Corey_Lazarus

Nope. And it's a damn shame that I still hear Linkin Park once an hour on WBCN, but never hear anything even REGARDING Mastodon on anything but Mike Hsu's metal show Harder Faster at 11p.

I hate him so. He IMs me whenever I'm on to talk about nothing. We have no common interests. We have no common friends. We've never met. The only thing we once shared was we both belonged to the same e-fed. I haven't fedded since early this year, and I haven't fedded with him in over 3 years. I don't know why he IMs me, but he does. ...so until then, I will continue the rambling on and on and on, going on down to the Hotel California where I can check out anytime I'd like, but never leave...what, you ain't had that spirit since 1969!? What the flying FUCK? Oi!

There's assholes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Fuck everybody. Niggers. Kykes. Spics. Chinks. Gooks. Cameljockeys. Crackers. We all die, we all bleed red, so shut the fuck up.

And fuck the politicians fighting to keep marijuana illegal despite clinical tests proving that it's less harmful than tobacco and alcohol.

Mastodon - Blood Mountain Read my review for Blood Mountain in the "Comments that don't warrant a thread" thread. Everything that can be said without giving a track-by-track review is. All you need to know is that the final grade is an A (94-96/100). Wednesday 13 - Fang Bang This album is a solid outing, though not as good as his solo debut Transylvania 90210 two years ago. If you've never heard of Wednesday 13, he is the former singer of both Frankenstein Drag Queens From Planet 13 and The Murderdolls (yes, the side project of Slipknot where Joey Jordison played guitar). He plays enjoyable rock n' roll with an extremely overt horror theme (just about every song title on Fang Bang is a pun, changing one word of a popular phrase into something morbid, ie. the opening track "Morgue Than Words" and "Home Sweet Homicide," etc.) that borderlines on 80's hair metal and Walk Among Us-era Misfits. Overall, I'll say it's about a C+, not as good as Transylvania 90210 (which I'll give a B+), but better than most sophomore solo efforts.

Mastodon's latest, Blood Mountain, is both great and utterly disappointing. The music achieves where it has failed before, and fails where it once flourished. The first half of the album is the usual Mastodon fare: progressive, sludge-sounding swamp metal with enough powerful barking vocals from Troy and Bill to make your head melt, amazing drumming (as always), and instrumental parts that make you eagerly await the next part of the song as well as fuck with your head. But then...it mellows out. A lot. The latter half of the album is practically a Pink Floyd record, and that's why it is both amazing and disappointing: fans of Mastodon's uncompromisingly progressive brutality will be turned off by the amazing musicianship and "trippy" parts, whereas naysayers of the band's talent and fans of the "trippier" elements of Mastodon will look on in amazement as the four men from Georgia rip it up like no other band since Rush has been able to do. This album solidifies Mastodon in the upper-echelon of the progressive metal scene along with Opeth, Dream Theater, and (if Chuck were still alive) Death, while it also lowers their credibility as bone-shattering sludge masters from the depths of the American swampland like Eyehategod, Unsane, and Acid Bath. But for every disappointment this album offers, there is always at least two solid upsides, making my final grade on it a solid A. A must-buy for all Mastodon fans, for all metal fans, and for all fans of actual MUSIC. This album will stick with you for a long time.

