Angel_Grace_Blue

Wait, he shaved his dome, but not his beard? That's at least, like, a tenth of an ounce right there! I guess Travis Lutter doesn't want to be a fucking fighter.

Yeah, you like some other retarded anime show instead.

You silly drunkards. This is last year's birthday thread. A new one is to be made for each year, lollerpants. Also, I guess happy birthdizzle.

lollerz, I accidentally posted the link to IMDB's Karate Kid trivia. I had to check out the memorable quotes part to get the order of "Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy!" correct since I originally had it as strike hard, then strike first. lolz, doin' research for fake rasslin' matches. Also, I'm guessing that IL no-showed since I doubt Tom would have allowed a match with so many sock puns to win. I concur with MVS, I really like the Zyon thing. I'll read the other matches, or at least skim them at a later date (Probably in five months, lawlerz).

Nice promo, very straight(bread) forward and whatnots/walnuts. You should totally come back as "Bollywood" Santosh Jeevan, lolz. Not really, that's mine.

They are called things like Jeff and Steve and also Rupert. The show was good, what bits I read and whatnot. My promo has no meaning, so don't try to force one on it. Just a silly idea I had and nobody was around to talk me out of if, lollerpants. However, if someone gets drunk enough and wants to either A) call it revolutionary, a promo with the main character having no dialogue or B) make up something for Jimmy to say feel free.

