Kinetic

I'm very much in favor of dropping the traditional Cowboys/Lions Thanksgiving games and getting some other teams in there. Detroit is always awful, and I think we see enough of Dallas every other week of the season. I know the NFL has a captive audience for these things and it's tradition and all, but come on. I can't even remember the last really good Thanksgiving game. Enough is enough and it's time for a change.

This is pretty funny. I'm terrible about making eye contact with people, even if we're having a fairly intimate conversation. I don't fixate on any other object, but rather just scan the room over and over again. Some people don't think anything of it, but some people will think I'm a sociopath or have some sort of neurological disorder.

I have weird thing about being touched. I enjoy all of the obvious sexual touching stuff and am even down for some full-on bro hugs, but being grazed makes my skin crawl and agitates the shit out of me. I avoid crowds for this reason. Seeds bug me. In fact, seeing any large amount of any tiny object makes me feel physically ill. I'd sometimes go pale and have to steady myself against something when I'd see all of the seeds in the pickle container when I worked in food service.

If Vince Young returns to the starting lineup in Tennessee this year, I will piss on myself and then take a picture with my dick. And then I'll post it at The Pit. Ain't gonna happen.

I hope to fuck that Gruden learned his lesson on that one last year. Given what happened with the Giants, I'd be surprised to see any team (even the Cardinals or the Titans, who are both likely to win their division with about a quarter of the season remaining) rest their starters for more than a half. Didn't Agent threaten (or promise, maybe) to photograph himself sucking his own dick if the Titans made the Super Bowl? That's about a million times more likely than Czech getting peed on.

Yeah, and it's on Monday Night Football, too. While I'm sure that Kornheiser will spend the three hours discussing Tampa's flirtation with Brett Favre in the offseason, it's still going to be an awesome game. Due to this team being miles better than the last two Tampa Bay teams to make a run at the playoffs, I can say without exaggeration that this will be the biggest Buccaneers game since the Super Bowl in 2003.

Thank you, Atlanta! Tampa's win in the Motor City coupled with Carolina's loss in the Chocolate City gives the Bucs sole possession of first place in the NFC South. And, the first quarter aside, today's game was pretty solid for Tampa. Garcia had two very rare TD passes of longer than 10 yards. Clifton Smith is awesome and has given us a welcome alternative to Ike "Fair Catch" Hilliard on special teams. Warrick Dunn proved that he can still carry the load, but only if we get to play the Lions every week. Caddy was unspectacular. 8-3.

So I did this today. I missed my direct flight from Atlanta to Seattle and ended up having to fly to Salt Lake City and hope that I could get a seat on a flight out of there. I won't bore you with the details of my miraculous escape, but needless to say I was within groping distance of bunking with The Great Mazto for a while. Such are the perils of traveling with no money.

J.R. saying that has always stuck with me, for some reason. It comes to mind every time that I think of No Holds Barred, which is probably more often than you'd think. While watching that episode when it originally aired, I thought it was really hilarious and almost a little scandalous that they were tearing the movie to shreds like that. I got into wrestling a little late to be a full-fledged Hulkamaniac and was only six when this movie came out, so it really didn't mean much to me. I ended up seeing it somewhere along the line and didn't think much of it. Suburban Commando is a different story altogether, and I definitely recall being deeply puzzled and having my belief in wrestling shaken a bit by The Undertaker's presence in the film.

I kind of regret it now. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble in my adult life had I not been such a lazy shithead for those four years. But maybe it wasn't my fault. Maybe the system failed me.

Yo. Except for the part about being stoned, that sums up my high school experience quite nicely. I was in a play in 11th grade because a girl I was interested in asked me to do it. And then I went to one Young Democrats meeting in 12th grade because a girl asked me to go. That was it for extracurriculars. It never would have occured to me to complain about a shitty grade, as I more than earned every one that I got.

Fer instance, I read Barry Gordy's autobiography To Be Loved many moons ago. Now, Barry Gordy is obviously not the scandalous public figure that Michael Jackson is, but he's nonetheless alleged to have done all sorts of unsavory things over the years. You know how he glossed over all of that stuff? He never mentioned any of it. Never even alluded to it. The whole book is "I used to work in the Ford factory, and then I started my own record company, and now I'm rich. Ha ha!" The juiciest bit was about him fucking Diana Ross. I wouldn't recommend the book.

So what's the deal with the Dr. Pepper? Can I just go into any convenience store and say "Hey, did you hear about Chinese Democracy?" and assume that they'll know what I'm talking about?

Actually, I think that would be really interesting to read. It's obviously not a matter of if he would attempt to gloss over some of the more sordid details of his batshit lunacy; that's a given. The real treat would be in seeing how he does it.

I believe that was Dallas' bye week.

Fair enough on them not having to go to Dallas twice this week, but that's no reason to subject everyone to that shitfest of a game. They should have kept Atlanta-Carolina in that time slot or made Philly-Baltimore the default game for those who don't have a local game going on early. I can think of one instance where Buck-Aikman didn't do a 1:00 Cowboys game: a few weeks ago when they played Tampa. The one week when it would have done me any good.

