Jump to content
TSM Forums

Mystery Eskimo

  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Mystery Eskimo

  1. Mystery Eskimo

    IntenseZone Wins First Rating Week!

    Woo! Here's hoping we can continue with this. That weeks show was our best in a while, so thanks to everyone who contributed.
  2. Mystery Eskimo

    I Hate Ray

    Having prominent veins doen't automatically mean steroids. It's a natural result of weight lifting. Of course, steroids can make you stronger, resulting in more weight lifted and bigger veins, but in itself it doesn't mean anything. Just saying.
  3. Mystery Eskimo

    What do you look like...

    Me...if it works
  4. Mystery Eskimo

    IZ Book-orama

    BIG announcement from Dan Black.
  5. Mystery Eskimo

    Ratings Feed 9/25/03

    I would like to purchase tickets for "six miles to pundown".
  6. Mystery Eskimo

    9/24 in the W/WWF/E

    Who's Salvatore Sincere?? I didnt watch a lot of WWF around that time. He sounds terrible.
  7. Mystery Eskimo

    Feed n Poll

    A solid show, I think. Big thanks to everyone who contributed, especially PRL with 3 segments, and good work from our new guys.
  8. Mystery Eskimo

    IZ Book-orama

    Yep. If you want to write a skit or something, let me know and I'll contribute.
  9. Mystery Eskimo

    Are all e-feds like this?

    As a new~! SWF and long time OAOAST member, that would be very cool. Count me in to help out if needed.
  10. Mystery Eskimo

    What do you think of these rules?

    Those rules will in no way make TSM any more "fun". I would prefer to continue posting on an intelligent board that doesn't try and legislate for every little thing.
  11. Mystery Eskimo

    Genesis IV Foretellings!

    All my predictions are pretty pointless as I havn't read that many WF shows. But I'm giving them anyway Ejiro Fasaki vs. "The Maori Badass" Va'aiga - Ejiro "The Sinner" John Duran vs. English Dragon - No predict...we matched up once in the JL, with Duran beating me down...hopefully I'll put up a better fight this time. Should be a fun match either way, I hope. Jay Dawg vs. The Boston Strangler - TBS "The Franchise" Mak Francis vs. "The Sacred One" Andrew Blackwell - Mr. Mak Wildchild vs. Johhny "The Barracuda" Dangerous - I always vote for men named after fish. "Deathwish" Danny Williams vs. "TNT" Taylor Nicholas Thompson - Danny Double Jeopardy (Quiz and Show) vs. Crowe and Dante Crane - If Supes isnt writing, have to go with teh challengers. Edwin MacPhisto vs. Nathaniel "Silent" Kibagami - no clue at all. not even going to try. Dace Night (representing "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens) vs. Bastion (representing the Hville Thugg) vs. Michael Craven (representing the Suicide King) -Dace. "THE SUPERIOR ONE" TOM FLESHER VS. "JUDGE MENTAL" WILLIAM HEARFORD - Judge~!
  12. Mystery Eskimo

    Dirty Deeds Prediction Thread

    Falls Count Anywhere Match for the OAOAST Title: Calvin Szechstein Vs. Shooter Jay - JAY~! or Calvin, most probably. Tag Title Match: The Dream Machines Vs. Colvid & Axel - Da DM's Triple Cage Match for the OAOAST Contract: Blurricane Vs. Bizarro Blurricane - Blurrrrricane Farewell Match: Zack Malibu Vs. Spider Poet - Sentiment suggests SP...perhaps a draw? Stairway to Hell Match for the X Title: Ragdoll Vs. Mad Matt - Ragdoll Last Man Standing Match for the North American Title: Puerto Rican Lightning Vs. K-Ness - PRL Sly Summers Vs. Crystal - Sly Jailbait Vs. Jingus - I'm writing this...so...yeah...stuff happens.
  13. Mystery Eskimo

    Countdown to Genesis predictions!

    I got told Aecas or IL, everybody!
  14. Mystery Eskimo

    OAOAST IntenseZone - 9/23/03

    JR: I wish people would stop interupting me! It's FINALLY time to head to the ring for our NA title match up. Can Vitamin X snatch the title away from K-NESS before Dirty Deeds? Jesse: You know, I think he can. NA TITLE: K-NESS © vs VITAMIN X Vitamin X is already in the ring, bouncing, shaking his limbs loose and stretching out. "Trans-magic" hits up, and the NA champ K-NESS sprints down to the ring! DING DING DING K-NESS charges immediately, clothesline by the champion! JR: The champion is simply FURIOUS!, Vitamin X and the other members of the Lightning Crew have been attacking and insulting him over and over again for nearly a month now, and this is his final chance to get his hands on one of them before he finally faces Puerto Rican Lightning this sunday at Dirty Deeds! Vitamin X gets up, only to receive a kick to the gut, DDT by K-NESS!!, he picks him up, Irish Whip!, K-NESS goes for a forearm to the face, but his opponent ducks it!, Vitamin X comes back, running shoulderblock!, he picks him up, goes for a right hand but the champion moves out of the way and he's now behind Vitamin X!, Backdrop Suplex by K-NESS!, and another, and a THIRD one! JR: Three backdrop suplexes!, that was impressive! Jesse: Alright I admit it, K-NESS is doing really well in the early part of this match but he better watch out because Vitamin X certainly isn't the only person here that wants to put him in a wheelchair!, he has the whole Lightning Crew to worry about! K-NESS gets to his feet, and puts on the Sharpshooter! JR: This may be it right there! The crowd starts to cheer as they see that their champion might end the match very quickly. JR: WILL HE TAP??? COME ON K-N... OH WAIT A MINUTE!!! As Vitamin X is getting closer and closer to the ropes, Puerto Rican Lightning comes in from the crowd and enters the ring, as soon as K-NESS sees him he releases the hold. The referee tries to stop them from walking towards each other but they both push him out of the way. JR: This is going to get ugly folks! And it's ON!, they start punching and kicking each other like two animals! * Ding Ding Ding* Winner: Via DQ, K-NESS JR: BAH GAWD SOMEONE STOP THIS!!!' THEY'RE GOING TO KILL EACH OTHER!!! As they continue to brawl like crazy security finally comes in and stops the brawl. JR: These two men HATE each other! The culmination of this blood feud will be at Dirty Deeds, along with Bizarro-Blurrican in a triple cage match, Jay's chance to become our WORLD CHAMPION and much, MUCH MORE! From Jesse "The Body" Ventura, and me, Jim Ross, we'll see you at DIRTY DEEDS, GOODNIGHT!
  15. Mystery Eskimo

