madmatt2002

WWF Raw 5/14/01: Brothers of Destruction and the Two Man Power Trip brawl and it leads to BOD vs TMPT for the Tag Team Titles later tonight in this very ring. 80 Kurt Angle vs Rikishi. Match Background: None. The Match: Rikishi strikes away at Kurt Angle, not doing much damage at all. Kurt Angle once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Kurt Angle gets up and gives a Belly to belly suplex to Angle. The ref is bumped, as goes down after accidentally getting caught by an elbow to the face. Angle pulls a jumping piledriver out of nowhere!! Cover, but there's no one to count for Kurt Angle! Kurt Angle misses a clothesline. Kurt Angle takes a right hand to the temple from Rikishi. Weak bodyslam by Rikishi. Covers for a quick two count. Sloppy discus punch from Rikishi barely connects on Angle. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Kurt Angle avoids a Rikishi avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Rikishi gets rocked with a brutal elbow to the jaw by Angle. A few more of those and Rikishi will go down worse than Bart Gunn at 'Mania 15. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Rikishi kicks Kurt Angle in the gut to reverse the momentum. Rikishi moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Rikishi Driver. William Regal quickly comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Rikishi turns around. William Regal spins Rikishi around. William Regal hits the Union Jack! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Regal! Angle and Regal tie Rikishi up in the ropes, then start punching away at him until referees run down and break it up. My Opinion: These guys worked SO HARD...for a ** rating. Something went wrong somewhere, didn't it? Overall:66 Crowd Reaction:76 Match Quality:72 Undertaker leaves the building because his wife Sara got in a car accident. 76 Saturn and Malenko vs Hardy Boyz. Match Background: Hardy Boyz are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. Matt Hardy is the reigning WWF European champion, and has been since 26 April 2001. The Match: Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Jeff Hardy by Saturn. Remember when that was a legit finish? Saturn hits a piledriver on Jeff Hardy. That used to end matches, you know. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko. Saturn and Malenko whip Jeff into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Malenko hits a dropkick on Jeff Hardy and gets right back up. Hooks the leg for a two count. STIFF high kick on Jeff by Dean Malenko. Jeff Hardy comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Malenko walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one though? Tag between Jeff Hardy and Matt Hardy. Matt Hardy hits a rolling kick on Malenko. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Matt crushes Malenko with a huge legdrop. Dean Malenko reverses a hip toss. Tag between Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn. Spear by Perry Saturn. Massive lariat! Stan Hansen would approve. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Matt takes a headbutt from Perry Saturn. Matt reverses a Perry Saturn hammerlock. Matt crushes Saturn with a huge legdrop. Eddie Guerrero comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Perry Saturn turns around. Eddie Guerrero slams Saturn down. Eddie Guerrero climbs to the top rope and hits the Frog Splash! Eddie leaves the ring, the damage done! The ref gets into position, administers the three count, and it's over. Matt Hardy pins Saturn. My Opinion: This was such a good match, it caused star ratings to magically appear... ****1\4 Overall:78 Crowd Reaction:79 Match Quality:95 Crash Holly vs Rhyno. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the WWF Hardcore title. Rhyno has been WWF Hardcore champion since 19 April 2001. The Match: Rhyno hits some punches. How generic. Chair shot connects! Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Rhyno ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Covers for a quick two count. BAAACK Body drop by Crash gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. There's a two count on the pin. Crash kicks Rhyno in the gut to reverse the momentum. Rhyno takes a headbutt from Crash Holly. There's a two count on the pin. Back heel kick from Crash on Rhyno but it misses by miles. Rhyno pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Massive lariat! Stan Hansen would approve. Crash Holly is in trouble. GORE!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: *1\2 rating. Hey, you wanted to make it harder on yourself, right? Overall:66 Crowd Reaction:77 Match Quality:68 Since the Undertaker left, Kane now has to face both members of the Two Man Power Trip in a handicap match. 75 Edge and Christian vs Canadian Violence. Match Background: Edge and Christian are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. The Match: Running knee lift from Edge. Massive backbreaker on Benoit and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Christian. Edge and Christian hook up Benoit, then hit a double suplex. Christian hits a dropkick on Chris Benoit and gets right back up. Covers for a quick two count. Christian strikes Benoit. Chris Benoit once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Vicious chokeslam byChris Benoit! I'd compare it to Akira Taue, but then that would start another argument on the TSM Forums. Tag between Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho. Jericho hits a dropkick on Christian and gets right back up. Flying reverse elbow by Chris Jericho. Christian reverses a waistlock. Tag between Christian and Edge. Big piledriver on Jericho. Edge plants Jericho with an EXPLODAH~! suplex. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Edge ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Jericho counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Edge walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Chris Jericho has Edge down on the canvas. Lion Sault!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. My Opinion: A ****3/4 rating for a great match. Close, but not 5 stars. Overall:81 Crowd Reaction:83 Match Quality:100 Chyna and Lita vs Molly Holly and Ivory. Match Background: Chyna is the reigning WWF Womens champion, and has been since 31 March 2001. The Match: Big forearm by Ivory draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Powerslam from Ivory on Chyna. Covers for a quick two count. Ivory tags out to Molly Holly. Molly \ Ivory hook up Chyna, then hit a double suplex. Second rope flying axe handle, Chyna goes down. One day, Molly might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Covers for a quick two count. Molly just WAFFLES Chyna with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! Chyna avoids a Molly Holly avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Chyna DDTs Molly Holly. Tag to Lita. Lita hits a wheel kick on Molly. Lita hits a crappy missile dropkick on Molly. Molly Holly powers out of a Lita headlock. Tag to Ivory. BIG clothesline from Ivory. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Ivory knocks Lita down to the canvas with a clothesline. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Ivory connects on Lita with a flurry in the corner...but no one seems to care. Lita pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Lita tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Ivory. Lita floors Ivory...and climbs the turnbuckles. Through the air, Moonsault! 1....2....3. My Opinion: One SOLE bright spot in this match keeps it from going into DUD territory. 1/4*. Overall:55 Crowd Reaction:66 Match Quality:56 Bull Buchanan, Goodfather, and Big Show vs Bradshaw, Faarooq, and Test. Match Background: None. The Match: Test hits a right hand on Bull Buchanan and follows it up with a couple more. Test slams Bull Buchanan down. Buchanan is sure in trouble now. Tag to Faarooq. Faarooq slams Bull Buchanan down. Buchanan is sure in trouble now. Faarooq hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Bradshaw. A.P.A. whip Buchanan into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Buchanan takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Bradshaw goes for a splash but Buchanan puts the knees up. Bull Buchanan strikes Bradshaw with a hard blow. Tag to Goodfather. Weak bodyslam on Bradshaw by Godfather sets up a legdrop. Side suplex from Godfather. Pin, but Bradshaw is out just before the three count. Godfather slams Bradshaw down. Bradshaw is sure in trouble now. Tag between Goodfather and Big Show. Big Show hits a right hand on Bradshaw and follows it up with a couple more. Weak bodyslam on Bradshaw by Show sets up a legdrop. Bradshaw reverses a hip toss. Bradshaw tags out to Test. Running clothesline from Test was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Show tags out to Bull Buchanan. Bull Buchanan strikes Test. Buchanan hits a piledriver on Test. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Test gets knocked to the ground by Buchanan, who is already climbing the turnbuckle. Off the top - Top Rope Legdrop, forget about it. 1....2...3! My Opinion: Not good enough to earn an entire star. 3/4* for you. Overall:58 Crowd Reaction:66 Match Quality:64 Kane vs Two Man Powertrip. Match Background: This will be a 2 on 1 handicap bout. Steve Austin is the reigning WWF World champion, and has been since 31 March 2001. Two Man Powertrip are the reigning WWF Tag Team champions, and have been since 29 April 2001. Triple H is the reigning WWF Intercontinental champion, and has been since 16 April 2001. The Match: Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Steve Austin ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Triple H with a spinning neckbreaker on Kane. Two Man Powertrip whip Kane into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Covers for a quick two count. Death valley driver by Steve Austin! No one executes that move properly anymore. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Two Man Powertrip whip Kane into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Kane gets taken down out of nowhere! Kane hits a bulldog off the ropes. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Stone Cold reverses a waistlock. BIG clothesline on Kane. Two Man Powertrip whip Kane into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. There's a two count on the pin. Kane counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Kane just KILLS Triple H! There's a two count on the pin. Stone Cold flips out of a Kane bodyslam attempt. Spear by Steve Austin. Spear by Triple H. Triple H moves in for the kill. Pedigree!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: I really shouldn't drink when I'm reviewing matches. Especially with Scotsman, I can't drink nearly as much, so I try too hard. It was either ** or ****, but I guess I'll have to compromise and say ***. Overall:72 Crowd Reaction:78 Match Quality:83 Overall:70

WWF Heat 5/13/01: Big Show is your guest host for this week on Heat. 75 Billy Gunn vs Steven Richards. Match Background: None. The Match: Billy Gunn hits a right hand on Steven Richards and follows it up with a couple more. Big kick from Billy staggers Steven but that's about it. Hooks the leg for a two count. Steven blocks a kick from Billy Gunn. Running knee lift from Steven Richards. STIFF~! chop lights up Billy who covers up to try and stop the agonizing PAIN! Fallaway slam by Steven Richards puts down Billy Gunn. Billy counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Billy Gunn hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Billy Gunn moves in for the kill. Fame-Ass-Er! 1....2....3. My Opinion: I'll give it a *1\2 rating. Consider getting more stars to be the adventure of a lifetime. Get started. Overall:68 Crowd Reaction:65 Match Quality:71 Big Show wants a piece of both Test and Bradshaw. 80 A look at Rhyno goring Eddie Guerrero from Monday. 79 Kai En Tai vs X-Factor. Match Background: Kai En Tai are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. The Match: TAKA hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Hard back suplex on X-Pac. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Covers for a quick two count. X-Pac counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. X-Pac strikes TAKA. Flying cross body off the top rope! Tag between X-Pac and Justin Credible. TAKA Michinoku takes a right hand to the temple from Credible. Credible walks into a drop toe hold. Tag to Funaki. Kai En Tai hook up Credible, then hit a double suplex. Credible takes a flying neckbreaker from Funaki. Covers for a quick two count. Lightning kick by Funaki on Credible. Tag to TAKA Michinoku. Tiger suplex on Credible. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Credible blocks a kick from TAKA Michinoku. Tag between Justin Credible and X-Pac. Second rope flying axe handle, TAKA goes down. One day, X-Pac might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. TAKA Michinoku is in big trouble...X Marks the Spot!! 1....2....3! My Opinion: Some blown spots really drag this match down a notch, so its ***1\2 for you. Overall:81 Crowd Reaction:73 Match Quality:89 Dean Malenko vs Jerry Lynn. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Lightweight title. Jerry Lynn has been WWF Lightweight champion since 29 April 2001. The Match: Jerry Lynn strikes Malenko. Hard back suplex on Malenko. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Covers for a quick two count. Malenko counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Malenko hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Implant DDT by Dean Malenko! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Dean Malenko misses a clothesline. Spinning bulldog in the corner and Malenko is down! Dean Malenko is in trouble. Cradle Piledriver! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Let me practice my math. 13 quarter stars equal a ***1\4 rating, right? Yeah, it does. That's what you get. Overall:76 Crowd Reaction:65 Match Quality:88 A look at Undertaker and Stone Cold over the past week. 75 Big Show closes out Heat. 72 Overall:70

XPW Climax for 2/11/04: Orator kicks off the show. He says that all three XPW singles titles are on the line. Chris Chetti vs Supreme for the Television Title. Danny Doring vs Hardcore Homo Angel for the King of the Death Match Title. The Posse Explodes in a Three Way Greenwhich Streetfight for the XPW World Title. All that and a bag of chips. Also Lizzy Borden is at a Porn Star convention so she won't be here this week. 53 Danny Doring vs Hardcore Homo Angel. Match Background: This will be a falls count anywhere bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title. Hardcore Homo Angel has been XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion since 07 January 2004. The Match: Chair shot connects! Big piledriver on Angel. Hooks the leg for a two count. Hardcore Homo Angel is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Uninspired brawling from Hardcore Homo Angel. Big kick from Angel staggers Doring but that's about it. There's a two count on the pin. Hardcore Homo Angel slams Doring onto a trash can lid. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Angel slams Danny Doring down. Doring is sure in trouble now. They brawl to the outside and into the crowd. Elbow from Angel connects as they brawl on the outside. Covers for a quick two count. Right hand from Angelon the outside now. They wind up back in the squared circle. Danny Doring avoids a Hardcore Homo Angel avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Danny Doring hits a stalling suplex on Angel. Covers for a quick two count. Belly to belly off the top rope! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Hardcore Homo Angel takes a butterfly suplex from Doring. Slam into the table by Doring. Angel counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Doring tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Sloppy discus punch from Hardcore Homo Angel barely connects on Doring. Danny Doring is in trouble. Here it comes - Circumsizer. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: I'll give it a *3/4 rating. If you think of it like currency, it's a 1.75. You can't even take the subway with that anymore here. Work harder man. Overall:62 Crowd Reaction:48 Match Quality:77 * 3/4 Rating. In this fed. That is like the Flair vs Steamboat compared to whatever happened on Tussels with Tassels last week(Worst....Show.....Ever). Angel retains the title. Can Supreme do the same against Chris Chetti right after this 30 second commericial break. Chris Chetti vs Supreme. Match Background: This match is for the XPW Television title. Supreme has been XPW Television champion since 18 January 2004. The Match: Supreme strikes Chris Chetti. Big kick from Supreme staggers Chetti but that's about it. Hooks the leg for a two count. Chris Chetti pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Hard back suplex on Supreme. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Supreme walks into a high dropkick from Chris Chetti, almost losing several teeth in the process. Chris Chetti hits a rolling kick on Supreme. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Supreme elbows Chris Chetti in the face to break a hammerlock. Big clothesline from Supreme. Supreme floors Chris Chetti...and climbs the turnbuckles. Through the air, Mecca Toad Splash! 1....2....3. My Opinion: I'll give a 1\2* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots. Overall:57 Crowd Reaction:50 Match Quality:64 Supreme will defend the 10 Minute Time Limit Title this week on Tussels with Tassels against Who. I am telling that he is defending the title against Who. No really Supreme is defending the title against Who. Screw it. Joey Abs vs Pete Gas vs Rodney. Match Background: This will be a Greenwhich Streetfight. This match is for the XPW World title. Joey Abs has been XPW World champion since 07 January 2004. The Match: Rodney takes a weak kick. Joey Abs throws Gas into a shopping trolley. Rodney pushes out of a Joey Abs hold. BIG clothesline from Rodney. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Powerslam from Rodney on Gas. Hooks the leg for a two count. Abs DDTs Rodney. Pin, but Rodney is out just before the three count. Rodney avoids a Joey Abs avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Hip toss onto a chair by Rodney! Side suplex from Gas. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Rodney can barely stand. Gas Mask!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: CRAPTASTIC~! -**. Overall:36 Crowd Reaction:30 Match Quality:42 Pete Gas is the NEW XPW World Champion. He pinned Rodney so Rodney is out of the fed. It was the loser of the fall leaving XPW. (But I thought the two losing Posse Members were going to leave). Lizzy Borden is not going to be pleased with her personal fuck toy losing the title without being pinned. Orator closes out the show. Next Week will have The Blindsiders facing Nothing But Gold for the XPW Tag Team Titles. Also Pete Gas defends his newly won XPW World Title against Horace Hogan. BNWO could walk out with all the gold next week on Climax. Overall:38 0.87 Rating for Climax.

WWF Smackdown 5/10/01: Christian vs Chris Jericho. Match Background: None. The Match: Jericho walks into a high dropkick from Christian, almost losing several teeth in the process. Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Jericho goes down. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Spin kick by Christian to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Jericho kicks Christian in the gut to reverse the momentum. Christian takes a flying neckbreaker from Chris Jericho. Jericho crushes Christian with a huge legdrop. Hooks the leg for a two count. Christian counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Lightning kick by Christian on Jericho. Covers for a quick two count. Springboard dropkick from Christian. Nicely done. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Jericho blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Christian walks into a high dropkick from Chris Jericho, almost losing several teeth in the process. Christian blocks a kick from Chris Jericho. Flying elbow from Christian connects. Edge comes running down the aisle with a chair! Christian whips Chris Jericho into the ropes. Edge jumps onto the apron with the chair! Collision between Edge, Jericho, and the chair! Chris Jericho staggers back into a roll up! 1...2...3! It's over! My Opinion: Ohh, looky. A **3/4 match! Overall:82 Crowd Reaction:85 Match Quality:77 Albert vs Raven. Match Background: None. The Match: Albert hits Raven. Raven hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Uninspired brawling from Albert. Hooks the leg for a two count. Raven gets splashed in the corner. There's a two count on the pin. Raven comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Raven ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. There's a two count on the pin. Raven hits a piledriver on Albert. That used to end matches, you know. Albert blocks a punch. Albert DDTs Raven. Raven is in trouble. Bicycle Kick! 1....2....3. My Opinion: I'll give a 1\2* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots. Overall:52 Crowd Reaction:39 Match Quality:65 Undertaker hi-jacks Stone Cold's dressing room. 73 Molly and Spike are talking about Spike beating Albert last Monday and Crash doesn't look too happy so he challenges Spike to a match, TONIGHT. 66 Triple H says he is going to kick the ass of Rikishi later tonight. 73 Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, and Lita vs Right To Censor. Match Background: Matt Hardy is the reigning WWF European champion, and has been since 26 April 2001. The Match: Matt just WAFFLES Buchanan with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Tag between Matt Hardy and Lita. Lita hits a wheel kick on Buchanan. Flying elbow off the top rope by Lita, but there was NO elevation off the leap. Covers for a quick two count. Tag to Jeff Hardy. Lita \ Jeff whip Buchanan into the corner. Lita whips Jeff Hardy in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Hard back suplex on Buchanan. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Jeff drops an elbow...but Bull Buchanan moves out of the way. Big kick from Buchanan staggers Jeff but that's about it. Tag to Goodfather. Big kick from Godfather staggers Jeff but that's about it. Godfather DDTs Jeff Hardy. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Jeff takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Tag to Ivory. Some pretty weak shots by Ivory. Ivory strikes Jeff Hardy. Ivory drops an elbow...but Jeff Hardy moves out of the way. Tag to Matt Hardy. Implant DDT by Matt Hardy! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Tag to Bull Buchanan. Uninspired brawling from Bull Buchanan. Matt ducks a wild right hand. Eddie Guerrero comes running down the aisle with a chair! Matt and Bull Buchanan continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Eddie Guerrero slides in and blasts Bull Buchanan with a chair to the head! Eddie climbs out of the ring, the damage done! Matt Hardy moves in for the kill. Twist Of Fate! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Do you know what * means? It's the equivalent of buying your favorite soft drink, looking under the cap and seeing 'Sorry, Try again.' At least you got the soft drink. Overall:66 Crowd Reaction:67 Match Quality:65 Rikishi vs Triple H. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Intercontinental title. Triple H has been WWF Intercontinental champion since 16 April 2001. The Match: Triple H takes a right hand to the temple from Rikishi. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Rikishi slams Triple H down. HHH is sure in trouble now. There's a two count on the pin. Rikishi misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Fallaway slam by Triple H puts down Rikishi. Covers for a quick two count. Triple H hits a bulldog off the ropes. Covers for a quick two count. Rikishi powers out of a headlock. Rikishi hits a piledriver on Triple H. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. HHH reverses a Rikishi hammerlock. The ref is bumped, as goes down after accidentally getting caught by an elbow to the face. Powerbomb on Rikishi. Cover, but there's no one to count for Triple H! Massive backbreaker on Rikishi and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Triple H misses a clothesline. Rikishi scores with a forearm, sending HHH down into the corner. The referee pulls Rikishi away to get the break. Wait! HHH has pulled something out of his tights. Rikishi walks over...and gets floored by a punch! No, the referee saw the brass knuckles! We have DQ decision! My Opinion: I'll give a 3/4 star rating, but only if you promise to improve as a booker. Overall:64 Crowd Reaction:66 Match Quality:61 Crash Holly vs Spike Dudley. Match Background: None. The Match: Spike Dudley hits Crash. Big kick from Spike staggers Crash but that's about it. Covers for a quick two count. Crash Holly is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Spike Dudley charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Crash hits a short arm drag on Spike. BAAACK Body drop by Spike gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Spike counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Spike Dudley hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Crash Holly is in trouble. Dudley Dogg! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Sadly, a 1\2* match. Overall:57 Crowd Reaction:54 Match Quality:60 Chris Benoit vs Edge. Match Background: None. The Match: Benoit gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Benoit flips out of a Edge bodyslam attempt. Benoit hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Tiger suplex on Edge. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Edge is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Edge uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Edge hits a piledriver on Chris Benoit. That used to end matches, you know. Hooks the leg for a two count. Delayed BRAINBUSTAH~! by Edge who held onto that one for ages. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Benoit flips out of a Edge bodyslam attempt. Lightning kick by Benoit on Edge. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Benoit drops an elbow...but Edge moves out of the way. Kurt Angle comes running down the aisle with a chair! Edge goes to irish whip Chris Benoit into the ropes. Angle hits Benoit with a chair to the back! Chris Benoit is in trouble. Edgeocutioner! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Almost got a **** match, but was lacking in certain areas, so i'm knocking off a quarter of a star. Yes, there is such a thing as a quarter star. ***3/4. Overall:84 Crowd Reaction:79 Match Quality:89 Bradshaw vs Rhyno. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the WWF Hardcore title. Rhyno has been WWF Hardcore champion since 19 April 2001. The Match: Rhyno hits a bulldog off the ropes. Whip into an upright table by Rhyno. Brutal sit out powerbomb on Bradshaw! Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Flying shoulder tackle by Rhyno sends Bradshaw CRASHING to the mat. Hooks the leg for a two count. Bradshaw blocks a kick from Rhyno. Bradshaw strikes Rhyno with a hard blow. Bradshaw hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Rhyno pushes out of a Bradshaw hold. Full nelson slam on Bradshaw. Big Show comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Bradshaw turns around. Big Show spins Bradshaw around. Big Show hits the Show Stopper! Show leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three for Rhyno, Bradshaw got pinned. My Opinion: *1\2 rating is all it gets from me. Overall:75 Crowd Reaction:79 Match Quality:66 Undertaker is out and he fights Austin and McMahon. When things start to get overwhelming, Kane comes out and evens the odds. 84 Overall:68

