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Posts posted by the.weej

  1. I've corrected the Lethal Lottery matches with the appropriate poolings. I've also corrected Toxxic's inability to use tags.


    Next up, I'm going to correct Judge's face. I'm sure a great deal of you may enjoy that. Oh yeah.


    EDIT: Actually, it occurs to me that the last match is going to present a small problem. I'm working on it...



  2. The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents...
    (7pm PST, 10pm EST; check local listings)

    The SWF comes to Minnesota, doncha' know! After an entertaining but largely subdued Storm, we prepare to heat things up for Lockdown! Well, maybe. The Lethal Lottery remains the dominant factor in SWF booking, and three more matches are scheduled to happen! Outside of that, fresh blood fills up the singles matches, as an exciting main event and Cruiserweight title match look to add a bit of flash and panache to the show! Outside of that, with El Luchadore Magnifico and Wes Davenport given the show off, is this the show where we finally see a confrontation between the world champ and the number one contender? And what of the SHOCKING development that has put former SWF champion and all around terror Janus at the helm of SWF security?


    Landon Maddix vs Michael Cross

    ->Raynor said I should book Landon Maddix. So, goddamn it, here's Landon Maddix! After his tag team partner Max King faced, and lost, to the world champion on Storm, King now gets his opportunity to main event, hopefully with better results. He faces off against youngster Michael Cross, who gets his first opportunity to bask in the spotlight at the top an SWF program. And what better to accentuate the light than 15 feet high walls of gleaming steel?
    Rules: Standard escape-match cage rules. The magic door is not in operation, 'cause that's stupid. Cage design is up to you (either WWF steel bars or WCW chain-link mesh)
    Word Limit: 5500
    Send To: realitycheck

    Bruce Blank & Amy Stephens (1-0) vs Kevin Coyote & Insane Luchador (0-0)

    ->Sweet sassy molassey, hide the women and children. And the liquor. After a... unique... display which served only to incite Andrew Rickmen, the Ultraviolent champion is going to have to face the Insane Luchador for REALZ this time, or at the very least have his partner do some of the dirty work. And what of Kevin Coyote and LDP? With all the stuff that's happened between these four in the last couple of shows, INTRIGUE abounds for this one.
    Rules: Standard tag team match. Remember the tag ropes!
    Word Limit: 4500
    Send To: Evolution

    Zyon© vs "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu

    ->The Zyon and Spike Jenkins relationship seems to be teetering closer to the brink of destruction with each show that goes by. Spike seems rather adament that despite this, he and Zyon (but mostly him) will win the Lethal Lottery, and then take Zyon's CW belt. While that no doubt weighs heavy on the mind of the Unique Youth, Spike's plans may hit a small hitch if Akira Kaibatsu takes the title off of Zyon first...
    Rules: Cruiserweight rules, baybee.
    Word Limit: 4500
    Send To: Justice

    The Crimson Skull & Jason von Dierch (0-2) vs Stryke & Wildchild(0-0)

    ->Despite the Crimson Skull's pleasure (and rather misplaced faith in his assistant) in getting something that's almost like title contendership sorta, he and partner Jason von Dierch have floundered so far in the Lethal Lottery. Stryke and Wildchild, two of the other teams late out of the gate in the tourney, finally get things started against them here, in what will be Skull and von Dierch's last match of the tourney. Wildchild is one of the most accomplished tag wrestlers of all time, but with a new partner and his mind elsewhere on Jay Hawke, is it possible for Skull to get a win and try to keep himself alive in the tournament?
    Rules: Standard tag match. Remember the tag ropes!
    Word Limit: 4500
    Send To: janusd

    "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs Laberinto

    ->Life is good if you're Hollywood. 2-0 with your partner in the Lethal Lottery and finally given another opportunity to win a shot at the SWF Cruiserweight belt. The only mitigating factor in this, besides the fact he could actually, y'know, lose to Laberinto, is that this would come at the expensive of his tag team partner, and possibly the Lethal Lottery as well. But hey, no harm, no foul if you're friends, right?
    Rules: Cruiserweight rules.
    Word Limit: 4500
    Send To: chirs3

    Archie Griffon & Jay Hawke (1-0) vs Jimmy the Doom & Manson (1-0)

    ->Griff and Hawke, despite being perhaps the most unlikely pairing in this entier tournament, worked together surprisingly well on Storm to get their first victory of the Lethal Lottery. Hawke made an interesting proposition to Archie: Put aside our difference and work towards getting WC out of the way, and then let Griff have what he came back for. The wacky tag partners who hate each other continue their march with a match against Manson and Jimmy the Doom, fresh off a loss against some fresh fish.
    Rules: Standard tag match. Remember the tag ropes!
    Word Limit: 4500
    Send To: The Superstar

    Allan Hadrian vs Matt "The Cosplay Master" Myers

    ->Allan Hadrian, he's a new guy! Actually, I believe he's JJ, but... I... didn't read the show where he turned up. Uh. So here's a match against Matt Myers for all of us to get acquainted with!
    Rules: Standard singles match. For information on Matt's gimmick, refer to one of the shows before the Clusterfuck.
    Word Limit: 4000
    Send To: Secret Agent

    (Send all promos/marked matches to Justice)

  3. SWF Storm comes back from its final commercial break of the evening, immediately treating the viewers at home to an impressive shot of the inside of the Key Arena, completely filled to its brim with well over seventeen thousand overexcited wrestling fans. However, that image suddenly disappears when all the lights within the arena are suddenly cut out, leaving the entire inside of the building pitch black.




    Max King’s voice resonates throughout the arena, and a split-second later, pyrotechnics explode upwards from the ramp, doing so as Saliva’s “Superstar” begins to blast over the PA system. With Kelly on his arm and one of the Tag Titles wrapped around his waist, Max strides out onto entrance stage and pauses there for a moment, looking out over the capacity crowd with a cheerful smile on his face.


    “Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is this evening’s MAIN EVENT!” Funyon bellows. “Introducing first, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds…he is one half of the SWF World Tag Team Champions…THE ICON, MAAAAAAAACKS KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!”


    Well aware of who Max’s opponent is, the crowd’s response is much more mixed than usual, and King actually gets to enjoy a few cheers as he quickly makes his way down the ramp and towards the ring. Upon reaching the squared circle, they climb up onto the apron, where Max plunges his tongue deep into Kelly’s mouth, apparently to the great delight of Miss Connelly. They both come up for air a moment later and climb into the ring, where Kelly removes Max’s vest, sunglasses, and Tag Title belt, handing all three to the nearby referee. She gives him a smile and his chest a quick rub before exiting the ring, leaving Max to retire to a corner and begin his pre-match stretching.


    “And welcome back to SWF Storm, ladies and gentlemen!” Pete enthusiastically greets the home audience. “We’ve had an amazing show here in Seattle thus far, and it’s about to come to its climax. In tonight’s Main Event, Max King, one half of the World Tag Team Champions, will take on El Luchadore Magnifico, the SWF World Heavyweight Champion!”


    “Man, as if I needed more of a reason to unashamedly cheer for Magnifico.” King rolls his eyes. “Not only does Max have the nerve to make out with his girlfriend right before his match, he’s also currently teamed up with that despicable little weasel Landon Maddix. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted Magnifico to win a match more than I do right now.”


    “Really?” Pete asks, curious. “Defeating Maddix’s tag partner, who Landon doesn’t even like, is more important to you than all those times Magnifico defended his World Heavyweight Title?”


    King ponders over that for a moment.


    “Yes, yes it is.” King firmly states.


    Pete sighs and turns his attention back to the ring, just as the King’s entrance music is dying down and the lights are turned back on throughout the arena. However, the arena is plunged into darkness again just a moment later, this time drawing nothing but outright boos from the live audience.


    “HEY HEY!”






    Atake FDD’s “Tu Final” begins to pound over the arena’s speakers, just as a burst of red, white, and green pyro explodes upwards from the stage. A moment later, El Luchadore Magnifico bursts out from behind the curtain and onto the entrance stage, his motions illuminated by a single spotlight. The World Title wrapped around his waist and his Mexican Flag flapping gracefully behind him, Magnifico quickly makes his way down to the ring, grinning as he relishes in the deafening boos being rained down upon him.


    “And now, from Mexico City, Mexico…” Funyon begins, “Weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds…he is the SWF World Heavyweight Champion…EL LUCHADOOOOOOOOOORRE MAGNIFICOOOOOOOOOOO!!”


    Max keeps his eyes locked on Magnifico as the luchadore rolls onto the ring. ELM pops to his feet and shoots a quick, disinterested glance at King while stepping into the middle of the ring. His trademark infuriating grin returning to his face, Magnifico looks over the gigantic audience for a moment…before thrusting his flag high into the air, doing so as the lights are suddenly turned back on throughout the arena. The now-illuminated crowd simmers in its anger, half-heartedly booing the luchadore as he hands over his Mexican flag and the World Title to the referee. Not paying any mind to King’s cold glare, Magnifico retires to the corner opposite Max and begins to habitually stretch out every part of his body.


    “We have a very interesting match up before us.” Pete notices. “Max King has always been out to prove that he’s the best in this business, and if he were to win tonight, he’d convince quite a few people that that might actually be the case.”


    “Too bad that’s a monstrously gigantic ‘if’.” King scoffs. “If you haven’t noticed, Magnifico is riding a hot streak to end all hot streaks. He’s defended his title successfully five times, and hell, I can’t even remember the last time he lost in singles competition.”


    “Well, there was that time Landon Maddix beat him in Amsterdam.” Pete thoughtfully replies.


    “…damn you, Longdogger…” King growls.


    The ref looks at Magnifico, then at Max. Apparently finding that everything is in order, he turns to the timekeeper and signals for the bell.




    Upon hearing the bell, King immediately strides out of his corner and begins pacing back in forth in front of it, waiting Magnifico to make a move. A moment later, ELM leisurely pushes himself out of his corner and slowly strides towards the center of the ring, working a few cricks out of his neck as he does so.


    “It doesn’t appear that Magnifico is particularly interested in this match.” Pete notes, raising an eyebrow as he does so. “Admittedly, he has a right to be cocky at the moment, but he’d be making a huge mistake if he were to simply look past Max King.”


    The two men begin to circle each other around the ring, King glowering at ELM for his apparent lack of interest in this match. Once they’re close enough, both men lunge at each other, locking up in the center of the squared circle. They push each other back and forth for a few moments, their struggle coming to a sudden end when Max pulls Magnifico into a Side Headlock. ELM struggles under King’s grip for a few moments, looking for the best way to escape. His mind apparently made up, Magnifico quickly steps backwards, pulling King with him as he falls into the ropes behind him. ELM then uses that momentum to push Max off of him and send him rushing towards the ropes on the far side of the ring. Magnifico immediately charges after him, falling onto his stomach in front of King just as he’s bouncing off of the ropes. Max deftly avoids ELM’s attempt to trip him up by simply jumping over him, making a break for the opposite set of ropes the second he’s back on his feet. Undeterred, Magnifico pops to his feet and steps into the center of the ring, doing so as Max bounces off of a set of ropes once more. The second King comes off of the cables, ELM suddenly leaps into the air, kicking his feet out as he does so, looking to slam them into Max’s face with a Standing Dropkick! However, he made his move just a bit too early, as Max is able to throw his arms back and hook them around the top rope, stopping him dead in his tracks and avoiding the Dropkick in the process! Magnifico is left to simply fall awkwardly to the mat, landing flat on his stomach as the delighted crowd laughs and cheers at ELM’s embarassment.


    “As I said...” Pete begins, amused. “ELM can not afford to take King lightly. Max is an incredible competitor in his own right, and, might I add, one that looks absolutely determined to win this match.”


    “All he did was grab the damn ropes.” King snaps, before suddenly adopting a more cordial tone. “Don’t sum up the particpants’ motivations after watching fifteen seconds of the match, please.”


    Flustered, Magnifico scrambles back to his feet, turns towards Max, and...








    Immediately eats a Knife-Edge Chop, as King slices his forearm into Magnifico’s chest the moment he sees the whites of ELM’s eyes. Gripping his chest, which now glows a bright shade of red, Magnifico turns and stumbles away from Max, falling into the ropes behind him. King follows after him and grabs him by the arm, before using his grip to pull ELM off of the ropes and whip him across the ring. Right after Magnifico bounces off of said ropes, Max leaps towards the luchadore and extends his arm, looking to slam it into his neck with a Flying Forearm! However, ELM manages to roll beneath the extended limb, the attack just barely flying over Magnifico’s forehead. Despite the miss, Max manages to roll through, on this occasion skipping the pose that usually follows the Flying Forearm. He’s more concerned with where Magnifico ended up, a question he receives the answer to when he pops to his feet and spins around, coming face to face with the luchadore as he does so. Before Max even has a chance to process this, Magnifico suddenly throws his knee forward, driving it deep into King’s gut and doubling him over in the center of the ring. Moving quickly, ELM then pulls Max into a Front Facelock, throws King’s arm over his shoulder, and then uses every bit of his strength to hoist him into the air! However, immediately after being lifted, King begins to kick his legs and struggle wildly, forcing Magnifico to abort the Suplex attempt and put Max back down on his feet!


    “It looked like ELM had some sort of Suplex in mind there, but Max simply wasn’t having any of it.” Pete reports. “It looks like he’ll simply power his way out of Magnifico’s hold - ”


    Before Pete can finish speaking, Magnifico begins to wildly drive his fist into King’s gut, preventing him to make a single move after being put back down on his feet.


    “You were saying?” A smirking King asks LDP.


    With Max seemingly docile from the pounding his gut just received, Magnifico once again lifts him into the air, this time receiving no resistance from King. ELM has Max almost perfectly perpendicular to the mat...when King suddenly twists out of Magnifico’s grip! Max falls behind Magnifico, making a soft landing on his feet behind the luchadore as the crowd cheers for the escape. Before ELM can even spin around, King wraps his arm around Magnifico’s neck from behind, trapping him in an Inverted Facelock. Max then immediately falls to one knee, violently pulling Magnifico down as he does so and slamming the back of ELM’s head into his knee! The live audience roars as Magnifico falls to the canvas, cradling his head and suffering from the painful affects of the Reverse DDT to Max’s knee. King immediately turns Magnifico onto his back and covers him, hooking the luchadore’s leg as the ref slides into position and begins counting...




    TWO! No! Magnifico kicks out right after two, quickly silencing much of the cheering crowd as he does so.


    “Well, he may not have powered out of it, per se...” Pete begins, stealing a glance at a fuming King as he does so, “But he managed to escape Magnifico’s Suplex attempt nonetheless, following it up with a cringe-inducing Reverse DDT to the knee right afterwards.”


    Max grabs Magnifico by the hair and quickly climbs to his feet, pulling ELM to his as he does so. King then storms over to the nearby corner, painfully leading Magnifico along with him, before violently pulling ELM forward and slamming his forehead into the corner’s top turnbuckle. Dazed, Magnifico falls agains the corner’s turnbuckles, his head swimming from the two consecutive shots to his skull. He doesn’t even look at Max while he draws his arm back, drives it forward, and...








    ...cuts into Magnifico’s chest with another Knife-Edge Chop! ELM gasps in pain and stumbles out of the corner, only for Max to grab him by the arm in mid-stumble and use his grip to whip Magnifico across the ring and towards the far corner. Max immediately runs after him, only a few steps behind ELM as he approaches the corner. Magnifico turns and hits the turnbuckles back-first, receiving a nasty shock to his spine...which is immediately followed by an arguable nastier one to his neck, as King surprises the luchadore with a stiff Lariat in the corner!


    “King has been extremely impressive in this contest thus far.” Pete remarks. “Max has beaten him literally pillar to post, and Magnifico’s barely gotten a move in edgewise.”


    “Cute, Londogger.” King scoffs. “Enjoy this part of the match while it lasts. Magnifico will take control of the contest before you realize it, and then let’s see you bust out the remarkably appropriate sayings.”


    Max quickly backs away from the corner, allowing ELM to drunkenly stagger out of it and towards the center of the ring. However, before he can reach that point, King drives the tip of his boot into Magnifico’s gut, immediately doubling him over in the process. Max then immediately hooks both of ELM’s arms, quickly setting him up for a Butterfly Suplex as the crowd begins to cheer in anticipation. King uses his hold to lift Magnifico into the air...only for ELM to immediately flip his body forward as he’s lifted, his legs landing on Max’s shoulders as he twists his arms free of King’s grip! ELM immediately hooks his legs around King’s neck and begins bashing away at Max’s forehead, letting loose the frustration that’s built up throughout the contest. Magnifico’s so engrossed in the assault that King is able to grab him by the waist unimpeded, setting ELM up for a Powerbomb as he does so! However, Magnifico becomes aware of the grip before King can do anything with it, as he twists his body away from Max’s grip and around on his shoulders so that the two competitors are facing the same direction! Magnifico immediately leans over Max’s body, grabs him by the knees, and then rolls forward, rolling King up with him and pinning him to the canvas with a Victory Roll! Upset by this most recent turn of events, the live audience begins to boo loudly, doing so as the ref slides into position and begins counting...




    TWO! No! King violently breaks free of the pin, leaving both men to unceremoniously fall to the canvas.


    “Magnifico barely dodges a bullet there, as he manages to counter Max’s attempts at both both the Butterfly Suplex and the Powerbomb.” Pete expounds. “If King had landed either maneuver, he might have assured control for the rest of the contest.”


    “So, Max lands a few moves in a row, and all of a sudden this match is a foregone conclusion?” King scoffs. “Please. You’ll do well to remember that Magnfico has won countless matches in which his opponent got off to a strong start, only for ELM to show his true strength later on in the contest and put his opposition in their rightful place.”


