jester

That's true too. HHH has plenty of legit faults. When was the last time somebody got to point them out? During that burial with Cena, HHH called him a transitional champ. Would Cena ever be allowed to say "EVERY champ is a transition between two champs, you fucking roided up mongoloid Lemmy/Flair wannabe moron?" HHH: The Heel That's Booked Like a Face.

Batista wasn't marbles when they played to his strengths. He's not a 20 minute promo guy. But when he was backstage, saying one or two little cool badass lines, he was great. "Triple H is looking for you." "Really? Was he mad?" It made him look like a tough guy who really couldn't give a fuck. I would say that Triple H put over Batista, were it not for the fact that Batista was immediately shipped to Smackdown after his win. Faces don't move. HHH is HORRIBLE on the mic. Yes, I said it. Here's a typical HHH promo: 2 minutes of walking slowly down to the ring while his theme plays. 2 minutes of staring at the crowd trying to build "Tension" while it really looks like he's forgotten his lines. 2 minutes of saying he's the best. 2 minutes of mentioning he's got a match at the next PPV. Another 2 minutes of saying he's the best. Three more minutes of saying he's the best. Every second sentence begins with "you see." 2 minutes of mentioning he's got a match at the next PPV, where's he going to utterly destroy his opponent. 2 minutes of mentioning he's got a match at the next PPV, where he's going to utterly destroy his opponent. Face challenger comes out. HHH stares at him for two minutes, trying to build tension. 2 minutes of face getting to the point. Three minutes of HHH pointing out legit faults of the face, highlighting weaknesses instead of protecting him. 2 minutes of mentioning he's got a match at the next PPV, where he's going to utterly destroy his opponent. Three minutes of the face praising HHH (!?) HHH stares at him for two minutes, trying to build tension. Three minutes of HHH pointing out legit faults of the face, highlighting weaknesses instead of protecting him. Staredown that lasts four years. You're right that HHH is one of the few credible stars...but only because he is so carefully booked. If they did that with other wrestlers, they wouldn't be in this position.

Five Moves makes a lot of good points there. And you know what else? It's been so long since somebody has been chosen because of their natural talents that we've almost forgotten it can be done that way. Remember Rico? He got more heat just by standing at ringside. Orton has beaten up nuns, weakened the dollar, eaten live puppies and he is not getting a reaction relative to the sheer amount of effort that has gone into him. It's not impossible to turn Orton into a credible main event heel. Or face, for that matter. It's also not impossible to walk from New York to Los Angeles. But it makes a lot more sense to fly.

They've really fucked themselves here. Cena is booed, HHH is boring. Remember the days when there were three or four guys in the company you could reasonably put the belt on at any time?

Actually, according to the Wrestlecrap book, what the Warrior said was that it was no big deal beating Hogan the first time. That would really sabotage a feud. I'm surprised Hogan didn't walk that until the paid him another million for that one.

I don't want Foley on my TV period, whether he's with a wrestling promotion or shilling Beefaroni. I don't follow TNA much, but I think it's a mistake to for them to pick up every WWE castoff. I also don't think it will them to pick up Foley and turn him into their version of a JTTS like WWE has.

Frankly, this is obviously the case. He wants to have it both ways. He wants to be cocky playboy Ric Flair clone, but he also wants to come out to Motorhead and look like Lemmy, and spit water. That's totally incompatible. But one plays to his ego, and the other gets him pops. He won't let either go. He wants to be the top heel, but he doesn't want to ever appear weak or be convincingly defeated by a top face. He wants to be hated, but he wants to get all the funny lines. Triple H is no way a good heel.

I was thinking "Cactus Jackoff" myself.

Maybe we should make a club. Foley hate will give us something else to do besides the usual hhhate. We need a cool phrase like "hhhate" though. Any suggestions?

It ain't a new thing for me. I've read his books, and liked them, but they're way overpraised, as are his theories on wrestling. He recent WWE appearances and his bold, company-sanitized "criticism" is absolutely sickening. And of course, he is the motherfucker who helped put HHH on top. For that alone, he should never be forgiven.

I'm a huge fan of Foley, but fuck him. Amen. I think the crowd is catching on to Foley's routine.

Yeah, it will really help Cena's career to put over HHH as the "King of Kings." Remember when faces made fun of heels for their bullshit? That died year ago. It died oh, about the time The Aardvark of Aardvarks came to prominence.

Triple H chants.

Coming in third won't necessarily kill Stacy's chances of outside work. As long as she impressed someone enough, or they think she's hot enough, someone will give her something to do. Elizabeth Hasselbeck probably is the only contestant on Survivor to have any kind of lasting showbiz career after Survivor. She didn't win. But now she's a co-host on The View.

"Ok everyone. Interest in the product is at the lowest point in years, anybody with a hint of talent is leaving us, they're booing the shit out of our face champion, we could pull a better Wrestlemania card out of Mark Henry's ass than the one we've got now, and we're so desperate we're bringing back arseholes like Hacksaw Jim Duggan. But there's some good news. I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico. And by releasing Torrie Wilson." This is my winner. It made me laugh a great deal.

The smark conspiracy theorist in me also thinks that HHH will not only get cheered over Cena, HHH will run the match in such a way to expose Cena's style, a la Scott Steiner. Making sure Cena is good and buried.

A double turn won't work in this situation because although for certain HHH is getting cheered that night of Wrestlemania, that's it. He won't get good face reactions against anyone other than Cena. HHH as a face makes Cena look like Hogan in his prime.

The way I look at: The belt has been on Bradshaw. Fucking Bradshaw. I know he has won some people over, but he had nothing when they put the belt on them. So why not put the belt on RVD? Hell, why not put the belt on Barry Horowitz?

Jessica Simpson can't act. Or sing. Or much of anything.

Yes. And popcorn too, on the days when the concession guy calls in sick.

They should do all his promos that way. He got the point across, and with a minimal amount of repetiton. His typical promos are like this, but 19 minutes longer.

I'm a Hogan Hater and even I've got to admit this is a sweet collection. I would love to hear commentary for the following matches: AWA, 18/4/82: Nick Bockwinkel! vs. Hulk Hogan (AWA World Championship) AWA, 24/4/83: Nick Bockwinkel vs. Hulk Hogan (AWA World Championship, Super Sunday) aaaaand... WCW, 29/12/97: Hollywood Hogan vs. Sting (WCW Championship - Starrcade) Just for the hypocracy.

I think the WWE's new overall gimmick is miss easy, natural booking whenever possible. How many easy pitches have they fanned on now?

And the next week, entirely of puppets.

Bingo.