Patty O'Green

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For reasons I won’t go into here, I don’t exactly have an interest in who posts the PPVs so I feel bad for commenting. But it should tell you all something that Popick’s basically ignored an entire thread with multiple posts devoted to removing him from his PPV posting spot. In addition to that I would think that you all would want someone who actively participates in the OAOAST to post your PPV’s. NYU is someone like that. Popick isn't, unfortunatley. I have nothing against Popick and I understand that he’s busy, but if he’s too busy to even leave a few random posts in the folders here and there, maybe you should try using someone else to post the PPVs. Just something to think about.

Is NYU posting the show or is Popick? I thought NYU's gang of rebels was able to successfully overthrow SJ because no one came to his defense. Including the man himself. Unless you count an outright lie as a method of defense.

Feedback, out of order of course! I’m no whore! PRL if you want to convey someone shouting without giving your caps lock a workout, just do this: PRL (shouting angrily) blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah! without the bold of course. You don’t even have to put the “angrily” part in. The Birmingham Bad Boyz are actually the third tag team KC’s created. We’ve had lots of teams fall by the wayside now that I think about it: Crunk Machine, South Central Militia, The In Crowd Remix, The Tether brothers, Glory by Anarchy, etc. Anyway, these new guys seem like they would be a good feud for GPX. If GPX was actually still around. Eski and Zack did such a good job co-writing the six man match, that their singles match could possibly be the LA match of the night. Sticking with Eski, The HH/Docs thing was cute. Disturbingly cute. Like a serial killer dressed as a Carebear. The comedy potential in a Dude/Rodez feud makes me moist. I actually meant to say that last week. More later. Maybe.

Popick, get in here and protect your neck, dude. They’re killing you.

I don't really give a shit about the belts, but you're joking right? You wrote the match where you won it! At Angleslam, remember. You were so around for it. This was during your whole Intense angle thing.

STAPLES CENTER IN LA!

Someone pick a city. Everything to me by 8:45 PM EST on Thursday so I don't miss Making The Band. I dare you mother fuckers to send me something after 8:45. Pray to god you don't send me shit after 8:45. Pray to god.

I don't know who's posting the show, but they can pick the city of course. They can also pick their nose. ha!

Oh my god, I would never say that. Nor would I ever use a smiley that wasn’t Powerpuff Girl related. And you know this, maaaaaaan.

(RETURN FROM BREAK) Cole Just before the show today we recieved a tape from CWM with instructions to play it now. We have no idea what he's got to say. Caboose He'll probably be whining about losing at Anglemania. Coach Oh Tag yo! Cole Let's roll it... Triple C fades out and is replaced by an image of an empty arena. The ground is littered with garbage and in the background you can see the OAOAST ring crew taking apart the set. The Camera turns away from the ring and focus's on the folding chairs on the arena floor. Sitting in the midst of these chairs with his head lowered as if in shame, is CWM. As the camera approaches CWM raises his head and the camera captures his intense stare. CWM I can't believe it. Anglemania was supposed to be a rebirth for me. I was supposed to destroy Zack Malibu in the 6 man tag. But instead...instead I lost. I LOST! CWM jumps to his feet kicking over the chairs nearest to him. CWM grabs a chair and tosses it at the camera, nearly hitting it. CWM I lost. Zack Malibu, Caboose, and Some Guy hit me with a triple School's Out and I lost. I know all three of them are out partying and gloating right now while I sit here with the taste of ashes in my mouth. Well celebrate while you can! Anglemania was only the beginning! I will destroy you all. CWM grabs the cameraman and tosses him into the folding chairs. He picks up the fallen camera. CWM's face is a throbbing mass of veins and his eyes burn into the camera. CWM And I'm going to start with Some Guy. CWM throws the camera to the ground and the last shot seen is his foot coming down on the camera as he laughs maniacally. We go back to ringside where this awful show is hopefully coming to an end. Oops! By awful, I meant terrible. Wait...I meant awesome. Yeppers! COLE Folks, we’d like to leave you tonight with a look…… CUE: An Ode to Killings “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” COACH Oh great. Killings stomps through the curtain and makes a beeline to the ring, not even acknowledging the boos and catcalls from the fans. He slides into the ring and demands a microphone. KILLINGS So, Ms. Baker, you think you can just disrespect me and leave me hanging for almost two hours? I have some buisiness to take care of with you, and I want it done RIGHT NOW!! So if you want to hide in your office all night, I’m DEMANDING you get your ass out here and give me what I want!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” COLE The nerve of this guy. CABOOSE I’m still keyed up from Sunday so I’ll go in there and take care of him if you want. KILLINGS I am a STAR; I hold all you people in the palm of my hand!! I can make you love me, but it’s much more fun to make all of you hate my damn guts!!! I can…. JOSIE …shut up for once, please! The fans cheer as Josie Baker steps out onto the stage, holding a mic of her own. Killings starts to speak, but Josie holds up her hand. JOSIE You’ve been yapping away for a month now, so it’s my turn to talk. You say you “deserve” a title shot? Deserve, Mr. Killings? Correct me if I’m wrong, and you fans can do the same, but wasn’t your performance against Brock Ausstin at Anglemania among the WORST wrestling performances I’ve ever seen in my LIFE? “YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” KILLINGS (Scoffs) Critics. They never know what they like. I won; I beat a man that everyone around here seems to think is the greatest, so I deserve to reap the rewards. If you’re not going to do that, then I’m going to have to go over your pretty little head missy, and talk to people who can. In the process, I’ll make sure you never work in this town again!!! JOSIE Wow, got any more Hollywood clichés in that noggin of yours? For your information, I DID go to the OaOast offices inquiring about your performance and every single member of the board agreed that you, though they used nicer terms, “sucked ass.” They even suggested that you head over to the Hi-Yah dojo and actually learn how to do this stuff. KILLINGS Spend MORE time with people of your kind? Please. I’d rather work with chimps. JOSIE Suit yourself; just don’t expect to go anywhere until you do so. (Turns to leave, but abruptly turns back) Oh yeah, I forgot. I wanted to apologize for earlier, not letting you into my office and all. I was meeting with someone….someone who asked to meet you specifically, in fact. KILLINGS Oh, another fan? One of those Make a Wish kids I ran into earlier? I’d love to meet him and give the little guy an autograph. If I can make a youngster forget about the agonizing and sudden death that he will soon experience for even a moment, then it’s all worth it. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” The cameras catch the disgusted looks of the fans, but Josie is still smiling. JOSIE So, can he come out here right now? KILLINGS Sure, I’ve got plenty of pens and glossies. JOSIE Ok then. OH!!! I forgot again…..dammed cigarettes. That kid was here to meet Hoff. The guy that wants to see YOU was in my office signing an OaOast contract to make his return to the company. Since you don’t mind, let’s bring him out now. The crowd buzzes, wondering who Josie is talking about. Nothing happens for a few moments until……. CUE: Oh Hell Yeah COACH, COLE and CABOOSE YO~! YEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Peter Knight walks through the curtain to a rabid ovation. Killings wears a look of confusion on his face, having no idea who he is. PK is wearing an Anglemania IV t-shirt and jeans and a military buzz-cut. He’s actually slimmed down a little bit. COACH Man, everyone’s returning lately. I’m waiting for the Camino to pull up behind him. Knight walks up the ring steps and enters the ring. Killings puts his hands up in defense, but Knight just stares at him while the fans chant. “P-K” “P-K” “P-K” “P-K” CABOOSE Hey, Prince Killings……Peter Knight…..PK…..is that a coincidence? Killings prepares for a fight, but Knight remains stoic, leading Prince to drop his guard. The staredown continues…..until Knight lifts his left hand and pulls his thumb across his throat, saying only one word. “Cut.” *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* “YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” Before launching into a flurry of right hands on Prince. He shoots him off the ropes and *CRACK* nails him with a side kick. He quickly pulls him back up by the hair and hooks his head, *BANG* nailing one vertical suplex, *BANG* and another before picking him up for one more, but holding Killings in position until….*BOOM* he drops him forward in a falcon arrow, completing the Roll. He jumps to his feet, waiting for Killings to get to his feet before scooping him up in a fireman’s carry. The fans rise, knowing what is coming. COLE YEAH!!! DO IT!!!! Knight parades around the ring, showing Killings off for every side before pushing him off and…. *WHUMP* Driving him face-first to the mat in a Diamond Cutter position. COLE KNIGHTMARE!!!! KNIGHTMARE!!!! PK IS BACK!!!! COACH And he just showed Prince Killings what dissing this business gets you. CABOOSE Hey, even I’m marking out a little bit inside. Knight jumps to his feet and raises his arms as Oh Hell Yeah comes back on. The flashbulbs pop as Knight poses over Prince’s fallen body and we fade to black.

HeldDOWN is presented by OAOAST Entertainment. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* OAOAST HeldDOWN~! LaLa plays and 35 year old virgins across the world rejoice as their favorite play fighting show is officially on the air. The opening video, which used to feature Drek Stone, but now prominently displays new champ Axel, plays and then we see the logo I made in three minutes. Or less. Then we see the British flag, which I don’t have a picture of but I do have a naked picture of myself if anyone would like to see it. FIREWORKS GALORE! The camera travels around the arena, picking up lots and lots of Axel signs. Bandwagon fans! A lot of people are holding signs with the English flag drawn on. You know, just in case we don’t pick up on where we are after the announcers mention it FIFTY BILLION TIMES! I don’t want anybody else, when I think about Triple C I touch myself. COLE Welcome to OAOAST HeldDown! We are four days removed from AngleMania Four, and guys, what an AngleMania it was! COACH Oh definitely Michael Cole, we saw some awesome, awesome matches, and the big news is, we have a NEW OAOAST Champion! CABOOSE I still can’t believe Drek lost. It’s a travesty I tell you! COLE Well believe it Caboose, because we are about to hear from our new Ch… BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHH!!!” The hardcore rock sound of Limp Bizkit’s “Eat You Alive” begins to play, with the crowd popping for the silhouette that appears at the top of the entrance ramp amongst the darkness. The man steps out to reveal the NEW OAOAST CHAMPION, Axel, title belt shining in his right hand, obviously pumped up. The Dark One runs to one side of the top ramp and plays to the crowd, showing them the belt causing them to cheer even louder than they were before. He runs to the other side and gets more of the same positive reaction, before returning to the entrance ramp. Hey you Mrs I don’t know what the fuck your name is I’m drawn to you something’s magnetic here If I could approach you or even get close to the scent that you left behind Id be fine No doubt that (no doubt) you bring out (bring out) the animal inside… I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! COLE Might be a new statement from Axel with “Eat You Alive” by Limp Bizkit playing him to the ring, is he foreshadowing what he is going to do to his opponents? CABOOSE He’s obviously let the title go to his head. Axel makes his way down the HeldDown ramp, slapping the hands of fans before stopping about halfway down. He points to the left side of the crowd, then to the right, then with both hands to the ring, and BOOM! He strikes the Crucifix Pose, causing pyrotechnics to go off on both sides of the ramp. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHH!” BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, THE NEWWWWWWWW OAOAST CHAAAAAAMPION… AAAAAAAAXEEEEEEELLLLL!!!! COACH Man, Axel couldn’t be in a better mood right now, and the fans love every second of this entrance! Axel slides into the ring and runs straight to one of the far corners of the ring, stepping up to the second rope and playing to the crowd, before holding the belt out in the crucifix pose. The timekeeper hands him a microphone, and the music dies down, but the cheers don’t. “AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL!” COLE These fans are showing respect for the new OAOAST Champion! CABOOSE This makes me sick, who would have this guy represent their company? COACH Well Caboose, he proved he was worthy last Sunday night by beating Crystal and then Drek Stone! The fans finally quiet down when Axel brings the microphone to his lips. AXEL Welcome… to my era. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!” AXEL It has begun. I was doubted by some of those in the back that I could even get this far. But I proved my worth on Sunday night when I defeated Drek Stone to become the OAOAST CHAMPION! Axel holds the belt up for all to see once again, eliciting another cheer from the sold out crowd. AXEL When I beat Brock Ausstin, people didn’t believe I was good enough. When I beat CWM, more of the same. The Mad Cappa, Calvin Szechstein, Zack Malibu, Gunner Sharps, Ragdoll, fourteen others in the Lethal Rumble… I started to wonder just what it was going to take to make those people believe that I was good enough to defeat Drek Stone and become OAOAST Champion. Well, I’m standing here, belt in hand, and they’re sitting in the back, with absolutely nothing to show for their efforts. Karma’s a bitch. Axel paces as he continues. AXEL So, I’m out here to say to all those friends I have in the back, to Josie, to Ken, to Austin, to AJ. I’m out here to say to all of them, and all of you fans, simply… thank you. Now you’d better have recorded that, because I don’t say it often. But you guys got me through it all, and I came out the other side with this belt. When my knee was busted up Sunday night, you gave me the energy I needed to win. When I first got here, I entered through the crowd. No, it wasn’t because I was copying another wrestler, and it wasn’t because I couldn’t enter from the back like everyone else. Oh no. I entered through you people because I came from the same places you came, I saw the same things you saw, endured the same hardship. Now I’m not going to give my fans a collective name like some others, and I’m not going to thank you every single night like some others for a cheap pop. I’m going to tell you right here, right now, that I represent the newest generation of OAOAST Superstars, and therefore, I represent all of you. The crowd cheers once again, and Axel gets down to business. AXEL And I know that people may see my victory as a fluke, and I accept that. Champions aren’t made with one fight, one win. Champions are made by the legacy that they leave. Now, people have asked me “Axel, what kind of a champion will you be?” Well, that’s easy. You see, I’m not about to give my friends title shots, I’m not about to pick my challengers from a select group. So, I took it upon myself to issue an open challenge to any member of the locker room earlier this week. Of course, it was first come, first served, so tonight, in this very ring, it will be The New Generation of the OAOAST… versus the old. Tonight, I will go one on one with none other than one half of Black T, Tony Brannigan, for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. COLE Wow! What a Main Event that should be! AXEL Now T-Bod, I gotta say, I respect that you have been here from the start, and that you haven’t had opportunities like this before. But you’d better be ready to face the most dominant force in the OAOAST. I retired Ragdoll, I won the Lethal Rumble and now I am the Champ. The Champ is here. And I’m gonna eat you alive. “Eat You Alive” starts up again, as Axel throws down the microphone, and walks to one of the corners again, climbing the turnbuckle and posing with his belt. He then jumps out of the ring, and slaps a few hands on his way up the ramp. COACH Well, we have our Main Event set for this evening, Axel’s first title defenso against none other than T-Bod, Tony Brannigan! CABOOSE I never thought I’d say this guys, but I’m cheering for Axel tonight against that asshole. COLE Well I’d pay to see that! We’ll be right back on an English edition of HeldDown! COACH What? All our shows are in English. (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) We cut to the backstage area and find a smiling Prince Killings walking through the halls, wearing his signature sunglasses and whistling a happy tune. He abruptly stops when he reaches his destination: the door to GM Josie Baker’s office. He tries the handle, since he doesn’t feel that he has to knock……but finds that it won’t budge. He tries pulling harder, too full of himself to actually believe that the door might be locked for him. Frustrated, he pounds on the door. *BAM BAM BAM* JOSIE (muffled) …..get rid of whoever this is. A click is heard as Josie unlocks the door, but she only opens it enough to poke her head through. She smiles as she sees Killings….but not because she’s happy to see him. JOSIE Oh, Mr. Killings. What a strange coincidence. KILLINGS What does that mean? JOSIE Never mind. What can I do for you? KILLINGS Simple, you saw how impressive I was Sunday night. People LOVED me in there. “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I’ve talked with Eddie, and we agree that it’s about time that I finally got my shot at the title. JOSIE But you only had one ma….. KILLINGS (getting angry) That doesn’t matter! Truthfully, now that I’ve actually been in the ring, against that uncooperative oaf no less, I hate wrestling even more than I ever have! I just want to win the title, get the money, get the publicity and finally get the HELL out of here!! JOSIE (glancing back into her office) Well, I’m busy with someone right now, so we’ll talk later. *SLAM* She slams the door in Prince’s face and clicks it locked once again. Prince’s happy demeanor is no more, as he can’t believe how Josie just treated him. KILLINGS Well I…..you can’t…..I’m……argh. (Yelling) I’ll be in my limo until I start getting treated with the RESPECT I DESERVE AROUND HERE!!!! (He storms off).