DDW Tussels with Tassels for 2/7/04(The I am that damn cheap edition, because I don't want to go into bankruptcy) Mr. Warrior is out. He didn't really want to do this but he had to hire a writer. One way we are cutting costs is the napkin budgets and our writer was willing take half of that pay. "Ironman" plays and out comes.......Vince Russo??? No you moron. Vance Russo. Vince Russo's illiterate cousin(sure like Devin Nash was Kevin Nash's 5th cousin or was that 7th Cousin). Vance says he is the opposite of his cousin. For instance he doesn't like T & A because he doesn't quite swing that way. He has some rough ideas of what to do and he has brought in New Blood. Last time we brought in new blood, we nearly lost the fed. (You still haven't explained how the guy can write the shows if he is illiterate). 46 Los Villanos 2004 vs Men of Question. Match Background: Villano 18 is making his debut at this show. Villano 30 is making his debut at this show. What is making his debut at this show. Villano 18 and Villano 30 are teaming up as Los Villanos 2004 for the first time tonight. What and Who are teaming up as Men of Question for the first time tonight. The Match: Who hits a stump piledriver on Villano XXX. Villano 30 tags out to Villano XVIII. Big forearm by Who draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Tag to What. What DDTs Villano 18, but it just looked terrible. Tag to Villano XXX. Weak bodyslam by What. Side suplex from What. What signals for the Big Shot! Villano XIV comes out of the crowd and into the ring! What turns around. Villano XIV stuns What. Villano XIV quickly goes up to the top rope, and leaps off, hitting the Missile Dropkick! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Villano 14! Men of Question are left down and out in the ring thanks to the attack of Villano 18, Villano 30 and Villano 14. My Opinion: -*. That's right. NEGATIVE ONE STAR. That's what you get for this CRAP. Overall:37 Crowd Reaction:37 Match Quality:47 Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. I am not going to make the obvious Who and What jokes. Who is of course Jim Neidhart and What is Bill DeMott. And fans are looking at this team and saying, Why. The Guys dressed as Villanos are BRITISH for god's sakes. I just took some British Jobbers and gave them a Villano outfit. More Villanos will be coming soon, let me tell you. Supreme(who is the top dropping star on this show. Wrestling star anyway since Mr. Warrior is an authority figure) says it doesn't matter how hard Mr. Warrior tries. He will not get his beloved 10 Minute Time Limit Title. It doesn't matter. He will Supremely retain once again. Mr. Warrior hasn't even bothered to tell Supreme his opponent and neither has Vance Russo. 43 Jack Victory vs Tommy Rogers. Match Background: None. The Match: Jack Victory hits Rogers. Rogers receives some punishment by Jack Victory but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Jack Victory hits Rogers. There's a two count on the pin. Jack Victory strikes Tommy Rogers with a hard blow. Covers for a quick two count. Rogers counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Victory takes a chop from Rogers. There's a two count on the pin. Back heel kick from Rogers on Victory but it misses by miles. Rogers drops an elbow...but Jack Victory moves out of the way. Side suplex from Victory. Jack Victory moves in for the kill. Piledriver!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -* Overall:38 Crowd Reaction:38 Match Quality:49 Damn this show is sucking(more so than usual). I am trying to use cheaper workers but my PI is dropping at alarming rates. It is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't thinks. And just when you think this should couldn't get any worse, Vance Russo comes out and says he has a new Chosen One. Ricky Morton comes out and he says that Vance Russo is nothing but a Yankee. Them's fighting words pal. Out comes....Prince Iaukea??? Prince attacks Ricky and it's on like Donkey Kong. 41 Ricky Morton vs Prince Iaukea. Match Background: Prince is making his debut at this show. The Match: Prince Iaukea uses a running dropkick into the corner. That was just...ugh. Swan dive headbutt from Prince but without much elevation on the move. Swan dive headbutt from Prince but without much elevation on the move. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Ricky Morton takes a knee lift from Prince. *sigh* Running knee lifts always remind me of the late Curt Hennig. There's a two count on the pin. Prince charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Prince takes a vertical suplex from Ricky Morton. Weak bodyslam by Morton. Prince ducks a wild right hand. Flying elbow off the top rope by Prince Iaukea, getting as close to zero air as possible. Prince Iaukea stuns Ricky Morton. Here it comes - Cross Body Block, forget about it. 1....2...3! My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD. Overall:45 Crowd Reaction:41 Match Quality:59 Best match of the show so far. Prince Iaukea is back in Wrestling. No longer the Artist, just some guy who will get pushed down your throats. Ricky Morton was the first victim of the Prince. Once again the show reaches new lows as Mr. Warrior announces Supreme's opponent tonight. 1996 WWF Superstars Jobber, Alex "The Pug" Porteau. 50 Alex Porteau vs Supreme. Match Background: Porteau is making his debut at this show. This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme is the reigning XPW Television champion, and has been since 18 January 2004. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004. The Match: Powerslam from Supreme on Porteau. Supreme floors Alex Porteau...and climbs the turnbuckles. Off the top - Mecca Toad Splash, forget about it. 1....2...3! My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this. Overall:39 Crowd Reaction:36 Match Quality:52 There is something very intersting about the Match Background being longer than the actually match. Supreme is still the 10 Minute Time Limit Champion. See you on XPW Climax when the Posse face each other in a Three Way Posse Streetfight where the two men who lose, are out of the fed. Overall:42 0.40 Rating for Tussels with Tassels.

XPW Climax for 2/4/04: "Hello to all you people out there in TV Land. I am the master of the spoken word and the newest member of the XPW Roster, Orator. The only reason I was hired is because I am charismatic and will work for cheap. Kevin Nash is a better pure wrestler than I. Tonight shall be a specatular night of gladitorial combat. The Blindsiders, Devin Nash and Scotch Haul will face Youthanazia where the winners are the number one contenders for the XPW Tag Team Titles held by Angel and Supreme. Some other things shall happened but I cannot find the napkin that the bookings of this gladitorial combat is scrawled on. So lounge back and endulge yourselves in the action that is about to take place. " 55 Youthanazia vs Blindsiders. Match Background: Haul and Nash are teaming up as Blindsiders for the first time tonight. The Match: Uninspired brawling from Scotch Haul. Scotch Haul strikes Josh Prohibition with a hard blow. There's a two count on the pin. Haul tags out to Devin Nash. Blindsiders hook up JP, then hit a double suplex. Covers for a quick two count. Devin Nash hits a right hand on Josh Prohibition. JP blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Spinning bulldog in the corner and Nash is down! There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Matt Cross. Flying reverse elbow by Matt Cross. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Spin kick by Matt Cross to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Devin Nash powers out of a Matt Cross headlock. Weak bodyslam on Cross by Nash sets up a legdrop. Tag between Devin Nash and Scotch Haul. Cross hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Tag to Josh Prohibition. Big kick from Haul staggers JP but that's about it. Scotch Haul gets a roll-up...and grabs a handful of tights as well! The referee doesn't see it: 1....2...3!! My Opinion: I'll give a 3/4 star rating, but only if you promise to improve as a booker. Overall:50 Crowd Reaction:30 Match Qualtiy:70 The Blindsiders will face Nothing But Gold soon. Horace Hogan is not here this week because he costs too much per apperence and I am trying to cut costs so I don't get canned. Hardcore Homo Angel is backstage when he is approached by Supreme. Supreme says that it is always Angel and Supreme. Why not Supreme and Angel. Supreme said there is a reason why he has three belts and Angel only has two, he is the captain of the team. Angel says he is the over the top gay guy and Supreme is his goofy sidekick. Supreme says that if that is all Angel thinks of him as, they can meet in the ring for that Deathmatch Title over your shoulder. But you're the sidekick. Doesn't matter. I can still kick your ass. Angel gets all pissed off and tells Supreme to meet him in the ring in 20 seconds. 46 Hardcore Homo Angel vs Supreme. Match Background: This will be a falls count anywhere bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title. Hardcore Homo Angel has been XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion since 07 January 2004. The Match: Wack kick from Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel with a cane to the leg. Now that's psychology in a hardcore match! Hardcore Homo Angel snap suplexes Supreme HARD to the canvas! And again! A pair of clotheslines follow and...yep, Angel is now a bonifide HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! Weak bodyslam on Supreme by Angel sets up a legdrop. Supreme reverses a hip toss. Supreme hits Angel with a plastic dinosaur! Supreme hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Supreme drops an elbow...but Hardcore Homo Angel moves out of the way. Powerslam from Hardcore Homo Angel on Supreme. There's a two count on the pin. Sloppy discus punch from Hardcore Homo Angel barely connects on Supreme. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Hardcore Homo Angel gets taken down out of nowhere! Supreme hits a right hand on Hardcore Homo Angel and follows it up with a couple more. They brawl to the outside and into the crowd. Supreme uses a headbutt on the outside. Hooks the leg for a two count. Supreme uses a headbutt on the outside. They wind up back in the squared circle. Angel blocks a kick from Supreme. Face crusher from Angel on Supreme sets up for an elbowdrop. Supreme is in trouble. Circumsizer! 1....2....3. Hardcore Homo Angel offers a handshake to Supreme...and he accepts it! My Opinion: 1/4*. Be happy it's not a DUD. Overall:45 Crowd Reaction:27 Match Quality:63 Both men have earned each other's respect. Seems like a good fight is all that is needed to iron out your problems. (Note: this doesn't apply outside of XPW) Orator closes out the show reminding us to tune in next week in a lot of big words. The XPW World Title will be on the line when All Three Members of the Mean Street Posse face each other in a Three Way Posse Streetfight. The losing members are out of XPW. Orator says may our experiences be illuminating. 52 Overall:37 0.86 Rating for Climax.

This could very well be the last show in this diary if I get canned due to PI and Money issues. Well let's not dwell on that, enjoy the show. Tussels with Tassels for 1/31/04: Mr. Warrior is in his office. He said last week the Shockmaster won the belt and that was not supposed to happen. So Mr. Warrior has made a Survivor Series errr Elimination Challenge Match. Any survivors will face Shockmaster for the tonight in tonight's main event. That happens right about....now. 48 Team Gibson vs Team Mack. Match Background: Team Gibson consists of Robert Gibson, Ricky Morton, Hacksaw Bradshaw, and Ahmed Johnson. Team Mack consists of Rodney Mack, Ron Simmons, Krusher Krushchev, and Nikita Koloff. This will be a survivor series bout. Hacksaw Bradshaw is the reigning United States champion, and has been since 03 December 2003. The Match: First Fall : Morton hits a soaring kick on Mack. Ricky Morton hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Mack counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Brutal sit out powerbomb on Morton! Rodney Mack floors Ricky Morton. Here it comes...Blackout! Ricky Morton taps! Second Fall : Gibson hits a soaring kick on Koloff. Gibson tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Nikita Koloff. Covers for a quick two count. Nikita Koloff powers out of a Robert Gibson headlock. Side suplex from Koloff. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Robert Gibson is in trouble. Here it comes - Russian Sickle. 1....2...3, it's finished. Third Fall : Some pretty weak shots by Ahmed. Big forearm by Ahmed draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. There's a two count on the pin. Mack ducks a wild right hand. Spear! Ahmed is down! Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Rodney Mack misses a clothesline. Ahmed Johnson DDTs Mack in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Rodney Mack's head didn't touch the mat at all. Cover gets three for Ahmed Johnson, Mack got pinned. Fourth Fall : Weak kick from Bradshaw. I am unpleased. Big forearm by Bradshaw draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Hooks the leg for a two count. Krusher blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Sloppy discus punch from Krusher Krushchev barely connects on Bradshaw. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Bradshaw pushes out of a Krusher Krushchev hold. Messed up bodyslam by Bradshaw almost kills Krusher. ONE...TWO...THREE. Bradshaw defeats Krusher. Fifth Fall : Some pretty weak shots by Koloff. Big forearm by Koloff draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Covers for a quick two count. Ahmed backdrops Nikita Koloff out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed DDTs Nikita Koloff. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Koloff ducks a wild right hand. BIG clothesline from Koloff. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! The ref gets into position, administers the three count, and it's over. Nikita Koloff pins Ahmed. Sixth Fall : Big forearm by Bradshaw draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Hacksaw Bradshaw DDTs Koloff in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Nikita Koloff's head didn't touch the mat at all. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Hacksaw Bradshaw connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Nikita Koloff is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Big forearm by Koloff draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Hacksaw Bradshaw can barely stand. Here it comes - Russian Sickle. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD. Overall:57 Crowd Reaction:62 Match Quality:48 Koloff and Ron Simmons survive the Elimination Challenge. They will both face the Shockmaster for the World Title later tonight. Can the Shockster defeat both these evil men? Tune in later to find out. Mr. Warrior has called Supreme into his office. Hardcore Homo Angel tags along and Mr. Warrior has banned Angel from ringside for Supreme's match with Inspector Scott Steiner for the 10 Minute Time Limit Title. Supreme laughs in Warrior's face and says he injured Steiner's brother, Rick last time they fought(Rick went down with a knee injury last weekend so I am using his last match with Supreme to explain the injury). He will do the same to Steiner and will retain his title again. He has three belts and it will stay that way forever. Supreme says that will most certainly be....Supreme. 53 2 Bad Mothertruckers vs Can-Am Express. Match Background: Furnas is making his debut at this show. LaFon is making his debut at this show. Can-Am Express used to be a regular team, but have been inactive for a while. Whether this match will lead to a reformation as an active unit remains to be seen. This match is for the Red and Yellow Tag titles. 2 Bad Mothertruckers have been Red and Yellow Tag champions since 31 December 2003. The Match: Running clothesline from Maxx Payne was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Powerslam from Maxx Payne on LaFon. Tag to Barry Horowitz. Barry Horowitz punches away at Phil LaFon. Covers for a quick two count. Barry Horowitz connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Horowitz tags out to Maxx Payne. 2 Bad Mothertruckers hook up LaFon, then hit a double suplex. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Phil LaFon comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Tag to Doug Furnas. Double leg takedown from Doug Furnas sets up a ground and pound in the middle of the ring. What the hell is this, UFC? Suplex into a front slam from Furnas, but the execution was CRAPTASTIC~!. Tag to Phil LaFon. Can-Am Express hook up Payne, then hit a double suplex. Vertical suplex by Phil LaFon. Payne walks into a jaw breaker. Tag between Phil LaFon and Doug Furnas. Furnas slams Maxx Payne down. Payne is sure in trouble now. Maxx Payne fights out of a grapple. Payne tags out to Barry Horowitz. Powerslam from Barry Horowitz on Furnas. 2 Bad Mothertruckers have Doug Furnas to themselves. Glass Ceiling! 1....2....3! It's over. My Opinion: -*. That's right. NEGATIVE ONE STAR. That's what you get for this CRAP. Overall:43 Crowd Reaction:41 Match Quality:46 You might remember Furnas and LaFon facing Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith for the WWF Tag Team Titles in 1997 but in this fed if it happened after 1996, It didn't happen. (Unless we say it did). 2 Bad Mothertruckers are STILL Undefeated. Vader is pissed. He is really pissed. A moron in a storm trooper helmet beat him so he is going to kill the first person who walks by him in the Interview era. Tommy Rogers walks by, whistling. Vader grabs Rogers by the hair and drags him to ringside. 74 Tommy Rogers vs Vader. Match Background: None. The Match: Vader gets hip tossed by Rogers. Tommy Rogers gets taken down out of nowhere! Rogers walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Vader just KILLS Tommy Rogers! Tommy Rogers is in trouble. Vader Bomb! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Sadly, a 1\2* match. Overall:57 Match Quality:54 Match Quality:61 Vader made Tommy Rogers his BITCH. Vader wants a title shot at Warrior-Mania on February 22nd but it remains to be seen if we will even be in business tehn. Brian Knobbs vs Godfather. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the Hardcore title. Brian Knobbs has been Hardcore champion since 12 November 2003. The Match: Brian Knobbs punches away at Godfather only to get the tides turned quickly. Frying pan shot by Knobbs. Brian Knobbs punches away at Godfather only to get the tides turned quickly. There's a two count on the pin. Brian Knobbs punches away at Godfather. Hooks the leg for a two count. Godfather comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Godfather hits a right hand on Brian Knobbs and follows it up with a couple more. Covers for a quick two count. Godfather hits a piledriver on Brian Knobbs. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Godfather gets taken down out of nowhere! Brian Knobbs knocks Godfather down to the canvas with a clothesline. Godfather is in trouble. Here it comes - Powerslam. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it. Overall:54 Crowd Reaction:56 Match Quality:50 HOLY SHIT. It's Brian Knobbs. I thought he was dead. It has been many, many weeks since the Hardcore Title was on the line.. I think the last time it was defended was the show where the xPW Invasion kicked off. Hardcore Homo Angel and Supreme beat down Hacksaw Bradshaw in the backstage area. 58 Supreme vs Inspector Scott Steiner. Match Background: This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme is the reigning XPW Television champion, and has been since 18 January 2004. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004. The Match: Inspector Scott Steiner hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Sloppy discus punch from Inspector Scott Steiner barely connects on Supreme. Flapjack from Steiner on Supreme. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Steiner slams Supreme down. Supreme is sure in trouble now. There's a two count on the pin. Supreme pushes out of a Inspector Scott Steiner hold. Steiner gets splashed in the corner. Supreme hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Steiner counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Inspector Scott Steiner hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Supreme slugs Inspector Scott Steiner, sending him down into the corner. While Supreme fires up the crowd, Steiner is removing the turnbuckle pad! Supreme comes over...but Steiner goes low! Inspector Scott Steiner gets up, then goes for the irish whip into the corner, but Supreme reverses! Inspector Scott Steiner goes head first into them, knocking him silly! Schoolboy from Supreme: 1....2....3! The referee never noticed the exposed turnbuckle. Another referee comes running down the aisle, and points out the exposed steel turnbuckle to the assigned official. The referee reverses the decision! He is disqualifying Supreme for using it to gain an advantage! Supreme slides out of the ring to the floor, then turns and leaves through the crowd. Obviously he's had enough for one night. My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -* Overall:51 Crowd Reaction:53 Match Quality:47 Steiner did not walk out with the title belt tonight. Supreme pinned Steiner but the decision was reversed. The hand of Dusty plays a hand in this 10 Minute Time Limit Title Match. The Shockmaster trips on the ramp on his way to the ring. 39 The Shockmaster vs Nikita Koloff vs Ron Simmons. Match Background: This will be a triangle bout. This match is for the Big Red and Yellow title. The Shockmaster has been Big Red and Yellow champion since 24 January 2004. The Match: Koloff takes a weak kick. The Shockmaster DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Simmons. Koloff counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Nikita Koloff hits a BIG clothesline for two! Powerslam from Ron Simmons on Koloff. Pin, but Koloff is out just before the three count. Big forearm by Shockmaste draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Simmons kicks The Shockmaster in the gut to reverse the momentum. Nikita Koloff scoops up Shockmaste. Simmons bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Nikita Koloff scores with a shitty standing spinebuster. Ron Simmons hits Koloff. Nikita Koloff pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Boring brawling from Nikita Koloff is the cure for insomnia. Nikita Koloff moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Russian Sickle. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this. Overall:54 Crowd Reaction:58 Match Quality:45 Nikita Koloff is the NEW Big Red and Yellow Champion. The first man to hold the belt TWO Times. Twice he has held the gold. He pinned Shockmaster to win the belt tonight. Two Time Champion. Overall:53 and the moment you have all been waiting for..... are you ready........... WE CONTINUE FOR ANOTHER MONTH. Woo F'n Hoo. 0.39 Rating for Tussels with Tassels. Ring of Honor has gone bankrupt in some sad news for Workrate fans.

