Nighthawk

Of course we do, what the fuck are you talking about?

Me? Well, of course I would. But if you notice, a lot of those girls did laugh.

Oh, lighten up.

That's more difficult, particularly when you exclude anything I was involved in. A lot of stuff doesn't stand the test of time, and a lot of the stuff I call great, I love because it's terrible. I must say though, I did always like Metal Ed, and that's still funny. Also: Leena's body. Go for it. There's stores here... they hover somewhere between thrift stores and vintage clothing store. Most of the stuff there is thrift storishly priced, but they are still able to get people to drop $80 on an original KISS tour shirt. The point is, there's a market for it. You'll make your investment back at the very least. As an aside, I really love those stores. I've been able to pick up a shirt from the first season of American Idol for $8, and some decent 80s era Bowie and Elton John shirts in the $20 range. They also have cool shit like staff jackets for airlines that don't exist anymore and girl scout sashes (yes, I could accessorize that).

Zombie film. It's the easiest to get made, but it's a saturated market. None of them are original ideas, but with zombie films it doesn't matter. Regarding the two chicks: Carly. Course nothing says you can't pursue both. There's no ring on your finger. Probably Frigid deleting the other board, or Jingus becoming addicted to cough medicine. Politics. My penis. Regarding older women, meh. I mean, I agree in a sense, but I currently know an 18 year old girl going out with a 15 year old guy and a 22 year old with a 17 year old. And that's just right now. It happens. It's more that the girls suck than that the guys are so great.

A lot of them were. The kind of girls I like sort of lends itself to this. I like really slutty girls, so that's obvious (I've had to tear myself away from that a little, too). I also like sort of alternative girls, you know, weird hair and tattoos and shit. They're sort of more tolerant of that sort of thing. Plus, you know, I had my band. Rock stars are the most fucked up people in the world, they get laid all the time. I wasn't a rock star, but you know, I was cool. Plus, I could still talk about interesting things. And a lot of girls like to party, too. So that's all elements of a guy who should be able to get girls, it's just... I'm a complete addict, I mean, c'mon, have a little respect for yourself. Funny anecdote, the absolute hottest girl I currently know would beer bong whiskey. I'd still fuck her. I guess that's true all over. I mean, I won't fuck her, cause she's my friend. And she doesn't do that sort of stuff anymore anyway. Still drinks a lot, though. Maybe she thought you felt too strongly for her, for just a friend. And you probably did, truth told. But she sent incredibly mixed signals. You want my honest opinion... fuck that girl. She was mean to you. There were better ways to handle the situation. Like, not break up with a guy and then still be his girlfriend for all intents and purposes for four more months. That's just fucking with somebody's head. And you really can't be friends with somebody like that unless you're a very unique individual. Like Seinfeld. If you're going to though, because I know it's easy to crack, wait until you move. Then she'll at least know you don't want more. Would also be good to get a new girlfriend yourself, either way. Will let you know whether you really want her as a friend or not. And if you did talk to her, it would say something to her that you had one. Seriously though, move on. I know this isn't a question, but I thought I'd point out that as surprising as it may be, I'm incredibly shy. I overcompensate. As a lifestyle. That may also be why I meet my serious girlfriends on the internet. In that form, I can talk like a normal person and don't feel the need to be the brazen loudmouth that I usually am. I act normal with my friends too, but they've told me I take some getting used to. The serious girlfriends I didn't meet online, I was friends with first. I'm hesitant about this, though, because I don't want to lose them as friends. I am one of those Seinfeld motherfuckers who can be friends afterwards without giving a shit, but sometimes they aren't.

I posted a long myspace blog suggested by what Ripper was saying there. I also talked about Paris and Lohan. Thanks for the idea, Ripper.

Well, I couldn't really stop him, so I suppose a more appropriate question is why I'm helping him. I like to hear people talk about me, I like attention. Plus, a book about me will be a great icebreaker and pick up line. It also helps me out to talk about my life, I learn things, like I've done here. In addition, like I was saying how I sort of might want to publish something, but I didn't really feel like making the effort. Well, if I have a book about me already out, that makes it much easier to do, particularly if, god help us, anybody actually reads the book besides people I know. If I can actually make this comedy thing work, I will use it to branch out to scripts and things. If I actually became famous, the book that some guy wrote about me before I was would be the funniest thing ever. Something else I just realized from what VX was saying. Since I was trying to find a girlfriend, I thought about if any of my serious ones had anything in common. They do... I met almost all of them on the internet. This is probably because I seem like a lunatic, so they have to get to know me first, unless they're crazy. I've gotta go join match.com!