The scene opens on Josie Baker's GM office, where Crystal, minus one giant Gunner, stands at the desk. Crystal eyes the lovely general manager with contempt. CRYSTAL Josie, what the hell is this about? JOSIE Just wait one sec, Crys. We're waiting on one more... As if on cue, the door swings open, and Hoff steps in! HOFF Hey, boss, what's happenin'? You see me ripping on Gunner Sharps out...there.... Hoff trails off as he and Crystal eye each other. HOFF Josie, what the hell is this about? Josie stacks some papers on her desk, then leans on her elbows. JOSIE Lady, gentleman, it would seem I'm looking at two losers. Hoff lowers his head as Crystal bristles. CRYSTAL How DARE you call me a-- JOSIE Save it. Crystal looks absolutely offended, but keeps quiet. JOSIE Two losers, yes...but you both impressed the hell out of me at Anglemania. Hoff smiles. Crystal still looks off-put by the earlier remarks, but Josie pays her no mind. JOSIE And, given your histories with Axel, you seem like likely candidates for a World Title shot. Both Hoff and Crystal's heads perk up at this. HOFF Josie, you know I'm the best for the shot-- CRYSTAL Josie you KNOW I deserve it more-- HOFF Do you really want this skank as champion? CRYSTAL SKANK?! Do we really want Barry Bonds here holding the strap? I mean-- HOFF WHAT THE F*** DID YOU JUST SAY? CRYSTAL Oh, you HEARD me, "big man" (Crystal actually does the finger quote thing in the air)!! You've got more juice in you than Rainbow Foods! HOFF Well at least I didn't suck my way up the ladder-- *SLAP* JOSIE ENOUGH!! Hoff holds the side of his face as the two superstars glare at each other. JOSIE Listen, I'm making a match. You two will go one on one at Living Anglelously in a #1 contender's match. The winner will get a shot in May. Is that understood? The two look at each other, then at Josie. HOFF Yeah, I got ya. CRYSTAL Fine. Whatever. JOSIE Good. Now get out of my office. The two stars look each other over, and Hoff opens the door for the Female Phenom. HOFF "Ladies" first (Hoff also does the finger quotes). Crystal walks out the door, shooting daggers at her Living Anglelously opponent, and Hoff follows, closing the door behind him. JOSIE "Barry Bonds"...good lord. Josie, of course is probably a Dodgers fan. From our beautiful GM we go to our not so beautiful head interviewer, J.Math! Josh Matthews is with Jim Cornette and the New New Midnight Express. JOSH I'm here with Jim Cornette and the New New Midnight Express. I think I speak on behalf of everyone who saw AngleMania this past Sunday night when I say what you did to C.O.D. was absolutely reprehensible. SIMON Big words for a little man. CORNETTE You may call it reprehensible, Josh Matthews, I call it sending a message. With C.O.D. successfully defending the World Tag Team Titles at AngleMania, many wrestling fans have begun classifying them as one of the great tag teams. They've beaten the Original Elite. They've beaten Black T. They've beaten Hell's Hitmen. They beat the Global Party XChange at AngleMania. But one team they haven't beat -- and everybody knows it, they just don't wanna admit it -- is the New New Midnight Express. If it weren't for the Heavenly Rockers stealing the New New Midnight Expresses tennis racket, and a last-minute decision to stick me inside a cage like an animal, we would've walked out of Trump Plaza with our hands raised. But it's a different day and a new beginning. Heavenly Rockers, I will get my revenge. It may be tonight, next week, or even a year from now, but come hell or high water, you will regret the day you ever started somethin' with Jim Cornette Enterprises. JOSH Wait just a second, Jim Cornette. Did I hear you say "come hell or high water"? Are...Are you telling me you've recruited-- after what the New New Midnight Express have gone through with them, are you saying you... CORNETTE Read into what you will. I will not confirm or deny my courting of any team. I'm out here to issue a challenge to C.O.D. for a World Tag Team Title shot at Living Angleously. They wanna prove they're one of the greatest teams ever, have them meet the New New Midnight Express. We hear the sound of a door SLAMMING open. The camera pans from the interview position to reveal we're inside the locker room area, where KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN is approaching in a huff, ALIX SPEZIA tailing her, trying to pull her back. Krista passes various heels in the locker room, most notably Black T, before walking up to Narcissistic Ned. WHAP! Ned's head jerks back from the SLAP. He remains calm while Josh, Jim, Simon, and Alix are stunned. KRISTA You bastard! How could you? NED How could I what? KRISTA How could you do that in front of our little girl? The heels in the room murmur. Narcissistic Ned looks around and sees the eyes of everybody inside staring at him. Their mouths open. He lowers his head in embarrassment. NED (sotto) This isn't the place. (gritting his teeth) Besides, why the hell is a 5-year-old watching a TV-14 program? KRISTA She wanted to know what her mommy did while she wasn't with her. So I left her with my parents in Santa Monica so they could watch AngleMania together. NED What a mother you are. I'm sure glad you're not a hooker, that way I won't have to worry about my daughter sitting in the backseat while a stranger pumps her mommy from behind. Krista SLAPS Ned again. KRISTA Screw you Ned! SIMON Since it's come to everybody's attention that Ned is apparently the father of your child, I believe he screwed you. ALIX Hey, shut up. This doesn't have anything to do with you. This is an A B conversation, so like...go away! SIMON Likewise. ALIX Huh? KRISTA (groans) That means you do the same. ALIX Oh. (sticking her tongue out at Simon) Likewise! KRISTA You know, Ned, you haven't changed at all since we last saw each other. Do you know how difficult it is to come to work and see the man who left me when I was 7 months pregnant, after he slept with another woman in my lamaze class? (shoving Ned; he keeps his cool) Huh? Do you, you self-centered bastard?! NED I was curious, that's all. I wanted to know what it felt like to have sex with a pregnant woman. In hindsight, I kinda wish I hadn't because I swear to you I felt the baby's head when Dick Johnson entered the final frontier between man and woman. I don't know if I was going in too deep or what. You should've seen the mother, though. She was screaming like a mad man-- woman, of course. I think I still have her nail scratches imprinted on my shoulders and behind. KRISTA I've spent the last 5 years raising the love of my life, taking care of our beautiful daughter-- the daughter you hardly see. NED Whoa. Let's watch this "our" stuff. KRISTA You goddamn narcissistic son of a bitch! You don't care! You never cared about anything but yourself. NED Now wait just a minute. I pay child support. Don't come out here in front of a national television audience and paint me as some deadbeat dad. KRISTA (her eyes tearing up; with rage) But that's what you are Ned. I had to take you to court to pay up because you wanted to spend a wad of cash on a giant overhead mirror above your bed so you can be the last thing you see before you go to bed, or to watch yourself as some broad is on top of you. Remember when Maya was born? Do you remember what you told me on the cell phone after I had given birth to her? "Take it back." That's what you said. Like I can shove it back in me, or get a refund. NED When a dog stands up, his thing goes back in him. I know. I've seen it. I can also see you brought your "partner" along. (to Alix; licking his thumbs) No, don't tell me. I know what you're thinking: "He must be from Tennessee because he's the only 10 I see." I get that a lot. ALIX (holding up palm of her hand to Ned's face) Talk to the hand, poser, 'cause the retinas don't wanna see it. Mmm-hmm. NED Look, Krista, I know you have the spirit of a lesbian now, but is this the part where we have uncontrollable, wild, freaky sex after a fight? We used to do that all the time, remember? (to Josh) That's how we met, you know? I was at the Viper Room in Hollywood, not my ex-girlfriend Holly-Wood -- who I dumped by the way -- but the actual place. Anyway I struck up a conversation with this hot blonde chick -- Krista -- about how great of a president I thought Texas Governor George W. Bush would make. She was totally into Nader. I told her he didn't have a chance in hell. But it helped my man W. get the gig. So I love her for that. I sure hope you wasted your vote on Nader again last year, babe. Krista SLAPS Ned again. KRISTA Fascist pig! She storms out of the room along with Alix. NED (shouting) Capitalism all the way, bitch! My man W.’s gonna make it so you and your drugie girlfriend can never tie the knot! Ha! By the way, what about the title shot? KRISTA (exiting through door) No! SIMON Damn. CORNETTE I hear ya. SIMON Double damn, then. Because my first damn was about all the cool character development Ned gets, and me... I'm just here. They say I don't have personality, Jimmy. CORNETTE So? Neither did Beautiful Bobby, but he's considered one of the greatest of all-time, just like you and Ned are now, brother. Because of guys like McMahon, Heyman, and Russo, people want their wrestlers to be these large over-the-top characters. But it's the wrestlers who drive this business. Forget about what the people say, our goal is to regain the World Tag Team Titles. NED We still got a couple more weeks to get the title shot. SIMON Triple damn! CORNETTE What now? You can’t wait two weeks? SIMON It’s not that. I just remembered that my name’s Simon. What a lame name! Ah well. Could be worse. My name could be Ned... NED Wait a second....my name’s Ned! SIMON Hey, could be worse for you two, brother. You could be such a crappy lover, that you turned a really hot ex model into a lesbian....Oh wait. That already happened. I don’t get it, you can’t even spell your own dorky name and you hooked up with a best selling author. Meanwhile, I’m stuck with “tons of fun” Rhonda-Sue from the Wal-Mart. (GO TO BREAK)