Fuck the middle east. Let's just nuke that entire fucking stone age - INCLUDING ISRAEL, YOU STUPID McFUCKS - and let the ACTUAL peaceful Muslims get along with everybody else. 1-2-3-4, FUCK FASHIONCORE. I'm sick of these scrawny-ass motherfuckers that dye their hair an awful shade of jet black, brush it all to one side after shaving half of their head, dress like Nikki Sixx circa "Home Sweet Home," and act like they know more about metal than me and my friends do because they listen to 80's shit. FUCK YOU. I've been listening to metal since you were watching fucking Barney, douchebags. The names Udo Kirschener, KK Dowling, Glen Benton, Sean Yseult, and Cyrus mean jack-fucking-shit to you, and that's why you're a fucking poseur. Alexi Laiho is your idol, and he's a fucking faggot in an overrated glam rock band, so EAT THE FUCKING CORN OUT OF MY FUCKING SHIT. Fuck the free world, 3-1-3. Fuck those cunts that stab you and your best friend in the back after stringing both of us along for an entire summer, making us think you were cool and actually enjoyed spending time with us when all you wanted was to piss your ex-boyfriend and our mutual ex-girlfriend off to settle some petty fucking score. Eat fucking shit. You're a fucking disease carrying shit around that's so well-known as a fucking scumbag that I needed to get tested SIX MONTHS AFTER THE FUCKING FACT just to make sure. And now another good friend of mine has been directly affected by you and another guy you screwed over, so you can eat fucking shit, pull that ring the size of a frisbee out of your fucking gross nipple, and shove your favorite Seether album so far up your ass that the band's whiny-ass lyrics actually mean something. Fuck the rich fucks that run companies as if everything was their own personal little playground, making everybody that busts their ass day-in and day-out to bring home a paycheck have a miserable existence, just so you can have some extra pocket change. Fuck your golf tournaments, fuck your TiVo, and fuck your holier-than-thou attitude because you coach peewee hockey and I don't give a fuck. If you weren't signing my checks and you tried pulling any of this shit with me, you'd have a $5,000 dental bill to pay to recraft the teeth I knocked down your fucking throat. Fuck the overprotective mothers and fathers of the world. You think child abduction, sexual abuse, and mass murders didn't happen when you were kids? No, they did, they just weren't reported as often. Fuck, what do you call ARRANGED MARRIAGES in most parts of the world?! let your fucking kids go out with their friends once in a while and stop worrying about what fucking Ozzy Osbourne is saying to them: if they're dumb enough to take a guy who can barely fucking speak serious, then they deserve to die. FUUUUUUCK JEEEEEEFF JAAAAAAARRETT. I haven't said that in a while, but with every episode of Impact I watch, I see more Jarrett than I can handle. I don't care that he's headlining the "biggest show in TNA history" in November. I don't care that he and his father started the company. They took a good idea and used Jeff in some interesting roles, but then their ego got the better of them and now Jeff runs around and fucks with my enjoyment of the product. Eat shit, Jeff Jarrett, and don't ever return to the ring after dropping the belt that you're pissing on every second you hold it. Fuck rock radio. I don't care about the motherfucking White Stripes. Audioslave is shit to me and shit to everybody else with a fucking IQ greater than that of a trained orangutan with Down's Syndrome. Play Seether again and watch as they disappear in a few years while the bands you NEVER play struggle on in spite. I don't blame the radio stations or the DJs themselves - a lot of the time they come out and admit that they don't play their favorite bands on the air - but to whoever makes the playlist: stop worrying about filling your overflowing wallet and start worrying about playing music that people want to hear instead of this generic three-chord ripoff of Nirvana with "waaah, I wanna kill myself, waaah, my girlfriend dumped me" sang over it like some fucking male version of Avril. EAT. SHIT. AND. DIE. And fuck me for even bothering doing this stupid fucking thing. I'm an egotistical, elitist prick that has no real reason to be either, I can do so much better for myself in the long and short run, and yet I choose to do nothing. I try to hide it with some old-school punk sensibility of "I'm rebelling by taking everything the system taught me and flushing it down the toilet," but really all I want is to have a good job and make some fucking cash to leave for my kids one day so that they don't have to start at square-fucking-one. Fuck poker. FUCK POKER. FUCK. POKER. FU. CK. PO. KE. R. F U C K P O K E R. You get it? It's a fucking card game, very similar to Go Fish or War or Bridge, only you fucking obsess over it like it's the end of your fucking life. "Professional" poker players are almost as pathetic as professional golfers: they're both fucking stupid past-times meant to be done with friends and business partners as a means of killing time and bonding, but at least professional golf takes talent beyond keeping your face still and wearing stupid fucking aviators.

