesota Angels. Valerie and Constance storm through the entrance and are hurriedly making their way down the aisle to the ring, already directing each other's route of attack. Seeing she's in trouble, Ashley doesn't panic, unstrapping her Women's Title and weilding it ready to use as a weapon to protect herself.

 

COLE

This doesn't look good for the Women's Champion! The Angels are out here to get their money's worth...and I think, they're out here trying to get themselves another payday, after failing to defeat Ashley at Dirty Deeds.

 

CABOOSE

Can you blame them? This benefactor's rates are pretty good.

 

The Angels reach the ring and stop, seeing Ashley has a weapon and becoming suddenly cautious.

 

COLE

I can blame them for not having any morals. They're out here, two on one, coming out here intending to seriously injure a fellow competitor for no reason other than personal greed. Didn't they get enough for entering into the match at Dirty Deeds? It's not like they didn't get paid, they took the money before they even began the match. All they're after now is bonus mone...HEY! HEY, WHAT THE HELL!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Suddenly, Michael Cole finds himself barged out of the way as BRODIE LEWIS has jumped the barricade from behind Sofa Central and is entering the ring...unbeknownest to Ashley Street, who is still daring The Angels to enter the ring. Valerie and Constance have seen Brodie now and try not to give away the surprise, as Valerie cautiously begins to climb to the apron. Ashley is still waiting on her, distracting the champ long enough for Brodie to strike from behind with a vicious clothesline!

 

COLE

IT'S BRODIE!!

 

CABOOSE

I thought she was suspended?

 

COLE

Well, obviously not, because she's beating the living hell out of Ashley Street and security aren't lifting a finger, they're being told to stay back by Carl Winslow from the looks of things!

 

Brodie continues to stomp the hell out of Ashley as finally, The Angels have enough courage to jump into the ring and join in the attack on Ashley. But they soon find themselves shoved out of the way by Brodie, who is clearly after whatever money the benefactor is offering for herself and herself only! Getting the message, Constance holds Valerie back from attacking and The Angels make a sharp exit, presumably settling for 'distraction money', letting Brodie continue her attack. Picking up Ashley, Brodie applies a front facelock and lifts Ashley up with a bit of a struggle, before dropping straight south with a Brainbuster!!

 

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Ashley's body jolts at an awkward landing angle and she remains motionless as Brodie picks herself up, grabbing the OAOAST Women's Title belt and holding it above her head triumphantly.

 

COLE

What a heinous attack by Brodie Lewis!! First she injures The Cannon Kid, then she injures Jenny Adams and now, Brodie Lewis is targetting the Women's Champion Ashley Street. She already got the benefactor's money by putting Adams on the shelf...and now, she's trying to do the same to Ashley!

 

CABOOSE

Nevermind trying, I think she might have just succeeded! What a Brainbuster that was!

 

As Ashley remains motionless beneath her feet, Brodie lowers the title and takes a long look at it, before tossing it down onto Ashley's chest and leaving the ring. Boos rain down on the returning Brodie as she walks away as if nothing happened, leaving a motionless Ashley laying in the ring to be tended to by a group of concerned referees.

 

We go back to the backstage area and Josh Matthews, who is kneeling on the floor in front of a door, drinking glass to his ear. He notices the camera is on and quickly stands.

 

JOSH

Josh Matthews back here in front of Calvin's office and I just saw Peter Knight walk in. I'm using some cutting-edge technology to try and eavesdrop on the conversation.

 

Josh kneels and puts the drinking glass back against the door and concentrates.

 

JOSH

Ok....it sounds like Calvin is booking Knight in a match, but I can't hear who his opponent is. Wait....I think PK is accepting. I hear footsteps, oops, sounds like he's coming out.

 

Josh quickly hides the glass and stands as the door opens. A smiling Knight shakes hands with Calvin before leaving, not even acknowledging Josh.

 

JOSH

Calvin! Calvin! What was that all about?

 

Calvin sighs and beckons Josh to approach.

 

CALVIN

Fine, you want to know? I'll make the official announcement about the state of the OAOAST Heavyweight title next week, but I will say now that I have come up with a money-making plan that will clear up any controversy. All I'll say is that tonight's match with Tha Puerto Rican facing Dan Black is STILL for a World Title shot at World Without End. Now get out of here!

 

*SLAM* The door shuts again, leaving Josh still confused.

 

COLE

And that match is right now! Let's go to Michael Buffer.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for a place in the World Title match at World Without End! The 24/7 title is NOT on the line, and there is a BAN on ringside attendance!

 

Cue: "Quiet"

 

And cue a mixed reaction from the fans - cheers from those that have appreciated the stance that this man has taken in defending the OAOAST, boos from those who don't believe he could have changed.

 

BUFFER

Introducing first, from London England, weighing 235lbs, he is a former three time World Tag Team champion and has held numerous singles titles...he is the "Ice Heart" Daaaaaaaaan BLLLLLLACK!

 

Black smoke spreads across the stage, billowing upwards. Dan Black emerges through it, in long black trench coat and glistening black shades. He smoothes back his hair as he walks down to the ring, a familiar smirk on his face.

 

COLE

Black going back to his entrance routine that we haven't seen for a few months. But he's going to need more that routine for this match.

 

COACH

That's right. This is going to be a first ever meeting between these two men, and Black is going to have his hands full with his opponent.

 

CABOOSE

Those spots in the World Title match are extremely valuable, even more so in the current climate. I still don't know if we actually HAVE a champion right now.

 

Dan climbs into the ring and removes his attire, before stretching out on the ropes. The smirk is now gone, replaced by a cold look of determination.

 

Cue: “Know Your Roll 99”

 

BUFFER

And his opponent, from Jan Juan, Puerto Rico, weighing 220lbs, the reigning 24/7 Champion, he is the Puerrrrrrrrrrrrto RI-CAN!

PR comes down to the ring alone, looking equally as confident as Black. The fans show their unwavering opinion of him.

 

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*

 

COLE

The Puerto Rican has long quested after the World Title, and this will be his biggest chance to date to get into the picture.

 

CABOOSE

Well, we'll see how well he goes without his entourage to back him up. A good call by Calvin to ban ringside presence. We want our World Title contenders to be truly deserving.

 

PR climbs into the ring and takes up an opposite corner to Dan Black. Referee Charles Robinson pats Dan down, and then does the same to his opponent before calling for things to get under way.

 

*DING DING*

 

The two men both snap forward quickly into a lockup. Black arches his back to try and power the smaller PR down, but PR just backs away into the ropes where Robinson counts the break. Dan steps away and breaks cleanly, but throws a fake punch that has PR covering up. Black grins at the minor psych out and steps back into the middle of the ring. PR adjusts his tights with an expression of deep disgust before the two lock up again.

 

This time the PR backs Black into a corner, and again Robinson counts the break. PR goes for a fake punch of his own, but Dan doesn’t buy it and just shoves PR away. PR comes right back, aiming a kick to the gut, but Dan catches his boot. PR shakes his head as Dan grins, and just flips PR over backwards to the mat!

PR jumps right back up, dizzied, and charges Black who easily takes him down with a drop toe hold and then scoots around to lock on a front headlock.

 

PR forces himself up into a kneeling position, and with pressure on Dan’s right arm breaks his grip and reverses to his own headlock. Black quickly rises to a standing position however, and, grabbing PR’s arm, flips him off and down to the mat where he works a standing wristlock. PR counters in turn, kipping up and reversing to his own wristlock. Black executes a forward roll to weaken PR’s grip and then just headbutts him hard!

 

PR falls to the mat, but rolls backwards out of Dan’s reaching arms and clamps on a side headlock as he rises! Black shoves PR off to the ropes and knocks him down on the return with a shoulder block, but misses with the dropped elbow. PR spins up and kicks Dan in the gut, snap mares him over onto his behind and locks on a rear chin lock.

 

COLE

These two just trading holds so far.

 

CABOOSE

Well, this is a first time match. No doubt they’ve watched each other wrestle a hundred times in all their time in the OAOAST, but nothing can prepare you for actual in ring experience.

