Mystery Eskimo

[iZ returns, as backstage, the venerable Gary Michael Cappetta is standing with the still-active "Shooter" Jay Darring.] CAPPETTA: "Shooter" Jay Darring, after weeks of torture from your brother, you managed to hang on to your job here in OAOAST and not only that, you earned a World Title shot thanks to Peter Cone. How does it feel for the worst to be over? JAY: You see, that's the thing Cappetta, the worst isn't over, the worst is yet to come. My brother may be at home this week "recuperating" from that Even Flow DDT, but rest assured, once he's done whining over his failure he'll have something even more hideous planned to end my career. But you know what? Bring it. Bring it on. CAPPETTA: We just heard Stephen Joseph from OAOAST Corporate announce the Unlucky 7 Elimination Chamber match as the main event for the next OAOAST Pay Per View spectacular, Deadly Game. Thoughts on that? JAY: Oh boy, oh boy, I so hope that's my title shot. Because Corporate, whether they know it or not, created a match that's tailor made for me. The unforgiving steel, the blood, the violence, the high risk- who else can handle that? Just me. Who survived the Inferno matches, thumbtack matches, no-rope barbed wire matches, the Cage of Death? Just me. I live for this shit Cappetta. High risk, high pressure, high stakes, nothing can kill me, NOTHING, and when that final bell rings, there is no doubt in my mind that the next OAOAST Champion, the sole survivor, will be Mr. Unbreakable, "Shooter" Jay Darring. THAT'S Harsh Reality. JR Fighting words from Jay- Good gawd we have a situation backstage!! (We cut backstage where security is holding back the Dream Machines from entering TNT’s locker room. TNT taunts PK and Parka from the doorway.) PARKA You sons of bitches!! Get out here!! BURNS What’s wrong? Why can’t you get in?? SECURITY OFFICER Sir you need to calm down! PARKA I’ll calm down once I’m done with these idiots!! BRIDGES Come on Parka! Just toss these rent-a-cops aside and come after me! SECURITY OFFICER Sir if you try to physically attack us I will be allowed to use force! Now calm down! PARKA Fine…I’m not losing my cool because you want me to. You want to fight? You want destruction? Then let’s have a Falls Count Anywhere match at Deadly Game! BURNS That sounds like a plan! Hey maybe we’ll toss you two over a cliff like we did your car! (Burns slams the door shut.) PARKA Come here you asshole! (The Security Guards stop Parka and escort the Dream Machines away.) JR Bah gawd! A Falls Count Anywhere match at Deadly Game for the Tag Titles!! I can’t believe it!

