BUTT

4th grade? I don't think they did that in my school past kindergarten. My elementary school was pretty great at punishment. During lunch they had a teacher at all times holding a fucking microphone so that they could monitor all the students and dispense punishments from afar. I did something out of line and the whole cafeteria hears "RYAN, YOU LOSE RECESS." I got sent to the Principal's office twice that year. Once for picking up pebbles at recess and dropping them on the ground ("HE WAS THROWING ROCKS") and once for mockingly saying, "fire!" during a fire drill. OMG HE COULD HAVE SCARED THE CHILDREN. I WAS 6 YEARS OLD. IT'S A FIRE DRILL. THERE'S FLASHING RED AND WHITE THINGS ON THE WALL THAT SAY "FIRE". SHOULD I HAVE KNOWN BETTER? I also got detention in third grade. Nobody in my elementary school ever got detention, but I did, for the heinous crime of talking during lights out at lunch. Did everyone else have a lights out period in elementary school lunch? During the last few minutes of lunch, they'd turn the lights out, and we'd have to all be silent and rest our heads on the table until our teachers led us out. I never thought it was unusual at the time, but in retrospect, the whole thing seems kind of weird. My constant outbursts during third grade were a pretty big problem for me. If this had happened in 2008 rather than 1994, I'm sure I would have been put on Ritalin. Which really wouldn't have been a bad thing because the more I think about it, I'm sure I had A.D.D. My parents protested vigorously. Even my dad called the principal and he never got involved with my school issues. But I'll give the school credit. They didn't bitch out. My parents should have threatened to sue. That would have done the trick. But my mom was a district employee at the time. It wouldn't have been a good idea for her, to be sure. I took the goddamn detention. I was there with another kid in my class. We sat at a table in a room full of books. We were not to touch the books. He picked up a copy of "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs." The book's pages had eraser shavings on them. This other young man told me they were drugs. Years later, I was told that the elementary school had started giving out detentions for students who had not accumulated the required number of Accelerated Reader points for the month, which somewhat dimishes the badassness of my third grade detaining. That was the only school year where I was really a troublemaker. I was actually probably the smartest kid in the class, too, which made it all the more confusing for my poor teacher. But I was in a class with all the other bad kids. It was sink or swim. If I was going to be bad, I was going to be the worst. The funny thing was, I wasn't really the worst. There were kids who did worse things, like the two kids who carried on a private conversation during a class lecture, and then when the teacher asked one kid what the other had said to him, he replied, "I'M SUING YOU FOR NIGGER-NAPPING". Maybe it was because I had so much potential that they were upset with my behavior, whereas they saw the others as lost causes. Whatever. The point is, when you're 9, it's fun to be a bad kid.

LOL HE'S TALKING ABOUT FECES

Well Hinder IS worse than those bands...but not by much.

Oh yeah, you guys got Mega Man 2 like 5 months ago and WE DON'T HAVE IT WHAT THE FUCK

This is addressed to all the people who have answered or are thinking of answering the personal ad I placed in volume 2, number 15, two weeks ago Friday. First, my apologies to the huge bartender with the voice and the light-hearted, dark-skinned advertising man. If either of you had called back, I might not be writing this retraction of my ad, even though I will soon be too busy to date much, but why didn't you call back? But to the others, which includes the two lesbians; the under 25s and over 40s; the numerous ones who dialed my number and hung up as soon as I said hello; the 35 or 40 of you who made dates with me and never showed up, including the one that complained his penis was so large that he couldn't get it into anybody; the wife-seekers, the already married; that one that was so one-sided that he could think nothing of sex, then had the gall to ask me if his nationality was the reason why I wouldn't sleep with him; the two who couldn't raise their cocks when I was agreeable, and the many who could and did when I was not; the pleasant young foreigner who ended up being the private property of his gigantic girlfriend; the ones who were so grotesque in their appearance that I couldn't possibly consider a relationship with them, especially sexual; the jerk-off artists and the 69ers (the latter category which I specifically said I didn't want!); and the ones that wanted hand jobs, the ones who wanted to be spanked, the ones that could only boast about the size of their bank rolls and/or their penises (and this definitely includes the teacher who said, "All the girls want my cock!"); the businessman who had an adjective for every letter of his last name ("r is for rich"); the ones, and there were many, who said "my name is so and so, when can we get together and fuck?"; the fag who wanted me to support him; the diminutive actor and the other short ones; the racists, including the one at whose home I left me right sweater (and I'd rather cut off my right thumb than go back for it!); the drunks, junkies, and pillheads, the multitudes of liars, and especially the nice ones who never called back. To all of you, I say: just forget my phone number! I don't need all the hassles! I'll be started school next month and I just don't want to be bothered. Don't call my ad, any of you! Sincerely, the underweight platinum blonde.

