Patty O'Green

Actually, Tony can't spell his last name it starts with an s, worked better for my skit so I just used him.

Wait a minute, that's going to be a problem. I already wrote an interview with him, and I really wanted him to be in it.

No. After what happened last year, with the whole why should the losers of the tournament get a shot at the title before the #1 contenders, I've changed the stip to where the winner gets a shot at the tag titles at AM instead. ZOINKS!!!! Isn't that how it worked last year? GPX beat Black T got the Anderson Cup and the right to face COD at AM for the tag titles. Awwww!

What's with these yellow check marks and yellow boxes next to all the posts!??? I'm worried.

How's it going?

I have to test something. Reply!

It's still not working!!!!!!! I'm pretty sure I've called you Christopher before!!!! Reply one more time, little kiddies!!!!

It's still not working! Stop replying/relpying/whatever to my thread!

And another thing, this thread was read (that rhymes!) 19 times, that means some of you broke ass motherfuckers read and didn't reply. I swear if any of you ever come to my hood, there will be gunplay.

Eski, Christopher (SHOOT NAMEZ111!), I thank you for indulging me in my whim. WTF, man, this board is dumb. My test didn't work! Gay board, suck my cock and don't enjoy it!

I can't find my cellphone, so I can't leave my crib, so I'll just leave feedback. The Team Heyross match was good, but what is a double goozle? That sounds like some kind of sexual position or a bondage gadget. If it's the latter, pass on the information of where I can purchase one. If it's the former, drop me a line, and we can try it out.... I liked the finish to the main event, and here's why, Stephen Joseph turned on his friend by cheating. But he didn't cheat with a hook of the tights, or a foot on the ropes, he punched his bestfriend in the balls. Got him right in the nuts. That's disgraceful. Popick, you're a terrible human being, and I hope everyone is mean to you for the rest of your life. The NNMX/FS contest was nice but I wanted an NNMX promo. Well, Tony promised one for this upcoming week, so...yay!

I need to do a short skit where Scotty Static and Johnny Jax are in the locker room complaining about Krista. Other Upstarts like CW and O'hara'll be in the room, and may have one or two lines. I NEED YOUR PERMISSION TO USE THESE PEOPLE! IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME LIKE YOU CLAIM YOU DO, YOU'LL GIVE ME YOUR PERMISSION!

