Patty O'Green

Damn MST3K, that’s some long feedback Enjoyable show from what I read I already told Tony what I thought about his skits. Good work. I swear I don’t remember Brock Ausstin even though I’ve been here for two years. Anywho, I was outright shocked that he beat The Dude. But good way to build up the feud with Calvin heading into the ppv Hoff’s segment was nice, Josh Matthews showing off those broadcast journalist skillz! It reminded me of something I might see on SportsCenter or whatever its called. I’ll leave more detailed feedback for 0 hour. Promise!

I have this so called insider knowledge meaning I know the ending to over half the matches. Which is odd because I don’t really talk to anyone from here but somehow I know the finishes. Axel Vs Cappa Winner: Cappa after Crystal fucks something up. TPR Vs Panther Winner: TPR, and Panther at the rematch at AM Cal Vs Dude Winner: Cal

(RETURN FROM BREAK) Coach: Its time for the Main Event! Cole: New HeldDown GM Josie Baker made this match last week citing that The 70s Dude needed a little step up in his competition. Well he’s about to get it with the Monster Brock Ausstin! Caboose: Ausstin hasn’t beaten anybody in weeks, even months! He should be facing somebody like that bum Alfdogg in a High School gym. Cole: Well like it or not Caboose this match is going to happen. Let’s head to the ring. Michael Buffer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall and is tonight’s Maaaaaain Event! *fans start to slightly pop but those cheers die down quickly as soon as the colored strobe lights fill the arena and KC & The Sunshineband hit the Coliseum speakers “I'm your boogie man, that's what I am. I'm here to do whatever I can. Be it early morning, late afternoon Or at midnight. It's never too soon” The 70s Dude appears at the top of the entranceway and does a little dance, ignoring the loud chorus of boos coming from the fans before making his way down to the ring* Michael Buffer: Weighing in at 305lbs and standing 6’4”, he hails from Newark New Jersey. *The 70s Dude enters the ring and stands slightly to Buffer’s right* Michael Buffer: He’s the Master of Funk, The Hippy from Hell…he is The 70s DuuuuUuuuuuuude! *The music dies down and there’s a brief moment of silence before the lights dim and are replaced by a red hue. Just then a deep and harsh voice fills the arena "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment?” a sharp and hard guitar riff cuts off the words momentarily as Rick Heyross comes out and walks down the ramp, stops, and stares towards the entrance way “Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." Punishment by BioHazard kicks up on the arena speakers, a line of Pyro goes off along the stage of the entrance and when it dies down Brock Ausstin is standing there causing the fans to go absolutely nuts. Brock stands there for a moment before doing the Happy-Happy Hoss Dance~! And then he walks down the aisle; meets up with Rick Heyross and both make their way to the ring* Michael Buffer: and his opponent coming to us from Victoria, Minnesota. He weighs in at a cut 320lbs while standing 6’4” as well *The Dude exits the ring as Brock makes his way into it with Rick Heyross* Michael Buffer: He is the Man Beast…the Monster…The Current Big Thing…BROCK AUSSTIN!!! *Brock raises his arms and the fans continue to go nuts. The music dies down, Michael Buffer leaves the ring and the ref motions for Heyross to exit the ring. Brock continues to play to the crowd which allows The Dude to sneak back into the ring and nail him from behind with a clubbing forearm to the neck. The ref rings the bell as The Dude continues to club Brock in the upper back and neck region with forearm blows.* Cole: We're under way and already The Dude taking a cowardly approach. Caboose: Cowardly? I call it intelligent. Brock wanted to play it up to the crowd and he paid for it. *After three forearm shots Brock shoves The Dude away and turns slightly but The Dude runs right back at him and hits him in the side of the head with overhand rights. After taking another three blows to the head Brock once again shoves The Dude away, but is able to put all of his force into it sending the Dude tumbling back on the mat.* Coach: Look at that display of power! *The Dude tries once again to run at Brock and keep the pressure on but Brock greets him with a MASSIVE clothesline sending The Dude hard to the canvas clutching the back of his head.* Cole: The 70s Dude seems to have awoken Brock as he’s wasting no time bringing the Dude back to his feet. Brock’s scooping The 70s Dude up and drops him hard on his knee with a back-breaker! Coach: He isn’t letting go though! *Brock keeps his hold on The 70s Dude and lifts him back up once more and again drops him across his knee for a back-breaker. This time he does let go upon contact and the Dude rolls off and falls stomach first to the mat favoring his back. Brock proceeds to straddle The Dude’s upper body and locks on a Step Over Armbar.* Cole: Ausstin has that armbar locked in and the Dude is in obvious trouble. Coach: He’s starting to find out why they call him The Current Big Thing. Caboose: This is completely unfair. Ausstin last wrestled at AnglePalooza while The 70s Dude has been in action nearly every week since then! *Nick Patrick drops down to the mat and checks to see if The Dude is willing to give up, but he just ignores him. The 70s Dude writhing in pain slowly begins the process of making it to the ropes. Brock cinches back on the hold harder and The Dude lets out a moan of pain but is finally able to reach the ropes. The ref calls for the hold to be broken and as it is The Dude slides out of the ring to regroup* Cole: This is the first time we’ve really seen The 70s Dude in real trouble. It’ll be interesting to see how he approaches Brock’s raw power now. Caboose: Brains beat Brawn any day of the weak Cole. I wouldn’t count The 70s Dude out by any means. *the ref motions for Brock to back up and begins the mandatory 10 count. The Dude uses it to regain his composure and slides back into the ring when the count reaches eight. From there he and Brock jaw a bit causing Brock to come to the middle of the ring during it.* Coach: I think he’s challenging the Dude. He’s telling him “C’mon, gimme what ya got!”. *The Dude bounces himself off the ropes and charges into Brock shoulder first. Brock absorbs it and goes nowhere. The Dude tries again and gets the same results. Then the Dude challenges Brock to try with him. Brock runs off the ropes and attempts a shoulder block but The 70s Dude sidesteps him and uses Brock’s own momentum against him by grabbing the back of his head and sending him over the top rope and down hard on the floor. The fans boos and The Dude in return gives them a little dance.* Caboose: Hahaha. See? Brains win everytime Cole! *The 70s Dude slides to the outside and brings Brock to his feet. He then irish whips Brock hard into the ring. As Brock stands there grimacing in pain The Dude drops to a knee and begins thrusting his shoulder hard into Brock’s abdomen. Each blow causes his back to hit the ring apron as well. The Dude gives him four more of these and then proceeds to slide back into the ring and back the ref away to break up the count. The Dude slides back out to the ring where Brock is now on a knee clutching at the small of his back. The Dude grabs Brock his head and brings him back to his feet. From there he goes to irish whip him into the steel railing at the other end but its reversed send the Dude into the guard rail hard.* Coach: Brock might be coming to! *After taking a couple breaths Ausstin follows up by running full force at The Dude and giving a Big Body Splash against the steel rail…but The Dude moves! Brock is left hanging over the rail and is motionless. Rick Heyross runs around from where he was to check on his client and seeing this The Dude lifts a steel chair up and takes a defensive position. Nick Patrick not wanting this to get out of hand slides out of the ring and comes inbetween the two. He grabs the chair away from The 70s Dude and tells him to back off. From there he starts trying to get Heyross to go back to his corner of the ring, away from the action. While the ref’s back is turned The 70s Dude takes his opportunity. Seeing Brock slowly starting to stir he takes the ring bell off the time keeper’s table.* Cole: Hey! What’s he going to do with that?! Turn around ref! *As Brock gets back to his feet he turns and is met with the ring bell right to the face causing him to drop like a sack of tators~! The Dude drops the bell and begins to drag the semi-conscious Brock back towards the ring while the fans jeer in protest over what they’ve just seen.* Coach: Brock is out and Nick Patrick was busy trying to get Heyross away from it all. The 70s Dude is going to steal another one! *Nick Patrick returns his focus to the match and enters the rings as the Dude slides Brock back in. The Dude follows him back in and drags Brock to the center where he stands over his motionless opponent’s head.* Cole: Now he’s just trying to embarrass him! *The Dude stares out to the crowd who are now chanting in unison “You suck!”* Caboose: We’re going to see it! The funkiest move in sports entertainment today! *The Dude goes to run off the ropes but as he does so the TitanTron suddenly shows us live feed from the parking lot, and more importantly is focused on The Dude’s van. The Dude pauses and looks at the screen in a state of confusion.* Caboose: What the hell is going on?! *Just then a loud horn can be heard beeping and from out of nowhere a School Bus doing about 70mph slams into the Dude’s van! The fans marvel at this and chant "Holy Shit!"* Cole: Oh my god! I hope there were no children onboard! Coach: Its past 11pm, what kind of school is open that late?! *The Dude keeps staring towards the screen, a look of shock on his face. The camera outside follows the School Bus backing away and after it gets a good 20 yards from the van the driver once again floors it and slams into the van. This time the van flips over and rolls from the impact. The Dude is jumping up and down furiously in the ring now.* Caboose: Where is security to stop this? Why are they letting that bus driver continue this?! Coach: Hey, somebody just exited that bus and is coming around from the other side now! *The dark figure walks around the front of the bus and the camera zooms in revealing it to be…* Caboose: Oh…my…god… Cole: Its Calvin Szechstein! *the fans start to go nuts and chant Calvin’s name over and over again. The Dude stands in the ring with a look of horror on his face and shaking his head no as to convince himself that what he’s seeing is not real.* Caboose: He’s supposed to be gone! What is HE doing here?! Coach: I told ya Boose, Calvin wasn’t going to take what The 70s Dude did lying down! *The 70s Dude continues to shake his head and scream out “No!”. He then turns around and is greeted by a vicious kick to the mid-section from Brock who used the distraction to recover from the shot to the head with the ring belt. The Dude surprised from the attack hunches over and Brock lifts him up on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry.* Caboose: No!!!!!! Cole: Could it be… *The big man then delivers the knock-out blow on The 70s Dude* Cole: F-Stunner-5! F-Stunner-5! Its over! *Brock covers the Dude and hooks a leg* 1! 2! 3! Michael Buffer via the mic: Your winner…BrrrRrrrrock….Ausstin! Caboose: Calvin cost him the match! The 70s Dude had Brock right where he wanted him! *Punishment by BioHazard fills the arena and the fans are going completely bonkers. Brock exits the ring and begins to make his way to the back with Rick Heyross by his side. The 70s Dude begins to come to and makes it to a knee where he’s able to look up at the TitanTron that still shows Calvin standing there live.* Calvin: Good evening, Dude. You really shouldn't take other people's parking spaces. *The crowd is buzzing, waiting for Calvin to say something important. Obviously, however, he's savoring the moment, as the Dude mourns his loss mid-ring, Szechstein continues.* Calvin: But you see, Dude, there's some things that you just don't do. You bashed me over the head with a disco ball a couple weeks ago, sent me to the hospital. The doctor told me that under normal circumstances I'd've broken my neck -- I guess you didn't hit me hard enough, Dude. Shame, really. *The crowd is getting louder, enjoying this moment as Calvin continues.* Calvin: Because you see, Dude, you hurt me. Not physically, mind, but you hurt me psychologically. Any time you suffer a concussion at the hands of a guy who still thinks Donna Summer is cool, well, you know you're losing it. You hurt my pride, and as a result, I destroyed your pride and joy. That's where we're similar. *Calvin grins* Calvin: But you couldn't get it done two weeks ago. You couldn't slay the beast, and that's where we're different, because this Sunday at Zero Hour... *the crowd comes alive* I'm not only going to slay the beast, I'm going to knock his ass right back into the 1970s! *The crowd roars as the picture on the TitanTron fizzles out, leaving Dude in the ring to mourn his fate!* Cole: Folks, we just had a blockbuster match made for Zero Hour! Calvin Szechstein is BACK, and he's going to face the 70s Dude this Sunday! Caboose: Calvin better watch out, or the Dude really will end his career on Sunday! Cole: For Coach, Caboose, and me, I'm Michael Cole -- goodnight! ORDER ZERO HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!! Goodnight.

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! LaLa by Ashlee Simpson plays as we see the opening video! The video leaves us and we’re taken to a jam packed Nassau Coliseum, who’s normal occupants, The New York Islanders, might as well be on permanent vacation. Rabid fans foist their less then creative signs in the air, seeking to gain fifteen seconds of fame. Others jump up and down screaming incoherently, obviously having taken full advantage of the Coliseum’s generous drink prices. We go to three men who can hold their liquor, Triple C! COLE We are only three days away from our February pay per view extravaganza, Zero Hour! But before we can get to ZH, we have to make it through HD~! CABOOSE And Leon Rodez has to make it through Vitamin X in our upcoming X Division Title match. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your following contest is scheduled for ONE fall...and it is for the OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP..OF THE WOOOOORRRRRLLLD!! "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" BUFFER Your referee for this next match is Thomas Rodriguez. A discontenting murmur fills the air as Rodriguez smiles and waves to the crowd, just as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Boyds kicks up. Sure enough, the murmurs quickly become boos. "HAHA! NO CHANCE, CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE GOT! YOU'RE UP AGAINST A MACHINE TOO STRONG! PUSSY POLITICIANS BUYING SOULS FOR US ARE...PUPPETS!" Vitamin X emerges through the curtains right on cue, shuffling across the stage with a smirk on his face. BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger. From Miami, Florida...he weighs two hundred and fourty eight pounds. The Official Financial Consultant...of the LIGHTNING CREW...he is VVVVVVVIIIITTTAAAAAMMMIIIINNN XXXXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "CAUSE YOU'VE GOT..NO CHANCE! NO CHANCE IN HELL! YOU'VE GOT..NO CHANCE! NO CHANCE IN HELL!" Still smirking, X strolls slowly down the aisle, shrugging off a few hands slapping his back on the way. X leaps to the apron, then to the turnbuckle before holding his arms up in the "X" symbol. A quick glance is exchanged between X and Rodriguez, as X leaps over into the ring and gives another shuffle to yet more boos. *GOOOOONG!* "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" "GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN!" The crowd starts to bop their heads along to Kool And The Gang's "Jungle Boogie", as eventually the X-Division Champion jigs out through the curtains. Hearing the cheers, Rodez smiles broadly, removing his X Title from around his robe covered waist and raising it above his head. Rodez then walks down the aisle, slapping 'dem hands, as a couple of nuns in the twelve row shake their heads despairingly. BUFFER And introducing, the opponent. From Grand Rapids, Michigan and weighing two hundred and eighteen pounds...he is the current, reigning and defending OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPION..."SILKY SMOOOOOOOOTTTHHHH!!!" LLLEEEEEOOOONN RRRRROOOODDEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Rodez slides into the ring and drapes his title belt over his shoulder as he climbs the buckles, saluting his fans. He then hops down, removing his lavish purple robe and dumping it upon a stage-hand as Vitamin X eyes him up from across the ring. COLE Okay, so who the hell assigned the referee tonight? CABOOSE What sort of a question is that to ask before a big X-Division Championship match? COLE A perfectly good one, considering that's Thomas Rodriguez. CABOOSE Yeah... COACH Official Lightning Crew Referee. CABOOSE Yeah... COLE CROOKED referee. CABOOSE Well, I'll give you three guesses who 'assigned' him...and the answer rhymes with 'topic'. Doing some last minute warm-ups, Rodez tries to get himself mentally prepared. Referee Rodriguez interrupts that though, wanting to check Rodez for any concealed weapons. He quickly takes the X-Division Title before continuining his check and it's apparant Rodriguez isn't happy. Rodez seems confused. And rightfully so, as Rodriguez comes back up and points to the right knee. Still bemused, Rodez looks curiously at Rodriguez, as the referee begins to unstrap Rodez's knee brace! COLE What the hell is this!?! Rodez pulls his leg away and starts yelling at Rodriguez...who simply backs up, calling over Michael Buffer. Quickly Rodriguez explains everything to Buffer, who instantly looks just as confused. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...referee Thomas Rodriguez has informed me that on inspection of Leon Rodez's ring attire, he has found an unsuitable knee brace. He goes on to say that if Leon Rodez does not remove the offending knee brace, then he will have no choice to award this match...AND the X-Division Title...to Vitamin X. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd are incensed as Rodez just laughs in disbelief. But Rodriguez is deadly serious. COLE This is ridiculous! CABOOSE I agree. What sort of champion WEARS a deadly weapon? COLE Are you kidding me!?! Leon Rodez had knee surgery about a year ago, his knee is still far from a 100%...that knee brace must have been approved by OAOAST officials, because he's worn it for months! Despite being less than happy about it, Rodez sits in the corner and angrily starts to unstrap his kneebrace. "ASSHOLE" chants are meanwhile being directed at Rodriguez, as he takes the kneebrace from Rodez and passes it out to ringside. CABOOSE Man, look at that monstrocity. All the metal bolts and buckles... COLE WHAT ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO MAKE THEM OUT OF...COTTON CANDY!?! *DING DING DING!* The opening bell finally rings. Without his kneebrace, Rodez's right knee seems much more exposed now as he walks out of his corner, his attention still split between X and Rodriguez. "RO - DEZ! RO - DEZ! RO - DEZ!" Rodez and X meet in the centre of the ring finally and Rodez looks for a lock-up. But sure enough X goes for the knee instead with a quick kick. Two, three, four more kicks rock the 'exposed' knee of the X-Champion before X grabs Rodez, whipping him towards the turnbuckles. Rodez hits the corner sternum first and staggers out, X right behind him with a clothesline that crushes him against the buckles a second time. Turning slowly around, Rodez takes a quick kick to the gut. And one to the knee. Before X fires off three quick kicks to the gut again, following them up with a spinkick which connects with Rodez's jaw! Slumping, Rodez is dazed, as X pulls him out of the corner by the hair. Of course, there's no reprimand from Rodriguez, even as X uses a closed fists to pump away at the forehead of The Silky Smooth One. X continues punching for a few more seconds with no warning in sight, waiting for Rodez to fall to a knee before whipping him off the ropes. Rodez shoots back, ducking a clothesline...and a back elbow...and a second clothesline, grabbing the ropes this time to stop his momentum, which leaves X stranded for a moment. X slowly lumbers around in his search for Rodez... "IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT *beep*ER!?!" "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" The furious X sprints at Rodez, but Rodez is waiting, drop-toe-holding X throat-first across the middle rope! The crowd erupt as Rodez starts to do a little disjointed jig on the spot. COACH Call that bitch Bojangles~! Rodez then hits the opposite ropes and sprints back at top speed directly at X, driving all of his body weight into Vitamin X!! "C'MON BEH-BAY!" COLE Leon Rodez firing up here! Rodez sees Vitamin X getting back up and sees his opponent is winded, so moves in and whips X off the ropes. Coming back, X goes for a clothesline, but Rodez sees it coming and ducks under. Now it's the X-Champion hitting the ropes as the challenger puts on the brakes, turning around into a flying forearm that knocks him off his feet! X is quickly up, but a standing dropkick by Rodez quickly sends him reeling back and infact all the way out of the ring and to the floor! The crowd applaude the posing Rodez as X picks himself up on the floor, unhappy at the way things are going all of a sudden. COLE Well, Vitamin X had things going early on, but the tide has truly changed now. CABOOSE Temporarily. With the champion waiting patiently for him in the ring, X takes the chance to walk off his cobwebs. Rodez meanwhile tries to convince referee Rodriguez to start counting, but the less than impartial zebra stripe wearer does everything in his power to avoid having to do that. Meanwhile, X is back up on the apron. Rodez shrugs off Rodriguez but eats a forearm from X. Only to shake it off and throw one back. Vitamin X wobbles dangerously as Rodez nails a second forearm. But suddenly, Rodriguez steps in and prevents the X-Champion from hitting a third, which allows X to drop through middle and top ropes, shouldering Rodez in the gut. Rodez doubles over, as X floats back in with a sunset flip... 1... 2... NO!!!! Rodez just gets out of the pinning combination, rolling through to his feet. X rolls backwards doing the same and ends up with his back to the ropes. Quickly he charges Rodez, who is able to catch X coming with a snapping powerslam that drives the wind out of X again. The Lightning Crew members holds his ribs as Rodez gets back up. A glare greets Rodriguez as Rodez motions for him to get out of the way as he hits the ropes. The ref just gets out of the way as Rodez runs to the ropes, as X rolls across as a roadblock. But Rodez makes X pay for it with a legdrop! COACH Of DOOM~! Rodez jumps back to his feet and encourages X up, waiting for him to reach his feet before clotheslining...THIN AIR! X ducks and the X-Champion stumbles awkwardly, falling throat first across the middle rope as he trips over his feet. This brings a smile to X's face as he treats us to another Shane-O Shuffle before hitting the ropes. Unlike Rodez's attempt though, X doesn't get chance to complete his charge, as Rodez pulls himself off the rope... *SMACK!* ...and SUPERKICKS X's face into his skull!! X collapses to the canvas as Rodez dives into a lateral press... 1... 2...NO! X is easily able to kick out thanks to a suspiciously slow count. COLE See, this is why Rodriguez's refereeing license should have been revoked LONG ago. CABOOSE It's not his fault he's getting slow in his old age. Rodez takes up the count with Rodriguez, but while he's doing so, X is already getting up behind him. Luckily Rodez is able to catch X in the corner of his eye before catching him in the jaw with an elbow. X reels away as Rodez turns, barging X towards the corner and into the buckles. The nervous X covers up early. But he needn't worry, as again Rodriguez is ducking in and trying to move Rodez back. That obviously distracts the X-Champion, long enough for Vitamin X to pop him with a cheap-shot right hand! "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" Right on cue Rodriguez bundles himself out of the way allowing X to kick the stationary Rodez in the hamstring a couple of times. Rodez grabs his leg, as X steps to the side, dropkicking X in the side of the knee!! Rodez's knee buckles inwards and he collapses to the canvas in agony. Vitamin X meanwhile pops up and stands over Rodez, smirking away to himself. COLE And back to the knee goes Vitamin X. Smart strategy, no matter how un-ethical it all is. CABOOSE Un-ethical how? COLE Well, considering his buddy referee forced Rodez to remove his knee brace, I'd say it's pretty un-ethical. More boos greet X as he now stomps away on Rodez's knee, mashing it into the canvas. X backs off into the corner as Rodez clutches his hands to his face in agony with muffled howls audible. Hopping to the middle rope, X holds his hands up to the crowd, again recieving the jeers from the fans, as he comes off the ropes and crashes down across the knee with a back senton!! "OOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rodez again howls away as X rolls to his knees, clutching the small of his back with a grimace of his own. But he quickly shrugs it off as he gets back to his feet and lifts the leg up off the mat, giving it a quick punt. And a second. Rodez tries to kick X off with his free leg but X avoids the kick and quickly drops an elbow across Rodez's bad joint to nullify him again. Back up comes Vitamin X, only to drop straight back down with a second forceful elbow. Up he comes again and it looks as if he's preparing for a third. Only this time, instead of an elbow, X drives his knee into the point of Rodez, twisting up with the lower half of the leg to form a makeshift submission hold. As Rodez yells in pain, Rodriguez drops to his knees and checks for a submission. Rodez shakes his head with a 'NO!', just as X wrenches again... "LET'S GO RO - DEZ!" *clap clap clapclapclap* COLE The crowd rallying behind Rodez here. "LET'S GO RO - DEZ!" *clap clap clapclapclap* CABOOSE Who'd have thought chicks could shout so loud. "LET'S GO RO - DEZ!" *clap clap clapclapclap* COACH I dunno, I've had some screamers in my time. DAYYUM~! As the chants and claps continue on, Rodez smashes a kick with his left leg into Vitamin X's side...then one to the thigh. Another wrench from X stops his fightback though. Rodez kicks out again a moment later though, so X stands up and gives the leg a firm kick once more. With a smirk, X drapes Rodez's leg over his thigh, looking like he's setting up for some crazy, Puerto Rican lucha submission hold. But Rodez reaches up and cradles Vitamin X over and into a small package... 1... ... 2... KICKOUT AFTER TWO! COLE Damn it, ANOTHER slow count! As X kicks out and rolls to his feet, Rodez's leg is still bothering him enough to keep him from doing the same. Rodez can only reach one knee before X jumps him with an elbow to the back of his head. Tumbling into the ropes, Rodez bounces back towards the centre of the ring and tries to roll to his feet. X is quick to boot him in the head though. That dazes Rodez, long enough for X to get big hangtime on a stomp to the knee. A second. And then, a running third, all eliciting yelps from the X-Champion. CABOOSE You know, I must admit, it's surprising to even me to see Vitamin X controlling the pace of this one so much. COLE Hardly surprising, considering Rodez had his kneebrace taken away. CABOOSE What is this...a magic kneebrace or something!?! Having a kneebrace isn't going to help him at all. Unless of course he kneed X in the head with it. Which he probably would have done. Again X kicks Rodez in the head before sauntering off to the corner and hopping to the middle rope. X looks into the crowd, sneering down at each and every one of them as he raises his hands skywards for a moment. But as he leaps off the ropes, Rodez finds it in him tomove his leg away. X is already in flight as he notices his target moving and his back senton misses, causing him to crash to the canvas hard, back first. He's able to prepare for landing slightly. But not totally. X gingerly clambers up as Rodez does the same, catching Vitamin X in a front facelock and SPIKING him with a quick DDT!! X crumbles, as Rodez drops an arm over him...considerably quicker than Rodriguez gets across... 1... 2... KICKOUT AGAIN!! With no time to question the count, Rodez struggles up again and tries to shake off the pain in his knee. Meanwhile, X slowly comes back up too. Rodez waits and hooks another front facelock. But X reaches behind and pulls Rodez's legs from underneath him to counter, holding up the legs for a moment as he thinks what to do. Or rather, as Rodriguez thinks what to do. Eventually, Rodriguez spots an 'object in the ring'...winkwink...and rushes over, which allows X to lift his leg... *CHING!* ...before planting his knee where it REALLY hurts!! COLE Oh, come on!! CABOOSE Right where no porn-star wants it! COACH ...except maybe those crazy, femdom chicks. They'll do ANYTHING! As Rodez clutches his qualifications, Rodriguez removes the speck of dirt to safety. Meanwhile, X still hangs onto the legs and steps through, lacing Rodez's legs and turning, over into a Sharpshooter! The pain is immediate for Rodez, as Rodriguez skids over to check for a tap. COACH Uh-oh...I smell a Montreal moment. COLE IT WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO GET OVER IT YOU DUMB CANUCK!!!! "RO - DEZ! RO - DEZ! RO - DEZ!" As the fans rally behind the X-Champion, X sits back with the not-expert-but-still-painful hold as Rodriguez is almost encouraging Rodez to tap out rather than asking him is he wants to. Rodez shakes his head 'NO!' though, as he pushes onto his hands and starts to crawl towards the ropes! "RO - DEZ! RO - DEZ! RO - DEZ!" Vitamin X screams at Rodez to tap, but Rodez continues crawling. The ropes are just inches away now, as Rodez tries to make one final push... ...just as Rodriguez adjusts his position, conveniently positioning himself between Rodez and the ropes!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd don't like it as Rodez's path to the ropes is blocked, leaving him on the verge of tapping. But Rodez manages to claw OVER Rodriguez, risking disqualification as he clambers over... ...AND GRABS THE ROPES! "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" From underneath Rodez, the muffled Rodriguez tries not too hard to get Vitamin X to break. He does though, angrily striding to the centre of the ring. X encourages Rodez up, hopping impatiently from foot to foot. Limping up, Rodez stops to check his knee for a moment before turning...and ducking a clothesline. X hits the ropes and charges back, but Rodez catches him with a back elbow! And a clothesline! Followed up with a BAAAAAACK~! body drop!! COLE Leon Rodez is finding something from somewhere here! "C'MON BEH-BAY!" Fired up, the X-Champion waits for X to stagger back up, before popping him with a jab! A jab! Jab! Jab! Jab! X is wobbling now as Rodez turns, blows the kiss...and CONNECTS with the enziguri! COACH Mama Said Knock You OUT~! The challenger tumbles forward and through the ropes, to the floor. Meanwhile, Rodez seems to have done damage to himself with the kick. But he quickly shakes it off, fighting through the pain as he begins to scale the turnbuckles. The fans rise to their feet as Rodez reaches the high-risk district, looking down and waiting on X to turn once more. X slowly does, as Rodez drops off the top, wiping out Vitamin X with a crossbody to the floor!! X SMACKS off the protective mats hard, knocking the wind out of himself, as Rodez limps up and fires up the crowd some more! Rodriguez meanwhile refrains from a count, knowing a count-out won't bring the Lightning Crew the X-Title. COLE And now, we're seeing that never-say-die attitude of Leon Rodez, in full flow! CABOOSE He doesn't need to SAY die to lose though. He just needs to do it. Rodez limps back over, pulling up X and rolling him into the ring before following after. Backing into the corner, Rodez climbs to the second rope as X staggers over. A right hand rocks him. And a second leaves him dazed, as Rodez clasps on a front facelock and whips into...A SPINEBUSTER!! X counters the tornado DDT with a spinebuster, following up with a quick pin... 1... 2... NOOOO!! X cusses out Rodriguez for a moment before getting to his feet. Dragging Rodez up by the head, X grabs an arm and irish whips the champ headlong into a corner. Rodez hits the buckles hard, staggering out, into a running leg lariat from X that sends him crashing back against the buckles again! As Rodez tries to catch a break in the corner, X is right up in his area... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOO!" ...with a knifedge. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOO!" ...and a second. Before going to the knee with a couple of soccer-esque kicks. *slap!* "WHOOOOOO!" ...only for Rodez to catch him with a retaliatory chop! COACH *struts* X's shirt takes the initial sting away but the chop still rocks him, allowing Rodez to slap on a front facelock. Twisting X around, Rodez presses him into the corner... *slap!* "WHOOOOOO!" *slap!* "WHOOOOOO!" *slap!* "WHOOOOOO!" *slap!* "WHOOOOOO!" ...and unloads with some more HARD chops... ...BEFORE STRUTTING OUT, TO A POP!! COACH Hey! He's stealin' a brotha's moves! "Whoooo BEH-BAY!" As Rodez struts away, Vitamin X stumbles breathlessly over. Ducking a wild swing, Rodez catches X under the head and arm, quickly popping back and hitting an Exploder! X hits hard, as Rodez rolls over into a cover... 1... 2... 3--NO!!!!! Just TWO! All Leon can do is glare at Rodriguez as the referee innocently flashes two fingers to ringside, confirming his count. COLE As long as Rodriguez is the referee, there's no WAY Leon Rodez can score a pin on X! This is ridiculous! CABOOSE Oh, stop exaggerating! Clambering back up, Rodez tries to catch X with a superkick, which the Lightning Crew member ducks. Rodez lands awkwardly on his bad leg as a result with a howl. Which allows X to hit a back suplex, dumping Rodez on the back of his head!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!" Rodez bounces off, as another cover is made by Vitamin X... 1... 2... 3--NO, TWO!!!! COLE Now that was a quicker count. Clearly. CABOOSE I didn't think so. COLE Oh, come ON 'Boose...that was as clear as crystal! COACH MAH BABY GUUURRRRRLLLL~!! COLE ... Undettered, X pulls Rodez up, looking for a snap suplex...which gets blocked. A second...blocked. Third time blocked, before Rodez hooks back X and lifts for his own suplex. X floats over back though, pushing Rodez off and hitting a knee to the gut, doubling over the champion. The smirk has returned to Vitamin X as he runs to the ropes, leaping to the middle rope and moonsaulting back for the X Spot...but Rodez drops to one knee, blocking the move with an inverted atomic drop!! X groans, while Rodez hooks his head and rolls straight into a small package... 1... 2... ... THR--NO!!!!!! Just a two count!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The crowd now sense the slowing of the count and begin to boo Rodriguez. Rodez meanwhile advances on the crooked referee who is quick to back off now, trying to beg off...luring in Rodez, while X gets back up. And despite looking like he has a metal rod up his ass, X creeps up slowly on Leon with arms locked for a double axehandle... ...which he clubs into Rodez's spine!! COLE This is a glorified handicap match here! Dropping to his knees, Rodez clutches his ribs, as X pulls up the champion and sets for another back suplex. This time though, Rodez floats over top. Rodez jerks his knee on landing, but still manages to push the lost X forward... ...INTO RODRIGUEZ!! "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" The 'poor' referee hits the mat like a sack of wet mice (copyright SWF), as Rodez grabs X by the arm and whips him away from Rodriguez...only to arm's length, before he yanks X back and BAAAAAACK body drops the challenger... ...ONTO RODRIGUEZ!! "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Hell yeah! CABOOSE Okay, this is ridiculous. Rodriguez is truly bumped now, as Vitamin X pulls himself up dis-orientated, getting hooked to the canvas with a clothesline. Rodez now looks around, realising Rodriguez is finally out of the picture...and nudging him out of the ring, with a wry smile. But as he turns around, his smile is wiped off his face by a Vitamin X superkick!! All heads suddenly turn to the entrance way, as the dazed X manages to drop an arm over the champion...and groans fill the air at the sight of referee Charles Robinson sprinting down the aisle, sliding into the ring... 1... 2... THR--NO!!!!!! Just two! "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" CABOOSE Now, why aren't you complaining about the count now? COLE Because it was perfectly fair. CABOOSE He took five seconds to run down the aisle! How can that be fair!?! Vitamin X is furious, pounding the canvas with his fists as Robinson confirms the two. The Lightning Crew's Financial Consultant takes up the count with Lil' Naitch before climbing to his feet. Up comes Rodez slowly, X meeting him with a quick punt to the knee. He then tries to follow up with a boot to the gut, but Rodez manages to catch it. The champion avoids a couple of punches thrown futily by X, leaving the challenger hopping on one foot. So X stops throwing fists, instead hurling an enziguri out...but Rodez ducks, hanging onto the leg of Vitamin X as he lands on his front. Quickly, the champion steps over, into the STF...AND LOCKING IN THE CHICK MAGNET!! "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE He's got him locked in! The move that's put so many away in the past... COACH Panther, Blurricane, Scotty Static...will X join the list? *TAPTAPTAP!* "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE YES HE WILL!! The bell rings as Rodez releases the hold, finally able to tend to his bad knee as Robinson raises his arm in the air. BUFFER Your winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST X-Division Champion...LLEEEEOOOONN RRRRROOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!! "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The X-Division Title belt is handed back to Rodez and he raises it high from his seated position, before remembering his kneebrace and rolling out. Rodez retrieves the brace, getting a kiss from some young women nearby in the front row before he limps off with belt and brace in hand. Meanwhile, Vitamin X watches on, glaring away...knowing that his Lightning Crew amigos won't be happy that he tapped out. Or that he squashed his own referee. Twice. COLE Leon Rodez, coming out of this challenge relatively unscathed. Bad knee aside. And yes, he is STILL the X-Division Champion of the OAOAST. CABOOSE Bah. COLE Way to earn that paycheck 'Boose. CABOOSE Bite me Cole. COACH Caboose, I think there should be a comma after the me. CABOOSE How can you tell wether I spoke with a comma or not? COACH I just can, Boo-Boo. I just can. Proper grammar. Anyway, it's now time for a word from The Saints and their manager Jim Cornette! (GO BACKSTAGE) 5...4...3...2...1... ZERO HOUR New New Midnight Express vs. The Saints Pre-taped promo. Jim Cornette and The Saints stand in front of a roll of lockers. A microphone in one hand, his trademark tennis racket in the other, James E. Cornette is dressed in black pants and blazer, wearing a red tie. There's a dark theme going on here, as The Saints are also dressed in black -- black leather. Synth Esizer, sporting a soft brace on his hand from the attack at the hands of the New New Midnight Express the previous week, and Logan "Usher" Mann are wearing tinted blue sunglasses. CORNETTE The New New Midnight Express did us a favor last week when they cowardly attacked The Saints after their grueling match against those teenybopper punks, the Global Party XChange -- who cheated throughout the match, and not one time did Michael Cole point that it, but that's no surprise because it's Michael Cole. But all "Sarcastic" Simon and "Narcissistic" Ned did was unite two very opinionated men in a common cause: defeat their enemies. I know Simon and Ned better than their own families. It was I who discovered them. It was I who prepared them for the OAOAST. It was I who gave them the chance of a lifetime to follow in the tradition of one of the greatest tag teams in professional wrestling history, the Midnight Express. They threw that all away because Narcissistic Ned got in heat. I love Sarcastic Simon Singleton with all my heart. I've seen that young man mature from a wild high-flyer to a mat technican. He has all the tools "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton had -- and then some. But what does he get out of it? While Ned is skirt-chasing, Simon just stands there going along for the ride. I came only imagine what the red stater in him is thinking when that loving family man sees his partner pissing away his whole professional career over a piece of tail. So what does Ned get Simon to take part in? A desperate attempt to save themselves the beating of a lifetime at Zero Hour by ambushing the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time, The Saints. The New New Midnight Express see the same rage and hunger in The Saints that they once had. They see the roll The Saints have gone on, like they did when they entered the OAOAST, and brother, they don't want none of this. But it's not just Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned who have lit a fire under Synth Esizer and Logan Mann's asses. So did Holly-Wood, that no-good-for-nothing, two-timing, gold-digging whore who was fired from Jim Cornette Enterprises for insubordination. Holly is the key piece of the puzzle that opened Synth and Logan's eyes. Last week Synth and Logan were doing battle against The Global Party XChange in the Los Infernales Conference Finals, and just when we had the match won, I saw Scotty Static digging into his shorts for a foreign object, so I decided to even the playing field by tossing the tennis racket into the ring, but before I could do so I was attacked -- FROM BEHIND, otherwise I would of showed her who's the boss, and it ain't Tony Danza, brother -- by Holly-Wood. She picks up the racket and clearly throws it to Johnny "Jam" Jackson! SYNTH That ho screwed us again! CORNETTE It was clear as day. And then what does she do? In order to cause rumblings in the camp of J.C.E., she pretends to be concerned about the welfare of Synth and Logan. Please! Paris Hilton has better acting skills than that weak performance. I know that was Sarcastic Simon's idea because Narcissistic Ned is nothing more than a dumb jock who's too stupid to pass a drug test even though the office told him two months in advance he'd be tested! LOGAN I don't know whether to laugh or cry. CORNETTE Just like Joan Rivers because all those face-lifts has hamper her ability to show emotion. But back to a "wrestler" Johnny Carson's bitch likes -- Holly-Wood. Sweet Holly reminds me a lot like a puppy my tennis partner Jack once gave me. Cute little devil, but she pissed the floor way too much. So I gave decided to give her some lessons in matters. I went on a stakeout until I caught her doin' the dirty deed on my carpet, and the day I did... oh, I remember like it was yesterday. Cornette tilts his head to the sky and smiles. Synth and Logan look up as well, looking all over the roof, waiting for that dream bubble to appear. CORNETTE So how do you teach a puppy not to piss in the house? SYNTH You shove a stick up its ass? LOGAN No, stupid. You do that to a chick. You rub a dog's nose into the wet spot. CORNETTE Right. Not about the stick up the chick's -- don't know and don't wanna know where that comes from. So you rub their nose into the stinkin' piss to teach them not to do that again or they'd suffer the same fate next time out. Holly is the puppy, the wrestling ring is the piss. I look forward to being in the ring with you this Sunday, Holly, so I can rub your pretty little face into your own piss. If I were you, I'd enjoy that time in the ring with me because it's gonna be the first time you've been with a real man, sweetheart. Mama Cornette's baby boy is gonna show you there's more to a man than looks. If looks don't kill, brains damn sure will, especially when the brains come with two heavenly bodies. SYNTH Hey, Mr. C, Ah gots a Q for you. Whatcha do with the bitch? CORNETTE I smuggled it into the zoo with me and fed it to a lion. SYNTH That's straight out hardcore. CORNETTE You got that right, brother. Just like how hardcore it's gonna be Sunday. I cried the day I broke up the Midnight Express. This time I won't. Because while Narcissistic Ned is in heat, you and Logan are furious. You're hungry. And brother, you're gonna be fed Sunday night at Zero Hour. CUT TO: The New New New Midnight Express pre-taped promo inside a private racquetball court, a ZERO HOUR logo superimposed on the wall. No Holly-Wood. Simon takes a deep breathe, soaking in the atmosphere. Narcissistic Ned pats Simon on his shoulder, a bucket next to him. SIMON Boy, does this brings back some memories. We used to play raquetball right here with Jimmy. This is the very court we signed our OAOAST contract. It was also the first place we came to after we won the OAOAST World tag team championship. Now its the place we return before our match against the man who brought us to the dance, and the team who wrecked it apart. NED As you can see, honey bunny couldn't join us for this interview, but rest assure she's on the same page as Simon and myself, not to mention yours truly being the greatest lover Holly's ever had. But the question I keep getting asked, is what I think about my woman seemingly concerned about the welfare of another man. Well, I'm not the type of guy who gets jealous easily, but I know women. I know the type of games they love to play to test their man's love. And daddy, Holly's Neddy Bear has shown he trusts his girl. Plain and simple. As to the matter of the 6-Person tag at Zero Hour. I think it's pretty obviously who's going to win, isn't it? SIMON (sarcastically) The greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time and Jimmy. NED Har Har Har Yar. The New New Midnight Express and the seductive Holly-Woooood, that's who. Not only are we going to get payback on The Saints, but I'm gonna throw a big victory party after we win, and all the fans are invited. Simon, I know you planned on hopping on a plane after the show was over and heading back to your wife and kid, but I've taken the liberty of sending two plane tickets so your family can join you in Minnesota. The two men share a manly hug. NED Since Holly couldn't be with us here, let me send her a personal message. From my heart to the airwaves -- Holly, I want you to know we're gonna celebrate our victory at Zero Hour at a 5-star hotel so I can squirt my honey on your buns. We're gonna party like it's 1999 even though it's 2005. It's a year new. And it's a new, New New Midnight Express. Our road to winning the tag team championship starts Sunday night. Narcissistic Ned turns his attention to the Plexiglas window. His eyes light up like a boy on Christmas morning. He removes his shirt, revealing his well-built physique. He runs his hands all over his chest, slightly moaning. Sarcastic Simon stands in the background, smiling at this one-man lovefest. Narcissistic Ned looks directly into his reflection... NED The reflection of perfection that needs no inspection. ...and plants a big wet kiss on the window. Simon reaches into the bucket and pulls out a WATER BALLON. Ned now has a raquet in his possession. Simon throws the ballon underhand and Ned hits it with the raquet, the ballon bursting upon impact and releasing the water THIS SUNDAY The Saints vs. New New Midnight Express

