Patty O'Green

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- COLE Welcome, folks to your one stop shop for sex, drugs and rock n wrestling, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole as always with Johnathan Coachman, and from what I understand we're going to have a huge show tonight! COACH Got that right. There's an Anderson Cup match featuring James Blonde and Faqu against a mystery team. Team Heyross is going to meet VICE, and Collin Maguire Junior is all set for war against Ken Pantera. COLE All this and more on our road to Anglemania! The sound of "Medal" brings forth fury from the crowd in attendance at tonight's HeldDOWN~! broadcast, as the man revealed to be only a co-owner of the OAOAST makes his way out, flanked as always by the stone faced powerhouse who took the OAOAST by storm earlier this year. COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! fans. If you're tuning in now, you're just in time for the moment we've been waiting for, as it appears we're going to get Zack Malibu's answer as to where he stands regarding the power struggle between he and Anglesault. Anglesault and Tommy G. enter the ring, and Anglesault already has a mic. Not looking to waste time, he forgoes pandering to the crowd, and gets right down to business. ANGLESAULT At the New Year's Spectacular, an awful lot of personal information was revealed to the public. It was let out exactly why you people hadn't seen myself, Tommy G., or...Zack Malibu for months. The crowd pops at the mention of Zack's name, but it soon fades. ANGLESAULT Zack Malibu owns half of this company...at this moment. However, I think I made it quite clear at the New Year's Spectacular that he needs to do the right thing. He needs to give me back what is rightfully mine! The booing starts up again, and it doesn't fade fast. It overpowers Anglesault, who starts to lose his cool. ANGLESAULT SHUT UP! I don't care what you people THINK you know. I don't care about what you WANT. The fact of the matter is, I'm done playing games. I'm done protecting Zack Malibu because he's good for business. I'm done watching him act like he's the end all and be all around here. This is MY COMPANY AND I AM TAKING IT BACK! The crowd doesn't let up, and Anglesault becomes infuriated, kicking at the ropes and threatening ringside fans. It's at that point that "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and ZACK MALIBU heads to the ring, drawing a thunderous reaction from the fans. COLE Listen to this response for The Franchise! COACH Do I have to? Malibu heads quickly to the ring...but an even quicker security force follow him down the ramp, and block his path! COLE What is this!? Malibu, infuriated, starts throwing security aside, causing Anglesault to lose his cool. ANGLESAULT Zack...ZACK! Stop it! You think those actions make you look good to the shareholders? Is that what the owner of a publicly traded company would do? So you know what...keep doing it, and make my life easier. Flustered, Malibu pushes through the security wall, and heads into the ring. Tommy G. is all too eager to meet him upon arrival, but Anglesault keeps his muscle grounded. ANGLESAULT Easy, Tommy. Anglesault approaches Zack. ANGLESAULT I don't want any trouble, Zack. Just an answer. I've made it clear what I want, and how I feel. So let's not drag this out. What are you going to do? Malibu doesn't even hesitate as he knocks Anglesault on his ass with a right hand! Immediately, Tommy tackles Zack and starts brawling with him, but Zack turns the tide and gains the mount, hammering on the rookie OAOASTer! COLE I don't think that's the answer Anglesault wanted, but I think it's the one we all expected! Zack and Tommy do battle, and when Anglesault recovers, he clobbers Zack from behind! It's two on one on Zack as they put the boots to him, beating him down for rebelling against the company namesake. COACH They're taking it to him! COLE It's not right! We need some help out here! COACH Help? AIn't nobody gonna help Zack! That selfish bastard turned his back on his boys, and now Anglesault and Tommy G. are gonna run him outta town! Zack fights up, with the crowd urging him to bounce back, as he unleashes a flurry of punches to both men! Zack throws Tommy outside and backs Anglesault into the corner, hammering away...but Tommy recovers and slides into the ring with a chair in hand, bringing it across Zack's back! Zack collapses, then struggles to get up...and that's when he eats a chair across the head from Tommy G.! COLE C'mon! Red-faced and irate, Anglesault shakes off his beating and drags Zack to the ropes, putting his throat against the middle rope and driving his knee between his shoulder blades! Already bloodied, Zack is now foaming at the mouth as he's choked...and suddenly BOHEMOTH races down the aisle, charging right through Anglesault's security as if they were bowling pins! COLE Finally! COACH Why does he care? Why does he need to get involved? Bohemoth slides into the ring, as Anglesault and Tommy G. back away from Malibu. Bohemoth grabs the chair that Tommy used on Zack and weilds it in a menacing manner, pushing Tommy and Anglesault back to the far side of the ring. Groggy, Zack starts to drag himself to his feet...and THAT'S WHEN BOHEMOTH TURNS AROUND AND CRACKS HIM WITH A CHAIR TO THE HEAD! COLE WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!??!!? COACH That was SICK, that's what it was! Malibu is motionless, as are the fans, who were shocked into silence. Bohemoth throws the chair down in disgust and turns to Anglesault, who smiles and comes over to offer the Metrosexual Monster a hug. COLE He...Bohemoth... COACH Stop stutterin', Cole! Anglesault, looking disheveled from the fight, picks up the mic once again. ANGLESAULT You sorry son of a bitch...I WANT MY COMPANY BACK. I don't care about you, your family, these friends...GIVE ME WHAT'S MINE! Because I was gracious to you. I gave you time to think. I gave you a REASON to think. You could have done this peacefully, Zack. Now you've left me with no choice. I'm going to TAKE my company back, and I'm going to end the legacy of Zack Malibu once, and for all. Anglesault throws the mic down on Zack's chest, as Bo stares down at Zack and sneers, remaining silent for the time being. Bo looks up at Tommy G. and Anglesault and smirks, and all three villains stand tall, showered by cups, containers, and other assorted garbage as we fade out. THE MAINEVENT ANDERSON CUP FIRST ROUND ACTION FAQU AND JAMES BLONDE VS?????? TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT! COMMERCIAL

The OAOAST Event Tracker is brought to you by Gillette January 21, 2010 - Winnipeg, MB January 28, 2010 - Louisville, KY January 31, 2010 (Anglepalooza: Empire State Of Mind) - New York, NY February 4, 2010 - St. John's, Newfoundland In a backstage corridor, Lindsay Gonzalez, limping and with an arm in a sling, leads four security guards on a hunt for Morgan. They find the women’s champion walking down the hall in search of Leon. LINDSAY That’s her! That’s her! Arrest her! MORGAN LINDSAY Get her! What are you waiting for? Christmas? Morgan’s eyes get teary and she starts tearing at her hair. MORGAN Stay away from me! LINDSAY These are the cops! You don’t stay away from the cops when they come looking for you for assault. Don’t make them pull their guns on you, bitch! SECURITY Actually we’re just security guards. We don’t have guns. But we do have these cool glowstick flashlights. Sometimes we pretend they’re lightsabres. LINDSAY Will you please shut up? Morgan there’s nowhere to run, they’ll catch you. There’s no were to hide, they’ll find you. MORGAN Please, don’t come closer. LINDSAY Face it, dearie, you messed with wrong woman. MORGAN Go…go….go…away! LINDSAY Enough of this, just get her! MORGAN Don’t! Please don’t! Three security guards rush Morgan ZAAAAAAAAAP! ZAAAAAAAAAP! ZAAAAAAAAAP! With three security guards left in immeasurable pain, Lindsay’s face is flooded with panic. She turns her frightened eyes to the last security guard. LINDSAY Use your weapon! SECURITY My glowstick flash light? LINDSAY Yes! SECURITY It’ll break! That stuff is toxic! It comes out of my salary! I’m out of here! The man rushes off, leaving Lindsay faced with Morgan. Summoning up her courage, Lindsay gets toe to toe with Morgan and then slaps her across the cheek! Morgan crumbles to the ground, and immediately starts weeping. This puts a smile on Lindsay’s face and she limps away. THE MAINEVENT ANDERSON CUP FIRST ROUND JAMES BLONDE AND FAQU VS ????? NEXT

Back in her office, Josie Baker can be seen in conversation on her cellphone. Not heard. Eavesdropping is rude. As this unheard phone conversation goes on, Josie starts to feel like she's being watched and glances up. Emerging out of the shadow of the open door, Leon Rodez slowly walks towards the desk. JOSIE Something's come up. I'll call you back. Josie hangs up and looks a little worried, but stands her ground as Leon approaches the desk and leans over, knuckles pressed against the wood. LEON I've been waiting all night for you to find me a window to talk to me. JOSIE I've been busy... LEON Well, now you can find some time in your busy schedule and listen to me, because it won't take long. I want, my shot, at the World Title. JOSIE We've been over this, time and time again Leon. You're not getting another shot yet. You need to get in line and wait your turn. Leon scowls at Josie, who again stands her ground in the face of it. LEON Wait my turn. I knew you'd say that. Because you've got something against me. JOSIE Like the fact that you and your little girlfriend have tried to threaten physical harm on me if I don't give you what you want? Leon, drop the parranoia and the persecution complex. I'm treating you no differently than anyone else on this roster. A smile forms on Leon's face. LEON I knew you'd say that too. Funny. See, I want my shot at the World Title. But I know that for whatever reason... bitterness, resentment, personal enjoyment... fear... you're not going to give me what I want. That's fine. I'm used to not getting what I want from life. But, if you really are "treating me no different from anyone else" like you say... you'll do what you've done for everyone else... and you'll put me in the Lethal Rumble. And then, I can fight for my World Title match. Just like I've had to fight for everything worthwhile in my life. JOSIE Interesting. Well, how about this. I'll let you in the Lethal Rumble... Josie smirks back at Leon now, knowing she's got him. JOSIE ...but, you have to fight for it, by winning your match next week. If you do, you're in. If not, no luck. Not liking this idea, Leon seethes and leans further over the desk, but Josie doesn't flinch and just raises her eyebrows at Leon. JOSIE Did you know I was going to say that? Leon glares at Josie for a few second, before cursing under his breath and storming back out of the office. Taking a relieved sigh, Josie picks up the phone and hits re-dial. COMMERCIAL

