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Too lazy to look up their actual titles, but my top 3 are: King Sized Homer: When Homer gained enough weight to earn worker's comp and work from home. The medicinal marijuana one from a few years ago "Remember when I dropped my keys and you thought the phone was ringing?" The one where Homer goes back to college and befriends the nerds.

No, I really think that Clemens was planning on retiring when last season ended ... but then his little buddy Pettite got signed by the Astros, and then they followed that up with a good offer to play close to home, and he changed his mind. It's not like he filed the paperwork and then withdrew it, but to say that he didn't consider last year's run his retirement would be an exaggeration, I think.

In no order: Real Muthaphuckkin G's - Eazy E Sub Crazy - Method Man Fuck 'em - Geto Boys By the Time I get to Arizona - Public Enemy Bring It On - Geto Boys (featuring most of the other 5th Ward rappers)

I used to have mutual friends with a kid that was a known animal abuser - we all used to call him "Castle" because he had a castle tattooed on his neck. He used to put his cat in a microwave for just long enough to stun it but not kill it, and was actually convicted of throwing a cat through a closed window. Another time he was caught injecting his own blood into a ketchup squeeze bottle in a restaurant in the town I grew up in. I had lost touch with that circle of friends, and hadn't heard anything about Castle in a long-ass time. One time, while flying to Colorado I was reading a magazine and saw an article written about this guy that wrote a book about his daughter's murder. The murderer: Castle. Check out his criminal history at this page: http://www.govtech.net/magazine/gt/1996/ma...n/kristin.phtml

Since this was predominantly no-sold as a post, I'm quoting it and adding to it ... when Steiner debuted in NWA, he talked to a painted hand (I think he called it Alex) and acted like a simpleton. Soon, he gained more and more intelligence, and over time the whole "Rick Steiner is a borderline retard" era was forgotten. Why couldn't they do that with Dinsmore? What if they gradually, over the course of a few months or even a year or 2, evolve the character from 'special' to 'just slow' to 'normal' (sorry to use normal in that way, but I couldn't think of another term ... no disrepect meant to people with challenged family/friends/etc). Other than the smarks who obsess over wrestling in a vein comparable to Trekkies, people won't remember or care. It's not likely that he was going to get a run with a world title anyways, but maybe he can get a midcard belt or feud with other over midcarders like Hurricane.

Every time Clemens does something to piss off a Yankees fan, it makes me like him a little more. A few more of these and I'll have completely forgotten how much of an arrogant jerk he was when he was in pinstripes. Clemens = NL Cy Young award winner, 2004

I don't know if you were at the game or just watching it on TV, but did you also notice Oliwa mocking the anthem towards the end, barking out expletives and doing the 'yeahyeahyeah' type of mouthing? You've got to be insane to mock the anthem of the country that you're representing in the playoffs; technically, you've got to be an idiot to mock any anthem, I guess. The Bruins looked very good tonight ... I wonder who the last goalie to have a shutout in their first playoff game was? (it can't be too long ago, but I wonder who it was). The new guys (Slegr, Gonchar, Nylander) all played very well. Thornton looked to be near 100%. And all four lines were flying around the ice. I do have to disagree with WB4:20, though, the Fleet Center has never gotten as loud as the Garden used to. It was impossible not to leave a playoff game there without a huge headache. (There would have been a 5 minute 'bullshit' chant after that goal was declared a non-goal.) Maybe if the B's get to or win the Cup, that place might reach Garden levels ... but until then, it's just a farce when the jumbotron declares the noise to be at Garden level.

I'd probably be willing to give Warren a B or B-. In his limited playing time, he's done well, so this year should be the time to watch his stock boom or bust. Grahame (which FrigidSoul gave a B- to) can't catch the ball well enough to be a #1 pick. Like FS said, though, he's allegedly been practicing pretty hardcore about it and might be improved enough to earn that high of a grade. Until I see him make quality catches throughout the year, though, he's a C/C-. Seymour is an A+, without question. If there was a ranking higher than that, I'd give him that. Klemm is an F. I have no faith in him when he's in, and to call him even a decent backup is being too kind. Woody, as a center, is a C/C-. The idea that they'd waste a #1 on a guy who can't snap in a shotgun is a joke. As a guard, though, I'd give Woody a B/B-. The Pats'll miss him this year. And the big retard Katzenmoyer gets another big F. It's funny, the players picked in rounds 2 and below have been better for New England than the #1s, with the obvoius exception of Richard Seymour. Good scouting, I guess.

