Hank Kingsley

Here's the first half of a four-part promo to introduce my new character. Enjoy. PART I: The Eggstractor ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “So…he’s a luchadore?” James Matheson sits in his lavish Dallas, Texas home, a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of him and the phone pressed against his ear. After asking the question, he stuffs a forkful of Bisquick into his big mouth. “Well, not exactly. I mean, he’s really not even a cruiserweight. But…but that ain’t the point. See, he wears a mask, but get this: he’s from ROMANIA.” The unfamiliar voice on the other side of the conversation is that of Richard Bailey, Agent of the Rising Stars™. He currently resides in his San Antonio home, working fast and talking faster. “Romania, huh? They even have pro wrestling in Romania?” Matheson finishes the plate and brings it over to his kitchen, where his manservant (!) takes the plate and cleans it. Matheson reaches into his refrigerator and takes a couple of hardboiled eggs. “Nah, but that don’t matter. He relocated to some rinky-dink town in Idaho a few years back, that’s where I met him. You know who trained him?” “Who?” “Nah, Neidhart’s past his prime. It was the man that main-evented Genesis 4, baby. William freakin’ Hearford.” A loud CLANG is heard, and Bailey thinks of this as a sound of surprise. “I know, baby, isn’t this great? I think I’ve found the brightest diamond in the roughest of rough since-” “It’s not that, Richie. You ever try one of these Eggstractor things?” “Egg-what? No.” “Yeah, supposedly they take the shell off a hardboiled egg. Apparently they’re much better at tearing the egg apart.” Matheson gives up on the Eggstractor and instead sits down on his couch, where he produces a file. He begins sifting through the folder. “A shame, James. Anyway-” “You eat eggs a lot, Richie?” “Not particularly, James. I prefer the actual chicken, and not its reproductive byproduct.” A pause. “So, gonna manage?” “I think I will. I haven’t had an egg in at least 5 years, and I think I’ve…” “Manage the BOY, Richie. Get back on topic.” “…oh, right.” “See, it says here in this file that he’s quite the…uh, character. Sounds like someone who needs some guidance.” “Au contraire, James. The Masked Man is a very stable, cunning, and versatile athlete. I’ll simply be his support economically and mentally.” “Probably for the best. Believe me, being a manager in the SWF never goes well. Ever.” “Did you decide on that before or after you got powerbombed by your former client, Charlie Matthews?” A long pause. “…so, Richie. Racquetball Thursday?” “Racquetball sounds good. I think-” “Think what, Richie?” “Uh, nevermind. I’ve got call waiting…ah, it’s our Masked friend! I’ll talk to you soon, James.” “Later, Richie.” James hangs up his phone and goes to his 11:30 archery club meeting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PART II: The Lion, the Bitch, and the Dead Baby ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “You painted it RED?!” Judy Harland, a 37-year old housewife, stands in front of her Orofino, Idaho residence with a look of shock and appall on her face. The man next to her stands 5’11” in a full suit with a conspicuous black mask on his head. His rough, Eastern European accent is quite distinguishable. “See, it is funny, for I asked for the paint truck this morning, and my friends, they give me the dead baby truck. I promise you, madam, I threw them at your house with the greatest efficiency possible.” Her mouth is agape. “Please tell me you’re joking.” “Madam, I am not. I am currently running two jobs, one at the abortion clinic and one as a painter. Luckily, I will be able to quit both after I have my successful tryout match with the Smarks Wrestling Federation.” “Abortion clinic?” Judy, becoming more and more afraid of this man, walks towards his truck and peers inside. Instead of seeing dead fetuses, she sees paint cans and paint chips. And a stuffed lion. “But…but that’s the paint truck!” Judy calls back. “You are correct, madam, but this truck was brought after the first coat had been applied, if you know what I am saying. It is true that the house has been painted with red paint, but the blood and guts were the, how you say, primer.” Judy shrieks a horrible shriek and runs towards her house. “Madam, what are you doing?” “Calling the police!” “But what about my money? I have a house and a concubine and three llamas to feed in my own home!” Judy, however, runs right into the house. Panicking, the masked man walks over to his paint truck and pulls the stuffed lion out. He unzips the zipper on its back…revealing two lines of coke. Oh, and a handgun. The Masked Man rips the handgun out of the lion’s back and charges into the house. Judy, meanwhile, picks up the kitchen phone and begins dialing…until the Masked Avenger bursts into the kitchen, handgun pointed at her face! Judy drops the phone in shock. “Cash or check?” Masked Man smiles at Judy’s question, and walks to her refrigerator. He spies a bowl, and he reaches into the bowl and pulls out two hardboiled eggs. “Would you happen to have the contraption that releases these hardboiled eggs from their shells, madam?” Judy is caught off guard by Masked Man’s non-threatening nature, but quickly points to the cabinet. “Eggstractor. Bottom shelf.” “Thank you, madam.” Masked Man produces the Eggstractor and places it on the counter. He places one egg in the contraption, and, with all of his might, presses down on the Eggstractor. CLANG! Just as James Matheson coincidentally told Richard Bailey earlier, the egg is destroyed, and the pieces of shell go FLYING every which way! “MY EYE!” Judy cries out in pain as a jagged piece of egg shell is lodged into her eyeball, and she falls to the kitchen floor. She begins breathing heavily…and then doesn’t breathe at all. “Madam?” Masked Man goes to check on Judy, and finds out she isn’t breathing. He quickly gets to his feet and turns on the sink, washing his hands thoroughly with an enormous glob of soap. After finishing, he reaches into Judy’s pocket and pulls out her wallet, taking all of the cash with him. He stuffs it in his coat pocket and produces a cigarette, lighting it before briskly walking outside of the house. He unclips the cell phone from his holster and dials. “Richie? Yes, it’s me. We have a situation. 2214 Ivy Cove.” Some garbled talking is heard in the earpiece. “I do not have a fucking clue. Something to do with eggshells and whatnot. You can take care of it? Good.” Masked Man hangs up the phone and takes a long drag of his cigarette before walking to his truck. He powers it up and turns on the radio, speeding down the driveway and onto the street. As he speeds down the road, Sid Vicious’ “My Way” comes on, and Masked Man sings along in his Eastern European accent. “There were times, I’m sure you knew! When there was nothing fucking else to do! But through it all, when there was doubt! I SHOT IT UP! Or KICKED IT OUT! I fought JUST AS BEFORE! And did it MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!” To be continued.