    OAOAST IntenseZone - 9/23/03

    BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM! Pyro erupts, welcoming the world to another edition of OAOAST INTENSEZONE~! Some familiar faces are, as ever, on hand to greet us JR: BAH GAWD, ITS GOOD TO BE HERE! Jesse: After you lost your job on Raw? JR: GAWD DAMMIT! No one from that promotion knows I work here! Jesse: They don't watch the competition? JR: If they did, you think Steiner-Test would still be going on? But never mind about that, we have another action filled show for you tonight. We have that handicap match that that sunovvabitch Dan Black forced on Jay Darring, plus we'll see the latest on Blurricane and Bizarro, with the NA title on the line as always. Jesse: Shall we get to it, Jim Ross? JR: I believe we have a message from a certain OAOAST hero with something very important to say... (*The camera fades in to see Jay Darring in a darkened room, location unknown, the picture slightly grainy*) JAY: For some, pro wrestling is a hobby. For me, it's my life. It's what I do, it's what I do best. My hobby, is righting the wrongs and injustices I see. And Calvin Szechstein, you have committed an injustice that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Your entire wrestling career, you've taken shortcuts. Rather than travel up and down the roads of this great country of ours, for little or no pay, earning the respect of your peers, you whored yourself out to some soulless corporations for some quick cash. Rather than climb the OAOAST rankings ladder, bleeding and sweating your way to the #1 contendership, you harassed the champion and his manager until he gave in. And rather than pin his shoulders to the mat 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring, you used a cheap move in a gimmick match to get your slimy fingers on that belt. Those shortcuts, Calvin Szechstein, are going to catch up to you. You see, because of the tactics you've used, I'm not sure you fully understand the meaning of being the OAOAST World Champion. It's not just some pretty trinket that will get you easy money and easy women. What does it mean to be champion? This.... (Jay removes his shirt to reveal the scars on his chest, grotesque pink slashes criss-crossing his flesh.) ...is a small sample, of what professional wrestling, and that belt, really means. That belt is coveted by men who live and die for their passion, who are willing to sacrifice anything, their looks, their health, their lives, for the glory and immortality of being a world champion. It's not about a quick payday, it's about loving professional wrestling, doing whatever it takes for your art. Are you ready to make the ultimate sacrifice Calvin? Are you ready to die for that belt? I didn't think so, and that's why, at Dirty Deeds, my victory is inevitable. On to tonight, I've got you, and I've got Dan Black, the Iceheart. A worthy competitor to be sure, but no attitude adjustment will change the fact that at the elite level, he just couldn't hack it. Deep down, he is weak, just like you're weak Calvin Szechstein, and the Harsh Reality, is that even combined, the best of the two of you together will not beat "Shooter" Jay Darring. No handicap can defeat destiny, and tonight on IntenseZone, you'll find that out firsthand. Calvin, you talk about the new era in the OAOAST. Well, at Dirty Deeds, the TRUE era, the era of "Shooter" Jay Darring, OAOAST World Champion, begins. THAT'S Harsh Reality. (*Fade out*) COMMERCIALS
  16. Mystery Eskimo

