Mystery Eskimo

We return to the ring, where two familiar figures are standing side by side in the middle of the square circle. "The Ice Heart" Dan Black and Tony "The Body" Brannigan, almost painfully sharp in tailored Armani suits, each hold a microphone. BLACK Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. My colleague Tony Brannigan and I have requested this short time slot to briefly address a bout which occured last week in the Anderson Cup. BRANNIGAN The Anderson Cup that we were cheated out of last year, and cheated out of again this year. Finally, I've figured it out. The OAOAST officials know that if Black T were to win the tag titles once more, well, there would be no one who could take them away. All matches would be forgone conclusions. I guess that wouldn't be good for business. But that's no excuse to give us a damn fast count in last week's match! The crowd boos this remark. BLACK Black T saved the life of the OAOAST tag division. We resuscitated it. Blew life into it. The tag team that beat us also knows a little about blowing. I didn't know until just this evening, but I must congratulate the Texas Lone Star Gunslingers, those big tough cowboys, on being the inspiration, the real life story behind the hit feature film, Brokeback Mountain. Well done, chaps. BRANNIGAN (Chuckling) It's a shame their wrestling skills don't match their, ahem...bare back riding. Now, Dan and I hate to lose. We hate to lose to losers even more. So we're here to put out a warning. Gunslingers, you got lucky. Incredibly lucky. You have no idea. It was a fluke, a lightning strike of opportunity. We are warning you boys, warning you to stay out of our way. Don't speak to us. Don't even look at us. In the ring, the locker rooms, promotional duties. You don't exist to us. You don't *want* to exist to us. BLACK I think we've made our point clear. There's just one more thing *WA WA WA WAAAA....* The crowd cheers in approval as the Gunslingers appear on the top of the ramp, grim expressions on their faces. BLACK Oh, welcome to the party boys. You have something to say? Windels and Mulligan don't say a word, merely staring at the ring. Mulligan is chewing a toothpick in the corner of his mouth. Windels unbuttons a denim shirt and drops it to the ground. BRANNIGAN Wooo, easy there, we have nothing against you guys, but we're strictly for the ladies. The Gunslingers look at each other, and nod. Mulligan spits out the toothpick. They sprint down to the ring! Black and Brannigan barely have time to drop their mics before the Gunslingers tackle them to the mat, reigning hard punches into the heads and chests of the former tag champs. Black T cover up and try to get out of the ring, but the LSG don't let them escape. A posse of security rushes the ring, pulling the Gunslingers off their battered adversaries, who immediately pull of their jackets, shove the security in front of them out of the way and leap at Mulligan and Windels! The four men exchange fierce punches, until yet more security is called in! Finally the two teams are dragged apart. The LSG are escorted out of the ring while Black T are held back, now looking rather less suave, spitting and swearing. COLE Oh my! Tempers running very high between these teams! CABOOSE It's trans atlantic playboys vs rough neck cowboys, you thought they were going to hit the clubs together? COLE They can hit my club anytime. CABOOSE Shut up, and cut to something else.

Very unfair, IMO. I can understand them wanting to be their workers number one priority, but they did make the show. Give them a warning, sure, even cut some of their match fee or whatever, but dropping them from the shows is a bad move, especially when they need guys with the talent of Aries and Strong.

Pirate Paul? Awesome. I hope he says "Arrrrrr" plenty.

Not a bad show overall, but the title match was pretty poor. I did enjoy Hebner's ridiculous selling of getting slightly kicked in the shin though. Hopefully there are some better matches ahead for Christian. A defence against Abyss would be enjoyable, I think. I have no clue where they'll go with Joe next. Hell, throw Abyss in against him if not Christian.

I hope its not Foley. He's not in any shape to put on a decent, memorable match.

That'd be cool and all, but hardly fit the hype. Its not been that long since he left, and he's not become a WWE superstar in that time.

Regal had severe heart problems in the past following his drug abuse, so an early retirement would very sensible. On topic, Regal being the surprise would be great, but it seems like Gabe is hyping this to levels beyond Regal's. Just speaking for myself, any less a name than a Jericho or a Benoit is going to be a let down now.

Gabe's wording that you can get your money back "if you don't like whats going on" seems to indicate some big theme to the card to me, although I'm probably reading too much into it. If they could get Jericho it would be amazing.

Its not just California. Go to any major city in the world and you can see that kinda thing.

ROH has been in far, far, far worse shape than it is now. This weeks losses are neglible compared to what is to come. Additionally Low Ki will most likely be back at some point, and Abyss and MCAT were hardly ROH mainstays to begin with. If TNA sign up Joe, Aries, Strong, Shelley to exclusive contracts, then we can talk about ROH being in trouble, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Hell of a dull episode. Completely predictable and cliche. And I'm sick of all the Superman references, there were 3 in that episode at least. Once in a while is fine, but cramming them in to every show isn't clever, it's just corny and embarassing.