*Jungle Boogie by Kool and the Gang hits the arena speakers and The New Age Love Machine himself; Leon Rodez steps out from behind the curtain with the X-Title draped over his right shoulder. The crowd welcomes him with a massive pop, especially the teen girls and fat middle-aged women in attendance.* Cole: These people sure love the X-Champ! Caboose: This man is deplorable. A porno star holding on to our X-Title? Its almost as bad as our wannabe goth cast-off World Champ. At times like this I’d even rather see Alfdogg with a championship. Coach: Really? Caboose: …Nah *Rodez makes his way down the aisle slapping hands with a bunch of female friends that have pushed their way to the steel barricade. He gets ready to walk up the ring steps and enters the ring before noticing a really fat women in her 50s wearing the Leon Rodez “I wanna feel Silky Smooth” t-shirt. He turns and points to her with a smile, then walks over and gives the woman a small peck on the cheek causing her to almost go into cardiac arrest with excitement. From there he makes his way into the ring* Cole: Rodez, really a man of the fans Caboose: If being a fan favorite means kissing beached whales then I’ll stick to being hated, thankyouverymuch. *Rodez grabs a mic from the Ring Announcer and waits for the applause to die down a little along with his music before he speaks.* Rodez: Hello London! *Fans pop loudly again* Rodez: This past Sunday at AngleMania, I stepped into the ring with three of the best X-Division superstars this company has ever seen. I stepped into the ring with the Amazing Rando. *small pop* Rodez: I stepped into the ring with The SuperStar! *A louder and more audible pop* Rodez: And last, but certainly not least…I stepped into the ring with K-Money! *A huge cheer fills the building momentarily and Leon Rodez nods along to it as if to acknowledge the appreciation for his opponents* Rodez: It was an all out war, and while the X-Title wasn’t on the line there was still a lot at stake. I had to prove to them, you the fans, and most importantly myself that I could hang with the big boys of the X-Division past and after Sunday I think its safe to say I did that. For those that couldn’t see AngleMania though, lets take a look…The Joy of X! *TV screens across the world clip to highlights from AngleMania while the people in the arena watch on the TitanTron. Rando, already weary from the opening exchange, clutches his chest in lack of breath. Quickly, Supes capitalises and irish whips Rando. But Rando baseball slides underneath the bottom rope. Which allows Rodez to legally spring to the top rope, vault into the ring and catch Supes with a springboard clothesline!! Rando quickly exits to the apron and as business like as possible, leaps to the middle rope and WIPES OUT RODEZ WITH A GORGEOUS ASAI MOONSAULT!! Rando is full of beans and rushes the dazed K-Money, taking him down with a double leg and following that up with a quick elbow. He then calls on the crowd before setting...and hitting a legdrop. Followed with a back senton. And then...A STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS!! Meanwhile, Rodez is measuring from across the ring. Supes lumbers around, as Rodez sprints at him...ducking a wild swing from Supes...AND WIPING OUT RANDO AND K-MONEY WITH A SUICIDE DIVE THROUGH THE ROPES!! K-Money taps out from the Chick Magnet ending the incredible match and the highlights from it as well. Back in the arena the fans cheer and Leon Rodez shows a big smile.* Rodez: So “what’s next for the X-Champ?” you might be thinking. Well it won’t be Chris Stevens since Hoff made sure the only competing he’ll be doing is trying to properly digest corn. Crystal? Well, lets just say I aint ready to learn The Joy of Herpes out right now. *The crowd both laugh and cheer at that final statement* Rodez: No, cause ya see I’ve gone through the whole roster and its time I move on to bigger and better things. Its time I look to the top, its time I look towards the big prize, its time… *Just then the TitanTron starts to distort a tad before a bunch of psychadelic colors wave across it and slowly cut to The 70s Dude sitting in the back next to a couple women. The women appear to be in their mid-40s and while still attractive, its clear father time has taken his toll on them as they have a little flab on the tummy, crow’s feet near the eyes, and their hair is starting to grey a tad in areas. The 70s Dude however doesn’t look any better though as he’s sporting a swollen lip, an obvious black eye being covered up with some hip~ sunglasses, and stitches being covered by a band-aid with a yellow smiley face in the middle. The fans boo over who they see while Leon looks up in curiousity.* The 70s Dude: Its time you take a breather and let the Cool Cat cut a few words! *Fans boo louder and Leon gives off a smug grin while watching* The 70s Dude: Ya see there was no “Joy” for The Dude in his match Sunday. There were no legends to carry me either, only a has-been wash-up trying to make a name for himself again at the expense of The Dude. Cole: Can you believe this guy? Szechstein still holds the record for longest World Title reign. What has he done? Caboose: He beat the man with that record title reign. Face it Cole, he’s telling the truth and you, along with the fans need to acknowledge it *The fans boo and somebody actually tries pelting the TitanTron with a soft drink, but it lands well short and hits the entranceway. The women alongside The Dude smile and one even runs her hand along his chest.* The 70s Dude: That brings us to you kid. Now you may have gone through the rest but aint no way you seen the best. Calvin may have saved you the first time from being added to my Collection of Hits, but this time aint nobody gonna cut in on our dance. You see the Magical Mystery Tour of Funk is in full force and you’re next to take a ride and see its wonders. So Leon, after I give Calvin his proper burial in a funeral service next week I’m coming for you…and I’m going to show you who puts the ‘X’ in “extreme”, OH! Have Mercy… *The 70s Dude shows a large smile and the TitanTron cuts away and shows the OAOAST logo once more while Leon stands in the ring shocked and pretty speechless to boot.* Cole: Funeral Service? What could he mean there? Fans, Tony Brannigan and Axel hook up.....NEXT! (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) At SOFA CENTRAL~! Jesse "The Body" Ventura is sitting next to Michael Cole. COLE Fans, it's with great pleasure that I welcome in our special guest color commentator for our next match of the evening, the man who tells it like it is, Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Jess, you're here doing color commentary because of the issues our broadcast colleague Caboose has with one of the men involved in our next match, Tony Brannigan. Welcome to HeldDOWN~!, Jesse. VENTURA It's great to be here Michael Cole. But I'm even more excited to be here because I'm gonna be calling the match where Tony Brannigan wins the heavyweight championship of the world from that "punk" Axel. COLE I don't think Axel is a punk at all. He's the new OAOAST Champion, that's what he is. VENTURA Punk. COLE The World Title is on the line right now! Let's go up to Michael Buffer. * DING DING DING * BUFFER The following contest, set for one fall, is for the heavyweight championship of the world. Are you ready? London, England, are you ready? Then for the thousands of attendence and the millions watching at home, LEEEEET'S GET READY TO RRRRUMMMMMBLLLLLE! "He's simply ravishing... OWWWWW!" Tony Brannigan emerges on the entranceway wearing a dazzling diamond-embroidered robe. The robe sparkles like his great smile under the bright lights. Brannigan takes a moment to twirl around. He walks to the ring with his hands on hips, that swagger still there but a serious look on his face. No Elite members or Jivin' J.R. He's doing this for himself. He's doing this to stick it in the faces of those he believes passed him over despite all he's done. COLE For the first-time ever Tony Brannigan is receiving a shot at the OAOAST Championship, the most prestigious title in our business today. There have only been 10 title changes in the course of 3 years. 9 different men have held the title. Anglesault, Caboose and Zack Malibu being the only 3 who have worn that belt more than once; a total of two-times each. BUFFER Making his way to the ring, from Rancho Magnifico in Hollywood U.S.A., weighing 292, he's simply ravishing TONY BRANNIGAN! Brannigan steps through the ropes and walks around the ring, soaking in the atmosphere of his first World Title shot. He removes his robe and starts running the ropes, warming himself up. The crowd rise to their feet as "Simply Ravishing" is replaced by Limp Bizkit's "Eat You Alive." BUFFER And his opponent, from Hobart, Tasmania, Australia, weighing 255 pounds, the NEW professional wrestling heavyweight champion of the world, he is the "Dark One" AAAAXEL! BOOM! Pryo shoots out of the stage, the blast rocking the cameras and the crowd but not the challenger, Tony Brannigan, who stands firm in the center of the ring, awaiting his opponent. The new OAOAST Champion Axel emerges on the stage, carrying the belt in his right hand. He plays up to the crowd as he makes his way down the ring. He stops and points to each side of the arena, then points directly to the middle of the ring where Tony Brannigan is standing. Axel extends his arms out, the belt dangling from his right hand... BOOM! Another thunderous blast from the stage, sending the fans into a frenzy, chants of "AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL!" echoing throughout the arena. COLE The fans showing they're right behind the new World Champion -- and I mean World Champion. Axel only the second non-North American to hold the OAOAST Title; Caboose the first. The referee keeps Tony near a netural corner as Axel steps into the ring. He holds the belt up at every section of the arena, the flashbulbs engulfing the television screens of those watching at home and no doubt inside the building. Axel hands the belt over to the referee who snaps it in place and shows it to the challenger, Tony Brannigan, who stares at the title believing it will go home with him tonight. He pats the main plate and walks over to the ropes, pulling back on them to loosen up for the biggest match of his career. Yes, his World Tag Team Title reigns and countless title defenses mean the world to him, but the OAOAST Title is different. It's the Oscar for Best Picture. It's the MVP in the world's major sports. There's nothing else in the world that can compare to winning the top prize in your profession. COLE You can feel the buzz in the air, Jess. It's like we just entered 2005 all over again. Everybody has a fresh start. Axel and Tony have never met one-on-one. The butterflies must be going through both mens stomach. VENTURA Without question. This is Tony's first shot at the gold, and even though he probably wouldn't admit it, he's nervous. Then you got Axel in his first title defense. You know he doesn't want to lose the belt after having just won it 4 days ago at AngleMania. Axel drapes his leather coat across the ring apron. Brannigan rushes him in the corner and hammers the champion with hard double-axehandles and clubbering forearms to the back. He positions Axel in the corner and drives the knee into the gut repeatedly. The challenger pounds the side of the face with vicious forearm shots, his feet leaving a couple of inches off the ground to add more punch. Axel powers Tony up in the air and throws him against the turnbuckles, unleashing a combination of right hands and stiff uppercuts. Brannigan whipped to the opposite corner arcoss the ring, Axel charging right behind him and connecting with a powerful clothesline in the corner. Brannigan whipped back to the corner from which he came up, Axel once again charging from behind, but meets a different fate this time around as Tony moves out of the way, sending the Dark One sternum-first into the top turnbuckle. SCHOOL BOY! Tony with a handful of tights and his feet on the ropes. The crowd murmurs frantically. COLE He's got the tights! Referee, he's got the tights! No, we can't have a new champion this way. VENTURA It's like I've always said: "Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat." There ain't nothing wrong with cheatin' unless you're caught. ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! Tony commits a rookie move by complaining about the count, the referee telling him to save it. Brannigan turns around and is leveled by a HARLEM SIDEKICK! ONE... TWO... THR-- KICKOUT! Tony rolls onto his side and then back to his feet, only to be sent reeling back with shots to the face and body. Brannigan tries covering up but Axel keeps coming at him furiously. Tony grabs the top of Axel's pants and tosses him outside the ring, the Dark One immediately jumping back on the apron and re-entering the ring. Brannigan meets him coming in with a knee to the side of the head, causing Axel to fall back through the ropes and land on the apron. Tony picks Axel back up and delivers a couple of forearms to the face before setting the champion up for a suplex back into the ring. Axel floats over Brannigan and waistlocks him from behind...GERMAN SUPLEX! ONE... TWO... T-- NO! SHOULDER UP. Brannigan brought back to his feet and whipped across the ring. Axel hits the near-side of the ropes and knocks Tony off his feet with a FLYING LARIAT! The cover! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Tony rolls out of the ring to regroup, shaking off the cobwebs. He looks at the crowd with great distain as "AXEL" chants breakout. Axel crouches down midring, nodding his head to the beat of "AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL!" A couple of gothic-looking hecklers and their girlfriends bother Brannigan, holding a sign reading "DARKNESS RULES THE RING!" Brannigan rips the sign out of their hands and tears it up, thrusting his pelvis at the hecklers' girlfriends. VENTURA That's the first and only time those women will get close to something as sexy as Tony Brannigan. COLE I'm convinced you must get paid by Tony to put him over like that. VENTURA The only person that pays me is The Donald, and that's for doing my job. Axel exits the ring and stands behind Brannigan, who doesn't know Axel is behind him as he continues jawing with the fans ringside. Axel taps Tony on the shoulder, but Brannigan brushes him off thinking it's the referee. Axel looks around the arena, actually getting a kick out of Brannigan's ignorance. He taps him on the shoulder again. "What the hell do you want?" Brannigan asks as he turns around and is greeted by a right hand to the jaw, a wad of spiting flying out of his mouth! A mixture of cheers and laughter ensues. Axel hammers the challenger against the security railing with powerful right hands. He turns Brannigan around and holds him up for the hecklers and their girlfriends to hit. At first the fans are a bit hesitant because they don't want to be thrown out, but the braincells killed by the amount of beer (or blood?) they've drank tonight overcome them as they comply with the champ's request. WHAP! WHAP! The first girlfriend feels Tony's pecs before... WHAP! The second girlfriend, who looks like a combination of Jivin' J.R. and Carl Winslow, KISSES Brannigan on the lips before... WHAP! VENTURA She tongued him, Cole! That man's used to some of the gorgeous lips in the world, and that fat broad left the taste of bacon and eggs in his mouth. Brannigan breaks free from Axel's clutches, wiping his lips. Axel spins Tony around and drills him with another right hand, sending Brannigan rolling on his back. Tony gets up as fast as he can and slides back into the ring, Axel following him in, only to have Tony dive back outside and take Axel's feet out from under him, pulling him outside and sending the Dark One shoulder-first into the ringpost. The OAOAST Champion slumps against the cold steel post grabbing his shoulder. Brannigan smiles as he scoopes Axel up and drops him across the security railing. He then takes some time to flirt with a woman ringside. She rejects his advances, pointing both her thumbs down. VENTURA (laughing) Look at that, Cole. She wants Tony to go down on her right now. She doesn't care that they're 20,000 + people here, she wants him now. COLE Well, that's certainly one interperation. VENTURA What do you mean, one interperation? COACH I believe my man Mikey Cole is sayin' the lady doesn't dig the Ton'ster. VENTURA Ha! I doubt that. The women in England are used to ugly men with bad teeth. They get wet...with excitement whenever a sexy Yank crosses the pond. Brannigan tosses Axel back into the ring. Axel tries getting back up but only makes it to one knee when Tony takes him down with a running clothesline. Tony uses Axel's flaming cross tattoo on his left pec as a target to stomp the champion, then drops a succession of forearms to the sternum. Cover made. ONE... TWO... T-- NO! LEFT SHOULDER UP! Brannigan slaps his hands together, he keeps getting closer and closer but hasn't yet been able to put the champion away. He steps onto the apron and climbs up to the top turnbuckle, a very rare thing for Tony to do, but this is no ordinary match -- this is for the World Heavyweight Title. He measures Axel, waiting for him to get up. The Dark One, still feeling the effects of going into the ringpost, rises back to his feet, jelly-legged and all. Brannigan off the top with a CLUBBERING FOREARM TO THE UPPER BACK! The fans boo the arrogant challenger as he poses in the ring, flexing his biceps. He wipes the beads of sweat off his forehead and flicks it on the fallen champion. As if he couldn't be more arrogant enough, Tony Brannigan places his foot on top of Axel's chest and begins swiveling his hips, placing his hands on his head, as the referee goes down to count. COLE And he talks about Axel disrespecting him -- which wasn't even true. What a slap in the face to Axel. ONE... T-- AXEL GRAPEVINES TONY'S LEG AND ROLLS FORWARD! He tries to apply the DEVIL'S CLUTCH but Tony slithers away. Axel sends Brannigan over the top rope and to the floor, like he did during the Lethal Rumble, with a boot to the face. Axel hits the ropes to pick up a head of steam and dives through the top and middle ropes, diving into Tony Brannigan outside! PLANCHA. Axel sends Tony back into the ring and ascends to the top. A groggy challenger rises back to his feet and sees a 6'3", 255 pound human missle coming his way. He moves and Axel crashes hard on the canvas. The cagey veteran positions Axel back to a vertical base and drives a couple of knees into the midsection, sticking the champion's head between his legs. He locks his hands together and makes a pumping motion, signaling for a piledriver. The Dark One is taken up and SPIKED onto his head on the canvas. ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT PILEDRIVER! VENTURA Ha Ha. Just what the heavyweight champion of the world needed, Michael Cole -- an attitude adjustment. Axel rolls over on his back, Brannigan covering him with a grin on his face. He makes sure to hook the leg and the tights...again! ONE... TWO... THRE-- NO! The crowd ROARS. COLE Axel is still alive. We were a split-second away from crowning a new champion. Axel just got the shoulder up as the referee's hand was coming down for 3. Imagine what is running through the mind of Tony Brannigan at this very moment. VENTURA An orgy of beautiful women at his World Title victory party, Michael Cole. I'm rootin' all the way for Tony, but even we both know Axel is gonna be one hard guy to put away. He wasn't handed the belt, he defeated one of the greatest champions in OAOAST history at AngleMania IV. This guy ain't no walk in the park. Reverse chinlock applied. The referee checking to see if that's not an illegal choke. It isn't, according to him. The sweat is heavily running down the faces of both men. And Brannigan isn't one to sweat easily. It goes to show what level these great athletics are competing at for the World Heavyweight Title. Axel grimaces as Tony tightens his grip on the reverse chinlock, asking him to quit. But he won't. Axel has come a long way to win that belt to quit now. He's a fighter. He's the World Champion. Tony buries his knee into Axel’s back for good measure, putting more pressure on the spine of the Champion. The referee asks Axel once again if he will submit, but Axel blatantly denies. COLE T-Bod has grounded the Champion so far in this match; the former tag team champion is using his weight advantage to its fullest capacity. Axel struggles to escape the chinlock, getting to one leg, and driving his elbow deep into the abdomen of the challenger not once, but twice, causing Tony to break his grip. Axel decides quickening the pace is his best option, and runs to the ropes. The Champion bounces off and tries a clothesline, but Tony ducks under and grabs Axel’s head from behind, dropping him down with a reverse DDT! Tony hooks the inside leg for a cover! ONE… TWO… NO! Axel manages to get onto his side using the outside leg to Kickout! Tony immediately grabs Axel by the hair and raises the champion to his feet. Front facelock applied by T-Bod, and he takes Axel over for a beautiful suplex. Tony soon makes his gameplan known as he turns Axel onto his stomach, jogs lightly to the ropes, comes off and drives a well placed elbow into the middle of Axel’s spine! The process is repeated, leaving Axel clutching at his back in pain, and rolling onto his back to protect it, which causes Tony to go down into a cover! ONE… TWO… TH-NO! Axel rolls back onto his stomach again, but he’s in a lose-lose situation, because Tony takes advantage of the shift and drives another elbow into Axel’s back! VENTURA Tony is doing a brilliant job of taking apart the back of our champion. This sets him up for the Out of Body Experience, a move which will surely put Axel away! Tony lifts Axel to his feet and connects with a hard right hand that sends the champion back to the canvas flat on his back! Axel is up quickly, but it’s no use, as Tony sends him down with a second stiff right. The challenger then mounts the champion and begins pummeling away with hard rights and stinging lefts, obviously trying to incapacitate Axel before zeroing in on his back. Tony finally stops his rearrangement of Axel’s face and helps him to his feet, picking him up for a sidewalk slam, and dropping him over his knee for a backbreaker which has Axel let out a yelp in pain! Tony holds onto Axel though and stands back up, before delivering another spine-tingling backbreaker to the champion! COLE Man, Tony Brannigan has brought his entire arsenal tonight, and some moves we haven’t seen him perform before! Tony into a cover on Axel, hook of the outside leg… ONE… TWOOOOOOOONO! Axel gets a shoulder off the canvas. Tony grabs Axel by the hair yet again and forces the champion to his feet, grabbing his left arm and sending him for an Irish Whip. Axel comes off of the ropes, and Tony ducks his head… Axel flies over Tony and rolls him up for a Sunset Flip! ONE… TWOOOOOOOOOONO! Tony gets out of the rollup! COLE Axel surprised Tony! Both men are up quickly out of the sunset flip, Axel not for long though, as T-Bod sends him back to the canvas with a hard clothesline, the velocity causing Axel to sit up, giving T-Bod enough cause to kick a field goal between Axel's shoulder blades, driving his right boot into the champion's spine! VENTURA Wow, now THAT was a champions move! COLE Can you be anymore biased? Axel freezes in pain, and clutches at his back, which has now been subject to tremendous punishment by his opponent. T-Bod lifts Axel to his feet and sets him up for a back suplex, before lifting the champion high into the air, and dropping him square on his back, before making the cover! ONE... TWOOOOOO... TH-NO! Axel rolls a shoulder over! COACH T-Bod was less than a half a second away from becoming the OAOAST Champion! VENTURA I thought I got rid of you! COACH I'm invincible! *WHACK* VENTURA Much better. T-Bod has Axel up once again, and this time against the ropes. Hard right hand by the challenger, quickly followed by a second, and an Irish Whip to the champion. COLE This may not be a good idea to keep Axel up, T-Bod had sound strategy of grounding the champion! Axel comes off of the ropes... and T-Bod delivers a BEAUTIFUL Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker, holding onto Axel and bending him backwards over his knee in a submission move! VENTURA This just keeps getting better and better! You can't question Tony Brannigan's logic Michael Cole, he's a veteran! T-Bod pushes down on Axel's neck and pelvis to put more pressure on his spine, as the referee asks the champion if he submits, again answered with a resounding "NO!". T-Bod keeps the pressure on Axel, and the official checks again. COLE The pressure on Axel's back must be getting worse Jesse, Tony has been working on that body part for the better part of this contest! VENTURA He has to give up soon Michael, his back can't take much more punishment like this, four days removed from his knee being completely dismantled at AngleMania! It's a wonder he has any working bodyparts left! COLE Well Jesse, Axel said earlier tonight that he was going to be a fighting champion, and this proves it. He didn't know who he was going to face until he got to the arena today, no preparation at all... VENTURA ...from EITHER of these men Michael. Talk about the champion all you want, but Tony Brannigan hasn't exactly been preparing for this match for the last week either. He had that AngleMania match, and I have it on good authority that he was busy consoling quite a few models these past few days about his loss! COLE Oh I bet he was. The former tag team champion and founding member of the OAOAST won't let up on Axel, keeping extreme pressure on his back and spine, and it is clear that the champion is fading. The referee grabs Axel's hand and lifts it up to check if he is still awake, but Axel soon realises this, and pulls his hand away from the referee, as if the official's touch gave him an adrenaline rush! The Champion manages to land a blow to the side of T-Bod's head, even though he is unable to totally focus on his opponent! Another right hand by Axel, and T-Bod is about to let go of the hold! A third, and T-Bod staggers backward, leaving Axel on the ground, struggling to get up, and try to get back in the match! COLE Axel got out of that submission move, but can he capitalise? VENTURA Of course not. Axel stumbles to his feet, and is met by T-Bod, who tries a right hand, but Axel fires back with a right of his own before Tony can land the blow! Tony connects with a right, but Axel is right back with the answer! Tony then stops the momentum by landing a knee to the midsection of Axel, and grabs his head, before turning him over... ...and DROPPING HIM IN THE RUDE AWAKENING! VENTURA YES! I can feel it! Can you feel this Cole? COLE Nope. T-Bod signals for the Out of Body Experience, and soon has Axel set up! Irish Whip by T-Bod, sends Axel into the ropes, Axel comes off, Tony lifts Axel up for the Spinebuster... VENTURA YES! ...BUT AXEL TURNS IT INTO A DDT! BOTH MEN DOWN! VENTURA NO! COLE What a counter by the champion! Both men are down! The referee therefore begins his ten count, with the fans screaming for Axel to get up! ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!! FOUR!!! Both men starting to stir, with T-Bod a little ahead of the champion... FIVE!!! SIX!!! T-Bod up to one leg, Axel up to one knee... SEVEN!!! EIGHT!!! ...And the referee stops the count, as T-Bod gets to his feet, and walks over to the champion, who is up to one leg. Right hand by T-Bod... is BLOCKED by Axel, who comes back with a right of his own! Axel gets up toa vertical base, T-Bod with another right hand...and it is AGAIN BLOCKED, with Axel firing back a stiff right! And another! Another! Again! Bam! Bam! Bam! Axel takes a step back and readies his fist, before getting the knockdown with his STIFF UPPERCUT! COLE The champion is feeling it! He's on the comeback trail! Axel clutches at his back as he grabs T-Bod ready for a suplex. He considers for a moment that he may not be able to perform the move, but with the 'AX-EL! AX-EL!' chants filling the arena, the champ musters up the courage to lift Tony up for a vertical. Axel keeps Tony in the air for a couple of seconds... ...and DROPS him head first for a brainbuster! Axel points to the heavens! VENTURA No! He can't ruin this night! COLE We saw this against Crystal! Axel is going to take to the skies! Axel climbs out of the ring and to the top rope, not as quickly as he would if his back wasn't killing him, but as quickly as he can. He gets to the top, looks at the fans, and dives off... ...AND HITS THE FROG SPLASH! COLE AXEL WITH THE FROG SPLASH! BUT HE CAN'T MAKE THE COVER! VENTURA Ha-ha! I knew my boy Tony worked that spine over too good! Axel struggles over to the challenge, and drapes an arm over in a very weak cover... ONE!!!! TWOONO! Tony easily kicks out just after two! Axel gets up before his challenger this time, but is feeling nice and helps Tony to his feet. Irish Whip by Axel, Tony comes off of the ropes, Axel tries a SPINEBUST..NO! Tony floats behind Axel, and tries the OUT OF BOD-NO! Axel escapes THAT spinebuster, comes off of the ropes once again, and delivers a BEAUTIFUL running Enziguiri kick to the side of T-Bod's head, taking the challenger down! COLE Great move by Axel! He's primarily a brawler, but we have seen him pull out that Enziguri kick more than once - it's one of this favourites! VENTURA What, are we going through what these guys like now? Favourite move, favourite food, favourite sexual position, whats next? COACH Well you'd know Tony's... *WHACK* VENTURA Can't keep the little guy down, can we? Axel screams to the crowd for the end, and the fans respond in turn with a loud cheer, which suddenly turns into a loud boo? COLE Wait a minute! Axel turns around to face T-Bod... and is FLOORED by DAN BLACK! VENTURA Ha! There's always backup! The referee sees the contact as plain as day, and calls for the bell! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest by disqualification, and STILL OAOAST CHAMPION.. AAAAAAAXELLLLLLLL! The fans pop at that statement from Michael Buffer, but soon go back to booing, as Dan Black begins to stomp the hell out of the champion, who is down on the mat. T-Bod is up soon as well and joins in the stomping, more focusing in on Axel's back than anything. COLE This isn't right! Stop this! Someone stop this! T-Bod lifts Axel to his feet and Dan Black takes full advantage...KICK WHAM! BLACKOUT to Axel! VENTURA This is great! What a great way to start off the wrestling year! Axel is now motionless on the canvas, with Black T still pummelling away at the champion. Tony yells something at Dan Black, who smiles an evil smile, and begins to 'help' the champion to his feet. COLE Aw, come on! Axel's out! He can't defend himself! Axel, now regaining something that resembles conciousness, is to a vertical base, if only with Dan Black keeping him there. Dan Black grabs Axel's left arm and whips him towards T-Bod... ...WHO DELIVERS THE OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE! "Simply Ravishing" begins to blare over the loudspeakers, which causes Black T to roll out of the ring, their work obviously done. They smile and joke about the new OAOAST Champion, who is unconcious in the ring due to their handywork. COLE The actions of Black T are simply disgusting Jesse, I don't care if you like them, they shouldn't have attacked Axel like they just did. That's a damn shame! VENTURA Thank you J.R. COLE I don't know what to make of this! Axel's now a marked man, and it looks like Black T are first in line to go after the champion! What could happen next week? VENTURA And we still have more show to go! Stay tuned! (BREAK)