    English Football

  17. Mystery Eskimo

    OAOAST IntenseZone - 9/23/03

    JR: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome back. It's time to head- Jesse: Another interuption coming through, Jim Ross! We fade in on a shot backstage, where Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez sits idly, slouching down in her chair in what would appear to be Puerto Rican Lightning's dressing room. A few catcalls are heard as a gentle knock on the door catches Ms. Gonzalez's attention, and she calls out. "Venido adentro!" The door opens, and OAOAST Heavyweight Champion Calvin Szechstein enters, wearing a pair of black Dockers and a slick lime-green Phillies jersey. Gonzalez sits up straight, as Calvin Szechstein grabs a folding chair, pulling it over to where Gonzalez sits. The slick prodigy grins at Ms. Lindsay, beginning to speak. "Hey, Lindsay. How's PRL doing?" "He's doing great, si. I am told he'll be ready for Dirty Deeds." "... what's he doing at Dirty Deeds? Better yet, don't answer that." Calvin pulls out a bottle of Poland Spring, sipping it coolly before putting it down on the table, continuing. "Anyway, I come with a proposition... you know Jay Darring. He's friends with Malibu, Poet, all of them... and any one of them would love to see me lose the belt to their good buddy Jay. And since you and I, and PRL, we've got to work together in this new age... well, I was wondering if you'd mind accompanying me to ringside for this match?" Lindsay cocks an eyebrow at the champ, but Calvin just winks at her. She sighs. "All right, I'll be there. This isn't an invitation to grope me... I just want to help out the first champ with any real talent." "What about Alfdogg?" Calvin and Lindsay look at each other, both of them bursting out in laughter. Calvin grins as he stands up, Lindsay standing up as well. Calvin leans down, kissing her on the cheek. "Thank you very much, sugar. You won't regret this." "Si, and neither will you." Calvin winks again as he walks over to the door, leaving quietly. JR Calvin just took out a bah-gawd insurance policy! How will Jay overcome these odds? Jesse: He won't! JR: Jess, you...bah gawd, you make me mad! It's- Jesse: Quiet! Something's happening in Dan Black's office! :: cut to the inside of Dan's office once more:: Dan and Jailbait stand, grins on their faces. Dan: Good work out there... Jailbait: Thanks man, its good to be back, you know I'm sorry about all the things I did while you were, y'know, that Eskimo guy. Dan: WE DON'T...we don't talk about "Eskimo" anymore. Got it? Jailbait: Sure, whatever, I just- Dan: Look, I used money from the IntenseZone budget to swing your release from jail. All I want from you now is the same merciless cunning you showed to me back then. Don't go soft on me, Jailbait. No apologies, no surrender. Got it? Jailbait (grinning): Got it. Man, its good to be back! There's a loud bang, and the door to Black's office bouncs open. The crowd, watching on the AngleTron, POP for Stephen Joseph! SJ: Dan, Dan, Dan...I stop by to watch the show and tie up a few details for Dirty Deeds, and what do I find? You twisting things to your own desires, AGAIN. How many times do I have to tell you, your job is- Dan: my JOB is to ensure the best for IZ, I know. And I'm doing that - by bringing back top guys, and preventing Shooter Jay from becoming a JOKE of a Champion! SJ: You know, Jailbait came out and beat down a good friend of mine tonight. And the Devilman isn't pleased. Not pleased at all. Dan: Well, boo-hoo. Is that it? I have things to do, so see yourself out. SJ: Sure...oh, just one more thing. Dirty Deeds. Jailbait will face JINGUS. That's all. See ya Dan. Stephen walks out, leaving Dan speechless with anger. The smirk from Jailbait's face has vanished. JR: BAH GAWD! A late addition to Dirty Deeds- Jailbait vs JINGUS! A chance for revenge for the Devilman! COMMERCIALS
  18. Mystery Eskimo

    OAOAST IntenseZone - 9/23/03

    JR: It's time to- Jesse: Shut up, Jim Ross! I've just been informed we have a very special tape to view! Roll 'em! *The camera cuts to an empty arena. There is silence for a few seconds. It is dark except for a lone spotlight. The spotlight shines on Puerto Rican Lightning. Puerto Rican Lightning has a serious look on his face. He is wearing sunglasses, a buttoned-down black silk shirt, black baggy jeans, and an earring on his left ear. He has a chain around his neck, a $500 rolex watch. He hair is shoulder length. He has the Puerto Rican Championship over his left shoulder. He is looking down on the floor when the camera shows him. He continues looking down as he begins to speak:* Puerto Rican Lightning: Dirty Deeds. September 28, 2003. The day I prove all the critics wrong. The day I prove all the fans wrong. The day I prove all the OaOasT wrestlers wrong. Puerto Rican Lightning vs. K-Ness in a Last Man Standing Match for the OaOasT North American Title. For me, it doesn't get any bigger than this. For 6 months. FOR. 6. MONTHS. I have been bloodied. I have been battered. I have been beaten time and time again. I have been electorcuted. I have been bruised. I have experienced pain I never felt before. I have reached the top of the Heavens. And have fallen to the depths of Hell. I have risked injury match after match. Night after night. And all for one reason. And one reason only: To be Champion. To become the North American Champion. To become NA Champ was harder than I thought, I admit it. But I've gone through it all. And I've survived. For everything that was thrown at me, I threw back. For every obstacle that was placed in front of me, I overcame. I experienced torture and anguish that NONE of you will ever feel. And all to be North American Champion. The NA Title means alot more to me then you think. Winning the OaOasT North American Title is like being given a Medal of Honor. Like getting the kiss from the girl of your dreams. Like winning the Stanley Cup. It is all these things rolled into one. The greatest book of all time is the book titled "PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING'S JOURNEY TO THE TOP" and the book will be completed this Sunday when I BEAT K-NESS AND WIN THE NORTH AMERICAN TITLE. A Last Man Standing Match is NOTHING. NOTHING compared to what I've come through these past 6 months. From ladders and tables, to electrified cages and thumbtacks. K-Ness, I will show the world that you are nothing but a joke. A fluke Champion. A loser who doesn't deserve this prestigious belt. K-Ness, this Sunday, you are nothing but a jobber to me. You are nothing but a scab. I see this Last Man Standing Match as a break from the hell I've gone through these past 6 months. K-SUCK, I will beat you all over the arena. I will make you bleed. I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL THE PAIN I'VE FELT THESE PAST 6 MONTHS! I will take you to Hell and back. I will make you relize how much that belt means to me. And when it's all said and done. When it's all over. When the smoke is clear, I will stand over your bloody body the NEW OaOasT North American Champion! K-Ness, your time as Champion is ticking. Tick toc. Tick toc. Tick toc. Tick toc. Cherish it. Because I will be ruthless this Sunday. When we step into the ring, my mind won't be focused on Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. It won't be focused on the fans. It won't be focused on Mr. Boricua or Vitamin X. It won't even be focused on The Mad Cappa. What it will be focused on is one thing and one thing only: becoming the NA Champion. I will and have gone through Hell to be Champion. *PRL takes off his sunglasses and looks directly into the camera.* PRL: This Sunday, you will get a P.R. Nightmare. Watch out for the Lightning Strike. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! Cherish the time you have left as Champion. Tick toc. Tick toc. Tick toc. Tick toc. Tick toc. Tick toc. Tick toc. Tick toc. Tick toc. *PRL looks sadistcially into the camera as the screen fades to black.* *(Cut back to the annoucer's table with Jim Ross and Jesse "The Body" Ventura.)* JR: A very chilling promo from Puerto Rican Lightning. Jesse: One of the best promos I've seen from him. This guy is the next Rock in the promo department. JR: K-Ness has one hell of an obstacle to climb this Sunday. A Last Man Standing Match for the North American Title. This will NOT be for the weak of heart. Jesse: You can be sure that PRL won't take it easy on K-Ness. As he said, he will make sure K-Ness feels the pain he felt being screwed over by The Mad Cappa, Blurricane, Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland, and "Shooter" Jay Darring. JR: This will certainly be a slobberknocker folks. Speaking of K-Ness, he's got to defend the OaOasT North American Title coming up next against Lightning Crew member Vitamin X. How will K-Ness feel after his attack earlier tonight. We'll find out next!!! COMMERCIALS
  19. Mystery Eskimo

