Kinetic

Your track record of terrible opinions continues unabated.

"Let's Spend the Night Together" is probably the worst of Bowie's cover songs, particularly in terms of how good the original is versus how mediocre his version is. "I Can't Explain" from Pinups would be a close second.

This is so stupid that I had to respond to it. The original version of "Across the Universe" is the only good version I've heard. Bowie had/has a really bad habit of including covers in his albums that are almost invariably the weakest thing on the record.

I'm pretty sure that the coin toss was originally scheduled for the day before the draft. I guess officials from the two teams met at the combine and someone happened to have a coin handy. Whatever. My concern here is that Cleveland either up and drafts Calvin Johnson themselves or that they trade the 3rd pick to someone that wants to draft him. I don't think there's a chance that they draft Brady Quinn, they might not need Adrian Peterson anymore, and Detroit probably takes...uh...the fat white OL from Wisconsin. Joe. Fat white Joe from Wisconsin. I'm just concerned, that's all.

I am deeply unsettled by the suggestion that anyone other than Tampa Bay will be taking Calvin Johnson. Are we just not doing the Cleveland/Tampa coin toss anymore, because it seems like ESPN has conceded the 3rd pick to the Browns. I'm not concerned about Oakland or Detroit, but Cleveland worries me, especially since they're no longer a mortal lock to take RB with their 1st round pick.

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I had a borderline homosexual experience with Cedric Benson in a public bathroom when we were both going to high school in Texas? It was wild. I actually went to the same school as Dominic Rhodes, but I never had a borderline homosexual experience with him. I never even met the guy. I think it's a close game at the half, but Indy pulls away in the third quarter. Something to the tune of 31-21. But even in defeat, Rex proves the doubters wrong and I have a borderline homosexual experience with him in the offseason.

I have a proposal to streamline the NFL by getting rid of all the teams that nobody cares about. I would immediately eliminate Carolina, Tampa Bay, New Orleans, Detroit, Minnesota, the entire NFC West (SF would move, more on that later), Tennessee, Jacksonville, Houston, Baltimore, and Kansas City. Then: 1. Move all three California teams to Los Angeles. This super-gigantic market and media center can support it. 2. Move the Bills to New York City. See above. 3. The Falcons should be the only team in the South, because who really cares about those mouth-breathing rednecks? Rename them the Atlanta NASCARs. On that note, I'd keep the Dolphins but have them represent the entire state of Florida, having gotten rid of the other two teams that nobody cares about. 4. Let's cut the crap and just have the Patriots represent Boston and Boston alone. Nobody cares about the rest of New England. 5. Merge the Browns and the Bengals. They can represent all of the parts of the Midwest not already represented by teams that people actually care about. That would leave us with the Giants, Jets, Bills, 49ers, Chargers, Raiders, Colts, Bears, Packers, Dolphins, NASCARs, Patriots, Midwesterners, Steelers, Cowboys, Redskins, Eagles, and Broncos. That's 18 teams, with the only small market being Green Bay, which has a rich history. What do you think?

It's K-Tic, actually. But please bear in mind that Metal Ed has suffered a significant amount of head trauma over the years and any amount of humor or entertainment in his posts is purely coincidental. He ain't been quite right since his Rock Box done blew up or something.

Check it, I got that John Cale live album, too. "Dying on the Vine" is for true heads only, but the rest of that record ain't worth shit. Peep this: I got this John Cale record called Guts that got that righteous-ass title track, plus a cover of "Pablo Picasso" and "Fear is a Man's Best Friend" and "Leaving it Up to You," which is some sick ass shit. It got a cover of "Heartbreak Hotel," too. Shit's crazy.

Wise move. Ain't no sense in beefin' with Bob Villa.

From now on, I am to be known as K-Tic. All comments or inquiries addressed to any name other than K-Tic will be ignored. All pending fan club applications addressed to the previous monikers of Kinetic and/or Jung Billz will be automatically updated to reflect this change of name, albeit with a small service charge assessed to your account. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. Word, K-Tic

It's taken me over four years and more than a couple of kidneys, but I've nearly reached 4000 posts. I may come off as a little aloof around here sometimes, but this is honestly and truly and genuinely a very sort of meaningful milestone for me. And there's no place I'd rather celebrate such a momentous occassion in my life as a beloved internet personality than firmly embedded in the Chocolate Socket. So, come on. Let's celebrate.

