PILLS! PILLS! PILLS!

Time to come clean and admit that, a decade ago, a few good friends and myself had a little backyard wrestling thing for fun. Since there were so few of us, we had to play multiple characters. Themes to characters that I played: "The Message" (Nas) for Tony Zamboni, my Italian comedy wrestler. "I'm Afraid of Americans" (David Bowie/Trent Reznor) for Union Jack Kass, my drunken anti-American Brit guy. "El Phantasmo and the Chicken Run Blast-O-Rama (Remix)" (White Zombie) for Lou Skanon, our equivalent of hardcore underdog Tommy Dreamer. "Bogus Mayn" (Crucial Conflict) for Patient #2069. This guy was literally Eugene nearly a decade before Nick Dinsmore was saddled with the character. He was a patient in a psyche ward who was obsessed with wrestling and constantly did famous wrestler moves, catch phrases and poses. The only difference is that he wasn't retarded. "When Will They Shoot" (Ice Cube) for the Black Lobster, a 1/8 black guy from Maine who was over-the-top militant. "Lust for Life" (Iggy Pop) for Spartan, my smarmy main event heel.

I wasn't going to make my selections public until after the deadline, but what the hell... Team: I.H.T.P.M.A.L.O.A.A.W.A.L.O.G.M.O.P.P.V. version 3.0 Chris Jericho 9m Randy Orton 12m William Regal 5.5m Matt Hardy 6m The Miz 4.5m John Morrison 4.5m Jeff Hardy 8.5m Total: 50m OUT: Triple H 14m Evan Bourne 4.5m Santino 4m IN: Jeff Hardy 8.5m William Regal 5.5m The Miz 4.5m John Morrison 4.5m Count me in on the Hardy bandwagon. Hunter turned out to be a horrible investment for last month, so he's out. Bourne on the DL, so I haven't much use for him right now. Santino doesn't seem to be getting pushed any more right now. I might return to him at some point.

I remember in junior high when nearly every guy was sporting the mushroom cut. That's a trend that I never want to deal with again. Windham and Rotundo high-fiving during the interview segment was especially awesome.

God damn I can't wait to see that.

I was just pissed that they treated RKO's sole survivor streak like it was nothing.

"Hey, look at me! Look at me! Buy my next album!"

Hey, it's Stuttsy.

Did anybody here actually sit through all thirty minutes of this?

I promise not to wait until an hour after the deadline this time.

Check out this dark match listing from This Tuesday... The Harris Brothers (Don and Ron) defeated Brian Donahue and Brian Costello. Sir Charles defeated Dale Wolfe. Chris Walker defeated Brian Lee. Chris Chavis defeated JW Storm. Ric Flair defeated Roddy Piper. Just so you know, Sir Charles is Charles Wright (Papa Shango, Godfather), Chris Chavis is Tatanka and JW Storm is Maxx Muscle (DDP's bodyguard). Funny to see future DOA members (Harris Bros, Brian Lee) working the rounds as well.

You say that now, but...

A picture I like:

I assume that I can use talents more than once, right? I still fully intend on using everybody that I have acquired in my Robert Altman project.

I used to theorize about doing this. Do you know ended up happening? Seemed like a good way to get around paying for postage. How would the Post Office really know that the return address was the place that you wanted the mail to end up. So long as it is "in-town," then, yes.

Did Herb Abrams also use the "Mr. Electricity" shtick (before he went into cardiac arrest whilst naked and covered in Vaseline)?

Well, he does have a flawless track record with legitimate competitive activities, and America is fucking ga-ga over Amateur wrestling, so...

We were serious about that? I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not doing the whole movie thing. At worst you can always toss a bunch of fitting actors towards a director and appropriate genre. Are we only allowed to use our acting talents once?

They're saving that for when WrestleMania is broadcast from North Carolina Hawaii.

^ THESE

KRF just lost his first fan. I am officially unfriending you.