Retard Girl

"A joke." Taiga is slumped against a wall of concrete blocks in an undisclosed basement-looking area. "Of course... I've been taken as a joke before. This is nothing new for me." Taiga is talking about 'Hollywood' Spike Jenkins. Earlier that day, someone told her something. Someone heard from someone that heard from someone that Jenkins had some choice words about her. These choice words were made quite clear to a couple of commissioners and assorted extras in the office. "You'd think by now that people would understand this. Yes, I am a woman. Yes, I am a wrestler. Yes, I expect to receive a pounding! I don't want to have my opponents 'take it easy' on me. I don't want special treatment. I want to be seen AS A WRESTLER. And one day, I hope, someone will see an upcoming card, see my name next to theirs, and they will say "Oh, Taiga Star, there's a good WRESTLER." Not a girl." She shifts, folds her legs under her, draws idly in the dust on the floor with a finger. "I'm so much more than 'a girl'. That's all I've ever tried to prove." Taiga eventually gets to her feet. She stretches her arms, her legs, bends around and cracks her back a few times. She walks, being followed by the cameraman that we're not supposed to know is there. A door is opened and the blinding sunshine washes everything out for a moment. Taiga squints against the onslaught of the sun's rays before reaching into her pocket and producing a pair of sunglasses, old-fashioned cats-eyes shaped with little rhinestones in the corners. "What the fuck, man." She scoffs. "Why did we have to tour the Caribbean and Florida in the hottest stretch of the year? Fuck... I'm putting in to tour Siberia next summer." Taiga wanders around the outside of the Miami Arena, looking for a way in. She is getting flustered in the heat, she pulls out a rag to wipe the sweat off her face. She finds a door, finally, and can't wait to enter the relative oasis of the air conditioned building. The door she finds brings her into the backside of the cafeteria. "Mmmm, lunch." She wanders her way out of the kitchen and into the cafeteria proper, grabs a tray, and walks the line. She orders a sandwich... no, strike that, two sandwiches. "Can you put that second one in a bag? I'm not going to have it until later."

that's awesome.

i'm only posting this for him. party on! *The scene fades into a hallway in the arena, where X-Punk is scene doing some stretches for his upcoming match. He stops for a moment and picks up his water bottle which is on a black box - used for storage of ring equipment. He takes a drink and just then, Emma Dumas is randomly walking down the hallway with a microphone in hand, and a camera man following behind her. She walks up to X-Punk and stands beside him, as both of them face the camera man* Emma Dumas: Hi, Emma Dumas here! Standing to my left here, is another representative of the DVS, X-Punk. *X-Punk, still taking a drink of his water, moves the bottle away from his mouth and puts the cap back on it. He sets it back down, and gives Emma a weird look* X-Punk: What are you doing? Emma Dumas: I just got a few words from your DVS partner, Spyke and I figured I would come find you. X-Punk scans up and down Emma* X-Punk: I'm surprised you even got away from Spyke. *Emma looks at X-Punk, completely oblivious, smiling and not having any idea what he meant* Emma Dumas: About your match tonight, with KOJI Kitano. *X-Punk looks at her for a second, as she looks back at him, with wide eyes. X-Punk cracks a smirk* X-Punk: KOJI, who? Emma Dumas: KOJI Kitano. X-Punk: Ah yes, one half of... Wait... TKO, right? *Emma smiles and nods at X-Punk as he smiles and nods back* X-Punk: Yeah? That's who I thought. If I'm not mistaken, he's also one half of the Tag Team Champions here in the SWF too. Emma Dumas: Yeah, that's right! TKO has been undefeated in tag team action here in the SWF! They are amazing! *X-Punk suddenly squints a bit turns his head, closer towards Emma* X-Punk: Really? Well, Emma. Do you like history? *Emma nods quickly at X-Punk* Emma Dumas: Of course! In high school I got a 92 in history. My teacher even told me he was so proud of me, because he didn't think I could get that kind of a mark. I wonder why... *X-Punk raises his eyebrow at Emma* X-Punk: Yeah, I have no idea why he would think that. *X-Punk coughs* X-Punk: Well, I'm going to give you a bit of history. Over in the DVS, Kevin Riggs and myself were partnered with Taiga Star. *Emma Dumas' face lights up* Emma Dumas: I love Taiga Star! X-Punk: Yeah.... Right.... *X-Punk rolls his eyes and looks away from the camera for a moment before looking back* X-Punk: Taiga Star held us down. We were nothing but her shadow, as she soaked up all the glory. When in actual fact we carried her ass, straight to the top of the DVS. At that time, we had enough. So what did we do? *Emma Dumas looks at X-Punk, then looks up thinking about an answer* Emma Dumas: What did you do? X-Punk: We turned on her. We took matters into our own hands. We had too, we didn't have a choice. Despite everyone's opinion to the contrary. We single handedly saved our wrestling careers, which at that point in time had been at an all time low. Being booked against jobbers, not being booked and to top all of that off we have to listen to Taiga Star, and had to do what she wanted us to do. Let me tell you now, X-Punk is not a stepping stone, not to Taiga Star, not to anyone. Emma Dumas: So, and then what happened? *X-Punk smiles and looks down at his Team Canada jacket, he's wearing* X-Punk: The two of us formed what was the most dominant team in DVS history. Known to you all now, as Team Canada. We won countless championships in the DVS, absolutely dominating any opponents put in our way. Collectively, we had almost every single championship the DVS has. We're both former DVS Undisputed Champions, former Intercontinental Champions, the list goes on and on. For over a year and a half, Team Canada has blessed you fans with such aggression, rolled up with technical skills that had never been seen before in a wrestling ring, period. We were THE Tag Team to beat in the DVS. *X-Punk picks up his water bottle and takes another quick drink, as Emma is nodding at him* X-Punk: Then, Taiga Star decided to come to the SWF. To this very day, none of us in the DVS know why she did it. Maybe it was to get away from us? Maybe it was to get away from all of the beatings we had given her. Regardless of her reasons, after months of not being in contact with her some of us in the DVS had a little chat. Spyke, Hardcore Jammer, Kevin Riggs and myself all got together and talked about the situation at hand. Emma Dumas: Then you called Taiga Star! X-Punk: Yeah, you catch on pretty quick. I'm surprised. *Emma Dumas becomes a bit bouncy, happy with herself and her answer* X-Punk: Then, the rest of the story began during the Sweet Sixteen show. You saw it, the whole world witnessed it live. Taiga got what she had coming to her, and that's only the beginning of what us DVS 'insurgents' have in store. But, enough of this history lesson. Let's get back to discussing who was it? KOJI Kitano. Emma Dumas: Alright! X-Punk: The fact of the matter is, I've seen him in the ring. I was impressed. I'm impressed by him and his partner TORU. I mean hell, they've been undefeated here in the SWF, right? *Emma nods in agreement* X-Punk: Tonight, isn't about tag team wrestling. Tonight is one on one, there's going to be no help from TORU in this match. Come our match on Ground Zero, were going to find out if KOJI can hold his own, against one of the best singles wrestlers the world has ever seen; And your looking at him. You see, us from the DVS are not jokes. Last week, we were made out to be jokes as Kevin Riggs and I were faced to wrestle, without any warm ups, without any prepping. Tonight, well tonight is a different story. I'm ready, KOJI. Prepare to be punk'd KOJI. I'm fairly certain you don't have a clue what I'm saying right now, but I'm sure that skank you hang around with, does. Oh, Chris, I'm sure you will accompany Natasha down to ringside, but that's fine by me. The more, the merrier. Emma Dumas: You seem pretty focused! That's awesome! *X-Punk looks around in all directions for a second, not knowing what to say* X-Punk: Yeah..... Now if you will excuse me, I have a match to get ready for. *X-Punk signals for the camera man to leave, as Emma Dumas waves at X-Punk and walks off the scene fades out*

i walked past Bryce Remsburg and Worker Ant at the CHIKARA show i went to in May...

yes, i know, did i make a post? my bad.

yes x2

that's not very Jeff Hardy like.

did you get suspended failing a drug test? ...what? why is everyone looking at me like that?

christ, what a cesspool of humanity.

that's when i say 'YOU'RE WELCOME' really loud.

those fuckers are amazing. my bug-loving geek self was very impressed. and glad i don't live in Japan.

yeah, we should totally open an SWF Shopzone!

i have that freaky retard strength also. there's no real good way of measuring that. i couldn't tell you how much i can bench press or whatnot. (a gym? what's that?) but i can carry some pretty heavy things up to the third floor when moving. i also posess a belly buck that would send fat beer-drinking bikers into next week.

i'm going to add a few little things to my stats... a list of things Taiga can't do. just a heads up, Spike Jerkins.

this is a thing that amuses me. it's flattering to know that people take the effort to hate on me.

you have no idea how relieved i am that it wasn't sucked into cyberspace, never to be seen again... technically, never to be seen until tuesday night.

um... i sent in the match, Toxx. if you don't have it, then we're fucked, because it's on my computer, at home, in a box, disconnected from the internet until tuesady evening (here).

my mother remembers my birthday... but forgets how old i am.

did she lay a motherly guilt-trip on you?

about statistics and all... people can get stats to say whatever they want, so it's pointless really.

how they got to the gateway theory is that, if you look at, say, all the cocaine users... they all started with weed, most likely. but looking at all the potheads... how many of them have gone on to coke, crack, (insert white powder here)? not that there will ever be any "hard numbers" on the subject, because seriously, how mant people are going to answer a survey "yup, i do crack and speed and meth WOOOO!"? plus, decriminalization will take the potheads out of jail, so there is more room for real criminals. like baby molesters and rapists and theives and murdurers...