Mystery Eskimo

What would even be the point of jobbing Brock, other than it might be unexpected? How ridiculous.

There ya go Zacky. Feel free to edit away if you need to. --------- COACH It's time for a match that could well decide the futures of the two men involved. It's Black-Zack II, and this time it's no DQ, Falls Count Anywhere. The first time these guys locked up we saw an all out wrestling clinic, both giving their all for the 1 - 2 - 3. But this time I think we're going to get something very different. COLE That's right J.C., this time it's even more personal than before.Dan Black has decided the only way to restore order and balance to the OAOAST is for himself to take control. He wants to be The Man, the Franchise. When you think of the OAOAST, you think of Zack Malibu. Black wants his name in Zack's place. To do that, he can't just beat Zack. He's going to have to end his career. CABOOSE Dan's putting a hell of a lot on the line here. Zack is no stranger to these kind of wild matches. There's a good chance it could be Black's career that's destroyed here tonight. COLE There's a lot of gimmick matches in this business that are put over as being dangerous. Hell In A Cell, Elimination Chamber, Judy Bagwell On A Pole. But in reality there's nothing quite as dangerous as simply two men with no rules, no limits and a lot of hate. Let's take it to the ring. Cue: "Quiet", Smashing Pumpkins. BUFFER The following contest is the Falls Count Anywhere match! Introducing first, from London, England, weighing 234lbs, he is a 3 time former tag team champion, along with multiple singles honors. An OAOAST veteran and one of the finest technical wrestlers in the world today. Ladies and Gentlemen, "the Ice Heart" Dan BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLACK! Black appears under the AngleTron. He has dispensed with his usual entrance attire and is ready to go in short tights, one leg white, the other black, long black boots and black elbow pads. He smoothes back his finely cut dark hair as he struts confidently down to the ring. A fan waving a "Franchise Me Zack!" sign gets an especially dark glare from Dan, but he resists wasting energy tearing it up. The fans, who have recently been somewhat warming to Black, are back in full hostility mode. Cue: " Getting Away With Murder" BUFFER Aaaaad his opponent! From Los Angeles, Califronia, weighing 195lbs, he is the former two time OAOAST WORLD! CHAMPION! The Franchise, the Legend, a true OAOAST Original, the man who takes vitamins O, A, O again, A again, S and T - Zack MALIBUUUUUUUUUU! Malbu springs out to a huge ovation! He raises his hands in salute and then turns his attention to the ring. Clad in, Zack walks quickly down to the ring, sliding in and into a crouch, eyes fixed on Dan, who paces back and forth, returning his gaze. Our referee for this contest, Nick Patrick, stands between the two with arms outstretched, looking from one to the other. The Buff-meister exits the ring in his usual smooth style, and Patrick gestures the two men to come to him. Dan and Zack walk over slowly, and suddenly are chest to chest, eye ball to eye ball, muttering curses at each other. Patrick stands a pace back and feels fortunate that there are not really any rules he needs to explain, nor checks for foreign objects. He turns and signals to the ringside bellkeeper. *DING DING* The two combatants remain head to head. A thin smirk comes over the face of Dan, who steps back and just spits directly into Malbiu's face. A disgusted "Ohhhhh!" comes from the crowd, which turns to a loud cheer as Zack reacts instantly, spearing Black down to the mat and hammering at him wildly! Dan covers up, but Malibu's blows are fiercely powerful, and Black takes some stiff punches. Black tries to fight back and lands a hard punch on Zack's jaw. The fans are wincing at the brutality of the strikes. Dan lands another vicious punch that stuns Zack enough for Black to shove him off of him. Black rises and grabs Zack by the throat as he gets to one knee, just trying to choke the life out of him! Nick Patrick can only watch uncomfortably as Dan squeezes with both hands around Malbu's neck. Zack's face grows red, but with an effort he rises and drives a knee into Black's gut, rushing all the air from his lungs and breaking the choke. COLE Oh my...this is just a fight! Those punches are horrible! CABOOSE Nothing being pulled here, folks. Both Dan and Zack are gasping for air. Dan rests against the ropes, but suddenly charges at Zack, who ducks his badly aimed lariat. Black spins around and eats a couple of right hands, then a left. Zack kicks him in the midsection again, doubling Dan over, and then runs the ropes and delivers a vicious Yakuza kick right to the side of Black's exposed head! Dan goes down hard, as Malibu pumps up the crowd with a yell of triumph, before stomping away on Black! COACH Ow! CABOOSE That's your insightful commentary? "Ow!"