I guess not. Couldn't even choose a decent emo-influenced metal band like Bleeding Through (the new album has decent music, but Brendan's singing voice sounds better when it's poorly produced, as he gets a nice Phil Anselmo-esque sound as opposed to this awful pseudo-grunge sound he gets on The Truth). I should prolly try to win that contest to get killed by Gwar onstage this Saturday...but alas, I'm tired.

Blasphemy. Rob's openness to let his songs be remixed is bullshit, since every White Zombie remix I've heard has been awful save for the "Wine & Women" remix of "El Phantasmo & The Chicken Run Blast-O-Rama." That's on par with the original, but doesn't top it. Besides, WZ's later stuff was already industrial-influenced enough...so why remix it? I like the remixes of Bush's "Mouth" and "Swallowed" better than the originals. The remix of "Mouth" I'm talking about is featured in the American Werewolf in Paris soundtrack, and the "Swallowed" remix I'm thinking sounds like an air-raid siren for the most part.

So Tool pisses off a lot of its fanbase by playing nothing older than Aenima...and now Maiden takes a big ol' deuce on its fans by not only touring with that emo bullshit Bullet For My Valentine (for fuck's sake, Coheed & Cambria is more metal than them), but by playing nothing but the new album and a few select classics? Gah... Man...Gwar this Saturday better play more than just stuff off of War Party and Beyond Hell. I'm still ticked that they don't play "Saddam A Go-Go" or "Nitro Burning Funny Bong" live, but c'mon: the last two albums are definitely two of Gwar's best, way better than Carnival of Chaos and Violence Has Arrived, but I still wanna hear some Gwar classics and not just the heavier shit. I got into Gwar because of their humor, not Brockie's sarcastic politics.

No, it's GRRRRRRRR MURDER ROAR GRRRRR!!!!!!! \m/

...that was just a lame-ass joke...lamer than my own...I pity you, sorcerer!

...only good one outside of wearing corpsepaint was being Shaun from Shaun of the Dead...and being the Crimson Ghost this year... ...nothing can top the terrorist costume. Though my pal Belch was an abortion one year. Just wore a shirt with some "blood" on it and carried a coathanger.

And I'd be pissed that I got a Smiths mixtape, so we'd be even.

I heard a clip of one of their songs on WBCN amazingly enough (Adam12 answered the question of who was opening, and he played a clip of one of their songs and then said "see, that's why we don't play them on the radio" since it featured a lot of growls). Then I went to their MySpace and listened to their tracks on there. Not impressed, and pretty bored by it. But I dislike experimental/progressive music for the most part anyway, so I'd doubt they'd be my cup of tea if I heard more of their stuff. Re: Mastodon Agent is entirely true. They're going to own Tool in every which way (live presence, musicianship, technicality, quality of the songs), but the Tool fans will shit on them. Then again, it's in Europe, aye? Europe's a hotbed for heavy metal, always has been and always will be, so maybe they'll be cheered as loud as Tool, if not louder. Doubtful, but one can hope.

Actually, that's the one thing I never got into when I was listening to nu-metal as a young'un. I was still a t-shirt and jeans guy. Always have been, always will be. I thought those pants were fucking dumb then, and I think they're repulsively stupid now. Even if I want a pair of red/black plaid pants (bondage pants). And Czech, you may do as you wish. Just expect a mixtape of "Extreme Metal goes classic," featuring such songs as Six Feet Under's cover of "Purple Haze" and Slayer's rendition of Iggy Pop's classic "I Wanna Be Your Dog."

I'm actually semi-looking forward to being a full-on "townie." It means I get to fuck with the college kids more often. Oh...and, uhhh...yeah. I got nothing.

Explain to me what that means. Really, do it. Because most of the kids I know that loved nu-metal when I was just getting into the thrash and death are popping wood for power metal right now.