Just checked the distribution maps for this weekend. Does anyone else feel like the only time the Buck-Aikman team isn't doing the Cowboys game is when Dallas is playing on either Sunday or Monday night? I mean, it's just every week with these fucking nationally-televised Cowboys games. Does anyone who isn't a fan of either team really want to watch Dallas-San Francisco? Well, tough shit. It's on almost everywhere in the country.

CIN @ PIT Pittsburgh will dominate and win this game, but it will come at a high cost as they will lose a key player for the remainder of the season. To find out who, you'll have to make arrangements to go to one of the three or four places in your town, city, or commune that have the NFL Network. PHI @ BAL Ravens bounce back from last week's debacling. After the game, Donovan McNabb claims not to have known that an NFL game could end in a loss. NYJ @ TEN Can't pick against the Titans. Can't do it. Should be a competitive game, though. Like many others, I'm finally buying into the Bretts as a legit team. Not Super Bowl legit, but they could make some noise in the playoffs. TB @ DET Scares the shit out of me. It would be just like the Bucs to play horribly in Detroit and give the Lions their first win. Should that happen, you can wave goodbye to whatever postseason hopes Tampa has. They would be completely demoralized. I don't think this will happen, but I fear that it might. Still, I pick the Bucs to win. MIN @ JAC Hmmm. Both teams are major disappointments this year, but Minnesota is still in the hunt for their division title. For that reason, I predict that a hungry Vikings team will grind out a victory. BUF @ KC Are the Bills demoralized right now? They've lost quite a few in a row and barely have their heads above water in the playoff swim meet. The Chiefs have actually been playing decent ball for the last month or so, although they have no wins to show for it. I think they'll get one here. CHI @ STL Absolutely no reason why the Bears shouldn't crush St. Louis. This is really the perfect game to have coming off of their embarrassing performance against Green Bay. Bears by double digits. NE @ MIA Interesting game. Miami humiliated New England earlier in the year and both teams are really playing their best football right now. I think New England returns the favor here. It probably won't be as lopsided as the game at Foxboro, but the Pats will win. SF @ DAL Dallas gets a little breather here. Should be an easy one. HOU @ CLE Jesus, who cares? Cleveland, I guess. OAK @ DEN Oakland may be worse now than they were when Denver smeared them in week one, so I don't see why this outcome would be any different. Broncos by plenty. CAR @ ATL A really interesting game that I won't be able to see because I'll be in the Seattle market. I mean, goddamn. I spend the better part of two football seasons in the Atlanta market and there was maybe three Falcons games that I was interested in watching the whole time. The week I leave, they have a critical divisional showdown with the Panthers. Bah. I'm going with the Falcons here. Carolina has looked flat recently and the Falcons are trying to stay alive in a really tight division. NYG @ ARI Another fairly interesting game that I won't be able to watch. I'm not a believer in Arizona. Giants should win this one comfortably. WAS @ SEA Ah, but this one I get to take in and savor. God bless it. Redskins should be fine here, as Hasselbeck's return doesn't seem to have solved any of Seattle's problems. IND @ SD Not the marquee game I'm sure many envisioned at the start of the season, but still somewhat interesting. Indy seems to be getting on a roll at the right time. San Diego is just about dead in the water. Look for the Colts to avenge last year's postseason loss. GB @ NO Hey, another pretty interesting game. I really don't know what to make of Green Bay, as they seem to be up and down. I definitely don't think much of New Orleans and their nonexistent running game and godawful defense. Should be pretty tight all the way through, but I think Green Bay pulls one out in the end.

Better be pretty damn grating if he wants to have his own podcast or appear on whatever Oklahoma's version of Around the Horn is. Okie Dokie or what have you.

Here are some playoff projections from Sports Illustrated. Some of these are way more far-fetched than anything I've read here. Tampa, Carolina, and Atlanta missing the playoffs? Come on.

I think people are wildly overestimating the Cardinals. They can look dominant at times because they play in the worst division in the NFC (and maybe the league), but they're really not that good. Want to know the key to beating Arizona? Put pressure on Kurt Warner. We've seen time and time again that he'll fold like a cheap tent when guys are consistently in his face. Make any contact with him and he'll drop the ball as a sort of defense mechanism. That takes their All-World receivers out of the game, and their running backs and defense alone aren't beating anyone.

I agree with this. While I didn't mind the FOX coverage of BCS games, and they certainly weren't responsible for anything as nakedly awful as "What do you think of Britney Spears?" (which was on ESPN, you'll recall), it'll be nice to have that whole tacked-on college football segment off of their pre-game stuff on Sundays. Barry Switzer can fade back into obscurity.

When I was a little younger (like 20, 21), I had a couple of aging hipster dude friends who almost exclusively hung out with and/or dated people who were in their late teens/early 20s. At the time, I had hoped that I wouldn't turn out that way, but I now fear the writing may be on the wall for me.