Edwin MacPhisto

I adore the EP with Patton and find their full-length to be just okay. Is the new one worth a listen?

Oof. Oof. Rough. "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" especially. I'll give "Lust for Life" a 10 and the Jet song a generous 4.

I’ve been very bored at work this morning with no assignments and no editors, so I spent some time typing out my complaints and analysis of what frustrated me most about The Village. It’s mostly ground we’ve already covered, but read it if you like. The Village is M. Night Shyamalan’s latest one-man show, unwisely written, directed, and produced by him. It’s his most facile film, and certainly his most frustrating; while I think it’s unquestionably his worst effort in four tries, it could have easily been his best with just the slightest touch of restraint. Here is the good about The Village. It can be gorgeous, pale earth tones occasionally spiked with a fleck of red, yellow, or flame. The scene with Lucius and Ivy sitting on the porch in front of the moonlight mist is probably the finest composition in the entire piece. Noah stabbing Lucius is deception done right; it’s misdirection by craft and perspective with a quick reveal. This is the right way to delay information; to maximize impact, and to use the tools of cinema to bring script and image together in a great holistic piece. The design of the creatures is weird and great; they are spiny druids who conjure images of bone and branch, which makes it all the more disappointing when they’re revealed as a hoax. Bryce Dallas Howard is adorable and engaging, doing the disabled-character thing without relying on schmaltz or too much seriousness. The rest of the cast fights through a brutal script, and William Hurt especially makes the film mildly compelling by sheer force of will. Here is the bad: the entire premise. It’s a ridiculous twist that doesn’t make you say, “oh my god,” or “it all makes sense”; the more common response to this set of surprises has been “that’s fucking dumb.” The script is designed to cheaply deceive in all the worst ways. It’s bad enough that Shyamalan attempts to sew up plot holes with that horribly dry scene between the security guard and his Night-played boss; he seems to realize that his premises won’t hold up under even cursory scrutiny, so he throws all the business about diverting planes and keeping the media out in one swoop. Seeking another bad premise? Take two that are interrelated: the speech patterns. The insistence that it’s 1897. Why would any of this matter? The “elders” have created a society that’s entirely separated from the rest of the world. There is no comparison point; unless we’re intended to extrapolate that all the elders are some dorky LARP fans, there’s no reason for them to effect that formal, stiff, self-consciously ancient style of speaking, nor is there any reason for them to arbitrarily decide that their little village will occur in the 19th century. Call it 1897 or call it the year 8000; how will time period or an era mean anything to a generation of children without a frame of reference? It is trickery aimed at no one but the audience, and it is neither clever nor ultimately honest enough to be seen as anything but lazy filmmaking. Even in Signs, full of ridiculous contrivances and semi-spiritual hogwash, Shyamalan played straight with the viewer. The aliens didn’t end up being government agents, nor was Mel Gibson’s family living on another planet made entirely of sentient, mischievous corn. I suppose there are some who’ll appreciate Shyamalan’s decision to make this a “monsters within” story rather than one of true monsters. This argument, that the film is designed as a social commentary, may be even more maddening than William Hurt prattling on about magic rocks. If this is the case, then there is no reason to maintain the trappings of a horror film. Instead of exploring the idea and mad philosophy behind Covington Woods, Shyamalan seems to think it adequate merely to put the situation out on the table. If a discussion of this community’s merits, flaws, and difficulties is what Shyamalan is really after (and the leering war reports in the boss’s newspaper and on the radio suggest as much), then he would have been wise to discard the spook story in his first act. How much more powerful could this film have been if Shyamalan pulled the rug out not 90 minutes from the start, but 40? Whether he chooses to let the ignorant characters of the village know the secret or only to bring the viewer closer to the elders’ actual motivations, he wins: he gives the mystery momentum and moves his audience away from silly guessing games and into a world that actually engages this notion of self-imposed isolation. I have no desire to spend my days writing M. Night Shyamalan fanfiction, but moving the story forward sans gimmickry would require little more than a steel bird called Delta flying overhead, or a rebellious journey to the forest walls courtesy one of the already-exploratory characters like Lucius or Noah. This story was never going to be about monsters; it was about people, fear, and protection. It’s beyond me why you would sell such a rich concept short for any reason other than money, or the masturbatory desire to dupe millions (or, to be more accurate: to helplessly attempt to dupe millions who figured out your one trick long ago). Crammed within the walls of The Village are two excellent stories. One is a complex allegory about a village and the monsters that contain it; the other follows a scheme between 10 people to leave the world behind and preserve some sort of oasis for future generations. With the cast and crew here assembled, either could be a slam-dunk hit. Dishonestly shoehorned into one cumbersome frame, neither story comes close to succeeding. Furthermore, my thoughts on the issue of opinions in criticism: some preferences are more legitimate than others. Sounds cruel, but in an argument I’ll take anything that’s substantiated with an analytic breakdown over “we’ll agree to disagree” any day. The only thing I like less than “it’s my opinion, so shut up,” is “let’s see you make a movie and THEN you can criticize this thing I like.” Everyone’s entitled to opinion, but harping on about it without really explaining is a waste of time. And you certainly don’t have to explain why – just don’t expect others to care too much if they’re busy digging into the product and really finding out why they did or didn’t like it and what could have been done about it.

I dunno. Wrestling is awfully gay, but it remains an excellent name regardless of the context. Otherwise, CreedFan27.

GreatOne and Bigjig are getting married.