Even when Ki jobbed to Lethal, it was after he'd already beaten him in a match the same show. Abyss wanted a more prominent role, ie not being the 4th most important member of the Embassy anymore, which is fair, and Gabe didn't want to push a TNA guy over ROH guys, which is also fair. So this was pretty amicable. MCAT just wasn't getting used to any meaningful extent. Also he apparently doesn't get on with Dragon's Gate, with who ROH are said to be negotiating for closer ties, if that means anything.

It may not be a money issue. Ki is notorious for dodging doing the job, and he had a big match against the next big thing in ROH, Roderick Strong, coming up.

I think even if they hadn't thrown all those guys to Joe already, they still wouldn't be perceived as viable contenders. I'd push the Aries/Strong/Shelley group as a major threat to Joe. Maybe have one of them pin him clean in a tag match.

I'd say you're right to have Black T as tweeners. Certainly for Black, although Tony may see himself differently.

No love for Wales? Good.

Good show, especially Black/Rodez, which I enjoyed a lot. I think there could be an entertaining feud there somewhere down the line. Elsewhere, Patty was on his usual excellent form and I liked the Knight promo.

With the Embassy winning the Trios, I'd really like to see a Danielson/Abyss bout. It'd be the least typical ROH title match to date.

Short and rather phoned in I'm afraid, but here it is anyway: Cue: "Punishment" BUFFER The following contest is an Anderson Cup first round bout set for one fall! Making their way to the ring accompanied by Rick Heyross, at a total combined weight of 480lbs, Quentin Benjamin and Charlie Moss - Team Heeey-ross! Led by their manager, Benjamin and Moss walk down to the ring with determination. Heyross stops to jaw with a member of the crowd, before promising to the camera "That Cup is ours!" COLE We're drawing the first round of the Anderson Cup to a close, and Team Heyross will be desperate to progress and start to make a real impact in the tag division. Two weeks ago we saw them viciously attack their opponents tonight - they clearly mean business. COACH That's right, and with Rick Heyross by their side, there's no telling how far these young athletes can go. Team Heyross is in the ring, stretching out as Heyross gives them some words of encouragement. Cue: "Calling Dr Love" As the guitar chords rock out, two white coated figures appear on the entrance stage to cheers and screams from the excited female fans. BUFFER And their opponents, from Chicago, Illinois, at a total combined weight of 445lbs - Dr. Max Anderson and Dr. Steven Pigley - the LOOOOOOOOOOVE DOC-TORS! The Docs throw out some dance moves, before sprinting down to the ring and sliding in under the bottom rope. They spring up and strip off their coats to whistles of appreciation. COACH Oh, this is sickening. Why do women like these jerks? COLE Because they're buff. CABOOSE Mikey has a signed poster by his bed. COACH Is it laminated? There's no reply from MC, as the Docs and Team Heyross meet in the middle of the ring. Referee DAVE Hebner checks all four men over, before determining that it will be Moss and Anderson to start. As soon as Team Heyross turns their back, however, the Docs jump them, knocking them to the mat with hard shots to the back! COACH Oh come on! That's a DQ right there! CABOOSE The match hasn't even started yet. *DING DING* COACH Ok, *now* DQ them. The Docs throw Quentin Benjamin out over the top to the floor, then grab Moss and whip him to the ropes - stereo drop kicks! Anderson brings Moss up and whips him into a corner as Hebner gets Pigley out. Dr Max runs in and jumps with his boots into Charlie's midsection, trying for a monkey flip out of the corner, but Moss shoves him off and then levels the former ER Doc with a lariat! Moss grabs Max up with a handful of hair and applies a quick front facelock into a snap suplex. COLE The Docs tried to seize the early advantage, but Moss taking control here. COACH Cheats never prosper. COLE Do you think Max Anderson will have an advantage in the Anderson Cup? CABOOSE ....because his name is Anderson? COLE Yeah. CABOOSE You're a moron. Moss brings Max up and tags in Benjamin who has climbed back onto the apron. Team Heyross whips Dr Anderson to the ropes and hit him with a double shoulder block, then double elbow drop. As Hebner gets Moss out of the ring, Benjamin brings Anderson up and sets him for an Exploder suplex, but Anderson blocks with a boot behind Quentin's leg, and then drives forward, pushing Benjamin into the Docs corner. Pigley tags himself in on Max's shoulder, and quickly vaults into the ring. Max ducks down, and Pigley jumps up with a leaping enziguiri kick to the back of Benjamin's head! Max gets out of the ring, and Pigley takes the stunned Benjamin over with a fireman's carry into a seated armbar. Benjamin shakes his head clear and gets up onto one knee. Pigley drops the arm and tries for a short range Shining Wizard, but Benjamin blocks, grabs the leg and torques it, spinning Pigley to the mat with a Dragon screw takeover. Quentin drags Pigley across to his corner by that left leg, and tags in Moss, who comes in with a springboard elbow drop to Pigley's leg as Benjamin holds it in place. Moss with a series of kicks to the now targeted leg, before bringing Pigley up and whipping him to the ropes. Moss flattens himself to the mat as Dr Steven bounces back and steps over him to the other side of the ring, but