A red pyro fountain springs forth from an opening on the staging, as [i]Anything but me[/i] by pop diva Lindsay Lohan plays over the loud speakers. The legion of wrestling aficionados gathered at the arena jump out of their overpriced and uncomfortable seats to emit a raucous deep throated cheer for the returning Alix Spezia! As the cheers of the fans, some of whom are waving a COD signs like it's a flag, increases in decibel level, Alix herself steps onto the staging area to soak in the massive display of love. The perpetually perky lass is all smiles, waving to her adoring fanbase. Amidst the swirling of blood red, and bubblegum pink spot lights, Alix struts down the ramp, accompanied by the fan support and her entrance music. While she's walking, Triple C discuss manners of life, love, money, and the cultural ramifications of the NBA dress code. COLE Alix Spezia making their long awaited return to the OAOAST! CABOOSE Long awaited by who? Entering the ring, Alix sports low rise flared and destroyed jeans, and a short sleeve light blue Polo shirt. You best believe she's got the collar turned up, because ladies is pimps to, go on brush your shoulder off. Miss Spezia requests a microphone, and is promptly given one by a ringside attendant who's a dead ringer for Christian Slater. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Chant the mindless sheep that inhabit the stands. ALIX Before I came out here, I couldn't remember if my name was Margret or Kimmy. But it looks like it's none of the above! Thanks for reminding me! Um, hi. How are ya? How are the kids? I know there are lot of questions on your mind. Like, where have I been? What have I been up to? What illegal narcotics have been up my nose? I know in my absence, you've probably seen me on E! or Court TV a few times, or maybe you were called for jury duty at my trial. So, you've seen me around, but I know you're thrilled to have me back! Ya know, one of the reasons I came back, besides my probation telling me if I don't get a job I go to the slammer, is for ya'll....my fans! All your letters, and your cards, and your pictures, and your um..foreskin, Joe Kitzmiller from Ohio, really meant a whole lot to me. During those long, hard nights, where I thought no one cared about me, all I had to do was pull out the three hundered page snuff story about me that Louis Wilson from Jefferson City, Missouri sent me, and I know that I have the sweetest, most charming, most gruesomely perverted, fans in the world! And there something I need to say to all.... [i]In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees, there finally emerges a group which has come to set the record straight. so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard can you say uhhh na na na na... [B]Wanna make her say UHHH NA NA NA NA... [/B][/i] COLE What's this? Alix's speech is interrupted by [i]Make her say[/i], the only decent song ever released by c-list boy band O-Town. The spectator's take to booing their lungs out, as Cole rambles about GPX's crushing loss at WWE to the Usual Suspects. Unsure of what's happening, Alix turns her attention to the entrance way. Through the doors/curtain/what have you, steps nefarious evil doer Johnny Jax. The defending Anderson Cup champion is outfitted in an Upstarts hockey jersey, who's logo features two Snakes forming the shape of the U, and baggy orange work out pants. Most importantly he carries with him Alix's stolen trick or treat bag. The man has a microphone, but it's questionable if the heated crowd will quiet their chants of “Johnny Jackass” long enough to let him talk. JOHNNY JAX (casually) I can sit here all day. “JOHNNY JACKASS! JOHNNY JACKASS!” JOHNNY All day. You can to. Ya'll ain't doing nothing with your life. We can run down the whole damn two hours. Ya'll just chanting and chanting away, me just sitting here. Doing nothing. You paid eighty bucks a ticket, just to call me a jackass? That's fine. Money in my pocket. Call me whatever you want. “JOHNNY JACKASS! JOHNNY JACKASS!” JOHNNY (screaming) Okay, shut up! Shut up, right now! I'll go Artest on each and every single one of you! I'll floor you with Ben Wallace style elbows! You hear me? “JOHNNY JACKASS! JOHNNY JACKASS!” JOHNNY (Talking in a comical sophisticated” voice.) Very well. I apologize for my outburst. Feel free to chant whatever you wish. I'm just going to savor the fine candy products I have in this beautifully decorated Bratz trick or treat bag. Boy, I sure am hungry? Hey! Why wait? I'll grab a Snickers!(Johnny honestly puts the half eaten sixth month old candy bar that came from the bottom of Krista's purse in his mouth)......mmmmm, such a delectable candy treat. An orgy of taste, and just like Leon Rodez in one of his videos, my tastebuds are the catcher! Delicious. It's like a chocolate and caramel [i]orgasm[/i] on my tongue. ALIX That's my orgasm you're eating! COACH !!!!! The few crowd members who aren't joining Coach in visualizing Johnny eating Alix's orgasm begin to boo Johnny's treacherous behavior, but he's now able to talk over their jeers. JOHNNY (Pointing at Alix) Ain't this lovely? A heroine returning home. That's real swell. Real swell. Bitch, please. What's wrong with ya'll people? Cheering her? Being all happy and whatnot? Clapping for what she gotta say? What she gotta say is the biggest load of bullshit these two ears have ever heard. COLE Jesus, Johnny, let the fans enjoy one moment, without you or the Upstarts sticking your nose into it! JOHNNY Let me spit on this for uno momento. The woman says she thanks you for her support. The woman says the fans mean the world to her. That ain't nothing but straight up lie. If anyone of you buys that, come see me after the show, because I got a bridge I wanna sell you. Let me ask ya'll this; if she cared so much about the OAOAST, how come in the two years she's been under contract here, she's never stuck around longer then five months? That's not even half a year. Gimme a real good answer, don't show me no excuses. What's that sound I hear? Silence. Why? Because there ain't no good answer. You know as well as I do, that there ain't a soul in this arena who cares less about the OAOAST, less about pro wrestling in general, then Alix Maria Spezia. This ain't [i]Cheers[/i]. She ain't no Norm. Ya'll ain't gotta be all "ALIX!" whenever you see her. "ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!" JAX You just had to do that, didn't you. See, I've been thinking about this for a while, and I've broke her's and Krista's moves down into a cycle. I call it, the COD cycle. Clever? Peep this: Alix and Krista come in, they leech off the OAOAST's popularity, then they duck out for more "respectable" entertainment ventures. Then what happens? Their status needs a kick in the pants, their agents say they need some publicity, so they come back here, and the cycle repeats. They don't have concern for the OAOAST, for wrestling, or for the fans who pay their inflated salaries. Yet she's the good guy. Cute little Alix. Everybody'll bend over backwards for her. Everybody loves her. Don't we? Don't we all love Alix? “YESSSSSSS!” ALIX I think she's kind of a bitch. But, man, is she a hottie! JOHNNY (voice rising with wicked inflection) I don't love Alix. I hate Alix. I, GPX, the Upstarts as whole, get treated like animals, savages, when we've been in the trenches in the OAOAST nonstop, going to war, putting in work, for over a god damn year! And we get no respect for it. And when we grow the guts to ask for some respect, and try to get what we have coming, ya'll shit all over us. [i]I[/i] never skipped out on the OAOAST to peddle self help fluff to overweight soccer moms like that Suzanne Sommers wannabe, Krista Isadora Duncan. I have stood by the OAOAST since the minute, the very minute, look it up on a stopwatch, I graduated wrestling school. This is my life. This isn't no cute little side venture I do when I get bored of showing my ass in FHM. But, [i]I[/i] am an evil person. Johnny Jax ain't no good. He's a bad, bad, bad man. Johnny Jax has no morals. Shame on Johnny Jax! What kind of screwed up human beings, are you people? Loveable little Alix rolls into town, and you treat her like the princesses [i]and[/i] the knight in shining armor. She's never done anything for this company! Not a thing! I'm starting a revolution! I'm changing the OAOAST! She ain't even smart enough to change a flat tire! This chick ain't no OAOAST hero. You need to be booing her! Boo. Boo now. "ALIX! ALIX!" JOHNNY No, boo! “ALIX! ALIX!” JOHNNY I see ya'll are a little slow, must be why you like her, ya got something common. I said b-o-o! Boo! Boo! COLE Psst, Caboose, I think he's calling your name. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” JOHNNY All right. Lemme switch my style, try something different. Ya'll like a winner right? People love a winner. Ya'll think that Alix and Krista are winners, so you cheer them. If she was Sk8er boi Marv, who'd give a shit, if she came or went? But the woman's no winner. Not at all. She's a choke artist. Alix, I remember your last appearance in the OAOAST.... ALIX (playing with her cellphone, not paying attention to Johnny) [i]Behind these Hazel Eyes[/i] or [i]Sole Survivor[/i]? JAX Woman, what is your issue? ALIX Nothing! I'm trying to pick a ring tone. Just do whatever, dude. JOHNNY You stepped into the ring with the Midnight Express, who I'm no fan off, and ya'll choked hard. Now, coming off that failure, you roll back into my hood, into the house GPX built, and you and Ellen.. ALIX Ooh, an Ellen joke! Very, very, creative, Jimmy. It's because they're both blonde, isn't it, Jimmy? JOHNNY I'm Johnny. ALIX Then which one's Jimmy? JOHNNY (yelling) There ain't a Jimmy, sister! There is just Johnny, and Scotty! ALIX What happened to Jimmy? I miss him. JOHNNY Ugh! I can't do this anymore. You're driving me crazy! Ya'll ain't welcome here, ya'll ain't never gonna be welcome here. You don't need wrestling like we do? Then there'll be no problem with you leaving. Back the hell on up before you get smacked the hell on up. Hear me? ALIX Wow. Gee golly, Johnny! I kinda get the feeling you don't like me a whole bunch. JOHNNY I don't. The OAOAST needs you around like I need a case of the clap. ALIX Well, Johnny in order to get the clap, you'd have to have sex first. And seeing that you're the only guy I know who's currently lactating, your options for sexual partners may be a wee bit limited. Now, I'm sorry that you feel this way about me. You're right, Johnny, maybe I'm not here that often, maybe Krista and I aren't always around as much you'd like, but at least, because we expand our horizons, our fanbase, unlike your's, doesn't consist solely of candidates for MTV's [i]Trailer Fabulous[/i]. (Alix ashes her “flaming” index her finger on her BUTT, to show that Johnny just got burned.) ALIX And if we want to talk about choking, then maybe just maybe we want to talk about your performance at this year's Anglemania. How bout that, Johnny-BUTT? Who did you face again? You know my memory is bad, one of the primary side effects of having a mother who sniffs Raid when she's pregnant with you. Can you remind me? JOHNNY You know damn good and well who I faced, bitch! ALIX I really don't! Honest engine! Maybe, one of these beautiful fans can help! And I mean beautiful on the inside, because most of you need to see if Doctor 90210'll make a housecall! (Alix departs the ring to seek the answer from the morbid collection of bottom feeders, street urchins, and natural born losers that make up the OAOAST's fanbase.) ALIX No, too fat...If I was looking to cast the lead role in the Elephant man, then yes.....No...They let you out of the zoo? (She stumbles upon a round woman with rosy cheeks, a lazy eye, and obvious hair plugs in the first row. Sadly, she's the best looking person in the arena.) ALIX Ma'am, what's your name? WOMAN Layla. ALIX Layla? Like the song! LAYLA ? ALIX You know, Layla, ya got me on my knees. layla...No? Not an Eric Clapton fan? Layla are you excited to be here in the city that we're currently in, who's name I forgot? “Pensacola!” screams a fan. ALIX No thanks. I'm not thirsty. Layla, are you enjoying the show? LAYLA Not really. ALIX That makes eighteen thousand of us! Who's the guy next to you? LAYLA (sadly) My husband. ALIX Gawd, I'm so sorry. LAYLA Not as sorry as I am. ALIX Anywho, Layla, you and me are gonna play a fun lil game. Unlike the games I played in college it doesn't end with me going to pay a visit to old mister coat hanger, if ya know what I mean. The game is a personal, personal, favorite of mine. It's called [i]Kill Johnny Jackson's heat[/i]. I'm like a sensei at it. Like Splinter. Only I'm not a rat. Well, at least not in that sense. And my mom flushed my pet turtles down the toilet in a cocaine fueled rage. Anywho, what ya gotta do is by the end of this segment, is ya have ta render Johnny-BUTT up there totally ineffectual as an upper midcard heel. Make it so that he couldn't get heat if he was thrown into a furnace. Are ya ready ta partaaaaaay!!!? LAYLA I suppose. ALIX Oh yeah, babycakes! So tell me, dear sweet Layla, who did the Global Party Exchange face at Anglemania? LAYLA Uh, you and Krista? ALIX Layla, you're so turning me on right now. And what was the result again? LAYLA You won? ALIX (fanning herself) Gawd, I'm gonna need a new change of underwear pretty soon, Layla. We did win, didn't we? And who did everyone think would win? LAYLA (inching way from Alix) Um, GPX? ALIX Oh, Layla, I need feel the pleasure of your body against mine! If GPX said they were going win, if everyone thought GPX was going to win, and GPX didn't win, then what in tarnation did GPX actually do? Think hard. The destruction of Johnny's wrestling career rests in your answer! LAYLA They choked? ALIX No more words, Layla! We've got love to make! Unleash the spirit of the savage sex goddess within me! A gold star for you, my lady! (As Alix actually puts a gold star sticker onto Layla's nose, young Johnathan rips off his eighty dollar hockey jersey and violently discards it to the floor.) JOHNNY JAX (staring at the ground, pulling his hair out with his free hand.) Enough of this crap! I'm not going through [i]this[/i] again wit' you. This problem is gonna get squashed before it can even jump off. We bout to see who's bout to get choked and who's bout to get choked. Get me a referee right now. I want a match. I will march down to that ring and punch on the both of you like your last name was Everlast. Understand me, bitches? ALIX Wait, wait, wait at a minute, Mister Postman, you wanna fight Layla to? I dunno if the company's insurance will cover that.... JOHNNY (laughing, because the thought of fighting a fan is rather comical.) Uh..no...yeah...um...I'll fight you both in a handicapped match. (now he's coming around to the idea of battering a helpless women) An example's gotta be made! The world's gotta be shown that it don't matter if you're a wrestler, announcer, referee, staff, or fan, if you stand in the way of the Upstarts, you stand to get beat. LAYLA (shaking her head) No way! I don't know how to wrestle! ALIX That's a-okay! Neither does Zack Malibu and he's a two time world champion! (Alix does her little “burn” taunt again.) COLE Um, I guess that settles it. When we come back, Alix Spezia and Layla, not Krista Isadora Duncan, but Layla a fan with no wrestling ability, will face off against Johnny Jax, two time tag team champion, co-winner of the OAOAST Anderson Cup, founding member of the Upstarts, and man who can bench press twice his weight. (A BREAK) (NO LONGER A BREAK) COLE We're back on HeldDOWN! This handicapped match is brought to you by [i]Elegance[/i] a new fragrance by Krista Isadora Duncan. And this oddball contest sees Johnny Jax squaring off with a returning Alix Spezia and a.. CABOOSE A country cow. COLE This an impromptu match, made just moments before break. Please excuse the logic gap of us being able to secure a sponsor for a match we didn't know would take place until two minutes ago. Alix isn't even wearing her normal wrestling tights. She looks more like an Abercrombie model. So does Johnny for that matter, but at least he's in actual athletic gear. In the battle field, the longtime adversaries meet in the center of the ring. The crowd is understandably abuzz at the in ring return of one of their favorite grapplers. But before their lust for Johnny's blood can be satisfied, Alix strangely extends her hand in friendship to Johnny J. The cuter half of GPX is rather skeptical of the offer from the offer of the cuter half of COD. And with good reason, as this gesture flies in the face of the twenty minute promo they just worked. Thinking Johnny is too dumb to get her gesture, Alix screams like a banshee for him to shake her hand. Just to get Alix to end her ear splitting shrieks, Johnny agrees to shake hands. However when he puts his hand forward, Alix pulls her's away and stomps on Johnny's vintage Air Jordans! “OUCH!” Jackson bellows, hopping around like a two ton anvil was dropped on him, rather then the foot of a one hundred thirty pound woman. “What the hell?” He hollers at her. “Johnny, I'm so sorry.” Alix puts on her innocent puppy dog face. “I don't know what came over me! Really, let's shake hands. I want to be friends!” Either being one of the most gullible people on earth, or having a god awful short term memory, Jax lets bygones be bygones, and shakes Alix's hand. However, her free hand slaps a wad of spit right out his arrogant mouth,to the audience's delight! “AH!” Johnny whines, amid chants of “ALIX! ALIX!” “Okay, okay, okay. I quit. I'm sorry. I'll stop. Let's really shake hands. I won't do anything. Scouts honor.” To properly convey her desire for peace, Alix points to her chest, points to Johnny, then draws a heart in the air with her fingers. Alix + Johnny=love. AWWWW! Ain't that just the cutest thing you've ever read? Even Jax's blackened heart is warmed by such a loveable display. As such he once again shakes her hand. And they shake. And they shake. And they shake some more. And Johnny gets a little creeped out because Alix won't let go of his hand. And finally Layla gets the hint, sneaks into the ring and stuns poor Jackson with a low blow! The spectators are head over heels in love with the sneak attack. COACH Talk about fan participation! Utilizing the element of surprise, Alix goes for a snap DDT, but Johnny recovers quickly enough to shove her into the ropes. On the rebound she leaps upwards for a Booker T style side kick! Jax ducks her comparatively leg, and lets her sail overhead. He spins around to unleash a roaring back elbow on her, but finds himself floored with a well placed leg lariat! After smacking the hard as granite mat the groaning youngster rolls onto his abs of steel to shield his aching face. Alix takes advantage of his exposed backside, by jumping up and coming down on him like Super Mario onto a Goomba, nailing him with a nasty double stomp right to the back of the head! Poor Johnathan, in dire need of an Aspirin, turns onto his back, which allows Alix to drop down on him for a pin attempt. ONE TWO NO “BOOOOOO! HISSSSS!” Both cruiserweight competitors get to their feet, Johnny defying logic by standing up quicker then Alix. His muscular arms whip our feisty heroine to the ropes. Upon her speedy return he shoots her remarkably high into the sky with a flapjack. But the beloved brunette, lands on his broad shoulders and enrages him by hitting a gorgeous hurricanrana! Or does she? No she doesn't, because Jax, spelled with one x, smartly lands her on the mat and turns the tables, by transforming her hurricanrana into a lion tamer, spelled with zero x's. Despite the fact she's in a move so lethal that it ends most matches, Ally Cat has little trouble making her way to the florescent orange ring ropes, forcing the Upstart to break his hold to the joy of the fans. COLE It's great to see Alix back! COACH And it's great to see Alix's backside. Girl, watchu gonna do with all that junk? All that junk. All that junk inside your trunk? Outraged at not scoring a submission, Johnny grabs Al by her short coffee colored hair and drags her to her feet. He unloads a batch of unprintable obscenities at her, before Irish Whipping her away. However, Alix reverses the most nonsensical move in wrestling and sends the teen idol running across the ring like a buffoon. Said buffoon encounters a fist to the face courtesy of Porky Pig...excuse me, I mean Layla. This attack from the beastly woman who looks nothing like the one Eric Clapton envisioned when he wrote that song, pops the audience. CABOOSE Well, she's picking up the nuances of tag team wrestling very quickly. Johnny's face turns bright red as he screams at the fan, “You done set it off now, you fat...” Before a grizzly fate can befall the middle aged mother of two, Alix surprises Johnny with a forearm to the back. No one knows why, when Johnny's back was turned, Alix hit a forearm and not a more punishing move. But Alix is good looking so the fan's applaud anyway. Johnny staggers away from the Los Angeles native, but she stays with him, and locks on a sleeper hold. Fortunately for the heat of this match and the ratings of this show, the hold doesn't stay on for more then ten seconds, as the energetic hip-hopper reverses it into a back body drop! Alas, agile Alix slips out of the move and lands on her flip flops, to the immense displeasure of the lone Johnny Jax fan in the 78th row. Alix rushes to the ropes, bounces off, and comes back at John with several heads worth of steam. But Jax has danced to this music before, and is patiently waiting for his tango partner. He tags her right smack in the jaw with a stupendous super kick! The lone Johnny Jax fan ejaculates. So do I. COACH If you look closely you can see down Alix's shirt. What you gonna do with all that breast? All that breast inside your shirt. Assuring himself that the outcome of the match is academic after that spectacular move, Johnny goes for a cover. Before the official's small mind can even think of counting, a walrus waddles into the ring and breaks up the pin! I'm sorry that's not a walrus, that's Layla. Silly me. Layla's interference elicits the ire of the hot headed Upstart. Fuming, his Air Jordans carry him to her before she can escape the ring. He grabs a fist full of what little hair she has on her balding head, while her husband in the front row takes a nap. The worried audience pleads for Johnny to let Layla go, but their begging only makes him more determined to inflict massive damage! COACH Johnny, my brother, let her go! That's my rat for the night! Fortunately for Coach's insatiable libido, Alix saves the day with a low blow! After two stiff low blows it's doubtful if there's any Johnny juniors in Jax's future. The fashionably dressed fighter hauls her unfabulous foe into an unprettier set up. Fraught with fear, Jax furiously worms his way out of the deadly hold, then angrily shoves his smaller rival to the ropes. Alix, mighty upset at having her Unprettier blocked, runs back at Jax with the nastiest clothesline she can muster. However Johnny is quick to duck it! His avoidance carries catastrophic after affects as Alix comes dangerously close to colliding with Layla! Fortunately Alix holds up before The Super fan, who's gone pale from fear, can get her head taken off. Although a headless Layla, might be an improvement over the current version. That is one ugly bitch. Someone take this cow to the slaughter. Just as she's apologizing for nearly breaking her partner's nose, Alix is nailed in the back with a beautiful flipping drop kick by Johnny! This sends Alix stumbling forward, and she's unable to stop herself from running into Layla! OH NOES!!!! After getting hit by Alix, Layla's portly frame tumbles through the ropes to the unforgiving onyx colored mats on the outside! At the point of her landing The Weather Channel issues reports of an earthquake in Pensacola, FLA! Layla's husband does not seemed to be overly concerned that his beloved wife could have suffered a broken neck. CABOOSE Don't say anything, Cole. Alix wasted time, and knocked her own teammate out of the ring. Let's call this match in a fair manner. Back in the ring with the legitimate wrestlers, Johnny flings Alix backwards with a potentially devastating German Suplex! But the guilt stricken diva does a backflip that would make Mary Lou Reton green with envy, and lands squarely on her feet. With the crowd firmly planted on her side, she charges at Johnny! But the young lion lowers his body and successfully captures his flighty gazelle with a snap Northern Lights Suplex. Into a bridge! 1 2 KICK OUT! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Jax shoots the unnamed referee a nasty glare, but decides against further pursuing his grievance against the count. COLE I don't know if that was necessarily a slow count. But in fairness the official dropped down to make count slower then we'd expect from our referees. Both on their feet, they engage in a slugfest, exchanging punches like currency. This doesn't last for more then a mere eleven seconds, as neither fighter will ever be accused of being a master pugilist. Alix whips Johnny into the black padded steel turnbuckles! Exhausted, Jam-master Jax crumples to the mat in a seated position, where the cheers of the crowd, coupled with the knowledge that he's lost control of this match aggravate him to no end. Alix points her finger into the air, and gyrates her hips, her signal for a bronco buster (or face full of yak if you're Stevie Ray). The forthcoming move whips the crowd into a frenzy ,and alleviates most of Jax's displeasure. Normally he has to get a girl pretty drunk to get this rough with him. However, Jax's broad smile soon morphs into an alarmed frown, as he sees a rejuvenated Layla passionately beg Alix to let her perform the bronco buster! Alix shrugs and gives the former GPX fangirl the thumbs up, and the audience pops once more, but for an entirely different reason! COACH Shucks! I would've gone to wrestling school if I knew I could get action this hot. Johnny, not wishing to have his face crushed by two hundred plus pounds of Grade A beef, pleads for some semblance of mercy from his cruel tormentors. His appeal lands on deaf and unsympathetic ears, as Layla rumbles like a bull towards the youthful grappler. With the fans at a fever pitch (not the terrible Jimmy Fallon movie) Layla leaps into the air and crashes her rotten fish smelling, nasty, foul, diseased ridden crotch into Jax's sobbing face! His pleas for the arrival of death's sweet embrace are buried underneath the noisy roar of the fans, and Layla's thick rolls of stinky, sweaty fat. Eyes closed, and her lips formed into a pleasured smile, Layla rhythmically grinds her moldy nether regions into John's face, all while smacking her pock marked ass that jiggles like a jello mold. COACH SHAKE THAT LAFFY TAFFY, GIRL! Finally Layla dismounts her stallion. Johnny staggers to his feet, the ordeal causing him to question the existence of Jesus. Vision blurry as if he'd lost his contacts he walks right into wicked roundhouse from Ally Cat. Fortunately, and I do mean fortunately, Johnny still has the wits about him to duck the move. The crowd lets out an OOOH because if that kick had met it's target, The Upstarts would be looking for a new member, as well as for Johnny's displaced head. Not put off by her kick's failure, Alix stays on the attack by hurling him into the ropes. The disheveled warrior, who now looks ten years older, tries something smart on his return, dropping to his stomach and sliding through Alix's open legs. But the California girl is a wee bit smarter then she lets on, and kicks her right foot behind her to block his path. As you can imagine, this leaves Jax in an unenviable predicament! You can almost hear the cries of the Upstarts from the locker room, urging him to stand up and fight back. Johnny's face is saturated with panic as Alix bends over and hooks him into a rear waist lock. Showing amazing strength for someone who may not even out weigh the common bird feather, Alix scoops Johnny into the air! Panicked at encountering a gruesome end, Jax frantically kicks his body against her's, loosening her grip. Spezia grimaces in pure frustration, while he uses his arms to hook her into a diamond cutter set up. In one vitally quick motion, Alix breaks her waistlock, then shoves Johnny into the ropes, ending the diamond cutter effort, but losing her German suplex as well. Double J comes back to her, and she takes out years of anger at the male gender on him with a hard toe kick to the breadbasket. With JJ doubled over, Alix sets up for her version of the always impressive sunset flip pile driver, bringing the spectators to their feet! However Johnny utilizes his considerable upper body strength to stand up and propel her overhead! But Grrrl Power again prevails in this sequence of reversals, as Alix lands with her feet on the ropes. She flips her brown hair out of her steel grey eyes, before springboarding back at Johnny with her second hurricanrana! But Johnny holds on tight, seeking to turn it into a most annihilative powerbomb! COLE Stay tuned for the conclusion of this match! COACH Don't you dare go to break, asswipe! The fans let out a full-mouthed cheer, as ol' jelly-belly Layla gets into the ring, and clips Jax's knees! The teeny bopper collapses to the ground, involuntarily dropping the other teeny bopper right on top of him into a pinning situation. At the rude requests of the crowd, the ref drops to the mat and makes the count! CROWD 1 Alix reaches back and hooks Jax's left leg. CROWD 2 CROWD 3!!!!!! Alix's music kicks up, but it certainly isn't loud enough to eclipse the noise of the cheering fans, who are tickled with delight at seeing the returning superstar pick up the win over the abhorred hooligan. COLE How about that? Alix Spezia coming back to the OAOAST, teaming up with a random fan, and striking a blow for women's lib! CABOOSE What? COLE I don't know! As Alix has her hand raised, Layla begins excitedly jumping up and down in celebration. The rhythmic jiggling of her elephantine rolls of sweet supple fat, hypnotize half the audience into a trance like state. Johnny, for his part, storms out of the ring screaming about being cheated, and being suckered into a match he wasn't prepared for. At least he still has the Bratz trick or treat bag. His only regret is that it's not a [i]Bratz's babies[/i] trick or treat bag. COACH I know she and Krista, because of their mouth have made enemies you don't want to make. Just because you've got a mouth doesn't mean you have to talk with it. The Coach has a long list of things those fine honies can do with their mouthes besides talking. And if you're a good boy, Mikey, I may let you watch and learn. You gotta know how to please your man if you wanna keep your man, brah.

That’s about the funniest thing I’ve ever read. I think it’s the smile at the end that really turns me on. The love shack is also a funny lil segment. KC has da $k8b0@rd1n knowledge that the real dope bitches dig on. Speaking of that which makes me go lol, PRL singing to Spanish Fly was purdddy comical. Was it not, friends? 4'11 is real short. Have any of you ever met anyone 4'11? My high school principal was 4'11. There are dicks bigger then his arm. The graphic for the world title match was siiiiiick, dudes! Sick. I was surprised that Popick won the world title. But congratulations. Nice match. I like the way Tony was eliminated. Eddy Kalm attacking Bohemoth was too cute. WTF kinda anger management counselor are you, son? Who will anger manage the anger manager? I don't know why, but the ending surprised me. I expected Parka to get an easy victory. From the few matches and skits I’ve read, Alf seems to be doing a quality effort in making the Heartland title seem important. This is not easy to do in a fed that apparently has seven title belts. I already told Tony what I thought about his stuff. I had to skim a lot of things, but it all looked good. I can’t even tell what makes a good wrestling match in real life, so I’m the last person to ask if the “psychology” of your e-fed match made sense. A lumberjill match? Where did these women come from? Back in my day, when I ran the division, there weren’t enough women to have a division. Creative consultant? Awww, yeah. I’m cool! I also do indeed smell very sweet. More later. Maybe. I already added more after my original posting.

