Corey_Lazarus

There are three Troma movies I feel are their best, and the quality only increased with each three: Tromeo & Juliet Terror Firmer Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV Those are not only hilarious, but they also show how Lloyd went from stupid ass into a solid filmmaker. It doesn't hurt that Trent Hagaas (I think that's his name), who is a huge Toxie fan, wrote the script for Toxie 4 and starred in Terror, and Will Keenan is an amazing actor (it's almost surprising how good this kid is). Doesn't hurt that the soundtracks are also MAGNIFICENT. What else? Tremors and Tremors 2 are personal favorites, as are the Critters films. I also have a shameful love of every Leprechaun movie.

It's going to be VERY brief this week, maybe just a highspot or two and my opinion/rating of the match. The reason? My whole family has been sick this past week, and I ain't feeling too good. VERY tired, and I got the dry heaves (I have a bucket next to the chair as I type this). Sorry to disappoint anybody.

Depends. I have yet to hear a rap song use "perspicacity" or "auspicious," and Dani Filth is known for using "auspicious" way too much. Duncare for the interview, though.

That could be because the sonic assault of Dio's shittiness was too much for your friend's ears to handle... Deaf by 30 for me.

They both wrestle Junior Heavyweight styles. They fly, are a little stiff, and just own. Seriously. They just own. DEFINITELY X-Style.

Nevermind. The Lazarush is cancelled this week. I can't write without feeling the urge to fall asleep or puke, and I got driving hours tomorrow (before me and a couple friends go see Dawn Of The Dead), and lunch with my grandmother on Saturday before going to my girlfriend's. Sorry for anybody that now has to read some shitty TNA reviews. Thread Killer, if you want to put your synopsis up instead of the Lazarush, send it to me and I'll upload it for ya.

I'm actually hoping they choose NOAH, if only so Marufuji and KENTA come over. Those two are GREAT.

I'm not whining, but I don't particularly care for Spielberg. AI was kinda ruined by the "happy" ending he tacked on. Just remember that for every Jaws, for every Saving Private Ryan, there's some schlocky "feel good" movie that the critics adore and would be magnificent if not for the stupid "feel good" ending. Then again, I'm a Lloyd Kaufman mark, and his hatred for Spielberg is well-known by Troma fans, so hey.

...which was once lead by FAAROOQ...

Muscle League > any other US promotion. Why? Because the Muscle League had the stones to put an Electric Deathmatch on the air between Kid Muscle and that Brazilian dMp dude (Rico? Rolando?). Kid Muscle > Chris Benoit. More charisma, better at selling, better look. Anyways, I'm definitely picking this up. Aki's engine is fantastic, even if it's going to be a little more arcadey for the new Ultimate Muscle game, and I watch Ultimate Muscle every week (I hate Fox for putting TMNT on at 9:30 so I have to sit through those pieces of shit Sonic X and Shaman King to see Ultimate Muscle). KINNIKU-BUSTAH~!

Wow, I didn't know Vince owned TNA too~! To answer your questions... -Jarrett will retain. Doing otherwise would cheapen the World title, since Harris is BALLS. -AJ will win the #1 contendership, and then be defeated by Jarrett later on as Raven continues his path to Destiny. -Frankie will bring in some obscure SoCal indy worker I've never heard of and impress me by not sucking as much as he did before he left. -NOBODY will turn to help Jarrett, as that's expected. Jarrett will instead win cleanly in a hard-fought, 15-minute suckfest.

The problem with the "Wrestling Reinvented" campaign that I have is that the quality of the show was at its best when the angles were more risque than they were family-friendly, and when the workers were allowed to go 15 minutes and do whatever it took to get the crowd cheering. Now, the workers were told to slow it down, the X-Division is pretty dead (THE CHAMPION HAS NOT DEFENDED THE BELT IN OVER A MONTH), and not a single feud is interesting in the least. It's almost as if Russo's conversion to Christianity took his knack for interesting characters and angles out of him. Also, will the in-ring work suffer? Most family-friendly promotions I know of stick to the basics of professional wrestling (simple holds and reversals, and clearcut heels and faces), and the only one I can think of that I'm entertained by at all is New England Championship Wrestling (and that's because Sheldon Goldberg lets the workers go all-out for the big matches, and their last show on Saturday March 13th featured two *** matches and a well-booked battle royale). The thing that REALLY irks me is the "clearcut heels and faces" part, since wrestling became popular again because heels and faces WEREN'T clearcut anymore. The hero didn't say his prayers and eat his vitamins, and the villain didn't curl their mustache while holding onto the tights. A good heel is hard to come by these days, but there are workers that can be great heels while not having to resort to the Memphis style. In closing, Fuck Dutch Mantel.

