Kinetic

Now I get to listen to Colin Cowherd claim that he's spent three hours discussing SpyGate because nobody cares about New Orleans Hornets basketball. Why do I subject myself to this?

So can we finally stop concentrating on this non-story and shift our focus to ESPN's obscenely premature pre-camp, post-draft Power Rankings? They've got New England at #1! Boo!

Where else did I hear this? It was in some movie, wasn't it? EDIT: Right, The Darjeeling Limited.

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Oh, Jesus. Fuck this league. Utah and Cleveland fans should watch out for some patented NBA Extremely Suspicious Officiating the rest of the way.

From an article entitled The Partying Penis and the Horny Hangover:

Here's a head-scratcher for you: On days when I'm suffering from really nasty hangovers, I feel an intense need to experience a sexual eruption. Why is that?

Happy birthday to CBright7831 (but not CBrights 1-7830, those guys can go fuck themselves) and Hawk52 and DeadBolt. Who are these people?

Tampa embarrassed Atlanta twice last year, and the Falcons have actually gotten worse this offseason. Those games seem like a lock. New Orleans is improved. Carolina is the one real wild-card, as it's hard to know how much of last season's performance you can chalk up to injuries.

Atlanta, Miami, and Chicago are my picks for worst three. I don't even think Baltimore finishes last in their division.

Oh, and then I got mixed up with this bit for a while: Really needy and not much in the sack. I couldn't get out of that thing soon enough.

This is a little too difficult for the Spurs. If they can't run away with game 3--where the road team dogging it happens--then I don't see how it's possible for them to win this series.

Do I know you? I mean, with all due respect, you jawing at me is like Soulja Boy talking shit to Jay Z. You shake that tree and a leopard's going to jump out, know what I'm saying?

No, that's it.

Now that I've seen how old you are, the constant John Stockton references make more sense.

Interestingly enough, Dandy is a gimmick that I came up with back in '02, but I gave it to Kotz because I didn't know what to do with it. I'm guessing he didn't, either.

I can tell you that Awkward Lapdance was Kamala. I know that for sure. I think that mysteryposterx was PongKong, but I'm basing that on a lot of things that I've pieced together over the last few weeks. I could be wrong. And Wilford Brimley isn't a gimmick at all, but is actually the actor who starred in such films as Cocoon and Ewoks: The Battle For Endor.

One of my middle schools did both Channel 1 and a closed-circuit thing, so that killed a good 45 minutes right at the beginning of the day. The kid who did the closed-circuit show was yanked off the air and severely punished for making fun of me over the air, for the whole school to hear. I was mortified beyond description. This was middle school, too, so it was quite a bit more socially damaging than it would have been just a few years prior.

Yeah, I remember Anderson Cooper on Channel 1. Alison Stewart, too.

I was in this musical in fifth grade: This is my only elementary school memory.

I heard a Chicago journalist describe Chris Simms as being "much better than any quarterback the Bears have on their roster right now" on ESPN Radio yesterday. What is he basing that off of? The guy's been a scrub since college.

I made that very comment to my girlfriend. Odd that they wouldn't edit that out.

I see that guystokes2008 is viewing the board. This comeback has been long overdue.

I was not the Seven Word Bandit.

Wow. I don't know that I've seen someone crash and burn on "American Idol" in the way that Jason Castro did tonight. The Bob Marley thing was an awful imitation that totally exposed his weaknesses as a singer, and he followed that up by fucking up a pretty well-known lyric on "Mr. Tambourine Man." I can't imagine him surviving tomorrow night. Cook kind of sucked tonight, too. "Baba O'Reilly" isn't really the kind of song that lends itself to a minute-and-a-half overview. As much as it pains me to say it, Archuleta was probably the best of the bunch tonight.