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So, Ripper, you'd have someone else kill you as a means of suicide? Doesn't that kind of not count, and stuff? And does it have to be a gun fight? Why not jump in front of a moving train, or off a highway overpass into traffic, or jump into a shark tank at the aquarium ... all of those would get you primo coverage on the news @ 11.

Please?? From the ABC "LOST" page ... "Outlaws" Air Date: 02/16/2005 As we begin with our now familiar eye opening, we pull back to reveal something different. This eye belongs to a young boy, roused from a peaceful sleep by a violent pounding on the front door. His mother bursts into his room and tells him that everything is going to be okay, but we can see from her face that she doesn't believe it. She hides him under his bed and makes him promise that he won't come out no matter what he hears. She makes his bed to make it look as if he was never there and goes downstairs. We stay with the boy and hear a violent argument that ends with a GUNSHOT. From the boy's POV we see a pair of cowboy boots enter his room. The boy does his best not to cry and the man in the boots comes over and sits on his bed. As we share in his terror, wondering if he is going to be next, we hear another gunshot and the man collapses, dead on the bed above him. Back on the island, Sawyer wakes from his nightmare, covered in sweat. He reaches over for a sip of water, relieved that it is all over, but we hear a rustling in the darkness. Sawyer slowly reaches for the flashlight and when he turns it on we see an enormous boar demolishing his things. Sawyer grabs a bat and lashes out, but the boar easily escapes, destroying the relative calm of his makeshift tent. As Sawyer angrily gives chase, the boar disappears into the jungle with the tarp that was his roof. When he gives chase, we hear those same spooky whispers in the wind. Did they actually say something, this time? Later that morning, Sawyer is cleaning up his things. Sayid comes by and is clearly enjoying Sawyer's plight. Sawyer asks Sayid about the voices he thought he heard in the jungle when he escaped from Rousseau, but Sayid writes it off as stress-related delusions. We FLASHBACK to a hotel room. And for a second we think we must be watching a rerun because here comes Sawyer again, tangled in a kiss with another attractive woman. But just as it starts to get interesting, the two of them are interrupted by a voice from the dark. A man Sawyer knows as "Hibbs" wants to talk and it doesn't take long for us to realize that Sawyer ain't too glad to see him. As Sawyer chokes him, reminding him that he screwed him out of his share of a con they ran years ago, Hibbs tells Sawyer that he has come to make it right. Hibbs hands him an envelope and we expect it to be full of money, but what it actually holds is far more valuable…The whereabouts of the man who killed Sawyer's parents. The real "Sawyer" -- the man he has been chasing his whole life. He runs a shrimp truck…in Sydney. Back on the island, Jack and Kate return the guns from the Ethan mission to the Halliburton case. All but one, that is… Sawyer has refused to turn his in. Kate offers to get it back for Jack telling him that she "can speak his language." You don't have to look very hard at Jack's face to see how he feels about that… Back at the caves, Charlie is building something from bits of wreckage. Claire comes over to him, but we can see from his persona that this isn't the Charlie we all know and love. Something is…off. When Claire asks him if he wants to go on a walk, Charlie says that he has something to do and just walks away. In the jungle, Sawyer comes upon his tarp -- the boar must have dropped it there when it ran away the night before. He grabs it and starts to make his way back to camp, but he hears something -- the whispers blowing in the wind! But Sawyer has more pressing troubles to deal with because it looks like the boar wasn't quite ready to give that tarp back. It comes crashing out of the brush and straight at Sawyer. He runs as fast has he can, but he's got no chance and the boar easily catches him and knocks him off his feet and right into a big puddle of mud before disappearing back into the jungle. Sawyer was just the victim of a boar "drive-by"! Kate catches up with Sawyer as he is packing up for a hunt. She thinks he is being absurd and tells him to tell Locke to go and kill it, but Sawyer explains that it's too late for that -- it's personal now. And speaking of personal, we FLASHBACK to Sawyer making his way along the waterfront of a city that could only be Sydney, Australia. He ducks into a seedy boathouse where a man sells him a gun. But before the man hands it over he lets Sawyer know that there are no refunds, so before he buys the gun Sawyer better be sure he has what it takes to use it. Back at the beach, Hurley and Charlie bury Ethan (So that's what Charlie was making, a shovel!) and even though this is one of the creepiest things they've ever done, Hurley can see that something is wrong with Charlie. When he asks him if he is okay, Charlie doesn't answer. After they finish, Hurley finds Sayid and asks him if he ever dealt with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder while in the army. When Sayid asks him why he wants to know, Hurley tells him about Charlie. Meanwhile, out in the jungle, Sawyer is having absolutely no luck trying to track his boar. Kate arrives and offers to track for him…on one condition: Anytime she wants something from his stash, she gets it -- no questions asked. And though it clearly kills Sawyer to do it, he has a score to settle with that boar, so he agrees. We catch up with them later that night around a campfire. Sawyer brought along several of the mini bottles of booze from the airplane and he and Kate decide to play a little game called "I never" where we learn an awful lot about the both of them: Kate has never been to Disneyland; Sawyer has never been in love; and BOTH of them have killed a man. FLASHBACK to the same bedroom we saw at the top of the show. The same kid cowers under the same bed. Only this time, when the door opens, we don't see a pair of cowboy boots come in, but a pair of hooves -- hooves that look suspiciously like they belong to a boar! Sawyer wakes up to see Kate kneeling over him. The good news -- it was just a dream. The bad news -- the boar attacked them again while