    OAOAST IntenseZone - 9/23/03

    *(Cut to the annoucer's table with Jim Ross & Jesse "The Body" Ventura. "Dirty Deeds" by AC/DC is playing as background music.)* JR: Well fans, we are just 6 days away from the start of the OaOasT Fall Pay-Per-View season. This Sunday, September 28th, you will witness Dirty Deeds, LIVE! Only on pay-per-view! Jesse: That's right, Jim Ross! And I, for one, cannot wait till Dirty Deeds. It looks like it will be a memorable night. JR: Indeed it is, Jes. Fans, this event will be brought to you by both the IntenseZone and HeldDown brands, and we both promise to bring you the best in professional wrestling! Jesse: JR. I am excited. JR: You should be Jesse because we will be seeing some very important matches at Dirty Deeds. Careers and lives will change FOREVER. In the main event, for the OaOasT World Heavyweight Title, OaOasT Heavyweight Champion, Calvin Schezerstein will take on IZ's most popular superstar, "Shooter" Jay Darring in a Falls Count Anywhere Match! Jesse: This is the match I'm looking forward to the most, Jim Ross. Calvin, after upsetting that HACK Zack Malibu last month at AngleSlam, will prove he is no fluke champion when he beats Darring to a bloody pulp! The era of Calvin will continue AFTER Dirty Deeds. JR: Let's hope not. Also, in a Triple Cage Match, Blurricane will take on the evil Bizarro Blurricane. If Blurricane wins, he is BACK in the OaOasT and Bizarro is gone! Jesse: Blurricane better be prepared to suffer the wrath of Bizarro. This is a match never seen in the OaOasT. These two men have been engulfed in a blood feud and it will end at Dirty Deeds in a Triple Cage Match! I cannot wait! JR: IntenseZone will also present to you a Last Man Standing Match for the OaOasT North American Championship. The Champion, K-Ness vs. The Challenger, Puerto Rican Lightning. Jesse: Yes! Yes! Jim Ross! This WILL be PRL's night! I can feel it! THIS is the night where PRL will prove all his critics wrong! Where he will walk out not just the Last Man Standing, not just the Puerto Rican Champion, BUT the North American Champion. PRL will be a Double Champion after Dirty Deeds I can feel it! K-Ness is a joke champion! PRL is the REAL DEAL! Watch on September 28th. PRL, after being SCREWED for 6 straight months, will finally get what he deserves and become the OaOasT North American Champion! IntenseZone's #1 Superstar gets what he deserves! JR: Let's hope not. On the HeldDown side, we will see the OaOasT Tag Team Titles be defended as The champions, The Dream Machine take on Axel and Colvid of Totally Endorsed! Jesse: Calvin's close friends will shine on their own this Sunday and add even MORE gold to the Totally Endorsed stable as Axel and Colvid destroy the Machines. Axel made the right decision by joining Totally Endorsed. Don't listen to those idoitic fans! I believe in you Axel! I believe in you Colvid! Go get those Tag Belts. Win them for yourselves, win them for Totally Endorsed. But most importantly, win them for your sponsors! JR: HeldDown will also bring you a Stairway To Hell Match between Ragdoll and Mad Matt! Jesse: Blood. Ladders. Crazy insane bumps. Barbed-wire bats. Hot babes. What's not to like about this match? Stairway to Hell Match? I'm there! JR: We will also see the Pissed Off Prep Zack Malibu take on the Spectacular SpiderPoet in what will be SpiderPoet's last match! Jesse: As much I hate to admit it, I've always sort of cheered for The Poet and it will defintely be sad to see him go. The man has entertained us and the OaOasT fans for a long time. Remember the Tables match at Bloody, Battered, and Beaten? What about the Stairway to Oblivion Match at AngleMania II? And I don't think any of us will forget the incredible, unbelieveable, AND memorable SpiderPoet/Dark Poet saga which engulfed BOTH IntenseZone and HeldDown and culminated in a terrific match at July's License To Pin! JR: We will all miss SpiderPoet and we wish him good luck with his wife and whatever he does in the future. And, what better way to go out then against the OaOasT Franchise Player, Zack Malibu! Jesse: There's better wrestlers to have your last match against. JR: Will you be quiet! But folks, that's not all. You will also see the Female Phemon of the OaOasT, Crystal, take on Totally Endorsed member Sly in a match. What type of match? We do not know yet. Jesse: There are many questions heading into that match. What type of match will Sly choose? Will Crystal be able to win the match when you know Totally Endorsed will try to interfere? And will Crystal wear another sexy outfit like she did last week on HeldDown? That Bayside Cheerleader outfit was hot, but a little too tame for my tastes. JR: Get your mind out of the gutter, Jes! Folks, don't miss out on the event that is already 1,000 times better than WWE Unforgiven even though it hasn't even happened yet. It's OaOasT Dirty Deeds, this Sunday, September 28th, Live on Pay-Per-View! Call your local cable or satelite operator and order NOW! Jesse: Maybe a see through wrestling outfit. Or maybe Crystal can wear a leather dress. Or wrestle in a white thong bikini. I wanna see those "diamonds"! JR: THAT'S ENOUGH JESSE!!! It's almost main event time! Stay tuned!
  20. Mystery Eskimo

