Corey_Lazarus

You call it elitism, I call it not liking what Ross Robinson and all of the other suits want to call heavy metal. I don't mind that these bands exist, I just wish their fans weren't so fucking adamant that they're the best or the heaviest when neither is true. It reminds me of when I was with my ex Heather and all of her friends were into Slipknot, and I had to go into great detail whenever they asked me why I didn't like them. Trust me, I ripped them apart A LOT worse than I rip Lamb of God apart, and I actually don't mind Slipknot that much. Mick has some awesome riffs and Joey's an amazing drummer, and Corey's voice works for the band perfectly.

Because they're a fucking commercialization off of the music that I've been listening to for the better part of the last 10 years. It's the same reason I hate KoRn, Slipknot, Trapt, and every other nu-metal act. It's just toned down metal for the MTV youth to get their little fucking hands on. I used to be of the belief "if it's heavy, it's good," but that changed quickly when I started realizing that most heavy bands that get attention...suck fucking ass. Lamb of God is one of them. Randy's vocals are awful (beyond the Chris Barnes so-bad-it's-good sense), the guitars are uninspired in every song I've heard by them save for "11th Hour" (which seems to be the favorite LoG song from the fans of the band I've met IRL), the drumming tame compared to what passes as mediocrity in most death metal bands, and I can't even hear the bass because the production is so nu-metally/rap-oriented where the mid on the bass is all the way down it's embarassing. They're fucking poseurs making a buck off of something they only care about because "yo, dude, it's fucking phat." The ONLY difference between them and Otep is that Otep takes herself more seriously.

Agent, which Sepultura album do you prefer: Chaos AD or Schizophrenia? I find myself liking the ideas and concepts from Chaos AD (blending metal/hardcore with the tribal drumming that the band heard every day growing up in Brazil), but the music of Schizophrenia (balls-to-the-fucking-wall thrash/death metal) much better. I still give the nod towards Chaos AD, if only for the strength of "Refuse/Resist" and the approach the brothers Cavalera took with it. On that note, I'm actually thinking about getting into Soulfly. Everything I've heard off of III and The Dark Ages has been enjoyable and similar to mid-90's Sepultura, plus when I saw them open for Slayer years ago on the H82K2 tour they put on a fucking amazing live show. This sorta scares me, since I hated Soulfly in high school strictly based off of how awful Primitive was (with the only decent song being the opener) and for Max ditching Sepultura and thus ruining them. The Cavaleras really had all of their magic together.

Aye, Slay. How could I forget Nevermore's work?! Well...excluding Enemies of Reality, which I think even Nevermore regrets, that is. This Godless Endeavour is an overlooked classic, dare I say. On par with, if not better than, Dead Heart in a Dead World. Epic, thanks for the Helloween love. Them and the other band you mentioned, Jag Panzer, are the only "big" power metal acts (as in: you could go to a record store and find their albums) I regularly enjoy. Slay, I'm still searching for a fucking Onward album! I listened to "Witches Winter Eternal" for the first time in nearly a year the other day, and I blew my load. It was all gooey, dear God was it disgusting. Lamb of God's only redeemable quality is their stage presence. That's a big reason, IMO, why better - technically and brutally - death metal, metalcore, and thrash metal acts don't get as much attention as the well-known bands: they're boring live. I still remember seeing Morbid Angel open for Slayer and Pantera years ago, and how fucking bored I was during the whole set. Cannibal Corpse at SotU was the same story: a legendary metal band with a live show that boils down to Alex Webster doing a ton of windmills and Corpsegrinder placing one foot on the feedback amp and growling like a motherfucker. Better metal bands would get the attention they deserve, IMO, through not only publicity (let's face it: if a band is on Roadrunner, they're gonna be on MTV and their album's going to be pushed harder than band who's on Metal Blade or Century Media, and that's solely because of Slipknot's success, as well as Roadrunner's history in the late 80's/early 90's of some solid releases that garnered a decent amount of mainstream attention), but also a much better live show. That doesn't mean necessarily go the way of Gwar, but do something to keep fans entertained that aren't already into your music. You know who's better than Lamb of God, but plays similar metalcore with a big ol' heaping dose of nu-metal influence? The Red Chord. Only they do it better. Same with Chimaira. And Dry Kill Logic. So why aren't those three bands on the same level as Lamb of God? ...if you can't already tell, I really fucking hate Lamb of God...

