School. Probably the most important thing to our development as a person. Most of us are in the school system for twenty years.
Eight hours a day with strangers. You are judged by them every minute. Teachers and faculty judging your educational and social progress. You are put into a social heirarchy; jocks, nerds, sluts, Goths ect. You get bad grades....you are an underachiever or stupid. Parents are upset. Act "foolishly".....you get detention. The principle, a stranger, judges you. "You better not act up. You're not going to have a future if you act like this.". Who is this man to say what you are and what you will become? Who is he to tell you what is right and what is wrong?
You want to dress differently? You can't. You'll be mocked by your peers. Day after day. Parents can't afford the hip new clothes? Too bad. Don't follow the trends? Nerd. Your confidence will be shattered. Could you ever recover? What if you made a MISTAKE? Perhaps you trip in the hallway. What if you say something stupid? What if you're really small and skinny? What if your abnormally fat?
Dropping out of school? Not going to college? What a LOSER!
We, as kids, are not that smart. We start to believe the stereotypes we are put into. Ever hear of "Out of Character Behavior"? There is no such thing. But we start to view ourselves as said stereotype and act accordingly. Think about a time when you were bullied as a youth. See? You can still recall that experience. It was traumatic. Maybe not now, but at the time, it left a scar, either emotionally or physically. How many parents just allow this to happen? So many parents aren't ready to have kids. They think about their situation instead of their child's. "I can't take this".
So we will all sit in class. Teachers will teach. We will memorize and repeat what we hear. We are parrots. No? How many school tests are based on memorization of the "right" way? Accounting? Memorize these equations. Marketing? Memorize this process. Even Philosophy classes ask "What where Kant's views on blah blah blah ".
We were judged. We were bullied. We were told how to do this. How to do that. We were told to act this way, not that way. We were told what we are good at and what we are bad at. We were told what we were and what we would become.
No. Don't be different. Think, feel and act like everyone else. Otherwise life will be torture. Everyone will be disappointed in you.
Some people recover. Some. Most, after twenty years, will have this process permanently ingrained in their subconscious. They would be judging me on this post. They are robots following codes.
You had to think every move over. Everything is so calculated. The risk of keeping your self esteem is too high to just say "fuck it" and put yourself out there. You overthink everything.
Go ahead. Break free from this. Hopefully someone reading this can. I can't. I'm not that type of person.
I'm going to experiment with this thing. I mainly just need a place to put my thoughts down for another month in a half since I'm going to be posting this to myself mostly....read if you want to. I can't entertain my colleagues (I don't believe in friends; once you label someone a friend you expect things from them) since they're all away from school. This summer I've basically been reading, going to work, sleeping, and working out. No social interaction. This is month three. Only one and a half more to go. For now I'll entertain myself with this. Hopefully I'll make it so entertaining that people want to read this so I can charge outlandish advertising fees and make a nice profit.
Got yelled at by (once again) a middle-aged fat women at work yesterday. She was trying to return some 24W pants but she didn't have the receipt nor price tags. Nag nag nag nag nag. After 15 minutes of this argument I felt like I was married to bitch. She and all women are irrational act purely on emotions...but *I* was wrong with arguing of her. I expected her to think logically about the situation instead of just acting and rationalizing it to herself later.
I love being single. I really do. I get to have fun and also have peace and quiet. I get to save my money. Any man can easily get laid if he wants to, but most guys think they need a woman to be complete and act like it's a noble thing. And all the media's "real men work hard, buy gadgets, settle down with his wife and have kids" shit is just propoganda.
I also stopped in the grocery store (real exciting day). A friend was with me and he had his new video I-Pod gadget. He mentioned that it cost more but it was worth it because now he could watch stuff everywhere he goes. I sat down outside later and had a good laugh over it. People just need gadgets playing for them 24 hours a day now so that they can completely aviod thinking. I think these portable TV-ipods make it clear that television is a DRUG. A DANGEROUS drug.
I just got off work, and am kind of pissed off. Fat women shopping, spending hundreds on clothes, shoes, nonsense. Fat women complaining to me how they don't make "cute" clothes in their size (geez, I wonder why). These women choose to dress fashionably instead of making themselves attractive. Most assume young girls spend the most on clothes (they can, believe me) but fat, short haired middle aged women are the worst offenders. They also think they can break the fucking rules and return shit from months ago with no tags or receit until they nag and fucking nag enough that I cave.
Feminist: You shouldn't be around the house cleaning all the time
Feminist: You should get a career, you're not his stepping stone
Feminist: You should have more power of the marriage then your man, women are much smarter then men are.
Feminist: Use sex against him so you can get what you want.
Many women have ruined society. They will have you belive the opposite; that men are brutal pigs and are dumb as a rock. But many women, not all, but many have changed society in too many negative ways.