JR Welcome back...we've just seen some major announcements. Allow me to summarise! 1- Stephen Joseph has been released from retirement by Caboose and will return to the ring next week in Dan Black's Gauntlet challenge! If he survives, there's a World Title shot! 2- At Deadly Games, the OAOAST World Title will be on the line in an Elimination Chamber match! Challengers from IZ are PRL, Jay Darring and the winner of this match coming up! 3- Also at D.G., we'll see a triple threat tag match pitting the Deadly Alliance against Dan Black's team against a Corporate team! PHEW! BAH GAWD! Let's get to the ring! GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA This next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the #2 spot in the Intense 5 rankings!!! JR This should be a good match between two men who respect each other for once. This is just two men who want to climb the ladder and they both deserve it. CUE: Rock You Like a Hurricane GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA Coming to the ring, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 190 pounds, the #2 ranked wrestler in the Intense 5, THE BLURRICANE!!!! (Pyro shoots out of the stage as Blurricane flies into the air and comes down with his arms extended. Blurricane then swooshes to the ring and poses as the fans cheer. He then tosses his cape to ringside and awaits his opponent.) JR I understand that Blurricane has brought Judas to the building tonight to keep an eye on him, but he didn’t bring him out to ringside. CUE: The Horror by RJD2 GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA Coming to the ring, from Lynnwood, Washington, weighing in at 255 pounds, THE SHUFFLE!!!! (Pyro explodes from the stage as Shuffle comes out dancing. Shuffle then makes his way to the ring while slapping hands with the fans. Shuffle slides into the ring and shakes Blurricane’s hand before posing on the turnbuckles as his music dies out.) JR What a show of sportsmanship! It’s nice to know that some people still have it. *DING DING DING* Both men circle around the ring waiting for the opportune time to lock up. They stop, lock up, and begin fighting for control. Blurricane goes for the Irish Whip, but it’s reversed and Shuffle hits a Drop Toe Hold on Blurricane. Shuffle then quickly dives onto him for a Side Headlock and pulls him to his feet before taking him back down with a Headlock Takeover. Shuffle makes a quick cover, but only gets a 1 count. Shuffle and Blurricane both stand and lock up again. This time Blurricane grabs the Headlock, but Shuffle shoves him off to the ropes. As Blurricane comes back he Shoulder Blocks Shuffle down and then hits the ropes. Blurricane crosses over Shuffle and goes for a Senton Splash on his way back, but Shuffle moves and Blurricane hits nothing but mat. Shuffle makes another quick cover and only gets a 1 count. JR Both men start out with a basic wrestling display and Shuffle gets a couple of one counts. He’ll have to do more than that! Both men stand again as the fans applaud their exchange. They lock up again and this time Shuffle whips Blurricane to the ropes before tossing him with an Overhead Belly to Belly. Blurricane gets up and Shuffle kicks him in the gut before lifting him up and slamming him down with a Vertical Suplex. Cover. 1 2 Kickout! Shuffle gets back up and waits for Blurricane to stand before taking him back down with a Clothesline. Blurricane stands up again and Shuffle takes him back down with a Dropkick. Shuffle stands one more time and waves Blurricane on. JR The Shuffle has Blurricane stunned and this crowd loves the action so far! Blurricane approaches Shuffle slowly as Shuffle calls for a test of strength. The fans cheer as both men go to a Roman Knucklelock and try to gain the advantage. Blurricane then kicks one of Shuffle’s hands away before twisting his arm into an Arm Wringer. Blurricane wastes no time in taking Shuffle down with a deep Armdrag! Blurricane follows this up by hitting the ropes and dropping a Legdrop onto Shuffle. Cover. 1 2 Kickout! Blurricane pulls Shuffle to his feet, whips him to the ropes, and hits a Neckbreaker Takedown. Cover. 1 2 Kickout! Blurricane pulls him up again and goes for a Hurricanrana, but Shuffle blocks it and goes for the Shuffle Bomb! Blurricane punches away at Shuffle to avoid the bomb and ends up flipping over for a Sunset Flip. Cover. 1 2 Kickout!! Both men get to their feet and Blurricane grabs Shuffle for the Eye of the Blurricane, but Shuffle twists his way out until he’s behind Blurricane. Shuffle then hits a Backdrop Suplex on him. JR Things are heating up bah gawd! This could be a slobberknocker after all! Shuffle then pulls Blurricane up and whips him into the corner where he comes running in for a Clothesline! Blurricane falls forward to the mat and Shuffle goes for the cover. 1 2 Kickout!! Shuffle then climbs to the top and waits for Blurricane to stand before coming off with a Missile Dropkick. Blurricane sees the move coming and side steps so that Shuffle crashes to the mat. Blurricane picks him back up and goes for the Chokeslam, but Shuffle elbows his way out. Blurricane grabs him again for the Chokeslam, but this time he counters into an Armdrag as Blurricane lifts him up! The fans cheer for the amazing reversal as Shuffle gets up and shows signs of getting his second wind. Blurricane starts to stand and is caught in an Irish Whip by Shuffle. As Blurricane bounces back he is hit with a Standing Spinebuster by Shuffle! Cover. 1 2 3…No!!! Shuffle then pulls Blurricane back to his feet and goes for the Shuffle Bomb again. He gets Blurricane up, but Blurricane grabs the top rope and pulls himself over, taking Shuffle with him to the outside! Both men tumble out and land hard on the floor! JR Bah gawd both men could be broken in half!!! The ref begins his 10 count as the two of them lie on the ground. 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…Blurricane begins to move…8…Shuffle begins to move…9…Blurricane quickly rolls halfway into the ring to stop the count, but he is too out of it to do anymore. JR That spill to the outside took both men down a notch! I think Shuffle took the worst of it though! After a few seconds Blurricane pulls himself the rest of the way into the ring as Shuffle pulls himself up and comes back in too. Blurricane finally reaches his feet and grabs Shuffle. He then begins the setup for the Blur Effect, but Shuffle fights it and breaks free. Shuffle then grabs him and hits a Belly to Belly Suplex! The move took a lot out of Shuffle and he is slow to make the cover. 1 2 3…No!! Both men slowly make it to their feet and Shuffle goes to kick Blurricane in the gut, but Blurricane catches his foot. Shuffle takes the opportunity to go for an Enziguri, but Blurricane ducks the move and Shuffle hits the mat face first! Blurricane then backs up to the ropes and waits for Shuffle to get up. As Shuffle reaches his knees Blurricane comes in and hits the Shining Black! Cover. 1 2 3…No!!! The fans let out a loud sigh as Blurricane only gets a two count. Blurricane then pulls Shuffle up and sets him up for the Blur Effect, but once again Shuffle desperately fights out. JR Shuffle doesn’t want to lose this match and he’s fighting with all he’s got to keep from getting the Blur Effect!! Blurricane grabs Shuffle and goes for the Chokeslam, but Shuffle elbows out and kicks him in the gut. Shuffle then goes for the Shuffle Bomb, but Blurricane reverses into a Back Body Drop. Before Shuffle can go all the way over he drops down for a Sunset Flip, but Blurricane rolls through and pulls Shuffle up. Blurricane then kicks him in the gut, sets him up, and hits the Blur Effect! Cover. 1 2 3!!! *DING DING DING* JR Good gawd what a match!! Shuffle fought it off as much as he could, but he finally fell victim to the Blur Effect! GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA Here’s your winner, and still ranked #2 in the Intense 5! THE BLURRICANE!!!! Shuffle pulls himself up and looks at Blurricane. The fans quiet down in anticipation as Shuffle extends his hand and both men shake. The fans cheer loudly as Blurricane pats Shuffle on the back and raises his hand. JR What great sportsmanship! And what a result for Blurricane as he takes that spot in the Elimination Chamber match! Don’t go away folks because we have more to come! COMMERCIALS