Flood control is enabled on this board, please wait 30 seconds before replying or posting a new topic. Disgusting. Anyway, can Alix have a match with Johnny Jax next week on HeldDOWN. If the answer is yes, I'll give you a non gay kiss. If the answer is no, I'll knee you in the nuts. Hard.

Why thank you! Due to an absence of time I have to leave a super-super abbreviatee version of feedback and observations. Six-man was good. Christian Wright must be new. I don’t remember him. Hey, the women’s title didn’t die out after I left! Good to know. Keep the dream alive, kids. Vitamin X and Cuban Wall kinda reminded me of old Edge and Christian. The rest of the show was nice. I have to find the old logo. What’s an asshat? Do I really want to know? See? Abbreviated feedback.

I think it's Hoff's turn!!!! Did you know there are only 30 days in the month of April? Isn't that way crazy?

Most of you sent me everything well before 8:45! Good for you!

Random pointless feedback I’ll try to do those I didn’t do last week. I had oodles of fun doing Weekend at Neddy’s with Tony. Even if I never quite understood what the Nerdly’s involvement was supposed to be. FM, I wrote that Cole’s bar bit. Did I say That 70’s Dude? Oops, sorry! One super minor nit-pick, The Staples Center and the Whiskey a go go aren’t really near each other. I love the idea for the a Last Man Dancing match, though. It’s ab-fab! Killings and The Heavenly Rockers should form some kind of entertainment conglomerate stable. The Rockers could do the soundtrack for his movies. I’m not surprised that Sly returned. I often saw PFL reading the shows as I posted them, leading me to suspect he would comeback at some point. They always comeback. Every last one of them. I enjoyed the opening press conference. Only in pro wrestling can you attack a journalist at a company function and be awarded with a pay per view payday a few days later. Really good Some Guy promo. I actually didn’t expect CWM or SG to stick around after AM. I thought it would be a one shot deal. I dig Crystal’s heel character so I always like her promos. Awww! And I’m done.

