Mystery Eskimo

I loved Scorpio & Bagwell. Those were some really fun matches.

Squash someone

Trinity is hot. But yeah, Sabin should have won the X division, he's been excellent.

I guess you could look at it like that. But to me it just seemed far fetched.

Agreed. Me too. Nah. He was good until the end when he was revealed to be.... Spoiler (Highlight to Read): some guy? C'mon...that was so lame.

***1/2- Happy family time. New years however promises to be ****3/4 drunken chaos. I'll never get tired of wrestling ratings for real life...

I have Steamboat vs Tully Blanchard lined up. Should be fun.

Darkness should have been Xmas no 1 over here, even though it was an awful song. That damn Mad World is so dull. I became a Darkness fan when I saw them at Glastonbury, which was an amazing set. I can see how people could easily hate them, but I think they're a lot of fun.

Fuck our Government. Not us. God knows they don't speak for us these days. MJ is presumed innocent till proven guilty. Personally, I think he's a very sick man who needs to be locked up for his own good and the good of those around him. But he has the right to continue his career. I don't see him cruising the streets of London for kids right now. And yeah, any parent who allows their child to spend time alone with any single man they don't know should be charged with negligence.

I like Nash...not in the ring, but he's a smart, funny guy. A manager/bodyguard/mentor role for someone would be fun.

Anyone else? Money, Shuffle, Alf, Teddy, Jay?

I thought you swapped spit? I'm sure I read that in this thread somewhere. Anyway. Norwich are ghey.

I believe he refused to lose to Homicide.

Christmas Credits Mystery Eskimo PRL La Parka SpiderPoet and the original writers of the past matches, whoever they may be.

The show opens on a set of wrestling boots, walking through...snow? The boots stop. More boots appear next to it. The camera pans up to reveal IZ boss Dan Black, a black scarf wrapped around his neck, a lantern in his right hand, sheet music in his left. Dan scowls and mutters. "Damn stupid promotional duties..." The camera moves out to show IZ stars Blurricane, Shuffle, Dangerous A, G Money, SPIDERPOET~!, Ted Weddy, Plushy Al Logan, Judas, Father, the Blurri-Rangers, D Nice, Alfdogg, JINGUS and Shooter Jay Darring~! The cluster of men look at each other unhappily, before music strikes up, and some kind of sound is forcibly emitted from the IZ stars... Silent Night... Holy Night... All is- BLACK You're way out of tune Blurricane! BLURRICANE Huuuuuuuh? TED WEDDY It's YOU Danny boy! You sound like a someones castratin' you, man! -All is bright Round yon Virgin Mother and- BLACK Cone, you'll spoiling it, sing properly! SPIDERPOET WHAT? *SLAP!* BLACK You'll regret that, you bitch! Come here! Sleep in heavenly- *CRACK!* Dan Black is layed out! Dangerous A attacks Poet from behind! JINGUS chokeslams Father! A BRAWL breaks out! Fists are thrown! Snow is thrown! Bodies are thrown! The camera pans up to show the sky, filled with swirling snow flakes, then down again, to show a pile of bodies twitching and covered in snow. A groan limps out: Sleep in Heavenly peace... Merry Christmas from all on IntenseZone Lights! Camera! Pyro! Jim Ross! JR Good evening everybody, seasons greetings from good ol' JR! Over the next two weeks, we'll be looking back over the past incredible year of IntenseZone, but tonight we'll also look forward to next Sundays big PPV show! Let's get to it!