    OAOAST IntenseZone - 9/23/03

    JR: Welcome back! That attack on K-Ness was more cowardly than a hippy chewing on an old boot! Jesse: What - the - hell are you talking about? JR: I don't know, I'm too excited! Jesse: A-Train came to visit you again? JR: NO! BAH GAWD! WE HAVE A HUGE MATCH NEXT! It's Jay Darring taking on the OAOAST Champion and the IntenseZone General Manager, in a handicap match! Jesse: Let's get to it, Jim Ross, I can't wait to see that wannabe hero get what's coming to him! Announcer: Ladies & Gentleman, the following contest is a special HANDICAP match set for ONE FALL! Intoducing first, the special referee for this match....the Devilman, JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS! Verdi's "Reqium" plays, welcoming the monster back to the OAOAST. A referee's shirt is stretched and shredded around the Devilman's huge chest. JINGUS gets a huge welcome back pop as he strides down. JR: BAH GAWD! JINGUS IS BACK AND THERE'S HELL TO PAY! The last time we saw Big J was back in the spring, where he and Mystery Eskimo battled each other to a stand still. Eskimo is now, of course, revealed as Dan Black! Announcer: And now, the competitors. First, from London England, weighing 235lbs...he is the IntenseZone general manager..."Ice Heart" DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! "Quiet" strikes up, and a flood of dark smoke pours out of the entrance way. Shots of black and white pyro erupt out of the entranceway as "Iceheart" Dan Black walks through the smoke to a hail of boos from the crowd. Black pauses, grins arrogantly, and flips of all the fans as he walks down to the ring. Black slides into the squared circle and looks JINGUS up and down with a scowl. JINGUS grins back, flexing his shoulders back. JR: These two men have a long history...they've battled against and alongside each other, even becoming two time OAOAST tag champions along the way. Jesse: JINGUS has obviously changed since he's been away. Stephen Joseph has turned him soft. The old Devilman would be backing Dan Black right now. Announcer: And his partner for this match... "I'm the Bomb" by Electric Six plays, as the one and only OAOAST champ appears. Announcer: From Milwaukee, Wisconsin , weighing in at 197 lbs...he is the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION~!, CAAAAAAALVIN SZEEECHSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEIN! JR: Calvin looks confident as ever- Jesse: As well he might with the power of Dan Black backing him up. JR: As GM, Black should be fair, unbiased- not trying to take out a competitor! Jesse: Dan knows Calvin as World Champ is the best thing to happen to the OAOAST in an age! Calvin and Dan huddle in the ring, awaiting their opponent. Suddenly, "Shin-Jingi Naki Tatakai [Kill Bill Teaser]" by Hotei hits up, and "Shooter" Jay Darring appears to a ROAR from the crowd! Jay walks down the aisle, eyes focused squarely on the two men in the ring. JINGUS stands between the two "teams" as Jay slides into the ring. Dan and Calvin confer, with the World Champ stepping out to the apron. JR: It looks like Dan Black will be starting- this handicap match is under tag team rules- Dan & Calvin MUST tag in and out. Jesse:You know, I almost feel sorry for Jay. ALMOST. DING DING DING Dan and Jay start to circle each other, as the crowd gets behind Shooter. At last the two men leap forwards, grappling each other into a collar and elbow tie up. Black quickly breaks, grabbing the arm of Jay and twisting around behind into a hammerlock. Darring immediately counters, spinning and reversing the hammerlock to his own! Black grimaces, and throws his free elbow back, jarring the head of Jay enough for him to escape the hammerlock, zip round and apply a waistlock. Dan immediately pulls up, flipping Jay over with a release German suplex!.... ...but Jay turns over and lands on his feet! The crowd applauds, but Dan is less impressed, charging in with a lariat that MISSESS, as Jay ducks under! Dan turns, and eats a dropkick to the face! The IZ GM staggers back into his corner, and confers with Calvin, before stepping back into the middle of the ring. JINGUS watches calmly as the two men grapple once more, and this time its Jay who gains the advantage, coming out on top with an arm bar. Dan quickly rolls forward, trying to escape, but as he comes up Jay simply kicks him in the gut, doubling him up! JR: Shooter Jay taking it to Dan Black here! Dan prides himself on his wrestling ability, but Jay is showing him up! Jesse: Dan just has his mind on other things...that damn JINGUS is distracting him! Jay pulls Black in, and hoists him up! JR: KT-DRILLER! KT-DRILLER! Calvin rushes into the ring and drives an elbow into the back of Jay, forcing him to release Dan. JINGUS turns, looming over Calvin, and with a massive hand points him out of the ring. Calvin wisely obeys, as Dan takes the opportunity of JINGUS's back being turned to rake the eyes of Jay! JR: BAH GAWD! CHEATING ALREADY! Jesse: He slipped, Jim Ross! He was just trying to get something out of Jay's eye for him! Dan grabs Jay by the hair and pulls him into the heel corner, making a tag to Calvin. The OAOAST champ ducks back into the ring, and DB and CS double team Jay, working him over with