Dr. Zoidberg

Some kids have been sneaking into my parents backyard and destroying all sorts of shit, like a ceramic goose my deceased grandma gave my mom, a few potted plants, and the window to our back game room. It's not so much the fact these fuckers are doing this, it's more the fact my dog didn't hear any of it. Some guard dog she turned out to be.

I last listened to an M.I.A. compilation I made. Most notably, the songs XR2 and Bamboo Banga. That, and Dylan's "Blood on the Tracks," which, surprisingly, I never heard before.

I honestly don't see the appeal in any of the bands that have been listed. My sister loves pretty much all of them, too. They're all just too safe for me. It's like, "Hm. I wanna listen to something that shows I like to rock, but only when it's in an acceptable environment." Just too corny, too generic, too similar. By the by, does anyone remember Default? GOD, what a fitting fucking name. It was pussified Creed, so that oughta tell ya something.

Freshman year can be summed up in a sentence: One day, I got reaaaaally stoked because someone said I looked like Fred Durst. Yep. Around sophomore year, I started hanging out with the skateboarders and completely changed the way I dressed, the music I listened to, the way I acted around people, etc. I got out of listening to Limp Bizkit, and started listening to Bowie, Iggy Pop, Joy Division and New Order. I stopped dressing like a douche bag and developed my own kind of style, and I got a lot more confident. It was pretty much good and bad until Senior year when it became really good. A lot of hot girls liked me, I got invited to parties, and I was on pretty much everyone's good side in the school My grades sucked, though. Probably cos I didn't give a shit.

Is that the one that's supposed to be a talk show? cuz words can't even describe that pile of shit.

A lady berated me for smoking a cigarette outside of a shop. She said, "You may have the right to smoke, but I have the right to walk away." ...ok...

Do I really bitch a lot about nancy shit? Hm. Well fuck me sideways, I'll try and cut down on that. Seriously. I'm not being sarcastic.

Are you serious? Well, fuck you, Youth. You're a cunt.

Oh for fuck's sake, get over yourself.

EDIT: And why should I do that? I don't think of myself as above any of my friends, so culling them isn't exactly an option for me. When they get out of hand with their "Yeah! We're like Entourage!," I laugh at them, and the night continues. It'd be the exact same if I got all pretentious about working with autistic kids, they'd bring me down a peg. Of course, maybe I'm not as cool as the rest of you.

My mustache does the same thing. My dream of looking like Daniel Plainview has been shattered.

The title is just plain stupid. Especially at the end of the trailer, when the theme hits, "The X-Files" is shown, then "I want to Believe." All excitement I had just went away after that. The whole edginess and the feelings associated with "The X-Files", then...hm...someone wants to believe. Great.

That's what I should probably start doing. Maybe I won't get flamed by assholes any more or have my wife insulted. Or maybe I will. Who knows. I smoked too much weed, so I'm all sensitive now.

Did anyone else think Jan's baby's daddy was going to be Hunter? And did anyone else think the opening gag was a little meh? "Pam! You're not talking to Dwight! You're talking to Jim!" Seriously, that's something a retarded kid would say.

EDIT: It WAS posted, discussed, and forgotten about...shit... Anyway, for Harleen Quinzell, it would HAVE to be Melora Hardin. She has the wide grin already, and she looks like she could be an older psychiatrist who treats The Joker, and becomes obsessed with him. Hell, I can already see it: She becomes so in love with him, she lets him carve her mouth into a smile, just to prove she loves him. And when The Joker gets killed off, have Harley Quinn go on a rampage, screaming "He killed Mr. J!!" in that kind of tormented lover way while running around with Jokers machine gun, while she's crying maniacally, her joker makeup is running, making her look even scarier. Wow, I just got chills. I am baaaaaaaked.

You have fans who read your shit on here? Really? That's...I dunno. That's kinda weird.

Murder victims to you, buddies to me. You know how it is. They weren't always dipshits.

Dude, two of my buddies are telemarketers who walk around like they're movie producers or some shit. You know why? They watch too much Entourage.

This just proves the Russians have no sense of humor. I'd be WAY stoked if a Helicockter was flying around during my speech. "That is why, the best defense is a good FLYING COCK!!"

Road head, I believe is the term.

Well, I used to be the running joke that was Iceman. I don't remember you, though. I do remember IL, Cyclone Comet, and Stubby "Pots" McWeed. Oh, and that I sucked. Reeeeeal bad.

Whatever, Jorge, you're just pissed you can't fix a computer. and that you live in LA.

My wife tripped a fat guy at the Cung Le/Frank Shamrock fight because he kept walking through the aisle, then stopping to look at the ring. She put her foot out at just the exact moment for the douchebag to assume it wasn't her. He spilled his extra large popcorn all over these "AZN Gangstas!~!!" and didn't even apologize. That brings me to my next topic: Fuck fat people. The seriously overweight ones that are overweight because they eat too fucking much, not the ones who have are just big or something. I fucking hate "fat because I can be" people. The men are always assholes and the women are always cunts. Also, Who the fuck decided they have to do EVERYTHING slowly?! Sure, I get that since their cankles will snap if they walk too fast, they can't do that, but you would think these fat fucks would drive faster, ya know? It's like, "Hey! We don't move quickly ever, so let's use this opportunity of being in a vehicle to go fast!" But nooooo. The fat pieces of shit go, like, 15 miles under the speed limit, which is just as fucking dangerous as going 15 miles OVER. AND, whenever I see them in Safeway, where I'm buying fruit, vegetables, salad, and shit to remain healthy, they're buying 24 packs of Coke, huge ass sausages filled with cheese (which ARE very good), and assorted other crap, and THEY look at ME like I'M the idiot! One lady even said, "Whoa, Mr. Health food! Got enough salad?" I had TWO bags of salad. Fucking fat people.

I say just don't have a beard. They really aren't that great. "OooOO!! It makes me look like a big tough guy!" Nope.

Middle School suuuuucked. -It was RIGHT across the street from my house, yet I was always late. -The girls picked on me for being chubby, then for some reason thought I was hot two years later in high school. Don't know why. -The school dickhead asshole pile of shit cunt Nick was in every one of classes. He's selling drugs to middle school students now, so...HA! -my "girlfriend" at the time looked like a squirrel. -that same girl, in high school, sucked off ten people from the same group, and they all said she was horrible at it, so...I'm stoked I got out of it. -Not about me, but there was this girl who was partially blind who tried to get off scott-free for everything. Like, a teacher passed out an assignment, and she was like "Do I have to do it?" Yeah, idiot. You're partially blind, not dead. And THEEEEEEEEEEEEN there was high school, which only sucked until Senior Year...YAY!