::The camera cuts around to the otherside of the parking lot. The crowd is in awe for a few seconds, but once Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Cuban Wall, and Puerto Rican Lightning show up on screen, the booing begins. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez drags PRL by his right arm through the parking lot with Wall following suit.:: Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez: Okay. Okay. It should be here by now. Okay. Trust me, PRL. You will like this. This is a great gift we got you, to show you how much you mean to us in the Lightning Crew. Cuban Wall: Boss, this is a great gift. One of a kind. You will love it. I promise you. Lindsay: A lot of work went into making this gift. And we hope you are proud of it. Puerto Rican Lightning: What is it? I can’t wait. Lindsay: Okay. Here it is. Merry Christmas Puerto Rican Lightning! ::Puerto Rican Lightning looks around, and when he finds the present, his jaw drops. He jumps up and down and kisses Lindsay and even Cuban Wall, who wipes his face in disgust.:: JR: Well, what did he get? ::The camera turns around to reveal PRL’s big Christmas gift. The crowd is in shock. PRL’s gift is a red, blue, and orange low rider. Red on the left, blue in the middle, and orange on the right. On the front of the car is the official Lightning Crew logo. The car features spinning 20 inch rims, a gold steering wheel, red white and orange windshield wipers, a massive stereo system in the trunk, and a Lightning Crew air freshener. The car also has huge headlights and a giant red bow on it, which PRL removes. The crowd boos that PRL got such a nice car. Lightning hugs Lindsay once again and acts giddy like a schoolgirl. “P.R. SUCKS!” chants follow.:: Puerto Rican Lightning (Hyper): I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it! THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU ALL! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! WOOO-HOOO!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT SUCH A GREAT CHRISTMAS GIFT. Well, actually I can, but I can’t believe it happened this fast. THANK YOU LIGHTNING CREW!!! Hey, Wall, does, does it bounce? Cuban Wall: Sure. ::Wall presses a button next to the steering wheel, and the low rider starts to bounce up and down. PRL giggles like crazy.:: PRL: Wow! 20-Inch Rims. Now I look like a Rap Superstar! I-I-I-I can’t thank you enough! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez: We had this low rider personalized just for you. Puerto Rican Lightning: Aw, shucks guys. Thanks so much. This is mine! ALL MINE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Seriously, I will let only one other person drive it. And that person…. is CUBAN WALL! Cuban Wall: Thanks boss. I will be sure to treat it well whenever I get the keys. PRL: You deserve it man. From now on, this low rider is the OFFICIAL Transportation device for the Lightning Crew. I dubbed thee The Lightning Crew Mobile. We will be traveling city from city on it, and showing all these pieces of trailer-park trash what they can’t have! HAHAHA! Damn I’m good. ::Puerto Rican Lightning opens the door and gets into the car. He is amazed at how soft the cushions are.:: PRL: Wow. Great. ::Puerto Rican Lightning tries the windshield wipers and the radio which is quite loud. PRL jumps up and down in the low rider with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Cuban Wall looking on with smiles on their faces. PRL stands up in the low rider with a smile on his face.:: Puerto Rican Lightning: Hey Linds. Wall. You know that movie Titanic with Leonardo Di Caprio? Well, to steal a phrase: “I’M KING OF THE WORLDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!” ::Suddenly, a man dressed as Santa Claus comes to the parking lot. “Santa” is wearing the usual Santa Claus costume and is carrying a red bag. He walks around the parking lot wishing Merry Christmas to passerby’s, and gives sugar canes to some. PRL, Cuban Wall, and Lindsay look on in disbelief wondering why Santa Claus would be in a parking lot. PRL has an odd stare on his face as “Santa” comes up to the Lightning Crew members.:: “Santa Claus”: Ho! Ho! Ho! ::Looks at Lindsay:: HO! Merry Christmas, ya’ll! Look at what we have here. Three members of the Lightning Crew. Now according to Santa’s list, you all have been very naughty this year. Now, Santa should be sending you a lump of coal this year, but instead, since Santa is such a generous guy, he will be giving you gifts. ::PRL stares at “Santa” with an odd look on his face. “Santa Claus” removes some items out of his bag.:: “Santa”: Now first for Cuban Wall, here’s your present. Here’s a lollipop fill with lint. I would give you an actual lollipop, but you haven’t been good enough to deserve one. ::”Santa” pulls something else out of his bag. Lindsay Gonzalez stares at “Santa” also.:: “Santa”: Now, for Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. I have for you…birth control pills. Because since you are such a Ho, Ho, HO!, Santa figured that you need these. ::The crowd pops loudly as Lindsay drops the birth control pills on the floor. Wall and PRL become furious while the crowd chants “SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!”:: Puerto Rican Lightning: All right! Just who the hell are you?!?! “Santa Claus”: Puerto Rican Lightning. You are #1 on Santa’s list. Santa just so happens to have a gift for you sent by…let’s just say an old friend. Here you go, P.R. Happy Holidays! Ho! Ho! Ho! ::Puerto Rican Lightning receives a green box with a red bow on top of it. The crowd buzzes in anticipation as to what is inside the box. PRL hesistates but opens the box. He grabs what’s inside and freaks out as soon as he sees the gift. Cuban Wall and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez freak out also. The gift inside the green box was a wax head made to look like Puerto Rican Lightning. The head is decapitated from the body, which is made noticeable by the red around the neck and the fake blood dripping from beneath the wax head. The PRL wax head looks dead with x’s across the eyes.:: JR: THAT’S MUST BE FROM THE MAD CAPPA! THE MAD CAPPA HAS SENT PRL A MESSAGE!!! ::Suddenly, “Santa Claus” gives Puerto Rican Lightning the BUST A CAP! PRL does the Rock oversell on the concrete. The crowd pops loudly knowing who Santa really is. And they are right, as “Santa” removes his hat, beard, and jacket…. to reveal THE MAD CAPPA.:: JR: IT’S MAD CAPPA! THE MAD CAPPA IS IN THE BUILDING! GO GET HIM CAPPA! GET PRL!!! ::The crowd is cheering loudly. Cuban Wall goes after Cappa, but receives a low blow. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stands still screaming for PRL and urging for someone to help him. Cappa beats on Wall some more then picks up PRL and beats on him with the crowd 100% behind him.:: JR: THE MAD CAPPA TEARING INTO PRL 5 DAYS BEFORE THEIR NA TITLE MATCH AT BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN!!! The Mad Cappa whips PRL into a garage door. He follows with the IMPACT on the concrete. The Mad Cappa picks up the dazed Puerto Rican Lightning, and continues beating on him laying lefts and rights. He slams Lightning’s head onto a car, and then does it again onto another car. He then whips PRL into another car. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez: Oh God! Will somebody please help him? Will somebody help P.R.? Help! Somebody Help! The Mad Cappa gives PRL another BUST A CAP to another loud pop. The Mad Cappa flips PRL the middle finger, then whips him into a table. Cappa drags PRL through the table knocking down plates, food, and other items. The crowd cheers loudly as Cappa gets on top of the table, with Puerto Rican Lightning. JR: IS CAPPA GOING TO DO WHAT I THINK HE IS GOING TO DO? HE IS NOT! HE IS NOT GOINGTO SEND PRL THROUGH THE TABLE IS HE? The crowd buzzes in anticipation. Cuban Wall is lying on the concrete struggling to get up. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is screaming for Help. The Mad Cappa picks up Puerto Rican Lightning and puts him in a Piledriver position. The Mad Cappa signals to the crowd, then, drives Puerto Rican Lightning through the table with a Piledriver to the roars of the crowd. JR: THE MAD CAPPA HAS JUST DROVE PRL STRAIGHT TO HELL! BAWD GAWD WHAT A MOVE! WHAT AN INCREDIBLE MOVE FROM THE MAD CAPPA! THIS FEUD HAS BROUGHT OUT THE VICIOUSNESS IN BOTH MEN, AND NO DOUBT THAT VICIOUSNESS WILL BE ON DISPLAY THIS SUNDAY AT BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN WHERE PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING AND THE MAD CAPPA MEET ONE-ON-ONE IN THE RING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 7 MONTHS! ::The crowd is chanting “Cap-pa! Cap-pa! Cap-pa! Cap-pa!”. The Mad Cappa poses then spits onto an unconscious PRL.:: The Mad Cappa: Merry Christmas Puerto Rican Lightning! ::The Mad Cappa leaves the parking lot just as Cuban Wall gets up. The crowd is buzzing, chanting “Cap-pa! Cap-pa! Cap-pa! Cap-pa!” Tha Puerto Rican is still knocked out from the Piledriver and is lying on the concrete next to broken pieces of the table. Cuban Wall and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez go to check on Lightning and try to wake him up.:: Cuban Wall: PRL. Wake up. PRL. Wake up! Lindsay: Come on, baby! Wake up for me. Wake up for me please! Wall: Wake up boss! Wake up! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez: Will somebody get an ambulance? JR: PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING HAS BEEN DEALT A HEAVY BLOW GOING INTO BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT THE MAD CAPPA HAS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVANTAGE GOING INTO THE PAY-PER-VIEW! THIS SUNDAY, THESE TWO MEN WILL MEET IN THE RING FOR PRL’S NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP! IF PRL REFUSES TO COMPETE, HE IS BARRED FROM THE OAOAST FOR LIFE! WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WILL THE MAD CAPPA GET WHAT HE DESERVES? WILL PRL GET HIS COMEUPPANCE? WILL THE MAD CAPPA BECOME VICTORIOUS? OR WILL PRL SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY RETAIN THE NA TITLE? ORDER BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN THIS SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28th TO FIND OUT!!! ::The last image is of Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Cuban Wall checking up on Puerto Rican Lightning. Still unconscious. Still lying on top of shards of wood that used to be a table. Food, plates, and various items are scattered across the parking lot. A medical personnel comes to the scene to check on Puerto Rican Lightning.:: ::FADE TO BLACK:: ::Cut to images of Puerto Rican Lightning and The Mad Cappa fightning to the tune of Marylin Manson's "Fight Song":: Narrator: For 7 months, he has waited for this moment. Mad Cappa (V.O.): At Bloody, Battered, and Beaten, you will suffer a Cappa nightmare! Narrator: He has been avoiding this moment for 7 months. ::Clips of the numerous clips of PRL running away from Cappa.:: PRL: I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE MAD CAPPA!!! ::Clips of PRL and Cappa fightning each other are shown.:: Narrator: Now. Two young superstars with an undying hatred for each other will go head-to-head for the OaOasT North American Championship! Stephen Joseph (V.O.): If Puerto Rican Lightning refuses to compete at Bloody, Battered, and Beaten for any reason, other than a legitimate injury, PRL will be barred from the OaOasT 4-Life. ::Cut to a closeup of Puerto Rican Lightning.:: Narrator: Puerto Rican Lightning. ::Cut to a closeup of The Mad Cappa posing on the turnbuckle working the crowd up with a smile on his face.:: Narrator: The Mad Cappa. ::More PRL/Cappa clips are shown.:: Narrator: For the OaOasT North American Championship. ::Clips of the Lightning Crew nearly crippling The Mad Cappa on the May 27th edition of IntenseZone.:: Puerto Rican Lightning: I WILL CRIPPLE YOUR ASS AT BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN! I WILL GET THE JOB DONE!!! The Mad Cappa: I will walk out of Bloody, Battered, and Beaten the NEW OaOasT North American Champion! ::The Bloody, Battered, And Beaten logo shows up on the screen along with the IntenseZone and HeldDown logos. The info for the pay-per-view is shown on screen as "Fight Song" by Marylin Manson comes to an end.:: Narrator: IntenseZone and HeldDown present: OaOasT Bloody, Battered, and Beaten. Sunday December 28th at 8 p.m. Live only on pay-per-view. Call your local cable or satelite operator to order now! FADE TO BLACK

Back outside, where Dan Black and SpiderPoet are nose to nose, eyes blazing... POET Same old same old, eh Dan? Bullying Jim Ross when everyone knows the real object of your anger is ME. BLACK You flatter yourself, Petey. I don't feel anger towards you. Just disappointment that my nice new title got hijacked by a low life like you. This new title was supposed to be for the most exciting OAOAST athletes! Those who could put on heart pounding, blood letting matches! Hence, Adrenalin Title! With you holding it, it may as well be the Comatose with Boredom Title. POET Anglemania II, Stairway to Oblivion, that was boring to you? Double Tables match, you snored your way through that? Face it Dan, this title is with the PERFECT man for excitement. BLACK In a way, you're right. Because this sunday, there'll be plenty of excitement. Unfortunately for you, you'll only be causing it by the fans wondering just how much blood one man can lose in a match. You and I go back away, and I've seen you at your best and your worst. I know how to beat you, and you will NOT walk away with MY title. POET You know, I almost respect you, Dan. Almost, for all your achievements before you turned into this bitter, twisted man I see today. So, I would almost say you had a chance at BBB....almost. See you in the cage. Dan snorts, turns and walks away. Poet helps up Jesse and JR. JR Thankyou, SpiderPoet...I hope you kick his ass! We're almost out of time on this special edition of IntenseZone, thanks to Poet I've avoided getting my ass kicked, that's a pretty great christmas present! To all of you out there, a very merry christmas! Hey- there's something going on over there!

Ok, so next weeks show will be right before xmas. If people are too busy with that to write, I'd consider having a week off with no show. What do you think?

Ok, its all in the show, just waiting for the last segment. I'm afraid your segments aren't as spaced out as you wanted- theres not enough other stuff to put between them!

::We return to the Lightning Crew dressing room once again as Colombian Heat and Mr. Boricua’s singing and rapping continues. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is barely awake. Vitamin X is still knocked out. Thomas Rodriguez is staring at the wall. Cuban Wall continues cracking his knuckles and threatening bodily harm on Colombian Heat. “One punch is all it takes. One punch. I can knock him out easily.” Puerto Rican Lightning continues to hit his head with the book, getting more and more angry by the minute. Colombian Heat continues to rap while Mr. Boricua plays the kazoo. Boricua dances some as does Heat.:: Colombian Heat (Singing Badly): H to the Izz-O V to the Izz-A Dkdjfkdjfkd;dl;dfkdlfkd;lk;dfk;lk;ldk;ldkf;dkf;dfk;d H to the Izz-O V to the Izz-A That’s the anthem Get your damn hands up H to the Izz-O V to the Izz-A Fdolfdfldfldf;ldjdfl;dkl;dk;dk;dfk;ldk;fdk;kf;dkdkdsk H to the Izz-O V to the Izz-A That’s the anthem Get your damn hands up! That was “H to the Izz-O” by Jay-Z. Thank you all. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez: Can we go now? Colombian Heat: This next song is dedicated to the very man who brought me here today. That’s right, ya’ll. This song is dedicated to the greatest OaOasT North American Champion who ever lived. The greatest Puerto Rican Champion who ever lived. The most electrifying man in professional wrestling! The one. The only. The P.R. Menace. Puerto Rican Lightning! ::The crowd boos. PRL looks shy and smiles.:: PRL: Aw, thanks, man. I really appreciate it. But you don’t have to do this. Colombian Heat: Now Come on! PRL: No REALLY. You DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS! Colombian Heat: You’ve done everything for me man. You’re my best friend in the whole wide world. JR: Why doesn’t Heat see through PRL like we all do? PRL: Ugh. Colombian Heat: Ready Boricua. And a 1 and a 2 and a…. ::Mr. Boricua plays on the kazoo “Know Your Role 2K3 (Hollywood Version)”. PRL has a look of disgust on his face as he Colombian Heat begins singing, badly.:: Colombian Heat (to the tune of “Know Your Role 2K3 (Hollywood Version)”: PRL Puerto Rican Lightning Rules He rules the school PRL Puerto Rican Lightning Is the best The best in the whole world PRL Puerto Rican Lightning Is Great He is awesome PRL Puerto Rican Lightning Is the greatest wrestler of all time! Yes PRL Puerto Rican Lightning There is no one else Better than him PRL Puerto Rican Lightning Is the most electrifying PRL Puerto Rican Lightning Has the greatest moves ever invented Like the Puerto Rico Elbow The P.R. Nightmare And the FU Elbow Drop! PRL! PRL! PRL! PRL! PRL! PRL! PRL! PRL! PRL! ::Finally, with the crowd laughing, Puerto Rican Lightning stands up from the sofa and starts shoving Mr. Boricua and Colombian Heat out of the room.:: Puerto Rican Lightning: Alright that does it! Heat! Boricua! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out of here! You two, OUT! GET OUT NOW! Colombian Heat (worried): What? What? What’s going on? Come on, man. I thought you like it. Relax man, you don’t like it. It’s okay. I’ll just play the Lightning Crew theme song. Hit it Boricua! ::Mr. Boricua begins to play the opening for “No Chance In Hell” by Lloyd & Boyd. The crowd laughs at the kazoo playing Boricua. PRL has a look of disgust on his face. Colombian Heat starts jumping up and down as he begins rapping.:: Colombian Heat: No Chance That’s what ya got. Mr. Boricua: Ha, ha, ha, Yeah. Colombian Heat: We’re up against no machine too strong. Pussy politicians buying souls for us are… Mr. Boricua: PUPPETS! Colombian Heat: PUPPETS! But will Find their place In line But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz Cuz it’s just a matter of time Cuz you’ve got NO CHANCE! Mr. Boricua: You got no chance. Colombian Heat: No Chance In Hell! You’ve got no chance! No Chance In Hell! You’ve got no chance! Mr. Boricua: Got no chance. Colombian Heat: No Chance In Hell! You’ve got No Chance! No Chance In Hell! Come on, Come on Come and get it! Come on! Puerto Rican Lightning: THAT DOES IT!!! YOU HAVE SUNG 489 SONGS IN 44,000 HOURS!!! I’VE HAD ALL I CAN TAKE! GET OUT AND GET OUT NOW!!! Colombian Heat: Okay. Okay. Geez, way to be a party pooper, P.R. PRL shoves Mr. Boricua and Colombian Heat out of the door. Mr. Boricua stands up to PRL and grunts. He refuses to leave. Colombian Heat pats Boricua on the back. Heat: Let’s go Boricua. Apparently, PRL is in a bad mood today for some reason. Could it have to do with someone whose name rhymes with RAPPA? Puerto Rican Lightning: OUT!!! OUT!!!! O-U-T!!!! OUT!!! OUT!!! OUT!!!!!!! ::The crowd laughs then boos. Colombian Heat and Mr. Boricua leave the dressing room as PRL slams the door. PRL grunts and hugs Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez.:: Cuban Wall: You did the right thing P.R.! AND STAY OUT, HEAT! ::The rest of the Lightning Crew are knocked out. “P.R. SUCKS!” chants begin again. Suddenly, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez’s cell phone starts ringing.:: Puerto Rican Lightning: The nerve of some people. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez (on the cell phone): Hello? Yeah…Really? That’s great! Excellent. It’s here now! In the parking lot? Okay. Leave it right there. I’m going to the parking lot right now. Yes, he is here with me. Okay. Thank you so much. Bye. Cuban Wall: It’s here? Lindsay: Yup. ::Lindsay Hangs up the phone:: Lindsay: P.R., you will NOT believe what we have waiting for you in the parking lot! PRL: Is it a way to not fight The Mad Cappa this Sunday? Lindsay: No. But it’s the next best thing. Trust me. You will like it. The Lightning Crew all put money together to buy you a great Christmas gift. You will thank us once you see it. PRL: What in the world are you talking about? Wall: Just come with us. It will all make sense in the end. Come on let’s go. Trust me, you will LOVE what we got you. PRL: What about Thom and X? Lindsay: They’ll be okay. ::Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez grabs Puerto Rican Lightning by his right hand and leads him out the door with Cuban Wall following suit. The door shuts with Vitamin X still unconscious and Thomas Rodriguez sleeping on one of the sofas. The crowd is left in awe wondering what will happen next.:: COMMERCIALS

We come back to JR and Dan Black... BLACK You may think this little game was a joke on you, JR, but its so much more than that. Its another message to everyone on IntenseZone- everyone in the OAOAST- that I AM THE MAN, and will NOT CROSS ME! JR Keep your blusterings for the cameras, Dan, it don't impress me much! BLACK Save the Twain impression, you fat bag of lard. 2004 is going to be a BLACK year, I can feel it. The Rumble, Zero Hour, ANGLEMANIA THREE! Each of these events will bear my mark. JR I don't think so Black. Things are going to change around here- and the first step will be- SPIDERPOET! BLACK He's nothing! At BBB I will- JR Actually, I meant that he's behind you! BLACK Aww....crap... :: Dan turns slowly, as we cut again...::

::To The Lightning Crew dressing room, does the camera go to. Everything is the same as it was when we last left off, with the Lightning Crew all sitting on their sofas watching, in boredom, Colombian Heat sing and rap while Mr. Boricua plays a kazoo. Puerto Rican Lightning tries to control his temper while Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez falls asleep. Cuban Wall continues to contemplate hitting Colombian Heat while Vitamin X tries to get himself drunk with a bottle of champagne to try and get though the singing. Thomas Rodriguez pulls his hair out.:: Colombian Heat: I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn’t even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn’t even matter One thing I don’t know why It doesn’t even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme To remind myself how I tried So Hard In spite of the way you were mocking me Acting like I was apart of your property Remembering all the times you fought with me I’m surprised it got so far Things aren’t the way they were before You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore Not that you knew me back then But it all comes back to me in the end I’ve kept everything inside And even though I tried It all fell apart What is meant to be will eventually Be a memory Of the time I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn’t even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn’t even matter I put my trust In you Push as fall as I can go For all this There’s only one thing you should knoowwwwwwwww I put my trust In you Push as far as I can go For all this There’s only one thing you should knoooooowwwww I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn’t even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn’t even matter Take it Mr. Boricua! ::Mr. Boricua finishes “In The End” by Linkin Park on the kazoo. Heat and Boricua bow to the Lightning Crew, who half-heartily clap. Vitamin X is drunk and knocked out. Thomas Rodriguez is hitting himself with a book. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is trying her hardest to stay awake. Puerto Rican Lightning continues putting on his fake smile.:: Puerto Rican Lightning: Well, that’s the 12th song in a roll you did, Heat. Can we PLEASE take a break from the singing and do something else? Colombian Heat: Hell no! We are just getting the party started! PRL: OH GOD! JR: I don’t blame him. Did I just agree with PRL? Cuban Wall: I swear just one punch. ONE PUNCH. That’s all it will take to knock out Colombian Heat. JUST ONE! COME ON PRL! You know you want it to happen! Give me a shot! I’ll lay one on him so fast, he will never speak again! PRL (Tired and frustrated): NO Wall. Don’t do it. Colombian Heat is a member of the Lightning Crew just like you and me. Let him do what he wants, even if it is painful, stressful, and just plain horrible. Colombian Heat: Now this next song is another personal favorite of PRL and myself. It’s a little something-something made by a band called Rage Against The Machine that is also the theme song of IntenseZone. That’s right. It’s PRL’s favorite RATM song, “Guerilla Radio!” ::Mr. Boricua plays the intro for “Guerilla Radio”.:: Colombian Heat: Lights Out! Guerilla Radio! Turn that (BLEEP) up! Lights out! Guerilla Radio! Turn that (BLEEP) up! Lights out! Guerilla Radio! Turn that (BLEEP) up! Lights out! Guerilla Radio! Turn that (BLEEP) up! Transmission! Third World War, third round. A decade of destruction Sound above ground Ain’t no shelter if you’re looking for shade I lick shots in the brutal charade Puerto Rican Lightning: Hey Thomas, hand me that book. ::Thomas gives Puerto Rican Lightning the book he was using and uses it on himself. He slaps the book repeatly across his head wondering why he ever allowed Heat to sing in the first place. He gets more and more angry as the song continues to be butchered by Heat. Cuban Wall whispers to himself “Just one punch. Just one freaking punch. That’s all it’ll take.” With a psychotic look on his face. He grunts at PRL who doesn’t notice, since he continues to hit the book over his head. He utters to himself “Kill me. Kill me now.” And “WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?” The segment ends with PRL continuing to hit the book over his head, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez falling asleep, Vitamin X and Thomas Rodriguez both conked out, and Colombian Heat rapping “Guerilla Radio” by Rage Against The Machine while Mr. Boricua plays the song on the kazoo.:: COMMERCIALS

[We fade in to SPIDERPOET~! standing backstage with . . . SPECIAL CELEBRITY INTERVIEWER: BRUCE CAMPBELL!] CAMPBELL Bruce Campbell here with none other than Adrenaline Champion, SPIDERPOET! Now, Poet, nobody expected you to show up at the Adrenaline Tournament, let alone win the thing. And I’m sure you didn’t expect Dan Black to pull the stunts he’s pulled. But now, as we’re heading right into Bloody, Battered, and Beaten this Sunday, the question begs: are you ready? SP Good to see you, Bruce. You’re lookin’ good. BC . . . thanks. SP I mean, I remember when we closed the deal for you to work as a celebrity interviewer a few weeks ago up at the OAOAST Offices complex. Bet you never thought you’d wind up interviewing me, eh? BC [chuckles] That’s true. SP Come on, Bruce. Say it for me. Just once. BC [instantly annoyed] Oh, come on. SP Come on. Say it. BC I hate you. Know that. SP Campbell . . . BC [sigh] Fine. . . . “Groovy.” SP YES! That’s awesome. Thank you. BC Yeah, yeah. Just finish the damn interview. I want my check and a stiff drink. SP Aight, yo. Dan Black. Spider Poet. Bloody, Battered, and Beaten. I think that sums it up. Dan Black thinks he’s in charge, thinks he can run the show all on his own and do whatever he likes. He wants to control everything and thusly choke the life out of the OAOAST, bit by bit. Well, Dan didn’t count on the office actually paying attention. You see, Dan, we’ve been watching. We’ve been waiting. And finally, I had enough. I knew you’d want your fingers in the adrenaline pie, I knew you’d want to have no wild cards. And I also knew that I had to do something. That I had to at least TRY to stop you. And I did. Deal with it. And this Sunday, if you want to take it up to the next level, I’ll be at the top waiting to meet you. You’ll get every ounce of sweat, every drop of blood. And no matter who walks away with the belt this Sunday, this battle doesn’t end there. This battle is for the very fabric of the OAOAST’S EXISTENCE. And I’ll be here, watching, waiting, and fighting. No more talk. No more games, Danny. This Sunday, the beginning of your end begins. (SP looks at Campbell, nods, and leaves, leaving a wave of Intensity so strong in his wake that, as we fade out, not even Bruce Campbell has a snappy comeback.)

I've had 3 so far. Theres 3 more?

::Once again, the Lightning Crew dressing room is shown. More booing from the crowd and more “P.R. SUCKS!” chants. There is wrapping paper all over the room and beer cups on the floor. The Christmas tree lights are fading out and the decorations are falling off the wall. The Lightning Crew’s presents are stacked all together on one corner of the room. Glitter and streamers are all over the room. The music has stopped, and that is because, thanks to a close-up of a broken stereo with CDs lying all over the floor, the stereo is broken. Colombian Heat is standing up with a worry look on his face. The rest of the Lightning Crew are sitting on sofas staring coldly at Heat.: Puerto Rican Lightning: Heat, WHY did you break the stereo? Colombian Heat: Sorry! I didn’t know where I was going. I-I-I was jumping up and down happy that I got that poster you got me. I did not see where I was going. I did not know swingin’ your arms around like a helicopter would make my hands hit the stereo and cause it to fall and break. I didn’t know. I’m sorry, P.R. I’m sorry you guys. I promise I’ll pay you back. I promise. Cuban Wall: Hey, PRL. Can I NOW punch Colombian Heat? Puerto Rican Lightning: No Wall. Colombian Heat may seem like an idiot to most of you, but to me, he is a kind-heated, naive, short, scrawny Colombian who tries his best, and for that we should applaud him. Colombian Heat: I can make clothes that glow! Cuban Wall: How is THAT any good for the Lightning Crew?! Tell me! Puerto Rican Lightning: You don’t understand the bond that Heat and me have. No one does. I’m GLAD to have Heat apart of the Lightning Crew and you should too! Cuban Wall (whining): But he is an idiot! Puerto Rican Lightning: How do you define “Idiot?” Isn’t that just an adjective? I think George W. Bush is an idiot, but a lot of people see him as a hero. I think Vince McMahon is an idiot but he has a lot of people kissing his ass saying he’s a genius. Plus, Heat is genuinely talented in the ring, and the Lightning Crew only picks the best. Cuban Wall: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Let’s just kick his ass! ::PRL holds Wall back.:: PRL: Try to, and you’ll see yourself kicked out of the Lightning Crew! ::Cuban Wall and PRL stare at each other for a few seconds. The crowd buzzes in anticipation for what Cuban will do. Cuban decides to back off and lies back on the sofa. Colombian Heat does several movements urging Wall to fight him behind PRL’s back. Wall stares at PRL and Heat coldly.:: Cuban Wall: You win this round, Heat. Colombian Heat: YES! Score one for the Heatster! Puerto Rican Lightning: Now Wall, watch how a NORMAL PERSON deals with this situation. Heat, do you have a way to bring some music into this joint? Colombian Heat: Indeed I do, P.R.! ::Colombian Heat pulls out a kazoo from his orange baggy shorts. He dusts it off and smiles. The crowd begins laughing. PRL forces a smile while the rest of the Lightning Crew all gulp in fear hoping Heat isn’t going to do what they think he is going to do.:: Cuban Wall: Oh my god. Vitamin X: Heat, you wouldn’t. Colombian Heat: Boss, let me introduce you to a Kazoo! This thing is awesome! It’s one-of-a-kind. All you have to do is blow into it and voila! You are making music. It is so beautiful. I can’t believe something like this exists. Puerto Rican Lightning: I see. So, you aren’t actually going to PLAY that thing are you? Colombian Heat: Hell no, G. Mr. Boricua is. ::The crowd begins laughing some more as Mr. Boricua stands up tall with the giant red bow still on his suit. He grabs the kazoo and smiles with Heat. The Lightning Crew groan, but PRL forces a faux smile.:: PRL (Under his breath): Oh God. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez: Can’t we do something else? Cuban Wall: Can I kick his ass now? Puerto Rican Lightning: No! Uh…. Heat. (As much as I hate to say this), show us what you got. Colombian Heat: Really? Puerto Rican Lightning: Yeah. Knock our socks off. Show us your talent. Colombian Heat: All right! What is going to happen, P.R., I’m going to rap and sing YOUR favorite songs, while Mr. Boricua plays on the kazoo. How’s THAT for entertainment? PRL: Uh…great. Yeah. Go ahead (Let’s get this pain over with). Colombian Heat: Alright! Ready Mr. Boricua? Mr. Boricua: Ready. Heat. Colombian Heat: Then, let’s get down and boogie! This first tune is one I know your love, PRL. Presenting “Fight The Power” by Public Enemy. Colombian Heat style. ::Colombian Heat begins rapping while Mr. Boricua plays on the kazoo. Heat raps to the tune of the kazoo. The Lightning Crew all groan and look at Heat in pain.:: Colombian Heat: Fight The Power! Fight The Power! Fight The Power! Fight The Power! Fight The Power! Fight The Power! Fight The Power! We got to Fight The Powers That Be! 1989, a number. Another summer. Mr. Boricua: Get down! Colombian Heat: Sound of the funky drummer. Music hitting your heart Cuz I know you got soul! Mr. Boricua: Brothers and sisters! ::Colombian Heat continues rapping while Mr. Boricua continues playing the kazoo. The Lightning Crew all sit on the sofas and groan seeing the torture—entertainment take place. Puerto Rican Lightning crosses his arms and tries to sit through the song, but is having trouble doing so. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez looks like she is going to fall asleep. Cuban Wall cracks his knuckles waiting to attack. We leave the Lightning Crew dressing room with Heat still rapping “Fight The Power” by Public Enemy.:: ::Cut back to the parking lot with Jim Ross.:: JR: Well, it looks like the Lightning Crew Christmas Party has taken a turn for the worst. Colombian Heat being the entertainment? I feel pity for the Lightning Crew. Except Puerto Rican Lightning. He deserves no pity. Folks, we will be right back. We will check with the Lightning Crew later on. But now- JESSE Are you going to let me pin you, or not? JR Well...sure. Let's get this over with. It can be my christmas present to you. JESSE That's fine, Jim Ross. I didn't get you anything, by the way. JR rolls onto his back, and Jesse covers! ONE! TWO! Dan Black breaks it up! BLACK What the hell is this? Ventura, you're banned from my show! You can't come in here and win my match! JESSE This isn't a match, this is just you torturing Jim Ross for your own amusement! BLACK Oh Jesse, you know me so well...now GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM! Jesse squares up to Dan, who shakes his head in pity- before NAILING Jesse with a punch that sends him down to the floor, out cold! Black holds up his hand, showing STEEL KNUCKS! BLACK Poor deluded Jesse. Will you never learn? And now, as for you, Jimmy... Dan advances on JR... JR BAH GAWD! Help! Someone! We hear Dan's evil chuckles as we cut away...