Avril Lavigne's "Take Me Away" No, really, it was a free download on iTunes. It was the ONLY reason I downloaded it. ...is it wrong to find it a little catchy?

It's going to flop.

Unmemorable? Examples.

Yeah, really. 11. I Fall To Pieces 12. Room With A View 32. The Ring 33. Happy Anniversary 34. The Shroud Of Rahmon These eps are, well, really bad. What about "Judgment", "Epiphany", or "Dead End"? Oh, and "Are you now or have you ever been" is one ep, not two

I'm baffled by the people who think the show should've ended with Angel becoming human and getting back together with Buffy again. Um, "The Girl in Question" was just two episodes ago! The only way Angel turning human could've worked was him going outside into the sun (see "Into the Dark" for his facial expressions) and then - BOOM! - he gets run over. Now THERE'S an ending. Maybe have Spike say something hilarious from the shade and then cut to "Executive Producer: Joss Whedon"

I'd be remiss not to mention "Darla" (Season 2) which is a brilliant Tim Minear episode that perfectly meshes flashbacks and present stuff.

Lullaby - [As Darla violently begins childbirth, Angel faces the responsibility of becoming a father and the possibilities of what miracle or destruction this new being may bring to the world.] Couplet - [Exacerbating the tension caused by the office's two latest couplings, Cordy asks Angel to help her achieve the next level of intimacy with Groosalugg. Meanwhile, Fred and Gunn discuss the new wrinkle in their relationship and track an alleged cheating fiancé, whom they promptly lose during a brief make-out session.] The Girl in Question - [Angel and Spike travel to Rome with plans to rescue Buffy from their old nemesis The Immortal. While in Italy, they also attempt to retrieve the head of a fallen demon leader to prevent a perilous power struggle between several warring demon clans. Julie Benz, Tom Lenk, and Juliet Landau guest star.] Lineage - [The offices of Wolfram & Hart are under attack by cyborg assassins who are seeking a magical device that will give them control over Angel. Meanwhile, Wesley is surprised by the unannounced arrival of his estranged father who has come to evaluate Wesley for possible reacceptance to the Watcher's Council.] Damage - [When an emotionally unstable woman, Dana, escapes from a psychiatric ward, Angel learns that she was tortured as a child and is now searching for her tormentor. Andrew, a watcher-in-training, arrives from England with surprising information about Buffy and to inform the group about Dana. Meanwhile, Spike believes that if he can save Dana, he will prove that he is destined to be the vampire champion.] (yes, I am picking 5)

Are you serious? Those jokes are almost 2 years old, and the shot at me was started by ANGLESAULT and Tony of all people. When you're stealing stuff from them, I think it's time to give it up, CWM.

Looks like we'll be getting this earlier than expected! (Swiped from whedonesque.com)

Just wanted to let you guys know, if you're into this kind of stuff, This website sells original shooting scripts from selected (read: AWESOME) Angel episodes. There's also a sidebar for Buffy scripts if you want to check that out, too. Anyway, I ordered the "Origin" script (1: Drew Goddard. 2: Awesome dialogue 3: Great great great episode), and with shipping it came out to $20 (the price is actually only $12.95, so it's the shipping that's crappy). Once I get it, I'll let everyone know how they are.