Couldn't much of what the Undertaker did be considered over the top and insulting to our intelligence? The whole 'undead zombie' era, for example. Or the power of the urn. Or being buried alive. Once he went past being an actual undertaker to "the Dead Man" he became over the top stupid and unbelievable. Yet he's the one that you reference as Ok.

I thought people never took wrestling seriously because it was a fake sport made up of shaved guys in tights rolling around, hitting each other with chairs, etc. A gimmick like Eugene won't generate enough attention (from actual mainstream news sources) to give wrestling a bad name. We heard that same complaint after things like the Katie Vick angle, and I really don't remember seeing any real news stations saying "now this gives pro rasslin' a bad name".

People bragging about how hot their girlfriends are on the internet, but being unable to provide a picture of said "goddess" always reminds me of the nerd in The Breakfast Club bragging about the many girls in the Niagara Falls region that he's had sex with. coughbullshitcoughcough

I was serious about all of them. The ones that I presumed were facetious were: Killing Tags ... as bad as a comissioner as he's been, I don't think that he's earned a death sentence. He's certainly done better than Bettman, Selig or anything the NBA guy has done in the last 10 years. Official decree about Pete Rose ... somehow I don't see any offical releasing mandated namecalling. Women's tennis ... you didn't address the fugly ones. I have no desire to see Lindsey Davenport or Jennifer Capriati in lingerie, and it would be unfair if only one girl in a match wore something that could be potentially restrictive. NASCAR ... while I hate the 'sport' as well, indicating that they should occasionally drive into a wall seems a bit, ahem, sarcastic. And lastly ... This would never work ... they'd have to take another 15 minute intermission after the third and before the OT. The game, which is already played at around 2.5 hours, would be back to the 3 hour games it was a few years ago that the league declared was too long.

Nick Boynton was interviewed on a Toronto station, and was quoted as saying that Thornton will be playing in game 1. Everyone around here has been presuming that he would, but up until now no one from the organization gave any positive indication about it. Joe Thornton at less than 100% is still > a lot of other players at 100%.

3 Questions about the ones from Dr. Tom's list (skipping the ones that I'm guessing are entirely facetious) ... Football, celebrations: (this actually goes out to everyone that's encouraging celebrations) Why the fuck do you all want to see some guy dance just because he scored a touchdown? It's his job. He did his job, and shouldn't need to re-enact A Night at the Roxbury because he did it. If I win a huge account here at work, do I shake my dick for the company to see? No. Save celebrations for game winning TDs or field goals. Not for everytime they do their job successfully. Baseball, drug policy: Who cares if a guy is so coked up that he wants to snort the baselines? If pot is Ok, then why not blow or heroin or acid or anything that's NOT performance enhancing? If you're going to make pot allowable, then everything that won't give them an advantage should be allowable as well. Hockey, ten minute OT: Can you imagine how shitty the ice conditions will be after 30 minutes of play, with no zamboni? (20 minutes of the 3rd period plus the 10 more in OT). Especially when there's a warm weather game in Florida/California/Texas/Arizona. It'd be like watching them play on slush. Thanks, but no thanks.

Best thing that they could do ... have HBK go full on heel for the weeks leading up to the PPV, and have it be a huge face (Benoit) vs. a huge heel (Michaels) one-on-one in Canada. If Michaels doesn't want to work heel for long, have him do something to regain his face status the next night on Raw, or the next time that they're in the US. And how would they make it a one-on-one, you ask? Have HHH say that at this point, he wants to kick the crap out of Benjamin more than he wants the title. It won't do much to elevate the belt, but it will elevate Benjamin's stock. (the need to fight him outweighs the need for the belt) And I think a few months of very good-to-great matches will do a good job of elevating the belt just fine.