(RETURN FROM BREAK) COLE Well fans, last Sunday at AngleMania IV, we bare witnessed to one of the greatest Steel Cage Matches in OAOAST history. COACH Absolutely Cole. "Rage In The Cage: PR/Panther II" was the subtitle of the match, and it more than lived up to the name. There was Rage and it was in a Cage. COLE Tha Puerto Rican and Panther had been engulfed in a bitter, 2 month feud based on events from the Lethal Rumble at Anglepalooza in January, when Tha Puerto Rican threw Panther out of the match, and Panther struck back, helping Crystal eliminate Tha Puerto Rican. But it wasn't just about that. COACH PRL and Panther despise each other, and the Cage Match was made so that they could finally settle their differences with no interference. COLE It was not about titles. It was about pride. Let's take you back to last Sunday at OAOAST AngleMania IV: The Classiest AngleMania Ever. Here is the uncut, unedited ending to "Rage In The Cage: PR/Panther II". What a match. The HeldDOWN~! logo flashes by on the screen. A caption reading "LAST SUNDAY. ANGLEMANIA IV. AVAILIABLE SOON ON OAOAST HOME VIDEO." appears on the bottom right hand corner of the screen. The end to Tha Puerto Rican/Panther Steel Cage Match is shown: Tha Puerto Rican gets ready to deliver the IntenseZone Elbow. CABOOSE Oh yeah! How can you have an AngleMania without the IntenseZone Elbow? Tha Puerto Rican removes his right elbow pad, spits on it, and throws it down on Panther’s face. He does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, jumps over Panther, and then bounces off the opposite ropes. CABOOSE It’s now time for the most electrifying move in professional wrestling, NOT, sports-entertainment, The Special AngleMania Edition of The IntenseZone Elbow! PRL stops, and then drops the IntenseZone Elbow on Panther to a loud face pop. He goes for the cover. 1… 2… KICK OUT!!! COACH Good God, this match is giving me a heart attack! Tha Puerto Rican is frustrated. Earl Herbner lets him know that it was only a 2 count. PRL wipes some of the blood from his face. The crowd is chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” PR yells at the crowd. Meanwhile, outside the ring, Popick is slowly getting up. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican gets up, and grabs the second chair that is in the ring. The blood has dried on Tha Puerto Rican, but blood is still flowing from Panther’s forehead. PRL stands over the fallen Panther with the chair in hand. COLE Oh no. I don’t like the look on the face of Tha Puerto Rican! That is a sick look on his face. That is a psychotic look on his face! CABOOSE Panther is already lying on top of a chair, so PRL has decided to have a chair sit on top of him! *WHAM!* ONE MAN CONCHAIRTO! COLE OH MY GOD! The crowd groans. Panther is sandwiched between two steel chairs. PRL laughs at what he has done. The crowd is booing loudly. The blood has dried on PRL’s shirt as The Corporate Champ heads to the top rope. The crowd stands up once again. PRL trashtalks Panther some more, and then jumps off the top rope… SHOOTING STAR PRESS! COLE Good gravy! PRL grabs his ribs, due to the fact that when he hit the Shooting Star Press, he also hit the chair that was sitting on top of Panther. Panther is knocked out. PRL has trouble breathing for a few seconds, and sits in the ring, trying to catch his breath. Panther is still knocked out. COACH This has truly been “Rage In The Cage”. COLE Indeed it has Coach. These two men have for the good part of a hour, taking it other to the limit in this Steel Cage Match. This match won’t have a winner; it’ll have a survivor. CABOOSE This is the time. This is the time right now to escape. Come on PRL! Go through the door! Save yourself the trouble of climbing the cage! Panther’s knocked out! Do it! Do it now! P.R. smirks at Panther, and picks him up. Whip to the ropes. Samoan Drop. P.R. picks up Panther once again. Spinning Heel Kick. Rican grabs Panther and gives him a bulldog. Tha Puerto Rican whips Panther into the ropes once again. Panther tries a clothesline, but “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican ducks, and hits the flying forearm. He then kips up to loud BOOS. CABOOSE Cool! Two kip-ups for the price of one! It really is AngleMania baby! COLE “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican is setting up for The Corporate Nightmare. These are the moves that he does every match, these are the moves he uses before the Corporate Nightmare. PRL heads to a turnbuckle, and points to Panther. He begins stomping his right boot a’la Shawn Michaels. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. The crowd is getting hot, fearful for what Panther will have to face should he get up. Panther is still knocked out. PRL yells for Panther to get up. Panther is now slowly getting up. PRL is still stomping his right boot. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. Panther is on one knee. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is “Tuning Up The Band”. This is the move that is always followed by The Corporate Nightmare. CABOOSE Come on. Come on. Get up already, Panther! I ain’t got all day! Tina tries to warn Panther of PRL’s upcoming move. But it is to no avail. Panther is now up, but his back is turned to PRL. Panther is barely conscious. Blood is now covering his face and basketball jersey. He is breathing hard. He can barely stand up. When he turns around, PRL rushes towards him, and gives him a STIFF~! kick to the chin, knocking him back down. COLE The Sweet Chin Music connects! CABOOSE Yeah, baby, yeah! A special AngleMania edition of The Sweet Chin Music! COACH Uh…yeah. Tha Puerto Rican looks at the down and out Panther, and then at the crowd. Popick has gotten up, and demands that PRL finish the match. The now fatigued Puerto Rican looks at the crowd… “THAT’S IT!” The Corporate Champ starts climbing the cage for the millionth time in this match. PRL is slower than usual, because of the energy that’s been taken out of him thanks to this match. Panther is still on the mat, but the crowd and Tina try to warn him of PRL escaping the cage. Popick is rooting him on. PRL inches closer and closer to the top of cage. Suddenly, Panther is up. He grabs PRL’s shirt, and tries to pull him off the cage using that. PRL grabs Panther’s head and smashes it against the cage. Panther grabs PRL’s head and smashes it against the cage. Tha Puerto Rican beats on Panther some more, and Panther begins to lose his grip on the cage. However, Panther kicks PRL right in the face, and Tha Puerto Rican falls off the cage onto the mat. Panther continues climbing, but just as he gets his right foot over the top of the cage, PRL returns, and once again grabs Panther’s basketball jersey. PRL pulls at the jersey, forcing Panther to return to the ring once again. PRL chokes Panther with his jersey, and then gives him a European Uppercut. PRL stops to pose. COLE Oh come on. CABOOSE No time to pose PRL! Continue attacking Panther! Continue! PRL then spots Panther approaching him out of the corner of his eye, at which point, he fires off another wild right hand in his direction...but Panther manages to duck underneath, wrap him up in a rear waistlock and FOLD HIM UP with a devastating German Suplex! The crowd ERUPTS as Panther springs to his feet with a look of intensity in his eyes, and you know what? COACH HE'S FIRED UP, DAMN IT!!!!! INDEEEEED~! Panther turns back to PR and waves him on, and as soon as his feet are under him, Panther slips behind him, grabs another rear waistlock and delivers another NASTY looking German! The crowd pops once more as Panther springs back to his feet, shooting another intense glare into the crowd before looking back down upon his hated foe. COLE This is vintage Panther, ladies and gentlemen! We've seen this so many times before! Panther's got this crowd worked into a frenzy! He's got Tha Puerto Rican in trouble here in the early going! CABOOSE Watch it, PR! Panther looks to the crowd and then to Tha Puerto Rican. He points to the cage and starts climbing. Tina is rooting him on, as is the crowd, while Stephen Joseph begs for Tha Puerto Rican to get up. Tha Puerto Rican is still on the mat, trying to shake off the effects of the Triple German Sequence. COLE Nothing will stop Panther now! Panther looks at PRL and then at the crowd. He then starts climbing the cage. Panther is near the top of the cage, when Tha Puerto Rican starts getting up. He sees Panther escaping the cage, so he rushes towards him and leaps onto the cage. Just as Panther is about to go over the top of the cage, PRL grabs him by his head. He slams his head against the cage, but Panther is still going. PRL slams Panther’s head against the cage two more times. Panther and Tha Puerto Rican are standing on the top rope, fighting it out once again. They slug it out, and soon Tha Puerto Rican gains the advantage. He smashes Panther’s head against the cage again, and this time, Panther falls off the rope, and lands on the mat. PRL holds on to the cage in order to stand on the top rope. Panther charges towards him, but receives a kick in the head. Panther rushes towards Tha Puerto Rican once again, but receives another kick for his troubles. Panther doesn’t give up. He shakes the ropes, and soon PRL loses his balance, and his groin lands on the turnbuckle. Panther beats on Tha Puerto Rican, while the crowd chants “PAN-THER! PAN-THER! PAN-THER! PAN-THER!” Panther has PRL right where he wants him, and so he delivers a STIFF~! punch to the chin. CABOOSE Come on, PRL! You have got to muster every ounce of strength in your body to beat Panther! COLE PRL is sitting on the top rope, receiving a beating from Panther! The question remains how much more can Tha Puerto Rican and Panther take? They are both bloodied, tired, and in hellacious pain, and yet they are still continuing this match! Panther punches P.R. in the face several times. Finally, he climbs the second rope, and puts Tha Puerto Rican in a facelock. He puts PRL’s left arm over his head, and then grabs PRL’s left leg. The crowd starts cheering because they know what Panther is going to do. COLE Panther is now preparing to give Tha Puerto Rican the Pantherplex! This could end the match right here. Panther does the Pantherplex—NO!—PRL holds onto the top rope. Panther tries the Pantherplex again, but again, Tha Puerto Rican holds onto the top rope. Panther tries for the Pantherplex a third time, but PRL still doesn’t budge. PRL escapes the Pantherplex, and beats on Panther’s back. Panther tries to fight back, but Tha Puerto Rican continues the attack. Tha Puerto Rican puts Panther in a front facelock. He then grabs Panther’s basketball shorts, and stands up. The crowd stands up too, as they have a feeling what Tha Puerto Rican is going to do. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican jumps off the top rope, taking Panther, who was standing on the second rope, along with him…. CORPORATE NIGHTMARE FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! COLE GOOD GRAVY! COACH HOLY CRAP! CABOOSE WAY TO GO PRL! WAY TO GO! COLE A Corporate Nightmare from the top rope! I have never seen something like that from Tha Puerto Rican in his time in the OAOAST! CABOOSE This is AngleMania, Cole! You have to bring out all the stops to win! The crowd is shocked at what they’ve just seen. PRL and Panther lie on the mat for a few seconds. Panther is knocked out, but PRL is not. Tha Puerto Rican covers Panther, hooking his right leg. Referee Earl Herbner counts. ONNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEE TWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THHHHHRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *DING DING DING* (36:57) COLE What a match! MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this match: “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTTOOOOOOOOO RRRRRRIIICCCCCCCAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! “Know Your Role ‘99” starts up, while the crowd boos. PRL has an evil smile on his face, but doesn’t have the energy to be a jackass to the fans. Instead, he lies on the mat, holding his ribs. Earl Herbner raises his hand and then checks on the still knocked out Panther. Popick applauds PRL from outside the ring. COLE Well, PRL and Panther promised that there would be bloodshed, and they were indeed right. For almost 40 minutes, these two OAOAST superstars gave it their all, and they did it on the biggest stage of them all, AngleMania. CABOOSE Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough with that cliché crap. The important thing is that THA PUERTO RICAN WON! YES! WOO-HOO! I TOLD YOU HE WOULD DO IT! I TOLD YOU HE WOULD DEFEAT PANTHER! I WAS RIGHT! COACH PRL maybe the victor, but he certainly doesn’t look like one. The more appropriate word would be “survivor”. Because, Tha Puerto Rican is the “survivor” of this match. He is the “survivor” of “Rage In The Cage: PR/Panther II”. Most of the crowd is booing, but there are some who are applauding both PRL and Panther just for surviving this match. The steel cage is rising, which allows Stephen Joseph Popick to enter the ring. He jumps around the ring celebrating, and then raises PRL’s right hand in the air, even though Tha Puerto Rican is barely conscious. COLE What a match we have just seen. PRL and Panther took each other to the limit. Both men are bloodied and tired, but only one of them is the winner, and that is Tha Puerto Rican. COACH “Rage In The Cage” promised to be a war, and it indeed lived up to its name. There was infact “Rage In The Cage”. Let’s just hope that Panther and Tha Puerto Rican are okay. CABOOSE This is a very good day for Tha Puerto Rican! He has finally defeated that punk Panther, and he did it at AngleMania IV! And I get the feeling that this is only the beginning. Good things are ahead for Tha Puerto Rican. You can bet on that! Woo-ho! Happy days are here again! The cage has risen. Popick helps Tha Puerto Rican to his feet. “Know Your Role ‘99” continues playing as the crowd boos. “P.R. SUCKS!” is heard. Popick picks PRL up and walks with him out of the ring. Tina has come into the ring to check on Panther. Popick has to hold PRL up since he is barely standing. He raises PRL’s hand in victory, and then yells out “WE DID IT! YEAH!” The crowd greets the two with boos. Popick raises his hands and raises PRL’s hands in victory. The bloodied, barely conscious, but victorious “Corporate Champion” exits the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center being carried by Stephen Joseph Popick. Meanwhile, Tina, Earl Herbner, and several OAOAST road agents are checking on Panther. “Know Your Role ‘99” dies down. Medical personnel arrive at ringside. COLE We certainly wish the best for Panther. CABOOSE Speak for yourself. COLE Anyway, as I was saying, we wish for the best for Panther. This match took a lot out of both PRL and Panther. This feud between PRL and Panther was a bitter one, and this match just proved how much they despise each other. Panther gets up on his own. He exits the ring, stumbling up the entranceway, and has to be held by Earl Herbner and Tina. Tina has a concern look on her face. Panther manages to raise his right arm in the air, and that gets a loud pop from the crowd. “Roc U” by The Young Gunz and Beanie Sigel starts playing. The crowd chants “PAN-THER! PAN-THER! PAN-THER! PAN-THER!” The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. “Aww Naw” by Nappy Roots hits, which causes a good majority of the crowd to stand up and boo. After a few seconds, the entrance doors slide open, and out steps OAOAST Corporate member Stephen Joseph Popick, with the OAOAST Italian Championship around his waist…and with the OAOAST 24/7 Title belt over his right shoulder. Popick looks at the jeering crowd with a smile on his face, showing off the 24/7 Title that is on his right shoulder, and then walks down the ramp to the ring. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the OAOAST Italian Champion, and OAOAST Corporate member…STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK! COLE Well, here is the manager of the man that won “Rage In The Cage” last Sunday at AngleMania IV. Popick has got to be feeling great following PRL’s victory last Sunday. COACH Nevermind that, Cole. Look at what Popick is carrying! That’s the OAOAST 24/7 Title! Where did he get that from? COLE Hey, you’re right. Devin Geddon and The Phenom are the co-holders of the 24/7 Title. I don’t recall Stephen Joseph defeating either man for that title. Popick enters the ring, and grabs the microphone from Buffer. “Aww Naw” by Nappy Roots dies down, replaced by the loud booing coming from the thousands of fans in attendance. Popick takes a second to soak in the crowd’s boos, a smile on his face. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK How’s everyone doing tonight? CROWD BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! POPICK Well, I expected a better reaction from you Londoners. But, I guess this just proves that wrestling fans, no matter where they live, are stupid, and don’t recognize greatness, even when it is standing in front of them! “PO-PICK SUCKS! PO-PICK SUCKS! PO-PICK SUCKS! PO-PICK SUCKS!” CABOOSE *Sigh* I’m ashamed of my countrymen right now. POPICK But, let’s move on, because I am sure you people are wondering just why I am out here, and more importantly, why I am out here holding the OAOAST 24/7 Title. Well, first off, I like to congratulate Tha Puerto Rican, MY “Corporate Champion”, for defeating Panther last Sunday at AngleMania IV. It was a war, it was a battle, but damnit, the right guy came out the victor in the end. Tha Puerto Rican had to receive 15 stitches in his forehead. He had to stay in the hospital overnight. Four days later, he is still, STILL feeling the effects of “Rage In The Cage: PR/Panther II”. He gave it his all, and yet you people STILL boo him! Why, where’s your sense of human decency? Where’s your sense of compassion? Do you people have any heart? Do you people care that Tha Puerto Rican is hurt? CROWD NO! POPICK You people should be ashamed of yourselves. Tha Puerto Rican is one of, if not, THE most talented superstar in the OAOAST, and yet you people don’t care. You boo him, and chant “P.R. SUCKS!” What’s wrong with you people!? You people should thank your lucky stars that you even get to see Tha Puerto Rican wrestle. He is an ICON. He is a LEGEND. He is a WRESTLING GOD! And he is YOUR NEXT OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! COLE Well, Stephen Joseph obviously has a lot of confidence in his Corporate Champ. CABOOSE Stephen Joseph is a prophet. Mark my words; everything he says will come true. Tha Puerto Rican is everything Popick saids he is, and more. POPICK Which brings me to why I am out here tonight. According to my $500 Rolex watch: it is April 7, 2005. Now, unless I am mistaken, it seems as if the OAOAST 24/7 Champions, Devin “Arma” Geddon and The Phenom, haven’t defended the OAOAST 24/7 Title in 30 days. Infact, Geddon and Phenom haven’t even appeared on OAOAST TV in 30 days! And as anyone who reads the OAOAST Rulebook knows, Rule #291 states: “If a wrestler does not defend his/her title within a 30 day time period, then he/she is stripped of his/her title.” The crowd boos. POPICK (CONT’D) And so, as you can see, I have no choice but to do what I am about to do. As a representative of the OAOAST Board Of Directors, it is my sad duty…to announce…that The Phenom and Devin “The One Man Army” Geddon…have been STRIPPED of the OAOAST 24/7 Championship! COLE The crowd didn’t like that announcement. COACH Well Phenom and Devin aren’t exactly fan favorites, but these fans sense something isn’t right with this announcement. CABOOSE What do you mean? Popick is obviously doing the right thing here. Everybody in the OAOAST knows that the titles must be defended within 30 days or else they are stripped of the belts. Phenom and Geddon are letting that belt collect dust, when it could be held by a more WORTHY competitor! COLE Something still doesn’t seem right with this. I know that Popick is a member of OAOAST Corporate, but still, shouldn’t Bill Watts or Josie make this announcement? CABOOSE There we go again. No respect for Stephen Joseph. It’s the same thing over and over again. SJP But fear not, OAOAST fans! For you see, I have found the PROPER replacement. I have found the man who can take the place of both Phenom and Devin Geddon. I have found an OAOAST superstar who can hold the 24/7 Title belt with class, honor, and dignity. I have found an OAOAST superstar who can defend this belt night in, and night out. I have found an OAOAST superstar who can carry on the legacy of the Twenty-Four/Seven Title, once held by such talented and legendary OAOAST superstars like Panther, Crystal, Axel, Hoff, The Superstar, Zack Malibu, CWM, and Calvin Szechstein. And the belt some say is the stepping-stone to the World Heavyweight Championship. COLE Oh no. SJP I guess you can say I have found the CORPORATE replacement. COACH Oh boy. The crowd boos once they hear the word “corporate”. POPICK He is a 2-time Puerto Rican Champion. A former North American Champion. The Most Valuable Player of IntenseZone. And the most electrifying man in professional wrestling NOT sports-entertainment. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you, YOUR NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four Seven Champion. He is MY “Corporate Champion” THA PUEEERRRTTTTOOOOOO RRIIIIICCCAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!!!! The lights go down. A Puerto Rico flag appears on the AngleTron. In big, white blocky letters the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. PR is heard saying "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entranceway and the lights flicker on and off in the entrance. A few seconds elapsed, and the entrance doors slide open, revealing "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. The crowds boos get louder. TPR waves the crowd with a wide smile on his face. His head is bandaged following the Steel Cage Match against Panther last Sunday at AngleMania IV. Still, that doesn’t stop PRL’s happiness. The Corporate Champ walks down the ramp, with Popick applauding him. COLE Why of all the obvious signs of abuse of power, this must be the worst! Stephen Joseph just awarded Tha Puerto Rican with the 24/7 Title despite PRL not doing anything to deserve it! CABOOSE What do you mean he didn’t do anything to deserve it? Did you not see “Rage In The Cage” this past Sunday? Did you see Tha Puerto Rican drop a Corporate Elbow from the top of the cage? Did you see Tha Puerto Rican bleed all over the ring, and get bashed repeatedly with chairs? Did you see PRL kick out of everything Panther tried, and used all his energy to make sure Panther did not escape the cage? Why, if anyone deserves a title, it’s Tha Puerto Rican! COACH But Tha Puerto Rican didn’t defeat anyone to win the title! Stephen Joseph is handing it to him on a silver platter! CABOOSE Who cares how he got the title? The important thing is that he has a title! Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron, and sneers at the crowd. Popick holds the ropes, and Tha Puerto Rican to enter the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans boos while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. systems. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still booing loudly and chanting "P.R. SUCKS!" PRL heads to the second rope, and raises his hands. He then heads to a second turnbuckle, and raises his arms again. PR hits a third turnbuckle, and raises his right arm in the air and "smells the electricity" a'la The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth turnbuckle, receiving boos. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the ropes, and looks at the 24/7 Title with a smile on his face. POPICK P.R., I know how anxious you are to begin your reign as 24/7 Champion, so let’s not waste anymore time. Congratulations! Popick hands PRL the 24/7 Title belt. Tha Puerto Rican jumps around the ring with the belt, raising it in the air. The crowd boos loudly, chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” The smile on Tha Puerto Rican’s face can’t be any wider than it is. CABOOSE It’s been far too long since Tha Puerto Rican has held a belt in the OAOAST. How long has it been? Since AngleMania III? So, then a whole year then? Far too long. PRL without a belt is like someone without clothes. He’s naked without a belt around his waist. TPR stops the jumping, and stands in the center of the ring. His smile fades away, replaced with a somber look on his face. Tha Puerto Rican puts the 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder. “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMP IS HERE!!! CABOOSE Damn right! THA PUERTO RICAN It is with a heavy heart, that I accept this 24/7 Title. I know, I know. I am heartbroken too that Phenom and Devin “Arma” Geddon have been stripped of this magnificent title. But, at the same time, we must move on. We must push forward. And the way to push forward is with ME as YOUR OAOAST 24/7 Champion! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” PRL Now, I am still feeling the effects of my Steel Cage Match against Panther last Sunday at AngleMania IV. So, unfortunately, you will not be seeing Tha Puerto Rican defend his 24/7 Title tonight. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” PRL and Popick both have sad looks on their faces. Popick pretends to wipe away tears. PRL (CONTINUING) I know. I know. I would feel sad too if I couldn’t see “The Corporate Champion” wrestle. But fear not, my Lightning Bolts! Because next week, I will be defending this title night in, and night out. I will bust my ass for this belt. Taking on all who stand in my way. I will wake up with this belt next to me, and I will go to sleep holding it. I will take the 24/7 Championship wherever I go, not letting it slip away. Because I tend to be, the SINGLE GREATEST ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN CHAMPION EVER!!! Tha Puerto Rican will walk down that aisle every night, lay the smackdown on some punk’s candy ass, and then walk right back up that aisle still holding the 24/7 Champion! And with the Lightning Bolts by my side, the millions… CROWD …And millions! TPR London, this isn’t sing-along with the champ! Like I said, with the millions and millions of Tha Puerto Rican’s fans cheering me on, chanting my name, I will be the most talented, most handsome, most charismatic, most risk-taking, most courageous, greatest 24/7 Champion the OAOAST has ever seen! And when the history books look back on the OAOAST, when they look back on the 24/7 Title, they will see Tha Puerto Rican’s name as the longest reigning 24/7 Champion in OAOAST history! And that, my Lightning Bolts, is a promise! No wait. It’s a GUARNATEE! THE CHAMP HAS— CROWD SPO-KUN~!!! Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick look at the crowd with disgust. PRL What did I just say? This isn’t sing-along with the champ! *AHEM! AHEM!* THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! “Know Your Role ‘99” starts up again. Stephen Joseph grabs the 24/7 Title and hooks it around the waist of Tha Puerto Rican. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican poses with the 24/7 Championship belt around his waist. Stephen Joseph poses right next to him, the Italian Championship around his waist. STEPHEN JOSEPH “The Corporate Champion” everybody! The 24/7 Champion! COLE What a shocking announcement from Stephen Joseph. The Phenom and Devin “Arma” Geddon have stripped of the 24/7 Title. And not only that, but “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican is the new 24/7 Champion! COACH Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph are now both titleholders. The leader of The Lightning Crew once again has a belt around his waist. This has been a good week to be Tha Puerto Rican! CABOOSE PRL is on a roll! First, he defeats Panther in “Rage In The Cage” last Sunday at AngleMania. And now, he is the NEW 24/7 Champion! He has quite the good streak going, doesn’t he? TPR poses on the second rope with the 24/7 Title still around his waist. “Know Your Role ‘99” continues playing as Popick holds the ropes for Tha Puerto Rican to exit the ring. The crowd boos loudly, with some throwing garbage at PRL’s direction. The Corporate Champ and his “Career Consultant” walk up the ramp, the fans booing, and chanting “P.R. SUCKS!” the entire time. COLE What a night we have had so far. What else could happen tonight? CABOOSE Well, maybe we’ll find out if we just stop talking and go to the next segment. COLE Good point. (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) It was supposed to be one man's night of redemption... It ended up setting the stage for what was to come. OAOAST PRESENTS ZERO HOUR 2005 AVAILABLE ON DVD THIS TUESDAY!! The cameras sweep the crowd, showing all the cheering Brits. COLE Welcome back, fans, and if you're just joining us, you're in for a big one. Our new World's Champion, Axel, will defend his title TONIGHT against T-Bod, Tony Brannigan! CABOOSE I don't cheer much for Axel, fellas, but I hope he tears Tony apart. Should be an awesome match. Triple C's analysis is cut short by the strains of Chevelle's "The Clincher." The London faithful buzz at the hard rock anthem, not knowing what it means or who it could be for... *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~!* And the trademark silver pyros send the crowd into a frenzy!! The smoke clears...and through the curtain steps HOFF!! Wearing jeans and his "H" tee, the fan favorite looks over the deafening crowd with a look of awe, before smiling wide and nodding, then raising his fist into the air with a loud shout that sends another wave of cheers through the arena. COLE There's the man who came within an eyelash of winning the World Title on Sunday! Hoff heads down the ramp, smiling, jawing with the fans. The signs are in full force, and Hoff stops to hold up one that has "HOFF" written over an artist's representation of the Union Jack. The young lady who brought the signs squeals with delight as Hoff hands her back the sign and gives a kiss on the cheek. CABOOSE Look at that. The man's a damn child molester. COLE Fans, you are hearing Hoff's new theme, "The Clincher" by Chevelle, available on OAOAST Relentless Agression of Doom or whatever the hell our remix album is called. COACH The Coach loves the remixes! Holla! The big man slides into the ring and climbs up the near corner, posing with one leg on the second rope and one on the top. Hoff throws a fist into the air and closes his eyes, letting the English fans drown him in a sea of cheers and well-wishes. After a moment, Hoff opens his eyes and smiles, hopping off the ropes and turning. Hoff heads across the ring, climbing to the second ropes in the far corner and FLEXING~, sending white flashbulbs off across the arena. Hoff lets his arms drop, then points with a smile to two signs in the upper deck readng "OUST BLAIR, ELECT HOFF." CABOOSE I can only imagine this freak as the Prime Minister. I think I'd move to Canada. COACH Why don't you move there right now? PUNK'D~! Caboose hangs his head as Hoff grabs a mic from ringside and stands in the center of the squared circle as his new theme fades out. "HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF" Hoff laughs, shaking his head. CABOOSE You'd think we Brits would come up with a more clever chant. "HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF" HOFF So Anglemania has come and gone...and it seems that I'm still without. "BOOOOOOOOOOOO" COACH Without what? Underpants? COLE The world title, Coach. COACH Oh. CABOOSE Underpants?! COACH Hey, you never know. HOFF I've gotta give Drek Stone a hell of a lot of credit. He took the fight to me like no one else has. But in the end, once again, Drek Stone seems to live by that old Bobby Heenan motto: "Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat." "DREK STONE SUCKS!" "DREK STONE SUCKS!" "DREK STONE SUCKS!" CABOOSE He's NOT EVEN HERE! COACH He still sucks. Hoff takes a deep breath before continuing. HOFF Now Drek Stone seems to be retired, and as far as I'm concerned, well, that's the best news I've heard all day. "YEEEEAAAH!!" HOFF But if he ever shows his face in this ring again, I just want him to know: there is a score left to be settled, and I intend to settle it. "HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF" HOFF Now....on to Axel. "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" COLE The fans giving it up for the new champ! HOFF Axel...first of all, let me say one more time: congratulations. But what you may or may not realize is that the title around your waist makes you a marked man. You're gonna have everyone coming at you. Enemies, old rivals...even friends. The fans buzz the statement, possibly seeing where Hoff is going with it. HOFF Now the way I see it, I still haven't gotten a FAIR one-on-one shot for the world title yet. But seeing as Cheaty McCheat has been run out of town, and seeing as you've got yourself a match tonight, after you're done whipping Tony Brannigan's ass all around the ring, there's a little show we put on in April called Living Anglelously, and since you're free, and I'm free, why not-- I’ve exposed your lies, baby And underneath no big surprise Now it’s time for changing and cleansing everything To forget your love. Hoff looks perturbed as the strains of "Plug in Baby" hit, and Crystal and Gunner Sharps step through the curtain. The fans boo, with comical British accents. Crystal, holding a mic, looks up at Hoff with a sneer. CRYSTAL Why don't you hold on one damn minute. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Gunner yells at the crowd to "shut the hell up," but given that it's one man yelling at 20,000, it doesn't work too well. CRYSTAL You know Hoff, I and everyone else here are getting pretty sick of hearing you run your damn mouth! All you've done is bitch about how you're not being treated fairly. Not treated fairly? You've had more title shots than Leon Rodez has had illegitamate children!! The fans are shocked at the zing. From Sofa Central, we hear Caboose laughing pretty hard. CABOOSE Because he's a PORN STAR!! HAW~! CRYSTAL And every time you get a shot, you blow it, and then you have the audacity to come out here and beg for another. Hoff, you disgust me. "YOU SUCK" "YOU SUCK" "YOU SUCK" CABOOSE It's true!! COLE Now come on! Every time Hoff and Drek got into the ring, Drek cheated! Every single time!! CABOOSE That's not how I remember it. Crystal ignores the fans' cries and turns to big, bad Gunner Sharps. CRYSTAL Gunner, how many title shots has Hoff has in the past three months? GUNNER (grabbng the mic) I don't know, like a hundred? CRYSTAL And how many have I had? GUNNER Zero. CRYSTAL That's right. (turning to Hoff) Not one damn title shot. Me, the crown jewel, the queen of the OAOAST. And so before you talk your way into one more wasted opportunity, I'm here to cut you off at the pass and DEMAND my shot. Crystal stops, lowering the mic and glaring at Hoff...who has taken to resting his elbows on the near top rope. With a smirk, Hoff gets off of the rope and raises his mic to his lips. HOFF Well Crystal, that's all well and good, except I think you're forgetting one thing: Axel kicked your ASS last Sunday!! The fans cheer as Hoff looks at Crystal with a toothy grin. The Female Phenom shoots an icy stare back. CRYSTAL Axel got lucky. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" CRYSTAL Axel knows damn well that he did, and that I almost crippled him at Anglemania. And he KNOWS that if we locked up again, I'd take him out no sweat. "NO YOU WOULDN'T!!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "NO YOU WOULDN'T!!" *clap clap clapclapclap* CRYSTAL YES I WOULD!! SHUT UP, SHUT UP YOU STUPID BRITISH MORONS, I'LL-- Crystal's mic is lifted by Gunner. GUNNER If you a**holes don't shut your mouths I'll beat the crap out of EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" HOFF Hey, Gunner, hold up a second. Both Gunner Sharps and Crystal look up at Hoff, caught off-guard. Hoff strokes his goatee before going on. HOFF I just wanted to say how great it is to see you back in the OAOAST. COLE What? Gunner eyes Hoff warily. HOFF I mean, truly, honestly, I never had as much fun kicking anyone's ass as I did yours!! "YEAH!!!! HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF" Gunner's temper FLARES on the top of the stage, causing him to shout a string of vile obscenities at the man in the ring. Crystal tries to calm him down... HOFF I mean it, Gunner, I really do. I'm glad you're back. We need someone to make Tom Goran look good!! COACH DAYUM~! COLE OH MY! Crystal tries to calm Gunner, but the huge man is furious. Finally, Crystal soothes the savage beast somewhat, and whispers something in his ear. Gunner smiles. GUNNER Well you know what, Hoff? Last time we got in the ring you were the one on your back. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" CABOOSE It's true! Angleslam last year, Gunner Sharps BEAT Hoff for the 24/7 Title! HOFF Oh yeah, how could I have forgotten Gunner Sharps, 24/7 Champion? As I recall, you lost the belt to a 30-pound referee and a bunch of talentless Aussies. Still, I imagine that was one hell of a challenge for you!! Gunner fumes as Hoff throws his voice into falsetto. HOFF "NO, MISTER REFEREE, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! I'M TOO UGLY TO GET BEAT! NO! NO! NO!" Hoff looks at a seething Gunner, laughing. GUNNER HOFF...we can do this RIGHT NOW if you want to-- HOFF Well let's do it right, big man! Me, you, this ring, NEXT WEEK, ONE-ON-ONE!! The fans go crazy for the challenge, and even crazier for what Gunner says next!! GUNNER Oh, you got it, little man. Me and you. "YEEEEAAAAH!!!!!!!" Hoff smirks. HOFF You're on. But, you know, Gunner, we don't have to wait for our match to fight. We could get it on RIGHT NOW. COLE They're gonna get it on RIGHT NOW! CABOOSE That is what Hoff said! Hoff throws down the mic and waves Gunner on, and Gunner STORMS THE RING-- but Crystal runs up behind him and grabs his arm, begging him off. Gunner shoots a glare at Crystal, but she whispers something else to him and he relents, backing up the ramp to a chorus of boos. CRYSTAL Next week, Hoff, you're gonna wish you'd kept your mouth shut. And let me assure you, this thing with us isn't over. "Plug in Baby hits as Crystal and Gunner back down the ramp, then turn and exit through the curtain. Crystal turns to Hoff as she leaves, and waves at him mockingly, enjoying the angry gaze on the face3 of the big man. COLE What an announcement! Hoff versus Gunner Sharps live next week! But who will Axel face at Living Anglelously? Will it be Hoff? Will it be Crystal? Or will it be Mean Gene who's backstage with the Doctors of Love? We're backstage, and this segment is brought to you by the return of OAOAST Toast! Now toastier then ever! Mean Gene Okerlund is even wearing an OAOAST Toast T-shirt (featuring the Sadist enjoying a tasty toasted sandwich). GENE Fans, I'm backstage to interview two men who came *this* close to regaining the HIYAH International Tag Team Titles at the pre-game show for Anglemania. I'm talking of course, about the Love Doctors. Max Anderson and Steve Pigley walk into shot either side of Okerlund. GENE Your thoughts on Sunday's events, gentlemen? The Docs, both wearing green scrubs, look thoughtful. MAX First, we have to say how grateful we are for getting to wrestle on Sunday. Sure, it wasn't as an official part of Anglemania, but we were very proud to be a part of the day. STEVE We were also proud that Hell's Hitmen had to get themselves disqualified in order to retain their titles. Those misfits knew we had them beat. We're getting better and better, Mean Gene, our skills are getting sharper, our bodies faster and stronger. GENE Do you boys think you're worthy of being champions again? MAX Gene, we've apologised enough for our behaviour as champions. That's in the past now. We can promise the fans that the next time we hold those titles, things are going to be very different. GENE Well, first you would have to defeat the Hitmen, no easy matter for any team, but particularly hard for you. I remember in your very first match here, you got beaten -squashed, some might say - by them. STEVE Do you - not like us, or something, Gene? GENE My wife left me for a doctor. MAX We'll fix you up with someone. The important thing is that we beat the Hitmen on Sunday. Sure, it was by DQ, but that entitles us to another title shot. We're going to make sure we get it. In fact, next week, here on HeldDown, we're going to walk to the ring with a contract and demand that JINGUS and Sadist come out and sign it. GENE Well folks, you heard it here first! Mean Gene is going dating again! Oh, and also something about a challenge contract signing next week. That might be good too. Over to you, Sofa Central!