We return to ringside where “In the Air Tonight” by Non-point booms through the speakers. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, at a total combine weight of 565 pounds… CHRISTOHPER PATRICK ALLEN, otherwise known as CPA, and DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY... VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Bosley challenges hecklers to step into the ring. Fortunately none take him up on it. COLE Quite a match-up this should be as both teams in our next bout look to move back into tag title contention. “Shine” by Collective Soul hits and red, white and blue pyro shoots off behind Team Heyross. BUFFER And their opponents! Total combined weight 485 pounds… CHARLIE MOSS, QUENTIN BENJAMIN... TEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH What a feather in the cap it would be for V.I.C.E. if they can defeat Team Heyross, Cole. You know they feel snubbed after not being invited to participate in this year’s Anderson Cup. COLE Team Heyross also not involved, although that was due to them being the reigning champions at the time. * DINGDINGDING * Benjamin and Bosley lockup and Benjamin executes a pair of quick arm drags. Bosley knees Benjamin in the gut and then stuns him with a backhand judo chop. Benjamin ducks a back elbow and executes a belly-to-belly suplex! The cover. ONE! KICKOUT! Benjamin slams Bosley and heads up top, where he connects with a TOP ROPE CLOTHESLINE! Team Heyross tag and Benjamin fires Bosley across, dropping down so Moss can hit a SUPERKICK! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Moss whips Bosley to the buckle, but Bosley leaps back from the middle rope to connect with a back elbow! The cover. ONE! KICKOUT! Bosley sends Moss for the ride and tags CPA. Shot to the gut doubles him over as CPA enters and lands a running boot to the head! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COACH Things aren’t looking too good for Team Heyross, Cole. If they’re gonna win this it’s gonna have to be with a quick pin of some kind. No way they can get CPA up for the Super Rocker Dropper. CPA rams Moss into the buckle and proceeds to punish him with corner shoulder thrusts. Delayed vertical suplex follows and CPA makes the cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! A tag is made and VICE whip Moss into the ropes, pressing him and slamming him down on his stomach! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY BENJAMIN! Bosley dumps Moss outside and gets into it with Benjamin, allowing CPA to smash Moss back-first into the ring post! COLE That damn BULLY~! COACH I dare you to say that to CPA’s face. COLE … COACH That’s what I thought. CPA rolls Moss back in and Bosley performs an old school backbreaker. Bosley stands over Moss and lays the verbal smack down, only to get wrapped up in a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE Bosley almost got caught napping there. Moss hammers away on Bosley, then whips him in for a BAAAAAACK body drop! Standing dropkick finds its mark and Moss coves. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bosley rakes the eyes to regain the advantage, then tags CPA who delivers a FRONT SPINEBUSTER! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY BENJAMIN! CPA shoots Benjamin a look than would make the devil wet his pants, but Benjamin doesn’t back down and motions CPA to bring it. CPA MOSS SCHOOL BOY’S CPA! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! We get a blind tag as Moss ducks a clothesline, and then a big boot on the rebound. CPA turns and is drilled by THE DOUBLE GOOZLE! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! BOSLEY COLE They got him! COACH No! BUFFER Here are your winners... TEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Team Heyross smartly bail as Bosley throws a fit in the ring. COACH Bosley has every right to be upset, Cole. That was a blatant double-team. COLE All within the rules, Coach. Right now we’re gonna send it over to our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan for a special interview. We swoop over to the world famous interview stage where Tony Brannigan is joined by Team Heyross. BRANNIGAN Team Heyross back on the winning track. And guys, I know regaining the tag team championship is your #1 priority. But I also know you’re hot under the collar about recent comments made by the Heavenly Rockers. BENJAMIN We take pride in what we do for a living, Tony, so when somebody calls us out like the Heavenly Rockers did, you’re damn right it makes us hot under the collar. Charlie and I aren’t ones to play games. If they got a problem with us, we’d be glad to settle it in the ring. Team Heyross exit the stage. BRANNIGAN Stay with us, folks. HeldDOWN~! continues in the next post.

Backstage in a dressing room, sits a 52 inch flat screen TV and an Xbox 360 rests on a nearby stand. You’d expect to find a Nerdly here, button mashing away. But its Lindsay Gonzalez who’s positioned on the plush leather sofa. LINDSAY Welcome, to your weekly No Homo update. As you can tell, I’ve finally rid this segment of any trace of a Nerdly. Finally, you people are going to get what you tuned in for. Me! Me! Me! All Lindsay all the time. Sure I’ll show you pictures of No Homo. Its what I’m here for. But don’t forget who’s the main attraction. Me! Me! Me! Its all about me. And when I win the women’s title, it will be all about me. Me! Me! Me! For right now I’ll let them show you the screens, but when we come back the focus is going to be right where you want it….on me. SANDMAN SANDMAN Vs FROSTY THE SNOWMAN (hidden character) ~~~~~ SANDMAN Overall: 92 Abilities: Hardcore resurrection, object specialist, strong strike, hammer throw ~~~~~ ALIX MARIA SPEZIA ~~~~~ ALIX MARIA SPEZIA Overall: 92 Abilities: Humiliate, titillate, outside dives, resiliency, taunt theif ~~~~~~ LINDSAY If Alix looks that good, just take a guess at how great I’d look. I’m not in the game, but my agent is in talks with THQ to create a special edition called “Lindsay Gonzales presents No Homo” And there will be a special “All Lindsay Rumble” where you can select me in ten different outfits and face ten Lindsays. Ten Lindsays? Have you gone and died to heaven? You must have, because you’re watching an angel! Soon when I win the OAOAST’s women’s title the whole OAOAST will be all about Lindsay. Lindsay t-shirts, Lindsay underwear, Linday jackets, Lindsay hot sauce, Lindsay band-aids. Lindsay is interrupted by…. MELODY NERDLY MELODY Hey what is this? LINDSAY What does it look like, Melody? Myself and the fans are talking No Homo. MELODY It didn’t sound like it! It sounded like you were talking and everyone else was falling fast asleep which I do when I watch Star Trek Voyager. Picard>Janeway. You’re the only one who could make a No Homo preview sound awful. You made it jump the shark! LINDSAY Shut up with your geeky references, fangirl. I’m trying to educate the masses about what makes Lindsay special. MELODY I know what makes you special! You rode the shortbus to school and must’ve co-starred with Jim Carry in Dumb and Dumber, awesome movie btw, but you still stuck. Now step away from my X-Box because I’m about go Wolverine on your b-u-t-t! LINDSAY Wolverine? MELODY The most overrated comic book character of all time, but still double tough. That means you better back off my Box before the claws come out. LINDSAY This X-Box? MELODY Yes! Lindsay picks up the bulky machine, and smashes it into Melody’s face! The Nerdly girl topples over, crashing to hard tile bellow. Lindsay smiles at Melody’s fate, and soon a devious chuckle leaves her lips. LINDSAY So you want this, do you? Lindsay raises the X-Box above her head, as though it were gavel and she’s about to render a verdict on Melody’s head. ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! Lindsay falls to the ground, shrieking in anguish. Her teary eyes look up to see Morgan towering above her. Well as much as 5’1 person can tower. MELODY Thanks, you saved my li- MORGAN Go. MELODY But, you- MORGAN I said go! Melody needs no further instruction from her unstable sister and quickly scurries out the door. This leaves Morgan to stare with a nervous and fearful expression at the fallen Lindsay.

As we return to HeldDOWN~!, "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats plays. And to a surprisingly warm reaction Biff Atlas heads to the ring, deep in concentration. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. In the ring, from Bloomington, Indiana. Weighing one hundred, ninety nine pounds... JACK O'REILLY!! The youngster flicks back his long black hair and raises a fist. BUFFER And his opponent, from Venice Beach, California... weighing two hundred, twenty pounds... BBIIIIIIIFFFFFFF AAAATTLLLLLAAAAASSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Biff climbs into the ring and stands in his corner, fidgeting back and forth on his toes. The referee goes to check him over for weapons, which is made difficult by Biff's inability to stay still. COLE The OAOAST Galaxy really warming to Biff Atlas, especially since the break up of he and Vinny Valentine. And Biff looks amped up and ready to go tonight. Will he be as amped up on January 31st, when he's a part of the 30 Man over the top rope Lethal Rumble Match? Biff doesn't have a great track record. But, maybe this will be his year! COACH What!? Get outta here with that talk! *DINGDINGDING* As the bell rings, Biff suddenly goes through a strange transformation. Letting out a loud roar he muscles up and marches a surprised O'Reilly right back into the corner, clubbing him with hard shots! Biff continues to club away until the referee moves Biff back. COLE Biff just laying it in on his opponent here tonight! A new Biff Atlas, we're seeing. Biff grabs O'Reilly and whips him out of the corner across the ring. Following him in, Biff then knocks O'Reilly off his feet with a clothesline in the opposite corner! COACH I don't care how impressive Biff looks, or how "new" you say he is. He's still a loser. And he doesn't have superpowers! Lifting O'Reilly back up, Biff clubs away in the corner some more. Whipping O'Reilly back across the ring the loveable oaf then tries for another clothesline, but runs into the raised knee of the youngster. With Biff staggered, O'Reilly then hits a quick neckbreaker and goes for the pin... 1... 2... No! O'Reilly slaps on a rear chinlock, knee pressed into Biff's back. COACH Now, hold up. Did you say earlier that Biff had a "bad track record" in the Rumble? Wanna expand on that? COLE Well... Biff Atlas does hold the record for quickest elimination in Lethal Rumble history, lasting 9 seconds last year... COACH That's better. COLE ...but, I'm telling you, this is a different Biff. Especially compared to last year, when Biff was lucky not to be eliminated by spotting his own shadow and diving over the ropes to try and escape. With the support of the fans Biff fights back to his feet and turns into O'Reilly, breaking apart his hands to escape the chinlock. Booting him in the gut, Biff lays into O'Reilly with a right hand. A second. And a third. Biff then backs off the ropes, but O'Reilly ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Biff in the back, sending him through the ropes to the floor with a thud. COACH Ha! That's a great omen, huh? COLE Except he went through the ropes, not over the top. COACH Gee, that's progress. Biff picks himself back up and seethes to himself as he drags himself onto the apron. A knee from the inside softens him up, O'Reilly looking to bring him back in with a suplex. And does, floating over with a cover... 1... 2... No! "LET'S GO BIFF!" "LET'S GO BIFF!" "LET'S GO BIFF!" "LET'S GO BIFF!" The Chicago crowd make themselves heard. Including by Biff. O'Reilly delivers a shot to the back, which Biff absorbs. And a second, also having little effect. O'Reilly keeps on trying. But Biff isn't feeling a thing and climbs back to his feet, shaking his head and the shocked rookie. Trying to cut Biff off, O'Reilly goes for a boot. But Biff catches it, spinning O'Reilly around and walloping him with a clothesline! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE Here comes Biff! Grabbing O'Reilly, Biff delivers a headbutt. He then whips him to the ropes and delivers a big SPEAR, turning O'Reilly inside out!! COLE Oh what a spear! You'd think he could break through a solid brick wall, with that kind of super strength! COACH So you're encouraging him now? Great. With his opponent curled up in a ball holding his ribs, Biff looks around the crowd, still a little surprised that they're cheering him. And who could blame him I guess. Picking O'Reilly back up, Biff lifts the youngster up onto his shoulders. Biff lets out a shout, then turns and throws him off, hitting the DVD/Michinoku Driver of no name... 1... 2... 3!!!! COLE And that'll do it. Biff looking impressive. *DINGDINGDING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... BBIIIIIFFFF... AAAATTLLLAAAASSSSSS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Biff stands back up and looks a little surprised again, obviously as used to winning as he is being cheered. He raises his hands in victory all the same. COLE Are we looking at the winner of the 2010 Lethal Rumble? COACH What is WRONG with you!? COLE Stranger things have happened. COACH No they haven't. They really, really haven't. Biff marches back up the aisle, even slapping a few hands on the way.