Women in today's society have become arrogant. Most walk around like they are fucking goddesses that we should be happy to be in their presence. They think men are dumb fucks who sit in front of the TV and that they will do "great, creative" things while the robot-like man will do the math and science. Meanwhile, the "great, creative" things women are doing will be buying two pairs of shoes, or more clothes, or anything to create the image of wealth. Women live their life to create an IMAGE, not to actually make that image a reality. They don't actually have a personality. Ask a girl what her personality is and she will describe her clothes, hair and shit like that.
Rich fat women are even worse. One lady was telling me her life story about how "cultured" she is because she has been to France, Italy, Japan, ect. Just because you were physically in another country does not make you cultured. The real person of culture is reading history in his room, alone.
A women complaining to me about how her husband left her because he was a jerk. Meanwhile, she was obese, had short hair; obviously not caring enough about the relationship to keep up with her appearance. I suppose if she left him it would be because she had matured and grown.
There are a few women I've dated (ok, I made that up) that are NOT like this, and they are great to be around. But most seem to be "do it my way or else" bitches that want to run life. They are like business men in dresses. I want a companion, not a master. Of course, if I don't get married and have kids, when I die I'll be labeled a "surpressed homosexual".
ugh I'm so pissed off. So annoyed at the materialism and pop-culture mind of these women. But I feel I've outgrown this job and I'll be quitting to get a new one this week. I've considered this for a while and it's time to act now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I'm sure something will come to me.
1) Used to be: Thinking about how things used to be easier. This usually refers to childhood, ages 05-13, like that was a golden era of life that is now over and will never be back. "The good days are over and now life sucks"
2) Why did this happen to me waaaaah: Crying about past experiences. My parents were means *cries*. Often used with "I would do _____ but ______ happened so I can't"
3) What if.....: What if I mess up What if I look like a fool? What if I lose money? What if this girl doesn't like me? What if TSM poster make fun of me?
4) I'll do it later: I'll do better in school next semester. I'll start working out next week. Once I get _____ (sunglasses, jeans, some material item) I'll be happy.
A few weeks ago I watched a life-changing video. It was called "The Secret", and features speakers that are famous businessmen, authors, ect. It is about the LAW OF ATTRACTION. The Law of Attraction is a law which states that you are a magnet, and you attract what you are THINKING about! Thoughts become thing. It's the basis of the book "Think and Grow Rich" (great book, btw, maybe the best I've ever read). Even if it sounds absurd to you, it is worth watching and maybe it will convince you. I've shown this to people before and they say that it may have changed their lives!
It's about getting what you want out of life....knowing success in not a PATH, but a MINDSET. Appreciate what you have more and you attract more of it. Repeat and repeat and repeat.
That's one thing I've learned the past few years. Things might suck BAD, but people who hate their situation only get MORE OF IT. Every moment is unique and should be joyful and exciting. If circumstances are great, that's just the icing on the cake!
It was on google video, but I think it's down now. If you search around you should find a torrent of it (it's around 700mb I think, I'm not great with computer stuff).
My roommate Jon. He is the definition of average. No goals, no ambition...basically he just sleepwalks through life buying things to fill the void. "Look at my new stereo system!" "Check out these new TV cords! Damn that picture is clear!" Every week I hear a rant about how he is sick of his laziness and that he is going to start living and working out. Every week....no changes yet. And I've known him for two years.
ALL of his actions are to help benefit society or attract women. "Dude, you don't HAVE to get married" I said. "No, the whole purpose of life is to pass on your seed and that is society's way of doing it". He came to my work and bought some new Raulph Lauren designer towels. "This will attract the chicks" he says. Yeah.
He buys all the top brands of clothes....whatever is in style. He buys watches, stereos, high definition televisions, new rims for his car, towels and blankets.....towels and FUCKING blankets! all for other people. He is indecisive, has no idea what to major in, and never follows through with plans. Is this a real man? He blindly goes after women so he can say he has one...and when he has one he won't stop comlaining. Everyone know a guy like this. Guys like this need to ask themselves who the master of their destiny is.
"Someday my dream will come. One night you'll wake up and you'll discover it never happened. It's all turned around on you and it never will. Suddenly you are old, didn't happened and it never will, 'cause you were never going to do it anyway."
This quote scares the hell out of me. It's from Collateral, which is a great movie for seeing two completely different types of people spending a night together (uh, not sexually)
About two years ago I started follow eastern philosophies. They really are much different than western ones, much better. It's all about the now. "What you need, you will not get" Be happy with what you have NOW. If you don't like what you have now, CHANGE IT. Opportunities are infinite. The media has us thinking otherwise, and that's why I've eliminated it from my life all together, besides RAW and ECW basically. After learning about subliminal advertising in my classes last fall I just cannot stand television.
Back to Jon. I hate his thinking. He can change, but will he? Who knows. He should be doing what HE wants. Dress how he wants to dress. But they might call you selfish! "He is selfish" some girl will say about a guy that she doesn't like. Of course he is. EVERYONE is selfish. Every action everyone makes benefits themself. Selfishness is a universal truth and it's not a negative thing. In fact, I'd say people aren't selfish enough.
This is our chance on this planet....Fuck it, I'm going to enjoy it.