 

Black pulls at PRs fingers locked under his chin, and loosens his grip enough to spin to one side and up into a waist lock. Black quickly lifts PR up and round and drops him stomach first to the mat with an amateur style take down, then moving into another grounded side headlock.

 

PR doesn’t allow Dan time to settle, and rolls over sharply, hauling Black with him and pinning Dan’s shoulders to the mat –

 

ONE

 

TWO!

 

Dan kicks out and rolls away. Both men up and Dan charges but gets spun over with an arm drag. Black to his feet, PR charges and Black just chops him hard across the chest, knocking him to the mat!

PR sits up, and Dan dropkicks him in the face! The impact is heard throughout the arena, and Dan jumps onto PR for the cover –

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

PR kicks out!

 

Dan brings PR to his feet and tries to whip him across the ring into a corner, but PR reverses it and sends Dan that way. Black grabs the top ropes and lifts his body up and PR, following him in, goes under Dan’s raised legs. Black lands behind him and locks on a waist lock, but PR spins out and tries a schoolboy roll up, but Dan rolls right through it, and the two men rise face to face!

 

COACH

No clear advantage here at all!

 

CABOOSE

So far things have been pretty even tempered. I think one of these guys needs to start getting mean in order to gain the upper hand.

 

Indeed, PR seems to have that idea as he stomps Dan’s foot and then catches him with a European uppercut! Whip to the ropes, where Black grabs the cables to stop himself, but PR just runs with a dropkick to the chest which spills Dan out over the top to the floor!

 

PR grabs the top rope and springs himself out over with a splash onto Black on the floor! PR picks Dan up and flings him onto the guardrail, where he chops him hard! This only seems to annoy the Ice Heart, however, and he chops back even harder! PR clutches his chest in pain and staggers away, but Dan grabs him and lashes his pectorals with another skin splitting chop!

 

PR yells in pain, but as Black goes for a third chop he ducks it and hurls the off balance Black back first into the guardrail! PR grabs Dan and throws him quickly back into the ring, where he lifts Dan up and nails him with a backbreaker into a cover:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Dan kicks out!

 

PR brings Black up and whips him to the ropes, trying to backdrop Dan, but he telegraphs it and Black is able to calmly kick him in the chest and then nails him with a stiff lariat as PR’s head is snapped up.

 

Black decides against a cover and brings PR up, setting for a belly to back suplex, but PR flips out, landing behind Dan, and drives his knee into Black’s back, then hits a belly to back of his own! Black rolls over onto his front, allowing PR to run the ropes and drive a Muta-style elbow into his spine!

 

COLE

PR starting to target Dan’s back!

 

COACH

He is a fine technical wrestler, and he always has a plan.

 

PR brings Dan up and just plants him with a simple body slam, more impact on the back. He hits Dan with another, and then goes for a third, but this time Black kicks to bring his legs back down to the mat and hits PR with a body slam of his own! Dan does clutch his back a little, but doesn’t have time to tend to the potential injury as PR is straight back up.

 

PR swings and Dan ducks, locking on a full nelson, but PR lifts and grabs his own leg and uses the leverage to break the hold, spinning around to a waist lock on Black and drilling him with a bridging German suplex!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

TH – kickout!

 

PR grins as Dan remains prone on the mat, before slowly bringing him up and flipping him over with a snap mare – but Dan lands on his feet! Black spins away from PR, who swears and swings for him – but Dan catches his arm and drags him down into the Heart of Ice! (crippler crossface)

 

COLE

An athletic escape from Black, and now PRL is in trouble!

 

CABOOSE

Black is dangerous as hell with that hold, you have to respect that.

 

PR yells in pain, and Charles Robinson asks the question, but PR is able to extend one of his legs and just scrape the ropes with his boot so that Robinson counts Dan off. Black rolls away regretfully, holding his back.

 

PR gets to his feet, but Dan just charges past Robinson with a hard knee to the gut, and then nails him with a pair of head snapping European uppercuts! Black whips PRL off the ropes and as he returns just nails him in the face with Yakuza kick!

 

Cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR- kick out!

 

COACH

Dan should really have let PRL get back to his feet properly.

 

CABOOSE

I think Black realized he’s going to have to take every shortcut he can if he wants to win this match.

 

Dan brings the stunned PR up and applies a front facelock, lifting PR up and dropping him onto the top turnbuckle. Dan climbs up after him, throwing a few forearm shots to keep his opponent subdued. Black lifts PR up into position for a superglue, when PR responds with a blow to the gut and then shoves Dan all the way down to the mat! He hits hard on his back but immediately starts to get up. PR waits for him to turn and face the corner and then leaps off the top rope with a missile dropkick to Black’s sternum!

 

Cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE- kickout!

 

PR swears and drags Dan up with a handful of hear. He bodyslams him back near the corner, turns Black over so his back is exposed, and heads back up top. The crowd boos as PR applauds himself…and then executes a shooting star press down onto Black’s back!

 

COACH

What a high flying move from the Puerto Rican! Black’s back has got to be in serious pain!

 

PR holds his stomach from the hard landing, but after a moment rolls Dan over and hooks the leg:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

 

THREEEEE- Kickout!

 

PR looks disbelieving, but Charles Robinson confirms the count as 2. PR grabs Black up and whips him hard into the corner. Dan hits hard and falls down to one knee. PR laughs and holds his hands up in a victory pose as Black struggles back to his feet. PR grabs him and whips him across the ring again. Black hits the turnbuckle hard again, and PR runs in with a splash, but Dan leaps aside and PR eats the corner pads!

 

Black catches him in a full nelson and hits a bridging Dragon suplex!

 

ONE

 

TWO!

 

THREE – no! PR kicks out!

 

Dan gets up quickly, eager to maintain his sudden momentum, and brings PR up too, clubbing him on the back on the next with forearms as he does so. He then snapmares PR over onto his behind, picks him up by the next and snapmares him over again, and repeats this three more times, flipping PR in a circle around the ring!

 

COLE

Rolling snapmares from Dan Black!

 

CABOOSE

They’ll dizzy the Puerto Rican – and also work on his neck. That’s Black’s favourite area to attack, and he made a good start with that Dragon suplex.

 

Dan picks PR up, and lifts him up into the Razor’s Edge position – but then flips him over and into an Ace Crusher!

 

COLE

He calls that “Into the Black”! The motion adds to the impact of the Crusher.

 

CABOOSE

Which again targets the neck…do I have to finish everything for you?

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE- PR kicks out. Black brings him up and sets him in a standing headscissors, looking for a piledriver, but as he lifts PR up his back gives out and Dan has to drop PR back to the mat, where he’s able to lift Black up and drop him over with a back drop!

 

PR falls against the ropes and takes a moment to rub his neck and recuperate. Dan slowly picks himself up, but PR stings him with a forearm shots and quickly executes a snap suplex. PR rolls through it and tries for another, but Dan blocks it and counters into a cradle:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

PR kicks out and swings and misses at Dan as they rise. Black quickly snapmares him over again and this time dropkicks him in the back of the neck, before going for the Heart of Ice, but PR scrambles to the ropes before he can lock it in.

 

Black again has to back off, with Robinson this time making sure he doesn’t rush in on the attack. The referee’s diverted attention means, of course, that PR can attack over his shoulder, stunning Dan with a forearm shot and a fisherman’s suplex –

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE – no! Another kick out.

 

PR rolls Dan up and whips him off the ropes, trying for an armdrag, but Black spins out to one side and connects with a hard chop. Dan follows with KICK WHAM BLACKOUT – but PR pushes him off to the ropes! Black ducks under PR’s swing as he bounces back and hits him with a reverse DDT!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

NO!

PR throws up a shoulder.

 

COLE

The counts are getting closer and closer to three!

 

CABOOSE

How surprising. What’s more important is that we’ve seen these two men are pretty even so far. Without inside interference, it might be that the winner will be the one who can gain an advantage when the referee’s back is turned.

 

Dan lifts the Puerto Rican up to his feet and applies a side headlock, going back to pressure on the neck. PR tries to push him off to the ropes, but Dan holds on and won’t go. PR tries again, but Black keeps his grip. Finally PR just runs forward, trying to drive Black towards the ropes, but instead he collides with Charles Robinson who falls to the mat!