We cut from ringside to the revamped, and remodled, interview lounge. At the bar Josh Matthews sits with Malaysia, and a grumpy Mister Dick. The Cocky Prick is nursing a Michelob ultra (gotta stay slim!) JOSH I’m currently inside the interview lounge with the Deadly Alliance’s Mister Dick. As you may have seen last week on our Angle Awards extravaganza, Mister Dick lost a High Stakes match, putting him as the number one entrant in the Lethal Rumble. Mister Di- MISTER DICK Go on and laugh it up, boy. Have a grand ol time! Its funny ain’t it? Me being the first man to enter in the Lethal Rumble. JOSH I wasn’t going to laugh. MALAYSIA And you better not. Mister Dick chugs down a swig of his beer. MISTER DICK Let him laugh, Malaysia! Boy, howdy, you should look happier than a fourteen year old who’s seen his first tittie. Have a laugh because everyone else sure as hell is! JOSH I don’t think everyone is laughing at you. Not believing in Josh’s words, MD slams his bottle down in frustration . MISTER DICK Then what the hell are they doing? When I got backstage after my match, boy, you’d think I was made of solid gold with the way they were smiling. Reminds me of the stares I get when I step out the shower round here. Grown, straight men, left in awe at the beast I possess. MALAYSIA It looks so good, sparkling, fresh out the shower. MISTER DICK But this time they weren’t checkin out my total package, naw, they were laughing at my failure. Its just a big hoot and a holler to them folks around here. They think its good, boy. They get to talking to themselves sayin’ “Jock is a prick, I can’t be as good as him, I can’t adequately satisfy my woman like he could, MALYASIA Mmmmmm….that’s right baby, no one fills me up like you do. MISTER DICK See? They say “I can never be the half man he is.” And they get to laughin and giggling at my one failure, because they can’t measure up to anything else. But it ain’t gonna be funny, it ain’t gonna be ha-ha and heh-heh, when I step into that rumble and throw every damn son of bitch who enters over the ropes. I bet I won’t no laughin and hootin when its me that’s going to the mainevent of Anglemania. And Alfdogg, I ain’t like Reject, I ain’t gonna play nice with ya and let you go doin what yer doin all year long. You’re one dog I’m gonna put to sleep, and I’m gonna do it in one night! You better believe it. LATER TONIGHT TEAM HEYROSS Vs VICE TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

“Tom Sawyer” by Rush plays Ken Pantera to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. introducing first, accompanied by fellow CAN-AM ASSASSIN, FELIX STRUTTER… from Juneau, Alaska… KKEEEEENN PPAAAAAAAAANNTTEEEEERRRRRAAAAAAA!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Strutter massages Pantera's shoulders as they await his opponent. COLE What a match-up this should be, Coach. COACH Yeah. A sneak preview of what’s to come at Anglepalooza when the Can-Am Assassins face the LDC Moneygang for the One & Only World tag team championship. "Jungle Fever" by Stevie Wonder cues, a subtle jab at Felix Strutter’s alleged desire for Lorelei DeCenzo. BUFFER And his opponent, accompanied by SPENCER REIGER and LORELEI DECENZO, one-half of the One & Only World tag team champions… "THE IRISH GOLDEN BOY" COLIN MAAAAAAAAAAGUUUIIIIIIIIRREEEEE, JUUUUUUUUUNIOOOOOOOORR!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Strutter doesn’t find the music amusing and lets the LDC Moneygang know it. COACH Chill, Felix. I wouldn’t blame you. I’d like to tap that myself. What about you, Cole? COLE God no. And not because she’s a girl! She just isn’t… COACH A dude? COLE Yes, a du-- No! Reiger and Pantera share a few unkind words as CMJ charges in and CLIPS the leg! * DINGDINGDING * Pantera hangs onto the ropes for support, but CMJ backs him into the corner for a series of Irish uppercuts. COLE CMJ attacked the leg once again. He wants to take Pantera out so Felix Strutter is forced to forfeit the tag title match or go at it alone at Anglepalooza. Pantera blocks an Irish whip and tosses CMJ over the top! He follows CMJ out and rams him face-first into COLE’S CROTCH! COLE COACH He likes it. Mikey really liked it! Pantera whips CMJ hard into the STEEL STEPS and then tries to kick the Irish Golden Boy’s head off, but CMJ moves and Pantera injuries himself. CMJ yanks him back in and executes a T-BONE SUPLEX! COLE Harvardplex! COACH And here’s the… No, CMJ going back to the leg! CMJ applies a single-leg crab near the ropes so Reiger can hop on the apron and push CMJ back with his feet for additional leverage. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Despite his best efforts, Strutter can’t get the official to turn around. By the time he does Reiger is already off the apron, big smirk on his face. CMJ switches to an STF, but Pantera thumbs him in the eye to break the hold. CMJ staggers into a clothesline, and then a gut wrench suplex. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Pantera whips CMJ across for a POWERSLAM! The cover. ONE! TWO! NO! CMJ kicks out again. Pantera attempts a double underhook, but CMJ blocks it and goes under to hit a high-lifting GERMAN SUPLEX! COACH Irish Suplex! The count. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! CMJ immediately looks to clamp on THE BOSTON STRANGLER, but Pantera counters with a hammerlock and places CMJ in a FULL NELSON! COLE There it is, the full nelson! COACH And Pantera’s got it on good, Cole. CMJ needs to get out of this soon or it’ll be over in a hurry. Reiger grabs the referee’s attention, but Strutter comes over and delivers a big roundhouse! As the official tries to retain order, Lorelei DeCenzo sneaks behind Pantera, only to be blindsided by… …LINDSAY GONZALEZ!?! LORELEI BITCHSLAP knocks Lorelei out of the ring. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" LINDSAY Surprise, bitch! Lindsay dusts her hands as she exits. COLE Is Lindsay the Can-Am Assassins’ surprise? COACH I think that’s why she said, “surprise, bitch!” With nobody around to help CMJ is forced to SUBMIT! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The winner of the match… KEN PANTERA!! CMJ COLE The Can-Am Assassins got the better of the LDC Moneygang tonight. Cab they do it again at Anglepalooza?