    Both men scramble back to their feet after hitting the mat, standing at nearly the same time. King reaches his feet a bit faster, however, giving him time to drive his elbow out and crack it into Magnifico’s chin as he stands. Surprised by the blow, ELM stumbles away from Max and into the ropes, trying to set his jaw straight as he does so. King isn’t letting up, though, as he follows Magnifico, grabs him by the arm, and then uses his grip to pull the luchadore off the ropes and whip him across the ring. ELM rushes towards the far cables, bounces off of them, and charges back towards Max, doing so as King steps into the middle of the ring. As Magnifico approaches, Max suddenly bends over, apparently looking to execute a Back Body Drop! However, ELM skids to a halt before reaching King, preventing Max from grabbing the luchadore and throwing him into the air. Immediately after coming to a stop, Magnifico kicks King square in the chin, the force of the blow immediately knocking Max into an upright position. ELM then charges at King and lashes out with his arm, looking to slam it into his neck with a Lariat...but misses, as Max deftly ducks beneath the luchadore’s outstretched limb! King immediately spins around after ducking beneath the Lariat, then shoots his arms out and wraps them around ELM’s neck, locking him in a Sleeper Hold to the great delight of the live audience! Max further pleases the crowd when he uses the hold to lift Magnifico into the air...before falling onto his stomach, pulling ELM’s body down with him and slamming the back of his head and neck into the canvas with a Sleeper Drop! Magnifico lies motionless on the canvas as King floats onto him and makes the cover by simply placing one hand on the luchadore’s chest. As the crowd laughs and applauds, a grinning Max begins to do one-handed pushups off of the luchadore’s body while the ref slides into position and begins counting!






    TH-No! ELM kicks out after two and a half, knocking Max to the canvas and quickly sobering the live audience as he does so.


    “It looks like Max has gotten a bit of his signature cockiness back.” Pete notes, amused. “I’d be willing to wager than he finally realizes he’s more than a match for Magnifico.”


    “Even if he did have the slightest shot at beating Magnifico, embarassing showboating like that isn’t going to help him any.” A visibly furious King counters. “Max wasted an insanely rare opportunity by not working off of the Sleeper Drop and instead pandering to this ridiculously stupid audience.”


    Still grinning to himself, Max grabs Magnifico by the arm and stands up, pulling ELM to his feet as he does so. He then whips Magnifico into the nearby corner, the luchadore hanging his arms over the top ropes and leaning wearily up against the corner’s turnbuckles as Max follows after him. King delivers a few quick kicks to the luchadore’s gut before grabbing him around the waist, lifting him into the air, and sitting him on the top turnbuckle, drawing a wave of anticipatory cheers from the live audience as he does so. Max reaches up and delivers a few jabs to Magnifico’s chin and jaw for good measure before climbing up after him, quickly reaching the top rope as the dazed luchadore sits placidly on the turnbuckle. Careful to keep his balance, King grabs Magnifico by the hair, pulls him to his feet and into a Front Facelock, causing the fans, ready to see Max take ELM down with the Superbplex, roar even louder! However, ELM seems intent on disappointing them, as he suddenly thrusts his knee forward and slams it deep into King’s gut, preventing him from even making an attempt at the move! Magnifico jerks his head free of King’s weakened grip, right before slamming his forearm right into Max’s chin with a European Uppercut! King is knocked backwards by the force of the blow, and he waves his arms wildly in an attempt to maintain his balance on the top turnbuckle...but fails, as he slips off of the top rope and falls to the canvas! The dissapointed fans “OHHHH!” in unison as King lands flat on his back, shaking the ring to its foundations with the impact of his fall!


    “You see? What’d I tell you?” King asks, shrugging his shoulders as he does so. “If King had attempted the Superbplex immediately following the Sleeper Drop, perhaps Magnifico would have still been too stunned to counter it.”


    “It does appear that Max went for the Superbplex just a bit too early.” Pete grimly notes. “He was on a roll and probably, and, might I add, justifiably, felt that landing the Superbplex would put Magnifico down for the three count.”


    After knocking Max off of the top turnbuckle, Magnifico takes a moment to ensure his balance and to shake off the lingering effects of the Sleeper Drop. He then slowly stands up straight on the top turnbuckle, looks down on Max with unbridled contempt...and then turns towards his Mexican flag and salutes it proudly! The annoyed crowd immediately begins to boo the luchadore as he slowly lowers his arm and turns his attention back to the ring. However, he might have been wise to salute just a little quicker, as the first thing he sees when he turns back towards the ring is King stumbling to his feet and lunging at the ropes! Before Magnifico can do anything, Max throws his entire body on the top rope, causing ELM to lose his balance and fall straight down! The amused crowd cheers louder than they have all night as Magnifico is crotched on the top turnbuckle, his mouth agape as the excruciating pain paralyzes his entire body.


    “Well, looks like Magnifico was just a bit presumptious, also.” Pete reports, barely able to contain his laughter. “He must have thought that King’s fall from the top rope would keep him down for at least a few more seconds than it did.”


    Still considerably dazed due to his descent from the top rope, King leans on the top rope, catching his breath and getting his bearings straight before continuning. After a moment, Max pushes himself off of the ropes and makes his way over to the corner, quickly ascending it as Magnifico remains still on the top turnbuckle, still stunned by the unbelievable pain emanating from his groin. King reaches the top rope and once again grabs Magnifico by the hair and pulls him into a Front Facelock, drawing a raucous pop from the live audience, who know that Max will for sure hit the Superbplex this time. King throws ELM’s shoulder over his arm, takes a deep breath...and then lifts the luchadore off of the turnbuckle! However, Magnifico’s barely off his feet when he wraps his right leg around King’s left, preventing him from lifting ELM any further! Max is forced to put Magnifico back down, but attempts to lift him once more, trying to simply break through ELM’s hold on his leg! But despite his best efforts, King simply can’t lift Magnifico off of the turnbuckle! After the third attempt, ELM suddenly begins bashing away at King’s stomach, repeatedly driving his fist into Max’s stomach in an attempt to break free of his hold! After countless blows, King’s grip finally weakens enough for Magnifico to jerk his head free, once again greatly disappointing the formerly excited crowd.


    “Tsk tsk.” King admonishes. “Stubborness will get you nowhere, Max. I realize that you must have been frustrated by not landing the Superbplex the first time, but going for it again certainly didn’t work for you, either.”


    “Um, he can’t hear you.” Pete reminds his esteemed commentary partner. King shoots him a nasty glare, but doesn’t say anything.


    Once ELM is out of the hold, he places his hands on Max’s shoulders and simply pushes forward, shoving him off of the turnbuckle! The fans seem to collectively slap their foreheads as King crashes to the canvas, arching his back as intense pain quickly runs through his entire spine. Wearing an expression that seems to say, “As I was doing, before I was so rudely interrupted”, Magnifico quickly straightens up and turns towards his Mexican flag, once more saluting it proudly as the frustrated crowd soundly boos the luchadore. ELM then turns towards King and leaps off of the top turnbuckle, flipping his entire body backwards as he does so! Thousands of flashbulbs illuminate Magnifico’s descent as he crashes towards Max, attempting to end the match with the Mexican Pride Press...


























    ...and failing, as Max rolls out of the way at last possible moment! The relieved crowd roars as one as Magnifico hits the canvas with ridiculous force, bouncing high into the air after hitting the mat! ELM falls to the canvas and immediately doubles over in pain, clutching his chest as Max lies just a few feet away, his chest heaving as he stares blankly up at the lights above him.


    “No! No!” LDP cries. “Magnifico was able to make the jump this time, but Max still just barely managed to avoid the Mexican Pride Press, rolling out of the way just before impact!”


    “Damn it!” King shouts. “ELM was this close to making Max pay for his stubborness, but he just had to go ahead and ruin the climax. He’s not doing anyone any favors by prolonging this contest, you know.”


    Both men remain motionless on the canvas for several moments, neither one of them quite able to muster up the strength to climb back to his feet. In the meantime, the anxious fans begin to cheer and chant in unison for Max, having apparently all decided on him being the lesser of two evils. As the crowd’s support grows in participants and volume, Max slowly turns onto his stomach and begins to push himself to his feet, still shaking off the effects of the second fall from the top rope. A moment later, Magnifico follows him, one hand still clutching his chest as he makes his way to his feet. After a bit of a struggle, King lunges to his feet, barely able to keep his balance as he stands. He manages to maintain his equilibrium after a moment, setting his focus on Magnifico as he reaches one knee in front of him. Knowing that the match is his to win, King patiently waits as ELM finally stands, facing away from Max as he does so. Apparently completely oblivious to Max’s presence, the luchadore drunkenly spins around and comes face to face with King! Max takes that as his cue to leap into the air, spin his body around, and lash out with his foot, aiming it right at the side of Magnifico’s head with a Leaping Roundhouse! However, ELM barely manages to duck beneath King’s outstretched leg, the tip of Max’s heel just grazing Magnifico’s scalp!


    “So close!” Pete gasps. “Max nearly landed his Leaping Roundhouse kick, which might have been enough to end the match right then and there!”


    The momentum behind Max’s kick causes him to spin a full three hundred and sixty degrees, quickly bringing him face to face with Magnifico once more! The second he sees the whites of Max’s eyes, ELM reaches out, grabs King by the waist and under the arm, and then hoists him into the air, lifting Max as if for a Scoop Slam! However, Magnifico quickly spins King’s body around in mid-air, revealing his actions to be an attempt at the Dia de los Muertos!


    “Hah, and it looks like missing that kick is going to be more costly for Max then he thought.” King muses. “ELM is mere moments from hitting his signature Fire Thunder Driver, meaning that you might as well ring the bell now and declare Magnifico the winner.”


    But right after Magnifico spins him around, Max begins to kick and struggle under ELM’s grip, desperate to escape it before he can land the Dia de los Muertos! Despite Magnifico’s best efforts, King manages to slip through his arms and slide down ELM’s shoulder as the excited crowd pops for the escape. As Max falls behind Magnifico, he reaches up and wraps his arm around ELM’s neck, locking him into an Inverted Facelock as his feet hit the ground!


    “No! Max escapes!” Pete cries. “And what’s more, it looks like he’s going to reverse ELM’s finisher into one of his own; namely, the King Buster!”


    King reaches for Magnifico’s leg, looking to hook it and put him in position for the King Buster...but before he can grab it, ELM spins his enture body around, turning the Inverted Facelock into a regular one! Magnifico then grabs Max around the waist and lifts him into the air, as if for a Northern Lights Suplex! However, when King is parallel to the mat, Magnifico moves one of his arms from Max’s waist, instead wrapping it around his neck! ELM then drops straight down, violently pulling King down with him and driving his skull into the canvas with a Northern Lights Buster! The entire crowd seems to wince as one before collectively booing the entire scene, doing so as Max lifelessly flops onto the canvas besides Magnifico. ELM rests for but a moment, taking a deep breath before rolling onto Max and making the cover. The panicked crowd grows ever louder in their booing, reaching deafening levels as the ref slides into position and begins counting...




































    “Your winner, by pinfall...” Funyon announces, “EL LUCHADOOOOOOOOOORRE MAGNIFICOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”


    His trademark infuriating grin returning to his face, Magnifico rolls off of King and slowly pushes himself to his feet. Once there, he allows the ref to thrust his hand into the air, raising the other one as he smugly looks out over the furious crowd.


    “Now that’s more like it!” King declares. “I give King a small amount of kudos for escaping the Dia de los Muertos, but thankfully, Magnifico was able to set things right by reversing Max’s attempt at the King Buster into a devastating Northern Lights Buster.”


    “Once again, we see Magnifico just barely escape a match by the skin of his teeth.” Pete sighs. “Aren’t you the slightest bit concerned that ELM’s luck will eventually run out?”


    “You’re assuming that Magnifico benefits from any sort of luck at all.” King counters, his eyes narrowing. “His countless victories are due to his sheer talent, nothing more.”


    “I’d vehemently argue that point, but I’m afraid we’re out of time.” Pete admits. “Thanks for watching Storm, ladies and gentlemen! Tune into Lockdown! Good night!”


    The final image broadcasted is that of El Luchadore Magnifico, standing victorious over a defeated Max King...

  4. We cut backstage where Ben Hardy is standing by with a very frustrated looking Insane Luchador who still has a lot of pent up anger over not getting his hands on Bruce.


    “I’m standing here with Insane Luchador who has asked for this opportunity to say a few words. Now IL you can’t be happy with what went down here tonight” Ben says


    “Oh you think? You think I’m not ecstatic over beating some guy who’s legal name is Bruce Blank? Talk about a stupid fucking question” Rickmen says as he tries his best to not just unload of Hardy.


    “Hey where the hell are you going?” Luchador says as Ben Hardy suddenly drops the microphone and just hauls ass out of the shot.


    A split second later Insane Luchador is attacked from by behind as a masked man strikes Luchador across the back with a steel chair




    The man in the red dragon’s head mask that also made an appearance on Lockdown swings the chair once more and strikes the staggered IL across the back with the chair once more.




    And then winds up for a third blow that hits IL in the back of the head




    After having bent the chair over Insane Luchador’s back the masked man quickly throws the chair down and then hurls IL face first into a Pepsi machine breaking the front of it with IL’s skull




    After three stiff shots to the back Insane Luchador is unable to protect himself and takes the impact full on the face and then drops to the ground without any sign of movement. The “Dragon Man” isn’t slow to put his black and red boots to Insane Luchador as he starts to stomp on his fallen victim driving the flat of his boot into IL’s shoulder repeatedly.


    “What the hell are you doing” a voice bellows from down the hall.


    The guy in the Dragon mask looks up to see the massive frame of Bruce Blank come towards him looking more than a little pissed off.


    “What’s wrong with you” Bruce says as he steps between the man in the dragon mask and the fallen IL. In a scene out of the Twilight Zone Bruce seems to save Insane Luchador from further attacks.


    The man in the mask just stares at Bruce while the big man stays in position, not moving an inch, not even flinching as the two try to stare each other down for a moment.


    Then finally Bruce says


    “Haven’t I taught you anything?”


    And with that Bruce quickly kicks IL in the ribs driving the point of his boots into the soft tissue.


    “I mean really? I have I not taught you to always use the tip of the boot??” He asks and then kicks Insane Luchador in the ribs once more.


    “You knew it was me all along didn’t you?” the masked man says sounding pleasantly surprised.


    “Well of course I did” Bruce says and smiles “How could I not recognize my own brother? Eh Wayne?”


    The man who’s apparently Bruce’s little brother reaches up and pulls his dragon’s head mask off to reveal a scruffy, unshaved weasel face that’s smiling from ear to ear.


    “Mama always said you were the smart one Bruce” he says as he stuffs the mask down the waistband of his pants as the two of them walk off leaving the beaten Insane Luchador to be found by… well whomever, they’re not really bothered.


    “So… still working the Dragon bit eh?” Bruce asks.


    “Hey it’s my thing bro, you know like yours is . . . I dunno not bathing” Wayne says with a grin


    “Oh shut up” is all Bruce can think off.


    “OH YES SIR!! SHUTTING UP SIR!!” Wayne bellows out as he snaps a salute to Bruce that causes his big brother to crack up with laughter.


    “It’s good to see you again” Bruce says as the two Blank boys head for the exit.


    *Fade out*

  5. Pete: “And as if this edition of Storm hasn’t been explosive enough, it is now time to move into yet another Lethal lottery tag team match.”


    King: “God, another one? How many of these things are there?”


    Pete: “A lot.”


    King: “Great.”


    Pete: “At any rate, two teams we probably would never see on a normal basis come into the forefront in this one. You’ll see the unlikely team of Todd Cortez and newcomer Rush taking on an even unlikelier tag team, Jay Hawke and Arch Griffon.”


    King: “Well, we’ve never seen Rush in the ring, so who knows if he’s any good or not. By the same token, Hawke and Griffon have had some incredible matches over the International Title dating all the way back to 13th Hour last year.”


    Pete: “Your prediction, King?”


    King: “If Hawke and Griffon can stay on the same page -- and that’s a big if -- I think they take it, if only due to Jay’s superiority over everybody else in this match.”


    Pete: “With that, let’s go up to Funyon for the introductions.”


    Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a Lethal Lottery Match scheduled for one fall with a 30-minute time limit!”


    “Howling by the Jin” by Nile comes on the PA.


    Funyon: “Introducing team number one. Accompanied to the ring by Megan Skye, at a total combined weight of 450 pounds. They are RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH HADRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIANNNNNNNNNN and ‘The Urban Legend’ TODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD CORTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!”


    Both members of the team slowly make their way to the ring as the crowd gives a fair reaction, mostly due to the appearance of Cortez. However, knowing nothing about Hadrian, they really don’t even notice he’s out there anyway, so it’s all good.


    Pete: “This is certainly a unique tag team to say the least.”


    King: “Well, how are Cortez and Hadrian supposed to co-exist? Cortez hasn’t so much as seen Hadrian in the ring before, much less teamed up with him.”


    As Pete and King continue their discussion, the music changes to Pink Floyd’s “Learning to Fly”.


    Funyon: “And their opponents, at a total combine weight of 517 pounds. The team of ARRRRRRRRRRCH GRIFFONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN and the SWF’s International Champion, ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWKE!”


    Both members come to the ring to a lukewarm reaction at best, as the fans can tolerate Arch but want absolutely nothing to do with the International Champion if they can avoid it.


    King: “Now here we go again. When are these fans going to learn to respect the International Champion?”


    Pete: “Maybe when he starts winning matches without cheating.”


    King: “WHAT?”


    Pete: “You remember Smarkdown when he used the ropes for leverage to pin Cortez. You remember the last two months where he’s used everything from the belt to the referee to retain the title.”


    King: “Oh, you and your details.”




    The bell rings, and we’re officially underway. It looks as though Todd Cortez is going to start for his team, but we see Arch Griffon and Jay Hawke arguing in the corner.


    Pete: “And trouble beginning to brew already for Hawke and Griffon. They can’t even agree on who is going to start the match!”


    King: “Jay’s the veteran, it should be his call!”


    Pete: “Well, we’ve got a problem here, as neither man wants to allow the other one to start the match!”


    The argument continues, and both men begin to come chest-to-chest in trying to make their case. The argument escalates until referee Scott Ryder finally gives up and steps in:


    “YOU! IN! YOU! OUT!”


    Jay Hawke takes a glare at the referee before reluctantly stepping out onto the ring apron.


    King: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before, Pete. The referee actually decided who was going to start the match for one of the teams.”


    Pete: “And because of that, it will be Todd Cortez starting things off against Arch Griffon.”


