The Amazing Rando

Alan Clark wakes in a cold sweat in Disney's Wilderness Lodge... ........ Alan shivers to himself a bit before laying back down, making sure to lay on his back

It's Kinda Fun To Do The Impossible - Walt Disney The scene fades in slowly to show what seems to be a rickety wooden sign promisng "Wait From This Point - 30 Minutes". A sigh from the cameraman puts the scene into fast forward, watching the line slowly disappear as the camera zooms toward the loading dock. When the cameraman finally reaches the dock, a small boat appears around the corner, piloted by none other than the SJL's own Alan Clark. As the guests unload from his boat he notices the camera, giving it a wave and a smile as he pushes the boat toward the loading zone and puts the microphone up to his lips. Alan: Is everybody ready for a CRUISE!? The crowd claps and cheers lighty as Alan stops the boat, signalling for the first few passangers to jump on. As they board he continues his speil; the cameraman jumps on last. Alan: Welcome aboard the Jungle Cruise everybody, my name is Alan and i'll be your skipper, alligator wrestler, tour guide, photo opportunist, and if needed I will also be your swimming instructor... A few guests gasp Alan: No no...i'm just kidding... ...I can't swim. Now lets go! The boat has taken off from the dock and begins around the corners...Alan continues his spiel Alan: Now...we are going to be visiting FOUR rivers on THREE continents and we are starting with the Amazon down in South America...you know how we tell that we are in the Amazon... ...by that speaker over there... Alan points at a not-to-hidden speaker as they pass Alan: Now we have arrived on the Nile River...ooooooooo...everybody say "oooo" Everybody says OOOOOOOO Alan: Everybody say "aaaaahhhh" Everybody says aaaahhhh Alan: Everbody say "Blazenwing Is A Tool!" Everybody shrugs whilst belting out "Blazenwing Is A Tool!" Alan: Good Job! Now...here all the banks are these two lovely african elephants...how do we know they are African Elephants? Alan shoves his mic into a middle-aged man's face Man: I have no idea Alan: Because we are in AFRICA! The crowd groans as the trip continues Alan: Now we come up on my camp...as you can see I... Alan notices huge silverback gorillas destroying his camp, complete with upside jeep... Alan: Oh no! Frost! Pete! I thought I told you that I was working today! And if you are going to take my jeep out...remember to turn the lights off...I can't trust you guys with ANYTHING! The two or three SWF fans in the boat get the joke, everyone else sits in silence Alan: Ahem...well...moving on. Say...what is that thing where the water kinda shoots off a cliff at high speeds and kinda falls straight down...do you know what I am talking about...what is that? Alan asks the same man as a huge waterfall appears in the background Man: a waterfall? Alan: No...no...that's not it... Alan turns around Alan: A WATERFALL! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME! Alan spins the wheel wildy and almost dives out of the boat, trying to use his weight to turn the boat... Alan: Everybody...lean to the right...lean to the right...don't worry about looking stupid...that's MY job! The boat turns just before hitting the falls and heads around a sharp loop and through the hippo pool...where more things are said that vaguely remember jokes until the come up upon the same waterfall again. Alan: Uh oh...here comes those falls again...but it seems we might be able to squeeze between the water and the rocks...here we go... and if you look you will be able to see something that I has caused me to hit my head of sinks hundreds of times... ...the BACKSIDE OF WATER! Groans in the boat are heard as the trip continues on and into an ancient temple... Alan: Uh oh...I don't remember this the other hundred or so times I've done this tour...they must have put it in this morning...what do you think we will find inside? Action? Adventure? Excitement? A GIFT SHOP!? The crowd roars with each question as the boat travels into darkness...past a tiger jutting out through the rocks Alan: Look at those glowing green eyes...it looks like Quiz has been here... see that smile... and up ahead we have...OH NO! Gold plates adorn the rocks Alan: Plates........why did it have to be plates... The boat continues..."barely escaping" the treacherous temple and out into the 4th river of the journey Alan: There have been reports of natives attacking all over the place around here...ALL OVER...OH NO! Up ahead, a group of natives is in the middle of ritualistic dancing Alan: That's a war dance...we could be under attack...and look at that band! I saw them on Behind The Aboriginal Music the other day...does that guy have a shell on his forehead! SHEIK! The boat safely makes it past Alan: Woooo...good thing they only attack on the right side of the bo-OH NO! DUCK! DUCK! not Donald you fools! LOOK OUT! On the left side, attackers peer from the brush, ready to hurl their spears...the boat...being a Disney boat...makes it through safely with little more than food poisining Alan: Wow...amazing...and what would a trip through the jungle be without a visit from the Cheif...he's having a special just for today...two of his heads for only ONE of yours...any takers? I didn't think so... The boat passes the Cheif, who is holding two shrunken heads...offering them as souveniors to the weary guests Alan: And now...the worst part of our journey..........back to the DOCKS! We have a dock on the right and a dock on the left...it's a Paradox! get it...come on... now I want everyone to cheer REALLY LOUDLY when we get unloaded okay... The boat pulls up to the docks and the crowd in the boat goes WILD with cheering and clapping and everything else Alan: See boss...I told you I deserved that raise... The cameraman stumbles out of the boat and toward the exit, looking back for a moment at Alan, who waves and smiles once more before the scene turns to black