OAOAST Syndicated! With JESSE VENTURA TONY SCHIAVONE LEAD CORESPONDENT TONY BRANNIGAN SIDEKICK MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD AND HOST ALIX MARIA SPEZIA Brought to you by American Express United States Champion Alix decided that her opening monologue should address the ongoing saga between Conan O’Brien and NBC, and the whole late night picture. “I’m an opportunistic lady, I thought maybe I might step in for Conan O’Brien if he refuses to get pushed back to 12:30, so I pitched the idea to the president of NBC, he seemed pretty excited by it, and his first words were ‘How the hell did you get into my house’ and ‘Why have you brought the masturbating bear with you? So that was my experience with the late night debacle. So, like, if Conan gets pushed back, that pushes Jimmy Fallon back, and so that, like, pushes Carson Daley back to like 2 AM, at which point the show will be renamed “What the hell is Carson Daley doing with his life” Vinny Valentine and Mariano vs The Christ Air Express Vinny attempts to rebound from the PATD breakup with a new partner, as he joins forces with 1/4 of the Burrough Boys. However, the CAE takes command early, flooring Vinny and Mariano with various aerial moves. CAE is in total control of the match, as MEL sends Mariano to the floor. However, Luther rolls out from under the apron as MEL's back is turned, switching with Mariano, who disappears under the ring. When MEL goes to pick up Luther, Luther pulls him into the steel steps, then begins to stomp away on him. He tosses him inside and gets a two-count off a split-legged moonsault, then tags in Vinny, who wears him down with power moves, then hooks in a Boston crab. MEL manages to crawl over and reach the ropes, and Vinny tags in Luther. Luther attempts a hurricanrana from the top rope, but MEL catches him with a powerbomb, then tags in MARV, but the referee misses it while distracted by Vinny. As the referee puts MARV out, Waldo switches places with Luther, and drills MEL with a gourdbuster, getting a two-count. Waldo tags in Vinny, and the two attempt a double clothesline, but MEL ducks and floors both men with a bodypress, quickly rolling off and tagging MARV, who comes in and delivers clotheslines to both men. Eventually a donnybrook breaks out, and MARV hits Waldo with a jawjacker, but the cover is broken by Vinny. MARV fights off Vinny while Quincy switches out with Waldo, and sneaks up behind MARV, hitting him with the Tanooki Suit, which sets up Vinny's Night Fever legdrop from the top to pick up the win. WINNERS: Vinny Valentine and Mariano Alix welcomed Nate Rockwell the inventor, of “PAL PENIS!” Pal Penis is essentially a glove for your penis. It also has an extra baggy attached so that you can pee into it if you’re at the movies or at a sports game and you can’t get to the restroom. Maya was not impressed, “Your invention is beyond reprehensible, it is a shameless disgrace to the human race, having set back man as a whole over a thousand years. Your invention has made the world a worse place, and I hope that you eternally burn in hell.” French New Wave (Sophie and Molly Nerdly) Vs Papa Nerdly's Little Girls (Maggie and Morgan Nerdly) The smallest tag team in the OAOAST was set for competition against smooth running machine of French New Wave. Things went FNW way for the early parts of the match as the two were able isolate Maggie in their corner. Maggie eventually broke free of their bonds and made the tag with Morgan. At that point Sophie and Morgan renewed their rivalry, fighting with an intense fire. The two teams then went and back and forth, neither one seeming to gain any sort of advantage. However, Lindsay Gonzalez ran out from backstage, and made herself a presence at ring side. While the referee was distracted by Maggie and Molly bickering on the outside, as only sisters can. Lindsay clocked Morgan upside the head with the remains of poor Morgan's Angle Award. This gave Sophie a chance for an easy pinfall. Postmatch Molly chastised Sophie for accepting a tainted win. Winner: French New Wave, via pinfall. We cut backstage to Alfdogg, who is holding his Feud of the Year Angle Award in his left hand, and has his other arm wrapped around Vinny Valentine in a headlock, forcing him to hold the microphone up to him. He talks about his feud with Reject, and how deserving it was of the award, and congratulates Krista for matching his feat of two Superstar of the Year awards, then tells her she better get back soon, because he's currently the frontrunner to win a third as the OAOAST World champion. The PPV Match of the Year Angle Award went to the Skate or Die Heartland title match, and we go to Josh Matthews with the winner of the match, holding the trophy, Denzel Spencer. Denzel says he's happy to receive the award, but expresses disappointment over not winning the Young Lion award for his fast rise up the rankings. Suddenly, Spencer Reiger appears on the scene, and laughs at the thought of Denzel winning "his" award. Denzel points out that he needed only one shot to win his first title, unlike the Moneygang's multiple failures against Team Heyross. Spencer is irritated enough by this comment to challenge him to a title match, which Denzel accepts. Alix and sidekick Maya sat down with Jackie Chan star of “The Spy Next Door”. Alix noted that he looked like a kid named Joe Park she went to highschool with. “In the year book everyone had these quotes under their name, and there was one kid who had this profound quote about the secret of life, and next to him was Joe Park and his quote was ’I ate paste in ten minutes!” Things went well until construction workers came and began dismantling the set. Alix asked “Dude, like, what are you doing?” The answer came from an OAOAST representative, “Affiliates are mad that your killing their lead to erection dysfunction informericals, and Tony Toruettes has been threatening to leave for the WWE, so we’re bumping you back and giving him your time slot. You’ll be on after the infomercial for herpes medication.” OAOAST Heartland title: Denzel Spencer © vs Spencer Reiger Denzel gains advantage early, catching Reiger off-guard with his quickness. Reiger is able to take advantage on the floor, ramming Denzel into the ringpost and choking him across the guardrail. He rolls Denzel back inside and tosses a can of goodies into the ring. He empties the can and uses it on Denzel. He lays the can on Denzel and attempts a splash, but Denzel moves and Reiger splashes the can. Denzel comes back, hammering Reiger with rights and sending him to the floor with a spinning wheel kick. He hits him with a dive to the floor, then rolls him back inside, but Reiger is able to regain advantage surprisingly quick. He wears Denzel down, including assaulting him with a kendo stick, but Denzel is able to avoid the Reiger Counter, backdropping Reiger onto the trashcan, then scooping him up and dropping him on it again with the Carribean Compactor to retain his title. WINNER: Denzel Spencer

Ideally I wanna get this show up on Tuesday.

Damn, Alf carrying the whole show, who else gonna having something for this?

That was a fun little show to post. Ummmm, the reason there are celebrity guest halfway through to the end, is because I just thought of the idea halfway through. But, yes fun show. Alf expect a letter bomb, so be on the lookout for that in your mailbox.

BTW this isn't the order of entry, you'll just have to all be surprised!

don't read if you don't wanna know!

I shalt demand the mainevent spot should there be no objections to the contrary. -Mister Dick promo-

We have a lot of guys from New York City Spencer Reiger Vinny Valentine Reject Burroughs Boys Bosley Southern Califonria and New York are hot spots for OAOAST recruiting!

we go to the back, where deep in the darkened negelected reaches of the arena, Morgan Nerdly sits against a wall. Holding her dented and chipped Angle Award in her hands, her head rests in the lap of Leon Rodez, who is also sat against the wall but looking off into the distance, dis-interested. MORGAN ...and I was nine years old. It was the last day of school before the holidays and there was a big assembly in the hall, where all the children were sat and they were going to give out awards. They gave out all of these sports awards and everybody clapped and smiled. And I clapped and smiled. And then, they did some more awards that weren't about sports. They called my name out and I was really surprised, so I jumped up and I remember I had this big smile on my face, because I was going to get an award. Me! I knew Maggie had got a couple before and I think Melody did too, but I could go back home and have one too and it could go next to there's on the trophy case. But when I got out of the assembly, a group of the children in my class started to make fun of me, because my award was for Perfect Attendance. They called me a "teacher's pet" and an "apple polisher", and then they took my award and they started to throw it around and made me try and get it back and when they finally dropped it and I got it they all walked off laughing. Still with the same look on his face, Leon realises the story has finished and glances over at the distressed Morgan. LEON So, somebody threw your award away again tonight. MORGAN Uh huh. LEON I see. You want to know what I think about that? Morgan looks up expectantly. Perhaps expecting some sympathy, or some comforting words. Instead, Leon stands up, takes Morgan's Angle Award... and STOMPS on it, bending and busting it even more. MORGAN With each stomp of the award Morgan cowers and she looks horrified at Leon. LEON You know what this award means? Nothing! It's just a chunk of cheap metal and wood. It doesn't mean a thing! It's worthless. Leon walks over and to further illustrate his point, he starts to stomp and kick at HIS Angle Award until it's busted too, before kicking them both away. LEON These awards mean nothing. The only thing attached to these awards is cold, empty, vain glory. The respect and admiration of people who do not matter. You think the people who voted for this thing care about you? That because they put a tick in your box, or a cross against your name, that that makes up for the contempt they show for your life the other 364 days of the year? Do you really care about what those people think about you? MORGAN ...no. LEON That's what I thought. You've already got the only thing that's worth having. The belt. Awards don't mean a thing. Being the champion does. I don't even have that, how do you think I feel!? MORGAN I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't think. As Morgan hangs her head, Leon rolls his eyes and sits back down. LEON It's okay. I forgive you. Morgan cuddles up to Leon, who continues to stare off again. LEON Tonight wasn't the night to be celebrating anyway. That day will come. Soon. THE VOICE Here to present the award for Superstar of the Year.....MOLLY NERDLY...and....KEVIN BACON! To nice applause the duo walk onto the award stage. MOLLY Kevin, do you mind if we play a game? KEVIN What game? MOLLY Six degrees of Kevin Bacon/ KEVIN Let's not and say we did. MOLLY I'm the quite superstar at the game, go on and ask my family members, they shall tell you of my prowess. KEVIN I bet they will. The award for superstar of the year goes to someone who exhibits talent that goes far beyond the normal man. MOLLY They are courageous, dignified, and possess a truly rare charisma. KEVIN And they kick a lot of ass. ~SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR~ Alfdogg Leon Rodez Krista Isadora Duncan Reject Christian Wright ~SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR~ MOLLY The winner is......for the second straight year....KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! "YEAAAAAAAAAA!" KEVIN Unfortunately Krista could not be here tonight, accepting the award in her place are her daughters Maya Duncan-Blanchard and Jade Rodez-Duncan. JADE Hello, again, Oakland, from two Californians to another. If mom were here MAYA I'm sure she'd be looking down Molly's dress. Molly blushes. JADE Yes she would do that, but she'd also tell you how wonderful it is to repeat as superstar of the year. She'd tell you, that many times over her career in the OAOAST that she just wanted to quit for good. She thought no matter how hard she tried or how many wins she piled up, they'd never let her have a crack at the world title. They'd try to placate her with tag title shots. MAYA So it was a big deal for her when she won the world title this last year. She may have played it all cool and stuff, but she was thrilled to be champion, and thrilled that you all supported her. Winning her second superstar of the year award is icing on the cake. JADE We know that when she gets these two awards, she'll put them right up next to her star on the Walk Of Fame. Thanks, everybody! MAYA Ditto! Maya and Jade hug as the audience applauds and we.... FADE OUT

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- What do the Angle Awards mean? JESSE VENTURA They mean you’re the best in your field. What do the Angle Awards mean? COLE They mean you can go to the biggest stage of them all and hold your head up pride. What do the Angle Awards mean? TONY BRANNIGAN They mean greatness. What do the Angle Awards mean? TERRY TAYLOR They mean you can stand among immortals. What do the Angle Awards mean? CWM They mean everything. What do the Angle Awards mean? COACH They mean your broke ass can start getting paid decent unless you got a dumbass agent like that idiot Biff Atlas. Saw that whiteboy on an overpass in LA, begging for socks just shook my head and kept it moving. We go into the live arena and see that the entrance stage has been converted to appear like this THE VOICE Welcome to the 2010 OAOAST Angle Awards! “YEAAAAAAAH!” THE VOICE Here to present the award for Young Lion of the year…. Tony Brannigan To a large reception from the sold out audience, a tuxedo clad Tony Brannigan steps up to the stage. TONY Welcome everybody, thanks for joining us. I spend a lot of time working with the future stars of tomorrow at OAOVW. Its one of my many joys in life to see the kids I’ve trained go onto great success here in the OAOAST. It makes me feel proud and good about myself and what our organization does. Over the last year I’ve gotten a chance to watch several of our students be promoted to the main roster. Not only were they promoted, though, they shined as bright as superstars that have been here for years. Tonight we honor these special kids. ~~~YOUNG LION OF THE YEAR~~~ MORGAN NERDLY LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND DENZEL SPENCER LDC MONEYGANG ~~~YOUNG LION OF THE YEAR~~~ TONY The winner is……THE LDC MONEYGANG! Shades on, the LDC Moneygang stand tall wearing all 3 tag belts associated with the One & Only World Tag Team Championship, Young Lion Angle Awards in hand. LORELEI Like they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. And doesn't this one say it all? CMJ/REIGER “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” REIGER Why are you going to be someone that just won an award? If your mothers won employee of the month at their whore house, I wouldn't boo them. I'd be happy for the aids infested whores. Heheheheh. CMJ We'd also wanna dedicaht this awahad to Teddy Moneymakah, lookin forward to seein ya real soon, boss! CMJ and Reiger raise their awards to the jeering crowd and then walk off with Lorelei. VOICE Coming up next……BROMANCE OF THE YEAR! COMMERCIAL ALSO TONIGHT 8 MAN TITLES! CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL VS ALL THE QUEENS MEN TONIGHT

THE VOICE Here to present the award for Match of the Year....ANGLESAULT! The boos are almost deafning as the co-founder of this great company emerges onto stage. "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!" ANGLESAULT News falsh: you're booing the reason all of you can even show up to the arena tonight! I made it all possible, I'm the one who turned a dream into a billion dollar empire. The match of the year award is a celebration of all of my hardwork and my forsight. Every time an OAOAST Superstar puts on a classic match, they're doing it in ode and honor to me. These performers are saying thank you to me for putting them on the map. They realize they owe me everything in their life and this is their way of repaying their enormous debt to me. ~MATCH OF THE YEAR~ Team Leject (Leon Rodez, OAOAST World Champion Reject, ThunderKid & The Heavenly Rockers) Vs Team Alix (Alix Maria Spezia, Alfdogg, Bohemoth & D*LUX) Team Landon (Landon Maddix, Nathanial Black, James Blonde, Faqu & the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club) VS Team Baron (Baron Windels, Tim Cash, the Orange County Cobras, Christ Air Express) First blood match: Krista Isadora Duncan Vs Theodore Moneymaker Anglemania: Team Heyross Vs The LDC Moneygang ~MATCH OF THE YEAR~ ANGLESAULT The lucky winner is.....Team Landon Vs Team Baron! To a chorus of boos, Queen Esther emerges, flanked by all of her Queen's Men, dressed to compete. They approach the podium and Queen Esther begins to gush over recieving the award. QUEEN ESTHER Oh! Good heavens! My bosom swells with pride. Gosh! On behalf of my victorious team, it is our honour and our privilege to accept this award for Best Combat. My troops are noble and brave and strong. And we shall fight on, forever more! For Queen and for country! Tally-ho! The Queen picks up one of the awards and heads to the ring, trailing behind The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club and Last Kings Of Scotland, who march confidently in front. COLE And All The Queen's Men, set for more... how did she put it... "combat"? Anyway, they're in action next. "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be alright Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Hang on a second. All The Queen's Men and the Queen herself stop at the bottom of the aisle and turn around, to see CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL heading out. Also dressed to compete. And carrying their title belts. Landon forces a smile as he waves down to Queen Esther and her troops, asking them to hold on while he heads to the podium. MADDIX Sorry to jump the gun here. But, uhm, you kinda beat us to it there. That's okay. Obviously, very exciting to have been involved in the best Match Of The Year for 2009. Which is why, as the official team captain for the winning team at November Reign, it's my pleasure to accept this award on behalf of Cucaracha Internacional. Taking the other trophy, Landon's acceptance speech doesn't go down too well with The Hellfire Club or Last Kings, who voice their annoyance from the ring. MADDIX It was a great effort from our team... lead by myself, as I mentioned. And although it was me who scored the final two pinfalls, for the team I captained, I feel that I should not take all of the credit and was definately a team effort. As it will be tonight, when Cucaracha Internacional once again show the world why we're the strongest unit in the entire OAOAST. So, with that in mind, to the Queen, again, thank you for your assistance. And thank you very much for everyone who voted for me... uh, I mean us. Thank you! Landon raises the Angle Award high in the air and begins to lead his team to the ring, with Megan rolling her eyes. COLE Well, the winning team from our match of the year, set to compete over the 8-Man Tag Team Titles right here and now. And maybe Landon could have timed those comments a little better. The champions climb into the ring with Landon making his usual, theatrical spin in. His path is blocked by The Last Kings Of Scotland though, taking exception to Landon's words a moment ago. And pretty soon all eight men are squared off and arguing. Well, seven men. Faqu doesn't argue. *DINGDINGDING!* But as soon as the bell rings, he lets out a roar and starts lashing out at the Hellfire Club, while the LKOS start to fire off on Landon! COLE And I don't think this is quite what Landon and Queen Esther agreed to! COACH Come on guys, can't we all just get along!? A pier-six brawl, or more accurately a pier-eight brawl, erupts and quickly spills outside. Left in the ring are Scottish Scott and Maddix. Scott hammers away on Landon and whips him out of a corner, hard into the opposite one. Landon staggers out and gets sent flying with a big backdrop from the mohawked Scott. Suddenly, Landon wants to play team again and offers a handshake. Hand behind his back and all. Looking down at him, Scott just spits at Landon's hand and starts hammering away again. COLE We've got battles on the floor, a battle in the ring. It's pandemonium here. Scott goes for another irish whip, which Landon tries to reverse, only to find the big Scott refusing to budge. Dropping to his knees Landon tries to beg again. Which still doesn't work, Scott lifting Maddix up by the arm and letting him hang in mid-air for a second, before dropping him to the mat! COLE That could have ripped Landon's shoulder out of the socket! A whimpering Landon rolls out of the ring, allowing Nathaniel Black to sneak in from behind and club Scott across the back. Black succeeds in whipping Scottish Scott to the ropes, burying a headbutt to the midsection. Off the ropes, Black then blasts Scott in the side of the head with a Knee Trembler! He roars out to the crowd, but then turns around and takes a dropkick from Danny Boy! COACH Aah! I just realised, I don't know who to cheer for! Curse all these incredibly talented men! As Black rolls outside, James Blonde replaces him. Ducking underneath a clothesline, Blonde comes off the ropes and hits Danny Boy with a flying forearm. He kips up, then hits a HBK pose for no real reason. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Blonde turns around, confronted by Lucius Soul, who finds time in this melee to comb his 'fro. Apparantly Blonde is impressed with the look. And Lucius offers the comb to Blonde. As Blonde starts to comb at his locks though, Lucius surprises him with a boot to the gut! Whipped off the ropes, Blonde manages to duck a clothesline. He doesn't duck the spinning wheel kick that follows though. Kipping up in even more impressive fashion than his opponent, Lucius busts out a second comb and teases at his 'fro with a smirk on his face. The smirk disappears quickly though, as Faqu enters the ring. Sensing something is amiss, Lucius jams the pick in his 'fro and turns around, fearing the worst... FAQU BLAAARWHAAAGHHAAAHHH!! ...and gets chopped off his feet!! COLE Oh, MY what a shot! Rico comes in, but Faqu only needs to give him a look to send him scurrying to the outside. Grabbing Lucius by the hair Faqu throws him into a corner. Stricken with fear The Black Knight is clubbed and struck until he's sat against the bottom turnbuckle, before being choked with the foot. COLE Uh-oh. Not the place to be for Lucius Soul. Black and Blonde rush over and block off Rico and Danny Boy, while Landon holds Lucius from the outside, not allowing him to escape from the RUNNING ASS CHARGING HIS WAY!!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH Oh! Not even a 'fro gonna cushion that blow! As Lucius rolls outside, Scottish Scott rolls in behind Faqu. The big Samoan beats his chest and turns around, face to face with the big Scott. Who shows no fear, going NOSE TO NOSE with Faqu! Heavy breathing, grunting and snorting aplenty. COLE What a face off this is. COACH Looks like something off of the Discovery Channel. You ever seen two big ol' ugly apes fighting over an apple core? COLE Shall I tell Scott you said that? After staring each other down, the two big men start trading blows. Scott clubs Faqu across the chest with a forearm. And Faqu responds. Clubbing forearm from Scott. Clubbing forearm from Faqu, neither man budging. Faqu suddenly beats his chest and screams in Samoan... so Scott beats his chest and yells right back at him, then backs off the ropes with a shoulder tackle. Knocked off balance, Faqu comes back off the ropes behind him with a shoulder tackle of his own. Scott hits another shoulder tackle. But Faqu comes back and finally drops Scottish Scott with a charge! COLE Wow, big knockdown. Faqu, king of the jungle in the view of Jonathan Coachman. Faqu starts shouting and hollering again. Coming off the ropes, he walks right into Scottish Scott though, who PICKS HIM UP AND HITS A BODYSLAM!!!! "WOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH YO~! COLE What a display of power from Scottish Scott! Incredible! Getting over-excited, Scott starts pounding his chest and gets rolled up by Landon! 1... 2... No! Back up, Scott goes to take Landon's head off with a clothesline, but Landon ducks and Scott goes flying over the top to the arena floor. COLE Bodies flying everywhere. I guess the referee has abandoned any sense of a legal man. And I don't know if I can blame him. As Scott picks himself up Landon sizes him up and looks ready to fly. He tries to get the crowd into the idea, which is a fail. But undettered, he takes off into the ropes, charging towards Scott's side of the ring... AND THROWING HIMSELF UNDER THE MIDDLE ROPE WITH A DIVE!!!! "YYEEEAAAAAHHHHH - BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Low flying suicide dive, Landon just DROVE Scottish Scott back into the guardrail! Inside, Rico exchanges shots with Black, while Blonde lays in wait out of sight. But Danny Boy appears and pulls Blonde out of the ring before he can interject himself. Ducking a forearm, Black doesn't need him though, nailing Rico with a Lariat!! 1... 2... No! Black growls at the referee and yells at Rico to "get up" in his thick Cockney accent. COLE Black is poised here. Rico in trouble! As the Brazilian gets back up, his gives his 'stache a bit of a stroke and falls backwards, into the clutches of Black... ...but Rico escapes the Crossface Chickenwing! Slipping behind, Rico picks Black up, ready for a back suplex. Showing great strength he holds the Brit in place, waiting while Lucius slides into the ring, to catch Black with a Neckbreaker on the way down!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE A Hairraising Experience for Nathaniel Black! Could we have new champions here? Cover by Rico... 1... 2... Kickout! Now it's the Hellfire Club's turn to call for the end and they set Black up for the 3:10 to Hell. Lucius climbs the turnbuckles, while Rico picks Black up for the powerbomb. However, as Lucius gets to the top rope, Landon re-appears and gives Lucius a shove... ...SENDING HIM FLYING OFF THE TOP ONTO DANNY BOY AND BLONDE!!!! QUEEN ESTHER COACH Damn! Dudes is flying everywhere! COLE Landon with a save, but sacrifices one of his own in the process. Although if he had to sacrifice someone it might as well by who'd take a bullet for you, if asked. Or, even if not asked. Infact he'd probably ask to if he thought it'd make Landon happy. Seeing his partner plummet out of the corner of his eye, Rico turns around and grabs Landon. Maddix shrugs it off though and drops to the floor, hanging the Brazilian's neck across the top rope. Rico staggers backwards, into Black, who does a quick 180 and lays him out with the BLACK LARIAT! Cover... 1... 2... NO! COLE Rico hanging in there. A win here tonight would go some way towards making up for Anderson Cup disappointment, at the hands of the Orange County Cobras earlier this week. As Rico gets back up, Landon slides in and starts directing traffic. Rico is whipped into a corner and targetted by the champions. Clothesline in the corner by Black. Jumping forearm in the corner by Landon. And a big Avalanche in the corner from Faqu!! COACH So, more disappointment then? COLE It looks that way right now. Winded, Rico falls out of the corner. Maddix quickly reels him in and plants Rico face-first into the mat with the Complete Shot, quickly going for the cover... 1... 2... SAVE BY SCOTTISH SCOTT! COLE No, the Queen's Men still in this one. And maybe it's Landon who'll be disappointed. Disappointed he ever agreed to this match with the Queen! Because I'm sure that's not what he signed up for when this 'working relationship' began. Scott is ambushed by Faqu and Black and comes up swinging, trying to fight both men off. A knee from Black puts a stop to that though. Overwhelmed by Faqu and Black, Scott is beaten down to his knees. But he surprises both men from there, by jabbing his mohawked head into each of their stomachs. Scott then hits a big shoulder check, sending Faqu crashing through the ropes to the outside! COLE One thing the Queen's Men have is Scott's power... Cucaracha Internacional use Faqu to do the damage, which has been the downfall of most teams who come up against them. But Scott has butted heads with the big Samoan and come out pretty well from it. Butting heads again, he and Black start trading headbutts after going toe to toe with forearms. Neither man really gets the advantage and only end up hurting themselves. Which allows Landon to pick his spot, catching Scott with a Dropsault. The bigman doesn't go down. So Black runs him over the top rope with a clothesline. Scott falls right into Faqu and they start going at it again, while Landon pats Black on the back... ...and turns around to be hit with the HAND OF GOD by Rico!! "YYEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!" COACH AAAHH! COLE Landon didn't see it coming! Rico quickly jumps on top... 1... 2... NO!! Black turns around just in time and breaks the count, pulling Rico off of Landon AND SLAPPING ON THE CROSSFACE CHICKENWING!!!! COLE The Crossface is locked in! Will Rico be forced to tap!? Dragging Rico away from his KOed partner, Black tries to take Rico down. And although the Brazilian fights it, he's eventually pulled to the mat and trapped in the bodyscissors! COLE And now Black has the hold synched in, nowhere to go for Rico! With his shoulder being torn at, Rico tries to hold on, perhaps noticing Danny Boy crawling into the ring. And the Scot starts to inch his way over towards Landon, still laid out and there to be pinned. But before Danny can get there, Rico decides he can take no more AND TAPS OUT!! COLE That's it! *DINGDINGDING!* Black lets Rico go, as Queen Esther looks crushed. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match and STILL OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions... JAMES BLONDE, FAQU, NATHANIEL BLACK and LANDON MADDIX... CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The titles of dubious lineage stay with Cucaracha Internacional. But they dodged a real bullet tonight. Maybe after this, Landon will need to start refusing even more teams the chance to challenge for the belts, because they came so close to losing out here tonight. COACH Why you gotta downplay a great win like that? Give it up. Show some respect. Eight of the realest dudes on the planet just tore it up and you're whining about Baron again? COLE It was a great match. Happy? COACH Ecstatic. The belts are handed over, but seem to fall on Megan's shoulders as Black and Faqu are unconcerned and Blonde is more worried about dragging Landon's unconscious body to the ring. With Landon still seeing stars, Blonde takes it upon himself to CARRY Landon up the aisle in his arms, which is only slightly gay, honest. And Megan is left with the four mix and match belts. Meanwhile Queen Esther looks sad, as her Men try to hold council over how they could have lost. THE VOICE Coming up the Superstar of the Year Award! COMMERCIAL

OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan stands on the world famous interview stage. BRANNIGAN Oakland, California, please welcome the new tag team champions of the world and Young Lions of the Year… SPENCER REIGER, COLIN MAGUIRE, JR… THE LDC MONEYGANG! And they are accompanied by their manager… LORELEI DECENZO! “The World is Mine“ cues and the LDCMG head ringside to a chorus of boos. Once in the ring they drape their tag titles around Lorelei’s shoulders, and pass their Angle Awards to a nearby referee. BRANNIGAN It’s been signed, sealed and delivered, guys. Sunday night, January 31st live exclusively on pay-per-view, the titles will be on the line as you defend against the Can-Am Assassins at Anglepalooza. And they’ve gone on record stating Lorelei DeCenzo will be in for a surprise if she attempts to interfere again. LORELEI For the last time, I was only trying to find my contact lens. BRANNIGAN How do you explain the low blow? LORELEI That?!? You need to re-watch the video, honey. Felix Strutter fell back into me the same time I was picking my lens off the mat, causing his groin to make contact with my arm. Quite frankly, I think he did that on purpose. I see the lust in Felix‘s eyes. He wants me bad, he wants me real bad. Can you blame him? I’m so beautiful I fantasize about myself. BRANNIGAN Some mental image that is. CMJ The Can-Am Assassins can take their surprise and shove it. Nobody’s taking these belts way from us. REIGER I bet you know something about this so-called “surprise“, Brannigan. You know everything. BRANNIGAN I’m in the dark like you. And it’s certainly not due to a lack of trying. But I do know that next week CMJ has a date with Ken Pantera. CMJ Yeah, and Kenny won’t be getting any flowers when he enters the ring; he'll be getting an ass-kicking! Just like the Can-Am Assassins will at Anglepalooza. LORELEI Now if you'll excuse us. We got better things to do than hang out in Oakland. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BRANNIGAN That’s it from here.

THE VOICE Here to present the award for Feud of the year......VINNY VALENTINE, and KC from KC and the shunshine band! Light applause greet the throwback duo. VINNY VALENTINE Awe Sooky Sooky now, the party is about to start, because the party starter is in da house! Woop woop! KC That's the way uh-uh I like it! VINNY V-Squared knows a thing or two about feuds, daddio. He’s currently got one going down with Biff Atlas, my former best friend that turned square on me over night. I don’t expect us to win feud of the year next year, because next time we meet I’m just gonna take my boogie shoes and dance right up and down his ass. You can tell him I said that! Enough about that jive time turkey! KC Let’s see the nominees for feud of the year. ~FEUD OF THE YEAR~ Alf Vs Reject Krista Vs Leon Krista Vs Mister Dick LDC Moneygang Vs Team Heyross Vs CAA Vs Jumbo and Deuce Morgan Vs Holly ~FEUD OF THE YEAR~ KC The winner is....ALFDOGG AND REJECT! VINNY But neither of them had the balls to face up with V-Squared, the disco legend. That means I'm keepin their award for myself! Ha! Vinny V, you, are an Angle Award winner! V-Squared walks off the stage laughing over his newly "won" award while the crowd heavily booes him. COLE He stole an award! COMMERCIAL

Mariano, Waldo, and Luther are shown in the locker room with Tony Tourettes, Deadbeat Dave and a dejected Vinny Valentine. MARIANO Yo man, why you still bummin' over there? VINNY I just don't know what went wrong, man. I really thought this team was going somewhere. Then all this "superhero" shit started. WALDO Fuck that nigga, he's a chump 4 life, ya smell me? You still got us, homie. MARIANO Yeah, we got yo back. VINNY Thanks, guys. The door knocks. TONY THAT BETTER BE MY GOD DAMN FUCKIN PIZZA! Tony dashes for the door, knocking Luther and Waldo out of the way on his way. He opens the door, but it's Quincy. TONY WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN? I ORDERED MY PIZZA AN HOUR AND A FUCKIN HALF AGO! QUINCY I ain't the pizza man, stupid! It's me, Q, baby! WALDO He prolly ordered one of them pepperoni dick pizzas! TONY FUCK YOU! Tony chucks a beer bottle at Waldo, who ducks as it shatters against the wall. QUINCY Yo V-squared, I just got back from Josie, we got a tag match on Syndicated, son! And we gonna walk out with the W, we guarantee it! And I'm gonna explain how. TONY (pacing the floor) When that pizza guy gets here, I'm gonna SHIT ON HIS FACE WITH MY DICK! Vinny and the BB's continue to talk as the camera cuts back. COMMERCIAL

THE VOICE Here to present the Woman Not Named Krista Of The Year Award....DETECTIVE BOSLEY AND KATE HUDSON! Hudson walks arm in arm with Bosley, who jaw jacks to the fans about his being linked with the mega star. KATE The women nominated for this award are heroes to us all. They fight with courage and pride and- BOSLEY Hell yeah, its my turn to rock this bitch! Fuck all these Nerdly bitches getting awards, family full of uptight Virgin Mary’s, don’t matter to me, Chris Jericho breaks the walls down, so does Bosley, vagina walls that is. I will teach you faggots out there how to nail a solid 10. BE UNPREDICTABLE.......sometimes just show up without calling at her crib, that let's her ass know that you are fully aware that she might creep, and if she even think of doing so , she betta think again. DON'T BE OVERTLY CORDIAL TO HER FRIENDS...."mah homegirl say you be mean to her"..You respond....fuck that bitch, she can't pay our bills, she just taking up space, she might respond that your insensitive, but inside she is filled with happiness, because she knows her friends ain't shit, she just hoping you would catch it on your own. I got more, but I ain’t gonna dish my secrets out to you chumps and lowlifes. The crowd stares on in bemused wonderment, having no idea what this to do with the women of the year award. KATE Uh, the nominees are.... ~WOMAN NOT NAMED KRISTA OF THE YEAR AWARD Jade Rodez-Duncan Sophie Holly Morgan Nerdly Molly Nerdly ~WOMAN NOT NAMED KRISTA OF THE YEAR AWARD KATE The winner is.....MORGAN NERDLY! BOSLEY Now that's an ass I can tap! Morgan comes out and looks somewhat like a deer in the headlights, with the spotlight and all eyes on her but no match to concentrate on. Approaching the podium, she picks up the award and looks out at the crowd. And pauses. For some time. MORGAN I... uhm... Morgan leans into the microphone, one hand nervously running through her hair over and over again. Some of the crowd cheer, perhaps trying to encourage the nervous public speaker. Some boo coz she's a heel n kayfabe livez. MORGAN I'd like to... thank everyone who voted... for this. Uhhh... I'd like to thank Leon for being there for me. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MORGAN Ple-please don't boo. He's been so supportive and so understanding and I really don't know what I'd have done without him. "LE - ON SUCKS!" "LE - ON SUCKS!" "LE - ON SUCKS!" "LE - ON SUCKS!" Getting rattled by the chants, Morgan starts to fidget around. MORGAN I... I said STOP, o-okay? The crowd are the ones rattled now and quiten down a little. Morgan takes a few breaths and calms herself down. MORGAN Being the Women's Champion and now... the Woman Of The Year... i-it really means a lot. It feels good. I guess. I'm... not really sure how it feels. I've... never really won anything before, so it's kinda... Morgan trails off again. But, this time, it's not through nerves. Instead, she's interrupted, as Lindsay Gonzalez crashes the stage! Morgan shies away as Lindsay approaches the podium and pulls the bendy microphone towards her. LINDSAY Morgan Nerdly. Woman Of The Year, huh? Hmm. Let me think about that. What's the matter, Morgan? You don't have to be nervous. I'm just out here to be the first to congratulate you on your win. This must be a very proud moment for you. And you know what, you deserve it. I've sat back and I've watched you throughout 2009. You're... quite something. Lindsay sneers. LINDSAY But, let me tell you WHY I was watching you, Morgan. It's because you're the little girl, holding a woman's title. You're the girl who has what I want. The OAOAST Women's Title. A naive little thing like you, couldn't begin to grasp what that title means to someone like me. Someone who's been in this company longer than you've been out of grade school! Somebody who uses this business to make a living... and a very lucrative living at that. This is my business. This is a woman's business. And not one woman in this company understands it like I do. I've lead people to World Championships. Where-as you just subserve yourself to them. Reaching across the podium, Lindsay picks up Morgan's Angle Award. Morgan's eyes grow worried as she sees her award being taken from her. LINDSAY Trust me. This time next year, it'll be Lindsay Gonzalez, OAOAST Women's Champion and 2010 Woman Of The Year! So, until then, enjoy your award... Lindsay turns towards the stage and TOSSES the award away contemptuously. The award hits the stage with a thud and Morgan's heart sinks. LINDSAY Laughing like a hyena, Lindsay walks off and leaves Morgan and her award in pieces. Morgan goes over to her award and drops to her knees, holding a broken-off piece of gold statue and looking on the verge of tears. COLE That was totally uncalled for. This should have been the happiest moment of poor Morgan's life. And Lindsay Gonzalez has the nerve to come out here and just toss her award away, break Morgan's award. What a bitch! COACH Yeah. But not just a bitch, a determined bitch. I like it.

