Kinetic

Playoff Predictions: AFC EAST: New England continues their reign of terror atop the AFC East in what is certainly their most impressive defense of that title, given the circumstances. AFC NORTH: I think there's every reason to believe that both Pittsburgh and Baltimore will rack up a few losses down the stretch, as both have murderous schedules. Someone has to win this division, though, and Pittsburgh will wrap it up by beating Baltimore in week 15. AFC SOUTH: Tennessee is a lock here. AFC WEST: Denver and it won't be close. The Broncos aren't especially good, but the rest of this division is sad this year. WILD CARDS: Indianapolis and the J-E-T-S. NFC EAST: The Giants would seem to be a lock to win it. I don't see them stumbling or the other three teams surging enough to change this. NFC NORTH: I've been saying, almost without reason or provocation, for weeks now that Chicago is going to come out on top of the massive clusterfuck that is the NFC North. Getting crushed by Green Bay didn't do them any favors, but I still think they'll end up winning this thing by a game or so. NFC SOUTH: Tampa Bay, although I could be blinded by homerism on this one. The Bucs have successfully navigated the most difficult part of their schedule and now get to play a lot of the marshmallows that Carolina has been getting fat on. Toughest remaining games are against division opponents, with two of those games being on the road. Go 2-1 in those games and they'll win the division. AFC WEST: Ugggghhhhhh. Arizona by about 20 games. WILD CARDS: Washington and Carolina. Seeding looks like this: 1. Tennessee 2. New England 3. Pittsburgh 4. Denver 5. New York 6. Indianapolis 1. New York 2. Tampa Bay 3. Arizona 4. Chicago 5. Carolina 6. Washington I'll go the safe route with my Super Bowl prediction and say Tennessee vs. New York. Giants win and become Team of the Latter Portion of the Decade.

They're not, though. In fact, every piece that's led them to a 7-3 record is still in place except for Earnest Graham. While I like Earnest and all, he hasn't been that vital to our success. In fact, the passing game has totally carried the offense for the majority of the season. If we can get anything out of the Dunn/Clifton Smith/Cadillac trio, we should be fine. Another thing: It really tickles me that after everything that's happened in one of the weirdest and most tumultuous tenures any superstar quarterback has ever had with a team, it's going to be this whole "I didn't know games could end in a tie" thing that's going to push McNabb out of Philly. And you just know Gruden is going to work like hell to get him down in Tampa.

I'm a little concerned about the sports bar situation for those who follow East Coast teams. 10 a.m. is a little early for hot wings and Miller Lite.

Those gaffes would have to McNabb-esque in size and scope for the Bucs to win at Chicago in January. If the game is played in temperatures approaching freezing, Jeff Garcia will shatter into a million pieces on contact.

I was a woeful 8-8 on picks this week, making me 99-61 for the year. I'm watching football in the Pacific time zone for the first time ever this weekend. Early games at 10 o'clock in the morning. Terry Bradshaw at 9 o'clock in the morning! Frank Caliendo at 9:45!

These games won't be meaningful for long if they don't start winning. As in, start winning tonight. The rest of their division is surging ahead of them.

Earnest Graham is likely done for the year. This is bad news for the Bucs, as he was the one back we have who's really capable of grinding out tough yards. Warrick Dunn and Clifton Smith--the two guys who played HB for us yesterday--are really the same guy, in that they're both shifty and undersized. But Warrick is older and Clifton Smith puts the ball on the ground at least once a game. We'll see what Cadillac is capable of doing coming off of that injury.

I could tell you a little bit, but Plagiarism! is the real expert around these parts. My personal faves are the two you just mentioned. Indiscreet has its moments, as well.

Oh, Scroby. Okay, I know who that is. Feliz cumpleanos, bro.

Any time a major commercial artist releases one of those downtrodden "break-up" albums, the mainstream music press lets the Blood on the Tracks comparisons fly. I would imagine that it's even less apt here than it was for Sea Change a few years ago.

I need Kellen Winslow to injure his leg performing a pre-game motorcycle stunt or for him to get called up to active duty sometime between now and 8:15. If he accounts for more than 10 fantasy points, I lose. I'm having a hell of a time getting any sort of consistency out of a second running back right now. Last week, I was able to ride BenJarvus Green-Ellis to victory. This week, he gets two carries for nine yards. I've been through this with Pierre Thomas, one of those guys in Kansas City, and scores of others. I'm thinking about just starting three receivers, as I've at least been getting consistent production out of those guys.

Monte Kiffin has said on more than a few occasions that he isn't interested in a head coaching job. I'm inclined to take that at face value because: 1) he's old, and 2) his stock was never going to be any higher than it was after winning the SB, and he didn't take a head coaching job then. Every coachless team in the league is going to be gunning for Cowher, so get in line. Jeff Fisher is a pipe dream. Why would he leave Tennessee now? No, I think you guys are going to be stuck with Lovie Smith for at least another year. I'd be stunned if he ended up coaching the Vols, as Lovie's brand of football is exactly what isn't working in the SEC right now.