(GO BACKSTAGE) Jesse "The Body" Ventura, in a tan jacket with tassels dangling from the sleeves over his tie-dye t-shirt, blue jeans and a gold bandana wrapped around his forehead with "JESSE" on the front, stands in front of a cloudly blue backdrop with a microphone in his right hand. VENTURA Jesse "The Body" here with an exclusive interview with the man who will face Axel for the OAOAST Title later tonight, and in my opinion the next heavyweight champion of the world, Tony Brannigan. Champ-- You don't mind me calling you "champ," do you? TONY (Off Screen) Not at all, Jess. It's only a matter of time now. A hand reaches into the camera's range and is accepted by Jesse. Tony Brannigan enters. Wearing an Armani suit and dark oval sunglasses straight out of the 1980s, Brannigan runs his right hand through his combed back hair, not a hair out of place, as he coolly stands next to hizzoner. VENTURA I gotta ask you, champ, in the 3 years you've been in the OAOAST, tonight is the first-time you're getting a shot at the title. TONY You think with everything I've done for this company that I would get a bone thrown my way once and a while. Take Zack Malibu for example. Here's a guy you can't reach if you're life depended on it, yet he got chance after chance to headline events across the globe. He's got such a hard-on for himself that he even named his team at AngleMania Team Malibu. When we were apart of the Original Elite together, getting in contact with Zack Malibu was harder than Chinese algebra. You know it's bad when you can get in touch with Osama faster than the "Franchise." Let me tell you something, Zack. The war between T.O.E. and yourself is far from over. Don't think just because you and your little posse won at AngleMania that you've won the battle. It's just begun, jackass! But yours truly has bigger fish to fry tonight. After 3 long years I finally get the opportunity of a lifetime to compete for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Now I can come out here and bury Axel for this and that, but I won't because that belt he carries around indicates he's currently the man in our sport. To put it in the words of another great World Champion, "Nature Boy" Ric Flair: "To be the man, you gotta beat the man." That's the task I'm faced with tonight. Axel's a helluva fighter, I give you that. But as I was sitting backstage with my good friend Dan Black watching Axel's speech, I couldn't help but hear the lack of respect that fella has for me. I haven't "had opportunities like this before"? Of course I haven't "had opportunities like this before" because I don't have some skirt protecting me like you do with that crooked GM of ours Josie Baker. I'm Tony Brannigan! I'm one-half of the greatest tag team in OAOAST history, Black T. I'm a multi-time World Tag Team Champion. I've been in the ring with legends in the sport. I fought the namesake of this company inside a 15 foot high steel cage at AngleMania III. I left Zack Malibu laying in a pool of his own blood. It's that kind of attitude from young punks like yourself that really get my blood boiling, Axel. While you're out in some tattoo palor located in a dark alley, drinking blood or whatever the hell it is that you drink, getting your body inked up by a needle that probably isn't properly sterilized, I'm hanging out at Rancho Magnifico in Hollywood with the most gorgeous women in the world. None of which have ever left me, loverboy. So remember when we're together in the ring later tonight and I have you on your hands and knees begging me for mercy, there won't be a person out there to protect you. And to ensure law and order, I have the Elite watching my back. Tony removes his jacket and tosses it aside, loosening the tie around his neck and unbuttoning his t-shirt to show off his sculpted chest and six-pack abs. TONY (getting worked up) The suits, the women, the money don't mean shit! Yeah, I might be a little bit materialistic, but anybody who becomes a professional wrestler does it for one reason and one reason only: to become the World Heavyweight Champion. Only a select few ever get the opporunity to travel around the world being able to call themselves "the champ." This won't be the first time we've crossed paths. It was Axel who eliminated me from the Lethal Rumble. Final 4. The Final 4! I was one of the final 4, but that young punk threw me out. When you know you're #1 finishing anything but isn't acceptable. It should of been me main eventing AngleMania, but that's okay because I'll be able to kill 2 birds with one stone tonight. Because when it's all said and done, I will be one of those select few. I've been there for every OAOAST title change, I'll be around for another tonight...this time I'm going to be the one who dethrones the champion. Axel, I plan on making your reign a 4 day vaction. Sweet dreams. Tony smooches at the camera, staring directly into it as we fade to...a short of Triple C! How lovely. COLE Ladies and Gentlemen, don't forget to tune into my new spin off sitcom this week! "Hot Cole's Bar" airs this Friday on the OAOAST network! COACH Tell us about it Mikey! COLE I play a bartender in a very "special" bar, where everyone is really "happy" and "friendly"! Hilarious things happen every week! CABOOSE Is there an episode where I make a guest appearance and batter you to death with a shovel? COLE Er, no. CABOOSE That's what you think. Cue: "Quiet" "The Ice Heart" Dan Black, clad as usual in super sharp dark suit with dark blue tie, walks down to the ring alone, swinging his arms casually. The London crowd doesn't exactly welcome Dan home. Although there's a few smark-ish cheers for Black, the majority are hurling the kind of abuse that he has become used to since the day he removed the Mystery Eskimo mask. There's a small, smug smile on the face of Black as he enters the ring and takes up a microphone. COLE What's he looking so happy for? The Original Elite LOST at Anglemania. CABOOSE Yup, we kicked their arses. Maybe Dan's going to apologise for all the trouble he's caused. COACH Hmm, I thought me and Mikey were the ones who said the stupid stuff? CABOOSE GRRR! In the ring, Dan runs a hand through his dark hair and waits for the boos to stop. BLACK Thank you for this...lovely reception. I mean, I think I hear some of you booing, but I must be wrong, because only an arena full of arseholes would boo a home town hero, right? The crowd seems to disagree with this. BLACK Well, no matter. I didn't come out here for your applause, or your respect. I mean, returning to this country is like being thrown into a cold bath. A dirty, stinking, disgusting bath. You know, Mr. Tony Brannigan, who will tonight defeat the "oo, look at me, I'm so dark and in pain" paper champion Axel, recently took me to visit his hometown of Hollywood, California. It's really nice there, you should all go. I mean, if you had the money or the bodies...so, ah, I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have hung that dream in front of your eyes like that. COLE Folks, Dan Black is delivering a RAMBLING PROMO~ in the ring! CABOOSE He's pissed off, Cole. BLACK But I digress. I've come out here tonight, not only so you can all get a good look at Britain's number one hero, but also to talk a little bit about...Anglemania. Big POP from the hostile crowd! BLACK The team of the part-timer, Some Guy, the treacherous Caboose and the has-been Zack Malibu managed to defeat the Original Elite. And, that's ok. Even in a total mismatch, the weaker side will pull out a victory 1% of the time. And fortune shined upon Team Malibu on sunday night. That's ok. CWM, Tony and I are still the greatest alliance in the OAOAST. Dan pauses to soak up some more boos. COLE Pah. The Elite wouldn't beat Zack's team if they wrestled them every night for a year. I could even sub for Caboose, and we'd still win. CABOOSE Only if you stood on the apron and just watched. COLE Oh, yeah...I like watching... BLACK Zack, your boys won. But, and you won't hear me say this very often, the match wasn't the important thing. The important thing was that you were still walking at the end of it. And that, that is what troubles me. You have become a curse on the careers of Black T, Zack. We had it all, until our alliance with you. Then we lost match after match. And Tony and I are the best, no one can dispute that. So the only way to lift that curse, to put Black T back where it belongs - is to put YOU where YOU belong, Zack. In a hospital bed, alongside your girlfriend. The fans let Dan know what they think of this idea. Black just raises an eyebrow at the jeers. BLACK How is the lovely Candie anyway? I have to say, she took the Black Out so nicely. She felt so light and weak upon my back. Her little punches...mmm...there's a certain...excitement...in having a women struggle against you like that. And it was a real pleasure to grab her around her pretty neck, and snap it down upon my shoulder. I felt something give there, I wonder what it was, a vertebrae perhaps? I don't know, I havn't seen the hospital reports. That's where she still is, right Zack? Is she going to walk again? Or are you going to be *bleep*-ing a paraplegic from now on? That'd be kinda kinky, huh. Or would you walk away from her? I think you would Zack, because at heart you're no better than I am. COLE Oh, he's just going too far here. COACH Yeah, not even Mikey is perverted enough to enjoy breaking someones neck. If he was strong enough to do it. BLACK Zack, we tried to put you in traction once. Remember? Spike piledriver onto the concrete floor? It didn't work. Seems you're a little tougher than your woman. So I will finish the job myself. There's another big pay per view show coming up in a few weeks. It's called "Living Angleously". There's going to be a first time match there. Dan Black vs. Zack Malibu. Funny, that's never happened before, isn't it? Almost as if you've been ducking me, all these years...a wise decision. Have the doctors on hand, Zack. Tell them to bring a neckbrace. Dan fixes the camera with a final, steely glare, before dropping the mic (THUD!) and exiting the ring. COACH Well, we haven't heard a long speech like that from Dan Black in quite a while, and that's probably a good thing. The guy is a sick puppy, 'boose! CABOOSE He's definitely sick in the head if he thinks he can beat Zack. COLE Well, we'll have to see what Zack's response will be! I know he won't let us down! He's my hero! I'm a Zack-amaniac! CABOOSE Didn't he try to beat you up last year? COLE I get turned on by pain! COACH Hmmmm. We'll be back. (GO TO BREAK)