lollerz, I had previously forgotten to post these. Wrestlers Name: Jimmy the Doom Nickname: The Straight-Bread Sensation; Straight-Breader Height: 6’5” Weight: 230 Hometown: Doomopolis, Doomtopia Age: 32 Face/Heel: Face Stable: Ring Escort: Lois the Unethical Weapon(s): Bag of produce, towel-wrapped bar of soap (If you've seen Full Metal Jacket, you know what I mean. If not, meh, don't use this one then) Basically, really idiotically stupid stuff. Maybe a piece of fruitcake, or a pumpkin. Yeah...Also, don't forget the dreidel he won at Crimson Yuletide. Quote: "Your doom will come swift and strong, like a river. A river of doom!" (This explains a lot of his low charisma rating). - Speaking note: Jimmy's above quote is one of the few complete sentences he can say in proper English. Otherwise, he speaks in crazy foreigner talk. Looks: Appearance - Lanky as hell. Has about a seven foot wingspan. That 230 above might be true if he’s got a pocket full of rocks or something, but you don’t want to look too skinny. Very short black hair with a gigantic Rollie Fingers/Snidely Whiplash handlebar mustache. Or moustache. Maybe both. Clothing - His in-ring attire consists of black wrestling boots that come up just above the ankle, long white socks that end at the knee, a pair of tight cut-off black jean shorts that only reach to mid-thigh and look like a Geico Caveman hacked them off with primitive flint tools. Along with the cut-offs, he wears a black t-shirt with an off-center, ironed-on image of a sharkasaurus (That's a T-Rex with a great white shark for its head). Backstage attire also includes a leather vest with a lot of fringe hanging at the bottom, sleeve-holes, and on the back across Jimmy’s shoulders. Additionally, he wears glove-less fingers (The opposite of finger-less gloves. Usually kept on with some form of tape). Ring Entrance: The arena lights go out suddenly and two columns of hooded druids/monks/acolytes/Jedis march down the ramp and to the ring, chanting “Doom” the entire time. They place themselves against the crowd barriers, facing the ring, but leaving a gap from the entrance ramp open. The lights come back on, the chanting stops immediately, and Boots Randolph’s “Yakety Sax” plays over the speakers. Jimmy the Doom and Lois the Unethical walk down the ramp, and like, do stuff. Or get in the ring. As long as the first bit about the druids and the song are in, have fun with the entrance. Also: For big matches (Title/feud/PPV), the druids will probably be so numerous they stretch from the top of the entrance ramp down to the ring. Feel free to have a few catch fire in fancy pyrotechnic displays. They’re just druids. Stats: ¯¯¯¯¯ Strength: 5 (I’d put Jimmy as being able to lift the upper-end of the 200 pound spectrum, and getting up to 300, and maybe a little more, at the very beginning of matches, or under the most dire of situations). Speed: 5 (He can move fairly well, particularly for a guy that’s 6’5”, not so much when you consider he’s easily eligible for Cruiserweight matches. Going to the air is an option, though perhaps not one that Jimmy uses as often as he probably could) Vitality: 9 [Doomtopian life hardens people, makes them tough. Not so much no-selling (Though that does happen), as just bouncing right back up after a big move.] Charisma: 1 (He can talk, it's just that with the exception of a few select phrases, he has horrible syntax and grammar, also known as 'crazy foreigner talk'. As such, most people basically tune him out.) Style: Mostly a striker, due to earlier training (See notes), and his ability to take a beating helps him come out on top of many duels. Quick enough to use the ropes semi-frequently, and a nearly-average knowledge of mat wrestling. Also, due to his ability to withstand a lot of punishment, he won't waste time circling, looking for an opening. He won't attack before the bell, or anything, but Jimmy the Doom doesn't like waiting around. Signature moves: 1. Jimmy Bomb - Two-handed choke lifty sit-out powerbomb. 2. Hand of Doom - a sharp, jab-like throat thrust, often used to set up grabby-type moves (Like the Jimmy Bomb, or Doomsday) 3. The 73.5267.1094Q80.16 - After a whip into the turnbuckles, Jimmy rushes in after and flips him/her to the mat with a headlock takedown. For the smaller folk, mostly. (And, yes, 73.52677.1094Q80.16 is the international calling code for Doomopolis, Doomtopia.) 