(NO MORE PISS BREAK) PANTHER PROMO COLE Well, we are of course just three days away from Zero Hour, live on Pay Per View. And it's already shaping up to be an action packed night, on what is the last big stop on the road to AngleMania. CABOOSE Definatly. Some big matches on tap, as the kids say, and none bigger than the main event. !~OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP~! -DREK STONE © VS. HOFF- The crowd pop as the graphic appears on screen, champion Drek glaring in determination, Hoff to the side of him...with "All My Life" by The Foo Fighters rawking out faintly in the background. CABOOSE Finally, after months of getting screwed over, Drek Stone is back where he belongs...in the main event, defending the World Title! And it's just like Drek says, his track record speaks for himself. He's gone through everyone who's been put against him. Hoff will be no different. COLE For Hoff, it's a chance to become a 2-time World Heavyweight Champion and win back the belt that was ROBBED from him a few months back. For Drek, it may be his toughest test to date. And the winner here of course goes on to AngleMania, where the #1 Contender waits... -AXEL VS. THE MAD CAPPA- COLE ...and speaking of the #1 Contender and Lethal Rumble winner, he will take on The Mad Cappa in somewhat of an AngleMania tune-up. COACH Cappa got involved in Axel's business last week and you just know Axel wants to deal with Cappa, before his big World Title shot. !~GRUDGE MATCH~! -THA PUERTO RICAN VS. PANTHER- COACH Hells yeah, Grudge Match sums this one up perfectly! COLE Perhaps the most personal war in the OAOAST today...Panther finally gets Tha Puerto Rican one on one, this Sunday at Zero Hour! And you can bet revenge is on his mind, after Tha Puerto Rican nearly took Panther out of Anglepalooza. CABOOSE Yeah...nearly. I really don't see why he's so bitter about all this. COLE It's principal 'Boose. !~OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP~! -LEON RODEZ © VS. CHRIS STEVENS- COLE Just announced tonight, Chris Stevens challenges for the X-Division Championship at Zero Hour, against the long-time champ Leon Rodez. COACH A tough test for the champ, goin' into AM IV! CABOOSE And for Stevens, it's a chance to finally step away from Hoff's shadow and make up for all the lost months that he had to deal with Hoff, at the expense of his own title aspirations. !~ANDERSON CUP FINALS~! -BLACK T VS. THE GLOBAL PARTY EXCHANGE- COLE Winner of this one goes on to AngleMania, to recieve a Tag Title shot against those Chicks Over Dicks! Black T! GPX! CABOOSE These two teams had to earn their way here with two wins apiece. Black T hold the experience advantage and lord knows Jivin' JR will have the boys ready to get back the gold. !~HI-YAH TAG TEAM TITLES~! -THE LOVE DOCTORS © VS. HELL'S HITMEN- COLE Also, HI-YAH Tag Titles on the line. The Doctors of Love versus men of pure Hate! CABOOSE And it's a good job the champs are doctors, because they're certainly going to need medical help at the end of this one. And hey, they'll save on medical bills. Unless they're total dicks and charge themselves full price. COLE ... !~6 PERSON TAG TEAM MATCH~! THE SAINTS & JIM CORNETTE VS. THE NEW, NEW MIDNIGHTS & HOLLY-WOOD COACH 6 Persons, Yo! COLE James E. dusts off the wrestling gear and teams up with The Saints, although, I somehow doubt he'll be getting too involved in this one. COACH Wait. Cornette...VERSUS The Midnight Express? COLE ...yeah. COACH DOES...NOT...COMPUTE! THIS IS LIKE...SOME SORT OF...CRAZY, PARALLEL UNIVERSE! I CAN'T TAKE IT! I...CAN'T..TA...! Coach loops up his headset wire and chokes himself until he collapses out of camera shot. COLE ...lovely. Suddenly, we swoop backstage to see the X-Division Champion, Leon Rodez, apparantly on his way back to the hotel after a successful night of belt defending. Whistling away to himself, Rodez seems pretty happy with life. That is, until he finds two figures standing in his way. One who just towers over him...and the other, Chris Stevens. Rodez drops his bags and goes nose to nose with Stevens for a moment, before Jumbo moves Stevens back a little. STEVENS Well, well, well...what do we have here? If it isn't the OAOAST's own 'superstud', Leon Rodez. I take it you've heard about Zero Hour by now romeo. RODEZ Ye... STEVENS Good, good. Noticing Stevens eyeing up his X-Division Championship, the snarling Rodez unstraps the gold from his waist and dangles it in front of Stevens' face. RODEZ I see you like the look of the belt. Here, take a good look Chris. 'Cause this is as close as you're gonna get to being X-Division Champion. STEVENS Is that so? RODEZ Yeah, that's so. So I'd take a good, looooong look and make the most of it. STEVENS Ooh, aren't we the little tough guy. RODEZ Says the person responsible for putting Hoff on the shelf... Stevens smiles. RODEZ ...with a little help, obviously, because we all saw at Anglepalooza what happens when Chris Stevens has to face Hoff one on one, face to face. Oh, and let's not forget how you conveniently allowed Zack Malibu to take the blame for your little sneak attack. And how you let Hoff get revenge on Zack before you finally 'triumphantly' revealed yourself. Quite the sneak, aren't we? STEVENS You wanna watch your mout... RODEZ Sneaky sneaky. STEVENS ... RODEZ ... STEVENS You.. RODEZ SNEAK! STEVENS ...wha... RODEZ There's a lot of cameras around these corridors buddy, if I were you Chris, I'd think before you SNEAK! STEVENS Would you shu... RODEZ Wow, Chris, where'd you get those SNEAKERS! STEVENS God almi... RODEZ SNEAK'D~! Clearly coming up on the worse of this...uhm...conversation(?), Stevens growls at the almost expressionless X-Division Champion. But as the side of Rodez's lip curls towards a grin, Stevens snaps and slaps the X-Title out of Rodez's hands, landing between the two's feet. An awkward moment falls as Rodez and Stevens stare down the other, the belt equal distance from the two. Until, Stevens finally takes a step back, allowing Rodez to take his belt. Rodez is wary, keeping an eye on Stevens as he bends down for the belt... DOOOF! ...BUT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN WATCHING JUMBO!! A kneelift sends Rodez reeling back, dazed. STEVENS FINISH HIM OFF! On Stevens' orders, Jumbo follows in again, this time grabbing Rodez by head and seat of pants, before HURLING him HARD into the nearby wall!!! Rodez's head just BOUNCES off the wall and slowly he slides down into a seated position against the wall, eyes crossed, as Stevens casually picks up the X-Division Title belt, modelling it around his waist. STEVENS Heh...a perfect fit. Looks good, eh big guy? Jumbo simply nods, as Stevens removes the belt from his waist, instead lifting it to his face and admiring his reflection in the big, red X. STEVENS Yeah, this'll do just fine. There's just one, little problem...it's got the wrong name on it... Letting out a chilling chuckle, Stevens tosses the belt into the KOed Rodez's lap. STEVENS ...for now. Another laugh from Stevens fills the corridor, suddenly masked by hurried footsteps as the Global Party Exchange spint into camera shot! Stevens quickly positions himself behind Jumbo, but the GPX aren't here to attack as they instead kneel down to check on Rodez. Meanwhile, Stevens pats Jumbo on the back with a satisfied grin before the two walk of, leaving The GPX boys to attend to Rodez. COLE Damn it, what a heinous sneak attack! Leon Rodez is right, that damn Chris Stevens is nothing but a sneak! He got his hired muscle to do his dirty work, yet again, and now what condition is Rodez possibly going to be in come Sunday night? CABOOSE Can you say...concussion? COACH Yeah, just don't ask me to spell it. CABOOSE Oh, you're back. Do us a favour...next time you start choking yourself, tighten the wire up a bit more. COACH Will do! COLE Main event up next! (GO TO AN INSANELY LONG AD BREAK!)

*K.U.R.T., the hovercam robot, is on the ground, aparantly scanning the area. Michael Cole appears from off-camera with a large, cartoony mallet* COLE Sting ME, will ya? *Cole swings at K.U.R.T., who's metalic exterior is so powerful, it bounces the mallet back into Cole's face. K.U.R.T. then begins to fly, and stings Cole. Warren Peace appears with an ice cream cone on his head.* PEACE BAM baby, that's what I like! *Peace walks off* COLE Damn you, hovercam! *Suddenly, GM Baker appears* JOSIE What's the problem, Mike? COLE That damn K.U.R.T. just stung me! Again! JOSIE Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not allowing the Disiples of Chaos to enter the Target Center for Zero Hour. COLE What? Why? JOSIE Well, their rampant destruction of various objects and the first-ever robotic sexual harassment law suit is making them too much of a cost issue. COLE Oh, thank you! *Cole and Baker walk off. We see that the DoC has heard all of what they said! ZOMGZ~!* HARMS Were they talking about us? *Geddon hits him on the head* COACH …… COLE Hmm. Well, this is an odd pause. I don’t even have anything scheduled for this time. COACH Well, there has to be something we can talk about. COLE Um…nope. I don’t think so. COACH Hmm. Well, that’s strange. CABOOSE You know….I really don’t like Hoff too much. COLE As we’ve heard. CABOOSE I used to like him. But not so much anymore. COACH Interesting. COLE Well, guys, in case you didn’t know -- Zero Hour is THIS Sunday! And headlining that show live from Minneapolis is the hometown hero Hoff taking on Drek Stone for the OAOAST Heavyweight Championship! CABOOSE Get the hell out of here! Really? COLE That’s what my notes say. COACH Finally, something worth talking about. Since Hoff has returned in January, he has been practically unstoppable. Spinebustering everyone in his way. And now you’re going to put him up for the Heavyweight Championship in his OWN hometown. I can’t see Hoff NOT walking out with the title on Sunday night. CABOOSE Oh, please Coach. This might be THE most predictable Main Event we’ve ever seen. There can’t be any doubt that Drek Stone is literally going to wipe the floor with Hoff. While Hoff’s been playing around with puppies and losing six-man tag matches, Drek has just continued to improve and tally up wins to his record. Let me lay this out to you now. Listen and listen good. Drek will be walking out of Zero Hour with the Heavyweight Championship. COLE Well, on that note, Drek Stone couldn’t be here tonight, but he did leave a message for the fans earlier this week. Let’s get to it! CABOOSE What?! Why didn’t we just do that instead of the awkward conversation before?! COACH ….comic relief? The image of Triple C is replaced with Drek Stone, our beloved Heavyweight Champion, simply standing before a blue screen with the title slung over his right shoulder. Set up on the corner of the screen is the words “Filmed Earlier Today”. Just so we know, in fact, that this has been filmed earlier today. After taking a moment to smooth out his royal blue sit jacket, Drek addresses the camera. DREK So here we go. The countdown is near being complete, and we are only days away from Zero Hour. Live in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The hometown of my challenger for the night, the one and only Hoff. And, if I’m getting this right, I’m supposed to be intimidated. I’m supposed to be worried about the fact that the odds have been stacked against me once again. I’m supposed to be forgetting about the belt, just praying that I might be lucky enough to walk out of Zero Hour under my own power. From what you all have been telling me on the streets and in the arenas lately, this is supposed to be what I’m thinking. Drek Stone takes a deep breath and moves the title over to his other shoulder. DREK Well, let me make this clear to all of you right now. I have absolutely no fear of Hoff. None whatsoever. Hoff is not even NEAR my league! I’m supposed to be intimidated by a guy that couldn’t brave it when the going got tough? He wins the title in October, gets injured in a parking lot…..and then gives up the belt? Leaves the OAOAST for two months? What kind of man is this? I’m supposed to be intimidated by a guy like this? I’m supposed to RESPECT a guy like this?! He’s a coward! Think back, everyone. Back at World Without End, Hoff won the Heavyweight Belt. At that same event, I beat Panther in a stellar ladder match to become the #1 Contender. But then suddenly….Hoff couldn’t defend the title anymore. Suddenly, he had to leave the federation -- and quick. And folks, let me tell you something you don’t know. Hoff was the one that suggested to the front office that our match at Thanksgiving Star Wars become an Elimination Chamber match, simply because he couldn’t stomach the idea that he might have to face me one-on-one! This comment earns quite an impressive amount of boos from the capacity crowd in Long Island. Which is a shock since the fans in the Nassau Coliseum never seem to respond to anything. DREK Oh, I know you people are booing. The lot of you are incredibly predictable. And if I’m going to be straight up with all of you, no, I don’t have any written documentation saying Hoff requesting the Chamber. I don’t have any footage proving it. Oh, but I KNOW he did it. And deep down, you all know he did it as well. He was hoping -- PRAYING -- that the other four guys in the match would gang up on me and take me down for the three count. Then Hoff could take out some other guys that aren’t in my league either. I knew he was responsible for ruining my one-on-one opportunity, which is why I didn’t shed a damn tear when he had to leave. And, of course, as you all know….his idea fell apart anyway and I STILL won the title at Thanksgiving Star Wars. One of my most impressive feats, to be sure. Getting somewhat restless, Drek moves the belt over to his right shoulder once again. DREK You see, Hoff, it was from that point that I started to despise you. That I started to realize that you are little more than a damn phony. You’re a fake. A sham. You’re not a guy worthy enough to hold this championship, and you never were. It was proven back in November when you couldn’t give up the title quick enough. And it’s going to be proven once again when I show the entire world just how much more talented I am than you. Taking a moment to gather his thoughts, the Heavyweight Champion runs his hand through his hair a few times. DREK Big man, you can’t honestly believe you can defeat me at Zero Hour. I’m superior to you in every category. Technical wrestling, I can wipe the floor with you. Not just any man could get a submission out of Calvin Szechstein and Sly Sommers. Brawling? I’m great at it. Take a stroll up to Detroit and ask AJ Flaire if you don’t believe me. Aerial skills? When I pull out my moonsault, it’s a thing of beauty. When you flop off the top rope with your elbow drop, it’s a mess. Strength? Hoff, you might have the muscles and the physique. But I have no doubt that you’re clueless on how to use them. Which brings me to brains….HA! As if we even have to talk about this one. And let’s not even get into just how much damn cooler I am than you too. The crowd in Long Island, shockingly enough, actually responds once again with a chant that has become all too familiar. “DREK STONE SUCKS!” “DREK STONE SUCKS!” “DREK STONE SUCKS!” DREK Don’t forget, Hoff. We’ve already met in the ring one-on-one. Back on May 6th, 2004. I had only been in the OAOAST for little more than a month, and already I was in line for the Puerto Rican Title. You tried to step in my way, wanting to be the #1 Contender. Back in your superhero days of trying to rid the world of evil. Let’s not forget that disaster. So we met in the ring that night -- and I beat you. I outsmarted you. I rolled you up for the three count and moved onto the Puerto Rican Title, which I eventually won. And what did you do afterwards? You became the clean-up bitch for Thrillogy. Quite an impressive career move you made there. The next time we’d meet in the ring would turn out to be NINE months later in that six-man tag match two weeks ago. And I beat you there too! Hoff, I’m unstoppable against you. You’ve never been able to beat me -- and you will never will! Taking a deep breath, Drek takes the title off his shoulder and holds it up to the camera proudly. DREK So I think we’ve reached the time to close this out. Hoff, I can’t wait to get into that ring against you Sunday night. I’ve already been able to put you down for the three count twice -- once more is going to be the final nail in the coffin. It will FINALLY prove to all those people out there that when it comes to me and you….I am simply the better man. I can’t wait to see Mama Hoff sitting ringside at Zero Hour. Papa Hoff standing a few feet away with that ever-present dumb look on his face. Sister Hoff and Brother Hoff staring at their revolting sibling getting schooled in his hometown. In front of the Hoff clan. Oh, it’s going to be a happy time. And a necessary stop on my road to AngleMania. Drek Stoe pushes the gold plating of the belt right up to the camera lens, to the point where you can’t see anything else but the championship. DREK Hoff, enjoy this look at the Heavyweight Title while you can. I promise you -- it is the closest you will ever get to it again. The camera slowly starts to fade out into a commercial, still fixated on the OAOAST Heavyweight Championship. COACH INTENSE~! CABOOSE GO DREK! (PISS BREAK)

