JST

That opener is MORALLY UNACCEPTABLE! ...Cuz nothing cuts through adamantium, dammit.

Yes! More time for me Seeing as I got a jobber match and all.

I did share my interest in the other thread, din't I?

Province of Quebec, to be accurate. And no, we don't really have such lopsided rules up here.

Did he just kick out of a fucking GRENADE?

I'll mark a match. Not like I have an enormous challenge on my plate (this time). And I get to extend my title reign without having to defend it. I'm smort like dat.

Don Ohlmeyer for firing Norm MacDonald from Weekend Update.

Re: why are there tables and ladders under the ring? You just drove your opponent through the announce table. This leaves the commentators without a proper workstation. Say, where do we find a spare table...? In a ladder match, not all venues have the benefit of a pulley system to lower the hook from where the prize will be hanging. Say, how do you plan on getting up there and hanging the belt...?

I, um, also have some side writing projects going on. If anyone's interested. ...

Super Calo

.

Nah, anything else goes. Let's have fun with it.

Tuesday, January 9th, 2009. Nottingham, England. Backstage at the Trent FM Arena. 11:03PM - GMT "That's what I'm talkin' about!" "Who's the fuckin' man!" "HE'S the fuckin' man!" Amidst the sounds of cheering and celebration, the intrepid SWF cameraman frays his way through a hallway and through a door sporting a royal blue and white logo, along with the letters "G.T.A.". We see a hand push the door open, revealing five individuals surrounding the new #1 contender for the World Heavyweight championship, who has just been the recipient of several Gatorade bottles emptied on the back on his head. Tod James Stuart is surrounded by his tag team partner Daniel Smith, and his students at the Wrestling Clinic. [The Wrestling Clinic] Antonio Carson, 23, stocky build, Italian descent. Michael Jones, 25, muscular build, long straight hair. Matthew Jones, 21, Michael's younger brother. Tara McGovney, 22, fit and cute brunette. [/The Wrestling Clinic] "Guys." says an exhausted Stuart among the chest slaps and hugs. "Guys!... Tonight was another step in the right direction." "More like a Superman leap!" replies Tara. "Heh, you could say that... But remember, the battle is far from over. I went through two grueling nights of competition, and Taiga just gave me a hell of a match out there. But I'm not done. It's like I always said: you don't light up till the fat lady sings. I--..." "Um, that line's from Independence Day." says Matthew. "Me and the girl rented it this weekend, and well... Just sayin'. I'll shut up now." "The line still works! And Bill Paxton's performance as the president was severely underrated." says Stuart. "The president was played by Bill Pullman, bro." says Antonio. "Shyeah. Right. Anyways, I just came back from Landon's office to sign the contract, and I got Va'aiga next. And--Oh good, you're here." Stuart's gaze has fallen right on the camera's POV. With a wave of the hand, Stuart beckons the cameraman to approach. "Call it posterity, call it what you want." continues Stuart. "But I've asked Gus here for a reason." "To get a shot of the new champ!" shouts Matthew. "Yeah!" "We'll see about that." replies a calm Stuart. He hasn't crossed that bridge yet. "But actually, I couldn't have been happier to see you guys out there tonight. That support meant a lot. And you can thank Dan for flying you in out of his own pocket." "Yeah, Dan!" "Dan The Man!" "But! I've also got a bit of good news. For you guys." says Stuart, who's then met with four puzzled glances. "See, for the past couple of weeks, Daniel's been working on a little something involving all of you. And I, being your trainer, had to sign off on it. And we both agreed, you guys are ready. There's no more we can show you. Daniel's gotten all of you developmental deals. Guys? Welcome to the SWF." The four young hopefuls send their glances towards the largest Canadian in the room, who merely responds with a smirk and a nod. "No way!!" "Sweet!" "All right!" "But get this in your heads right now: It will NOT be easy. The bottom of the ladder always is. You will suffer. You will get beat up. You will get treated like shit. You'll be told you can't make it." says Stuart, that last one while looking at the only girl in the room. "I don't care. Bring it on." says Tara quietly, her resolve begging to come out. "Some nights you won't even get to wrestle at all! But let me ask you this: did I train a bunch of quitters?" "No!" "Fuck no!" "If you want a wrestling career, it's not just about winning a title belt at the end. It's also about getting there. The journey in and of itself! So go out there, take your lumps, and don't make ME proud. Make yourselves proud. You've earned this." "Right on." "Thanks man." "Which brings me to the other reason why Gus is gracing us with his presence. This is going on the website, right?" asks Stuart. "Yep." replies Gus. "So apparently with this tournament win came this option of me getting to choose which stipulation I wanted in my championship match. Va'aiga, I hope you're watching this. I had to admit I didn't care much for that at first. What kind of satisfaction do I get from winning a match, knowing I had an advantage? If this were anyone else, they'd have probably made this a No DQ match. Or a "one arm behind your back" match. Va'aiga, what kind of satisfaction would I get from defeating you, knowing I had that certain edge? You're the biggest mountain I have to climb so far! But then, something came to mind. Dan, remember that big poster on the dressing room wall at the Clinic? What's it say?" "Bring out your best, and then some." recalls Smith. "So incredibly cheesy, but it works." continues Stuart. "And then it all came together. These people around me, I pushed them to the absolute limit and they came back for more. I rode them to the ground and made them find out things about them that they didn't even know about. This is a little something that came to be known as 'Wrestling Clinic Rules'. We don't need things like disqualifications or count-outs. The only ways to win are by submission or pinfall. Simple enough, but here's the twist: Va'aiga, now pay attention... You can only win by submission. And me? Well... All I have to do to win, is to pin those shoulders to the mat. Submission versus pinfall. Anything else goes. That way, we both get to write a new page for the playbook, so to speak. So cut out this picture," he says, framing his own face to the camera. "Tape it to your mirror. Drink plenty of egg yolks, do morning jogs..." "Does he always quote movies like that?" asks Tara. "All the time." replies Daniel. "Especially Rocky." "Think of nothing but me, champ. I like you. And I respect what you stand for. But on February 10th, all the hand signals in the world won't help when you're facing THE most determined competitor in the SWF today. Let's push ourselves to the limit and give these people a match they'll remember... You game? I'll see you in Memphis." ... "Thanks, Tod. I'll get this to Landon ASAP." says Gus, slowly retreating from the dressing room. "I do NOT quote movies all the time!" says Stuart "There's a Jake Taylor poster in the Clinic's hall!" retorts Daniel. "You're the only one who still watches 'Major League'!" "He's inspirational!!...Kinda." Among the sounds of harmless debating, the cameraman slowly pulls away from the dressing room, pulling the door shut in the process. Fade. www.swf.com

I'll have something on the board tonight to explain the main event.

I suppose I can, given enough time.

I believe it was Goldust in a King of the Ring Qualifier. It was Owen Hart, who was doing commentary. He witnessed Jim Cornette being manhandled and ran in to hit Ahmed with his cast. This is when Goldust attempted mouth-to-mouth on Ahmed, and found out what it was like to anger a large black man. He was promptly murdalized for the Intercontinental title at the PPV.

Explain the red. Terri don't do no blade jobs.

December 9th, 2008. Bodies slamming against the mat, in succession. "Too quick, Tara! Pace yourself!" orders a familiar Canadian voice. Toronto, Ontario, Canada. "You move too quick, you overthink. You overthink, you lose. Make the pace your own." The Wrestling Clinic 31, Finch Avenue East. Panning the room, the camera falls upon the very same setup we saw about nine months ago. Rows of chairs and gym bags strewn about. Crash mats that surround a wrestling ring filled with bumping students. Welcome to the Wrestling Clinic. "Amazing how much can happen in nine months, Mr. SWF Cameraman." The camera pans back over to the left, revealing the man who sits at the exact same position he sat last time we were at the Clinic. Tod James Stuart looks on proudly as his five young prospects (among them a girl) push their bodies past their limits, while being guided by star pupil Daniel Smith, and added to his own encouragements. "It seems like only yesterday when I was sitting here and decided to get off my ass and do something with my joke of a wrestling career." muses Tod, using the cameraman as a soundboard. "And look where I am now. I just went through two grueling days of competition, going up against three opponents that more than measure up. One of them was one of the best highflyers I've seen since Wild Child. One was the undefeated half of the tag champs." he pauses to let that one sink in. "And one was a former World heavyweight champion himself. And now... heh, I'm almost there. Nine months ago, you put my name and "World championship contention" in the same sentence, and I'd have laughed you out of here. But as soon as 2009 rolls in, it could very well happen. I just have one more name to go through. "Taaaaiga Star." he says, resting his feet on the chair in front of him. He draws out the syllables in her name, perfectly contemplating the uncharted waters he'll venture out into on January 6th. "You're competitive. Fierce. You don't take crap from anyone. I like that. But from what I've seen, you don't seem... to mind doing what you feel is necessary to win." he says, carefully choosing his words. "And you're right. The extent of our conversations is usually 'Hey how you doing' or 'Where's catering?' or 'Do I smell Quiznos?'... As opposite as we may be, trust me, I do pay attention to your matches. So the question becomes: how do I take on a girl whom I've never faced before? ... It's easy. Like everyone else, you're just that: an opponent. Man or woman, I'll treat you just the same in that ring. Just ask Annie Eclectic how she felt after a match with me... I won't go the Annie route and call you a copycat or a mere follower of footsteps. I won't go the Suicide King route of calling you an insecure little girl in a neverending quest for respect. I'll go my own route. You're just an opponent that I have to beat to become one step closer to the World title. So you've gone and gotten yourself someone to watch your back. And he doesn't seem shy about seeing you victorious, either. That's fine by me. But just this once, let's play this one straight. Come January 6th; you leave your big guy in the back. And I'll leave mine in the back. Two out of three falls; let's show the fine people in the U.K. what the hell is a wrestling match! You're hurt right now. I'm pretty sore myself. So rest up. Go celebrate the holidays with your loved ones. Relax and have fun. I'll do the same myself. I want you 100% for this match. "You referred to me as challenge. Good. Use that. Do your absolute best to try and overcome this challenge. I like you, Taiga. And I've come to respect your determination. This is who I want to see in front of me when we meet. I'll accept nothing less... "Oh, and Happy New Year." ...

Well now. This calls for a counter promo!

Doesn't look too good for me, seeing as I'm set to go out of town during the next few weeks. We can always open the year in force with the tournament final.

I repeat: Raven held the NWA World championship. When the agreement with TNA ended, the NWA stripped the title holders, true, but TNA just awarded the same men "their" titles. Same champions, different titles. So, Raven has been World champion of a major organization.

Raven has briefly held the NWA World championship in TNA.

...Whoa.

Good job by all. Now let's limit this to a yearly event, as the suspense and limited sleep cannot be good for my health. Still, can't wait for Night 2!

You suck. Urban Champion is greatness.