Sandman9000

::Oversells, bounces back up, ducks clothesline, Yakuza Kick::

You have to pick one or the other. No mixing the indeed or the huss.

::Decides to liven the place up with some good ol' violence:: ::DDT's WJM::

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start

Yeah, drafting Darko was another brilliant move made by me. As was drafting Jamaal Tinsley, who then proceeded to disappear. As was dumping Lamar Odom for sucking ass, who then decides to actually go and play basketball. I'm giving my team the rest of this week and next week to turn it around, and if it, it's firesale time.

::Jams a pool cue up Rod's rectum and out his mouth. Since Rod doesn't find it negative contact, he sells it:: ::Places a bottle next to Dama's temple and headbutts it::

::Headbutts Dama::

Might as well establish this first. I'm not dead. I haven't been dead for however long I was gone. I also haven't tried to kill myself in some while (re: backyard wrasslin' and other stupid shite), though taking college chem was taking a razor vertically to the wrists of my GPA. I can't be the only one who despises the holiday season. Now, I can get into also the teenage angsty Linkin Parkish bullshit reasons, "I wanted a Super NES, my parents got me a Genesis, I fuckin' hate them" shit, but the real deal is that I hate celebrations. I hate parties, I hate award ceremonies, I hate meaningless causes for acting like a complete jackass, and the holidays are one of them. Whoooo, another date on the calendar, you haven't succeeded in having the black hole in your skull swallow your entire being, nor has your stupidy caused gravity to reverse and toss us all into the sun, whoop de damn do, who gives a fucking shit. Personally, as much as I could care less about my birthday, I'm somewhat glad it's around the holiday time, since it allows my cheapass moronic relatives to cop out and purchase one unwanted "gift" instead of two. I'd rather have none, but stupid society, requiring me to be "civil" about shit. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "why doesn't this fucking useless asshole just quit his fucking bitching and not celebrate the holidays or actually go kill himself and stop wasting bandwidth and oxygen?" If I had my way, I would. Unfortunately, I'm not yet completely financially independent, hence I get to return to my parents for extended time periods during the year, where they still celebrate holidays and birthdays and other occasions designed to make me want to stab myself in the eye with a screwdriver. And since I don't like sleeping in a dumpster, I get to put up with birthdays and christmas and the whatnot. I tell them I want nothing, but they never listened to me before, so why start now. I also love the subtle hints in the gifts that are designed to remind me that I'm a complete failure in life who has accomplished nothing and will accomplish nothing. "Oh, Guiness book of world records, great. Hey, this book of inventions and accomplishments, wow. Lookie, a list of things that occured the day I was born, with nothing under my name, whoop de damn doo." But that's beside the point. From now on, this is what I'm going to do. By the time this shit rolls around next year, I'll be 21 (which means nothing to me, since I don't drink) and most likely living off campus, which means I won't have to go home, and if I do, it won't be for as long. I can tolerate a week with the relatives, but the three+ week winter break is too much. After a week and a half, two weeks if I'm lucky, my dad feels it necessary to remind me that I'm a constant underachiever who has only served to embarass the family on a constant basis and that I would have been better served to follow what he did in life and do things the way he does. When I do, I'm not telling anyone what I want, or to get me anything. I'm flat out telling them to get me nothing. And if they still feel compelled to get me something, they can reimburse me for something I bought myself. You say you wanted to get me a big gift? Pay my auto insurance, or I bought this video card, pay me back for that? Just a stocking stuffer? I went to Subway the other day, pay me back for my sandwhich. No clue on what to do? Gimme 20 bucks, I need gas. This way, morons feel like they've celebrated the holidays, I don't have to deal with useless bullshit, and children around the world can sleep safely at night. Once again, I'm sure you're wondering, "Is he constantly this angry and whiny and hateful and bitchy about shit?" Yes, you bet your ignorant ass I am. I pretty much hate everything, and I definitely hate you more than you hate me. And in case you need another reminder that I'm a sad motherfucker, don't make me post pics of me dressed up as Santa. Deranged Claus made sure that some 40 children found out that Santa's not real. Huss = the new "indeed." I'm done bitching for now. I'll have something else later. Happy holidays, dickheads.