    Cortez and Griffon lock up collar-and-elbow, but the larger Griffon clearly has a big strength advantage and quickly tosses Cortez to the canvas. Cortez gets to his feet quickly and runs into the ropes. On his return, he comes in with a shoulder tackle, but Griffon doesn’t move.


    King: “Jeez. You’d think the eighty pound weight difference would be enough to tell somebody not to do that.”


    Cortez walks over and tags out to Rush Hadrian, who quickly uses the top rope as a slingshot to bring himself into the ring.


    King: “A bit arrogant, I see.”


    Pete: “Maybe it’s just confident.”


    King: “When it’s a guy who’s never been in the ring before, it’s arrogance.”


    Rush Hadrian runs in and levels Griffon with a forearm smash that barely budges Griffon. He runs in with another one, this one knocking Griffon back a few steps. He runs into the ropes again and goes for a third one, but Arch gets his hands up and prevents the move from being executed. Almost instantly, Rush spins around and gets a spinning forearm into Griffon’s face, knocking him back into the corner. Jay Hawke immediately reaches in and tags his reluctant partner, then enters the ring pointing at Hadrian.


    Pete: “Rush got one big shot in, and Hawke tagged himself in.”


    King: “I’m not sure Griffon really wanted out of the match at that point, but he’s out of it whether he wants to be or not.”


    With that, the International Champion is in the ring, and he and Rush Hadrian lock up collar-and-elbow. Each man jockeys for position momentarily, but the strength appears to be about even, so both men break before either man can get an advantage. After a brief nod, both men lock up again. Jay Hawke quickly locks Rush into a side headlock, then nonchalantly gives a light slap to the top of Rush's head.






    Hawke tightens his grip on the headlock, but Hadrian quickly wraps his arms around the Dean's waist and takes him over with a snap back suplex.





    Rush quickly makes the tag to Todd Cortez, who clamps on a side headlock as Hawke rolls over onto his knees.


    Pete: "We've seen that from Jay Hawke before. He likes to show the rookies up when they try to get in his face, but Rush has apparently dine his homework and wanted no part of it."


    King: "It's still early, Pete. Notice he quickly tagged out because he fears the potential repercussions."


    Cortez tightens up on the headlock, and Hawke's shoulders quietly fall to the mat:









    Hawke grabs a handful of Cortez's tights and rolls the Urban Legend onto his shoulders:









    Todd Cortez rolls out of it, maintaining the side headlock.


    Pete: "And we saw this from Cortez at Smarkdown. He used the headlock to great success."


    King: "And again, it's very very early, Pete. Who got the win after that?"


    Jay Hawke stands up, alleviating some of the pressure from the headlock, then walks into the ropes. Hadrian tags Cortez's back, which is acknowledged as a tag by Ryder, and Rush climbs to the top rope as Hawke pushes Cortez off of him. Cortez bounces off the ropes and gets leveled with a lariat. Hawke smiles and turns around, unaware that Hadrian is leaping from the top rope with a flying clothesline of his own.


    Pete: "Wow! A huge flying clothesline by Rush Hadrian, and he nearly decapitated the International Champion with that move!"


    King: "But he should be going for the cover here! Instead he's wasting way too much time!"


    Hawke struggles to his feet, but Hadrian is right there to lock the champion into a front facelock, then to take him over with a snap suplex. The newcomer quickly goes for the cover:









    Kickout. Hadrian quickly gets to his feet and locks another front headlock on Jay Hawke, then makes the tag to Cortez. Cortez climbs to the top rope, and Hadrian holds Hawke in the air as if to go for a suplex. Cortez leaps, catching Hawke with a missile dropkick, and Hadrian instantaneously falls backwards with the suplex.





    Cortez immediately goes for the cover:









    THR -- kickout.


    Pete: "Only the count of two there, but a tremendous series of moves by Cortez and Hadrian there!"


    King: "Surprise teamwork from them, but no teamwork from Hawke and Griffon thus far! Griffon didn't even run in for the save!"


    Pete: "Maybe he doesn't feel he needs to save Hawke this early in the match!"


    King: "Or maybe he just doesn't want to!"


    Cortez stands, waiting for Hawke to do the same. Jay does so, only to get peppered with a lightning fast series of martial arts kick that back him into a neutral corner. Cortez follows up with a series of forearm smashes to the face, then Irish whips the International Champion into the opposite corner. Cortez charges, leading with his shoulder, but Jay dives out of the way, and Cortez hits nothing but ringpost.






    Hawke reaches up and tags in Arch Griffon as Todd Cortez collapses to the canvas clutching at the left shoulder.


    Pete: "Cortez's shoulder hit the post hard, and Hawke wisely makes the tag!"


    King: "Now let's see if Griffon is smart enough to take advantage of an injured body part here!"


    Arch Griffon takes advantage of the prone position, pulling Todd Cortez to his feet, then lifting him and immediately taking him down with a body slam. Without hesitation, Griffon runs into the ropes, coming down onto Cortez’s shoulder with a running leg drop. Arch quickly covers in an attempt to pin the Urban Legend:









    Rush Hadrian makes the save despite Cortez not really being in a position to be pinned.


    Pete: “We know Rush is aware of what tag team wrestling involves, as he immediately makes the save.”


    King: “Ooo, he made one smart move. Alert the guys at Ripley’s Believe It or Not about that.”


    Griffon is frustrated, but not enough to slow him down. He pulls Cortez up while locking in a front facelock, then quickly spins Todd to the mat with a swinging neck breaker. Griffon goes for the pin again.









    Kickout. Griffon locks in another front facelock, then reaches over and tags Hawke. Griffon says something to Jay, who seems surprised but nods. Hawke also locks in a front facelock, then the two reluctant partners team up to snap suplex the Urban Legend to the canvas. Jay Hawke floats into a cover, and Ryder waits to make sure Griffon is on the apron in the corner before starting the count:









    Kickout. Jay Hawke gripes at the referee about as Rush Hadrian yells at Todd Cortez to make the tag.


    Pete: “A series of two counts by the team of Hawke and Griffon, and give them credit. They might not want to team together, but by God they want to win the titles.”


    King: “Exactly. Winning these titles is going to bring them the most money.”


    Jay Hawke picks up Todd Cortez and drops shoulder-first onto the knee. Hawke quickly goes for the cover:









    THR -- Rush Hadrian makes the save. Scott Ryder pushes Rush back to his corner, and Jay Hawke quickly slides out of the ring and grabs the International Championship belt off the timekeeper’s table. He slides back in, and Rush tries to dart past Ryder but is quickly stopped.


    King: “There you go! He’s going to get the win now before this goes too far along!”


    As Hadrian gives in and returns to the ring apron, Jay Hawke goes to swing at Cortez‘s head, but Arch Griffon grabs the belt from him.


    King: “What is he doing?”


    Pete: “Arch doesn’t want to cheat to win the match. He has some pride in his work.”


    King: “Did you forget how Griffon won the International Title in the first place?”


    Hawke and Griffon argue as Cortez reaches up and tags in Rush Hadrian.





    Pete: “There’s the tag, and I don’t think Hawke and Griffon are aware of it!”


    Hawke shoves Griffon, and Griffon gives Hawke a hard shove back. Hawke drops the belt and staggers backwards, and Hadrian catches him in the back of the head with an enzuigiri that drops Hawke face-first into the mat. Hadrian goes for the cover:









    T -- Arch Griffon makes the save.


    King: “Make up your mind! Do you want to win the titles or not?”


    Todd Cortez reenters the ring and levels Arch Griffon with a flying forearm that knocks him through the ropes to the outside. Rush Hadrian goes to suplex Jay Hawke, but Hawke reaches up with an uppercut low blow.





    Hawke wastes no time, catching Hadrian in a front facelock, then dropping him head-first onto the title belt.


    Pete: “DDT onto the title belt!”


    King: “And look at Hawke dispose of the evidence by tossing the belt outside the ring!”


    Hawke goes for the cover, just as Cortez grabs the tag rope on the apron.









    Todd Cortez enters the ring trying to make the save.










    Arch Griffon slides into the ring, shaking his head as Hawke raises his hand in “victory”.


    Funyon: “Here are your winners…ARCH GRIFFON AND JAY HAWKE!”


    Pete: “Arch Griffon and Jay Hawke win their first match in the Lethal Lottery tournament and move one step closer to a shot at the World Tag Team Championship, but I don’t think Arch Griffon approves of how they got the victory!”


    King: “It doesn’t matter how they get the titles, Pete, as long as they get them! And Jay Hawke will teach that lesson to Griffon until its been driven into his thick skull!”


    Pete: “Well…obviously Arch Griffon would rather do things the right way. At any rate, we have more great action still to come tonight, so don’t go away!”

  6. The Cardigans' "Lovefool" plays as we see an older couple sitting together on a couch, looking just as in love as the day they met (you can't see the liquor bottles on the floor, but trust me - they're there).


    "Are you having trouble finding that special someone?" the man asks, holding hands with (we assume) his wife. "For years, I tried the personal ads in newspapers, but the closest I ever got to true love was... well... let's not go there..."




    "Anyway, I'd heard so much about online matchmaking that I decided to give it a try - I went to FindMyMatch.com, and less than 24 hours later I was marrying the woman of my dreams in Las Vegas! Since then, me and my angel here have been together for almost 12 hours, and we've never regretted our decision. FindMyMatch.com - thank you!"


    "Where... where am I?"


    "We're on our honeymoon, dear - don't you remember?"


    "I think I wet myself."




    "As you can see," the spokesperson for FindMyMatch says as he steps into view, "FindMyMatch has been helping couples get together for over seventeen days! We've inspired countless (14) couples to get together, and we're happy to report that so far, none of them have broken up!"


    "But maybe you're not looking for a romantic relationship," he continues as he steps off the FMM set and, oddly enough, onto the SWF Storm set. "The world of Professional Wrestling can be a lonely place - that's why we've set up a new section of our website dedicated exclusively to helping you find the tag team partner that's right for you! Just enter your personal information, then select from our deep list of critera and search parameters to find the partner that's right for you!"


    The camera moves to show the inside of the ring, where Ced Ordonez and Thoth stand, hands sharing a spot on one of the tag ropes.


    "I was an evil maniac, associated with the Clan."


    "And I was... um... Ced Ordonez."


    "And without FindMyMatch, we never would have known that we both share a passion...


    ... for dance!"


    Butterfly (upswing mix) suddenly hits, and the arena is filled with multicolored flashing lights as Ced and Thoth appear in full-DDR gear and tear up the dance pads!




    'Hollywood' Spike Jenkins and Zyon now stand together in the center of the ring.


    "I was looking for a student I could bully around..." Spike begins, looking at his partner in a totally-platonic-sort-of-affectionate way.


    "And I was looking for a mentor who I could one day surpass..." Zyon responds, returning the look.


    "And thanks to FindMyMatch's disturbingly accurate search parameters, all I had to do was type in "student to bully around", and his name appeared."


    "Now we're in the SWF Lethal Lottery Tournament, poised to win even MORE gold!"


    Zyon taps his Cruiserweight Championship as he says this, and Spike's expression goes from fond to-


    "You son of a-"




    We cut again, this time to recent returnee Mistress Sarah, in full S&M getup, and golden oldie "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens!


    "When I needed a tag partner," Sarah begins, rubbing her hand along Mark's chest.


    "Oh God, my wife is going to kill me..."


    "I just went to FindMyMatch, and in seconds they found me a real winner..."


    "Lynn, if you're watching, I'm so sorry... it's not what it looks like-"








    We cut now to... an empty ring?


    The camera moves down, and we see Bruce Blank and Amy Stephens, surrounded by beer bottles. Someone shoves a microphone in their direction.


    "... ugh..."


    ".... rgle..."




    "When I returned to the SWF," Max King announces with a wide grin, "I needed someone to help make my rise to the top that much quicker. FindMyMatch paired me with-"


    *BAM*! Landon Maddix leaps into the shot and clocks his partner with his Tag Team Title!




    "Sometimes," the FMM spokesperson says as he returns to ringside, "these teams need a little help getting together... FindMyMatch has people trained for just such a task - they see the potential in teams who might not get together otherwise."


    Akira Kaibatsu and Michael Cross stand side by side, their expression not entirely comfortable as Mr. Kobe stands between them, dressed in pink, grinning like an idiot.


    "And for those rare occasions when two partners simply cannot see the light," the spokesman continues, "we send in our special man."


    FLASH back to Battleground 2005:


    Janus spins around lightly on his feet and lifts his arms into the air, prompting PINK fire to explode from the turnbuckles and scaring Funyon out of the ring. Thankfully the announcer leaves his microphone behind and the big man scoops it up as the sound of "Pretty In Pink" fades out.


    "Surprise!" the big man calls out to the crowd, still beaming as he stands there in his flamboyant pink tuxedo. Half-heartedly, some still giggling and some still awed, some of the crowd shouts it back.


    "During my time off, I've noticed things. Serious things. Interesting things. Funny things, and some might even say romantic things. I speak, for example, of Wild and Dangerous. Sure, they've had rough times, sure they've had their spats, but in the end they always seem to really come through for each other, don't you agree? That has all the hallmarks..."


    The Australian's smile widens.


    "...of a beautiful relationship."




    "So remember," the spokeseman says, with all the SWF Tag Teams standing behind him (except Bruce and Amy, still in a drunken stupor) - "whether you're looking for a life-partner, or just a partner for life, FindMyMatch has the experience and the skill to match you with your other half! FindMyMatch Dot Com - don't leave love up to chance!"


    A chorus of "LOVE?!" cries out, as the SWF stars begin to wonder what the hell this commercial is about. They quickly scatter, leaving the spokesman all by himself...


    ... almost...




    "Oh God, no!"

  7. “Welcome back to SWF Storm!” bellows Longdogger Pete, sitting beside Suicide King. “We’ve had quite a show as of yet, and it’s only gonna get better!”


    An eruption of sparks flies up from the front of the entrance stage. Out from behind the curtain runs out six women wearing gold, glittering shorts and tank tops. "Everybody dance now!” They begin to freestyle dance, bump and grind, and everything else you can think of as “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now!)” by C & C Music Factory blares over the P.A. system. The Crimson Skull emerges from the back, flanked by his assistant Heff, and walks through the madness on his way down towards the ring.


    “The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Now entering the ring, residing in Kiev, Ukraine, weighing in at two hundred and eighty-five pounds.. The Criiiiiiimson Skull!!”




    The crowd jeers Skull as he talks with Heff in the center of the ring. “Wollt Ihr Das Bett In Flammen Sehen? ” by Rammstein hits the speakers. Jason von Dierch walks out onto the ramp and he glares out at the entire crowd before walking slowly down to the ring. Once he slides into the ring, Jason once again stares out at the crowd before he finishes his warm ups.


    “And his partner, from Hamburg, Germany, weighing in at two hundred and six pounds.. Jaaaaaaason vonnn Dierch!”




    “Guilt by association, it appears,” comments King.


    “And their opponents, first, from Cleveland, Ohio, weighing in at two hundred and twenty-two pounds.. “


    The locale goes somewhat darkened, and "Remember The Name" by Fort Minor spins up. Fury comes out to a minor pop, but mostly a non-commital reaction. But he doesn't mind. He walks straight from the back to the ring, the only thing happening is some white sparklers on the entranceway. His SmarkTron display is also pretty simple: Old matches, training footage, an occasional red stylized-script "Fury"... Mostly in time with the music. Fury slides into the ring, eyeing his opponents.


    “Christiannnn Fuuuuury!!”


    The lights in the arena become dark, as the Smarktron sizzles to life, rolling the blank fuzz of an old home movie, as “Paint It Black” by the Rolling Stones hits. When the drum beats rat-a-tat, the screen plays clips of long past matches involving the Mistress, freeze-framed in time with the drums. Red and purple lights pierce the darkness as the Mistress steps out from behind the curtain.


    “And his partner! From Bellevue, Nebraska and weighing in and one hundred and sixty-five pounds.. Miiiistress Saraaaaaaah!!”


    Pausing at the top of the ramp, Sarah raises her arms, accepting the warmth of the crowds’ cheers. The Mistress then heads down to the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope. She unfurls the whip from around her waist and slowly curls it up, placing it on the apron before warming up. Skull and von Dierch confer in their corner, while Fury and Sarah move to do the same.


    “This match up has no heat. The only thing that might cause some excitement is the relationship between Mistress Sarah and Christian Fury.. or lack of one.”


    LDP replies, “There’s sure to be some good wrestling nonetheless.”


    “That was a big word for you.”


    The referee calls the starters to the middle of the ring, quickly explains the rules, then signals the timekeeper.


    ** DING ** DING ** DING **


    Mistress Sarah and von Dierch start the match, circling each other in the middle of the ring. Dierch fakes an attack, causing Sarah to quickly evade to one side, dancing on her toes. Jason recovers quickly, again focusing on attacking the Mistress. She signals for Jason to attack again, goading him on. Von Dierch smirks and does lunge forward, but at an angle.. it’s the wrong angle as Sarah dodges to the opposite side. She shakes her finger at him playfully, and Jason charges for a clothesline. The Mistress ducks underneath and uses the ropes to gain some speed. She leaps as Jason turns to catch her on the rebound, and gets a chestful of boot!


    “Front dropkick by Mistress Sarah!”


    King replies, “Hardly enough to keep von Dierch down.”


    Jason is up quickly, shaking off the blow that could have knocked the wind out of him. Sarah is in a martial arts stance, defensive and waiting for Jason to attack again. He wastes no time, charging for another lariat. Sarah grabs von Dierch by his extended arm, slinging him across the ring, and taking him down in a quick Judo-style hip throw. The crowd bursts in delight, but the fresh Sarah pays no heed as she’s down to business. She pulls Jason back up, trying to level him down with a quick kick.. but Jason ducks out of the way and behind her.. which serves Sarah just fine as she quick-plants, shifts her weight, and snaps an equally-swift kick back into a surprised von Dierch’s gut! Doubled-over, Jason is vulnerable.. Sarah takes full advantage, lacing her leg over his neck, and plastering Jason’s face to the mat with a fantastic-looking sit-out DDT!


    “Sarah in full control of this match so far. The Crimson Skull is eager to get in and save his partner,” claims Pete.


    “Rescue his partner? I think not.. I think he just doesn’t want to lose again.”