TRIPLE THREAT MATCH Daemon vs. Dominic Korgath vs. Brian Kingsmen Korgath. TELEVISION TITLE MATCH Jay Morrison vs. Brian Bowers© Morrison. EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH Jimmy “The Demon” Liston vs. Todd Royal© Royal. ELIMINATION MATCH Aecas vs. Manson vs. “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins Aecas. WORLD TITLE MATCH “Insane Luchador” Andrew Rickmen vs. English Dragon© Either way rules. Coin Flip: IL

I knew IL had it in him.... Now... both of you... Dragon....Luchador... MAKE ME PROUD!

BURBANK, CA - Walt Disney Company Contracts Professional Wrestler. While some may call this the biggest mistake in the history of Disney, others are appluading the new direction the company is taking to bring in potential customers to the company. The Walt Disney Company announced last week that it has aquired a contractual agreement with the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation and it's subsidiaries for the use of one of their superstars. Tense negotiations brought forth Alan Clark to be the superstar used in promotional campaigns and even as a true cast member, helping out in the parks when on days off or when needed by a set schedule. The SWF has given Clark an undisclosed amount of sabbatical leave to train and work for the company in the hopes that more money can be brought in for all involved...and possibly to help push rumored talks of a Disney/SWF action figure line that may be appearing in the near future along with any other cross-promotions. What will this new partnership bring? Only time will tell. [Note: SWF veteran Frost has been heard being quite adamant about Disney placing an Iceland pavillion into the World Showcase of Epcot...and is pushing for the removal of Norway. Frost's exact quote on the matter is "F**k Norway!" and while some find this approach a bit un-disney-like, they are taking notice.]

Janus - The 8th Dwarf either that...or... Annie Eclectic and the Magnificent Seven Dwarves.

it took her about 12 seconds to pull her shirt off... and sadly that's nowhere near the Diva-Pulling-Off-Clothes Record set by Jeff Hardy

this handicap match has turned into a 2 on 1 affair

lol....wow, thank you for what?

would you take Gail's ass to your face?

no no no... Lita has Ruthleth Aggrethium!

Heh Cothe Teh Paim~!

nah... he'll get really drunk and drive with Shane but it'll be a stickshift and... you know the rest.

I *think* Kane signed "Glenn Jacobs" on the contract... which makes a bit of sense

Craig McLennan vs Daemon Double No Show TELEVISION TITLE MATCH Brian Bowers vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© Maddix. EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH BATTLE ROYALE Jimmy "The Demon" Liston vs Jay Morrison vs Todd Royal vs Brian Kingsman Todd DAMN Royal. MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE CONTENDERSHIP HIDE AND SEEK MATCH Aecas vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs "Insane Luchador" Andrew Rickmen No Comment... though instinct says Aecas.

i wonder if she still has Ruthleth Aggrethium

Watson 310 Mafia - Aaron Is Gay

it's crazy that IL is betting against himself... okay...maybe not.

bah...my Mall Brawl sucked.

i've never showed against you, Dragon... partially from burn out...partially from fear....and because I hate writing your butler.

Congrats Dragon... hopefully I'll be back before your bumpage...but most likely not.