 

PR reacts fast as his lightning nickname and delivers a jackhammer low blow to Black! PR rouses Robinson to alertness and then ties up Dan with a La Majistral cradle!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

 

NO!

 

Dan kicks out! PR slams the mat in frustration, while Dan tries to roll out of the ring. PR quickly grabs him back and signals for his “Latin Slam” (Rock Bottom). PR grabs Dan around the shoulder and goes to lift him up, but Dan elbows out and tries for the Black Out once more, but PR shoves him off and then connects with his own stunner variation, the Cappa Killer!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

 

NO! Shoulder up!

PR gets to his feet and just starts firing hard kicks into Black’s side, forcing him to roll away, whereupon PR starts to kick the back. He drags Dan up, whips him off the ropes and delivers a crushing tilta whirl backbreaker!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

No! Dan again kicks out, and PRL immediately grabs his legs and tries to turn him round into a Boston Crab! But Black kicks him off and gets slowly to his feet. PR hits him with a forearm to the back, and tries to flip him off his feet back to the mat, but Dan clubs at the back of his neck and his able to get him into position for a powerbomb – but again the back goes, and PRL lands on his feet and rolls Black up!

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

PR grabs the bottom rope for leverage!

 

THREE!

 

PR springs to his feet in triumph!

 

Bur Charles Robinson is waving off the pin, signaling that he noticed PR’s rope grab. The Puerto Rican is furious, grabbing Robinson by the collar, and is only restrained from attacking Lil Naitch by Dan Black’s dragging him down into the Heart of Ice!

 

PR screams in pain and tries to make the ropes, as Dan wrenches back on the hold…but suddenly Black shouts in pain, as the camera shows a close up with PR twisting his head to bite Dan’s arm!

 

COLE

That’s a unique counter! PR is good with his mouth!

 

CABOOSE

Just how you like…oh, its too easy.

 

Black breaks the hold and wrings out his gnawed arm. PR spits and nails Dan a dropkick that propels him into a corner. PR runs after him, but Black meets him with a vicious STO that slams him right on the back of his neck! Cover!

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

Black has his feet on the 2nd rope!

 

THREE!

 

 

DING DING DING

 

BUFFER

The winner of the match and moving onto the World Title match at World Without End – DAN BLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAACK!

 

COLE

Black totally stole it!

 

CABOOSE

Well, let’s not act surprised. Black may be more popular recently but he’ll still break the rules as readily as anyone of the men he opposes.

 

COACH

How could Robinson have missed that but he saw PR grab the ropes?! That’s unfair.

 

Dan is up, holding his back, and allowing Charles Robinson to raise his hand in victory!

 

COLE

Well, that’s one of Hoff’s opponents determined. And Hoff and Dan Black have never met before! What a challenging match this will be for the big H.

 

COACH

If Hoff is still around, that is.

 

PR is up and furious. He shoves Robinson to the mat and slugs Dan down, stomping away at his injured back, before dragging him up and hitting the Puerto Rican Nightmare in the middle of the ring. PR spits and swears as the crowd is united in their jeers.

 

COLE

I think PRL has once again shown us what happens when you piss him off!

 

CABOOSE

Hey, that’s part of the reason PRL is so great.

 

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez enters the ring. She takes Spanish Fly’s mask out of her bra, and puts it on PRL’s head. The mask only covers half of PR’s face. PRL and Lindsay pose in the middle of the ring.

 

COLE

PRL is taunting Spanish Fly! He has the one thing Fly treasures the most on his head!

 

COACH

Oh how I wish I was Spanish Fly’s mask right now.

 

CABOOSE

Why? So you could be on PRL’s face?

 

COACH

No! I meant before! When it was in Lindsay’s bra!

 

CABOOSE

Sure you did.

 

Suddenly, the crowd starts cheering. Spanish Fly runs into the ring, wearing a paper bag over his head. PRL and Lindsay leave the ring, leaving Fly by himself, furious, with the crowd cheering.

 

COLE

Spanish Fly is here! And look at what he’s wearing!

 

CABOOSE

HA! HA! He’s wearing a paper bag! Look at that! He’s wearing a paper bag over his head!

 

PRL and Lindsay are both laughing hysterically. Lindsay teases Fly about the paper bag. Fly doesn’t show any emotion, his eyes are focused on Tha Puerto Rican. PR grabs a microphone and starts talking, wiping away tears from his eyes.

 

“THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Oh man! Oh man! That’s just hilarious! I mean, a paper bag? I love it! Hey Fly! Since you’re out here that means there’s no better time than now to have your match against Vitamin X! So what are we waiting for? Vitamin X, come on down and kick that paper bag wearing midget’s candy ass! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!!

 

*KA-CHING~!*

 

*Come and take your Vitamin X.*

 

“Bling Bling” by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys starts playing. Vitamin X comes out; doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle drawing boos from the crowd. PR and Lindsay are still at ringside, with PRL having taken off Spanish Fly’s mask and given it back to Lindsay to put in her bra. Spanish Fly stares at Vitamin X, who has a cocky smirk on his face, bobbing his head to his theme.

 

COLE

Spanish Fly is going to go one-on-one against the Financial Consultant of The Lightning Crew! Spanish Fly vs. Vitamin X is coming up next!

 

(COMMERCIALS)

 

We return to HeldDOWN~! with Vitamin X kicking Fly while he’s down. PR and Lindsay are still at ringside.

 

COLE

Back on HeldDOWN~!, during the break, Spanish Fly assaulted Vitamin X, doing a baseball slide before he entered the ring, followed by an Asai Moonsault, but thanks to PR, Vitamin X took control!

 

Vitamin X picks up Fly. He whips him into the ropes. Spanish Fly goes in between X’s legs. Vitamin X goes to kick Fly, but Fly catches the leg, does a backflip…but is met with a clothesline!

 

CABOOSE

There! You see what all that flippy-floppy crap will do to you? It’s nothing but trouble.

 

VX grabs Fly, and puts his head on the bottom rope. PRL and Lindsay cheer Vitamin X on. X kicks Fly in the back, and then drives his right knee into Fly’s back. VX then picks Fly up, and gives him a snap suplex. X then picks up Fly again.

 

*CHOP*

 

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

*CHOP*

 

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

*CHOP*

 

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

Vitamin X Irish whips Spanish Fly into the ropes. X lifts Fly up in the air, and then lets him drop onto the mat, face first!

 

PRL

Good job X!

 

LINDSAY

Way to go, X!

 

COLE

It seems like no matter who Spanish Fly faces, he’s going to be outmatched. At 4-feet-11-inches, Spanish Fly is the smallest male wrestler on the OAOAST roster. So even the 5’8” Vitamin X could be considered a giant compared to Fly!

 

CABOOSE

He’s a friggin’ midget. Wrestling is a big man’s sport, not a little mans. He should just quit and go home.

 

VX picks up Spanish Fly. Punch. Punch. Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Punch. Spanish Fly falls to the mat. X covers. 1…2…. KICK OUT! X picks up Fly again, and kicks him repeatedly. Irish whip into the ropes. Vitamin X grabs Fly for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker—but Fly manages to hit Vitamin X with a hurricarana to take him down! X gets back up, so Spanish Fly connects with a dropkick to send him back down again! Fly covers….and gets a two count.

 

COLE

Spanish Fly is making the comeback!

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, but Vitamin X will cut it short soon.

 

Spanish Fly stops to adjust the paper bag over his head that is starting to fall off. Spanish Fly picks up X and punches him in the face several times while PR and Lindsay cheer X on. Fly whips X into the ropes, however X reverses, and knocks Spanish Fly onto the mat hard with a SPEAR~!

 

COLE

Good gravy!

 

CABOOSE

That spear almost knock Spanish Fly’s head off his body!

 

COACH

But the paper bag is STILL on his head!

 

Vitamin X stops to pose, garnering boos. The crowd starts chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” VX hops onto the top rope, and a few seconds later, leaps off the top rope with a picture perfect elbowdrop on Spanish Fly! Vitamin X covers Fly.