:: No sells the DoD with the power of his 3000th post ::

Ok. Show will probably end up posted late again, so no hurry.

Huh?

JR Welcome back, and BAH GAWD, that was a hell of a speech from Alfdogg! He's clearly hell set on getting his own way with the Deadly Alliance here on IntenseZone, but I have to wonder how Dan Black will take that. In fact-let's go backstage right now. :: cut to the familar interior of Dan Black's luxurious office. Dan is sitting at his desk, watching a tape. We pan around and see what he's watching, before cutting to it entirely. We see OAOAST Champion Calvin Czechstein, title belt slung over his shoulder, on a talk show. The camera is fixed on Calvin so we don't see his interviwer. Calvin is in mid-flow :: CALVIN -so, I'm still undefeated champion, and you're about to see the OAOAST get bigger, better under my reign. HOST What vision do you have for that OAOAST future? CALVIN Well- obviously, my brand, the brand I helped create, HeldDOWN, will soon eliminate IntenseZone from the air. We're just so much better they'll be forced to quit and work in McDonalds. Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact- :: The screen vanishes. We return to the office to see Dan has flicked off the tv angrily :: DAN That's it. I've had enough. :: Black gets up, just as Naz Mistry bundles through the door! :: NAZ Mr. Black! Mr. Black! :: Dan cuffs Naz around the head and swears :: BLACK What the hell do you want? I'm busy. NAZ You just missed Alfdogg out in the ring. He-he cussed you man! He cussed you good! BLACK What did he say? NAZ Here, I got the tape! BLACK Fine. I'll watch this...you go out and check the ring is clear. I've got somethings to say... ::cut back to Jim Ross :: JR Well, while we await Dan Black, its time for that interview with the one and only Stephen Joseph. Ladies and Gentleman, two weeks ago at World Without End, Stephen Joseph was viciously attacked in an impromptu match with the Shadow. After pinning Stephen, the Shadow unmasked to be none other than former OAOAST Champion Alfdogg. Let's take you back to that dreadful night. ----- [clip] SJ slowly hobbles to his feet and backs Mario into the corner, who, unknowingly to Popick, kicks the cricket bat back to Shadow!!! Shadow clips Popick's knee with the back, then goes to the top...SHADOW SPLASH CONNECTS~!!! [clip] Shadow sends Mario under the ring, and he retrieves a BARBED WIRE CHAIR~!!! Shadow raises the chair and hammers the knee of SJ with the barbed wire chair!!! He then goes back to the top rope, as Mario places the chair on his leg...and PILLMANIZES THE KNEE WITH THE BARBED WIRE CHAIR~!!! [clip] ALFDOGG (CONT'D) You're a DISGRACE to this logo, Popick, A DISGRACE [clip] This is called World Without End? Well, your world is now an eternal nightmare... Because it JUST GOT DEADLIER. "The Wall" by Kansas plays, as Alf spits on Popick and throws the mic down, and the new DA celebrates in the ring together. ----- JR Mounting troubles with Dan Black and his Blackheart security, Alfdogg and The Deadly Alliance besiege Stephen Joseph and his corporate team. Stephen Joseph is still undergoing physical therapy on his knee, but as agreed to an interview. Hopefully, we can start explaining some of what is going on here tonight. Stephen, are you there? ::The AngleTron flickers on, and Stephen Joseph's mug appears on the screen, popping the crowd in applause. He is sitting on a couch in what looks to be a lodge setting. Very posh therapy indeed. Stephen sips on a gin and tonic and nods to JR:: STEPHEN JOSEPH Yes, JR, I'm here. Glad to hear your voice:: JR Can you give us an update on your injuries? STEPHEN JOSEPH JR, after having my knee clipped, a tendon was pinched. The "Pillmanizer" to it only made it worse. To be honest, I can't remember much about that night. Doctors tell me I was completely passed out from the pain. My knee's FUBAR'ed JR, but with help, and time, I'm told I'll be able to walk normally without assistance from my trusty knee brace. I'm pretty pissed off about the whole thing. JR I don't think anyone can blame you Stephen. Does this change any of your plans for the upcoming PPV? STEPHEN JOSEPH Yes JR. It definitely changes plans. First Dan Black costs my pal JINGUS his world title victory, Alfdogg destroys me, Dangerous A calls me out, and Northstar becomes HeldDOWN General Manager? It definitely isn't looking up. But there are a few business items I'd like to run down here right now. It seems everyone wants a shot at Calvin, and who can blame them? Thusly, at Deadly Games, a PPV I produce, we will see 7 lucky or unlucky men or women get a shot at the World Title. And even better, we bought the rights to the ELIMINATION CHAMBER as well. Seems our competition is a little low on cash these days. So...Calvin? Enjoy your last month's reign as World Champ. You're soon to be eliminated. JR 7 PERSON ELIMINATION CHAMBER AT DEADLY GAMES. BY GAWD! STEPHEN JOSEPH I'm not done with my matches yet JR. No, I call this one Between a Rock and a Hard Place. You see, I'd like to take out two birds with one stone, so at Deadly Games, we will have Dan Black and Blackheart Security facing The Deadly Alliance...facing a Corporate Team of my choosing. ::Cue Quiet, Smashing Pumpkins:: JR BY Gawd, Dan Black has come out here and ruined Stephen's interview time! DAN BLACK Cut the damn music! ::He turns to face the AngleTron and Stephen Joseph:: Stephen! Real Short, Real sweet. Just got off the phone with Caboose. He's lifted your retirement. I promised Caboose I'd make your life hell, so I hope you like it. YOU'll be in that Triple Threat match, and it won't work. You have to know that as long as The Deadly Alliance follow my lead, we'll double team your Corporate ass to hell! But remember, Caboose lifted your suspension right? So you're coming in next week Stephen, to face MY Gauntlet! How many people, who knows? Who cares? It'll be waayyyy more than your busted knee can handle my friend. Call it a welcoming back present. STEPHEN JOSEPH How about I just not show up? DAN BLACK Oh you'll show up Stephen, because if you don't, It's straight back to retirement city for you. But since you have no incentive to show up, I will throw in a shot at the World Title if you somehow manage to actually beat the gauntlet. STEPHEN JOSEPH So, stay retired or get a shot at the World Title? DAN BLACK If you can ... STEPHEN JOSEPH As I said, stay retired or get a shot at the World Title? Deal. See you next Monday Blackie. JR BY GAWD! Next week, Stephen Joseph RETURNS and runs a GAUNTLET? But against who? And- DAN BLACK Shut your fat face, Jim Ross! I can see your lips moving! I'm not done! Two more things. Two things Stephen Jospeh has done that I happen to AGREE upon. First, the 3 way at Deadly Games? Not only will it be a pleasure to see you torn apart, Joseph, but Alfdogg- Alf, my words to you clearly havn't registered. So I'll take pleasure in kicking them right into your thick skull, personally. Secondly- the Elimination Chamber. Calvin, I'm sick of you running down IntenseZone. MY SHOW! MY WORLD, DAMN YOU! So as far as I'm concerned, the more people you have to go through, the better. Now, as there will be six challengers in that Chamber, it's only fair that 3 of them come from IntenseZone. And one of those contenders should be the I5 number one, Puerto Rican Lightning! So HE IS IN THE CHAMBER! JR BAH GAWD! PRL will be one of the contenders at Deadly Games! DAN BLACK For the second contenders...well, unfortunatley last week Jay Darring some how contrived himself a shot. So hell, let's throw him in too! :: Big POP from the crowd! :: DAN BLACK And IZ's third competitor- hell, I think it should be....................ME. :: Big BOOOOOOOOOOOS from the crowd! :: DAN BLACK It should be me...but I have other business to take care of. Calvin, believe me, I will be back for you. So, the third contender will be the man ranked number 2 in the I5. Right now that is *shudders* Blurricane. I don't like the freak, but I have to play by the rules of the I5. Blurricane does, however, have a match tonight against the Shuffle, where the number 2 spot will be on the line. Now, I don't care who wins. Just put on a match that makes ME proud, and makes INTENSEZONE proud. Calvin...Alf...Stevie...you'll all learn when it comes to Deadly, the true definition is BLACK. :: Dan throws down the mic and exits :: JR HUGE announcements from Dan and SJ! We have to take a break, but don't go ANYWHERE! COMMERCIALS