Well, I had this done and I was going to post it before the finale, but decided to wait instead. So, here's a LISTS~ post, feel free to fill it in with your choices. Top 5 Characters: 1. Fred/Illyria 2. Gunn 3. Wes 4. Spike Top 5 Moments: 1. "Not Fade Away". Yeah, the entire episode. 2. Fred dying and the rebirth of Illyria in "A Hole in the World"/"Shells" 3. Puppet Angel in "Smile Time" 4. Wes shooting his 'father' in "Lineage" 5. Cordelia returns in "You're Welcome" Top 5 Writers: 1. Drew Goddard - "Lineage", "Origin", "Why We Fight", "Damage", "The Girl in Question" 2. Steven S. DeKnight "Hellbound", "Destiny", "Damage" "Why We Fight", "Shells", "The Girl in Question" 3. David Fury - "Just Rewards", "Destiny", "You're Welcome", "Power Play" 4. Joss - "A Hole in the World", "Conviction", "Not Fade Away" - I just hate to rank the guy first because, well, you know. 5. Ben Edlund - "Just Rewards", "Life of the Party", "Smile Time", "Time Bomb" Top 5 Directors: 1. Joss - "Conviction", "A Hole in the World" 2. Steven S. DeKnight - "Shells", "Hellbound" 3. James A. Contner - "Just Rewards", "Power Play" 4. Terrence O'Hara - "Origin", "Why We Fight" 5. Jefferson Kibbee - "Lineage", "Damage" And finally, the episodes. This was really hard because, well, except for the ones at the bottom of the list, every episode this season was SO DAMN GOOD. So, really, just because something is higher on the list doesn't necessarily mean it blows something under it away. 1. Not Fade Away 2. A Hole in the World 3. You're Welcome 4. Origin 5. Shells 6. Lineage 7. Damage 8. The Girl in Question 9. Power Play 10. Smile Time 11. Underneath 12. Destiny 13. Soul Purpose 14. Time Bomb 15. Hellbound 16. Conviction 17. Harm's Way 18. The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco 19. Life of the Party 20. Just Rewards 21. Why We Fight 22. Unleashed

Everybody on Buffy dies, everyone on Angel wins.

RRR: Fool for Love

I love how the last words of the series (RRR, it's "Let's go to work") are from Reservoir Dogs.

Uhm, guys, I'm guessing a lot of people haven't seen the finale yet, so, I don't know, maybe we should keep it on the down-low for a little bit? (Granted, anyone crazy~ enough to come into this thread right after the finale without seeing the episode may deserve to be spoiled)

At this point, I don't even care about the movie. With that episode, they went out on TOP. I'm kinda sorry I read the spoilers, but actually watching the episode was 10000000x more enjoyable than reading it. I loved every second of it. Thank you, Mutant Enemy.

I'm...I'm speechless. That episode was absolutely amazing. And that's all I can really say right now.

...and David Fury just posted at the Bronze Beta!

I'm going to miss Drew Goddard, Steven S. DeKnight, and David Fury, for starters. Yeah, Drew's going to Alias, but supposedly that show starts midseason (?). I just really hope the actors and actresses can find good work after this. Sure, David Boreanaz probably has enough to live comfortably and just do the occasional movie, but I really want to see these guys flourish like I know they can. I'm going to miss the way this show can seemlessly combine comedy, drama, action, and romance. I mean, I've watched other TV shows (outside the Jossverse, I mean), and they don't even come CLOSE to the way Angel combines these elements. I hope, if they do a "Previously On..." tonight, it's just for this season. I always thought "The Gift" montage was stupid, because everything past season 2 went way too fast to even notice. If they spent, say, 2 minutes recapping this season, I'll be happy. And finally, Willow's magic addiction = laaaaame. I like season 6, but that storyline just wasn't very good.

I fucking *LOVE* that episode! "You were in Virginia?" "That's beside the point!" "Why is Wesley wearing my coat?" Magnus: That's why I hired him. He's a eunuch. Cordy: You slept with her? Angel: A eunuch? Wesley: Things happen... two young people, danger. Virginia: What are you talking about? Magnus: She was a virgin before you got here. Virginia: I was not a virgin. Magnus: What? Wesley: Oh thank goodness. Gunn: I could have told you she wasn't no virgin. Angel: Not a eunuch. Cordy: One day as Angel... one day and he's getting some. Magnus: What, how could you? I kept you away from all men. Angel: The curse isn't even all that clear!

For those complaining about the Circle of the Black Thorn, here's something I found off of persephonemoon's Livejournal which pretty much sums up everything perfectly:

Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley. Reading a show just might give you an insight on their characters.

Angel Buffy Firefly Wonderfalls Mystery Science Theater 3000 Family Guy Alias I Love Lucy CSI Cheers

This website has the latest episodes for Angel, but I assume you want from the beginning of the season. Just search around for any bittorrent website. They usually have Angel episodes, in the best size and quality.