 

1…

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

SPANISH FLY PUTS HIS RIGHT SHOULDER UP!

 

Vitamin X argues with referee Mickey Jay, as does PRL and Lindsay. X, frustrated, simply grabs Fly and throws him over the top rope, and onto the floor. PRL takes the opportunity to attack Fly, attempting to rip the paper bag off of Spanish Fly’s head the same way he rip Spanish Fly’s mask from his head last week! However, Fly fights back, and knocks PRL down! However, while all of this is going on, Vitamin X had leaped onto the top rope, and just after Fly attacks PRL, VX leaps off the top with a double axehandle to the back of Spanish Fly!

 

CABOOSE

YES! Way to go X-Man!

 

The crowd boos Vitamin X. Meanwhile, Mickey Jay is in the ring counting. Vitamin X picks up Spanish Fly and places him on a barricade. X follows that up by spearing into Spanish Fly again! He then does it a second time! And a third! Mickey Jay is up to 7, so Vitamin X heads back into the ring. And just as quickly as he got in the ring, he goes back out. The X-Man, as he calls himself, throws Spanish Fly back into the ring. X taunts Spanish Fly, giving him a neckbreaker. Vitamin X covers Fly…and gets another two count.

 

COLE

Spanish Fly has taken punishment from Vitamin X for most of the match!

 

CABOOSE

Hmmm, God must hate Spanish Fly then.

 

Vitamin X picks up Spanish Fly, and scoops him up. Vitamin X places Spanish Fly upside down on the turnbuckle in a Tree Of Woe position. The crowd starts chanting “LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY!”

 

COLE

The crowd is behind Spanish Fly!

 

CABOOSE

They’re not chanting, “LET’S GO FLY!” because they’re rooting for Spanish Fly. They’re chanting, “LET’S GO FLY!” because they want to go flying, like on an airplane.

 

COLE

Yeeaaaaaaahhh. Right.

 

Vitamin X heads to the opposite turnbuckle from Fly. Fly holds onto the paper bag on his head. Fly rushes forward, and does a baseball slide onto Spanish Fly’s face! Fly crumbles to the mat, so VX quickly covers Fly.

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THREE-KICK OUT!

 

VITAMIN X

Son of a bitch!

 

COLE

Vitamin X is obviously frustrated by now!

 

CABOOSE

Yeah. How is this little pipsqueak not knocked out yet?

 

COACH

Beats me.

 

The crowd is getting hot now, while PRL and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez continue cheering for Vitamin X. Vitamin X kicks Spanish Fly in the back, and then applies the Lethal Injection on him!

 

COLE

There it is! The Lethal Injection! That’s Vitamin X’s submission move!

 

CABOOSE

All right! This match is almost over! HA! HA!

 

The crowd starts chanting “LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY!” again. Mickey Jay asks Fly if he quits. Fly shakes his head. PRL and Lindsay wait for Fly to submit…but it never happens. Instead, Fly grabs the bottom rope with his right hand, stopping the submission. Mickey Jay taps Vitamin X on his shoulder to tell him to stop the hold. Vitamin X assumes that this means he won, so he gets up and raises his hands in victory. The crowd boos.

 

COLE

Uh, X, you didn’t win.

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, X, the match is still going on.

 

PR and Lindsay tell X the same thing, but it’s not until Mickey Jay tells him this that he finally pays attention.

 

VITAMIN X

DAMNIT!

 

Vitamin X drags Spanish Fly away from the ropes, and tries to rip the paper bag from his head. Spanish Fly fights back by kicking VX in the face! Fly gets back up, and goes for a punch, but X ducks it. Vitamin X punches Spanish Fly with some of his signature left jabs followed by the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. VX goes for a punch, but Fly blocks it, and fires with a punch of his own. This leads into a slugfest with X and Fly punching each other back and forth! Vitamin X gains the advantage, whipping Spanish Fly into the ropes. Fly fires back, leaping onto Vitamin X’s shoulders. Vitamin X decides to do a powerbomb, but just as he’s bringing Fly down, Fly grabs VX by his head, and brings him down with a DDT!

 

COLE

DDT!

 

The DDT took the energy out of Spanish Fly too. Fly lies on the mat in pain for a few seconds, readjusting his paper bag in the process. The crowd cheers Fly on. Spanish Fly slowly crawls over to where Vitamin X is lying, and covers him, hooking X’s right leg.

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEE!

KICKOUUUTTTT AT 2.999999999999!!!

 

COLE

Oh! So close…

 

COACH

And yet so far.

 

Spanish Fly picks up Vitamin X. He whips VX into the ropes—NO—Vitamin X reverses, kicks Fly in the stomach, and then places him in between his legs. Vitamin X hooks Spanish Fly’s arms, preparing for The Overdose!

 

COLE

Here comes The Overdose!

 

Suddenly, Spanish Fly escapes, and does a double leg takedown on Vitamin X! Spanish Fly rolls X up!

 

1…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3—KICK OUT!!!

 

COLE

No! That was not the end! Vitamin X kicked out!

 

The crowd is shocked; also thinking it was the end! Spanish Fly can’t believe it either. Meanwhile, on the outside, Tha Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez breathe a sigh of relief, and then applaud X. Spanish Fly picks up VX again, and does an Irish whip. Spanish Fly tries for a clothesline, but Vitamin X ducks, and when he returns, he does a Floatover DDT on Spanish Fly! Vitamin X quickly covers Spanish Fly…and gets only a two count!

 

COACH

That wasn’t it either!

 

CABOOSE

Are you kidding me? That was SO the finish! The referee is obviously a crooked!

 

COLE

If you want to talk about crooked referees, look no further than The Lightning Crew’s own Thomas Rodriguez!

 

CABOOSE

Yeah right.

 

Vitamin X looks at PR and Lindsay. They tell him to continue his attack. X looks at the crowd, and receives boos. VX grabs Spanish Fly and scoops him up. Spanish Fly slips out and stands behind X. Spanish Fly does a dropkick on Vitamin X, which sends him to the second rope! The crowd stands up and cheers, knowing what’s coming up next!

 

COLE

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

 

CABOOSE

Oh God. I hate this move!

 

Spanish Fly looks at the crowd with a smile on his face.

 

SPANISH FLY

6-1-9!

 

Spanish Fly heads to the ropes.

 

COACH

Wine me. Dine me. 6-1-9 me!

 

Spanish Fly does the 6-1-9 on Vitamin X! Vitamin X crumbles onto the mat. Spanish Fly plays to the crowd some more while PRL and Lindsay get more and more nervous. Fly heads to the top rope.

 

COLE

It could be time for the Fly Swatter!

 

COACH

It IS time for the Fly Swatter!

 

Spanish Fly is hunched over on the top rope, waiting for Vitamin X to get up. The crowd is eagerly anticipating the Fly Swatter. PRL keeps telling X to look out, but X isn’t paying any attention. Vitamin X is now on his knees, groggy, but is slowly getting up. Finally, after what seems like forever, X is up, so Spanish Fly leaps off the top preparing to do the Fly Swatter…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BUT VITAMIN X MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!!!

 

CABOOSE

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

 

Spanish Fly lands on his ass. He missed the Fly Swatter!

 

COLE

Vitamin X moved out of the way just in the nick of time!

 

COACH

Oh, that may cost him this match! This isn’t good at all!

 

CABOOSE

What are you talking about? This is great!

 

Vitamin X, an evil smile on his face, stands over Spanish Fly, and grabs him by his paper bag covered head. He starts pulling the paper bag off of Fly’s head! Spanish Fly tries to fight it off, but just like last week, he is unsuccessful. After a few tries, Vitamin X is able to pull the paper bag off of Spanish Fly’s head!

 

COLE

Spanish Fly has been unmasked again!

 

Vitamin X celebrates pulling the paper bag off of Spanish Fly’s head while Spanish Fly covers his face. But his celebration is short-lived when he notices that Spanish Fly still has his head covered…with a ski mask! Vitamin X is shocked, along with the crowd!