Put bacon on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Actually no, it was the summer after, come to think of it. I was class of 2001, and I started like a month or so before 9/11. Like I said, it meant nothing to me, and I was on a lot of drugs, so the timeline can escape me.

I spent my senior year in jail, and the previous summer fucking girls I just met and doing meth. Ironically I still managed to post on TSM a fair amount. High school meant absolutely nothing to me. And I mean that literally. Nothing. Not education, not friendships, not hookups. My entire life was outside, I was basically just a ghost there. But I do know about wanting to go out and it falling apart. You basically have to know a lot of people. People in general are unreliable, so if you know a ton of them, odds of any one of them flaking out on you making a difference decrease proportionately. Extend your social networks. Also, you're a pot smoker. Be the guy who always has and can provide weed. That'll help. I'm a big fan of Andrew WK, and I actually liked him before he was very well known. He is one of three artists who have made me cry from sheer joy (while drunk). The other two are the Cure and the Spice Girls. Wow, I'm gay. But yeah, he's awesome, and he is a powerfully attractive man. Good friend of mine always needles me about it, though. "You know how I know you're gay? You like Andrew WK." he says (and he knows I cried over the Cure and the Spice Girls... still goes to Andrew WK).

No. Honestly, I consider that thread hilarious. I mean, it's just a dick, why the hell does anyone care? I am basically 100% comfortable with nudity, and routinely take my clothes off at dance clubs (I usually get told to put them back on when it gets down to the pants. They are ok with shirts, when when I'm about to get totally nude, they're like "Please, seriously... put your clothes back on.") Chicks make out with me over this, and the other thing they really like is when I'll kiss dudes, girls throw themselves at me when I do this. I guess it's not that different than drunk chicks kissing each other for attention, but that does work the other way too. I really don't care about nudity slightly, so having done it, it means nothing to me. Wanna see my dick, fine. Here it is. If it had only been shopped around and made fun of or whatever, that would be great. I've done some atrocious things, but none of them were to myself. I'll pretty much do anything to myself and think it's funny, my only regret is that it wasn't a better penis to show everyone. I tried hard to get myself to full erection, but whatever. It's a dick, not unlike every other dick you've seen. Enjoy it or don't. I only wish it were still on this site to show off.

I struggled with this a long time. I did terrible, terrible things (they weren't so terrible, it wasn't something that everybody else I knew wasn't doing, but if you stop and think... it's evil. Problem is nobody else stopped and thought). This is a serious problem (defining yourself by your past), but you have to just move on and forget it. It's about telling yourself, over and over, who you are, and what you offer, and it's not that, anymore. If you get locked up forever, then you can do that, just be like "This is all I meant to society." But my incredible enthusiasm towards life comes from knowing that it could be worse. Quit saying "I need to be a better person." and say "I am a better person." I did bad things to girls (No, I didn't hit them or scream at them or any of that... my recent talks with certain female friends of mine have told me that that sort of thing is immediately what their mind goes to). But I psychologically abused them and made them hate themselves even worse than they already did. It's not better. I fostered hate, I did evil shit, I made girls loathe their own bodies and want to be abused. Pretty bad, but do I do it now? No. I find solace in all the awful shit that was done to me, it's like "Ok, you did this to me, and I did it to you, but we're grown now. Let's get it together." And it's like, I'm a nice, sweet guy, and I'm ok. Does what I did back then change that? No, it really doesn't. Whatever reasons you've got, what you do now is all that matters. Try to put it on the level of eating paste when you were in kindergarten. Shouldn't have, but did, so what? I think defining yourself by your past is about not being satisfied with what you do today. It's like Duff McKagen. "Ok, I drank so much my pancreas burst. But now I'm in Velvet Revolver and our albums are good." Duff doesn't care that he did that. Now it's about yoga. Ok, do that. If you kill somebody, that's forever, but besides that, nothing is forever. That's really what it comes down to. Honestly ask "Does what I used to do change what I do now?" Unless you're in prison, there's no way it does. Get a different job, then quit if you get a chance to go back to the old one (If it's better than the new job you found). There's nothing wrong with taking a job to pay some bills, then forgetting it. Hell, work at a grocery store. Point is, if you like the old job and want it back, take it, but you don't have to hold out for it.