    The Mistress covers von Dierch.








    “Little early for a pin attempt.”


    “Doesn’t hurt to try.”


    Sarah helps Jason to his feet, but he’s perfectly capable as he turns the tables, slamming a fist into Sarah’s gut. She doubles over and is planted with a perfect DDT! Von Dierch takes just a moment to catch his breath and then stands, pulling Sarah up by her hair. He whips her into the corner, and barrels right after. Sarah lands hard in the corner, and is sandwiched by Jason! She slumps to the mat, and is bombarded with stomps to the midsection. The referee moves in to get Jason off of Sarah, but he’s hesitant to relent. Finally, Jason backs off, hands raised like he’s done nothing wrong in the first place. The referee warns him verbally, and then allows Jason to move back in on Sarah. He leans down and picks her up, pulling her along the ropes and into his corner, where he tags in the Crimson Skull!


    “This team may not be in sync, but they are working together,” mentions LDP.


    “You make no sense. You never have and you never will!” laments King.


    Jason quickly scoop slams the Mistress, leaving her prone for Skull. He climbs into the ring and immediately drops his thick leg over Sarah’s chest. He maneuvers over for the pin, as ordered by Heff. The ref drops and begins the count.








    The ref signals and points as Sarah rests one of her boots on the bottom rope. Skull stands up and begins berating Heff for giving him the wrong directions. Sarah rolls out of the ring in the meantime, recovering her senses on the floor. The referee calls for her to get back into the ring, and then begins counting.




    The Crimson Skull shakes his fist at Heff and then paces while he waits for Sarah to come around. The Mistress slowly gets to her feet, taking in a deep breath to reorient herself. She looks up at Crimson Skull, then at the referee.




    She heads around the outside of the ring, right to her corner! Skull follows, but does not get too close as Fury eyes him from the corner. Sarah slides into the ring and is met by stomps from Skull. Fury switches sides and reaches down as Sarah extends her hand, making the tag! Fury hustles to the top rope as Skull continues to stomp Sarah. The referee steps in on the other side to inform Skull that Sarah is no longer legal, and Fury leaps, catching Skull with his shins and pulling him down with a hurricanrana! Both men are quickly up and at each other, Skull quickly throws Fury toward the ropes, but is off balance and Fury is able to reverse the whip. Christian uses the bigger man’s momentum to put him over in a backdrop.


    “Some quick action from Christian Fury.”


    Fury quickly drops over Skull, locking on a crossface chickenwing. Skull squirms to get out, reaching for his corner … but Heff and von Dierch are busy arguing about something!


    “Skull is locked up in the middle of the ring, and his partner isn’t paying attention!”


    Fury leans back, upping the pain factor, and Skull roars, both in pain and trying to get his partner’s attention. The latter is futile.


    Let’s go Fu-ry! Let’s go!


    Let’s go Fu-ry! Let’s go!


    The Crimson Skull decides his partner has abandoned him and taps out!


    ** DING ** DING ** DING **


    “And your winners, Mistress Sarah and Chrissstian Fuuuury!!”


    “Remember The Name” kicks up as Fury drops his hold on Skull and rises to his feet, somewhat surprised at the submission. Heff and von Dierch look on, stunned. Jason slaps Heff as Skull whimpers in pain.


    “I feel cheated,” states King.


    LDP replies, “You sure did enough of it in your career. Don’t like it, huh?”


    Fade to black.

  8. The faint cheering of the SWF audience can be heard in the background, as the camera performs a complete180 before panning on to one Ben Hardy. The nervous journalist paces back and forth for a moment, with the worried look of a castrated dog. The assassin like interviewer slowly approaches his prey, shoving the microphone in his victim’s face hoping for the answers.


    “Ugh Zyon can I have a word with you?” Pete sounds a tad bit nervous even though he is interviewing one of the good guys.


    Gaining quite the work out, the cameraman performs another twirl until the fatigued figure of Zyon is blurred across the nation. Visibly sweating and out of breath, the Unique Youth is all smiles after another victory.


    “Yeah…sure no problem.” The youth is able to get out, pushing his hair out of his eyes.


    “Well, I would first like to congratulate you and Spike on another victory in the Lethal Lottery Tournament.” It’s always good to get the ass kissing out of the way. “Speaking of, where is Spike at the moment.”


    “Probably prepping himself for a shot at my title, heh.” Zyon jokes.


    “But I though you weren’t going to give him one?” Obviously the joke went completely over Hardy’s head.


    “Ben…nevermind. Anyway, what’s up?”


    “Well…erm…Zyon. I along with the SWF faithful have noticed…well we’ve noticed a change in your behavior, recently.” Hardy so wishes he were somebody else at the moment, except Chris Belcourt that is.


    Zyon’s droopy eyes widen slightly, a little taken back by the comment to say the least.


    “Hold up what now?”


    “Ugh…the SWF faithful…”


    “Bullshit.” Zyon interrupts, “Cut this SWF faithful nonsense. What’s the deal here?” Zyon shows a significant irritation toward Hardy and his careful wording of the questions.


    “Ok…creative control has volunteered me to try and find out why you are showing signs of becoming…a problem.”


    Zyon cannot believe what he is hearing, “Me, a problem. And they volunteered you to figure out the problem.” Zyon’s eye twitches, showing his utmost displeasure at the moment, “Now by volunteered, you must of course mean drew the short straw. And by looking at you, it seems you’ve drawn the short straw since birth.”




    The crowd acknowledges Zyon’s harsh comment, which is really the norm for Ben Hardy, but still.


    “Look Benjamin, I don’t have a problem. It’s YOU that has the problem.”


    Zyon takes a deep breath, turning to walk away, only to have Ben Hardy persist.


    “Zyon, I wish that could be true.” The cryptic words catch Zyon’s attention, “I mean take a look at last week if you need proof.”


    Fans across the nation get a previous screening of the Smarkdown tag match, involving Zyon/Spike facing off against Fury/Mistress Sarah.


    The crowd roars as Fury charges forward, but is interrupted by the ref who tries to sedate Sarah who has the whip in her hands. Referee Nick Soapdish could very well be sacrificing his life in the name of being an SWF official, and somewhere Chris Belcourt wishes it were he committing career suicide. Fury mistakes a convulsion for an actual movement from the cruiserweight champ as he charges forward ready to seal the match once and for all.




    Spike on the other hand has another idea busting Fury across the face with his very own kendo stick!!!!


    “Subsequently after that hellacious kendo stick shot, you covered Fury to give your team the victory. And tonight you nail Matt Myers with the Cruiserweight Title, which once again helped give your team the victory. I for one believe CC has a right to question your decisions lately.” Hardy lays into Zyon with cold hard facts.


    The youth shuts his eyes for moment, before launching into a rare tirade.


    “You’re serious. You have to be fucking kidding me. You and your lame ass crew of losers decide to ambush me right after a hard fought victory. Unbelievable, and you question my decisions. Look at yourself. This is pathetic. Jay Hawke, Bruce Blank, Kevin Coyote, and even our World Champion get away with that crap all of the time. Hell Kevin Coyote annihilated his own father right there in the ring, and you have the gull to question my character. They get by with a simple slap on the wrist, while I’m persecuted like I committed first-degree murder. How can you guys even condone what you are doing?”


    “Well, Zyon it does seem like you’ve been under a lot of stress. Your attempts at keeping your friendship with Spike Jenkins seem to be faltering, and maybe the burden of being the Cruiserweight Champion is too much for you at the moment. There is also this Lethal Lottery Tournament…” Hardy attempts to finish.


    But is immediately interrupted by the Unique Youth, “SILENCE! Don’t you ever call the Cruiserweight Title a burden. I fought long and hard for this title, and now that I got it you seem to think that it’s a burden. Man, fuck that noise. As for Spike and I, we’re 2 and 0. Yeah we are totally having problems. See that’s what you do Ben. You leech on every little detail, until you can make trouble for others. Of course CC should be worried about me. I haven’t raged against them, hell I’ve been a team player ever since I came here. Everybody asks where’s Toxxic? Guess what if he was a team player we wouldn’t have to ask such a question. And what about JJ Johnson? He rises to the top of the card, and then poof he’s gone. This place…maybe Spike was right.


    “What are you saying?” Hardy is beyond worried.


    “WHAT AM I SAYING???” Zyon’s muscles tense as the youth opens his mouth. “What am I saying…nothing. I’m not saying a damn thing.”


    And with that the youth brushes past Hardy leaving the entire crew dumbfounded. The SWF returns back to the announce team…


    “Wow…” Pete is barely audible.


    “So how about them Wizards…”

  9. SWF returns to the Key Arena for the next match up in the Lethal Lottery Tournament. The Asian Underground already picked up an impressive victory over the duo of Laberinto and Ced Ordonez. As the Seattle crowd buzzes in anticipation for the main event that is sure to light the night’s sky, they first have to finish viewing the undercard. An undercard that witnessed, Bruce Blank and Insane Luchador battling it out in a STANDARD SINGLES MATCH…on Storm of all places. Hell before that was a clash of EMO proportions, as a punk chick looking for her long lost brother faced off against an upstart rookie with daddy issues. To figure out more about the next match, we head to the announce position.


    “This next match is sure to be a styles clash. One team consists of cruiserweights, while the other consists of a pair of freak shows.” Suicide King comments on the next match in the Lethal Lottery Tournament.


    “Calling Ghost Machine, and Matt Myers…ok with Myers you have a point.” Ole’ Longdogga actually agrees with his counterpart. “However, Ghost Machine has made a staple by winning matches he has no right to win. And lately Myers has shown bursts of wrestling, but will it be enough to take down the tandem of Zyon and Hollywood Spike Jenkins?”


    “Dear god I hope so.”


    As if the man himself heard King’s prayer, the lights in the Key Arena turn to full blast, haunting the crowd with a needle scratching a record.




    The instrumentals of “Black Label” kills the PA with its heavy sound. Scaring the weaker part of the audience, the guitars and drums kick into full gear leaving only the vocals to break through.




    And boy do they ever break through. The hooded straight edger makes his way out to the cheers of thousands as he drops to one knee, symbolizing his particular life style.


    “You know Pete, with Spike and Zyon being friends and all, you would think they would comes out together.”


    “Perhaps, but as we all know the two haven’t necessarily seen eye to eye in the last few weeks.”


    “First, hailing from Hollywood, California, weighing in tonight at 220 lbs. He is HOLLYWOOD Spppppppiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkeeeee Jeeeeeeeennnnkkkkiiinnnsssss!!!”


    Funyon dusts off the Michael Buffer impersonation with that one. The former cruiserweight champion calmly rolls into the center of the ring, kneeling in a familiar position. With the crowd buzzing, Spike leaps into the air, peeling back the hood that covered his face. With his bleach blond hair free, the straight edger throws the “X” into the air, proudly proclaiming that he is indeed straight edge.


    “Spike looks to be in a good mood tonight. Especially after having some words with his tag team partner.”


    “Well if Zyon would just ball up and give Spike a shot, they wouldn’t have a problem. And don’t give me that they are friends garbage.”


    “But they’re friends.”


    “Yeah and Coyote is your son. Look what happened with that relationship.” King busts out the cruelty.


    The already cheering crowd explodes, as the oh so familiar words appear on the highly expensive Smarktron.


    “I’M BORN!!!”


    Of course everybody in attendance has the whole shtick down on paper, in the form of magic marker. The youth erupts past the black curtain, saluting the crowd that continues to cheer him. With the cruiserweight title firmly fit on his waist, Zyon strides down the ramp…


    “And his partner, hailing from Elkhart, Indiana, and weighing in tonight at 200 lbs. The reigning SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION, ZYYYYON!!!!”


    The crowd goes insane at the mention of the youth’s name, as the cruiserweight champion enters the ring. Glancing at his friend, Zyon busts into a head bang before raising the title into the air, causing Spike’s eyes to trail toward the sky.


    “Look at Spike, Pete. He is obsessed with the title that Zyon has.”


    “He has a right to. Spike is a two time champion after all. Many say the cruiserweight title was what earned Spike his popularity, and the inimitable World Title shot. Of course that is all history.”


    Both Zyon and Spike talk strategy, or some other form of arguing, as they wait for their opponents.


    When there's trouble, you know who to call (TEEN TITANS!)

    From their tower, they can see it all (TEEN TITANS!)

    When there's evil on the attack

    You can rest knowing they got your back

    Cause when the world needs heroes on patrol


    “What the fuck…” King trails off.


    The mistakable theme music of Teen Titans plays, causing many in the arena to immediately bust up in laughter. Between the tears and laughter is the appearance of Chris Belcourt and Ghost Machine. The SWF road agent looks to be lost on antidepressants and embarrassment, as he drives Ghost Machine down the ramp on the dolly.


    “Pete I wonder, since I’m the only one allowed to do so. If Ghost Machine died, would Bruce Blank or someone crash the dolly into Insane Luchador, causing a massive outbreak on message boards and the like?”


    “I don’t think Ghost Machine can die, King. Maybe self-destruct or run out of old. But to die would be quite bizarre for a robot.”


    With their super powers, they unite (TEEN TITANS!)

    Never met a villain that they liked (TEEN TITANS!)

    They got the bad guys on the run

    They never stop until the job gets done

    Cause when the world is losing all control


    The cartoony music continues as Matt Myers runs out dressed in green spandex with a black cape. That’s right he is non other than the boy wonder, Robin!!!!


    “King this is complete and utter madness.”


    “No Pete this makes perfect sense.” King explains, “Myers is obviously playing the part of Robin. And Ghost Machine is playing the part of Cyborg. They are two fifths of the Teen Titans.”


    If your heart is black, you better watch out

    You cannot escape the team

    When they catch you, there won't be any doubt

    You've been beaten by the teens

    Beaten by the teens


    The J-pop like them music continues, as Ghost Machine is rolled down to the ring, while Matt Myers hops around like a retarded acrobat. Belcourt drops Ghost Machine off, washing his hands with the ordeal until the end of the match.


    “I hope security checks Belcourt for razors, knives, or any other sharp objects.”


    “King Chris wouldn’t hurt any of us and you know that.”


    “Of course I know THAT! But will he hurt himself is the question. Such a sad twist of fate that guy has become.”


    Ghost Machine hands Funyon a card…


    “And their opponents, hailing from Parts Unknown and Gotham City, weighing in at a combined weight of 231 lbs plus Myers weight, Ghost Machine 2.0 and Matt Myers!!!!”


    Funyon gains a headache from having to read the horrible writing on the card, as Ghost Machine and Myers do…something.


    “Well this match sure isn’t going to steal the show, but it is quite important in the grand scheme of things.”


    “That’s true Pete. If Zyon and Spike pick up the victory they close out their pool undefeated, which proves that God hates me. But if Ghost Machine and Myers pick up the victory then that proves God hates everybody else. Pretty simple premise.”




    Ghost Machine orders as Myers begs away to the outside. Zyon puts his hand out ready to begin their game of rock, paper, scissors, but Spike arrogantly turns his back to Zyon. Just like last week, the youth chooses digression as he leaves to the apron.


    “Looks like Ghost Machine and Spike will be starting, which is quite ironic.”


    “Pete, what’s ironic in a robot facing off against Spike?”


    “Oh nothing. I’d tell you, but you’d just get mad.”


    Referee Nick Soapdish checks to see if both men…errr one man and one robot are ready. Placing his hand between the superstars, Soapdish signals for the bell.




    The robotic Ghost Machine exits from his corner, standing straight up ready to take on whatever Spike brings his way. The straight edger charges the robot playing a Cyborg, having to dodge a clubbing clothesline. With Ghost Machine off balance, Spike ducks behind the hulking form of Ghost Machine, tying him up in a reverse waist lock. Reaching deep into his mainframe, Ghost Machine shocks everyone in attendance by reaching between his own legs, sweeping Spike off his feet with his left hand. The straight edger catches himself with his hand, turning away from Ghost Machine with a precise turn of his wrist, while throwing a foot toward the gut of Ghost Machine. With a reaction time superior to humans, Ghost Machine catches the errant boot aimed at his sternum. Spike attempts to balance himself on one foot until Ghost Machine pulls him toward his athletic figure. Looking to grapple with Spike, the robot forcefully grasps the air since Spike ducks around, trapping Ghost Machine in another reverse waist lock.


    “I just couldn’t watch a match without the standard Spike Jenkins technical fest.”


    “ I figured you would appreciate this over Zyon’s spotty style.”


    “Oh I do, but at least Zyon has a chance to break his back. The worst that can happen to Spike is a cramp.”


    Ghost Machine looks to go low with a similar counter to the previous reverse waist lock, but Spike spreads his legs out. Exiting the strategy of out maneuvering Spike, Ghost Machine twists his body to the right before unwinding to the left with a powerful elbow.




    Spike is forced away from Ghost Machine as the elbow damages the straight edger’s face.


    “Ah my nose!!!”


    Spike roars clutching his face. Ghost Machine looks out into the crowd, who actually approves what Ghost Machine is going to do next.


    “AH MY NOSE!!!”




    The crowd cheers as wrestling purists all over the world are pissed.


    “Good lord not this debacle again.” Pete shakes his head.


    Ghost Machine wildly charges Spike who continues to hold his face, but is still able to take Ghost Machine down with a drop toe hold. The robot’s face smacks the canvas stunning Ghost Machine, as Spike spins upward attempting to lock Ghost Machine in a head lock. Using one hand, Ghost Machine pushes the unbalanced straight edger forward and back up to his feet. Placing both hands on the mat, Ghost Machine forces himself back to his feet, calmly waiting for Spike to make the next move.


    “Ghost Machine kept up with Spike pretty well in that exchange. I had no idea that Ghost Machine was that skilled on the mat.”


    “Well you learn something new everyday.”


    Continuing to use his technical background, Spike drops to the mat ready to take the unorthodox Ghost Machine down, double-legged style! However, the former cruiserweight champion can only get one foot…and that’s to the face.




