Nighthawk

Only if properly timed.

I don't even think they have Dunkin Donuts here, or I'd get that hot chocolate. Also, the thread about them is probably too old to bump, but I had one of the Subway feasts. Pretty good shit. I walked to Subway to get a little exercise so I wouldn't feel quite so bad about eating a fucking cartoonishly huge sandwich. By the time I lugged the fucker back home my arm was almost tired from carrying it.

I can dance... Then again I can also blow a guy.

Yeah, not to mention the fact that two percent are great odds. I don't consider it good fortune that I've never been struck by lightning. And there is furthermore added security by using multiple birth control methods. Just the pill and a condom, the odds are already exponentially lower. By these false standards, if I've fucked 100 women (and I have), at least two of them should have gotten pregnant. I have no children, so I should buy some lottery tickets. You're usually a pretty sharp guy, Ripper, but this is one of the dumbest arguments I've ever seen you make.

Sometimes it's good to lie. Like if you answer the phone while you're taking a shit and they ask what you're doing. Sometimes I lie for absolutely no reason, like telling people I just met that my name is Cornelius. Then I'll just ramble off on some tangent about my family history of the name Cornelius.

Oh man, there was a Penn and Teller Bullshit that mentioned those, I just remembered. This guy was trying to say it was an alien implant.

As soon as the heavily religious founder croaks (and he is in his 80s), I bet Chik-fil-a will open up on Sundays. On Arby's, I know they have a bad reputation, but I really like the place. They have some good deals, too, like their occasional five roast beef sandwiches for $5 deal. I used to slam five of those motherfuckers by myself, back during my fat period. I'm almost positive I won't be trying these subs, though, because I'm around an Arby's so infrequently that I basically never get anything except roast beef. I enjoy it enough that I'd consider it a wasted opportunity to get something else. With the curly fries.

Indeed I do. The only bad thing I can say about them is they're closed on Sundays.

Yeah, but she's a girl. There are plenty of fat guys I admire: Orson Welles, Curly Howard, Paul Prudhomme, John Belushi, John Candy, Tor Johnson, Refrigerator Perry... the list goes on. Fat girls? Mary Jo Pehl, and... I dunno, Kathy Bates? She was the one in Misery, right? Totally underrated movie. Anyway, it's not as many as fat guys. Also, I don't think the term chubby chaser is too accurate, because there's not a lot of chasing. Fat girls are easy. No offense to TaigaStar on that one, I'm only speaking in general here.

Ripper that's totally exaggerated. Condoms fail now and again, but they do usually work. Millions of babies a year? I think not. And the pill is even more so. It's, I believe, 98% effective. Shit happens, yeah, but this is simple math. That's not good fortune, it's just logic.

No, it does suck now, has since Bill Gaines died. But I get a subscription every time mine runs out, as a gift. I've had one since I was 6. Cracked was actually better for a while, but they're just a website now. It's actually an ok website, but bears no similarity to the satirical comic it once was.

Oh c'mon... gossip! Celebrities are like people who live in our neighborhood, except they live in everybody's neighborhood. It's human nature to talk shit about people. There's a reason why my only magazine subscriptions are MAD, Hustler and the National Enquirer.

Surely not Chick-fil-A?

At the point where she stops wanting this dick.

The internet, man. It's the whole world at your fingertips. That particular thing I found out while trying to research if any legal action was taken between that movie and Turner & Hooch, which is much more well known, but came out later and had basically the exact same plot (nobody got sued). Hooch is dead too, by the way, but of natural causes.

You know what's worse than that? Remember the Jim Belushi movie K-9? The dog in that movie was a real police dog, and he was shot and killed in the line of duty just a couple years after that movie. Now that's sad.

Well said, Cheech. I agree with that. An unplanned pregnancy is either the will of God or irresponsibility, and since I don't think the messiah is coming from the Spears clan... you can draw your conclusions from there.

My back molars are as jagged as the rocky mountains, I can't feel shit there. I actually do think I know what you guys are saying with the lower ones, though.

Two forearm tumors makes me think of Popeye. Which makes me want chicken.

I'm not even turned on by this, that's how fucking jaded I've become.

Was watching the new Halloween dvd. Malcolm McDowell is a pretty funny guy, apparently, he was cracking everybody up on the blooper reel. He needs more roles, period, and more comedy specifically.

Look on the bright side. They keep making this book into different movies. Still room for at least one more!

I don't like this thread...

Nah, that was cause you were scrawny. If you were ugly and massive, they'd have left you alone. Not fat, I mean, just intimidating. I don't find you particularly ugly either, by the way, it's just the aforementioned gums and teeth. They're distracting. But you have shown pictures of your whole family by this point, and you all have that. It's like... being short. When you're unattractive in some random way, then you feel short changed.

Don't be so hard on internet relationships. I use the internet to meet women all the time. Since I'm not in school, I don't like bars and I don't go to church, there's not many other places to meet them. Course, these are girls who live in the area... Still, I'm surprisingly sympathetic to the phenomenon, particularly considering the number of times I've posed as a 16 year old girl and gotten some guy to fall in love with me.