I'm seeing your head on a fucking stake in the near future.

The latest going's-on of the Blackstone Valley region: fucking nothing. So keep drinking, smoking, shooting, snorting, and fucking, because nothing else takes your mind off of the mundane existence. Don't forget that Cadaveryne's debut LP comes out soon.

Just because I'm lazy and haven't scanned the thread fully, any news on a release date for Piper's DVD?

FUCK! COCK SHIT CUNT MOTHERFUCKER TAMPON BARBRA STREISAND DOUCHE QUEEFBAG!!!!! ...Maiden is sold out in Boston...or, at the very least, I can't find any tickets. Fuckin' hell...

That's just fucking wrong to me. If I pay my hard-earned money to see you perform your songs live, then you fucking do more than stand there and play. Even if every hardcore band ever does the same shit live (with the guitarists swinging their guitars around during the breakdown, the frontman screaming ferociously and running around on stage, and the bassist acting like he's playing the basslines to some rap song with the way he bobs his head and whole upper body), at least they give me something visually to accompany the music besides a cheap laser light show. That said, I wish Zombie Apocalypse and Ringworm would tour together, because I'd fucking love to see a show with two of my favorite hardcore bands together on one bill. Re: APC vs. Tool When I first heard APC, I thought it was just some Tool knock-off. Having not even heard that Maynard was a part of the band, or even hearing his vocals (I'm talking the first 30 seconds or so of "Judas" or "Judith" or whatever it's called, before Maynard's vocals come in on the first verse), I immediately disliked the band. That said, I prefer APC over Tool because at least the APC songs are more than just terrible beginner guitar playing masked by horrible production to sound "ambient" and "trippy." There's actually musical structure to it.

Well, I wasn't so much aiming for a sociological discussion on the decay of the American male, I was just thinking back to numerous conversations about how you characterize particular metal as gay/fag-shit/whatever and eschew it because you feel it compromises your image as a badass metalhead. While I'm not totally going to fault you for that, having dealt with that phase in my own life, it's still unsettling nonetheless, especially since you're two steps away from coming off like a hardcore nu-metalhead If anything compromises my image as a "badass metalhead" it's my love for cheap 80's pop and mid-90's dance/trance/house/whatever the fuck you wanna call it. In between Kataklysm, Nile, SOD, and Susperia, I don't mind listening to Republica, Tears For Fears, some Depeche Mode, and Michael Jackson (though, to be fair, if anybody can't realize the pop genius of MJ in the 80's, they have some serious fucking blinders on). It's just my belief that what most bands that I could classify as "faggy" or "gay" in the family of metal lack that all-important element known as "heavy." If I hear a metal band that lacks the "heaviness" I look for in the genre, then, to me, it's pretty fucking queer. If the founding fathers of the Bay Area scene in the early 80's heard the majority of the power metal and fashioncore today, I have little-to-no doubt that they'd say the same thing. After all, it was Dave Mustaine himself that has been quoted as saying that the "glam" in "glam rock" stands for Gay LA Music. So yeah. If it's not heavy, then, to me, it's completely ignoring a basic part of the style itself. Metal was meant to be rebellious from the get-go with Iommi and Butler using those three chords that were banned in medieval times from being played next to each other for fear of summoning the Devil. For me to enjoy metal fully, there needs to be a sense of unease to it, a sense of danger. I find that most of the metal you would figure I could classify as "gay" and "faggy" lacks that element, which I feel is 100% essential. Maybe most of this makes no sense because I'm fucking tired, but I hope that sheds some sort of a light on my opinion. I don't mind overly melodic metal, but I feel as though it has more in common with Poison than it does Venom which is why I usually dislike it.

There's a lot of low-end to it as well. I don't mind a singer who goes high when there's a nice low-end. For some reason, Dickinson's voice just reeks of beauty to me, possibly because it can be differentiated from most other metal vocalists so easily.