Also, since it sort of bridged the gap between the two, actually drawing women on paper is a good way to draw them to you. It ain't just a scene in Titanic, that shit works. I think I mentioned here the myriad of chicks I got to take their clothes off because I told them they could pose for a fairy tattoo I was going to get. I mean, it wasn't a bit, I really meant it. I actually have decided on the girl I'm going to use. Point is, it worked. I think this is about feeding their ego.

The best Chris Tucker role was Beaumont Livingston in Jackie Brown.

Albertson's became Lucky's again. Seems pointless, they obviously spent a lot of money changing the signs and everything. It's not like people were going "Fuck Albertson's, I'm not shopping there... oh, Lucky's. Well, that's different then."

Oh yeah, I guess that's true. Drawing women as in attracting them is basically solely about confidence, I find. Like a guy I know who is seriously pretty psychotically creepy always seems to do that. It's pretty much solely because he thinks he's this outrageous chick magnet, he really believes it... and therefore he kind of is. It's the same principle behind Tucker Max. And myself, when I was in college. And me now, even. I still don't have a problem with that aspect of it. The other day I got home from having sex, and I stopped at Jack in the Box and got a chipotle chicken ciabatta sandwich. And I thought about the sex, and I looked at the sandwich, and I said "Yep. This sandwich is the best thing that happened to me today."

I actually had/have this problem too. I got over it by totally overcompensating. I'd say anything, like just straight up asking them if they would be interested in being gangbanged, or one time I took a girl out and when we were alone in my car, I told her "The only reason I get any women at all is because of who I am... a rapist." That's a Rodney Dangerfield line, but I discovered that nineteen year old black girls don't know anything about Rodney Dangerfield. So now, I don't go around saying that crazy shit, but if I have to say something I'm nervous about, I can do it. My other advice is to try to stop thinking about them as girls and think of them as people. Be friendly with them, and once you have that natural conversational chemistry, they will give you signals about when it's the right time to do what. Remember, they like you just as much as you like them. If a girl can't get a guy to come on to her when she wants to, that's her problem as much as his. One of my stand up bits I'm writing is about a rape date, as opposed to date rape. The other day I bought crack, threw it over my shoulder, and said "Guess what, I don't even smoke crack dumbass." Yes, I wan reenacting a Mr. Show bit. That was kind of out there. I think short of killing or raping someone, there's not a lot I wouldn't do. I wouldn't be GG, cause that's a lifestyle choice, but he is my hero. I also have collection of shirts which I got to wear to pro life demonstrations. Not just one, I have to choose from a few. I have, I think, seven shirts with the word fuck on them. Just yesterday I was telling my friend I needed to be more blasphemous.

A lot of it, in my case, wasn't natural. I can naturally write, to some extent (that being, whether it's worth reading or not, I can scrape together good papers without doing outlines or shit.) because I read a lot. And I can draw because, to a certain extent, I like to immerse myself in art. I read a lot of comics and like to go to museums and the like, and I also briefly flirted with grafitti culture, when I was friends with these Mexican guys who were into that. Also, I had something of a mentor, a German guy I knew who was a cartoonist (this never went anywhere, because A) it's a hard business to succeed in and B) His shit wasn't funny. He wanted to be like a newspaper cartoonist. Looked good, but conveyed nothing. Of course, shit like Family Circus looks bad and it isn't funny, so who know). He taught me some stuff. And gave me a few books about technique that did help. Books about drawing technique, I recommend a series by this dude Jack Hamm. It's concise, but valuable. It's about staying true to yourself. I'm a really very happy and fulfilled individual, although I do wish I had a girlfriend, and this started when I absolutely stopped caring what anyone thought. You are you. Embrace it. As for being a big entertainer, I think that's about going out there and doing it. You'll fail a thousand times, but you must try. If you have a voice, somebody will hear it. I'm really seriously wanting to do stand up comedy now, so I'm just going to go do it. 1) I feel way less guilty about drinking after watching a Doug Stanhope bit about how more high school kids are doing drugs, but it's ok. Who better to do drugs? What are you going to fuck up so bad you can't bounce back from? Getting an F? So fucking what. You're not going to forget your kids at daycare. You're not going to blow your mortgage payment. I also have very few responsibilities. I have no wife or kids. I could theoretically blow my rent money, but it's not coke... it's booze. It's pretty cheap these days. 2) You are most welcome. Yes, it is. I love porn, but it's not for everyone. I actually like how respectable porn has become, it's getting sort of ok. I actually think wrestling is now lower than porn on the seedy business totem pole. There's lot of goofy amateur shit where god knows what goes on, but actual porn? If she has the right mindset for it, totally. And phenomenon as in rare? No. Phenomenon as in really good? Yes.