4. Flying Front/Snap Kick (Steve Blackman in da heezy! If ye be under 6’, there’s a good chance you’ll get kicked in the face, rather than the chest/stomach as intended. Not that Jimmy cares, it’s just that he’d prefer to give you that feeling of getting shot in the chest with a twelve gauge) 5. Doom Driver - Inverted cradle brainbuster 6. Head vice (You wouldn’t think a damn head squeeze would ever get a submission victory, and you’d be right. But still, it’s...honestly, it’s lame, but what part of Jimmy the Doom isn’t?) 7. Yak Kick - Get it straight. This is not a Yakuza kick. The yak is a revered, sacred, nearly royal animal to the people of Doomtopia. The Yak Kick is a crane kick, stolen straight from Karate Kid. 8. Jimmy-Plex - A corkscrew German suplex, and that doesn't make any sense, so I'll elaborate. With either Jimmy or the opponent coming off the ropes (Or both), or Jimmy ducking a clothesline, he grabs on a front (or side) waistlock, slides around/behind, lifts the opponent, continues to move in the same direction (Say he grabs the left side, he'll move towards the right to get directly behind, and once lifted, keep going right) and often releases the opponent, though it's not uncommon for Jimmy to hang on (Though he won't bridge or roll through). Also, sometimes Jimmy will manage to lock in a single or double chickenwing as opposed to a standard rear waistlock. 9. Majestic Cradle - A flying, top rope la majistral cradle (Learned from the amazing Villano IV who can cradle anyone from anywhere) Common moves: 1. DDTs (Of nearly all sorts) 2. Bulldogs (See above) 3. Tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic drop (It’s a bit of a crowd deflater, what with the hope of an awesome tilt-a-whirl move. Plus, the end result is so mundane, it fits in the common moves section) 4. Basic (and advanced) kicks (He is a martialy arts trained striker, or whatever the hell I say down below) 5. Headbutts (You’d better believe that with a vitality of nine, his head can take a lot of punishment, so this is a cinch. All manner of headbutts, including the tornado or discus headbutt) 6. Palm thrusts (Don’t forget the double palm thrust, which often looks like a shove, and sometimes is one, but usually it isn’t. It’s usually a palm thrust with both hands instead of one) 7. Flying body scissors takedown (Were it done in an internet chatroom, it’d probably be called a glomp, if I’m not mistaken. Pouncing tackle that nearly always looks like a hug, especially against a big guy who doesn’t go down immediately. Or at all.) 8. Simple body splashes that aren’t someone’s finisher 9. Dropkicks (As long as they aren’t too flippy-floppy and such) 10. Suplexes 11. Submissions for Dummies (Anything an idiot could figure out. As in, “Hey, that joint does not bend in that direction. It would hurt were it made to bend that way.” Bear in mind this could easily include bending fingers. Doomtopia doesn’t boast much of an education system) 12. Corkscrew flying elbow (Running, not from the top ropes. Both standard and back elbows) Rare moves: 1. Death Submission (The move Gary “Deadly Sadness” Black used to beat Foul Arnold during their sixth match in ‘98, which, incidentally, was only the second match Foul Arnold lost in that epic series. You know the one.) 2. Russian Knife (Douglas “Crusher Doctor” Perkins’ finisher from 1987-93 and the ‘96 World Shootout). 3. Chicken Fists (Eastern Graham nearly killed Spectral Bryant at Sudden Force 02 with this.) 4. Boston Monkey Blow 5. Mad Monkey Torture of the Carnage (This is the deadliest, most prestigious move The Warring Monkey School of martial arts teaches, and as such, only eight people currently alive know it. Think of it as far more devastating than an atomic bomb. Yeah, Jimmy the Doom can use it, but he’d really rather not. As such, PM if you plan on even teasing it for further details) Finishers: 1. Doomsday - Combination strikes, ahoy! From an arm wringer, Jimmy lands either a knee or kick to his opponent’s stomach for a good doubling over, followed with rising knee to the face, enough kicks to the back of the legs to send the opponent to his/her knees (Or possibly simply sitting down), and a nifty roundhouse to the back or front of the head. 2. Doom Factor - An X-Factor of DOOM! Also, just because, if the person is too big (In which case, Jimmy would probably look for something else to finish off the match, but, whatever), he'll go Thoth Scum Gale all up in your face and flip off the top rope. And stuff. 