(RETURN FROM BREAK) COLE Folks, as you all know, this Sunday it will be Hoff, one-on-one, facing Drek Stone for the OAOAST World Championship -- CABOOSE DREK'S World Championship. COACH Boozer, we KNOW who the world champ is! No need to remind us! CABOOSE I'm just sayin'. COLE Anyway, in preparation for this event, Hoff is not here tonight. Instead, he has spent the week in his hometown of Minneapolis, Minnesota, where Zero Hour will be held this Sunday. CABOOSE Well, big fat f***ing deal, Cole!! COACH Boo-boo, watch your mouth! Your momma will wash it out with soap! BRITISH soap! I heard those are hard to follow! CABOOSE Rain Man's ramblings aside, Michael, who cares where Hoff is? COLE Well, this weekend, we sent our own ace reporter, Josh Matthews, to Minneapolis to get some exclusive footage of Hoff in his hometown! CABOOSE Oh, wonderful. I'm gonna go see if the beer guy is still selling. Caboose gets up and leaves, while Coach complains about not being home in time for Wapner. COLE Let's roll the footage! The live feed switches to a shot of the Minneapolis skyline. The Metrodome, the IDS tower, the Wells Fargo building, and the old Foshay tower are visible in the scene, and the Mississippi River runs through the foreground. Snow is visible on the ground, and the roads and bridges are busy with the hustle and bustle of traffic. JOSH MATTHEWS (voiceover) The city before us: the beautiful city of Minneapolis, Minnesota; a progressive city, growing both in size and in culture. Shots are shown of the Uptown area, full of coffee houses and old theaters pulled from classic cinema; then to the theater district, the Minneapolis Orpheum Theatre as well as the many classy steakhouses and jazz clubs. Another shot shows the famus "cherry and spoon" sclupture on the grounds of the Walker Art Museum. MATTHEWS (v.o.) The city is also home to a stong sense of traditional values. Shots are shown of the Grain Belt brewery, in Saint Paul, Minneapolis' "twin city," as well as the Summit brewery. The scene fades into a gorgeous shot of Lake Calhoun in the Uptown district, where even in the cold, couples and families are walking around the banks, as well as skating on the frozen surface. MATTHEWS (v.o.) Part of that tradition takes root in the wrestling world, where the Minneapolis scene still thrives. Shots are shown of many local unknowns in the ring, in promotions like Midwest Pro Wrestling, Steel Domain Wrestling, and Northern Pro Wrestling. MATTHEWS (v.o.) Since the days of the AWA, professional wrestling has been an institution in this state, with luminaries such as Curt Hennig, Rick Rude, Hulk Hogan, Arn Anderson, and Ric Flair all spending time perfecting their art in the rings of Minnesota. Old footage is shown, of Hennig, then Hogan, then Flair. MATTHEWS (v.o.) And the man who may be Minnesota's next great legend still resides right here in Minneapolis. The shot cuts to Josh Matthews, mic in hand, walking up to a failr plain looking white house in a nondesctipt residential area, a two-story with a small front yard and a picket fence in need of painting. MATTHEWS Okay, we're at the home of Hoff right now, and he should be expecting us. Matthews gets to the house, and rings the bell, then pulls his heavy jacket tighter around him. MATTHEWS Damn, it's cold... The door opens, showing Hoff, the man of the hour, wearing jeans and a black "93X Pure Rock" t-shirt. HOFF Hey guys, come on in. Hoff holds the door open, and J.Math enters, followed by the camera crew. HOFF Make yourselves at home. The scene fades into variosu shots of Hoff's house, which is bigger than it looks from the outside. Fairly plain, reasonably tidy, the shots are needlessly accompanied by voiceovers. MATTHEWS (v.o.) This is a man who loves the city so much that, despite his lucrative OAOAST contract, doesn't leave the city -- in fact, he won't even leave his old house. The shot cuts to Hoff talking with Matthews, seated on a leather sofa and easy chair, respectively. A small orange-and-white kitten rests on Hoff's lap, the big man petting it as he talks with Josh. HOFF Well, y'know, the house isn't much to look at -- I mean, it needs a lot of work, a new paint job, probably could use some new wiring. I got some lightswitches that only work on the "off" setting, y'know? Josh laughs. HOFF But, I mean, it's home. I'd like to tell you it's a family home, but it's not. It's just a little house I bought with some money I saved up and a generous bank loan. But it's a neighborhood I know well, and I love it here. The people are great, and it's right in the heart of the cities. MATTHEWS (v.o.) The cities at large -- the "Twin Cities," as Minneapolis and St. Paul are known -- are familiar territory as well for Hoff, and the people here know him well. The shot cuts to an autograph session outside of the Famous Dave's restaurant in Minnetonka, a suburb on the west side of the metro area. Hundreds of people are lined up around the parking lot, waiting for a chance to meet their hero. The line is abuzz with excited fans. MATTHEWS (v.o.) We caught up with some excited Hoff fans here, at Famous Dave's Bar-B-Q Ribs, a Minnesota institution now spreading nationwide -- much like Hoff. Here's what the fans had to say: FAN #1 (a guy in his 30s) Oh, man, I cannot wait to meet THE MAN! He's just so great, I really think he's gonna be like the next great Minnesota wrestling legend. I remember watching AWA with my dad, and we saw so many great guys just locally, guys like Bockwinkel, Gagne, Larry the Ax and Curt Hennig, and, man, Hoff just blows them all away, he's just so...big, and good, and just so dominant... FANS #2 and #3 (college-aged kids) - DUDE!! Hoff is the MAN!! YEAH!! - Dude, did you see when he won the World Title? BAM!! Future Shock off the top rope! Un-be-LIEVEable!! - Totally, and remember the cage match?! - OH THE CAGE MATCH!! I loved that!! SO BRUTAL!! Josh: What do you guys think of Chris Stevens? - That PUSSY. He sucks! - Yeah, I mean it's cool he's from here too and that he's pretty good wrestler, but this guy here is the MAN. FANS #4 and $5 (teenage girls) - Ohmigod! He is SOOOO cute and like so good, and stuff... - Oh, I know! He's totally dreamy. And he's like, a take charge guy, and he'd like fight for your honor? Y'know? - Yeah, it's like, now that he's out of the Thrillogy or whatever, I mean I dunno, my boyfriend knows better -- oh SHIT! He can't know we're here! - Relax, I think he's coming later! He knows, it's cool. - Oh, really? Awesome. Um, what? Oh, yeah, Hoff! Yeah he rocks! Woo! - Woooooo! FAN #6 (an older gentleman with a scraggly beard) You know, it's great to see a guy like this who doesn't take crap off of anybody, but he still gets what honor is all about, and being a champion. He's a good role model, and he can take care of business in a fight! MATTHEWS (v.o.) Indeed, Hoff has become quite a legend in Minneapolis, in a very quick time. The scene fades from Hoff signing autographs to Hoff, Josh, and the OAOAST crew inside the restaurant, eating ribs. MATTHEWS So is this sudden rise to fame, I mean, does it overwhelm you at all? HOFF (swallowing) Well, sometimes, sure. I mean, I never expected to become World Champion so quickly -- I mean, I knew I could do it, but I didn't think I'd have the chance. And, I mean, that right there was a rush. But once I was able to realize where I was in my career, it became easier to handle. But, sure, do I still get overwhelmed when I'm mobbed by fans at Target or Blockbuster, just minding my own business? Yeah! But it's nice, though, because it means people are wanting to see me and into what I'm doing. It's flattery. The shot cuts to an exterior view of a large, nondesript building. MATTHEWS (v.o.) That rise to fame started here, in the Northern Pro Wrestling arena in Lakeville, a southern suburb. Also a school and training facility, the pormotion runs weekly live shows, and it's at these shows and this facility that Hoff learned his craft. The shot cuts to Hoff, sitting in a chair at ringside, while current wrestlers and students train in the ring in the background. HOFF You know, these shows were a great way to get experienced quickly, because you train for six months and then if you're ready, they put you out there. Even if you're not great, they let you go, and you do what you can. If you're good, you learn from your mistakes. MATTHEWS (v.o.) Hoff was very good -- just ask the people that were around him in his time here. The scene cuts to NPW workers Jay Richards and Jamie "Juice" Cline. JUICE I was here for most of Hoff's run, 'cause me and my brothers are all around here, and so we all got to know him, and let me tell ya, he was something else. Bigger than my brother John -- that's him over there (pointing to a big man with a HUGE upper body and blond hair) -- and he can MOVE But, yeah, you know all that. (laughs) RICHARDS See, I wasn't as lucky as Jamie here, because I only saw the tail end of his run, and all the you-know-what that went down with him and Chris... JUICE Man, don't even get into that, Jay. RICHARDS Well anyway, all I know is, even at the end he had these people in the palm of his hand. The shot cuts to NPW booker and announced J.C. Cline. CLINE Hoff always got it, you know? He understands this business from every aspect. He was just a joy to work with. The shot cuts to a wide-angle shot of the NPW ring, where Hoff is now working out with some trainees. MATTHEWS (v.o.) Indeed, Hoff has kept his roots strong, and with those roots firmly planted, he will challenge Drek Stone for the World Title this Sunday at Zero Hour, right here in Minneapolis. The shot cuts again to Hoff on the couch, in his home, petting the orange and white kitten. HOFF I know full well that this is the best shot I'm gonna have. I'm in the best shape of my life, knee and all, and I've got all these fans in my corner. If it doesn't happen on Sunday, I don't know if it ever will. So it's gonna happen this Sunday. Wait and see. MATTHEWS (v.o.) Strong, passinate words from a man who's sides we have seen. Both the stronger... The scene cuts to footage of Zack Malibu taking the Future Shock upon Hoff's return. MATTHEWS (v.o.) ...and the softer. The scene cuts back to Hoff's living room, where he holds his kitty up in the air. HOFF Who's the cutest kittycat of all? Tiger is! Yessie wessie! Who'sa widdle cuteypie? Hoff and the kitten eskimo-kiss, and the kitten mews as the screen fades to black. The HeldDOWN~! logo flashes on the screen, and we come back to Triple C! CABOOSE Nauseating. COLE Hoff looks well rested. Hoff looks focused. Folks, Hoff looks ready. Will he be able to do it? Can he beat Drek Stone for the title? We'll find out Sunday at Zero Hour!! ZERO HOUR LIVE ON PPV THIS SUNDAY ORDER NOW!! (GO TO BREAK) "Getting Away With Murder" hits, completely sucking the positive vibe out of the crowd as the haunting melody fills the Nassau Coliseum. Storming out from the back is Zack Malibu, who heads right for the ring, leaving the crutch-bound Candie behind since she can't make it their as quickly. COLE What a boyfriend. Leaving her back at the entrance ramp. COACH I know! I could do a better job! Zack stops short and turns around, looking back at Candie, who's coming as fast as she can. Malibu then goes back towards his love and asks her to hand over the crutches, holding them in his left hand as he scoops Candie over his right shoulder and brings her down to ringside. CABOOSE You guys want something to drink while you eat your words? Zack lets Candie down, and she gives him a kiss on the cheek before he rolls into the ring and yanks the mic out of Michael Buffer's hand before the announcer can do his job and introduce "The Franchise". Malibu orders him out of the ring, and Buffer quickly conforms, heading out of the ring for fear of what the loose cannon could do to him. MALIBU That's right Buffer, go back to sitting on your ass. I'm fairly comfortable in thinking that I don't need an introduction, right? I mean come on, there isn't one of you out there who doesn't know who I am, is there? C'mon, a show of hands...who doesn't know me? Other than some smartass fans doing it to mock Zack Malibu, the fans simply respond to his request with boos, putting a smirk on the cocky former World Champion's face. MALIBU See, you have to know me in order to boo me! C'mon people, you played right into that. Suckers. Now, since there are more important things than the fans, I'd like to address... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The fans pick up on Malibu's insult, and let him have it, not affecting Malibu in the least as he just lets it slide right off of him. MALIBU Like I was saying, I've got a major, MAJOR problem with the fact that someone, in all their infinite wisdom, has seen fit to name JOSIE the new HeldDOWN~! General Manager. JOSIE. No, not Josie from Josie and the Pussycats, although I'm thinking she'd be a better choice. No, instead, we have a third rate valet that was associated with second rate talent making her grand return in a position of power? Who comes up with this garbage? Did you people forget something? This isn't Josie's show, this isn't Bill Watts or the Board of Directors company to run...the OAOAST belongs to ME, and to the two men who stand by my side, Mr. Dan Black and Tony The Body. The Original Elite. We were here before any of these so called superstars, and we'll last longer than they will as well. Axel, Drek Stone, Hoff, Leon Rodez, the GPX...yeah, the future isn't looking bright for you kids. Not one of you has the staying power of a Zack Malibu or a Dan Black, or a "Body" for that matter. I'll stop right there before this gets repetitive, because I've got another subject I want to touch upon...girls. COACH Wait, did he just say... CABOOSE Figure of speech, you undersexed terratoma. MALIBU Seriously, this has got to be some kind of practical joke, right? First Crystal, you know, the girl who everyone thought had my number until I made a fool out of both her and her boyfriend a few weeks back? Then Alix and Krista, who are two surefire guests on the Ellen show at some point if you catch my drift, and now Josie? A girl who probably holds a grudge for me kicking the ass out of her spot monkey boyfriend and his needle marked brother? I'm BETTER THAN THIS, PEOPLE! Another chorus of boos come up, having started as soon as Zack hit the low blow about Ragdoll, who was never the most beloved superstar, but faced personal demons the likes of which no one should go through. MALIBU So now, what happens? I beat Crystal, and Black T are preoccupied with the tag tournament. So who do I have for an opponent at the Pay Per View? NOBODY. NO ONE. The biggest star in the history of this company BAR NONE, whether you like me or not you have to admit this, is being LEFT OFF THE SHOW? THIS is what the people in power are doing? Folks, this is how WCW went down, and if this ship starts sinking any further, I'm going to jump and give a career boost to a place more worthwhile! COLE Is he...is he trying to blackmail the company? CABOOSE Of course not. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and if that's what it takes for Zack Malibu to prove how valuable he truly is to these people holding petty grudges... COLE Wait...PETTY? CABOOSE Yeah, what about it? COLE Turning on a former student and getting him fired from the sport he loves? CABOOSE Petty. COLE Busting open a female on more than one occasion, and enjoying it? CABOOSE Petty. COACH Last Dance With Mary Jane? CABOOSE. Petty. HEY! The crowd has now taken to singing the Goodbye Song to Malibu, who responds to them by uttering the words "I might!" All of a sudden, "Vertigo" hits, and the crowd reacts loudly to the sight of HeldDOWN's new GM, coming out onto the ramp and looking fine! JOSIE So what's this all about, Zack? Talking about everything but the matter at hand? Trying to distract yourself from the real reason you're in that ring? MALIBU First of all, I'd just like to say that I like you, Josie. I really do. You're the best female GM we've had since Northstar! CABOOSE HAHA! MALIBU So, whatever surprise you've cooked up, just bring it out. Enough with the theatrics. Who's it going to be, hmm? Is it...GENERATION NEVER AND GREEN MIST? A nice crowd pop for the former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, who haven't been seen in at least two years. MALIBU Or could it be, oh...LOS INFERNALES? LOUD pop for the mention of "SP" and the Dandy-man. JOSIE Sorry to disappoint you, Zack, as well as these fans, because those would have been very interesting to see. No, instead, your opponents tonight, making their triumphant return to the tag team ranks of the OAOAST...JAMES BLONDE AND WILD SAMOAN FAQU! *crickets chirp* Malibu drops his mic, and doubles over in laughter, while a puzzled New York crowd looks on. Out from the back comes the Samoan monster, his wild and stringy hair pulled back into a neat ponytail. Blonde has a new shorter, spiker haircut, looking something like Ryan Cabrera. The two men get down to the ring, and Faqu stands on the apron at the request of Blonde, who gets into the ring with Malibu as the bell sounds. COLE This is, uh...not what I was expecting. CABOOSE This is a joke! The last time we saw these guys, they couldn't handle Dama! DAMA! You know why we haven't seen them since then? THAT'S WHY! Good ol' Charles Robinson gets into the ring, and Josie comes and takes a spot at ringside, shooting a sarcastic glare towards Candie. Now that everyone is in place, Malibu, who wipes the tears from his eyes, approaches the eager to tie up Blonde. Malibu raises his arms up and nods for Blonde to come at him, and the two lock up in center ring. Malibu easily grabs a headlock, but Blonde carries him up off his feet, and Zack rolls over his shoulders, landing on his feet behind him! Malibu spins Blonde around and shoves him, getting in his face and giving him the "Do you know who I am?" routine...only to be piefaced by the returning *ahem* star. CABOOSE Are you kidding me? This kid is serious? Malibu takes a swing, but it's blocked, and Blonde fires off, staggering Zack before taking his left arm and hurling him towards the ropes, leaping up for a rana...but falling on his back, as Zack hangs onto the ropes! Malibu saunters over to his foe, coming over to his feet, and when he does Blonde kicks his legs up, kipping up into the air...AND INTO A RANA THAT SHOCKS ZACK AND TAKES HIM OVER! COLE What the...did I just see that? Malibu gets up, in shock, and Blonde takes his arm and sends him to the corner, but Zack takes the ropes and bounces up into the air, leaping over Blonde's charge. Blonde quickly fires an elbow back, catching Zack just as his feet land back on the canvas, and reaches back, grabbing Zack in an inverted 3/4 facelock and running up the ropes, pushing himself pu and over Zack's shoulders, keeping him in his grip and landing with him in a reverse facelock before carrying him over with an inverted suplex! Malibu slams down onto the canvas, pushing up to his knees, only to be brought to his feet by Blonde, who stuns him with a jawbreaker! Malibu reels back, moving closer to the ropes, and when Blonde moves in Zack doubles him over with a boot to the stomach, then rakes his eyes to take control! Blonde turns away, and Zack quickly hits a snap Russian Legsweep, rolling over to his feet, and then dragging the lace of his boot across James Blonde's eyes! CABOOSE This is what happens when you play with fire. JOSIE Hey, these boys know what they're doing, 'Boose. CABOOSE What the...how'd you get Coachman's mic? JOSIE I had the cute chick in seat 4G flash him. He's trying to get by security. CABOOSE Ah ha. Soooo Josie, may I ask you something? JOSIE Sure thing. CABOOSE What the HELL made you bring in THESE guys against ZACK MALIBU? JOSIE See, now that's the reaction I expected from all of you, and as Zack would say, it's good for business, bad for him. We could make new stars here tonight, and let's just say they're not the same duo you remember. CABOOSE How so? Sex changes, gaining of a fatal disease? JOSIE Try a year in the HI-YAH Dojo. CABOOSE Oh. OOOOOH. JOSIE Yep. Malibu pulls Blonde up, but is stunned by a European uppercut, then taken to the mat with a double leg takedown! Blonde mounts Zack's upperbody, and as Zack pulls his arms up to block the impending punches, Blonde holds his wrists and kicks up into the air, pushing himself vertical and holding hiimself, drawing a huge reaction from the crowd before bringing his body back down...and both knees into Zack's ribcage! COLE Incredible! As Zack coughs and gags, Blonde gets up and makes the tag to the big man Faqu, who comes in and pulls up the former World Champion, snatching him in a rear waistlock and hoisting him up...then dropping him down on his ass! Malibu reels in the seated position, favoring his tailbone, as Faqu reaches down and applies a full nelson, yanking Malibu up off his feet, and then dropping him on his knee! COLE Full nelson atomic drop? That's a first! JOSIE You'll see plenty of them in this match, I guarantee it! Malibu waddles around the ring, trying to keep away from the Samoan brute, but finds himself taken by the back of the head, and hurled over the top rope...only to skin the cat! Malibu comes back in and ducks a lariat that could have taken his head off, then runs the ropes and leaps high into the air, taking the big man down with a high cross body! The pin attempt is immediately broken, as Faqu pushes him right off, and Zack braces himself for his foe's recovery, ramming a knee into the side of Faqu's head before whipping him to the ropes and taking him down with a drop toehold! Malibu then yanks on Faqu's ponytail, pulling him up to his feet that way, but it only angers the big man, and Zack can't see the look on his face. Faqu spins around, rocking Zack with an elbow, and then wraps his arms around his waist and hoists him over with a release belly to belly suplex! Malibu quickly rolls out of the ring, and pounds on the apron, crying foul about the newfound talent of the former OAOAST jobbers! Malibu comes over to Sofa Central and yells at Josie, complaining about unfair treatment, but she just smiles and enjoys herself. CABOOSE This isn't fair treatment of your talent, Josie. You set him up! JOSIE Like he never set anyone up before? Do unto others, Caboose. CABOOSE Who's doing who? COLE What, are you Coach now? Furious, Malibu slides back into the ring and starts clobbering the big man with rights and lefts, sending him into the ropes and leapfrogging over him, and not seeing Faqu and Blonde make a blind tag, as Faqu charges back towards Zack, causing him to leapfrog again...AND BLONDE SPRINGS INTO THE RING AND DROPKICKS ZACK OUT OF THE AIR! ONE! TWO! COLE That was an incredibly display of tag team wrestling! CABOOSE Of course, an advantage that Zack doesn't have tonight! Blonde pulls Zack up, but Malibu knocks his arm away and rakes the eyes again, then drills him into the canvas with an STO! Malibu then attacks Faqu as he's leaving the ring, trying to sucker him back in, but the Samoan knows not to feed into it, and backsteps out of the ring...leaving Zack open for Blonde to sneak through his legs and raise him up onto his shoulders, falling back and stunning him with an Electric Chair Drop! Malibu rolls onto his stomach and pushes up to all fours, shaking the move off...and winds up cradled in an Oklahoma Roll! ONE! T-KICKOUT! Blonde gets up and snags Zack in a facelock, but Malibu quickly pushes him to the ropes, catching the rebound and smashing him on the canvas with a snap powerslam! Malibu gets up and charges the corner, taking a swing at Faqu, WHO BLOCKS, and headbutts Zack! Malibu staggers back towards center ring, and Blonde pounces up off his knees and swings his leg out, cracking Zack across the chin with a jump spinning wheel kick! Blonde then goes to his corner and tags Faqu in, then goes and sends Zack into the ropes, catching him in a sideslam...AND FAQU SLINGSHOTS HIMSELF INTO THE RING WITH A SOMERSAULT LEGDROP TO COMPLETE THE DOUBLE TEAM! COLE YO! CABOOSE Not you too. Faqu then takes Blonde and lifts him up as if for a suplex, then drops his body down onto Zack! Blonde immediately rolls off, as Faqu hits the ropes, and comes down onto Zack's upper body with all his weight! JOSIE I told you these guys would make a splash! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Candie shouts out a "yay" for her man, as Zack gets out of the pinning predicament. The Samoan stays on him, coming over and backing him into the ropes, but Malibu reverses the whip, sending Faqu in, and hitting him with a dropsault that sends him back to the ropes! Faqu charges forward as Malibu comes up, swinging his arm out for a larait, but Malibu jumps up and wraps around his arms with a crucifix...then swings over to the front of his body and pulls him down with a DDT! Faqu's head bounces off the mat, but like all Samoan's, it's not as effective, as he comes up off the mat...and gets planted with a reverse DDT by Zack! Malibu then starts putting the boots to the intimidating former jobber, then drops to his knees and starts choking him, barking out taunts like there's no tomorrow before pulling away and threatening to strike Lil' Naitch! Robinson cowers away, and as Faqu comes up to his feet, Zack quickly hits a basement dropkick to the knee, putting him down on one knee! Malibu then hits the ropes, darting towards Faqu and aiming for him as he brings up the knee...ZACK ATTACK...FAQU ROLLS UNDER IT, turning around...AND EATS A SCHOOL'S OUT THAT PUTS HIM OUT ON THE FLOOR! JOSIE Damn! Blonde quickly slingshots into the ring and hammers away at Malibu, knocking him for a loop with some hard rights, then swings his body around with a discus clothesline...but Malibu puts both arms up! Blonde's arm slams across Zack's exposed elbows, and he pulls away in pain, only to have a knee driven into his gut and then be lifted up, his leg cradled...AND PLANTED HEADFIRST WITH A FALLING STAR DRIVER! Zack covers, and with Faqu out cold on the floor, Robinson counts the fall on the presumed illegal participant! ONE! TWO! THREE! "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and Zack quickly stands up, putting the boots to Blonde and kicking him out of the ring. Malibu then calls for the mic just as Buffer is about to announce him as the winner, and the Savior of the OAOAST pulls his arm away from Robinson and takes the mic instead of raising his hand triumphantly. MALIBU This...Josie, you know...this isn't good for business. You hype up a tag team for a week, and these people probably counted on TNT, or CWM and Some Guy, people with MEANING around here, and you bring them these two? They got lucky a few times, nothing some extra time in the gym couldn't have bought them, but girl, as a GM, you've been...a Popick. COLE A what? CABOOSE LOL, Zack Malibu, our own trendsetter, just coined a new term. JOSIE For what? CABOOSE Talk to him about it, not me. MALIBU Josie, I've had it with you women...save for the little lady here at ringside with me, not one other woman in this company is worthwhile of the role they have. Crystal is no phenom, COD are no champions, and honey, you sure as hell don't belong holding any type of power. The only thing you should be holding is a spatula while you flip over the grilled cheese's for your son! COLE Welcome to the old "barefoot and pregnant" routine. Josie stands up and slides into the ring, drawing a pop from the fans, and Malibu stands there with a smirk on his face. JOSIE You've got problems with me? You want to blame your shortcomings, all this stress you've got bottled up in your head that's driving you mental, out on me? You know what I say to that, Zack? I say...fine. Take it out on me, because I can take what you give me and turn around and still kick your ass from here to HeldDOWN~! next week and all stops in between. In fact, one stop in between just happens to be Zero Hour. You have a problem with me in power...do something about it. MALIBU Is this a challenge? JOSIE Damn right it is, you jockstrap. Zero Hour, you have women issues? What's one more going to hurt? I'll even do you one better...I'll put my position as GM on the line! COLE WHAT!? CABOOSE YES! DO IT ZACK! MALIBU Wait...you're serious? JOSIE Deadly. MALIBU Heh, honey, then enjoy your weekend and get used to the free time, because Sunday night you're getting your walking papers in the form of a size 11 boot across the chin. Zack tosses down the mic and rolls out of the ring, once again taking Candie's crutches away from her and picking her up onto his shoulders. As they walk away, Candie points and laughs at Josie, who bites her lip, thinking about what she's just gotten herself into. COLE What a night Zero Hour is going to be now! Zack Malibu, taking on our new GM for the GM spot! Fans, that was simply earth shattering, and we've got more on the way tonight, so don't you dare move from that couch!

ANDERSON CUP TOURNAMENT LOS INFERNALES CONFERENCE OPENING ROUND GPX d. Love Doctors The Saints d. Sk8ter Boiz CONFERENCE FINALS GPX d. The Saints LOS INFERNALES CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS: GPX MIRACLE WEIRDNESS CONNECTION CONFERENCE OPENING ROUND Black T d. New New Midnight Express Hell's Hitmen d. Frankensteiners CONFERENCE FINALS Black T d. Hell's Hitmen CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS: Black T ANDERSON CUP FINALS THIS SUNDAY @ ZERO HOUR Black T vs. GPX We cut to a shot of a slender, elegant, shining metallic trophy. Two tiny wrestling figures are locked up at the base. The camera pans out to reveal OAOAST go to guy Mean Gene Okerlund standing next to the cup in front of a computerised OAOAST logo backdrop. GENE Ladies and gentlemen, it's my privilege to present the world's first look at the Anderson Cup, the trophy for which, this Sunday on pay-per-view, former OAOAST World tag team champions Black T and the Global Party XChange will be competiting. It's also now my privilege to present the man who gave this tournament it's name, for many years he was the enforcer of the 4 Horsemen and won tag team gold with 4 different partners -- "The Enforcer," "Double-A" Arn Anderson! Arn Anderson, adjusting his glasses and wearing a long-sleeve white-button shirt with its sleeves rolled up, enters the picture. He and Gene shake hands. The matter in which Anderson conducts himself can still send chills down your spine. GENE "Double-A", the OAOAST has been honored by the use of your name in this competition. Using it was a lot easier than it was getting you here, as you now work for another promotion. But you're here and it's great to have you. Tell me, have you been impressed by the happenings in the Anderson Cup? ARN Gene, I've seen every match in the tournament, and you're damn right I've been impressed. Professional wrestling is a man's sport. When things are going bad you can't look at the referee and call time-out. You either got it or you don't. I've wrestled with and against some of the baddest hombres this sport has seen, Gene, and I'm impressed by the toughness and level of competition exhibited by all the teams. Even those skinny little nerds, whatever their names are - -"GPX?" Anderson and Gene step back as the imposing figures of Tony Brannigan and Dan Black, beautifully tailored as ever, step into the frame. GENE I believe Mr. Anderson was referring to the brothers Nerdly, who- TONY Go back to hawking BS on a hotline, Okerlund. Arn may have meant those geeks, but it applies equally well to our opponents on Sunday. Now, Mr. Anderson, we just wanted to come out and express our admiration and appreciation - ARN By interupting me? If you want to show me appreciation, you'll shut up right now. DAN Arnie, old boy, don't- ARN First off, it's Arn, not Arnie. Get that straight. Do it again and some heads are gonna roll. And I don't mean Roe vs. Wade. I mean off your heads. You know, Dan Black, as I sat at home watching the tournament on television, I saw a little of myself in you. But just because you think you're a hot shot technical wrestler doesn't mean I couldn't tie you up in knots, you pretty boy Limey; and you, Brannigan - I could show you how to really hit a spinebuster right! The watching fans POP for AA's verbal dismantlemant of Black T. Dan and Tony grimace and look on the verge of jumping "The Enforcer", when, right on cue, the GPX stroll onto the scene. Black T drop back and sneer, awaiting the trademark verbal nonsense from the party boys. But GPX just stare Black T down, cold looks on their usually cheerful faces. Arn looks at both teams. ARN I can see this means a lot to the four of you. May the best team win, boys. Let's have a shake. Black T chuckle derisively. ARN I. Said. Shake. After a moments hesitation, all four men shake; grim, determined looks upon their faces as we fade to... an office! The fans erupt at the sight. The empty cigarette boxes and full ashtrays give away who it is. The camera pans slightly to show none other than JOSIE and JASMINE BAKER!!!!!! The cheers grow even louder as we see the sisters-in-law, sitting at Josie's desk. They are looking through music magazines. JASMINE What about them? -Josie looks at Jasmine's magazine for a second before shaking her head. JOSIE Nothing TOO popular, Jazzy. I want to have the bands that play be able to get exposure, you know? JASMINE But The Libertines were huge in England...a-and they broke up, too... JOSIE Yeah...what's your point? JASMINE ...so a "No" to Velvet Revolver? JOSIE Yeah, that's a "No" to Velvet Revolver... -Jasmine shrugs and continues to flip through the pages. JOSIE What about them? -Jasmine looks at Josie's page before shrugging. JASMINE I don't know...Moving Units are getting kinda big, dontcha think? JOSIE Yeah, I guess...but they could always use more exposure. Plus, this would be much easier to book. I'm good friends with their bassist. JASMINE All right, Moving Units sounds good, then. -Just then, the door opens. Jasmine and Josie both look up, shake their heads, and look back down. JASMINE Jesus christ, Ryan...we said no. -The camera pans over once again to show RYAN CABRERA!...wait...The fans boo as the young "singer"/"songwriter" comes on screen. He has an acoustic guitar strapped to his back. RYAN C'mon, girls...I'm teen heartthrob Ryan Cabrera! I can boost ratings by my looks alone! JOSIE While i'll admit you're semi-cute, you sound like a pussy. The answer is still no. -Ryan is starting to get flustered, as tears are welling up in his eyes. RYAN C'mon! Just...gimme a chance to play for you two! JASMINE Oh, we've HEARD the song, Ryan...it's shite. Just leave. -Ryan ignores Jasmine and sits down in the middle of the two. He rests the guitar on his knee and starts to strum. RYAN "On the way down..." JOSIE Please stop. RYAN "I saw you, and you saaaved me from myyyself..." JASMINE I will beat the shit out of you right now... RYAN "And I won't forget the way you loooooved me..." JASMINE ...I mean it... RYAN "On the way down..." JOSIE She'll do it... RYAN "I aaaaallllmost fellll throoooough..." JOSIE Fuck, I'LL do it even... RYAN "But I heeeeelllld on to yoooouuuuu..." -Ryan stops playing and grins seductively at the two. Jasmine glares at him as Josie lights up a cigarette. RYAN So? JOSIE It's people like you that drive me to smoke... JASMINE ...That was...well, that was. Can I see the guitar? I know how to play a few songs. -Ryan nods and hands the guitar to Jasmine, who, as soon as she touches it, stands up and smashes it. KABONG!! CRASH!!! BIIING! Ryan is in utter shock, and he fights back the tears. Jasmine looks at the broken guitar and hands it back to Ryan. JASMINE Oh bloody hell, the damn thing was outta tune. -Jasmine then reaches into her pocket, pulling out a can of mace. She nonchalantly points it toward Ryan, who looks up from his shattered six-string at her. PSSSSSSSSSSSSST!! RYAN OH MY GOD!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! MY EYES!!! MY EYYYYEEEESSS!!! JOSIE Now, you won't be seeing ANYbody..."on the way down." -Ryan slowly starts to crawl away from the two before going off camera. Jasmine follows him. OFF CAMERA PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!! RYAN (O.C.) "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! STOP!!! I'M GONNA GO BLIND!!!!" O.C. PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!!! RYAN (O.C.) "I 'OUTH!!! OU SPWAD I' N I 'OUTH!!!" (translation: "MY MOUTH! YOU SPRAYED IT IN MY MOUTH!!" JASMINE (O.C.) "Hold Still!" RYAN (O.C.) "NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!' -As Ryan screams, Josie grimaces. Jasmine suddenly walks back on camera and looks back towards Ryan. JASMINE Grow some balls, pussy! -Jasmine once again sits as Josie stares at her. Jasmine lights up a cigarette as well. JASMINE I told him...I told him I would beat the shit out of him... -Josie continues to stare as Jasmine opens the music magazine again. She starts flipping through pages. JASMINE ...What about Razorlight? Think that'd be a good performance? -Josie shakes her head as she looks back down. JOSIE You're one fucked up girl, Jazzy...one fucked up girl. -Jasmine giggles as the screen fades to black. (GO TO BREAK)