Ah, come on, come on, let me tell you all about it. We've got all the time in the world. That's good, That's nice... I've been dreaming up a storm lately Over and over again And now I can't stop, can't stop... Been dreaming about mirrors. Millions of mirrors. An endless army af mirrors out of control, reflecting people to death. To blindness and then death. Oh and the mirrors kept getting larger. They kept growing... swelling... They kept spreading out And now I can't seem to stop them. They're still growing and I can't seem to stop them. I have to keep filling them up, I have to keep feeding them And they're still getting larger! And larger!!! The mirrors have become vast and beautiful And very, very hungry. Hungrier than I've ever been. Too hungry. I no longer have any control over what they show me or what they see. They decide themselves what they would like to reflect. They won't obey me!!! They create a reflection and then I have to go out and find the real thing that matches it. And almost always when I put the real thing in front of the mirrors It's not nearly as beautiful as the reflection that came first. And at that point I have to destroy the real thing And go out looking again until finally I find another real thing, A thing that does match what's inside the mirror and which is truly worthy of the beautiful reflection that came first. But I almost never find it. And the mirrors get even hungrier. Pretty soon now they're going to devour me. They're going to swallow me up Piece by piece, Bit by bit, shiver by shiver, tremble by tremble, Sliver and sliver and splinter by splinter... But you can help me, please. They want you, please. They've given me your image. Before I ever saw you they gave me you image. Please. I'd like to make you one of my reflections And feed you to the mirrors. Please. They only need one more to fill them up And if it were you I feel that they would be satisfied. As I would. Please. You have such a beautiful reflection... Don't ever waste it. Now.... YOUR PLACE OR MINE ?

Wasn't this the idea behind Bischoff's "MatRats" promotion? This could never work because what makes a "good wrestling match" is so subjective. If you're Scott Keith, you'd probably think a high-flying flippy-floppy spotfest was worth a 9 out of 10. If you're a DVDVR poster, two fat guys punching each other for five minutes might be your ideal match. Plus it would be totally reliant on the wrestlers to work out the whole match by themselves. Without road agents to help them lay out the match, I could see a lot of today's stars being completely lost.

Well damn. Iron Man did better than I expected.

Because most internet wrestling fans don't have 25G's to drop on a hooker?

A week of...hookering would probably pay more than a year of her WWE contract!

I've decided Reverend Wright is awesome. That dude ain't afraid to tell AmeriKKKa what he really thinks. I wish HE was running for president.

"...But why are they all pissing green?"

Usually it's two, but sometimes one. Wii Ware launches on the 12th, I wonder if they won't have any VC releases at all on weeks when there's a new Wii Ware game.

She's beautiful. Post more pics of her.

I didn't think it was such a great time for Raw. It was, however, the best time for Raw threads.

The SD cards would be fine if the machine recognized them as an extension of the system's memory and didn't require the user to move VC games from the card back to the system in order to play them. Fuck dat.

Look in the mirror girl, by now you should know You’re living in a fantasy, and you can’t let go He never really loved you from the start The only thing he ever gave you was a broken heart Don’t be afraid to lose what was never meant to be After the rain washes away the tears And all the pain Only after the rain Can you live again I know the emptiness you feel inside You’re thinking if you break away, you’ll never survive I’m waiting as my heart beats just for you Come on and take my hand and I’ll pull you through But things will never change until you want them to After the rain washes away the tears And all the pain Only after the rain Can you live again WHOA-OH WHOA-OH After the rain You’ll see the sun appear to light the way Only after the rain Can you hope to find true love again He never really loved you from the start The only thing he ever gave you was a broken heart Come on and take my hand and I’ll pull you through You know the time has come for you to face the truth After the rain washes away the tears And all the pain Only after the rain Can you live again WHOA-OH WHOA-OH After the rain You’ll see the sun appear to light the way Only after the rain Can you hope to find true love again

Should be better now.

THERE IT IS AGAIN! DAMN YOU MARV

I wish we had video embedding in 2005:

I knew someone had to have referenced this phenomenon in this thread. Why do so many college girls have pissing pics up on Facebook?

Disney and the Cyruses don't want to piss off middle America so they'll pretend to be upset by this whole situation. When really they should just be telling people to get over it because they know as well as everyone else that this is no big deal. I read today that Disney wants Miley to keep a low profile for the next six months or so in the wake of these SCANDALOUS PHOTOS. IT'S A BACK. A FREAKIN' BACK. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THIS, YOU ARE DUMB.

I don't think he and Meat talk anymore.

Doing the Battlebowl-only PPV in '93 was quite an odd decision. I remember barely any promotion for it, not that you could do angles for it since all of the matches were unannounced before the show. And having Vader, then WCW champ, win it was weird too. I would have had Flair win by eliminating Vader to set up their title match the next month, but that's just me. Also, the PPV was on a Saturday. At 8:30. When do pay-per-views ever start in the middle of the hour? BONUS BATTLEBOWL JOKE: Why is Battlebowl a college girl's favorite WCW show? Because it's SO RANDOM!