JR First up we have some footage of an incident that took place after we went off air last week. As you'll remember, the Dream Machines problems with TNT continued as the Dream's machine was STOLEN by Bridges & Burns! And THIS is the conclusion of the chase! (We cut to a cameraman inside a car that is driving up to where TNT are standing beside the El Camino.) BURNS Bring that camera over here!! I want the Dream Machines to see this! Their precious car is about to go up in flames! They want to steal our chance at gold so we’re gonna steal their ride! (Bridges puts the car into neutral and motions for the cameraman to back up. Then both Burns and Bridges push the car and send it falling over the edge! Right as the car goes over the Dream Machines arrive in PK’s rental car! Parka gets out of the car and runs after TNT, but they jump into the cameraman’s car and take off. In the background we can hear the Camino explode as it crashes.) PARKA SON OF A BITCH!!!!! (Parka shoves the cameraman down out of anger and the picture turns to static.) JR TNT destroyed the El Camino!!! Things are out of hand between these two teams! Hopefully we'll get word on that situation here tonight, but- ::"Sweet Child O Mine" by Guns N Roses plays and Alfdogg makes his way to the ring with a mike. Alf: "Tonight's the night people...you, right here, get to see ME, Alfdogg, make his official return to OAOAST action." (crowd boos) "But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about Eskimo Boy Black, and what happened last Monday. Last Monday, Eskimo Boy Black calls us into his office, and says he's going to tell us "our place." Well, Eskimo Boy, maybe you forgot just who the hell you're dealing with. I thought you knew better. You've been here virtually since the beginning, just like I have. You've seen every formation of the Deadly Alliance come and go. I'd think you'd know this, Eskimo: Our place is wherever we damn well please. Watts knew it when he was running the show, and so did Popick. If they couldn't stop us from doing as we pleased, don't think for one second that you're going to step from your igloo and throw your weight around, tell us what to do, because it's not going to work. We don't do what you tell us, we don't do what ANYONE tells us. And also remember, Eskimo, I am the reason you're in the place you are in this business today. If you didn't get that win over me about a year ago...you wouldn't be SHIT. You wouldn't even be a blip on the OAOAST radar. I was the only champion in the OAOAST who had the integrity to put his belt on the line against you, a mere midcarder at the time. Everyone else had their noses stuck in the air, only wanted the top teir guys. You would have never gotten a chance with anyone else. I gave you that chance, and you stuck it to me, and you took my title. That's why you're even a memory today. And what do I get, with my big comeback, and the reunion of the DA? You're going to try and lay down RULES to ME? I don't give a shit about your rules. I'll continue to do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want. You want to fine me for that, I don't care, I can pay whatever you charge. Just make sure it's enough to get you your daily supply of albacore, Eskimo. And make sure you have a blender handy too, because if you cross us too many times, you'll have to take it through a straw." "Sweet Child O Mine" plays and Alf leaves.:: COMMERCIALS

Here's hoping Tom's dad makes it through ok. I'll try and keep DA active as much as I can. Perhaps Alf can help out too as he's in the Dangerous Alliance.

I didn't know DA was out, but sure, that'd be cool. Is anyone writing the match though?

I don't think that'll fit with DA's plans. Patience, young Weddy

What did the guy expect, everyone to applaud the (badly written) column and agree with him? Saying there's no emotion in RoH matchs is just ignorant.

The match for the No 5 ranking is Dangerous A vs Cappa. But Teddy can get a shot very soon... Everything to me BEFORE Tuesday please.

Done.

Yeah, no need for you to be in that unless you really want to. How about Ted Weddy vs someone for the no 5 spot? And as you both are available for matches, this would be a great main event: Jay vs Alfdogg

European countries sold arms to Iraq in the past. This isn't really much of a story.

Go Fulham~! And fuck Pompey.

Feedback and rating here. Decent show, plenty of content which is good as we sometimes struggle on post PPV shows. Ted Weddy is officially GOLD, and I'm liking the Darring bros feud. The send off for Evenflow was nice too. Somewhere between 6 and 7 for me, and I'll round up to 7

Sorry, must have missed it in the editing. We could start the next IZ with it in a "here's what happened after last weeks show" segment.