OOC: This promo is just a simple intro and is also explaining my ring hiatus...hopefully I can turn this into a series leading up to when I come back down the road *********************************** I only hope we never lose sight of one thing...that it was all started by a mouse - Walt Disney The hustling and bustling of another beautiful September day in Walt Disney World, the camera panning around Main Street, USA of the Magic Kingdom to see children rushing away from their parents - who are busy spending all of their hard earned cash on trinkets that will invariably take up counter, shelf, and drawer space before being forgotten forever or sold at a very cheap price. The camera moves slowly down the street, showing off the beauty of capitalism and family values. Polymer balloons are being handed out in bunches, only to be lost to the sky later in the day, causing the flood of a crying child. It's really quite sad. Around the corner and toward the Main Street barber shop, when suddenly from backstage appears THE APOSTLE?! dressed in full custodial costume, ready to pan and broom his way into the hearts of millions. A smile is plastered on his face and he seems to be in quite the dapper mood, a small Disney nametag showing off the name "Alan" with a small engraving of his special magical moment - "Mall Brawl Five". With a little bounce in his step he begins to make his way down Main Street, barely paying any attention to the SJL camera that just happens to be following him. In the middle of the street a trolleycar has stopped and many beautifully dressed lads and lasses are busy dancing and singing up a storm for the guests around them. The Apostle finally speaks toward the camera. You see...back at the turn of the century leading into the 1900s...people used to just stop traffic and jump out of their cars and begin singing and dancing for no real rhyme or reason...but somehow everyone always knew the right moves and all the words... This little quote causes a bit of laughter to the guests within hearing distance, getting him a couple smiling faces as he tips his bright yellow hat and continues down Main Street, waving to various people and even pointing out helpful little trivia points. Now...Walt Disney's name is the ONLY one to face Cinderella Castle on Main Street...his name is above the train station and above the ice cream shoppe, because Walt really loved ice cream. With guests almost asking for HIS autograph, the Apostle quickly moves toward the safety of the Crystal Palace restaurant, where suddenly a teen runs up to him and almost dives in front of him boy: Aren't you the Apostle!? AC: No no...well...okay...I was the Apostle, but now you can simply call me Alan...Alan Clark...the Happiest Guy On Earth! boy: Ummm...if you say so... AC: Why yes I do...have you ridden the Jungle Cruise yet? Best ride in the park! boy: No I haven't... AC: Well go! Ask for Al...you'll laugh till you HURT! And have a Magical Disney Day! The teen runs off toward Adventureland as Alan finally notices the SJL camera almost right in his face. With a little wink and a smile, he finally addresses the camera AC: Ladies and Gentlemen, let me be the first to welcome you to the Magic Kingdom! On behalf of the Walt Disney Company and the SJL, I would like to remind you that for the safety and comfort of others that there is no smoking in the park except for in designated smoking areas. The parade is at 3 o'clock and the park closes at 7 with Fantasy In The Sky Fireworks! You know they are guarenteed to make your wish come true! Now...alot of you out there may be wondering exactly what I am doing here. Well, Disney has been looking for ways to increase their profits and are in desperate need of a new demographic. Somebody most have mentioned wrestling fans because they came to the SJL looking for a spokesperson. Luckily I was outside the main offices and was offered the chance of a lifetime to be a Disney guest and media relations host. It is my duty to go above and beyond my every day actions to perform in what Disney would see as the best light...they just don't really care if I wrestle. But...Disney has QUITE the training program lined up for me as I get to learn everything there is to know about the company and how it does its business...so I have been kept away from the ring to lessen my distractions in my new working environments. Today I am doing a bit of sweeping and trash collection for the guests, and next week I get to learn how to run some of the Attractions! I've asked to be put on the Jungle Cruise...and I hope I get my wish. But for now my training will continue...my match last night with Judge was just a bit of a bad break for me, but Disney has assured me that things that like won't be happening much again after my training is complete. Honestly...I have been looking forward to a bit of a vacation...and what better way to spend it than in the Happiest Place On Earth...even if a little work will be involved. Well...I have to get back to work...but remember... it's a world of laughter...a world of tears... it's a world of hope...and a world of fears... there's so much that we share... that it's time we're aware... it's a small world after all... Seeya Real Soon Kids! With those last four words, Alan Clark smiles into the camera and walks off and back down Main Street. The camera pans left and over the heads of the guests, focusing in on the 'Partners' statue in the middle of the Cinderella Castle Courtyard, fading out over Walt Disney's face...all the way to the wonderful world of color bars...

I looooooong to play the original Metroid on the old NES gamepad... The first video game I ever beat... and will always hold a special place in my heart for when I saw the ending and almost passed out. a newer SNES would be good so I could bust out QB Club 96 and tear a new asshole in it again.

I'm thinking LDP was a little tipsy when he came up with that list... i'm glad i'm taking a break from this soon...

Angle recieves bruised ego after releasing that October 25th, 2003 will be the true end to the HHH/Steph/Angle love triangle storyline that he continues to act out in desperate fantasies to one day be able to get close enough to Vince to kill him and take over the company... ..renaming it the Wrestling Federation... The motto: "Wrestling. Period."