WWF Raw 5/7/01: Mick Foley out and he is trying to convince Rikishi not to be the pawn of the Two Man Powertrip. William Regal comes out and attempts to sway Rikishi but gets superkicked for his troubles. Vince comes out and makes Rikishi vs Stone Cold Steve Austin tonight, non-title. 79 Bradshaw vs Kurt Angle. Match Background: None. The Match: Angle hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Weak bodyslam on Angle by Bradshaw sets up a legdrop. Hooks the leg for a two count. Bradshaw misses a clothesline. Angle drives a thrust kick into the chest of Bradshaw. Covers for a quick two count. Bradshaw got absolutely creamed by a KILLER back suplex. Covers for a quick two count. Bradshaw pushes out of a Kurt Angle hold. Powerslam from Bradshaw on Angle. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Angle pushes out of a Bradshaw hold. Angle reverses an irish whip...and Bradshaw runs into the referee! TIGER DRIVER '91~! Almost KILLS Bradshaw. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Bradshaw gets rocked with a brutal elbow to the jaw by Angle. A few more of those and Bradshaw will go down worse than Bart Gunn at 'Mania 15. Pin, but Bradshaw is out just before the three count. Angle goes for a splash but Bradshaw puts the knees up. Kurt Angle takes a nasty tumble from the top to the outside after a shove from Bradshaw! The referee count to ten, then calls for the bell. Angle gets counted out. My Opinion: Smack dab in the middle of the star spectrum for an average match. **1\2. Overall:76 Crowd Reaction:75 Match Quality:78 Eddie Guerrero, Jeff Hardy, and Matt Hardy vs Christian, Edge, and Rhyno. Match Background: Matt Hardy is the reigning WWF European champion, and has been since 26 April 2001. Rhyno is the reigning WWF Hardcore champion, and has been since 19 April 2001. The Match: Eddie Guerrero connects with a back heel kick on Rhyno and gets back up quickly. Eddie uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Eddie tags out to Matt Hardy. Second rope flying axe handle, Rhyno goes down. One day, Matt might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Spinning bulldog in the corner and Rhyno is down! Covers for a quick two count. Matt tags out to Jeff Hardy. Hardy Boyz whip Rhyno into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Jeff Hardy hits a rolling kick on Rhyno. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Rhyno pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Rhyno with a spinning neckbreaker on Jeff. Tag between Rhyno and Christian. Implant DDT by Christian! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Tor-NADO DDT from Christian, Jeff got planted! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Spin kick by Christian to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Tag to Edge. Jeff gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Flying shoulder tackle by Edge sends Jeff CRASHING to the mat. Jeff counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Jeff tags out to Eddie Guerrero. Eddie Guerrero hits a rolling kick on Edge. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Tag to Rhyno. Eddie is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Spinebuster by Rhyno. Rhyno moves in for the kill. GORE!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: I'll give this a ***1\4 rating. If I left it up to you, you'd probably think it was the greatest match ever! Keep trying... Overall:83 Crowd Reaction:82 Match Quality:84 Crash Holly vs Grand Masta Sexay vs Jerry Lynn vs TAKA Michinoku. Match Background: This will be a four corners bout. This match is for the WWF Lightweight title. Jerry Lynn has been WWF Lightweight champion since 29 April 2001. The Match: Fallaway slam by Crash Holly puts down TAKA Michinoku. Crash Holly hits some punches. How generic. Hooks the leg for a two count. Nice piledriver on TAKA. TAKA reverses a Crash Holly hammerlock. TAKA uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Hooks the leg for a two count. VICIOUS lightning kick by TAKA on Crash. Covers for a quick two count. TAKA Michinoku misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Sexay takes a kick to the chest, and staggers back. A blind charge only gets an even HARDER kick. Crash tags out to Grand Masta Sexay. Second rope flying axe handle, TAKA goes down. One day, Sexay might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Sexay crushes Sexay with a huge legdrop. Spin kick by Grand Masta Sexay to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Death valley driver by Grand Masta Sexay! No one executes that move properly anymore. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Tag to Jerry Lynn. Hard back suplex on TAKA. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. DDT from the top rope by Jerry Lynn. That looked KILLER. There's a two count on the pin. Flying elbow from Jerry Lynn connects. Hooks the leg for a two count. SUPER frankensteiner on TAKA, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Pin, but TAKA is out just before the three count. Tag between TAKA Michinoku and Crash Holly. Full nelson slam on Lynn. BAAACK Body drop by Lynn gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Lynn gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Jerry Lynn avoids a Crash Holly avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Vicious kick to the teeth from Jerry Lynn. Jerry Lynn moves in for the kill. Cradle Piledriver! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Solid bout, but they could do a lot better. *** Overall:76 Crowd Reaction:68 Match Quality:84 Undertaker gives a promo about his match with Stone Cold at Judgement Day. 77 Chris Jericho hypes up his steel cage match against William Regal tonight. 93 Chris Jericho vs William Regal. Match Background: This will be a cage bout. The Match: Double arm suplex by Chris Jericho connects as Regal hits hard. Running knee lift from Chris Jericho. Chris Jericho climbs the cage, but gets pulled down by Regal! William Regal elbows Chris Jericho in the face to break a hammerlock. Jericho tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Big forearm by William Regal makes me want to go to the mirror and check MY teeth. William Regal launches Jericho into the cage wall. William Regal and Jericho climb the cage....but both end up crashing back to the canvas after a struggle! Jericho blocks a kick from William Regal. Jericho crushes Regal with a huge legdrop. Chris Jericho floors William Regal. Walls Of Jericho!!! William Regal goes limp! Regal climbs the cage...but gets pulled off by Chris Jericho, who then climbs up and over! We have a winner! My Opinion: Slightly above average match. Only gets a **3\4 rating from me. Overall:85 Crowd Reaction:89 Match Quality:76 Lita vs Molly Holly. Match Background: None. The Match: Forearm to the face from Lita on Molly. Flying dropkick from Lita on Molly gets a two count. Hooks the leg for a two count. Molly pushes out of a Lita hold. Molly Holly hits a rolling kick on Lita. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Molly Holly connects with a back heel kick on Lita and gets back up quickly. Lita charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Molly charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Lita tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Molly Holly. Lita has Molly Holly down on the canvas and is ascending the corner. Through the air, Moonsault! 1....2....3. My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it. Overall:50 Crowd Reaction:44 Match Quality:57 Bubba Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, and Spike Dudley vs X-Factor. Match Background: None. The Match: Spike strikes away at Albert, not doing much damage at all. Albert gets splashed in the corner. Tag between Spike Dudley and D-Von Dudley. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Albert by D-Von. Remember when that was a legit finish? Nice piledriver on Albert. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Bubba Ray Dudley. Dudley Boyz whip Albert into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Bodyslam by Bubba. Albert ducks a wild right hand. Big kick from Albert staggers Bubba but that's about it. Tag to Justin Credible. Justin Credible strikes Bubba Ray Dudley with a hard blow. Justin Credible scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Pin, but Bubba is out just before the three count. Big kick from Credible staggers Bubba but that's about it. Tag between Justin Credible and X-Pac. Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Bubba goes down. X-Pac uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! X-Pac misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Bubba tags out to Spike Dudley. Big kick from Spike staggers X-Pac but that's about it. Tag to Albert. Albert hits Spike. Spike pushes out of a Albert hold. Raven comes running down the aisle with a chair! Spike goes to irish whip Albert into the ropes. Raven hits Albert with a chair to the back! Albert can barely stand. Dudley Dogg! 1....2....3. My Opinion: *1/4 rating. Don't be upset. There are people in third world countries who can barely afford one star, let alone one and a quarter. Overall:68 Crowd Reaction:70 Match Quality:66 Rikishi vs Steve Austin. Match Background: Steve Austin is the reigning WWF World champion, and has been since 31 March 2001. The Match: Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Steve Austin ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. BIG clothesline on Rikishi. Hooks the leg for a two count. Rikishi is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Running clothesline from Rikishi was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Rikishi hits Stone Cold. Big kick from Rikishi staggers Stone Cold but that's about it. Stone Cold kicks Rikishi in the gut to reverse the momentum. Massive backbreaker on Rikishi and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Steve Austin moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Stone Cold Stunner. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: *1\2 rating. Hey, you wanted to make it harder on yourself, right? Overall:76 Crowd Reaction:81 Match Quality:67 Overall:76

WWF Smackdown 5/3/01: Undertaker calls out Stone Cold but he doesn't answer. Vince comes out and says Taker will get his WWF Title Shot at Judgement Day. 83 Jeff Hardy vs Triple H. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Intercontinental title. Triple H has been WWF Intercontinental champion since 16 April 2001. The Match: HHH hits a right hand. Jeff gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. HHH scoops and slams Jeff Hardy. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Covers for a quick two count. BIG clothesline on Jeff. There's a two count on the pin. HHH goes for a splash but Jeff puts the knees up. Jeff hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. There's a two count on the pin. Flying cross body off the top rope! HHH reverses a waistlock. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Triple H just KILLS Jeff Hardy! Jeff Hardy can barely stand. Pedigree!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: I can be generous sometimes. Well, depends on your definition of generous. **1/4. Overall:72 Crowd Reaction:69 Match Quality:76 Undertaker throws Stone Cold through a plate glass window busting him wide open and injuring his eye. 83 X-Pac vs Raven. Match Background: None. The Match: X-Pac uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Lightning kick by X-Pac on Raven. Hooks the leg for a two count. Raven powers out of a headlock. Raven hits some punches. How generic. Flying shoulder tackle by Raven sends X-Pac CRASHING to the mat. Covers for a quick two count. Brutal sit out powerbomb on X-Pac! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. BAAACK Body drop by X-Pac gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. X-Pac comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Raven takes a NICE hurrancarana from X-Pac. There's a two count on the pin. Tiger suplex on Raven. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. Pin, but Raven is out just before the three count. X-Pac uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Raven goes down. X-Pac drops an elbow...but Raven moves out of the way. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on X-Pac by Raven. Remember when that was a legit finish? Raven scores with a big spinebuster. X-Pac is in trouble. Complete Shot!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Albert comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Albert spins Raven around. Albert hits the Baldo Bomb! Raven has been left down on the canvas. My Opinion: Nothing special...nothing special at all. *1/4 Overall:63 Crowd Reaction:56 Match Quality:71 Hardcore Holly vs Kurt Angle. Match Background: None. The Match: Angle hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Angle receives some punishment by Hardcore Holly but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Uninspired brawling from Hardcore Holly. Hooks the leg for a two count. Hardcore slams Kurt Angle down. Angle is sure in trouble now. Hooks the leg for a two count. Angle ducks a wild right hand. Hardcore is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Hooks the leg for a two count. Hardcore walks into a killer lariat, as opposed to a friendly lariat. Kurt Angle misses a clothesline. Hardcore DDTs Kurt Angle. Chris Benoit comes running down the aisle with a chair! Hardcore whips Kurt Angle into the ropes. Benoit jumps onto the apron with the chair! Collision between Benoit, Angle, and the chair! Kurt Angle staggers back into a roll up! 1...2...3! It's over! My Opinion: This match gets two stars from me. Nothing more, nothing less. ** Overall:66 Crowd Reaction:52 Match Quality:78 Undertaker wants Austin but Vince won't let him so UT beats up Vince. 77 Matt Hardy and Chris Jericho vs Christian, Edge, and Rhyno. Match Background: This will be a 3 on 2 handicap bout. Matt Hardy is the reigning WWF European champion, and has been since 26 April 2001. Rhyno is the reigning WWF Hardcore champion, and has been since 19 April 2001. The Match: Edge snap suplexes Matt. BAAACK Body drop by Matt gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Tag between Edge and Rhyno. Edge scoops up Matt. Rhyno bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. There's a two count on the pin. Matt Hardy powers out of a Rhyno headlock. SUPER frankensteiner on Rhyno, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Matt tags out to Chris Jericho. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Chris Jericho just KILLS Rhyno! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Jericho just WAFFLES Rhyno with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! Rhyno avoids a Chris Jericho avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Tag between Rhyno and Edge. Edge with a spinning neckbreaker on Jericho. Edge tags out to Christian. Edge and Christian whip Jericho into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Hooks the leg for a two count. Flying reverse elbow by Christian. Hooks the leg for a two count. Chris Jericho elbows Christian in the face to break a hammerlock. Chris Jericho gets up and gives a Belly to belly suplex to Jericho. Christian powers out of a headlock. Christian tags out to Rhyno. Jericho is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Chris Jericho charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. There's a two count on the pin. Rhyno scores with a standing spinebuster. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Rhyno tags out to Christian. Rhyno \ Christian whip Jericho into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Christian hits a rolling kick on Jericho. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Jericho reverses a waistlock. Tag between Chris Jericho and Matt Hardy. SUPER frankensteiner on Christian, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Christian tags out to Rhyno. Matt Hardy hits a rolling kick on Rhyno. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Matt crushes Rhyno with a running senton. Rhyno tags out to Edge. Matt hits a dropkick on Edge and gets right back up. Edge elbows Matt Hardy in the face to break a hammerlock. Wicked suplex out of the corner from Edge, is executed so well, it hurt MY back. Pin, but Matt is out just before the three count. Matt reverses a Edge hammerlock. Matt tags out to Chris Jericho. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Edge by Jericho. Remember when that was a legit finish? Lightning kick by Jericho on Edge. Jericho tags out to Matt Hardy. Matt \ Jericho whip Edge into the corner. Matt Hardy whips Chris Jericho in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Eddie Guerrero comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Edge turns around. Eddie Guerrero slams Edge down. Eddie Guerrero climbs to the top rope and hits the Frog Splash! Eddie leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three for Matt Hardy, Edge got pinned. My Opinion: Solid bout, but they could do a lot better. *** Overall:83 Crowd Reaction:85 Match Quality:81 Grand Masta Sexay vs Jerry Lynn. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Lightweight title. Jerry Lynn has been WWF Lightweight champion since 29 April 2001. The Match: Lynn hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Lynn hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Lynn hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. There's a two count on the pin. Second rope flying axe handle, Sexay goes down. One day, Lynn might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. There's a two count on the pin. Jerry Lynn misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Sexay just WAFFLES Lynn with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! There's a two count on the pin. Lightning kick by Sexay on Lynn. Lynn blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Diamond Dust from Jerry Lynn and Sexay is out! Grand Masta Sexay hooks up a suplex, but it is blocked. Lynn scores with a low blow, then turns it into a small package! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Grand Masta Sexay got screwed out of the victory! My Opinion: I really shouldn't drink when I'm reviewing matches. Especially with Scotsman, I can't drink nearly as much, so I try too hard. It was either ** or ****, but I guess I'll have to compromise and say ***. Overall:77 Crowd Reaction:68 Match Quality:86 Undertaker vs Rikishi. Match Background: None. The Match: Rikishi receives some punishment by Undertaker but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Powerslam from Undertaker on Rikishi. There's a two count on the pin. Rikishi counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Wack kick from Rikishi. Undertaker takes a right hand to the temple from Rikishi. Big clothesline from Rikishi. Pin, but Undertaker is out just before the three count. Weak bodyslam by Rikishi. Undertaker blocks a kick from Rikishi. Undertaker hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Big clothesline from Undertaker. Rikishi reverses a waistlock. The ref is bumped, as goes down after accidentally getting caught by an elbow to the face. Rikishi slides out and grabs a chair, then gets back in the ring. Chair shot missed! Undertaker ducked it, and now grabs the chair. Rikishi takes the shot instead! Wait - the referee is back up, and is calling for the bell. He's disqualifying Undertaker for using a chair! Rikishi ends up with a cheap victory. My Opinion: *1/4 rating. Don't be upset. There are people in third world countries who can barely afford one star, let alone one and a quarter. Overall:70 Crowd Reaction:72 Match Quality:66 Overall:70

XPW Climax for 1/28/03: Mr. Warrior is out. He is not happy and he is going to make some changes. Changes. But he isn't even the GM of this show. Well where Lizzy was busy with some random bum, he slipped her some contracts which forced something on her. Poison. A lethal dose of Poison. It will KILL XPW. Kill it. Cue the Porno Music and out comes....Horace Hogan, Devin Nash, and some moron in a Scott Hall mask. The Brand New World Order. BNWO for short. Horace Hogan says that finally a Hogan is back in charge but he is under Warrior's payroll now. His uncle ran off to the WWE because Vince McMahon promised him a main event feud.....with Vince McMahon. This is of course Devin Nash, a 7th Cousin of Kevin Nash(but last week he was his FIFTH cousin) and Scotch Haul. The guy in the Scott Hall mask does Hall's trademark pose. We are going to KILL XPW like we did Backwoods Championship Wrestling in Richmond Virginia. The BNOW have their first opponents right about.....now. 46 Danny Doring, Chris Chetti, and Scott Snot vs Brand New World Order. Match Background: Haul is making his debut at this show. Horace is making his debut at this show. The Match: A weak headbutt on Doring by Horace causes nothing but pain for both. Danny Doring takes a right hand to the temple from Horace. Tag between Horace Hogan and Devin Nash. Weak bodyslam on Doring by Nash sets up a legdrop. Powerslam from Devin Nash on Doring. Covers for a quick two count. Nash tags out to Scotch Haul. Devin Nash scoops up Doring. Haul bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Scotch Haul with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Doring. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Doring reverses a waistlock. Doring drives a thrust kick into the chest of Haul. Doring tags out to Chris Chetti. Flying elbow from Chris Chetti connects. Springboard dropkick from Chris Chetti. Nicely done. Pin, but Haul is out just before the three count. Second rope flying axe handle, Haul goes down. One day, Chetti might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Tag to Scott Snot. Scott Snot punches away at Scotch Haul only to get the tides turned quickly. Scott Snot punches away at Scotch Haul. Haul blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Tag between Scotch Haul and Horace Hogan. Horace slams Scott Snot down. Snot is sure in trouble now. Snot tags out to Danny Doring. STIFF~! chop lights up Horace who covers up to try and stop the agonizing PAIN! Horace Hogan avoids a Danny Doring avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Horace Hogan moves in for the kill. Lariat! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD. Overall:47 Crowd Reaction:37 Match Quality:57 Well the first wave of the Invasion of the Invaders proved interesting. Horace, Devin, and Scotch, the montly crew if there ever was one. They are POISON. Lizzy Borden is not in a good mood. You see her Aunt Flo came to visit today so she is going to take it out on somebody. She makes a random match using a dartboard. Okay Supreme will defend the XPW Television Title against Hardcore Homo Angel. She also says that the Poison is no problem right now. They are just a bunch of independent nobodies, right. 37 Hardcore Homo Angel vs Supreme. Match Background: This match is for the XPW Television title. Hardcore Homo Angel is the reigning XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion, and has been since 07 January 2004. Nothing But Gold are the reigning XPW Tag Team champions, and have been since 14 January 2004. Supreme has been XPW Television champion since 18 January 2004. The Match: Hardcore Homo Angel hits a right hand on Supreme and follows it up with a couple more. Supreme elbows Hardcore Homo Angel in the face to break a hammerlock. Supreme strikes Hardcore Homo Angel. Supreme misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee accidentally! Supreme turns Angel inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Angel pushes out of a Supreme hold. Hardcore Homo Angel snap suplexes Supreme HARD to the canvas! And again! A pair of clotheslines follow and...yep, Angel is now a bonifide HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! Hardcore Homo Angel DDTs Supreme, but it just looked terrible. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy discus punch from Hardcore Homo Angel barely connects on Supreme. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Supreme pushes out of a Hardcore Homo Angel hold. Big clothesline from Supreme. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Supreme drops an elbow...but Hardcore Homo Angel moves out of the way. The referee tries to separate the two grapplers...and gets knocked over and trampled on as they brawl! That's enough, the referee calls for the bell - double DQ! Hardcore Homo Angel extends his hand to Supreme...and it is accepted! They shake! My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities. Overall:45 Crowd Reaction:29 Match Quality:61 Okay this was interesting. No one gets beat althrough I considered switching the Television Title to Angel and having Supreme throw a tantrum but in the end, Supreme is going to stay champion on a screwjob. My napkin is all sweaty because of this freakin' 100 degree days so I am going to have to get a new one for the next couple of shows. Joey Abs vs Lex Luger. Match Background: This match is for the XPW World title. Joey Abs has been XPW World champion since 07 January 2004. The Match: Joey Abs hits Luger. Lex Luger powers out of a Joey Abs headlock. Powerslam from Lex Luger on Abs. Side suplex from Luger. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Lex Luger floors Joey Abs. Here it comes...Torture Rack! Joey Abs is almost unconscious with pain! Horace Hogan quickly comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Lex Luger turns around. Horace Hogan spins Luger around. Horace Hogan hits the Lariat! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Horace! Horace Hogan has a chair. Lex Luger stands up...and gets floored by a shot to the head. Another two shots smack down across his back, leaving him unmoving on the canvas. Horace sets the chair up, then picks up Lex Luger. He gets whipped into the ropes...and then drop toe holded, sending him face first into the chair! Horace Hogan has left Luger down and bloodied in the ring after a brutal assault! My Opinion: Hot pokers would be a little too nice to the booking committee for subjecting me to this bile -**. Overall:46 Crowd Reaction:50 Match Quality:38 Lex Luger is going to be feuding with the Brand New World Order, nope haven't seen that before(bullshit you have. In WCW from 1996-1998). Yeah this is something that is new and should be worth it to go through with. Overall:32(Ouch) 0.80 Rating for Climax.