    The boot forces Spike backward until he rests safely against the turnbuckle. Sensing blood, Ghost Machine sprints forward looking to crush Spike with all 231 lbs of his possible metallic structure. Fearing the force of Ghost Machine, the straight edger escapes his crushing power by diving out of the way. Unable to halt his own momentum, the could be human smashes chest first into the turnbuckle. Spike shows off his quickness even more, as he grabs the top rope, spring boarding off the middle rope in perfect rhythm with Ghost Machine’s stumbling. Clutching his chest, Ghost Machine staggers backward noticing the foot of his opponent heading his way. A true head hunter, Spike attempts to decapitate the machine, but the mysteriously quick Ghost Machine ducks out of the way! Landing awkwardly, Spike faces Ghost Machine who strikes his opponent down with a familiar palm strike.


    “Textbook shotei performed by Ghost Machine.”


    “Look Pete, it was a palm strike.”


    Spike grabs his face once again as the amused audience hopes for Ghost Machine to mock his opponent once again…and they get what they want.


    “AH MY… CRACK!!!!”


    Before Ghost Machine can finish Spike fires back with a shotei palm strike of his own, that forces Ghost Machine backward. Turning away from his robotic opponent, Spike sprints toward the ropes, bouncing off of them. Halting the straight edger’s momentum, Ghost Machine shoots forward, lowering himself. Using his lowered state to get the better of a charging Spike, the mechanical being tosses Spike into the air with a back body drop! The crowd watches in awe as Spike hits the canvas feet first, reaching back grabbing on to Ghost Machine’s head.


    “Spike showing his cruelest critics he is still quite acrobatic.”


    “Hey he’s still agile, but he’s always been a thorn in the side of good wrestling.”


    Ghost Machine looks to prove his creators wrong, showing everyone watching that he is not a failure. Formerly managed by JL Crunk, Ghost Machine also latches on to Spike’s head, flipping him over face first with what can only be described as a reverse snapmare. Clutching his gut, Spike pushes himself up into Ghost Machine’s clutches finding himself in a front face lock. Hoisting Spike into the air for a suplex, Ghost Machine staggers backward looking to hang Spike gut first across the top rope. Spike though kicks his feet violently until Ghost Machine is forced to lower the former cruiserweight champion down to his feet.


    “Both individuals look to be evenly matched.”


    “Please Pete, Ghost Machine is definitely the superior…athlete.”


    “Athlete? Did you just call Ghost Machine off all…beings athletic?”


    “Ugh…why of course I did fool.” King refuses to admit he’s wrong, “Not only is Ghost Machine athletic, but he’s quite strong too.”


    The strong and athletic, Ghost Machine finds himself back first on the mat after suffering a spinning neckbreaker, courtesy of Hollywood Spike Jenkins. Rising back to his feet, Spike glances over toward his partner who is more than willing to enter the ring. However, Spike once again chooses to ignore Zyon’s hand, forcing the youth to shake his head in disgust. Spike latches on to Ghost Machine’s skin tight mask, whipping the mechanical wrestler back first into the turnbuckle. The veteran cruiserweight, leaps forward placing both feet into the sternum of Ghost Machine while latching on to his head…attempting a monkey flip. Proving his power to the Doggah, Ghost Machine latches on to the feet of Spike, turning a complete 90 degrees placing Spike helplessly on the top rope.






    The crowd responds to a Ghost Machine chop. Motioning toward the crowd, Ghost Machine continues to cater toward the little children…




    Ghost Machine does his best Ric Flair impression giving Spike a moment to rest. A moment is all the straight edger needs to push Ghost Machine backward, thanks to a firm kick to the face. While Ghost Machine staggers backward, Spike calmly balances him on the second rope before foolishly taking the time to ascend one more level. Ghost Machine quickly shakes off the rusted bolts as he sprints forward, RUNNING UP THE TOP ROPE TOSSING SPIKE TO THE MAT WITH A SUPER RAILGUN SUPLEX!!!!




    The crowd erupts, as both men lay sprawled out on the mat.


    “What a move by Ghost Machine!!!”


    “Now that’s the high risk stuff I like. Ghost Machine has proven to me that deep down under the rust and slight incompetence, is honest to god skill.”


    Matt Myers celebrates his partner’s counter as Zyon realizes this is the moment where Spike has to tag him in. Both individuals on the mat slowly roll toward their respective corners…as MATT “ROBIN” MYERS IS TAGGED IN!!!


    *Crickets Chirp*


    Myers prepares himself for Zyon as Spike lifts his hand into the air…planting it on the canvas, using it to push himself under the bottom rope, and to the outside????


    “Is Spike mental?”


    “Uh yeah.”


    “It was rhetoric. Spike could have easily tagged in Zyon, but he opts to leave the ring instead.”


    “He just needs a break. It’s a common strategy in wrestling.”


    “Yeah in SINGLES competition.”


    The announcers continue to argue as Spike pulls himself up, feeling the painful effects of that dramatic top rope railgun suplex. The cocky straight edger takes his time getting back into the ring as referee Nick Soapdish starts the mandatory ten count.








    Matt Myers shocks everyone as he sprints forward diving RIGHT INTO THE TOP ROPE, which subsequently knocks him to the mat.




    The arena simultaneously breaks into a fit of laughter as Myers is under the impression that he is an acrobat, just like Robin is.






    Spike rolls into the ring as Zyon just stares at his friend like he stole some candy from a baby.


    “Look at that King. Spike just had another chance to tag in Zyon, and chose not to.”


    Spike saunters over toward his opponent, while arrogantly shadow boxing. Myers an honest to god former wrestler makes Spike pay with a decent right hand! Taken back by the closed fist, Spike shrugs the stunning sensation off before trying to grapple with Myers. “Robin” rolls away from Spike proving to be slightly quicker than the fatigued straight edger. Spike has a look of “I’m going to kill you,” as he hurries over toward Myers who pulls out a foreign object of some sort…Electrocuting Spike with it.


    “Hey Pete, look it’s the Bat-O-Tazer.”


    The weak tazer shocks Spike to the point where he is actually running away from the cosplay master. Communicating with the ref, Spike orders Soapdish to take the object away from Myers. At first Myers refuses, but with a convincing knee to the back by Hollywood Spike Jenkins the cosplay master fumbles his weapon. Carefully dispatching the weapon, referee Nick Soapdish turns his attention away from the match. Pulling the Bat-O-Rang from his utility belt, “Robin” throws the weapon…missing Spike by a mile. Once worried, the straight edger can’t help, but smile. Soon his smile is turned upside down as the Bat-O-Rang retracts its steps, slamming into the back of Spike’s head. Catching the veteran off guard, Spike falls into Myers who locks Spike down with a small package!!!
























    “Oh my god that was close.”


    “Spike just about lost to Myers. That would have been the greatest thing since the creation of Frosted Flakes.” King and his love for breakfast cereal.


    Spike immediately rolls away from Myers, opting to tag in Zyon!




    The crowd erupts as the Unique Youth enters the ring. Matt Myers has a dramatic flashback to the last time he faced off against Zyon, and in his own mind he didn’t do half bad. Prepared to do full good, Myers sprints forward falling into a hip toss performed by the reigning cruiserweight champion. The energetic cosplay master hurries back to his feet, feeling the effects of a sharp forearm performed by Zyon!




    Myers staggers backward as Zyon takes a step forward, feeling the effects of a Matt Myers dropkick!!!!


    “WHA!” Pete can’t believe what he just saw.


    Zyon hits the mat, embarrassed and awfully surprised. Quickly back to his feet, Zyon charges the proud “Robin” using his immense amount of momentum to latch on to Myers, performing two rotations around the cosplay masters body before dropping him with a satellite head scissor takedown.




    The crowd cheers the spotty move, letting Zyon know that he did indeed one up the boy wonder. Zyon immediately lifts Myers back to his feet, twisting his arm pulling it into an arm wrench. Walking over to the friendly corner, Zyon blindly extends his hand for the tag…





    “Look Pete, Spike isn’t even paying attention.”


    Zyon waits with his hand out as Spike chats with a few fans in the front row…they seem to be fans of the Aqua Teen Hungerforce. Myers takes the opportunity presented to him to drop down to both knee before rolling forward, performing a handstand transitioning that to a kip up to his feet. And before Zyon can yell it has partner, he finds himself degraded by the fact that Myers just outwrestled him into an arm bar of his own.


    “This Robin persona has really motivated Myers.”


    “Motivated isn’t the word. More like instill the ability of god…or Tom Flesher into him.”


    “Well he is Ghost Machine’s partner.”


    “What is that supposed to mean?”




    The announcers continue to squabble about Ghost Machine’s true identity, while Zyon strides forward, leaping on to the top rope. Myers looks up amazed at Zyon’s ability as the youth leaps of the ropes, turning and wrapping Myers up with a head scissor. Using his momentum, Zyon throws Myers to the mat with an amazing hurricarana. Both men rise to their feet, with Myers feeling the worse of the two. Rushing up to Myers, Zyon places a firm knee to the gut of the boy wonder. Taking off toward the ropes, Zyon leaps on to the second rope…




    …Receiving a harsh shotei from Ghost Machine. The youth falls back smacking the back of his head against the canvas as “Robin” ascends the top rope, with his front facing the audience. Matt Myers, actually begins to have a nose bleed as he leaps backward performing a mediocre moonsault with a picture perfect landing!!!


    “YOU DA MAN!!”


    Ghost Machine chants as Myers covers Zyon for the upset!











    The Unique Youth kicks out a tad bit unsure of Myers’ motivation. Realizing that he has had enough time in the spotlight, the cosplay master makes the tag to the uncharismatic Ghost Machine.




    “These people are so stupid. He’s a robot. He has no feelings. These people must have Ghost Machine mixed up with Robocop or something.”


    Zyon attempts to pull himself up just as Ghost Machine enters the ring, and plants a powerful kick into the youth’s ribs. Gagging, Zyon clutches his rib while returning to a vertical base. Ghost Machine forces the youth into a front face lock, easily hoisting him into the air, and dropping him sternum first across the top rope. After having the air driven out of him not once, but twice, Zyon’s current fate lies in the metallic hands of his opponent. Ghost Machine looks to try out his punting as he drives his foot into the air aiming to decapitate his opponent, but catches the atmosphere as Zyon pulls away at just the knick of time. A bit unbalanced, the dastardly Ghost Machine’s sensors go off the wall as Zyon spring boards into the air, pulling his right arm back, loading it like a gun. With a majestic look in his eye, Zyon FIRES his right arm forward, blasting Ghost Machine with the dramatic forearm!!!!




    “WHAT A SHOT!” Pete shills.


    The momentum behind THE SHOT forces Zyon to stumble forward, while Ghost Machine checks to make sure his head is still intact. During his stumble, Zyon graciously falls through the second rope, placing him back on the ring apron. Pumping the crowd up with his energy, Zyon once again spring boards into the air pulling his legs forward smashing Ghost Machine with a guillotine leg drop…ACROSS THE FACE!!!!


    “Uh, can we say botch.” King breaks out the smark limbo.


    Ghost Machine reacts like a machine would, by grabbing his face and cursing the heavens…ok maybe nothing like a machine. The Unique Youth attempts for the second week in the row to cover his opponent, and give his team the win.












    TWO…kick out.


    Zyon calmly pushes the hair out of his eyes as he rises back to his feet. With Ghost Machine pulling himself up, Zyon bounces off the ropes a recipient of a blind tag!!


    “Did Spike just tag himself in?”


    Pete’s question is answered as the NEW straight edge sensation enters the ring. Zyon looks dumbfounded as referee Nick Soapdish instructs Zyon to leave the ring. Spike energetically runs up, leaping into the air driving a kick to the back of Ghost Machine’s head, nailing him with the Dangerous Wizard!!! Ghost Machine slowly falls to the mat… extending his hand…and getting the tag!!!


    “Why put Myers in the ring at such a crucial time?”


    “Because Robin…ok Robin always fucked things up.”


    “Robin” quickly ascends the top rope leaping off with a decent cross body, that Spike easily avoids. The cosplay weirdo crashes to the mat, leaving a huge smirk on the face of the straight edger. Spike arrogantly changes his stance, letting his side lead as Myers approaches his feet…




    Last…Dance…Super kick. Myers’ face deflects the foot as the owner of said face falls to the mat. Ghost Machine can only watch with absolutely no emotion since he is a robot, but if he had emotion it would be that of concern. Spike looks to put an exclamation point on his superiority of the cosplay master, as he hoists “Robin” off the mat directly into the RATINGS CRASH!!!! Spike stumbles forward catching his balance as well as a running yakuza kick from a charging Ghost Machine!!!!!! Both Spike and Myers crumble to the mat as Zyon ascends the top rope. Leaping off like a suicide messiah, Zyon falls right into the clutches of Ghost Machine, who tosses the youth randomly…into the referee!!!


    “REF BUMP!!!” King excitedly yells.


    “I’M DA BOMB!”


    Ghost Machine pronounces as he waves both hands side to side. Suddenly, the machine shakes uncontrollable as Spike delivers a stunning low blow to Ghost Machine using a MAGNET!!! Spike tosses the magnet to the side as Ghost Machine has an interior short circuit, falling to the mat and subsequently to the floor. Spike looks down on Zyon who is also on the outside…


    “Hey get the belt…”


    Spike trails off as Myers turns Spike around and clocks him in the face, with the MAGNET!!!!




    Spike just got knocked the fuck out by the cosplay master. Myers passes out on top of Spike, realizing his dream of a victory in the SWF.


    “This is surreal.”


    “This is the greatest day ever!”


    Suicide King celebrates as referee Nick Soapdish shows the slightest bit of movement that would cause anyone to panic…


    …Including Zyon.




    In mere seconds, Zyon leaps into the ring blasting Matt “Robin” Myers with the cruiserweight title, and having the presence of mind to toss it out of the ring. The youth latches on to an unconscious Spike placing him on the cosplay master. Zyon exits the ring as Nick Soapdish comes to in quite the opportune time. Count first, ask questions later is his philosophy.



























    “The WINNERS, HOLLYWOOD Sppppppppppppiiiiiiiikkkkkkeeee Jeeeeennnkkkiiinns, and ZYYYYYYON!!!!”


    Funyon announces as the crowd erupts, a little less that last week, but still volcanic like. The youth and a now conscious straight edger both exit the ring as SWF road agent Chris Belcourt stumbles down the aisle. Apathetic toward Ghost Machine and Myers’ injuries the road agent loads the robot on the dolly, heading toward the nearest exit.


    “GRRR! Spike and Zyon stole another one. What is it with these guys?”


    “King you know Myers tried to take the easy way out as well.”


    “Oh whatever. I hope you’re proud of the Unique Cheater, cause that’s all he is anymore.”


    Zyon quietly walks up the ramp dragging his cruiserweight title, leaving Spike to soak in the cheers. The straight edger celebrates like he would any other victory, while the Unique Youth saunters away from another crime scene.













    It was a VERY unmoral victory.





    Yet, it was a victory.




    The thoughts race through the mind of the Unique Youth. He leans over, lacing up his boots, struggling to understand why Spike would just flat out cheat like he did. Was it to one-up the Cruiserweight Champion? To send a message to him a message? Well, if so, he got that message. Spike is just trying to scare him. But Zyon isn’t scared. He will not be one-upped by a has-be…never-was. Yeah, he will not be shown up by someone whose only claim to fame is being Toxxic’s lackey and beating Tom Flesher! Zyon will not be scared!







    “Hey, Zyon!”


    “Ack!” Zyon jumps; startled by the voice of Jenkins who entered the locker room while he was in deep thought.


    “Calm down, man.” Spike says. Zyon climbs to his feet, lifting the Cruiserweight title off the floor with him.


    “What’s up, man?”


    “I just want to congratulate you on our victory over Mistress Sarah and Christian Fury! Yeah, man, we are leading our pool! And after tonight, we’ll only be two matches away from From the Fire!”


    “Yeah, that is great and all…but what was that on Smarkdown? You hit Fury with his kendo stick…”


    Spike, his facial expression suddenly turning serious, stands up straight instead of his usual slouch, “Oh…you mean when I won us the match?”


    “Actually…I got the pin…” Zyon says slyly, but Spike simply ignores him.


    “What’s the matter? Upset that you weren’t able to use your little top rope flippy moves to win?”


    “No! It’s just that, I didn’t want to cheat to win!”


    “But that is exactly what we did! We WON!”


    “But WE CHEATED!” Zyon shouts.


    “Hey, man! You said you wanted me focused on the Lethal Lottery and I WAS focused! I won us the match! Now you want to crucify me because of how I did it?”


    “Damn it, I didn’t want the win like that, though!”


    “Grow up, Zyon! Jesus, get over it. Big deal, we cheated to win! Yeah, I said it! But it doesn’t matter. I did whatever it took to win and I was focused. That IS what you told me to do before the match, right? I think you should take a little of your own advice and focus on winning tonight against Ghost Machine and Myers!”


    “I don’t want to cheat, damn it!”


    “Let me tell you something, Zyon. I am going to go out there tonight, focused on winning. I will do whatever it takes to beat Ghost Machine and Matt Myers! I will do whatever it takes to win our Pool! I will do whatever it takes to win the Lethal Lottery! I will do whatever it takes to go to From the Fire and win the Tag Team Titles!” Spike trails off as he looks down at the title over his best friends shoulder, “…And I will do whatever it takes to win the Cruiserweight Title!”


    Spike’s grin widens as he turns around and walks out of the locker room, leaving Zyon clutching the Cruiserweight Title to his chest.





    “Focused? I am focused.




    You don’t scare me.




    And you will not show me up!





    I’m the Unique Youth, damn it!”


  11. Arch Griffon sits on a bench in the locker room backstage, lacing up his boots in preparation for his big match tonight. Suddenly, the sound of a door opening and smacking against the wall is heard. Arch looks up, then quickly gets to his feet, hands up ready to swing if need be. We hear some chuckling from off-camera, then the camera pans out to show Jay Hawke, already in his robe, coming into view.


    Hawke: “Whoa whoa whoa. Relax. I’m not here to harm you.”


    Griffon: “After the wars we’ve been through, you expect me to believe that?”


    Hawke: “Please. Whether I like you or not, we’ve got a title to win, right?”


    Arch slowly puts his hands down, but he makes doubly sure to keep an eye firmly on his “partner”.