Scene: A dark, smoky bar. Two men in sharp suits sit at a table, surrounded by pretty girls in expensive looking clothing and jewellery. The younger of the two men takes a puff from a big cigar. "Ah...that's good..." "I can't believe you're smoking that, Steve!" chuckles his companion, throwing back a cocktail and patting a blonde on the leg. "It's just to help me relax, Max. After all, we have a tag title defence at Zero Hour. You looking forward to that, girls?" The women assure the Love Doctors that they are. Dr. Max Anderson grins and beckons the waitress over for more drinks. "Max! Steve! What the hell are you doing here?" The Docs heads swivel as another woman enters the scene. "Ima?" Ima Hoe, "Dr Feelgood", glowers at the Docs. "Do you call this training? And you've both missed several shifts at the Windy City Hospital this week. What's gotten into you? You think the HIYAH titles are unimportant?" "Oh, Ima, Ima," soothes Steven Pigley, "Chill, babe! Have a seat, a drink, you know, it's all good! We know how important the titles are. That's why we'll retain them at Zero Hour. Those Hell's Hitmen boys - well, they're not so tough. Black T beat them last week, and who did we beat for our titles? Black T, that's who. So, how can we lose? Wrestling Logic, 101 baby!" Dr. Feelgood shakes her head sadly. "Fine. I guess we'll just see then." Ima storms out. Max and Steven look at each other for a moment, faint traces of concern on their faces. Then they laugh. "Waitress! Where are those drinks?" (FADE OUT) Suddenly, the Puerto Rican flag appears on the Angletron, and P.R.'s voice can be heard reading the following words, which appear in bold, blocky letters on the Tron. *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* And with that, "Know Your Role 99" hits the PA system! The arena lights go down, and begin flickering on and off as a thick roll of smoke fills the entrance. After a few moments of waiting, the arena fills with boos as the man himself emerges from the back alongside Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Stephen Joseph Popick. The crowd boos loudly as the trio remains on stage momentarily, the sounds of PR's voice repeating "THE CHAMP IS HERE" over and over in the background as the Corporate Champ takes in the crowd's reaction. Then, with a smile on his face, PR gives the Long Island crowd the universal "Up Yours" signal before draping his arm around Lindsay's shoulders and starting down the ramp to the ring. BUFFER The following is an Intergender Tag Team Match and is set for one fall! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Stephen Joseph Popick, hailing from San Juan, Puerto Rico and weighing in tonight at a total combined weight of 343 pounds, here is the team of MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ, AND THA PUERRTOOOOOOO RRRRIIIIIIICAAAANN~! The crowd boos once more as they continue down ramp, Popick making an unsuccessful attempt to sway some fans over onto PR's bandwagon. COLE Fans, what a battle we're getting set to see here. It's Tha Puerto Rican teaming up with his girlfriend and manager Lindsay Gonzalez to face the team of Panther and Tina. This, ladies and gentlemen, is just the latest chapter in the story of Panther and PR--a war that began just prior to Anglepalooza with PR attacking Panther with a chair and trying to steal his spot in the Lethal Rumble, and week after week it's just been escalating between these two men! And right here last week, PR--in my opinion--crossed the line when he attacked Tina with a chair after her one-on-one match with Ms. Gonzalez! What kinda man is he to attack a woman with a damn chair! From behind no less! CABOOSE Oh I'll tell you what kinda man Tha Puerto Rican is--HE'S AN ANGRY MAN! He's mad, Cole! He's pissed the hell off that Panther robbed him of his shot at the title by causing him to be eliminated from the Lethal Rumble at Anglepalooza, and last week he sent a message to Panther of just what happens when you piss the Corporate Champ off! Think about it, Cole: if he'd do that to a woman, just what the hell do you think he'll do to Panther this Sunday night? COACH Well, he won't have to wait until Sunday night to get his hands on Panther, because in just a few moments, Panther's gonna be right there in that ring! COLE That's right, folks! It's Intergender warfare right here, right now on hD~! "Know Your Role 99" continues to play over the PA system as PR, now in the ring, playfully spars with Popick as Lindsay watches on from the corner. Suddenly, his music comes to an abrupt stop as the sharp opening chord of "Roc U" by the Young Gunz and Beanie Sigel kicks in over the PA system, bringing the crowd to his feet. A startled PR turns to the locker room as the video feed cuts out, being replaced by a black and red radar grid, at the center of which appears a glowing red Panther's head after every other sonar revolution. After the fourth revolution, the radar fades away, leaving just the glowing Panther's head. All at once, the head zooms forward, and… BOOOOOOOOOOOOM~! …we're taken back out to the darkened arena, which is rocked by a HUUUUUUUUUUGE pyro blast. A thick cloud of smoke forms at the entrance, and a bright white spotlight emits from the locker room, highlighting Panther's sihouette. The light steadily gets brighter as the cymbals begin to clash in the background, each clash accompanied by a bright red spotlight that highlights a portion of the entrance set. Finally, at approximately the 23 second mark, the white light begins to flicker and suddenly disappears as the flashing red spotlights converge on the entrance and Tina steps through the smoke, with the Champ of Champs following closely behind with a steel chair in his right hand. The couple heads out to the edge of the stage and pauses, Panther glaring intensely down the ramp at PR as the crowd cheers him on in background. Slowly, he raises the steel chair high into the air, camera flashes engulfing his frame as he holds the weapon above his head. Then, Panther makes a throat-slitting gesture and brings the chair down by his side, and the spotlights disperse about the arena as he and Tina start down the ramp to the ring. BUFFER And introducing their opponents...hailing from Philadelphia, PA and weighing in at a total combined weight of 372 pounds, here is the team of PANTHER AND TIIIIIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAA~! Chants of "PAN-THER" are audible over the music as the pair continues down the ramp, white spotlights flashing upon them to the beat of the song's heavy drums. About 3/4 the way down the ramp, Panther hands the chair over to Tina and she sprints down to the ring, sending the opposing team scattering as she slides into the ring. She breathes deep breaths through clinched teeth as she gazes down at PR, who from the outside, complains to referee Charles Robinson about Tina's possession of the weapon. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the ring, Panther hops upon the ring apron and pauses, leaning up against the top rope as a string of camera flashes light up the arena. Tina cuts her eyes back to him and flashes a smile as Panther looks to his left, then his right before stepping through the ropes and heading out to the center of the ring to meet her. There, Tina unfolds the chair and sets it up facing the main camera. She takes a seat in it and crosses her legs as Panther takes stance behind her. On cue, the ring goes dark, and four white spotlights sweep the crowd, getting brighter…and brighter…and brighter before converging on the center of the ring, where Panther snaps his right fist into the air, signaling for more pyro to explode from the ringposts. The flashing red and white spotlights return as both Panther and Tina rush to ropes and climb upon them, getting an amazing ovation from the crowd as they wave them to their feet. The camera zooms in tight on Panther, who from the middle rope is glaring down at PR. The Corporate Champ seems a bit unnerved by the response for Panther, and Lindsay--noticing this--begins massaging his shoulders in an effort to calm him down. Unwilling to be intimidated, PR grits his teeth and sends a firey glare right back in Panther's direction, bringing a smile to Panther's face as he hops down from the ropes and motions for him to "bring it." COLE My God it is intense in this arena, folks! You can feel it in this arena! Panther and PR want a piece of each other and they want a piece of each other in the worst way! CABOOSE Yeah, for once, you aren't lying about that one, Cole! Hell...with as much hatred that's running between these two guys, they may not even make it to Minneapolis this Sunday. The lights slowly return to normal and "Roc U" dies down, allowing us to hear the "PANTHER" chants a bit more clearly. Once again, Panther motions for PR to enter the ring, and PR and Lindsay pull themselves upon the apron, seemingly ready to oblige him. PR swings one foot through the ropes...then pauses! COLE Wait a minute, what's this? Referee Robinson is wondering the same thing, and approaches the Corporate Champ, who once again points out Tina, who's standing in the center of the ring within arm's reach of the steel chair. The fans boo as PR and Popick implore the ref to "make her get rid of the chair"! COLE Aww hell! PR and Lindsay stalling here in the early going! CABOOSE Hey now wait a bloody second, Cole! That witch has a damn weapon in the ring! This is not a No DQ match! COLE Tina...she felt that steel chair upside her head last week thanks to PR...you can bet your ass that she'd love to return the favor here tonight-- CABOOSE But if she did, she'd be disqualified! Remember, Cole: chairs are ILLEGAL! You here me? ILLEGAL...just like Panther's elimination of PR at Anglepalooz-- COACH Hey, hey! WAIT! Look at this! The crowd begins to stir as Tina folds up the chair and brings it over to where PR and Lindsay are standing! PR quickly hops down from the apron while Lindsay just stands there like a deer caught in headlights. She cringes a bit and turns her head as Tina gets within range...however, rather than striking the 1st Lady of the Lightning Crew, Tina instead drops the weapon down in front of her. COACH Huh?! CABOOSE What the hell is this?! COLE It looks as if Tina...Tina just dropped that chair down in front of Lindsay! Is she inviting her to use it?! That's just what she's doing as she backs away from the weapon, daring Lindsay to pick it up. Lindsay reluctantly looks down at the chair while in the ring, Panther approaches Tina, trying to figure out just what the hell she's up to. The two confer briefly, with Tina assuring Panther that "I've got everything under control." Panther still looks a bit wary, but decides to take Tina for her word and step aside, heading back over to his corner and stepping out onto the apron. Meanwhile, across the ring, Lindsay glares down at the weapon that lay on the mat in front of her, then up at Tina, who at this point turns her back to her, holding her arms outstretched as she invites Lindsay in. COLE Tina's offering Lindsay Gonzalez a free shot with that chair! Can you believe this? CABOOSE She needs to be careful! She may get more than she bargained for here! Slight chants of "TI-NA" can be heard in the crowd as Lindsay cautiously steps through the ropes and picks up the chair, slowly turning and setting her sights upon Tina's well-developed back. "C'MON," yells an impatient Tina, waving Lindsay on without turning back to look at her. By now, the look of indecision which once sat on Lindsay's face has been replaced by a nasty scowl as she raises the chair high above her head and sets herself, as if preparing to charge. COACH Uh oh! Here it comes, Mikey! COLE Lindsay Gonzalez with that chair! Lindsay preparing to take Tina up on her challenge-- PR WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! Boos fill the arena as Tha Puerto Rican slides back into the ring, stepping into her path just as she starts towards Tina! COACH What the hell is this now?! COLE PR stopping Lindsay...preventing her from using that chair on Tina! What is this about?! Lindsay looks perplexed as PR orders her out to the apron. She initially questions him, but PR's adament that she leave the ring. And reluctantly, she does so...but not before handing the chair over to PR. The crowd voices its disapproval as the Corporate Champ turns to Tina with a mischevious grin on his face. COLE He wouldn't! COACH Like hell he wouldn't! We just saw this last week! COLE PR just took that chair from Lindsay! It looks like he's gonna get the job done himself. Across the ring, Tina is still standing with her back turned, oblivious to the fact that Ms. Gonzalez has made her exit. PR is beaming as he grips the chair's legs tightly in his hands and brings it back over his head. Then, he charges... COLE Oh my God, she doesn't even see...Tina...LOOK OUT-- *WHAM* Before he's is able to strike, Panther propels himself to the top rope and springboards off, dropkicking the chair back into PR face, sending him hard to the canvas! The crowd pops BIG as Panther pulls himself up to a knee, looking down upon a groggy PR as he rolls to the floor clutching at his nose. Suddenly, Lindsay Gonzalez reenters the ring and charges at him, coming at Panther with a clothesline, which he ducks--OH!!!!! But Lindsay's unable to duck the clothesline from Tina! *DING DING DING* COLE There's the bell and this one is officially underway! PR's on the outside! Lindsay Gonzalez is down in the ring, and look at Tina go to work! Panther heads back out to the apron, leaving Tina in the ring to put the boots to Lindsay. Lindsay raises her forearms to shield herself from Tina's hard kicks, then rolls toward the ropes to cause some separation. It works, but only momentarily, for as soon as she regains a vertical base, Tina's right back on her, nailing her with a hard forearm shot that sends her flailing up against the ropes. *CRACK* CROWD WHOOOOOO~! BIG knife-edge chop from the Superwoman leaves Lindsay clutching at her chest. Tina then takes Lindsay by the wrist and whips her across the ring, measuring her for as she comes off for a clothesline--THAT MISSES! Lindsay's able to duck under and continue onto the other side, and when Tina turns to intercept her, Lindsay fires out of the ropes with a headscissors takeover that puts the Superwoman right down on her ass! The crowd boos as Lindsay returns to her feet with a huge smile on her face! CABOOSE HAHA! What a move by Lindsay Gonzalez! COLE "What a move" indeed! Lindsay with a headscissors was able to take Tina over...but now she's showboating here! This could be a mistake by the 1st Lady of the Lightning Crew! Lindsay saunters around the ring with her arms held high, drawing boos and a smattering of misogynistic chants in return. Popick's applauding from the outside, and she sends a wink his way before turning back to Tina, who's now beginning to pull herself back to her feet. Ms. Lindsay's right on her, catching her in the top of the head with an overhand right as soon as she reaches her feet. A second causes Tina to stagger into the ropes, at which point, Lindsay returns the favor with a HARD knife-edge of her own! *CRACK* CROWD WHOOOOOOO~! Another! *CRACK* CROWD WHOOOOOOOO~! And another! *CRACK* CROWD WHOOOOOOOO~! Lindsay then takes Tina's arm for an Irish whip--NO! Tina puts on the breaks. Lindsay tries it a second time, but Tina doesn't budge, and instead pulls Lindsay in for a back body drop that sends her over the top rope and to the outside! More surprised than hurt, Lindsay quickly pulls herself off the ringside mats, climbs back onto the apron and heads to a neutral corner, scaling the turnbuckles in preparation for an aerial attack. Unfortunately for her... COLE Oh! She's caught! Yes indeed! Lindsay rapidly shakes her head from side to side as Tina places her hands on her chest and her right thigh, giving the world an idea of what Ric Flair would've looked like as a Puerto Rican woman. Rather than tossing her, however, Tina instead lifts her off the top rope and into gorilla press position, and the crowd comes to its feet as the Superwoman carries her out to the center of the ring with ease. There, she decides to show off her strength, pressing the 120-pounder above her head once...twice...three times! Just then, Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring and charges at her, only to have Tina throw Lindsay right at him, sending both of them crashing to the canvas! PR rolls Lindsay off of him and stumbles back to his feet, only to be sent back to the floor via a Tina dropkick. As she's returning to her feet from the dropkick, Lindsay Gonzalez runs to the far ropes and rebounds, coming straight at her for another flying headscissors, which this time, Tina counters, catching Lindsay around her waist, lifting her up over her shoulder and snapping her down to the canvas with a hard powerslam. The crowd pops as Tina returns to her feet, her hands on her hips as she scours the Long Island arena. Then, she looks back down upon Lindsay, raises her index finger high into the air and waves it around in a circular fashion. COLE You know what that means, folks! She's calling for it! She's setting up for the DDTina! Indeed she is, and the crowd is buzzing in anticipation as Lindsay tries to pull herself up, her hand over her lower back as she tries to shake the effects of the powerslam. Tina's staring a hole through her as she awaits her rise, eagerly wiggling her fingers as Lindsay struggles to get her feet under her. As Panther watches intently from the apron, Lindsay pulls herself up to a knee, then pushes herself back to a vertical base, at which point Tina moves right in and hooks her in a front facelock-- COACH Here it is-- NO!!!! At the last second, PR reaches into the ring and grabs Lindsay by the ankle, yanking her to the outside. The crowd boos loudly as PR drapes his arm around her and together, they take a walk around the ringside area. CABOOSE Smart, smart move by Tha Puerto Rican! Things were getting too hot in there, so what does he do? He slows the pace down! COLE He just saved Lindsay's ass! That's what he did! COACH Yeah, and Da Coach can think of a whole lotta of other things he'd like to do to Lindsay's ass! BOOYA! COLE This crowd...man! Tina was just inches away from hitting that DDTina, and these...oh they're not happy about the ending of that last exchange. PR and Lindsay meet up with Popick on the floor, and the trio huddles to discuss strategy. However, their strategy session is broken up by the boisterous chants of the capacity crowd. "P.R. SUCKS!!!!!! P.R. SUCKS!!!!! P.R. SUCKS!!!!!!!" Angered, PR pulls away from the huddle and shoots a wild-eyed gaze into the crowd. His breathing becomes more rapid as the crowd, realizing that they're starting to get to him, begin to chant louder. "P.R. SUCKS!!!!!! P.R. SUCKS!!!!! P.R. SUCKS!!!!!!!" "SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!" PR begins screaming at the top of his lungs and starts to head into the crowd, but Popick catches him around the waist to prevent him from doing so. He and Lindsay then try as best they can to talk them down, and it works. PR takes in a deep breath and exhales, holding up his hands to show Popick and Lindsay that "I'm ok." They nod their heads and pat him on the shoulder before turning their attention back to the ring, where Tina waits patiently. Popick eyes her suspiciously from the floor before turning his attention back to Lindsay and PR, giving them a last bit of advice before breaking the huddle, sending them back to the ring. COLE Stephen Joseph Popick trying to keep things under control for his team. Will his advice pay off? The crowd boos as PR climbs back onto the apron and Lindsay back into the ring. Immediately, Lindsay charges right at Tina, catching the Superwoman off guard with a quick collar-and elbow tie-up! She struggles hard to force her into the ropes, but alas, she's unable to match strength with Tina, and finds herself shoved hard to the mat. Undaunted, Lindsay rolls through the bump and returns to her feet, going right back at Tina with a running shoulderblock. Tina stands her ground, however, and Lindsay ends up bouncing off and going into the ropes. She cocks her fist as she comes off, hoping to catch Tina with a right hand on the rebound, but she stops dead in her tracks when Tina sets herself in preparation for a counter-strike. Tina flashes a cocky smile her way, sending the 1st Lady into a fit of rage. She stomps her feet, pulls at her hair and begins kicking at the bottom rope in anger. COLE Lindsay...she's been unable to get the best of Tina thus far, and gang, it looks as if signs of frustration are beginning to show. Lindsay turns back to Tina with both fists cocked, fire in her eyes and (GASP) THE McMAHON ANGRY LOOK~!!! etched firmly on her face. Tina is unintimidated by Lindsay's anger and nonchalantly waves her on. However, as Lindsay starts towards Tina-- PR WAAAAAAAIT! COLE Oh! What now?!?! The boos once more as Lindsay turns to face her man, who leans over the top rope and slowly extends his opened palm to her. COLE PR...it looks as if PR's asking for the tag! PR wants in! PR implores Lindsay to "TAG ME," but again, the 1st Lady seems reluctant. She looks down at PR's opened palm, then cuts her eyes back to Tina, who's watching intently. Lindsay gives her a big sneer before walking over to and slapping his hand! CABOOSE HAHA! Here we go! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is officially in this match, and look at Panther! He's got a smile on his face a smile wide! Indeed. A joyful expression appears on Panther's face as PR steps into the ring. Tina immediately turns toward Panther to make the tag-- PR NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! I WANT YOU!!!!!!! The crowd pops slightly as Tina turns her attention back to PR, who's pointing at her from across the ring. "Me?!," asks Tina, with a half-smile on her face; PR nods affirmatively. Tina giggles and runs her hands through her hair before turning back to Panther and saying, "I got this." Again, Panther looks somewhat wary, but he shrugs his shoulders as Tina heads out to the center of the ring and she and PR begin to circle. COLE PR calling out Tina! Tina's never been one to back down from anyone--man, woman or child. Tina and PR continue circling one another, each looking for an opening to strike. PR feigns a kick Tina's way, causing her to jump back a step. He feigns a second kick-- *CRACK* --but Tina sends a kick of her own right to his calf! *CRACK* A second catches PR right in the thigh, sending a jolt through his body that causes him to leap back into a neutral corner. The crowd cheers in the background as Tina backs off, a smile on her face as PR grips the top rope tightly. He quickly releases, though, somewhat embarrassed that Tina got the better of him in that brief exchange. Looking for a measure of redemption, PR pops his neck, cracks his knuckles and heads back out to the center of the ring, where he and Tina circle again. Again, each wrestler looks for an opening, and again, PR feigns a kick Tina's way. Tina swings another kick at PR's knee, but this time he's able to side step it and slip behind Tina for a rear waistlock. The crowd boos as PR locks his hands across Tina's navel! PR YEAH! I'VE GOT HER NOW!!!! No sooner than those words escape his lips, Tina's able to twist out of the waistlock and bring PR down with a drop toehold. With PR face down on the mat, Tina quickly straddles his back and begins hammering away with rights and lefts to the back of his head. PR tries as best he can to cover up, then--realizing he's in trouble--quickly scrambles to the ropes clutches the bottom rope with both hands. Tina rears back for one last right hand, but the ref catches her wrist and forces her to break. She does so almost immediately, being greeted with a huge pop from the crowd as she returns to her feet. COLE Well, PR called Tina out upon tagging in. He may be regretting that decision, however. CABOOSE Damnit, PR! C'mon! You cannot allow yourself to be outwrestled by a woman! PR pulls himself to a knee then turns to the ref, complaining about hairpull. The crowd boos in the background as Tina just rolls her eyes. COLE Are you kidding me?! CABOOSE Well...now that you mention it, I *did* notice Tina grabbing a big chunk of PR's hair! COLE Oh don't be ridiculous! PR got taken down clean there by Tina, and now he's coming up with cheap excuses! PR returns to his feet, taking a brief moment to mouth off to the fans before heading back out to the center of the ring and circling Tina again. This time, they come together with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, and PR gains the advantage with a standing side headlock. He flashes a smile Panther's way as he cinches up on the hold, grinding his forearm across Tina's ear, causing her to cringe. Looking for a way of escape, Tina backs PR into the ropes, blasts him with two forearm shots to the kidneys and shoves him off...BUT PR GRABS A HANDFUL OF TINA'S HAIR AND USES IT TO PULL HER BACK INTO THE HEADLOCK! LOUD boos from the crowd as PR cinches up once again! COLE Oh c'mon! CABOOSE What?! That was a beautiful wrestling counter from Tha Puerto Rican right there! COLE The sonuvabitch complains about a damn hairpull, then turns right back around and does the same to Tina! CABOOSE I dunno what you're talking about! Lindsay roots her man on from the outside as PR once again grinds his forearm against Tina's ear. He sends a wink Lindsay's way, but soon finds himself driven right back into the ropes by Tina. Again, she drives two forearms into his kidneys and tries to shove him off, but again, PR grabs her hair and uses it to pull her back into the hold. PR smiles as the fans begin to boo once more. "She ain't nothing," he screams to Popick, cinching up on the headlock once more. Suddenly, Tina wraps her arms around his waist and lifts him off the canvas, dumping him right on the back of his head with a side suplex. PR rolls onto his stomach, clutching at the back of his head as Tina kips back up to her feet, a look of rage in her eyes. COACH Uh oh! I think Tina's getting fired up! COLE PR just got dumped hard on the back of his head, and watch Tina! She looks ready to roll! PR slowly returns to his feet, at which point Tina charges at him, grabs him by what hair he has and yanks him hard to the mat! PR pops right back to his feet, only to be yanked to the mat once more by the Superwoman! He pops up again, only to be met with a chop, followed by a hard forearm shot from Tina that sends him staggering into the ropes. Tina then takes PR's wrist and goes for an Irish whip--NO! Reversal by PR sends her into the ropes. He falls to his stomach for a drop down, but Tina manages to cartwheel up over him, and when he returns to his feet-- *CRACK* --Tina BLASTS HIM with a high kick to the side of the head that sends him straight to the mat! The crowd pops again as Tina looks to follow up, but PR quickly scrambles over to his corner and tags in Lindsay. The fans heckle the Corporate Champ as he rolls to the floor, holding the side of his head. COLE I am not believing this! Tha Puerto Rican...PR just got outta dodge... CABOOSE Well can you blame him?! That little floozy just broke just about every rule in the book! COLE That's not what happened at all! PR just got his ass shown up by a woman, and then he ran from her! CABOOSE He did not run! Cole, he did not run--YOU TAKE THAT BACK, DAMN IT! COLE Lindsay Gonzalez entering the ring now, and Tina...she's got this crowd solidly behind the Superwoman! Listen to them! Chants of "TI-NA" fill the arena once more as Lindsay steps back into the ring, shouting insults in Spanish. Tina's unaffected by her slurs, and just waves her on. Lindsay obliges, and she and Tina begin to circle. Suddenly... COLE HEY WAIT A MINUTE! COACH WATCH PR-- *WHAM* The crowd boos wildly as PR slips back into the ring and drops Tina with a hard forearm to the back of the head. Referee Robinson admonishes him, but PR ignores him and begins putting the boots to the fallen Superwoman, causing the crowd's jeers to go a decible higher. Those jeers quickly transform to cheers as Panther storms the ring looking to tear PR limb from limb, but Robinson holds him back, trying as best he can to usher Panther back to the apron. The crowd begins to boo once more as PR taunts Panther from behind the ref, causing Panther to struggle harder to get at him. Meanwhile, out of the sight of the official, Lindsay Gonzalez removes her wrist tape and wraps it around Tina's throat, choking her. COLE Damn it, ref! Turn around! Turn around! A frustrated Panther steps back out to the apron and the ref turns his attention back to the action, but by now, Lindsay has discarded the tape, leaving Tina face down on the mat. Lindsay winks at PR--who has returned to the apron--then spits on Tina before laying a big stomp right to the back of her head. A second. She then reaches down with both hands and grabs Tina by the hair, using it to pull her back to her feet. At this point, she turns back to PR, who raises his boot, allowing Lindsay to slam Tina's face into it. Lindsay then tags out to PR, and the crowd boos once more as he reenters the ring, looking for payback on Tina. Grabbing her by the jaw, PR forces the Superwoman back into the buckle, doing the "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!" gesture before laying into her with a series of hard stomps to the midsection. Each stomp drives more and more air out of Tina's body, the last stomp leaving her slouched up against the middle turnbuckle with her arms pulled close to her ribs. All at once, PR runs across the ring and spits RIGHT IN PANTHER'S FACE, drawing him into the ring. Predictably, the ref steps in Panther's path, preventing him from getting at his hated rival, and again, with the ref's back turned, Lindsay takes it upon herself to choke Tina the tag rope. The crowd heat is off the page as Tina kicks and flails her legs wildly as from the floor, Popick adds insult to injury by giving her the badmouth. COLE Lindsay once again behind the back of the official...damn it, this isn't fair! CABOOSE Well Cole, you can't blame anyone but Panther for this! If he hadn't come into the ring ILLEGALLY, then his girlfriend wouldn't be getting the snot beat outta her right now! COLE Referee Robinson...finally able to get Panther out of the ring here, and now look at Lindsay! With Panther back on the apron, Robinson turns back to the action to see Tina slumped in the corner, Lindsay standing above her with her opened palms held high into the air, professing her innocence. Robinson admonishes her as PR moves back in on Tina, catching her by the hair and bringing her out of the corner, nailing her right on the chin with a European uppercut! A second. He then drags her out to the center of the ring, where he picks her up and drops her down with a nasty looking pendulum backbreaker! "Count it, ref," yells PR--obnoxiously--as he casually tops Tina with a lateral press. 1... 2... PANTHER enters the ring and pulls PR off the cover before the count of three. PR complains to Robinson, who ushers the Champ of Champs back out to the apron. While he's doing so, PR takes the opportunity to choke Tina some more behind his back. The Superwoman again starts kicking her legs wildly, and this time, when Robinson turns around, he catches PR in the act! ROBINSON C'mon, PR! Stop choking her! 1...2...3... He releases on three and returns to his feet, bringing Tina up with him. He then hooks her in a front facelock, tosses her arm back over her head and snaps her over with a suplex! He holds on after impact, rolling through and bringing Tina back to her feet, at which point he delivers a second vertical. He rolls through again, bringing her back to feet for a third, after which, PR returns to his feet, throwing both fists into the air, drawing the crowd's ire. He flips them off before looking down at the fallen Tina, giving her another "YOU CAN'T SEE ME" gesture before placing his foot across her chest... COLE Oh what arrogance by Tha Puerto Rican! Robinson gets down to count... 1... 2-- *WHAM* CABOOSE Oh! What the... The ref's hand barely strikes the mat for the count of two when Panther rushes back into the ring and FLOORS PR with a running forearm shot to the temple. He snickers to himself as a dazed PR pulls himself back to his feet. He takes a moment to shake loose the cobwebs before storming over to Panther, bringing the crowd to its feet. Panther doesn't back down, but before anything more can happen between the two, Robinson steps between them to try and keep them apart. Robinson orders Panther to exit the ring, and after a heated verbal between the two rivals (which ends with a VERY audible "YOU AIN'T SHIT!" from Panther to PR), Panther steps back out to the apron and grips the tag rope tightly. PR then turns away from Panther just in time to see Tina pulling herself back to her feet. He moves right in on her, burying a soccer kick deep into her midsection. He fires off a second before lifting her back to her feet, then sending her in with an Irish whip! Tina's able to reverse, however, short-arming PR into a boot to the midsection that doubles him over! Tina tucks his head-- COACH DDTina! She's going for it-- NO! PR twists out of it and into a standing side armbar, which he uses to send Tina backfirst into a neutral corner with an Irish whip. Tina stumbles forward favoring her lower back, at which point PR scoops her back up and drives her right back down across his knee with another pendulum backbreaker! He makes another cover, this time hooking the leg... 1... 2... NO! Tina's able to kick out after the count of two. PR wastes no time in bringing Tina back to her feet by the hair, repeatedly driving his right knee into her lower back before grabbing her by the wrists and pulling her arms back for a modified surfboard. Tina screams in pain as cranks back on the hold as far as he can, placing his knee right up against her spine for good measure. COLE PR appears to be targeting the back of Tina here. CABOOSE He also appears to be enjoying torturing Tina! And I'm enjoying this as well! Look at the look on Panther's face! You can just tell that this is eating him alive! PR flashes a smile at Panther, who lets out a deep breath through clinched teeth as he and The Corporate Champ lock eyes. He then turns to the crowd and begins slapping the top turnbuckle, hoping to rally the crowd behind Tina. Slowly but surely, the Long Islanders pick up his beat, rhythmically clapping and stomping in an effort to will Tina back into the match. Their efforts appear to be working, as Tina begins turning into the hold, trying to get her feet under and thus better her chances at escaping. PR struggles to keep her down, but is unable to do so, as Tina manages to plant her right foot against the canvas. From there, she works the left foot under her, and once she's succeeded in doing so, she pushes off the canvas to regain her vertical base. PR rises with her to maintain the hold as meanwhile, in the background, Panther and the crowd are doing everything in there power to will Tina out. At this point, Tina begins to twist her body to the right, trying to reverse the hold and put the pressure on PR. PR strains to keep the Superwoman in position, but she's too strong! The crowd noise has got Tina's adrenaline pumping, and with the fans clapping and stomping so hard that the building almost caves in...Tina...slowly but surely...manages to turn the hold around! The crowd erupts in a fit of cheers as Tina begins to pull back on PR's arms, causing him to scream in pain! COLE What guts and determination by Tina! Tina's reversed the surfboard! Tina's got PR at her mercy! Tina--OH NO!!!!! The crowd's cheers are silenced when PR catches Tina with a double mule kick right to the gut, breaking the hold and sending her straight to the canvas! They both rise at approximately the same time, Tina clutching her midsection as she does so. PR quickly grabs her, blasting her with a right hand before whipping her back into the turnbuckle! This time, Tina tries to rebound with a clothesline, but PR ducks under, catching Tina the neck and driving her straight to the mat with the Latin Slam (Rock Bottom)! COLE Latin Slam! This one could be history! PR hooks the leg as the ref count... 1... 2... PANTHER interupts the fall yet again after the count of two. PR shoots an angry glare Panther's way as he heads back out to the apron, and as the referee again sends him (Panther) his admonishments, PR lifts Tina back to her feet and gives her a hard forearm shot to the lower back. A second sends her down to a knee, at which point, PR turns to Lindsay and swipes his hands, signalling for the end. CABOOSE You see that, Cole! PR's getting ready to put her away! With Panther again looking on from the apron, PR pulls Tina into a standing headscissors and whips her up over his head, working her into position for the Che Guevera Special (Gory Special). COLE Che Guevera Special by Tha Puerto Rican! More damage done to the back of Tina! CABOOSE Yes Michael Cole! This is a great move by PR after working over the back of Tina, and I've got that feeling, Cole! Listen to those screams from Tina! I've got the feeling that at any moment, she's gonna tap out! She's gonna give it up! She's gonna-- COLE SUNSET FLIP BY TINA!!!!!! CABOOSE --WHAT?! COLE TINA JUST COUNTERED INTO A SUNSET FLIP!!!!! THE SHOULDERS ARE DOWN... CABOOSE NO!!!!!! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!! COLE WHAT AN UPSET!!!!!!! CABOOSE NO!!!!! HE KICKED OUT!!!! HE KICKED OUT!!!!!! HE KICKED OUT!!!!!!!! COLE HE DID?! He did! Both he and Tina return to their feet at roughly the same time, at which point PR runs her down with a hard clothesline! He then heads over to his corner and tags in Lindsay, ordering to "finish her off" as he steps out to the apron! COLE PR making the tag back out to Lindsay! I'm not so sure how wise this is, but he's done it, and he's telling Lindsay to go for the kill. Tina pulls herself up onto all fours, preparing to push herself back to her feet when suddenly, Lindsay enters the ring and nails her with a running dropkick right to the ribs. She follows that up with a couple of hard stomps to the lower back before lifting Tina back to her feet and dragging her to a neutral corner. She mouths off at a few fans in the front row as she pushes herself up onto the middle rope with Tina's head firmly trapped in a front facelock. She raises her index finger into the air and waves it around in circular fashion, drawing more jeers from the crowd. COACH Oh, she's rubbing it in. COLE This looks like a Tornado DDT coming up here! That's exactly what she's going for, but Tina has other plans. As Lindsay presses off the middle rope, Tina shoves her away, sending her sailing out to the middle of the ring and landing facefirst onto the mat. Tina leans back into the buckle, wincing in pain as she clutches at her lower back. Meanwhile, Lindsay's holding her mouth as she returns to her feet. As soon as she's able to get her feet under her, Tina rockets out of the corner, nearly decapitating the 1st Lady with a VICIOUS lariat before collapsing to the canvas beside her! The crowd explodes as both women lay on the canvas, chants of "PAN-THER" echoing throughout the arena as both he and PR extend their arms forward from their respective corners. COLE Both the women are down, and now it looks as if we've got a race for the tag! Both Panther and Tha Puerto Rican looking to get in there... COACH I don't think Panther's legally been involved in this match yet, Mikey. COLE Which one of these men will receive the tag first?! Panther is axiously bouncing on the bottom rope as he leans into the ring, his hand extended as far as he can get it. Tina's still favoring her lower back as she begins to crawl toward Panther, pain written all over her face as in the background, the fans once more begin clapping rhythmically. Panther wiggles his fingers in anticipation as Tina pulls herself closer...hand over hand...hand over hand...until she finds herself just within range of her longtime companion. Then, she extends her right arm forward... COLE C'mon, Tina! You're almost there! ...almost... COACH Just a little bit further and she'll have it! The crowd noise is at a fever pitch as it looks like Tina will at any second make the tag to Panther. However, with her fingertips just micrometers away from Panther's... THA PUERTO RICAN (who had been tagged in on the other side of the ring) cuts her off and drags her back out to the middle of the ring. The crowd voices its disapproval as PR lifts Tina back to his feet and hooks her for another pendulum backbreaker. This time, however, as PR's lifting her, Tina manages to ride her momentum through, back flipping over PR's shoulder and bringing him straight to the canvas with a Side Russian Leg Sweep! The crowd goes wild once more, rocking the arena right down to the core as Tina begins her crawl once again. She's within range... CABOOSE Stop her, PR! Stop her... PR pulls himself up and makes a last ditch lunge for Tina's ankles...but HE MISSES, and Tina slaps Panther's outstretched hand to complete the tag. PR has a look of shock on his face as Panther vaults into the ring with fire in his eyes. COLE She got it!!!! Panther is officially in this match, and this is what we've been waiting for! This is what we came to see! Panther and Tha Puerto Rican! A preview of this Sunday night at Zero Hour! The chants of "PAN-THER, PAN-THER" are as loud as ever as the two rivals square off for the first time in the bout. Panther waves PR on, and The Corporate Champ obliges, charging Panther with a right hand, to which Panther responds with one of his own! PR right back! Panther fires off again!!! Panther again! Panther again! The building is shaking as Panther blasts PR staggers PR with another hard right to the jaw! COLE Panther's got the advantage! Panther's got PR on the run! Desperation setting in, PR fires off a wild right hand in Panther's direction, which Panther counters by grabbing a half nelson, which he uses to drive the back of PR's neck down across his right knee. A glassy-eyed PR sits up on the mat, clutching at the back of his neck, at which point Panther darts into the ropes opposite him, springs off and-- *WHAM* BLASTS HIM THE FRONTLINE (Running front dropkick) right to the face!!! Panther makes the cover! 1... 2... NO!!!! PR's able to to kick out after two! Panther springs back to his feet and begins to pace the ring...and you know what... COACH HE'S FIRED UP, DAMN IT! INDEED! Panther sets himself in a corner, eagerly awaiting PR's rise, and as soon as he's able to get his feet under him...Panther moves in from behind, grabs a rear waistlock and FOLDS PR UP with a devastating German Suplex! Panther springs back to his feet, a look of intensity in his eyes as he glares into the main camera. Then, he turns back to PR, who's groggily pulling himself back to his feet. Panther waves him on, and as soon as PR's feet are under him, Panther slips behind him once again, grabs another rear waistlock and takes him over with another German, this one with so much force that PR rolls back onto his knees before falling flat on his face. The crowd is on its feet as Panther springs back to his feet, breathing deep, rapid breaths as he scours the arena. Then, he turns to PR and begins to wave him on again! COLE Listen to this crowd, 'Boose! Panther's got these people whipped into a frenzy! He's got Tha Puerto Rican in serious, serious trouble! And look into that man's eyes! The intensity is written all over Panther's face! The crowd claps and stomps in unison as Panther awaits PR's rise, practically pleading for him to get up. And slowly, PR begins to do so...pulling himself to a knee...then back to a vertical base, at which point, Panther slips behind him and hooks another rear waistlock...and-- COLE OH, DAMN IT!!!! LINDSAY!!!!!! Yes, at the last second, Lindsay Gonzalez enters the ring, catching him from behind with a kick to the groin! Panther drops PR and doubles over, clutching at the injured area as Lindsay gets in his face, cursing at him in Spanish. She flips off the angry crowd before rearing back and swinging a right hand at Panther... ...but Panther ducks under, grabs Lindsay in a rear waistlock and-- CABOOSE NO!!!!!!! --THE CROWD ERUPTS as Panther takes Lindsay over with a German Suplex, dumping her right on the back of the head. HUGE chants of "PAN-THER, PAN-THER" fill the arena as the Champ of Champs returns to his feet and looks down upon her with disdain! CABOOSE Can you believe that piece of trash?! COLE Panther just German'd Lindsay! Lindsay Gonzalez is down... CABOOSE And these sick people are cheering! How can they cheer something like this?! How can they cheer this blatant abuse of a woman?! COLE Panther getting a small measure of revenge for that attack on Tina last week...but watch PR! PR's up! Indeed, and before Panther can spot him, PR grabs him from behind with a rear waistlock and brings him over with a German of his own. With Panther on the mat, PR takes a moment to look down at his fallen girlfriend, then begins screaming obscenities at Panther before blowing snot down on his him and heading out to the apron! COLE That was disgusting! CABOOSE No more disgusting than what Panther did to Lindsay! You don't put your hands on PR's woman and get away with it! COLE PR's on the apron, and he looks to be going up! PR ascends the turnbuckles, climbing to the top rope and trying to balance himself. A sneer is etched on his face as he stands upright, looks down upon his foe and takes off, nailing Panther right in the heart with a flying headbutt! PR wipes the snot off his face (which he had blown onto Panther prior to delivering the move), then hooks his leg for the cover! Robinson with the count... 1... 2... TINA BREAKS THE COUNT WITH A FLYING ELBOW DROP TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! CABOOSE C'mon! How much cheating is this official gonna let them get away with?! COLE Tina with that elbow from the top to break up the fall! PR...I think he out of it, folks! CABOOSE The ref needs to do his job and disqualify them! They've gotta be disqualified, damn it! Robinson argues with Tina as PR tries to pull himself back out. He's been unable to gain his bearings, though, and ends up stumbling back into the Lightning Crew corner. Suddenly, Tina shoves Robinson aside and goes right at him, nailing him right on the money with a running handspring elbow. A furious Robinson catches her around the waist and drags her back over to her corner. Tina, ever stubborn, puts up a fight against Robinson, and the two begin to argue as Panther picks himself off the mat and eyes them sinisterly. Then, he slowly turns back to PR, who's lying prone in the buckle. CABOOSE OH NO!!!!!! REFEREE!!!!!!! With a sinister smile on his face, Panther runs at PR with a full head of steam and nails him with a HARD kick straight to the groin! And another! And another! And another! Good God, ANOTHER!!!!! COLE RAPID-FIRE LOW BLOWS!!!! RAPID-FIRE LOW BLOWS FROM PANTHER TO PR!!!!!! CABOOSE DAMN IT, REF! TURN AROUND!!!!! TURN AROUND!!!!!! Following the 10th groin kick, Panther takes a step back, drawing PR away from the buckle. Panther then turns back to Robinson--who's still preoccupied with Tina--and cockily flashes a "YOU CAN'T SEE ME" gesture his way before dropping to a knee and racking PR with a hard uppercut to the groin! With Panther's dirtywork complete, Tina steps back out to the apron, and the ref turns around just in time to see Panther slap on a 3/4 facelock... COACH Here it comes! COLE PANTHER CUT-- NOT!!!! At the last second, PR shoves him off, sending him into the ropes. However, the pain from the Rapid-fire low blows leaves PR doubled over...allowing Panther to easily catch him in a standing headscissors as he comes off! CABOOSE Oh no! Oh yes! PR wraps his arms around Panther's right leg to prevent himself from being lifted, but a series of hard, clubbing forearm shots to the kidney soon cause his grip to loosen. Then, Panther wraps his arms around his waist, whips him up off the canvas and snaps him down, bringing him right down onto the back of his neck with Da Bomb! COLE There it is! Da Bomb! COACH And they don't get up from that! COLE PR is done! Panther with the cover... CROWD 1...2...3!!!!!!!! NO!!! At the last second, Popick reaches into the ring and grabs Panther's ankle, yanking him off the cover! The crowd boos wildly as the OAOAST Corporate member drags Panther to the floor and rears back for a right hand...THAT'S BLOCKED! Panther comes right back at Popick with a hard right hand of his own, staggering him! A second shot sends Popick stumbling into the timekeeper's table, knocking Buffer right out of his chair! Referee Robinson tries to get Panther to get back into the ring, but Panther ignores his orders, instead choosing to go after Popick. This proves to be a mistake, for as soon as Panther gets within striking range, Popick grabs Buffer's chair and jams its edge right into Panther's ribs. Panther doubles over, clutching at his ribs, at which point, Popick folds the weapon up and nails in the back of the head with it, dropping him like a ton of bricks. Tina heads back into the ring to see what's going on, peering over the top rope to see her man knocked unconscious on the floor. She begins to step to the outside to come to his aid, but Robinson catches her by the waist, preventing her from doing so. This leads to another argument between those two, as meanwhile in the background, we see Lindsay Gonzalez pulling herself to her feet in a corner. COLE Panther has been knocked cold by Popick on the outside, and now we've got Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez in the ring...what the hell is she up to. With a suspicious look on her face, Lindsay begins to stalk Tina from behind. The crowd begins to buzz in the background, making as much noise as possible to warn Tina of Lindsay's presence. She manages to spot her out of the corner of her eyes, though, and sharply turns to meet her. Upon doing so, however, Tina ends up getting a face full of powder courtesy of Lindsay, and the crowd boos loudly as referee Robinson finally decides enough is enough and calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* COLE Robinson has thrown this thing out, and it looks like he's disqualified PR and Lindsay! CABOOSE For what?! Panther and Tina were the ones in there cheating throughout the match! Panther was the one who hit PR with about 10 or 12 low blows a second ago! COLE This match is over...Tina has been blinded, and watch Lindsay! From behind... The booing continues as Lindsay hops onto Tina's back, taking another strand of her wrist tape and wrapping it around her throat! Tina swipes at Lindsay like a madwoman, desperately trying to get her off of her, but she's unable to do so, and finds herself slowly being choked to the mat! *DING DING DING DING DING* Robinson calls for the bell once more as officials and road agents rush out from the locker room, looking to come to Tina's aid. When they reach the ring, however, Popick jumps into their path and holds them off, buying Lindsay more time to do damage to the Superwoman. With Tina now on the mat struggling for air, Lindsay removes the tape from around her throat and discards it. Then, she picks up a steel chair off the canvas, which was left in the ring by Popick when he entered to stop the suits. She then turns back to Tina, who's breathing labored breaths as she pushes herself up onto her hands and knees. COLE Lindsay's got that chair...Tina...WATCH OU-- *CRACK* Lindsay blasts Tina with a hard chairshot across the back, putting her face down back onto the canvas. The crowd boos wildly in the background as Robinson calls for the bell yet again. *DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING* COACH What the hell is all that bell-ringing supposed to do, anyway? COLE Hell if I know. I do know that Tina is hurt in the ring...and now Tha Puerto Rican is back up! The Puerto Rican...this is bad, folks! This is very bad for Tina! PR pulls himself back to his feet and stumbles into the ropes, holding at the back of his head. Lindsay approaches him to see if he's ok, at which point, PR shrugs her off and sends her to get another chair. She obliges, hopping out to the floor and raising the ring apron, looking for another weapon as in the ring, PR approaches the fallen Tina, who by now is being tended to by a few road agents. The angry Corporate Champ breaks through the group and starts tossing the agents aside, one-by-one, with Popick right there to help his cause. And with the agents out of the way, PR delivers a hard stomp to the small of Tina's back, causing her to cry out in pain! Another, and now Lindsay Gonzalez as reentered the ring with another chair in hand. PR smiles. COLE Damn it! What now?! What are they gonna do to her now?! Lindsay hands PR the new chair then grabs her original chair off the canvas, at which point, they set themselves at opposite sides of Tina. The crowd begins to clamor in the background, sensing what's coming on as a wide grin appears across the face of Tha Puerto Rican. COLE Oh dear God, not this! Not to Tina! Popick does as best he can to hold off the remaining officials as Tina slowly begins to pull herself back to her feet, her right hand held close to her lower back. Lindsay and PR hold their weapons proudly, and once Tina's feet are under her, they rear back...and swing... COLE NO!!!! *CLANG* At the last second, Panther darts into the ring and hits Tina with a Frontline, knocking her out of harm's way and causing PR's and Lindsay's chairs to collide. They both drop their respective chairs and begin holding their wrists, which were hurt during the unexpected collision. Suddenly, Panther pops back to his feet and starts tearing into PR, nailing him with right hand after right hand to the jaw, working the crowd back into a frenzy. Popick approaches Panther from behind, looking to help PR out, but Panther catches him coming in, doubling him over with a boot to the midsection and dropping him down with a PANTHER CUTTER! COLE PANTHER CUTTER!!! POPICK JUST GOT THE PANTHER CUTTER!!!! Panther returns to his feet following his delivery of the move, and looks up just in time to see Lindsay approaching with the chair. He manages to duck under her swing, however, and PR ends up catching the shot right on the forehead. Her jaw drops as she watches her man tumble through the ropes and out to the arena floor. Suddenly, Panther snatches the weapon from her, sending her scrambling from the ring and heading towards the entrance ramp. The crowd gives Panther a standing ovation as in the background, Michael Buffer gives us the official word. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match...as a result of a disqualification: PAAAAAANNTHERRR AND TIIIIIIINNNAAAAAAAAA~! "Roc U" kicks in over the PA system as Panther stands tall in the ring, the steel chair clutched in his right hand as he looks down at the floor, where a dazed PR tries to pick himself back to his feet. COLE There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! Panther and Tina picking up the disqualification win! It's been utter choas here tonight in Long Island, but what's it gonna be like this Sunday when these two men square off one-on-one! It's Panther! It's Tha Puerto Rican! It's Zero Hour! It's on this Sunday in Minneapolis! Don't you miss it, folks! By now, Popick, PR and Lindsay have congregated on the ramp and are headed back to the locker room. Once they're at a safe distance, Panther turns to Tina, who looks none too happy as she picks herself off the mat. PANTHER You alright, babe? TINA You kicked me. PANTHER ...say what? TINA [i[You kicked me[/i], you sonuvabitch! PANTHER Uh...wait a minute, T! I was just trying to hel--*WHAM* OW! *WHAM, WHAM* OW! Suddenly, Tina starts pounding on Panther with STIFF~! rights and lefts to the shoulder and to the top of the head. Nearby officials quickly grab her arms and pull her back as Panther slips to the outside to escape her wrath. As the officials try to calm Tina down in the ring, we go to break