they slept. Wait. Actually, the boar attacked Sawyer when they slept. While his stuff is destroyed, Kate's is untouched. But before Sawyer can fly completely off the handle he hears a rustle in the bushes behind him. This time he's ready and he draws his gun, but it's not the boar - - it's Locke who explains that he's been out looking for wreckage to salvage. He sits down and joins them for coffee. After Kate tells him that Sawyer thinks this boar has something personal against him, Locke tells them a story about his sister, Victoria who died when she was little. Their mother swore that she came back as a golden retriever. Maybe the boar is the spirit of someone who Sawyer pissed off back in the real world. And as we wonder who that could be, we FLASHBACK to Sawyer sitting in a car staring at a shrimp truck in the distance. He checks to make sure the gun in his jacket is loaded and makes his way over to the guy running the truck. He's seems nice enough and even offers Sawyer a fellow American discount -- 50 percent off! As he goes to the stove to cook Sawyer's lunch we see the gun shaking in Sawyer's hand. Can he do it? When the shrimp guy turns back around to deliver his lunch we get our answer…Sawyer is gone. We don't have to wonder where he went because we see him knocking back shots in a dive bar. When the bartender asks if he's had enough, Sawyer tells him to keep them coming. From down the bar we hear another American congratulating him on his decision -- "These bastards think Americans can't hold their liquor." But wait…there is something familiar about that voice. When Sawyer buys a round for him, he slides on down the bar to join him and…Oh…My…God…it's Christian Shepard, Jack's dad! And what he has to say just about knocks us off our feet. He doesn't hate Jack for what he did; he loves him for it. And get this -- he's proud of him! So here they are, just two guys trying to drink away the pain and find a little peace in their lives. But that's not likely and they both know it. Besides, Christian Shepard has a theory: Some people are just meant to suffer -- and he should know, he's a chief of surgery. "That's why the Red Sox will never win the series, Christian says." When Sawyer asks him why he doesn't call his son and tell him these things, Christian gives a more honest answer than we've ever heard from him: "Because I am weak." And when he asks if the "business" Sawyer is in town for is going to bring him peace, Sawyer tells him it will. "Then what are you doing here?" Good question. We're back at the shrimp truck, later that night. And as the rain slashes down outside Sawyer clocks his target: "Sawyer." The real one -- the man he has been chasing his whole life. When he goes to dump his trash in the dumpster next to the truck, Sawyer checks the gun once more and gets out of the car. Back on the island, Charlie is husking coconuts. Sayid approaches and asks him how he is doing, but Charlie is on to him. Charlie tells Sayid he is NOT sorry for shooting Ethan. Ethan tried to kill him and he kidnapped Claire. He deserved to die…and Charlie would do it again. Sayid tells him a story that makes it clear to Charlie that the feelings he is having are totally normal. Before he leaves, he tells Charlie something else that seems to hit home: "You are not alone, Charlie. Don't pretend to be." In the jungle, Sawyer and Kate are on the trail. Kate spots a wallow the boars have been using and they know they are close. When Sawyer captures a baby boar and uses it for bait, Kate demands that he set it free before he hurts it. Sawyer refuses, but Kate knocks him down and the baby boar goes free. Kate is disgusted and tells Sawyer to find his own way back. FLASHBACK to the shrimp truck. Sawyer is now very close behind his prey. And as he raises the gun he calls out the name that has been haunting him for so long…"Sawyer!" The man turns around and Sawyer shoots him in the chest. Finally, Sawyer has got his man…or has he? Rasping for breath, the man tells Sawyer that he would have paid his debt and that Hibbs didn't need to do this to him. What? What did he just say? Oh no. Oh, God, no! Hibbs set Sawyer up from the beginning. This wasn't the man who killed his parents and ruined his life and never was. He was just someone who owed Hibbs. As Sawyer deals with the horrific realization of what he has done, the man says one more thing before he dies. "It will come back around." Back on the island, Sawyer is wandering around hopelessly lost. He spins around looking for something, anything he recognizes and calls out for Kate. When he turns all the way around, he sees that he is face to face with the boar. His boar. Kate enters and looks on from beyond Sawyer's field of vision as Sawyer pulls his gun and raises it to the boar. The boar doesn't budge. In fact, he appears to be looking Sawyer right in the eyes. We hold this for a long time until, finally, Sawyer lowers the gun and the boar walks away. Noticing Kate now, Sawyer tries to play it off -- "It's just a boar." But we all know better by now. Back at the beach, Jin and Sun mend a fishing net. Michael continues his work on the raft while Vincent plays with Walt. Claire sits by herself looking at the ocean. Charlie arrives looking like a changed man and the two of them take that walk that Claire proposed earlier. Jack is in the woods, breaking wood for the fire. Sawyer arrives and after some vintage, Sawyer juvenile banter, he hands over the last gun to Jack. In response to his sarcasm, Jack says something that makes our hearts stop: "That's why the Red Sox will never win the series." Sawyer asks him to repeat that last bit and Jack tells him that it's something his father used to say to explain why he didn't have to apologize for all the lousy things he did to people -- he preferred to put the blame on fate. When Sawyer asks if Jack's dad was a doctor, too, Jack tells him he was and then asks a question of his own. Jack: "Why do you want to know about my dad?" And we hold our breath because we realize the power of what Sawyer knows. The impact of hearing from someone who spoke to him just before he died that Jack's father didn't blame Jack for his downfall. That he believed in him. That he was proud of him. That his father loved him. It's what Jack has wanted to hear his whole life and will now never have the chance to. Oh, GOD would it help… But that just wouldn't be Sawyer. Sawyer: "No reason."