    Hawke: “Sure, you and I had four matches over my International Title, and yes, you even got lucky and remain the one blemish on my otherwise damn fine record. And no, I don’t like you. You don’t like me. And quite frankly, any other night I’d probably drop you with a baseball bat just because it would be fun. But there are titles at stake, and titles bring money. So as long as there are championships on the line, you’re safe.”


    Griffon: “Which is why you got involved on Lockdown, right?”


    Hawke: “I just wanted to get my shots in on Wildchild. That’s it.”


    Griffon: “Listen, we’re forced to team together for this Lethal Lottery thing. But when I’m out there working on my own, just stay out of it, because I do not need your help.”


    Hawke: “Really? That’s why you lost to Wildchild Monday night?”


    Griffon: “Excuse me?”


    With that, Griffon begins to charge after Jay Hawke, who immediately backs up a few steps with both hands up in front of him.


    Hawke: “Wait, listen to me. See, I know you want a chance to regain the International Title. I didn’t become the longest-reigning champion in SWF history by being stupid. But you can get another shot if you play your cards right.”


    Arch looks suspiciously at Hawke before simply getting out, “I’m listening.”


    Hawke: “It’s real simple. We make it to the finals, and there’s a distinct opportunity that Wildchild reaches the finals too, right?”


    Griffon: “Right.”


    Hawke: “So it’s simple. We get to the finals, you help me take Wildchild out of the picture…you get a shot at this title.”


    Griffon: “You’ve gotta be kidding.”


    Hawke: “Absolutely not. But as long as Wildchild’s the top contender…well, you’re just going to have to wait for your chance at regaining the title won’t you? Think about it.”


    With that, Jay Hawke turns and walks out of the locker room, leaving Arch Griffon to think:


    “That’s one hell of an offer. But…”

  12. “AAANND we’re back on Storm!” Pete says with all the excitement of a very excitable person who’s got an extra special reason to be excited.


    “Oh spare me,” King mutters as Pete’s excitement isn’t sitting well with him.


    “I’m the man in the box

    Buried in my shit

    Won’t you come and save me”


    The red and black fireworks illuminate the arena as “Man in a Box” begins and the crowd absolutely explodes in cheers for the recently returned superstar.




    IL! The repeated chant catches on like wildfire.


    “Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?

    Jesus Chris deny your maker

    He who tries will be wasted

    Feed my eyes now you’ve sewn them shut”


    “The Insane Luchador” Andrew Rickmen walks out on the stage looking focused and ready to break someone’s neck.


    “Storm always delivers the action King and that’s doubly true tonight as we’ve got the first ever in ring meeting of Insane Luchador and Bruce Blank,” Pete says as IL begins to walk down the ramp towards the ring.


    “I’m with Bruce on this one, he doesn’t deserve a shot at the Ultraviolent title – I mean what’s he done since he returned? He’s talked about the good old days and then he beat the Crimson Skull, that doesn’t make you a contender,” King says totally dismissing anything Insane Luchador has done in the past.


    “Oh don’t be ridiculous – he’s a 3 time Hardcore Gamer’s champion. Now that alone should qualify,” Pete says.


    Rickmen slides under the bottom rope into the ring where he gets up on the turnbuckles and raises both hands in the air to greet the crowd.


    IL! The chant becomes louder from the excited fans.


    ”He’s got the fans behind him tonight,” Pete says in case the viewers at home suddenly turned deaf and blind.


    “So? Do cheers alone earn him a title shot?” King says as he strains his eyes rolling them.


    “Well it’s true I love the money and I love my brand new car

    I like drinkin’ the best of whiskey and playing in a honky tonk bar

    But when I come off the road, well I just got to have my time

    cause I got to find a break in this action, else I’m gonna lose my mind”




    Funyon looks a little annoyed that he doesn’t even have a chance to introduce Bruce before the chants start up to really make any introduction pointless. Moments later the chants get even louder as Bruce Blank steps through the curtains with an arrogant smirk on his face. Even though this match is not for the title Bruce proudly struts around with the belt around his waist.


    “Oh, look at him acting all brave, he didn’t want anything to do with Insane Luchador on Smarkdown” Pete says.


    “How do you know that? Are you calling Bruce chicken?” King asks defending Bruce’s honor.




    “SLANDER!” King yells.


    “So, don't ask me no questions

    And I won't tell you no lies

    So, don't ask me about my business

    And I won't tell you goodbye”


    Bruce doesn’t walk down the ramp right away, instead he waits for a moment until he’s joined by some scrawny, pale guy in a black singlet, taped fists, and white boots.


    "What in the world?" King says as he sees the guy with the bleached mullet follow Bruce to the ring


    "Who's that guy with Bruce?” Pete asks thinking that THIS time King has the answer, that THIS time his rhetorical question won’t come off stupid… of course he’s wrong, but bless him for trying.


    Bruce and his companion walk down to the ring as Insane Luchador just stares at them in confusion and anger. Once the two men are at ringside Bruce takes the microphone from Funyon and then turns to address Insane Luchador and the crowd.


    “Ya’ll came to see a one on one match between Bruce Blank and the Insane Lunchador didn’tcha?” Bruce says with a sneer




    “Lunchador, he’s brilliant,” King says.


    Blank pauses for the crowd’s reaction dies down. “You paid good money to see this here dork destroy Bruce Blank am I right?”




    The reply doesn’t seem to please Bruce one little bit.


    “Well I came here today to give YOU!” Bruce pauses and points at IL to say, “One chance to put up or shut up. If you lose tonight – strike that, WHEN you lose tonight then I’m done with you, it’s over, finito, end of story. You don’t beat Bruce Blank tonight then you can NEVER get a shot at the title as long as I hold it!”




    “Why is he speaking in third person?” Pete asks as he’s getting a little annoyed with Bruce’s sudden outbreak of “Rock Syndrome.”


    “The Suicide King doesn’t know, nor does the Suicide King care.”


    “We’ll you’re as helpful as ever,” is all Pete can say as he reaches for something hard to hit King with.


    “Now I bet ya’ll are wondering who this guy here is…” Bruce says as he points to the guy next to him. “First of all what do you do for a living?”


    “I’m a junior high school football coach” he starts off nervously “and I wrestle on the weekends hoping to get my BIG BREAK! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! WOOOOOO-HOOOOO!” he adds acting like he just had 8 cups of coffee… or he was on Family Feud.


    “Uh-huh, uh-huh that’s very interesting,” Bruce says in total disinterest. “Now tell the people your name.”




    “Ah-ha! Fascinating – now tell them your full LEGAL name,” Bruce says as he pulls out a publicly notified and processed “change of name” document and shows it to the camera.


    He looks up at the ring at IL then glances at the sheet. He gulps and says, “It’s Bruce Blank.”


    “WHAT?” Pete says in disbelief.


    The crowd turns positively lethal as they catch on to Bruce’s latest ploy. Bruce on the other hand seems totally nonplussed and grins.


    “What a pathetically low move by Blank!” LDP exclaims.


    “A brilliant move, IL isn’t even worthy to touch Blank,” King snaps back.


    “Ya’ll enjoy the match ya hear?” as he tosses the “other” Bruce Blank into the ring. He begins to walk backwards up the aisle as he taps his belt with a slow nod and a smirk.




    “You have to be kidding me!” LDP exclaims.


    Insane Luchador stands in center of the ring staring at Bruce in total disbelief. The anger slowly settles in and he slides out of the ring to pursue Blank. The Ultraviolent Champion continues to walk backwards to taunt Luchador but picks up his pace.


    “Luchador has a match with the other Bruce Blank,” King says. “There’s no reason for him to focus on the Ultraviolent Champion!”


    Matthew Kivell looks over to the inferior Bruce Blank, who is smaller than he is, and sighs as he looks to IL on the outside. He begins the out of ring count-




    TWO! IL continues to stalk after Blank who just keeps letting the insults fly.


    THREE! “Oh come on IL, you’ll get your chance at the real Blank,” LDP says.


    FOUR! “In technicality, the real Bruce Blank is in the ring,” King says in correction.


    FIVE! Blank begins to holler at the Luchador how he’ll lose from count out but it doesn’t slow him down.


    SIX! He picks up his pace as Blank keeps screaming about how he loses then he can’t get a title shot.


    SEVEN! IL is halfway up the aisle when he halts and glances behind to the ring.


    EIGHT! Blank turns around and makes his leave as Luchador turns around to face the ring. He breaks into a dead sprint to make it back before the count ends.


    NINE! IL reaches ringside and dives into the ring just in time. He rolls up to his feet as he still stares at the entrance ramp in disgust.


    “Well here we go, I guess,” LDP says.


    The Inferior One charges at the Insane Luchador and clubs him in the back with a forearm but to no avail. He then begins to pound on Luchador’s back with punches but his competitor treats them as if it was a back massage. Finally he turns around and grabs the face of “Bruce Blank” just to shove him to the canvas for humiliation. The Inferior One rolls right back to his feet and this time springs into the air with a dropkick. He connects with Luchador square in the chest that causes him to stagger.


    “See, Blank’s got a terrific shot,” King says.


    The Jester of Pain scrambles to his feet and lunges at for a Crossbody. Insane Luchador catches him in his grasp and swiftly takes him over with a powerslam.


    “Not nearly as impressive as Blank’s,” King says.


    “Yeah, but I think IL’s sending a message here,” LDP replies.


    He grabs a handful of greasy, bleached mullet and yanks the Junior High coach to his feet. He locks in a front facelock and grabs a handful of the black singlet before lifting him into the air. He stalls for effect as Blank almost whimpers because he can predict what may be coming. Insane Luchador drops the impostor as he also falls to the canvas in a sit down powerbomb that spikes Bruce Blank right onto his head! A wave of sympathy is heard from the crowd towards the measly Blank but it dissolves into cheers for IL’s obvious message.


    “He just hit the Blank Bomb and now he’s got the cover,” LDP says.


    Kivell sighs and drops to the canvas.










    “Damn,” King says in a monotone.


    “Well that’s one Bruce Blank that IL will never have to worry about again,” LDP says.


    Insane Luchador stands up and doesn’t even give a glance down to the groaning Blank as he walks over to the ring ropes near the entrance ramp. He breaks out his signature sadistic smirk and then points to the downed Blank as an obvious message.


    “Insane Luchador is sending a message to Bruce Blank, that’s for sure,” LDP says.


    “Blank has been sending one to IL- stop bothering him,” King says.


    “Well, folks, we will be right back after a quick commercial break,” LDP says.



  13. ¡OLE!


    Bouncing Soul’s song of the above name blasts over the Key Arena PA System. The song may be an odd combination of Punk and Salsa, but it’s also nationally recognized as a wrestling theme.


    Funyon’s booming baritone speaks over the Latin Rock, “From Tocula Mexico, weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds . . . LAAAAAAAAAABERINTOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”


    Funyon drags r in Laberinto, trying to sound Spanish, but distorted between the music, the fans and his own voice, it just sounds like he’s gargling hot sauce. This doesn’t seem to bother Laberinto though, as he comes out of the ramp, smiling a toothy grin through his El Santo like mask. He stops a few feet short of the ramp, and looks backwards.


    Funyon gives up with the Latin annunciation, though it’s more likely that’s because of who it was coming out, as opposed to it sounding like crap last time. “And his partner, The Benami Wizard . . .”










    “He is 209 pounds, CED . . . ORDONEEEZZZZZZZZZZZ”


    Pete breaks the announcers silence, as the pair walk their way down the ramp, “You know, Ced’s pretty experienced, I think that might give Laberinto and Ced an advantage in this match.”


    “OH my god . . . I want Ben Hardy back,” King strokes his hair back as he rolls his eyes to the ceiling.



    The team does some minor shoulder bopping, and high fiving to the tune of Night of Fire, skipping down the ramp, playing the crowd. When they roll in the ring, they still seem to be playing to the crowd—If they hadn’t a match to wrestle, they might have stayed out there just to hang with the Grande Espresso Macchiatto drinkers in the crowd.


    The fun stops before either can get to Starbucks though, because the lights flicker, on and off, and a haunting voice comes through the PA system.


    The Voodoo people, who do what you don’t dare do!





    Mr. Kobe is the first one out of the gate. He comes bearing his suit—the suit makes his overall pudgyness look intimidating as opposed to out of shape. The bowler derby on his head just makes him look bad ass.


    Keeping with the badass feel, Cross and Kaibatsu walk side by side, perfectly congruent in every way—stride, length of step, everything. The three of them walk in a triangle down the ring. The crowd must have dropped their Frappacuino’s, because they were busy popping like crazy for the Asian Underground.


    Once again, they bear their sleeveless black sweatshirts. Akira has “Fearless” written in Kanji written over his chest, though Akira’s do-what-it-takes in recognized in all languages.


    ‘From Sendai Japan . . . weighing in at 195 pounds . . . He is the Divine Wind . . . AKIRAAAA KAAIIIBATSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU’


    Cross’ torso bears the numbers he recognizes as a symbol for his life. 28. It’s a sign to him to remember his roots. It’s a sign to his opponents he’s not going to take their shit.


    “And his partner from Detroit Michigan . . . The Suicide Machiiiiiiiiine . . . MICHAEEEEEELLLL CROOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS”


    “They are accompanied to the ring by Mr. Kobe . . . THE ASIIIAAAN UNDERGROUND” Funyon completes the choppy entrance.


    When the trio get to the ring, Kobe barks orders in his native language, and Cross and Akira roll into the ring. Cross kneels down on one knee in the center, with his forearm over his eyes, as Akira stands behind him him, taking his sweatshirt off.


    “You know what? Cross isn’t even freaking Asian. I declare the name of the team null and void.”


    “He wrestled there, King”


    King mutters under his breath, so not even the mic could pick up what he was saying.




    Referee David Blazenwing tells Asia Underground to end the entrance so they can get started. Ced and Laberinto walk to the corner on the right, Asia Underground to the left.

    Cross questions something to Akira in Japanese. Akira gives a booming “Hai” meaning yes. Cross stays in the ring to start the match. Laberinto and Ced are discussing some things via whispering, and talking with their hands to the sides of their mouths. Ced gives a nod, and Laberinto stays in the ring.







    Cross and Laberinto slowly walk into eachother, Cross twiddles his fingers, and the two men put a collar and elbow tie up on each other, Both men try and use force to push the other to the ground, but this goes no where. Laberinto ducks a little bit, to get leverage on Cross, and pushes him against the ropes. The tie up remains in tact, but Blazenwing tells Laberinto he needs to break it. Obeying his orders, Laberinto let’s go.


    “Nice refereeing squad, we have here in the SWF”


    “If you suck as a wrestler, your career can still be meaningful.”


    “Only in the SWF”



    Both men quickly get back to each other, and lock up, this time Greco-roman knuckle style. Laberinto smoothly turns this around, and puts a hammerlock on Cross. Michael’s back bends, showing the pain in his arm, but he manages to lift it up, spin, and reverse into his own hammer lock.


    Laberinto stays on the balls of his feet, and manages to duck under Cross’ arm, putting his own hammer lock back in. He quickly releases Cross’ arm, and puts a side headlock on in no time for Cross to react. Laberinto throws Cross to the side, for a headlock takedown, but Labs makes sure to hold on, putting in a ground side head lock. Cross tries to wrap his legs around Laberinto to reverse the hold, but Laberinto uses one hand to shove them away quickly, and then gets both back on the head lock.


    King shouts, “Very nice job, Labs! Very nice job!”


    “Laberinto of course from Mexico, very influenced by quick reversals and mat work like that. The Lucha style is a way of life for him.”



    Cross uses his upper body strength to power Labs backwards, so that the headlock is applied over Laberinto’s shoulders—technically a pin.












    Laberinto thinks quick enough to roll to his side and escape the pin, without losing the headlock. Laberinto rolls onto his ass though, so it becomes easy for Cross to make his way to his feet, and the ground headlock becomes a standing side headlock.


    “Laberinto’s doing a fantastic job keeping Cross from flying, and hitting impact moves.” Pete points out.


    “Keep in mind Laberinto needs to perform those moves too, and Cross is doing just as good a job on that.”


    Cross uses his upper strength to remove Laberinto’s arms from his head, and wrench them around. Laberinto flips forward, trying to escape the wrench, after he lands on his back, he sees he has no where to go from there, so he rolls backwards, and gets back to his feet. Labs uses his free hand to aid him flip along the ropes, giving him momentum to reverse the arm wrench into one of his own.


    “Laberinto showing his brilliant poise” Pete puts over


    “Playing a very smart move, rolling backwards.” King has to side with someone, I guess “putting himself in a much better situation for the wrench.”


    Cross tries the flip that Laberinto attempted. He was successful in flipping, but he couldn’t quite get enough momentum, so he kips up. Both men release their arms, and back way into their corners.


    Once again, the two approach each other, and lock up collar and elbow style. Cross tries to bring their arms up high. Laberinto quickly let’s go of Cross’ left hand, swiftly switching it over to the right hand, putting a key lock on Labs, bending forward slightly.


    Laberinto quickly ditches the key lock, and slides up, putting a side ground headlock in.


    Cross powers his way up, making it a standing side headlock. Laberinto forces more pressure to the head of Cross. Michael pushes Labs into the side ropes. Laberinto bounces back, and Cross ducks to the ground, as Laberinto jumps over him, running to the next ropes. He comes back, and Cross leap frogs over Laberinto’s shoulders. Laberinto keeps going, and bounces back one more time. Cross doesn’t have time to avoid anything, and gets hit with a Tilt-A-Whirl headscissors.


    The quick exchange doesn’t end though. Cross gets right up, and both men come flying at each other, Cross hitting a Japanese arm drag on Labs. Labs gets right back to his feet, and throws a dropkick Cross’ way. Of course, at the exact same time, Cross threw one Labs’ way, so they both missed.


    Pete and King don’t talk for a second, just making noises of awe, and applause. “Great exchange” King breaks the silence.


    “Chain wrestling like it was meant to be”


    They both get up, and eye each other. Cross strokes his hair as he throws a tag Akira’s way. Laberinto wipes sweat out of eye holes as he swipes Ced’s hands.


    “Ced and Akira in the match now—first time meeting for these two, actually,” Pete calls the action as he sees it.