(RETURN FROM BREAK) Backstage, JOSIE(~!) and JASMINE(~!) are in the GM's office talking over a couple of pieces of last-minute paperwork, able to look pretty relaxed...at least for a wrestling GM and vice-GM. Suddenly though a tap at the door interrupts them. JOSIE Come in... And come in he does. He being the tired looking, limping X-Division Champion, Leon Rodez. RODEZ Alright Josie, you wanted to see...well, heeeee-llooooo! JOSIE Yes, I di... RODEZ Woah woah woah. Sorry to interrupt, but I don't think I've had the pleasure...yet. Aren't your gonna introduce me? Looking confused, Josie tracks Leon's line of vision to Jasmine. JOSIE Of course...this is Jasmine, my vice General Manager. Jasmine...Leon Rodez, X-Division Champion. RODEZ Pleasure to meet you. JASMINE Aye, likewise. Congrats on the win tonight. RODEZ Thanks...(to Josie) I don't suppose she has a sister. Josie and Jasmine chuckle. JOSIE As a matter of fact, she does, and you're looking at her. We're half sisters. RODEZ ...sisters, eh? JOSIE Yes...why? RODEZ Oh, no, no reason. Just reminds me a little of one of my movies...of course, I doubt you've ever seen it. Classy woman like yourself an'all. So...anyway, what was it you wanted to see me about? JOSIE Well Leon, as you know, Zero Hour is this Sunday night and you don't have an opponent yet. And, seeing as you're the X-Division Champion...and for that matter, one of our most promising talents. It doesn't seem right for you to be off the show and the title not to be defended. So, I put up this tonight... Josie picks up a piece of paper that is clearly headed 'X-DIVISION OPEN CHALLENGE', with a bunch more writing underneath, her thumb placed over the dotted line. JOSIE ...and I decided that the one person to sign this sheet would get the Zero Hour shot. RODEZ Right. JOSIE Whoever it was. RODEZ Right. JOSIE Open to absolutely anyone, whever I approved of them or not. RODEZ This is going somewhere, isn't it? Don't tell me it's Za... Josie doesn't say a word, instead simply removing her thumb away from the paper, letting Rodez take a good look at the name on the line. RODEZ ...Chris Stevens!?! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" JOSIE Afraid so. And as much as his recent conduct means he doesn't deserve the shot, I can't go back on this. Whoever signed the sheet got the shot. That was the deal. So...I'm afraid you're just going to have to be on your guard at Zero Hour. RODEZ Well, so long as Dumbo doesn't get involved I should be okay. JOSIE I can't really help there. There's nothing to stop Jumbo from being at ringside really, so all I can do is make sure whoever's refereeing on Sunday is on his guard. RODEZ You might wanna hire some new referees then. The ones we have now fall down too easily. JOSIE ... RODEZ Anyway, thanks for letting me know about the match an' all. Love to stay and chat but, as you can probably tell, I need a shower. Rodez turns on his heel and begins to leave, only to poke his head back through the door moments later. RODEZ If either of you wanna join me, Josie knows which locker room I'm in. Gotta warn you though, those GPX kids don't tend to wear a lot. With a last wink, Rodez finally leaves, Josie smiling away to herself and shakes her head despairingly. JOSIE Yeah, you'd never know he used to be a porn-star, would you? JASMINE Oh, I dunno...he's sure got the body for it. JOSIE Jasmine! JASMINE Ah, I was just kiddin'. Josie and Jasmine chuckle away as we fade off... CLOSE-UP: DOOR Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" plays in the background. The door opens. OAOAST Women's Champion Holly-Wood steps in after a tough match, wiping the beads of sweat on her forehead with a towel wrapped around her neck. She sees the camera filming her. Holly scowls. The camera pulls back to reveal NARCISSISTIC NED BLANCHARD sitting around a table full of food in his bathrobe. Ned CLAPS his hands. The lights dim. HOLLY What the hell are you doing in my dressing room? NED In your dressing room, yes. Hell? No. More like heaven, my earth angel. I have to be honest and say I was a bit dishearten by your failure to show up for our promo earlier in the week. With you being Women's Champion and all, I can understand why you haven't returned my calls, e-mails and text messages. HOLLY Uh... have you thought maybe it's because I don't want to talk to you? NED God am I lucky. You're smart, beautiful and have a great sense of humor. Come squeeze your Neddy Bear. Ned extends his arms out but Holly stays where she's at, smirking. NED Damn! I guess you're saving yourself for our wedding night. Okay, okay. I respect that. Just ignore the fact I'm wearing a robe...and nothing underneath...so you don't get too turned on. So, not only am I here to have dinner with you... HOLLY In my dressing room, and in front of a camera? This isn't Blind Date, you know. NED I know. But I want the children to see how their mother and father met. I'll thrown the cameraman out when we're ready to get down and dirty -- I mean, whenever you're ready. But if you wanna get it on, let's get it on. HOLLY Do you always think with your privates? NED Uh, no. That's why we have brains. But I think about sex...with you...21 times an hour. Ned NED I just want to make sure you're ready for this Sunday. HOLLY Oh, I'm ready. I can't wait to get my hands on that little jerk, Jim Cornette. I'm gonna rip the balls out of his sack, boil them in hot water and put 'em in my pussy. Ned's jaw drops. Holly sighs. HOLLY I'm talking about my cat, stupid. NED Ned. But I'm glad you're ready for the 6-person tag match. Simon and I are ready as well. As a matter of fact, we came up with a new double-team move. HOLLY I have a feeling this is going to be good. NED Not good, honey bunny, real good. I go behind you, bend you over a table, pull your panties down and go J.F.K's head in your ass. Well, not in your ass -- unless you wanted to -- I mean, back and forth. Back...and forth. Holly takes a deep breathe. She's doing her best to conceal her anger. TOILET FLUSHES. A door ceaks open. BUTT-naked, JIVIN' J.R. causally walks past Holly and Ned. His fat lapping over his stomach, saving us the horror of seeing J.R.'s prviates. NED Holly, allow me to introduce you to-- HOLLY I know who he is. NED Of course. As you can tell, I let Jivin' J.R. use the john. J.R. Yeah. Dan and Tony wouldn't let me use the one in their dressing room because I "stink it up" too much. STINK IT UP! STINK IT UP! STINK IT UP! A man's gotta eat, right? By the way, I watch the O.C. now. Do you think I'm cool now that I watch a popular TV show? HOLLY No. J.R. lowers his head in shame and exits. J.R. (muttering to himself) I am cool. I am cool. Ned looks at Holly, who's looking down at her feet with her arms folded. NED You're not mad, are you? Holly? Holly DIVES on the table, knocking all the food off and falls on Ned. Using his Incredible Jivin' J.R. keen sense of smell, JIVIN' J.R. returns and eats the food off the floor like a pig. After a few quick bits he rushes back to the bathroom. SHIT HITTING TOILET WATER. J.R. HELL YEAH! HELL YEAH! HELL YEAH! Holly sits on top of Ned, rubbing his chistled chest. Ned tries getting up, but she pushes him back down. Ned yells as Holly nibbles on his ear. NED Oh, my God! I'm in a Cinemax movie. Holly glances at a hot dog that was spared JR's vaccum like patrol of the discarded food items. She picks it up and wraps her dark red lips around it, causing half of the link to disappear in her mouth. Sucking on it slowly, and passionately twisting her tongue around it, she stares into Ned’s aroused and somewhat startled baby blue eyes, HOLLY We're flipping to the Spice channel now, stud. Take me! NED Huh? HOLLY All that meat... oh, it turned me on so bad. Make a woman out of me, Ned. Make me scream until all the deaf people in the world regain their hearing. The camera shoots overhead when Holly open Ned's robe. We hear the door barge open. Sarcastic Simon comes to the rescue of his tag team partner. Ned quickly ties his robe back up and begins walking backwards, but not before Holly takes a swipe at his Johnson. NED Ow! HOLLY Neddy Bear! Where you going? SIMON Forgive him. We just needs to take care of a mild malfuction. The New New Midnight Express exit. CABOOSE Take me Holly! HOLLY Now I know why Ned thinks with his privates. Pea-sized brain. (giggles) TOILET FLUSHES. COLE Pea Sized? I must molestagate...I mean investigate!