? COACH I don't have to take this, you know. You guys need to watch your backs. Dan tries to roll out under the bottom rope, but Zack grabs him by the hair and hauls him back. Malibu stings Dan with a headbutt, who fires back with a punch. Zack takes a hold of Dan and runs him over to the corner, slamming his face hard into the top turnbuckle. He repeats that in the opposite corner, and then slides Dan's face up and down the top rope, raking his eyes with the cable! COLE That's one of Tony Brannigan's signature manoeuvres! How insulting! Black tries to struggle away from Zack, clutching his eyes, but Zack again catches him and ties his left arm up using the top and middle ropes! Dan's eyes go wide, knowing that if Zack can trap him he'll be helpless, and as Malibu goes to tie up the right arm Black pokes him in the eye! As Zack turns away, Dan quickly prises his left arm free and fells him with a lariat to the back of his head. Black quickly runs the ropes and delivers a low dropkick to the Malibu's head. He then rolls Zack onto his back and plants his boot on Malibu's chest while raising two fingers in the Victory sign. Nick Patrick counts: ONE! Zack throws up a shoulder and shoves Black's boot away. Dan slugs him around the ear as he gets to his feet, and then grabs a front face lock, but Malibu just fights him off with punches. COLE We've still not seen any real wrestling moves in this match. Perhaps as we get further in Black and Zack will fall back on what they know best, but right now it's just a brawl. Black didn't even get chance to try to suplex Zack there. The two men are exchanging punches once more, and blood is starting to trickle from Dan's nose. Malibu gains the upperhand and whips Black off the ropes, catching him with a high knee on his return and then dropping another knee right into Dan's face. Malibu brings Dan up and whips him off the ropes again, going for an Out of Body Experince spinebuster~!, but Dan manages to push off of Zack as he whirls him round and land on the mat. Malibu sprints in but Black ducks his punch and takes Malibu by surprise with a leaping European Uppercut that snaps Zack's head back. Dan snapmares Malibu over onto his behind and then quickly lands a sharp kick right between his shoulder blades. The impact echoes through the arena, and with a twisted grin on his face Black steps back and delivers one, two, three more kicks in quick succession. Zack grimaces but doesn't give Dan the satisfaction of a shout of pain. Black runs the ropes and tries to dropkick the back of Zack's head, but he rolls aside and Dan lands on the mat. Zack jumps over and locks on Dan's Heart of Ice crossface! COLE Zack using Tony Brannigan's holds and now starting on Dan's! Does he really need to annoy Black? He's mad enough already! CABOOSE I don't think is really any kind of game plan. I think Zack's just got to the stage where he wants to hurt and humiliate Black as much as he can. I mean, Zack's tried to unite the OAOAST veterans against the threat of GPX and Drek Stone, but all Dan can do is keep gloating about how he broke Candie's neck all those months ago. Black quickly escapes the hold, forcing himself up to one knee and then slipping back out of Zack's clutches and trying to apply his own crossface, but Zack rolls forward and away before he can lock it on. Both men up and re-engage with more hard punches. Zack backs Black into the ropes and then sends him out over the top with a clothesline! Malibu looks down and runs to the ropes, sending himself flying towards Dan! Zack leaps out over the top rope like a torpedo, crashing into Black and propelling him hard into the guard rail! The fans erupt for this high risk move, as Dan clutches at his back and Zack rolls aside, trying to clear his head after the impact. Malibu is up first and, grabbing Dan up, slams his head into the ring apron. With Dan's groggy head still on the apron, Zack shoves a ringside official off his chair and grabs it. He raises the steel seating utensil to a cheer, and then swings at Dan's head! Black leaps away at the last moment, and chair crashes into the apron loudly. With a gleam in his eyes, Zack swings at Dan, who ducks. Malibu swings again, Dan ducks again, and this time Malibu's swing connects with the ringpost! The reverberation shakes the chair out of Zack's hands. COACH Zack's just trying to crush Dan's skull with that chair! Those blows weren't pulled at all! Malibu wrings his hands out, as Dan moves over and kicks him in the stomach. Black then picks up the chair and slams it down hard onto Zack's exposed back! Zack slumps forward and rests on the apron, and Dan grins, swinging the chair down at his head just like Malibu tried to do to him, but, like Dan, Zack is able to dodge and the chair only hits the apron. Black drops the chair and whips Zack into the guardrail, but Zack jumps up onto the rail instead! Dan watches open mouthed as Zack moonsaults back off the guardrail, sailing through the air and knocking him to the floor once more! COLE What athleticism from Zack Malibu! He really caught Dan by surprise there. CABOOSE I don't think there's anything either of these men won't risk to gain an edge. Zack rolls Dan back into the ring, perhaps wholly on instinct, but doesn't cover. Instead he brings Black up, applies a front facelock and lifts the stunned Dan up, dropping him onto the top turnbuckle. Malibu follows him up, looking for a superplex perhaps, but Black fights back with a couple of forearm shots and the shoves Zack back down. Malibu climbs right back up and applies a facelock, but Black headbutts him twice and then applies his own facelock! Dan stands up on the top rope, drawing Zack up to, and tries to superplex Malibu right out of the ring to the floor! The crowd buzzes with extreme nervousness as the two men balance precariously. Black tries to haul Zack up, but Malibu counters his grip and lifts Dan up and drops him down to the floor! Dan hits the mats hard face first as the crowd gasps! COLE Oh my God! Zack just dropped Black all the way to the floor! But The Franchise isn't finished. Dan rolls away and over onto his back, clutching his stomach, and Zack, still on the top rope, looks down at him, before leaping off and FROG SPLASHING Dan on the floor! Black goes into convulsions, while Zack rolls away holding his midsection and screwing up his face in pain. COLE OH MY GOD! There's got to be some broken ribs out there right now! CABOOSE Well this didn't waste any time in getting wild, and why should it. There's