There wasn't nearly as much rough-n-tumble homoerotic brawling in the later incarnations. The original series is girdle belts and fisticuffs every 15 minutes, which is another reason for its greatness.

Good rating. This song played a very key role in many a development in my young life. It's a hell of a song. I feel strongly that Dummy begins and ends with its strongest tracks, and that the middle, for its ups and downs, is a very well-planned journey between them. Perhaps that's why I feel it has that rare trip-hop consistency to which I earlier alluded.

I didn't get any direct booing, but definitely a lot of groans and a handful of "you've got to be kidding me." Shyamalan ought to work off someone else's script on his next go-round.

Yeah. A friend of mine latched onto that. Really, really ridiculous - that sort of thing exists solely to trick the viewer and for absolutely no other reason.

Right. See, mine'd be the same, with maybe two exceptions. Breadcrumb Trail: 9 Nosferatu Man: 7 Don, Aman: 8 Washer: 10 For Dinner: 6 Good Morning, Captain: 10 And that's really just because of an album issue, as you suggested; I don't like them as much on their own as individual songs. In the context of the album, "For Dinner" is a perfect interlude. To go from "Washer" right into "Good Morning, Captain" would be devastation overload - too many climaxes at once. But if it pops up on iTunes shuffle, I'm largely just going to shrug. "After the Laughter," on Trail of Dead's Source Tags & Codes, is my favorite interlude.

This is one of the big gripes I have with the film and M. Night's script-writing attitude of late. He floats stuff like that line multiple times, repeats dialogue in voice over, and it ends up being one of two things: ass-quality misdirection, or an implicit statement that his audience won't be smart enough to remember something William Hurt said not 15 minutes earlier. He wants to be big, and he wants to make sweeping statements, but he doesn't seem to know to whom he's making them. And did anyone get an idea as to how there were so many people in the village if only the elders were in on it, like I asked earlier? I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas beyond "plot gap" or "they sho nuff had mondo babies," because I can't reason it out too well.

Bastard, I was just going to do that album. Thunder-stealing crapmonkey. Mostly agree with your scores, at least. Portishead - Dummy Mysterons: 10 Sour Times: 9 Strangers: 8 It Could Be Sweet: 7 Wandering Star: 9 It's A Fire: 7 Numb: 7 Roads: 9 Pedestal: 6 Biscuit: 8 Glory Box: 10 This is my favorite trip-hop album and one that I think gets unjustly overlooked by fans of Maxinquaye, Blue Lines, and Mezzanine. I can't believe this album is 10 years old. It's a bit disappointing that it starts off with the best song, but the pace is steady for most of the album. Consistency is an area where I feel most trip-hop pieces fail.

Lame, all things being relative. It seems like one-note and self-derivative filler until it's time to produce new Family Guy episodes.

Yeah, you're not getting his private cell or anything. That'll certainly be a voicemail for him at the Inquirer.

Oh, that was bad phrasing on my part. The dinosaur warrior (the Gorn, I think it was) was yes, the diamond-gun episode, "Arena," i.e. the big fight that lasts the whole time. Wonderful. The Man Trap was a different episode with this hot chick/evil monster that sucked all the water or salt or something out of people and hence made them dead.

Another great album-ender. I'll take it. Jaxl, strap on your Compton hat.

As far as quality, Next Generation is the classiest. Anyone doubting ought to investigate "The Picard Song." Just wait for the "Blue Monday" breakdown. The original series is the most charming. The sexy black communications officer, the rascally Russian, the steely Oriental, the anxious Scotsman...it was multi-cultural out the wazoo in the most hilarious ways. The best alien designs too; AoO's already mentioned the death calzone, but I'm also fond of the dinosaur warrior, the "Man Trap," the little death pizzas, and the aliens with the enormous foreheads. It also yielded the best movies - Khan and Voyage Home are a pair that anyone can just walk into, no big series background necessary. Then there's "City on the Edge of Forever." Just great.

Say it ain't so. This is one of my favorites. Though I do think I prefer the non-Collection versions of most of the songs.

In Signs, he was the guy who had killed Mel's wife and left for the lake. You know, the one with the alien in his pantry. In The Village, he was the boss reading the newspaper whose face we didn't see except for the reflection in the medical supplies fridge. Laaaame. He tries to do the Hitchcock "appear in my movies" thing, but hasn't done it well thus far.

Just got back. Silly little movie with some good parts and a luminous leading lady. A few thoughts: I was so hoping that Night would do the audacious thing and have the monsters actually be real. It was a great, weird design, and the world was so much more complex if they existed. So I was holding out hope that some form of monster actually did exist, though it was very obvious about halfway through that, yes, something was up. Here's my big problem with the entire premise behind the village itself: if Walker and the rest of the elders are the only people who actually know the truth, how the hell is the village so big? At the dinner table, wedding, and town meeting there looked to be at least a hundred, probably more people, and it's fairly preposterous to believe that the 10 elders and their immediate offspring spawned them all. Did the other adults know? Do I really care? Nah. Oh, and M. Night's cameo was masturbatory and horribly acted, not unlike his waste of a great role in Signs.

He's not dead, guys. Is awesome.

Right. Metallica fanfiction is gay.

Um, I think you've missed the point. No one's arguing with you. We're just entirely mystified as to what the hell you're talking about. Please don't elaborate.

I just don't know why you'd brag about it. Kinda dorky.

We should have closed the thread after "Well I guess he found them then." Spit milk everywhere, you asshole.