(Pft. I coulda been a movie star. I used to be a model ya know. Anyway, back to the arena floor) COLE That Prince Killings...is a jerk! G’s and Soldiers plays over the arena sound system, leading the crowd to have no idea what the hell is going on. Ya’ll niggas betta play our shit cuz the gangsters we run this bitch Ya’ll niggas betta play our shit, cuz the soldiers we run this bitch Ya’ll niggas betta bang our shit, cuz the gangsters we run this bitch Ya’ll niggas betta feel our shit, cuz the soldiers we run this bitch COACH Who could this be? Coach’s q gets an a, as The Saints appear on stage, giving the fans and orgasm of the mind. COLE Wow! The Saints are here in England after defeating The Midnight Express at Anglemania to reclaim their name and music library! The merry trio walks to the ring, outfitted in leather biker jackets, leather pants and chains. Lots and lots of chains. Logan signs a few autographs, which will probably wind up on e-bay in a few days, on the way down, while Synth, who looks like he spent the night in a ditch, drinks some hard liquor. Someone introduce Synth to the magic of bathing. Sweet lord. Holly pinches her nose, trying to accomplish the near impossible task of blocking out Synth’s quarantine worthy odor. COLE The Saints are the biggest threesome to hit wrestling since Josh Matthews, Dan Black ,and I got a lil tipsy in Cabo! What’s done in Cabo, stays in Cabo! COACH Thank the lord. The Saints are in the ring and Holly has the microphone. Which is odd because her gimmick is that she doesn’t talk. COACH Yay! More promos! HOLLY (leaning over the ropes, staring into the camera) Everyone knows the Candyman urban legend. Say his name five times into a mirror and he appears. Jim Cornette, if I say your name five times into a video camera will you disappear? Because I think that’s what everyone wants you to do. Just to go away. I looked at the producer’s notes before I came out here. Written underneath a freshly made red x were the words “Jim Cornette victory” celebration. You were so confident that the Midnight Express would win that you planned a party. How cute. Where’s the confetti, Jim? Where’s the balloons, Jim? Where’s the fanfare, Jim? Where’s the music, Jim? Where’s the celebration, Jim? Where are you, Jim? I’ll tell you where you are, Jim. You’re backstage crying your eyes out, ‘cause your plan to stick me with Ned, a guy so obviously gay he makes my brother, Northstar, look like Fred Phelps and your plan to rape Logan and Synth of their livelihood, blew up in your scrunched up, midget looking face. The fans cheer the insult as Synth finishes his hard liquor. HOLLY Jim, I feel bad for you. Everywhere you look, you’ll see a lost opportunity. You’ll turn on your TV, you’ll see us on VH1, MTV, BET and even ESPN, and you’ll weep, because you were given a golden egg and you just dropped it. The music business is the most cut throat industry in the world. You wouldn’t last a nanosecond with the types of people I deal with on a daily basis. But when The Saints joined J.C.E they gave you an in. All you had to do was play the game and you coulda been a millionaire many times over. But because you’ve got that carny mentality, the same one my brother had, you wanted it all. But just like him when he gambled HeldDown’s future on a busted movie deal, you wound up with nothing. I know you’re a Justin Timberlake fan, Jim, so why don’t you take some of his advice and go on and cry me a river. Fair warning: if you come after us again, we’ll put you on a flatline. Beeeeeeeeeeeeep. Flatline. SYNTH Do ya see how mad ya mad her? She’s so pissed that she just said more words in five minutes then she has in five months! Logan grabs the microphone. “LOGAN! LOGAN! LOGAN!” chant the standing fans. LOGAN Oh, Jimmy, your car broke down and it ain’t even left the lot. You got lots and lots of problems from where this Mann sits. A week ago you were the sole owner of the most valuable musical library on earth. Now you’re just the sole owner of a Tony Brannigan wannabe with a receding hairline and...well, I’d mock Simon Singleton but how can ya mock a guy who doesn’t even have a personality? Guys, we didn’t come out to gloat. Well, I guess we did. But Cornette deserves it! Jimmy, a couple weeks ago you compared us to Britney Spears, J-LO, Ashlee “I’m not a singer, I just play one on TV” Simpson, and Destiny’s Child. Your claim was that they’re horrible musicians just like us. I hope this doesn’t kill my street cred, but I own and enjoy every Britney Spears album. So you can take that point and stick it right up your ugly redneck ass. THE FAN’S CHEEEER!! LOGAN Back to the matter at hand. While you were going on and on about how much they all suck the big one, you forgot to point the one thing all those acts really got in common with The Saints. Longevity. In our five years in the game, we’ve been put down by every music critic in the biz, dissed by every recording industry exec there is, and shat on by every twelve year old jack off posting on some alt rock message board. But we’re still standing, we’re still selling, and we’re still rocking! Just like Destiny’s Child would sing: We’re survivors. We’re not gonna give up. Synth takes the mic, popping the crowd. SYNTH The Synth-a-nator says that Mistah C was right ‘bout one thing. The Saints is dead. The crowd is obviously confused. Some boo the announcement. COLE WHAT?! I’d just buy front row tickets for the show at The Staples Center for you to be dead! SYNTH But he ain’t kill it like he thought he did. We killed it. Logan and Synth put the bullet in the back of The Saints’ head when we soldout our fans and ourselves by runnin’ wit the devil, Jim Cornette. Hookin’ up wit the suits at JCE was one of the worst things we ever done, eh. Now we washin’ our hands of it. See, The Greatest Rock N Wrestling band of all time is going back to they roots! We’re goin wit the name that brung us ta da dance, eh. England’s given birth to some of rock’s greatest bands, The Stones, The Beatles, now the UK is gonna witness the rebirth of rock’s greatest band. From the ashes of Anglemania rise the next the legends of music, we died fer our sins, now we’re rockin’ fer yours, we are the.....HEAVENLY ROCKERS! COLE Amazing! What an earth shattering announcement by Synth Esizer! The Saints are now known as the Heavenly Rockers. COACH I don’t know, Mikey, they’ve been going by that name for the... COLE I said what an earth shattering announcement by Synth Esizer!!!!!!! SYNTH Don’t forget ta buy our new joint, Heaven Closing, dropping on you on May 17. Judgement day. We tearin’ it up and putting all these other pretenders and studio pranksters to bed. Deal wit that! COLE The Heavenly Rockers...are on HeldDOWN~! COACH They’ve been on the show for like a year. We'll be back. (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) The post-Anglemania festivities continue, as HeldDOWN~! comes back from the various video game, upcoming movie, and shitty ass Jamster ads. COLE This past Sunday at Anglemania, we had more than one OAOAST flashback. While it was well known that the battle of the six OAOAST “Originals” would draw incredible interest from our fans, we recently found out that it drew interest from another source, namely the monster JINGUS, one half of Hell’s Hitmen, who was a part of the OTHER flashback sequence at Anglemania. CABOOSE You know, speaking on behalf of myself, Zack Malibu and Some Guy, it felt so good getting back into that ring and gaining retribution for the hollow words spoken by Black T and CWM these last few weeks. Now, I understand that JINGUS was a little angry with how it all went down, feeling left out of the contest as he too was with us in the beginning, and that is part of the reason why he got involved in Alfdogg’s match later in the night, after he and The Sadist had taken on The Love Doctors. COLE And that’s why tonight, in a non-title affair, the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions of JINGUS and The Sadist, Hell’s Hitmen, have challenged your two Anglemania partners, Zack Malibu and Some Guy! COACH Poor Zack, man. From rolling around with all the honeys smellin’ like money, to having to lock up with those two mongoloids…it just ain’t fair! CABOOSE Coach, I put my life on the line for this company with Zack and Some Guy, and all you’re worried about is what girls are on the show for you to ogle? COACH Ye…I mean, uh, well I can always ogle AFTER the show. CABOOSE I swear, if I feel anything warm hit my leg, I’ll clock you. Before this conversation sinks any lower (and has the effect on our ratings), it’s cut off by the sound of “Hit Me Verdi One More Time”, the customized entrance song for Hell’s Hitmen! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall! Coming down the aisle at this time, weighing in tonight at a combined 810 lbs., they are the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions, JINGUS and The Sadist…HELLLLLLL’SSSSS HITMEN! The two beasts slowly walk to the ring, each one looking like they could bite the head off a small child and laugh about it afterwards. Each one steps over the ropes, and they stalk ring announcer Michael Buffer, who looks like a grey haired Smurf when confronted by the much larger, very intimidating duo. “Oh…OH…OOOOOH!” “Sexy Boy” hits, and the pleased female vocals that start the song draw the attention of the Hitmen away from Buffer and towards the entrance area, as SOME GUY comes walking through the curtain. With an “OAOAST: Established 2002” logo t-shirt draped over him and his trademark Boston Red Sox hat on his head, the popular superstar gets a great pop upon the entrance for his first actual HeldDOWN~! match since his return. CABOOSE You know, even I didn’t expect Some Guy to show up and lend a hand last week, but as you saw at Anglemania, all’s well that end’s well. COLE You guys definitely added a few scenes to the highlight reel in the last week. CABOOSE Vintage OAOAST, baby. Some Guy comes about halfway down the aisle and jogs in place, looking up at the ring. “Sexy Boy” fades out, and moments later the throbbing bass intro to “Getting Away With Murder” hits, bringing the fans to their feet. COLE I never thought I’d see the day. CABOOSE Hey, love him or hate him, this guy is as real as it gets. A company man through and through. Some Guy turns and does the Hall-esque point up the aisleway, as ZACK MALIBU comes out, dressed in new blue and black semi-short tights. He begins walking down the aisle, but then that walk turns to a run, as he and Some Guy bolt for the ring and slide in after their opponents! COACH It’s on like Donkey Kong! Some Guy and Zack pair off with the Hitmen and start stunning them with lefts and rights, but simultaneously the Hitmen simply push their foes to the canvas! Zack and Some Guy then roll to their feet and head for the Hitmen again, each one ducking a lariat and bouncing off the ropes and connecting with a dropkick that only slightly stagger their opponents! Zack and SG come up off the canvas, with Sadist grabbing Zack by the throat and JINGUS driving a knee into SG’s ribs and then going to crush him in the corner…but Some Guy moves out of the way! SG then dropkicks JINGUS in the back, sending him falling into the corner, while Malibu kicks Sadist in the ribs to break the chokeslam attempt, then hops over his back, trying for a sunset flip. Instead of going over, Sadist reaches down and yanks Zack up by the throat, holding him with both hands…THEN DRILLS HIM WITH A SEATED CHOKE BOMB! Charles Robinson scurries over to make the count… ONE! TWO! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! …but why bother, since Zack kicks out! Having counted Zack as the legal guy, Robinson orders that other guy (Some Guy) out of the ring, as well as JINGUS, so that Sadist and Zack can do this thing the right way. Sadist picks Zack up off the canvas and drives a knee into his stomach, then smashes him across the back with a foream, knocking him down to the canvas. COLE The raw power of the Hitmen is proving to be a viable defense against the high impact assault of the two crowd favorites. Sadist picks Zack back up and biels him into the corner, and Zack’s back goes crashing against the turnbuckles. Sadist then charges, crushing Malibu against the turnbuckles before holding him by the head as he makes the tag to JINGUS. The crowd boos as the monster steps in, watching on as Sadist presses Zack up over his head…and throws him into JINGUS’ arms, who then flattens him out with a falling powerslam! COACH DAYUM~! CABOOSE Truth be told, that was some excellent teamwork from the Hitmen! COLE That’s why they’re the reigning HI-YAH Tag champs. ONE! TWO! NO! Malibu kicks out of JINGUS’ first attempt at a pin, and it’s obvious that the angered (even more than usual) JINGUS and his partner are going for the quick kill tonight. JINGUS pulls Zack up and flips him up towards him, going for a powerbomb…but Malibu starts hammering on his forehead, causing himself to be dropped! Malibu lands on his feet, and reacting quickly, fires off a SCHOOL’S OUT…but the foot is caught! JINGUS growls, reaching out and grabbing Zack by the throat, holding him up in the air for a Chokesl…NO! MALIBU COUNTERS WITH A DDT OUT OF THE CHOKESLAM! CABOOSE Nice one, Zacky! JINGUS pushes up off the mat, holding his head, as Malibu kips up and runs the ropes, going for the ZACK ATTACK…BUT JINGUS LUNGES UPWARDS AND LARIATS HIM OUT OF THE AIR! COLE Oooooooh! Malibu falls down on the back of his neck, and then floats over so that he’s face down. JINGUS then hits the ropes and comes off with a huge legdrop to the back of Zack’s neck! CABOOSE It seems that the big man has found a focus! JINGUS then lays across the mat, grinding his elbow into the back’s of Zack’s neck for a few moments before wrapping his arms around the head of the Preppy One and wrenching it back. Zack groans in pain as he’s led from the canvas up to his feet and then shoved into the ropes, where he comes off and runs right into a big boot from the big man! COLE JINGUS is dominating for his team! CABOOSE You’ve got a walking skyscraper with aggression problems taking out added aggression on guy half his size! It might be Zack Malibu in there, but JINGUS went into this match wanting to treat Zack like he’s signed his death warrant! JINGUS looks down at Zack and spits on him, drawing loud boo’s from the crowd. COACH …and to think, if he did that about a month ago, he’d be the biggest babyface in the company! JINGUS then tags in Sadist, and the other big man comes into the ring. JINGUS takes Zack’s legs and holds him, then falls back, catapulting Zack up and over…INTO A BIG BOOT BY SADIST…AND BACK DOWN ONTO JINGUS’ KNEES! COACH YO~! CABOOSE The time these guys have spent oversees is showing in spades. This isn’t your typical hoss team! JINGUS shoves Zack off of him, and Sadist runs the ropes, coming off with a huge splash down onto the former World Champion! ONE! TWO! THR-KICKOUT! COLE Zack Malibu escapes again! “ZACK!” ”ZACK!” “ZACK!” The crowd chant is heavy, as Some Guy leads the call for his partner, hoping to get his blood pumping enough to make a comeback or make the tag. Sadist gets up and runs the ropes again, dropping a big elbow…ON THE CANVAS! Zack rolls out of the way, but the big man barely flinches, getting right back up and dropping another elbow…THAT ZACK DODGES! Malibu rolls under the bottom rope, onto the apron, and Sadist gets up, leaning over the ropes and pulling up the once again popular star by his hair…but catches a thumb to the eyes! CABOOSE I don’t care how big you are, certain moves get everybody! Sadist staggers away, and Malibu takes a deep breath and leaps up, springboarding back in and driving both feet into the chest of Sadist, knocking him over! COLE Springboard missle dropkick from Zack Malibu! Zack pumps himself up, pulling up the Sadist and trying for ROARING ELBOW~!…but Sadist ducks it, and throws Zack overhead with a huge release German Suplex…BUT ZACK FLIPS ONTO HIS FEET AND DROPKICKS SADISTS LEG OUT FROM UNDER HIM! The big man collapses, and Zack runs the ropes as Sadist sits up…AND HITS THE ZACK ATTACK IN THE BACK OF HIS HEAD! COACH Advil alert! Before he gets too carried away, Malibu gets to his corner and makes the tag to Some Guy, who starts climbing the ropes. Malibu climbs up in front of him, and all of a sudden Zack has his partner in a front facelock! COLE What the hell? ZACK MALIBU SUPERPLEXES SOME GUY DOWN ONTO THE SADIST! “HOLY SHIT!” “HOLY SHIT!” “HOLY SHIT!” The crowd loves it, but JINGUS is furious, trying to enter the ring, however it only draws Charles Robinson’s attention away from the match, as Some Guy and Zack each head to a side of the ring…AND HIT A SPRINGBOARD TIDAL WAVE COMBO! Some Guy goes for the cover, and Zack slides out of the ring, avoiding being caught… ONE! TWO! THR-NO! JINGUS PULLS SOME GUY OFF OF SADIST! COLE I didn’t know the big man could be that fast! JINGUS takes Some Guy into his clutches and sets him up in a standing headscissors. The crowd prepares for the worst, until Zack comes charging into the ring…AND SPRING OFF OF SOME GUY’S BACK, HOPPING OVER JINGUS WITH A SUNSET FLIP…BUT IT’S JUST TO HOLD HIS LEGS IN PLACE, AS SOME GUY ESCAPES…SOMEKICK TO JINGUS! The big man staggers, and Malibu powers up to his feet…AND HIT’S A SCHOOL’S OUT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD…RIGHT INTO A SECOND SOMEKICK! COACH Uno! Dos! Tres! CABOOSE THREE SUPERKICKS! Now that seems vaguely familiar! JINGUS teeters like a house of cards, and ultimately falls down hard, getting a huge pop for doing so! Malibu and Some Guy pump their fists, but like a horror movie villain that won’t stay down, The Sadist rises up behind them, and when they turn, each one is grabbed by the throat…NO! Double kick to the junk…AND A DOUBLE SUPERKICK, THE SOMEKICK/SCHOOL’S OUT COMBO PUTS HIM DOWN! CABOOSE God, we love that move don’t we? Some Guy covers! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! BUFFER Here are your winners…the team of Some Guy, and Zack Malibu! “Sexy Boy” comes up, and Some Guy gets off the defeated monster, looking all too pleased with himself. JINGUS is still out on the side of the ring, as Some Guy and Malibu shake hands and give each other props before they split, each one climbing up on the ropes on a side of the ring and working the crowd. COLE A decisive victory for a returning hero and a man on a mission of vengeance. Dan Black had better take heed, because he stirred the pot earlier, and I would not want to be on Zack Malibu’s shitlist at this point in time. SG and Zack duck out of the ring, leaving the two genetic beasts to lick their wounds in the ring. The crowd applauds the effort of the popular duo, who proved tonight and at Anglemania that the OAOAST is in good hands as long as they’re around. COACH Playas, Jesse V is backstage with Mr.T! The other Mr.T.