(RETURN FROM BREAK) COLE And now, hear to speak on his match this Sunday at Zero Hour against Panther, here is "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican with Stephen Joseph Popick, kicking off a brand new segment here on HeldDOWN~!, "Kickin' It OLD SKOOL~!!!" The HeldDOWN~! logo appears on screen, followed by the logo for the Kickin' It OLD SKOOL~!!! segment. "Know Your Role '99" plays in the background, as "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, decked out in his wrestling attire with a Puerto Rico flag bandana and sunglasses, stands with Stephen Joseph Popick, who is wearing a suit and tie, with sunglasses. The two of them are standing in front of a blue screen, which has a Puerto Rico flag inserted onto it, with the words "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN appearing on it in red script font. On the bottom left hand corner of the screen, a CGI-created island is shown. The whole look and feel of the segment is reminscent of the old WWF Saturday morning shows, where wrestlers used to cut promos in front of a blue screen that had their name inserted onto it with something relating to their character on it also, hence the name of the segment being "Kickin' It OLD SKOOL~!!!" Tha Puerto Rican smiles his cocky smile as he begins his promo. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN You know, Panther, it didn't have to be this way. You could have easily prevented the beating that will happen to you this Sunday at Zero Hour. All you had to do was stay away. That's right. All you had to do was not interfere in the Lethal Rumble back at Anglepalooza. If you had just gone back to the lockerroom in peace, took a shower, and gone home, then this match that will happen on Sunday would never have taken place. If you had just gone away, and let me, "The Corporate Champion", have his destiny fulfilled and win the Lethal Rumble and go on to face the OAOAST World Champion at AngleMania IV, I would have left you alone. But you didn't. You didn't! YOU HAD TO FIGHT BACK! YOU HAD TO BE A SORE LOSER! YOU HAD TO BE A WHINY LITTLE BRAT AND TAKE AWAY WHAT I HAD BEEN FIGHTNING TO GET TO FOR THE PAST 8 MONTHS!!! YOU TOOK AWAY MY SHOT AT BECOMING THE OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! PANTHER, IT IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I AM NOT HEADLINING ANGLEMANIA IV!!! PANTHER, IT IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I AM NOT GOING TO WALK OUT OF THE TRUMP PLAZA HOTEL AND CASINO AS OAOAST WORLD CHAMPION!!! YOU STOPPED IT ALL FROM HAPPENING!!! YOU! YOU! YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH! THIS WAS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!! Stephen Joseph tries to calm P.R. down, who is now huffing and puffing, his emotions getting the best of him. Popick holds on to his Corporate Champion, trying to relax him, while at the same time, having a sly smile on his face, proud of the rage that is being shown by his proteage. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Calm down, P.R. Calm down. It's okay. Relax. Relax. Don't worry, you will get your revenge this Sunday at Zero Hour. You WILL beat Panther in the middle of the ring. You will make sure that Panther feels regret for what he did to you at Anglepalooza. P.R. is calming down, so Popick takes the time to take off his glasses and direct his attention to the camera as "Know Your Role '99" continues playing in the background. POPICK Panther, I feel sorry for you, my friend. Because you have no idea who you are dealing with. Sure, you may have scored a pinfall on MY Corporate Champion a few weeks ago, but that was just a fluke. This Sunday, February 27th, at Zero Hour, at the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota, it will be a night that the OAOAST will never forget. Years from now, when fans remember Zero Hour 2005, they will remember one thing: the fact that Tha Puerto Rican, "The Corporate Champion", kicked Panther's ass from pillar to post, from one end of the ring to the other. It will be a night that will alter Panther's career, and his life, forever, because as everyone knows, once you step in the ring one-on-one with the Most Electrifying Man In Professional Wrestling NOT Sports-Entertainment, you will feel the effects of it for your entire life. Panther, you have never met someone who is as special as Tha Puerto Rican is. You have never met someone who is the total package like Tha Puerto Rican is. Panther, you have never met someone who can DESTROY you in the middle of the ring like Tha Puerto Rican will do this Sunday. PRL will reign supreme, and he will show the world, he will show the OAOAST, he will show...me, that he has what it takes to be the man. And to the OAOAST Board Of Directors, I hope you pay close attention to PRL's match this Sunday at Zero Hour. Because PRL will prove to you that he is a main eventer. He will prove to you that he can be the man the company needs to survive. He will prove to you that this Sunday, he was SCREWED out of a title shot , but he will without a doubt, get one, one day, and become the greatest OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion the OAOAST has ever seen! P.R. I warned you what would happen if you screwed me over. Now, at Zero Hour, you will pay the price. You think I’ve been angry and pissed off since I came back? Oh boy, you haven’t seen nothing yet! Because once I enter the square circle, and once that bell rings, and once the millions and millions of Puerto Rican fans are chanting my name, when I look at the person standing across the ring from me, I will unleash all the anger, all the rage, all the fury I’ve felt since the Lethal Rumble! Panther, you have a bull’s-eye on your back, and this Sunday at Zero Hour, I will strike as Tha Puerto Rican lays the smackdown (at this, PRL starts slapping his hands together again and again to illustrate the “smack” part of “smackdown”) on your candy ass! And then, when the smoke has cleared, when the fans have stopped cheering. The Titanic. Still sunk. The Berlin Wall. Still fell. And Tha Puerto Rican stands over a bloody and beaten Panther, STILL the greatest Puerto Rican wrestler ever! STILL the P.R. Menace. And Tha Puerto Rican will STILL be the “Corporate Champion”! Stephen Joseph Popick laughs an evil laugh as Tha Puerto Rican grabs something off the floor. P.R. smiles at the camera. P.R. Oh yeah, and incase you want to cheat again, like you did in our tag team match; incase you think of using a chair once again, don’t expect me to just drop dead, and allow you to attack me with a chair again. No, like the Boy Scouts always say, “Be prepared”, and Panther, I think I can safely say that I am prepared for you this time! Tha Puerto Rican holds up a chair that has PANTHER SUCKS!!! written on the top, with a picture of a panther’s head with a red X across it on the seat cushion. P.R. and Popick laugh, as the camera does a close-up of the chair. P.R. removes his sunglasses, and looks straight into the camera. THA PUERTO RICAN Panther, this Sunday, at Zero Hour, you better be prepared for the fight of your life. And if you so choose to use a chair, get ready to suffer an unheard amount of pain, as I take this chair, shine it up real nice, turn that sum-bitch sideways, and stick it STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! The camera zooms in on Tha Puerto Rican’s fuming face, as he huffs and puffs, his face red with anger. PR sneers at the camera, before doing a Corporate Eyebrow, but then going back to the sneering. Stephen Joseph Popick stands behind him, smiling and applauding PRL the entire time. “Know Your Role ‘99” comes to an end. The HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen, followed by the “Kickin’ It OLD SKOOL~!!!” logo as the “Kickin’ It OLD SKOOL~!!!” segment ends. We return to Sofa Central with Triple C! COLE I tell ya; it appears that Tha Puerto Rican is looking forward to being in the ring with Panther this Sunday at Zero Hour. CABOOSE Of course he would be, Cole. This is the same man that screwed him out of a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship last month at the Lethal Rumble. Do you realize how difficult it is to get a title shot in this day and age? You have to deal with the Board Of Directors, the backstage politics, the other wrestlers, it’s very stressful, and so PRL winning the Lethal Rumble was his best chance at getting a title shot. But look who had to ruin it! Mr. “I’m-Pissed-Because-Tha-Puerto-Rican-Threw-Me-Out-Fair-And-Square-In-The-Lethal-Rumble-So-I-Have-To-Take-Away-PRL’s-Dream-Of-Headlining-AngleMania-Just-Because-I’m-A-Sore-Loser”, a.k.a. Panther. If you asked me, Panther DESERVES punishment for what he did to “The Corporate Champion” at Anglepalooza. It was blasphemous of him to eliminate the man who, on his worst day, is miles and miles ahead better than he is. I am looking forward to the PR/Panther match this Sunday at Zero Hour. PR finally gets revenge, and Panther gets the ass kicking of a lifetime! It’s going to be great! COACH Don’t underestimate Panther. The man has shown in his career that he can overcome any challenge that is set in front of him, so I don’t see this being any different. He takes a licking, and keeps on ticking! CABOOSE That’s because Panther hasn’t met anyone the caliber of Tha Puerto Rican. You heard that? NOBODY! Panther has finally met his match, and now at Zero Hour, Panther will be defeated FAIR AND SQUARE, mind you, in the middle of the ring by “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican. No cheating, no chairs, just your typical PRL ass kicking. That’s all! I can’t wait! COLE This is definitely one of the most anticipated matches of Zero Hour, a matchup that has been brewing for weeks now. These two men, who in the past month, have become hated rivals, will explode head-to-head this Sunday, February 27th, at Zero Hour from the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota, the hometown of the challenger for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title, Hoff! COACH Now would be a good time run a Hoff promo, but I just don't see that happening CUE: "Breathe" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" COLE It's time for our main event! COACH Main event? The show just started! The fans jeer as The Mad Cappa steps out from behind the curtain. Cappa's mouth is constantly moving, the cocky superstar jaw-jacking with the fans. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the suburbs of Northern Virginia, weighing in at 183 pounds, he is THE MAAAAD CAPPA!!!!! Cappa rolls into the ring and pops up, jawing with the fans. COACH Cappa's not a popular man in Long Island. "Breathe" fades out, being replaced by "Bound for the Floor." The boos from the crowd keep on. BUFFER And his partner, from Rochester, Minnesota, weighing in at 212 pounds....CHRIS STEEEEVENS!! Stevens, with the omnipresent Jumbo, walks out from behind the curtain, scowling. The fans let him have it, too. CABOOSE These people. Stevens walks down to the ring, not saying much, stopping halfway down the ramp to pull his arm away from a young fan leaning over the railing. COLE Well we found out that this Sunday, Chris Stevens will challenge Leon Rodez at Zero Hour for the X Title! COACH That should be a sweet match! Stevens climbs into the ring, exchanging words with Cappa. CABOOSE See, the smart team in this match is still strategizing. COLE I'm sure Axel and Crystal have a strategy. CABOOSE What is it, "don't hit each other?" COACH Maybe! CUE: "Set It Off" and the crowd goes WILD!! CABOOSE Aww, he's letting her use her music this week, how sweet. COACH You are SO jaded. CABOOSE .....nobody loves me..... BUFFER And their opponents, hailing from Coquitlam, British Columbia, and Hobart, Tasmania, respectively....the Female Phenom, CRYSTAL, and the Dark One......AX-ELLLLL!!!!! The people cheer their little hearts out as the happy couple, Crystal and Axel, walk out from behidn the curtain. Standing side by side, they stride confidently down to the ring, where they slide in and each hit a near turnbuckle, raising their arms to a huge pop. COLE Axel looks the happiest I've seen him...maybe ever. CABOOSE What about when Coach gives him the anal love? COACH I'm a catcher! COLE Okay, we have officially crossed the line. CABOOSE I forgot, sorry. COLE It's okay. CABOOSE No, I mean I forgot that YOU'RE the pitcher, Cole. HA! COLE Unbelievable. CABOOSE The two teams confer as the ref reads down the rules. Stevens heads to the outside, and with a kiss on the cheek (aww), Crystal sends Axel to their corner. *ding ding ding* COLE So it's Crystal and Cappa starting off! The two lock up in the center of the ring. Cappa, who isn't larger than most people, pushes the Female Phenom back to a neutral corner. Cappa lays in a choke, and the ref gives a five count, with Cappa breaking at four. Cappa steps back... *SLAP* ...and STINGS Crystal with a slap across the face! CABOOSE Now THAT'S a bitch slap! Cappa laughs...but Crystal charges and wipes the grin off his face with a spear! Crystal starts POUNDING Cappa with fists, but the loudmouthed star backs away and tags in Stevens! COACH What a fighter that Cappa is! He lasted a whole thirty seconds. CABOOSE He's PACING himself. With a roll of his eyes, Stevens, who was conversing with Jumbo, steps into the ring. COLE Guys, I don't think Stevens wants to be here. CABOOSE Well, he has to be sick of all of this. He doesn't care about Axel, or Crystal, or even Cappa. The one guy he cares about isn't even here tonight. Not a good night for Stevens. COLE Oh, I don't know about that! We foudn out he'll be getting an X Title shot on Sunday! CABOOSE That should be a phenomenal match, I give you. But it's not why Chris Stevens is here. Stevens and Crystal meet in the middle of the ring, and Stevens snaps off a quick armdrag takedown. Stevens bars the arm, but Crystal fights back to her feet, then spins through the armbar and reverses it into a hammerlock. Stevens reverses the hammerlock into one of his own, but Crystal grabs his neck and snapmares him over! Crystal slaps on a rear chinlock, but Stevens fights up and throws an elbow to Crystal's midsection! Crystal tries to hang on, but Stevens slips behind her into a rear waistlock! Stevens tries a wrestling lift, or possibly a German, but Crystal blocks the move with her leg, hooking it around Stevens'! Stevens tries to lift her again, but Crystal transitions her block into a drop toe hold! COLE Some great chain wrestling early on! Crystal slips into a side headlock with Stevens on the mat, drawing some support from the fans! The ref checks on Stevens, but the brash veteran shooes him away. Stevens fights back to his knees, then his feet, trying to edge towards a waiting Cappa. Cappa reaches out to make the tag, running his mouth as he does so, but before Stevens can get there Crystal pulls him back! Stevens, having had enough, reaches behind her and grabs her by the waist! Stevens lifts Crystal up foir a back suplex, but Crystal flips over Stevens' back and lands on her feet! The fans cheer the athletic display as Crystal runs Stevens towards the ropes, then uses his momentum coming off to roll him up! ONE, TWO, but not quite three as Stevens kicks her off of him! Stevens rolls backwards, hitting his feet, and meets a charging Crystal with a Japanese armdrag! CABOOSE Gotta say, this is catch as catch can wrestling at its finest. Stevens hits his feet before the Female Phenom and pulls her up. Axel shouts words of encouragement, but it's to no avail as Stevens whips Crystal off the far side, and catches her with a back elbow! Crystal staggers, allowing Stevens to grab her neck and snapmare her over his shoulder. Crystal lands seated on the mat, and Stevens snaps off a STIFF soccer kick to her back, sending her down in pain. Axel shouts curses at Stevens, but Chris turns and gives him the "double-number-one" salute, drawing some HUGE heat from the New York crowd. Stevens turns back and levels a big stomp to Crystal's face, before heading to his corner and tagging in the Mad Cappa. COACH Why's Cappa so mad? CABOOSE I hate you. Cappa saunters in and takes a few stomps at Crystal, laughing EVILLY~! Capa smiles as he picks Crystal up off the mat, looking over to Axel and yelling "this one's for you!" COLE What's Cappa thinking of doing? COACH Something for Axel...try to keep up. Cappa, holding Crystal by the hair, runs to the near side of the ring...and THROWS her over the top rope! The fans are IRATE as Cappa laughs. COLE That's not -- HEY WAIT!! The fans' jeers turn to a roar of approval as Axel charges into the ring!! Axel lunges for Cappa, who backs away, but the ref steps in in the nick of time, preventing Axel from reaching his target!! CABOOSE GET HIM OUT OF THERE!! Cappa taunts Axel as the referee holds the Dark One back, drawing some MAJOR boos from the fans. Meanwhile, on the outside, Stevens has ran over to where Crystal landed! The dastardly HEEL grabs Crystal, scoops her up and drops her throat-first onto the guardrail! COLE Aw, COME ON! Get away from her!! CABOOSE Heh. All's fair in love and war. COLE This isn't! Stevens, smirking, picks Crystal up and rolls her into the ring. Cappa stomps her one more time before picking her up, hooking her in Fisherman's Buster position. Cappa lifts her...turns, and drops her down in a modified neckbreaker!! CABOOSE That's that Cradle Neckbreaker again from Cappa, we saw him use that a couple weeks ago in his match with Chicks Over Dicks! COACH Chix ov3r Dix rox~ CABOOSE You're pathetic. Cappa tries a cover after the cradle neckbreaker, but it only gets TWOOOOOOO. Cappa pulls Crystal up, hooks her from behind, and drops her with a reverse DDT! Again a cover, but again, Crystal escapes before three! Cappa gets up off the mat, pulling Crystal up by the hair. COLE A little of the smirk is gone from Cappa. I think he realizes beating a former World Champion isn't going to be that easy. Cappa lays into Crystal with a couple chops, then whips the gorgeous superstar off the ropes. Cappa leapfrogs Crystal as she comes back, then turns to meet her coming off the other side. Cappa grabs her in a sleeper and keeps the move locked in for a second...before dropping her down into the Fall From Grace! COLE Beautiful maneuver! Cover by Cappa! ONE!! TWO!! THR-NO!!!! Crystal kicks out!! COLE Look at Axel, he is DYING to get into the ring!! Crystal tries to get to Axel, but Cappa yanks her by the hair and SNAPS her down! Crystal hits the mat with the back of her head, cringing as she crashes down! Cappa taunts Axel again, and Axel makes another move to get into the ring! The ref again tries to stop him, and seizing the opportunity, Cappa waves Stevens into the ring!! COLE Hey, come on, that's not right!! Axel FRANTICALLY tries to point out the chicanery, but the ref just interprets it as him trying to get in and pushes him back. Meanwhile, Stevens and Cappa seize the opportunity, laying in some VICIOUS double-team stomps to the Female Phenom. The fans are beside themsevles as Cappa walks off, slapping his hands together as he exits. COLE Oh, yeah, Cappa, real nice. CABOOSE Hey, you gotta do what it takes to win. A cocky Stevens picks up Crystal, and grabs her around the waist...NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX, with a bridge! The ref makes the count: ONE! TWO! NO!!! Not quite! COLE Crystal NEEDS to make the tag. Stevens gets up, pulling Crystal to her feet...but Crystal surprises him with a forearm to the face! Stevens reels, and Crystal hits him again! The fans get FIRED Up as Crystal fights back! COLE Or maybe she DOESN'T need the tag!! COACH Come on, babygurl~! FIGHT!! Crystal rocks Stevens, then sends him off the ropes! Stevens comes charging back -- RIGHT INTO A DROPSAULT!! The fans explode as Crystal makes a cover! ONE! TWO! THR-NO~! ALMOST! Crystal hops up to her feet, and feeling the momentum, Crystal tries a clothesline....but Chris Stevens ducks under and applies a SLEEPER! CABOOSE YES!! That's my man in there. The WRESTLER. COACH I thought Drek Stone was your man? CABOOSE They're all my guys. COACH Flamer. CABOOSE Ack! The crowd voice their disdain at Chris Stevens, who locks the hold in, and has Crystal gasping for air. COLE Crystal could fade quickly here! She needs to make a tag! Crystal tries desperately to get to her corner, but Stevens is too strong, and she is losing conciousness fast from the lack of oxygen to her brain. Stevens finally gets Crystal down to both knees, and locks the sleeper in tighter, causing Crystal's arms to go limp! COACH LOL, he said limp! COLE Oh for the love of... CABOOSE Don't encourage him. The referee grabs Crystal's left arm and hoists it high in the air, before letting go, and thus letting it drop to the ground! COLE Two more, and Crystal is done! Axel is seen clapping on the apron, trying to get Crystal back in the match with the crowd's help. The referee grabs Crystal's arm a second time and lets it go.... ...and IT DROPS! CABOOSE Ha-ha! Further proof that women don't belong in the same ring as guys like Cappa and Stevens! The referee signals that if Crystal's hand drops one more time, then the match is over. He raises her hand, and lets go... ...its dropping... ...dropping... ...dropping... (man, this is a really good way to make it seem like the match is huge, isn't it?) ...droppi..NO! IT STAYS UP! COLE Crystal is sill alive in this match! Crystal's arm begins to shake, as she gets her second wind. She gets to one leg, and then to a vertical base, with Chris Stevens trying in vain to stop her from gaining any type of momentum. The crowd are solidly behind the Female Phenom, as they shower her with 'CRY-STAL' chants, and Axel wills her to make a comeback. She plants an elbow into Chris Stevens' stomach, and a second, finally a third, before she pushes him off, and into the ropes. COACH Go baby girl! Stevens flies off of the ropes and tries a haymaker, Crystal ducks under and locks in a rear waistlock, possibly setting up for a German Suplex, but Stevens hooks his foot around Crystal's leg, and blocks it, before landing an elbow to the side of the head from behind. Stevens grabs Crystal's head and tries a Diamond Cutter...NO! Crystal pushes Stevens back into the ropes... COLE She narrowly avoided that Diamond... BAM! Crystal nails Stevens with a SPEAR! COLE What impact, Stevens and Crystal are down! The referee begins his mandatory ten count, which gives me an excuse to put a ridiculous amount of line spacings in between each number... ONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUURRRR!!!!!! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVE! The crowd are chanting along with each one, as both competitors begin to stir. The referee counts 'SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!", and Crystal is up to knee. At 'SEEEEEEEEVENNNN!" Stevens is also up to a knee. Finally, at 'EEEEEEEEIIGHHT!" both competitors are up, and both reach for their partners... ...and TAG THEM SIMULTANEOUSLY! COLE Here we go! Axel storms into the ring as Cappa does the same. Cappa charges at Axel, but eats a Batista-like clothesline, right in the mush. Stevens suffers the same fate, but Cappa is up quickly, and clubs Axel in the back of the head with his forearm. Cappa sends Axel for an Irish Whip... SPINEBUS...NO! Cappa floats over...REVERSE DDT! Cover on Axel! ONE!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOONO! Axel kicks out at two. COACH Axel was a House on fire there, but he had his momentum cut short by The Mad Cappa! CABOOSE ...which is exactly what we are going to see Sunday boys. Cappa measures Axel, obviously getting ready for Bust a Cap, the move that Cappa attacked Axel with last week on HeldDown. Axel gets to his feet, and is met by a boot to the midsection by Cappa... BUST A C..NO! Axel pushes Cappa off, and in a scene reminiscient of Crystal's earlier spear, Cappa comes off of the ropes.... SPINEBUSTAAAAAAAAAHHHH~! COLE BETTER THAN HOFF'S! Axel gets up from the move and looks at his girl, who is begging to get into the ring. Cappa is lying motionless on the mat, and Axel tags Crystal in, as she immediately goes to the second rope. COACH How's this for teamwork! Crystal jumps... DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH! COLE She hit it! Beautiful moonsault! Crystal covers Cappa as Stevens comes in to try to stop the count... but he is met with a SPINEBUSTAHHHHHH~! as well! The referee bends down to make the count with Crystal covering Cappa... COLE This! ONE!!!!!!! COLE Is! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COLE Emphatically! THREEEEEEEEEEE! COLE OVER! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!" The fans go BANANA as 'Set it Off' blares over the speaker system, with Crystal and Axel hugging after the bell has been rung. They look a picture of happiness as the ref raises their hands and acknowledges them as the winners of the match, and the two celebrate with a second hug, and a kiss, as the majority of the crowd again go 'awwwwwww!' or 'ooooooooooooooh!' depending on their maturity level. CABOOSE This makes me sick! COACH Axel and Crystal proved that they are on the same page tonight! Will we see a similar sight on Sunday when Axel takes on The Mad Cappa? COLE That should be one hell of a contest, but we can't forget our Main Event Sunday, The OAOAST Championship will be on the line, as Drek Stone takes on Hoff! Its Zero Hour! Its Sunday! It's LIVE ON PAY PER VIEW IN THREE DAYS! GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY! COACH Uh-huh.... (GO TO BREAK)

(GO BACKSTAGE) “Stop it! (giggle) St- come on, quit it!” The camera pans around to see Crystal putting her hands up in mock protest as Axel pokes and teases her, enticing a pop from the crowd. She tries half-heartedly to block his pokes, but ends up falling into his arms, and in a moment not unlike a Kodak one, the happy couple engages in a quick kiss, and both look enchanted by each other’s presence. Axel soon breaks the not-so awkward silence. AXEL So are we ready? CRYSTAL (giggle) Yeah, of course. We’ve teamed plenty of times before. AXEL Including last night… Crystal playfully slaps Axel in the arm. CRYSTAL Quiet you. AXEL Ok, ok. But you’re right, we’ll be fine. CRYSTAL I’m sure we will be. Ok, I’m going to duck out for a sec, I’ll be back. AXEL OK, I’d better get ready. Bye. One small kiss later and Axel is headed toward his dressing room. He opens the door, and stops suddenly, a confused look on his face. AXEL What the… Teddy Long? TEDDY It be Theodore. Playa. And let me holla atcha. AXEL What the hell are you doing here? TEDDY Well I’ve been watchin’ your progress on this here wrestling federation, and it seems that Ba-tis-ta has declined my invitation to join SmackDown because of Triple H. Now, with that in mind, you are the Lethal Rumble winner, yes? AXEL Um, yeah. TEDDY Well son, I’d like you to come to SmackDown to fight for the Double u Double u Eee Title at WrastleMania Twenny Wun. AXEL So you want me to bring the workrate. TEDDY Fo shizzle mah nizzle! AXEL Sorry Teddy, but at AngleMania, I’ve gotta prove to everyone that not only do I belong in the Main Event, but I belong in the top echelon of this company. Oh, and your grammar fucking sucks, I could hardly understand what the hell you were just saying. TEDDY Could I persuade ya with some dolla dolla bills? AXEL No. TEDDY Some fine-ass bitches? AXEL No. TEDDY Blunt? AXEL I’m not going, Teddy. TEDDY But come on playa! I’ve got the worst Double u Double u Eee Champion in history and a Rock-wannabe with half the mad skillz. I need you! AXEL No. TEDDY Aight. I can feel ya. You wanna stay in this creeb, its all good. But remember, you change your mind, holla holla holla! AXEL Go back to the B-Show Teddy. TEDDY I can feel that. Theodore leaves the room, and Axel sits on one of the dressing room chairs, in disbelief over what just happened. COACH Well, looks like they will go to any lengths to save that Main Event, even so far as to steal our guys! COLE Coach, let’s be honest, unless Cena and Bradshaw magically learn how to do something else but brawl, nothing will save it. Folks, Josh Matthews is backstage trying to get an interview with an OAOAST superstar! *Cameras take us to the back where The 70s Dude is entering the building holding a dufflebag with his gear in it. He walks past a few of the building's employees and heads down the hall looking completly uneasy. As he makes his way down the hall Josh Matthews steps in his way* Josh: 70s Dude; Care to comment about your match ton-- *The 70s Dude gives Josh a slight shove to the side and just continues his way to the dressing room.* Cole: Looks to me like the Dude is a little rattled tonight. Caboose: Rattled? Why, because he shoved Matthews? I shove him all the time when he gets near me. He's fine. Coach: Either way Boose we'll see if The 70s Dude can get himself in check for his big match later on tonight against the Man Beast; Brock Ausstin! Cole: We'll be back! (GO TO BREAK)

Mascot, did you send me your match yet? Because I don't have it in my inbox. I'm still waiting on a few things but I guess I could post the show without them.

I don't know if I like this seeing as how if you end up taking out Michael Cole then everybody that uses him that comes after your stuff is going to have to have their announcing editted by Patty. HAHAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHA! Phenom, if you're going to do something henious to Cole tell me now.

I do a lot more then feedback.... The beach party was a good idea, Hoff. Oh, Eski! The wedding is back on! Cole leaving to hit on the life guard was pretty funny. I’ll spare you all my life guard story. I’d like to thank Zack for writing the second half of the GPX/Saints match and sticking to the ridged finish Tony and I came up with. I know he’s busy, but he really helped me out after my word processor decided it didn’t want to save my finished copy of the match. It was probably for the best as what I had wasn’t as good as what Zack finished up with. Now that I think about it I should’ve had Simon do the attack on Synth instead of Ned, because Simon hasn’t really done anything in the feud. He’s just guilty by association due to being Neddy bear’s partner. Hoff has a lot of enemies. I’m sure a stable could be formed with the premise of the group coming together because they all hate Hoff. I’ve never said it before but Chris Stevens is one of my favorite characters. I feel bad for him, because his sole purpose for existing is to destroy Hoff, but his anti-Hoff plans always wind up being foiled. Everytime he thinks he has Hoff down, the big guy returns to make him look like a buffoon. But Stevens keeps trying and trying. Very admirable. Like NYU said, an Axel/Cappa feud sounds nice because of its freshness. I’m digging the Axel/Crystal storyline. If they have an on screen wedding, I’ll dig it even more! I like that FM differentiates between announcing and action with Italics. Why did I capitalize ‘italics’? Oh, well. I remember seeing that Jannettey guy on a WCW tape I bought, in a Cruiserweight battle royal. All the other guys were either in masks or looked young, but then you see this old haggard looking dude come out and it was fucked up. Anyway, good match, very well written. The 70s Dude’s a major prick! When the fan hit him with the paper cup, he shoulda jumped into the stands and took care of business Artest style. Phenom, I like Warren Peace! He needs to use his hit phrase at really inappropriate times. Like, he’s in the arena parking lot and some kid gets ran over by a drunk driver, and all of a sudden he says “BAM BABY THAT’S WHAT I LIKE!.” and everyone is like “No!” I’ve already heaped praises on NYU about the main event, so there ain’t no use repeating myself. But he’s the genius. Not I! I’m just insane. Even though it was a comedy match I thought he made all the characters look good. Alix actually started off much smarter, but for some reason I’m not capable of writing a tag team where both members are normal, so Alix had to take one for the team and sacrifice her brain cells for Krista. ROTF without the L or the LOL means you’re just rolling on the floor for no reason. And unless you caught on fire while reading FM’s match, you’re crazy. Zack, you shouldn’t feel so bad about the chromosome thing. I don’t even know what a chromosome is!

Hoff's turn.

You read my mind! Totally far out, dude! The winner of the CoD auction will be announced. Someone write a PPV preview!

The next person to post in this thread gets to pick the location of the show.

I'll be on for at least another hour, so if you have something done by then, PM it to me.

I’m going try and feedback people I didn’t feedback last week. Eski is a comic genius. Cole didn’t answer the question with “No. I’m high on soap!” or “No I don’t remember because I’m high on soap!” he just said “I’m high on soap” leaving us to determine what affects, if any, his soap eating ways have had on his memory. Eski, if I was to take a mate on the merits of their e-fedding humour, I’d select you. How long has Jingus worn a mask????? I’ve been reading matches with him for months and I knew of no mask. Unacceptable. Eski, the wedding is off. Anyway, I thought Tony and I (95% Tony) did well with The Saints/NNMX skit. That Leon Rodez skit was excellent. Rodez being unashamed of his past, instead of making a BS apology was good. Last week I didn’t get a chance to mention that I really like the angle. I had an offer to be in a movie once. The director asked me if I wanted to come back to the studio for a private audition. I should’ve known something was up when his movie studio turned out to be a Super 8. Josie is sooooooo much better then Bill Watts! Candy already heard my praises for his part of the Candie skit. So no use repeating myself. I hated the Sk8er/Saints match. I know I wrote it. But I had no fun writing it. Hoff didn’t enjoy reading it and trust me when I say it was even worse to write. I actually did it in ten minutes, as more important writing projects have now taken precedent over the OAOAST. I even forgot to italicize the lyrics to Heart Shape Box. Sad. I’ve barely been able to skim the mainevent. But I feel “Bam, baby that’s what I like” is one of the funnier things ever said in this e-fed. Cappa’s a pretty easy cat to write. He’s created a very flexible wrestler and that’s always beneficial. On the subject of old school heels: to me old school wrestling is 1999, but I still dig his character. Midget impersonators are always good for laugh. I swear to god I thought the midget was going to pee on the Dude. I have no idea why. The Dude’s decision to move away from Dancing Queen hurts me greatly, but Patty’s still down with him. The phrase “Magical Mystery Tour of Funk” is insanely cute! Can that fit on a t-shirt?

Zack, I sent you a PM about doing something. NYU, I responded to your PM. CandyCB, I'll shoot you a PM about something later. Tony, I'll respond to your later.

