Kinetic

I, too, hope that my favorite team signs Alge Crumpler.

I was going to list Glenn Beck as being from a university, but it turns out that he doesn't have a college education. Go figure.

Jonah Goldberg? That's that fat guy with the Jew fro who's in all of those shitty comedies, right?

With the 8th pick of the draft, the Baltimore Ravens select Glenn Beck.

I'd sign Alge Crumpler in a heartbeat. Odd that they'd release Leftwich but not Harrington.

Awww. Happy Valentine's Day, guy.

I've always been Kinetic.

I'm learning more and more about what occured after my brain checked out on Sunday night. It turns out that I verbally harassed my neighbors for no reason and then flicked a lit cigarette at one of them as he attempted to flee from my barrage of sloppy, drunken insults. I don't even really dislike these guys that much.

I LISTENED TO STEPHEN A. SMITH'S SHOW TUH-DAY AND HE GOT ME ALL WORKED UP. NOW MY VOICE IS GETTING SQUEAKY WHEN I WANT TO EM-PHA-SIZE SOMETHING AND I'M WHISPERING FAH DRAMATIC EFFECT. HOW COME THE ME-DI-A ISN'T CRUCIFYING ROG-UH CLEMENS the way they did Barry Bonds?

I heard on Glenn Beck's show that Obama's Illinois state senate voting record includes at least one instance of him being in favor of killing actual living, breathing, crying, shitting babies. The audacity of hope, indeed.

It would increase government involvement in our day-to-day lives. If I don't want the government insisting that I significantly increase my chances of surviving a car crash by wearing a seatbelt, why would I want to have to report to some Washington bureaucrat before knocking up my live-in underage girlfriend? But let's just assume for a moment that such a form did exist. What would happen in a case where you have an unplanned pregnancy and the couple's so-called License to Procreate was denied? Is Glenn Beck advocating government-mandated abortion?

That trade to get Trent Green didn't work out particularly well for Miami. The highlight of his tenure with the team was him being kneed in the helmet. Oh, and the Panthers cut Dan Morgan. It'll be interesting to see if anyone picks him up, as he has a history of concussions and has missed a lot of time over the years.

I'll give you the incomparable Michael Clayton for a 2nd round pick. How's that sound?

Congratulations to you for being an insufferable prick. I know, I know...the jokes get old, but the people who feel that they're superior for congratulating the people that they'll never meet for creating the children that they'll never see make me feel like such a jerk. May their children have reasonably-sized noses!

Seriously, though. "Age of Aquarius" is terrible. "Jingle Bell Rock" serves its purpose.

Kawalimus should be banned for being a fucking idiot. Oh, and "Age of Aquarius."

Psssh. I don't recall Stone Cold suggesting that a giant nose with tiny arms would emerge from Stephanie's snatch. Prove it.

From Stephanie's cooch will come a giant nose with tiny arms. You heard it here first.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, I guess. After the disappointment of not getting the Redskins head coaching job, I was fortunate enough to be named MVP of the Pro Bowl, on account of my being the only person bored enough to watch the whole game. Whatta a honor.

Yeah, this system is pretty convoluted. Can't we have teams assigned to us at birth?

My ill-advised attempt to enjoy Badfinger has come to a predictable ending. This band sucks!

I'm going in to interview for the Redskins job today, guys. Wish me luck.

I'm not going to start another thread for "Most Amazing Comment of the Day at TSM," but this is it.

I can't remember the last time I listened to it, honestly. "Flawless" might have been a little hyperbolic, but it's a very good album.

The first Roxy Music album is flawless.