Better put on some weight, SS.

CREDITS Jay "DuskTillDawn" Darring Chuck Woolery Mystery Eskimo DonWestMark Stephen Joseph Alfdogg Dangerous A LaParka Mario Logan (just!)

::Ominous Music Plays:: A slow motion capture lightens the darken screen, with JR voicing over JR BREAKS THE CRICKET BAT OVER JINGUS' HEAD!!! JINGUS IS DOWN!!! Darkness then. And other shot, with Alfdogg now in the ring, Stephen Joseph, Jesse, and Jingus lying at his feet. ALFDOGG This is called World Without End? Well, your world is now an eternal nightmare... Because it JUST GOT DEADLIER. DEADLIER... Deadlier.. deadlier. VOICES: It has to start somewhere It has to start sometime What better place than here What better time than now! Rage Against the Machine's Guerilla Radio now picks up speed, shots of iZ wrestlers interspersed All hell Dan Black and Blackheart Security pose can't stop us now Stephen, Jesse, Jingus look back All hell The Lightning Crew with PRL walk by the camera can't stop us now Shuffle & Bids hook up, shilloutted by Dangerous A and The Mad Cappa All hell Dan Black again can't stop us now! Alfdogg and The Dangerous Alliance ::End Intro, Cut to JR and Pyro::