    The fresh men come in, and eye each other for a second. They try a Greco-Roman knuckle lock. Akira and Ced grab at each other, but Akira keeps wiggling his fingers, not accepting any hand Ced will give him. They both back off for a second, and re-try the lock. Finally Akira accepts the hold, but he tries to break it quickly. He whips a swift kick threw the middle of the hands, but Ced backs out, causing Akira to spin, and Ced takes this as a chance to put in a hammer lock.


    Akira uses his leverage to throw Ced over his shoulder. Akira rolls across the Benami Wizard’s back, and locks a ground side headlock in. Ced has free hands though, and uses lot’s of grace, cartwheeling, adjusting his position in the headlock, and grabs at Akira’s waist. The side headlock had turned into a front facelock, and Ced is sort of just grabbing Akira’s waist.


    Akira let’s go of the front facelock, and forces Ced up, still holding onto Akira. Kaibatsu pushes Ordonez into the ropes, and Blazenwing tells Ced he has to break the hold.


    As soon as he let’s go, Akira pulls back for a chop, but Ced scurries out of the way of Akira’s sickening strike.


    “Well, I guess Ced did some scouting”


    “He’s a ref . . . he sees him wrestle every week”


    Both men meet in the center, and Ced throws his arm out for a tie up, but Akira has other plans. He shoots his legs, kicking Ced in the gut. Then Akira throws two toe kicks, just for good measure. Kaibatsu whips Ordonez into the ropes, Ced bounces back, but things don’t all go to plan for Akira. Ced tilt-a-whirls around Akira, and hits an armdrag, sending Kaibatsu flying. Akira gets right back up, only to see Ced sprinting right at him. Akira acts quickly, hitting a drop toe hold. Kaibatsu quickly gets up, and lifts his leg high in the air, throwing it down at Ced’s shoulder blade like it was a cockroach in a school cafeteria.





    Ced cries out the most unusual scream.


    “That’s just violent!”


    “Well, I guess Akira couldn’t get ULTRAviolent, so he settles for the next best thing,” King smirks



    Ced gets up quickly, but he’s just hustling over to a turnbuckle (not his), to regain composure for a second. This was quite the unintelligent move, as Akira went right over there, and began to throw toe kick after toe kick at Ced’s left arm. Akira throws an elbow at Ced’s face, sending saliva through the air. Kaibatsu whips the Benami Wizard to the adjacent turnbuckle, and Akira comes running along with him. Ordonez lifts himself up the turnbuckle, catching Akira with his legs, for a Hurricanrana! Akira gets up quickly, but is hit right away with a standing missle dropkick!


    “Ordonez showing great athletcisim!” Pete shills.


    Akira gets up quickly, but holding his chest. Ced throws his arm back, and whips it in front, completing a knife edged chop.






    “You know,” King has a tone in his voice that let’s you know he’s about to brush off some useless tidbit “Most chops wont hurt your chest. Your back will take the most damage. If you talk to guys who’ve taken chops from guys like Danny Williams, the force will actually sting your back” King pauses, and stares at the action.


    “Your chest’ll stil; bruise though.”

    “Right” Pete calls action quickly.



    Ced takes the head of Akira, and tucks it under his arm pit. Ordonez lifts, and tries to snap a suplex out, but Akira plants his feet well enough to block it. Then the Divine Wind stomps his foot down, hitting Ced’s big toe.


    “Well that’s one way to do it” Pete laughs


    “Akira then lifts Ced, and drops him, planting his back across the knee of Akira”






    Ced lays sprawled out as Blazenwing slides to the scene to make the count.




























    Ced powers out confidently, sitting up and holding his back as Akira struts back to his corner to tag in the Suicide Machine. Laberinto charges across the ring and delivers two forearms to the two who are pushed back into the corner. Laberinto throws blows at both who stop him almost immediately and then throw him hard, chest first into the corner causing him to stumble back. Cross stalks behind Laberinto and then lifts him up and onto his shoulders in an Electric Chair. He stumbles back near Ced who’s on his hands and knees, and then folds back into a bridge-like position dropping Laberinto down and onto the back of Ced who collapses under the pressure.


    “OH,” shouts Pete aloud, “A thunderous move to drop both Laberinto and Ced!”


    Cross looks like a machine as he rolls to his stomach rolling Laberinto with him and then using his arms and his bent but standing position to pull Laberinto back up and into an Electric chair as Akira drags Ced near the corner, then mounting the turnbuckle’s second rope as Cross and Laberinto stumble back over to them. Kaibatsu wraps his arm around he neck of Laberinto and rolls himself up and over the top of him as Cross drops back down into his bridge dragging Akira over who snaps Laberinto off of Cross’ shoulders and over onto Ced who is crushed by an elevated Devine Wind. The crowd pops loudly as Cross gets to his feet and drags Ced by his legs to the center of the ring


    “Cover,” shouts Pete, “That’s gotta be all!”


    Blazenwing slides into position for the count.







































    Blazenwing holds up two to Cross who goes back to work without question, Akira rolling Laberinto out of the ring and stepping back onto the apron now. Cross picks up Ced and then whips him into the corner and follows him, tagging Akira back in as Laberinto shows signs of life outside the ring. Cross picks Ced up and places him on his shoulders, looking for the finish, this time on Ced. Akira mounts the top rope and wraps his arm around the neck of Ced. He lifts himself and attempt to curl over top of Ced, but Ced catches him and then drops him down with an Atomic Drop onto the turnbuckle, Akira folding back and hooking himself in the Tree of Woe, shocked in pain.


    “Nasty counter, just nasty,” exclaims Pete.


    Cross stumbles around with Ced perched looking for a place to drop him, but Laberinto comes flying from out of no wear and slices the leg of Cross out from under him, sending Cross and Ced down and out onto their backs. Ced stumbles out as Laberinto stomps on Cross, Ced signaling for a little double teamwork. Ced grabs the arm of Laberinto and whips him across the ring towards Kaibatsu. Laberinto speeds across the ring, attempting a drop kick, however Akira sits himself up and Laberinto fires down crotching himself on the poll and crushing his forehead on the turnbuckle, whip lashing him down and snapping his neck into the mat.


    “OH, HAHA,” pipes in King, laughing at Laberinto who lays wincing in pain.


    “The speed of Laberinto sends him crashing and burning,” exclaims Pete, who looks on sharing his pain, “That had to hurt!”


    Kobe pulls Laberinto off the apron and onto the floor, looking up and instructing Akira to be aware of Ced, but is too late, Ced flinging himself at the Divine Wind and sending him forward slightly, almost off the post and to the outside. Akira catches him and turns to face Ced who climbs up the ropes after him. Akira and Ced exchange rights and lefts until finally Ced is able to gain the upper hand. He lifts Akira up into position for a fallaway slam, and then stands to the top rope. He signals for it as the crowd pops, and then flips backwards delivering a thunderous Dynamite Rave that shocks the ring, the crowd going loudly applauding and cheering the effort by Ced.


    “This could be all,” exclaims Pete loudly, “Ced is 3 seconds away from a HUGE upset!”


    Blazenwing slides to his hip quickly as Ced rolls himself over and onto Akira.


























































    Kobe sighs a huge breath of relief and Cross comes out of nowhere to make the save. Akira moves slightly as Cross picks Ced to his feet and swats him back down immediately, resuming his post on the apron near his corner. Laberinto manages to pull himself back to his corner as the crowd cheers on both Ced and Akira who begin crawling to their in an effort to tag out to their partners, Ced almost effortlessly standing to his feet and delivering a thunderous tag as Akira drags his body to its feet to make the tag.


    “SO CLOSE,” shouts Pete.


    Akira is shoulder blocked with so much force that he’s sent into the ropes by Laberinto, still making the tag to Cross who pounces on a wide open Laberinto who attempted to keep Akira from tagging out. Cross stomps away on Laberinto who uses the ropes to drag himself to his feet and fight off Cross defensively. Akira rolls through the ropes and onto the apron catching his breath.


    “The pace of this match has increased ten-fold,” proclaims Pete intently watching the action, “Cross and Akira, as well as Ced, have come just seconds within ending their opposition with finishers leaving the both teams weary and empty of energy, although Cross seems to have not missed a step!”


    Cross drills Laberinto to the mat with nasty forearm shot, nearly beheading him. Laberinto crawls out of the corner in attempt to cross the ring and tag his partner, but is stalked closely by the Suicide Machine who drills Laberinto again and again with forearm shot after forearm shot. As Laberinto reaches, Cross grabs his ankle and drags him back, Laberinto propping back to his feet as Cross drags him back to the center of the ring. Laberinto hops and then jumps, looking for a quick enziguri, but Cross has him well scouted, ducking sending Laberinto to his knee. Cross drags him back to his feet and then hooks his arm under the leg of Laberinto, pulling him in tight. He swoops his arm over the head of Laberinto and then swings outward quickly launching Laberinto off his feet, twisting up and into the air, only to be dropped down onto his neck, crushed by Blasphemy in Motion, and folding over onto his side. The crowd sighs in pain as Cross makes a quick cover.



























    Laberinto’s leg drops on the rope, having folded over near the ropes, Cross forgot to drag him back to the center of the ring, allowing a narrow escape. The crowd cheers lightly, as Cross stubbornly picks up his opponent and thrusts him back into the corner to the right of where Akira stands, weary and breathing hard. He chops Laberinto and then fires him across the ring. Laberinto thrashes chest first into the corner, and then stumbles back into Cross who locks in a full nelson. He folds back, bridging Laberinto into the Devil’s Soul Snare, Blazenwing quickly falling to his knees to make the cover as Ced speeds out of his corner to make some sort of save attempt.













    Akira comes into the ring.




























    Ced is too fast for a tired Akira, pushing Laberinto through the bridge and off of his shoulders. Ced sacrifices himself, though; Akira gets to him and crushes his face in with a nasty drop kick, which sends him rolling under the ropes. Cross stands annoyed, as Akira and he go to work on Laberinto.


    “This is probably going to be it,” exclaims Pete, “Laberinto is ALL alone!”


    Cross hooks Laberinto in a dragon sleeper, and then lifts him up. He twists Laberinto and then drives him down onto the knees of Akira, who sits, his knees propped up. Laberinto clutches his chest, as Akira picks him back up. He clutches his neck and then runs up the corner quickly folding over the top of Laberinto and dropping him down on his head for a second Devine Wind. Cross drags Laberinto to the center of the ring and places one hand on the chest of Laberinto as Blazenwing makes the count.













    “This has to be it!”








































    Akira raises his hands as Kobe enters the ring. Cross stands and Blazenwing raises both of their hands as Funyon pipes in, “HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS…THE AYE-SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA UNDERGROOOOOOOOOOOOOUND!”


    Voodoo People (pendulum remix) hits the PA as Kobe, Akira, and Cross exit ringside, the crowd cheering loudly, and the cameras cutting to break.

  14. SWF Storm returns from a commercial for Jay Hawke's Dance Grooves video: "Now you can dance just like the SWF's most bland and vanilla wrestler! Master such moves as 'Awkward Pelvic Thrust', 'Bumbling Three-Step Shimmy', and 'The Honkey Flail' in the comfort of your own home before breaking them out at your favorite club to wow friends and strangers alike!" Jimmy the Doom's head looms into view, and after a showcase of his pores, the camera man zooms out, revealing the Doomtopian seated on a bar stool in front of a navy blue background. The semi-familiar graphic comes up, informing viewers of another installment of Doomtopian History with Jimmy the Doom and Lois the Unethical.


    "Welcome back to Doomtopian History! As always, I'm Lois the Unethical, and this is Jimmy the Doom," the Panic Ogre begins. "Say, Jimmy, didn't you say last time that we were going to tell the fans about Doomtopia's governmental system today?"


    "Often correctness, Lois! Doomtopia of governings muchly sames with Americaned stylings. How many overing, upwards of ninety differenceds to existed."


    "Are you sure, Jimmy? Ninety seems like a lot of differences, especially if you claim Doomtopia and America to have similar goverment systems," Lois says.


    "Never did I spoking of all differencings, Unethicals. Onlied fewlies of discussions on to have. Mostly of importantly, executation brached."


    "Of course, here in America, there is one President who serves a four-year term with a chance for a single reelection. What about in Doomtopia, Jimmy?" Lois prompts.


    "Wellness, Panics Ogre, singular personified of Exalted Vizier, or much often as Executioner Elect, to being possessing solitary terms of year to nineteen. Vizier of Exaltation is not to be left offices unless for being deathed, or overthrowings. As to such expectations, many assassinates occurs, and typicaled expecting," Doom explains.


    "And say, wasn't there an election just recently?" Lois asks.


    "Several positive, Unethical Lois! Rusty Irons have to winned on platforming of 'Those that do not vote for me shall find their homes flooded with the blood of their children'. Despited much personage thoughting being weakness messaged, Rusty Irons of voters selection mostly 89% to a population. This to reasoning for majorities opponent of namely Susan Turlitzer, who speaking 'The streets will be cobbled with the skulls of the wretched swine who cast their vote for another and their disgusting bodies will hang from their houses as a warning to those who wish to follow in their footsteps'. Often peoples attributing her losses to none of Doomtopia being wish for a womanry to the office," Jimmy states.


    "That's for damn sure," Lois adds.


    With that, Storm fades to another commercial (Got to pay the bills, mother bitches) with a mother fucking star wipe.

  15. Kevin Coyote is still in the ring as his match against Amy Stephens concludes, but as he starts to head back for the ramp, something catches his eye -- the sight of Longdogger Pete over at the broadcast table suddenly ripping off his headphones and getting out of his seat.


    "Pete?" asks Suicide King from his adjacent seat. "Pete, where the hell are you going? We're doing a show here!"


    Pete is out of his chair and quickly grabs a microphone from the timekeeper's table, checking it first to make sure it's on, then addresses his son in the ring. "COYOTE!" he hollers, but he already has the younger man's attention. "Don't you dare go anywhere. Not until I've said my piece."


    Coyote folds his arms in frustration, but doesn't leave the ring. He does, however, motion for Funyon to hand him back his jean jacket from outside the ring, which the ring announcer does.


    Pete climbs into the ring and continues to address Coyote. "You wanted to get my attention, Coyote? Well, now you've got it. You wanted to prove some kind of point? Well, you did."


    Coyote merely shrugs, then slips his jacket back on and he continues to listen.


    Pete takes a step toward Coyote, standing tall over the younger man. Pete has more than six inches on Coyote and the difference shows, as Pete looks absolutely imposing. "You proved to me," Pete hollers in Coyote's face, "that you're a little punk ass kid with absolutely no respect for this bid'ness!"


    Coyote just rolls his eyes, then mouths the word "business" to Pete, showing him the correct pronunciation of the word. Pete ignores this.


    "So congratulations," Pete continues. "You succeeded in your little sneak attack on me. And then, fittingly, you got yours in the parking lot last week. But you can forget about exacting revenge on William Hearford -- because right now, you've got to deal with ME!"


    Coyote puts his hands into his jacket pockets as he hears a ringing sound. He pulls his right hand out of his pocket to reveal his mobile phone, which he begins to flip open, but he is startled as Pete's hand lashes out, knocking the phone out of his hand with his own free hand.


    "Your girl can wait," says Pete. "As I was saying. You may not have wanted anything more to do with me, but now that you have my attention, you don't have a choice. So here's what I propose. We can sneak attack each other left and right until we're blue in the face and we both lose our jobs. Or... we can go about things the traditional way... by resolving our differences in the ring."


    "What?" hollers King. "Did LDP just challenge his own son to a match?"


    Before Pete can get another word out, Coyote pulls his left hand out of his pocket, revealing a set of brass knuckles. Coyote attempts to punch Pete with the knuckles, but this time, Pete sees it coming, and extends his right hand to grab Coyote by the wrist, halting the punch in midswing. Pete drops the microphone out of his left hand, and uses his hand to punch Coyote in the gut. Coyote doubles forward, then Pete grabs him by the midsection with both hands, dropping backward into a modified double arm DDT - Pete's own finisher, the Longdogger Clogger, to slam Coyote face first into the canvas.


    The audience cheers on this turn of events, and Pete looks around, soaking up the crowd as if for the first time. He smiles as they begin chanting.


    "L - D - P!"

    "L - D - P!"

    "L - D - P!"


    It's almost like old times.




    Pete picks up the microphone again and leans over the downed Kevin Coyote. "I await your answer... but hey. Take your time."


    Pete drops the microphone again, then picks up Coyote's mobile phone, placing it in the insensate Coyote's hand. Pete slides out of the ring, heading back toward the broadcast table.


    "Um... well, that's an interesting turn of events," says King as he awaits his partner's return. "We'll, uh... we'll be right back with our next match!"

  16. “I don’t care about the risks,” Suicide King is shouting into a phone as we return to Storm, “I want Landon Maddix wrestling a Great White Shark on Lockdown! Look, we’ve done the octopus, right? We need to stay cutting edge! Why Maddix? Well-”


    “King!” LDP hisses, nudging his commentary partner in the ribs. King looks up, sees the red light on the camera and hastily tucks his phone away muttering ‘good thinking MacDougal - don’t want to clue the competition in’. Longdogger Pete opens his mouth to address the camera…


    …and is cut off by the opening of ‘I’m Alive’ by Disturbed! The Miami Menace’s face sets into a stony mask of anger as white lights start to flash, and in the ring Funyon looks over at LDP in an almost apologetic manner before raising the microphone to make his announcement.


    “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall,” the veteran ring announcer booms, “introducing first, from Brunswick Georgia and weighing in tonight at 225lbs; this it KEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIINNNNNNN… COY-OOOOTTTT-EEEEEEEEE!!”




    The Seattle crowd are not happy to see the smug grin occupying the face of Kevin Coyote as he saunters out onto the soundstage, phone still glued to his ear. The grin quickly fades and Kevin motions at the crowd with his free hand to ‘keep it down’, their noise apparently drowning out the person he’s having a conversation with. The fans do not oblige and Coyote says one last sentence into the mouthpiece, then snaps his phone closed and makes his way down to the ring while behind him the Smarktron happens to be showing clips of him beating the crap out of his father, Longdogger Pete.


    “A nice touch, that,” King remarks happily as the huge screen shows several replays of the first, brass knuckle-assisted punch that floored the Miami Menace, “and what a camera angle! Whoo, the production boys were on form that day, eh Pete?”