 

COLE

Hey! Spanish Fly hasn’t been unmasked after all!

 

COACH

He had a Plan B!

 

Spanish Fly punches Vitamin X in the face repeatedly! Fly leaps onto Vitamin X’s shoulders, trying to do a hurricarana. However, Vitamin X walks around the ring, trying to drop Spanish Fly. Fly holds on, so Vitamin X sits him on the top rope. Vitamin X nails Spanish Fly with a STIFF~! jab to the jaw! Vitamin X punches Fly several more times, getting on the second rope in the process. Then, from out of nowhere, Spanish Fly shoves Vitamin X off the second rope and onto the mat! Spanish Fly stands up on the top rope, causing the crowd to cheer!

 

COLE

Could this be it?

 

CABOOSE

No it can’t!

 

Vitamin X gets to his feet, but his back is turned to Spanish Fly. So Spanish Fly leaps off the top rope…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bringing Vitamin X down with the Fly Swatter!

 

 

COLE

Fly Swatter! That’s the Fly Swatter!

 

Spanish Fly covers Vitamin X. Referee Mickey Jay counts.

 

1….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.999999999999999999

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!

 

*DING DING DING* (8:05)

 

Spanish Fly raises his hands in victory. Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez curse IN ANGER~! “Krokodilamadurinn” by Quarashi starts playing.

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

Here is your winner….SPANISH FLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

 

COLE

Spanish Fly has gotten ANOTHER victory over The Lightning Crew!

 

CABOOSE

Oh so what? He still hasn’t defeated The Big Corporate Cheese! PRL still has the 24/7 Title AND his mask, so Fly hasn’t really won a damn thing!

 

COLE

But Spanish Fly was able to beat Vitamin X despite losing his mask last week! He was still able to pull out the win when PRL thought the lost of his mask would cause him to lose focus!

 

COACH

And let’s not forget he was wearing a ski mask underneath the paper bag! He knew what he was getting into this week.

 

CABOOSE

Oh shut up! None of this matters. PRL, once again, has gotten the last laugh!

 

Spanish Fly gets on the turnbuckle to pose as “Krokodilamadurinn” continues playing. Suddenly, Tha Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez run into the ring. Spanish Fly quickly exits the ring and walks up the entrance ramp. PRL yells at Fly while Lindsay checks on Vitamin X. Despite still not having his mask back, Spanish Fly is smiling, knowing he was able to irritate Tha Puerto Rican again.

 

CABOOSE

Don’t be so pissed P.R. Just be glad that Spanish Fly’s mask is still nestled next to Lindsay’s big, voluptuous…heart.

 

Lindsay pulls Spanish Fly’s mask out of her bra and twists it around her head. PRL points to the mask, reminding Fly that he still doesn’t have his most prized possession. Spanish Fly’s smile now fades, but he remains determined.

 

SPANISH FLY

¡Voy a conseguir a mi asshole de la parte posteriora de la máscara!

(I’m going to get my mask back, asshole!)

 

COLE

Spanish Fly wants his mask back and I believe he WILL get it sooner or later.

 

CABOOSE

Keep dreaming, Cole. PRL is going to add Spanish Fly’s mask to his trophy room along with The Mad Cappa’s bloody t-shirt from the night he broke Cappa’s larynx, and that lock of Lauren Gellar’s hair from that week when he kidnapped her and…uh….nevermind.

 

COLE

What? Keep going?

 

CABOOSE

I SAID NEVERMIND!

 

Spanish Fly, still wearing the ski mask, poses in the entryway. The crowd cheers. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stare at Spanish Fly as “Krokodilamadurinn” by Quarashi continues playing.

 

(FADE OUT)

 

COLE

So Dan Black moves on to WWE, I guess against Hoff while Spanish Fly picks up the win agaist a member of the Lightning Crew. We'll just have to wait to hear what Calvin's cooked up next week. As for tonight, our main event is next as Parka faces Bohemoth with the HI-YAH Heavyweight title on the line!

 

Commercial break

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::Backstage, with the Lightning Crew and PR::

 

Puerto Rico

DAMMIT! I had my chance and You guys blew it!

 

Boricua

Sorry boss, really, we thought you had it in the bag.

 

Puerto Rico

This was MY chance to get the gold.

 

::enter Stephen Joseph::

We still have a chance to get OUR gold.

 

Puerto Rico

Where the hell were you?

 

Stephen Joseph

Business. Good business. Reinforcements. Crisis mode baby, and I will not back down. I've got Tony next week for a shot. I'm going to win there. And at WWE, no matter what, I'm going to win the World Title for the first time. With the help of the Lightning Crew...and The Puerto Rican.

 

Puerto

Explain to me, my esteemed career consultant, why I should help you when you didnt help me.

 

Stephen Joseph

Because if I win the title, I will defend it that very next Thursday...against you, Puerto. Straight up. You'll get your chance you were denied tonight.

 

Puerto Rico

No screwjobs? What about Spanish Fly?

 

Stephen Joseph

No screwjobs. And NO Spanish Fly. Remember, you'lll annihlate him at WWE. He won't exist.

 

Puerto

Yeah...that's right.

 

Stephen Jospeh

And imagine this...November 3rd, 2005. Stephen Joseph vs. The Puerto Rican, in a mutual respect match for the WWE Title. Either way, we win. C'mon, who do you think I'm going to give title shots too. We're keeping it in the family baby!

 

Puerto

Stephen, you've got a deal. Tony doesn't stand a chance.

 

COLE

Wait, now Stephen Joseph and Tony Brannigan are wrestling for a title shot next week?

 

COACH

Well, he DID say so earlier tonight.

 

CABOOSE

WHAT!? I'll kiss Coach WITH TONGUE before Popick gets a title shot!

 

COACH

Hmm....guess I should buy some binaca for next week.

 

COLE

All right, all right! Time for our main event.

 

*CALIFORNIA LOVE!!!!!*

 

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

The Calgary crowd pop, as "California Love" by Tupac and Dr. Dre starts up and the crowd rise to their feet as it's HI-YAH Title time. After a few seconds noisy wait, the headlights of The Parka's trademark El Camino shine through the entranceway and the pop resurfaces, as Parka drives out onto the stage. A little hydraulic show follows, before Parka exits the driver's side of the El Camino and raises a fist in the air.

 

COLE

A big match for Parka tonight...after proving he still has what it takes at Angleslam, now he has the chance to prove he's still championship material tonight.

 

CABOOSE

Still championship material? What's Parka ever done without a partner by his side? Nothing. Squat.

 

Parka and his manager Eddy Kalm walk on towards the ring, Parka tagging some out-stretched hands down the aisleway before rolling into the ring. Clearly The Parka is fired up as he snaps right back to his feet and fires up the crowd, glad to be back after his recent forced absence. And the crowd are predictably glad Parka is back, giving him a rapturous reception. Backing into a corner, Parka crouches down and tries to get himself prepared...

 

 

 

...as the bad-ass strains of "Back In Black" drill through the P.A System. The fans resist the temptation to mark the fuck out for the best song ever, as Christian Wright leads the way for the HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion. Bohemoth carries HI-YAH premiere title belt over his shoulder and is all business as he shows off TEH GUNZ~! before striding down the aisle. He even brushes right past Parka's prized El Camino without incident while Wright seems to think about tampering with the vehicle as he walks past, but decides against it.

 

COLE

We haven't seen a lot of Bohemoth in the ring since he won the HI-YAH Title, but we have it good authority that he's been an impressive force over in Japan defending the title.

 

COACH

That could just be a lie...

 

COLE

Why would it be?

 

COACH

I dunno, but it could be.

 

COLE

But, it's not. He's been flying to Japan and returning every week to appear on house shows in America. *shifty eyes* What's so unbelievable about that?