There's a decent White Zombie tribute album out there, Super Charger Hell, but that's really iffy. And the cover of "Thunderkiss '65" by, IIRC, Catch 22 is putrid.

Actually, you could always understand what Rob was saying. His lyrics were better back in the day, a lot more off-beat and nonsensical (similar to Danzig-era Misfits), but really: how can you listen to just the INTRO to "The Devil's Rejects" and not feel like you're in a 70's exploitation horror flick?

So it's basically the Past, Present, Future release from a few years ago with less White Zombie songs and two songs from Rob's latest Educated Horses. A good introduction to his work with both White Zombie and his solo stuff, but I wish there was some pre-Sexorcisto White Zombie on there, like stuff off of Make Them Die Slowly and some of the earlier demo's. Not well-known by any means - fuck, most people think La Sexorcisto was the band's first album when it was really their third LP - but it'd be a nice touch. Eh...strong recommendation to avoid, even though I know most of you would anyways since I'm, apparently, the biggest Rob Zombie fan here. I'll prolly grab it for fun one day at CVS or somewhere else that sells these cheap CDs for $7 or so, but it's not a big deal by any means.

I think it has more to do with personal pride, actually. I'm a fan of thrash and death and punk, and I'll definitely agree that I prefer the American bands over their European counterparts. There's actually a quote I use to explain this, and it's from SLC Punk: That's something I actually believe in. When I hear European metal, I hear amazing technical proficiency. Musicians that know what they're doing and excel in their abilities. But when I hear American metal, I hear musicians that feel as though they just NEED to do this. I get a sense of urgency in American metal that I don't with European, a sense of energy, which is why I prefer my heavy music from the States. Fuck Dragonforce. They have solo's and...well, that's it. They're Stratovarious only a little faster. Slayer will actually explain it better as to why they pale in comparison to many slower power metal acts, but I believe he'll explain it along the lines that Dragonforce just plays fast whereas other power metal acts will actually write full songs. Iced Earth is alright, but there's too many songs of theirs that I feel are there for the sole purpose of letting Schaeffer show off his abilities. That's all fine and dandy if your name is Joe Satriani, but when you listen to a band for the songwriting and not the technical precision it becomes grating. Rend, check out Shadows Fall's second album, Of One Blood. It's their best work, almost sounding European save for a few songs, and there's rarely a dull moment. Plus...Fair does more than just scream about his life as a vegan and his spirituality. There's a lot of Shadows Fall songs I don't care for, most of it from The Art of Balance and the radio tracks from The War Within. You should really listen to "Those Who Cannot Speak," because it's almost the perfect Shadows Fall song. It has a pure epic sense, a good breakdown that blends metal and hardcore wonderfully, and it runs under 6 minutes (I believe it's actually under 5, but still: a short "epic" nonetheless). And don't knock Drop-D. A lot of good bands have played in Drop-D or even lower and don't resort to just strumming a one-finger chord or doing a bastardized White Zombie riff without the groove and with extra simplicity. Nile, anyone?