Actually, CM and Julio didn't get over because they were booked to win over NOBODIES in SHORT, MEANINGLESS BRAWLS. Was CM ever given time to have an interview that meant shit? No. All he'd say was "I'm going to beat you, Sandman." That's it. And it doesn't help that when Raven comes back, CM is squashed two weeks in a row. Sorry, but The Gathering didn't get over because YOU BOOKED THEM TO BE FAILURES. And CM has every right to pimp RoH and not TNA in his livejournal. First off, it's HIS livejournal. Second off, RoH is the better (and more profitable) company. In three years, I'm willing to bet TNA will be either dead or stuck in the same position while RoH is holding shows in Japan (seeing as how they already held a show in England with the FWA). Where will CM Punk be? Near the top of the RoH card while hundreds of PAYING fans chant for him. In TNA? If Punk is still there? He'll be jerking the curtain with a meaningless hardcore brawl that doesn't show any of his true talents (the guy really is a great mat worker, and can sell like a motherfucker) while 200 people, barely half of which have paid, sit in boredom.

Considering ICP were the highlights of TNA for quite some time, entertainment-wise (say what you will about their ringwork, but they're pretty damn charismatic and got people coming to see TNA), this is balls.

SoBe. Seriously. That shit is like Gus' Windex to me.* To those that haven't seen My Big Fat Greet Wedding, the chick's father, Gus, uses Windex as a cure for all ailments. Fever? Soak something in Windex and put it on your forehead. Burn? Spray some Windex on it. SoBe is the spinach to my Popeye: I take even a few sips and I'm all better.

Yeah...if you're a fag. Oh, and I love 'em, but Shadows Fall has had some pretty stupid lyrics in their time. "Lifeless" (off of Somber Eyes To The Sky) is plagued by teenage-level angsty lyrics, and is only saved by the fact that you cannot understand what Phillip LaBonte is saying most of the time (but the lyrics sound like something Jon Davis would call a masterpiece).

Sent in. Just waiting for it to be posted.

I liked part of it, but a good portion of it I didn't care for. Lazarush is up, guys. Check the main page.

Any other details? Is it rock, pop, rap...? Only thing that immediately comes to mind is something from The Who off of Tommy...but that was the 70's, wasn't it?

Jarrett's winning, no two ways about it. If Jarrett doesn't win, they've booked themselves into a hole, as Harris is not nearly over enough, good enough, or even worthy enough of holding the NWA World title. The question is, though: How much interference will there be? Should be very good, since AJ has been in more TNA ladder matches than anybody else...but where the fuck are the Tag belts? Shouldn't both men still lay claim to them? I think Russo should at least come out and say "the winner of this match will be the number one contender to the World title, but the loser gets half of the Tag belts." Might make it interesting, I think, to see Abyss try to decide whether he wants to do as Jarrett says and get the Tag titles, or go for Jarrett's own World title. They couldn't say a 10-Man Gauntlet, since that's what this is? I like the Rankings idea, as long as they stick to it. Going to be a terrible, terrible match. Shane's only got three moves in him (the somersault neck-snap, the full nelson Camel Clutch, and the Fisherman's Buster), and James Storm is "meh." Read that last line. When was the last time an X-Division match was high-flying aside from the standard signature spots? Sorry, but when I think "high-flying, aerial" matches, I don't think about 200 different ways to hit an armdrag. Should be a tight show, as long as Frankie remains working as a heel.

Since our Spring Break (at least many Massachusetts high schools') is in April, I'll tell you my plans for April vacation: Get piss drunk every night but Wednesday (so I can order TNA and actually coherently review it) and the night before my parents are due home. Sub-plans? Spend some quality time with my girlfriend alone in my room with Shadows Fall as the soundtrack and the Evil Dead II DVD in the PS2. And, uhhh.... Finish a paper on HP Lovecraft's influence on modern horror.

What's sad is that I felt the only match over ** was the ICP brawl at the end, and that's only because of the heat it had for the last half of it (when it went HOUSE EN FUEGO, ™ Dames). Very boring stuff tonight.

...which meant nothing later on, as Tommy Dreamer lost the ECW World title to JUSTIN CREDIBLE...

Yes, you bitch. Not all of the matches are gonna be good, but you should order because it's probably better than the last three our four weeks of TNA programming.