no limits being applied in this match. Zack drags himself towards Dan, and goes to hook a leg, but then shakes his head. "It's not over", he tells the fans with a grim smile. Malibu picks Black up and goes to whip him into the ring steps, but Dan, with a burst of adrenaline, manages to jump over them! He comes down still holding his stomach, and is distracted long enough for Zack to run up and use the steps to deliver a running shining enziguiri kick to the back of his head! Dan's eyes roll and he falls forward, face first onto the ring steps! COACH Black is just taking a huge beating here. He's got to try and get some offence together. CABOOSE I think Zack should pin him now. He's got the upperhand, he's hurt Dan badly - he shouldn't let a desire for even more punishment give Black a chance to get back into the match. But Malibu does demand more punishment for Dan. He's standing on the ringsteps and trying to piledrive Black onto them, but Zack has trouble dragging an extremely groggy and rubberlegged Dan into position. At last he gets him in a headscissors, but Dan holds onto Zack's trunks and won't be lifted up. Malibu pulls harder, unbalancing himself, and Black is able to backdrop Zack off the steps to the floor! Dan then rolls back into the ring, breathing heavily, and scuttles all the way across to the opposite side, desperate for some recovery time. Zack picks himself up and slides back into the ring to encouraging cheers from the fans. A "MA-LI-BU! MA-LI-BU!" chants starts up as Zack advances on Dan, who shakes his head, holding up his hands for mercy. As Malibu grabs him, however, Dan connects with a well aimed, if entirely predictable, low blow. Black springs up, grabs the stunned Zack and dunks him on his head with a nasty wrist clutch expolder suplex. Black doesn't seem interested in a cover yet either. He brings Zack straight back up and locks on a full nelson, looking for a Dragon suplex this time, but Malibu blocks by grabbing his own leg and dragging Dan's arms down. Zack spins around and clocks Dan with a fierce punch, then a trio of kicks to Dan's damaged midsection. Black winces and backs off, but Zack whips him to the ropes. As Dan rebounds, Zack connects with a flying forearm straight to the jaw. COLE The advantage is quickly switching here. I honestly can't call a winner at this point. Zack might be most people's pick, but there's a desperation to Dan tonight. He's going to do whatever it takes. CABOOSE But so is Zack. I think he's going to come out of this on top. He's just that slight extra level better than Dan. It's a tiny difference, but it's vital. Malibu picks Dan up and tries to suplex him, but Black raises a knee and kicks Zack in the head as he's hoisted up! Zack drops back and Dan quickly hits him with a swinging neckbreaker. COACH Dan just dropped Zack on his neck with the wrist clutch, so perhaps he'll now try and pick apart the neck. CABOOSE This isn't usually the environment for "target a body part" - but Black's ultimate aim is the destruction of Zack's career. A crippled neck will certainly do that. Black brings Zack up with his head in a cravat hold, torquing the neck, and then rams his knee into Malibu's face twice. Dan lifts Zack up and hits him with a brainbuster, dropping all Zack's weight onto his head and neck. Black scoops Malibu straight back up once more, takes him to the ropes and tries to lock Zack's head between the top and middle ropes! Nick Patrick protests, but Dan just shoves him away! Black twists the ropes around Malibu's neck, leaving him gasping for air! Dan quickly drops to the floor, grabbing up the chair from earlier, pretends to hit Michael Cole with it - COLE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! - but then swings at Zack's trapped head! Malibu leaps backwards, the chair hits the ropes and bounces back into Dan's face! COLE -EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! CABOOSE IT'S OK! HE'S NOT GOING TO HURT YOU! But I will if you don't SHUT UP! COLE -EEEEEEEEEEEEEE- wow, Dan took that chair right in the mush! Zack must not have been as properly trapped as Black thought! Dan is crouched on the floor, arm on the ring apron, clutching his face. Malibu, rubbing his throat, leans through the ropes and grabs him by the ears, dragging him up onto the apron. Zack steps out too, and kicks Dan in the gut before applying a standing headscissors. Malibu then gestures to the floor! COACH Is he going to piledrive Black off the apron - onto the floor?! Zack does indeed try, but Black grabs the middle rope to block it, and uses the spring of the ropes to flip his feet back onto the apron. He gets his head free and drives his shoulder into Malibu's stomach, then hoists the winded Zack onto his shoulders. Dan jumps and drops Zack head first onto the apron with a Death Valley Driver! Malibu and Black both fall to the floor, as the crowd groans in sympathy after the sick sound of Zack's skull being driven into the apron! COLE MY GOD! DAN BLACK COULD HAVE JUST BROKEN THE NECK OF ZACK MALIBU! Zack flops off the apron, landing with a THUD! on the floor, while Black stands on the apron, leaning against the ropes for support. Seeing his foe in an extremely wounded state, Black starts to ascend the turnbuckles, climbing up to the top rope and raising his right arm up into the air before leaping downward, taking that right arm and driving an elbowsmash into the sternum of Zack Malibu! CABOOSE These guys are killing themselves to kill each other! Malibu absorbs the impact of the blow, but Black rolls away in pain too, as his tailbone hates him for landing so hard on the ringside floor. His balance hobbled slightly, Black gets up with some help from the apron, then pulls Zack to his