Ahem...Rock and Shock Festival this past weekend, where I picked up 3 CDs, and I grabbed a couple CDs I've been putting off getting for far too long Friday. Sepultura - Roots A classic Sepultura album, but then again all of the Max-era ones are. Not as strong as Chaos AD, but a fun listen nonetheless. Simple riffs, easy to see why so many nu-metal acts listed Sepultura as an influence, but they're heavy and catchy as hell. Not a day goes by that I don't randomly break out into "Roots Bloody Roots," and I'm fucking serious. Cannibal Corpse - Tomb of the Mutilated In truth, this is my first full Corpse album. I have the Worm Infested EP which I bought for the "No Remorse" cover (which owns seven different kinds of ass), and now...I like. A classic death metal album, and one of Corpse's best as I've been told, and it's just enjoyable gore throughout. Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV soundtrack Although it lacks the fine production and the varied punch of the Tromeo soundtrack, it's enjoyable nonetheless. The use of the songs in the movie are perfect, and when I recognize a song, it makes me think of that particular part in the film. In between each track is one or two clips from the film, but unlike the Tromeo soundtrack where the quotes came at the end of each song (which was a nice touch), these are stand-alone tracks and make the time between songs seem longer than it really is. Death - Leprosy The only Death album I'd heard before this was The Sounds of Perseverance, which is a little too progressive and not heavy enough for my liking. I'd heard that older Death was much more straightforward death metal, which is what I prefer these days, and...it's good. VERY good. While I can't say that other bands since Death's early work haven't done the style a little better, I can definitely say that if you were to play these songs to somebody unfamiliar with the band they'd think they were new. Whether that says that Death is still fresh enough to take a nearly 20-year-old album and have it sound brand new or that death metal hasn't changed at all in 20 years is up to you. Amputated - Gargling With Infected Semen This is my prize pick of the weekend. Grind mixed with a decent batch of brutal death and will gore and porn lyrics. It's fucking hilarious, and even my girlfriend loves it (and she's usually only into melodic metal). The billfold is filled with pictures of porn acts (including milk enemas and scat) and...children with Down Syndrome. The vocals leave much to be desired as they sound like little more than a frog doing a poor Chris Barnes impression, but the music is about on par with Skinless.

That's just fucking wrong and you know it.

That's what I love about you, Corey... you can be such a metal snob, its ridiculous. Just think: I used to not be. At all. I used to hate metal elitists and how everything with any hint of a fanbase was "pop music" and how newer metal bands were terrible but this one obscure band from Finland that WON'T tour and WON'T play shows is better even though it's just two kids with a guitar, mic, and a drum machine (I shit you not, I actually remember somebody praising some band that would never play a single live show over a band that toured extensively and wrote better music). But then I started to understand the way they thought as I grew older and got into more and more metal, and began understanding that it was about the lifestyle and mindsets just as much as it was about the guitar riffs. And the more I thought about it, the more I became an elitist. But what really pushed me over the edge was the feminization/emo-ization/commercialization of what some people call the "New Wave of American Heavy Metal," but most people would just call metalcore. It started off as an entire breath of fresh-air, taking the old-school crossover bands like SOD and the Cro-Mags and bringing it up-to-date with more recent metal and hardcore bands as influences, and now? If you label your band as "metalcore," your fanbase is likely to include bigger fans of Thrice and Thursday than it is fans of Death and Testament. And while I know every era and every style of metal has its "commercial" bands and its lame bands that get more attention than they rightfully deserve, it pisses me off that my generation gets the worst of the bunch with the likes of BFMV, Killswitch Engage, and Lamb of God. For fuck's sake, metalheads - REAL metalheads - fucking hated Coal Chamber when they came out, and Lamb of God is Coal Chamber with guitar solo's, and more people like them than more deserving bands like Darkest Hour and Tunnel Drill (though, to be fair, Tunnel Drill is more of a Mass "keepin' it local" band, but they're very fucking good and worth a listen or two)! I can't wrap my mind around it. Exactly. I saw a decent amount of kids my age when Maiden toured the States with Dio and Motörhead a few years ago. There are PLENTY of people in their teens and 20's who listen to older metal and like it, so grabbing an older band - or at least a BETTER new one - would've made much more sense. But they grabbed a shitty band that has little-to-no lasting power, and it pisses me off. Not every band on every bill has to be a knockout act, but when you're fucking Iron Maiden you should have some stones and do your best to tour with a band that you think might put on as good a show, or maybe even better, than yours.

I forget the author's name, but Heavy Metal: The Music and its Culture. It's a nice look at the history of metal and how it's changed over the years, not taking one side or the other (pro or anti-metal, that is) and just defining its sound and examining the myriad of sub-genres.

Yes. Yes I did. FUCK stupid-ass foreign names that I can't fucking spell.

Yes and no. It's actually DVDA - Trey and Matt's joke band - providing the music, but James does the vocals. At least that's what I believe the end credits say, because there's no track by Metallica on the soundtrack.

But that's my point: they could have done BETTER. There are BETTER bands that the younger fans of heavy music (read: fashioncore) who aren't 100% into Maiden yet would enjoy as a prelude to seeing one of the greatest live bands ever rock their fucking world. BFMV are pretty much the Kick Axe of the "metal" movement right now: they have a fanbase and get pseudo-mainstream MTV attention, but have a sound that lets you know they won't last.