(RETURN FROM BREAK) The lights go down. A Puerto Rico flag appears on the AngleTron. In big, white blocky letters the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. PR is heard saying "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entranceway and the lights flicker on and off in the entrance. A few seconds elasped, the entrance doors slide open, and out through the smoke come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, and his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick, who is dressed in a black tanktop, black elbowpads, black wristtape, black jeans, and black workman boots. The crowds boos get louder. PR looks at the crowd with disgust, showing off the 24/7 Title belt that is over his right shoulder. He looks at Popick, and the two of them begin their walk down the ramp. *DING DING DING* MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a Handicap Match scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute T.V. time limit. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time, at a total combine weight of 448 lbs, OAOAST Corporate Member Stephen Joseph Popick, and the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four Seven Champion, “The Corporate Champion” THA PUERTO RIIIICCCAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!!!! COLE This Sunday at Living Anglelously, Tha Puerto Rican will put his 24/7 Title on the line against former Lightning Crew member, John “Rock Hard” Brickston. COACH PRL issued an open challenge last week, saying that the first person to come to the ring would fight Tha Puerto Rican for the 24/7 Title at Living Anglelously. John Brickston answered that challenge, but PRL had Brickston take on Stephen Joseph Popick for the Italian Championship in order to “prove” he deserved a title shot. Brickston defeated Popick, and became the new Italian Championship last week. Chants of "P.R. SUCKS!" fill the arena, as PRL and Popick continue their walk to the ring. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron, and sneers at the crowd. Popick holds the ropes, and Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans boos while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. systems. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still booing loudly and chanting "P.R. SUCKS!" COLE As we saw Tha Puerto Rican wasn’t too pleased with that, but he can get a measure of revenge tonight and at Living Anglelously, when he goes face-to-face with the man he used to call PROTOYPE. PRL heads to the second rope, and raises the 24/7 Title for the crowd to see. He then heads to a second turnbuckle, and raises the belt again. PR hits a third turnbuckle, and raises his right arm in the air and "smells the electricity" a'la The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth turnbuckle, receiving boos. CABOOSE Brickston is an ungrateful wanker. P.R. MADE him, and this is how he repays him? Taking the very belt that PRL brought into the OAOAST? Brickston was living on the streets before PRL took him into the OAOAST. Now, he’s on top of the world, and it’s all because of PRL! COLE I don’t know about that. Brickston was just a slave when he was a member of The Lightning Crew. If you ask me, he’s better off without PRL’s influence. CABOOSE Bah! He would be even more successful if he just stuck with Tha Puerto Rican! Ask any of the Lightning Crew members. They’ll tell you that being in The Lightning Crew=Success. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the ropes, removes his sunglasses and earring, and chats with Popick while the lights go back on. "Know Your Role '99" dies down, as PRL hands the 24/7 Title over to referee Mickey Jay. PRL and Popick wait for Brickston. “Godman Syngman” by Quarashi starts up, and the crowd pops. John “Rock Hard” Brickston comes out with the OAOAST Italian Championship over his waist. Brickston plays to the crowd on the stage, wearing black short tights with ROCK HARD on the front in gray, and BRICKSTON on the back, black elbowpads, black fingerless gloves, black and red kneepads, and black and red boots. He is also wearing a red sleeveless shirt that saids “P.R. SUCKS!” on it. P.R. and Popick aren’t too pleased with the shirt. Brickston walks down the ramp, slapping hands with the fans. BUFFER And their opponent, from Sacramento, California; weighing in at 215 lbs. He is the One And Only AngleSault Thread Italian Champion, JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRIICCCKKSSTTTOOOONNNNNNNN!!!! CABOOSE Oh very funny. Wearing a “P.R. SUCKS!” t-shirt. That’s nice. He talks about competing in boxing, UFC, PRIDE, K-1? He wouldn’t have done any of that if it weren’t for Tha Puerto Rican. If it weren’t for PRL, he would be competing in arena football, curling, or ballet even! “Rock Hard” sneers at PRL as he enters the ring. PRL makes Popick hold him back, as way to psych out Brickston, but Brickston doesn’t fall for it. Brickston raises the Italian Championship belt for the crowd to see, and then puts the belt in PRL and Popick’s faces, teasing them. He then points to his “P.R. SUCKS!” shirt, which further annoys Tha Puerto Rican. He gives the belt to referee Mickey Jay, who calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* HANDICAP MATCH “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN & STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK VS. JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON “Godman Syngman” by Quarashi stops playing. The crowd starts chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” with Brickston leading the chant. TPR yells at the crowd. Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick play “Rock-Paper-Scissors” to decide who goes first. PRL’s rock beats Popick’s scissors, so PRL goes first. He high-fives Popick, and then turns his attention towards John Brickston. The 6’6” Brickston towers over the 5’9” Puerto Rican, but the height difference doesn’t worry Tha Puerto Rican, who proceeds to trash talk the bigger Brickston. He shoves Brickston, but Brickston doesn’t feel anything. PRL then slaps John, but John slaps him back, which causes PRL to fall to the mat. He locks up with John Brickston, and they jockey for position. Brickston pushes PRL into a turnbuckle, but Mickey Jay tells Brickston to let go. Brickston does, but follows by punching PRL in the face repeatedly. He then grabs PRL and takes him to the opposite turnbuckle, slamming his head on the turnbuckle pad, which causes PRL to jump into the air and fall onto the mat, back first. Brickston picks up Tha Puerto Rican, and whips him into the ropes. Brickston jumps onto PRL with a Lou Thez Press, and beats on PRL some more. COLE Brickston with a ground-n-pound attack on Tha Puerto Rican. John Brickston picks up PRL, and gives him a short-arm clothesline. He covers PRL, but it gets a two count. Brickston beats on PR some more, and then grabs him by the neck, choking him. He lifts him up, still choking him with both hands, which the crowd loves. CABOOSE That’s an illegal chokehold, ref! Disqualify him! Mickey Jay tells Brickston to let go, so Brickston drops P.R. on the mat. Brickston goes to grab PRL again, but PRL quickly runs to his corner, and tags Popick in. Stephen Joseph quickly enters the ring, and gives “Rock Hard” several knife-edged chops to his chest. Popick Irish whips “Rock Hard” Brickston into the ropes, and then follows with a clothesline. However, Brickston doesn’t fall. Popick punches Brickston in the face several times, which do hurt the big man. Popick grabs John “Rock Hard” Brickston’s right arm, and applies a hammerlock on him. He tells PRL to get into the ring, and the two men grab Brickston by his arms, and whip him into the ropes. PRL and Popick prepare to attack, but “Rock Hard” hits them both with MASSIVE clotheslines. COLE What massive power from John Brickston! COACH He is taking it to Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph in this match! Brickston grabs Stephen Joseph and places him in between his legs. The crowd cheers, thinking that a powerbomb or piledriver is coming up. Brickston plays to the crowd, and then prepares to lift Popick up. However… *BAM!* “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican hits John “Rock Hard” Brickston with the Sweet Chin Music! CABOOSE What a move from Tha Puerto Rican! What great timing! COLE John Brickston has been laid out with the Sweet Chin Music! PRL and Popick have finally managed to bring Brickston down to the mat! CABOOSE Now PRL has to continue the attack. He can’t relax for one second! The crowd showers Tha Puerto Rican with loud boos. PRL does the “Up Yours!” hand gesture, so the crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” PRL doesn’t listen to the chants, instead grabbing John Brickston’s legs trying for a Sharpshooter. However, Brickston blocks it with his hands, grabbing PR’s right leg. He gets up, still holding onto the leg. He spins PRL around, and hits PRL with a spinning wheel kick. COLE What a move from the 6’6 Italian Champion! Popick charges at Brickston, but Brickston lifts him up on his shoulders, and gives him a Death Valley Driver. COACH That’s the Killswitch! One of Brickston’s signature moves! CABOOSE Come on, PRL! Get up! With Popick and PRL down on the mat, John “Rock Hard” Brickston looks to the crowd. He turns PRL around, and grabs his right leg, applying an anklelock on “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican. COLE The anklelock has been applied! And look at Tha Puerto Rican! He is screaming! He could tap out at any second! COACH Could this be a preview of what we can expect this Sunday at Living Anglelously? CABOOSE Why of course not! This isn’t a preview of anything! The crowd is going crazy, as Brickston cinches the anklelock on PR. However, Cuban Wall runs into the ring, and kicks Brickston in the back of his head, letting go of the anklelock. Cuban Wall punches Brickston in the face as the crowd boos. Referee Mickey Jay calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* (5:08) COLE Damnit! Tha Puerto Rican was just about to tap out! CABOOSE How do you know that, Michael? You can’t prove that! You can’t prove that at all! Cuban Wall beats on John Brickston, and whips him into the ropes. HOWEVER, Brickston reverses, lifting Wall up on his shoulders, and giving him the Killswitch. PRL and Popick slowly get up, while Vitamin X and Thomas Rodriguez enter the ring. Brickston beats on X and Thomas, giving them both the Killswitch. Mr. Boricua enters the ring and beats on Brickston. Boricua gains the advantage, and clutches Brickston’s throat. He goes for a chokeslam, BUT Brickston elbows Boricua in the head, escaping the chokeslam. Brickston beats Mr. Boricua and whips him into the ropes, giving him a big boot. Mr. Boricua doesn’t fall, so Brickston lifts Mr. Boricua up, and places him on his shoulders, which pops the crowd. “Rock Hard” Brickston hits the 7 feet Mr. Boricua with the Killswitch to a loud pop. COLE John Brickston is on a roll! He just gave the 7 feet Mr. Boricua the Killswitch! COACH DAY-UM~!!! John “Rock Hard” Brickston lets out a mighty roar. He rips off his “P.R. SUCKS!” t-shirt, and throws it into the crowd. Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Popick carry The Lightning Crew members out of the ring. Brickston grabs his Italian Championship belt and raises it to the cheers of the crowd. BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this match, as a result of a disqualification…JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRRRIICCCCKKKSSSSTTTOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!!!! “Godman Syngman” by Quarashi starts playing. John Brickston plays to the crowd, holding up the OAOAST Italian Championship. The Lightning Crew walks up the ramp, each one in serious pain, especially P.R., who is making threats at Brickston. The crowd chants “BRICK-STON! BRICK-STON! BRICK-STON! BRICK-STON!” Brickston smiles. COLE The feud between Tha Puerto Rican and John Brickston has just been kicked up another notch! Brickston won this match by DQ, but will he be able to make PRL submit to the anklelock this Sunday at Living Anglelously to win the 24/7 Title? CABOOSE No Chance In Hell, Cole. He may have been able to win the Italian Championship, but there is NO WAY he will be able to win the 24/7 Title. A belt that is held by THE GREATEST Latino wrestler in history, Tha Puerto Rican! COACH Well, if you saw this match, you’ll know that John Brickston will be a tough challenger for Tha Puerto Rican. CABOOSE Oh, it’ll be different come this Sunday. Tha Puerto Rican will wipe the floor with John Brickston and will remain the 24/7 Champion! COLE John Brickston defeated Stephen Joseph Popick to become the OAOAST Italian Championship. Will he become a double champion this Sunday at Living Anglelously by defeating “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican and winning the OAOAST 24/7 Title? CABOOSE Don’t bet on it! John “Rock Hard” Brickston continues playing to the crowd, raising the OAOAST Italian Championship belt on the turnbuckles. The crowd cheers loudly and “Godman Syngman” by Quarashi continues playing as the segment ends. (FADE OUT) (COMMERCIALS) (RETURN FROM BREAK) THERE IS COMMOTION OUTSIDE! The camera gives us a shot of a throng of excited screaming fans (who are way too good looking to be wrestling fans. Ya’ll know you’re ugly) but gives us no clue as to what they’re fired up about. The camera moves to a police car that’s sitting parked in the middle of the crowd. Resting against the back bumper is a portly officer, who’s been stripped of everything but his Powerpuff Girls boxers. He’s got two black eyes and a mass of drool forming at the corner of his lips. Finally the cock teasing camera lets us in on what the big deal is, The Heavenly Rockers are on top of the cop car! THE ANGEL OF DEATH HOLLY-WOOD (wearing black leather pants, a white tube top and gold angel wings) Ladies and gentlemen, we’re on top of a cop car! The crowd cheers. HOLLY We’re here because we’ve got thieves, crooks, robbers and any other synonym for criminal in the OAOAST and the cops haven’t done a thing. Who are these criminals you ask? The Frankensteiners! If you see these guys, do not alert the proper authorities. Instead hit them, throw bricks at them, kick them, spit on them, beat the shit out of them, treat them like a bitch. They won’t hit you back, they’re wusses. An accurate artist rendition of the suspects has them looking like our good friend, Brad Pitt. If Brad Pitt was hit upside the head with a shovel and doused in several thousand gallons of flesh searing acid that is. The fans chant that the Frankensteiners suck, which may be the first time that team has ever gotten heat. LOGAN “USHER” MANN What’re they guilty of? Stealing the spotlight from the musicians of the divine, The Heavenly Rockers! Last week was our first match as the HRs. And what do Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumb shit do? Instead of laying down like they’re supposed to, they powerbomb us on an interview stage, in an effort to upstage! Franks, you gotta understand, we’re the stars of this operation, deek. We’re filling up people’s disc changers... HOLLY And after we’re done with you the only thing you’ll be filling up is someone’s gas tank. But I can’t blame you for wanting a piece of us. The Heavenly Rockers are Anglemania main eventers after all. I know Axel and Drek Stone were the last to go on. But the only Australiandude/New York Italian match worth watching would be between The Tasmanian Devil and Super Mario. SYNTH ESIZER THE MESMERIZER (wearing a catholic school girl skit, yellow suspenders, and black fingernail polish.) Frankies, we tried ta be friendly wit ya’ll and apologize like men. But ya come back at us wit disrespect, ya came heavy on a man, and ya come ta make a name for yourself. Next time ya come, ya come ta get dealt with. Now we got no choice but ta go ta war. Get out da way, ya’ll. We got whips, guns, batons, shurikens, hadokens and all kinds of sick ass stuff. As Synth continues to belittle his foes, Holly and Logan engage in a steamy Rated-R makeout session. SYNTH But we gotta get a match wit ya on da quick! Cuz the way yer career ares headin’ da next time we see ya it might be at Wendy’s, askin’ us if we wanna Biggie Size it fer 39 cents more. Go back to the restroom and see ya cleanin’ out the toilets, reminiscin’ ‘bout remember when. Remember when you tried ta steal the show from da future grammy winners and we dropped the mic and beat yer lethargic ass? Frankie thinks dat he’s a big dog, eh? Man, you just a lil Bow wow. Come runnin down da street chasin’ after our car, we’ll slam on the breaks, put dat bitch in reverse and back it over yer ass. HOLLY Pray to god Disney wasn’t lying to you and all dogs go to heaven. Obviously the words have struck a chord (no pun intended). We hear incredibly loud boos as The Frankensteiners appear on scene. Dressed in their usual Oklahoma State garb they level menacing glances at the ultra hip rock band. The crowd is abuzz, firmly behind the divine rockers in this tense confrontation. LOGAN (zipping up his pants) We’re gonna be rockin’ for life but you’re gonna die tonight! The Frankensteiners who didn’t come here to share hair care tips with Holly, take this a challenge against their manhood. Thus the brothers give each other a quick nod and run full speed ahead at their far cooler rivals. The onlookers erupt at the chaos that is about to ensue, as The Rockers, backed by their entourage, leap off the patrol car, preparing to knock the Frankensteiner’s back into the undercard. FRANK Synth, you ugly cracker mother f**ker, suck my white c***! Mann, I’ll f**k your bi*** while you watch! Uh-huh. Anywho, the bad boys and girl began a-rumbling and photo journalists and internet bloggers begin snapping a multitude of photos(most praying for a Holly-Wood nipple slip). No one will ever confuse this with an epic wrestling brawl as the holy rockers and their mass of roided up bodyguards easily overwhelm the brothers Frankenstein. The celebs beat the amateur wrestling champs like I beat my dick when I see Aubrey from Making The Band. Did I use that joke already? Regardless, The HR’s are stomping The Franks like they stiffed them on a check. Logan, ever the good boyfriend, rememberers Holly’s wish that Frankie be neutered and gets in a few well placed shots to Frankie’s nuts with the police baton. LOGAN Happy anniversary, honey! HOLLY (choking Frank with her guitar string) Awww, baby, you shouldn’t have. Even though The Frankensteiners are out numbered by like a gazillion to two, the gawkers don’t take to the underdogs and continue to root on their rock n roll idols, loving every minute of the brutal assault. FINALLY the “real” police arrive and the Rockers and their entourage scatter like the victims of a porno store police raid. Before the rockstars totally flew the scene we hear Synth proclaim to be “Britney’s real baby’s daddy”. Surprisingly, a bloody, bruised, and mangled beyond all recognition, Frank Frankensteiner undergoes the arduous task of struggling to his feet. FRANK (shaking a blood soaked fist, the same red liquid pouring out of the corner of his mouth) You F*got motherf***ers! I’ll kick your ass! That eloquent proclamation of admirable defiance saps the gladiator of the last of his strength and he crumples to the pavement, a defeated man. COLE Don’t forget The Rocker’s new album comes out May 17th! But you don’t have to wait that long for our main event, because it is next! (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) COLE Well folks, its time for our tag team main event of the evening, and after what we saw in that press conference, I’m wondering the condition of Axel right now! I’m now joined by unbiased announcer Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura! VENTURA Axel chose to run his mouth at that press conference, and he got EXACTLY what he deserved! Tony is walking out of L-A this Sunday the OAOAST Champion, and I for one can’t wait! COLE And how about the rivalry between Dan Black and Zack Malibu? It has reached its boiling point! VENTURA Well Michael, when you try and steal the spotlight from Dan Black, he’ll just take it straight back from you. Zack Malibu is going to get his ass handed to him tonight as well as at Living Angleously. *DING DING DING* BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! “Quiet” hits and the crowd immediately tells Black T what they think of them, even before the legendary tag team have come through the curtain. Finally they make their presence known, taunting the ringside fans and stepping into the squared circle. Tony, of course, mimics the ‘belt-around-the-waist’ sign, signifying what he wants this Sunday at Living Angleously. BUFFER Introducing first, at a total combined weight of five hundred thirty-five pounds, the team of “ICE HEART” DAN BLACK, and TONY BRAAAAAAAAAAANIGANNNNNN, BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! COLE Black T are so proud of themselves, they just had to start trouble earlier this week, and who knows the condition of Axel’s back tonight! I doubt he has even been cleared to wrestle! VENTURA Since when has that stopped anyone from, you know, wrestling? The sounds of “Quiet” are replaced by those of “Getting Away With Murder”, sending the fans into a frenzy of cheers. The Franchise himself, Zack Malibu, steps through the curtain, and greets the fans, before turning his attention to the two men in the ring, obviously wanting to get a piece of them. Malibu stops halfway down the ramp and looks on at his opponents, not stepping into the ring, but waiting instead! BUFFER And their opponents, first, from Los Angeles California, weighing in at one hundred ninety-five pounds, he is THE FRANCHISE, ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLIIIIIIIBBBBBBBUUUUUU! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHH!” VENTURA Oh look, he’s scared! COLE Come on Jesse, he’s smart! You think Zack wants to walk into a two on one situation and almost be put on the shelf like Axel was last week? Both Zack and Axel have learnt from that experience! Black T begin their taunts of Zack from the ring, inviting him inside as “Getting Away with Murder” dies down. That fans cheers get louder though, as they know who is coming out next. “AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL!” COLE I think there are a few fans of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion here tonight! VENTURA Nonsense! They shouldn’t be cheering for that idiot! Cheer for someone who is straight down the line, someone who will bring prestige and honor to the belt, cheer for To- BOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHH!” “Eat You Alive” hits, and the fans go clinically insane, cheering and hollering for the OAOAST Champion, who bursts through the curtain, belt in hand, and charges down the ramp, with Zack joining him! The two partners slide into the ring - not giving Michael Buffer a chance to announce Axel’s name - and are met by Black T! *DING DING DING* COLE We are underway! Tony hammers away on Axel, and Dan Black does the same on Zack Malibu – but both men are soon blocked, and now its Axel and Zack’s turn to hammer away on Black T! Double Irish Whip on the former tag team champions, they come off the ropes… and are met by double kicks from Axel and Zack Malibu, Zack connecting with a Spinning Heel, and Axel with the Harlem Side kick! VENTURA They had no warning! Those two idiots just jumped straight into the ring! Not fair! Not fair! Tony Brannigan rolls out of the ring, and Axel is forced out by the referee, leaving Zack Malibu and Dan Black to start the match. Black gets to his feet after being taken down by the Malibu heel kick, and The Franchise takes advantage straight away, connecting with solid right hands. Boot to the midsection by Malibu, front face lock, takes Black over for a beautiful Vertical Suplex. Malibu keeps the pressure on, forcing Dan Black into his corner and tagging in the Champion to a big pop! COLE Malibu and Axel are in control early, and here comes the champion! Axel rushes into the ring and explodes into Dan Black, taking him down with a vicious clothesline. Obviously still pissed off with Black after last week’s loss to the Ice Heart, Axel shows his hatred, backing Dan Black against the ropes, and connecting with a hard knife edge chop! *SLAP* “WHOO!” And another! *SLAP* “WHOO!” *SLAP* “WHOO!” Axel lights Black’s chest up with the stiff chops, and sends him to the other corner with an Irish Whip. Axel runs after his opponent and connects with a clothesline in the corner, Black staggers out... ..and INTO A SAPINEBUSTAH~! COLE Wow! Axel is fired up! Axel doesn’t cover Dan Black, instead he tags Zack Malibu back in, and the Franchise goes to work on his Living Angleously opponent. Zack brings Black to his feet, and lands a stiff kick to the quad of Black, causing him to go off balance, and giving Zack time to run the ropes. Zack comes off of the cable, and tries a clothesline… but Dan Black ducks under! Right hand by Black, Irish Whip, Zack comes off… …ROARING ELBOW! VENTURA What the hell is going on here? COLE Axel and Zack Malibu have come to play tonight! Zack tags Axel back in and the champion heads to the top rope… coming off with a Leg Drop! Cover by Axel! ONE… TWOOOOOOOONO! Dan Black kicks out. Axel grabs Black again and tries to hook him for a Vertical Suplex, but Black lands a hard right hand right in the bread basket, causing Axel to release the face lock. Black follows it with a thumb to the eye, causing the referee to reprimand him, but also causing Dan Black to run to his corner and tag in Tony Brannigan, to a chorus of boos from the crowd! With Axel clutching at his eye, Tony steps into the ring and charges at his Living Angleously opponent, taking him down with a high knee to the face! VENTURA He does it better than Harley Race! COLE Oh come on, did he pay you to say that too!? Tony starts stomping away at the champion, while his partner recovers on the outside. Tony then mounts Axel and clubs away with right hands to the temple of the champion, then grabbing him by the hair and forcing him to his feet. Right hand by Tony Brannigan on Axel, and he hooks the champions head, taking him down with a Rude Awakening Neckbreaker! Cover by Tony on Axel… ONE… TWOOOOOONO! Axel kicks out as the ref counts two. VENTURA I’ve got a feeling that Tony is going to draw this tag team match out, let Axel kick out of a few pin attempts, AND THEN he’ll hit him with the Out of Body Experience. Just like this Sunday Michael! COLE Oh, so Tony has this all worked out then? VENTURA Of course he does! Axel rolls onto his stomach as a result of the Kickout, and Tony takes quick advantage of this, stomping away at the spine of the champion! Tony grabs Axel by the hair, bringing the champion to his feet, and hooking him around the waist, before dropping him back for a back suplex. Tony drags Axel by the left leg to his partner, and tags Black in, who rushes into the squared circle. Black joins Tony in stomping away at the champion, causing Zack Malibu to try and enter the ring, only to be stopped by the official. With the referee distracted, Black T take the time to double team Axel some more, setting him up, and dropping the champion flat on his back with a double back suplex! VENTURA See that? Beautiful double team move! I bet Axel and Zack don’t have that kind of chemistry! COLE Considering this is the very first time that these two have teamed up, I’d be inclined to agree with you there! Tony rolls out of the ring, unbeknownst to the referee, who manages to restrain Zack. The official finally turns around to see Dan Black hooking Axel up, and dropping him in an STO! Cover by Black… ONE… TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONO! Axel kicks out as the referee counts two. But Dan Black makes another cover! ONE… TWOOOOOOOOOOONO! Axel kicks out again! COLE Black is keeping the pressure on the champion, and Zack Malibu just wants into the match! VENTURA Well he isn’t going to get into the match! Black T are going to dismantle the paper champion! Black grabs Axel by the head and throws him over the top rope, and to the floor! The crowd let out a very negative reaction to this, as they know exactly what’s coming. The referee reprimands Dan Black for his actions, and the Ice Heart responds by blowing off the referee, and taunting Zack Malibu! Zack starts to step into the ring, but the referee stops him again, getting between the two men that will meet this Sunday! The distraction gives Tony Brannigan time to take advantage on the outside, smashing Axel in the face with a hard right hand, grabbing his left arm, and Irish Whipping him back-first, into the steel steps! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Well you wanna talk about not fair Jesse Ventura, what the hell is that? VENTURA That is merely taking advantage of the situation! Tony rolls Axel back into the ring, to Dan Black, who immediately picks the champion up and puts him in a standing body scissors. Black tries to get the champion up for a Powerbomb, but Axel blocks the first attempt. He doesn’t block the second though, as the Ice Heart picks Axel up, and prepares to drop him for a Powerbomb, right on the injured back! Axel tries desperately to fight out of the move though, hammering away at Black’s head, and causing the former tag champion to let go of Axel, causing the champion to fall on his feet. Right hand by Axel, and another, a third, he grabs Dan Black’s left arm, sends him for an Irish Whip, its reversed… …and Tony Brannigan buries a right hand into the middle of Axel’s back as he hits the ropes, causing the champion to stagger forward, and into an Exploder Suplex! COVER! ONE… TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONO! Axel gets a shoulder up! COLE More double teaming by Black T, and you now have to wonder how much Axel has left Jesse! VENTURA Not much Michael, Zack Malibu won’t even break a sweat in this contest, his partner will take all the beating for him! Ha ha! There’s nothing Malibu can do! Black tries a second cover, keeping the pressure on… ONE… TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONO! Axel kicks out at two again, in a move that frustrates Dan Black. Black tags in Tony Brannigan again to see what T-Bod can do, and Tony doesn’t disappoint, grabbing Axel by the head and taking him over for a snapmare, before stepping back, and kicking a field goal between his shoulder blades! Axel writhes around on the canvas in significant pain, but Tony doesn’t seem to care, raking his boot across Axel’s eyes like he was nothing! Elbow Drop by Tony, into a cover… ONE… TWOOOOOOOONO! Axel gets a shoulder up yet again! COLE All of these covers must take a lot of energy out of the champion Jesse! VENTURA Oh certainly, great, great strategy by Black T! Brannigan brings Axel to his feet, making the "title belt" gesture once more. This seems to annoy Axel just a little, as he fires up and headbutts Tony right between the eyes. Brannigan staggers, but fires back with a forearm shot to the jaw of the champ. Tony grabs him by the arm and flings him to the ropes, dropping down in an attempt at a backdrop - but Axel sees it coming and stops himself, before calmly kicking the doubled over Brannigan in the chest! Tony's torso flips upright, and Axel swings a fierce lariat at him, but Tony ducks at the last second. Brannigan leaps up with a big dropkick into the spine of Axel! COLE Wow, we don't often see Brannigan leave his feet like that. VENTURA Tony can do it all. Look at the size of his calves, they're bigger than your entire body, Michael Cole! Imagine the force he got behind that dropkick! The dropkick propelled Axel back into the Black T corner, where Dan meets him with a punch! Axel spins around, dizzied, right into a huge belly to belly suplex by Tony! Brannigan covers: ONE! TWO! Axel kicks out. VENTURA Awesome tag team work from Black T. Axel and Zack are just stupid to agree to take them on at their own game. COLE Are you sure? I think Brannigan may be stupid for even getting into the ring with Axel. He eats people alive, you know. Tony brings Axel up, and a stunned look appears on his face as Axel lights him up with a big right hand out of nowhere! Tony tries a chop, but Axel ignores it and whips him to the ropes. As Brannigan comes back Axel meets him with a boot to the gut, and then hoists him up onto his shoulders in the Burning Hammer position! The crowd yells in appreciation, but their cries quickly turn to boos as Dan Black enters and slams a double axe handle into Axel's back, causing him to drop Brannigan to the mat. Axel turns, and meets Dan's eyes. A slight look of panic comes over the face of the normally implaccable Black. Axel lunges for him, but Black jumps back. Our referee pushes Dan out of the ring, while Brannigan gets to his feet - and rolls up Axel with a huge handful of tights! ONE! TWO! THREE! No! Axel kicks out. Both men up - and both connect with hard lariats, knocking each other down. They both roll back to their feet and charge at each other - and again, two simultaneous, thunderous lariats spill them to the canvas! This time Tony and Axel stay down. COLE A double clothesline! Both men down! Mmm...men...down... VENTURA You make Tony Schiavone look a man's man. COLE Mmm...man's man... The crowd claps and stomps for Axel to make the tag. He starts to get to his feet, but the damage done to his back causes him to fall back to one knee. Brannigan, encouraged by Black, starts to move over to the Black T corner. Dan sticks out a hand, and Tony, stretching, slaps it! Black rushes in and grabs Axel by the boot, pulling him away from Zack! Axel turns, hopping on one leg, and suddenly leaps up with an enziguiri kick - but Dan ducks it! Black smirks as Axel falls harmlessly to the mat, with Dan still holding his leg! VENTURA Dan Black is a smart man. He could see that enziguiri coming so easily. Axel flips onto his back and shoves Dan down with both feet! He rolls over and tags Malibu! COLE That wasn't so smart. VENTURA He let Axel do that. He's ready for Zack now. Malibu vaults into the ring to the roars of the crowd and knocks Black to the canvas with a hard right hand. Tony charges in...and Zack backs off him, allowing Brannigan to sprint towards him into the ropes, before Malibu pulls the top cable down and sends Tony spilling out onto the floor! Malibu turns to admire his work, allowing Dan time to slap on a waistlock from behind! He heaves Zack up and over with a German suplex, driving Zack's head and neck hard into the mat. Dan rolls through, looking for another suplex, but Zack counters, breaking his hold and getting a waistlock of his own! Malibu hits Black with a German suplex with bridge - ONE! TWO! THREE-No! Dan kicks out! Zack brings him up and batters Black with a trio of forearm shots, then whips him hard into a vacant corner. He sprints after him and lashes him with a whipping clothesline to the chest, and then, grabbing Black around the head, sits himself on the top turnbuckle. Malibu pushes off, looking for a tornado DDT, but as they jump off Dan blocks it, knees Zack in the gut and then flings him back with a release Northern Lites suplex into the turnbuckles! The fans draw their breath at the impact, as Zack slides to the mat, temporarily in another world. Black gets up, shaking his head, and brings Malibu to the Black T corner, where Tony has repositioned himself and wants the tag. In Brannigan comes, but Zack meets him with a chop and then explodes with a jump up enziguiri to Dan Black! Black crumples to the mat and rolls out of the ring! COLE Ha! He didn't see that one coming, did he? VENTURA I think Zack has a foreign object in his boot. Brannigan grabs Malibu, but his whip is reversed. Brannigan flies to the ropes, towards Axel, who lifts his knee and allows Tony to crash into it! Tony comes forward off the ropes, grimacing in pain, and Zack drills him with School's Out! - No, Brannigan ducks under it and flips Malibu's standing leg out from under him, jumping on top for the cover - ONE! TWO! Zack kicks out, rolls up - and Axel tags himself in on Malibu's shoulder. Zack looks slightly annoyed, but is quickly ushered out of the ring by our referee. Axel steps in, grins at Tony, and beckons him on. The two big men collide in the middle of the ring, locking out and straining against each other. Zack watches intently, not noticing Dan Black sneaking round the ring. Dan grabs Zack's boots and pulls him off the apron so that Zack's head bounces off the edge of the ring. Axel gets the upperhand with a headbutt and whips Tony to the ropes - SPIIIIIIIIIINEBUSTAH! Cover - ONE! TWO! ....but the referee isn't counting, instead looking to the outside where Dan is stomping down on Zack! Axel gets up and yells at the official, in the end physically turning him away from Dan and Zack. Axel turns back to - The Out of Body Experience! Cover! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The winners of this bout - BLLLLLLLACK TEEEEEE! COLE Oh my God! Tony Brannigan just pinned Axel right in the middle of the ring! VENTURA Exactly what will happen at Living Angleously! Tony gets to his feet, still a little woozy from the big spinebuster he just took himself, but he raises his hands in the air in triumph. On the outside, Dan abandons Zack to rush in to congratulate his partner. He grabs the World Title belt as he does so, and raises Brannigan's hand while holding the strap to his waist. COLE My God, there was an element of fortune to the victory - VENTURA The Hell there was! COLE - but there's no denying Tony Brannigan just sent out a huge warning! This man could be our next champion! Black T make to leave, but as they reach the ropes, Zack Malibu appears on the apron in front of them. Dan and Tony don't look concerned...until they follow Zack's look of approval to behind them...where Axel has risen to his feet. The champ is wearily clutching his back, but looks more than ready to go another round. Zack steps into the ring in front of Black T, with Axel behind them...Dan and Tony go back to back, each facing their opponent at Living Angleously...the crowd roar Zack and Axel on, wanting to see Black T decimated - but the two former tag champs suddenly scatter, each diving out of either side of the ring. They move quickly up the ramp together, only stopping at the top...where Dan reveals he still holds the championship belt. He hands it to Tony, who raises it high into the air. Axel sends a stare of cold, dead hatred at Brannigan, while Malibu paces back and forth, itching to get at Dan, who draws a thumb slowly across his throat. COLE Ladies and Gentlemen, you just saw a fiercely competitive tag match - and at Living Angleously, it's only going to get more intense. Zack Malibu and Dan Black put it all on the line in their first ever meeting, while Axel has a hell of task to defend the OAOAST title for the first time on pay per view, against Tony Brannigan. You can't afford to miss it! Buy the show! Kill for it if you have to! I'm not kidding! STAY TUNED FOR COLE'S BAR! I NEED THE RATINGS! I HAVE A MORTGAGE TO PAY! (FADE TO BLACK, JACK!)