JR: Fans, it's do or die time for "Shooter" Jay Darring, he is scheduled right now to put his career and his life on the line against his brother's handpicked opponent, as of right now we haven't heard whether Jay is even in the building, due to the horrible injury to his eye he suffered two nights ago at World Without End. Mike Darring emerges from the entranceway, microphone in hand. MIKE: I have just been informed that my brother is not in the building- like a true pussy, he decided to lick his wounds and not face the music tonight. Well that's too damn bad, because if he's not here, he loses by FORFEIT. Even though tonight has proven that my brother is in fact a gutless wonder, I'd like to introduce the man that would have sent him to oblivion. He's a former OAOAST Tag Team Champion, the first and only OAOAST King of the Deathmatch, part of the most feared stable in history, ladies and gentlemen, I give you... EDWARD ROBINS! JR: EDWARD ROBINS?! WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN MONTHS! WHAT DID MIKE PAY HIM TO BRING HIM BACK?! This is bad fans, this is really bad for Jay. Edward Robins is the only competitor in my mind, who can take just as much inhumane punishment as he can and keep ticking. [Cue: "I'm Only Shooting Love" by the Bandits.] Edward walks out to a loud mixture of cheers and boos, and shakes hands with Mike, taking the microphone from his benefactor. EDWARD: -Well BAM! Jay Darring, his face covered in bandages, clotheslines Ed from behind! Jay then DRILLS Mike with the STIFF~! Superkick, knocking him clean out! *DING DING DING* JR: JAY DARRING IS HERE! AND HE'S FIGHTING LIKE A MAN POSSESSED! It's all or nothing for the Shooter tonight! Jay roughly grabs Edward by the head and flings him into the ring. He nails Ed with a couple of HARD chops. *THWACK* "WHOO!" *THWACK* "WHOO!" Irish whip, Edward bounces off the ropes, Jay with a discus clothesline! Ducked by Edward! He puts the brakes on and catches him with a falling neckbreaker! JR: Jay Darring may have lost his only window of opportunity here fans. He's severely impaired by that eye injury, and Edward is going to take full advantage of that. Edward gets back to his feet and stomps on Jay's neck, one two, three times! JR: That neck is tender from the Deal Breaker at World Without End, Edward Robins, that sick SOB, may be setting up for the Pillow Made O'Concrete. Edward picks up Jay and hooks him for a suplex, dropping his opponent down HARD with a snap suplex! He heads to the second rope, signalling for a legdrop... AND IT HITS! COVER! 1.... 2..... KICKOUT! JR: Even injured, it's going to take a lot to put down "Shooter" Jay Darring. The kid loves this sport more than life itself, Edward will have to do something ungodly to put him down. Although he WAS a member of the Trinity, so that might not be out of the realm of possibility. Edward slides outside the ring and looks under the apron. JR: Uh oh fans, it's time for the plunder. Edward is legendary for his creative use of weaponry in his battles with Sandman9000. Edward finds a Singapore Cane and a steel chair, throwing both in the ring, with Jay still down. Edward picks up the cane, Jay is on all fours trying to get back to his feet! *THWACK* *THWACK* *THWACK* JR: MY GAWD, RIGHT ON THAT NECK! Jay is SCREAMING in pain! Ed covers again. 1! 2! KICKOUT! JR: Jay is basically kicking out on pure instinct at this point, but it doesn't look like he has much left. In their epic feud over the summer, Featured Attraction never defeated the Trinity, and it looks like that record will remain unblemished. Robins, still showing now emotion, picks the prone Jay up and positions him in the Tree of Woe in the corner. Robins grabs the chair... JR: Looks like he's gonna rearrange the already damaged face of Jay in teh corner here. Robins charges for the chair-assisted dropkick.... JAY POWERS HIS BODY UP TO AVOID THE MOVE! BUT ED, thinking quickly, recovers and SLAMS THE CHAIR INTO JAY'S FACE! JR: DID YOU HEAR THAT CHAIRSHOT! JAY'S GOTTA BE OUT! IT'S OVER! Jay falls out of the Tree of Woe and drops to the mat unconscious, his legs hanging up in the air. ED WITH A DEEP COVER! 1! 2! 