The more I watch Boondock Saints, the more I like it. First time I saw it was after all the hype from my friends, IRL and online, and all the messageboard hooplah I've read about it. Fucking hated it. Was trying to find the plot in it, tried to pay attention as best as I could, and couldn't decipher why half of what was happening was happening. Then I watched it again. And liked it. A lot. Now I'll pop it in and watch it from start to finish without taking my eyes off the screen, noticing little things I didn't before. It's really growing on me. The flow of the movie is interesting - DaFoe's character explaining how he believes the murders went down (usually right, save for that "6 guys with guns" theory) and then the flashback of the actual scene - and the typical indy "deep" aspect by asking whether what the McManus brothers were doing was right or wrong was fun to inject into a popcorn action flick. Soundtrack is terrible because of how most of it's stock music because they couldn't get the rights to the songs they wanted to use, but it's a really good flick. Definitely worth a watch by all means.

Yes. I was forced to listen to them ad nauseum for a while by a high school fling/friend (long story, and I do believe I've ranted on her before) who was also into local indie act The Dresden Dolls. Needless to say, I've since done nothing but disrespect her taste in music. Oh, that reminds me... FUCK THE DRESDEN DOLLS. You are the reason the Boston music scene has died. I don't care if it wasn't too active before you got together besides the almost monthly DKM show. It's because of you that most Boston bands turned pussy and started singing generic indie bullshit, and I'm glad Robby Roadsteamer is bringing ballsy rock n' roll back to Boston and the North Shore.

An uzi is an efficient way of letting EVERYBODY know how fed up you are.

Fuck the Spike TV Scream Awards. Great concept - giving a deserved nod to horror and sci-fi since most awards shows don't touch them outside of the occasional special FX awards - but poorly delivered. I mean, for musical guests...My Chemical Romance and KoRn? One makes some sense since they're a popular act from the last three years, but the other lost most of its fanbase - and all of their mainstream "credibility" - years ago after their fourth album. Why not a performance from Rob Zombie, since he's a guest anyway? Why not a performance by Marilyn Manson or Ozzy Osbourne, since both have appeared on the show already? And why the fuck did they not have ALICE COOPER up there, since he started the whole horror rock/shock rock thing back in the 60's?! Fuck stupid new co-workers that ask you five times for directions to a place you've already taken them four times, that make you look bad by telling your boss how you make sure to lounge around until they (the boss) come looking for you, and that have no fucking idea how to take any fucking initiative when you're busy running from one end of the warehouse to the other to help a customer when there's another customer waiting to be helped. Fuck the G-ra, I want the machine that's been making 'em. Again...FUCK the Scream Awards. Best Mutiliation to fucking Hostel for ONE FUCKING EYE being torn out when another nominee is the entire dismemberment of that skateboarding kid from Land of the Dead? A scene that featured each limb being ripped apart, blood gushing everywhere, and his intestines being pulled out (you know, MUTILATION)? And fucking "SCREAM QUEEN" goes to Kate Beckinsdale for that piece of shit Underwold: Evolution? Eat my fucking bung. Fuck...I think Perineum would be an awesome band name. First album: It Came From The Grendel. Fuck those stupid-ass Helio commercials. It's a fucking phone, assholes. You use it to verbally communicate with others across a distance where verbal communication would otherwise be impossible. You dial PHONE numbers to talk to people not on your "friends list." Most cell phones have access to the Internet today anyway, so don't bother pimping that as your big difference. Eat shit and go puke it all up so you can eat it again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Fuck Carnival for his blind Jarrett worship when it's obvious to anybody with more than one testicle (or ovary, should they be female) that the man who once called everybody "SLAPNUTS" and who will be best known as "that redneck that hit women in the WWF in 1999 who lost to Chyna before he left the company" is ruining the company he and his daddy started. ...uhhh...FUCK...I'm outta rants...