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! EARLIER THIS WEEK LIVING ANGLEOUSLY PRESS CONFERENCE LOS ANGELES, CA Flashbulbs go off everywhere as members of the media snap as many photos as possible before the preceedings begin. A couple thousand fans seated in the stands murmur, also awaiting the start of the press conference. Two tables are positioned on a stage built inside the Stapes Center. An AngleTron looming overhead plays various clips of OAOAST superstars in action. Tony Brannigan and Dan Black -- Black T -- are seated at one table, Axel, a small bandage on his head from the cut received last week, and Zack Malibu at the other. Michael Cole, in a suit and tie, stands behind a podium. "Cowboy" Bill Watts and Head of Security Carl Winslow at each side. COLE Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for coming out for this very special press conference. I'm Michael Cole, the voice of the OAOAST, and I'm here to announce that on Sunday night, April 24th the Staples Center will host Living Angleously live on pay-per-view. Many big matches have been signed for the card, including every major OAOAST title on the line. Two of the matches many insiders are pointing to involve, perhaps the greatest singles and tag team wrestlers meeting for the first-time ever on pay-per-view in singles compeition. "The Franchise" Zack Malibu will meet "The Ice Heart" Dan Black, and Tony Brannigan will face Axel for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. If you would turn your attention to the screen behind me, let's take a look at the accomplishments of all 4 men. "THE FRANCHISE" ZACK MALIBU 2-time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Fmr. OAOAST World Tag Team Champion Fmr. 24/7 Champion "THE ICE HEART" DAN BLACK 3-time OAOAST World Tag Team Champion Fmr. HI-YAH Internation Tag Team Champion Fmr. OAOAST United States & US TV Champion Fmr. OAOAST European Champion Fmr. OAOAST TV Champion Fmr. OAOAST Adrenalin Champion TONY BRANNIGAN 2-time OAOAST Tag Team Champion Fmr. HI-YAH International Tag Team Champion AXEL OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Lethal Rumble Winner Fmr. HI-YAH World Heavyweight Champion Fmr. OAOAST 24/7 Champion Fmr. Revolution Trophy Winner COLE These men's accomplishments speak for themselves. Before we hear comments from those who will be involved in the matches, Executive Vice President of OAOAST Entertainment "Cowboy" Bill Watts is here with some announcements and a few words. Mr. Watts. Polite applause from the press, none from the wrestlers onstage, mixed reaction from the fans in attendence. Michael and Bill shake hands. WATTS Thank you, Michael. Let me once again thank you all for coming out today. Unfortunately, Josie Baker is unable to attend, she's currently on a much deserved vacation -- believe me, after dealing with some of the men and women here, you need a vacation to keep from going insane. As Michael said, there are a few announcements I'd like to make. Last Thursday night fans were horrified at the aftermath of the Dan Black-Axel main event that saw Black T lay a 2-on-1 beat down on the World's Champion. The inmates don't run the asylum here. Therefore I'm here to announce Tony Brannigan has been fined $15,000 for his actions last week, while Dan Black has been fined $5,000 for his contributation. TONY I hope that's tax deductible. WATTS (ignoring Tony's qulp) Also, HeldDOWN~! Vice General Manager Jasmine has signed a tag team match to take place this week on HeldDOWN~! featuring Black T vs. Zack Malibu and the World's Heavyweight Champion Axel. Axel and Zack both nod their heads in agreement. Black T remain poised. WATTS Most recently the Staples Center hosted another major wrestling event. Well, let me tell you -- expect Living Angleously to make that event look like a backyard wrestling show when the night is said and done. When you shell out $34.95 of your hard earned money to watch this event live on pay-per-view or spend those 20-350 dollars on tickets to the matches, know this: You're watching the finest men and women in this sport competing like they only know how to -- 110%. They may come out battered and beaten. They may come out with broken bones. But they understand professional wrestling is a serious sport only real athletes can survive in. With that said, I look forward to seeing you all at Living Angleously this Sunday on pay-per-view. Thank you. Cole steps back behind the podium. COLE Thank you, Mr. Watts. Quick word: Questions will be taken following words from everyone here, all of whom will also be available for one-on-one's. Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's hear from our guests. Please welcome the "Ice Heart" Dan Black. Dan fixes the camera with his cold, grey eyed stare as it focuses in on him. BLACK Last week, Zack and I did a lot of talking. A lot of old issues were raised. A lot of history. But this weekend at Living Angleously, history will record a new chapter of OAOAST domination. It will record that Tony Brannigan became World Heavyweight Champion, while Zack Malibu's career ended at the hands of the one man he always feared, the man he's always dodged. Zack...I know you think you're cold. I know you think you'll do anything to win, that you have some sort of, I don't know, mean streak that you can call upon. But by accepting the cheers of the worthless fans, by pandering once again to the establishment - you just prove that you don't have what it takes to step into the ring with me. When you look at Dan Black, you see a real Ice Heart. Someone who truly will do anything to progress himself. You can't comprehend that. Sure, Zack, you've made a habit of beating up girls this past year. I did that better than you in the space of one simple BlackOut on your girlfriend's neck. I did that just to piss you off, and I liked it. And I'm just going to love doing the same to you. A small, sick smile emerges on Black's impassive face, as the assembled fans, who have mostly been respectful of the formal occasion, can't resist letting out a few boos and jeers. BLACK I hope you're focused Zack, I really do, because if you're not, I'm going to find all the weaknesses I know you have, all the frailties and technical errors I've ever noted from having to watch you again and again over the years. I'm going to find them, and rip - you - apart. Dan turns slowly over to the table where Zack sits, and just smirks the kind of smirk that makes everybody in the room (apart from Mr. Tony Brannigan, of course), everyone watching at home and (probably a lot of people not watching too), want to grab his neck and slap him raw. The boos from the watching fans increase, and security looks nervously around. COLE Charming as ever, Mr. Black. Gentlemen, questions? A fat, middle-aged guy gets to his feet. FAT REPORTER Dan, you must be a little annoyed at being fined $5,000. That's a lot of money. BLACK Worth every penny. Believe me, when Tony and I are ruling this business, we'll be burning that much every night just to spite idiots like you. A younger, nervous man raises his hand. NERVOUS REPORTER What if you...what if you lose at Living Angleously, Dan? Black just stares at him. Then: BLACK I'm sorry, I didn't...? NERVOUS I said - BLACK Come up here, I don't think your mic is working. The nervous young man hesitantly takes a few steps towards Black's table. BLACK No, right up here. Come on, its ok. I'll give you a good quote. The reporter takes a couple more steps, and like a snake strike Black leans forward and cuffs him hard on the back of the head. The other journalists get to their feet, shouting in protest, as the young reporter falls to the floor. Bill Watts has to intervene, promising official apologies to calm the journalists. Dan sits back with a satisfied grin as Zack Malibu watches, not displaying any emotions. COLE We better move on, quickly, to hear from Dan's opponent at Living Angleously. Allow me to present the man dubbed the "Franchise," former two-time Heavyweight Champion of the World...Zack Malibu. ZACK Beating up on reporters now to prove your point, Dan? There's no need, because you've got me where you want me. When you took my girlfriend Candie and snapped her neck over your shoulder over one month ago, you sent your message loud and clear. That you'll do whatever it takes to get what you want, and what that is seems to be my departure from this company, and for you to be able to ascend to the throne and claim all glory. Black sneers at Zack, who remains emotionless, yet glares back. BLACK I'm sick...SICK, of having this company, a company that I had a hand in raising from the ground up, be synonymous with YOU. Whether you were the bouncing babyface prettyboy or getting wild eyed and ooooooh so psycho, you were never the proper poster child for it. What you have in Dan Black, and Black T, is class. Prestige. We can give this company...OUR company, a rub like no other. Your girlfriend...she was just a victim of circumstance. Circumstances caused by your ego, YOUR selfishness, YOUR... Zack stands up as Dan rambles on, but the "Ice Heart" quickly shuts up as Malibu looks down at him, growing wild eyed in an Incredible Hulk like transformation. ZACK Circumstance? CIRCUMSTANCE? You want to talk circumstances, you son of a bitch, what happens to you this coming Sunday is a result of what YOUR attitude, and YOUR actions caused. I can live with watching my blood pour onto the mat. I can live hearing the crack of my bones, because to me, it's a day at the office. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I've been beaten worse by better people than you, Dan. It was just that you...you wanted to put an exclamation point on things, really make sure that you were getting your point across. Congratulations. You did it, but at what cost? What if Monday morning, this prophecy comes true? What if one of us is no longer able to compete, no longer able to stand on our own two feet without a sharp pain or a battle scar serving as a constant reminder? I may not be able to change our pasts, or change what you've done to me to bring us to this point, but I promise you that whether I get a three count on you this Sunday means nothing to me. The end result of that contest is insignificant, because win or lose, you won't walk out looking like a winner. You'll be lucky to walk out at all. BLACK Ooooh, I'm shaking. What now...you gonna hit a catchphrase to try and sell some more shits, you corporate kiss- The unstable Malibu lunges for Dan Black, nearly knocking Michael Cole over in the process. Bill Watts immediately jumps in, and Tony stands up to back up his partner, however that draws the World Champion out of his seat. Everyone is calmed after several moments and take their seats once again, as Michael Cole attempts to resume the conference while order is restored. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, the challenger in Sunday night's World Title bout... Tony Brannigan. BOOOOOOO! TONY First of all, I will not be fielding any questions from the media. The next Heavyweight Champion of the World has more important matters to attend to than questions from pencil-pushers like yourselves. Let's talk about Living Angleously, more specifically the World Heavyweight Championship. For the last couple of weeks you have seen me on OAOAST television talking about how after 3 long years I'm finally getting a shot at the World Heavyweight Title. It doesn't take genius to realize I was born to be World Champion. From the finest schools, food, and clothes in the world, to the finest women, I was born great. I look over at my opponent and see a man who reached the top of the mountain because he happened to be in the right place at the right time. While I've spent years perfecting my craft, our World Champion catches a lucky break and goes on to bigger and better things. Drama and timing is everything. Come Sunday night I might decide to turn Axel's lights out in 5 minutes, or I may decide to give the fans a little excitement by making it go 15. The time may change, but the result will stay the same: Tony Brannigan is walking out the Staples Center with the OAOAST Title. (forming screen with hands) Picture this: Axel is whipped to the ropes. I duck down and wrap my arms around his waist, spin around and drive him hard into the mat. OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE! The camera zooms in on Axel's bloody face and zooms out as I make the cover him. The referee goes down to count...1...2...3! Ding, ding. Ballons, confetti, the whole works. Dan comes out from the back and grabs the OAOAST Title from Michael Buffer. He enters the ring and hands it to me. I hold the belt in my hands, staring at it like it's a beautiful woman. I raise it to my face and plant a big one on her. There, finally, my dream has come true. The perfect ending. The fans boo as Tony walks back to his seat, where Dan Black awaits standing up, clapping, and then giving him a big handshake. COLE Finally, ladies and gentlemen, the OAOAST World Champion Axel. AXEL Firstly, let me thank everybody for coming out today, and help promote what’s going to be one hell of an event. Bill Watts asked me earlier today to say a few words on what you can all expect from the OAOAST, and especially my match with the esteemed Tony Brannigan over here. Well, after listening to that asshole for the last five minutes, I’m thanking whoever the hell is up in the sky that he finally shut up! “YEEEEEEEEEEEAH!” Tony starts to get up out of his seat, but Dan Black stops him, trying to settle the challenger down. AXEL Tony, there’s a reason why you are a tag team specialist. You have no idea what you’re dealing with. People have doubted me all my career, but I have proved them all wrong every single time. But I’ve gotta give credit where credit is due. I tell it like it is. You’re a great tag team wrestler. You beat GPX. The Express. Hell’s Hitmen. Heavenly Rockers. There’s a reason you and Dan were voted as Tag Team of the Year. But you’ve never faced ANYTHING like me before Tony. People call me a mystery; you never know where I’m coming from until I’ve passed you by. No one can work me out. I am an enigma. There you have it. To everyone who couldn’t understand me, there it is. You weren’t supposed to. There is only one person that can understand Axel, and that is Axel. That is why you won’t win Tony, because you can’t defeat what you fail to understand. You think this belt, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, is something that you are destined to win? You think that just because everything you have has been handed to you on a silver platter that somehow makes you better than me? Better than these people? You think that at Living Angleously there is nothing stopping you from winning this championship, because it is your destiny? You make your own destiny. I made mine, which is why I’m standing before you as the man. You two did a number on me last week, and this Thursday I’ll get you back for it. But Sunday at Living Angleously, when its just you and me standing in that ring, Tony, T-Bod, whatever the hell you want to be called, this Sunday at L-A, I’m gonna eat you alive. Axel draws cheers from the crowd when he raises the OAOAST Title into the air. Tony walks over and rips the belt out of his hands. Axel gets in Tony's face. Dan gets up from his seat and stands in front of his partner, telling Axel he'll have to go through him first. COLE Guys, settle this in the ring on Thursday! Now isn’t the time! Brannigan stands behind Black, both his hands on his shoulders, smiling. Winslow and 6 of his men rush to keep order. Tony THROWS THE BELT IN AXEL'S FACE, who lunges forward, knocking over the podium and shoving Dan out of the way. COLE Guys! GUYS! Be professional! Come on! Axel mounts over Brannigan and pounds him with right hands. Black tries to pull the Champ off, but Zack spins him around and drills him with a big right. Winslow and 3 of his men pulling Axel off Tony, the other 3 security members restraining Dan and Zack. WATTS (waving for more security) Get him out of here! Winslow and Co. begin escorting Axel off the stage, when Brannigan gets back to his feet and reaches for Winslow's belt, taking away his NIGHTSTICK. Tony drives the point of the nightstick into the SPINE OF AXEL'S BACK, bringing the champion to his knees. The challenger for the Heavyweight Title stands over Axel and hammers away on the back with the nightstick. The guards restraining Dan and Zack release them to go help Winslow and Co., leaving Black and Malibu all by themselves. The two waste no time slugging it out on the stage. Flashbulbs are going off all over the place now, nearly blinding the entire picture with light. The stage is crammed with security, who have finally regained control of the situation. Black T are taken away, with a huge grin on Tony's face. Security hold Zack until Dan Black is no longer in view before escorting him away. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize, but there won't be any interviews granted at this time. Thank you for coming out. The crowd murmurs in shock as Axel lies on the stage, in noticable pain, surrounded by security personnel and EMTs as we cut to the opening and the pretty fireworks. COLE Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another exciting edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN from New Orleans, Lousiana! We already started off with footage from a red hot press confrence but have even more wild action for you tonight on the big show! “Plug in Baby” by Muse blasts through the audio system in the arena as the crowd gets on their feet and boo and “Female Phenom”. Crystal makes her way to the ring, surprisingly sans Gunner, and grabs the microphone from the announcer. She goes to the center of the ring and looks around with distain to the crowd. COLE Oh man! Do we really have to listen to her? “CRYSTAL SUCKS!” ”CRYSTAL SUCKS!” ”CRYSTAL SUCKS!” CRYSTAL Usually, I would humor you pathetic people and respond to your less-that-creative remarks, but I really do not have the time to deal with it right now. “BOOO!” CRYSTAL Right now, I do have to deal with slightly, and I do mean slightly, more important problems. See, there’s this guy I’m suppose to be facing. He’s going around, claiming he’ll be the number one contender after this Sunday. He’s thinking that maybe he’ll be getting revenge for his friend and he’ll get a title shot on top of that. In case your pea sized brains haven’t figured it out, I’m obviously talking about Hoff. “YEAHHH!” CRYSTAL There’s just one problem with the line of thinking from “Mr. Future”: He’s dead wrong. Yes, it’s true he has beaten me. Hell, he beat me for the OAOAST Title! In his very first main event, he upset the champion! Impressive, I must say. But really, does anyone think that wasn’t beginner’s luck? Has he been able to regain that glory? He blew it at Zero Hour, he blew it at Anglemania, and he’ll blow it at Living Anglelously. COACH That’s a little reaching it. He’s been screwed both times! CABOOSE You’d think with all the times Hoff has been ‘screwed’, he’d strike oil Face it, he choked! Before Crystal can continue, “The Clincher” interrupts her, as does 10 000 or so fans EXPLODING~! Hoff makes his way on the ramp with a microphone in his hand. CABOOSE Hey! This is Crystal’s time! CRYSTAL Hey! What are you doing? This isn’t a press conference! HOFF Sorry, but I really can’t stand to hear your bullshit anymore. It does get really annoying. Really. “HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF!” CRYSTAL Oh, that’s nice Hoff. Just keep pandering to the fans. They’ll be all you have left if all goes as planned on Sunday. HOFF Making empty threats again Crystal? CRYSTAL Empty? Did you ever watch my match against Axel at Anglemania? Did you see him limping around, almost crippled? Did you see me almost end his career by destroying his knee? HOFF I must have missed all that Crystal, because all I saw was Axel winning the OAOAST Heavyweight Title that night! (“YEAHHH!”) And did you happen to catch my match with your buddy Gunner? How’s his ankle doing this week? He able to walk? CRYSTAL Please Hoff. You just started using that move. I’ve been cutting down bigger opponents for years! The only difference is that I’ve decided not to take pity anymore and take no prisoners. You think knowing one submission is going to compare to me knowing various submissions that could cripple you for life, just like that? HOFF (making his way down to the ring) Just like that? Think you can cripple me, just like that? Why don’t you prove it? The crowd goes APESHIT~! as Hoff makes his way in the ring, face to face with Crystal. HOFF I’ll even let you bring your buddy Gunner and see how you fare. Hoff looks around and shrugs when Gunner doesn’t appear. He motions to Crystal to take her best shot. CRYSTAL (shaking her head) I don’t think so Hoff. I choose my spots. If I were you, I’d watch me back. Or knee. Or whatever body part I pick to destroy. With a chorus of boos, Crystal passes Hoff and leaves the ring. Hoff simply looks at Crystal and shakes his head with a smirk. COLE If that doesn’t prove she’s a coward, I don’t know what does. COACH True Mike. Hoff gave her a free shot and she just walked away. CABOOSE Oh stop it! It’s called intelligence! Why should she take her shot when Hoff tells her to? Give Crystal some credit for christ’s sake. COACH I’ll give her a lot more then credit. Putting my mac down! Ha-ha.