I'm so sick and tired of evil GM figures that it's hard for me to even pay attention to them ... I'd have had Angle replace Tazz in the broadcast booth, and then sent Tazz to Raw to replace Lawler. Maybe give Lawler a "King's Court" interview segment on Smackdown, or Heat or one of the other weekend shows that I don't bother to watch. Or just fire him outright. One of the two.

NHL: Contraction & relocation (eliminate 4 US teams and put 2 US teams back in Canada) ... eliminate the instigator rule ... add no-touch icing & touch-up offsides ... points only for a win, none for a loss or tie (keep ties for the sake of tiebreakers for the final standings, but don't reward a team for not winning. A tie should be considered no better than losing. And it has to stay at 5 minutes, any longer than that and they'd need to zamboni after the 3rd period) ... diving is an automatic 10 minute major, 3 in a season is a game misconduct ... force Wirtz to sell the Blackhawks MLB: Contraction ... salary cap and salary floor ... no more interleague play ... 2 divisions in each league, no wildcard in the playoffs ... time limit (comparable to a shot clock or play clock) for pitchers and batters ... no more bench clearing brawls, if a pitcher hits/nearly hits a batter after being warned, he's kicked out, and if a batter charges the mound he's kicked out - automatic suspensions for either misconduct NFL: force the networks to be open to changing games mid-season (e.g. no more horrible team vs. horrible team on MNF just because it looked like a good game when the schedules were made. If there's a big game on Fox that Sunday, sorry, but it's going to be on ABC that Monday instead) NCAA Football: no more BCS bullshit, bring on an 8 team playoff

The Bon Scott-era, and the very first few Brian Johnson-era, albums had more variety than the recent stuff (and by recent I mean late 80s to the present.) Some of the earliest stuff might sound similar, but it's because they'd release 2 or 3 albums in a year or 18 months. My guess is that they wrote a lot of the songs simultaneously. But their stuff now, each album sounds exactly the same. I wish they'd just have broken up when Bon died. Yes, that would have meant no Back In Black or FTATR(WSY) but that'd be preferable to them becoming the joke that they now seem to be.

Fuck that, my method allows you to go into the testing place stoned and pass hehehe But with my idea you get to avoid taping anything to your taint (sorry, I always preferred the word taint to gooch). And it also avoids having to sneak cocaine-looking products into a drug testing facility ... that'd be good have that slip down your pants leg just while you're walking into the testing center. For me personally, the fact that I needed to pass the test to stay out of serious trouble (e.g. jail) outweighed the fact that I wanted to "go into the testing place stoned and pass". It's not a game, it's a way to stay out of trouble.

Am I reading this thread wrong, or have so many people seen so few concerts? Is this festivals only, or concerts in general? If it's the latter, I've been to more in the last 3 years than some people have listed for their entire lives, and I went to a ton more in my younger years. Hell, I've seen Phish almost 70 times, let alone any other band that I've ever seen.

But isn't there potential repurcussions of having their 'face' Michaels getting unbelievable heel heat in Canada? How are they going to fake that he's a face, or even a tweener, when his heel heat will outweigh HHH's?

As stupid as guys look wearing skin-tight jeans or black jeans, I'm going to say that Austin's casual look is dumber than Michaels, Nash, etc. Him stretching his lame-ass jean shorts to fit his fat ass, and then coupling that with a pair of braces, has got to be the lamest look going.

But if Zack had done it, I probably wouldn't have found it so fucking annoying.

In terms of hotness, I'd go 2, 3, and then 1. The fact that #2 is rallying with the girl in the OpIvy sweatshirt is bonus points, too. And don't date a chunky girl before she's 23 ... lots of girls start to fall apart at that age, and if you're stuck with one when she hits the limit, you might be stuck with her when she expands then. And truthfully, nothing too mock-worthy there.

How the fuck is this board made up of so many MacGuyvers??? Just buy some Golden Seal a week before the test. They'll sell it at most health food stores. Drink a ton of that and a ton of water for the days leading up to the test. You'll piss like it's going out of style. But that's what you want to do. They're testing for the amount of drugs in % of your urine. So, obviously the more you piss the less pot will show up in your test. If you have a week or so, you'll be golden (no pun intended) and you'll test clean. Trust me, I haven't failed a drug test yet.