3. Jimmy's Jump - This can be one of two things. Either a 540 splash, and if you know your angles and degrees and such, you know that means Jimmy lands head-first on the person. Pete 'n' King should probably sell it like he botched something very badly, but he didn't. The second version, if you don't think the first can be done without snapped vertebrae, is a 450 headbutt. So, yeah... Notes: This is in regards to the druids: They will not attack anyone. Ever. You can punch every single one of them in the testicles before you get into the ring, if you go outside the ring, or after the match, and they’ll just fall down. They probably won’t even help each other up in such an event, or even acknowledge it has occured. This is in regards to Lois the Unethical: She will not get involved at all. She's similar to the druids, only different. You can have her read a book, knit a sweater, whatever. And yes, the only reason she doesn't get involved is because I forget that she's there and I don't want to edit her screaming for Jimmy in the match. Jimmy (And Lois) is straight-bread. That is, he is furiously anti-sandwich, as well as anything else that results in bread not remaining pure and plain. No butter, jellies, peanut butter, etc. Even toast is taboo among straight-breaders. Bio: Jimmy the Doom was born in Doomopolis, Doomtopia, and that's totally a real place. He grew up in the slummiest section of the capital city, right next to the capitol building. As a kid, he was mugged often, and in turn, did a bit of mugging himself. However, he soon realized that mugging people was wrong, so he decided to hustle people in various activities. However, he was beaten many, many times for this. However, these beatings made him tougher, so he was able to fight back. However, I'm not sure what I was talking about. Anyway, Doom trained martial arts under Prykzwietz Norris at The Warring Monkey School, and he kicked a lot of ass. And whatnot. Doom did some stuff, ate a waffle this one time, and that waffle inspired him to become a professional wrestler. How? The waffle sucked [All waffles (And pancakes) suck, admit it], Jimmy complained, and the chef was a former pro wrestler and beat Doom with a frying pan. Yes. Name: Lois the Unethical Nickname: The Panic Ogre Height: 5’9” Weight: 163lbs. Hometown: Little Doomton, Doomtopia Age: 29 Face/Heel: Tweenery, but with heavy face leanings (Not all by way of being associated with Jimmy the Doom, though) Quote: "When you step into the ring with Jimmy, you're DOOMED!" Looks: Long red hair left to hang loose. Let's see, what else...a black body suit type dealie with the Doomtopian flag emblazoned on the front (The Doomtopian flag is a light blue hexagon, with two yellow chevrons, and above the uppermost point, four crimson diamonds, and below, a green sea monster. It's a weird flag.) She's actually rather plain looking, which, you know, is shocking considering this is the world of professional wrestling and all. And I don't mean plain by wrestling diva/valet standards, but by normal human standards. And stuff. Ring Entrance: If coming to the ring by herself for whatever reason (Which, honestly, probably will never happen, unless I think of something, or whatever), Lois is accompanied by the Doomtopian National Anthem, "Hail, Hail, Doomtopia", which is not only the longest anthem, but song in general to exist, as just about every facet of Doomtopia is included in the anthem. It's also kind of like a Wikipedia entry in that Doomtopian citizens can send in suggestions for inclusion to the anthem. As such, it's constantly growing and changing. If you want to type out lyrics for it, PM me and I'll make some shit up, unless you want to make some shit up for it yourself. Stats: _____ Strength: 1 Speed: 7 Vitality: 4 Charisma: 8 Lois doesn't do much in the way of wrestlefication, but she can kinda handle herself, at least against what few other women are in the fed. Except for, you know, the actual wrestlers. Moves and such: Desert Yak Kick (Just as the desert yak differs from regular or 'common' yaks, so does Jimmy the Doom's Yak Kick differ from Lois the Unethical's Desert Yak Kick. Hers is a whipback kick.) Ranas and the like Finisher strengthliness: Hail, Hail, Doomtopia - Flying piledriver (Okay, this is kind of complicated, and probably not even possible, but damn it, if that didn't stop Ash Ketchum it sure as hell won't stop me. So, there are a few different versions of this move. The first could be called a 'tornado' piledriver. Lois is on the top rope, opponent is facing her and very close to the buckles. Lois either headscissors first, or jumps then headscissors, pulling the opponent around and down to the mat. The other has a similar set up, only the opponent is facing away from Lois. Then she jumps, turns around, scissors, and down to the mat. It's kind of like a sunset flip powerbomb, only not. And it's not a sunset flip powerbomb because I say it's not.)