(RETURN FROM BREAK) *The AngleTron is shown with the HeldDown logo on it and then the cameras pan to the left of the entrance way to show Jim Cornette standing infront of a metal backstop (the kinds you would see at a Little League field). A sign hangs from the steel mesh that reads “The Louisville Slugger”.* Jim Cornette: Last week I brought you the OAOAST Champion Axel in the return of the Louisville Slugger, but this week I have an even bigger guest. He’s the man that put Calvin down and out at Anglemania and this Sunday at Living Angelously he’ll be the one to finally strip that piece of filth Leon Rodez of the X-Title. So ladies and gentleman, its both my honor and pleasure to bring to you…The 70s Dude! *The house-lights dim and are replaced with colored strobes as Jim Cornette points to the entrance way with his tennis racket. KC & The Sunshine Band fill the arena with their hit “Boogie Man” and its pretty obvious the fans aren’t nearly as happy to see this week’s guest as they were to see last week’s. A loud chorus of boos almost drowns out the music and as The 70s Dude makes his way out to greet the Southern Crowd an old Moonshine Jug with the three Xs on the front lands near his feet and shatters. The 70s Dude makes his way over to the little set while the music dies down and the lights return to normal* Cornette: Let me just say that it’s a shame its taken this long to get the hottest rookie in the OAOAST since Drek Stone onto The Louisville Slugger. *The Dude smiles and the fans boo even louder at the mention of Drek Stone, even though he hasn’t been seen since AngleMania* 70s Dude: The Dude knows that we’ve both had schedule problems, what with you managing the greatest Tag Team ever to hit the scene in The New New Midnight Express and The Dude sending washed-up has-beens back home where they should have been all along. *The people in attendance start a mixed cheer of “CoD and Leon” in the direction of Cornette and The 70s Dude* Cornette: That’s true and after this Sunday things will be a lot more hectic when you grab the X-Title and The New New Midnight Express take the tag titles from those jezebels. *The fans drop the Leon chant for a second and all join in to chant “CoD”* Cornette: Anyways, earlier tonight we heard that you’ll be competing in the first ever Last Man Dancing match. With such a unique type of match I gotta know…how do you prepare for something like this? The 70s Dude: When you’re as good as The Dude and they come to you with something like this you don’t gotta prepare. See if there’s one thing The Dude is better at than wrestling, its dancing. I’ve proved since coming here that I aint no wallflower and this Sunday that’s not about to change. See Leon, there’s a difference between you and me. While the women you have sex with one camera have to be paid, the women The Dude ends up with set that camcorder up and beg The Dude to be their star. Same goes for wrestling. They had to shell out millions to get those bums out of retirement to dance with you at AngleMania because nobody here wanted to, The Dude on the other hand…he had Calvin begging to dance with him the whole time. This Sunday though you’ll find there aint no joy in dancing with The Dude cause ya see I’m not only gonna be The Last Man Dancing…I’m gonna be the last man you get the chance of defending that X-Title against, oh! Have mercy… *the fans boo loudly some more and try to drown out Boogie Man with a chant for Leon as it once again hits the sound system. Cornette shakes The 70s Dude’s hand and the two share a smile and some private words as HeldDown goes to commercial.* (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) We cut to the backstage area (whatever that is), where Mean Gene Okerlund, official correspondent for lower level tag teams, stands by with Hell's Hitmen. The Hitmen are, somewhat unusually, both wearing tuxedos, although the Sadist is chewing on his cummerbund. GENE Gentlemen, you've requested this time to give us your thoughts. Please, go right ahead. JINGUS Last week, we signed a contract to meet the Love Doctors at Living Angleously. We also put a test to the good Doctors, which they passed. Unfortunately for them, however, we've since spoken to the HIYAH title commitee. Frankly, they don't want the Docs as champs. We're over, in Japan, Mean Gene. We have fan clubs, groupies - Sadist is even going to be in a movie out there. He'll play a sensitive, caring accountant who gets hit with radiation and has to fight Godzilla. Sadist nods in approval and starts to hit himself in the back of the head, grinning. JINGUS Yes. So we spoke to the HIYAH commitee. They agree that if the match must go ahead, there should be stipulations. Namely - that in the title match at Living Angleously, Hell's Hitmen will not be able to be disqualified. It will be a no DQ match....for us. GENE You mean...just for you? JINGUS (laughing menacingly)You got it, Gene. The Docs WILL be able to be disqualified. GENE That hardly seems fair- The Devilman grabs Gene by the throat and slams him against the wall, putting his masked face just inches from Okerlund's. Gene starts to sweat and cry, and possibly excrete other bodily fluids too. We won't go there. JINGUS Fair? Oh...Gene...was it fair that we had to defend the titles against those losers in the pre-game at Anglemania? Was it fair we had to go through that charade last week? Is it fair that these stupid quacks keep chasing us, week after week? Is it? Is it?! The Devilman is almost screaming by the end of his speech. Gene has fainted. JINGUS drops him to the floor and turns to camera. JINGUS Docs, now you know the score. At Living Angelously, we will finally rid ourselves of your irritating presence. If you're wise, you'll drop out of the match now. If not...(shrugs)...we'll see you in Hell. (BACK TO DA SC) COACH BOOOYAH! That's the stuff right there! The big HH making things happen. Gotta love it! Living Angelously in Los Angeles, Cali this Sunday! Don't miss it! I won't! CABOOSE Wrestling nerd. "Sexy Boy" hits and Some Guy comes through the curtain on crutches to a big pop. Some Guy hobbles down to the ring and grabs the mic. SG: I said on the night I returned that I would explain where I had been. I have to admit that I really had no intention on doing so, at least not honestly. But, for those of you who watched HeldDOWN last week, you all know where I've been. So, let me tell you the whole story. In 2003, I came back to the OAOAST after about a year's absence. I have no real interest in bringing up my reasons for leaving that time. It's all water under the bridge and amends have been made with the posers that be. That said, after I returned I had a PPV match with Superstar, followed by a few with Anglesault, and then went on to a match with Popick. During my feud with AS he injured my ankle pretty badly and as a result I had to favor that leg as I continued to work a full schedule, causing more stress on my left leg, my knee in particular. I went into the match with Popick with an injured knee and left that match pretty much crippled. I had a torn MCL and ACL, as well as cartilage damaged. Needless to say that required major reconstructive knee surgery. I never mentioned the knee injury going into the match with Popick because I don't make excuses. I'm too proud a man to give myself a built in excuse for losing and I'm not stupid enough to put a bull's-eye on my knee that I knew Popick would exploit. So I kept my mouth shut, I went into the match and I lost to the better man that night. No excuses, no bullshit. I lost. But, as I said I lost more than just that match, I lost the ability to walk for months while my knee healed. The only people who I told were the three guys I thought I could trust. I told Zack, Caboose, and CWM. The reason I didn't tell the fans was because I felt like a failure for losing and for not being able to perform for you. I was too proud to admit my weakness and I quit. I sat at home for months and months stewing over my loss, whining about my knee, and basically being a miserable son of a bitch and lost my pride in myself. I got way out of shape and slacked off on my rehab. Then I had a revelation. I finally realized that the only way I could restore my pride was to return and prove to myself that I can succeed in this business again. I was training hard to return and then I saw my opportunity. I saw CWM turn on Zack. I wasn't so much angry as I was disappointed. I was the guy who helped CWM though a lot of tough times in his life and he repays me by turning on my friend, he turned on a man who I have unlimited respect for. So at Anglemania we had the 6 man and we won, then I had a tag match with Zack and we won. My knee was feeling great and everything was cool. My pride was restored and I, for the first time in two years felt like a man again. Then CWM made the challenge. I knew how dangerous he is, I knew that he knew about my bad knee. But I still thought that he was the same guy who I used to drink beers with and that there he wouldn't go after me like he did. Hope and pride got in the way of common sense. I hoped that all I would have to do is to beat him up a little bit and that he's come to his senses. I was wrong. And I was too proud to back away from the challenge; I was so sure of myself that I thought I could change you. I was wrong. CWM, you robbed me of my trust and you robbed me of my pride. Now you see me walking around with these crutches a beaten man. I'm sure that makes you smile. The doctors say I need surgery and (SG's voice starts to break a little) I might never be able to come back again. I'm sure that makes your sick ass even happier. If I never get to wrestle again, I'm damn sure going out in a blaze of glory! ::Tosses the crutches:: CWM, this Sunday at Living Angleously I want my revenge! CWM this Sunday in Los Angeles I want my pride back. This Sunday I want you in the ring! This Sunday I promise you, David that I will be the LAST MAN STANDING! CWM walks through the curtain and stops at the top of the ramp. SG: Come on MOTHERFUCKER! CWM just smirks and walks away. (GO TO BREAK)