You know, if the HOF was a real thing for a real sport, I'd agree with you. But since it's chosen by VKM, during a show financed by VKM and will be released on DVD put together by VKM that will pad the pockets of VKM, then I think it makes perfect sense for someone to NOT want to be included. It's not like old-timers are taking their grandkids to a real building (a la the hockey HOF in Toronto, basketball HOF in Springfield or Cooperstown for the baseball one) to show them the greats of yester-year.

Truly enjoyed? Just about all of them. The show is still funny at least a few times an episode, which makes it funnier to me than 99% of the other shows on TV. The last episode that I loved, and considered hilarious? Different story altogether, it's been a long while.

Utterly predictable ... a lot of us were guessing Patty and/or Selma from the minute it was announced. And, considering that it's a subject that I don't support, I laughed a few times, out loud at least once. When Marge said her stupid line about not caring if the person has a ______ (whatever she said) or a Haw-haw, and then Nelson popped up with a "Ha-Ha", I cracked up. I don't remember the other funny parts, but I blame that more on being high while watching the show than anything to do with the episode itself.

Ooooh, kkk, that's a low-blow. Does this mean I have to start threads with vague, ambiguous titles now? /hopes not

It all reminds me of entrapment by the police, except without the going to jail and stuff. The media set the athletes up with loaded or leading questions, and then report their response as ~OMG groundbreaking reporting~

You're high if you think that people in places like Boston, Chicago, LA or most other Northern cities knew who Dale Earnhart was. If you'd said Richard Petty, then MAYBE I'd have agreed ... but, no, not Earnhart. NASCAR just wasn't covered in most Northern cities until the very late 80s, if not later than that. And to say that Bobby Orr was lesser known than Dale Earnhart is a farce. And also have two of the fan bases most angry with the local owners. If Jacobs had done more in the Bourque era, the B's would still be doing well. And Chicago supports the Wolves (AHL) like it's going out of style, so it's not shocking that the 'hawks, with their cocksucker of an owner, would get minimal support. Sorry about the sarcasm meter ... send me the bill, and I'll pay you back. And, kkk, we both know that the reasons that I'm one of the least-liked posters here are too many to count. /too many quotes, eh?

Sorry to hear about your friend ... I had one good friend, and two acquaintences, kill themselves during my senior year of high school, so I know it sucks and stuff. /would leave a note. And would do it in a hotel so my loved ones wouldn't have to clean up my brains and whatnot. Let a stranger do that for the loose change I'd leave on the desk as a gratuity

Unless the B's are playing well ... then the bandwagon jumpers come back in full force.