feet and slams his face into the Sofa Central commentary table, then throws him up onto the table, hammering on the Preppy One repeatedly with vicious right hands and the finding a microphone cable and wrapping it around Zack's throat, trying to choke him into submission. "THIS is your hero? THIS is who you passed the torch to? Dan hollers at Caboose, who can only look at one of his friend's being maimed right in front of him. "Tonight, the torch is passed to ME!" CABOOSE The hell it will be! C'mon Zack! Black drags Malibu off the table, still choking him, but in a last minute effort to saver himself, Malibu jumps up and kicks off the side of the table, sending Dan stumbling backwards and cracking his lower back against the ring apron! Black's hold is released, and Malibu quickly crawls on all fours and sucks in all the air around him, then takes the mic chord into his own hands and wraps it around Dan's throat, falling to one knee so that the pressure is on Dan's windpipe! COLE The hostility is apparent, their persistence is expected, but Dan Black has to realize that no matter how vicious an act, Zack Malibu is going to come right at him with equal amounts of force. Black squirms, trying to pry the chord off his throat, but can't. Instead, he swings to the side, ramming elbows into Zack's bruised ribs and forcing a break. Malibu staggers back as Dan tears the chord away from his throat, and seeing an opening, drives forward with SCHOOL'S OUT...but Dan catches the foot, and in one fluid motion swings Zack around, right into a rear waistlock...AND HITS A RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX THROUGH THE COMMENTARY TABLE! COLE HEADS UP! COACH YO~! CABOOSE Dammit, now my pretzel is on the floor. COLE Nevermind the pretzel! Zack just got put through our commentary setup! "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" The requisite chant comes up from the crowd, as Dan Black slowly picks himself up. Referee Patrick and our three commentators all circle Zack's body, checking for signs of life. Black, meanwhile, pulls one of the monitors up from the table shrapnel and raises it above his head, holding it with both hands...THEN THROWS IT DOWN ONTO ZACK'S RIBCAGE! Zack bellows out a loud cough as the air is driven from him, and Black immediately dives down for a cover, ordering Patrick to hurry it up! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE Zack Malibu rolls a shoulder right in front of our very eyes! CABOOSE C'mon Black, you know it's not over this easily! Black, hearing Caboose's commentary (seeing as how they're all of six inches from each other now) stands up and approaches Caboose. "You know something, you were a better wrestler than you are a commentator, and that's still not saying much." Caboose, incensed at Black's brash attitude, looks like he's about to pounce, but remains calm. COLE Caboose, easy there big guy. Black smirks, then turns his attention back to the fallen Malibu. He pulls Zack up, but Zack can barely stand, and falls down to one knee. Black snickers, and pulls Zack up again, then boots him in the ribs and goes for the BLACKOUT~!...BUT MALIBU LIFTS HIM OFF HIS FEET AND DROPS HIM CROTCH FIRST ON THE GUARDRAIL! COLE OH! CABOOSE You have the balls to say something to me now, Dan? "Ahhhh...unhhhhhh." CABOOSE Didn't think so. Malibu crawls through the shrapnel, then reaches up, using the guardrail to pull himself up to his feet. Breathing heavily, Zack takes a moment to regain his senses, then leaps up onto the guardrail and balances himself, then walks in like a tightrope before jumping up onto his rival's shoulders and snapping Black to the floor with a huracanrana! COLE Amazing agility from The Franchise! His energy slowly returning, Zack gets up immediately, and takes the weary Black and sends him into the apron, smashing Black's back against it once again. Malibu follows up with a hard lariat, sandwiching Black against the apron and then taking him and rolling him into the ring. Nick Patrick immediately enters the ring from the side, making sure he's in position for any falls that take place. Zack climbs up onto the apron slowly, then positions himself as he waits on Black to get up. Dan starts to come to his feet, and Malibu quickly jumps up and springboards off the top rope, onto his shoulders for another...SHORT POWERBOMB BY DAN BLACK! COACH He went to the well once too often! CABOOSE ... COACH What, I can't watch some Gordon Solie tapes? Black immediately hooks a leg, as Patrick comes down to count. ONE! TWO! TH-NO! Black pounds the mat in frustration, quickly bringing Zack up to his feet and whipping him to the corner, where Zack does a FLAIR FLIP~! out to the apron! Black immediately tries to lariat him off the apron, but Zack ducks it and shoots through the ropes, catching Black with a shoulderblock, then slingshots himself in so that he lands with a standing headscissors on Black, pulling him up...but Black falls back to his feet and backdrops Zack over! Black reaches down into his boot, pulling out a length of chain, and begins wrapping it around his fist, gleefully smirking as he turns around to nail Zack with the fatal punch...but Malibu ducks the shot...SCHOOL'S OUT~! Dan takes the superkick right on the jaw and falls back towards the ropes...AND GETS HIS ARMS TANGLED IN THE ROPES~! COACH He's trapped! CABOOSE Nowhere to run now, Black! Show him how it's done, Zacky! Zack comes over and rips the chain out from Black's hand, while the stunned Ice Heart tries to protest. Zack wraps the chain around his fist, and Dan weakly tries to kick to force him away, but Zack comes forward, taking his metal wrapped fist and pounding repeatedly and rapidly on the forehead of Dan Black! It's not long before the blood starts pouring out, the skin on his forehead being torn open with each and every shot. Zack pulls away to look at the damage he's done, and Black's eyes are half-shut, his face caked in blood...which he then spits at Malibu! COLE Now that's just sick. Malibu catches some of the plasma on his cheek, and immediately runs and delivers a soccer kick to Dan's nether region to return the favor! With Black trapped in the ropes, Malibu rolls out of the ring and grabs the steel chair off the ringside floor, sliding it into the ring before following behind it and scooping it up off the mat. COACH I'm no math major, but I think Zack + Chair = Trouble for Mr. Black! Malibu raises the chair above his head, and a weary Black desperately tries to wriggle himself free. Patrick stands by, unable to do anything due to the "no rules" policy of the contest, and cringes as Zack brings the chair down... CRACK! ...and across the top of Dan Black's head! Black's head drops low, as Zack brings the chair up over his head... CRACK! ...and nails him AGAIN with a vicious chairshot! COLE You want to talk about Blackout's, I think we've got a Black out right now! COACH That wasn't even funny to ME. You're lame, Mikey. Zack backs up, ready for a third shot, but all of a sudden the crowd starts buzzing, as the cameras cut to the aisleway, catching Scotty Static and Johnny Jax sprinting down the aisleway! COLE The GPX are headed to the ring! CABOOSE This has to be why Black was talking to them before! The GPX hit the ring, but Malibu fires off a quick chairshot that stuns Static and sends him rolling back out to the floor! He tries to hit Jax, who ducks the shot and runs the ropes, but Zack swings around, nailing him across the forehead on the rebound! COLE Zack Malibu has cleared out the GPX, and...oh man, here we go now! Cole is referring to the person that has caught Zack's attention...DREK STONE! Stone starts walking down the aisle, sneering at the man he has focused on in recent weeks. Stone continues with the slow pace, moving towards ringside while keeping Zack's attention, while Scotty Static has gone and untied Dan Black from the ropes. CABOOSE It's four on one odds now! Stone finally makes it to ringside, circling like a vulture, causing Zack to lose focus...and get jumped from behind by Johnny Jax! Zack drops the chair as he's clubbed between the shoulder blades, then spun around and lifted for a vertical suplex, but as Zack falls back Static comes and hooks his legs, resting them on his shoulders...and the GPX drop Zack with a combination neckbreaker/powerbomb manuever! Static then drags Dan Black over to Zack and lays him across The Franchise, while the Drek Stone looks on approvingly from ringside! ONE! TWO! THREE...NO! KICKOUT BY ZACK! COLE That persistence is shining through! Zack won't be denied tonight! Thinking on their feet, the GPX roll Black off of Zack and start stomping away at the fallen Franchise. Jax then motions for Static to go up top, as he pulls Zack up and stands behind him. Jax hooks an arm and lifts Zack pumphandle style, going for the Beat Drop...but Zack slides out behind his back and shoves Jax into the turnbuckles, crotching Static in the process! Malibu nearly loses his balance, but pushes up to his feet and as Jax turns around, he gets cracked with a SCHOOL'S OUT that sends him through the ropes and to the floor! Drek Stone jumps out of the way, nearly getting clipped by his ally, as Zack then runs to the ropes and springboards off the top, twisting his body to deliver an enzugiri kick to Static that causes him to take a somersault bump down to the ringside floor! CABOOSE Thatta boy, Zackary! Malibu gets up, wiping the blood from his forehead, turning to Dan Black, who delivers a quick kick to the gut and crunches Zack's neck over his shoulder with the BLACKOUT~! COLE No! Dammit! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! NO! KICKOUT! KICKOUT! COLE Just a two count! Black didn't get him! Frustrated, a bloody Black pulls Zack up off the canvas, holding his face close and trash talking him before kicking him in the gut again and delivering another...NO! Zack shoves him towards the ropes and catches him coming off with an inverted atomic drop, then tries a School's Out...CAUGHT! Black swings him around and kicks him in the gut again, and drops Zack with SECOND Blackout! COACH Zack and Candie are gonna have matching neckbraces after tonight! ONE! TWO! THREE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Patrick leaps to his feet, waving only two fingers in the air, much to the delight of the crowd! Drek Stone slaps the apron in disgust, and Dan Black does the same to the canvas, as Zack Malibu will not stay down! COLE He's taken out the GPX, he's beaten Dan Black to a bloody pulp, and he's absorbed all sorts of punishment. What else needs to be done for Zack Malibu to gain a victory? Black gets up and looks over to Stone, who nods his head. Black nods back in agreement, and pulls Zack up, again delivering a kick to the stomach...but this time, when Zack keels over, he's not prone to a Blackout...he's pulled down to the canvas and locked in the Heart of Ice! CABOOSE He psyched him out! COLE That's...that's a good move, actually! Black wrenches back on the weakened neck of Malibu, while Zack howls in pain, blood oozing from his forehead and dripping onto Dan's hands. Drek Stone stands ringside, shouting in Zack's face as he struggles for the ropes instinctively, not realizing that in this atmosphere, there are no ropebreaks! Zack continues to struggle, trying to power up, but when he does Black slams a forearm across his neck and forces him back down to the canvas, reapplying the hold! Zack again grunts in pain, as Patrick watches on, trying to see if Malibu is going to give in. Stone continues to taunt Malibu from ringside, as Zack tries to fight through the pain surging through his neck. Black wrenches back hard, putting as much strain on the prep as he can, but Zack channels his adrenaline and powers up, forcing Black to come up with him...and pulls Dan up onto his shoulders! Unable to keep Dan held up for long, Zack staggers near the corner and rams Black's neck into the turnbuckles, then throws him off his shoulders so that he comes down throat first on the top rope and slingshots backwards, landing flat on his face! COLE How much more can these two take? CABOOSE As much as they have to when company pride is at stake. Zack rests in the corner, holding his neck, while Black is barely moving, only slightly trying to get up. Zack comes out of the corner and pulls him up, driving knees repeatedly into his ribs to double him over, then hooks him in a front facelock...but Black counters by cradling Zack in a small package! ONE! TWO! NO! Zack rolls to his feet, pulling Black up with him, and quickly delivers the POP DROP~! to Dan Black! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! KICKOUT BY BLACK! COACH I've got a bad feeling about how this one will need to end. Not wanting to lose his momentum, Zack pulls Dan up and delivers another knee to the bread basket, then runs the ropes, going for the ZACK ATTACK~!...but Black pops up with a desperation lariat that knocks Zack out of mid-air! Zack rolls away from Black and away from a pin attempt, while Dan slowly pushes himself up to his feet. Zack gets up and runs at the recovering Original with a YAKUZA KICK~!, but Dan Black ducks and runs the ropes, delivering a YAKUZA KICK~! of his own, but Malibu ducks that! Black bounces off the ropes and runs at Malibu, whose back is turned...and delivers a Yakuza Kick to the back of his head, staggering Zack, then runs the ropes to deliver a normal Yakuza Kick...but Zack busts out the MATRIX DUCK~!, coming back up and getting spun around into a BLACK...NO! Black gets pushed away...SCHOOL'S OUT...NO! CAUGHT! Zack gets swung around, but once he's facing Black again, he grabs him quickly and drops him across his knee with a Rock Bottom Backbreaker! With Black down, Zack goes up to the top, climbing the ropes slowly, as he sees Stone moving near where he is. Malibu perches himself up on top, but Stone makes like he's getting up on the apron, which draws Malibu's attention his way. Stone hops back down, smirking, and telling the GPX to stay back, as Malibu contemplates what to do... ...AND GETS PLASTERED IN THE HEAD WITH A CHAIRSHOT FROM DAN BLACK! COLE Again, Drek Stone and the GPX help change the tide of this contest! Zack winds up losing his balance and crotching himself, while Black slowly climbs the ropes. He turns so that his back is to Zack, then reaches back and wraps an arm around his head... ...AND ZACK MALIBU TAKES A BLACKOUT FROM THE TOP ROPE! COLE OH MY GOD! CABOOSE Thank you, Joey Styles. Both men are down on the canvas, but Black quickly rolls Zack onto his back and hooks a leg, calling for Patrick to make the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE Dammit...we're never gonna hear the end of this now! "Quiet" comes up, but before Buffer can announce Black as the winner, and before Patrick can raise Black's hand, Drek Stone and the GPX hit the ring...AND ATTACK BOTH MEN!? COACH Huh? CABOOSE What the hell is this? Black isn't standing for long, as Stone nails him from behind, then throws him in the corner and starts stomping him down, then choking him out with his boot. Meanwhile, both members of the GPX are working Zack over, pulling him to his feet and knocking him out with a double superkick! COLE I don't...I thought Dan Black had an arrangement with these three? CABOOSE Apparently that deal is null and void! Jax drags Zack by the ropes, and much like earlier, tells Scotty to go up to the top. Facing the crowd, Static heads up and laughs, then leaps into action and delivers the STATIC SHOCK to a fallen Malibu, crashing down onto Zack's injured ribs! COLE This is too much to handle! These guys are doing a hell of a job at turning this company against them! Stone takes a bloody and beaten Black out of the corner, holding him by the hair and looking into his eyes, shaking his head "no" about something...then takes Dan Black and plants him with a Stonecutter! The two Originals are laid out on the blood stained canvas, and now the GPX take the injured Malibu and pull him up to his knees, each one holding an arm for Drek Stone to take an easy shot. COLE This is what it's about! The feud between these two men has been brewing for a while, and Drek Stone wants to put Zack out! Stone comes closer, looking down at Zack, who can't even open his eyes. Stone crouches down so he's at eye level with Zack, grabbing his jaw and holidng his head still, then tells him... "I'm not ready for you yet." Stone then pushes Zack away out of disgust and orders the GPX to drop him and leave him be. Even Scotty and Johnny are a bit puzzled by this, but do as their cohort says, and the three exit the ring. COLE This is a twist if there ever was one. Drek Stone and the GPX have claimed that this company is there's for the taking, and tonight, they've proven to be a credible threat by taking out two of its veteran stars! CABOOSE There's a storm brewing, Cole. I hope those boys are prepared for the rough weather as much as they are for causing it! Both Black and Zack are laid out on the canvas, and a horde of OAOAST staff comes down the aisle to check on them, while Stone and the GPX take a look back at the damage they caused, smiling to themselves, while we cut away.

What happened with Whitmer?

Alvin & The Chipmunks

Pretty interesting concept, but unless they rig it somehow I'd imagine there's gonna be some pretty scrappy wrestling in there.

For before the Zack-Black match. ------------- We're backstage, where Dan Black, in an appropriately black suit, strides down a corridor looking purposeful. He turns a corner and enters a door. The camera follows him in. Black turns to it: BLACK Hey! This isn't for you to see. A nervous cameraman speaks up. "Er, actually, we have full access to film every part of the arena tonight." BLACK You little bastard. I should- "We're also regular guys who can call the cops if you lay a finger on us." BLACK Well, don't you have balls. Come on in, then. I don't have anything to hide. Dan enters a room where Drek Stone and GPX sit at a table. They glare at Black. BLACK So. It's all agreed? Drek looks back at him with a gloating smile. STONE Oh yes. It's all agreed. You'll get what you asked for, Dan. Black also smiles. BLACK I think that's enough to make my point, Mr Cameraman. "But-" BLACK Get out. Before I- The camera drops and cuts out. We return to Sofa Central. COLE Wow! What did that mean? Has Dan Black - has he gone over to the side of Drek Stone and the GPX? COACH But Black T hate GPX! CABOOSE But does Black hate Zack even more than GPX? COLE Hmm. I hope we're not going to see Drek and GPX out in the Black-Zack match up. I'm getting word that we've tried to get Mean Gene Okerlund into the locker room to interview Dan, but Black keeps giving him the Black Out. Anyway, let's go to our next...thing...

I apologise for my lack of writing and indeed feedback of late. It doesn't help that at work they've added the smartmarks as a blocked site (wholly due to me repeatedly accessing it, I should think), so I get less time on the boards. I shall be trying harder in future. Oh yeah, decent pre-PPV show. I said I'd try harder *in future*

I don't think fans will care about that by now. And if they do, Brock should come in as a heel anyway so have him play off that.

So we have some kind of moral obligation to feel sorry for Hassan? That's pretty funny, actually.

COLE You know what I love? CABOOSE Sucking co- COLE That's right! Promos! I love promos. Cue: "Quiet" The buzzing guitars are accompanied by a mixed reaction from the packed crowd as "the Ice Heart", Dan Black walks down to the ring in a typically sharp suit. Black adjusts his tie and smoothes back his hair before entering the ring where a microphone is provided. COACH It's been a bad time for Dan Black of late. Twice in a row on PPV he's been defeated in tag competition by the likes of GPX and Crystal. CABOOSE While Tony Brannigan hit new heights, winning the much coveted World Title, Dan has been struggling. The crowd is mostly quiet, actually waiting to here what Black has to say rather than giving him his usual chorus of boos. BLACK Good evening, everybody. (he pauses) These are strange times in the OAOAST. On one hand, my good friend Tony Brannigan finally got what he deserved. Things looked good. On the other, it was taken away from him with predictable haste. And now, alliances are being formed. Some people in this company are very bitter about their position. And yes, yes, before you say 'Oh, Dan Black's such a hypocrite, he's more bitter than anyone' - I admit it. I'm bitter. I'm jaded. I look around the OAOAST and I see a sorry future. It seems like's there's only two alternatives. The way of the GPX and Drek Stone, where I and Tony and CWM stand aside. Or the way of someone like...Zack Malibu. The crowd POPS for the Franchise! BLACK Yeah, the company line! Let's all stick together, us veterans, let's save the company from these evil upstarts! Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking, these past weeks. And the question keeps coming up in my mind - why should I? Why should I side with people like Malibu? What has he ever done for me? Let me take you back a few years, to when the OAOAST had two shows. Monday nights, IntenseZone. For the best part of a year, that show was me, it was my life. I booked the show, I managed the show - I was the biggest name, the biggest talent on the show. And while the worthless roster that I got lumbered with struggled and toiled, what did the rest of the OAOAST do? They hung me out to dry. The Franchise, the man with all the influence, Zack Malibu - everytime a new talent appeared in the OAOAST, you could bet your life Malibu would ensure they turned up on HeldDown. This wasn't a war. It was a massacre. Dan pauses and looks around the arena, as the fans rumble with renewed hostility. BLACK And yes, this is history. Maybe I should be over it, but I'm not, and I won't be until I have satisfaction. I am the man to save the OAOAST from itself, to unite these warring factions. But to do that, I need to eliminate the man causing these divides, and we all know who that is. Zack, I want us to go at it one more time. But this time, it can't be just another wrestling match. I don't want to outsmart you, out wrestle you, I don't care about that. Pinning you, making you tap out - it won't be enough. It isn't about whose hand is raised at the end. This time I want to feel your bones break, your muscles tear, see your blood on my hands and hear you whimper in pain. No DQ, Street fight, falls count anywhere - whatever you want to call it, I want that match against you, and I want it at Licence To Pin. Dan drops the mic (thunk!) to a chorus of boos. He goes to leave the ring, but rather than his song being cued for his walk back to the dressing room, we hear the sounds of "Getting Away With Murder"! CABOOSE Mr. Black, I believe someone would like to respond to your concerns! Powered by the crowd pop, Zack Malibu walks fast to the ring, as Dan Black steps back and awaits him. Malibu climbs up the steps and into the ring, quickly coming to take the mic just as Dan was reaching down for it. A quick sneer is shot at Zack from his old foe, and Zack makes the "cut" motion for his music to be stopped. MALIBU So, now you've got issues too, huh? Now all of a sudden, all this stuff about how I jaded you, how I squashed your dreams, this is your new excuse to come at me? You know what, Dan...you and I both know that you're not just full of yourself, you're full of SHIT! The crowd ROARS at the zinger. MALIBU Because if you really wanted IntenseZone to succeed, it would have, but when you went through your metamorphisis and grew this ego, THAT was its downfall, because you turned a part of this company into nothing more than YOUR vanity project! IZ failed because YOU didn't WANT the top talent on that show. You purposely surrounded yourself with the unestablished and supposed washouts because you felt it would make you look superior, and it backfired, didn't it? Now that you have to deal with some actual competition, you're back to making excuses. You know what, Dan? I'm tired of making excuses. I'm tired of making counterpoints to these idle threats and stupid rumors brought out by you, or Drek Stone, or anyone. You asked me a question a few minutes ago, and here's your answer... WHACK! Zack drops the mic, and catches Dan off guard with a right hand! Dan is stunned, and he immediately dives for the legs, taking Zack down to the canvas, and the two are going at it in the center of the ring! COLE Security! We need this broken up! CABOOSE The bad blood has boiled over, and I think we've got a match set for LTP! Dan and Zack are quickly pulled apart by a slew of road agents and staff. Black threatens Zack's well being, while the frustrated Malibu, aggrivated at the lack of respect lately from Drek, the GPX, and now one of the Originals, tries to break the restraints and get at his arch rival. COLE You know, some other people in this business could stand to do more promo's like that. Quick and to the point! CABOOSE Talking about HHHim again, eh? COLE You know it. And what better way to get off that subject by heading to commercial!

There's no "Screw him, if he's late it doesnt get in" option.

"Calling Dr. Love" rocks out as the HIYAH International Tag Team Champions come jogging down to the ring. Dr Max Anderson and Dr Steve Pigley slap hands with fans on their way. Wearing green scrubs and their title belts, the Docs slide into the ring and salute the crowd. COLE It's been sometime since we've seen the Docs here on HeldDown. COACH They've been in Japan for the past few months, defending their tag titles against a variety of teams - and still hold them! Dr Max has a mic. DR ANDERSON It's great to be back here in the OAOAST! We know all you fans have been deprived of your regular injections of love medicine, but we're back and better than ever! DR PIGLEY So throw away your pills, prepare to be cured of your ills, no need to frown, just open wide and let the medicine go DOWN! CABOOSE Well that was lame. COLE *panting* That was awesome! DR ANDERSON We're prepared to give anyone in the back a shot at our titles, right here, right now. COACH Wow! I wonder who'll step up to challenge? The Docs are bouncing on the spot, looking at the entrance way, when suddenly two large masked figures come out of the crowd! Dressed all in black, they sneak into the ring and wait behind the Docs...who, responding to the crowd, slowly turn...into an F5 for Max from one masked man and a tombstone piledriver for Pigley from the other! COACH Oh my! Those guys must be at least 300lbs each! The masked men look down at the Docs and then just throw them out of the ring. One of them grabs the mic. MASKED MAN This is what happens when you play God, you frauds! We're going to be back to make your lives a misery, each and every week! The masked man throws his mic onto Max and the two leave to a shocked silence. COLE Well...the Docs return, and immediately get laid out by two masked mystery men! CABOOSE Mystery men suck. COLE Well, I hope so. Er, I mean, not this time! I guarantee it'll be good! COACH I guarantee this next segment will be good too! Especially if it features me in some capacity!

Official stats for THE COW: Name: THE COW Height: 6'7 Weight: 1400lbs From: The Dairy Entrance Music: "For All The Cows" by Foo Fighters Manager/Owner: Farmer Jim THE COW comes to the ring wearing a Ric Flair-esque robe. Basic moves: Headbutt, shoulder charge, back kick, bite, lick, grass spit, GORE, milk squirt from udders to the eyes Finisher: THE TRAMPLE~! (jumps up and down upon opponent until either submits or can be pinned) Weaknesses: Prone to blows to the udders, and also being tipped will render THE COW unable to get back to its feet. Also has an inate fear of leather and meaty snacks. Bio: THE COW is a real flesh and blood cow who has been trained to wrestle by her owner, Farmer Jim, who noted her unusual abilities while trying to milk her. Contrary to earlier rumours, THE COW is in no way two guys in a suit.

That'd be a waste of a good island. Unfortunately I don't think there's much we can do to stop these attacks except continue to hope that the groups organising them can be discovered and stopped in time.

Well, anyone found guilty will be thrown in jail for a long time, not deported. They caught one guy already.

Maybe this was a copycat attack carried out by people with less expertise...scary nonetheless. Hopefully they'll be able to catch the fuckers.

I also subscribe to Snape still being undercover. I think we'll learn in the next volume just why Dumbledore trusted him so much...and also Snape may well be one of the deaths of the next book.

Yeah, a shoot is just out of character, positive, negative, whatever.

Well, if I can do something as stupid as The Cow, I'd say so.

He conned the fans into thinking he was a French sympathiser? Well...he sure showed us. If he starts tricking gullible wrestlers out of their money in a Sgt Bilko type way it could be amusing.

Dan Black promo, and possibly Love Doctors back if I can find some opponents.

Joe's not really that stiff. The Ole kick barely makes contact and all his other big moves are perfectly safe, he's just great at making them look brutal.

Megson's brought in some decent experienced players for the defence and midfield...I'm a little worried at depending on Harris, Dobie and Taylor to score the goals, although Lester's return will help.

Cool. I'll write a promo and challenge from Dan, and you can add your acceptance - maybe a short brawl too?

Zackster, should we set up the Black-Malibu LTP match on next weeks HD?