::Throws empty kegs at Cartman to get him to stop::

::Gives Kotz a swift kick to the lower nutsack region::

This place isn't any fun without ravers to cripple. ::Picks up a bar stool and prepares to clobber the next person to enter the bar::

Hate to break it to ya CWM, but if you're doing weed, kinda means you're not straight edge. As for the OU Hoss, I don't blame you for not believing me, especially since I really do have no solid, medical proof to back myself up. I can say that my doctor has listened to some experiences and feelings I've told him about, and has urged me to recieve therapy and possibly testing down on campus, since I told him I wouldn't take any medicine. I haven't done either, partially because of laziness, partially because I'm a believer in bailing your own ass out when you get in trouble and not having someone else do your work for you. I've always asking for help in just about anything as a form of weekness, and I've never been able to get around that mental block. As for the hardcore thing, it was sarcasm in reference to my refusal to take painkillers. If your god and mine, Mick Foley, won't take painkillers, and he's the textbook definition of hardcore, then by golly, if I do what he does, it must make me hardcore as well! I don't know what the definition of hardcore is, but I probably don't match up.

Actually cleaning out my old messages in my in-box, and found a promo Zack sent me for an IZ when I actually used to do things. I think. I doubt Zack even remembers that he wrote this. From July 22, 2002: The theme from "Austin Powers" plays over the P.A. system, and The In Crowd video flashes on the Angle-Tron. Tony:"It's time, JR! Here's comes this week's popularity promo!" The In Crowd make their way down the ramp, each member dressed like Austin Powers, except for Alison, who's looking rather "shagadelic". Fans pop like crazy as The Best Damn Thing Going Today climb into the ring. Superstar hops up on the turnbuckles, raising his arms up, while Zack Malibu stands in the center ring, soaking up the cheers. EfDDT and Alison are laughing about something, and as the music fades, all 4 members gather in the center of the ring. Austin Malibu:"Oh yeeeah baby, The In Crowd has arrived!" -pop from crowd- Austin Malibu:"You see, this week, we're undercover baby...there's a supersecret organization of suckiness that has to be dealt with, before they spread their vial disease of ineptitude amongst the world, baby!" 'Flow Powers:"Oh behave, Mr. Malibu! It's no secret man, that we're talking about The Deadly Alliance!" Austin Malibu:"Ah yes, well...IT'S NOT A SECRET NOW, AGENT FLOW! Sheesh...always spoiling thin...anyways, yeah baby, The Deadly Alliance are evil baby, they..." Zack starts cracking up and "breaking character". Super Austin Star Powers:"Zack, what's up...did you forget your line?" Malibu:"I'm sorry man...it's just...The Deadly Alliance? They're supposed to be this big, badass group, and that's the best name they came up with? That sounds like a group that Snidley and Muttley would have had on Hanna Barbera cartoons!" All In Crowd members laugh. 'Flow:"Hehe, yeah, it'd be like this..." -snaps his fingers. Unknown individual comes out from under the ring, and does the EVIL LAUGH~! He then exits the ring, and walks away through the crowd.- 'Flow:"I love that!" Malibu:"Who IS that?" 'Flow:"I...uh...I don't know..." Superstar:"So are we still doing the Austin Powers gag, or is this just a regular promo?" Malibu:"Good point...I mean...YEAH BABY, It's the totally randy, supremely shagadelic In Crowd baby, here to save the world from The Deadly...The Dead...pffft..." Zack again starts laughing. Malibu:"Oh man, that name...that name just SUCKS! What, did you open up the Generic Wrestling Villain handbook and find that, or did your little pea brains actually sit there and discuss this seriously?" Superstar:"Yeah, it's like 'Hi, my name is Sandman, and I think that our name should be the Deathcore Barbed Wire Warriors!" 'Flow:"Or Alfdogg could have been like 'No, no, no, our name is going to be Alf and his Dogg Pound!" -more laughter- Malibu:"They couldn't do that because of copyright laws...remember Alf on TV, that little brown furry dude." Superstar:"Oh, that was a dude, I thought that was his mom!" Alison:"Look boys, I don't know about you, but I'm feeling a little horny baby, yeeeeah!" The In Crowd members look at their valet in disbelief. Evenflow's jaw drops. 