Michael Cole has an AngleMania IV DVD in his possession. COLE Fans, be sure to log onto OAOAST.com and pick up the 3-disc special edition AngleMania IV DVD, or for those who still stuck in the 20th century, on VHS, though you won't be any of the cool DVD extras. COACH Like behind the scenes footage, post-match interviews, video packages -- all 3 of them! -- the making of "This is AngleMania," the Show Before the Show, and the biggest one of them all...MATCH COMMENTARY! That's right, match commentary for all AngleMania matches! CABOOSE Wow. That all sounds great guys, but with such great features the price must be out of this world. COLE On the contrary. Fans, all this can be yours for only $19.95 INCLUDING shipping and handling. COACH Only $19.95? What a bargain! COLE And if you call within the next 10 minutes, we'll even throw in a free t-shirt and poster! CABOOSE No way! All that for just $19.95? COLE You got it. COACH & CABOOSE I want one today. CABOOSE Give me you credit card, Cole. COLE I will do no such... (looking ahead) Oh, great. We cut to the aisleway and see the NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS without Jim Cornette making their way to SOFA CENTRAL~! Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned are wearing casual attire instead of their normal ring gear, with Ned going shirtless to show off his physique. COLE I assume this is about the tape. NED Tape?! What tape? Simon, do you know about some tape? SIMON Not at all. (looks back and sees nobody) Mr. Invisible Man, do you know about some tape. Silence. Simon sighs. COLE I think you gentlemen know what tape I'm talking about. "Weekend at Neddy's"? And where's Jim Cornette? SIMOM Jimmy felt a burning sensenation when he urinated, so he went to see the doctor. NED You've already aired the tape?! That's private property! My property! Stolen property! (placing hands on head) How much of it aired? COLE All of it. The Sk8ter Boiz did a fine job cutting the footage together, I tell you that. CORNETTE The Sk8ter Boiz? What do the Nerdlys have to do with the tape? COLE They produced it for C.O.D. NED Those morons are so stupid, it takes them 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. But what boggles my mind is how this taped made it to air. It's stolen property! Jimmy's staff of legal eagles sent a count order to Josie Baker informing her a judge ordered an injunction to prevent the video from airing. Aren't there any people with brains at OAOAST Headquaters? COLE Your legal team sent it to the wrong person, because Josie is on vacation. She wasn't even in the United States. You should have sent that letter to Jasmine. NED How many bosses does this stinkin' company have? Jimmy's legal team sent the papers to OAOAST Headquaters. Somebody should have gotten it! COLE Nobody did. What do you want me to do? SIMON It appears Krista found out about the contract Alix signed. This is payback. COLE Contract? What contract? NED Simon's right. Krista played dirty by using my beautiful daughter, Mayo... COLE Maya. NED (grabs Cole by the collar) Don't you think I know the name of my own flesh and blood better than you do? So shut up and hold the mic, metrosexual whore. As I was saying, Krista used my daughter Maya as an excuse from having to wrestle the New New Midnight Express for the Tag Team Titles. Nobody can pull a fast one over Jim Cornette Enterprises. That paper that twit Alix signed last week was a legal document granting us a World Tag Team Title match at Living Angleously in my hometown of Los Angeles, California. But it gets better, right, Simon? SIMON Oh, it gets better. In addition to the title match Sunday night, the contract also states should C.O.D. lose -- and they will -- then they'll never receive another shot at the belts as long as the New New Midnight Express are champions. That means...in 24 hours. Not! That means never. Simon laughs. NED It's times like this I kinda feel sorry for Krista. Then I remember what kind of a deadbeat parent she is -- the real deadbeat parent. COLE How could you? How could you take advantage Alix. SIMON It's not our fault Alix killed her brain by sniffing glue. That oughta be a message to all the kids out there. NED J.C.E. take advantage of the simple-minded because we can, man. It's like Jimmy told me when we concocted this plan, Alix is so stupid, mind readers charge her half price. Krista is stupid because she "forgot" to tell me she wasn't on the pill. But I've come to terms with it, Micah. COLE Michael. NED No, Ned. Even if she was on the pill, the Ned man's sperm would of broke the walls down. Those eggs would of seen how well-built, how perfect, how big and straight Dick Johnson's spit was, they would of fallen on their backs and let me through. (laughs) We'll run C.O.D. out of the OAOAST at Living Angelously. The New New Midnight Express exit SOFA CENTRAL~! to boos. Michael Cole watches on in disgust as we... pan backstage, where Hoff is surrounded by a mob of kids. The kids keep handing pieces of paper and their official OAOAST programs to the big man, which he signs, smiling. To his right, boobilicious reporter Jackie Gayda hangs off of his shoulder, smiling like a goon.:: KID My name's Timmy! HOFF (signing) All right, Timmy...there you go. KID Thanks!! LITTLE GIRL Hi Hoff! You're my favorite!! HOFF Aw, well thank you. What's your name? LITTLE GIRL Jennifer! Hoff takes her program and signs it, then hands it back to her. HOFF All right, Jenny. There you go. Welcome to the future. JENNY Yay!!! PARENT OR LEGAL GUARDIAN Okay, guys, Hoff's got some things to take care of now. Time to go. KIDS AWWW! SUPERVISING ADULT Thanks again, Mr. Hoff. HOFF No problem. You and the kids come back anytime. The group leader leads the smiling throng of children away. JACKIE Aww, Hoff, that was so sweet of you. Hoff turns to Jackie, putting a hand on her waist. HOFF Well, you know, Jackie...I can be VERY sweet...but I can also be.... Hoff runs a hand down Jackie's cheek. HOFF Rough... Jackie SWOONS~ JACKIE Hoff...I'd really like to-- AIEEEEEE!! Miss Jackie squeals as GUNNER SHARPS, bad ankle and all, clips Hoff from behind, interrupting the mindless flirting! Crystal is right behind chair in hand. She rams the chair in Hoff’s knee a couple of times before getting down to Hoff’s level and screaming in his face CRYSTAL I always live up to my promises Hoff! She grabs the chair and wraps in around Hoff’s once injured knee and stomps on it until Hoff is screaming in pain. CRYSTAL Don’t you understand Hoff? You can have your pride and appreciation from the fans, but I’ll keep my intelligence and success! Officials come in and surround Hoff, keeping away Crystal and Gunner from him. As Hoff screams in pain, Crystal and Gunner laugh while walking away. HOFF That little.... COACH When we come back, Jim Cornette and The Dude get funky! (GO TO BREAK)

(RETURN FROM BREAK) Josh Matthews, minus his Anglemania Baseball jersey, plus an ultra stylish red Lacoste shirt and khaki pants is backstage with the tag team champions, Chicks Over Dicks. JOSH Ladies, ladies, ladies, the master of the Mathillennium, Josh “J.Math” Matthews, the stone cold pimp of the nation, here to do you the honor of interviewing you on this fine Thursday night. Girls, I know you said I was your favorite journalist, but please, try to keep your emotions and sexual desires in check and let’s conduct a respectable interview in the presence of the man. Josh busts out a super arrogant pose. KRISTA Josh, your fly is undone. ALIX And your dinger is hanging out! JOSH Shit! Flushed with embarrassment, J.Math does his zipper. JOSH Okay, I understand you have an interesting piece of footage to show us. Care to set it up? KRISTA As you may well know, the OAOAST his a film division. Although that’s a venture destined to be about as successful as the Emperor of Death tourney, Al and I still went ahead and told Cowboy Bill Watts, who someone stupidly placed in charge of said film division, we wanted to make a movie. He told us “sorry girls, you’d be better off going to Vivid Video!” And we said, “not that type of movie, you braindead redneck buffoon.” We wanted to make a documentary. Similar to Fahrenheit 9/11, only instead of profiling an intellectually incoherent president of a corrupt country, we’re going to profile a man who voted for him, the intellectually incoherent father of my daughter Maya. Ned Blanchard. ALIX So Billy boy said we should get in contact with those Nerdly guys, The Sk8er Boiz. Krista asked him to repeat what their name was, and he said “Sk8er Boi” and she said “See-ya later, boi!” They weren’t good enough for her. Now he's a superstar slamming on his gutair! Anywho, I guess Marvin and Mel must’ve run that Boston Marathon or whatever, because when I called them about the movie they were breathing really heavy! And I think they were mad at each other, because there was this weird sound like they were in a slap fight! Anyway, they said they’d direct and produce it for us and I was like, okie dokie artichokey! Here’s the finished product! JOSH Roll it! A NERDLY BROTHERS FILM WEEKEND AT NEDDY'S We see what can only be described as the ultimate bachelor pad. The beach front home located near the OAOAST headquarters in beautiful Malibu, California is estimated at being worth a cool six million dollars. What wrestler could afford such lavish accommodations? Who else but "Narcissistic" Ned Blanchard? With an imposing view of the Pacific Ocean creating a gorgeous setting in the distance, Ned and Alix Spezia are doing yoga in the exquisitely decorated living room. Although Alix seems more interested in the ocean than from Ned himself, as she looks dreamily through the plexiglas sliding doors to the cool current of the beautiful water. NED Alix, I don't think I'm doing this right. Alix turns to Ned, who is twisted up like a pretzel. She grabs a white towel nearby and wipes the beads of sweat off Ned's forehead. ALIX (laughs, wiping) You've turned into a salty pretzel. NED I'm not in a mood for jokes. Getting stabbed with a fork was much easier compared to this. Now face-to-face with Ned, Alix untangles him. Ned, unable to resist his carnal urges, makes his move and kisses her on her bright red lips. NED Now, I think this is right. The Handsome Hustler wraps his arms around Alix’s much smaller body and brings her closer in. Sweat still rolling of his beefcake body, he plants soft kisses on her neck, then nibbles on her left ear. Alix looks out the window, becoming more and more uncomfortable as Ned starts rubbing the inside of her quivering thigh. * DING DING * The Doorbell, which is set to the tune of “Let’s Get it on” by Marvin Gaye, RINGS. Muttering under his breath, Ned stops his conquest of Alix. She sits up, half disappointed, half relieved. NED God bless America! Who the hell can that be? ALIX I don't know. Simon or Jamie? NED Believe me, it's not them. * DING DING * DING DING * DING DING * NED Hold on, you inpatient sonofabitch! I'm about to score! (to Alix) Uh, think of us as Fred and Wilma, because soon we'll be in Bedrock. I'll be right back. Ned walks a couple of feet to the door and looks through the peep hole. NED Who is it? MAN (Off Screen) (deep Latino voice) Pizza man. In the background, Alix looks down and mouths "Pizza man?" NED I didn't order any pizza. Is “pizza man” slang for “dealer”? (to Alix) Do you know what's going on? ALIX (slaps self on forehead) Heh-heh. Stupid me. I completely forgot. I ordered pizza. NED I thought you purged your food? ALIX Ummmers..... NED Besides, how the hell did you find time to call-in when I've been with you the whole time. ALIX (shrugging shoulders) Um... PIZZA MAN (O.S.) She did it before she came here. Since it's been more than 30 minutes, the pizza's free. Sorry about that. NED What kind of pizza is it? PIZZA MAN (O.S.) How the hell am I supposed to know, Don Juan? It's full of fat and grease. NED Watch your mouth with me, buddy! One call to immigration and I’ve got you and your sixteen sisters and brothers on a truck back to Mexico! With a body like mine, I have to be careful with what I eat. I’d hate to become a male Kristie Alley. Jesus Christ, can you believe they replaced Shelly Long on Cheers with that hippo, skippo? But I suppose it doesn't hurt to treat my sexy self every once and a while. (rubbing himself) Isn't that right, baby? Oh, that's right. You like that, don't you? Yeah, you like being touched. Oh? What’s that? You’ve been naughty. Very naughty. You need a spanking, you nasty little whore. PIZZA MAN (O.S.) Yo, holmes, I got business to conduct, ese. Makin’ dem ends! So open the door. Ned opens the door, takes a look at the pizza man (who we never see), then quickly shuts the door, hiding behind it. Alix looks concerned. NED Oh my God! ALIX What? What is it? NED I'm....becoming...a....homo. ALIX Say what? NED The pizza dude's hot. And I mean hot with two "t's." Smooth skin. Sexy, cat-like eyes. You bitch! We weren’t doing yoga! You did a lesbian sacrifice! You passed that spirit of a queer onto me. PIZZA MAN (O.S.) You want the pizza or not? ALIX (shouting) Yes. Just hold on a minute. I'm witnessing an apparent conversion to homosexuality. PIZZA MAN (O.S.) WHAT?! BOOM! Pizza Man kicks door opening, knocking Ned to the ground. He gets up and is BASHED ACROSS THE HEAD WITH THE PIZZA BOX! Ned falls to the floor, the Pizza Man diving on top of him, removing his cap and goatee. He reveals himself to be..... KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN, the mother of Ned's adorable child, Maya, and co-holder of the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship along with "partner" Alix Spezia. The camera becomes blurry, simulating a woozy effect. Or maybe the camera man hit Alix’s stash. NED Damn, you kinda look like my kid's mother. KRISTA Because I am, dipsh-- We hear the sound of Ned gagging as Krista chokes him, while Alix kicks him in the ribs. NED (gagging) Thank you, Jesus! I'm no homo. I got wood from a woman. Score one for the Ned man. Hell, yeah! *cough* *cough* Time for my first ever foray into the kinky world of femdom! Don’t go easy on me, girls! ALIX Um, are we supposed to be looking for something? KRISTA (punching Ned; spit flying out of her mouth) No. We're just here so I can get some revenge on Ned for tricking you into signing that contract for a tag title match Living Angelously, and for telling me he doesn’t need a condom because he can pull out. ALIX But it's a cool place. Can't we stay around for a while? He’s got this pen where when you click it, this chick takes off her clothes! You don’t even have to slip something into her drink like I have to do with you. WHOOSH! That’s the foreboding sound of a sliding door opening . SARCASTIC SIMON & JIM CORNETTE (yes, with tennis racket) comes from out of nowhere and chase after C.O.D. James E., face adorned with fiendish fury, takes a big cut at Alix's head but she ducks and he swings and misses. The bubbly burnette whips him off the plexiglass doors to the outside. For some insanely stupid reason, Cornette actually runs back at her and she TAKES HIM DOWN HEAD-FIRST INTO NED'S GROIN WITH A DROP TOEHOLD. Ned lets out a blood curdling scream, as he tries to remove Corny’s face from his bruised balls. Meanwhile, Krista BACKDROPS a charging Sarcastic Simon ONTO A GLASS TABLE. The glass cracks, but doesn’t break, while Simon’s body bends in an awkwardly disgusting fashion over it. Alix tosses Cornette's racket to Krista. The girls women wait for Ned to rise back to his feet. WHAP! Alix SLAPS him. POW! Krista hits him upside the head with the racket, then hits the SWEETEST THING (Reverse Facebuster) on the marble tiled kitchen floor, which isn't too far away from the living room. ALIX (pointing to a room that opened up during the fracas.) Look, Krissy. A room! KRISTA Wow. Shocking. I’d never expect in a million years for there to be a room inside a house. ALIX Not just any room, a hidden room! Alix sprints through the China cabinet that's split open in order to enter the room, Krista chugs along behind her. The picture turns black and white, as we're now using video from the security camera in the room. This is what the Batcave would look like if Batman decided to turn it into a sex cave: It’s dark, dingy, smells like a rotting corpse and the floors are sticky and crawl with vermin. Empty bottles of baby oil are piled up in a corner. The trash cans overflow with used tissues and the stuck together pages of special edition OAOAST Diva magazines. A giant poster of Ned, his shaft covered only by a sock, naked women at his feet, groping his legs, hangs in the center of the room. All over the place are porn videos, BUTT plugs, anal beads, Murder She Wrote DVD’s, etc. ALIX (picking up a pair of anal beads) Look, Krista! Pretty necklace! Just like the one you gave me for my birthday. KRISTA (swatting the string of thick round balls out of Al’s hand) PUT THAT DOWN! C.O.D. walk past several rows of shelves with tapes: A box set marked "PARIS HILTON," others marked MANDY, SANDY, BAMBI, BILL MURRAY, and even KRISTA. ALIX Sex tapes! And you're one of the stars! Can we take it home, Kris? Huh, can we? Huh? Please say yes. Can we? Please. Don't make me beg. Pretty please with eighty billion cherries on top! KRISTA Shut up. Hold onto it. No longer will I give Ned the satisfaction of jerking off to me. They stop near a dozen or so plasma TVs hooked up to DVDs and VCRs. Krista presses the EJECT button on the VCR, which Ned renamed "Ejaculate," and a tape pops out labeled "ALIX." Obviously he didn't have the chance to film that encounter. ALIX Oh poopie! I coulda been a boner-fide star. KRISTA You mean bonafide star. At least I hope you do.... ALIX I coulda been somebody. You're lucky. You got to be the star in a major production. I just got left out in the cold. (looks straight into security camera) But we still have the gold. Yay! The credits roll as "Let’s Get It" On plays. EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS Krista Isadora Duncan & Alix Spezia EDITED & DIRECTED BY The Nerdly Brothers (Cut back to Sofa Central) COLE Wow…that movie was somethin’, eh? COACH You got that right! And it looks like the action isn’t stopping…our next match is in the ring! (We cut to a shot of the ring, as we see Tom Goran and another plain prelim wrestler in the ring in separate corners) BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall with a ten minute time limit… All of a sudden, we see a blur run across the ring floor briefly before sliding into the ring and tackling Tom Goran! COLE What the hell…? The other prelim guy tackles the nameless person as he’s trying to get his licks in on Goran. The nameless person knees the prelim wrestler in the nuts to get him off, as the camera goes to a wide shot…and the nameless person is revealed to be SLY SOMMERS! COACH What the fuckin’ hell? CABOOSE This isn’t supposed to be happening….he doesn’t even work here anymore! Right then, most of the locker room, both face and heel, clears! Sly tries making a break for it, but gets cut off when Axel grabs him by the ankle and drags him back into the ring! The crowd’s going bananas, as Axel, Zack Malibu, PRL, Hoff, and an assorted cast of others start dog-piling on Sly, trying to get their licks in. Sly sneaks his head out for a second, showing that he’s already been busted open! COLE This is a chaotic scene…I have no clue what’s going on! Right as Sly peeks his head out, Axel rushes by and punts him right in the jaw, as you can almost hear Sly’s jaw break! Sly’s body goes limp, as we have about twenty guys in the ring, all laying waste to him! CABOOSE Um…I can honestly tell all of you “smart” fans out there that there’s some stuff out there that isn’t all a “work”, and this…they ain’t doin’ business anymore! COLE Can we cut to a commercial break? PLEASE? Hoff and Tony Brannigan pull Sly up from the mat and stand him up before those two, Crystal, and CWM lift him off of the ground and toss him out of the ring! Hoff takes the time to spit on Sly’s unconscious, bloody carcass, as the security crew come out, handcuff Sommers, and carry him out of the building… COLE What? Commercials? Good! COMMERCIAL BREAK (Cut to Sofa Central) COLE Um…we’re not really going to mention what happened before the commercial break since, well, it doesn’t really concern any of you viewers, and that piece of shit is no longer employed here. So, let’s get on with the show, shall we? COACH Sly Sommers is lower then filth!