I believe it was used on a soundtrack, I forget which, but it was originally off La Sexorcisto. It's really funny, because if your introduction to Zombie was Astro-Creep, like mine was, hearing the last three or four songs off La Sexorcisto is a kick in the sack because they're pretty much pure thrash metal tunes, like stuff you'd hear from Exodus or very early Slayer. Re: the max True, he's gone away from the amazingness of his WZ days, but his latest album - Educated Horses - is actually VERY good. John 5's blend of country and basic metal riffs makes for an interesting listen on its own, but Rob's addition of creepy noises and samples makes it all the better. It's true horror rock, as in it sounds like the soundtrack to a horror movie, which is what I believe Rob has been aiming for since he started making music.

...how is "Paranoid" an emo song, I'm wondering... And Agent, I agree that it's an amazing album from a technical standpoint, and each jam is as complex as it is beautiful, but I felt a little underwhelmed by how, I dunno..."radio-friendly" most of it was. The thing I really loved about Mastodon was that they showed that you could play brutal, sludgey music without disregarding amazing musicianship. Sure, that's already been done a million times over, but Mastodon really hit the nail on the head. I dig it a lot, but I'll always look back to the tracks I've heard off Remissions (like, half of the album) and Leviathan when I think of Mastodon. This may be their finest true piece of work, but I'd rather listen to the heavier stuff they offer.

I think it'd be much better after taking a perc with a six-pack. Now THAT would not only be full of hilarious spelling errors, but would also be quite incoherent.

Yes they are. But they also sell day-to-day items like lightbulbs and diapers, and also are in on the DVD/CD business now as well with discount DVDs/CDs.