If I still gots it by the time the 'Fuck rolls around, I'll defendulate my Hradcroe beltations and suchlies in perhaps addition to participation in the actual Cluster. lollerz.

Yo, Lardon "La Manteca" Fattix, how's about a new title history, I mean, we've gone through one whole new world champ since the last one, lawlerz. Speaking of former world champs, Toxx, you need to finish the 06 results thread thing, lollerzpantz. Le bourte~!

So, I've noticed that the Discovery Channel and a few others have survival-based shows, like "I Shouldn't Be Alive", "Survivorman", and "Man Vs. Wild", and damn it, they are pretty entertaining, to me, at least. I really like Survivorman, as Les has to carry his own camera gear along with the few items he's got to make use of. Bear, of Man Vs. Wild, on the other hand, gets a camera crew, freeing himself from having to lug the stuff around or climb down a cliff to set up the camera, climb back up the cliff, and then down a second time for a shot of him going down. Also, Bear seems too eager to eat his food raw, so he loses points for that. Anyone else watch any of these shows, or ones similar (Survivor doesn't count because I said so), and if so, what do you think of them?

Get up, Mom. I love this, along with the other videos from Derrick Comedy. The spelling bee in particular is great.

I figure I'll just arbitrarily name some of the albums I liked in 06 since composing a list is too much for me, lollerz. T.I. - King Ice Cube - Laugh Now, Cry Later Les Claypool - Of Whales and Woe Young Dro - Best Thang Smokin' Ray Cash - Cash on Delivery The Decemberists - The Crane Wife Rick Ross - Port of Miami Yung Joc - New Joc City E-40 - My Ghetto Report Card Trick Daddy - Back by Thug Demand So, where exactly can my opinion be ignored, because I'm curious as to just how awful my taste is, lawlz.

At first I was like "People are sending Raynor Christmas cards? Lameasauruses" then I remembered he works at a post office, lawlerskatez.

Yeah, sorry about my no-shows, but finals week reared its head and punched my thorax, lawlz. But all's good now, mclolleringtonz.

Since nobody made a UFN thread and I'm too lazy to do so, I have to say: lollerz @ Riggs.

And how does fake sex compare to real wrestling matches? lolz.

Okay, Canucks, which one of you is going to own up to being this guy: YouTube MMA Dude? I know that maybe a few thousand people in Canadia have electricity, and much less have an internets, so it's got to be one of you on the board. I haven't watched all of his videos, but his predictions for the fights seem to be pretty accurate, or at least moderately close, then again the outcomes were practically obvious to someone with half a brain regarding MMA (So, not me, that's for damn sure). lollerz.

Toxx retains, if only so he can punch JJ's face in the CFC finals, lollerz. Wait, JJ won't make it there, lollerz. Uh, we've had a few titles change hands recently, so Toxx retains, lawlz. Hey, look, Tom vs. Spike. Who wants to bet that at least one man posts the old Cruiser title match the two were involved in about two years back with some minor editing? lolz. Tom for the wins, but maybe Bollywood will be all upset and junks. lolz, JJ for the lose! lolz, teh champeens (not of tag kind, but of siingles, lolz) wins it. Not sure why I felt the need to clarify that since Benson and Cross are not of the championships, nor are the svelte crackers involved in this match, lawlz. Also: check out my Wii-esque spelling error. Lolz. An Octopus completely fucking kills both guys. Maybe even kiills them, lawlz. This should be a Lockdown card. I refrain to say good or bad since I'll most likely just scroll to find out the wieners.

So, I was thinking about some different things that, at least so far, haven't happened. Instead of making a seperate topic for each item, here's a handy catch-all, yayz! First hey dudes: Dudes, what happened to the annual "I signed up for NaNoWriMo and I'm totally going to finish this time" followed by the "Shit, I got two hundred words in and gave up" posts? For shame, dudes, for shame (I'm ashamed of myself as well. I didn't even sign up and then no-sell the thing). Next hey dude: Dude, Toxxic, whassup with the awards? Did I miss them completely, or did your true Britishosity shine through, making you all "Feck those Yanks and their bloody ostritch farms! No awards for them!" or something? Lolzerz. If so, I claim all the awards for myself, yay! Even the ones I wasn't eligible for, like booker of the year and junk, whoaty. That's all the hey dudes from me, but as I said, feel free to add your own. Le bourte~! Oh, snap edit: Hey dudes, what's up with chat being super dead? Granted, the times someone other than Apoc-X/leigh/Cap'n Amp comes in, I'm usually idling somewhere, but, still, super dead. Also, Skypeosity has dwindled. Super lame, dudes, super lame. lolz.

Jimmy either wants to fight Borat (And steal his mustache) or your uncle's couch. Maybe both at the same time, like they do in Switzerland.

I haven't seen the fight (Mayhap I shouldn't comment, then), so I don't know how much wrestling occured, but I wonder if Hughes is cursing Rashad Evans' name. Or, it could be put that, 'Hey, at least Evans is good for something, lollerz.'

I know, I know, I'm immature, but I can't be the only one that got at least a small chuckle from that, right? lolz?

lollerz, I thought stuff was due Friday night for some reason. I am teh dumbs, lawlz.

People still like the Segway? I thought that thing sucked. Though, I suppose if they are being tossed around, I'll take one, lollerz.

And way Frenchier?