Good. I don't need crappy Bruins action pre-empting Red Sox games and making me look to 15 different stations before finding it. Words can't express how much I hope you're being sarcastic.

Isn't it Panzerfaust records? And aren't they closed because they found out that the leader of the WP record company wasn't actually white?!? i wasn't sure on the spelling, but i thought they were still around since i heard an interview with the CEO of the company (or something) back in December. Sorry if it seemed like I was busting your balls about the spelling ... I really wasn't, just trying to confirm if I was right or not. And I'm pretty sure that Panzerfaust is all-but-done ... http://www.splcenter.org/intel/news/item.jsp?aid=9 Good riddance to 'em.

I read a thing the other day that the Red Sox are getting more attention in NYC than the Mets are lately ... which is funny, because for YEARS the Yankees fans claimed that it wasn't a rivalry because NY didn't care about Boston one way or another. Personally, I think all the lunatic supporters of both teams should get shipped off to some desert island to just fuck each other up, a la Battle Royale. Let the normal fans support their teams in peace.

Hi Sorry, Slayer ... you're actually nowhere near hated ... hell, you're on the borderline of liked. Sorry.

Agreed on the bright side, Starvenger ... my stupid basketball league plays Wednesdays 8-10, so I've been having to tape LOST and watching it either late that night or the next day. It'll be nice to not have to either watch LOST all drunk after hitting the bars after basketball or having to avoid everyone talking about what happened on LOST the night before until I can watch it after work. Of course, I'd rather deal with either of the above scenarios than have to wait 6 weeks for a new episode.

Good to see two die-hard, passionate hockey fans like kkk and MJ23 dropping the hockey knowledge. Damn, I hope this actually comes to fruition. The NHL and PA are still denying the report, so there's still a chance that Bettman and Goodenow can fuck this up. But, fingers are crossed that this actually happens. Of course, one has to wonder why Mario and the Great One didn't get more involved a few months ago. The next great announcement should be the hiring of Gretzky as new commisioner and Bobby Orr as the new NHLPA head.

(looks for the picture of Dawn Marie looking great in that outfit ...)

As someone that became a wrestling mark in the mid-80's but hated the cartoon/Hulk Hogan bullshit the WWF was spewing out, I watched a ton of Gilbert & Von Erich's matches. (I do have to admit that I rooted for the heels, though, so normally rooted against Kerry ... but I digress) Like Loss said, I think that wrestling as a whole lost out on Eddie dying so young. He definitely would have been behind the scenes SOMEWHERE, and would have either improved the product of one of the big 2 or would have worked with a smaller fed to get them more national attention. He was good in the ring, good on the mic, could be both face or heel (although was much better as a heel) and could wrestle a variety of styles. Even against guys much bigger and more built than him, he seemed believable in the ring. Kerry, I thought, looked better than he wrestled. He definitely could have wrestled for the WWF much earlier than he did, and fit in well. Hogan probably would have kept him down at the Steamboat level, though, out of fear of being outshined.

LOTC, I wasn't really serious when I said that they should kill Walt. It was more just my dislike of him as a character talking than me as a fan of the show talking.

Flair Booker Angle RVD Benoit (not as much as the others, but still enough to list here)

I wouldn't know a Sideburnious post from a hole in the wall. Of course, the same can be said about 95% of the people on TSM ... there are a few that I really like to 'talk' to, a few that I really hate, and then a majority who are completely interchangable to me.

RACIST! BN PLZ. /just kidding and, 2GOLD, how dare you call the Omen boring!

Football: I liked the Bucs when they were horrible and wore pewter, but grew to hate them once they rebuilt and became a respectable franchise. (Of course, my hatred for Sapp had a lot to do with it). Hockey: I liked the Devils until they became the most boring, defensive-oriented team in the history of the sport.

Yeah, because us Pats fans are so low-class and love making fun of serious injuries. Hopefully we can learn to be classy and righteous like the fans of other teams. Oh, please teach us, wise TSMers. Having said that, I'm glad that Bruschi's alright, and I really think that he should consider hanging up the pads. Life's too short to run the risk of getting hurt more seriously, and while there's no definite correlation between this stroke and him playing pro ball, methinks that hitting people head-on for a living can't be healthy after suffering even a minor stroke.

Sanford & Son Courtship of Eddie's Father Ending theme: Barney Miller