 

Jogging up the steps, Bohemoth enters the ring and raises the belt above his head. Seeing this as a taunt, Parka stands up and advances out of the corner ready to fight. But Eddy Kalm calms him down, while Wright keeps Bohemoth from attacking for the time being.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is sanction by the HI-YAH wrestling authorities and will be contested under HI-YAH rules. 20 counts will be observed on the floor and throwing an opponent over the top-rope is an automatic disqualification, at the referee's discretion. Introducing first at this time, in the corner to my left, the challenger. Being accompanied to the ring by Eddy Kalm. Hailing from San Diego, California and weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds...he is... TTHHHHHHEEE PPAAAAAAAAAARRRRRKKAAAAAAAAA!!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

The crowd erupt as again, as Parka is submerged in multi-coloured streamers that seem to come from nowhere. They also seem to catch Parka by surprise, as he waits for them to settle before removing his La Parka mask.

 

BUFFER

And, in the corner to my right is the champion. Accompanied to the ring this evening by "The Natural" Christian Wright...he hails from Greenville, South Carolina and weighs in at two hundred, eighty four pounds! He is the current, reigning and defending HI-YAH HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.... BBOOOOOOHHEEEEEEEEEEMMOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHH!!!!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

More streams fill the ring, as Bohemoth steps out of the corner and raises his belt in the air. Wright applauds his bodyguard turned World Champion, as he passes his title to the assigned referee, Charles Robinson. Turning to the crowd, Charles holds the belt aloft for the fans to see, before setting about the task of getting all the frikkin' streamers out of the ring.

 

COLE

This is Parka's first match since he was scheduled to appear at Dirty Deeds, but due to the imminent Hurricane in Texas he had to attend to family matters. But obviously, it's a pleasure to welcome him back.

 

CABOOSE

This whole Parka bleeding hearts sob story just gets worse.

 

COLE

How?

 

CABOOSE

First we're supposed to care because he's got a crooked back. Now, we're supposed to sympathise because he was worried about the Hurricane. What next, him getting a World Title shot because his puppy died?

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

As the bell rings, Wright pats Bohemoth on the back and gives him some final words of encouragement, as Parka gets the same from Eddy Kalm.

 

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

 

The Parka makes sure to acknowledge the crowd, while Wright tries in vain to shut the Calgary faithful up. With the chants solidly behind him, Parka is ready now and Bohemoth dares him on. Parka looks around the crowd, then back up at Bohemoth, who continues to dare him to attack first. So Parka hits the ropes, building up a head of steam and barging into Bohemoth with a shoulder block...but the Champion stands his ground. Bohemoth yells at Parka to try again...which he does, again to no avail. Quickly getting the message, Parka realises he's not going to over power Bohemoth. So instead, he rocks Bohemoth with a boot to the gut before offloading a quick succession of right hands, not letting up until the Champ finds himself pinned against the ropes...

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

...where he gets a knifedge chop.

 

COLE

Parka might not be wise trying to brawl with this monster...

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

Parka rocks Bo with a second chop, pausing to hear the crowd react.

 

COLE

...but it beats trying to out-power him.

 

Growling, Bohemoth shakes off the chops, shoving Parka back a couple of steps and charging out of the ropes looking to take Parka's head off his shoulders with a clothesline. Parka ducks though, waiting for Bohemoth to spin around before rocking him with another series of punches. Four...five, six connect, backing Bohemoth into the opposite ropes than before and allowing Parka to whip his opponent across the ring. Back shoots Bohemoth, straight into a high dropkick from Parka that catches him right in the BUTT of the jaw and knocks him clear off his feet! Stunned, Bohemoth staggers up and holds his jaw, as Parka sets and connects with a second, standing dropkick. Again the Champion is back up quickly. So Parka goes to the gut this time, hitting the ropes and snaring Bo over with a quick Swinging Neckbreaker! Parka follows up with a cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

But Bohemoth rolls the shoulder. Pulling himself up, Parka brings Bohemoth up with him and again begins to rock Bo with punches. This time Bohemoth catches Parka in mid flurry though, doubling him up with a quick and distinctly desperate knee to the gut. With the challenger momentarily subdued, Bohemoth sets up for a slam. But Parka floats over the back and cradles him up with a California Roll...

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

Bo pushes Parka off. Using the momentum, Parka hits the ropes and ducks underneath a Big Boot from Bohemoth, screeching to a halt at the ropes behind. Turning around, Bohemoth sees Parka waiting on him and charges recklessly. Straight into a Parka drop-toe-hold, dropping Bohemoth throat-first across the middle rope. The Champion bounces straight back holding his throat, as Parka points a finger down at Wright, presumably telling him he'll be next come World Without End.

 

COLE

Bohemoth may be an impressive physical specimen, but he's in the ring with a wiley veteran tonight in The Parka.

 

Pulling Bohemoth up, the challenger then sets for an irish whip. Back comes Bohemoth, as Parka ducks his head ready for a back body drop. Bohemoth stops short though, clubbing Parka between the shoulder blades and leaving him in on his knees in agony.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

From the outside Wright applauds and yells at Bohemoth to "stay on the back", which he does by reaching over Parka's head with another clubbing strike. Parka slumps face-first to the canvas, clutching his back in pain as Bohemoth stalks over him.

 

COLE

Right to the back goes Bohemoth, which is obviously the smart tactic against Parka.

 

CABOOSE

See this is why Parka shouldn't be in the ring. He's walking in with a target on his back every night and sooner or later, somebody'll hit the bullseye.

 

Bohemoth reaches down and pulls Parka off the canvas and whips him into the corner. Hitting the turnbuckles hard, Parka recoils and staggers out holding his back once more. Bohemoth meets him coming out and whips Parka again, into the opposite turnbuckles. Again Parka bounces out hard and this time, falls to his knees. Methodically, Bohemoth rolls Parka over and makes a pin...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

Kickout.

 

Sitting Parka up, Bohemoth quickly places a knee in the back of the challenger and wrenches his head back with a rear chinlock.

 

CABOOSE

Ooh, that can't be doing Parka's back any good.

 

COLE

Well, credit where credit is due, Bohemoth is well prepped for this match.

 

CABOOSE

Oh, rest assured Christian Wright has given his bodyguard strict instructions on how to dismantle The Parka tonight. He's the smartest man in the OAOAST after all.

 

Bohemoth pulls back on Parka, looking a little impatient in this methodical style, as opposed to his usual smashmouthness.

 

"LET'S GO PAR - KA!"

"LET'S GO PAR - KA!"

"LET'S GO PAR - KA!"

"LET'S GO PAR - KA!"

 

And as the crowd start to rally behind Parka, it begins to get to the HI-YAH Champion. Releasing the hold, Bohemoth clubs his arm around Parka's chest, leaving him noticeably gasping for breath. A second clubbing blow has Parka sucking wind, allowing Bohemoth to re-apply the rear chinlock.

 

"LET'S GO PAR - KA!"

"LET'S GO PAR - KA!"

 

WRIGHT

WOULD YOU CEASE THIS INFERNAL RACKET!!

 

...

 

WRIGHT

THAT MEANS SHUT UP!!

 

..

"LET'S GO PAR - KA!"

"LET'S GO PAR - KA!"

"LET'S GO PAR - KA!"

 

Hearing the crowd's support grow and grow, Parka begins to power up and starts to call on some energy. Turning to the side, he then comes to his knees...then to his feet, rocking Bohemoth with an elbow to his well-developed abs. Another elbow connects, followed by a third and a fourth, finally breaking the chinlock and allowing Parka to whip Bohemoth...NO, Bohemoth counters and whips Parka into the ropes. As Parka hits the ropes though, Bohemoth commits the exact same mistake Parka had earlier and ducks his head too early, allowing The Parka to float over top and take Bohemoth over with a Sunset Flip...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

COLE

Man, Parka nearly shocked Bohemoth there!

 

Both men scramble up, Parka ducking a wild swing from Bohemoth and clocking him in the back of the head with a back elbow. Parka then reaches back, trying to grab Bohemoth's head for a neckbreaker. But Bohemoth blocks. Fighting Parka off with back elbows, Bohemoth then grabs the challenger and pitches him across the ring...causing Parka to crash shoulder first into the top turnbuckle.

 

CABOOSE

Talk about power! He just threw 250 pounds across the ring like it was nothing!