CUE: "Black" COLE Here we go!!! The fans SCREAM as Hoff's music fills the air... BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOOOOOOOOOOM~! And COME TO THEIR FEET as the big man steps onto the stage!! Hoff looks out, smiling, and gives a big war cry before heading down the ramp!! COACH These fans are showin' the LOVE~! COLE There he is, the man who will challenge Drek Stone for the World Title in just a few weeks. CABOOSE God, don't remind me. Hoff slides into the ring and heads to the nearest corner, climbing up to the second rope and raising his fist into the air, drawing a HUGE pop from the Philly crowd!! COLE This guy is almost as over as Panther is tonight with these Philly fans. COACH He's as over as Donovan McNabb's career! CABOOSE Oh, snap. "Black" dies down... Can you feel that... The fans come alive as Axel's "Down With the Sickness" starts pulsating through the arena! Shit... An "AX-EL" chant picks up as the song builds... OOW-AH-AH-AH-AH!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOM~! Axel AND CRYSTAL come out to a HUGE cheer!! CABOOSE Aw, the happy couple. Axel and Crystal, indeed, look to be in higher spirits than they have been lately, coming out together. Crystal stands in front of Axel, and they give the crowd a DOUBLE CRUCIFIX POSE~, setting the pyros off around the stage! COLE They seem to be on the same page! CABOOSE They'll need to be against Drek Stone. AND Chris Stevens, no less. COACH And Jumbo! CABOOSE Yeah...right. Jumbo. Axel slides into the ring, then holds the ropes open for Crystal...who slides under them, sparing Axel a playful smile before climbing to the far corner. Axel climbs the adjacent corner, and the two superstars play to the cheering crowd. COACH That's a hell of a team in that ring! "Down With the Sickness" dies off, being replaced by "Bound for the Floor" and a HUGE round of boos. CABOOSE All right! Now here's a true wrestler. The fans boo as out walks Chris Stevens, looking like somebody just cancelled his favorite TV show. Behind him is Jumbo, looking kinda scuzzy. Neither man comes even remotely close to smiling. COLE Jumbo and Stevens look to be in a sour mood tonight, guys. CABOOSE Now, that I can't understand. Teaming wiht Drek Stone is the chance of a lifetime. Stevens and Jumbo stop halfway down the ramp, waiting for their partner. Stevens and Hoff jaw as "BFTF" dies off... Woke Up This Morning Got Yourself A Gun Mama Always Said You'd Be The Chosen One And a MONSTROUS chorus of boos greets the reigning OAOAST World Champion, Drek Stone. CABOOSE YES!! COLE There he is, our proud World Champion. Drek, unlike his teammates, is smiling wide, wearing the beautiful OAOAST World Title around his waist. In the ring, both Axel and Hoff eye it hungrily. COACH It's an odd situaiton, guys, with two basically #1 contenders to the World Title teaming up together! Hopefully they'll be able to get along! CABOOSE It doesn't matter. Neither one has a shot in hell of beating Drek Stone. Drek heads down the ramp, meeting up with his teammates. Drek and Stevens share a quick word of strategy before they head into the ring. Once in the ring, Drek and Chris pose, drawing some boos from the crowd. Jumbo...well, he's just kind of there. The two teams eye each other as Michael Buffer steps in between, heading to the center of the ring for introductions. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with TV time remaining! Introducing first, to my left, weighing in at a combined 668 pounds, the team of AXEL, CRYSTAL, AND HOFF!!!!!!!!! The intros draw a big pop! BUFFER And their opponents. At a combined weight of 786 pounds, they are Chris Stevens, Ricardo "Jumbo" Montana, and the OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the World, DRRRRRREK STOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!! "BOOOOOOO" Buffer gets the hell out of dodge as the teams head to their corners. Hoff and Axel start to play a game of rock-paper-scissors to see who goes first, but Crystal rolls her eyes and orders them out. Meanwhile, Stevens tells the champ to "let me handle this," and Drek gladly obliges. *ding ding ding* COLE And we are underway!! Stevens and Crystal start it off, circling each other and sizing each other up. COLE These two no strangers to each other; they fought each other in the Elimination Chamber at Thanksgiving Star Wars! COACH Actually, we've got four of the entrants in that match in THIS match! CABOOSE Not to mention a combined ten title reigns in the ring, with various belts -- none of them Jumbo's, either. COACH Wait, you're a heel, aren't you supposed to like Jumbo? CABOOSE Probably. COLE One week without breaking kayfabe, is all I ask... Stevens and Crystal finally lock up, and Crystal takes Stevens over with a deep arm drag! The fans cheer as Stevens is right back up and again arm dragged down! Stevens pops up yet again and looks as Crystal, frowning and looking pissed, before charging in again. Crystal grabs for Stevens' arm, but Chris stops her with a well-placed kick to the ribs! The fans jeer as Crystal falls, clutching her stomach as Stevens smirks. CABOOSE He's not as dumb as you look, Coach. And you look DUMB. COACH Thanks! Stevens pulls Crystal up and whips her off the ropes, catching her off the far side with a back elbow. Crystal's head snaps back, allowing Stevens to chop her in the chest-- COACH YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY GURL'S CHEST, STEVENS!! Stevens chops again, STINGING the chest of Crystal through her shirt and all. The Female Phenom reels, backing into the ropes, and Stevens whips her off the far side. Stevens leapfrogs Crystal as she comes back, then looks for his superkick, but Crystal catches the foot! Crystal spins Stevens around, and catches him with a dropsault that floors him! The fans cheer as Crystal gets back to her feet! Crystal spies Stevens on his hands and knees, and surprises him with an Oklahoma Roll! ONE! TWO! NO! Stevens kicks out. J.R. OKLAHOMA ROLL BY GAWD!! BOOMER SOONER!! CABOOSE YOU!! LEAVE!! Both competitors get to their feet, and Crystal tries to hit Stevens with a running clothesline, but Stevens ducks and runs forward, tagging in Drek. Drek looks at Stevens in utter disbelief. DREK "YOU TAGGED ME?!" Stevens points at Crystal in the ring, who is waving either man on. DREK "THAT WASN'T THE PLAN!!" COLE Drek wanting no part of this match! CABOOSE Hey, the champ needs some rest, Cole. Show some love. Stevens steps out of the ring and the ref starts his five count, drawing Stone begrudgingly into the ring. Drek steps in...then turns around and tags in Stevens. COACH HA! Awesome! CABOOSE Oh, we do not need this. Guys, stay focused. Stevens looks at Drek like he just ran over Stevens' dog. Drek smiles thinly as Crystal taps her foot, waiting. Stevens shakes his head, and enters the ring...and tags Jumbo. This gets the crowd laughing. COLE SOMEONE needs to get in there!! Jumbo looks positively stunned. Stevens points to Crystal, ordering Jumbo in, and Jumbo eyes Crystal before hesitantly stepping in. Jumbo walks over to Crystal, changing his expression to try to look tough... *BAM* But Crystal reaches up and ROCKS him with a huge forearm shot! Crystal DRILLS him with another one, then sends him off the ropes! Jumbo lumbers across the ring, hits the ropes, and comes back...running right into a BEAUTIFUL spinning heel kick that floors him! Jumbo wastes no time in crawling back to his corner...but, looking at each other, Stevens and Drek simultaneously hop off of the apron and onto the floor! COLE What the hell?! The crowd actually cheers, amused by the antics. Stevens yells for Jumbo to take care of business...but before he can even get up, Jumbo is grabbed by the hair by Crystal and dragged over to the fan favorite's corner! Crystal applies an armwringer, and tags in Axel!! The fans cheer as Axel steps into the ring and levels a STIFF kick to the elbow joint of Jumbo, drawing an "ooh" from the crowd. Crystal steps out of the ring, and Axel goes to work. The Dark One hammers Jumbo with a series of lefts and rights, baking him up into the ropes. Axel whips Jumbo off, but Jumbo reverses and Axel goes flying. Axel comes back off the ropes and hits a BIG clothesline that sends Jumbo reeling! Axel comes off the ropes again, ans hits ANOTHER clothesline, and this one sends Jumbo down! The fans cheer! "AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL!" Jumbo tries to find his feet, but stumbles, landing in the ring ropes. Axel laughs derisively at the large man, before pulling him up and catching him with a STIFF uppercut that draws yet another "ooh" from the fans. Jumbo reels, and Axel back up, then darts forward, catching Jumbo with a HUGE Harlem sidekick!! Jumbo crashes to the mat, and Axel jumps on him with a lateral press! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOOOO!! Not quite! Axel gets off of Jumbo and pulls him back up. Axel hammers the big man with a right hand, but Jumbo fires back -- but Axel blocks and DRILLS him again! Jumbo stumbles backwards....right into a blind tag from Stevens!! CABOOSE You know what they say, guys. COACH Don't piss into the wind? CABOOSE If you want something done right... COLE Ask mommy! CABOOSE ...um...no. Do it yourself. COLE I can't tie my shoes... Stevens hops over the ropes and lands in the ring -- and walks into an Axel uppercut! Stevens snaps back, reeling, and Axel grabs his arm and twists it, doubling Stevens over. Stevens quickly, though, does that cool roll-through counter, dragging Axel over. The fans boo as Stevens kneels down and keeps the arm barred, trying to wear Axel down. COLE Stevens trying to cool the red-hot Axel off! On the ring apron, though, Hoff is going BERSERK, stomping and yelling and trying to get the crowd into it! Crystal joins in, clapping and shouting encouragement to Axel, and then the whole crowd gets into it, and before you know it Axel is ON HIS FEET, dazing a wide-eyed Stevens with a back elbow! Stevens lets go of the arm, and Axel turns around, kicking Stevens in the midsection!! Axel grabs Stevens by the neck, and hooks him up, lifting him for a vertical suplex! But Stevens slips out behind Axel and lands on his feet! Stevens charges forward, using the ropes to roll the Aussie superstar up!! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!! Axel breaks free of the pinning predicament in the nick of time. Stevens rolls backwards and onto his feet, meeting Axel with a dropkick that sends him down to the mat. Stevens gets back to his feet, pulling Axel up and applying a hammerlock. Stevens twists the arm, and Axel grits his teeth in pain...and REVERSES THE HOLD, trapping Stevens in the hammerlock! But Stevens quickly trips Axel with a modified drop toe hold, sending Axel down face-first to the mat! Stevens pounces, grabbing Axel's head and applying a side headlock!! Stevens cinches the hold in, but Axel tries vailantly to fight out! CABOOSE That's the thing with Stevens. He's not flashy, but he's such a great basic wrestler than everything he does hurts. I love it. Axel powers up to one knee as the fans again get in his corner! Stevens tries to tighten the hold, but Axel is up, and fires off an elbow to the gut of Stevens! Another, and another, and Stevens lets go, and Axel LUNGES for his corner and TAGS IN HOFF!! COLE WHOOOOA BOY!! The arena EXPLODES as Hoff steps into the ring, charging at Stevens and FLOORING him with a clothesline!! Stevens stumbles up, and Hoff WALLOPS him again with a stiff clothesline!! One more time, Stevens comes up, and goes down with a- NO!! Stevens catches the clothesline and applies a FUJIWARA ARMBAR!! CABOOSE WHAT A COUNTER!! Stevens SCREAMS at Hoff as he leans back into the hold! Hoff grimaces, and the ref asks the big man if he wants to quit, but Hoff shakes his head no! Hoff grits his teeth, and Stevens wrenches back on the arm, drawing a yelp from the big man. CABOOSE Break his arm, Chris, break it, BREAK IT!! COLE CABOOSE!! CABOOSE Hey. Some men have porn, I have violence. COLE Well....that's disgusting. Stevens keeps the hold locked....but Hoff shifts his weight! Hoff slowly starts to swing his legs around, inching his way to the ropes...but Stevens sees it and lets up on the hold, grabbing the arm and instead driving a knee to the shoulder! Hoff grabs his arm and rolls away as Stevens gets to his feet. Stevens stalks after Hoff, who uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. Hoff turns to face Stevens, but gets ROCKED by a hard European uppercut. Stevens whips Hoff into the ropes, and catches him coming off with a high knee to the face! Hoff goes down, and Stevens makes the quick cover! ONE! TWO! NO!!! Almost three! Hoff gets a shoulder up in the nick of time, drawing an angry look from Stevens. Stevens pulls Hoff up, then grabs him around the midsection, hooking his own head underneath Hoff's arm! COACH Could be the Northern Lights Suplex! CABOOSE Good guess, Kreskin. Stevens hooks his hands and prepares to pop the hips, but Hoff drives his knee into Stevens' gut!! Stevens shudders, and Hoff does it AGAIN, causing Stevens to let go! Hoff, though, keeps Stevens' head hooked and grabs him, lifts him up, and drops him in a textbook vertical suplex! Hoff gets up and pulls Stevens to his feet, hooking him again, drawing a big pop from the fans! COLE We haven't seen this in a while! CABOOSE Oh, good, the not-rolling vertical suplexes. Eddie Guerrero would probably be pissed if this didn't suck. Hoff lifts Stevens up again, and drops him with a second vertical suplex!! The fans cheer as Hoff pulls Stevens up for a THIRD time!! COACH THIS IS THE ONE WHERE HE HOLD HIM FOR A LONG TIME!! CABOOSE I hate you. Hoff lifts Stevens up and holds him...holds him....HOLDS him...but Stevens slips free! Stevens lands behind Hoff and quickyl shoves him forward, right into Hoff's own corner, where Drek Stone NAILS him in the face!! COLE COME ON!!! Hoff reels back after the vicious forearm shot from Stone, and stumbles right into a Chris Stevens German suplex!! The bridge!! ONE!! TWO!! THRNO~!! ALMOST!!! The fans pop as Hoff kicks out of the bridge, rolling away. Chris Stevens pounds the mat as he gets to his feet, then grabs Hoff, but Hoff charges and drives Stevens into the neutral corner!! Hoff stands up and catches a surprised Stevens with a BIG shoulder block that crumples Stevens up a bit! Hoff reaches in, grabs Stevens' arm, and whips him cross-corner, sending Stevens HARD into the opposite buckle!! Hoff looks at him from across the ring and smiles, backs up, and charges in with the newest move in his arsenal... COLE STINGER SPLASH!!!! The fans go CRAZY as the near-300 pounder FLATTENS Stevens with the HUGE Stinger Splash!! Hoff steps back, and Stevens falls face-first out of the corner!! Hoff rolls him over, and the fans count along with the referee... "ONE!!!!!" "TWOOOOO!!!!" "THREEEEOHHH!!! BOOOOO!!!" The fans jeer as Stevens BARELY kicks out, and quickly crawls away, diving to his corner and tagging in Drek Stone. Stone looks down, then over at Jumbo who takes a step back. Drek looks at Hoff, who stands in the middle of the ring, nodding, smirking, and coolly waving Drek on. The fans go BANANA~! COACH Sneak preview time!! COLE Oh, man, this is gonna be electric... The fans are chanting "HOFF" as though their lives depended on it! Drek looks at Hoff...sneers, shakes his head, and steps into the ring! Hoff steps into a fighting stance as Drek approaches...and the two lock up!! Champion and challenger struggle for position, turning....until Hoff FLINGS Drek into the corner!! The fans POP as Drek hits the corner, and GLARES at Hoff! Hoff waves him on, and Drek CHARGES out of the corner!! Drek throws a right hand, but it's BLOCKED, and Hoff DRILLS the champion!! Drek reels, turning away from Hoff and then back to face him with another right hand but it's BLOCKED AGAIN, and Hoff PASTES Drek with a HUGE right hand!! Drek almost lifts off the ground as he stumbles back into the ring ropes!! Hoff grabs him, whips him off the far side, and catches Drek with a POWERSLAM~! The cover!! ONE!! TWO!! THR-NO~!! CABOOSE I don't think so!! Not that quick, Hoff!! Hoff gets up and pulls Drek to his feet, scooping him and slamming the Champ to the mat! Hoff looks down, sizes it up, and jumps with a big legdrop...but Drek rolls out of harms' way! Hoff lands hard on his tailbone and falls back, and Drek goes for a cover!! WITH A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS!! ONE!! TWO!! KICKOUT!! Hoff breaks free, and the two men pop to their feet!! Hoff charges with a wild clothesline, but Drek ducks, and catches Hoff with a neckbreaker!! Hoff hits hard, favoring his head, and Drek rolls backwards into a cover! ONE!! TWO!! THR-NO!!! CABOOSE Come on, Champ!! Show them why you're the man!! Drek pulls Hoff up, but the big man startles Drek with a right hand as he rises!! Hoff nails Drek again, and grabs him by the wrist, whipping him and YANKING him back in-- but Drek ducks the short-arm!! Drek grabs Hoff ina rear waistlock, but Hoff throws a back elbow that stuns Drek! Hoff quickly capitalizes, turning around and flooring Drek with a big clothesline!! Hoff gets up... COLE OH, wow, look at Axel!! On the apron, Axel is SCREAMING to be let into the match!! Hoff looks at Axel, then to the fans, shrugging...and the fans EXPLODE!! Hoff smiles, nods a big nod, and TAGS IN AXEL!! COLE OH MY!! Axel sprints into the ring and grabs Drek, pulling him up!! Axel hoists Drek onto his shoulders, and before Drek has the foggiest idea what's going on, Axel drops him in a DEATH AVLLEY DRIVER!! Cover by Axel! ONE!! TWO!! THRNO!!!! CABOOSE Oh, this is not good. Axel gets back up and pulls Drek to his feet. Axel hooks Drek's head under his arm, and drives him down with the EVENFLOW DDT!! ANOTHER cover!! ONE!! TWO~!! THREENO~!!! SO close!! COACH Axel is a MONSTER!! CABOOSE Come on, Drek, fight it!! Axel yanks Drek back to his feet once again. Axel whips Drek off the ropes, and looks for the Harlem Sidekick -- but Drek ducks it! Drek comes off the other side, and SPEARS Axel down!!! The fans boo as Drek gets to his feet, smiling down at Axel...then at Hoff. Hoff looks at Drek blankly...then suddenly turns angry as realization hits him. HOFF "DON'T YOU SAY IT, DREK!!" But Drek nods, and motions to a camera at ringside. We cut to that camera as Drek leans into the shot and says... DREK "BAM, BABY, THAT'S WHAT I LIKE!!" COLE What the hell? COACH I don't-- hey, look at Hoff!! Hoff is ENRAGED, and tries to get into the ring, but the referee holds him back!! Drek laughs, and grabs Axel....but Axel grabs Drek and plants him with a SPINEBUSTER!!!! COLE Do you really think it's better than Hoff's? COACH The $100 Axel gave me says it is. COLE  Axel lays Drek out, and smiles, pleased with the damage he's caused, then heads to his corner and tags in Crystal. COACH BAAAABY-GURRRRRRRL!!!! Crystal hops in, and Drek tries to crawl to the corner!! Sadly, neither of his partners are looking for the tag, and before he can reach them, Drek is grabbed from behind by Crystal!! Crystal grabs Drek's legs, then flips him over and crosses them, to a HUGE pop!!! COLE THE CRYSTALLING!! Crystal's going for it all!! The crowd is BONKERS as Crystal tries to turn Drek over, and the Heavyweight Champion does his best to twist and contort out of the move. Seeing his teammate in trouble, Chris Stevens finally gets some initiative……and sends Jumbo into the ring. Jumbo steps in immediately and dashes towards the Female Phenom -- well, as fast as a 6’3 330-pound can dash, anyway. CABOOSE Impressive! Lightning-quick speed here from Jumbo! COACH Yeah! At this rate, he’ll reach Crystal by around AngleMania IX Axel, obviously sensing what Jumbo has in mind, steps into the ring quickly to intercept the Big Man’s attack. As Jumbo lumbers towards Crystal, Axel raises his leg up for a BIIIIIIIIIIIG BOOOOOOOOOOOT…… …..BUT JUMBO SIDESTEPS OUT OF THE WAY! AND AXEL HITS CRYSTAL IN THE FACE WITH THE BIG BOOT INSTEAD!! COLE WHOA! COACH ….uh oh. The force of the kick sends Crystal straight across the ring, where she eventually crumbles near her team’s corner. The fans gasp, as does Axel, as his beloved partner finds herself out cold on the mat. Axel immediately runs over to Crystal to check on her condition. COLE I know Axel is worried about his girlfriend right now, but this isn’t smart. He can’t afford to completely take his mind off the match at this time. CABOOSE Who’s he trying to fool? I saw that kick! Completely intentional! There’s no better way to break up with a girl than to kick her in the face, right? COACH Oh boy, we’re going to get in trouble for that comment. Axel quickly gets on his knees and plants a kiss on Crystal’s forehead. He then starts stroking her cheek softly, trying to get her to respond in some way. However, despite his efforts, she is still unconscious on the mat. AXEL Crystal…….CRYSTAL! I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! As Axel tends to his knocked-out partner, Hoff looks on with a simple roll of his eyes. He then mumbles something under his breath and taps Crystal on her shoulder, effectively tagging himself in. As he steps into the ring, he simply brushes by Axel and Crystal. COACH Well, that was odd. CABOOSE At least Hoff hasn’t ENTIRELY forgotten his competitive spirit. Jumbo, spotting Hoff come into the ring, runs towards him to put the Zero Hour #1 Contender out of the match, and quickly. But Hoff, sensing that he may be close to imminent doom, turns and scoops Jumbo up -- DROPPING HIM TO THE MAT WITH A HUUUUUUUGE SPINEBUSTER! COLE WOW!!! COACH What strength! The fans EXPLODE as Jumbo hits the mat, sending the ring into a noticeable series of shakes. With his partner in crime now down, Stevens doesn’t waste a moment stepping into the ring. He initially darts towards Axel and hits him with a hard knee to the head, sending Axel tumbling beneath the bottom rope and out of the ring. Chris then turns his attention to Hoff and starts peppering him with nasty forearm shots to the back. CABOOSE Some people say love is the strongest force there is….well, Stevens here is pointing out that HATE might be even stronger. COACH ….clever comment there. CABOOSE Thank you. COLE You really put over how much Stevens HATES Hoff there. Well done. CABOOSE I try. Hoff tries his best to swat Stevens away, but Chris won’t be easily daunted. He continues to hit Hoff with vicious shots, getting as far as sending the #1 Contender to his knees wit this physical assault. Wanting to keep the momentum going, Stevens then grabs Hoff by his arm and irish-whips him into the ropes…….but Hoff reverses it and sends Stevens into the ropes instead! The force of the whip leaves Stevens unable to stop his momentum! And as he bounces off the ropes…. HOFF SCOOPS HIM UP AND DRIVES HIM DOWN WITH A SPINEBUSTER! COLE Hoff is on FIRE here! The fans pop loudly once again as Hoff stares down at this arch rival. But suddenly, Drek darts forward quickly and jumps up. In mid-air, he wraps his arm around Hoff’s neck in a front-facelock position -- AND DROPS HIM TO THE MAT WITH A BIG STONECUTTER!! CABOOSE Out of nowhere! COLE Keep in mind Drek Stone is the legal man here! With Hoff down and out, Drek turns his opponent over and emphatically hooks the leg. ONNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! TWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! THRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *DING! DING! DING!* As the deep bass sounds of “Woke Up This Morning” start to blast over the loudspeakers, Drek quickly rolls off Hoff and out of the ring. With the timekeeper already waiting with the Heavyweight Title, Drek simply snatches it out of his hands and starts walking back up the ramp. CABOOSE Yes! What did I tell you?! This was an absolutely perfect sneak preview of Zero Hour! COLE Simply put, too many people on Hoff’s team were taking their attention away from the match. Axel with attending to Crystal. Hoff with staring down Chris Stevens. And sure enough, all Drek Stone had to do was drop in with the Stonecutter and pick up the W for his team. CABOOSE That is what Drek Stone is all about there. Intelligence! Hoff might be the stronger out of the two, but Drek is certainly the smarter one. And that’s the kind of trait that makes champions! As Drek strolls back up the ramp, proudly holding his Heavyweight Title, Axel gets back up off the floor and immediately starts comforting Crystal once again. Yet, as he strokes her hair soothingly, he turns his attention to Hoff. Hoff starts picking himself off the mat, holding the back of his head, but stops when he sees Axel staring him down with a slight scowl on his face. COACH Uh oh. Axel does NOT look happy there. CABOOSE Would you be if Hoff just cost your team the match?! COLE Would you be if your supposed friend just walks by you as you worry about your unconscious girlfriend, instead of stopping to help out? CABOOSE Oh, please, Cole. That was the one admirable thing he did tonight. COACH Yeah, well, Axel doesn’t look like he appreciated it. As Hoff stares at Axel with a confused look on his face, he turns his head to the right and spots Jumbo and Stevens walking around the side of the ring together. They too have their eyes locked upon the H-Man, but there’s no mistaking their scowl here. They are downright pissed, and they have no problem showing that anger to Hoff through their eyes. COACH Hoff is finding anger all around him. One of the biggest moments in his life -- getting ready for a Heavyweight Title match in his hometown -- and everyone around him is angry. Furious eyes to the left. Furious eyes to the right. Hoff has nowhere to turn. So instead, he stares straight, keeping his vision locked upon the top of the ramp. Just long enough to see Drek Stone stand near the entranceway, proudly holding the Heavyweight Championship high above his head. The championship Hoff so desperately wants. The championship Hoff will never get if he makes the same critical mistakes he made tonight. *FADE TO BLACK*