I should have known you goddamn people would ruin my celebration.

I would suggest either becoming a rap musician in the mold of K-Fed or an unofficial spokesman for Chef Boyardee products. If you can find a tasteful way to use it to describe your sexual prowess, my hat is off to you.

The most disturbing part of this whole situation for me is that I've seen a number of reputable publications actually refer to this guy as K-Fed. I mean, come on. And while a divorce may take some of the luster off Mr. Federline's burgeoning solo career, I guarantee you that this guy could be at least a quarterfinalist on Dancing With The Stars next year.

::A group of pigs:: This is our focus group. ::A group of pigs:: This is our think tank. ::A group of pigs:: This is our chat room. ::A pig rolling in its own fecal matter:: This is our spokesman. ::A group of pigs:: This is our breakfast. I do believe that there's a dream for everyone. This is our country. Vote Republican!

Do you question why Monday night would pay so much for a lineup that's actually considerably worse than Sunday night was last year? Fuck you. You're a homosexual. Because Monday night doesn't recognize words like "unwatchable" or "meaningless." Monday night only knows that you have a drinking habit to sustain and need something to stare at while you drown your sorrows in Pabst Blue Ribbon. Monday night knows that you have a frost-bitten Hungry Man dinner in the freezer, just waiting to be excavated during the third quarter of some piece of shit game between two teams you couldn't possibly care less about. Is it Monday night yet? Is it? Is it? Yes, it is. Stuart Scott's googly eye strikes eight thirty. It's Monday night, you homosexual.

His mother calls him Steve. Teammates call him "Hutch". Defensive linemen call him "Sir". His name is Steve Hutchinson.

As good as this week's matchup is, I'm really looking forward to next week's Monday game. Because Monday night doesn't recognize phrases like "bowel obstruction" or "inoperable cancer." Monday night only knows that rookie sensation Bruce Gradkowski and the defending NFC South champion Buccaneers are taking on All-Known-Universe Wide Receiver Steve Smith and the mildly hot Carolina Panthers in a pivotal divisional showdown.

It's good to see that at least a few people are watching ESPN's coverage of this pivotal interconference matchup, as the sensational Randy Moss and the Raiders try to become only the second team in the 3,000 year history of the National Football League to beat both of the previous year's conference champions in consecutive weeks. They'll try to do so against an intimidating Seattle offense led by Seneca Wallace and last year's Madden Shootout MVP, Maurice Morris. Is it Monday night yet? Is it? Is it? Yes, it is.

Wouldn't it be great if the Saints could do the unthinkable and win the big one for their hurricane-ravaged hometown of New Orleans? With a running game powered by sensational rookie Reggie Bush and a passing attack anchored by Heisman Trophy-winning wunderkind Reggie Bush, the Saints have shocked the world of professional football by racing out to a 6-2 start. With the emergence of slightly-less-sensational rookie Marques Colston and the return of All-Galaxy Wide Receiver Joe Horn, the sky is quite literally the limit for these sub-sea level sensations from the Big Easy. Go Saints!

What is this thread about, y'know? Back when I used to post on this board regularly, threads were about something. Most of my threads were about equality. The rest were about fucking Leena.

Oh, come on. Incandenza's great, but that guy's as gay as anyone you'll ever meet. I can meet him halfway on some of Dionne Warwick's material, but when that guy gets going on Barbara and Liza...watch out.

I think this board needs more posters willing to start shit for the sake of starting shit. For instance, I think that Incandenza is a latent homosexual and that Agent of Oblivion has a remarkably small penis. I'm also not entirely unconvinced that Kotz isn't the individual with whom I had a "Lola"-type epiphany at a nightclub in Charleston while on vacation a few months ago.

What could anyone possibly have against Leena? Aficianados will recall that she was one of my "Sixteen Posters to Watch for 2006," along with me and 14 of my gimmick accounts. I'd chalk all of this controversy up to the inability of the insecure male posters here to deal with a strong-minded female poster and her soft, wet cooch.