A plume of white mist fills the entrance area as military inspired beat of "Jesus Walks" comes over the loud speakers. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum (Jesus Walks) God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down (Jesus Walks with me) The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now (Jesus Walks) And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs (Jesus Walks with me) I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long Green and gold lights flash from the sides of the entrance stage, as Christian Wright and Lorlei step through the misty entry way. Wright’s dressed to kill in grey Armani slacks and fine loafers. Lorelei appears as beautiful as ever in a strapless and backless sparkling blue dress. She twirls around to showcase her stunning beauty, aided by the hand of CW. They hook each other’s arms, hold their noses to the booing audience and make their way to the entrance ramp. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of thirty minutes, the winner will be the number thirty entry in the Lethal Rumble, and the loser will be the number one entry. Now making his way to the ring residing in Washington D.C and accompanied by Lorelei DeCenzo... weighing in at approximately 8 and 1/3 BARS OF GOLD~! He represents THE ENTERPRISE and is "THE GOD CHILD"... CCHHRRRIIIIISSSTTIIIIIIAAAAANN... WWRRRIIIIIIIIIIGGHHHHTT!!!!! COLE The Angle Awards will continue soon, but right now we have a match with lethal implications! Christian Wright has been holding firm as the leader of The Enterprise while Mister Moneymaker is away taking care of business and nursing a separated shoulder. He gets a chance to due his boss proud if he can be the number 30 entrant in the Lethal Rumble. Wright makes a graceful bow to the audience, which only infuriates the already upset crowd further. Leaving Lorelei to chastise the fans, Wright makes dignified charge up the ring steps. Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer The golden pyro lowers down onto an entrance staged bathed in golden lights. Coming from behind the beautiful downpour is Mister Dick, his toned body filling out tight white breifs and sparkling chaps. At his side, rubbing his broad chest, is Malaysia. The former women’s champion wears black bikini bottoms and a black corset. Mister Dick flexes his powerful muscles and snarls at the camera. The gesture thrills Malyaisa, and she laughes in rapture. BUFFER And the opponent….from San Antonio, Texas, he is accompanied by Malyaisa Nerdly, he is THE HUMAN HARD ON, THE COCKY PRICK, MISTER DICK!!!! COLE I know a student of the game like Alfdogg is watching this match, because the man that wins could very well be his opponent at Anglemania. COACH He has to get past Reject first. Mister Dick dives into the ring, and pumps his crotch into the canvas as he makes kissy faces towards Lorelei. The Money Honey is quite disgusted DING DING DING The two fighters square off in the center of the ring, neither one wanting to commit the first mistake. The crowd boos, urging them to combat. Wright holds firm, but Mister Dick makes a hasty move. He manages to snag CW into a side headlock, earning a small victory. He then switches around his foe, and drops him with a side Russian leg sweep. CW then floats over into a pinfall that’s scored by Clem Buzzlefoxer… ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE Mister Dick going for that early win. Wright leaps to his feet with hands raised, ready to brawl. But Mister Dick inches away to glare at the referee. Getting no where with Clem, Mister Dick returns to CW with firing right hands. The Natural is bulldozed to the ropes, where MD leans into him and launches him across the ring. The Human Hard On lowers his head, allowing CW to make a leapfrog and head to the opposite ropes. But his return to MD is met with peril as the Texan whirls around and knocks him to the canvas with a spinning lariat! A pinfall is then attempted… ONE! TWO! CW lifts his shoulder off the canavs. COACH Can’t blame Mister Dick for trying to end this match quick. Christian Wright’s been on roll and the longer this match goes the more it favors him. Mister Dick spins around, trying to hit a homerun with that spinning lariat. But The God Child ducks the attack and grabs MD’s hard body into a waistlock. MD struggles through the hold for quite some time, until he finally resorts to his dickish ways and slams a boot into CW’s nether regions. While Wright stumbles around in horrific agony, his smiling foe takes to the ropes. He shoots back at CW with leg raised for a stiff kick. But CW catches his boot and slams it to the ground. Before The Cocky Prick can recover, Wright bridges backwards and throws him down with a Northern Lights Suplex! ONE! TWO! MD pushes his way through the pinfall! As he gets to his feet, Wright pushes a foot forward in an attempt to strike him in the chest. But Mister Dick catches his foot and shakes his head at the fearful God Child. He then upends him, sending him crashing to the mat! As soon as CW hits the canvas, MD is leaping forward to crush his chest with an elbow drop. As Wright grimaces in pain, MD grabs hold of his gelled hair and brings him off the canvas. He lifts The Natural onto his broad shoulders, and spins around to wow the audience. Once he comes to a halt he throws CW forward and lands him chest first across his knees! Thrilled with that accomplishment, MD turns to the crowd and offers them an unwelcome crotch chop. “BOOOOOOOOOOO!“ Sneering at the sold out audience, the Human Hard On begins bringing CW to his feet. But The God Child begins slamming elbows into MD’s ripped stomach. Thus MD is forced to counter with a series of knife edge chops to his foe’s chest. With CW subdued, MD grabs onto his leg and raises him into the air to drop him down with a flap jack. MD once again turns to the fans to celebrate by flexing his amazing muscles. COLE Mister Dick may be one of the most talented and cut athletes in our sport today. CW rolls himself out the ring, to welcome encouragement from Lorelei. But he can’t even get past the apron before MD is grabbing onto his slacks, and jerking him upright. “Foul swine!” Wright bellows and shoves MD away. This greatly arouses MD’s anger and he comes charging back at CW. But The Gold Child sinks down and rams his shoulder into MD’s well cut stomach. MD staggers away, his preoccupation with his own pain allowing CW carry himself to the top rope. When MD refouces his attention on CW, The God Child flies forward to tackle him to the canvas with a diving lariat! CW immediately covers him for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! The Human Hard On makes the kickout! Both competitors roll to their feet and exchange blows. MD takes the victory in the slugfest with a chop to CW’s neck. The DC native has trouble breathing, which allows MD to slam a pump kick into his sore chest. Wright stumbles backwards, finding himself resting against the corner posts. He doesn’t get much reprieve though as MD makes him bite his shiny metal dick! Wright teeters out from the ring posts, leaving him perfectly exposed to the dropkick MD slams into his chest. COLE Mister Dick has decided to target Christian Wright’s chest and it could very well lead to end of The God Child’s unbeaten streak. Mister Dick bounces off the ropes and floors Wright with a lariat! Keeping his frantic pace, MD latches onto Wright’s legs and bridges backwards to slingshot him chest first into the corner posts. On the outside Malaysia grins in delight over CW’s misery. MD seeks to add to that miserey and runs in with a corner splash. But The God Child beats him away with a raised elbow. The Natural rushes after MD and batters him with European uppercuts. “CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!” “SILENCE!” Wright demands, hitting MD with another searing uppercut. MD attempts to fight back, but The God Child unloads another round of uppercuts to quiet him. He then places MD onto his shoulders and rolls forward to dump him on the canvas. COACH C-Dub with the Bank Roll! Is that gonna be enough to keep The Cocky Prick down? ONE! TWO! Mister Dick lifts his shoulder off the canvas. This does not please The God Child, who stomps away at his foe’s arm. He then brings MD off the canvas, only to drop him back down with a neckbreaker. Another pin attempt is made…. ONE! TWO! Mister Dick makes the kickout! Lorelei derides old Clem, but CW is more than content to continue stomping at MD. He brings the Human Hard On to his feet by his slick-backed hair. He then hurls him into the ropes. MD bounces back, and as he nears CW, the DC native swings around and captures him with a sleeper hold. That move doesn’t last very long however, as MD sitsout and stuns him with, well, a stunner. CW goes staggering backwards, clutching his sore jaw. MD builds up some steam and fires himself around to floor CW with a discus punch. He then grabs onto his prized possession and spits at the sold out audience. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Well deserved jeers for Mister Dick. I can’t explain why he continues to antagonize everyone associated with the OAOAST. Mister Dick waits for CW to make his slow rise from the canvas. Once he does, MD springs forward with a polish hammer. But Wright jabs is loafer into MD’s right knee, hobbling the vulgar superstar. Wright hooks on to both his arms and brings him into the air, he then slams him down across his outstretched knee for a back breaker. MD rolls onto his side to cope with his pain. Its an ill advised move, as CW slams a barrage of kicks into his back. To finish off the flurry, CW pushes MD onto his stomach and drops a knee into the center of his back! A pinfall quickly follows…. ONE! TWO! Mister Dick manages a kickout. Still smarting over the attacks to his back, the Texas A&M alum rolls himself to the ropes to catch a breather. There’s no rest for this wicked brawler; CW stalks his position and shoves him into a corner. But there MD finds a sudden surge of life and begins to slam punches into CW’s head. CW is staggered backwards, and a smile appears on MD’s face as he charges forward at his foe. However, The God Child lays him out with a superkick! COLE Oh my, that may have knocked out a few pearly whites, and ruined Mister Dick’s bid to be the number 30 entrant in the Lethal Rumble. As Lorelei applauds for CW, he hooks onto MD’s left leg for the pinall… ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Mister Dick crawls upright, holding his hand against his burning face. Wright is able to sneak behind him and lift him into the air for a back suplex! Wright bridges his legs and backs and traps MD into a pinfall…. ONE! TWO! Mister Dick again kicksout. “Come on, baby, get up and turn me on!” Malaysia shouts. The Centennial Man hauls Mister Dick off the canvas and throws him stomach first into the corner. He then charges in and slams his shoulder into MD’s back, causing much pain for The Human Hard On. COACH Mister Dick is a former Heisman candidate at Texas A&M, so he’s double tough. COLE Would you stop with the Heisman nonsense? Anyone can look on wikipedia and see that Jock was a third string QB at best! COACH What does that have to do with wrestling? COLE You brought it up! CW wows the audience by hitting a snap powersalm as soon as Mister Dick stumbles out the corner. He quickly hooks the leg for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Mister Dick again makes a kickout! COLE Neither of these men has won Angle Awards tonight, but they’re fighting for something just as important and that’s positioning in the Lethal Rumble. Mister Dick gets to his feet, and finds himself under fire from CW’s European uppercuts. He quickly brings the attack to an end with a rake of CW’s eyes. This permits him to grab CW into a front facelock and spike his head off the canvas with a devastating DDT! “Yes, baby, yes! Give me more!” Malaysia shouts. Mister Dick heeds her request and drags Christian to his feet. But Wright shoves The Cocky Prick into the nearest corner. Without a wasted motion he rushes after him, but is turned aside with a left cross from the Human Hard On! As Wright awkwardly stagers away, MD bounces himself off the ropes. He comes back and floors The Centennial Man with a lariat to the back of the head! COLE Did you see the way Christian Wright’s head snapped? COACH I saw it, and we might have seen his winning streak be snapped also! Mister Dick makes a rather lazy cover on The God Child. ONE! TWO! Wright pops his shoulder off the canvas, permitting Lorelei to breathe a sigh of relief. Both competitors roll to their feet, but its MD striking first as he hooks CW into a full nelson. Malaysia’s blue eyes brighten at the beautiful maneuver that’s soon to come. COLE Trouble in The Enterprise land! Mister Dick hauls CW up and violently pounds him into the canvas with the Pure Penetration! The Texas A&M alum makes the pinfall…. ONE! TWO! CW kicksout the deadly attack! COACH I thought that was it, Mikey. I thought Mister Dick ended the unbeaten streak. COLE By the look on Mister Dick’s face, he felt the exact same way. Mister Dick spits at Clem for the failed pinfall, causing the elder referee to back away in fear. Wright tries to take advantage of this and lunges at the distracted MD with a lariat. But Mister Dick reads the move, and throws him back down to the canvas with a kneeling rock bottom! COLE The fans may not like either of these two guys, but they are getting quite the wrestling treat here on HeldDOWN! Mister Dick makes another pinfall, informing Clem he better count three this time… ONE! TWO! MD’s hopes for victory are deflated with a kickout! The Human Hard On jumps to his feet and demands Wright do the same. When CW comes to his feet, Wright lifts him onto his shoulders. “Yes, yes, yes, cock block him, cock block him bad!” Malaysia cries in ecstasy. But her fantasies go unfilled as CW succeeds in slipping out of The Human Hard On’s clutches. Mister Dick whirls around to try and tag him with a punch. But CW grabs him inside a front facelock. He then hooks onto MD’s chaps, brings him into the sky then slams him forward with the Stockmakret Crash! “OHHHHHHHHHHH!” Wright hooks both legs for the pivotal pinfall…. ONE! TWO! THREE! COLE Oh my! BUFFER Your winner and now the number thirty entrant in the Lethal Rumble….CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! Lorelei joins CW in the ring to celebrate this epic achievement. He bows to the less than adoring audience, but doesn’t let their jeers effect his massive happiness. COLE It’s the unbeaten Christian Wright at lucky number 30, and a very unlucky Mister Dick at entry number one. Lorelei passes CW a microphone so that he may repeat his familiar refrain… WRIGHT From this day forth, I defiantly vow... no man, woman nor beast shall commit thine self to defeat! THE VOICE Up next...the woman not named Krista of the year award! COMMERCIAL

THE VOICE Here to present the award for face of the year.....MELODY NERDLY and Televisions CHARLIE SHEEN! Melody and TV's Sheen walk onto stage, waving towards the cheering audience MELODY Dunn-dunnn-dunnn-dunnnn-do-deee-deeeeeee. Legend of Zelda theme. Some of you might know it. I am here to present the award for face of the year! For those of you living on Romulus, your Klingon superiors salute you, also a face is a good all around guy or girl. They’re popular with the fans, they don’t pour water on your memory cards when they’re mad at you. CHARLIE SHEEN Klingon superiors? Perhaps I should handle the rest of the speech. The five people nominated for this award are charismatic, noble, and honorable. And most important of all they're beloved by you the fans. MELODY The nominees for face of the year are. ~FACE OF THE YEAR~ Bohemoth Alfdogg Krista Isadora Duncan Baron Windells Alix Maria Spezia ~FACE OF THE YEAR~ CHARLIE SHEEN And the winner is....KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN "YEAAAAAAAAAAAH! MELODY Here to accept the award on behalf of her mother, my BFF Jade Rodez-Duncan. Jade walks onto stage and garners a warm ovation from the audience. JADE Thanks, everybody. Mom can't be here tonight, because, um....well.....there's a Martin marathon on BET and she doesn't want to miss "MARTY MAR!" She did tell me that if she won, she'd like to thank everyone in the OAOAST Galaxy for supporting her and putting up with that very geeky nickname. She says that everything she does is aimed at entertaining you all, and she's glad that you've loved it and welcomed her into your homes and your heart. She says if she's gotta be forced to work for a wrestling company under her DUI probation, then she's glad its the OAOAST. Thanks again! Jade bows to the roaring audience. COMING UP NEXT HIGH STAKES MATCH MISTER DICK Vs CHRISTIAN WRIGHT NEXT! COMMERCIAL