(We open to an arena full of BUTT ugly wrestling nerds and ex-ECW mutants looking for another rebel promotion latch onto.) CUE: "Slither" by Velvet Revolver CABOOSE Who the hell is this? COLE Why it's...um... COACH ...Theeee...Revolver? COLE No...wait, maybe. CABOOSE So no-one knows who this is? -COACH and COLE are silent. COACH/COLE Nope/Not at all -The fans, much like Triple C, are at a loss at who this person could be. The curtain suddenly flies open, and out walks...a dude in a suit. CABOOSE Oh, it's him. COLE You know who it is? CABOOSE No, but whoever he is, that's him. COACH ...Touche. -The mystery man slides into the ring and makes a cutting motion at his throat, causing the music to end. He pushes Buffer and takes his mic, getting some HEEL HEEEET! The man puts the mic to his lips. MAN Ladies and Gentlemen...my name is The Great One. TRIPLE C ...HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! TGO ...and I am here, because I want in to the OAOAST. And apparently, the person I now have to go through...is the bitch wife of a man I beat for the IFW World Title two and a half years ago. CABOOSE He might want to change his name...we ain't no Barney's Funtime Hour Fed like the IFW. TGO ...and that Bitch is Josie. -The fans erupt at the mention of the new HD GM, causing The Great One to smile. TGO So...Bitch...I mean, Josie...get out here. NOW. *click click click click* -A slightly muffled guitar riff is heard. "UNOS" "DOS" "TRES" "CATORCE!!" CUE: "Vertigo" by U2 -The fans go BANANA as the curtain once again opens, revealing JOSIE!!! She wears a light grey t-shirt reading "KREW" and tight black jeans. She has a look of "Dubya Tee Ef" on her face and a cigarette in her hand...DAMN she's hot. COLE By the looks of Josie's face, she KNOWS this douche. CABOOSE Did you mean to say "douche" or "dude?" COLE ..."Douche." CABOOSE Oh, rad. -Josie slowly climbs into the ring and is immediately handed a mic. She takes another drag off her cigarette as she stares at The Great One. She blows the smoke out her nose as she raises the mic to her lips. JOSIE ....Frances, right? -The Great One smirks and shakes his head. TGO ...No...It's The Gr-- JOSIE FRANCES JANE! THAT'S Your Fucking Name! Oh MAN, that was gonna bug me for the rest of the night...How ya been, Fran?! TGO ...It's The Gr-- JOSIE Still in that shithouse IFW? TGO ...I was their champion until the company went out of business. JOSIE Ohhh...that's too bad...why? TGO ...Why what? JOSIE Why'd it go out of business? TGO ...Because of low attendance and bankruptcy. JOSIE ...Really? TGO ......Yes. JOSIE ...And...YOU were the IFW Champion? TGO ....Yes. JOSIE ...Heh...wh-WHEN they went out of business? TGO Look, Josie, the reason why I'm he-- JOSIE So...the company...which was run by YOUR friend...went out of business when YOU became champion? TGO Shut U-- JOSIE HA!! I FUCKIN' KNEW IT!!....ohhhh, man...good times...anyway, what's up? TGO ...I came here to get a contract. JOSIE ...From me? TGO From you, yes. JOSIE ....a contract to wrestle? TGO Yes, idiot, to wrestle. JOSIE ...and by calling me an "idiot" and a "bitch"...that's gonna help you get a job here? -The fans "ooooooooooo" as The Great One takes off his sunglasses. TGO ...No. You're going to give me a contract...so you can see The Great One bec-- JOSIE Frances. -LAUGHS! TGO ...The Great One beco-- JOSIE Frances. TGO ...So you can see ME rise to the top of this company and increase your ratings. -Josie cocks her head to the side slightly and stares at The Great One, who keeps making a "belt" motion across his waist. JOSIE ....wait, are you hitting on me by doing that? Stop it. -MORE LAUGHS!! JOSIE ...All right...you have a job here. AND....and...since you and I go way back? You and me have a match right now. -The fans erupt in cheers as The Great One smiles wide and takes off his jacket. JOSIE Yeah. If you win, you take my job as General Manager...and if I win...You-- TGO You won't win...so don't even finish that sentence. Prepare to be GREAT-ONED! JOSIE ...Yeah...sure... -Both Josie and TGO drop their mics as referee NICK KENT asks for the bell. DING DING DING!! -The Great One strides forward as Josie gets into a fighting stance...and he PUSHES her into the turnbuckle! TGO grabs her by the face and starts screaming. TGO "YOU STUPID BITCH! I'm The Great One!!" -Josie starts crying as The Great One laughs maniacally. JOSIE "Please! Don't hurt me! I have a daughter...Please!!" -The Great One releases Josie and turns his back to her, instead, jaw-jacking with the crowd. Josie suddenly starts to whistle as she dances out of the corner. The fans cheer as she walks up behind The Great One, and tappity-tap-taps his shoulder. TGO turns around......WHAM!!!!!! COLE LAMF!!! LAMF!!! DIAMOND CUTTER!! -The fans erupt as Josie non-chalantly drapes her arm across The Great One's chest, almost posing. Nick Kent counts it... 1 2 3! DING DING DING!! -Josie stands slowly and smiles. She picks up the mic again, pulls out her pack of American Spirits, goes through the smoker motions, and blows the smoke right onto the Great One's face. She stands over him slightly as she speaks. JOSIE You know, Frances...you actually did a good thing tonight...really, you did. You were basically an unwilling demonstration of what can happen if you fuck with me. -As Josie says this, she looks right towards the entryway. JOSIE ...The price you pay for treating me like some pisant little bitch iiiis...I break your fuckin neck...just like THIS fucker here. -The fans erupt as Josie takes another drag off her cigarette. She blows the smoke out slowly as she raises the mic back to her lips. JOSIE Now...if ANY of you sons of bitches have ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY...NOW'S THE FUCKING TIME! -Louder cheers, medium pause... JOSIE ...Didn't think so.... -Josie bows slightly as the cheers are now emaculate...what?...Josie looks down at TGO, who is still not moving. She smiles wide. JOSIE ...and you?...You're fired... -Josie throws down the mic as U2's "Vertigo" hits up. -FADE To..... On a Monday I am waiting. Tuesday I am fading. And By Wednesday I can’t sleep. Oops. Wrong song. You make me wanna la la in the kitchen on the floor. I'll be your french maid, when I’ll meet you at the door HeldDOWN is presented by OAOAST Entertainment. OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We return to the sold out arena with Michael Cole and James E. Cornette standing on the interview stage built next to the rampway. Cornette's hot pink jacket and tennis racket case making him stand out. Cole is just about to speak when Cornette rips the microphone out of his hands, the arena lights glaring off his glasses, as he holds up his racket. CORNETTE Ladies and gentlemen, here they are. They're the butter on your toast and the syrup on your pancake. Jim Cornette Enterprises in association with Arista Records proudly present the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time, Synth Esizer and Logan "Usher" Mann...THE SAAAAINTS! "Heart Shaped Box" hits, and dressed in angelic white leather outfits The Saints emerge on the rampway, the multicolor spotlight following them as they strut to the interview stage. After taking a walk on the wild side and getting a good chunk of his afro burned by Hell's Hitmen, the Synthmeister is once again sporting his combed down bleach blonde hairdo. The man who would be Jimi Hendrix, Logan "Usher" Mann, his afro, and Synth walk up the steps and shake Cornette's hand. COLE Gentlemen, two weeks ago at Anglepalooza, The Saints and New New Midnight Express squared off in one of the many great matches held that night, with the New New Midnight Express emerging victorious, thanks to the help of some old friends -- "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton and "Sweet" Stane Lane -- the Midnight Express. Jim Cornette, many people believe YOU are the one responsible for their being at Anglepalooza. Synth and Logan surround Michael Cole, making him uncomfortable as they put their arms around his neck. Cole takes a big gulp and awaits James E.'s response. CORNETTE (chuckles) My, my. What a vivid imagination we have there, Michael Cole. Don't you think I, or The Saints, haven't noticed how you constantly try to find ways to cause trouble. It was you who put thoughts into the minds of "Sarcastic" Simon and "Narcissistic" Ned. It was you for kept asking all these ridiculous questions. Michael, I see you're a little worried standing up here with us. Forget about Synth and Logan, they're not gonna attack you. You see, I -- we -- respect a man who's willing to ask the tough questions. This is the United States of America, brother. So I'm not gonna stand up here and verbally or physically abuse you, nor will The Saints. No, Michael Cole, I'm gonna give you the facts. We have something called freedom of speech and freedom of the press. And doggone it, the public has a right to know. Cole is surprised by Cornette's candidness. CORNETTE It's no secret to anyone with an IQ over 10 -- and God knows the bloodthristy Philly fans' IQ is barely over 10 -- that Holly-Wood, Image Consultant for J.C.E. and The Saints' rep from Arista Records, has never really shown a desire or happiness to be involved in this great sport. Yes, she is the Women's Champion, but she doesn't sell out arenas around the globe, have her own tour bus, or have two hit Christmas albums like The Saints do. SYNTH Or the tag team titles. Right, Mr. C, daddy? CORNETTE Oh, especially the tag team titles. Which I promise will be around your waists very soon. Basically, what I'm saying is: Holly-Wood paid Bobby and Stan to help the New New Midnight Express beat Synth and Logan at Anglepalooza. You know why? Because that whore corrupted Ned's mind with sex! Holly would come up to me in J.C.E. board meetings and keep gawking about how sexy Ned was, and if I knew if he were single. I knew he thought Holly was hot, so I did everything in my power to keep him away from her, but like a shark smelling blood in the water, one day Holly ambushed Ned in the parking lot and seduced him right then and there. I sat on my chair and weeped because I knew right then that the New New Midnight Express were finished. Yeah, Simon was still pure, but his longstanding friendship with Ned, the man he came up the independent circut with, would mean more to him than money. Every man who has been apart of the Midnight Express tradition has been about wrestling. They didn't sing or dance. They didn't come out posing to rock and roll music. No, once they entered the arena, they were all business -- all about wrestling. Thanks to freeloader Holly-Wood, it's all gone. A very emotional Jim Cornette steps away from the mic and is consoled by Synth and Logan. The crowd ERUPTS as HOLLY-WOOD, the OAOAST Women's Champion, comes onto the interview stage. HOLLY YOU DAMN LIAR! Cornette, you've never liked me from the day we met. You've done everything in your power to undermine me in the eyes of Synth and Logan, but it hasn't worked. You come out here and cry like a little baby, saying that I haven't shown any desire for this sport. In case you haven't noticed, I am the Women's champion! I've been traveling around the world defending my title AND serving as J.C.E. Image Consultant and Arista Records rep. The last time I checked, Synth and Logan haven't won any belts. Holly stops as Cornette whispers something to Synth and Logan. HOLLY (to Synth and Logan) He's spreading lies. You know I didn't mean it like that. I have a huge stake in your success. The more success you have in wrestling, the more goodwill I build with Arista, with a possible promotion in my future. SYNTH Wait's a momento. You's sayin' we're nothing more than a steppin'stone to ya? You sayin' moi and L.U.M. -- heh, LUM rhymes with plum, young and dumb -- no offense, my black brother, who'd obviously be from's another mother because I'm white as a cracker and paler than Michael Cole's wanker. COLE Hey! SYNTH Mucho love, M.C. Man love, not that gay love. Not that there's a problem with that, 'cause the Synthmeister is huge with the gays, the straights, the verticals, the horizontals, and even the diagonals. Logan SLAPS Synth upside the head. SYNTH Damn, Ah bees rantin' again. Moi bad, homies. As Ah was sayin', we ain'ts nothing more than... than... help me out, Mann. LOGAN Holly, you stabbed us in the back! Stabbed me in the back more specifically. Synth would say you were too cold. Frigid. But I liked you. I even defended you against him time and time again. I trusted you more then I've ever trusted anyone before. And what did you do? You used that trust, a gift I gave you, against us. As a weapon! A tool of mass destruction! I'm at a loss for words. I'm personally wounded. All you care about is your career! You're a user! We never meant a damn thing to you! We're nothing but your on the job training! Rungs on your ladder to lavish success. Just like everyone else in the entertainment industry, you’re obsessed with fame and in love with the spotlight and you’d crawl over anyone, even those who tried to extend their hand in friendship to you like I did, to get your fifteen minutes on MTV and E! and Access Hollywood. Well, you got it. Now let me ask you, was it worth it? Was it worth pissing away our relationship? Please tell me, because I'm dying to know. Was it worth it? Tell me now. I hope it was. I hope to god it was. Logan pauses as Holly shakes her head, imploring him to listen to reason. LOGAN I gave you something more valuable then gold, diamonds, jewels and even fame, and that's my friendship. Truthfully, I could almost forgive you for paying Lane and Eaton to run in on our match. Logan takes off his five hundred dollar glasses, and stares at Holly with pained eyes. LOGAN But you pushed me away for Ned Blanchard. I’ll never forgive you for that. I will carry that to my grave. You’re disgusting. You think that you’re too good for me, huh? You’re trash. And when Ned realizes that, he’ll kick your ass to the streets where it belongs. I'll tell you this, if Ned ever has the balls to get in my face again, I'm going to tear him to shreds. I swear to GOD! HOLLY Logan, please understand! Cornette is manipulating you! CORNETTE Don't listen to her, Logan! She is a witch and a damn devil woman! A gold-digger! She's Yoko Ono 2005. And you know what she did to one of the greatest bands of all-time. Do not trust a word that comes out of her mouth, because those words are nothing but falsifications and half truths! You saw what she did to Candie three weeks ago. She will do the exact same to you, Logan Mann. I know this and you know this. Only your pain won't be physical like Candie’s. It will be emotional. She will scar you. And those are scars that will never heal. Trust me. You don't want this on your soul. HOLLY Don't believe him! Just listen to me. I..I..can.. LOGAN You can what? Explain? Holly, save your breath because you're a terrible liar. Don't speak. You don't give a rat's ass about us, we don't give a rat's ass about you. SYNTH And Ah gots to say, that is a nice ass. Damn, Ah can't believe I said that out loud. That's likes sayin' moi sis has a nice ass. LOGAN She does. SYNTH Yo, Mann, you checkin' out my lil' sis? HOLLY Who hasn't? The crowd "OOH's" as Synth's jaw drops. Logan has to hold his enraged partner back. CORNETTE See, boys, that's Holly's typical attitude towards you guys right there. None of this Access Hollywood bull. While Holly is on second rate entertainment shows, you'll be on the grandaddy of entertainment shows -- Entertainment Tonight! SYNTH Hey, Ah like Nancy O'Dell. CORNETTE Brother, I can get Nancy O'Dell and Mary Hart to wrestle in mud for the pleasure of interviewing the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time. That's why I've taken the liberty of drafting up papers terminating Holly's contract with J.C.E. That's right, Ms. All-About-Me, YOU'RE FIRED! As Cornette says "you're fired" he uses the tennis racket to mimic Donald Trump's "COBRA" hand gesture. Cornette and The Saints laugh at Holly, as she's completely stunned by her public firing. CABOOSE I bet she cries. COLE Hol-Holly, I know this is a very difficult time for you, but if I could just get a w-- SYNTH Wait's another momento. It's just occured in my acid-trippin' brain that when Holly said who hasn't checked out my lil' sis' ass, did she mean it as an insult or in a sexual way? Holly, did you mean that -- Are you a lesbo? The Synthmeister likes lesbos, especially hot-lookin' ones, not like Roise O'Donnel or somethin', so if you're a les-- Holly lunges at Cornette, tackling him down on the stage, pounding her right hand into the left temple of Jim Cornette. Michael Cole jumps off the stage and rushes back to SOFA CENTRAL! The Saints pull Holly off Cornette, who repeatedly falls on his BUTT in an over-the-top matter trying to rise back to his feet. Doubled over, Holly sticks James E. between her thighs, drawing wolf whistles from the horny, screaming males in attendence and loud cheers from the females seeing their sister-in-arms fight the man. COLE (panting) Oh, my! Holly is gonna POWERBOMB James E. on the interview stage! CABOOSE Somebody do something! Cornette will crack like an egg if Holly powerbombs him. Just as Holly gets Cornette half-way up, Logan grabs Cornette's legs and plants his feet back to the ground, allowing Synth to free Cornette of Holly's grip. CABOOSE James E. just pulled out of Holly. Logan and Holly have a heated exchange, with both shoving their index finger into each others chest. BAM! Cornette cold-cuts Holly from behind with the TENNIS RACKET, drawing the rage of the fans for the cheapshot. Logan and Synth look on as Cornette brutalizes Holly's back with the racket. Suddenly, there's a CHEER. THE NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS, in their black tights with silver star on the front and "MX" written on the back in silver-lettering, run out from the back with STEEL CHAIRS. The Saints and James E. dive to the arena floor as "Sarcastic" Simon and "Narcissistic" Ned climb onto the interview stage. The NNMX don't stay long, jumping off and chasing The Saints around the ring. Synth and Logan slide into the ring, the NNMX right behind. Out of nowhere, TWO MEN nearly rip Simon and Ned's heads off their shoulders with a pair of CLOTHESLINES. The chairs go flying over the top rope to the arena floor, which are quickly picked up by OAOAST security. BLACK T! COLE The former World tag team champions fire the first shot. And we don't even have a referee out here. Somebody send out a referee. Dan Black and Tony Brannigan stomp their opponents on the mat. The Saints flee backstage, running past Earl Hebner, his age beginning to show as he slowly sprints to the ring. Earl orders the bell to be rung, officially starting the bout. ANDERSON CUP MIRACLE WEIRDNESS CONNECTION CONFERENCE New New New Express vs. Black T Narcissistic Ned Blanchard rammed headfirst into the turnbuckle. Sarcastic Simon Singleton meets the same fate in the opposite corner. Black T have isolate the NNMX in separate corners, ramming their shoulders into the midsections of Simon and Ned. Dan and Tony glance at one another, nodding their heads. They Irish whip the NNMX towards each other. Narcissistic Ned leaps over a somersaulting Sarcastic Simon, who hits Tony with a CLOTHESLINE, and catches Dan Black square in the jaw with a SPINNING HEEL KICK. The momentum rolling Dan on his back to the corner, where his legs get caught on the top rope. Tony uses the ropes to pull himself back up, only to be double clotheslined over the top rope and to the floor. While all that occured, Earl Hebner unhooked Dan's legs from the top rope, and "The Ice Heart" bails to the outside. The NNMX feed off the energy of the roaring crowd, Black T regrouping outside. COLE Simon and Ned have come to fight tonight. CABOOSE Of course they have. You have two former OAOAST tag team champions facing off. Neither one of these teams are strangers to big-time matches. COACH And they don't come any bigger than this. The winner moves one step closer to AngleMania IV. Tony walks up the ring steps and steps through the ropes, having one last chat with Dan Black, on the apron. On the other side of the ring, Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned have a brief chat of their own before high fiving. It's going to be Narcissistic Ned and Tony Brannigan starting things off for their teams. Collar-and-elbow tieup. Both men trying to gain the upperhand but neither budging. They break and lockup again. Narcissistic Ned backed against the ropes, Tony drops to one knee and drives the forearm into the gut, following up with a big right hand, and then shooting Ned into the ropes. Blanchard ducks a clothesline, and another. Ned back off the ropes. POWERSLAM! Tony Brannigan caught Ned with a big-time powerslam, getting a two count out of it. Brannigan grabs a handful of Blanchard's short blonde hair and applies a front facelock, as he takes him to his (Black T's) corner and tags Dan Black. "The Ice Heart" comes in and kicks Ned in the ribcage as Tony releases the front facelock. Ned doubles over, clutching his ribs. Black lifts him up and drops Ned stomachfirst across his knee. GUTBUSTER. 1... 2... KICKOUT! Dan takes Ned up for a high vertical suplex, but Blanchard floats up and over, kicking Black in the stomach and lifting him up for a suplex. But not just any suplex. Blanchard drops Black's feet across the top rope and hits the SLINGSH-- NO! Ned dropped Dan too hard across the rope, allowing Black enough spring to float over. "The Ice Heart" with a go-behind waistlock and hits a German Suplex, rolling through for a pinfall attempt. NIGHT FALLS! 1... 2... PIN BROKEN UP BY SIMON! Black shoves Singleton, suckering him into the ring, allowing Black T to make an illegal switch. Exit Dan, enter Tony. "Hey, come on. There wasn't a tag made. The referee didn't see it, so he can't allow," Michael Cole says. After keeping Sarcastic Simon in his corner, Earl turns his attention back to the ring, to the sight of Tony with a reverse chinlock on Narcissistic Ned. Hebner double-takes, noticing Dan Black is no longer in the ring. Hebner questions the 292 pound strongman, who denies any wrongdoing, as does Dan Black from the apron. CABOOSE You're going senile, Hebner. A tag was made. Earl looks to the crowd for help, who tell him no tag was made. Hebner once again questions Brannigan, who releases the chinlock to verbally abuse the long-time official. The 6'6" Tony Brannigan dwarfs Hebner, but Earl doesn't back down one bit, pointing to the stripes on his shirt. Tony squats down to Earl's eye level and flexes his biceps, which COVERS UP Hebner's ENTIRE FACE, getting an "OH" from the fans. With Tony occupied with Hebner, Narcissistic Ned crawls behind Brannigan and SCHOOL BOY'S him by pulling Tony's tights down, revealing a zebra-patterened speedo. COACH It matches Earl's shirt! COLE Can this be it? Did Ned catch Tony enough by surprise? CABOOSE All that questioning means he's gonna kickout. Watch. 1... 2... KICKOUT! CABOOSE Told you so! Ned TAGS Simon, who comes in ready to fight. Tony momentarily charged Singleton but stopped in his tracks, choosing to tag inDan, who's really the legal man because Black T never made a tag. Black wipes his feet on the apron before entering the ring. A true man's man. A gentleman. CABOOSE There he is... COACH Miss America? CABOOSE No, you idiot! Dan Black -- the Arn Anderson of the OAOAST. He's won mutipule singles championships, but he's really made a name for himself in the tag team ranks. He's won the OAOAST tag team champion with two different partners, with many saying either one of those teams could lay claim to being the greatest in OAOAST history. COLE Of course, you're referring to Black's partnerships with JINGUS and Tony Brannigan. Ironically enough, Dan is competing in the Miracle Weirdness Connection conference of the Anderson Cup, as is the Devilman. COACH Well, with Caboose saying "there he is," it got The Coach thinking of Miss America. CABOOSE Even though I clearly said "he"? COACH Hey, say it really fast and you wouldn't know the difference. CABOOSE I assume that's your same mindset in the bedroom. COACH The "Nature Boy" may have been known as the 60-minute man, but The Coach is the 60-second stud, baby! Black and Singleton circle around the ring. This should be good. Sarcastic Simon Singleton probably the other best pure wrestler in the tag team division outside of Dan Black. Dan slaps his triceps and locks up with Simon. Wristlock into the armbar. Black with the advantage. Simon counters into a hammerlock. Black reverses into a hammerlock of his own. Singleton with a drop toehold into a front facelock. Earl Hebner foolish asks Black if he wants to quit, to which Dan replies: "What do you think, you bloody moron?" Black rises back to a vertical postion and waistlocks Singleton, lifting him over his head and down to the mat with a NORTHERN LITES SUPLEX! COLE Excellent counter. CABOOSE Which you'd expect from a thinking man's wrestler like Dan Black. 1... 2... SIMON shows tremendous strengh by BRIDGING OUT of the Northern Lites Suplex and into a BACKSLIDE! 1... 2... KICKOUT! Black quickly rises back to his feet and connects with a couple of stiff European Uppercutts. He applies a wristlock and attempts to Irish whip Simon to the corner, but Singleton reverses it and sends Dan into the corner. Luckily for Dan he was sent into his corner, but he still hit hard against the turnbuckles and slumps against them. Singleton charges towards Black and tries to hit that RUNNING BRONCOBUSTER "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton always tried but never connected with; same result here, as Tony pulls Dan out of the corner, and Sarcastic Simon groins himself on the middle turnbuckle. Simon rests his head on the top turnbuckle, holding his crotch. Black waistlocks Singleton from behind and lifts him out of the corner. Belly-to-belly suplex coming up. NO! The crowd groans as Black DROPS Simon right on his HEAD. BELLY-TO-BACK BRAINBUSTER! COLE Oh, my! Dan rolls Simon on his feet and covers him, hooking the leg. 1... 2... KICKOUT! With Singleton lying on the mat, clutching his head, Dan makes a tag. Tony Brannigan comes in and brings Simon back to his feet, ramming the knee into the gut and then repeatedly driving the forearm into the back of the neck. Tony signals for the piledriver. He tucks Simon's head between his legs and lifts him up, driving him headfirst into the canvas. ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT PILEDRIVER! 1... 2... NED PULLS TONY OFF SIMON. Hebner prevents Narcissistic Ned from causing any further trouble, isolating him away from Tony and Sarcastic Simon. Black T make another illegal switch. Dan Black snapmares Simon over and clamps on the DRAGON SLEEPER! Simon squirms around, trying to free himself. Dan grimances and grunts as he cranks back, applying further pressure. Sarcastic Simon's partner, Narcissistic Ned Blanchard, stands in the corner on the middle rope, shouting encouragement, slapping the top turnbuckle. The fans get behind the NNMX, cheering and clapping. Simon is going out of it, so Earl Hebner checks on him, raising his arm up -- it goes down. 1... Earl does it again. And for the second time in a row, the arm goes down. 2... COLE One more and it's over. CABOOSE Thank you, Mr. Obvious. The arm goes up and dow -- NO! Sarcastic Simon isn't finished yet. He pumps his fist as the crowd's cheers grow louder. Simon bridges up, but Dan's weight is still pressing down on his neck and upperbody. Simon uses his free hand to punch Dan in his ear. Smartly, Dan locks his hands together, cutting off both of Singleton's arms. Black grabs a handful of tights and lifts Sarcastic Simon up for an inverted suplex. No, he's going for the OSAKA STREET CUTTER -- an inverted suplex into a Diamond Cutter. Simon kicks Dan in the back with his feet, managing to shift his weight down on Dan, and hits a REVERSE DDT! COLE What a counter! Simon used whatever strengh he had left to counter the Osaka Street Cutter. Now can he make the tag? He's still half-way across the ring. Sarcastic Simon crawls to his corner on his belly, as does Dan to his. Black makes the tag first. Tony rushes in and attempts to stop Simon -- TAG MADE! The crowd goes up in a cheer. A fresh Narcissistic Ned comes in a house afire. Sending both members of Black T down with right hands. Tony caught with a kick in the midsection and then Irish whipped to the ropes. BACK BODYDROP. Ned catches Dan with a kick and converts a suplex into a powerslam. JACKHAMMER. Tony charges Ned, who moves out of the way and catches Tony with a POWERSLAM as he comes back off the ropes. 1... 2... KICKOUT! The crowd gasps. Dan Black sneaks up behind Ned with his hands locked together in a double axe-handle, but SARCASTIC SIMON spins him around and decks him with a big right hand. Narcissistic Ned joins Sarcastic Simon in firing Dan into the ropes. Simon drops the elbow in the back of the neck after the drop toehold from Ned. Classic Midnight Express double-team. Tony tries to CLOTHESLINE Simon and Ned from behind, but they see him out of the corner of their eyes and ducked down. They hit Brannigan with the FLAPJACK as he ricohets off the ropes. The crowd rises to their feet when Ned points to the top. Sarcastic Simon sprints to the corner and climbs to the top. Narcissistic Ned launches Simon off the top, who comes crashing down on Tony with a BIG SPLASH. THE ROCKET LAUNCHER! Because Narcissistic Ned is the legal man, Sarcastic Simon immediately gets off Tony and CLOTHESLINES Dan over the top rope, the two falling to the outside. For good measure, Blanchard hits the SLINGSHOT SUPLEX! COLE There it is! COACH With the string of bad luck they've experienced over the last couple of weeks, if Black T lose this, they're gonna explode. Out of nowhere, LOGAN "USHER" MANN hops on the ring apron and tries entering the ring but Earl Hebner prevents him from doing so. Narcissistic Ned has Tony pinned in the center of the ring. Hebner has to physically hold Logan from stepping into the ring. Dan Black and Sarcastic Simon are brawling outside. Narcissistic Ned has finally had enough of this. He grabs Mann by the collar of his white leather jacket, his fist cocked back. A chorus of BOOS fills the arena. SYNTH ESIZER is in the ring! He grabs Ned's cocked fist and spins him around, kicking him in the gut and hitting PERCUSSION (DDT)! Synth places Tony on top of Ned. COLE No! Damn him! The Saints have no business out here. The Saints run backstage, garbage being thrown at them. Sarcastic Simon throws Dan against the guardrails and sees The Saints fleeing on the AngleTron. Just as he's about to slide into the ring, Dan jumps on top of the ring steps and hits Simon with a FLYING CLOTHESLINE! 1... 2... 3-- * DING DING DING DING * NO! KICKOUT! COLE Oh, my! I cannot believe it. Narcissistic Ned kicked out. Incredible! The timekeeper even thought it was over, ringing the bell. CABOOSE This is exactly what we expected out of two former OAOAST tag team champions. Outside, Dan rams Sarcastic Simon into the RINGPOST and then enters the ring with a look on his face never-before-seen. He picks Blanchard up and turns him around, facing his back. Black wraps Ned's arm around his neck. COACH Oh, he's going for the Black Bomb. That reverse Rock Bottom. Coach is somewhat correct. Instead of slamming Ned face/stomachfirst into the canvas, he drops Ned HEART/CHESTFIRST across his KNEE. A maneuver we'll call THE ICE HEART for the time being. The crowd feels Ned's pain, "oohing" after the blow. Black holds onto his grip, hitting the same maneuver two more times before finally letting go. He places Tony, who's still feeling the effects of the Rocket Launcher and Slingshot Suplex, on top of Ned. 1... 2... 3! CABOOSE Now it's over. * DING DING DING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, and advancing to the Conference Finals -- BLAAACK TEEE! The crowd is absolutely livid that the most hated team in the tournament, and perhaps the greatest tag team in OAOAST history is moving on to the Conference Finals. Dan helps Tony to his feet and pumps his fist, looking straight into the camera and saying "two more." COACH Dan Black referring to the number of matches left to win for Black T to earn a shot at the OAOAST World tag team titles at AngleMania IV. Next week we'll have the two Conference Final matches, with the two winners advancing to the Anderson Cup Finals at Zero Hour, February 27th live on pay-per-view. COLE Let's go backstage. I hear the cameras have caught something. We cut backstage and from a distance we see Jim Cornette yelling at The Saints. "You fools," he shouts. "Don't you see, we woulda humiliated Simon and Ned further by defeating them in the Finals, but you guys hada get your revenge now, didn't you? Guys, all the fun is in the chase, not the kill." Cornette stops as he sees the cameras rolling. He and The Saints exit the cameras view. COLE What was that all about. ZERO HOUR February 27th

“Only U” by Ashanti plays signaling the arrival of Candie. Candie hobbles down to the ringside with the aid of her crutches. Her foot is in an air cast. A security guard helps her onto the ring apron and into the ring. COACH Day-um! If I was her, I’d just sit naked all day in front of mirror and fondle myself and my massive breasts....did I say that out loud? (Candie grabs THE STICK~!) CANDIE New General Manager, same result. I’m starting to think there’s an entire world conspiring to make me look like a god damn idiot. If everyone in the company wants me to fail, then for pete’s sake, I’ve got a house with a mail box! Fed-ex me a pink slip and get the whole thing over with. As much as I love the OAOAST, and even though I take a lot of needless abuse, I do love it, I do not love being humiliated. I don’t enjoy being treated like a second class citizen! Every one of thinks its easy being Candie. “She’s got a hot boyfriend. She lives in Malibu. Her boyfriend is the star of the company an he has so much pull.” (Candie sighs) CANDIE I wish life was as easy for me as you all make it out to be. Let me tell you, its not easy at all. My life is hard and it sucks. My boyfriend that you’re all so very fond of, as much I as I adore him, is a bonafide asshole. SCOTT “NETCOP” KEITH~! I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments. CANDIE The grief I get because of him is unbelievable. When he took Northstar down before Angleslam, I had people sending death threats to my house for two months. Don’t even get me started on what I had to endure during his battles with Crystal. I couldn’t...I can’t go anywhere without some asshole informing me about how disgusting a human being my boyfriend is and how I’m a worthless skank for loving him. But, I do love Zack and I stick by him. As crazy as that may sound, and I know it does sound crazy. But I want something for myself. COACH The Coach is right here baby. I’m all you want and all you need. SCOTT “NETCOP” KEITH~! DUD! CANDIE I want the OAOAST Women’s Title. I got my shot at the belt and I also got insurmountable odds. At Angelpalooza they gave me five measly minutes to beat Holly-Wood, because of “time constraints”. Because we need to watch Chris Stevens fight Hoff for the millionth time! But do you know what happened? I tossed them all a curve ball and I beat Holly-Wood! I beat her fair and square in the center of the ring! But because of that stupid ass stipulation, “time ran out” and she walked off with the title and I walked off without a thing. Its B.S. The match was B.S. The stipulation was B.S! (Candie, exhausted from her anger, pauses to catch her breath) CANDIE I was offered a rematch for last week’s HeldDOWN~! I took it. I shouldn’t have had to, because the belt should’ve been awarded to me in the first place, but its not like I’ve come to expect fairness from anyone. As I’m on the way to the ring for my match, I get attacked by Holly. She blind sided me, came from behind and back attacked me with a pair of crutches! Who hits someone with a crutch? Holly does. Then after she got done turning my ankle into something resembling mashed potatoes, she dropped the crutches next to me and said “Just to show you I’m not such a bad girl, here’s a parting gift.” (The fans cheer.) COLE Candie knows that Holly can’t come out here to defend herself after Jim Cornette attacked her with his tennis racket so she’s just bad mouthing her. CANDIE There’s your champion! There’s the woman who’s been entrusted with a belt worth over thirty thousand dollars! Now, I bet you’re all wondering what I think about what happened to Holly tonight? The Saints fired her and Logan turned on her. Awww. Holly, when you get dumped for Jim Cornette, you straight up have serious problems. Her whole life is in disarray. Everything she once knew is spiraling out of control. Good. I’m glad she’s miserable. I hope every day of her life is more depressing then the one before it! Because I hate her, and it does not bother me on bit to see her feel the way she does. I want her to die alone and depressed! COLE Simply awful. No class. CANDIE Now, HeldDOWN has a new GM! To think, I actually got my hopes up when I heard the news! Stupid me. Stupid me for thinking that things would be different with a new general manager around! Boy do I feel like an idiot! Incompetency breeds incompetency! Of course Bill Watts is going to hire Josie! She’s just as dumb as he is! The only good Josie is the one hanging with the Pussycats. CROWD: Boooooooooo! CABOOSE I thought that was very clever and an excellent point. CANDIE The woman has a five month old daughter and she smokes two packs a day! She’s a freaking health risk! Dead woman walking! Josie, I don’t care if you want to kill yourself with cancer sticks. Your death will be your problem and probably your daughter’s benefit. What I do care about is you doing the right thing and stripping Holly-Wood of her ti-- *click click click click* "UNOS" "DOS" "TRES" CATORCE!!! CUE: "Vertigo" by U2 -The crowd goes GRAPEFRUIT as the curtain flies open, and out storms[/] JOSIE!! She stops at the top of the ramp, glaring at Candie. Josie makes a cutting motion, causing the music to stop. Without a pause, Josie begins to speak. JOSIE If you EVER bring my daughter into your bullshit in any way EVER again, I'm going to slit your throat, you dime-a-dozen slut! CROWD: OOOOOOOOHHHH!! CANDIE I can do Whate-- JOSIE AND if you EVER interrupt me again, your flabby ass will be back on the street where Zack first found you. I've had it about up to here with you playing the victim, and you just need to shut the hell up. Like it or not, Candie? I'M now your boss, so you have two options. Either you can grow up and handle this shit like a woman, or you can keep running your mouth and force me to come down there and break your OTHER ankle. CROWD: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHH!!! -Josie paces around the top of the ramp as she pulls out and lights another cigarette, taking a long drag as she stops and stares at Candie. She blows the smoke out as she nods. JOSIE That being said, I agree with you. COACH What? CABOOSE Well, damn! The kid IS smarter than she looks! JOSIE Holly-wood DID blind-side you, and she DID do a downright dastardly thing...so maybe she IS unfit to be Woman's champion... CANDIE See, that's exactly wha-- JOSIE What did I JUST say about interrupting me?! CROWD: OOOOOOOHHH!! YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! JOSIE ...HOWever...neither are you right now. I mean, c'mon...You're on crutches for christs sake. What're are you going to do with the title? Look at it?...SO...with allllll that being brought forth and such...Holly-wood is STILL the OAOAST WOMAN'S CHAMPION! CROWD: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!! JOSIE All right...Candie...my husband and your boyfriend go way back...they've been friends since Ken came into this company. Maybe they're not friends anymore, but that's beside the point. Because of their past, I'll strike you a deal. You will receive your Woman's Title shot once your ankle heals... -Candie smiles wide and nods as Josie paces slightly. JOSIE BUUUUUT...I can't guarantee it will be against Holly-wood. -Candie's smile is replaced with "Dubya Tee Ef." JOSIE As HeldDOWN's General Manager, I decided that we need a FIGHTING Champion. SO!...NEXT WEEK!...IN that VERY ring!...We will see an OAOAST Woman's Champion title match...pitting the Champion herself, HOLLY-WOOD!! CROWD: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH! JOSIE ...against none other...than one half of the OAOAST Tag Team Champions....KRISTA! ISADORA! DUNCAN!! CROWD: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! COLE WHOA!! COACH Oh...I...Krista...ver-ver-versus Huuuuuuuuh...HUUUUUUuuuh... CABOOSE Is idiot boy ok? COLE I'm not even looking at him...I just can't anymore. -Josie lets the crowd die down as she smiles at Candie, who simply nods. JOSIE And Candie?...If you get involved in ANY way...no...hold on...if there is ANY interference AT all, I'm holding you personally responsible, and you will be STRIPPED of your title shot...Capiche? -Candie's face is full of anger as she nods. Back on the ramp, Josie turns and walks towards the curtain, but she suddenly stops and turns back towards Candie. JOSIE and Candie?....those pants make you look REALLY fat. CUE: "Vertigo" by U2 -Josie smiles wide as Candie looks down at her midsection, near tears. Josie tosses the mic up in the air and turns around, heading through the dark of the curtain. The cameras cut to a shot of the locker room, where Hoff is changing into his ring gear. COLE There's Hoff, one of six particiapnts in our main event match tonight. CABOOSE The "main event" is Drek Stone, Cole. The rest of those guys are losers. COACH Not my babygirl~! Hoff and Axel are cool too. Speaking of Axel, the Dark One walks into the room, drawing a big pop. Axel smiles. AXEL What's up, Hoff? Hoff looks up. HOFF Nothin', man. How you doin'? Axel nods. AXEL Y'know. I'm breathing. Hoff laughs. HOFF I hear ya, man. I hear ya. How's Crystal? Axel looks down at his feet, or maybe the floor. Whichever. AXEL Well...I haven't quite seen her yet. Hoff looks at Axel in surprise. HOFF You two didn't ride together? Axel says nothing. HOFF Things okay with you guys? AXEL They're fine. No worries. Hoff nods slowly. HOFF Well, okay. As long as she's here for the match. AXEL Nah, don't worry about it, mate. She'll show for the match, she never misses a gig. Hoff seems satisfied, and turns back to his kneepad. Axel, though, just sort of stands there...drawing another comment from Hoff. HOFF You sure you're all right here? Axel looks at Hoff. AXEL I don't know. I mean, I think so...but sometimes she seems like a million miles away. Y'know? Hoff stands and smiles softly, and clasps his newfound friend on the arm. HOFF Listen, buddy. You're young yet. Eventually, you'll learn that all women, love 'em or hate 'em, are certifiable. Axel chuckles slightly. HOFF Now listen. Just like you said last week, you and I -- and Crystal -- are gonna go out there and bust some skulls. And maybe I'll even show you how to properly do a spinebuster. Axel laughs outright, and the two men turn and head out the door. AXEL You know mine's better... HOFF As if. *cut to Sofa Central* CABOOSE AS IF?!? Did we wander into an Alicia Silverstone movie?! COLE Axel and Hoff look to be getting along well, but will that be enough to beat Drek Stone, Chris Stevens and Jumbo? And will Crystal show up? Our main event is NEXT~! (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK)