the.weej

Hmm, let's see... - Since the IRA has decided to disarm, I'd like their entire weapons cache. I'm sure I can find a use for it somewhere. - Angela's Ashes. Her actual ashes, I mean; they weren't anywhere in that damn book or movie. - The proper way to pronounce "Sinn Féin." Seriously. - I don't want you to bring him back for me - GOD no - but while you're in Ireland getting all of this stuff, would you mind punching Bono right in the fucking face? I'd really appreciate it. - Oh, oh. You can bring back the pair of his stupid looking sunglasses that you break as a souvenier for me. -Z

Oh, it warms my heart to see some actual threads on the community board again. I'm sure I can think of a million of these. - Ryan Dustin was, in fact, Mak Francis. However, it may be fair to say that he's one of the greatest cases of wasted potential regardless; Mak had a very good career, but he never matched the gold standard he set for himself in the Junior League. - While I do think of myself as one of the greatest examples of someone who blew countless shots at being a great writer in the fed, I ended up becoming head booker, so I think it balances out. Besides, I can think of a few other good examples... English Dragon. Outside of Zack, he showed the greatest potential of any OAOAST crossover writer. He was just made out of championship material, but he decided he'd call it a day after he got bumped at Genesis IV. CIA. He was Mak's better half in one of the best JL feuds ever, and probably the best one that ever took place on TSM. People that remember him know that even on his worst days he could outdo me and just about anyone else in a duel of wits, and his matches were, in a word, bomb-ass. After he got bumped he suffered from huge consistency problems and never even made it deep into the midcard. (I also had the suspicion he was Uncle Filthy, although he's denied it fervently) K-Os. He was JL champion when I first joined, and was absolutely dominant. When he got bumped, he was immediately awarded a US title match against Jay Dawg (at the time, only the second bumpee to get a title shot in their first match), and JD basically got molested. He absolutely would've won the world title if he hadn't mysteriously disappeared right after. Crowe. He didn't write wrestling matches, or even wresting drama - he wrote wresting opera. Outrageous flair for the dramatic nearly had him break Thugg's JL title reign, and assured him success in the SWF which unfortunately never came. - Mike wasn't my first choice to succeed me as head booker. As a matter of fact, everyone who is currently a ranking member of CC I thought of before him, but I felt they either wouldn't have the time (Tom) or desire (Judge, Raynor) to do it. Before I went ahead and handed over the reins, I tentatively decided to let Chris Card take over the fed based on his past experience. I probably made the right in retrospect. - Johnny failed to mention that I also vetoed a decision to return to Brimstone when I succeeded TBS. At least three different times. - Kibagami's original plan for the conclusion of the Edwin vs Silent feud wasn't the incredible and dramatic match at Genesis IV. It was actually a promo that was supposed to happen some months after Genesis III, which included Edwin and Nathaniel meeting up in an IHOP and having their final confrontation. - Janus has seriously considered writing Ebony full time on several different occasions. Hindsight being 20/20, I honestly think this would've gone over better than that promo he wrote a couple PPVs ago where he'd inexplicably become a fag. - I have a couple other "never were" ideas of my own, but I'm not sure if anyone's actually interested in those, so I'll only post them if somebody asks. I'm sure I can remember more stuff than this, though, but I'll have to think on it. And Johnny, I think Janus had a pretty apt answer to your question. -Z

The last JL show is pinned on the JL board, which features the final appearance of the bizarre and brilliant Annie/Judge/Ejiro commentary team. -Z

Goddamn it, Tom, Kivell is the senior official. He was getting pummeled by n00blets in screening matches back when Angel was getting title shots and the cruiserweight champion wore a giant foam hamburger on their head. I further petition that Nervous Sheep conduct backstage interviews in London, but I bet GOdrea and myself are the only two that remember who Sheep is. -Z

I am totally going to second that motion. -Z

Man, why didn't I make Raynor a booker during my despotic rule? The mind boggles. Very, very important note that should go without saying, but has to be put down for posterity: Annie is a lesbian. Which is not to say that she hates men or anything, but she was always very candid about it. I wonder if there's going to be an Ebony cameo on this PPV. -Z

Yeah, there we go. Off the hook again! Awww yeah. -Z

No, Mike's passed out his userinfo to SS. He was actually going to have me do it with SS running late, but I paused to watch my shows and SS seems to have it under control now. I think... ::notes IM idleness:: -Z

Y'know, that was pretty much the first thing I thought when I heard about the bombings. "All this is going to do is piss off the UK." God bless the English. That top letter is great. -Z

The best Thoth Rants/Reports were spontaneous and lacked silly gimmickry... such as you speaking in a slavic accent and trying to insult Janus for eight minutes. Outside of that, I don't know. You're the one who always managed to reinvent himself in new and terrifying ways. Against my better judgement, I offer myself up as an interview subject, since we all ready know we can do that. -Z

...and now we will have peace. Peace through superior firepower. -Z

That might be the exchange of the year. Not that I've really been reading in the last year or anything. I'm honestly just commenting because SS thinks I may still have the magical touch to inspire hoards of replies, but I honestly thought this was pretty good. Classic Mask stuff that's needlessly violent, unbashedly profane and vaguely revolting, but just lovingly so. Promos like this you won't see anywhere else... and that's probably just as well. -Z

Yeah, I'll take "Dead Giveaways" for $100. And I said if you looked "under bad light." -Z

All right, so I just saw the interview. First off, TBS looks absolutely nothing like I would've pictured. Apparently he passed a picture around that I never got to see, so I guess for those of you who are still wondering, he could probably pass for Thoth's brother under bad light. Seriously, I'm not even kidding. Secondly, I couldn't help giggling over his own - as he might describe - "internet accent," mixed slightly with the New England one we all knew had to be there. I also really enjoyed the "Wow I'm on TV" face you made through the whole interview. But seriously, I think Edwin summed it up the best. Good work not dying; I think if it became apparent to must of us that we were stranded in the middle of the ocean we would've started panicking and then, y'know, drowning in the first 30 minutes. -Z

It was suggested that I create a new stats thread and, considering the old one is nearly a year old and approaching three pages long, I decided that might not be a bad idea. So, if you are active, please repost your stats in this thread. Remeber to post your stats once, and only once, as you can edit posts for infinity on these boards. To kickstart everyone, here's the stats for everyone's favourite sociopathic lesbian ferresal, reminding you to never, ever get caught in a DNS while on my watch. ===== Smarks Board Name: N/A (Janus, janusd, is her rightful creator) Wrestler's Name: Ebony Nickname: None Height: 6'0 Weight: 200lbs (yes, she's big) Hometown: Parts Unknown Age: 26 Face/Heel: Tweener Stable: None Tag Team: None Ring Escort: None Weapon(s): Butcher's Knife (for those SPECIAL occasions...) Quote: "I'll show the boys how a -real- girl fights..." Looks Ebony is beautiful to most people, in that dangerous and alluring sort of way. And provided you're of the furry-enjoying sort. She's an antromorphic (human in form) ferret/weasel crossbreed. Her fur is black as night, and long, dark hair falls about halfway down her back; ferret-esque ears poke through it at the top of her head. Her clothing is essentially a neck to ankle black catsuit, form-fitted to her body. Relatively well-endowed, she doesn't wear gloves or boots, and her fingernails have been refined to points, just right for clawing some poor guy. She wears this attire both in the ring and backstage. Entrance The lights flicker and several of them turn green, and the others drop out, leaving the ring and the rampway bathed in a mixture of darkness and green light. As images of a knife and a glowering pair of green eyes flicker across the Smarktron, the sound of Alice Cooper's "Poison" begins to sound from the speakers, echoing over the arena as the fans await. "Your cruel device Your blood, like ice One look could kill My pain, your thrill!" Black and green pyrotechnics explode across the ramp like machinegun fire, and the crowd roars in appreciation. The sound dies down to a mixture of cheers and boos as the black catsuited figure of Ebony strides through the smoke. With a smirk on her face, she looks left and right at the fans, either bowing mockingly or flipping the occasional hooting male off. She spares a wink for the occasional lady, as well. <Funyon Stuff> Ebony leaps up onto the apron, climbs over the top rope, and mounts the turnbuckles and lifts her arms, leaning in the direction of a female fan to give them a good look. She then hops off the ropes and waits in the ring for her opponent, or for the match to start. Stats Strength: 4 Speed: 6 Vitality: 5 Charisma: 5 Style: Likes to strike her opponents, has no problem hitting low blows on the guys if the ref doesn't see it or it's legal. Not particularly strong enough to use power moves, so she uses athleticism and martial arts to wear her foes down. Signature Moves "Crotch Crusher" - Mudhole Stomping to the groin. Superkick Mexican Surfboard Wishbone Leg Split w/ Double Legdrop Cross/Reverse Cross Kneebreaker Spear "Eboniser" - Any sort of low blow, be it standard, Shattered Dreams style, using the ring ropes... Cross Armbreaker Common Moves Abdominal Stretch Dropkick Flying Elbow Smashes (instead of lariats) Martial Arts kicks Basic DDTs (Standard, Reverse, Tornado, Flying, Top Rope) Lionsault Claw Swipes Monkey Flip Hurricanranas (Standard, Reverse, Flying, Top Rope) Martial Arts chops Bitchslap of Superiority Finishers "Loving Embrace" - Front Facelock With Body Scissors. Think of it like the Thighs of Steel. Yup, you read it right. When the opponent is on the ground, Ebony wraps her leg around their abdomen and squeezes, rolling the opponent so she's underneath and locking on a front facelock choke as well. The end result is the opponent passing out from lack of oxygen or giving up, unless they break the hold. "Man Is Obsolete" - Inverted 450º Splash. Ebony goes to the top rope and faces the crowd, then runs her arms up her torso ala Goldust. After clearly flaunting her sexuality to the crowd, she jumps backwards into the ring, and throws her body forward into a 450º splash, crashing down on her opponent's ribcage. Rare Moves Anything that involves using a weapon to hit someone in the groin. Notes As said in her style, she works with striking her opponents to weaken them, then either uses an athletic move or a submission to get the win. She relishes in hitting someone in the nuts, so she'll definitely try to do that at least once, and then taunt to her heart's content. Biography Yes, she's really a ferret/weasel crossbreed, daughter of evil alternate universe Sable Flame and eviler alternate universe Yuria, which is probably lost on you because I'm the only other person here to have read a single damned page of Furfire. It's not a suit, guys, I'll just sum that much up. She is indeed also a lesbian, and tends to despise males of all species. A lot.

My more tolerable and less apocalyptic suggestion: Just put Ebony over a lot in the next HOLT report, WC. A lot. I think this should guarantee your success in this and any future matches Janus marks. -Z

I did the first song promo. Toxxic, you owe me royalties. -Z

I was going on the actual perceptions of our personalities than what we did in the fed. Although on that note, I've tried quite extensively to supercede Stubby as the psychotic yet beloved despot who treats his subjects with unparllaled callousness and cruely, manipulating and sabotaging as I go along, generally being a huge asshole wherever and whenever. It's not my fault my worst aspects are my most celebrated qualities. -Z

Oh, and let me say that Spike is an inspired choice to be Jar-Jar. -Z

Let me see... Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader - I guess King works. I can't think of anyone who's a whole lot more appropriate offhand. Emperor Palpatine - Me, and don't let me catch any of you motherfuckers trying to sell me short. Obi-Wan Kenobi - I don't see Grand Slam in this role so well. I say this goes to Judge, who carries himself with the stoic dignity, dry wit and cunning of a veteran Jedi master. Qui-Gon Jinn - Now, this is more like a GSMS role. Venerable Jedi master with unparalleled wisdom and grace. Also, Qui-Gon was supposed to be really old. Luke Skywalker - This... is difficult. Someone else do Luke for me, I can't think of anybody appropriate. Yoda - GOdrea. Nearly as ancient and grizzled and just as incomprehensible. Mace Windu - Kibagami. Only the unfuckwithable need apply to this position. Princess Leia - Janus, obviously. Just imagine it: A giant, anthromorphic, cross-dressing ferret... with cinamon rolls in his hair. IT CAN'T LOSE. Han Solo - I say Crowe. While I can imagine his gruff and handsome self settling well into the role, it's mostly just for the logistics.(he gets to be Janus' love interest!) Chewbacca - I imagine Strangler smells almost as bad. -Z

Nevermind, I figured it out. Just comment with your votes on the entry, and I'll add them to the tab. I'll also screen comments so they don't interfere with the voting process. -Z

Alright, well, AFTER this all you'll have to do is click things. I'm embarking on a tournament in my livejournal to discover the greatest movie of all time. I have put together a list of nominations that I think is fairly solid, but I require feedback from people (and of course, I will need people to vote). More information clipped right from my Livejournal... "I will not lie to you, the following idea was rather shamelessly stolen from (guy on my friend's list). However, as I am not a complete android, even on my worst days, I have altered it somewhat and, of course, completely changed the premise. However, I'm almost completely sure he doesn't read my journal anyway and it's not like we share any friends, so I feel quite comfortable in my lack of creativity. Regardless; what he did was, from a selection of 108 bands, have people on his friends list vote in a tournament until only one champion remained. Awestruck by the brilliance and majesty of this spectacle, I decided I simply must attempt something similar myself. I would like you, the people, to vote and decide upon THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME. As I know I wouldn't get enough suggestions just by asking, I've taken the liberty of making out the list of nominations myself. Four different divisions of 32 films seperated by genre. However, I would feel wrong if I just threw it out there, so I would like to hear as much feedback as possible on what I have, and also hear any suggestions for substitutions. IF you are going to suggest a change, please also tell me what movie should be swapped out, and why, if possible. I would like, and encourage anyone and everyone to participate!" So come on, help me out.Linkage Here -Z

I know, I discovered this earlier tonight. You need a LJ account to vote. What a fucking let down. -Z

http://www.livejournal.com/users/realityx/61424.html#cutid1 Voting has begun on the tournament. It'll only take like two minutes to vote, so goddamn it, DO IT. -Z

Also, it is indeed really, REALLY funny. "At least I have chicken!" -Z