3! NO! JR: HOW DID HE DO THAT? HOW DID HE DO THAT FANS, IT'S A MIRACLE! That neck's gotta be hanging by a the thinnest of threads though. Edward picks Jay up again, a look of worry starting to cross his face, and drops him again with a jawbreaker. Edward heads to the outside again and starts pulling something out of the ring. JR: This is what I said about evil intentions fans. Edward Robins was paid to do a job by Mike Darring, and he's gonna make sure he emphatically finishes it. Edward pulls out a table from under the ring, and sets it up on the floor. But he's still digging under the apron. Finally, Ed finds what he's looking for! JR: HE'S GOT LIGHT TUBES! He knows how to use them too! His 200 tube match with Sandman9000 is still talked about today! Ed grabs four tubes and places them on top of the table, then two more, and then another four. Edward then finds a bucket, and pours the contents onto the table. JR: THAT'S BROKEN GLASS! If he's planning what I think he's planning, this won't end well for the both of them. It won't matter to Ed though, he'll just be happy that Jay Darring is dead! Ed climbs back into the ring and roughly grabs Jay by the head. He pulls Jay through the ropes to the apron, and hooks him in a suplex position. JR: OH GAWD NO! THE PILLOW MADE O'CONCRETE THROUGH THAT TUBE-COVERED TABLE! HE'S GOT HIM UP! NO! LOW BLOW OUT OF NOWHERE BY JAY! Edward is stunned! Jay drops down to the floor and jumps up to the apron behind Ed! He grabs a waistlock and a half-nelson... FORESHADOW THROUGH THE TABLE! GLASS FLIES AS BOTH MEN HIT THE GROUND! JR: OH MY LORD ALMIGHTY, A FORESHADOW THROUGH THAT HIDEOUS CONTRAPTION! THEY'RE BOTH DEAD! The referee puts on the count...neither man is moving. 1 2 3 Blood is trickling from the arms of Jay Darring, a pool is dripping from Edward's head, both competitors are motionless. 4 5 6 "LET'S GO JAY! LET'S GO JAY!" -neither man is moving still. 7 8 Wait, Jay is pulling himself up! JR: LIKE LAZARUS RISING FROM THE DEAD, JAY IS MOVING! Jay unsteadily gets on his knees. 9 He pulls one leg onto the apron, and uses all his strength to crawl into the ring! Edward is still out! 10! Gary Michael Cappetta: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, as the result of a countout, "SHOOTER" JAY DARRING! JR: HE DID IT! AGAINST ALL ODDS HE DID IT! JAY DARRING GETS ANOTHER SHOT AT GLORY! TAKE THAT MIKE, YOU PUNK-ASS MOTHER-*BLEEPING* SON OF A BITCH! Jay is still on his back, unmoving as the referee raises his hand, to the cheers of the packed crowd. "Dismiss the Cynic" plays as Jay slowly rolls out of the ring, into the waiting arms of two IZ medics. The crowd applauds the winner as he heads to the curtain. Jay turns around one last time, and Sammy Sosa-like, beats his chest, and mouths "I love you" to the fans. Meanwhile, Edward Robins has pulled himself into the ring, following that death defying fall. "YOU IDIOT!" JR: Sounds like someone's not happy. Mike Darring storms to the ring. MIKE: YOU WERE HIRED TO DO A JOB, DAMMIT! AND THIS IS WHAT I PAY FOR, YOU USELESS SACK OF SHIT! YOU'RE WORTHLESS! YOU'LL NEVER WORK *ANYWHERE* AGAIN! Edward has pulled himself to his feet, staring daggers at Mike, during his verbal onslaught. MIKE: YOU UNEDUCATED, SMELLY, DISGUSTING-- EDWARD CUTS HIM OFF WITH A BOOT TO THE GUT! AND THERE'S THE EVENFLOW DDT ON MIKE! THE CROWD EXPLODES! JR: WAY TO GO ED! THAT ASSHOLE DESERVED IT! Edward, for the first time in ages, cracks a smile and takes the microphone from Cappetta. EDWARD: Thank you, It's been one hell of a ride. You fans are the reason we're out here, and you've made my time here memorable. I love you all. "I'm Only Shooting Love" plays as Edward exits to a standing ovation. JR: Edward Robins- evenflowDDT, going out with a bang here on IntenseZone! On behalf of all the crew here at the OAOAST, we'd like to thank Ed for the memories he's created for all of us. I doubt we'll see a competitor like him ever again. Truly an original. Fans, we're almost out of time. Let me just remind you that tonight IntenseZone produced TWO contenders for the World Title in PRL and Jay Darring- tune in next week to see who will get their shot first! For the continuingly absent Jesse Ventura, I'm Jim Ross, good night!