    “Fans, I’m not going to even try and call this match down the line,” the Longdogger says, ignoring the Gambling Man beside him, “because to do so would… well, it’d be impossible for me. I am sitting here looking at my own flesh and blood who only a few weeks ago I didn’t even know was related to me… and I despise him. Not for who he is or even for how he chooses to wrestle, but simply because of the fact that due to some grudge he holds against me he assaulted me during our reunion. He not only destroyed the joy that I had at being reunited with a son I never knew I had, but he put me in hospital!”


    “He must have a pretty good punch, because we all know how hard it is to make any sort of impression on your thick skull,” King snorts. “In fact, the only bad thing about the whole business was it meant I had to put up with Ben Hardy on commentary…”


    Kevin Coyote has handed his phone to the timekeeper David Blazenwing (with extended instructions on how valuable it is, not to touch it etc) and then leans over the top rope towards Pete, an ugly grin on his face.


    ‘How’s the head, dog? You doin’ OK down there, or should I come and see you again? How ’bout it?’


    “Go on Pete, you can take him!” King sniggers. Longdogger Pete stares straight ahead, teeth grinding, and ignores his son. Coyote seems to take offence at that and starts to step through the ropes… but is cut off by the opening of ‘Blitzkrieg Bop’ by the Ramones!


    “…and his opponent,” Funyon booms as the crowd starts cheering, “from Nottingham, England; she weighs in tonight at 171lbs, this is ’The Punk-Rock Princess’, AAAAAAAAMMMMMYYYYYY… STEEEEEEE-PHENS!!”




    A few seconds later Amy strides out onto the soundstage with her can of lager in hand, takes a swig and then charges down towards the ring, slapping a few hands as she goes. The junior member of the Stephens clan then rolls under the bottom rope and mounts a turnbuckle, raising her can in the air and leading the crowd in a chant:


    “HEY! HO! LET’S GO!”

    “HEY! HO! LET’S GO!”

    “HEY! HO! LET’S GO!”

    “HEY! HO! LET’S GO!”


    As Joey Ramone launches into the first verse Amy drops back down to the canvas-




    -but is Pearl Harbored from behind by Kevin Coyote! The real-life Ethan MacDougal slams a double axehandle into the back of Amy’s head, knocking her sprawling and sending her can of Stella skittering across the canvas and out of the ring!




    “Yeah that’s right Kevin,” Pete roars in fury, “you can’t just sneak attack your old man, you have to get the jump on girls as well!”


    Kevin seems to hear Pete’s bellow and turns around to raise one hand in a mocking salute. Unfortunately for him he doesn’t see Amy Stephens getting back to her feet behind him, holding the back of her head. Amy turns around and points at Coyote just as he turns back to her…




    …and the astounded Coyote has no time to react as Amy launches herself at him, taking him bodily down to the mat with a Lou Thesz press and then beginning to hammer him with right hands to the head!




    “LET’S GO A-MY!”


    “LET’S GO A-MY!”


    Kevin tries to cover up under the assault but with only limited success, and he is more or less saved by Brian Warner when the referee reaches the end of his five-count for the illegal closed fists and hauls Amy off her opponent! Stephens isn’t deterred by this and shakes the ref off her, then starts putting the boot in on Coyote. Kevin tries to roll away from his antagonist but Amy pursues him, launching kicks and stomps at the retreating Georgian.


    “Amy, look out!” Pete suddenly calls, “he’s-”


    -at that moment Kevin Coyote suddenly drops his craven act and, with Amy off-balance as she kicks again, catches her foot and anchors it firmly against his side. Stephens staggers, and Coyote decides to add to her troubles by punching her in the gut! Despite being reasonably well ‘padded’ the breath still whistles out of Amy, and Coyote drops her foot to grab the doubled-over young lady and snapmare her over into a sitting position, then runs past her and rebounds back off the ropes to swing a boot and catch her full in the face!




    “Goddammit!” Pete fumes, “that’s a lady in there, you asshole!”


    “Huh,” King snorts, “I’ve never met anyone less ladylike than Amy Stephens - stop getting your boxers in a wad Dogger, she can take care of herself.”


    Kevin grins, winces slightly as his right arm twinges from where one of Amy’s kicks caught him in the shoulder, then leans down and wraps both hands around Amy’s throat to start choking his opponent, much to LDP’s consternation! Brian Warner starts counting…












    …and Coyote breaks off just before the disqualification point, grinning up at the referee. Warner just rolls his eyes and signals for the man from Brunswick to get on with the match… and Kevin goes back to the choke!












    Once more, Kevin breaks off just before Brian Warner signals for the bell while Amy’s heels drum on the canvas as the Punk-Rock Princess is denied oxygen. This time Coyote doesn’t start choking again immediately; instead he grabs Amy by the hair and hauls her up -catching another warning from Warner as he does so- then twists his opponent around before sitting out with a neckbreaker!


    “Well Pete, what’s more encouraging for you?” Suicide King asks, “that your son enjoys choking women, or that so far Amy Stephens has still put up a better fight than you did?”


    For some reason, Longdogger Pete does not answer.


    Kevin Coyote gets back to his feet and laughs derisively as he sees his opponent prostrate on the canvas. Then the SWF’s first-ever second-generation superstar turns and makes his way to the turnbuckles, boosting himself up to the second rope, before drawing one thumb across his throat. As the fans start to boo, Coyote launches himself off and drops a leg right across Amy’s windpipe!




    Amy was already finding it hard to breath in the aftermath of Coyote’s choke and this latest blow to the throat probably hasn’t helped matters; Kevin seeks to take advantage by making an instant cover, Brian Warner dropping to make the count…



















    …but Amy kicks out after two! Kevin Coyote looks a little annoyed and makes another cover, this time ensuring that he hooks his opponent’s leg as he does so…


















    …but Amy kicks out again, well before Brian Warner’s hand comes down for the three!


    “LET’S GO A-MY!”


    “LET’S GO A-MY!”


    The crowd are starting to rally behind the girl from Nottingham again; not that their support (or lack of it) bothers Kevin Coyote much. The man from Brunswick grabs Amy by the hair again and drags her to her feet once more, then twists her around for another neckbreaker… but this time Amy lashes out with an elbow, catching Coyote in the temple! The sudden, sharp pain causes Kevin to relax his hold, and Amy threads both her arms under his before locking them together behind his neck in a reverse Full Nelson. A look of panic crosses Kevin’s face for a second and he tries to break the hold, but before he can Amy drops down with a neckbreaker of her own!




    “Damn right!” LDP yells, half-rising to his feet, “you show him, girl!”


    However, despite the fact that Kevin Coyote is holding his neck Amy has been taking a bit of a battering for the last couple of minutes, and the Punk-Rock Princess is not very quick to follow up. Instead she seems happy to use the break in Coyote offence as a chance to recover slightly, before finally pushing herself back to her feet. Kevin Coyote is getting up at the same time though, and Pete’s son reaches out to grab this annoying female only to have his own head suddenly clasped in both hands before Miss Stephen’s skull approaches his own at considerable speed!




    “What do you suppose that’s called, King?” Pete chuckles as Coyote drops to his rump with his eyes unfocused from Amy’s headbutt, “a Nottingham Kiss?”


    “Unladylike is what I call it,” the Heartbreaker snorts.


    “Just because she hasn’t fallen for your puppy-dog good looks,” Pete teases, seemingly in better spirits now that Amy is back in some control of the match.


    “Uh, Pete? She’s screwing Landon,” Suicide King says, gagging, “I wouldn’t touch her with a ten-foot pole.”


    “We both know your pole isn’t ten foot, and I’ve got the testimony from Amy Craven to prove it.”


    Amy has taken a second to clear her vision after headbutting Coyote, the move carrying it’s own drawbacks, but then notices that her opponent is in a particularly inviting sitting position. Figuring that it has to be worth a shot, Amy makes a dive for her opponent and tries to wrap her left arm around his throat for the Last Orders! Kevin Coyote suddenly comes alive at this new offensive and desperately tries to fend her off but even as he blocks her arms from clamping off his air he’s already scrabbling with his feet to try and get to the ropes, an endeavour he succeeds in just as Amy manages to slip past his guard and causing Warner to instruct Amy to break her hold!


    “Dammit King,” Pete says unhappily, “from what we’ve seen of the Last Orders, that rear naked choke that Amy Stephens uses, it would have been the end of the match if she’d locked that in!”


    “I guess it’s just as well for Kevin Coyote that he inherited your ring knowledge, eh? Eh?” King says, nudging LDP. “Oh no, wait; you didn’t have any ring knowledge. Well, I guess this is what they call evolution, hey?”


    Amy isn’t happy at having to break the hold, and she shows it by… well, by not really releasing it. Instead she scoots around into something roughly approximating a front facelock and starts to drag Coyote out of the ropes, then begins hammering forearm blows into his back with no great technical precision but with a considerable amount of force! Coyote’s grunts indicate that this girl is hitting a bit harder than he was expecting and he starts trying to shift his weight to find a way out of his predicament; sure enough, as Amy raises her right arm for another shot Coyote is able to roll to one side, twisting out from the grip Amy has with her left hand and coming up with an armbar applied!


    “And that’s where your boy Kevin has the advantage, Pete; technical wrestling,” King says smugly as Pete’s son cranks back on his hold. However, Coyote isn’t smirking anymore.


    “He gets by on cheating and shortcuts,” Pete snorts, “technical wrestling my ass!”


    “No Pete; your technical wrestling is ass.”


    Kevin Coyote has not appreciated being headbutted and pummelled by a girl, even if she is the sister of a three-time World Champion. As a result he seems to have decided to show her up a bit, so the man from Brunswick rolls over Amy’s back to apply an armbar to the other arm!




    The smirk is starting to return as Coyote decides that his opponent must have just got lucky. With that in mind he releases Amy’s arm and rolls the other way over her back, then grabs the original arm and applies the armbar to it again. This doesn’t seem to be enough for Coyote though, and the Longdogger’s son soon drops the arm to reach forward and apply a crossface hold, making sure to dig his hands into Amy’s face as he wrenches back. Unfortunately he forgot one very important thing:




    “She’s biting him!” King splutters in outrage, “Warner, disqualify her!”


    “Well, if you will put your hands near someone’s mouth…” Pete says, grinning.


    “Dammit Dogger, she’s foreign, she might have rabies! She’s sleeping with Landon, she must have something wrong with her!”


    Brian Warner does not disqualify Amy Stephens; however he does start counting:












    Moments before the DQ can become a reality Amy opens her mouth again and Coyote rolls away, clutching his right hand and alternating between whimpering and cursing. Meanwhile Amy pushes herself back to her feet and, wiping her mouth with a grin, turns to orient herself on her opponent. The Punk-Rock Princess then charges forwards, leaving her feet to drive a pair of pink-and-black Vans into the side of Coyote’s head!




    “Basement dropkick,” LDP calls, “and that was one of her brother’s trademarks!”


    “Huh,” King snorts, “jumping and kicking someone in the head isn’t exactly rocket science.”


    Kevin Coyote sprawls sideways but isn’t down yet, struggling to get back to his feet and get far enough away from Amy to get some separation and reform his strategy. Unfortunately Amy is a stubborn little bitch and she keeps coming, grabbing Coyote’s head as he rises and then dropping backwards, bringing both knees up to drive them into his face as she pulls him down after her!


    “Face Breaker!” Pete shouts in satisfaction as Kevin drops backwards to the canvas, “let’s see how popular the ‘Dog’ is with his girl-on-the-phone after taking that move!”


    Amy Stephens isn’t happy with possibly mangling Coyote’s face though - the girl from Nottingham quickly piles on top of him and hooks the far leg to make a cover!


















    …but Kevin kicks out after two! Amy shakes her head in disappointment but starts to get back up to her feet, wrapping her fingers through Coyote’s hair to give him a taste of his own medicine as she pulls him up after her. Brian Warner gives her the same warning that he did Coyote, and Amy pays about as much attention as she flips a v-sign at the referee. Then the Punk-Rock Princess takes a firm hold on her opponent’s wrist and launches her body backwards, trying to get enough momentum to send Coyote’s greater weight towards the far turnbuckles with an Irish whip. Kevin is still too disorientated to resist and he finds himself shot into the pads, instinctively twisting at the last second to try and take the impact on his back but still having the breath knocked out of him. Matters aren’t helped much when Amy screams a wordless warcry and charges across the ring after him, then leaps into the air to sandwich him against the turnbuckles with a flying splash!




    Despite Amy’s relatively small size for a wrestler, 170lbs slamming into you is likely to wind most people, and the same goes for Kevin Coyote. The man from Brunswick suddenly finds his legs unable to support him and he collapses into a sitting position, chest heaving as he tries to replenish some oxygen… and Amy backs off, then raises her hands above her head and begins to clap.























    With the crowd picking up on the rhythm and joining in to make a growing, quickening creschendo of sound, Amy starts hopping from one foot to the other. Then, when the clapping is going so quickly that the good people of Seattle can’t bang their hands together any faster Amy springs into action, charging forwards again and leaping into the air before slamming down in a seated position astride the chest and face of the slumped Coyote!


    “BRONCO BUSTER!” Pete calls as the SWF fulfils its ‘pointless move of the evening’ quota. Once her momentum has been spent Amy rolls back off the bottom rope, then grabs the legs of the breathless Coyote and hooks them over her shoulders before wrenching back and up, hauling him up before planting him with a powerbomb!




    Coyote’s shoulders are on the mat and Brian Warner drops down to count, having to half-slide under the ropes to do so…



















    -but Kevin Coyote kicks out! Amy narrows her eyes and as the Georgian rolls onto his front in an instinctive move to try and avoid pinning she grabs him in a front facelock before hauling him up to his feet. Kevin’s breathing is still a bit laboured and he seems to be having trouble fighting her off, which gives Amy plenty of time to steady herself, swing a leg out backwards and then bring it snapping forwards…




    “What a DDT!” LDP shouts as Amy Stephens snaps backwards, bringing Kevin Coyote down on his skull, “King, I wouldn’t be surprised if that move hadn’t knocked Kevin clean out!”


    There’s only one way to find out; Amy rolls her opponent onto his back and makes another cover…



















    -but Kevin Coyote kicks out again!






    Brian Warner doesn’t seem particularly inclined to listen to the crowd, no matter how loud they chant. As a result he signals for just a two, and indicates that the match should continue. Amy heaves a sigh of disgust and gets back to her feet, then turns around and heads for the nearest corner. The Punk-Rock Princess steps through the ropes and begins to climb to the top turnbuckle, keeping a careful eye on Coyote as she does so. Then when she reaches the top she pauses for a second, spreads her arms wide, and leaps into the air…





    “She missed!” Suicide King crows as Amy’s diving headbutt only finds canvas, “that wily Coyote managed to roll out of the way!”


    “If Kevin starts using things with the ‘ACME’ logo on, I think we need to worry,” Pete mutters.


    Both competitors are now on the canvas, as despite his evasive manoeuvre Coyote has not managed to catch his breath enough to get back to his feet. However, what the man from Brunswick is able to do is roll to get next to Amy Stephens, and then as the Punk-Rock Princess tries to push herself up, poke her in the eye!




    The crowd voice their unanimous disgust at such a craven tactic from Coyote, but Pete’s son ignores them (along with Brian Warner) as Amy scrabbles away from him, clutching at her face. The respite that this gives Kevin seems to be enough for him to start to rise, and although still a little light-headed from the winding blows he took as well as that nasty DDT, it is Coyote who appears to be in better shape than the half-blinded Amy. He gets to a crouch and then stops, apparently waiting for something, as Amy gets back to her feet and, still swiping at one eye, starts to turn towards him…




    “SPEAR! SPEAR!” King roars with evil glee, “he’s got her now, Dogger!”


    Sure enough, Kevin Coyote’s shoulder has buried itself into Amy’s gut and brought the English girl straight back down to the mat with authority~! Amy coughs weakly but the impact seems to have taken some of the air out of the Coyote as well, and it takes Kevin a second to recover before he reaches out to hook his opponent’s leg…



















    -but Amy kicks out! Coyote certainly has enough air left in him to curse Brian Warner for what he sees as a slow count, but he doesn’t waste valuable time doing this for long; instead the Smark Enough runner-up grabs Amy by her hair and drags her back to her feet, then places her in a reverse headlock. With his opponent’s body bent backwards at an uncomfortable angle and with her arms flailing weakly Kevin takes a moment to smirk around and the crowd, before dropping backwards sharply with a reverse DDT!




    The back of Amy’s skull bounces off the mat and Kevin’s grin widens; then the Georgian hooks the far leg, rolling into the cover to put as much weight as possible onto Amy Stephens’ shoulders…






















    “LET’S GO A-MY!”


    “LET’S GO A-MY!”


    “Dammit Pete, that was a three-count!” Suicide King spits in anger as Kevin Coyote turns a disbelieving gaze onto Brian Warner, “Coyote had her there! He had her!”


    “I’m afraid the referee disagrees with you, King,” LDP says stubbornly, “and it’s going to take my so-called-son more than that to put this young woman away!”


    Kevin seems to agree. He stops arguing with Brian Warner and gets back to his feet, standing next to Amy’s prone form. Then he tilts his head back and lets out a chilling, ironic howl!




    “It looks like he’s going for the Full Moon Assault,” Pete says as Kevin turns to face the ropes, “but you have to wonder if it would take the wind out of him as well!”


    This appears to be a risk that Kevin Coyote is willing to take, and he runs towards the ropes before vaulting up to the second one and backflipping off it…




    …right onto Amy Stephens’ knees.




    Kevin rolls off, clutching his ribs in agony and trying to suck in air, but there’s not a whole lot of places for him to go. Amy Stephens may be bruised, and she may be battered, but she’s capable of scrambling to her knees for long enough to lung at Coyote’s back and wrap one arm around his throat, cinching it tight with the other. Moments later her legs anchor around his midsection with a bodyscissors…


    “Last Orders!” Pete bawls, “Last Orders locked in!”


    …and with no air in his lungs to start with, it’s only a matter of time for Kevin Coyote.






    “Kevin Coyote was robbed! Robbed!” King spits as Brian Warner raises Amy Stephens’ hand in victory. Pete just sits there and smirks as we