then springs back to his feet and hits Pigley with a power slam as the Docs returns again! ONE! TWO! Pigley throws up a shoulder. Moss turns Pigley over and locks in a single leg crab, but Dr Steven quickly scrambles forward and grabs the bottom rope. Hebner counts the break, which Moss obeys, but as soon as the official steps aside Charlie grabs the Doc to his feet by the hair. A couple of forearm shots keep Pigley stunned, and then Moss goes behind with a belly to back suplex that drives the Doc hard into the canvas. Moss with the tag to Benjamin. COACH May as well call this one over. Team Heyross clearly too good for the Love Quacks. COLE Don't write them off. The Docs may not have been a strong presence in the OAOAST of late, but they are coming close to being one year HIYA tag champs, and that takes a lot of talent and determination. Rick Heyross applauds as Benjamin climbs to the top rope. He gestures for Pigley to rise, drawing boos from the pro-Doc crowd. As the Doc rises, Quentin vaults off with a flying clothesline - but Pigley ducks it! Benjamin executes a forward roll as he lands to come back up and charge at Dr P, but Steven greets him a Japanese style arm drag, and another as both men come back up. Benjamin staggers up and Pigley grabs him up, looking for his Lethal Injection (Michinoku Driver), but Benjamin kicks and slides out. Quentin lands behind Steven and hits a German suplex - but Pigley flips over and lands on his feet! Benjamin throws up his arms, celebrating the big move he thinks he's hit, and Pigley is able to jump over and tag Max Anderson! Dr Max jumps onto the top rope and springboards in with a flying forearm to the jaw of the unsuspecting Benjamin! Anderson back up and brings Quentin with him. Max holds Benjamin up in a bear hug while Pigley runs the ropes and nails Quentin with a hard clothesline! COLE Defibrillator! The Docs version of the Hart Attack, and that move has pinned many teams! CABOOSE Something tells me it won't this time. Indeed, Charlie Moss breaks it up before Hebner can even count one. Dr Max brings Benjamin up and hits a stalling suplex into the Docs corner. He climbs quickly to the top rope to the crowds approval, but Benjamin suddenly comes alive and runs up the ropes after him, clocking Max with a hard punch and then bringing Anderson off with a belly to belly throw from the top rope! Both men hit the mat hard, but Quentin rolls over for the cover: ONE! TWO! THR- Dr Steven breaks it up. Hebner sends Pigley out of the ring, as both Max and Quentin try to reach their corners to make tags. Benjamin is able to get their first and tags Moss, but Anderson too makes it, and the two new men meet in the middle of the ring to trade blows! Benjamin drags himself up and helps Moss in beating down Dr Steven, ignoring the protests of Hebner. Moss lifts Pigley up onto his shoulders, while Benjamin heads up top. COLE They're going for something big here! CABOOSE Really? COLE Yeah. CABOOSE Well ok then. Before Quentin can jump off, however, Max Anderson staggers up and knocks the ropes, causing him to slip and crotch himself on the top turnbuckle! With Moss distracted, Pigley manages to get a grip on his head with his legs and flip him over onto his head with a reverse 'rana! Moss rolls out of the ring, as Pigley takes the groaning Benjamin off the top rope - the Lethal Injection! Pigley starts to climb up to the top turnbuckle, but before he can reach the top Rick Heyross has a hold of his ankle! The crowd boos, but quickly turns to cheers as Pigley kicks him off and away to the floor! Dr Steve reaches the top rope. The interference has paid off, however, as Charlie Moss climbs up onto the apron and chops Pigley's left leg, that he targeted earlier, out from under him. Moss climbs into the ring and hits his second Dragon screw of the mat, this one bringing Pigley down from the 2nd rope! Moss then locks on the Mossy Knoll! COLE Elevated Texas Cloverleaf, and a lot of pain right now for Pigley's leg and back! Dr Anderson tries to crawl over, but Quentin Benjamin has a vice like grip on his leg! Moss leans back, applying all the pressure he can. Pigley reaches for the ropes, yells, clenches his fists - and taps out! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The winners of the match and advancing to the 2nd round of the Anderson Cup tournament - Team HeeeeeeeeeeeyROSS! Benjamin and Moss roll out of the ring to hug with their manager. Max goes to check on Steven, who indicates he's ok, if in severe pain. COLE A back and forth match, but Rick Heyross intervened at the crucial time to allow Charlie Moss to earn the win for his team. COACH Rick was just trying to steady Pigley on the ropes, and all he got for his troubles was a kick to the floor! These Docs have no class. CABOOSE Even allowing for Heyross's interference, the other teams in the Cup will have to fear Moss and Benjamin. COLE The Docs may count themselves unlucky, but Team Heyross advance. Let's go to something else!

Should be a decent match, although I don't consider Storm to be either a really big name or anything more than a competent worker. Over at the ROH board they're acting like it's Benoit or something.

I hope its not Boone. I mean, whats Jack going to do? Stomp on his grave?

Where did he say that? He's always left it open to interpretation in interviews I've read.

An away point!!! It's like seeing Lord Lucan.

ROH

Prague is a great city to visit if you like tall, slim statuesque blondes and cheap vodka.