"I Pledge Allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of TEDDY!" "What's my Name" by Snoop fires up, and new IZ Superstar Ted Weddy struts out to the arena, accompanied to the ring by the Odd Squad, Gary Busey and J-Train! Ted takes the microphone and it looks like he's got something to say. TED: Hey Hey Hey all you freaknasties! How does it feel to see the Prrrresident live and in person! "YEAAAHH!" TED: Well guess what, it's what HeldDown didn't want you to see! And becasue Tim MOOOOYSEY is a flippity floppity fudgepackin' beeotch, he made security toss me out of the building! Now, since I'm the Prrrresident, I could so eeeasily toss him in the slamma for pedoPHILIA, but I figured I'd have more fun TRASHIN' HeldDown! Each week, I'm gonna have some SUUUPER embarassing footage of your favorite HD Zeroes! JR: Well that will certainly be uh, interesting. TED: In the meantime, bring out the guy who's jobbing tonight, suckas. "Trans-Magic" hits, and out walks the former North American champion, K-NESS. JR: Dan Black's specially chosen opponent for Ted Weddy in his debut -I think given K-NESS's shoot fighting background, Dan picked him to punish Ted for embarassing him! K-NESS slides into the ring and immediately goes to work on Ted, nailing him with hard fists to the temple! Irish whip by K-NESS, Ted bounces off the ropes and connects with the Western Lariat! JR: K-NESS means business tonight, and you can bet Dan Black is enjoying every second of this right now. Ted lands HARD on the canvas and rolls out to the floor, to consult with his crew. They get in a group huddle- "READY, BREAK!" Ted heads back into the ring and charges- he tries to catch K-NESS with a flying headscissors, K-NESS holds on and Ted lands on his feet. Ted ducks another lariat, Ted grabs a sleeper, looking for neck crank drop, but K-NESS reverses to a belly-to-back suplex! JR: Ted is barking up the wrong tree, trying to out-wrestle IZ's legit tough guy! Ted is still down, K-NESS goes for the cover! BUT THERE'S NO REF! Gary Busey has climbed up on the apron. "Hey ref, want an autograph?" The ref's face lights up and he heads over to the ropes, conversing with the Hollywood legend. JR: Damn ref, save your stargazing for after the show! Now's not the time! J-TRAIN has slid into the ring, he's got something in his hand! JR: That's a rubber chicken covered in thumbtacks! K-NESS sees him and gets up to block. BUT IT'S TOO LATE! J-TRAIN NAILS K-NESS IN THE FACE WITH THE THUMBTACK RUBBER CHICKEN! JR: What a cheap shot! K-NESS drops like a brick, clutching his face in agony. Meanwhile Ted Weddy has recovered, and he's climbing the top rope... JR: K-NESS is too distracted by the pain, he better get out of the way! TED STOMPS DOWN ON K-NESS'S CHEST FROM THE TOP ROPE! JR: THAT'S THE TEDDY TWO STEP! 390 pounds of...something, CRUSHING K-NESS RIBS! There's a cover! 1! 2! 3! Cappetta: Your winner of the match, Ted Weddy! JR: Ted Weddy, thanks to the Odd Squad, just totally wiped out a former North American Champion! I don't know what to make of this guy, but I'll tell you what, it'll be interesting to say the least. [commercials]

Show will be up tonight, but late, so don't hold your breath

I know everyone's working on the PPV, but I'd like it if we could think about IZ next week too. Use spoiler tags to save PPV results if necessary SJ, can you come up with another "from the vault" style match? I like that idea. I'd like to get Ted Weddy a debut IZ match too, even if its only against one of our jobbers.