punches and kicks in the corner, while the crowd boo their lungs out. JINGUS points Dan out of the ring, who goes, after a few insults to the Devilman. Calvin grabs Jay's arm and whips him to the ropes, before flipping him over with an arm drag into an arm bar. Jay is pressured onto the mat, but manages to swivel out and punch Calvin straight in the face! Calvin looks SHOCKED and Jay unloads another punch! Another! A whip to the ropes- -but Dan Black catches Calvin, saving him from returning to Jay. The respite is brief, however, as Jay just charges forward, shoulder blocking Calvin into Black! Dan is bounced off the apron to the ring floor, and Jay schoolboys Calvin! JINGUS counts: ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEE-KICKOUT! JR: Close fall! Jay almost pulled it out of the bag! Jesse: He ILLEGALLY attacked Dan! Calvin and Jay get to their feet from the kickout, but Calvin cuts Jay off with a boot to the stomach, followed by a whip into the heel corner. Dan is back on the apron, and CS tags in the "Ice Heart", and the two men engage in another beat down in the corner. This time Dan snapmares Jay out, and goes to work with stiff kicks to the back of his head as he sits on the mat! Black strikes once, twice, and rears back for a final, big kick that cracks Jay down to the mat. Dan makes the cover: ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Black looks at JINGUS in disgust. The Devilman grins back and holds up two fingers. Dan grimaces, and picks Jay off the mat. Black grabs Jay into a facelock and takes a grip on his tights, before hoisting him up and hitting a delayed vertical suplex. Nodding to JINGUS, Dan covers: ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Black looks furiously at JINGUS! JR: Those were clearly two counts! What is Dan Black's problem? Jesse: It's JINGUS! He's a BIASED referee! Dan picks up Jay again, and tags in Calvin. Black picks Jay up, and together he and Calvin whip Jay to the ropes. Darring DUCKS under their double lariat to a huge roar from the crowd, but as Jay bounces back Dan drops down, tripping Jay with a drop toe hold into the arms of Calvin, who DDTs him down! The cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! It's Calvin's turn to slap the mat and glare at JINGUS! JR: BAH GAWD, they're going to make him mad! Indeed, JINGUS now growls a little, causing Calvin to turn back to Jay. The OAOAST champ pulls the battered Jay up, and grabs his head. Calvin slowly turns, dropping Jay with a vicious neckbreaker! The cover! ONE! TWO! THRRREEEE-KICKOUT! Calvin doesn't bother to protest this time, merely dragging Jay into a corner and heading up to the top! CS raises his arms to the fans, collecting abuse for his troubles, before leaping off! JR: FROG SPLASH! Jesse: Break his ribs! Calvin flys onto Jay...who MOVES! HUGE POP! Jay rolls over to the ropes, and attempts to pull himself up. Calvin BOUNCES off the mat and clutches his stomach, while Dan eagerly reaches out for the tag. JR: Jay has no one to turn to...Dan Black is SICK for booking this match! Jesse: He wanted to teach Jay a lesson! and he will! Calvin slides over, and tags Dan! Black races into the ring, only to get nailed by a punch from Jay! Black bounces back up, but gets dropkicked straight down again! Darring whips Black to the ropes, runs after him and nearly decapitates Dan with a Yakuza kick! The cover! ONE! TWO! Calvin breaks it up! JINGUS angrily tries to shove Calvin out, but CS SLAPS the Devilman hard across the mask! JR: That was NOT smart. JINGUS roars and advances on Calvin, but CS ducks out of the ring. Meanwhile, Jay whips Dan to the ropes. Dan ducks his punch, kicks Jay in the gut, going for- JR: THE BLACK OUT, his STONE COLD STUNNER, BAH GAWD! -but Jay pushes him away, straight into the chest of JINGUS as the Devilman turns back to the action! Dan bounces off, and gets cradled by Jay! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! JR: BAH GAWD! JAY DID IT! JAY DID IT! Announcer: The winner of the match...SHOOTER JAY DARRING! JR: WHAT A WIN FOR JAY! JINGUS raises Jay's arm as Dan Black pounds the mat in anger. Jay grins, and makes to turn when- CRACK! Calvin is back in the ring, brandishing something very like a steel chair. Jay goes down, clutching his skull. CRACK! Calvin lashes Jay with the chair again! JINGUS grabs the chair as Calvin raises it a third time! The Devilman roars into the face of Calvin, but- CRACK! JR: There's another man in the ring- he just smashed JINGUS legs with a baseball bat! It's-It's Jesse: IT'S Y....2....JAILBAIT! The crowd BOOS as Jailbait hammers JINGUS with the bat! Dan gets to his feet, grinning, pointing to Jailbait and nodding! JR: BAH GAWD! JAILBAIT IS BACK, AND HE'S WITH DAN BLACK! WHAT AN UNHOLY ALLIANCE! With JINGUS and Jay left lying, Black and Jailbait leave. Calvin pauses, grabbing his OAOAST title belt and shoving it in the face of the fallen Jay. JR: THERE'S NO NEED FOR THIS! Jesse: He's just showing Jay what he'll NEVER HAVE! JR: Jay got the win against the odds, but Dan got his revenge! Jailbait is back- he should be in jail! Jesse: It doesn't matter! All that matters is the OAOAST title! And that will remain around the waist of Calvin Szechstein! COMMERCIALS
  21. Mystery Eskimo