*cameras take us to the back where we see Leon Rodez leaving Josie’s office. Before closing the door he lets both Jasmine and Josie know to contact him if they need him for ANYTHING at all. Leon goes to make his way back to his locker room but is interrupted by Jackie Gayden with microphone in hand.* Jackie: Leon, care to comment on what you were just doing in Josie’s office? Leon: Well usually I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I just got through hammering out the final details for my match with The 70s Dude this Sunday for Living Angleously. *a cheer from the fans can be heard all the way in the back* Leon: This isn’t going to be your run of the mill match though Jackie. The 70s Dude wanted to step into my world but I want to make it fair for him, so I’m going to walk into his world. This Sunday the OAOAST will see its first ever “Last Man Dancing” match! *Jackie looks at Leon in confusion* Leon: Lemme explain cutie-pie. While the match won’t be at the Staples Center it will be by the near-by Whiskey-A-Go-Go. The same concert/dance venue made famous by bands like The Doors, Jefferson Airplane, KC & The Sunshine Band, and many more. The rules are simple; There are no pins, there are no submissions, and there are no disqualifications. The match doesn't end until one person is counted down for a ten count and their opponent dances over them. *The fans cheer once again at the amazingly innovative and original match while Jackie now seems to be hypnotized by Leon’s physique.* Leon: So 70s Dude you best get ready, because this Sunday I plan on being your Boogie Man. Now Jackie, how bout you join me in the locker room and I show you why they call me “Silky Smooth”? *Jackie bites her bottom lip lightly and the camera zooms out to show us we were actually watching the segment on a TV screen the whole time. The camera zooms out further and we see The 70s Dude was watching the whole thing.* COLE Can you believe that? A match at the Whiskey-A-Go-Go on Sunset in West Hollywood! Myself, I’m more of a Viper Room kind of guy. COACH Please. Your Friday nights are spent alone, crying into a pillow after another viewing of Bridget Jones Diary. Biaaaaaatch! CABOOSE The truth hurts. When we return, Jumbo’ll be in action. You don’t want to miss this. Unless you hate Jumbo. Then you do want to miss this. If you’re indifferent to Jumbo’s existence, then watch anyway. (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) CUE: Dirty Deeds by AC/DC BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 330 pounds, this is JUMBOOOOOOO. “BOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Welcome back to HeldDown everybody. As we get set for our next match, Peter Knight joins Caboose and I at the announce position. Welcome back to the OaOast, PK. KNIGHT Thank you. CABOOSE I told Coach to bugger off and get me some nachos. I swear Knight, if you use the phrase “MUH BABY GURRRRRL~!” “HOLLA!” or say how much the “chicks dig you”, I’m jabbing this pen in my eye. CUE: Punishment by Biohazard “YEAHHHHHH!!!!!” BUFFER His opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Rick Heyross, is from Victoria, Minnesota, weighing in at 320 pounds. He is the Current Big Thing, Brrrrrrroooooooock Ausssssssssstiiiiiiin!!!! COLE I’m being told that, much like you did last week, Brock requested to face Jumbo tonight. These two squared off previously about a month ago, with Brock ending up victorious. Might this be a bit of one-uppsmanship on Brock’s part? Brock steps into the ring and walks around, flexing his neck to get ready. He spots PK sitting at Sofa Central and goes over to the ropes to stare at him. KNIGHT (pointing to Jumbo) Focus on him, not me. Him. You’ll get the chance soon. Jumbo, seeing Brock distracted charges at him and clubs him in the back. The ref quickly calls for the bell to start the match. *DING DING* Jumbo continues clubbing Brock’s neck and back and goes to shoot him off the ropes, but Brock reverses the momentum, sending Jumbo into the ropes and sending him to the mat with a big (in impact, not elevation) back body drop. Brock measures Jumbo and *BAM* drops a knee across his throat, holding it there. COLE So PK, why did you decide to return to the OaOast? I don’t think anyone has asked yet. KNIGHT It was simple, Cole. When I made that one night appearance with Parka a few months ago, I remembered how much I liked being here. I’ve actually been thinking about coming back for a few months now, and Prince Killings’ comments dumping all over this business was the final straw. I wanted to face Prince at Anglemania, but Brock got the shot instead, so I decided to help myself to the leftovers. Brock drags Jumbo to his feet and grabs him in a bearhug, throwing him over in a belly to back suplex. Brock quickly drags Jumbo to his feet again and delivers another before laying into him with some hard stomps to the back and head. He sends Jumbo off the ropes again and charges at him with a hard, hard clothesline, the *SMACK* of his arm connecting with Jumbo sending him hard to the mat. COLE Brock seems a bit more intense than usual tonight. CABOOSE He’s pissed off, and that’s not good for Jumbo just like it won’t be good for you Knight when Brock gets his hands on you. KNIGHT I think I’ll be able to handle myself. I’ve faced guys as big and mean as him in the cage, and I know of a few things that can slow them down. I can make Brock quit, and you can take it to the bank. Brock takes Jumbo and sends him out of the ring in front of the announcers and Knight. Brock backs Jumbo into the apron and, after staring at Knight for a second, drives his knee hard into Jumbo’s gut. Brock turns again and walks towards the announce position, with Knight rising out of his chair to go face to face. KNIGHT Anytime, big boy. Bring it anytime you want. Brock rolls Jumbo back into the ring and whips him into the corner. He squats down, looking like a bull ready to charge and runs towards Jumbo. *SMACK* Spearing Jumbo back into the corner. Jumbo screams in pain and grabs his back stepping away from the corner only *SMACK* for Brock to ram him into it again. Brock muscles Jumbo onto his shoulders and walks towards the direction of Knight. Brock looks at Knight and says “You’re mine!” before spinning Jumbo around and driving him to the mat with the F-Stunner-5. He puts one hand on Jumbo’s chest while pointing at Knight with the other as the ref counts. 1… 2…. 3. CUE: Punishment *DING DING* BUFFER Here is your winner, Brooooooooock Aussssssstiiiiiin!!! COLE Wow, Brock didn’t waste any time here at all. He seems to…..now wait a minute, Pete. Knight rises and removes his headset as Brock starts to yap at him again. Cole tries to diffuse the situation, but PK completely ignores him, firing a verbal volley back at Brock. Brock backs from the ropes and waves his hands in a “come on” gesture and Knight takes him up on it, climbing onto the apron and into the ring. COLE We’ve got an explosive situation on our hands, ladies and gentlemen. CABOOSE Explosive my arse; someone get Popick in there for them to beat on to warm up. The two men go nose to nose, trading insults and barbs. Rick tries to step in between to break up the argument, but is roughly shoved aside by Knight, which earns him a shove from Brock. PK reciprocates. CABOOSE I hope my TiVo is working. “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Brock screams and flies at Knight, tackling him down and peppering him with fists with the crowd becoming rabid. PK doesn’t sit and take it however and rolls into the dominant position (ew), slugging away on Brock. They roll around and brawl like that for a few moments and officials rush to the ring to try and break it up….but the lights suddenly goes out. COLE Oh, now what? And a familiar green screen comes up on the video wall. “The following RETURN MESSAGE has been approved for THE OAOAST by the Boise film board” Fade in on a familiar gymnasium, with a familiar figure standing in the middle of a ring, bathed in a white spotlight. PRINCE KILLINGS (voiceover) So, you thought you got rid of me? That I was going to run out of there with my head between my legs? While Prince speaks, quick cuts show him hard at work training. Sparring in the ring, running, lifting weights, etc. PRINCE My time isn’t over yet. You think that YOU were embarrassed? Try having the head of Miramax not return your calls after what happened to me the week after my critically acclaimed debut. I’m still looking for fame and fortune…. The camera pans up Prince’s body, starting at his feet and moving up to his face, which wears a look of anger. KILLINGS …..but now, I’m looking for some payback. The film suddenly becomes very jumpy as the sound of a film projector malfunctioning is heard. The image of Killings suddenly breaks, like a flim being broken, leaving the screen dark. The fans are puzzled at what they just saw, and buzz as the lights come up…… COLE Hey, wait a minute!!!! ….revealing Prince Killings, holding a round metal film canister, standing behind both men in the ring, who have been watching the screen. The crowd’s boos and pointing get their attention, but Prince has the element of surprise on them. *CRACK* he hits Brock with the canister, sending him reeling against the ropes. Quickly he turns to Knight and *CRACK*, nails him with it as well, knocking PK to the mat. He quickly slides out of the ring and backs up the ramp, smiling proudly and holding the now very dented canister in the air while Brock and PK struggle back to their feet. COLE Prince Killings has sent a message to both of these men right here tonight. CABOOSE People just don’t enjoy the privilege of life and full use of their limbs around here, do they? Brock and PK stare at Prince in rage in the ring. Brock goes to step out of the ring, but PK pulls him back, wanting to get at Prince first. Brock pulls him back, and another argument erupts, which leads to yet another brawl. Prince smiles from the stage area as his two enemies tear each other apart in the ring. Officials (and Rick) rush into the ring to pull the two men apart, but have a lot of difficulty in doing so. VOICE All right, I’ve seen enough!!!!! The voice startles everyone, as does the source, which walks out onto the stage. It’s Jasmine Baker, the co-GM of HD, and she’s got a mic in her hand. JASMINE That’s it, I’ve been watching this little show of testosterone, and I’m going to do something to solve this problem. (Points to Brock and PK) You guys want to go at it? The crowd cheers at the prospect and both guys stare at each other. Jasmine then points at Killings. JASMINE And you both want a piece of him? And you Killings, you want payback? All three men nod and yell at each other. JASMINE QUIET!!! (Pointing to each man) You, you, you, Living Angelously, triple threat match!! COLE WOW, whatta announcement mere days before the PPV! Three guys that want to tear each other apart in one ring!! The crowd pops huge at the announcement of the match and both Brock and PK smile at Killings, who is now not looking too sure of himself. Brock and PK notice each other smiling and go face to face again, the smiles now gone. COACH Hey, here’s your hot dog Caboose. What’d I miss? CABOOSE I said NACHOS you moron!! Let’s take a break so Coach can consult with Dr. Fist for a while. COACH But…I’m not sick. Caboose pummels Coach as Cole starts to shill COLE Fans, you be sure to check out the newest episode of my hit comedy Cole’s Bar immediately following HeldDOWN~! My “friend” Ryan gets paid a little visit from his good old boy father, played by the OAOAST’s own That 70's Dude! Hilarious hijinx are what’s on tap at Cole’s Bar. COACH (weeping) My....face! COLE And don’t forget to check out the premier of late-night’s newest program The Chicks Over Dicks Show! Tonight the girls and guest Lil Jon try to solve the eternal mystery of just who took the cookie from the cookie jar. All this on the OAOAST network! We’ll be back with more HD~! (GO TO BREAK)