Oh my god, post that shoot interview right now. I'm not even joking.

DORKS!!!!!! Once again I’m missing Dharma and Greg. But now its thanks to my gardner! I’m with Coach, they shoulda worn masks in the Joy of X match. KC writes these multi person matches pretty well. I’d kill my own father before I ever agreed to write a four person contest. Don’t tell him I said that! Very exciting pro wrestling spectacle. Maybe I’m stupid, but KC got me to believe that Rodez wasn’t going to go over. You don’t have to comment on the “Maybe I’m Stupid” bit. I already know ya’ll think I’m a super genius. Tony, did you write that Larry Zybysko thing? If so nice job! My match! Figuring that everyone else would try to write a dramatic or epic match, I just tried to write a short, exciting spotfest. I changed Kris’ graphic again. The problem with finding a good pic is that I made her too old. I have to admit that I didn’t even know what a Texas Death Match was. Why Texas? Texas isn’t that hardcore. West Virginia. Now that’s a hardcore state. Coming straight out of Compton? Naw, fuck that, coming straight out of Morgantown. I own a shirt that says “It’s all relative in West Virginia” Onto the match, Calvin being so pissed that he just stormed right to the ring was a nice touch. I should note that he has the best entrance music in the fed. Going through a barbed wire table covered in glass? Good lord, that’s the bump of the night. Intense match, that put over both men really well. Hooray! Mascot stepped his game up, son. T70D would make a good challenger for Axel’s title. If Mascot and Adam actually got along that is. A COD skit! Tony actually wrote the Elmer Fudd part and Cornette giving Alix 5 bucks. Like I told him, Tony and I are fucking the game up with straight stupid rhymes! Six man action. More well written entrances! They read more like a book then a wrestling match, which is a good thing. I knew Zack’s team was gonna win because Zack doesn’t job to wrestlers with penises. If the C.Note (CWM) wore a mini skirt, his team might’ve got at least a count out victory. I enjoyed the whole match, but enjoyed the ending sequence most of all. And I guess that’s what you’re supposed to like best in a wrestling match. Zack and Eski did a good job capturing that big match feel. Mario Logan/Phenom weeps at the outcome of the main event. In truth I wanted Drek to retain, so we could at some point see the e-fed dream match of Zack Malibu vs Drek Stone for the world title. Very good, well written (my favorite phrase!) match. Nice brawling and some cool spots (double burning hammer and the choke slam off the apron.). Congrats to Adam. So tell me, was Sly supposed to win the world title at AM? Dish the dirt!

Well, my gardner kinda sorta cut my cable wire, making it kinda impossible to see Making the band and Power Girls. So I had to cut him. I'm so mad! What would compel a gardner to cut a cable wire? He wasn't even gonna tell me until I ran outside wondering what happened to my MTV Jams. Then he lost half of the wire that he cut! But if ya'll could still try and get everything in by nine that would be nice. Oh, C.Man (Chuck for you n00bz) already called the mainevent! So don't send me a segment and expect it to be the mainevent. You know who you are!!! There's hoes in the room and there's hoes in the car. There's hoes on stage and there's hoes by the bar.

Everything to me by 9 PM. No later. If I miss Making the Band because of ya'll there's gonna be gunplay. Know that.

Lots of reading. I do enough of that at school! When I actually show up. Which isn't often. I missed Dharma and Greg to write this crap. So ya’ll better appreciate. Making fun of Tony Schiavone is always fun. What a dork! hahahah. my finest hour. money and the power, bitches. Nice opening video package by the N.Yeazy, as he likes to be called. Patty LOLed at Krista being dressed as the Easter Bunny. Espn.com’s baseball page has a confusing new layout. It makes me mad! Caboose’s Drek fandom is disturbing. However that opening match wasn’t. Good drama towards the end. I agree with the “action packed” comment that NYU made. However, I didn’t think their Zero Hour contest was too long or too wordy. Good wrasslin’ psychology with Crystal targeting the knee to cut Axel down to size. I believe the match did the feud justice. Because when ya think about it, if Cryssy had succeeded in taking out Axel’s knee then she would’ve ruined his title chances later on. Which would be totally mean and the ultimate revenge! I was sad that Crystal lost. Well, not sad “sad” but you get the point, dontcha! I agree with this sign. I created Tom Goran as the type of gun toting redneck everyman the fans can get behind. Anyway, the entrances in that cage match were really well written. I felt the need to point that out. At first I didn’t like Popick as PR’s manager, but I’ve warmed up to it after reading their interactions during their various skits. WHERE’S THE FUCKING ENDING TO THE MATCH, YOU ASSHOLES??? Such a tease! I think cage matches are the gimmick match of choice in the OAOAST. Are hell in the cell matches no longer hip in wrestling? Are they the pokemon of play fighting? Prince Killings is resourceful! Cute ending. As opposed to a non existent ending. Are chinlocks boring? I happen to think they’re very sexy. The NNMX/Saints match was the one I was most looking forward to. I was not disappointed. Good match for a great feud! I like to think I had something to do with 0.0001% of that feud’s excellency. Go me! Anyway, the storyline did wonders for both teams and their managers/image consultants. Alf really dragged out the legends for his match. I liked how Caboose summarized what the relationship was between all the wrestlers and Sandy. It all made sense to me in the end. But why did they have to pick on Alf before they ganged up on Sandman? Meanies! More later. At least before HD goes up on Thursday.

I just want to know how many of you used those little rings that carry the wrestlers to the ring that Hoff compared to a jail cell.

Change of plans!!! Send everything to Chuck Woolery!!

Enjoyed FS’ promo. Video packages are something I have a hard time doing. Maybe due to my desire to set them all to “Candy” by Mandy Moore. Step to me like sugar to my heart! Huge thank you’s to KC for doing the PPV preview. Coach claiming that Caboose was going to get his ass beat was funny. I’ve actually been around long enough to remember Some Guy. When I came in he was feuding with Anglesault or SuperStar. On a side note, of that whole influx of new people who came in around AM II, I think MST3K and I are the only ones still here. Awwww! The big......five. Tony, remember that April Fools joke I played on you? I got you good, baby. Keep smoking that crack. I got you, son. Anywho, I’m saving my feedback energy and trademark wit for AM. Which by the way, I think has been built up much better overall then last years AM.