John Cena's head is shaped like a square. Matt Young's head is shaped like an oval. Therefore, I see no resemblance.

bob_barron is 24 today! Happy birthday, Mr. Ombudsman! Also, Scroby is celebrating a birthday! I don't know who that is! Isn't there also a Scroty here or did I just imagine that?

Consider the alternatives. After the last few weeks of Brad Johnson and Brooks Bollinger, there was no way Romo wasn't going to play if it was at all possible for him to be out there.

I considered that, but it really felt like it would be a lateral move. Plus, I burned some bridges up there. And how.

Ahahaha. A really good game for the Bucs today, I thought. It looked for all the world like Adrian Peterson was going to kill us, but we totally shut him down in the second half. I think Garcia was flushed out of the pocket on every single passing play, but was never sacked. A really good game for him. Antonio Bryant continues to be awesome, Jerramy Stevens came up huge, and Warrick Dunn did about as well as can be expected against a very good run defense. We're 7-3, but I must admit that the Detroit game next week scares the shit out of me. They seem to be improving and we've just been abysmal on the road.

Yeah, "Red Eye" is right up there with "Chelsea Lately" on my list of reasons to be happy that I can no longer afford cable.

This. Oh, and "We could have made our own porno by now." And the extended use of XTC's "No Language in Our Lungs" in the gym class episode.

Florida with 42 points and 421 yards of offense through 3 quarters. So much for them not having seen a defense like South Carolina's.

Here's a song that Bremerton native Sir Mix-a-Lot wrote about the women in my new hometown: Here's a gory kinda story, 'bout an obese freak With a forty inch waist and a ten inch beak, Overweight and out of shape with a triple chin, Her brassiere strikes fear in the hearts of men, The Girls a bremelo The Girls a bremelo Me and Terry hopped a ferry, we were lookin Swass When a dip hit the ship we were almost tossed It was a big bremelo standing on my toe, An enormous jelly-belly tryin' to say hello I was really kinda frightened as she looked my way, I tried to run because here buns made the ferry sway To be blunt she was fat and ready for combat On the way to Bremerton where the fat is at, The Girls a bremelo. Let's Go! I'm not fakin' or mistaken' 'bout the big ol' duck, She had hairy underarms and a whoppin' gut, Her hair was short and wavy, drove my pit bull crazy, A (Bermitan)? beast chasin' fella's in the Navy, At the movie she's the feature, the Bremerton creature, Ya' wear a life jacket if ya ever try and freak her Look at her physique, she ain't my kinda freak, The floor creaks when the beast starts reaching her peak The Girls a bremelo. She's just a bremelo. Change the beat! You can't ignore the way she snores 'cuz she blows down doors, Baby's got the kinda face only a mother adores, A big basket ball head, with her ten inch feet, Big lips, No hips, with the smell of a beast, I couldn't put her in my Caddy or my tranny would break, I've heard of dirt because of poverty, but she took the cake, When it comes to Kool-Aid©, the girl would drink it in pints, Ya go to school for twenty years and ya still in the ninth? Ya just a bremelo. Just a bremelo. You big, triple chinned, unattractive duck, Ya boyfriend beats freaks up to make a buck, Hangin' 'round Third & Pike on a ten speed bike, you could say that I'm a liar, but ya know I'm right Ya talk behind my back because I dropped you flat, And ya never take a shower 'cuz ya too damn fat So ya man was smart when he broke your heart Because if Mix-A-Lot'd cut cha youd'a fell apart Wearing Polyester© slacks with elastic in the back You could flat'n squash a nigga in a wrestling match Ya got lips like a character in some cartoon With a pink posterior ya big baboon Ya just a (Elephant Trumpet) (Elephant Trumpet) Now Bremerton's a city right outside of mine, Most girls there are ducks but a few are fine But the ones that I speak about, use their faces catching trout, Vacuum cleaners for a mouth, You know what I'm talkin' 'bout Mud Ducks, Hocky Pucks, Drivers of Mack© trucks, Lame brains, Deisel Trains, to pick them up you have to strain, Big BUTT, Crew Cut, Extra-Ordinary Gut, Big Mamma kinda bod, make ya (?????????) kinda rough

Oh, man. That's terrible. I used to like it when he would light people on fire. Like, if he would light Jim Ross on fire every week, I might start watching again.

I've subsequently chosen a life of abstinence, you see.

Has the WWE ever given any explanation for why Kane doesn't appear to be have any sort of burn wounds? I assume that would have come when he was finally unmasked.

KANE ALSO SOMETIMES SHOOTS LIGHTNING.