    100 Most Challenged Books to be Banned

    Insane. Do they think shielding kids from books like "To Kill A Mockingbird" is somehow going to help them as people? Reminds me of the Ray Bradbury book, "Fahrenheit 451".
  22. Mystery Eskimo

    OAOAST IntenseZone - 9/23/03

    *K-Ness is walking backstage, in his street clothes and luggage, with the OaOasT North American Title belt over his right shoulder. He is smiling and seems fine after last week's Lightning Crew beatdown. He has a cut over his right eye and a bruised left cheek. The crowd pops the moment he is shown.* JR: And there is our North American Champion. The one and only K-Ness! Jesse: K-Ness is making a VERY stupid mistake coming here after last week's Lightning Crew attack! JR: This young man certainly has alot of guts and a heart, unlike a certain Puerto Rican Champion. Jesse: Are you badmouthing Puerto Rican Lightning again? JR: Indeed, I am. Jesse: I can't wait until PRL shuts yours and all of his doubters mouths, this Sunday at Dirty Deeds! *K-Ness continues walking backstage, saying hi to OaOasT crewmembers along the way, when suddenly a giant crate smashes right into K-Ness sending him into a wall.* JR: What the hell bawd gawd just happened?! Jesse: A runaway crate? *From behind the crate, comes Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X. The crowd starts booing the moment they appeared. A "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" chant starts up as Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X proceed to kicking K-Ness in his stomach.* JR: Those no good bastards~! HOW DARE THEY DO THIS TO K-NESS?! Jesse: They are just doing PRL's bidding, Jim Ross. Just like any good henchmen should. JR: WHERE IS SECURITY WHEN WE NEED IT?!! The two members of The Lightning Crew continue taunting and beating down on K-Ness. Mr. Boricua spears him into a wall while Vitamin X gives him the X-Factor onto the floor. Vitamin X picks up the NA belt and smashes it across K-Ness's face. K-Ness is in pain while the crowd is going crazy booing Boricua and X. JR: This is just terrible. Jesse: Just wait till PRL gets done with K-Ness in that Last Man Standing Match this Sunday! Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X continue beating down on K-Ness and are about to once again slam the concrete crate into him, when suddenly, THE MAD CAPPA appears to the roars of the crowd. JR: FINALLY, SOME HELP!!! Jesse: WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE? SHOULDN'T HE BE GETTING READY FOR HIS CRAPPY SHOW?!! The Mad Cappa: HEY! HEY! HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM? The Mad Cappa runs to Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X and begins laying lefts and rights to the both of them. JR: THE MAD CAPPA COMING TO THE RESCUE OF K-NESS! Jesse: He's once again injecting himself into PRL's business! Won't that boy ever learn! The Mad Cappa gives Mr. Boricua a reverse DDT then gives Vitamin X a BUST A CAP on the floor. JR: BUST A CAP! BUST A CAP! BUST A CAP! Jesse: That no good punk! Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X struggle to get up and leave, groaning in pain, as The Mad Cappa goes to check on K-Ness, who is still on the ground and in pain. The Mad Cappa: You okay? K-Ness: Yeah, I think so. *The crowd begins cheering and chanting "K-Ness! K-Ness! K-Ness! K-Ness!" The Mad Cappa helps K-Ness up as security and doctors come to check on him. The crowd is cheering K-Ness on.* The Mad Cappa: You're be okay. I'll come back to check on you. JR: I hope K-Ness is okay from TWO back to back brutal attacks from The Lightning Crew. Jesse: If he's strong enough to hold the North American Title, he's strong enough to survive those attacks. JR: Give the kid a break, Jes! He's only human! Jesse: PRL could survive those attacks. He's a man's man. JR: Will you stop? Jesse: No. JR: Fans, we hope K-Ness is okay. He's scheldued to defend his North American Title against Vitamin X TONIGHT right here on IntenseZone! Jesse: I'm not concerned about K-Ness! JR: Stop it, please! *K-Ness is being helped by OaOasT security and doctors as we cut to the screen fades to black.* COMMERCIALS
  23. Mystery Eskimo

    Countdown to Genesis predictions!