'Flow:"Did you just say that in front of ALL THESE PEOPLE!?!?" Alison:"I was TRYING to save this Austin Powers promo, honey!" 'Flow:"Ooooh!" Evenflow wipes the sweat of his brow. Superstar:"All right, Austin Malibu, maybe it's time you took us home?" Malibu:"Right. So anyways baby, this Deadly Alliance, they've threatened us with World Domination baby, and no one wants to see them in charge. They're bad baby, very bad. So we special agents plan on traveling back in time to stop these menaces from growing up to so rotten, baby. We're going to...we're...dude, what ARE we going to do?" 'Flow:"I don't know. I'm still in shock over Ally's horny comment." Malibu:"OK, jokes over. Hey, Alfdogg, I hope you've been listening. I hope you think what you see is funny, because while The In Crowd is all about entertainment, there won't be anything funny when we meet. We might be dressed up like Austin Powers now, but I guarantee I'm not chasing a Goldmember, I'm just chasing gold...specifically, yours. I might've lost the first time, but I won't lose again. Zack Malibu and The In Crowd refuse to be denied their destiny, and it continues tonight. Reject, man, you've proven your just that. Desperate for acceptance, you tried to help us. You wanted a spot in The In Crowd, a spot in our family. You didn't get it, so you tuck your tail between your legs and run to the Gay Pride Alliance and... Superstar:"I GOT IT! I know who Sandman is!" Malibu, Evenflow and Alison:"WHAT?!?!" Superstar:"Dude, this whole Sandman thing is a front. He's ERIK WATTS!" Malibu:"You mean the super sucky son of our new commisioner, vice pres...whatever, Cowboy Bill Watts?" Superstar:"Yeah, I mean, think. He's a sucky wrestler...that's Erik Watts. And this whole lightbulb obsession...lightbulbs...WATTS...get it...? The rest of The In Crowd just look at Superstar, jaws dropped. Superstar:"OK, so maybe I think too much. But at least it made sense!" Malibu:"Superstar, you're too much. Bottom line...Deadly Alliance, watch out, because The In Crowd has your number!" Evenflow:"What's their number? I'll have to put it in my rolodex." Malibu:"Not literally!" Evenflow:"Dude, just playin'!" Superstar comes over and whispers to his partners. They have a quick chuckle. Malibu:"Actually, it's been brought to my attention that maybe, just maybe, we can be gentlemen for a second and salute you, The Deadly Alliance, because we do have your number...you're number one!" Each In Crowd member turns and faces the AngleTron and entrance ramp, and proceeds to raise their middle fingers. Malibu:"Now, I think it's time to go find some fembots baby, yeah! That promo made me a little randy in the candy, yeeeeeehah!" Evenflow:"Dude, what are we talking about?" Malibu:"I dunno. Maybe the British slang isn't for us." Flow:"So, how do we end this?" Malibu:"The only way we can...The In Crowd's not For Life, The In Crowd's not Forever...The In Crowd is just... (Crowd chants along) "FOR REAL!" "Popular hits, and fans go wild, as their heroes exit the ring after another trademark Super-Sweet promo. Friendly reminder to you n00bs that even the bestes of writers have to start somewhere. I guess that means something...

Embrace the huss.

Johnson's the greatest gimmick poster ever. Even better then Senior Rant.

::goes to the corner to let out a good sob::

:::Calls Sandman's parole officer::: ::Delivers one last shot before running::

::Isn't sure what to do, so resorts to violence and beats JYSK with a lamp::

::runs by, clotheslines JYSK with the axe, commits grand theft cookie::

I got a certain former promoter and porn owner to take care of first. Fuck who?

Uh, you really shouldn't have. ::Parole office rolls up. Sandman dives out window::

For CWM: A bronzed gnome holding an axe.

I don't take medication because I don't believe in letting chemicals of any kind affect my behavior and thinking, no matter how deranged it is. I want attention because I'm an attention whore.

Whatever works. All attention = good attention, and there's always some nutjob out there to vouche for whatever you say, no matter how ignorant or foolish or racist it is.

I'm thinking a more hypocritical Bill O'Reilly, just with even less beliefs to back my rants.