Yeah, but it's not like it's bad pizza. Hell, even elementary school cafeteria pizza is sort of good. Obviously people are choosing to go there. It's not like Long John Silvers, where there's literally no one ever there and I have no idea how they're open or what the point is.

I've really taken a liking to Doug Stanhope lately. The dude's me in older stand up comic form. He did a bit about how it sucks to hear old people bitch about how society has gone to hell. "The trouble these days is it's as easy to buy drugs as it is to buy a newspaper." Which is true in certain parts of town. (I bought crack the other day as a joke) But I can walk down the street and buy a newspaper. Hell, they deliver them to my door and I don't even want them.

I had a couple things to say about hot dogs. People do tend to think a lot about hot dogs. I've seen like, multiple shows about it on TLC. Now the best hot dogs I ever had were from a place in LA called Cupid's, but they were really expensive. Close second is Nathan's, and I've been to the original one in Coney Island. I like their dogs with the chili peppers on it. The Dodger dogs at Dodger stadium are good too. I don't even like baseball, but whenever I wound up at a game, I had the hot dogs to look forward to. The street vendor dogs in NY are pretty good in a Jetson's food type of way. They're like two biters. I feel like a skinny Asian when I eat those. In that vein, at Krystal (and possibly White Castle, I haven't been to WC in years), they have tiny little chili dogs called Pups, and those are great if you're in the mood for that. There's a chain here called Kasper's while is pretty good, and also a rip off one called Casper's, which is pretty good in it's own right, but not quite as much so. My favorite at Kasper's is the nacho cheese dog. If it's not chili or cheese or peppers or something like that, my standard topping is mustard and onions. I'm one of those guys who gets disgusted by the idea of ketchup on a hot dog. I also do not like relish. I can handle saurkraut, but it's not my favorite. Also, I love corn dogs. The best kind are the hand dipped kind you get at the carnival. I once found the batter to make those at home, and it was great, and I actually never found it again. I even asked at the store, and they said no, they didn't have it anymore and didn't know who would. I also dig the cheese dogs at Hot Dog on a Stick (like a corn dog, but there's just cheese in them). A guy I know works at Hot Dog on a Stick and makes $13 an hour. He's also the kind of guy who enjoys wearing the ridiculous outfit they have to wear. Store bought hot dogs, I usually go for kosher, preferably Hebrew National, but Ball Parks and Oscar Meyer are ok. I don't like Armour hot dogs, I think they taste terrible. They lied to me through song. I hate when people do that. And that's what I think about hot dogs.

No, I think I probably will. Even saying it made me realize I have no reason not to, which is why I singled that out as my favorite question. When I stopped it was likely more about depriving myself of something I liked. I wasn't born hollow and nihilistic, I was made that way. I've found something of a balance though. As such, I've been expressing myself a lot more lately. I have been drawing some tattoos for myself. Maybe I'll just keep going.

It was about drawing. I have, indeed, posted many recent myspace blogs about crazy shit I've done, and I mentioned how I was in Outward Bound for a while. And someone read it and asked me "What were you doing in Outward Bound?" And I said "Well, drawing a lot." And they were like "Really, I totally never knew you drew." And I said "No, I pretty much don't anymore." And they said "Why'd you stop?" This was why: I said "Hm. I never knew that." I do learn a lot from opening myself to people. So my decision to stop drawing was an allegory for my hatred of the human race.

Jiggleypuff is my fourth favorite Pokemon.