Kinetic

I hope they break his fucking fingers. Spurs in 7, Pistons in 6.

So it all comes down to this. We have a guy with all of the crossover potential (but none of the queer street cred) of Clay Aiken taking on a guy who at his top-dollar best would be a third-rate Jon Bon Jovi. I'm gonna chug a ton of Coke and rev the Ford's engine for a while, because it's just about Idol finale time!

"Girly" like coked-up L.A. rock dudes in drag? Or "girly" like sensitive and thoughtful?

Sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all.

If you'd somehow had the foresight to be born a day earlier, you could have seen a no-hitter. Oh, well. Happy birthday, anyway.

Yes. I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark on Spike yesterday and was quite smitten with the actress. Despite it not being set in the 80s, the actress in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom had a bad case of 80s poodle hair.

Jumping may have gone out of fashion, but the BUTT is still an active muse.

In the plotting recent rock history, where was the point at which grunge died off and this sort of thing became the preeminent form of mainstream rock music? Or is this just a natural progression from grunge? I'm guessing that it's the latter, and that these groups are just the next generation of some of the less savory acts that popped up from 92-94, like Alice in Chains, STP, Collective Soul, Filter, Candlebox, etc. If you mark 1995 on your calendar as the year crap broke, that means we're now 13 years into the dominance of this type of leaden, depressive hard rock on mainstream radio. That's pretty remarkable.

DID YOU KNOW: In 2005, North Carolina Representative Walter B. Jones, who championed the Freedom Fries movement, came to believe that the Iraq war had been started without justification and expressed regret about his part in this French fried fiasco. In 2007, he made several public appearances without a flag pin on his lapel. In 2008, he defected to al-Qaeda.

That's why you can't trust exit polling.

Just typing that paragraph about working in fast food agitated me a little. Some wounds never heal. Yeah, I had never heard of am/pm until my recent trip to Seattle, but am now being inundated with commercials for some that are opening in Atlanta. They're promoting some sort of sausage-y hot dogish product that looks potentially lethal.

Working in food service is such a fucking nightmare. It's as bad as retail, except you throw in hunger as an extra aggravating factor. When customers would jump on my ass about some piddling additional charge, I'd always wonder what the hell they wanted me to do about it. "I know it's corporate policy and all, but I guess I can make an exception for you, random stranger." I mean, come on. I make $6.50 an hour. Dance on my dick.

Awesome game. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Detroit takes game one in Boston.

Cleveland's going to have to get something out of someone other than LeBron in the second half. Given how poorly everyone else has played and how LeBron's had to force what little offense they've been able to come up with so far, it's a minor miracle that this game is as close as it is.

Garlic bread. Its oversized American cousin, Texas toast, is an important part of my life.

He actually has started wearing the flag pin recently.

ABC already had WNBA games scheduled for Saturday afternoon. So instead of San Antonio/New Orleans Game 7, you can watch the Liberty and the Shock or whatever.

Seriously. No game tomorrow. You'll have to settle for either some comically mismatched baseball games or interacting with your loved ones. Good luck, all.

Their series with Cleveland has had the exact same result thus far. They've won at home and lost on the road.

They MATCHUP better with the Lakers than they do the Hawks? You're on drugs, Ripper. Not a chance in hell that Boston would win a game in L.A. They couldn't win a game at fucking Philip's Arena, man! This shit is just not going to happen. Boston at large is going to have to be satisfied with its regular season glory.

So the Lakers are going to beat Utah in Salt Lake City. Damn refs! They're in Kobe's pocket.

Do you realize that the Celtics have now lost six straight road playoff games to the Hawks and the Cavaliers? And they're going to kick the shit out of the Lakers? If by "kick the shit out of..." you mean edge in 7, maybe. But Boston isn't legitimately kicking the shit out of anyone.

The Lakers are looking pretty good here. Guys, my only concern is who in the hell do I root for in a Boston-L.A. series? I might have to pull a Smart Mark and very vocally not watch.

The problem with physics is that LeBron literally has no regard for human life. How do you think he regards science? It ain't positive, friend.

They're from Los Angeles. You don't need another reason. If you do, keep in mind that Kobe is a rapist and Phil Jackson is some sort of fraud that needs great players to win. I would never have considered Shaq a reason to hate this team. Shaq, as far as I can tell, is one of the nicest guys in sports. Kobe is a lot easier to hate.