Tussels with Tassels for 1/24/04: Giant Gonzales is in the back. It turns out that he is the acting Owner tonight because Mr. Warrior swallowed a paper clip and will not be able to make matches tonight. Gonzo says that a former WWE superstar who URNED everything he has accomplished will debut. Nash will be here tonight. That punk Supreme will defend the 10 Minute Time Limit Title against Ahmed Johnson. Also Vader will defend the Big Red and Yellow Title against a mystery opponent. It will be a BIG big night. 32 A limo with Nash on the license plate pulls up and out comes....Devin Nash. Kevin Nash's fifth cousin. I didn't actually SAY Kevin Nash was going to debut so no money back. 44 Devin Nash vs Bushwacker Luke. Match Background: Nash is making his debut at this show. The Match: A weak headbutt on Luke by Nash causes nothing but pain for both. Bushwacker Luke takes a right hand to the temple from Nash. There's a two count on the pin. Luke blocks a kick from Devin Nash. Boring brawling from Bushwacker Luke is the cure for insomnia. Some pretty weak shots by Luke. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Luke on Nash. Nash blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Powerslam from Devin Nash on Luke. Bushwacker Luke can barely stand. Powerbomb! 1....2....3. My Opinion: CRAPTASTIC~! -**. Overall:32 Crowd Reaction:33 Match Quality:40 Devin Nash does his fifth cousin proud by pulling out this classic. Big Sexy has to be proud of him. Out comes Nikita Koloff. He wants the Rock and Roll Express. Out come the Express. Koloff says he has a partner and the Russian National Athem kicks up and out comes.....Krusher Krushchev. Yes Barry Darsow, the man, the myth the legend. 59 Nation of Communism vs Rock N Roll Express. Match Background: Krusher and Koloff are teaming up as Nation of Communism for the first time tonight. Rock N Roll Express are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. The Match: Nikita Koloff hits a weak elbow on Robert Gibson. Nikita Koloff hits a bulldog off the ropes. Koloff tags out to Krusher Krushchev. Krusher Krushchev hits a weak elbow on Robert Gibson. There's a two count on the pin. Krusher Krushchev knocks Gibson down to the canvas with a clothesline. Krusher tags out to Nikita Koloff. Nation of Communism whip Gibson into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Gibson flips out of a Nikita Koloff bodyslam attempt. Tag to Ricky Morton. Ricky Morton strikes Nikita Koloff with a hard blow. Flying elbow off the top rope by Ricky Morton, getting as close to zero air as possible. Tag between Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson. Rock N Roll Express whip Koloff into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Nikita Koloff takes a knee lift from Gibson. *sigh* Running knee lifts always remind me of the late Curt Hennig. Gibson tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Nikita Koloff. Tag between Robert Gibson and Ricky Morton. Morton hits a dropkick on Nikita Koloff. Actually, it barely touched! Koloff pushes out of a Ricky Morton hold. Koloff tags out to Krusher Krushchev. Krusher hits a stump piledriver on Ricky Morton. Ricky Morton is in big trouble...Iron Curtain!! 1....2....3! My Opinion: One SOLE bright spot in this match keeps it from going into DUD territory. 1/4*. Overall:49 Crowd Reaction:56 Match Quality:56 The Iron Curtain is the Demoliton Decapitation with Koloff dropping an elbow off the bottom rope while Krusher does a backbreaker. The Nation of Communism vs 2 Bad Mothertruckers would be a dream tag team match here is DDW. Tommy Rogers vs Underfaker. Match Background: Rogers is making his debut at this show. Underfaker is making his debut at this show. The Match: A weak headbutt on Rogers by Underfaker causes nothing but pain for both. Underfaker hits a right hand on Tommy Rogers and follows it up with a couple more. Rogers hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Hooks the leg for a two count. Weak bodyslam on Rogers by Underfaker sets up a legdrop. Covers for a quick two count. Tommy Rogers once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Rogers snapmares Underfaker and goes for the DREADED chinlock. There's a two count on the pin. Suplex into a front slam from Rogers, but the execution was CRAPTASTIC~!. Underfaker is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Underfaker turns Rogers inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Tommy Rogers is in trouble. Here it comes - Choke Slam. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -* Overall:40 Crowd Reaction:41 Match Quality:50 Yes that top ex-WWE superstar gets a pin. He is a great talent. -* match, I am so PROUD. He urned this victory did the deadman. *cough*it'snotmarkcallowayitsbrianleedoingtheundertakergimmick*cough* Hardcore Homo Angel is walking backstage when Hacksaw Bradshaw corners him with a bullwhip and a can of baby oil. Bradshaw says he is going to make Angle his HO!!!!, tough guy. Bradshaw looks about ready to force himself on the Hardcore Homo when Angel yells:"Look, Pat Patterson." Bradshaw turns around and Angel decks Bradshaw with the Deathmatch Title and steals his baby oil and bullwhip. Lizzy was looking for baby oil and a bullwhip anyway. 52 Ahmed Johnson vs Supreme. Match Background: This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme is the reigning XPW Television champion, and has been since 18 January 2004. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004. The Match: Ahmed Johnson strikes Supreme. Covers for a quick two count. Ahmed Johnson DDTs Supreme in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Supreme's head didn't touch the mat at all. Hooks the leg for a two count. Supreme pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Supreme hits a right hand on Ahmed Johnson. Supreme hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Supreme misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Powerslam from Ahmed Johnson on Supreme. Hooks the leg for a two count. Supreme pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Flapjack from Supreme on Ahmed. Ahmed Johnson grabs Supreme from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up...but Supreme rolls through with the move! He used a pull of the tights to get Ahmed over! 1....2...3! The referee was out of position and didn't see it! Ahmed grabs the referee, then nails him with a right hand! Dozens of people hit the ring to stop any further incident. My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this. Overall:42 Crowd Reaction:46 Match Quality:49 Supreme gets past Ahmed somehow. Ahmed lost to Angel at the PPV and Supreme tonight. Ahmed is not having a very good week, is he. Maybe is fortunes will pick up. Only the booking napkin knows. Vader comes out and brags about beating Vic Grimes at the PPV. Vader says he wants to face any top superstar that in DDW and XPW. As if on cue, The Shockmaster falls over the guardrail and into the ringside era. Yes the Shockmaster. A WCW legend if there every was one. We have a title match right about....now. 63 Vader vs The Shockmaster. Match Background: Shockmaste is making his debut at this show. This match is for the Big Red and Yellow title. Vader has been Big Red and Yellow champion since 31 December 2003. The Match: Some pretty weak shots by Shockmaste. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Shockmaste on Vader. Hooks the leg for a two count. Vader avoids a The Shockmaster avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Bodyslam by Vader. Vader connects with rights and lefts and The Shockmaster is down! Flying shoulder tackle by Vader sends Shockmaste CRASHING to the mat. Shockmaste counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. The Shockmaster DDTs Vader in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Vader's head didn't touch the mat at all. The Shockmaster floors Vader. Shock Wave! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Hot pokers would be a little too nice to the booking committee for subjecting me to this bile -**. Overall:42 Crowd Reaction:52 Match Quality:37 (The Shockmaster is a World Champion). The Shock Wave is Shockmaster tripping and falling on his opponent. (Oh my god the FUCKING Shockmaster is a World Champion). Vader really didn't didn't sell much. (God you worry about that when you have the FUCKING Shockmaster as your World Champion). Shockmaster is losing overness from his weak gimmick. (Who gives a flipping fuck. The FUCKING Shockmaster holds your number one title. The end is near) -** was what we expect in this fed. (God damn you. You shouldn't have done this. You will most likely get fired at the end of the month when the god damn SHOCKMASTER is your World Champion). Shockmaster should be a good champion and hold up the honor of this fed(Yeah right, XPW now has the better World Champion and it is a member of the god damn Mean Street Posse). See you on Climax(What in the hell were you thinking. The Fucking Shockmaster is holding the top belt in your company). Overall:45(The Shockmaster. I know this fed isn't serious but the Shockmaster. At least Nathan Jones can do a spin kick and a big boot. THE SHOCKMASTER) Vader is now holding the Shockmaster down(As well he should be. You made the god damn SHOCKMASTER your World Champion). 0.40 Rating for Tussels with Tassels(Watch that rating go down faster than Lizzy Borden because the Shockmaster is the By Gawd World Champion. Jesus Christ I have heard about stupid booking decisions but this one takes the cake.) I'll be back later(The Shockmaster, I tell you. The World Champion. At least the Big Show can be a halfway decent wrestler.)

XPW Climax for 1/21/04: Erotica vs Nothing But Gold. Match Background: Supreme and Angel are teaming up as Nothing But Gold for the first time tonight. This match is for the XPW Tag Team titles. Hardcore Homo Angel is the reigning XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion, and has been since 07 January 2004. Nothing But Gold have been XPW Tag Team champions since 14 January 2004. The Match: Angel tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Massive back suplex! Hardcore Homo Angel got snapped in half, but not literally because that would just end the match now wouldn't it. Covers for a quick two count. Tag to Chris Chetti. Erotica whip Angel into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Spin kick by Chris Chetti to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Hooks the leg for a two count. Standing leg lariat by Chris Chetti on Angel. Angel backdrops Chris Chetti out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Hardcore Homo Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Tag between Hardcore Homo Angel and Supreme. Chetti gets splashed in the corner. Weak bodyslam by Supreme. Supreme goes for a splash but Chetti puts the knees up. Tag to Danny Doring. Nice piledriver on Supreme. Wicked suplex out of the corner from Danny Doring, is executed so well, it hurt MY back. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Danny Doring gets up and gives a Belly to belly suplex to Doring. Doring charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Big clothesline from Supreme. Nothing But Gold have Danny Doring to themselves. Double Flatliner! 1....2....3! It's over. My Opinion: Not good enough to earn an entire star. 3/4* for you. Overall:60 Crowd Reaction:53 Match Quality:67 Nothing But Gold are STILL the XPW Tag Team Champions. They beat Eurotica tonight. The unification match with 2 Bad Mothertruckers are on the horizon providing I don't go bankrupt this month for losing too much money. Also Supreme is allowed to float because he is both the 10 Minute Time Limit Champion and the XPW Television Champion in edition to holding one half of the XPW Tag Team Titles with Angel who is also the XPW King of the Deathmatch Champion. Lizzy Borden is kneeling underneath her desk when RODNEY~! of the Mean Street Posse comes in. He feels left out because Joey Abs and Pete Gas are battling for the title and he hasn't wrestled for quite a while on TV. Lizzy said he can referee the rematch tonight between Pete and Joey. Lizzy also warns Rodney to do the right thing. Rodney scratches his head wondering what the right thing is. Lizzy is too busy doing whatever she was doing underneath the desk to answer. 35 Zach Gowan vs Pogo The Clown. Match Background: None. The Match: Gowan hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Zach Gowan takes a right hand to the temple from Pogo. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Pogo strikes away at Zach Gowan, not doing much damage at all. There's a two count on the pin. Pogo slams Zach Gowan down. Gowan is sure in trouble now. Covers for a quick two count. Pogo The Clown misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Forearm to the face from Gowan on Pogo. Hooks the leg for a two count. Badly executed second rope splash by Gowan. Pogo The Clown powers out of a Zach Gowan headlock. Pogo The Clown scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Pogo The Clown moves in for the kill. Closed Casket Crunch! 1....2....3. My Opinion: You barely escaped a DUD rating. 1/4*. Overall:57 Crowd Reaction:57 Match Quality:58 Gowan continues to get crapped on for upping his pay. Betcha regret it now peg leg. Anyway Pogo the Clown wrestled his first official match in the watered down xPW. Joey Abs vs Pete Gas. Match Background: This will be a special guest referee bout. Rodney will be the referee for this match. This match is for the XPW World title. Joey Abs has been XPW World champion since 07 January 2004. The Match: Joey Abs hits Gas. Joey Abs hits a right hand on Pete Gas. Covers for a quick two count. Gas ducks a wild right hand. Pete Gas hits a weak elbow on Joey Abs. Uninspiring brawling from Pete Gas. Check them brawlin' stats, boy. Abs takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Joey Abs comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Abs hits a piledriver on Pete Gas. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Lizzy Borden has climbed up onto the apron! Gas turns...and falls for the distraction! Joey Abs attacks Gas from behind! Pete Gas is in trouble. Tiger Driver! 1....2....3. Abs and Borden beat away on Pete Gas, leaving him spread-eagled on the canvas. My Opinion: That was just BRUTAL to watch. -** Overall:35 Crowd Reaction:32 Match Quality:39 Rodney didn't have any favour in the outcome of this match. A SWERVE~! Anyway Lizzy doing a beatdown while Pete Gas is laying spread eagled. Must resist temptation to make tasteless joke. Must leave it up to reader's imagination. Aw that's better. The fun has just begun because Lizzy pulled one over Mr. Warrior. She signed the Number One Contender to the DDW World Title....The Total Package, Lex Luger. Luger comes out and flexes a bit. Luger said he wants a shot at Joey Abs as was the agreement to signing for XPW. He wants it at (Insert the Name of the Next PPV, Here). Lizzy says why not next week. Lex says fine and says he will win the only majour title he has yet to win. He is going to defect the WWE and beat Kurt Angle/Brock Lesnar/Big Show/A-Train/whomever may hold the Smackdown Title at this point in time??? No he is going to win the XPW World Title next week, dumbass. 54 Overall:36 0.85 Rating for Climax.

I decide to have a spectacular pyro display(AKA two midgets with sparklers and a fire cracker apiece) 5 MPH PPV: Marty Jannetty vs Theodore Long. Match Background: This will be a cage bout. The Match: Teddy uses a neckbreaker on Jannetty. Theodore Long launches Jannetty into the cage wall. Some pretty weak shots by Teddy. Teddy hits a wheel kick on Jannetty. Jannetty kicks Theodore Long in the gut to reverse the momentum. Forearm to the face from Jannetty on Teddy. Marty Jannetty and Teddy climb the cage....but both end up crashing back to the canvas after a struggle! Marty Jannetty hits a shitty missile dropkick on Teddy. Teddy blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Theodore Long with an enziguri. That reminds me...R.I.P, Owen Hart. Theodore Long climbs the cage, but gets pulled down by Jannetty! Flying knee to the face from Marty Jannetty. For the record it was more of a Rusty Wizard than a Shining one. Marty Jannetty goes to leave the cage by the door...but Rodney Mack appears at ringside and slams the door on his head! Teddy takes the opportunity, and climbs out the door for the win! Jannetty grabs the referee, then nails him with a right hand! Dozens of people hit the ring to stop any further incident. My Opinion: Scotsman has the right idea. Get drunk and then watch the show. Maybe then, I could have salvaged something of a good time watching this mess. -*** Overall:44 Crowd Reaction:54 Match Quality:23 Can't you just tell I am going out of my way to have bad matches. Long beats Jannetty with some help from his fellow playa. This still isn't over. Giant Gonzales vs Inspector Scott Steiner. Match Background: None. The Match: Inspector Scott Steiner hits a right hand on Giant Gonzales and follows it up with a couple more. Gonzales takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Inspector Scott Steiner hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Steiner DDTs Giant Gonzales. Supreme runs down the aisle and into the ring, carrying a chair! Steiner turns...and gets floored with a chair to the head! The referee has no choice but to call for the bell! Disqualification! Giant Gonzales gives a murderous look toward Supreme...and attacks! Supreme gets dropped to the canvas, then battered with a barrage of rights and lefts. Gonzales picks him up...and launches him over the top rope to the outside. A small measure of revenge has been taken. My Opinion: I've never felt so inclined to go into the negatives before this match came along. -***. Overall:31 Crowd Reaction:37 Match Quality:18 DAMN -*****. That's ALL I wanted. I knew I should have let Lizzy Borden ref this match instead of the Main Event. That would have brought it down. Anyway Supreme interferes and for a brief moment, Gonzales seems to be the mole. However Gonzo beats up Supreme so he ISN'T the mole. Or is he. Is there even one? Will this ever be solved? For those and more burning answers tune in next week. Same Warrior Time. Same Warrior Channel. Youthanazia vs 2 Bad Mothertruckers. Match Background: This match is for the Red and Yellow Tag titles. 2 Bad Mothertruckers have been Red and Yellow Tag champions since 31 December 2003. The Match: STIFF high kick on Horowitz by Josh Prohibition. Second rope flying axe handle, Horowitz goes down. One day, JP might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Covers for a quick two count. Horowitz ducks a wild right hand. Punch by Horowitz, missing JP COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatJP didn't sell it. Barry Horowitz hits a bulldog off the ropes. Tag between Barry Horowitz and Maxx Payne. Maxx Payne turns JP inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Josh Prohibition comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. JP tags out to Matt Cross. Cross just WAFFLES Payne with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! Hard back suplex on Payne. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Hooks the leg for a two count. Super kick by Matt Cross. Tag to Josh Prohibition. Springboard dropkick from Josh Prohibition. Nicely done. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Payne blocks a punch. Maxx Payne hits a right hand on Josh Prohibition. Payne tags out to Barry Horowitz. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Horowitz on JP. Josh Prohibition is all alone...Glass Ceiling!! 1....2....3! My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD. Overall:49 Crowd Reaction:41 Match Quality:57 The XPW guys are already being buried and this is only the first month. Being pinned by Barry Horowitz is the lowest anyone can go. PERIOD. Alex Wright vs Hacksaw Bradshaw. Match Background: This will be a submission bout. Hacksaw Bradshaw is the reigning United States champion, and has been since 03 December 2003. The Match: Hacksaw Bradshaw punches away at Alex Wright only to get the tides turned quickly. Hacksaw Bradshaw DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Wright. Hacksaw Bradshaw strikes Alex Wright. Wright reverses a Hacksaw Bradshaw hammerlock. Bradshaw receives a spinning neckbreaker from Wright. Alex Wright hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Wright drops an elbow...but Hacksaw Bradshaw moves out of the way. Side suplex from Bradshaw. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Bradshaw floors Alex Wright. There is the Ass Clawhold! Submission! My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities. Overall:58 Crowd Reaction:61 Match Quality:52 (Insert Gay Joke about Bradshaw's new finisher HERE). Ahmed Johnson vs Hardcore Homo Angel. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title. Hardcore Homo Angel has been XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion since 07 January 2004. The Match: Forearm to the face from Angel on Ahmed. Hardcore Homo Angel strikes Ahmed Johnson with a hard blow. There's a two count on the pin. Ahmed blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Boring brawling from Ahmed Johnson is the cure for insomnia. Weak kick from Ahmed. I am unpleased. Ahmed hits Angel with a plastic dinosaur! Angel counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Weak bodyslam by Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel gets a roll-up...and grabs a handful of tights as well! The referee doesn't see it: 1....2...3!! Ahmed is pounding the canvas with punches, shouting about how unfair everything is. My Opinion: CRAPTASTIC~! -**. Overall:38 Crowd Reaction:40 Match Quality:36 Ahmed was SCREWED out of the belt by Angel. Angel attempting to get into Ahmed's pants...well I'll leave that to your imaginations. Supreme vs Rick Steiner. Match Background: This Match is Title for Title. The Match: Rick Steiner takes a right hand to the temple from Supreme. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Running clothesline from Supreme was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Covers for a quick two count. Supreme misses a clothesline. Supreme takes a couple of weak clotheslines. There's a two count on the pin. Rick Steiner hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. Covers for a quick two count. Supreme elbows Rick Steiner in the face to break a hammerlock. Big clothesline from Supreme. Pin, but Steiner is out just before the three count. Rick Steiner is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Supreme misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee accidentally! Rick Steiner connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Steiner hits a stump piledriver on Supreme. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Steiner charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Lizzy Borden is at ringside and flashes Rick Steiner! Steiner wastes valuable time by yelling at Borden! Supreme takes advantage of the distraction and nails Steiner from behind! Rick Steiner gets knocked to the ground by Supreme, who is already climbing the turnbuckle. Through the air, Mecca Toad Splash! 1....2....3. Rick Steiner goes on the rampage, firing off stiff shots to both Supreme and Lizzy Borden, who take the hint and swiftly leave the ring for their own safety. My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it. Overall:56 Crowd Reaction:57 Match Quality:54 Supreme now has the 10 Minute Time Limit Title, the XPW Television Title, AND One half of the XPW Tag Team Titles along with Angel who has the XPW King of the Death Match Title. I think I have to officially name that team, Nothing But Gold. Joey Abs vs Pete Gas. Match Background: This will be a Greenwhich Streetfight. This match is for the XPW World title. Joey Abs has been XPW World champion since 07 January 2004. The Match: Frying pan shot by Gas. Pete Gas DDTs Abs in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Joey Abs's head didn't touch the mat at all. Covers for a quick two count. Abs ducks a wild right hand. Abs strikes away at Pete Gas, not doing much damage at all. Joey Abs with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Gas. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Hooks the leg for a two count. Joey Abs uses a big bag of popcorn to floor Gas. I wonder if butter adds impact. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Running clothesline from Joey Abs was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Gas blocks a kick from Joey Abs. Gas hits a stump piledriver on Joey Abs. Covers for a quick two count. Pete Gas knocks Abs down to the canvas with a clothesline. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Abs takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Whip into an upright table by Gas. Joey Abs reverses a hip toss. Gas takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Joey Abs scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Pete Gas hooks up a suplex, but it is blocked. Abs scores with a low blow, then turns it into a small package! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Pete Gas got screwed out of the victory! My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -* Overall:39 Crowd Reaction:32 Match Quality:47 The war is FAR from over. Tune into XPW Climax on TNT. Which reminds me, we have to send the drugged cookies to TNT executives again so Standards and Pratices don't pitch a bitch about the XPW Show. Vic Grimes vs Vader. Match Background: This match is for the Big Red and Yellow title. Vader has been Big Red and Yellow champion since 31 December 2003. The Match: Spear by Vader. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Vader connects and Vic Grimes is down! Vader scores with a standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Vader with a spinning neckbreaker on Grimes. Covers for a quick two count. Vader goes for a splash but Grimes puts the knees up. BIG clothesline on Vader. Spear by Vic Grimes. Vader reverses a hip toss. Grimes walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Vic Grimes can barely stand. Here it comes - Vader Bomb. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: All you deserve for this is *. That DOESN'T mean that you're a deputy or a cop or whatever. Overall:63 Crowd Reaction:58 Match Quality:68 Vader retained the title like there was ANY doubt that he would. Vader will defend against whomever is going to be defended against next. Lex Luger vs Mr. Warrior. Match Background: This will be a special guest referee bout. Lizzy Borden will be the referee for this match. The Match: Lex Luger DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Warrior. Lex Luger hits some weak-looking punches in the corner, but Mr. Warrior is able to block them and return the favor in spades. BORING ass brawling from Luger. Hooks the leg for a two count. Warrior takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Covers for a quick two count. Warrior reverses a Lex Luger hammerlock. Weak kick from Warrior. I am unpleased. Hooks the leg for a two count. Mr. Warrior DDTs Luger in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Lex Luger's head didn't touch the mat at all. Luger powers out of a headlock. Luger DDTs Mr. Warrior. Mr. Warrior hits Lex Luger with a flurry of punches. Lex Luger gets knocked to the ground by Warrior. Gorilla Press and Splash!!! Lizzy Borden has called for the bell, Warrior is celebrating...until the ring announcer says that he has been disqualified for using a closed fist punch during the earlier flurry! Lizzy Borden has screwed Mr. Warrior over! Mr. Warrior has a temper tantrum, kicking the ropes and punching the turnbuckles. My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this. Overall:56 Crowd Reaction:64 Match Quality:39 Mr. Warrior got disqualified so Lex Luger can recieve title shots again. Lizzy Borden screwed Mr. Warrior out of the match. Can Lizzy and Lex be in cahoots? Tune into Tussels with Tassels on Comedy Central Saturday Nights to find out. Overall:48 0.27 buy rate for 5 MPH.