 

Parka slumps into the turnbuckles, but is soon pulled out by Bohemoth who applies a full nelson on Parka. Using the power of TEH GUNZ~!, Bohemoth then drags Parka out from the corner. Parka reaches out a foot trying to place it on the ropes, to force a break. He can't reach them though and finds himself drilled with a Full Nelson Slam!! The crowd groan collectively, as Bohemoth places a hand on Parka's chest...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Shoulder up!

 

COLE

Really naive cover from Bohemoth. You aren't going to beat a competitor like The Parka that easily.

 

CABOOSE

I don't see why not.

 

Pulling himself up, Bohemoth encourages Parka up. The Parka is clearly hurting again, but with Eddy Kalm encouraging him on he fights slowly to his feet. Backing into the opposite corner, Bohemoth continues to wait. As finally, Parka reaches his feet and turns, Bohemoth immediately charging out of the corner with a Yakuza Ki...

 

 

 

 

...DUCKED! Bohemoth scrambles to put the brakes on and does, just by the turnbuckles, turning around to go after Parka again. As he turns though, Parka charges him and hooks Bohemoth with a clothesline, taking both men over the top Cactus Jack style! Parka ends up sat on the apron, while Bohemoth lays on the outside seeing stars.

 

"YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Scurrying around the ring, Christian Wright goes to check on his bodyguard. But he soon finds himself scurrying back away, as Parka stands up on the apron and dives off the apron, again Cactus Jack style, this time with the Apron Dive Elbow!!

 

COLE

What a risk taken by The Parka!

 

COACH

Bang bang, his back may be broken!

 

 

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

 

The crowd erupt in support of the challenger who remains down on the floor with Bohemoth.

 

"THREE!"

 

And suddenly, referee Charles Robinson's count comes into earshot.

 

"FOUR!"

 

COLE

Both men are down and hurting, but there is of course a relaxed 20 count under HI-YAH rules.

 

"FIVE!"

 

CABOOSE

They're going to need it from the looks of things.

 

"SIX!"

 

Robinson continues his count, as Parka drags himself to his knees with a hold of his spine.

 

"SEVEN!"

 

Bohemoth is still down meanwhile, much to Wright's frustration.

 

"EIGHT!"

 

Parka pulls himself up using the apron for support...

 

"NINE!"

 

...and rolls into the ring.

 

"TEN!"

 

The count meanwhile continues for Bohemoth, who now has Christian Wright beside him trying to encourage his bodyguard up.

 

"ELEVEN!"

 

COLE

The Champion's taking his sweet time here. He may be hurt.

 

"TWELVE!"

 

CABOOSE

Bohemoth's been in this situation before, he knows what he's doing.

 

"THIRTEEN!"

 

Finally Bohemoth pulls himself up and begins to crawl towards the ring, despite protests from CW to stay where he is and take the count-out.

 

"FOURTEE - "

 

Bohemoth rolls into the ring, breaking Charles' count. Wasting no time, Parka bends down to pick Bohemoth up...but suddenly, he explodes into life, popping up and driving Parka down with a Front Spinebuster!!

 

CABOOSE

See! He knew what he was doing!

 

On the floor, CW is in elation already, as Bohemoth makes his cover...

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

3-NO!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

NO! ONLY TWO!

 

Wright can't believe it. Neither can Bohemoth, stomping to his feet and threatening referee Charles Robinson. But Lil' Naitch stands by his call, much to the duo's chagrin.

 

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

 

Turning back to Parka, Bohemoth pulls his opponent up and turns to the outside. Wright looks up at Bohemoth and nods, his smile slowly wiping off his face as he gives his bodyguard a thumbs up...

 

 

...and then...

 

 

 

...THUMBS DOWN~!

 

COLE

Uh-oh. That's the sign, Wright's calling for the end!

 

Bohemoth nods before taking Parka in his arms and hoisting him up. The fans know what's coming and jeer away, hoping that it will put the bigman off. It doesn't though and he holds Parka's 250 pounds in his arms with ease, turning to the centre of the ring. Bohemoth then sets and swings Parka out, around and...onto his feet, Parka using his momentum to float behind, around and plant Bohemoth on his head with the Float Over DDT!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

WHAT A COUNTER!!

 

CABOOSE

No way!

 

Rolling over, Parka drops an arm over Bohemoth and makes the cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

3-TWOCOUNTONLY!!

 

"OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

As the fans bemoan the close shave, Parka pulls himself up and brings Bohemoth to his feet slowly.

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

And once up, Bohemoth takes a hard knifedge chop to the chest.

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

And a second. Parka seems to be buying himself a little time to think now, looking for a way to finish Bohemoth off. Eventually, Parka grabs Bohemoth by the arm and whips him across the ring and into the corner. Following in, The Parka clotheslines Bo into the turnbuckles and watches him stagger out from the corner, before climbing to the middle rope. Bohemoth is staggered and stops in front of the turnbuckles holding his head. Wright screams for him to move, but he doesn't, allowing Parka to leap off the middle rope and snare Bohemoth down with a Diving Bulldog!!

 

COLE

He planted him! Bohemoth got dropped right on his head!!

 

Bouncing off the canvas, Parka's back again comes back to haunt him, but he grits his teeth through it and makes the pin...

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

CHRISTIAN WRIGHT ON THE APRON!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

Oh, come on! Get Wright out of here referee!

 

CABOOSE

He's got as much right to be here as you or me, get off his case.

 

COLE

He's distracting the referee!

 

CABOOSE

So's your frosty top, but you don't hear me complaining.

 

As Robinson tries to get Wright off the apron, Parka leaves his cover and points a finger at Wright. From the outside Eddy Kalm tries to stop Parka from doing anything stupid, but Parka is too distracted to notice him. And as Parka and Wright exchange words, he's also too distracted to notice Bohemoth recovering. Stalking behind, Bohemoth clasps his hands together and prepares to slam a double axehandle into Parka's back...

 

 

 

...but Parka sidesteps...

 

 

 

 

 

...AND WRIGHT TAKES THE DOUBLE AXE!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Miscue!

 

COACH

So much for guarding his body...

 

As Wright collapses off the apron in a heap, Bohemoth clutches his hands to his head despairingly, suddenly finding himself taken over with a Calfornia Roll-Up...

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

3-NO, Bohemoth pushes Parka off.

 

Continuing his run, Parka hits the ropes in front and snares Bohemoth's head, looking for a Running DDT...but Bohemoth throws him off! Parka lands hard, but instinctively pulls himself straight back up. Which is just what Bohemoth had wanted, as he looks for the big-ass LARIAT~!...

 

 

 

 

 

 

...AND CONNECTS!

 

COACH

OH SHIT, SON~!

 

The crowd deflate, as Bohemoth hooks a leg instantly...

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

3-NO, TWO COUNT, TWO COUNT!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

HE KICKED OUT!! Unbelievable!!

 

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

"PAR - KA!"

 

Bohemoth storms back to his feet and with Wright still KOed on the floor, he gives his own THUMBS DOWN~! to The Parka before pulling his limp body back up. Taking Parka in his arms, Bohemoth then lifts and sets for the Erotic Awakening Of B...but Parka elbows. And elbows. And elbows, elbows, elbows, elbows until Bohemoth drops him, straight into a small package...

 

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

HE DID IT!!

 

CABOOSE

No way, you've got to be kidding me!

 

The crowd go absolutely nuts, as The Parka releases his cradle and scrambles out of the ring, right before Christian Wright dives in to make a failed attempt to save. The Parka rolls out of the ring just in time though and stops at the foot of the rampway, as Eddy Kalm runs over and hands Parka the HI-YAH Title.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest...and the NNEEEEEWWWW HI-YAH WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... TTHHHHHHEEEEEEE PPAAAAAAAAARRRRRKKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Parka defied the odds and did it! He won the match, he won the title and he proved without a shadow of a doubt that he is BACK, in a big way! Man, the fans watching in Japan must be extremely proud to have The Parka as their new HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion!

 

CABOOSE

Eh, what do they know?

 

Parka raises his title in the air to a jubilent cheer from Calgary's crowd, leaving Christian Wright FUMING in the ring.

 

COLE

After a night of some turmoil and surprises, we end on a high note with Parka winning gold. We'll have more on the World Title and WWE situation next week folks. Until then, goodnight from Calgary!

 

Fade to black

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CREDITS:

 

Hoff (sorry to see you go, bub)

Zack Malibu

KingPK

Stephen Joseph

King Cucaracha

Tony149

Mystery Eskimo

Alfdogg

Phoenix Fury Legdrop

 

© OAOAST Entertainment 2005. All rights reserved.

 

Stay tuned for the Love Shack.....RIGHT NOW~!

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OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents...

#~~THE LOVE SHACK~~#

 

MICHAEL BUFFER (V.O)

Ladies and gentlemen, live from Grand Rapids, Michigan...IT'S THE LOVE SHACK!! And, heeeeeerrreee is your host... LLEEEEEEOOOOONN RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!

 

Piped in cheers and applause fire up as Leon Rodez walks onto his lavish set (read: a desk, a lamp, a sign saying 'HAIL MICHIGAN' and a cheap looking beach towel of the New York skyline hanging over, what presumably, is a blank and cheap wall. Rodez acknowledges the cheers from...well, from the P.A sat off camera...as he walks around his desk and lounges in to his seat. That cheap, talk-show host smile is plastered on his face as he shuffles some notes, for seemingly no reason as he then places them in a drawer on the front of the desk.

 

RODEZ

Hello OAOAST fans and welcome to Grand Rapids. Welcome too to The Love Shack, the show so good, it got a second week! Which, for all intents and purposes, is longer than most of Hoff's title reigns. Wocka wocka wocka! But...seriously, it's been a emotional night on HeldDOWN~! tonight with everything that's happened. Already tonight, we've seen Drek Stone cry his wickle heart out and take his ball home because he didn't want to contribute to the OAOAST. Irony is, he was supposed to be leading 'The Upstarts', when he has more problems putting over the youngsters than anyone it seems. I beat Drek not long ago, now he's pissed and leaves. Co-incidence? I think not. And of course, we have Hoff. The almighty Hoff. 'The Future', as he would proclaim 28 times in each droning, boring, inconsiquental promo he ever made. You know, I always thought it was Some Guy who idolised Shawn Michaels...I never thought it'd be Hoff who lost his smile.

 

Rodez suddenly perks up.

 

RODEZ

But, we couldn't end the show on a downer. We had to end it on a high note. So, put away the tissues, wipe away the tears and settle in for another wild and wacky adventure on the award winning Love Shack!

 

*DISCLAIMER*: Any awards won by the Love Shack or claimed to have been awarded to the Love Shack are purely ficitional and should be regarded as such.

 

RODEZ

Alright, now it's time to bring on my guest. Obviously, if you saw The Shack last week, you'll know that I had one of the OAOAST's long serving Originals on the show, in Zack Malibu. So, in the interest of fairness, this week we're bringing on a new, rising superstar. Infact, we're bringing on a newly promoted wrestler from the OAOVW. Cute name, eh? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Shack...JAMIE O'HARA!

 

Cue piped in rapturous applause, as the young - and, quite frankly a little scrawny - Jamie O'Hara walks onto the set. Rodez stands for his guest and offers a handshake. O'Hara takes a sidewards glance at Rodez and decides to be courteous, shaking Rodez's hand. The handshake takes longer than he expected though, as Rodez goes through a convulted set of motions, including THE SNAP AND SPRINKLE~! for his gangsta guest.

 

RODEZ

Yeah, yeah, what's crackilating playa?

 

O'Hara gives Rodez a curious glance, as The Tag Champion ends his weird and long-winded special handshake and seemingly snaps out of his gangsta trance.

 

RODEZ

Jamie, take a seat. Welcome to The Shack .

 

O'HARA

Whassup rudeboy?

 

RODEZ

...Uh, yeah. So, you're just set to be promoted up from OAOVW and I've been doing some research on you, what with being a respected fake talkshow host and all...and I must say, you're pretty fly. Well, for a white guy. How do you think you'll fit in in the OAOAST?

 

O'HARA

I tell you this, I ain't comin' for fun, I'm comin' to be number one. I ain't some muscled up roid-freak, but I ain't scared of nobody or nothin'. You ever spent a night on the streets? I have. You ever had to fight to the death for food? I have. The streets of New York ain't shit on Birmingham, England, biznitch! It's gangsta paradise. Big bizness goin' down. You gotta get down for yours, you dig? Lemme ask you, Mr Michigan boy...you ever had to Curbstomp a bitch?

 

For some reason, Rodez has to muse it over.

 

RODEZ

I can't say that I have, no.

 

O'HARA

Fuck man, dat's some daily shit in Birmingham. Why'dyou think dey call me the Birmingham Bad Boy?

 

RODEZ

Because you used to be in a tag team called the Birmingham Bad Boyz but you weren't all that good so you got demoted to OAOVW and your partner left so now you're a 'boy' singular rather than 'boyz' plural?

 

...

 

O'HARA

Yeah...but also, coz I'm feared an' revered in B-Town, bitch!

 

RODEZ

O-Okaaay. *strains to read cue-card* And now..it's time for..a new feature on..The Love...Shack. It's time for Jade's One Question.

 

 

 

#And now it's time for#

#JAAADE'S#

#ONE#

#QUuueeEEEsSssTIIOOOOOooonnnn!!#

 

 

After the less than expensive intro, Jade Rodez appears on set holding a handheld microphone...which, doesn't seem to be on. But then again, she's standing under a boom-mic-thingy, so who's to know?

 

LEON

Oh man, I feel like Jerry Jarrett here.

 

JADE

Hardly. At least Jeff gets more than a 5 minute cameo.

 

LEON

I thought we agreed on 2 minutes.

 

JADE

*glares*

 

LEON

Okay sis, you got one question, use it wisely

 

JADE

Right...Hi Jamie.

 

O'HARA

Whassup ho.

 

Jade stops and folds her arms.

 

JADE

Cute. Okay, so anyway, you like to think or yourself as a 'hardnut'. Like this guy I knew at school, who came in one day and said he killed somebody who tried to knick his cellphone, but it turned out he just dropped his phone in the toilet and the dead body was just a pidgeon carcass. And even then, he didn't kill it, he just poked it with a stick and that's true because Beckie told me she was there, even though Ashley said she was with Kaleigh, which she wasn't because Kaleigh was having it off with Bradley behind a cow-shed...

 

LEON

Is...is it just me, or is this not going anywhere.

 

JADE

Sorry...uh, where was I?

 

LEON

The question?

 

JADE

Oh yeah...What was it like to get beat up by Charles Robinson?

 

Pissed, O'Hara stands up and gets in Jade's face, prompting Leon out of his chair to interject himself.

 

O'HARA

Yo, step off cous'.

 

LEON

I suggest you get out of my sister's face.

 

O'HARA

Whatch'u gonna do cous', huh? You wanna go?

 

LEON

You know, you should take a look around kid. This is the Love Shack. This is mah house! I built this house! Figuratively, obviously, I'm no builder. But I am a wrestler and if you wanna 'go', then we'll 'go' in the ring. Next week. Unless, one half of the Tag Team Champions is too much of a step up from referees and James Blonde all of a sudden?

 

Despite backing off, a sour look remains on O'Hara face as he glares at Rodez and nods his head...

 

 

**STAR-WIPE**

 

RODEZ

That's right, OAOAST HeldDOWN~!, next week, Leon Rodez taking on Jamie O'Hara one on one. My nizzle. Also on the show, we expect to get some confirmation on the OAOAST Heavyweight Title situation as well as a whole, whole lot more. Or maybe not. Depends on how busy we all are. Plus, no doubt some other people who don't do shit for the company will 'shoot' and take their balls and go home. Hey, maybe Drek'll bitch again. You don't want to miss that. *rolls eyes* That's OAOAST HeldDOWN~!, from Montreal...

 

Rodez pauses...

 

RODEZ

Montreal?

 

...and smiles.

 

RODEZ

I smell a screwjob.

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