    TV TITLE HARDCORE MATCH Brian Bowers© vs. Jay Morrison - Bowers TAG MATCH Jimmy “The Demon Liston” & Craig McLennan vs Dominic Korgath & Brian Kingsmen - K & K EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH LADDER/SUBMISSIONS Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs Todd Royal© - Awesome. Should be a great match between two guys I'd expect to move up to World level before too long. Todd to just edge this one. WORLD TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Manson vs “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins. - Whoever shows takes it. MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH English Dragon© vs Insane Luchadore vs Aecas - I don't predict my own matches, but even if I did I wouldn't have a clue. I'd say there's a good chance for any of us to walk out as champ.
  24. Mystery Eskimo

    SJL Countdown To Genesis Card, 9-28

    I've not written a triple threat so far in the SJL. When I've done them in OAOAST they sucked. But I'd like to leave with the title still mine, so I'll be showing.
  25. Mystery Eskimo

    OAOAST IntenseZone - 9/23/03

    (The scene starts with a shot of a city skyline on a stormy night. Lightning flashes in the sky as we pan up to the top of a tall building where Blurricane sits deep in thought on the edge. Blurricane leans his back on a sculpture of an eagle’s head that sticks up from the building and a guitar intro brings us into “Don’t Belong” by Cold.) My mind takes you to where you need to be Cure for your heartbreak to take away the pain I could describe each mistake for you Tattoo it on my tainted heart (Scenes of Blurricane’s debut and various matches are shown faintly in the background as we see a close up of Blurricane sitting on the roof. Blurricane looks sad.) Well I won’t ever tell the world That I don’t belong Please don’t ever tell the world That I don’t belong That I don’t belong (Scenes of the mystery stalker causing trouble flash across the screen as Blurricane hangs his head down in sorrow.) Can you still feel me or did I slip away A sick man, a monster, broken still today I can’t explain what happens to me Caught in the game I’ve always starred I could describe each mistake for you Tattoo it on my tainted heart (Scenes flash by of Bizarro beating Blurricane for the contract as Blurricane buries his head in his hands.) Well I won’t ever tell the world That I don’t belong Please don’t ever tell the world That I don’t belong That I don’t belong (Scenes flash by of Blurricane’s servitude in Father’s house and the abuse he took as Blurricane lifts his head with a look of anger on his face.) Well I won’t ever change my ways And I can’t be strong That I don’t belong And it’s my own shame I can’t break your ways (Scenes of Bizarro in action and making fun of Blurricane flash by as Blurricane stands up with his fists clenched.) Well I won’t ever tell the world That I don’t belong Please don’t ever tell the world That I don’t belong That I don’t belong (Scenes of Blurricane costing Bizarro his match at Angle Slam flash by as Blurricane lifts his head and looks to the sky with a look of purpose on his face.) Well I won’t ever change my ways And I can’t be strong Please don’t ever tell the world That I don’t belong That I don’t belong That I don’t belong (Scenes of both Blurricane and Bizarro flash by as the song comes to a close. Blurricane starts to walk away from the edge of the building with a look of determination on his face. As Blurricane leaves Bizarro steps out of the shadows and laughs as the song dies out.) (The words, “Blurricane…Bizarro…Triple Cage Match this Sunday for the OAOAST Contract,” appear on screen) (Fade Out) There's a big pop from the crowd watching the video on the AngleTron! JR: MAH GAWD, it will be a TRIPLE CAGE MATCH at Dirty Deeds! We've seen these two men go on a wild and crazy ride over the past months, and it all comes down to this. Jesse: It's about time that Bizarro got what he deserved- an OAOAST contract, while Blurricane goes back to sweeping trash. JR: We'll find out who the better man is, this Sunday at Dirty Deeds! And now- We fade in on the back, where resident interviewer JOSHUA MATTHEWS~! is standing with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Calvin Szechstein. MATTHEWS Calvin, I know for the past couple of months you've taken a hard-nosed approach to your title defences, and I don't expect that this week will be any different. What are your thoughts on your match tonight, teaming with Dan Black against Jay Darring? CALVIN To me, Josh, it's a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I can beat Jay this week, and nobody'll care, because I'm teaming with Dan Black. On the flip side, I can lose to Jay this week... but then I'll beat him at Dirty Deeds, and it'll make my good friend Dan Black look bad. So I'll tell you what, Josh. I'm going to go out htere, and I'm going to crush Jay Darring like Pepsi crushing Coke. And then, boy, you'll have just a teensy-weensy feeling of what true pain... the Dirtiest Deed of them all... will feel like. MATTHEWS Harsh words, I guess. Let's move on. What are your plans for Jay Darring this Sunday? CALVIN I've got a couple of surprises for the Shooter, indeed. A couple of tricks up my sleeves, a couple of friends in high places, and the entirety of the new wave on my side. Jay, you talk about your tradition... well, babe, you'd better grab your Billabong surfboard, because there's a new wave coming in, and you're either gonna hang ten, or the world of wrestling will pass you by. Calvin grins as Matthews gives him an outro. MATTHEWS Josh Matthews for OAOAST Heavyweight Champion Calvin Szechstein, back to you JR and Jesse. JR: Hey! Calvin cut me out! Jesse: He has friends in high places, Jim Ross. JR: WELL BAH GAWD- COMMERCIALS