WWF Raw 4/30/01: Kurt Angle promos and Chris Benoit runs out, beats him up, and steals his medals. THIS MEANS WAR. 84 Edge vs Matt Hardy. Match Background: This match is for the WWF European title. Matt Hardy has been WWF European champion since 26 April 2001. The Match: Matt Hardy connects with a back heel kick on Edge and gets back up quickly. Implant DDT by Matt Hardy! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Covers for a quick two count. Edge once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Matt Hardy takes a butterfly suplex from Edge. Edge slams Matt Hardy. Big dropkick by Edge, who got a ton of air on the move. Matt blocks a kick from Edge. Lightning kick by Matt on Edge. Edge can barely stand. Twist Of Fate! 1....2....3. My Opinion: A ****3/4 rating for a great match. Close, but not 5 stars. Overall:82 Crowd Reaction:84 Match Quality:100 Rhyno will defend the Hardcore Title against Chris Jericho tonight, says William Regal. 76 X-Pac vs Spike Dudley. Match Background: None. The Match: Flying reverse elbow by X-Pac. Vicious kick to the teeth from X-Pac. Springboard dropkick from X-Pac. Nicely done. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! X-Pac hits a rolling kick on Spike. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Covers for a quick two count. Spike Dudley fights out of a grapple. Spike Dudley strikes X-Pac with a hard blow. Powerslam from Spike Dudley on X-Pac. X-Pac counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! X-Pac hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Spike Dudley gets knocked to the ground by X-Pac. Here it comes...Buzz Killer! Spike Dudley taps! My Opinion: Sadly, a 1\2* match. Overall:49 Crowd Reaction:50 Match Quality:61 Stephanie McMahon tells Test that her dad will have him face Triple H tonight. Test says he looks forward to playing the Game. 76 Chris Jericho vs Rhyno. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the WWF Hardcore title. Rhyno has been WWF Hardcore champion since 19 April 2001. The Match: Rhyno scoops and slams Chris Jericho. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Rhyno slams Chris Jericho down and motions to the crowd. There's a two count on the pin. Chris Jericho elbows Rhyno in the face to break a hammerlock. Jericho uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Jericho hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Jericho hits a snap suplex onto a chair on Rhyno. Rhyno reverses a hip toss. Big piledriver on Jericho. Christian comes running down the aisle with a chair! Rhyno and Chris Jericho continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Christian slides in and blasts Chris Jericho with a chair to the head! Christian climbs out of the ring, the damage done! Chris Jericho is in trouble. GORE! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Ohh, looky. A **3/4 match! Overall:76 Crowd Reaction:89 Match Quality:78 Undertaker will face Stone Cold tonight for the Championship of the World. 86 A.P.A. vs Holly Cousins. Match Background: A.P.A. are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. The Match: Faarooq strikes Hardcore Holly with a hard blow. Powerslam from Faarooq on Hardcore. Tag between Faarooq and Bradshaw. Bradshaw slams Hardcore Holly down. Hardcore is sure in trouble now. Covers for a quick two count. Bradshaw scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Tag to Faarooq. A.P.A. whip Hardcore into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Hardcore reverses a waistlock. Hardcore tags out to Crash Holly. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Faarooq by Crash. Remember when that was a legit finish? Suplex into a front slam from Crash, but the execution was CRAPTASTIC~!. Tag to Hardcore Holly. Holly Cousins whip Faarooq into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Big kick from Hardcore staggers Faarooq but that's about it. Hardcore Holly DDTs Faarooq, but it just looked terrible. Hardcore tags out to Crash Holly. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Faarooq by Crash. Remember when that was a legit finish? Faarooq blocks a kick from Crash Holly. Tag between Faarooq and Bradshaw. Powerslam from Bradshaw on Crash. A.P.A. have Crash Holly to themselves. Spike Powerbomb! 1....2....3! It's over. My Opinion: I'll give a 1\2* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots. Overall:51 Crowd Reaction:52 Match Quality:62 Test is supposed to face Triple H but Triple H thinks he would be a good idea to put him through a table instead. That is what the Game does and Test's ribs may be broken. Well at least he didn't break his nose. 68 Chyna vs Trish Stratus. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Womens title. Chyna has been WWF Womens champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Chyna strikes away at Trish Stratus, not doing much damage at all. Uninspired brawling from Chyna. Chyna hits a right hand on Trish Stratus and follows it up with a couple more. Hooks the leg for a two count. Running clothesline from Chyna was actually MIGHTY sloppy. There's a two count on the pin. Trish blocks a punch. Chyna receives some punishment by Trish Stratus but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. There's a two count on the pin. Big clothesline from Trish. Trish drops an elbow...but Chyna moves out of the way. Side suplex from Chyna. Trish Stratus is in trouble. Rear Naked Drop!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: You barely escaped a DUD rating. 1/4*. Overall:61 Crowd Reaction:75 Match Quality:54 Steve Austin vs Undertaker. Match Background: This match is for the WWF World title. Steve Austin has been WWF World champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Stone Cold hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Undertaker strikes Steve Austin. Big kick from Undertaker staggers Stone Cold but that's about it. Undertaker hits a right hand on Steve Austin. Undertaker misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Fallaway slam by Steve Austin puts down Undertaker. Big piledriver on Undertaker. Covers for a quick two count. Undertaker pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Weak bodyslam by Undertaker. Hooks the leg for a two count. Undertaker DDTs Steve Austin. Pin, but Stone Cold is out just before the three count. Stone Cold backdrops Undertaker out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Steve Austin. Steve Austin hits some punches. How generic. Undertaker blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Undertaker with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Stone Cold. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Undertaker signals for the Last Ride! Triple H comes out of the crowd! He grabs the leg of Undertaker and drags him out of the ring. The referee has no option but to call for the DQ! Meanwhile, Undertaker gets sent crashing into the ring post! Stone Cold and HHH are putting the boots to Undertaker! Kane comes running down the aisle with a chair! He slides in, sending Two Man Powertrip running for cover. Kane bends down to help Undertaker back up. Wait! Steve Austin slides back in and attacks! Kane fights back...but is then jumped by HHH as well! Both Kane and Undertaker are subjected to a beat down by Two Man Powertrip, leaving them down and out on the canvas. My Opinion: These guys worked SO HARD...for a ** rating. Something went wrong somewhere, didn't it? Overall:69 Crowd Reaction:81 Match Quality:71 Overall:70 (And with that, April 2001 is Done)

WWF Backlash 2001: Crash Holly vs Jerry Lynn. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Lightweight title. Crash Holly has been WWF Lightweight champion since 18 March 2001. The Match: Spinning back kick from Jerry Lynn. Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Crash goes down. Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Crash goes down. Hooks the leg for a two count. Lynn hits a dropkick on Crash Holly and gets right back up. Hooks the leg for a two count. Crash kicks Jerry Lynn in the gut to reverse the momentum. STIFF~! chop lights up Lynn who covers up to try and stop the agonizing PAIN! Covers for a quick two count. Spinebuster by Crash Holly. Crash charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Tor-NADO DDT from Jerry Lynn, Crash got planted! Jerry Lynn moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Cradle Piledriver. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: I really shouldn't drink when I'm reviewing matches. Especially with Scotsman, I can't drink nearly as much, so I try too hard. It was either ** or ****, but I guess I'll have to compromise and say ***. Overall:75 Crowd Reaction:66 Match Quality:85 Bubba Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, and Spike Dudley vs X-Factor. Match Background: None. The Match: Bubba hits a right hand. Running knee lift from Bubba Ray Dudley. Tag between Bubba Ray Dudley and Spike Dudley. X-Pac takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Spike hits a piledriver on X-Pac. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between Spike Dudley and D-Von Dudley. Spike \ D-Von whip X-Pac into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Fallaway slam by D-Von Dudley puts down X-Pac. X-Pac kicks D-Von Dudley in the gut to reverse the momentum. X-Pac hits a rolling kick on D-Von. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Tag to Albert. Albert with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on D-Von. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Albert scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! D-Von takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Tag between Albert and Justin Credible. A weak headbutt on D-Von by Credible causes nothing but pain for both. D-Von Dudley takes a right hand to the temple from Credible. D-Von kicks Justin Credible in the gut to reverse the momentum. D-Von tags out to Bubba Ray Dudley. Running knee lift from Bubba Ray Dudley. Tag between Justin Credible and X-Pac. Bubba walks into a high dropkick from X-Pac, almost losing several teeth in the process. Flying cross body off the top rope! X-Pac floors Bubba Ray Dudley. Buzz Killer!!! Bubba Ray Dudley taps out! My Opinion: *1/4 rating. Don't be upset. There are people in third world countries who can barely afford one star, let alone one and a quarter. Overall:68 Crowd Reaction:69 Match Quality:66 Raven vs Rhyno. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the WWF Hardcore title. Rhyno has been WWF Hardcore champion since 19 April 2001. The Match: Raven is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Frying pan shot by Rhyno. Rhyno slams Raven. Covers for a quick two count. Running knee lift from Rhyno. There's a two count on the pin. Rhyno walks into a drop toe hold. Raven connects with rights and lefts and Rhyno is down! Hooks the leg for a two count. Rhyno walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Raven charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. High Angle DDT by Rhyno just SPIKES Raven down! Raven is in trouble. GORE! 1....2....3. My Opinion: I really shouldn't drink when I'm reviewing matches. Especially with Scotsman, I can't drink nearly as much, so I try too hard. It was either ** or ****, but I guess I'll have to compromise and say ***. Overall:74 Crowd Reaction:64 Match Quality:85 Chris Jericho vs William Regal. Match Background: None. The Match: Chris Jericho just WALKS into a stiff lariat clothesline from Regal. Chris Jericho just WALKS into a stiff lariat clothesline from Regal. A Gut buster connects on Jericho and hits hard. Vertical suplex by William Regal. Regal goes for a splash but Jericho puts the knees up. Jericho uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Lightning kick by Jericho on Regal. Covers for a quick two count. Regal backdrops Chris Jericho out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of William Regal. BRAINBUSTAH~! by William Regal! There's a two count on the pin. TIGER DRIVER~! '91 nearly crushes the spine of Jericho! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Regal goes for a splash but Jericho puts the knees up. Chris Jericho connects with a HARD right hand, sending the opponent down to the mat again. William Regal is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Stun Gun from William Regal! I still can't believe that was Austin's finisher at one point. Regal whips Jericho into the turnbuckles...and the ref is crushed! Chris Jericho knocks Regal to the outside, then signals for the Walls Of Jericho. He reaches out of the ring for William Regal...and gets clobbered with the ring bell! Right to the head! The referee wakes up to see Regal sliding in and making the pinfall: 1....2....3! Forget about it. My Opinion: Oh, look out...almost ***, but not quite. **3/4. Overall:82 Crowd Reaction:84 Match Quality:79 Chris Benoit vs Kurt Angle. Match Background: This will be an iron man bout. The Match: FIRST FALL: Benoit gets caught with a short powerbomb from Angle. Benoit gets hit with a HUGE clothesline. Hooks the leg for a two count. Angle walks into a drop toe hold. STIFF high kick on Angle by Chris Benoit. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Hooks the leg for a two count. SHINING WIZARD~! on Angle by Benoit! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Hard back suplex on Angle. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Angle reverses a Chris Benoit hammerlock. A sit out full nelson slam on Benoit. Covers for a quick two count. Kurt Angle nearly kills Benoit with a released tiger suplex. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Big dropkick by Kurt Angle, who got a ton of air on the move. Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Benoit goes down. Angle walks into a drop toe hold. Second rope flying axe handle, Angle goes down. One day, Benoit might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Tiger suplex on Angle. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Cover gets three for Chris Benoit, Angle got pinned. SECOND FALL: Chris Benoit strikes Angle. Chris Benoit connects with a back heel kick on Angle and gets back up quickly. Benoit uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Second rope flying axe handle, Angle goes down. One day, Benoit might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Benoit drops an elbow...but Kurt Angle moves out of the way. Vertical suplex by Kurt Angle. Angle almost belly-to-belly suplexes Chris Benoit through the mat. What? It's possible. There's a two count on the pin. Benoit counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Benoit crushes Angle with a running senton. Hooks the leg for a two count. Back heel kick off the second rope, Angle goes down. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Kurt Angle comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Reverse DDT into a backbreaker by Kurt Angle. That was interesting. The ref gets into position, administers the three count, and it's over. Kurt Angle pins Benoit. THIRD FALL: Benoit hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Angle counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Benoit gets caught with a belly to belly suplex from Angle! Chris Benoit charges, Angle moves, and the referee is knocked silly! NASTY Tiger Suplex by Kurt Angle on Benoit. Cover, but there's no one to count for Kurt Angle! Chris Benoit once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Chris Benoit hits a rolling kick on Angle. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Benoit crushes Angle with a running senton. There's a two count on the pin. Springboard dropkick from Chris Benoit. Nicely done. Pin, but Angle is out just before the three count. Angle blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Angle almost belly-to-belly suplexes Chris Benoit through the mat. What? It's possible. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Benoit counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Chris Benoit floors Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle gets locked in the Crippler Crossface! Submission victory! END OF BOUT. My Opinion: I really shouldn't drink when I'm reviewing matches. Especially with Scotsman, I can't drink nearly as much, so I try too hard. It was either ** or ****, but I guess I'll have to compromise and say ***. Overall:78 Crowd Reaction:71 Match Quality:85 Big Show vs Shane McMahon. Match Background: This will be a last man standing bout. The Match: Show receives some punishment by Shane McMahon but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Weak bodyslam on Show by Shane sets up a legdrop. The referee is counting: 5....6....Big Show is back up. Big Show avoids a Shane McMahon avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Big kick from Show staggers Shane but that's about it. Show strikes away at Shane McMahon, not doing much damage at all. Big Show uses a big bag of popcorn to floor Shane. I wonder if butter adds impact. Big Show gets taken down out of nowhere! Shane McMahon hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Test comes running down the aisle with a chair! Shane and Big Show continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Test slides in and blasts Big Show with a chair to the head! Test climbs out of the ring, the damage done! Big Show gets knocked to the ground by Shane, who is already climbing the turnbuckle. Through the air, Flying Elbow! The referee counts to 10, this match is over! My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it. Overall:70 Crowd Reaction:82 Match Quality:45 Christian vs Matt Hardy vs Eddie Guerrero. Match Background: This will be a triangle bout. This match is for the WWF European title. Matt Hardy has been WWF European champion since 26 April 2001. The Match: Spinning back kick from Matt Hardy. Standing leg lariat by Eddie Guerrero on Matt. Eddie charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Lightning kick by Christian on Eddie. Flying cross body off the top rope! Hooks the leg for a two count. Tiger suplex on Christian. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Christian reverses a Eddie Guerrero hammerlock. Spinning bulldog in the corner and Eddie is down! Christian walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one though? Christian can barely stand. Twist Of Fate! 1....2....3. My Opinion: All it gets is a ***1\2 rating from me. Deal with it. Overall:85 Crowd Reaction:83 Match Quality:87 Brothers Of Destruction vs Two Man Powertrip. Match Background: Brothers Of Destruction are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. HHH and Stone Cold are teaming up as Two Man Powertrip for the first time tonight. This match is for the WWF Tag Team titles. Steve Austin is the reigning WWF World champion, and has been since 31 March 2001. Brothers Of Destruction have been WWF Tag Team champions since 19 April 2001. The Match: Kane scoops and slams Triple H. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Fallaway slam by Kane puts down Triple H. There's a two count on the pin. HHH ducks a wild right hand. STIFF~! chop lights up Kane who covers up to try and stop the agonizing PAIN! Massive backbreaker on Kane and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Tag between Triple H and Steve Austin. Fallaway slam by Steve Austin puts down Kane. Steve Austin gets taken down out of nowhere! Tag to Undertaker. Brothers Of Destruction whip Stone Cold into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Running clothesline from Undertaker was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Covers for a quick two count. Undertaker DDTs Stone Cold, but it just looked terrible. Tag between Undertaker and Kane. Brutal sit out powerbomb on Stone Cold! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Stone Cold blocks a punch. Tag between Steve Austin and Triple H. Kane charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Kane gets knocked to the ground by HHH. Kane gets locked in the Main Event Sleeper! Submission victory! My Opinion: If it weren't for two great moments in this match, it would have gotten a DUD. Either way, all its getting from me is a 1\2*. Overall:70 Crowd Reaction:78 Match Quality:54 Overall:74 Triple H is a backstage politicial part 2:He said he had to carry Kane in the tag main event.