Maybe I just don't "get it." Maybe it's because I'm, I guess, one of the few people that refuses to drink or get high before or during any concert I'm attending. Or maybe it's because I just cannot stand that fucking band. For any (or all) of these reasons, I have been to the worst concert of my life that involved a "big-time" band as opposed to some small local act: Tool is boring as sin live. I know a lot of you still love them, and it's pretty much a guarantee that a good portion of you at least LIKE Tool. I don't. I like two songs - "Aenima" and "Lateralus" - and am sick to fucking death of them. At work, all we have is a radio. We keep it on WBCN. They play Tool once an hour. It gets annoying, especially when the only songs they play on the radio nowadays are "Vicariously" and "The Pot," two songs that even hardcore Tool fans I know fucking hate. I've known I was going since tickets for this tour went on sale, and I've dreaded it since day one. My girlfriend loves the band, and was screwed out of seeing them live three times since becoming a fan (twice because tickets were sold out before she could buy them, and once because her brother bought tickets for himself and his friend with the money she gave him for her ticket), so I understand her wanting to go. But I'm very vocal, at all times, about my dislike of them. Be it due to Maynard's pretentious lyrics (they're not nearly as deep as Tool fans make them out to be), Adam's average-at-best bass work, Justin's guitar abilities that make TOM DeLONGE seem like Joe Satriani, or Danny Carey's overblown image as a master drummer when there are plenty of drummers better than he that never get their deserved attention (any number of death metal drummers come to mind, as well as classic drummers - John Bonham, Keith Moon - that always get overlooked by today's rock audience). I just don't understand their appeal. Of course, that's a lie. I do understand their appeal. A good portion of their fanbase are recreational drug users, many of which have little-to-no musical abilities themselves, and only listen to the music while under the influence of mind-altering (I will never use the term "mind-expanding," since that would in turn perpetuate the belief that something the body views as a poison - which most narcotics are - has positive side effects outside of one's personal enjoyment). But, hey, I digress. So I've been dreading the day. My girlfriend, along with most of my friends, love Tool. Few, if any, of them understand the emotion put into thrash, punk, hardcore, or any of the music I primarily listen to. Steph, however, refused to go unless I was going, saying that she'd be so upset that I wasn't there to share her moment of musical triumph (it's rather obvious I'm paraphrasing rather than quoting) to enjoy it thoroughly...which I think is a complete crock of shit, since I know I could go to a Zombie Apocalypse show and enjoy it entirely without her there (perhaps even moreso, since I know she'd be wanting to hold me back from getting into the pits along with the few other ZA fans)...and thus I'm suckered in. So from Monday, 9/25, until this past Friday, 9/29 (the date of the show), I was fucking miserable. I could only describe it as the sort of frustration that one has when going to your crazy uncle's house that you can't stand when you're 11 or 12: you'll just be glad when it's over, and you're miserable until it is. At least at work I could ignore Tool entirely, drive with my discman and CDs in tow to listen to (my mp3 player is fucked up, which pisses me off since I had about 900 songs on it) from delivery to delivery, and forget I even wasted money on a concert I was sure to hate. But then once I got to her house after work, she'd say something along the lines of "only a few more days until Tool!" and then wonder why I'd be upset. Friday's day of work ends with me getting out early since the company's owner was gone for the day and my boss usually lets me out early (not ridiculously early, but 30-45 minutes earlier than my shift ends) if the day is slow. I just want to get this day over with, so I shower and change and drive to Pizza Hut (which has the remarkable coincidence of having all but three of its employees - including the store manager and shift manager - in my circle of friends) to hang out for a little. I'm sure to grab MOD's USA for MOD and Slayer's Christ Illusion, under the impression that I'm driving to the show. Get to my girlfriend's when she gets out of work, chill for 5 minutes there, and then load up her mother's car with booze and food and a small grill as her brother and his girlfriend are all set to depart as well. We get to the Tweeter Center in Mansfield, MA around 7:15 or so, and pop open a few drinks (save for me, who doesn't drink at shows). Grill up some hot dogs and burgers, and even a steak, and then decide it's time to head in around 8. We chose lawn, so we find a big open spot on the lawn that lets us focus on the middle of the stage (in truth, that was an amazing spot on the lawn to be at), and Tool starts about 10 minutes after we all settle into our spot. The gig starts off with "Stinkfist," and I notice something peculiar: the only person moving at all on stage - outside of their hands and arms - is Danny Carey. For the whole song. There were screens set up to display your typical Tool art (I forget the artist's name, but the guy who does all of their art had his work constantly going in animated form, often with incredibly cheap - cheaper than the Poser program - CGI), which I felt would be better spent showing close-up's of each band member here and there (to give those in the cheap seats a feeling as though they were closer to the stage), but alas it was not to be. So, an hour later, and after playing two songs I'm familiar with ("Stinkfist" and that radio piece of shit "Vicariously"), they're still breaking off into 10-minute jam sessions. Now, having a long jam session is alright when your band is made up of amazing musicians who know the in's and out's of chord progressions and various tricks for their instruments...but it's fucking terrible when the "jam session" sounds exactly the same as the "slow, moody" intro to ALL OF YOUR FUCKING SONGS. JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST, GUYS: DO SOMETHING REMOTELY FUCKING DIFFERENT FOR ONCE. Ahem...sorry. And, again, I notice something: nobody - not Maynard, not Adam, not Justin - that can move while performing their task musically has done so. Maynard has kicked up his legs a few times and played a few small pieces of shit on the keyboard, ditto Justin, but the majority of the time was spent with the band staring straight ahead and playing as if they were in a practice session. You know when you go to your little cousin's/brother's/etc. high school "talent show" and there's a lot of bands that just play annoyingly awful music and stare straight ahead, almost as if they have no urge to entertain you in the least but just want to show off that they know how to do SOMETHING with what they have? That's what the entire concert was, only with a cheap laser light show that could have been staged better in a Planetarium. And that's where I'll stop my rant/review. Tool was, bar none, the most boring live show I've ever seen. My friends kept hitting me on the shoulder, my girlfriend as well, to ask me if I was enjoying myself, only for me to shake my head and utter something usually along the lines of "I wish I was home listening to SOD right now." After the show, the parking lot was fucking horrible. Tool ended their 2-hour barrage of mediocrity at 11 PM, and we didn't leave the parking lot until sometime after 1:15 AM. The only way I survived was by listening to lame songs on the radio, and hardcore dancing to them to entertain both myself and my friends. The highlight of the entire night for me - besides making Steph promise me she'll have to sit through a Zombie Apocalypse show because I sat through this - was doing the "lawnmower pull" (if you've been in a moshpit, you know what I mean) while doing a semi-skank into my friend Anthony as he was downing a bottle of Smirnoff of Blue Label, causing him to start laughing and spit vodka all over himself. Got home. Went to sleep. Woke up. Listened to Slayer and MOD. Was happy. Moral of the story: I need to stop letting my girlfriend drag me to shows she wants to go to when I don't care at all for, or even fucking hate, the band(s) she wants to see.

Fuck not being able to sleep because you got a headcold.