WWF Smackdown 4/26/01: Canadian Violence vs William Regal and Kurt Angle. Match Background: None. The Match: Jericho slams William Regal down and motions to the crowd. Gutwrench into a powerbomb, aka the Doctor Bomb and Regal hits hard. There's a two count on the pin. Jericho tags out to Chris Benoit. Canadian Violence whip Regal into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Flying elbow from Chris Benoit connects. Hooks the leg for a two count. STIFF high kick on Regal by Chris Benoit. William Regal comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Benoit gets hit with SPLASH MOUNTAIN~! out of the corner! Tag to Kurt Angle. Angle drives a thrust kick into the chest of Benoit. Ring-shaking body slam on Benoit. Chris Benoit avoids a Kurt Angle avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Tag between Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho. SUPER frankensteiner on Angle, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Tiger suplex on Angle. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Jericho hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Angle reverses a waistlock. Jericho gets hit with a HUGE clothesline. Kurt Angle has Chris Jericho down on the canvas. Here it comes...Ankle Lock! Chris Jericho taps! My Opinion: Absolutely solid match. A few minor things brought it down, so I'm tacking on a **** rating. Overall:87 Crowd Reaction:81 Match Quality:94 A look at the events leading up to the Brothers of Destruction vs the Two Man Power Trip at Backlash. 77 Vince makes Kane face Edge and Christian and Undertaker face Members of RTC. Also Austin and Trips have to face a mystery team tonight. 99 Eddie Guerrero vs Matt Hardy. Match Background: This match is for the WWF European title. Eddie Guerrero has been WWF European champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Spinning bulldog in the corner and Eddie is down! Tor-NADO DDT from Matt Hardy, Eddie got planted! DDT from the top rope by Matt Hardy. That looked KILLER. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Matt hits a dropkick on Eddie Guerrero and gets right back up. Hooks the leg for a two count. Eddie Guerrero once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. GORGEOUS Spinning bulldog in the corner and Matt is down. Matt Hardy pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Matt crushes Eddie with a running senton. Eddie Guerrero is in trouble. Twist Of Fate! 1....2....3. My Opinion: All it gets is a ***1\2 rating from me. Deal with it. Overall:86 Crowd Reaction:87 Match Quality:86 At Backlash Christian, Eddie, and Matt Hardy will go at it for the European Title. Also Raven gets a shot at Rhyno's Hardcore Title. 70 Kane vs Edge and Christian. Match Background: This will be a 2 on 1 handicap bout. Edge and Christian are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. The Match: Kane connects with rights and lefts and Christian is down! BAAACK Body drop by Edge gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Full nelson slam on Edge. Hooks the leg for a two count. Flying shoulder tackle by Kane sends Christian CRASHING to the mat. Christian blocks a kick from Kane. Edge and Christian hook up Kane, then hit a double suplex. Edge with a spinning neckbreaker on Kane. Lightning kick by Christian on Kane. Edge and Christian whip Kane into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Hooks the leg for a two count. Vicious kick to the teeth from Christian. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Kane slams Christian. BIG clothesline on Kane. Edge and Christian whip Kane into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Covers for a quick two count. Christian strikes Kane. Christian misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Kane is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Kane scores with a big spinebuster. Christian can barely stand. Here it comes - Choke Slam. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: Ohh, looky. A **3/4 match! Overall:81 Crowd Reaction:82 Match Quality:79 Rhyno vs Test. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the WWF Hardcore title. Rhyno has been WWF Hardcore champion since 19 April 2001. The Match: Test gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Fallaway slam by Rhyno puts down Test. There's a two count on the pin. Test pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Weak bodyslam on Rhyno by Test sets up a legdrop. Rhyno hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Test chair shots Rhyno. Rhyno counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Test walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Big Show comes running down the aisle with a chair! Rhyno and Test continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Big Show slides in and blasts Test with a chair to the head! Show climbs out of the ring, the damage done! Test is in trouble. GORE! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Smack dab in the middle of the star spectrum for an average match. **1\2. Overall:80 Crowd Reaction:82 Match Quality:76 The Dudley Boyz and X-Factor have a BY GAWD BRAWL. 76 Undertaker vs Val Venis and Steven Richards. Match Background: This will be a 2 on 1 handicap bout. The Match: Undertaker gets hip tossed by Steven. Val slams Undertaker down and motions to the crowd. Val \ Steven whip Undertaker into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. There's a two count on the pin. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Steven Richards just KILLS Undertaker! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Steven \ Val whip Undertaker into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Steven Richards powers out of a Undertaker headlock. Undertaker hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Steven backdrops Undertaker out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Steven Richards. Steven Richards with a spinning neckbreaker on Undertaker. Steven \ Val whip Undertaker into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. There's a two count on the pin. Undertaker reverses a Steven Richards hammerlock. Undertaker scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Steven Richards can barely stand. Last Ride!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: I'll give it a *3/4 rating. If you think of it like currency, it's a 1.75. You can't even take the subway with that anymore here. Work harder man. Overall:72 Crowd Reaction:73 Match Quality:72 Shane leads Shane and the Beanstalk to hype up his match with the Big Show at Backlash. 89 Two Man Powertrip are supposed to face Kai En Tai. However out comes the Brothers of Destruction and a brawl happens. It is the hard sell before the no sell at Backlash. 82 Overall:72

WWF Raw 4/23/01: Steve Austin and Triple H beat up the Brothers of Destruction, attempting to take them out before this Sunday. 74 Spike Dudley vs Rhyno. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the WWF Hardcore title. Rhyno has been WWF Hardcore champion since 19 April 2001. The Match: Spike is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Bodyslam by Rhyno. There's a two count on the pin. Spike blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Big kick from Spike staggers Rhyno but that's about it. Rhyno receives some punishment by Spike Dudley but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Spike hits Rhyno with a plastic dinosaur! Spike walks into a drop toe hold. Full nelson slam on Spike. Albert comes running down the aisle with a chair! Rhyno whips Spike Dudley into the ropes. Albert jumps onto the apron with the chair! Collision between Albert, Spike, and the chair! Spike Dudley staggers back into a roll up! 1...2...3! It's over! My Opinion: When I give out 3/4*, it means that I'm being REALLY nice about it. Overall:59 Crowd Reaction:70 Match Quality:60 Bull Buchanan and Goodfather vs Kai En Tai. Match Background: Kai En Tai are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. The Match: TAKA Michinoku takes a right hand to the temple from Buchanan. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Weak bodyslam on TAKA by Buchanan sets up a legdrop. Hooks the leg for a two count. TAKA pushes out of a Bull Buchanan hold. Standing leg lariat by TAKA Michinoku on Buchanan. SUPER frankensteiner on Buchanan, who hit hard. TAKA tags out to Funaki. Spin kick by Funaki to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Funaki goes for a splash but Buchanan puts the knees up. Tag to Goodfather. Buchanan \ Godfather whip Funaki into the corner. Bull Buchanan whips Goodfather in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Goodfather strikes Funaki with a hard blow. There's a two count on the pin. Big clothesline from Godfather. Godfather tags out to Bull Buchanan. Bull Buchanan turns Funaki inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Pin, but Funaki is out just before the three count. Funaki kicks Bull Buchanan in the gut to reverse the momentum. Tag between Funaki and TAKA Michinoku. Implant DDT by TAKA Michinoku! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Bull Buchanan is all alone...Camel Clutch Dropkick!! 1....2....3! My Opinion: I'll give it a *1\2 rating. Consider getting more stars to be the adventure of a lifetime. Get started. Overall:61 Crowd Reaction:67 Match Quality:70 Vince McMahon makes Test fight the Big Show, TONIGHT. 93 Brothers of Destruction brawl with the Two Man Power Trip but it is broken up. Brothers of Destruction and the Hardy Boyz vs Two Man Power Trip, Edge, and Christin is made for later tonight. 85 Canadian Violence vs William Regal and Kurt Angle. Match Background: None. The Match: Vertical suplex by William Regal. Jericho takes a quick lariat. Covers for a quick two count. Tag between William Regal and Kurt Angle. Angle \ Regal whip Jericho into the corner. Kurt Angle whips William Regal in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Chris Jericho takes a butterfly suplex from Angle. Covers for a quick two count. Angle drives a HARD forearm into the chest of Jericho. Chris Jericho powers out of a Kurt Angle headlock. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Chris Jericho just KILLS Kurt Angle! Tag to Chris Benoit. Hard back suplex on Angle. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Lightning kick by Benoit on Angle. Kurt Angle is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Tag to William Regal. BRAINBUSTAH~! by William Regal! Northern Lights Bomb very nearly crushes the spine of Benoit! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Big forearm by William Regal makes me want to go to the mirror and check MY teeth. Benoit blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Flying cross body off the top rope! Chris Benoit floors William Regal. Here it comes...Crippler Crossface! William Regal taps! My Opinion: A **** rating is well deserved for the competitors in this match. Overall:78 Crowd Reaction:80 Match Quality:94 Big Show vs Test. Match Background: None. The Match: Big Show hits Test. Big Show hits Test. Uninspired brawling from Big Show. Hooks the leg for a two count. Show slams Test down. Test is sure in trouble now. There's a two count on the pin. Test counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Wack kick from Test. Hooks the leg for a two count. Test hits a piledriver on Big Show. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Test walks into a drop toe hold. Big Show turns Test inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Big Show signals for the Show Stopper! Shane McMahon is at ringside though! He grabs the leg of Big Show and drags him out of the ring. The referee has no option but to call for the DQ! Big Show floors Shane McMahon with a right hand as payback! My Opinion: Not good enough to earn an entire star. 3/4* for you. Overall:63 Crowd Reaction:76 Match Quality:61 Vince McMahon makes Trish face Ivory tonight and if Ivory wins, Trish has to join RTC. 100 Grand Masta Sexay, Steve Blackman, and Raven vs The Radicalz. Match Background: Eddie Guerrero is the reigning WWF European champion, and has been since 31 March 2001. The Match: Eddie is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Bodyslam by Raven. Tag to Grand Masta Sexay. Implant DDT by Grand Masta Sexay! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Lightning kick by Sexay on Eddie. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Steve Blackman. Too Lethal whip Eddie into the corner. Grand Masta Sexay whips Steve Blackman in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Bodyslam by Blackman. Eddie Guerrero powers out of a Steve Blackman headlock. Second rope flying axe handle, Blackman goes down. One day, Eddie might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Eddie tags out to Dean Malenko. Dean Malenko hits a rolling kick on Blackman. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Diamond Dust from Dean Malenko and Blackman is out! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Implant DDT by Dean Malenko! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Tag to Perry Saturn. Perry Saturn hits some punches. How generic. Perry Saturn with a spinning neckbreaker on Blackman. Steve Blackman pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Tag between Steve Blackman and Raven. Raven with a spinning neckbreaker on Saturn. Tag to Eddie Guerrero. Eddie Guerrero strikes Raven. Flying cross body off the top rope! Eddie Guerrero floors Raven...and climbs the turnbuckles. Frog Splash!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. My Opinion: I really shouldn't drink when I'm reviewing matches. Especially with Scotsman, I can't drink nearly as much, so I try too hard. It was either ** or ****, but I guess I'll have to compromise and say ***. Overall:69 Crowd Reaction:72 Match Quality:83 Ivory vs Trish Stratus. Match Background: None. The Match: Big clothesline from Trish. Trish Stratus turns Ivory inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Side suplex from Trish. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Ivory takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Hooks the leg for a two count. Ivory pushes out of a Trish Stratus hold. Trish takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Ivory DDTs Trish in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Trish Stratus's head didn't touch the mat at all. Trish Stratus comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Trish Stratus hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Trish Stratus moves in for the kill. Stratusfaction!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: 1/4*. Be happy it's not a DUD. Overall:62 Crowd Reaction:77 Match Quality:53 Team Undertaker vs Team HHH. Match Background: Team Undertaker consists of Undertaker, Kane, Jeff Hardy, and Matt Hardy. Team HHH consists of Triple H, Steve Austin, Edge, and Christian. Steve Austin is the reigning WWF World champion, and has been since 31 March 2001. Brothers Of Destruction are the reigning WWF Tag Team champions, and have been since 19 April 2001. Triple H is the reigning WWF Intercontinental champion, and has been since 16 April 2001. The Match: HHH is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Triple H by Kane. Remember when that was a legit finish? Kane tags out to Undertaker. Undertaker strikes away at Triple H, not doing much damage at all. HHH tags out to Edge. Edge takes a right hand to the temple from Undertaker. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Undertaker tags out to Jeff Hardy. Undertaker scoops up Edge. Jeff bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Spinning bulldog in the corner and Edge is down! Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag between Jeff Hardy and Matt Hardy. Second rope flying axe handle, Edge goes down. One day, Matt might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Flying reverse elbow by Matt Hardy. Tag between Matt Hardy and Kane. High Angle DDT by Kane just SPIKES Edge down! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Edge ducks a wild right hand. Edge tags out to Steve Austin. Bodyslam by Stone Cold. Spinebuster by Steve Austin. Covers for a quick two count. Stone Cold tags out to Christian. Stone Cold \ Christian whip Kane into the corner. Steve Austin whips Christian in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. There's a two count on the pin. Tor-NADO DDT from Christian, Undertaker got planted! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Christian misses a clothesline. Christian takes a right hand to the temple from Undertaker. Tag to Matt Hardy. Christian takes a NICE hurrancarana from Matt Hardy. Christian reverses a waistlock. Tag between Christian and Steve Austin. Christian \ Stone Cold whip Matt into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Massive lariat! Stan Hansen would approve. Matt Hardy can barely stand. Stone Cold Stunner!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: Slightly above average match. Only gets a **3\4 rating from me. Overall:72 Crowd Reaction:81 Match Quality:80 Overall:74

WWF Heat 4/22/01: Trish is your special guest host for Heat. 88 K-Kwik vs Haku. Match Background: None. The Match: K-Kwik crushes Haku with a huge legdrop. Tiger suplex on Haku. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. Haku walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one though? Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Haku takes a flying neckbreaker from K-Kwik. There's a two count on the pin. Haku reverses a hip toss. Running clothesline from Haku was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Big clothesline from Haku. K-Kwik counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Spinebuster by K-Kwik. K-Kwik has Haku down on the canvas and is ascending the corner. Moonsault!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. My Opinion: I'll give a 3/4 star rating, but only if you promise to improve as a booker. Overall:62 Crowd Reaction:63 Match Quality:62 Replay of Big Show chokeslamming Shane on Smackdown. 79 X-Factor vs Holly Cousins. Match Background: Crash Holly is the reigning WWF Lightweight champion, and has been since 18 March 2001. The Match: Wack kick from Credible. Weak bodyslam on Crash by Credible sets up a legdrop. Covers for a quick two count. Crash Holly elbows Justin Credible in the face to break a hammerlock. Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Crash Holly ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Full nelson slam on Credible. Crash tags out to Hardcore Holly. Credible gets splashed in the corner. Credible powers out of a headlock. Tag to X-Pac. X-Factor whip Hardcore into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Covers for a quick two count. X-Pac crushes Hardcore with a huge legdrop. X-Pac tags out to Justin Credible. Credible DDTs Hardcore Holly. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Hardcore counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Hardcore tags out to Crash Holly. Crash slams Justin Credible down and motions to the crowd. Spike Dudley comes running down the aisle with a chair! Crash and Justin Credible continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Spike Dudley slides in and blasts Justin Credible with a chair to the head! Spike climbs out of the ring, the damage done! Crash Holly moves in for the kill. Crash Bulldog! 1....2....3. My Opinion: I'll give it a *3/4 rating. If you think of it like currency, it's a 1.75. You can't even take the subway with that anymore here. Work harder man. Overall:71 Crowd Reaction:70 Match Quality:73 Raven vs Perry Saturn. Match Background: None. The Match: Big piledriver on Raven. Death valley driver by Perry Saturn! No one executes that move properly anymore. Perry Saturn scores with a big spinebuster. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Saturn slams Raven down and motions to the crowd. Hooks the leg for a two count. Perry Saturn gets taken down out of nowhere! Flying shoulder tackle by Raven sends Saturn CRASHING to the mat. Full nelson slam on Saturn. Saturn blocks a kick from Raven. Raven walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Eddie Guerrero comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Raven turns around. Eddie Guerrero slams Raven down. Eddie Guerrero climbs to the top rope and hits the Frog Splash! Eddie leaves the ring, the damage done! ONE...TWO...THREE. Saturn defeats Raven. My Opinion: Usually, this is designated for good matches that were usually way too short for some reason. What's your excuse? *3/4 Overall:66 Crowd Reaction:58 Match Quality:75 Trish Stratus segment. 85 At the PPV it will be the Brothers of Destruction vs the Two Man Powertrip. ALL the belts will be on the line. 90 Overall:73

WWF Smackdown 4/19/01: William Regal makes Rhyno vs Kane RIGHT NOW for the Hardcore Title. 67 Kane vs Rhyno. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the WWF Hardcore title. Kane has been WWF Hardcore champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Rhyno hits a right hand. BIG clothesline on Kane. There's a two count on the pin. Kane counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Fallaway slam by Kane puts down Rhyno. Kane hits some punches. How generic. Frying pan shot by Kane. Kane misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Rhyno hits a piledriver on Kane. That used to end matches, you know. Triple H comes running down the aisle and onto the apron! Kane turns...and is dropped throat-first onto the top rope by HHH! Triple H has left Kane in big trouble. Kane can barely stand. GORE!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: Almost got a **** match, but was lacking in certain areas, so i'm knocking off a quarter of a star. Yes, there is such a thing as a quarter star. ***3/4. Overall:86 Crowd Reaction:84 Match Quality:89 Team Bradshaw vs Right To Censor. Match Background: Team Bradshaw consists of Bradshaw, Faarooq, Funaki, and TAKA Michinoku. Right To Censor consists of Bull Buchanan, Steven Richards, Val Venis, and Goodfather. The Match: Bradshaw takes a headbutt from Steven Richards. Bodyslam by Steven. Tag between Steven Richards and Goodfather. Goodfather hits a right hand on Bradshaw and follows it up with a couple more. Tag to Funaki. Goodfather hits a right hand on Funaki and follows it up with a couple more. Tag to Val Venis. Godfather \ Val whip Funaki into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Spear by Val Venis. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Bull Buchanan. Big kick from Buchanan staggers Funaki but that's about it. Big clothesline from Buchanan. Buchanan tags out to Steven Richards. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Steven Richards just KILLS Funaki! Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Funaki avoids a Steven Richards avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Tag to TAKA Michinoku. Second rope flying axe handle, Steven goes down. One day, TAKA might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Superkick by TAKA Michinoku practically knocks out all of Steven Richards's teeth! Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Faarooq. TAKA \ Faarooq whip Steven into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. There's a two count on the pin. Side suplex from Faarooq. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Godfather kicks Faarooq in the gut to reverse the momentum. Goodfather hits a right hand on Faarooq. Tag between Goodfather and Bull Buchanan. Powerslam from Bull Buchanan on Faarooq. Faarooq ducks a wild right hand. Faarooq tags out to TAKA Michinoku. Faarooq \ TAKA whip Buchanan into the corner. Faarooq whips TAKA Michinoku in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Slingshot senton by TAKA, crushing the chest cavity of Buchanan. Bull Buchanan is in trouble. Michinoku Driver! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Usually, this is designated for good matches that were usually way too short for some reason. What's your excuse? *3/4 Overall:70 Crowd Reaction:66 Match Quality:74 Grand Masta Sexay admires his reflection in the European Title Belt and Eddie gets all mad and stuff and challenges Sexay to a match tonight. 83 After a little convicing by Kane, William Regal makes E and C vs the Brothers of Destruction tonight No DQ for the Tag Team Titles. If they win, they get the Two Man Power Trip at the PPV. 78 Eddie Guerrero vs Grand Masta Sexay. Match Background: This match is for the WWF European title. Eddie Guerrero has been WWF European champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Eddie crushes Sexay with a sweet running senton. Springboard dropkick from Eddie Guerrero. Nicely done. DDT from the top rope by Eddie Guerrero. That looked KILLER! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Sexay takes a flying neckbreaker from Eddie Guerrero. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sexay blocks a punch. Flying elbow from Grand Masta Sexay connects. Lightning kick by Sexay on Eddie. Eddie Guerrero once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Springboard reverse elbow by Eddie Guerrero. Excellent move. Looks like Muta has giving out lessons. Eddie Guerrero floors Sexay near the ropes and makes the pin. Eddie is using the ropes for leverage! The referee hasn't seen it: 1....2....3!! My Opinion: Ohh, looky. A **3/4 match! Overall:79 Crowd Reaction:78 Match Quality:80 Big Show looks ready to defect to WCW but he swerves and Choke Slams Shane. Vince then says it will be Big Show vs Shane McMahon in a Last Man Standing Match at Backlash. 84 Dudley Boyz vs Canadian Violence. Match Background: This will be a tables bout. Dudley Boyz are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. The Match: Death valley driver by D-Von Dudley! No one executes that move properly anymore. Dudley Boyz hook up Jericho, then hit a double suplex. BAAACK Body drop by Benoit gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Benoit powers out of a headlock. Jericho uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Chris Jericho misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by D-Von Dudley connects and Chris Benoit is down! Kurt Angle comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Chris Benoit turns around. Kurt Angle drops Benoit to the canvas. Kurt Angle quickly locks on the Ankle Lock! Angle leaves the ring, the damage done! D-Von Dudley floors Chris Benoit...and climbs the turnbuckles. Dudleyville Drop!!! D-Von climbs onto the table with Chris Benoit and uses a powerslam to break the table for the win! My Opinion: As close to a ***** match as possible...but unfortunately, it was missing something, so I can only give it ****3/4. Overall:93 Crowd Reaction:86 Match Quality:100 Chyna vs Molly Holly. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Womens title. Chyna has been WWF Womens champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Molly receives some punishment by Chyna but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Wack kick from Chyna. Uninspired brawling from Chyna. There's a two count on the pin. Molly gets splashed in the corner. Covers for a quick two count. Molly kicks Chyna in the gut to reverse the momentum. Molly hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Hooks the leg for a two count. Molly crushes Chyna with a running senton. Molly charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Sloppy discus punch from Chyna barely connects on Molly. Chyna moves in for the kill. Pedigree!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: One SOLE bright spot in this match keeps it from going into DUD territory. 1/4*. Overall:50 Crowd Reaction:41 Match Quality:60 Edge and Christian vs Brothers Of Destruction. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. Edge and Christian are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. Brothers Of Destruction are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. This match is for the WWF Tag Team titles. Edge and Christian have been WWF Tag Team champions since 31 March 2001. The Match: Second rope flying axe handle, Kane goes down. One day, Christian might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Springboard dropkick from Edge. Nicely done. Edge and Christian whip Kane into the corner. Edge whips Christian in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Springboard kick drives a table into Undertaker. Kane fights out of a grapple. Christian gets splashed in the corner. Undertaker hits a double axehandle off the table onto Christian. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Kane just KILLS Edge! Undertaker strikes away at Christian, not doing much damage at all. Two Man Powertrip come running down the aisle with chairs! Christian goes to irish whip Undertaker into the ropes. HHH jumps onto the apron with the chair...but Undertaker reverses! Collision between HHH, Christian, and the chair! Christian falls to the canvas. Christian can barely stand. Last Ride! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Solid bout, but they could do a lot better. *** Overall:83 Crowd Reaction:84 Match Quality:81 Overall:74

WWF Raw 4/16/01: Holly Cousins vs Edge and Christian. Match Background: Edge and Christian are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. This match is for the WWF Tag Team titles. Crash Holly is the reigning WWF Lightweight champion, and has been since 18 March 2001. Edge and Christian have been WWF Tag Team champions since 31 March 2001. The Match: Edge takes a headbutt from Crash Holly. Flying shoulder tackle by Crash sends Edge CRASHING to the mat. There's a two count on the pin. Edge blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Edge drives a thrust kick into the chest of Crash. Edge hits a piledriver on Crash Holly. That used to end matches, you know. Edge tags out to Christian. DDT from the top rope by Christian. That looked KILLER. Crash ducks a wild right hand. Tag between Crash Holly and Hardcore Holly. Christian takes a right hand to the temple from Hardcore. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Hardcore Holly with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Christian. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Hooks the leg for a two count. Big clothesline from Hardcore. Tag between Hardcore Holly and Crash Holly. Brutal sit out powerbomb on Christian! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Christian pushes out of a Crash Holly hold. Implant DDT by Christian! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Christian tags out to Edge. Fallaway slam by Edge puts down Crash Holly. Crash Holly slams Edge, who rolls onto his stomach. What is Edge doing? Crash Holly picks him up and signals for a powerbomb. He raises Edge up...but then falls backward, getting crushed by his opponent in the process! Edge is on top! 1....2....3! Looking at the replay, it appears that Edge had taken a chain out of his tights and wrapped it around his fist! Crash Holly must have been punched with that chain while in mid-powerbomb! What a cheap shot! My Opinion: *1\2 rating is all it gets from me. Overall:71 Crowd Reaction:72 Match Quality:69 Jeff Hardy says that he beat Triple H once and he can beat him again. Tonight. 68 Bubba Ray Dudley vs Justin Credible. Match Background: None. The Match: Massive backbreaker on Credible and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Spear! Credible is down! Massive lariat! Stan Hansen would approve. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! BAAACK Body drop by Credible gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Covers for a quick two count. Justin Credible once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Bubba takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Justin Credible hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Bubba Ray Dudley comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Big piledriver on Credible. D-Von Dudley comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Justin Credible turns around. D-Von Dudley slams Credible down. D-Von Dudley climbs to the top rope and hits the Dudleyville Drop! D-Von leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three for Bubba Ray Dudley, Credible got pinned. My Opinion: Usually, this is designated for good matches that were usually way too short for some reason. What's your excuse? *3/4 Overall:75 Crowd Reaction:79 Crowd Reaction:69 Big Show can't believe he has to face Kaientai(sadly that match didn't make the final cut for all you Big Show fans out there. All two of you). This is the interview with the infamous goof/ks comment. 76 Steven Richards says he will bring RTC back to it's past glory by beating Kane tonight and winning the Hardcore Title. 69 Austin talks but Matt Hardy lays him out backstage. 85 Kane vs Steven Richards. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the WWF Hardcore title. Kane has been WWF Hardcore champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Steven gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. BAAACK Body drop by Steven gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. There's a two count on the pin. Kane gets taken down out of nowhere! Kane charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Steven Richards ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Steven Richards uses a big bag of popcorn to floor Kane. I wonder if butter adds impact. Kane elbows Steven Richards in the face to break a hammerlock. Big piledriver on Steven. Kane moves in for the kill. Choke Slam!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: **1/4 rating for this one. Scott Keith may say that it's 'Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling', but not for me, buddy. Got to work harder to impress me. Overall:74 Crowd Reaction:73 Match Quality:76 Chris Jericho vs Kurt Angle. Match Background: None. The Match: Big forearm by Chris Jericho makes me want to go to the mirror and check MY teeth. Angle reverses a waistlock. Big forearm by Kurt Angle makes me want to go to the mirror and check MY teeth. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Kurt Angle nearly kills Jericho with a released tiger suplex. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Jericho counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Jericho hits a dropkick on Kurt Angle and gets right back up. Lightning kick by Jericho on Angle. Covers for a quick two count. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Chris Jericho connects and Kurt Angle is down! Pin, but Angle is out just before the three count. Kurt Angle once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. T-Bone suplex by Angle, Jericho got folded in half to the point that he was almost able to fellate himself. Mighty impressive, don't you think? Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Chris Jericho comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Chris Jericho has Kurt Angle down on the canvas. Here it comes...Walls Of Jericho! Kurt Angle is almost unconscious with pain! William Regal quickly comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Chris Jericho turns around. William Regal spins Jericho around. William Regal hits the Union Jack! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Regal! Angle and Regal are putting the boots to Chris Jericho! Chris Benoit comes running down the aisle with a chair! He slides in, sending Angle \ Regal running for cover. Chris Benoit saved Jericho from a major beating. My Opinion: A ****3/4 rating for a great match. Close, but not 5 stars. (DAMN YOU CYBER DAMES) Overall:93 Crowd Reaction:87 Match Quality:100 Chris Benoit vs William Regal. Match Background: None. The Match: Standing leg lariat by Chris Benoit on Regal. Standing leg lariat by Chris Benoit on Regal. Spin kick by Chris Benoit to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Benoit hits a dropkick on William Regal and gets right back up. Regal counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Chris Benoit takes a butterfly suplex from Regal. Massive back suplex! Chris Benoit got snapped in half, but not literally because that would just end the match now wouldn't it. Covers for a quick two count. Regal goes for a splash but Benoit puts the knees up. Lightning kick by Benoit on Regal. Covers for a quick two count. Regal walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one of those though? Pin, but Regal is out just before the three count. Regal reverses a waistlock. Big forearm by William Regal makes me want to go to the mirror and check MY teeth. Benoit blocks a kick from William Regal. Regal takes a flying neckbreaker from Chris Benoit. William Regal gets knocked to the ground by Benoit. Crippler Crossface!!! William Regal taps out! My Opinion: I'll give it a **1\2 rating, but that's because I didn't mark out once...but nothing was too bad. Overall:75 Crowd Reaction:71 Crowd Reaction:79 Billy Gunn, Raven, and Test vs The Radicalz. Match Background: Eddie Guerrero is the reigning WWF European champion, and has been since 31 March 2001. The Match: STIFF high kick on Raven by Eddie Guerrero. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Eddie tags out to Dean Malenko. Spin kick by Dean Malenko to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Raven takes a NICE hurrancarana from Dean Malenko. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Perry Saturn. Saturn and Malenko whip Raven into the corner. Dean Malenko whips Perry Saturn in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. BAAACK Body drop by Raven gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Raven flips out of a Perry Saturn bodyslam attempt. Fallaway slam by Raven puts down Perry Saturn. Raven tags out to Billy Gunn. Running clothesline from Billy Gunn was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Billy DDTs Perry Saturn. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Billy Gunn hits a right hand on Perry Saturn. Tag to Test. Perry Saturn takes a right hand to the temple from Test. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Saturn takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Test charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Tag between Perry Saturn and Eddie Guerrero. Hard back suplex on Test. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Test tags out to Raven. Eddie takes a headbutt from Raven. Full nelson slam on Eddie. Eddie Guerrero can barely stand. Complete Shot! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Oh, look out...almost ***, but not quite. **3/4. Overall:77 Crowd Reaction:74 Match Quality:80 Jeff Hardy vs Triple H. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Intercontinental title. Jeff Hardy has been WWF Intercontinental champion since 12 April 2001. The Match: HHH hits a piledriver on Jeff Hardy. That used to end matches, you know. Triple H scores with a big spinebuster. Spear! Jeff is down! Pin, but Jeff is out just before the three count. HHH slams Jeff Hardy down and motions to the crowd. Covers for a quick two count. Jeff Hardy pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Hard back suplex on HHH. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Flying reverse elbow by Jeff Hardy. Jeff goes for a splash but HHH puts the knees up. Nice piledriver on Jeff. Jeff Hardy is in trouble. Here it comes - Pedigree. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: Smack dab in the middle of the star spectrum for an average match. **1\2. Overall:75 Crowd Reaction:72 Match Quality:79 Overall:76

WWF Heat 4/15/01: Albert is your host this week on Heat. 60 Billy Gunn vs Perry Saturn. Match Background: None. The Match: Perry Saturn hits a bulldog off the ropes. Brutal sit out powerbomb on Billy! Death valley driver by Perry Saturn! No one executes that move properly anymore. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Fallaway slam by Perry Saturn puts down Billy Gunn. There's a two count on the pin. Billy reverses a Perry Saturn hammerlock. Billy slams Perry Saturn down. Saturn is sure in trouble now. Billy Gunn hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Saturn counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Perry Saturn hits a bulldog off the ropes. Billy Gunn is in trouble. Death Valley Driver! 1....2....3. My Opinion: I'll give it a *3/4 rating. If you think of it like currency, it's a 1.75. You can't even take the subway with that anymore here. Work harder man. Overall:71 Crowd Reaction:70 Match Quality:73 D-Von Dudley vs X-Pac. Match Background: None. The Match: D-Von scoops and slams X-Pac. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? X-Pac charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Covers for a quick two count. X-Pac blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Second rope flying axe handle, D-Von goes down. One day, X-Pac might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. X-Pac hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Spin kick by X-Pac to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. X-Pac misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. D-Von hits a piledriver on X-Pac. That used to end matches, you know. Bubba Ray Dudley comes running down the aisle with a chair! D-Von goes to irish whip X-Pac into the ropes. Bubba hits X-Pac with a chair to the back! D-Von Dudley has X-Pac down on the canvas and is ascending the corner. Dudleyville Drop!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. My Opinion: These guys worked SO HARD...for a ** rating. Something went wrong somewhere, didn't it? Overall:74 Crowd Reaction:76 Match Quality:72 Albert bitches about D-Von Dudley beating his stable mate. 60 Pointless Albert segment. 50 Crash Holly vs Grand Masta Sexay. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Lightweight title. Crash Holly has been WWF Lightweight champion since 18 March 2001. The Match: Crash Holly uses a running dropkick into the corner. That was just...ugh. Massive lariat! Stan Hansen would approve. High Angle DDT by Crash Holly just SPIKES Grand Masta Sexay down! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! BIG clothesline on Sexay. Covers for a quick two count. Sexay blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Hard back suplex on Crash. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Spinning bulldog in the corner and Crash is down! Crash Holly comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Big piledriver on Sexay. Grand Masta Sexay is in trouble. Tornado DDT! 1....2....3. My Opinion: **1/4 rating for this one. Scott Keith may say that it's 'Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling', but not for me, buddy. Got to work harder to impress me. Overall:69 Crowd Reaction:59 Match Quality:80 Triple H says on Raw, Jeff Hardy is a dead man. 82 Overall:63

Tussels with Tassels for 1/17/04. Mr. Warrior is out wearing a very spiffy three piece suit. He mentions that he will face Lex Luger at the PPV. If Lex Luger manages to beat Mr. Warrior, he will get a World Title Shot. XPW and DDW, his choice. Also Mr. Warrior says that Vic Grimes of XPW will get the DDW World Title shot against Vader. Mr. Warrior says that Vader will be on his shit list if he loses. And some other matches that will be stuck together with chewing gum. 48 Ahmed Johnson vs Stan Lane. Match Background: None. The Match: Ahmed Johnson connects with some weak punches on Stan Lane. BORING ass brawling from Ahmed. Uninspiring brawling from Ahmed Johnson. Check them brawlin' stats, boy. Covers for a quick two count. Punch by Ahmed, missing Sweet Stan COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatSweet Stan didn't sell it. There's a two count on the pin. Ahmed drops an elbow...but Stan Lane moves out of the way. Ahmed hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! There's a two count on the pin. Weak bodyslam by Sweet Stan. Ahmed counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Ahmed Johnson scores with a shitty standing spinebuster. Stan Lane can barely stand. Pearl River Plunge!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -* Overall:44 Crowd Reaction:47 Match Quality:39 Ahmed rules all. His negative star streak continues. He beat both Midnight Express members who might as well be the Jobbing Express. Supreme vs Ricky Morton. Match Background: This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004. The Match: Supreme hits Morton. Morton gets splashed in the corner. There's a two count on the pin. Morton pushes out of a Supreme hold. Ricky Morton arm drags Supreme over and locks on an armbar. Supreme hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Flying elbow from Ricky Morton, grazing the target slightly. Morton walks into a drop toe hold. Powerslam from Supreme on Morton. Supreme floors Ricky Morton...and climbs the turnbuckles. Through the air, Mecca Toad Splash! 1....2....3. My Opinion: I'll give a 3/4 star rating, but only if you promise to improve as a booker. Overall:58 Crowd Reaction:53 Match Quality:64 This match actually has a reason. Supreme cost Morton a match against the Hardcore Homo Angel last week for the Deathmatch TItle. Yes a pretty weak one but that is one more reason then most of the other matches. This invasion is being led by Supreme, the Hardcore Homo, Lizzy Bordenand Joey Abs of the Mean Street Posse. Make of that as you will. Lex Luger says he will beat Warrior at the PPV. He also says that he will get revenge on Scott Snot lying him out two weeks ago. This is getting weird. We are rembering things that have been happening on past shows. 66 Mr. Warrior has called Ahmed Johnson into his office. He wants Ahmed to do him a favor. He wants him to beat up that Flamming Faggot, Angel at the PPV and win the King of the Death Match title. Ahmed says that Angel "ICA$^@^#FFAHA" at the PPV. Well that was nice. 54 Blue Meanie vs Rick Steiner. Match Background: Meanie is making his debut at this show. He is a regular with JAPW. This match is for the XPW Television title. Rick Steiner has been XPW Television champion since 14 January 2004. The Match: BORING ass brawling from Steiner. Rick Steiner punches away at Blue Meanie. There's a two count on the pin. Blue Meanie powers out of a Rick Steiner headlock. Meanie slams Rick Steiner down. Steiner is sure in trouble now. Steiner receives some punishment by Blue Meanie but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Steiner takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Rick Steiner fights out of a grapple. BIG clothesline from Steiner. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Rick Steiner climbs to the top turnbuckle as Blue Meanie is stunned. Steiner Bulldog! 1....2....3. Supreme comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Supreme slams Steiner down. Supreme climbs to the top rope and hits the Mecca Toad Splash! Rick Steiner has been left down on the canvas. My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities. Overall:55 Crowd Reaction:56 Match Quality:53 Supreme. Steiner. Belt for Belt. 10 Minute Time Limit Title vs XPW Television Title. Tune in for 5 MPH only at Pay Per View Tommorow night. Overall:55 Crowd Reaction:56 Match Quality:53 Marty Jannetty vs Rodney Mack and Ron Simmons. Match Background: This will be a 2 on 1 handicap bout. The Match: Jannetty hits a quick kick on Simmons. Face crusher from Jannetty on Mack sets up for an elbowdrop. Marty Jannetty hits a shitty missile dropkick on Mack. There's a two count on the pin. Jannetty hits a dropkick on Ron Simmons. Actually, it barely touched! Ron Simmons pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Simmons \ Mack whip Jannetty into the corner. Ron Simmons whips Rodney Mack in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Flying shoulder tackle by Mack sends Jannetty CRASHING to the mat. Ron Simmons hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Mack \ Simmons whip Jannetty into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Hooks the leg for a two count. Simmons DDTs Marty Jannetty. Pin, but Jannetty is out just before the three count. A kick from Jannetty is delivered to the leg. Fallaway slam by Rodney Mack puts down Marty Jannetty. Mack \ Simmons whip Jannetty into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Covers for a quick two count. Ron Simmons strikes Marty Jannetty. Ron Simmons gets taken down out of nowhere! Marty Jannetty once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Jannetty face jams Rodney Mack. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Nice piledriver on Jannetty. Simmons \ Mack whip Jannetty into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Theodore Long is at ringside! Jannetty wastes valuable time by yelling at Teddy! Rodney Mack takes advantage of the distraction and nails Jannetty from behind! Marty Jannetty gets knocked to the ground by Mack. Blackout!!! Marty Jannetty taps out! My Opinion: If it weren't for two great moments in this match, it would have gotten a DUD. Either way, all its getting from me is a 1\2*. Overall:59 Crowd Reaction:60 Match Quality:59 The Marty Jannetty vs the guys that are a different skin colour and Rodney Mack war is far from over. Will it continue at the PPV? Tune into the end of this post for those and more burning answers. Hacksaw Bradshaw is out. He wants a shot at those XPW jabronis who back jumped him last week. Not that he isn't used to taking it from behind. Out comes Lizzy Borden with the Hardcore Homo Angel and a referee. The referee is just rebuttoning his pants, make of that as you will. Lizzy says that Bradshaw can have Angel IF he puts the United States Title on the line. Bradshaw says he has no problem. He then says HO!!! tough guy. Oh wait, that's just Lizzy Borden. 53 Hardcore Homo Angel vs Hacksaw Bradshaw. Match Background: This match is for the United States title. Hardcore Homo Angel is the reigning XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion, and has been since 07 January 2004. Hacksaw Bradshaw has been United States champion since 03 December 2003. The Match: Hacksaw Bradshaw punches away at Hardcore Homo Angel only to get the tides turned quickly. Hacksaw Bradshaw connects with some weak punches on Hardcore Homo Angel. Weak slam from Bradshaw sets Angel for something, but if it was as weak as that slam, then Angel has no worries. Boring brawling from Hacksaw Bradshaw is the cure for insomnia. Angel reverses a Hacksaw Bradshaw hammerlock. Bradshaw tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Hardcore Homo Angel DDTs Bradshaw, but it just looked terrible. Covers for a quick two count. Hacksaw Bradshaw powers out of a Hardcore Homo Angel headlock. Hacksaw Bradshaw DDTs Angel in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Hardcore Homo Angel's head didn't touch the mat at all. Covers for a quick two count. Sloppy discus punch from Hacksaw Bradshaw barely connects on Angel. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Angel blocks a kick from Hacksaw Bradshaw. Hardcore Homo Angel hits Bradshaw. Bradshaw pushes out of a Hardcore Homo Angel hold. Hacksaw Bradshaw hits a weak elbow on Hardcore Homo Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel is in trouble. Clothesline From Hell!!! That shook the ring. Alex Wright quickly comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Hacksaw Bradshaw turns around. Alex Wright stuns Bradshaw. Alex Wright quickly goes up to the top rope, and leaps off, hitting the Flying Press! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Wright! Alex Wright obviously hasn't finished his attack yet! Hacksaw Bradshaw stands up. Alex Wright stuns Bradshaw. Alex Wright quickly goes up to the top rope, and leaps off, hitting the Flying Press! Alex Wright eventually leaves, having caused enough damage. My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities. Overall:50 Crowd Reaction:49 Crowd Reaction:52 Oh my god. Alex Wright just beat down Bradshaw with a couple of crossbodies.(I think that's what they are referring to when they say flying press.) The Horror. Bradshaw may have to retire because of it. The World is ending. It's going all black. Oh wait I just closed by eyes for a moment trying to think what smarkass comment to say next. THIS is your god damn main event: Scott Snot vs Lex Luger. Match Background: None. The Match: BORING ass brawling from Snot. Luger pushes out of a Scott Snot hold. BIG clothesline from Luger. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Lex Luger knocks Snot down to the canvas with a clothesline. Scott Snot gets knocked to the ground by Luger. Here it comes...Torture Rack! Scott Snot taps! Mr. Warrior has grabbed a chair. Snot walks over...and gets floored with a hard shot. Luger also takes a hard shot. Warrior has laid everybody out! My Opinion: -***. Giving out negative stars makes me feel bad inside. Well, not really, but it should! Overall:36 Crowd Reaction:43 Match Quality:23 These guys match me SO proud. -*** stars. You can have your five star rating goals. My goal is to get -***** from the Dames. Maybe Mr. Warrior and Lex Luger can achieve that great rating. PPV. Warrior. Luger. Match. Main Event. See you at 5 MPH. Overall:50 and Bradshaw is holding down Hardcore Homo Angle. Not what you would think. Anyway. 5 MPH. Main Event between Muscleheads: Lex Luger vs Mr. Warrior DDW World Title Match Interpromitional Warfare: Vader© vs Vic Grimes THE POSSE EXPLODES for the XPW World Title: Joey Abs vs Pete Gas Title for Title. XPW Television vs 10 Minute Time Limit Title: Rick Steiner(XPW TV) vs Supreme(10 Minute Time Limit) XPW King of the Death Match Title: Ahmed Johnson vs the Hardcore Homo Angel© DDW United States Title Submission Match: Hacksaw Bradshaw© vs Alex Wright DDW Tag Team Titles: Two Bad Mothertruckers© vs Youthanazia Intergation Match of Doom: Inspector Scott Steiner vs Giant Gonzales. Rockin' Cage Match:(AKA we want people to actually ORDER this damn show) Theodore Long vs Marty Jannetty Predictions are, as always with my diaries, welcomed.

WWF Smackdown 4/12/01. The 2 Man Powertrip gloat about beating up the Hardy Boys on Raw. Out comes Jeff Hardy and he chairshots both men. He hits a neckbreaker on Stephanie as well. Jeff Hardy runs out before anything bad can happen to him. 70 Albert vs Spike Dudley. Match Background: None. The Match: Uninspired brawling from Albert. Albert strikes Spike Dudley with a hard blow. Hooks the leg for a two count. Spike blocks a punch. Spike Dudley strikes Albert with a hard blow. A weak headbutt on Albert by Spike causes nothing but pain for both. Spike slams Albert down. Albert is sure in trouble now. Albert kicks Spike Dudley in the gut to reverse the momentum. Albert hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Spike Dudley is in trouble. Here it comes - Baldo Bomb. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this. Overall:53 Crowd Reaction:56 Match Quality:48 William Regal makes Jeff Hardy and Triple H official tonight for the Interconinental Title. 73 Crash says he doesn't sweat Rhyno and gets gored through a door. Gored through a door by gawd. 75 Ivory vs Chyna. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Womens title. Chyna has been WWF Womens champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Chyna DDTs Ivory, but it just looked terrible. Side suplex from Chyna. Flapjack from Chyna on Ivory. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Weak bodyslam on Ivory by Chyna sets up a legdrop. Covers for a quick two count. Ivory backdrops Chyna out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Ivory. Ivory strikes Chyna. BIG clothesline from Ivory. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Chyna reverses a waistlock. Chyna hits a piledriver on Ivory. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Ivory is in trouble. Rear Naked Drop!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: 1/4*. Be happy it's not a DUD. Overall:62 Crowd Reaction:66 Match Quality:56 Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit talk about how they are getting screwed over and agree to united on a common front. 77 Canadian Violence vs Team ECK. Match Background: This will be a 3 on 2 handicap bout. Benoit and Jericho are teaming up as Canadian Violence for the first time tonight. Edge and Christian are the reigning WWF Tag Team champions, and have been since 31 March 2001. The Match: THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Christian uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Benoit reverses a waistlock. Slingshot senton by Benoit, crushing the chest cavity of Christian. Christian tags out to Kurt Angle. Chris Benoit strikes Angle. SUPER frankensteiner on Angle, who hit hard. Hooks the leg for a two count. Kurt Angle elbows Chris Benoit in the face to break a hammerlock. Tag to Edge. Edge \ Angle whip Benoit into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Edge hits a right hand. Edge with a spinning neckbreaker on Benoit. Hooks the leg for a two count. Edge hits a piledriver on Chris Benoit. That used to end matches, you know. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Edge just KILLS Chris Benoit! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Tag to Kurt Angle. Angle \ Edge whip Benoit into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Covers for a quick two count. Benoit gets caught with a belly to belly suplex from Angle! Benoit counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Flying cross body off the top rope! Tag between Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho. Canadian Violence whip Angle into the corner. Chris Jericho whips Chris Benoit in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Nice piledriver on Angle. Covers for a quick two count. Tag to Christian. Jericho slams Christian. SUPER frankensteiner on Christian, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Christian comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Tag to Edge. Edge and Christian whip Jericho into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Fallaway slam by Edge puts down Chris Jericho. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Kurt Angle. Jericho walks into a killer lariat, as opposed to a friendly lariat. Jericho gets hit with a running Splash Mountain out of the corner! Chris Jericho pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. DDT from the top rope by Chris Jericho. That looked KILLER. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Angle counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Doctor Bomb and Jericho is hurt. Kurt Angle floors Chris Jericho. Chris Jericho gets locked in the Ankle Lock! Submission victory! My Opinion: Almost got a **** match, but was lacking in certain areas, so i'm knocking off a quarter of a star. Yes, there is such a thing as a quarter star. ***3/4. Overall:86 Crowd Reaction:82 Match Quality:90 Hardcore Holly vs Rhyno. Match Background: None. The Match: Hardcore is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Fallaway slam by Rhyno puts down Hardcore Holly. Hooks the leg for a two count. Hardcore Holly elbows Rhyno in the face to break a hammerlock. Rhyno gets splashed in the corner. Hardcore Holly hits a right hand on Rhyno and follows it up with a couple more. Rhyno gets splashed in the corner. Rhyno backdrops Hardcore Holly out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Rhyno. Full nelson slam on Hardcore. Rhyno bounces off the ropes in preparation for a big move......only for Molly Holly at ringside to trip him up! The referee immediately calls for the disqualification! Hardcore Holly and Molly Holly try to beat down Rhyno, but end up getting run out of the ring by a furious Rhyno. They leave quickly before they end up taking any more punishment. My Opinion: I'll give a 1\2* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots. Overall:52 Crowd Reaction:40 Match QUality:65 Brothers Of Destruction vs Big Show, Funaki, and TAKA Michinoku. Match Background: This will be a 3 on 2 handicap bout. Brothers Of Destruction are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. Kane is the reigning WWF Hardcore champion, and has been since 31 March 2001. The Match: Spin kick by TAKA Michinoku to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Second rope flying axe handle, Undertaker goes down. One day, TAKA might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Undertaker pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Undertaker scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Tag between TAKA Michinoku and Funaki. Funaki hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Powerslam from Undertaker on Funaki. Hooks the leg for a two count. Undertaker misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Tag to Big Show. Show \ Funaki whip Undertaker into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Undertaker receives some punishment by Big Show but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Undertaker gets splashed in the corner. Covers for a quick two count. Show hits a piledriver on Undertaker. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Big Show scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Show tags out to Funaki. Funaki \ Show whip Undertaker into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Covers for a quick two count. Standing leg lariat by Funaki on Undertaker. Undertaker blocks a kick from Funaki. Undertaker hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Tag to Kane. Brothers Of Destruction whip Funaki into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Kane hits a bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between Funaki and TAKA Michinoku. Kane scoops and slams TAKA Michinoku. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Spear by Kane. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! TAKA powers out of a headlock. TAKA tags out to Big Show. TAKA \ Show whip Kane into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Big kick from Show staggers Kane but that's about it. Covers for a quick two count. Tag between Big Show and Funaki. Funaki crushes Kane with a huge legdrop. Tor-NADO DDT from Funaki, Kane got planted! Kane flips out of a Funaki bodyslam attempt. Death valley driver by Kane! No one executes that move properly anymore. Kane moves in for the kill. Choke Slam!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! My Opinion: This match gets two stars from me. Nothing more, nothing less. ** Overall:74 Crowd Reaction:75 Match Quality:74 Val Venis vs Test. Match Background: None. The Match: Test hits a right hand on Val Venis and follows it up with a couple more. Val receives some punishment by Test but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Test strikes away at Val Venis, not doing much damage at all. Covers for a quick two count. Test hits a right hand on Val Venis. Hooks the leg for a two count. Val blocks a punch. Val Venis hits some punches. How generic. Hooks the leg for a two count. Spinebuster by Val Venis. Val Venis misses a clothesline. Test scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Val Venis is in trouble. Big Boot! 1....2....3. My Opinion: These guys worked SO HARD...for a ** rating. Something went wrong somewhere, didn't it? Overall:75 Crowd Reaction:76 Match Quality:74 Jeff Hardy vs Triple H. Match Background: This match is for the WWF Intercontinental title. Triple H has been WWF Intercontinental champion since 05 April 2001. The Match: Triple H connects with rights and lefts and Jeff Hardy is down! HHH hits a piledriver on Jeff Hardy. That used to end matches, you know. Covers for a quick two count. Jeff flips out of a Triple H bodyslam attempt. Spinning back kick from Jeff Hardy. Flying elbow from Jeff Hardy connects. Flying cross body off the top rope! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Lightning kick by Jeff on HHH. Jeff Hardy misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Full nelson slam on Jeff. Spear by Triple H. HHH walks into a drop toe hold. Matt Hardy comes running down the aisle with a chair! Jeff goes to irish whip Triple H into the ropes. Matt hits HHH with a chair to the back! Jeff Hardy floors Triple H...and climbs the turnbuckles. Swanton Bomb!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. Jeff Hardy slides out of the ring to the floor, then turns and leaves through the crowd. He's happy to have the win, and evidently isn't going to hang around for HHH to get some payback. My Opinion: These guys worked SO HARD...for a ** rating. Something went wrong somewhere, didn't it? Overall:72 Crowd Reaction:70 Match Quality:74 Overall:66 First Triple H polictical sighting:He says he had to carry Jeff Hardy. It only took three and a half months. That has to been some kind of record.

WWF Raw 4/9/01: Kurt Angle makes a challenge to Kane for a Hardcore Title Match. Kane comes out and accepts the challenge. 86 Kane vs Kurt Angle. Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the WWF Hardcore title. Kane has been WWF Hardcore champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Kane hits a piledriver on Kurt Angle. That used to end matches, you know. Angle gets thrown over the table. Powerbomb on Angle. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Kane slams Kurt Angle down and motions to the crowd. Covers for a quick two count. Angle ducks a wild right hand. Angle hits a dropkick on Kane and gets right back up. Angle crushes Kane with a running senton. Kane blocks a punch. Nice piledriver on Angle. Kane moves in for the kill. Tombstone! 1....2....3. My Opinion: Some blown spots really drag this match down a notch, so its ***1\2 for you. Overall:75 Crowd Reaction:84 Match Quality:85 Big Show wants the Undertaker TONIGHT. 70 Rhyno vs Crash Holly and Molly Holly. Match Background: This will be a 2 on 1 handicap bout. Crash Holly is the reigning WWF Lightweight champion, and has been since 18 March 2001. The Match: Rhyno hits some punches. How generic. Molly Holly charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Big piledriver on Molly. Covers for a quick two count. BAAACK Body drop by Crash gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Crash ducks a wild right hand. Crash \ Molly hook up Rhyno, then hit a double suplex. Second rope flying axe handle, Rhyno goes down. One day, Molly might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Crash Holly hits a bulldog off the ropes. Molly \ Crash whip Rhyno into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Covers for a quick two count. Death valley driver by Crash Holly! No one executes that move properly anymore. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Rhyno slams Crash Holly. Molly hits a dropkick on Rhyno and gets right back up. Molly \ Crash whip Rhyno into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Covers for a quick two count. Rhyno gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Rhyno flips out of a Crash Holly bodyslam attempt. Molly walks into a drop toe hold. Death valley driver by Rhyno! No one executes that move properly anymore. Crash Holly can barely stand. Here it comes - GORE. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: These guys worked SO HARD...for a ** rating. Something went wrong somewhere, didn't it? Overall:64 Crowd Reaction:68 Match Quality:76 X-Factor beat up Spike Dudley backstage. 54 Big Show vs Undertaker. Match Background: None. The Match: Undertaker hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Flapjack from Undertaker on Show. Undertaker turns Show inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Undertaker strikes Big Show with a hard blow. Hooks the leg for a two count. Big Show is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Undertaker takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Powerslam from Big Show on Undertaker. Undertaker counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Big clothesline from Undertaker. Undertaker moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Last Ride. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: 1/4*. Be happy it's not a DUD. Overall:62 Crowd Reaction:77 Match Quality:51 Bubba Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, and Spike Dudley vs X-Factor. Match Background: None. The Match: A weak headbutt on D-Von by Credible causes nothing but pain for both. D-Von Dudley takes a right hand to the temple from Credible. Tag between Justin Credible and Albert. D-Von takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Albert hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Albert tags out to X-Pac. X-Factor II hook up D-Von, then hit a double suplex. Flying elbow from X-Pac connects. D-Von ducks a wild right hand. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on X-Pac by D-Von. Remember when that was a legit finish? Tag between D-Von Dudley and Bubba Ray Dudley. Bubba slams X-Pac down and motions to the crowd. High Angle DDT by Bubba Ray Dudley just SPIKES X-Pac down! Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Fallaway slam by Bubba Ray Dudley puts down X-Pac. Bubba tags out to Spike Dudley. Uninspired brawling from Spike Dudley. Spike Dudley with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on X-Pac. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Spike drops an elbow...but X-Pac moves out of the way. X-Pac tags out to Justin Credible. Spike takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Spike tags out to D-Von Dudley. D-Von slams Justin Credible. Nice piledriver on Credible. D-Von Dudley floors Justin Credible...and climbs the turnbuckles. Off the top - Dudleyville Drop, forget about it. 1....2...3! My Opinion: Nothing special...nothing special at all. *1/4 Overall:61 Crowd Reaction:70 Match Quality:66 Chris Benoit vs Chris Jericho. Match Background: None. The Match: STIFF high kick on Jericho by Chris Benoit. Chris Benoit connects with a back heel kick on Jericho and gets back up quickly. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Jericho takes a flying neckbreaker from Chris Benoit. Chris Benoit gets taken down out of nowhere! Jericho uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Benoit takes a NICE hurrancarana from Chris Jericho. There's a two count on the pin. Benoit blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Benoit crushes Jericho with a sweet running senton. Hooks the leg for a two count. DDT from the top rope by Chris Benoit. That looked KILLER! Pin, but Jericho is out just before the three count. Jericho pushes out of a Chris Benoit hold. Spinning back kick from Chris Jericho. Chris Jericho misses a clothesline. Spin kick by Chris Benoit to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. William Regal just slid into the ring out of nowhere! Regal has a chair, and drops Benoit and Jericho with devastating blows, causing the referee to call for the bell. This match has been ruled a no contest! Benoit and Jericho beat away on William Regal, leaving him spread-eagled on the canvas. My Opinion: A ****1\2 rating for a great match. Keep on trucking...you'll get there. Overall:78 Crowd Reaction:74 Match Quality:100 Raven vs Val Venis. Match Background: None. The Match: Val slams Raven. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Raven by Val. Remember when that was a legit finish? Hooks the leg for a two count. Raven blocks a punch. BIG clothesline on Val. Val is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Running knee lift from Raven. Val Venis once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Val hits a piledriver on Raven. That used to end matches, you know. Bull Buchanan comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Raven turns around. Bull Buchanan slams Raven down. Bull Buchanan climbs to the top rope and hits the Top Rope Legdrop! Buchanan leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three for Val Venis, Raven got pinned. My Opinion: Nothing offensive, but nothing too special either. **1\2 rating. Overall:63 Crowd Reaction:58 Match Quality:83 Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, and Lita vs Triple H, Steve Austin, and Stephanie McMahon. Match Background: Steve Austin is the reigning WWF World champion, and has been since 31 March 2001. Triple H is the reigning WWF Intercontinental champion, and has been since 05 April 2001. The Match: Uninspiring brawling from Stephanie McMahon. Check them brawlin' stats, boy. Punch by Steph, missing Lita COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatLita didn't sell it. Tag to Steve Austin. Steve Austin with a spinning neckbreaker on Lita. Big piledriver on Lita. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Triple H. Two Man Powertrip whip Lita into the corner. Steve Austin whips Triple H in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Fallaway slam by Triple H puts down Lita. Lita fights out of a grapple. Triple H gets hip tossed by Lita, allowing Lita to take a moment and play to the crowd. Tag to Matt Hardy. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Tiger suplex on HHH. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Implant DDT by Matt Hardy! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Tag between Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy. Jeff Hardy connects with a back heel kick on HHH and gets back up quickly. Jeff hits a dropkick on Triple H and gets right back up. HHH blocks a kick from Jeff Hardy. Tag between Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. Punch by Steph, missing Jeff COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatJeff didn't sell it. Tag to Lita. Lita uses some pathetic kicks in the corner now. Steph kicks Lita in the gut to reverse the momentum. Stephanie McMahon moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Pedigree. 1....2...3, it's finished. My Opinion: It was close to a ** match, but I just can't stand too many blown spots. *3/4 Overall:70 Crowd Reaction:82 Match Quality:69 After the match the Two Man Powertrip beat up the Hardy Boyz. 74 Overall:69

WWF Heat 4/8/01: A video of William Regal's reign as commisioner so far. 79 Raven vs Haku. Match Background: None. The Match: Weak bodyslam by Haku. Flapjack from Haku on Raven. Haku scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Raven takes a right hand to the temple from Haku. Covers for a quick two count. Haku goes for a splash but Raven puts the knees up. Bodyslam by Raven. Massive backbreaker on Haku and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Haku comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Big clothesline from Haku. Raven gets knocked to the ground by Haku. Tongan Death Grip!!! Raven taps out! My Opinion: I'll give a 1\2* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots. Overall:55 Crowd Reaction:47 Match Quality:64 William Regal opens up the show officially. 66 A.P.A. vs Saturn and Malenko. Match Background: A.P.A. are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. The Match: Second rope flying axe handle, Faarooq goes down. One day, Malenko might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Faarooq blocks a punch. Faarooq slams Dean Malenko down. Malenko is sure in trouble now. Tag between Faarooq and Bradshaw. Bradshaw hits a right hand on Dean Malenko. Running clothesline from Bradshaw was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Malenko reverses a Bradshaw hammerlock. Second rope flying axe handle, Bradshaw goes down. One day, Malenko might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Tag between Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn. Saturn hits a right hand. Flying shoulder tackle by Saturn sends Bradshaw CRASHING to the mat. Saturn drops an elbow...but Bradshaw moves out of the way. Bradshaw with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Saturn. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Bradshaw tags out to Faarooq. Side suplex from Faarooq. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Faarooq strikes Perry Saturn with a hard blow. A.P.A. have Perry Saturn to themselves. Spike Powerbomb! 1....2....3! It's over. My Opinion: They definitely need to hook up again, I don't care what anyone says. ***1\2 Overall:80 Crowd Reaction:72 Match Quality:89 Eddie Guerrero vs Test. Match Background: This match is for the WWF European title. Eddie Guerrero has been WWF European champion since 31 March 2001. The Match: Eddie hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Hooks the leg for a two count. Test ducks a wild right hand. Test slams Eddie Guerrero down. Eddie is sure in trouble now. Eddie Guerrero takes a right hand to the temple from Test. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Test with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Eddie. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Eddie Guerrero fights out of a grapple. SUPER frankensteiner on Test, who hit hard. Eddie Guerrero misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee accidentally! Test knocks Eddie to the outside, then signals for the Big Boot. He reaches out of the ring for Eddie Guerrero...and gets clobbered with the ring bell! Right to the head! The referee wakes up to see Eddie sliding in and making the pinfall: 1....2....3! Forget about it. My Opinion: Smack dab in the middle of the star spectrum for an average match. **1\2. Overall:78 Crowd Reaction:80 Match Quality:76 Spike Dudley vs Lita. Match Background: None. The Match: Back heel kick from Lita on Spike. Lita with an enziguri. Swan Dive headbutt from Lita but without much elevation on the leap. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Spike takes a second rope chop from Lita. I haven't seen one of those in years. Covers for a quick two count. Spike flips out of a Lita bodyslam attempt. Lita takes a right hand to the temple from Spike. Weak bodyslam by Spike. Lita once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Flying elbow off the top rope by Lita, but there was NO elevation off the leap. Lita floors Spike Dudley...and climbs the turnbuckles. Through the air, Moonsault! 1....2....3. My Opinion: -*. That's right. NEGATIVE ONE STAR. That's what you get for this CRAP. Overall:51 Crowd Reaction:54 Match Quality:45 William Regal closes out the show with a bit of Q and A. 68 Overall:63